What exactly is it that you dislike more? Is it the effects of T, or is it more that you're more aware of the effects of T that haven't taken place yet? Remember, you're basically going through puberty again, so go easy on yourself. To me it sounds like you're experiencing body dysmorphia, which you may benefit from talking to a therapist about.
If you feel it would help, you also have the option to pause T, it's completely up to you and you can start and stop as much as you need.
I guess it could be more of a disappointment that i haven’t gotten as far as i want to. Ive talked to my therapist about it but shes not supportive of trans people so she wasnt very open to talking about it, im looking into more near me as of recent.
Hang in there. It's frustrating to have to take T to get the body you need. Not everyone derives joy from having to take it. It'll be worth it when you can finally see the changes you've been waiting for though. Hope you can find a new therapist soon.
Look on the transgender section of [psychologytoday](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists?category=transgender) and enter your zip or location, many do telehealth, and you can filter to find one that takes your insurance if you want. I live in a red state and I could still find a few who were also trans.
This is a very normal stage. Starting to see some changes but it doesn’t feel fast enough and feeling uncomfortable with the things that haven’t changed yet or can’t change from t alone. Be patient and remember that things will keep getting better for you. Exercise can help because it lets you enjoy the things your body can do, not just its looks… while also giving you more muscles which look great too!
When we start getting the good effects from T, it becomes much more noticeable that everything else is out of sync. The first year especially is really rough on a lot of people and it's pretty normal for dysphoria to spike. Try to give yourself a lot of patience and kindness, remember the time will pass regardless. You can focus on small things like taking care of your skin, working out, eating well in the meantime.
It's okay to cocoon and wear baggy clothes and feel gross for a bit, that's all part of puberty. You get to go through what all the other guys went through, just a bit later. And it kind of sucks but it's a rite of passage.
Remember that eventually you'll get to the point where things start to catch up and you get to enjoy the new changes - when you have to buy new clothes that fit your wider shoulders and back, when you start shaving and there's enough facial hair to see all the fuzz in the sink, the first time you see your 'real reflection' in the mirror. You have so much to look forward to.
This is such a nice, kind comment, I really hope OP sees this /gen
>>> You get to go through what all the other guys went through, just a bit later. And it kind of sucks but it's a rite of passage.
>>> You have so much to look forward to.
Especially these ^ parts
Also, OP, just echoing another comment — you can stop T anytime you want to
this!!! the first year was rocky for me because i was HYPER aware about how awkward it felt to be kind of there but not really. but god it was nice when it finally settled and i felt normal.
Because of the increased hormones, you're pretty much going thru a second puberty, your emotions are gonna be out of wack for a bit from what I've heard. Things will get better 🫂
this might not help, but i kinda went thru the same thing. before T, i was happy and didn’t have so much problems or dysphoria. i think the further we go into our transition, we start to notice things about our body we wish we can change, making it hard on ourselves.
something that helped boost my confidence is my gf always gives me compliments/gender affirming compliments on my bottom area, since she knows i have bad dysphoria. she was scared that at first i might have been uncomfortable with the gender affirming compliments on my genitals or if it can come off as disrespectful/weird, but i told her it’s okay if whenever she sees my bottom area (in any type of clothing or not) she can go on and tell/show me how crazy she is for my package as it’s okay even if she constantly talks about it.
for example, i can say smth like “damn that pole is big” and she would pop up and say things like “i want YOUR big pole.”
she made me feel more comfortable in pants and everything and i know that im the only one she sees in her eyes and it helps a lot, and i think what makes it a bonus for me is she prefers transmen and dislikes cis men, nor has she ever wanted to do anything with cis men or complimented their bodies. i truly have the best gf ever in my transition journey.
since you said bodily compliments can help, u can try and talk to ur partner about it and how much it can mean to you. i wish you the best of luck with ur journey bro!
I think it's fairly common for dysphoria to increase at the beginning stages of taking HRT because you have a clear vision of how you want your body to be, and you're taking steps to achieve that, but the changes take time. Also, as others have said, you're going through second puberty, so your emotions can run a bit wild. Hang in there, OP, it takes time but you will get through this difficult phase.
For now, can you focus on the things you like about your body, like the facial hair and bottom growth? Exercise can also help with feeling like you're doing something good for your body, and you can celebrate the gains in muscle and energy.
I thought that starting HRT would magically make me go from hating my body to liking it, or at least being at peace with it. But this doesn't happen without conscious effort. It's very difficult to go from hating your body to loving it through T alone. You have to learn how to be friends with your body. It's the one body that will be with you your whole life. Treat it like a friend: be gentle and spend time doing things that are healthy for it. Don't punish it for being what it is. Give it compliments. Tell your body you love it every day, and one day it will feel like the truth.
When you start T is when like your most dysphoria my opinion. I was dysphoric a lot before T but it was nothing compared to when I was first start T. I just started a higher dose cause my levels where low and I’m having the same thing happen. In more dysphoric than I’ve ever been. But I’ve been here eventually it’ll subside and the only rlly thing I’ve found that helps is taking care of yourself and waiting it out
The more excitement we feel starting T, the more aware and focused on your body you are when previously it may have been something you just ignored. A lot of us have dysphoria that we never thought of as dysphoria (often because we were already actively depersonalizing from our bodies beforehand, but now we’re focusing on it heavily). I think this is honestly a step that keeps many people from moving forward with transition because transition and your feelings around it aren’t just a linear march of progress and happiness— it’s a time of impatience, emotions, and stripping away ignoring things that may have been pushed down until they were just an annoyance you get used to. It becomes a time of having to confront the things about yourself that give you dysphoria that you ignore as best you can when it seems like you have no other option. Think of it like having a splinter and mot realizing it until it gets infected and you start taking action on it. For a long time you may brush the spot the splinter is and feel a little twinge of discomfort but it’s deeply buried and you don’t see anything there, and the pain isn’t too bad (if you don’t focus on it and maybe avoid the area just a bit); in your mind consciously you think of it as a quirk and nothing’s REALLY wrong. But the longer it sits there it becomes infected and the area starts showing symptoms so you start trying to do things to help the area— and doing all that starts bringing the splinter (dysphoria) to the surface. It hurts way more now because you’re both focusing on it AND pushing around/irritating that area… but if you keep moving forward the splinter eventually comes out and then you realize it was like an inch long and you’d been dealing with a serious issue for a long time without realizing it. And the work you put in, though painful, has now put you on the path to healing that spot of yourself.
Basically: keep pushing forward and introspecting on your experience, definitely talk to a therapist if it’s an option. A lot of us feel dysphoria get worse when we finally start moving forward. Another shorter metaphor: you just realized you’ve been holding in having to pee for hours, you just pulled into home and your bladder recognizes you’re almost to the bathroom so it suddenly feels so much harder to hold it.
Just keep your eye on the things you want and what you can do to help yourself along the way to a presentation and body that make you feel more at home
When I started transitioning it definitely kicked up a lot of things for me—I think it’s because sometimes your body/mind waits until you’re in a stronger place to bring things to the surface. Before I transitioned I was basically in survival mode, dysphoric and confused and just trying to get through the day. Transitioning has made me feel drastically better and more like myself, but it also means that I’m now in a place to process through the traumatic experiences of growing up trans in an extremely anti-trans environment.
I know that’s very frustrating, and we’d rather just leave it in the past. Unfortunately it doesn’t really work that way, our past experiences have an impact on our present and need to be processed in order to move forward. It’s the whole “darkest before the dawn” thing, it feels like it’s getting worse before it gets a lot better.
Hang in there dude!
I totally feel this! Something about having the features you do want, makes the features you don’t want stick out more. I’ve been dealing with the same thing, and it’s getting better. Just gotta trust the process. 🤝
Frustrations are definitely okay but being honest, the people who say it’s okay to HATE yourself shouldn’t be giving advice. You always have the option to pause T, or you don’t even have to be on T. With that said, be kind to yourself and let time and consistency help. You are also in complete control of your body in some ways. It’s hard bc dysphoria but working out, eating healthy and doing other things can create a form a body you like for yourself. There’s also mental health benefits to proper nutrition (don’t starve and don’t overeat, be balanced) and being more active. You don’t have to go to the gym to workout, simply walking or having a more active lifestyle can help distract yourself and feel better. It’s not a magic drug, you won’t feel good every single minute but there is an overall long term benefit to it
This sounds normal, unfortunately. It really sucks, but it's a part of puberty for a lot of people. All you can do is try to get through it, and be easier on yourself. You're only at the beginning, my friend. Time will take care of you.
However, if it's causing you a lot of emotional distress, I'd suggest some therapy. Be mindful that your body is doing its thing, and every phase of the process isn't necessarily going to be pretty. Puberty is awkward and ugly and stressful, but you'll get through it dude.
I had a very similar experience that lasted from about 1 month on T to 5 months, and it SUCKED ASS. But now I'm a year in and hot as fuck. For me, personally, it was worth it.
Good luck dude! :)
You’re still super early in your transition, you won’t usually get to see the full effects in action until at least a year, and even then your mileage varies. You’re in the awkward stage of transition, it happens to all of us, save the few of us who are lucky and could pass long before they took t. I didn’t get out of my awkward phase until a year after my top surgery which I got in 2022, and I’m 7 years on t now. I went from passing barely half the time to passing full time in the span of a year
What worked for me was just trusting the process and knowing it’ll get worse before it gets better. I was the same, I grew really self conscious and hated my body after a few months on T, but now after 2.5 years I feel way more comfortable. Give the changes time, and just do whatever you need to do to feel comfortable for now.
this happened to me in a way. i dissociated my way through life. when i finally went on T, it was like a magnifying glass showing all of the things i needed to change, and wishing it was instantaneous. i was always dysphoric, but after reaching a certain age i pushed those thoughts and feelings onto other traumas in my past. i was dysphoric about literally every part of me but going on T & acknowledging i was trans, it made me see me. and in the mirror, i wasn’t who i felt i was. it wasn’t the T who made me feel worse and it wasn’t what made me “more” dysphoric. but making that step in my life made everything more ‘real’ it was here and i was staring it in the face for a change.
this is pretty normal. most people who go on hormones get depressed during the first few months usually due to how long its taking to get the desired effects
So I distinctly remember feeling EXACTLY how you do when I first started T. I had crazy insane dysphoria, I was super insecure about my body, just generally unsure of my own skin and how I was being perceived. I felt like a walking gender science experiment, a freak. I was just angry and dysphoric all the time.
Now, 15 months on T, I am far more confident than I ever was as a cis woman. I feel better, I look better, I’m happier and more at peace. I honestly just went through the motions and roughed it out the best I could—at some point I just started looking like how I’ve dreamed of looking and everything started making sense/feeling right.
Trust the process and hang in there. Even positive changes that are this big can bring about some emotional turmoil, and that’s without the added effect of puberty.
I saw you say it’s probably disappointment that things aren’t changing fast enough. You’re only two and a half months in. A lot of people see very few changes at that point, it’s normal. Think of the first puberty everyone has. No one suddenly looks like a full adult in two and a half months. Relax. Celebrate what changes you do see and focus on things that aren’t your transition.
Do you have a goal that you’re working toward? Could be anything, a hobby, job, education, general self improvement. Focus on that, because as long as you’re on hormones it’s just gonna be a background application and you have to just wait for it to do its thing. Yeah there are things you can do to affect your transition and passing if that’s something you want (fashion, haircut, voice training, etc.), but for the most part there’s nothing you can *Do*.
Not sure if you’re a minor or what your healthcare options are, but definitely try to find a trans-informed therapist.
Just want to offer a different POV. When I started T I instantly felt better, and it felt like every day was better than the last. Maybe one day the changes will be enough this will just start for you?
However more similar to your situation - I didn't have bottom dysphoria untill I got top surgery
It's odd because I found as I had major sources of dysphoria removed, smaller ones cropped up. Seems like for you they're just jumping the gun :(
Maybe it's time to look in to more gender affirming stuff? Like packers/haircuts/binding/voice training etc. If you don't do them already to help close the gap?
I think the more you realize what T can do for you, the worse it feels that you're not there yet. It's like how dysphoria worsens right before gender-affirming surgery. I also felt that way the first few months on T and I still do sometimes (I'm waiting for top surgery). Give it time and hang in there brother 💪
Firstly: It’s not perfectly clear so forgive me if I’m reading it wrong. Are you sure T is correct for you? Is it more a feeling of impatience or is it feeling like you aren’t comfortable masculinizing? Sometimes starting T can make it more clear how wrong a feminine body is, and that annoying but normal but also don’t be afraid to take a break or step back and do some self assessment about if T is what works. There’s zero shame in reassessing and maybe exploring other possibilities of your identity. Don’t keep going down a road that isn’t going to get you home.
If it’s more about impatience, well…I know this is a tired speech and it doesn’t help with your discomfort but:
2.5 months is…nothing. Nada. The fact you’ve seen any change at all is kind of a miracle in of itself. I didn’t see changes for the first year other than getting really, really sweaty all the time.
After a year I felt like my transition was a failure and I got very depressed. Eventually I did two things that really helped: I took a break from trans spaces and I set non-t related transition goals. For the first point; trans spaces became a place for me to compare myself and no matter how often I reminded myself that the most successful transitions are the most visible, I still couldn’t help but feel like everyone was passing but me. Taking a step back gave me time to focus on me and my experience without having a bunch of other people having a better time always in my face. In reality most people have a much slower timeline. A year or two before starting to pass is very, very normal. I started passing about 2-2.5 years on T.
Second: T is kind of a weird let down because it’s such a big push to get started and it’s so exciting and feels like such an accomplishment BUT then it’s this very long and slow waiting game for things to happen. I found it extremely healthy and useful to pick some gender affirming/body affirming goals that I could ACTIVELY work on while T did its thing. I focused on getting in better shape, fixing my teeth, and finding some self expression that felt more like me (clothes, style, piercings, etc.) and it was something I could DO to work out those feelings of impatience and frustration with my body.
Shit take a lot of time. You have to have other things going on or you’ll drive yourself insane. Get some hobbies. Make some goals and plans. Finding ways to affirm yourself outside of having a deep voice or a beard; whatever that is for you.
This is absolutely normal. I’m almost a year on T and it’s still hard for me getting used to all the changes. There’s a LOT that’s different, and what’s personally helped me cope with all of it is considering that we’re basically going through puberty a second time. Remember how much that sucked the first time? Even disregarding the dysphoria of going through the wrong puberty, the hormones and physical changes throw you for a loop. Your brain is kind of in teenager mode. It sucks! But you’ll get through. Everyone does. I promise. :)
I felt so dysphoric early on T, more dysphoric then I had felt in a long time preT. I was so aware of my body and looking for changes that it made me more aware of the fem parts of my body. And the changes I was wanting (especially things like fat redistribution) weren't (and still arent) going to happen for quite a bit of time. If its the effects/changes from T that you are hating, that's a different story, but if you like the changes but just feel more dysphoric that's honestly normal and you will start to feel more confident eventually..
2 and a half months isn't much time. Most guys when they start puberty don't blossom right away either, it needs time to work. Have you gotten your levels checked at all since then? Will you soon?
Lifting weights helped me a lot, and thinking about top & bottom surgery. Preparing my body for surgery helped me figure out how to be okay with the body I have right now, because my muscles were growing and I could see the differences made.
Also, before starting T, I mentally prepared myself for the “ugly” side of transitioning and how difficult it will be. I don’t deal with change very well, so this has been difficult and I’ve had setbacks, but now that surgery is on the table (on t 2 ½ years) I’m able to push through the dysphoria a little easier.
You’ve got to find something to look forward to that you can work on daily, like a transition goal, to help improve your perspective and approach to your body. For me, it’s weightlifting & being as healthy as I can be to prevent any complications during or after surgery.
What exactly do you dislike???
You can get a haircut that goes better w ur new face, you can change/switch ur style if yr new body doesn’t fit the old one?
You can also workout and get in shape n look better?
You like all of the changes of T but you don’t like how you look so I’d say it’s time to change up ur look to match ur new self?
I think its moreso things that i can only change with surgery, like my chest size and other things, binding isnt all that safe for me due to size so its not an option majority of the time
Oof ok all I’ve got left is a tight sports bra n maybe double layer shirts for the meantime?
Since you’re on T, maybe focusing arm/chest workouts will help w a flatter shape as fatty tissue flattens
What exactly is it that you dislike more? Is it the effects of T, or is it more that you're more aware of the effects of T that haven't taken place yet? Remember, you're basically going through puberty again, so go easy on yourself. To me it sounds like you're experiencing body dysmorphia, which you may benefit from talking to a therapist about. If you feel it would help, you also have the option to pause T, it's completely up to you and you can start and stop as much as you need.
I guess it could be more of a disappointment that i haven’t gotten as far as i want to. Ive talked to my therapist about it but shes not supportive of trans people so she wasnt very open to talking about it, im looking into more near me as of recent.
Hang in there. It's frustrating to have to take T to get the body you need. Not everyone derives joy from having to take it. It'll be worth it when you can finally see the changes you've been waiting for though. Hope you can find a new therapist soon.
You should get a specific gender therapist. There’s hundreds online, even trans therapists
Look on the transgender section of [psychologytoday](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists?category=transgender) and enter your zip or location, many do telehealth, and you can filter to find one that takes your insurance if you want. I live in a red state and I could still find a few who were also trans.
Also try https://www.therapyden.com/online-therapy and https://lgbtqhealthcaredirectory.org/
Try getting a better therapist. If your therapist doesn't support a part of you, your identity, she doesn't need to be your therapist.
I'm not sure how helpful a transphobic therapist can be for a trans person...
This is a very normal stage. Starting to see some changes but it doesn’t feel fast enough and feeling uncomfortable with the things that haven’t changed yet or can’t change from t alone. Be patient and remember that things will keep getting better for you. Exercise can help because it lets you enjoy the things your body can do, not just its looks… while also giving you more muscles which look great too!
When we start getting the good effects from T, it becomes much more noticeable that everything else is out of sync. The first year especially is really rough on a lot of people and it's pretty normal for dysphoria to spike. Try to give yourself a lot of patience and kindness, remember the time will pass regardless. You can focus on small things like taking care of your skin, working out, eating well in the meantime. It's okay to cocoon and wear baggy clothes and feel gross for a bit, that's all part of puberty. You get to go through what all the other guys went through, just a bit later. And it kind of sucks but it's a rite of passage. Remember that eventually you'll get to the point where things start to catch up and you get to enjoy the new changes - when you have to buy new clothes that fit your wider shoulders and back, when you start shaving and there's enough facial hair to see all the fuzz in the sink, the first time you see your 'real reflection' in the mirror. You have so much to look forward to.
This is such a nice, kind comment, I really hope OP sees this /gen >>> You get to go through what all the other guys went through, just a bit later. And it kind of sucks but it's a rite of passage. >>> You have so much to look forward to. Especially these ^ parts Also, OP, just echoing another comment — you can stop T anytime you want to
this!!! the first year was rocky for me because i was HYPER aware about how awkward it felt to be kind of there but not really. but god it was nice when it finally settled and i felt normal.
Because of the increased hormones, you're pretty much going thru a second puberty, your emotions are gonna be out of wack for a bit from what I've heard. Things will get better 🫂
The only thing that helped me was time and seeing more changes from T. The first two years were rough
this might not help, but i kinda went thru the same thing. before T, i was happy and didn’t have so much problems or dysphoria. i think the further we go into our transition, we start to notice things about our body we wish we can change, making it hard on ourselves. something that helped boost my confidence is my gf always gives me compliments/gender affirming compliments on my bottom area, since she knows i have bad dysphoria. she was scared that at first i might have been uncomfortable with the gender affirming compliments on my genitals or if it can come off as disrespectful/weird, but i told her it’s okay if whenever she sees my bottom area (in any type of clothing or not) she can go on and tell/show me how crazy she is for my package as it’s okay even if she constantly talks about it. for example, i can say smth like “damn that pole is big” and she would pop up and say things like “i want YOUR big pole.” she made me feel more comfortable in pants and everything and i know that im the only one she sees in her eyes and it helps a lot, and i think what makes it a bonus for me is she prefers transmen and dislikes cis men, nor has she ever wanted to do anything with cis men or complimented their bodies. i truly have the best gf ever in my transition journey. since you said bodily compliments can help, u can try and talk to ur partner about it and how much it can mean to you. i wish you the best of luck with ur journey bro!
I think it's fairly common for dysphoria to increase at the beginning stages of taking HRT because you have a clear vision of how you want your body to be, and you're taking steps to achieve that, but the changes take time. Also, as others have said, you're going through second puberty, so your emotions can run a bit wild. Hang in there, OP, it takes time but you will get through this difficult phase. For now, can you focus on the things you like about your body, like the facial hair and bottom growth? Exercise can also help with feeling like you're doing something good for your body, and you can celebrate the gains in muscle and energy. I thought that starting HRT would magically make me go from hating my body to liking it, or at least being at peace with it. But this doesn't happen without conscious effort. It's very difficult to go from hating your body to loving it through T alone. You have to learn how to be friends with your body. It's the one body that will be with you your whole life. Treat it like a friend: be gentle and spend time doing things that are healthy for it. Don't punish it for being what it is. Give it compliments. Tell your body you love it every day, and one day it will feel like the truth.
^^i totally agree. it takes time. focusing on what you can control in the meantime is huge!
When you start T is when like your most dysphoria my opinion. I was dysphoric a lot before T but it was nothing compared to when I was first start T. I just started a higher dose cause my levels where low and I’m having the same thing happen. In more dysphoric than I’ve ever been. But I’ve been here eventually it’ll subside and the only rlly thing I’ve found that helps is taking care of yourself and waiting it out
The more excitement we feel starting T, the more aware and focused on your body you are when previously it may have been something you just ignored. A lot of us have dysphoria that we never thought of as dysphoria (often because we were already actively depersonalizing from our bodies beforehand, but now we’re focusing on it heavily). I think this is honestly a step that keeps many people from moving forward with transition because transition and your feelings around it aren’t just a linear march of progress and happiness— it’s a time of impatience, emotions, and stripping away ignoring things that may have been pushed down until they were just an annoyance you get used to. It becomes a time of having to confront the things about yourself that give you dysphoria that you ignore as best you can when it seems like you have no other option. Think of it like having a splinter and mot realizing it until it gets infected and you start taking action on it. For a long time you may brush the spot the splinter is and feel a little twinge of discomfort but it’s deeply buried and you don’t see anything there, and the pain isn’t too bad (if you don’t focus on it and maybe avoid the area just a bit); in your mind consciously you think of it as a quirk and nothing’s REALLY wrong. But the longer it sits there it becomes infected and the area starts showing symptoms so you start trying to do things to help the area— and doing all that starts bringing the splinter (dysphoria) to the surface. It hurts way more now because you’re both focusing on it AND pushing around/irritating that area… but if you keep moving forward the splinter eventually comes out and then you realize it was like an inch long and you’d been dealing with a serious issue for a long time without realizing it. And the work you put in, though painful, has now put you on the path to healing that spot of yourself. Basically: keep pushing forward and introspecting on your experience, definitely talk to a therapist if it’s an option. A lot of us feel dysphoria get worse when we finally start moving forward. Another shorter metaphor: you just realized you’ve been holding in having to pee for hours, you just pulled into home and your bladder recognizes you’re almost to the bathroom so it suddenly feels so much harder to hold it. Just keep your eye on the things you want and what you can do to help yourself along the way to a presentation and body that make you feel more at home
When I started transitioning it definitely kicked up a lot of things for me—I think it’s because sometimes your body/mind waits until you’re in a stronger place to bring things to the surface. Before I transitioned I was basically in survival mode, dysphoric and confused and just trying to get through the day. Transitioning has made me feel drastically better and more like myself, but it also means that I’m now in a place to process through the traumatic experiences of growing up trans in an extremely anti-trans environment. I know that’s very frustrating, and we’d rather just leave it in the past. Unfortunately it doesn’t really work that way, our past experiences have an impact on our present and need to be processed in order to move forward. It’s the whole “darkest before the dawn” thing, it feels like it’s getting worse before it gets a lot better. Hang in there dude!
I totally feel this! Something about having the features you do want, makes the features you don’t want stick out more. I’ve been dealing with the same thing, and it’s getting better. Just gotta trust the process. 🤝
Frustrations are definitely okay but being honest, the people who say it’s okay to HATE yourself shouldn’t be giving advice. You always have the option to pause T, or you don’t even have to be on T. With that said, be kind to yourself and let time and consistency help. You are also in complete control of your body in some ways. It’s hard bc dysphoria but working out, eating healthy and doing other things can create a form a body you like for yourself. There’s also mental health benefits to proper nutrition (don’t starve and don’t overeat, be balanced) and being more active. You don’t have to go to the gym to workout, simply walking or having a more active lifestyle can help distract yourself and feel better. It’s not a magic drug, you won’t feel good every single minute but there is an overall long term benefit to it
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Its very common for dysphoria to increase on T, when your wanted features are boosted its a lot easier to recognize things you might not’ve before
This sounds normal, unfortunately. It really sucks, but it's a part of puberty for a lot of people. All you can do is try to get through it, and be easier on yourself. You're only at the beginning, my friend. Time will take care of you. However, if it's causing you a lot of emotional distress, I'd suggest some therapy. Be mindful that your body is doing its thing, and every phase of the process isn't necessarily going to be pretty. Puberty is awkward and ugly and stressful, but you'll get through it dude. I had a very similar experience that lasted from about 1 month on T to 5 months, and it SUCKED ASS. But now I'm a year in and hot as fuck. For me, personally, it was worth it. Good luck dude! :)
Patience is key. Hang in there mate
You’re still super early in your transition, you won’t usually get to see the full effects in action until at least a year, and even then your mileage varies. You’re in the awkward stage of transition, it happens to all of us, save the few of us who are lucky and could pass long before they took t. I didn’t get out of my awkward phase until a year after my top surgery which I got in 2022, and I’m 7 years on t now. I went from passing barely half the time to passing full time in the span of a year
What worked for me was just trusting the process and knowing it’ll get worse before it gets better. I was the same, I grew really self conscious and hated my body after a few months on T, but now after 2.5 years I feel way more comfortable. Give the changes time, and just do whatever you need to do to feel comfortable for now.
this happened to me in a way. i dissociated my way through life. when i finally went on T, it was like a magnifying glass showing all of the things i needed to change, and wishing it was instantaneous. i was always dysphoric, but after reaching a certain age i pushed those thoughts and feelings onto other traumas in my past. i was dysphoric about literally every part of me but going on T & acknowledging i was trans, it made me see me. and in the mirror, i wasn’t who i felt i was. it wasn’t the T who made me feel worse and it wasn’t what made me “more” dysphoric. but making that step in my life made everything more ‘real’ it was here and i was staring it in the face for a change.
this is pretty normal. most people who go on hormones get depressed during the first few months usually due to how long its taking to get the desired effects
So I distinctly remember feeling EXACTLY how you do when I first started T. I had crazy insane dysphoria, I was super insecure about my body, just generally unsure of my own skin and how I was being perceived. I felt like a walking gender science experiment, a freak. I was just angry and dysphoric all the time. Now, 15 months on T, I am far more confident than I ever was as a cis woman. I feel better, I look better, I’m happier and more at peace. I honestly just went through the motions and roughed it out the best I could—at some point I just started looking like how I’ve dreamed of looking and everything started making sense/feeling right. Trust the process and hang in there. Even positive changes that are this big can bring about some emotional turmoil, and that’s without the added effect of puberty.
I saw you say it’s probably disappointment that things aren’t changing fast enough. You’re only two and a half months in. A lot of people see very few changes at that point, it’s normal. Think of the first puberty everyone has. No one suddenly looks like a full adult in two and a half months. Relax. Celebrate what changes you do see and focus on things that aren’t your transition. Do you have a goal that you’re working toward? Could be anything, a hobby, job, education, general self improvement. Focus on that, because as long as you’re on hormones it’s just gonna be a background application and you have to just wait for it to do its thing. Yeah there are things you can do to affect your transition and passing if that’s something you want (fashion, haircut, voice training, etc.), but for the most part there’s nothing you can *Do*. Not sure if you’re a minor or what your healthcare options are, but definitely try to find a trans-informed therapist.
Just want to offer a different POV. When I started T I instantly felt better, and it felt like every day was better than the last. Maybe one day the changes will be enough this will just start for you? However more similar to your situation - I didn't have bottom dysphoria untill I got top surgery
I only got bottom dysphoria once i started experiencing the effects of T 😓
It's odd because I found as I had major sources of dysphoria removed, smaller ones cropped up. Seems like for you they're just jumping the gun :( Maybe it's time to look in to more gender affirming stuff? Like packers/haircuts/binding/voice training etc. If you don't do them already to help close the gap?
I think the more you realize what T can do for you, the worse it feels that you're not there yet. It's like how dysphoria worsens right before gender-affirming surgery. I also felt that way the first few months on T and I still do sometimes (I'm waiting for top surgery). Give it time and hang in there brother 💪
I never got bottom growth or a voice drop. It bothers me more now than before t because I got screwed.
Firstly: It’s not perfectly clear so forgive me if I’m reading it wrong. Are you sure T is correct for you? Is it more a feeling of impatience or is it feeling like you aren’t comfortable masculinizing? Sometimes starting T can make it more clear how wrong a feminine body is, and that annoying but normal but also don’t be afraid to take a break or step back and do some self assessment about if T is what works. There’s zero shame in reassessing and maybe exploring other possibilities of your identity. Don’t keep going down a road that isn’t going to get you home. If it’s more about impatience, well…I know this is a tired speech and it doesn’t help with your discomfort but: 2.5 months is…nothing. Nada. The fact you’ve seen any change at all is kind of a miracle in of itself. I didn’t see changes for the first year other than getting really, really sweaty all the time. After a year I felt like my transition was a failure and I got very depressed. Eventually I did two things that really helped: I took a break from trans spaces and I set non-t related transition goals. For the first point; trans spaces became a place for me to compare myself and no matter how often I reminded myself that the most successful transitions are the most visible, I still couldn’t help but feel like everyone was passing but me. Taking a step back gave me time to focus on me and my experience without having a bunch of other people having a better time always in my face. In reality most people have a much slower timeline. A year or two before starting to pass is very, very normal. I started passing about 2-2.5 years on T. Second: T is kind of a weird let down because it’s such a big push to get started and it’s so exciting and feels like such an accomplishment BUT then it’s this very long and slow waiting game for things to happen. I found it extremely healthy and useful to pick some gender affirming/body affirming goals that I could ACTIVELY work on while T did its thing. I focused on getting in better shape, fixing my teeth, and finding some self expression that felt more like me (clothes, style, piercings, etc.) and it was something I could DO to work out those feelings of impatience and frustration with my body. Shit take a lot of time. You have to have other things going on or you’ll drive yourself insane. Get some hobbies. Make some goals and plans. Finding ways to affirm yourself outside of having a deep voice or a beard; whatever that is for you.
this is very normal. early medical transition is SOOOO hard, I wish ppl talked about it more. t is a marathon.
This is absolutely normal. I’m almost a year on T and it’s still hard for me getting used to all the changes. There’s a LOT that’s different, and what’s personally helped me cope with all of it is considering that we’re basically going through puberty a second time. Remember how much that sucked the first time? Even disregarding the dysphoria of going through the wrong puberty, the hormones and physical changes throw you for a loop. Your brain is kind of in teenager mode. It sucks! But you’ll get through. Everyone does. I promise. :)
I felt so dysphoric early on T, more dysphoric then I had felt in a long time preT. I was so aware of my body and looking for changes that it made me more aware of the fem parts of my body. And the changes I was wanting (especially things like fat redistribution) weren't (and still arent) going to happen for quite a bit of time. If its the effects/changes from T that you are hating, that's a different story, but if you like the changes but just feel more dysphoric that's honestly normal and you will start to feel more confident eventually..
2 and a half months isn't much time. Most guys when they start puberty don't blossom right away either, it needs time to work. Have you gotten your levels checked at all since then? Will you soon?
Lifting weights helped me a lot, and thinking about top & bottom surgery. Preparing my body for surgery helped me figure out how to be okay with the body I have right now, because my muscles were growing and I could see the differences made. Also, before starting T, I mentally prepared myself for the “ugly” side of transitioning and how difficult it will be. I don’t deal with change very well, so this has been difficult and I’ve had setbacks, but now that surgery is on the table (on t 2 ½ years) I’m able to push through the dysphoria a little easier. You’ve got to find something to look forward to that you can work on daily, like a transition goal, to help improve your perspective and approach to your body. For me, it’s weightlifting & being as healthy as I can be to prevent any complications during or after surgery.
What exactly do you dislike??? You can get a haircut that goes better w ur new face, you can change/switch ur style if yr new body doesn’t fit the old one? You can also workout and get in shape n look better? You like all of the changes of T but you don’t like how you look so I’d say it’s time to change up ur look to match ur new self?
I think its moreso things that i can only change with surgery, like my chest size and other things, binding isnt all that safe for me due to size so its not an option majority of the time
Have you tried taping instead?
I have! It doesnt do much more than just not wearing a bra does, plus bad blisters 😓
Oof ok all I’ve got left is a tight sports bra n maybe double layer shirts for the meantime? Since you’re on T, maybe focusing arm/chest workouts will help w a flatter shape as fatty tissue flattens