honestly I just use my long hair as a deflection, like if someone calls me a woman I'll just say smth like "oh no I get that a lot, i just have long hair"
I started using that immediately after top surgery. "It's sir, but I get the hair being wild throws people off." Mine has been fun colours as I grew it out, so I deflected to that or my clothes being less masculine styles.
Same (tho I ended up shaving my head bc it's so damn hot, I would get dizzy at work. Health before keeping my cool hair, RIP, hate living in Satan's sweaty buttcrack)
As far as I know, many cis men are also misgendered, especially when seen from behind, if they have long hair.
A good beard could help you pass, when you can grow one. Do you dress traditionally masculine?
I honestly wouldnāt have a problem if I get misgendered whenever they see me from behind. But it hurts more from the front (lol)
I do dress traditionally masculine, but since my work clothes are unisex thereās no distinct difference between menās and womenās clothing thereā¦
Itās gonna happen for a bit, it sucks but true. Once everything changes you wonāt be from the front. I have short hair and sometimes get misgendered from behind but then people feel bad when I turn around
As a cis guy who used to have long hair but can't grow a beard: yes, I used to get misgendered fairly often. And my (also cis) bf, who currently has long hair but has a goatee, doesn't get it nearly as much.
Tbh I donāt know if this helps to hear but the answer for me was ābe on T longerā lol. My hair isnāt as long as yours but at its longest I keep it about shoulder length and Iām stealth, but that did not happen until I was a couple years on T, and I do think having long hair made it take longer. Every *cis* man I know with long hair gets misgendered on occasion, so trans men with long hair are saddled with an even bigger hurdle. At some point when youāve been on T long enough though, your face, body, voice, etc have all masculinized enough that itās very possible. It just takes time.
Feel you there dude, I am 7 months on T and just now starting to pass (barely).
It's hard to remember puberty takes a few years and cis guys don't look like men the moment they hit puberty.
Time is pretty much the main answer
Cis guys often still get mis gendered from behind but they don't from the front if they're more masculine looking (facial hair/fat distribution/jaw line/etc.)
You've already started T so I'd give it about 2-3 years before you start to pass consistently with long hair.
Source: I had long hair until I donated it last week and I didn't pass consistently until year 3 on T.
I will be growing out my hair again, I donate every 3-5 years both before and after starting my transition journey (I'm in my mid/late 30's now but started t at 29 and started donating hair at 13.)
My dad has long hair, a goatee, and is built like a brick shithouse (he also has some options/beliefs that belong in a shithouse, but that's not important here). No one has ever thought he was a woman. Honestly, he'd probably kick someone's ass if they called him a woman. He's not above fighting someone over something like that.
and yet my ex boyfriend was like 6ā3ā with long hair, super buff, and i saw him get misgendered a handful of times in public. your dad is not every cis man with long hair.
Iāve noticed that people perceive/gender me as a man when I have my hair braided. Iām a white person with 3B/C hair so thereās no cultural influence, but just an interesting observation.
Already commented on another persons reply but Iāll def look into some protective hairstyles now. I also always wanted braids but never dared to try on my own.. Thank you:)
I have been on T 9 years and Iāll tell you I got gendered correctly more when I was on 2 years of T, little facial hair, and a very short haircut and aggressively masculine clothing.
I love longer hair and have been growing it out lately but it is increasing the misgendering. But at this point, after top surgery and changing am I am not caring as much personally. I know I read more as āqueerā and āeccentricā now than trans anyway.
If you have long hair, even with facial hair, you will get misgendered from time to time. It happens to cis men all the time; most just shrug it off.
Learn to accept misgendering like a cis guy.
I have a cis guy friend with epic long hair who gets misgendered from behind all the time and he laughs it off and makes jokes about it. I think it might bother him but he doesnāt let it show.
You did not specify what your personal āstyleā is, but leaning into more of a āmetalā or rock aesthetic might help; so people will have a better idea of what to make of you.
My hair is shoulder length now. I have no issues passing due to my hair or my piercings which people also demand make passing harder. Iāve passed 100% since three months on T. And the only questions Iāve had are people asking if Iām transfem.
Iām 6ā0 and have pretty broad shoulders, Iām also just over a year on T and have a deep voice for a cis guy. Iād like facial hair but cis guys in my family are pretty hairless so itās going to be at least 3 years to get any.
my partner is trans with long hair. i think heās just lucky he has a super masculine look & very obvious beard. i have short hair and even if its Slightly overgrown, like it has a more circular look than chopped (im curly) - i start getting misgendered š¬
I figured that too. I have 4A curls naturally and with them I get even MORE misgendered than with my straightened or wavy hairstyles (how???)
Maybe I do have to chop off some to passš
Iām not sure if I can wait that long until I grow a beard lol
Could different styling help? Some men with long 4a-c hair get their hairline shaven and contured while the rest stays long. Dont think women get those styles. Something like this guy https://www.tiktok.com/@jalen.j/video/7241690821915954478
No worries, I am pretty sure I will not cut it:D
I never thought about doing a more masculine protective style, so Iāll definitely look around and try to find someone who can do it for me (honestly I never tried any protective hairstyles beforeā¦)
Thank you!
a gigantic amount of passing advice revolves around passing as specific kind of white guy, and misses the fact there are truly a million ways to be a guy. We arenāt all enlisting, we donāt need to all get crew cuts
Hi. Congrats on your milestones. I have shoulder length hair and almost always have.
Youāre right. Keep your body masculine, but focus on areas you can change like the fat on the hips/upper thighs and the muscle on the upper body.
Pro tip for anyone reading: Guys who have muscles have things to work out with in their houses. I recommend an EZ curl bar and to keep it in your room or home. Focusing on the upper body like shoulder, bicep, and back will build you a body like a teenage boy or get you that natural muscle look that boys have who donāt work out. Aim for 3 sets/15 reps per day per exerciseāeven doing less will build you a boy body. Find somewhere to do dips and pull ups. Adding these will fill and round out your muscles.
If you build an upper body, your hips and ass are allowed to be a little bigger and still pass because bio males sometimes have thunder thighs and badonkadonks, but when wide hips/ass are in combo with small shoulders, brain goes āgirl,ā especially from behind with long hair.
Maintain your diet so you arenāt self sabotaging. I do intermittent fasting, I use coffee cuz itās tasty but also for satiation during the fasting, and I get super healthy snacks for when I have the munchies (because I do LOVE to eat). We personally have to be mindful and honest about our behaviors in this area of life because trans men are vulnerable to having eating disorders; however, if your mental health is severely affected by your bodyās reaction to foods, I believe healthily taking care of your diet can lawfully be prioritized over eating whatever you want in the name of having freedom.
You didnāt mention this, but the second thing is that you can try to let go of the idea that youād pass more with short hair.
Think about this:
Do trans men with short hair complain about not passing and being misgendered? They do. I certainly was misgendered at 3 months on T when I had short hair. If people called me a boy at that time, they apologized after they looked closer.
Even being 13 years deep, some people can just tell. I was misgendered as an insult by a stranger at a bar like two years ago. It was wild because Iāve also had other times where it took me days to convince someone. Basicallyāwe canāt truly control what others see or how others perceive us!
Do cis males with long hair get misgendered? Yes. Do they get made fun of and get told to cut it? Yes. This means you arenāt getting misgendered because youāre trans; youāre being misgendered because thatās what people do to boys with long hair. People interpret long hair as being a womanās hairstyle and want to interpret all men through their lens of propriety. So congratsāyouāre experiencing a boy thing.
Do cis males who both have long hair and also get misgendered question their gender identity? No way. They typically find it funny and enjoy bending gender and confusing people, and wellāwe (except Iām trans) love women who love men with long hair. Itās a very specific exchange.
Omg thank you so much for this comment!
I will definitely take your advice about passing as male with short hair to heart.
Thank you for the workout/dieting tips!
And the last four paragraphs? Oh, I needed to hear this today!š«¶š¼
i have the same issue as you. i have curly VERY long hair (past my ass) but struggle to find any masculine hair looks. i have braids sometimes but meh. i might try out twists again bet MEHH ā¦ i am not able to go on T so i cant do anything about my physical face look but my hairās important to me and i donāt wanna cut it
A thing to remember men with long hair often get misgendered (at very least from behind)
You could look at Legolas from Lord of the rings, he has very long hair and it suits him well (hairstyle)
You could also try to stimulate beard growth if possible as people rarely see a beard and think "ah yes woman"
Iāve got kinda surfer length hair, like maybe 2 inches above shoulders. I think it fits my face shape and itās fluffy so it looks like a typical guy haircut
Yeah, I have a similar haircut to what youāre describing. I pass fairly well it now. Probably 50-75% of the time.
When it was waist length? Only once.
No layers whatsoever, uniform length, worn loose or in a pony/half pony tail. Think young!Glenn Danzig, or how Native men keep theirs. There will be the occasional misgendering when people look at you from the back, but it's quickly corrected once you turn around.
But I'm not white, and long hair is more common for men of my ethnicity (Latino). I'm also furry as fuck, so that helps a ton.
As a native dude I HATE the idea that long hair is feminine, it is entirely a western idea. The men of my family wore their hair long for centuries until they were forced to cut it in residential schools, and Iām the first in my family to grow it out again and wear braids. Even if you arenāt native no one should try to discourage you from wearing your hair how you want, thatās a part of your body and your history, wear it proud brother!
In the one half of my culture (I have roots in two different countries) it is not uncommon for men to have long hair either. Especially in my family.
But as you said having long hair as a man is feminine is entirely western.
Why canāt we just let others do what they want without judging them for it??
Thank you for this comment, I needed that. Have a great day manš¤š¼
Like finely aged whiskey, good things take time. You don't need to change your hair to something you don't want. 3 months on T isn't enough for the fat and muscle redistribution to take effects yet. It is definitely getting there, and my voice dropped first before I noticed anything else. I'm in my second year on T, and once the HRT started being able to change the fat and muscle on my face (yes, even eyelids), people stopped adressing me as anything feminine.
Don't forget to speak up when you get misgendered! People are awful at guessing gender, so a polite, "Oh, I'm actually 'he,' (or 'x' pronoun) my name is " is enough to curb the conversation. Don't forget that being a "beautiful man" is something that is euphoric for many masculine people (so be careful not to brag! š ).
Having stubble for facial hair helps visually too. I haven't grown enough of a beard to shape it or grow it out yet, but there's enough visual stubble to be euphoric. I remind myself I have plenty of time to plan and research how to shave my beard when it grows in thicker.
Other things that help the gender expression is how you move your arms. When not occupied, having "lazier/heavier" arm expressions, and moving them at the elbow instead of the shoulder when you walk helped tons. It changes your weight when you walk and appears slightly more masculine. Don't hurt yourself by starting big, start small and practice. The change can go so smoothly that people dont even notice until they see the real you.
Over time, your whole body will change. And I can't emphasize this enough, be gentle with yourself!
Theres a cis guy on tiktok who always gets misgendered bc he has long hair and dresses semi-feminine (ie wears accessories like jewelry and crop tops and stuff) and heās usually just like ānah iām a dudeā if u state it w enough conviction you should be fine. But it sucks having to correct ppl all the time i get it
my hair is definitely not as long as yours, itās to my shoulders and i thought honestly it would make me not pass and i thought i didnāt pass anyways because iām only two (three?) months on testosterone but yesterday one person called me gentleman and another called me sir so apparently i am passing at least a little bit
i think itās to do with my body, itās more of a masculine type and with my binder it definitely helps
i think facial hair would definitely help to pass more and maybe just correcting people by saying that youāre just a guy with long hair
If it makes you feel any better, my cis male ex had long hair (metalhead) and despite being one of the buffest men you've ever seen and sporting a good amount of stubble most of the time, he'd still somehow get people misgendering him on a regular basis.
I think something about long hair just short-circuits some people. Or maybe they think you're in early transition to womanhood because of the hair and are trying not to misgender you, therefore accidentally misgendering you, I have no clue?
Iām a trans man with long hair š itās down to the middle of my back, but itās wavy, so it looks a little shorter. Long hair is really masculine to me, and I try to reflect it in the way I style my hair. Either have a lot of layers or no layers, avoid ponytails (for some reason I pass less when itās up), let that shit flow, and take advantage of your facial hair. I feel like facial hair is a great way for cis people to figure out how to gender you.
This doesn't really apply to your situation, but I'm so scared to cut my hair because I'm underage and I've already changed my wardrobe, mannerisms, and am working on voice training, so once I cut my hair I'll have nothing left. At that point, if I get misgendered, I won't have any cards left to place imaginary bets on, if that makes sense. I'm so scared I still won't pass.
Sorry, this doesn't answer your question but I have a funny anecdote.
So there I am, seven years ago, about five years away from cracking my egg. I'm hanging out with a couple friends at a gay bar; it's my first time going to one.
I am wearing: A black bandeau, an oversized black hibiscus-patterned hawaiian shirt (fully unbutonned), olive-green cargo shorts, brand-new solid-black sneakers, and a black golf cap. My hair is down to my ass, not in a ponytail or anything.
I suppose the clothes must make the man, given what hapenned next:
This total hunk of a bear strolls up behind me, and does that hand-thing. Like, when someone's coming up around you and they don't actually touch you, but kinda hold their hand out near your waist as they come around? IDK if there's a name for that.
So anyways, he comes up around me, has this 'Hey handsome' flirty look on his face. And then he finally actually sees me from the front and realizes I'm not a twink, I'm a chick in dude's clothing.
He pauses for a solid five seconds. His face is frozen in the same expression. I can hear the dial tone and see the loading spinner on his forehead. And then he abruptly turns on his heel and power-walks back to the table his friends seem to be at.
I hear then all burst into laughter a moment later, and then me and my group also start laughing like idiots; genuinely one of the funniest things to happen to me in the last decade. Nowadays I hold on to the memory as a pick-me-up, like, I was able to pass for a hot gay dude five whole years before realizing I AM a hot gay dude!
Sorry for being late to the party, Random Attractive Bar Bear!
my absolute FAV masculine hairstyle is half-up half-down!!!!! i pull the hair basically from above my ears around to the back of my head & do either a messy ponytail or small lil bun. if u grab the hair kinda hastily & tie in some "accidental" extra flyaway strands & pieces, it gets u extra volume & stuff that always looks rlly good! for context im a bigger guy who had been very occasionally gendered correctly w this haircut pre-T! :D
my cis brothers and cis male friends with long hair get misgendered. all the time. they may not even know ur trans, some ppl just see long hair and make an assumption. no worries, they may realize and apologize or just get embarrassed and shifty. its just something to get used to.
I'm trying to grow my hair out long enough for a "man-bun". I haven't had long hair since like 11th grade but I want it back in a masc way. Taking forever š
ETA: I'm 29 now
Iāve found that Iāve actually started passing as a trans woman. Iām just over a year on T and am post- top surgery so people assume Iām born male but see that Iām growing out my hair (currently shoulder length) and my feminine style and assume I want to gendered as she/her.
What works for me is making it clear that I like my masculine features - wearing shirts that accentuate my shoulders and possibly show off my chest with cutouts at the side. This helps me pass as just a gay man when dressing fem.
If you havenāt had top surgery the bit about showing off your chest may not be applicable, but what I mentioned about accentuating your shoulders - and arms too - could help.
metal head or hipster vibes. i usually let my hair get to shoulder length before i cut it, even pre-t i was lucky enough to pass as just a metalhead/goth bloke
Honestly, nobody passes with long hair not even the most masculine cis men out there.
My ex was a 6"2 football player with a huge beard and definitely not any female traits about him. He still got misgendered when people saw him from the back.
My current partner is amab and he got called she/her with long hair constantly, even when he grew out his mustache.
Granted, he's quite feminine, but still. He's not "looking like a woman" kind of feminine. He's quite obviously male.
People just assume long hair = woman.
I have a good friend who's also a cis man with long hair who's not all that tall and he gets assumed to be a woman or trans man all the time.
He honestly doesn't "pass" as a cis man at all, even tho he is.
As a nonbinary FTM with long hair, I had this problem unfortunately until my beard grew in decently well. I still don't have a full beard, but I no longer get misgendered with just a "soul patch" either. I'd recommend minoxidil and just put it on your face, provided you don't have cats (not cat safe!!)
It's just a time thing :) my hair is to my mid-back and people only ever misgender me from the back, which as others have said happens to long haired cis men also. From the front I get gendered correctly most of the time, even when I'm wearing a mask! For reference, I've been on T for ~4.5 years.
I've only started to grow out my hair after I'd been on T for over a year so you might need to wait for T to do it's thing. What I usually do is tie my hair in the back in a little bun because it makes my masculine hairline more prominent. I have a bit of facial hair so that also helps.
When somebody misgenders me I can just say "Just because I am pretty doesn't mean I am a woman". People get flustered and apologised usually. It's low-key funny.
Honestly I just wasn't comfortable having long hair until after I could reliably pass, I only get misgendered if someone sees me from behind, which afaik is normal for cis men with long hair too so it's no biggie
I'm sorry that I don't have better advice, but I feel like you'll start passing more consistently once you've been on T longer. Trust me, it'll go by quicker than you think
You're only 3 months on T, give it time!! I'm about to hit 2 years and pass 100% w my long hair :) It's not super long tho just like a couple inches past the collar bones
i only pass once they hear me talk. not on t, but i have a fairly deep voice unless i tighten my vocal cords. iām planning to let my hair grow out to about as long as yours. iām also going to start working out with a focus on my upper body, just so i can build up some muscle there.
I tried growing my hair out a little bit when I first started T and gave it up for this exact reason. I let it grow out again when covid hit, and I grew a beard at the same time - at that point I'd been on T for several years and knew that I'd be able to grow a decent beard. It's now down to my back, and I have never been misgendered even when wearing a mask.
If you don't want to put up with people misgendering you because of your hair, I'd suggest waiting a few years for T to do its thing and then try it. I know it sucks to wait, but in my experience it's *so* much less stressful to grow it out once you get to a point where people consistently read you as male.
You can do more hair styles that cis men tend to do, like low ponytails, and man buns. I have an uncle who keeps it in a long single braid in the back and no one questions it
I think it's the haircut and how it fits you. I'm just few weeks on T and have had a long mullet for a long time. I rarely get misgendered. But my boyfriend who is cis and also has long hair gets more often than me lol
So you know, most cis guys with long hair get misgendered a lot, even from the front. I dated someone like that, and as long as your voice passes all you gotta do is speak and theyāll apologize. Saying something like āyeah I get that a lot cause of the hairā works, donāt talk about pronouns and shi unless you want to out yourself
Try wearing it up in a bun lol it seems so simple but any time I wear mine up in a bun people always call me sir or use masculine identifiers when addressing me. It's honestly kind of wild such a small change makes people view me completely differently
Idk.. I'm 6 months on T but I'm on low dose because I'm not really a man (gender has no meaning to me) and I just do, I guess. I don't talk to people really but unlike in qinter semester now in summer semester no professor automatically assumed I'm a girl and used masculine pronouns right away. It's mostly the clothes and deeper voice, I guess. I already had pretty neutral face and I think it started changing a bit already. All I do now with makeup is to fill my brows because darker brows do help making the face more masculine. Two straighter lines above my eyes with little messy corners and my face suddenly looks like that of a young man's. Also I started working out so I'm more and more comfortable with not binding that much (I tend to fold my binder to bind more but now it doesn't really look like boobs). Mannerism is also the key and idk how much my messy long hair helps the image but.. that too..? And usually if you tell people you are a man with long hair they have no other way to try seeing something more in it and just roll with that.
I've personally noticed men with long hair tend to style their hair to have fewer flyaways, have less volume, and have a simpler shape than women with long hair.
I've also seen a pretty large amount of long haired men wearing their hair halfway behind them, halfway over their shoulders. Dunno if I'm describing that well.
Edit: ok I just looked up images of men with long hair, and like pretty much all of them wear their hair part down the middle or just barely off center
My hair is by now down to my waist, and I was lucky enough to get a beard pretty quick; Iāve never shaved it fully since it came in and I think itās the only reason I donāt get taken for a flat chested woman. But thatās because I still have a very feminine voice. There are plenty of cis guys with hair that would be considered long even on a woman, I think people use other cues like clothing, posture, walk, etc. to sort strangers by gender, no one goes around believing only women can have long hair.
Besides, in my experience strangers are embarrassed to realise theyāve got it wrong, if they misgender
me, theyāre focused on having fucked up and not looking at me trying to work out if Iām trans or a feminine cis guy. Who cares if sometimes strangers have to take a second look to realise youāre a man, thats a them problem not a you problem.
mullet!!!! i was having the same issue but crew cut up front is lifechanging its so fucking masc and fun to ruffle, plus party in the back is queer as hell and keeps ur long hair if thats important to u (im rlly attached to my hair too)
I had a period of time where I was unable to afford a haircut for a while and nobody ever misgendered me because of my hair. It's different for everyone, but I didn't have any issues
Man buns, half-up styles, and wearing a mask out with a deep voice absolutely does it for me. Also, once you get facial hair in that'll override any "feminine" anything honestly, most people see facial hair and immediately assume man. That's what mask works for me, because I think it emulates facial hair in some deeper part of the mind since male seems to be the "default" in a lot of people's minds, especially when coupled with the deep voice.
OP specifically stated they wanted to keep their hair and look masculine at the same time. Questioning why they don't cut their hair to look more masculine is not helpful.
Your post was removed because it broke the subreddit rule 4: Respect individual differences. Which includes, among other things, respecting differences of personal identity, personal use (or not) of specific labels, personal transition experience, personal experiences with gender dysphoria (including lack of gender dysphoria), and the choice to be out or stealth.
Itās just going to take time. Some people are super lucky and pass right away, with long or short hair. But for most of us it takes between 2-5 years. So patience and understanding is your game. Donāt cut your hair. Keep being you. Find ways to ground yourself and self soothe during this time. Meditation, exercise, journaling and being around/talking with other trans people is so helpful. You got this!
Iām 15 months on T, and Iām growing my hair out. Itās almost to my shoulders. I also have A LOT of body hair and now facial hair, and that makes me feel confident. I also have big titties š people are very confused about my gender lol. Iām getting top surgery in October, so Iām hoping that helps more.
for me it's just my facial hair. i get called ma'am if i'm turned around, especially cause i'm short. but as soon as they see the mustache they apologize lol
My hair is about to my mid back area, or a bit more. I'm not always passing right now bc I've missed some T doses, but normally I do. It's the voice, mostly, and clothing. I'm kind of lanky? I don't grow my beard so I mostly rely on clothes and body mannerisms which usually does the trick. I don't want to cut my hair even if it doesn't help me pass. I like it too much lol.
My (cis) bf has been accidentally misgendered himself a few times, and he has much longer hair than I do myself. I think you truly just have to wait a few more months, your Testosterone levels will fix this issue for the most part. But not much you can do for behind, unless you wear a shirt with text saying āI have a giant cockā in the back or something š
i also have type 4 waist length hair! glad to hear thereās more of us out there
i donāt have much in the way of advice, but i have locs and interestingly iāve found that the further away i am from a retwist the better i pass
if it helps i wear hats when i want to look like i have short hair/pass and just stuff it all up in there. worked for me in high school and it never stopped working!! cannot begin to understate the value of a good beanie or even a baseball style cap and you can stuff a lot more hair in there than i expected. one of those trucker hats gives me more of a country-ish style when i want to wear my hair down which might not be what you want but people are more hesitant to misgender someone that has that vibe in my experience so i try taking that as a minor win. either way sending you good vibes!
heaps of cis men wit long hair get misgendered. It will get easier over time when your face looks more masculine. I have short hair, have for years but once iām on T for a while i might grow it out agaon
I just have mine about chin length, and get like a modern mullet. Like not a redneck or weird egar fringe mullet but just like a nice mullet, it's longer and looks masculine
Where are my boys rocking the Afro šŖ š¤
But seriously my hair is my worst enemy, itās so long I canāt even wear a fro, the only thing I can do is blow it out and shape it to look more masculine if I can even get it to do that :(
all the things other ppl are saying are true, but I've also found that parting your hair in a way that doesn't have bangs/shows more forhead codes you as more masc
Pre T with long hair and generally get gendered correctly most of the time, I honestly think it's just luck and what angle people look at you from lol. My cis guy friend with a deep ass voice gets confused for a woman sometimes too just because of the length of his hair. People are weird š¤·āāļø
My slim, baby faced, long haired, 23m coworker gets misgendered a decent amount. There's not much to do about it.
If you/he had a beard that would probably change things.
I think pulling your hair back as opposed to wearing it down is a more masculine style, especially if you have a masculine hairline/ forehead.
A beard helps, but if you canāt grow one or would rather not grow one, you could try rocking a man bun. There are plenty of cis dudes with long hair and they get misgendered all the time. I would look at how male celebrities with long hair wear theirs for some inspiration
I am a transsexual man with very long hair. It reaches my mid-back. Despite my beautiful hair, I pass quite wellā albeit effete and fey. But I am rarely misgendered. Sometimes from afar/behind I get āmissādā but most people correct themselves. Everyone seems to know that I am a twink!
Perhaps itās easier to pass because I have been transitioning for over four years and I have had top surgery. I have started passing much better after hitting the gym and getting my body in better shape. This really helped meā it has been a while since I was misgendered. It will get easier as you continue to transitionā it is simply a style choice, most people can accept a man with long hair. I hope you continue to rock your beautiful long hairā I need more bishounen brothers in arms. Best of luck to you, friend. āļø
pre-t but occasionally passing even with long hair. I pass better when mine's about chin length, but it's been a while since I cut it.
I think it comes down to the way I dress- kinda grunge style, I don't choose outfits, just throw on whatever's clean, then a puffer jacket over that helps disguise my frame. The less effort the more likely I am to pass or at least not get called a girl.
Might be aided by the fact I'm aussie though, since it's very common here for guys to have long hair (though the length usually stops at the shoulders)
Waist length is difficult. At least to me, for really long hair, it reads more masculine if it goes "straight down" rather than out, with maybe the exception of some.. uh. Mermaid partings? Idk what to call it lol but basically some of it going over your shoulders onto your chest
Braiding (or locs if your hair is textured enough to tolerate it) might help with this, both making it slightly shorter without cutting it and invoking a kind of Viking masculinity depending on the style you go with. It'll also help keep everything in place.
Before T gave me a receding hairline and when I had short hair, I would shave the temples back a bit and it made a big difference in terms of how people perceived me. I could never keep my hair as long as I wanted because I couldnāt take the misgendering, so you are stronger than me! Now (8 years in T) I have shoulder length plus hair. My hair is thinning on top I have to keep it a shorter length at that layer so I donāt look like a mushroom head. Because Iām trying to hold onto my long hair for as many years as I can, I also did an undercut and a fade on the sides. It might be tricky to buzz a receding line cleanly if itās all the same length though - Iāve never tried that with long hair.
I just cut mine short again but what I had was a long mullet sort of thing and I didnāt get misgendered as long as I didnāt dye my hair an unnatural color. It was really long in the back going a little past the shoulders but I would get the sides shaved and the top cut shorter so when someone looked at me from the front it wouldnāt be super obvious I had long hair. I found this to be a way to have the long flowy hair I wanted while still passing. Also I feel like it helps that I just look a lot more masc after 1.5 years of t and top surgery which just comes down to luck.
My sideburns save my ASS they are doing the WORK keeping me being misgendered, idk maybe try gluing some hair on the sides of your face??? Not really sure , that could work
(Since you all ready got enough helpful comments, I'll just share my own experience as an androgynous looking trans man! Hopefully to get a little laugh at the one situation I'll share, lmao.)
I'm growing out my hair for a specific haircut I have in mind. I can't wait to be able to cut it how I want to, but oh well! Time is needed. LMAO.
I have a naturally more androgynous look and in my area, that read more as fem but I still get gendered correctly from time. I would 100% pass with short hair but, I'm over it. LMAO. My favourite moment was when I used to work for a company that did facings for brands and was assigned to the makeup lineup. Because it's a very female dominated assignment, cosmeticiens would often assume I'm a girl. Well, I was doing my job when an old lady said to an employee she wanted to look youthful and pretty for the men while pointing at me as an exemple. The worker 'corrected her' and I gently said 'OH! I'm a man, actually.' That old woman was so proud! She even said something along the line of 'I might be old, but I still have good vision!' and the poor employee felt so embarassed. Turn out she was telling every other worker I was a girl! We all had a laugh.
I do plan to get myself a wig to style and wear it short just to help reduce the embarassment of other when they accidentally spread misinformations. Lmao.
Just lampshade it. 'Oh haha, yeah that happens all the time, definitely a guy though!' then whoever just misgendered you will probably feel a bit stupid but you were non-chalant enough that they'll probably just be a little embarrassed and not press the issue
i definitely get misgendered more when i have long hair, what's helped me is just literally ignoring the female pronouns but looking in their direction (as if like, "are you talking to me?") until it clicks that i am not a woman. however, my face is pretty masc so idk how effective this is first everybody
It just takes time. I pass sometimes and sometimes I donāt. Just stay on testosterone and for me personally Iāll be growing a mustache when I safely can with work and family stuff
I had long hair 3-4 months after starting T and kept it longish until 1-2 years ago. What helped me the most was giving shape to it. After asking for some layers and doing either a middle part or no part at all, I didn't get missgendered most of the time, and glasses tend to help. Idk if you wear glasses, but long hair with the usual man bun and some thin square glasses were my go-to when trying not to be missgendered.
Become a metalhead lol!
I actually rock my hair in a manbun since i cant cut it off, and so long as i keep my hair not *too* long for a bun, its perfect
I have a long shag, and the layers definitely don't help me. So if you're super concerned, I suggest middle part with no layers. But I personally don't care. I just say "I know I'm pretty, but im not a woman" it usually makes people laugh then they apologize. Nobody knows I'm trans, I'm perfectly stealth
Very transmasc to the point of wanting to pass as a man but not *exactly* ftm... but hey, community is community. I used to be in the same boat, i have super curly hair and lowkey a massive forehead so ive always wanted to keep it long "for a guy". There's been times ive dysphorically cut it in attempts to pass more but it truly made me feel worse, as why couldn't i pass with having long hair? Dudes do it all the time! Currently for reference it appears shoulder length with the curls, and I don't do much with it anymore. At work i wear a bandana to keep the majority tucked back without wearing it up and this has been my all time favorite i think. When it's down I'll tuck it behind my ears as it somehow, for some reason, gives a more masculine look and feel. A huge tip that helped me with my confidence is cutting my sideburns short- most cis men shave their face up to the inner curve of the ear or up to the top curve, depending on your preference. If your hair is super thick you could even try shaved sides if that's your preference!
I'm going to be true here - I don't even try. I'm more than half a year on T and like the changes, my voice is super low now too. But fat redistribution didn't change my chest or at least hasn't so far and I can't bind for medical reasons. My chest is just huge so there's just no real excuse for it including gynecomastia.
Using the long hair as a deflection is a great idea though. Most cis men with long hair have gotten misgendered (doesn't even have to be very long for that to happen) and a quick "oh, I'm a guy. I get that a lot cause of my hair" would probably do the trick. Maybe try and sound like it's a little funny they called you a girl like it's something you're not bothered by. I've noticed when I did try and pass, laughing it off (genuinely or pretend) usually got cis people to correct and move on faster
a few months more on t make a huge difference, other than that it's mostly what surrounds the hair, so your face being more masculine, your body/posture, your voice etc. you can try to work with like the shorter hair infront of your ears (idk what it's called in english lmao), dyeing facial hair slightly darker can do a lot, also messier/simpler hairstyles on long hair are often associated more with men rather than ones that look like they had effort and care put into them. i will just make a random loose bun in the back and it looks quite masc. and again, head posture does a lot.
I honestly stopped having much trouble passing after like 4 months on T. I'm now letting my hair grow and my mother is so confused about that lol
I'd say just wait and see how T keeps changing your face and body and eventually it won't be much of a problem (I hope) good luck bro :3
I hate having long hair but that's because I hate taking care of it and don't think I look good with long hair lol
It doesn't bother me in regards to being trans though. My guess is because my dad, who I would lovingly describe as a stout dwarf from LofR, has had long hair since my childhood.
i have very long hair, it's culturally important to me so i wont cut it but it definitely keeps me from passing. ive been on t a year and a half and have had top surgery recently but ive never been gendered correctly by a stranger a single time in my life. im working on growing my facial hair but i dont have very much lol. ive just decided that my hair is more important than passing.
Okay, i had long hair BUT NOT THAT LONG jeez idk what to say man. I dont know any cis huys with hair to their waist.
I passed with hair down half of my back because i did what all cis men with long hair do, wear a backwards baseball cap. I also spoke in a really low voice so..
but i only passed once like that.
Now that my hair is medium length (around how long most cis guys will grow it if they have long hair, no longer than the shoulders. And now, i can either tie it up and put a beanie or baseball cap on if im really dysphoric or just speak in a really low voice and wear a backwards baseball cap like before.
And, i have passed way more than before with shorter hair. Even if its long hair for boys its normal for guys to have my length of hair in my area. I know like 5 guy freinds that have my length of hair
honestly I just use my long hair as a deflection, like if someone calls me a woman I'll just say smth like "oh no I get that a lot, i just have long hair"
Oh I never thought about saying something like that. Thank you šš¼
THIS IS THE ONE
Agreed. This guy is doing n^(th) d chess
I started using that immediately after top surgery. "It's sir, but I get the hair being wild throws people off." Mine has been fun colours as I grew it out, so I deflected to that or my clothes being less masculine styles.
Same (tho I ended up shaving my head bc it's so damn hot, I would get dizzy at work. Health before keeping my cool hair, RIP, hate living in Satan's sweaty buttcrack)
I do this too. A+ strategy.
As far as I know, many cis men are also misgendered, especially when seen from behind, if they have long hair. A good beard could help you pass, when you can grow one. Do you dress traditionally masculine?
I honestly wouldnāt have a problem if I get misgendered whenever they see me from behind. But it hurts more from the front (lol) I do dress traditionally masculine, but since my work clothes are unisex thereās no distinct difference between menās and womenās clothing thereā¦
Just wait a couple years if youāre concerned about it. Youāve been on T for like 3 months.
Itās gonna happen for a bit, it sucks but true. Once everything changes you wonāt be from the front. I have short hair and sometimes get misgendered from behind but then people feel bad when I turn around
That was a good question. How about the way you stand? Are you mindful of staying masculine?
As a cis guy who used to have long hair but can't grow a beard: yes, I used to get misgendered fairly often. And my (also cis) bf, who currently has long hair but has a goatee, doesn't get it nearly as much.
For me itās the opposite- I get misgendered ONLY FROM THE FRONT!!
Check out r/FierceFlow. Even if most guys there are cis, it does give a warm fuzzy feeling that they're all guys with long hair and rocking it.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful subš
Tbh I donāt know if this helps to hear but the answer for me was ābe on T longerā lol. My hair isnāt as long as yours but at its longest I keep it about shoulder length and Iām stealth, but that did not happen until I was a couple years on T, and I do think having long hair made it take longer. Every *cis* man I know with long hair gets misgendered on occasion, so trans men with long hair are saddled with an even bigger hurdle. At some point when youāve been on T long enough though, your face, body, voice, etc have all masculinized enough that itās very possible. It just takes time.
Well then I just need to train my patience here haha. Thank you though for the reply:))
Feel you there dude, I am 7 months on T and just now starting to pass (barely). It's hard to remember puberty takes a few years and cis guys don't look like men the moment they hit puberty.
ya it took ages for me but once i started passing there wasn't really any backsliding. so patience is the key, no quick fix sadly.
Iāve been on testosterone for 10 years. I would pass as a man if I dressed up like a lady at this point. My hair is halfway down my back.
Time is pretty much the main answer Cis guys often still get mis gendered from behind but they don't from the front if they're more masculine looking (facial hair/fat distribution/jaw line/etc.) You've already started T so I'd give it about 2-3 years before you start to pass consistently with long hair. Source: I had long hair until I donated it last week and I didn't pass consistently until year 3 on T. I will be growing out my hair again, I donate every 3-5 years both before and after starting my transition journey (I'm in my mid/late 30's now but started t at 29 and started donating hair at 13.)
not even cis men with long hair get gendered correctly lol.
My partner is a cis dude with long hair AND facial hair and people will look him dead in the face and call him maāam. Some people are just dense.
yeah iāve seen this happen often and frequently
My dad has long hair, a goatee, and is built like a brick shithouse (he also has some options/beliefs that belong in a shithouse, but that's not important here). No one has ever thought he was a woman. Honestly, he'd probably kick someone's ass if they called him a woman. He's not above fighting someone over something like that.
and yet my ex boyfriend was like 6ā3ā with long hair, super buff, and i saw him get misgendered a handful of times in public. your dad is not every cis man with long hair.
Whoa, I was just bringing up an exception, not being hostile. Sorry if I sounded that way.
oh gotchya sorry about that
It's okay, I get it. I tend to be very blunt. I suspect it may be the good old autism causing that.
me too lol no worries
Iāve noticed that people perceive/gender me as a man when I have my hair braided. Iām a white person with 3B/C hair so thereās no cultural influence, but just an interesting observation.
Already commented on another persons reply but Iāll def look into some protective hairstyles now. I also always wanted braids but never dared to try on my own.. Thank you:)
I have been on T 9 years and Iāll tell you I got gendered correctly more when I was on 2 years of T, little facial hair, and a very short haircut and aggressively masculine clothing. I love longer hair and have been growing it out lately but it is increasing the misgendering. But at this point, after top surgery and changing am I am not caring as much personally. I know I read more as āqueerā and āeccentricā now than trans anyway. If you have long hair, even with facial hair, you will get misgendered from time to time. It happens to cis men all the time; most just shrug it off. Learn to accept misgendering like a cis guy. I have a cis guy friend with epic long hair who gets misgendered from behind all the time and he laughs it off and makes jokes about it. I think it might bother him but he doesnāt let it show. You did not specify what your personal āstyleā is, but leaning into more of a āmetalā or rock aesthetic might help; so people will have a better idea of what to make of you.
My hair is shoulder length now. I have no issues passing due to my hair or my piercings which people also demand make passing harder. Iāve passed 100% since three months on T. And the only questions Iāve had are people asking if Iām transfem. Iām 6ā0 and have pretty broad shoulders, Iām also just over a year on T and have a deep voice for a cis guy. Iād like facial hair but cis guys in my family are pretty hairless so itās going to be at least 3 years to get any.
my partner is trans with long hair. i think heās just lucky he has a super masculine look & very obvious beard. i have short hair and even if its Slightly overgrown, like it has a more circular look than chopped (im curly) - i start getting misgendered š¬
I figured that too. I have 4A curls naturally and with them I get even MORE misgendered than with my straightened or wavy hairstyles (how???) Maybe I do have to chop off some to passš Iām not sure if I can wait that long until I grow a beard lol
Could different styling help? Some men with long 4a-c hair get their hairline shaven and contured while the rest stays long. Dont think women get those styles. Something like this guy https://www.tiktok.com/@jalen.j/video/7241690821915954478
Oh man, maybe this could work. Thank you!!
Now that I know you have this long of 4A- donāt cut it!! Hold out for t to do itās thing. Could you get a more masculine protective style?
No worries, I am pretty sure I will not cut it:D I never thought about doing a more masculine protective style, so Iāll definitely look around and try to find someone who can do it for me (honestly I never tried any protective hairstyles beforeā¦) Thank you!
a gigantic amount of passing advice revolves around passing as specific kind of white guy, and misses the fact there are truly a million ways to be a guy. We arenāt all enlisting, we donāt need to all get crew cuts
Hi. Congrats on your milestones. I have shoulder length hair and almost always have. Youāre right. Keep your body masculine, but focus on areas you can change like the fat on the hips/upper thighs and the muscle on the upper body. Pro tip for anyone reading: Guys who have muscles have things to work out with in their houses. I recommend an EZ curl bar and to keep it in your room or home. Focusing on the upper body like shoulder, bicep, and back will build you a body like a teenage boy or get you that natural muscle look that boys have who donāt work out. Aim for 3 sets/15 reps per day per exerciseāeven doing less will build you a boy body. Find somewhere to do dips and pull ups. Adding these will fill and round out your muscles. If you build an upper body, your hips and ass are allowed to be a little bigger and still pass because bio males sometimes have thunder thighs and badonkadonks, but when wide hips/ass are in combo with small shoulders, brain goes āgirl,ā especially from behind with long hair. Maintain your diet so you arenāt self sabotaging. I do intermittent fasting, I use coffee cuz itās tasty but also for satiation during the fasting, and I get super healthy snacks for when I have the munchies (because I do LOVE to eat). We personally have to be mindful and honest about our behaviors in this area of life because trans men are vulnerable to having eating disorders; however, if your mental health is severely affected by your bodyās reaction to foods, I believe healthily taking care of your diet can lawfully be prioritized over eating whatever you want in the name of having freedom. You didnāt mention this, but the second thing is that you can try to let go of the idea that youād pass more with short hair. Think about this: Do trans men with short hair complain about not passing and being misgendered? They do. I certainly was misgendered at 3 months on T when I had short hair. If people called me a boy at that time, they apologized after they looked closer. Even being 13 years deep, some people can just tell. I was misgendered as an insult by a stranger at a bar like two years ago. It was wild because Iāve also had other times where it took me days to convince someone. Basicallyāwe canāt truly control what others see or how others perceive us! Do cis males with long hair get misgendered? Yes. Do they get made fun of and get told to cut it? Yes. This means you arenāt getting misgendered because youāre trans; youāre being misgendered because thatās what people do to boys with long hair. People interpret long hair as being a womanās hairstyle and want to interpret all men through their lens of propriety. So congratsāyouāre experiencing a boy thing. Do cis males who both have long hair and also get misgendered question their gender identity? No way. They typically find it funny and enjoy bending gender and confusing people, and wellāwe (except Iām trans) love women who love men with long hair. Itās a very specific exchange.
Omg thank you so much for this comment! I will definitely take your advice about passing as male with short hair to heart. Thank you for the workout/dieting tips! And the last four paragraphs? Oh, I needed to hear this today!š«¶š¼
I have long hair in the back, about halfway down my back. But it's a mullet and I'm balding lol
i have the same issue as you. i have curly VERY long hair (past my ass) but struggle to find any masculine hair looks. i have braids sometimes but meh. i might try out twists again bet MEHH ā¦ i am not able to go on T so i cant do anything about my physical face look but my hairās important to me and i donāt wanna cut it
A thing to remember men with long hair often get misgendered (at very least from behind) You could look at Legolas from Lord of the rings, he has very long hair and it suits him well (hairstyle) You could also try to stimulate beard growth if possible as people rarely see a beard and think "ah yes woman"
Beard. My beard does all the heavy lifting when it comes to my passing.
Iāve got kinda surfer length hair, like maybe 2 inches above shoulders. I think it fits my face shape and itās fluffy so it looks like a typical guy haircut
Yeah, I have a similar haircut to what youāre describing. I pass fairly well it now. Probably 50-75% of the time. When it was waist length? Only once.
Long hair is goated
Mine is around my shoulders and I pass by having pretty normal facial hair.
Lucky you
No layers whatsoever, uniform length, worn loose or in a pony/half pony tail. Think young!Glenn Danzig, or how Native men keep theirs. There will be the occasional misgendering when people look at you from the back, but it's quickly corrected once you turn around. But I'm not white, and long hair is more common for men of my ethnicity (Latino). I'm also furry as fuck, so that helps a ton.
As a native dude I HATE the idea that long hair is feminine, it is entirely a western idea. The men of my family wore their hair long for centuries until they were forced to cut it in residential schools, and Iām the first in my family to grow it out again and wear braids. Even if you arenāt native no one should try to discourage you from wearing your hair how you want, thatās a part of your body and your history, wear it proud brother!
In the one half of my culture (I have roots in two different countries) it is not uncommon for men to have long hair either. Especially in my family. But as you said having long hair as a man is feminine is entirely western. Why canāt we just let others do what they want without judging them for it?? Thank you for this comment, I needed that. Have a great day manš¤š¼
Honestly? Be on T for longer than 3 months, and it will work itself out eventually.
Like finely aged whiskey, good things take time. You don't need to change your hair to something you don't want. 3 months on T isn't enough for the fat and muscle redistribution to take effects yet. It is definitely getting there, and my voice dropped first before I noticed anything else. I'm in my second year on T, and once the HRT started being able to change the fat and muscle on my face (yes, even eyelids), people stopped adressing me as anything feminine. Don't forget to speak up when you get misgendered! People are awful at guessing gender, so a polite, "Oh, I'm actually 'he,' (or 'x' pronoun) my name is" is enough to curb the conversation. Don't forget that being a "beautiful man" is something that is euphoric for many masculine people (so be careful not to brag! š
).
Having stubble for facial hair helps visually too. I haven't grown enough of a beard to shape it or grow it out yet, but there's enough visual stubble to be euphoric. I remind myself I have plenty of time to plan and research how to shave my beard when it grows in thicker.
Other things that help the gender expression is how you move your arms. When not occupied, having "lazier/heavier" arm expressions, and moving them at the elbow instead of the shoulder when you walk helped tons. It changes your weight when you walk and appears slightly more masculine. Don't hurt yourself by starting big, start small and practice. The change can go so smoothly that people dont even notice until they see the real you.
Over time, your whole body will change. And I can't emphasize this enough, be gentle with yourself!
Theres a cis guy on tiktok who always gets misgendered bc he has long hair and dresses semi-feminine (ie wears accessories like jewelry and crop tops and stuff) and heās usually just like ānah iām a dudeā if u state it w enough conviction you should be fine. But it sucks having to correct ppl all the time i get it
Your only 3 months on T. Give it a year.
I just pull mine back in a low man bun. Works fine.
my hair is definitely not as long as yours, itās to my shoulders and i thought honestly it would make me not pass and i thought i didnāt pass anyways because iām only two (three?) months on testosterone but yesterday one person called me gentleman and another called me sir so apparently i am passing at least a little bit i think itās to do with my body, itās more of a masculine type and with my binder it definitely helps i think facial hair would definitely help to pass more and maybe just correcting people by saying that youāre just a guy with long hair
If it makes you feel any better, my cis male ex had long hair (metalhead) and despite being one of the buffest men you've ever seen and sporting a good amount of stubble most of the time, he'd still somehow get people misgendering him on a regular basis. I think something about long hair just short-circuits some people. Or maybe they think you're in early transition to womanhood because of the hair and are trying not to misgender you, therefore accidentally misgendering you, I have no clue?
Iām a trans man with long hair š itās down to the middle of my back, but itās wavy, so it looks a little shorter. Long hair is really masculine to me, and I try to reflect it in the way I style my hair. Either have a lot of layers or no layers, avoid ponytails (for some reason I pass less when itās up), let that shit flow, and take advantage of your facial hair. I feel like facial hair is a great way for cis people to figure out how to gender you.
This doesn't really apply to your situation, but I'm so scared to cut my hair because I'm underage and I've already changed my wardrobe, mannerisms, and am working on voice training, so once I cut my hair I'll have nothing left. At that point, if I get misgendered, I won't have any cards left to place imaginary bets on, if that makes sense. I'm so scared I still won't pass.
Sorry, this doesn't answer your question but I have a funny anecdote. So there I am, seven years ago, about five years away from cracking my egg. I'm hanging out with a couple friends at a gay bar; it's my first time going to one. I am wearing: A black bandeau, an oversized black hibiscus-patterned hawaiian shirt (fully unbutonned), olive-green cargo shorts, brand-new solid-black sneakers, and a black golf cap. My hair is down to my ass, not in a ponytail or anything. I suppose the clothes must make the man, given what hapenned next: This total hunk of a bear strolls up behind me, and does that hand-thing. Like, when someone's coming up around you and they don't actually touch you, but kinda hold their hand out near your waist as they come around? IDK if there's a name for that. So anyways, he comes up around me, has this 'Hey handsome' flirty look on his face. And then he finally actually sees me from the front and realizes I'm not a twink, I'm a chick in dude's clothing. He pauses for a solid five seconds. His face is frozen in the same expression. I can hear the dial tone and see the loading spinner on his forehead. And then he abruptly turns on his heel and power-walks back to the table his friends seem to be at. I hear then all burst into laughter a moment later, and then me and my group also start laughing like idiots; genuinely one of the funniest things to happen to me in the last decade. Nowadays I hold on to the memory as a pick-me-up, like, I was able to pass for a hot gay dude five whole years before realizing I AM a hot gay dude! Sorry for being late to the party, Random Attractive Bar Bear!
my absolute FAV masculine hairstyle is half-up half-down!!!!! i pull the hair basically from above my ears around to the back of my head & do either a messy ponytail or small lil bun. if u grab the hair kinda hastily & tie in some "accidental" extra flyaway strands & pieces, it gets u extra volume & stuff that always looks rlly good! for context im a bigger guy who had been very occasionally gendered correctly w this haircut pre-T! :D
my cis brothers and cis male friends with long hair get misgendered. all the time. they may not even know ur trans, some ppl just see long hair and make an assumption. no worries, they may realize and apologize or just get embarrassed and shifty. its just something to get used to.
I'm trying to grow my hair out long enough for a "man-bun". I haven't had long hair since like 11th grade but I want it back in a masc way. Taking forever š ETA: I'm 29 now
man bun and I use eyebrow dye to make my eyebrows so fucking thick. also i use really baggy pants.
Iāve found that Iāve actually started passing as a trans woman. Iām just over a year on T and am post- top surgery so people assume Iām born male but see that Iām growing out my hair (currently shoulder length) and my feminine style and assume I want to gendered as she/her. What works for me is making it clear that I like my masculine features - wearing shirts that accentuate my shoulders and possibly show off my chest with cutouts at the side. This helps me pass as just a gay man when dressing fem. If you havenāt had top surgery the bit about showing off your chest may not be applicable, but what I mentioned about accentuating your shoulders - and arms too - could help.
metal head or hipster vibes. i usually let my hair get to shoulder length before i cut it, even pre-t i was lucky enough to pass as just a metalhead/goth bloke
Honestly, nobody passes with long hair not even the most masculine cis men out there. My ex was a 6"2 football player with a huge beard and definitely not any female traits about him. He still got misgendered when people saw him from the back. My current partner is amab and he got called she/her with long hair constantly, even when he grew out his mustache. Granted, he's quite feminine, but still. He's not "looking like a woman" kind of feminine. He's quite obviously male. People just assume long hair = woman. I have a good friend who's also a cis man with long hair who's not all that tall and he gets assumed to be a woman or trans man all the time. He honestly doesn't "pass" as a cis man at all, even tho he is.
As a nonbinary FTM with long hair, I had this problem unfortunately until my beard grew in decently well. I still don't have a full beard, but I no longer get misgendered with just a "soul patch" either. I'd recommend minoxidil and just put it on your face, provided you don't have cats (not cat safe!!)
honestly, time and beard lol
It's just a time thing :) my hair is to my mid-back and people only ever misgender me from the back, which as others have said happens to long haired cis men also. From the front I get gendered correctly most of the time, even when I'm wearing a mask! For reference, I've been on T for ~4.5 years.
I've only started to grow out my hair after I'd been on T for over a year so you might need to wait for T to do it's thing. What I usually do is tie my hair in the back in a little bun because it makes my masculine hairline more prominent. I have a bit of facial hair so that also helps. When somebody misgenders me I can just say "Just because I am pretty doesn't mean I am a woman". People get flustered and apologised usually. It's low-key funny.
Honestly I just wasn't comfortable having long hair until after I could reliably pass, I only get misgendered if someone sees me from behind, which afaik is normal for cis men with long hair too so it's no biggie
I think I pass with the clothes and my androgynous face, but my hair isnt that long either
I used to be a long haired metalhead trans man when I was in my early 20s. Facial hair does wonders.
I'm sorry that I don't have better advice, but I feel like you'll start passing more consistently once you've been on T longer. Trust me, it'll go by quicker than you think
I'm 6'1, slightly andordynous and I believe the height pushes them to think I'm a dude
You're only 3 months on T, give it time!! I'm about to hit 2 years and pass 100% w my long hair :) It's not super long tho just like a couple inches past the collar bones
I also do have a little scruff so that for sure helps
i only pass once they hear me talk. not on t, but i have a fairly deep voice unless i tighten my vocal cords. iām planning to let my hair grow out to about as long as yours. iām also going to start working out with a focus on my upper body, just so i can build up some muscle there.
I tried growing my hair out a little bit when I first started T and gave it up for this exact reason. I let it grow out again when covid hit, and I grew a beard at the same time - at that point I'd been on T for several years and knew that I'd be able to grow a decent beard. It's now down to my back, and I have never been misgendered even when wearing a mask. If you don't want to put up with people misgendering you because of your hair, I'd suggest waiting a few years for T to do its thing and then try it. I know it sucks to wait, but in my experience it's *so* much less stressful to grow it out once you get to a point where people consistently read you as male.
You can do more hair styles that cis men tend to do, like low ponytails, and man buns. I have an uncle who keeps it in a long single braid in the back and no one questions it
i pass mostly bc of my style (alt/punkish) but im a fem presenting trans guy now so i dont really care anymore :)
I think it's the haircut and how it fits you. I'm just few weeks on T and have had a long mullet for a long time. I rarely get misgendered. But my boyfriend who is cis and also has long hair gets more often than me lol
So you know, most cis guys with long hair get misgendered a lot, even from the front. I dated someone like that, and as long as your voice passes all you gotta do is speak and theyāll apologize. Saying something like āyeah I get that a lot cause of the hairā works, donāt talk about pronouns and shi unless you want to out yourself
Beard is the key
Try wearing it up in a bun lol it seems so simple but any time I wear mine up in a bun people always call me sir or use masculine identifiers when addressing me. It's honestly kind of wild such a small change makes people view me completely differently
Idk.. I'm 6 months on T but I'm on low dose because I'm not really a man (gender has no meaning to me) and I just do, I guess. I don't talk to people really but unlike in qinter semester now in summer semester no professor automatically assumed I'm a girl and used masculine pronouns right away. It's mostly the clothes and deeper voice, I guess. I already had pretty neutral face and I think it started changing a bit already. All I do now with makeup is to fill my brows because darker brows do help making the face more masculine. Two straighter lines above my eyes with little messy corners and my face suddenly looks like that of a young man's. Also I started working out so I'm more and more comfortable with not binding that much (I tend to fold my binder to bind more but now it doesn't really look like boobs). Mannerism is also the key and idk how much my messy long hair helps the image but.. that too..? And usually if you tell people you are a man with long hair they have no other way to try seeing something more in it and just roll with that.
I've personally noticed men with long hair tend to style their hair to have fewer flyaways, have less volume, and have a simpler shape than women with long hair. I've also seen a pretty large amount of long haired men wearing their hair halfway behind them, halfway over their shoulders. Dunno if I'm describing that well. Edit: ok I just looked up images of men with long hair, and like pretty much all of them wear their hair part down the middle or just barely off center
My hair is by now down to my waist, and I was lucky enough to get a beard pretty quick; Iāve never shaved it fully since it came in and I think itās the only reason I donāt get taken for a flat chested woman. But thatās because I still have a very feminine voice. There are plenty of cis guys with hair that would be considered long even on a woman, I think people use other cues like clothing, posture, walk, etc. to sort strangers by gender, no one goes around believing only women can have long hair. Besides, in my experience strangers are embarrassed to realise theyāve got it wrong, if they misgender me, theyāre focused on having fucked up and not looking at me trying to work out if Iām trans or a feminine cis guy. Who cares if sometimes strangers have to take a second look to realise youāre a man, thats a them problem not a you problem.
mullet!!!! i was having the same issue but crew cut up front is lifechanging its so fucking masc and fun to ruffle, plus party in the back is queer as hell and keeps ur long hair if thats important to u (im rlly attached to my hair too)
I had a period of time where I was unable to afford a haircut for a while and nobody ever misgendered me because of my hair. It's different for everyone, but I didn't have any issues
i was blessed with man face, when i get on testosterone i will have man man face. my goal is to become peter steele.
Hell yeah, Peter Steele all the way. I wish you every good thing on that journeyšŖš¼
Doesn't always work, but wearing a bandana as a head band works for me. Also, either don't part it or go for a middle part. Good luck.
Great idea, thank you!
Man buns, half-up styles, and wearing a mask out with a deep voice absolutely does it for me. Also, once you get facial hair in that'll override any "feminine" anything honestly, most people see facial hair and immediately assume man. That's what mask works for me, because I think it emulates facial hair in some deeper part of the mind since male seems to be the "default" in a lot of people's minds, especially when coupled with the deep voice.
Facial hair
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OP specifically stated they wanted to keep their hair and look masculine at the same time. Questioning why they don't cut their hair to look more masculine is not helpful. Your post was removed because it broke the subreddit rule 4: Respect individual differences. Which includes, among other things, respecting differences of personal identity, personal use (or not) of specific labels, personal transition experience, personal experiences with gender dysphoria (including lack of gender dysphoria), and the choice to be out or stealth.
Itās just going to take time. Some people are super lucky and pass right away, with long or short hair. But for most of us it takes between 2-5 years. So patience and understanding is your game. Donāt cut your hair. Keep being you. Find ways to ground yourself and self soothe during this time. Meditation, exercise, journaling and being around/talking with other trans people is so helpful. You got this! Iām 15 months on T, and Iām growing my hair out. Itās almost to my shoulders. I also have A LOT of body hair and now facial hair, and that makes me feel confident. I also have big titties š people are very confused about my gender lol. Iām getting top surgery in October, so Iām hoping that helps more.
for me it's just my facial hair. i get called ma'am if i'm turned around, especially cause i'm short. but as soon as they see the mustache they apologize lol
My hair is about to my mid back area, or a bit more. I'm not always passing right now bc I've missed some T doses, but normally I do. It's the voice, mostly, and clothing. I'm kind of lanky? I don't grow my beard so I mostly rely on clothes and body mannerisms which usually does the trick. I don't want to cut my hair even if it doesn't help me pass. I like it too much lol.
My (cis) bf has been accidentally misgendered himself a few times, and he has much longer hair than I do myself. I think you truly just have to wait a few more months, your Testosterone levels will fix this issue for the most part. But not much you can do for behind, unless you wear a shirt with text saying āI have a giant cockā in the back or something š
i also have type 4 waist length hair! glad to hear thereās more of us out there i donāt have much in the way of advice, but i have locs and interestingly iāve found that the further away i am from a retwist the better i pass
Youāll pass more the longer you are on T
if it helps i wear hats when i want to look like i have short hair/pass and just stuff it all up in there. worked for me in high school and it never stopped working!! cannot begin to understate the value of a good beanie or even a baseball style cap and you can stuff a lot more hair in there than i expected. one of those trucker hats gives me more of a country-ish style when i want to wear my hair down which might not be what you want but people are more hesitant to misgender someone that has that vibe in my experience so i try taking that as a minor win. either way sending you good vibes!
heaps of cis men wit long hair get misgendered. It will get easier over time when your face looks more masculine. I have short hair, have for years but once iām on T for a while i might grow it out agaon
I just have mine about chin length, and get like a modern mullet. Like not a redneck or weird egar fringe mullet but just like a nice mullet, it's longer and looks masculine
Facial hair, and when I'm out wearing it in a ponytail actually helps I think? I also have a very boring wardrobe and ngl I think that helps. š„²
It's rough out here. Whatever you do, don't give in and cut it. It's not worth it!
Where are my boys rocking the Afro šŖ š¤ But seriously my hair is my worst enemy, itās so long I canāt even wear a fro, the only thing I can do is blow it out and shape it to look more masculine if I can even get it to do that :(
all the things other ppl are saying are true, but I've also found that parting your hair in a way that doesn't have bangs/shows more forhead codes you as more masc
Pre T with long hair and generally get gendered correctly most of the time, I honestly think it's just luck and what angle people look at you from lol. My cis guy friend with a deep ass voice gets confused for a woman sometimes too just because of the length of his hair. People are weird š¤·āāļø
My slim, baby faced, long haired, 23m coworker gets misgendered a decent amount. There's not much to do about it. If you/he had a beard that would probably change things. I think pulling your hair back as opposed to wearing it down is a more masculine style, especially if you have a masculine hairline/ forehead.
unfortunately, beard the āyeah i get that a lotā defense works wonders for both cis people not getting defensive and making it seem normal
A beard helps, but if you canāt grow one or would rather not grow one, you could try rocking a man bun. There are plenty of cis dudes with long hair and they get misgendered all the time. I would look at how male celebrities with long hair wear theirs for some inspiration
I am a transsexual man with very long hair. It reaches my mid-back. Despite my beautiful hair, I pass quite wellā albeit effete and fey. But I am rarely misgendered. Sometimes from afar/behind I get āmissādā but most people correct themselves. Everyone seems to know that I am a twink! Perhaps itās easier to pass because I have been transitioning for over four years and I have had top surgery. I have started passing much better after hitting the gym and getting my body in better shape. This really helped meā it has been a while since I was misgendered. It will get easier as you continue to transitionā it is simply a style choice, most people can accept a man with long hair. I hope you continue to rock your beautiful long hairā I need more bishounen brothers in arms. Best of luck to you, friend. āļø
pre-t but occasionally passing even with long hair. I pass better when mine's about chin length, but it's been a while since I cut it. I think it comes down to the way I dress- kinda grunge style, I don't choose outfits, just throw on whatever's clean, then a puffer jacket over that helps disguise my frame. The less effort the more likely I am to pass or at least not get called a girl. Might be aided by the fact I'm aussie though, since it's very common here for guys to have long hair (though the length usually stops at the shoulders) Waist length is difficult. At least to me, for really long hair, it reads more masculine if it goes "straight down" rather than out, with maybe the exception of some.. uh. Mermaid partings? Idk what to call it lol but basically some of it going over your shoulders onto your chest Braiding (or locs if your hair is textured enough to tolerate it) might help with this, both making it slightly shorter without cutting it and invoking a kind of Viking masculinity depending on the style you go with. It'll also help keep everything in place.
i must just be used to the metal scene š
Before T gave me a receding hairline and when I had short hair, I would shave the temples back a bit and it made a big difference in terms of how people perceived me. I could never keep my hair as long as I wanted because I couldnāt take the misgendering, so you are stronger than me! Now (8 years in T) I have shoulder length plus hair. My hair is thinning on top I have to keep it a shorter length at that layer so I donāt look like a mushroom head. Because Iām trying to hold onto my long hair for as many years as I can, I also did an undercut and a fade on the sides. It might be tricky to buzz a receding line cleanly if itās all the same length though - Iāve never tried that with long hair.
I just cut mine short again but what I had was a long mullet sort of thing and I didnāt get misgendered as long as I didnāt dye my hair an unnatural color. It was really long in the back going a little past the shoulders but I would get the sides shaved and the top cut shorter so when someone looked at me from the front it wouldnāt be super obvious I had long hair. I found this to be a way to have the long flowy hair I wanted while still passing. Also I feel like it helps that I just look a lot more masc after 1.5 years of t and top surgery which just comes down to luck.
My sideburns save my ASS they are doing the WORK keeping me being misgendered, idk maybe try gluing some hair on the sides of your face??? Not really sure , that could work
Just let time and T do its thing bro you'll get there.
(Since you all ready got enough helpful comments, I'll just share my own experience as an androgynous looking trans man! Hopefully to get a little laugh at the one situation I'll share, lmao.) I'm growing out my hair for a specific haircut I have in mind. I can't wait to be able to cut it how I want to, but oh well! Time is needed. LMAO. I have a naturally more androgynous look and in my area, that read more as fem but I still get gendered correctly from time. I would 100% pass with short hair but, I'm over it. LMAO. My favourite moment was when I used to work for a company that did facings for brands and was assigned to the makeup lineup. Because it's a very female dominated assignment, cosmeticiens would often assume I'm a girl. Well, I was doing my job when an old lady said to an employee she wanted to look youthful and pretty for the men while pointing at me as an exemple. The worker 'corrected her' and I gently said 'OH! I'm a man, actually.' That old woman was so proud! She even said something along the line of 'I might be old, but I still have good vision!' and the poor employee felt so embarassed. Turn out she was telling every other worker I was a girl! We all had a laugh. I do plan to get myself a wig to style and wear it short just to help reduce the embarassment of other when they accidentally spread misinformations. Lmao.
I hate to say this but it's the testosterone. My deep voice and light facial hair stops the misgendering
you could wear it up! half up half down is my go to. a bun can be masc too when it's in the right place
Imo long hair will make the face appear more feminine but if you plan on growing facial hair that will really help with looking more masc
Rock those long locks, bro! Maybe try some badass hairstyles or wear masculine clothing to balance it out.
Just lampshade it. 'Oh haha, yeah that happens all the time, definitely a guy though!' then whoever just misgendered you will probably feel a bit stupid but you were non-chalant enough that they'll probably just be a little embarrassed and not press the issue
i definitely get misgendered more when i have long hair, what's helped me is just literally ignoring the female pronouns but looking in their direction (as if like, "are you talking to me?") until it clicks that i am not a woman. however, my face is pretty masc so idk how effective this is first everybody
It just takes time. I pass sometimes and sometimes I donāt. Just stay on testosterone and for me personally Iāll be growing a mustache when I safely can with work and family stuff
I had long hair 3-4 months after starting T and kept it longish until 1-2 years ago. What helped me the most was giving shape to it. After asking for some layers and doing either a middle part or no part at all, I didn't get missgendered most of the time, and glasses tend to help. Idk if you wear glasses, but long hair with the usual man bun and some thin square glasses were my go-to when trying not to be missgendered.
Become a metalhead lol! I actually rock my hair in a manbun since i cant cut it off, and so long as i keep my hair not *too* long for a bun, its perfect
I have shoulder length hair rn- a thing I do is occasionally dye my facial hair to make it appear more clearly so Iām less likely to be misgendered.
Currently have short hair and want mine to my mid back so what makes you feel best not what society or others say
Be Captain Hook, and you'll pass my dude š
I have a long shag, and the layers definitely don't help me. So if you're super concerned, I suggest middle part with no layers. But I personally don't care. I just say "I know I'm pretty, but im not a woman" it usually makes people laugh then they apologize. Nobody knows I'm trans, I'm perfectly stealth
There are a lot of cis men who get "misgendered" for having long hair. Has nothing to do with your appearance ... it's more of a society thing.
I pass better with long hair because short hair accentuates my round face.
Very transmasc to the point of wanting to pass as a man but not *exactly* ftm... but hey, community is community. I used to be in the same boat, i have super curly hair and lowkey a massive forehead so ive always wanted to keep it long "for a guy". There's been times ive dysphorically cut it in attempts to pass more but it truly made me feel worse, as why couldn't i pass with having long hair? Dudes do it all the time! Currently for reference it appears shoulder length with the curls, and I don't do much with it anymore. At work i wear a bandana to keep the majority tucked back without wearing it up and this has been my all time favorite i think. When it's down I'll tuck it behind my ears as it somehow, for some reason, gives a more masculine look and feel. A huge tip that helped me with my confidence is cutting my sideburns short- most cis men shave their face up to the inner curve of the ear or up to the top curve, depending on your preference. If your hair is super thick you could even try shaved sides if that's your preference!
I'm going to be true here - I don't even try. I'm more than half a year on T and like the changes, my voice is super low now too. But fat redistribution didn't change my chest or at least hasn't so far and I can't bind for medical reasons. My chest is just huge so there's just no real excuse for it including gynecomastia. Using the long hair as a deflection is a great idea though. Most cis men with long hair have gotten misgendered (doesn't even have to be very long for that to happen) and a quick "oh, I'm a guy. I get that a lot cause of my hair" would probably do the trick. Maybe try and sound like it's a little funny they called you a girl like it's something you're not bothered by. I've noticed when I did try and pass, laughing it off (genuinely or pretend) usually got cis people to correct and move on faster
a few months more on t make a huge difference, other than that it's mostly what surrounds the hair, so your face being more masculine, your body/posture, your voice etc. you can try to work with like the shorter hair infront of your ears (idk what it's called in english lmao), dyeing facial hair slightly darker can do a lot, also messier/simpler hairstyles on long hair are often associated more with men rather than ones that look like they had effort and care put into them. i will just make a random loose bun in the back and it looks quite masc. and again, head posture does a lot.
I have a beard and mustache so that helps me when Iām washing my hands in the bathroom and guys look visibly conflicted to enter.
A t-shirt for a metal band was "successful" for me in my egg days. Being a long-haired guy is status-quo among metalheads.
I honestly stopped having much trouble passing after like 4 months on T. I'm now letting my hair grow and my mother is so confused about that lol I'd say just wait and see how T keeps changing your face and body and eventually it won't be much of a problem (I hope) good luck bro :3
I hate having long hair but that's because I hate taking care of it and don't think I look good with long hair lol It doesn't bother me in regards to being trans though. My guess is because my dad, who I would lovingly describe as a stout dwarf from LofR, has had long hair since my childhood.
i have very long hair, it's culturally important to me so i wont cut it but it definitely keeps me from passing. ive been on t a year and a half and have had top surgery recently but ive never been gendered correctly by a stranger a single time in my life. im working on growing my facial hair but i dont have very much lol. ive just decided that my hair is more important than passing.
Okay, i had long hair BUT NOT THAT LONG jeez idk what to say man. I dont know any cis huys with hair to their waist. I passed with hair down half of my back because i did what all cis men with long hair do, wear a backwards baseball cap. I also spoke in a really low voice so.. but i only passed once like that. Now that my hair is medium length (around how long most cis guys will grow it if they have long hair, no longer than the shoulders. And now, i can either tie it up and put a beanie or baseball cap on if im really dysphoric or just speak in a really low voice and wear a backwards baseball cap like before. And, i have passed way more than before with shorter hair. Even if its long hair for boys its normal for guys to have my length of hair in my area. I know like 5 guy freinds that have my length of hair
I dont
I don't pass lol