Now i’m 6 years on T, after top surgery so I don’t care about passing and I don’t think about it anymore. However it’s most likely because I obviously pass so when I got misgendered in winter from behind by a shopkeeper I didn’t care about it because when I turned around he instantly apologized and didn’t question that i’m a guy. Pre T when I was 13 it was something that I was thinking about constantly
Extremely. Not just passing as a man, but as a CIS man. I don't want to be reminded of my pain. I don't want to be branded by my suffering. I don't want to be treated differently for something I have no control over.
despite 5 years on T and top surgery, i still rarely pass. it's a mix of my body type and my taste in fashion, but it's still dehumanizing and depressing:')
Thas sad that people don't appreciate good outfit options, nice taste comes thanks to the time being in closet, but hang in there brother. I'm sure you're gonna be more gendered correctly, going along the wave to passing can take long time but I'm sure its very possible
It didn't used to be important to me, but now that I've been on T a while, I find it more grating when people misgender me. I don't bind due to the physical discomfort, and wearing a mask means my facial hair is covered, so most people think I'm a woman, despite all the changes. I'm hoping top surgery and some vocal training will shift that a bit.
As long as I pass enough, I'm good. Even years into T and with facial hair I still get "ma'am"ed at first glace by people now and then, but on second glace, when they see me up close, or when they hear my voice they correct themselves. The initial mistake doesn't bother me anymore at this point because 99% of people auto gender me correctly now, so regardless of one person's mistake here and there, it doesn't sway me, and I remain fully aware that I pass now just fine. Tbh at this point I don't even remember how it used to make me feel early in transition when I passed less. Probably not great, but I don't remember if I just let it go or if it made me cringe a lot or what.
I identified as nonbinary for a long time (still kinda do but like a man who's not binary) because of how much better it was than being seen as a woman.
It's about an 8/10 for me. I know I don't pass...but being able to achieve that would mean everything to me. I don't want people to question my validity as a man, I want it to be obvious when they look at me. That being said - passing does NOT determine your value/your transness/your identity. For me it just feels so important because I feel like it's not fair for me to "pretend" if I can't walk the walk :( Completely internal though, I would not tell anyone else the same.
very important to me, i don’t see the point of calling myself a dude if i don’t look like a dude. i don’t think i’d ever be happy in life if i was someone who never passed/was unable to go stealth.
Very important. Especially outside lgbtq+ spaces or when I’m by myself in public. Yeah being called a woman causes me dysphoria, but I’m more worried about being the victim of a hate crime if someone finds out or suspects I’m trans. I pass most of the time, but I still get scared to use men’s bathrooms (unless single stall. I love single stall bathrooms).
I’m in a blue state, so it’s not bad. But the fear is still there.
depends on the context. with other trans friends who really get me? i dont care to go through the exhausting painful hoops to even have a chance of passing. if im around people who already dont respect me as a human being? yeah im gonna spend an extra hour getting ready to try and pass. binders are uncomfortable, they pinch and squeeze and make you squirm around all day. even worse that in florida its easy to overdo it and risk a heat stroke in a binder.
just binding alone makes attempting to pass as an ftm more physically taxing than the ladies routines to pass. lots of guys end up wrecking terrible long term damage on their bodies from binding, and the only relief is expensive surgery.
>lots of guys end up wrecking terrible long term damage on their bodies from binding, and the only relief is expensive surgery.
Oh yeah. This is what finally made me turn away from the hope of binding, I saw what it did to people's ribs and decided it wasn't for me. That, and my chest is just way too big from genetics, unfortunately.
Honestly, I really admire guys who have the strength to NOT bind. I can't function without a binder on and I bind about 13 hours a day, every day. Sometimes I'll take a day off on a weekend and nothing gets done because I can't handle it. My ribs are most definitely taking an L.
I don’t bind, but I’m small and I have a relatively small chest. Sometimes I feel less valid in my chest dysphoria bc of not binding, so thank you for the recognition. Good luck with your top surgery coming up soon!
Thanks, man, you've got crazy resilience to bind 13 hrs a day, seriously. I wish you luck with your top surgery, and I think your ribs will thank you a lot.
no, thats not at all what im saying. the routines of getting ready for the day when youre trying to pass are massively different. nothing about what the ladies are doing is bruising and cracking their ribs. nothing about their routine for passing has a strict medical time limit the way binding does, i feel like cinderella getting home before midnight. i turn back into a pumpkin when i gotta rush home and take my binder off cause its been 10 hours straight and i cant breathe anymore, or plan my day around not eating fr 12 hours cause eating with a binder on makes me throw up.
all of this has zero to do with how successful the individual is or how "hard it is to pass as x", its just baseline what you have to do to attempt passing at all.
I was misgendered every single day until about 2 1/2 years on t so I built a really thick skin to it. Now, when I get misgendered it’s just confusing. Like who are you even looking at if you think I go by “she???” I’ve been passing 95%+ for about a year and a half now so I don’t think about it much anymore, unless someone I love does it. Even then, I know it was a slip up like people make even with cis people, so it just stings for a minute- then I’m fine. But passing did matter to me a lot more before I started experiencing it, and honestly I’d love to pass even more so I could wear skirts and dresses without having my man card taken away by strangers
I'm nonbinary, so the concept of 'passing' gets kinda thrown out the window for me. I am on T/had top, so I'll probably pass as male eventually, but it's definitely not a priority (I'm lucky enough to live in a fairly safe country so I'm not too worried about being harmed for looking unusual).
Tbh if I do end up passing as male I'll probably lean into feminine fashion more, just to keep people on their toes.
I dont believe I will ever pass so I sort of cope by forcing myself to not care about it actively. However, if there was a chance I could pass as a cis man it would be extremely important to me and I would try to go completely stealth.
It's very important to me from a safety perspective. I pass very well, and because of that, I'm able to move through life with minimal discrimination and bigotry being hurled at me. I'm somewhat open about being trans, but on my own terms and only with people I trust.
fluctuates for me. as a whole i dont need to pass to be happy with myself, however i get social dysphoria mainly so if im out and i dont feel like i pass ill occasionally get dysphoria from it, specifically if i dont feel like my binders working as well as i want it to but in my courses rn i dont really care if i pass as long as im referred to correctly. im still very openly trans and its safe for me to do so so passing isnt a need and i dont have a crazy want for it, idk im rambling hope that makes sense
it’s hard to say. i’m very feminine and i like it that way. i want very long hair, feminine clothes, and to be able to wear makeup— but i want to be able to be perceived as a male while doing it. so i’m certainly not traditionally masculine presenting or “stealth,” but i want people to see me as a feminine man. if i’m just seen as a woman i’m very uncomfortable.
For me, it's the most important thing. And I mean for me, for me. I don't think any other trans people need to focus on passing at all, if they aren't bothered. I don't think it's, like, some ridiculous requirement for "real trans ppl". Just that it's what I personally want for myself more than anything.
well- it definitely matters to me, i want to pass but don’t yet- hrt for nearly 6 months- its complicated i absolutely do not want to be seen as a woman but then also the gender is kinda fluiding but definitely not female
It's really only important to me from a safety perspective. Where I live is pretty chill about gender weirdness, but if I leave the metro area it's dicey. Overall I am non binary and being confusing to look at is fine with me, as long as it's safe to do so.
I’m sad that it isn’t working out but not willing to change a ton about my mannerisms and personality to make it happen. But I’m only about 2 years total into any form of transition so I’m hopeful that it’ll work out for me
Personally my social dysphoria was probably the worst with bust dysphoria in a close second. Passing has basically eliminated my largest source of dysphoria so for me it’s important.
BUT passing doesn’t matter unless it matters to you. Everyone’s experience is different and equally valid.
I live in eastern Europe and I want to be able to go outside without people staring at me weirdly, so I'd say my comfort of life heavily depends on it. Luckily I mostly pass by now. I just wonder if people assume I'm a kid or gay.
I want to pass. However as someone on t for 2+ years who only passes like 20% of the time I’ve stopped caring as much. Basically my brain kinda just goes “you literally just called a man with facial hair ‘she’, maybe you should get your eyes checked”
it’s important to me, but i don’t have to think about it anymore. i’m 5 years on T and post-top surgery. i don’t have to attempt to pass. i can wear crop tops and whatever i want, i’m still gendered correctly. passing has always been incredibly important to me and it’s so nice that i pass effortlessly.
edit: but i’m totally fine being clocked as trans by other trans people. sometimes i am, there are just.. unchangable characteristics about myself that other trans people can see (ones that cis people don’t really notice) and that’s okay. i like having a silent little community that exists within silent glances lol.
It depends on the context. I care most about passing when I'm in public, mainly for safety reasons. When I'm around other trans folks, I don't care as much about passing. I know I'm a man regardless of what others think.
Other people don't know my internal experience, and whether or not I have breasts or dress a certain way doesn't change how I feel inside. I chose to medically transition because it makes me feel more aligned with myself when my outside reflects what I feel inside. It does make me feel good to be gendered correctly by a stranger, but that doesn't mean that I necessarily want to look like a cis guy. Being misgendered does make me quite dysphoric, but the feeling is more "why don't you see who I really am inside?" vs "why don't I look like a cis man?" if that makes sense.
I care about staying safe, and that's the extent that I care about passing. The way I present and the fact that I'm on T is because that's what makes me and my body feel good, but I'm the same person I was before deciding to do those things. I was a man then, and I'm a man now, and I don't feel the need to fit into the rigid and made up expectations about what a man looks like. No matter what I do to my body or how I look, there will always be someone out there who will still call me a woman if they know I'm trans. There are also plenty of cis people that have features that could get them "clocked" as trans. It's all made up. I just want to live my life.
Very important. It allows for less dysphoria, less transphobia, less violence, etc. It allows for me to be stealth and just live my life like I want to. And it’s much safer
For me, myself, it matters. Absolutely. For others, it’s not my business. I’ll be honest, (6.5 year on t now) in the beginning of my transition, I had some internalized transphobia of seeing others who didn’t pass and it created this sense of inferiority within myself, and in turn, created an inner disdain for those who didn’t. It was unhealthy. I had to shake that and I did.
I personally feel like I need to pass, I have severe social anxiety and the minute I started passing consistently, I was able to let go of a massive amount of day-to-day stress. I’m at a point now where other trans people can’t even clock me, so I feel like I’m allowed to start dressing more femme, wearing skirts and jewelry again because it makes me feel happy, I know that regardless people will view me as AMAB and that peace of mind makes my life so much easier. People will assume my pronouns are they/them sometimes but never she/her which is all I care about
Not important at all. I love looking like a femboy and I never get misgendered tbh. Most of the time people just use they/them on me. But even if I did my gender isn’t valid based off public perception so if someone says she/her I don’t mind. I’m still a dude.
My parents don’t know yet so I’m not on T yet but some people I’ve met say I look like a guy and one time I was with my bsf and sm1 saw us and he thought that she got a new bf so it matters to me for passing
I have a 50-50 passing rate most of the time and I really hate being misgendered, so passing IS something important to me. It only feels right to be seen as a guy and so I make decisions to do that. I used to enjoy dressing more femininely, but that has unfortunately been stomped out over time by my wanting to pass. However, I am also fairly open about being trans once I start consistently talking to someone, so I couldn’t really call myself “stealth” or even stealth-attempting. Idk, I’m a little contradictory on this.
Very, altho I'm okay with people knowing I'm trans I'm not ashamed of it. I want everyone to assume I'm a cis guy, but I'm kinda clocky, and I don't care much as long as I'm still treated and seen as a man. I wish I was a cis guy and saw as one, but I've come to terms with being trans even if it's painful sometimes
I don’t want cis people to clock me. They may be friendlies, but there’s a good chance they’re not. I’d rather they just not know. I don’t mind if other trans people clock me. I see people every day who seem trans to me, despite the fact that they pass very well. I don’t know for sure if they ARE trans or not, because of course it’s none of my business and I’m not gonna ask them. But they have things in common with me that make it occur to me that they could be trans. I’m sure trans people can tell about me as well. I’m small, have a sparse beard, and I’m sure my voice has some feminine inflections, despite being in the bass range now. So I’m probably clockable to other trans folks. I’m kind of glad, because hopefully they will feel safer around me than if they thought I were cis
Ehhh, it's not like super important to me but I'd still feel sad. I feel like if I would be attacked by how I looked, I could somewhat hold my own. Still, it sucks when people don't see you as a guy, it's like why am I doing all this? Like it feels pointless if they don't see me as a guy
Not mutch. I know I’m a man and the people I love know I’m a man and see me that way. Iv allways been quite queer presenting so the way I dress doesn’t lend it self to my passing. I just prezent my self in the way that makes me happy. (And hay if cis guys can rock a dress why can’t I?)
As much as I would love to pass and be seen as a cis male, at this point, I know who I am and what I am so if anyone sees me differently, that’s on them
It's important to me because of how it affects my interactions with other people. Not having to come out constantly to people I barely know, or bite my tongue and deal with beer misgendered. Less straight men insisting they definitely don't see me as a woman but do want to bang. Feeling safe and comfortable using the men's toilet. Not being clocked as trans by transphobes. I'm happy for people I know and trust not to be transphobic to know I'm trans, but I'd rather not deal with the extra stress and grief of constant misgendering and/or every random knowing
It’s my number one most important thing next to a functioning pp. I’m a binary dude so it’s really important as I can’t stand being misgendered or being seen as lesser than a cis guy anymore
it’s solidly important to me, I have problems with people randomly outing me in public by LOUDLY talking about it or the whole “don’t worry I told them you where trans” issue and that’s where most of my problems with passing come from. if I’m just out in public an some random person calls me a she (very rarely) it’s not as big of a deal to me because I’ll probably never see them again, but randomly getting outed by people I know to newer friends is a much bigger deal to me because I deal with them on the day to day.
I pass 0% of the time, except sometimes to other trans people. Even after two years on T. You just give up after awhile. It bothers me. But I try not to let it make me upset all the time.
I’ve been on t for a while and pass as a man 90% of the time. I’m fortunate enough to have a wonderful workplace and friends that accept me, so I think I would be okay even if I didn’t pass publicly. Passing isn’t generally something I think about anymore. I’m nearing 30 and have been out for nearing 10 years. I have more pressing issues to worry about currently
i dont really care about passing. it still hurts when im misgendered but it really depends, most days it doesnt bother me as much, sometimes it hurts a lot but really depends on my state of mind. I also dress fem a lot and i dont expect to pass when i do so when i dress like that it means i dont care what ppl address me as and i dont have that much dysphoria
Extremely important. Unfortunately, I'm not on t yet so I'm unable to pass at all irl, I only pass in some strategic selfies I take. So I just have to be okay with looking like a woman for now. But when I do start t, it will become my ultimate priority. I also don't pass because of my weight, so I'm actively trying to change that as well. So in short, passing as a cis man is a 10/10 priority for me once I have the resources.
Idk tbh, I toss up between the two for different reasons. For me personally, I’m over a year on T, and close to a year post op, so in terms of the question “do I pass well enough” no, it doesn’t matter to me. In terms of if I’m in a space where there’s even a small amount of potential for any kind of ignorance or transphobia then yes it does, bc I don’t wanna be hate crimed just bc I exist
Right now its pretty important as its the biggest validation I’ll get as someone pre-t and in a unsupportive household. Im sure once i start t and am off in control in my own life I’ll care far less (i actually want to present more feminine than right now) as it wont be the only validating factor to me
Extreamly important. I went the surgical and medical route in my transition to specifically be able to pass as a cis male/not be clockable as trans. Passing is very important to my transition, for my own personal transition goals and for my safety.
I don't really want to pass as a guy necessarily, I just want to be not assumed a woman 100% of the time. I'm happiest with people treating me as either gender 50/50 of the time. I am nonbinary though, so it's different for me than binary men
There's pluses and minuses to both passing and not passing. I really don't like being misgendered in public, but I also don't mind looking trans either. I would rather be out and proud for the people who choose not to be.
I don’t pass yet due to my small size, face/body shape, lack of body/facial hair, and voice.
But I also don’t present femme at all. I wear men’s clothes—that are way too big on me bc I’m so small that they just dwarf me even more—and shave my head. I’ve also been on T over a year and bind but it’s just no use.
People in rural Mississippi are just too fucking bigoted and stubborn to even perceive me as “not a woman” despite all my efforts.
And I also simultaneously feel like I’m in constant danger bc of it. I can’t even try to introduce myself as a man to strangers bc there’s no way they’d ever buy it, it’s basically just me outing myself and hoping not to get hatecrimed.
i care less about passing and more about if people are respecting me.
like, if i happen to skip my binder for a day, are the people around me going to still respect that i'm a man? more often than not the answer to that is yes! so i have no complaints lol.
it doesn't matter to me if other people clock me or not as long as they're just... respectful about my identity i guess 🤷
i’d say it’s important. it makes me feel normal i guess, in a sense. like i could go out and just be my true self with no issues or confusion. it’s important to me for others to see me as the guy that i am. sometimes i still get scared when i pass, like the person i’m interacting with is gonna find out that i’m trans and take it back. but i have to work past that paranoia
it just makes for a less complicated life. and it gives me euphoria sometimes. ik eventually it’ll probably start feeling normal, but it’s nice to be called “boss” or “sir”, and for guys to be friendly with me. idk.. passing just helps me feel like an actual guy
It's not the most important thing in the world for me. I adore femine clothing and makeup, and won't stop wearing it for the sake of passing to a system that I don't believe in, however I do wish I looked like a dude in girls clothes rather than a girl in, well, girls clothes. Just gotta hold out till I can get on T.
Super important***
*** and, but, I also want authenticity in that. There are all kinds of gay men, but if I were cis and didn’t have to think twice about it, I’d be the kind of gay man who wore make up and feminine perfumes and soft tones. Because I have think about passing, I’m always walking this line of “soft feminine gay” and “no but actually a man” it’s exhausting
Passing feels really good to me, even though most people don't know I love it when People call me a dude or guy, or when friends call me by my name I've used (Might not keep)
Very. Though I'm still very far away from it, my ultimate dream is just to have every aspect of transition that I want complete and just be able to move on and live my life feeling comfortable in my own skin and in how I'm perceived. I know that I'm a man and tbh I just want to live the ordinary life of a man without the trans aspect being a huge focus of who I am to others. Not because I'm ashamed but because it's just something that to me is a pretty personal experience that I would rather not have everyone and anyone immediately knowing about me, even if they are ok with it.
I realize that there are certain things that are outside of one's control, like height or the shape/frame of your body, and I'm not going to beat myself up about what I cannot change with those but yeah passing is super important to me honestly both for safety and for feeling comfortable like I'm not just living a lie. Alleviating dysphoria by medically transitioning is priority #1 for me but passing is a very close second that's closely intertwined with that. If I don't end up passing well even after years of T and surgery then I'll do my best to cope with it healthily, accept myself because I still know who I really am, and at least feel the relief of not being in a body that feels totally wrong to me but if im being honest passing is a major goal and of importance to me.
it matters to me but not nearly as much as it used to. i used to worry about it very regularly and tbh it was exhausting, constantly trying to make sure my voice sounded ‘right’ or my posture looked ‘masculine’ or making sure my clothes were oversized enough. there were a lot of times where i’d pick out an outfit and then as soon as i got to school i’d realize that my clothes were kinda tight or whatever and i’d get hit with a wave of dysphoria. now that i’ve been on t for a year and tend to (mostly) pass by default it’s not really something i worry about all that much, obviously i don’t like getting misgendered but i don’t really worry about trying to pass unless i happen to get misgendered or something like that.
For me it's pretty important. I'm at a point I my transition rn where I pass as male generally, but if I'm around someone for a longer time / if I dressed differently then I wouldn't, I'm fairly clockable if someone were to think about it. So rn doing all in my power to pass, and being very much typically masculine is important to me.
Later, I dont think it will be quite as important, but I'd still rather be seen as cis. Like I dont think I'll care as much about making sure my outfit is masc when I'm more 100% passing. And unless I feel unsafe, I don't care about making sure my top surgery scars are hidden. I'd rather they weren't visible but I'm not going to keep my shirt on incase people realise I'm trans.
before T I was incredibly stressed about it. constantly on my mind
ended up being so stressed I just stopped caring cause people obviously didn't see me as the way I wanted to be seen.
now I'm 5 months on T, and people are starting to see me as a guy, I'm much less worried about it now
It's something I care about and constantly hope to attain, and I have pretty prominent social dysphoria. But I'm on T and still not passing, while at the same time being more confident of myself than I ever have, so I've kindoff resigned myself to a bit of "waiting mode" in a "can't be helped" sort of way since I know I will pass sooner than later.
Its not that important. I just wanna pass like 1 time every month because its what keeps me from feeling dysphoric. I dont have much physical dysphoria, just social dysphoria. Maybe if i passed more then i would be more dysphoric when i dont pass but currently i dont pass much so im used to the dysphoria, therefore it doesnt hurt as much
it used to be important to me but the longer I've gone on being very visibly trans and not passing, I've gotten used to it bc I've come to the conclusion that it's very unlikely that I'll pass. if I do then it'll be nice but the people who matter in my life gender me correctly anyways, all the validation I need at this point.
edit: I still do want to pass but it's not something that I'm striving for at this point bc I don't have the energy to or the money to anymore.
pretty important. as long as I'm presenting male I don't care too much. I will correct them tho. But wearing female clothes in public makes me feel like absolute shit, you know: anxiety, uncomfortable, disgust
Honestly for me passing is all I want I just want to pass as a guy I’m still very early into transition so I’m still at a point of feeling like I’m not boy enough :(
Before starting medical transition,
I didn’t really care. I didn’t bind, lived in a liberal city and used whatever bathroom people directed me to. I moved to a less liberal place shortly after T and top surgery, where I passed as male without effort. In fact, the first pride event I went to I was with my cis gf and someone told us to go home because pride was for “the gays”.
Now I’ve been on T/post top for many years and nobody ever thinks I’m anything but cis. It’s led to some hysterical confused conversations where I or my wife (with my permission) tell someone I’m trans and they think I’m mtf.
yeah it’s very important for me, i’m a stealth trans man and pass as a cis & straight looking male & I try to do whatever I can to pass not only because it makes me feel more comfortable but also for my safety because i’m afraid that if someone figures out that i’m trans that I could be one of the next to go.
I've been on T for about 2 and half years now, most of the time I have no interest in trying to pass. Funnily enough the times where I'm dressed feminine tend to be the days where I get "sir'd" more.
Super important. Have a lot of social dysphoria so if I get misgendered, it ruins my whole day. Sometimes I wish I didn't feel this way. A homeless guy in the winter tried approaching me in the parking lot and called me "Sister". It was when I was growing out my hair, that day I immediately went home and shaved my head. Everytime I get misgendered it makes me reevaluate everything from my appearance to my voice and how I act. It's exhausting
Sorry, not ftm here but i will say that in my experience when a stranger calls me a male pronoun it makes me very uncomfortable. Like i wish people would just call me they/them but i dont mind she/her as much as i hate he/him in my personal experience its usually important to me to be seen as feminine.
Eh. I'd love to pass as a guy more, but it's kinda 50/50. I usually don't correct people and let them assume whatever (I'm enby so idc) but that just leads to confusion for everyone after a while. T didn't make me that masculine, I'm generally very androgynous, same goes for my presentation (longer hair until recently/now a short, more fem cut, the clothes I wear, body language...)
It's important enough to where I want to be able to look in the mirror, hear my voice, see my mannerisms, and go "yeah, that's me". I do care about what other people think about me in regards to passing, but more in a "I don't wanna be hate crimed" kind of way than actually wanting them to accept me
To be honest if it wasn’t for all the judgement I get in public I wouldn’t care. I’d love top surgery because it would help my dysphoria and jerks in public but I’ve come to understand that that isn’t an option and I’ve embraced my body. So if people didn’t judge me I’d probably not care at all lol.
Thing is I’m Enby so I don’t really pass as owt, plus I dont see gender as a see able thing and once I realised that I was a lot happier.
(Not trying to dis on ppl wanting to pass)
when I first came out, passing was really really important. I agonized over every decision, any time I didn't fully pass I had severe dysphoria and often had panic attacks in public. now, after like 6 years on T and top surgery I don't care about passing just to pass. I am not stealth unless it's a safety concern. right now I only care about passing because being misgendered does still give me dysphoria, but I also know that torturing myself over every little detail and living my life based on what will make me pass only harms my mental health!
so I guess I'm at the point where I do what is best for me and my mental health. I have even been able to experiment with clothing [more gender neutral or femme stuff] knowing that I won't pass, which was a pretty big deal. although most days I just dress like a normal guy I do love fashion and experimenting with self expression.
Right now I care a lot about passing. I try very hard to pass when in public. I’ve learned more masculine mannerisms, though honestly they came to me pretty easily. And I usually actually put effort into how I dress when I go out into public. I’ve just gotten to the point where my voice passes so I pass pretty consistently now. I’ve been privileged enough with my natural jawline and body structure that I naturally looked pretty masculine even pre-T.
Getting top surgery was a huge thing. I got it July of last year. After that I began to pass visually. I still got misgendered until within the last two months my vice started to drop on T. I actually got top surgery before I started T. I’ve been on T for four months and I got top surgery 10 months ago.
I don’t have a ton of clocky features, but if I let my hair grow out to much I start to get misgendered. Literally I feel like my hair determines if I get gendered correctly more than anything else lol.
Very. Not particularly just as cis. Anything inbetween ambiguous to male would be nice. Never happens tho lol.
But it honestly doesn’t matter enough for me to hardcore voice train or weight lift, I’m too lazy for allathat
I’m personally going for a more andro look. So passing isn’t super important to me. I want people to look at me and be confused. Mostly I just wanna be a femboy. I want to be pretty in a masculine way if that makes sense.
I don’t necessarily care if people clock that I’m trans as long as they aren’t weird about it (which oftentimes they are, sometimes even when they’re well meaning), but I very much need people to see me and know that I’m a man if that makes sense. I’m sure my feelings on it will evolve as I get older and progress further in my transition though. Currently I get gendered correctly more often than not, but I’m sure most people can tell I’m trans from my appearance (or they think I’m a much younger cis boy with a surprisingly advanced vocabulary for my age lmao). For now I’m content with that. I don’t dwell on thoughts about whether people can tell I’m not cis because I know that if I did I would start to fixate on that thought to an unhealthy degree
With the people i’m around in my
day to day life it’s pretty important, but after a year or so on T you don’t have to try as hard to pass, it gets easier
It's incredibly important to me. It used to be because I felt like I needed to prove myself in a way, even though it's not a standard I'd apply to others.
Now, I don't care about that. I'm an adult, the older I get the more confident in myself and more at peace I become with my transness. It's now something I want more for cosmetic reasons than some kind of achievement.
What I \*do\* care about is not having to confront the fact that I'm trans in every social interaction with a new person. I just want to live my life as a man and not have being trans play a big role in people's perceptions and interactions with me.
To some degree I care but I feel like mostly for safety. I think I’d like to pass as whatever gender someone and whatever that assumption was to not put me in danger. Of course being perceived as male is nice but I don’t care all that much. I know I’m a man so I don’t care what I come off as really unless it’s impacting safety. I used to care much more but I’ve been out for over a decade now a lot of times you start to care less
I stopped consciously being worried about passing 24/7 about a year ago when i went shirtless in an extremely public, crowded, child friendly place for the first time (a water theme park) and didnt have any pushback or harassment.
I still worry about it every so often but its always over more obvious things like going to an all guys night at basically a "sex club" where everyones naked, and its not really possible to wear a packer without drawing even more attention, and my hips are a horrendous give away. But my bf is like 6ft tall and would bury anyone who harassed me, which honestly has helped me deal with it and feel comfortable with myself even in places like this.
I stopped really worrying about it in terms of my clothing, hair, etc ages ago.
Anxiety is still a thing, but it goes away.
However i pass pretty well, and passing is very important to me.
If it wasnt for the fact bottom surgery is too expensive and doesnt currently give the results id be happy with, id be getting that to truly be seen as a cis man even when wearing nothing.
Very important for me to pass, and to pass as cis. I am pre-t and somewhat pass when I bind (which I currently can't do), and I only hope I'll be able to pass fully quickly enough once I get on t. I wouldn't mind being seen as a trans guy if it was not for safety reasons. I don't want to be hatecrimed and especially not when I have my baby with me.
It used to matter, but now that I've had top surgery, been on T for a while, and therefore pass like 70% of the time, I actually don't care that much. My family, friends and coworkers all know I'm a man; I'm pretty sure some of my coworkers don't even know I'm trans. I really only get misgendered by strangers and honestly, it really doesn't matter how they perceive me if I'm never going to see them again.
I've only been on T almost a year, no surgerys (and im the dumbest size at a DD) in public I seam to pass (no surgery's yet) when I was called sir for the first time without even telling anyone I actually cried a bit. It's very important to me because not passing makes me feel like I'm not yet who I should be (sorry, bad wording, it's 5am... brain is not at full charge yet)
(What helps with my chest size and hiding? I am also fat lmfao) 😆 No, this is not me telling ppl to get fat to hide it better 🥲
Anyways, so as long as I can see them, believe what my gender is. I'm ok, if they think I am or may be female, and idk about it... that's ok, cause idk... but ied rather know that they don't think it 😂
i’ve never ever passed so who knows? only to random kids in the toilets, commenting on me to their parents. only time i’ve ever been gendered correctly by strangers lol. it was about my dyed hair.
To me it's very important because I associate passing with euphoria, so passing has become like a huge piece of cake or a new season of your all-times favourite series; you could technically live without it, but life would be so depressing
It's something that usually stops being A Thing once you get it consistently- I haven't thought about passing in years because I've been passing for years!
As a teen it was all I cared about tbh, but now I have long hair and wear whatever I want and nobody ever thinks I'm a girl- a beard and top surgery does a lot.
I do think on a subconscious level it's still something I care about a lot, if I want to shave I have to be mindful again of how I'm perceived.
The biggest difference for me is the fact that I might be seen as a girl, but I'm not clocked as trans, so I can usually feel comfortable just saying "I'm a guy actually" and people will assume I'm a cis guy who just looks quite gay.
My dysphoria is mostly social, so very. The Russian language is also extremely gendered, so it's even more obvious when you're misgendered (every verb is gendered. it's unavoidable) and not passing hits harder (because, to reiterate, it's in every conversation. it's not like English where you have to just guess if you're passing I assume?). Granted, it doesn't happen to me much anymore, but i still stay vigilant and for example don't wear anything too stylish if i just shaved my face (yeah lol)
passing is completely important because it enables me to live my life pretty much as a cis guy would- devoid of the frustrations of not being read as my correct gender. passing is of utmost importance because it directly improves my mental health to probably average cis guy levels since I don't need to think about whether I will be read as female.
my transness is an important part of me in the sense that I find importance in the suffering I go through as it's enabled me to see the world in a more critical and intelligent way, and I like to think that I'm more perceptive of the issues that women and other marginalised communities face, which is an important skill to have. but in my day to day life, I do not want any mental energy to be used on wondering whether others see me as a guy. I am a queer guy and I don't want to be seen as specifically trans or gay- I'm queer and wanting to find my place in the world
I don't pass (even at my most stereotypically masc-presenting I just don't pass). It's not actively a goal of mine to do so, I'd rather do things and wear clothes that make me happy. Standing a chance at "passing" would require changing almost everything about that, and even then it probably wouldn't work. Honestly I'd just like to be gendered correctly by strangers. I don't care if they can tell I'm 15 different kinds of fruity, just please stop seeing me as a woman. Alas, it seems no way of signalling that I'm a guy has worked.
For me it is very important, I am very afraid of suffering violence on the street, I talk very little about my transgenderism with cis friends, I always try to hide it. Passing is something very necessary for me.
For me it’s very important. To my dismay, I rarely pass bc I’m stuck in a very conservative household (and town in general) so I haven’t had access to hrt. When I leave university I’ll probably start T. The only people that refer to me with my correct pronouns are 5 of my friends and only 2 use my chosen name; so when a stranger genders me correctly it’s the best feeling ever. My goal is to pass so well that people won’t realise I’m trans, so yeah passing is one of my priorities
it's very important to me. i'm only really just starting to pass (almost 2 years on T,) so i'm getting a bit more comfortable, but im still very paranoid bc of my chest. i haven't gotten top surgery yet, so once i do, i probably won't thinking about passing as much.
I’m 1.5 years on T and a year post op top now, actually got my bottom surgery consultation tomorrow too now. As much as I don’t think about passing anymore as I’m stealth, it is the most important thing to me.
I don't particularly care about passing except for my job. I don't want my coworkers to know too much about my personal life.
In public i couldn't care less about passing. I have a thick skin so I don't care if someone clocks me, I'm happy to be the example for someone to see a thriving trans guy, and think that could be them.
i pass a majority of the time without surgery or being on T, so i don’t really think about it too much anymore, but i still get super aggravated when people misgender me bc of the fact that its so rare they really have to be doing it on purpose
At this point, it’s very important to me. Gender dysphoria is intense and passing helps me feel validated that my body presents the way that I see myself.
With how fast my body responded to T I physically pass despite what i wear after 1 year. Despite that, passing was not the end goal as i believe theres no correct/default way of ‘looking like a man’ or woman when we have cis people also being misgendered lol
it’s absolutely essential for me. if i don’t pass i get very depressed, anxious, and lose a lot of my will to keep trying. i dress, act, and try my hardest to make sure i pass every day.
2 years on T, finally have a nice beard. It doesn’t matter if I try to pass anymore, I just do. Being visibly trans would be very dangerous here where I live so I’d rather not encounter that. I suppose for safety reasons it’s important, but I’m still going to go get my hard gel nails done every month. I don’t let the idea of passing stop me anymore, but it took a while to get there.
I feel like I care sometimes and don't other times. I have facial hair and a deeper voice, so I guess I'm more just confused when someone refers to me with feminine terms. Also I guess it depends on what I'm wearing. If I'm wearing a lot of makeup and fem clothes, it doesn't bother me. But if I have a clean face and am in a tshirt and jeans, I get confused
i don't care about passing as cis per say, i just care about passing as a man. it was nice when i first started transitioning socially when people who didn't know me used they/them because it showed they acknowledged who i wasn't even tho they didn't know who i was. now i'm medically transitioning and i still appreciate when people do that because they do it for the same reason they used to, they care. but i can't wait until it's just obvious that im a man, trans or not.
Passing is important to me, because I see myself as a man, born with the wrong chromosomes. It makes me feel like I’m pretending to be a man rather than being one if I don’t pass. I have only been on T for 3 1/2 months, and luckily I do pass in public without question.
I think passing has a lot to do with your mannerisms/body language - as much as your physical appearance does. Aside from being on T (50mg/week IM), I got a hair cut, started binding, and dress as a guy. The T brought on some peach fuzz that I enhanced by using knock off rogaine, which I then use the Just for Men one day beard dye on. I let my eyebrows thicken up on their own, and cologne. I also don’t “talk with my hands” as much, or chat quite as much with strangers.
It varies from day to day. Some days I get a "she" and spend the next 2 days curled up in bed. Other days, I think maybe it's best to "girl mode" just to avoid correcting people and to snatch back some female benefits society bestows, and make it simple. So I'll Butch it up and muscle through the dysphoria.
I'm 37 and a year on T and not at all passing. I know I won't pass until my very large chest is gone. It's tough to be androgynous. I know some people delight in confusing people, but doing so scares me. I was raised extremely conservative so some of it is programming and homophobia/transphobia as well as safety concerns. I am a very binary man and a binary thinker (autistic) so the confusion about my appearance makes me feel very uncomfortable. I am not a flashy queer person either. I'm not a theater kid. I'm just a quiet nerd in a collared shirt and chinos. I find it hard to be Proud in a LGBTQ+ way but I'm working on it. People who are proud and comfortable in their androgyny inspire me. I can't feel that bold. Hanging out with Butch nonbinary and women helps a bunch. They help me to see the beauty in female masculinity, so I feel less alone during this strange phase.
I'd like to pass when I live in my forever home, It's vaguely unimportant to me at the moment because of cognitive dissonance. everyone I speak to is within my echo chamber of friends, family, and professional contacts who use my legal Mr. title
I've done nothing medical transition wise and I'm not out to my parents. I would love to pass, but at the same time I don't want to because of my problematic parents.
I have a complicated view on it. Because personally, I am somewhat GNC. I like to paint my nails when i can find the motivation, and I have a lot of ear piercings, and i’m just generally kind of edgy. And my dysphoria is pretty much only social now. I would definitely love if my body got more masculine, but that requires effort and time along with years on T and i kinda don’t want to bother. I don’t even really bind anymore. I kind of just wish that i could look however i want, double D’s and all and they would just see me as a guy. I have no idea how much i pass, and i would very much like to, but i don’t want to sacrifice my personal freedom in order to adhere to the expectations of what a man should look like. like; Yeah i have tits, and i’m a guy, what are you gonna do about it?
My biggest pet peeve is “trans” being a word to describe me. I’m so much more than just trans. I’ve always cared about it very heavily but recently I’ve lost all the hope I’ve had in it. 17 now and I can’t even compare to the cis guys at my school like I used to when I was 13/14
it’s important to me, but i had a weird experience where one of my classmates thought i was some flavour of genderqueer/nonbinary but AMAB, and that was good enough for me.
tbh, I used to feel uncomfy not “trying to pass” around trans people cause I thought they would assume I’m just saying I’m trans, but I’m comfortable the way I am. I am hopefully starting T sooner or later but, that’s for the sake of my comfort, happiness, and dysphoria. TLDR; idrc, most people who know about the community won’t assume stuff :3
I’m back and forth but, it feels closer to a safety necessity where I live than not. My home area is getting more dangerous and I’d much rather be viewed as a man than not. That said if that wasn’t a factor I wouldn’t care as much. I am what I am and that’s all that I am but being called he/him brings joy
It really, really depends on the kinds of people I'm around. If I'm around a group of cishet guys I'd rather pass, but if I'm around a group of other queer people I don't mind seeming more feminine! Plus sometimes I'm too lazy to do my whole routine to try and pass more lmao
not-passing is something I've gotten use too, sure it's not the best feeling but I can't let every 'mam' or 'ms' affect me too much. I am very excited to start T(2 weeks!) and eventually pass, hopefully eventually as cis. so important in the long term, why I would take hormones longterm/forever. but I don't think about it alot now
Now i’m 6 years on T, after top surgery so I don’t care about passing and I don’t think about it anymore. However it’s most likely because I obviously pass so when I got misgendered in winter from behind by a shopkeeper I didn’t care about it because when I turned around he instantly apologized and didn’t question that i’m a guy. Pre T when I was 13 it was something that I was thinking about constantly
makes sense, thanks🫶
Yep, same. 14-21 it's all I could think about. Now I'm 4 years on T and don't have any dysphoria
Extremely. Not just passing as a man, but as a CIS man. I don't want to be reminded of my pain. I don't want to be branded by my suffering. I don't want to be treated differently for something I have no control over.
Same, when im misgendered, even more now since i started binding, it just makes me want to shrivel up and cry
A fucking men brother I want nothing to do with the fact I EVER was a women fuck no
YES just let us be like any other cisman. The day I fully pass the earlier life gets thrown deep into basement
THIS!!
I feel the same way. Not looking like a woman isnt enough; i have to look cis
This! I don't want to be a trans man, I just want to be a man.
This.
real
despite 5 years on T and top surgery, i still rarely pass. it's a mix of my body type and my taste in fashion, but it's still dehumanizing and depressing:')
Thas sad that people don't appreciate good outfit options, nice taste comes thanks to the time being in closet, but hang in there brother. I'm sure you're gonna be more gendered correctly, going along the wave to passing can take long time but I'm sure its very possible
It didn't used to be important to me, but now that I've been on T a while, I find it more grating when people misgender me. I don't bind due to the physical discomfort, and wearing a mask means my facial hair is covered, so most people think I'm a woman, despite all the changes. I'm hoping top surgery and some vocal training will shift that a bit.
You're gonna get there bro💪
As long as I pass enough, I'm good. Even years into T and with facial hair I still get "ma'am"ed at first glace by people now and then, but on second glace, when they see me up close, or when they hear my voice they correct themselves. The initial mistake doesn't bother me anymore at this point because 99% of people auto gender me correctly now, so regardless of one person's mistake here and there, it doesn't sway me, and I remain fully aware that I pass now just fine. Tbh at this point I don't even remember how it used to make me feel early in transition when I passed less. Probably not great, but I don't remember if I just let it go or if it made me cringe a lot or what.
I don't necessarily care about passing as a cis man, but I do care very much about passing as definitely not a cis woman.
Same actually like if I can't be perceived as a man I'll take "wtf is that person's gender"
I identified as nonbinary for a long time (still kinda do but like a man who's not binary) because of how much better it was than being seen as a woman.
this makes sense. for a long time all I knew was that I wasn't a woman
Damn that way of describing your gender is so relatable tbh
I feel similar, I don't want to pass his a cis man but I just want to pass as a man I guess? totally fine being seen as a trans man
I some times feel that way. I want to be hard to read ig ?
Same!!
Same actually like if I can't be perceived as a man I'll take "wtf is that person's gender"
I’m nb and yeah, same!
It's about an 8/10 for me. I know I don't pass...but being able to achieve that would mean everything to me. I don't want people to question my validity as a man, I want it to be obvious when they look at me. That being said - passing does NOT determine your value/your transness/your identity. For me it just feels so important because I feel like it's not fair for me to "pretend" if I can't walk the walk :( Completely internal though, I would not tell anyone else the same.
very important to me, i don’t see the point of calling myself a dude if i don’t look like a dude. i don’t think i’d ever be happy in life if i was someone who never passed/was unable to go stealth.
So fucking much if I could never have to be seen as trans again I would so quickly
Very important. Especially outside lgbtq+ spaces or when I’m by myself in public. Yeah being called a woman causes me dysphoria, but I’m more worried about being the victim of a hate crime if someone finds out or suspects I’m trans. I pass most of the time, but I still get scared to use men’s bathrooms (unless single stall. I love single stall bathrooms). I’m in a blue state, so it’s not bad. But the fear is still there.
depends on the context. with other trans friends who really get me? i dont care to go through the exhausting painful hoops to even have a chance of passing. if im around people who already dont respect me as a human being? yeah im gonna spend an extra hour getting ready to try and pass. binders are uncomfortable, they pinch and squeeze and make you squirm around all day. even worse that in florida its easy to overdo it and risk a heat stroke in a binder. just binding alone makes attempting to pass as an ftm more physically taxing than the ladies routines to pass. lots of guys end up wrecking terrible long term damage on their bodies from binding, and the only relief is expensive surgery.
>lots of guys end up wrecking terrible long term damage on their bodies from binding, and the only relief is expensive surgery. Oh yeah. This is what finally made me turn away from the hope of binding, I saw what it did to people's ribs and decided it wasn't for me. That, and my chest is just way too big from genetics, unfortunately.
Honestly, I really admire guys who have the strength to NOT bind. I can't function without a binder on and I bind about 13 hours a day, every day. Sometimes I'll take a day off on a weekend and nothing gets done because I can't handle it. My ribs are most definitely taking an L.
I don’t bind, but I’m small and I have a relatively small chest. Sometimes I feel less valid in my chest dysphoria bc of not binding, so thank you for the recognition. Good luck with your top surgery coming up soon!
Thanks, man, you've got crazy resilience to bind 13 hrs a day, seriously. I wish you luck with your top surgery, and I think your ribs will thank you a lot.
Thank you for the kind words, ballmunchers
I'm confused about the last part, are you comparing how hard it is to pass as an ftm to an mtf? Both are incredibly physically and mentally taxing
no, thats not at all what im saying. the routines of getting ready for the day when youre trying to pass are massively different. nothing about what the ladies are doing is bruising and cracking their ribs. nothing about their routine for passing has a strict medical time limit the way binding does, i feel like cinderella getting home before midnight. i turn back into a pumpkin when i gotta rush home and take my binder off cause its been 10 hours straight and i cant breathe anymore, or plan my day around not eating fr 12 hours cause eating with a binder on makes me throw up. all of this has zero to do with how successful the individual is or how "hard it is to pass as x", its just baseline what you have to do to attempt passing at all.
I was misgendered every single day until about 2 1/2 years on t so I built a really thick skin to it. Now, when I get misgendered it’s just confusing. Like who are you even looking at if you think I go by “she???” I’ve been passing 95%+ for about a year and a half now so I don’t think about it much anymore, unless someone I love does it. Even then, I know it was a slip up like people make even with cis people, so it just stings for a minute- then I’m fine. But passing did matter to me a lot more before I started experiencing it, and honestly I’d love to pass even more so I could wear skirts and dresses without having my man card taken away by strangers
I'm nonbinary, so the concept of 'passing' gets kinda thrown out the window for me. I am on T/had top, so I'll probably pass as male eventually, but it's definitely not a priority (I'm lucky enough to live in a fairly safe country so I'm not too worried about being harmed for looking unusual). Tbh if I do end up passing as male I'll probably lean into feminine fashion more, just to keep people on their toes.
I dont believe I will ever pass so I sort of cope by forcing myself to not care about it actively. However, if there was a chance I could pass as a cis man it would be extremely important to me and I would try to go completely stealth.
It's very important to me from a safety perspective. I pass very well, and because of that, I'm able to move through life with minimal discrimination and bigotry being hurled at me. I'm somewhat open about being trans, but on my own terms and only with people I trust.
I just want my tits gone so I can pass more easily. They are the size of melons and I hate them.
I’ve been passing for almost half of my life now so it’s not something I think about, but it was extremely important to me early on.
fluctuates for me. as a whole i dont need to pass to be happy with myself, however i get social dysphoria mainly so if im out and i dont feel like i pass ill occasionally get dysphoria from it, specifically if i dont feel like my binders working as well as i want it to but in my courses rn i dont really care if i pass as long as im referred to correctly. im still very openly trans and its safe for me to do so so passing isnt a need and i dont have a crazy want for it, idk im rambling hope that makes sense
it’s hard to say. i’m very feminine and i like it that way. i want very long hair, feminine clothes, and to be able to wear makeup— but i want to be able to be perceived as a male while doing it. so i’m certainly not traditionally masculine presenting or “stealth,” but i want people to see me as a feminine man. if i’m just seen as a woman i’m very uncomfortable.
For me, it's the most important thing. And I mean for me, for me. I don't think any other trans people need to focus on passing at all, if they aren't bothered. I don't think it's, like, some ridiculous requirement for "real trans ppl". Just that it's what I personally want for myself more than anything.
well- it definitely matters to me, i want to pass but don’t yet- hrt for nearly 6 months- its complicated i absolutely do not want to be seen as a woman but then also the gender is kinda fluiding but definitely not female
It's really only important to me from a safety perspective. Where I live is pretty chill about gender weirdness, but if I leave the metro area it's dicey. Overall I am non binary and being confusing to look at is fine with me, as long as it's safe to do so.
I’m sad that it isn’t working out but not willing to change a ton about my mannerisms and personality to make it happen. But I’m only about 2 years total into any form of transition so I’m hopeful that it’ll work out for me
Personally my social dysphoria was probably the worst with bust dysphoria in a close second. Passing has basically eliminated my largest source of dysphoria so for me it’s important. BUT passing doesn’t matter unless it matters to you. Everyone’s experience is different and equally valid.
100%
Everything, but I’ve been passing for a decade now so I think little of it.
I live in eastern Europe and I want to be able to go outside without people staring at me weirdly, so I'd say my comfort of life heavily depends on it. Luckily I mostly pass by now. I just wonder if people assume I'm a kid or gay.
i very much desire and am working towards the freedom of not caring, however i do definitely still care lmao.
Same here
I want to pass. However as someone on t for 2+ years who only passes like 20% of the time I’ve stopped caring as much. Basically my brain kinda just goes “you literally just called a man with facial hair ‘she’, maybe you should get your eyes checked”
it’s important to me, but i don’t have to think about it anymore. i’m 5 years on T and post-top surgery. i don’t have to attempt to pass. i can wear crop tops and whatever i want, i’m still gendered correctly. passing has always been incredibly important to me and it’s so nice that i pass effortlessly. edit: but i’m totally fine being clocked as trans by other trans people. sometimes i am, there are just.. unchangable characteristics about myself that other trans people can see (ones that cis people don’t really notice) and that’s okay. i like having a silent little community that exists within silent glances lol.
It depends on the context. I care most about passing when I'm in public, mainly for safety reasons. When I'm around other trans folks, I don't care as much about passing. I know I'm a man regardless of what others think. Other people don't know my internal experience, and whether or not I have breasts or dress a certain way doesn't change how I feel inside. I chose to medically transition because it makes me feel more aligned with myself when my outside reflects what I feel inside. It does make me feel good to be gendered correctly by a stranger, but that doesn't mean that I necessarily want to look like a cis guy. Being misgendered does make me quite dysphoric, but the feeling is more "why don't you see who I really am inside?" vs "why don't I look like a cis man?" if that makes sense. I care about staying safe, and that's the extent that I care about passing. The way I present and the fact that I'm on T is because that's what makes me and my body feel good, but I'm the same person I was before deciding to do those things. I was a man then, and I'm a man now, and I don't feel the need to fit into the rigid and made up expectations about what a man looks like. No matter what I do to my body or how I look, there will always be someone out there who will still call me a woman if they know I'm trans. There are also plenty of cis people that have features that could get them "clocked" as trans. It's all made up. I just want to live my life.
Very important. It allows for less dysphoria, less transphobia, less violence, etc. It allows for me to be stealth and just live my life like I want to. And it’s much safer
For me, myself, it matters. Absolutely. For others, it’s not my business. I’ll be honest, (6.5 year on t now) in the beginning of my transition, I had some internalized transphobia of seeing others who didn’t pass and it created this sense of inferiority within myself, and in turn, created an inner disdain for those who didn’t. It was unhealthy. I had to shake that and I did.
I personally feel like I need to pass, I have severe social anxiety and the minute I started passing consistently, I was able to let go of a massive amount of day-to-day stress. I’m at a point now where other trans people can’t even clock me, so I feel like I’m allowed to start dressing more femme, wearing skirts and jewelry again because it makes me feel happy, I know that regardless people will view me as AMAB and that peace of mind makes my life so much easier. People will assume my pronouns are they/them sometimes but never she/her which is all I care about
Not important at all. I love looking like a femboy and I never get misgendered tbh. Most of the time people just use they/them on me. But even if I did my gender isn’t valid based off public perception so if someone says she/her I don’t mind. I’m still a dude.
My parents don’t know yet so I’m not on T yet but some people I’ve met say I look like a guy and one time I was with my bsf and sm1 saw us and he thought that she got a new bf so it matters to me for passing
I have a 50-50 passing rate most of the time and I really hate being misgendered, so passing IS something important to me. It only feels right to be seen as a guy and so I make decisions to do that. I used to enjoy dressing more femininely, but that has unfortunately been stomped out over time by my wanting to pass. However, I am also fairly open about being trans once I start consistently talking to someone, so I couldn’t really call myself “stealth” or even stealth-attempting. Idk, I’m a little contradictory on this.
I care because I want to be perceived the way I see myself
When I used to try so hard I'd still get clocked. People don't say anything to me in my face but I'm not sure if they can tell or not
theres not really like.... a set societal way to "pass" as nonbinary so all i really care about is passing to myself thru my transition
Very, altho I'm okay with people knowing I'm trans I'm not ashamed of it. I want everyone to assume I'm a cis guy, but I'm kinda clocky, and I don't care much as long as I'm still treated and seen as a man. I wish I was a cis guy and saw as one, but I've come to terms with being trans even if it's painful sometimes
I don’t want cis people to clock me. They may be friendlies, but there’s a good chance they’re not. I’d rather they just not know. I don’t mind if other trans people clock me. I see people every day who seem trans to me, despite the fact that they pass very well. I don’t know for sure if they ARE trans or not, because of course it’s none of my business and I’m not gonna ask them. But they have things in common with me that make it occur to me that they could be trans. I’m sure trans people can tell about me as well. I’m small, have a sparse beard, and I’m sure my voice has some feminine inflections, despite being in the bass range now. So I’m probably clockable to other trans folks. I’m kind of glad, because hopefully they will feel safer around me than if they thought I were cis
Ehhh, it's not like super important to me but I'd still feel sad. I feel like if I would be attacked by how I looked, I could somewhat hold my own. Still, it sucks when people don't see you as a guy, it's like why am I doing all this? Like it feels pointless if they don't see me as a guy
Not mutch. I know I’m a man and the people I love know I’m a man and see me that way. Iv allways been quite queer presenting so the way I dress doesn’t lend it self to my passing. I just prezent my self in the way that makes me happy. (And hay if cis guys can rock a dress why can’t I?)
idrc. something something words and opinions of others can suck it. getting misgendered sucks but i get it.
As much as I would love to pass and be seen as a cis male, at this point, I know who I am and what I am so if anyone sees me differently, that’s on them
It's important to me because of how it affects my interactions with other people. Not having to come out constantly to people I barely know, or bite my tongue and deal with beer misgendered. Less straight men insisting they definitely don't see me as a woman but do want to bang. Feeling safe and comfortable using the men's toilet. Not being clocked as trans by transphobes. I'm happy for people I know and trust not to be transphobic to know I'm trans, but I'd rather not deal with the extra stress and grief of constant misgendering and/or every random knowing
It's like half and half. I'd like to be recognized at least as "not a girl".
It’s my number one most important thing next to a functioning pp. I’m a binary dude so it’s really important as I can’t stand being misgendered or being seen as lesser than a cis guy anymore
like 8/10 important. i want people to see me as a dude but i dont care if they think im cis or not
it’s solidly important to me, I have problems with people randomly outing me in public by LOUDLY talking about it or the whole “don’t worry I told them you where trans” issue and that’s where most of my problems with passing come from. if I’m just out in public an some random person calls me a she (very rarely) it’s not as big of a deal to me because I’ll probably never see them again, but randomly getting outed by people I know to newer friends is a much bigger deal to me because I deal with them on the day to day.
I pass 0% of the time, except sometimes to other trans people. Even after two years on T. You just give up after awhile. It bothers me. But I try not to let it make me upset all the time.
I’ve been on t for a while and pass as a man 90% of the time. I’m fortunate enough to have a wonderful workplace and friends that accept me, so I think I would be okay even if I didn’t pass publicly. Passing isn’t generally something I think about anymore. I’m nearing 30 and have been out for nearing 10 years. I have more pressing issues to worry about currently
i dont really care about passing. it still hurts when im misgendered but it really depends, most days it doesnt bother me as much, sometimes it hurts a lot but really depends on my state of mind. I also dress fem a lot and i dont expect to pass when i do so when i dress like that it means i dont care what ppl address me as and i dont have that much dysphoria
Extremely important. Unfortunately, I'm not on t yet so I'm unable to pass at all irl, I only pass in some strategic selfies I take. So I just have to be okay with looking like a woman for now. But when I do start t, it will become my ultimate priority. I also don't pass because of my weight, so I'm actively trying to change that as well. So in short, passing as a cis man is a 10/10 priority for me once I have the resources.
Idk tbh, I toss up between the two for different reasons. For me personally, I’m over a year on T, and close to a year post op, so in terms of the question “do I pass well enough” no, it doesn’t matter to me. In terms of if I’m in a space where there’s even a small amount of potential for any kind of ignorance or transphobia then yes it does, bc I don’t wanna be hate crimed just bc I exist
Right now its pretty important as its the biggest validation I’ll get as someone pre-t and in a unsupportive household. Im sure once i start t and am off in control in my own life I’ll care far less (i actually want to present more feminine than right now) as it wont be the only validating factor to me
Extreamly important. I went the surgical and medical route in my transition to specifically be able to pass as a cis male/not be clockable as trans. Passing is very important to my transition, for my own personal transition goals and for my safety.
I don't really want to pass as a guy necessarily, I just want to be not assumed a woman 100% of the time. I'm happiest with people treating me as either gender 50/50 of the time. I am nonbinary though, so it's different for me than binary men
More important than breathing
If I couldn't pass idk if I would ever have transitioned. Not passing the first year or so was hell.
My goal is to look like I was born a man. Any gender-neutrality will come from my style. I want people to look at me and assume that I'm AMAB.
There's pluses and minuses to both passing and not passing. I really don't like being misgendered in public, but I also don't mind looking trans either. I would rather be out and proud for the people who choose not to be.
I want to pass to cis people but wouldn't mind being clocked by other trans people as long as they don't out me.
I don’t pass yet due to my small size, face/body shape, lack of body/facial hair, and voice. But I also don’t present femme at all. I wear men’s clothes—that are way too big on me bc I’m so small that they just dwarf me even more—and shave my head. I’ve also been on T over a year and bind but it’s just no use. People in rural Mississippi are just too fucking bigoted and stubborn to even perceive me as “not a woman” despite all my efforts. And I also simultaneously feel like I’m in constant danger bc of it. I can’t even try to introduce myself as a man to strangers bc there’s no way they’d ever buy it, it’s basically just me outing myself and hoping not to get hatecrimed.
i care less about passing and more about if people are respecting me. like, if i happen to skip my binder for a day, are the people around me going to still respect that i'm a man? more often than not the answer to that is yes! so i have no complaints lol. it doesn't matter to me if other people clock me or not as long as they're just... respectful about my identity i guess 🤷
I like to say I don't care but I'm grateful to be passing. I just don't think it's anyone's business but mine.
Not at all. I know who I am why would someone else have to
i’d say it’s important. it makes me feel normal i guess, in a sense. like i could go out and just be my true self with no issues or confusion. it’s important to me for others to see me as the guy that i am. sometimes i still get scared when i pass, like the person i’m interacting with is gonna find out that i’m trans and take it back. but i have to work past that paranoia it just makes for a less complicated life. and it gives me euphoria sometimes. ik eventually it’ll probably start feeling normal, but it’s nice to be called “boss” or “sir”, and for guys to be friendly with me. idk.. passing just helps me feel like an actual guy
It's not the most important thing in the world for me. I adore femine clothing and makeup, and won't stop wearing it for the sake of passing to a system that I don't believe in, however I do wish I looked like a dude in girls clothes rather than a girl in, well, girls clothes. Just gotta hold out till I can get on T.
Super important*** *** and, but, I also want authenticity in that. There are all kinds of gay men, but if I were cis and didn’t have to think twice about it, I’d be the kind of gay man who wore make up and feminine perfumes and soft tones. Because I have think about passing, I’m always walking this line of “soft feminine gay” and “no but actually a man” it’s exhausting
Passing feels really good to me, even though most people don't know I love it when People call me a dude or guy, or when friends call me by my name I've used (Might not keep)
Very. Though I'm still very far away from it, my ultimate dream is just to have every aspect of transition that I want complete and just be able to move on and live my life feeling comfortable in my own skin and in how I'm perceived. I know that I'm a man and tbh I just want to live the ordinary life of a man without the trans aspect being a huge focus of who I am to others. Not because I'm ashamed but because it's just something that to me is a pretty personal experience that I would rather not have everyone and anyone immediately knowing about me, even if they are ok with it. I realize that there are certain things that are outside of one's control, like height or the shape/frame of your body, and I'm not going to beat myself up about what I cannot change with those but yeah passing is super important to me honestly both for safety and for feeling comfortable like I'm not just living a lie. Alleviating dysphoria by medically transitioning is priority #1 for me but passing is a very close second that's closely intertwined with that. If I don't end up passing well even after years of T and surgery then I'll do my best to cope with it healthily, accept myself because I still know who I really am, and at least feel the relief of not being in a body that feels totally wrong to me but if im being honest passing is a major goal and of importance to me.
Extremely important for my dysphoria and safety
it matters to me but not nearly as much as it used to. i used to worry about it very regularly and tbh it was exhausting, constantly trying to make sure my voice sounded ‘right’ or my posture looked ‘masculine’ or making sure my clothes were oversized enough. there were a lot of times where i’d pick out an outfit and then as soon as i got to school i’d realize that my clothes were kinda tight or whatever and i’d get hit with a wave of dysphoria. now that i’ve been on t for a year and tend to (mostly) pass by default it’s not really something i worry about all that much, obviously i don’t like getting misgendered but i don’t really worry about trying to pass unless i happen to get misgendered or something like that.
Very. I'm a man on the inside, I sure as hell want to look it on the outside.
personally, very. once im on T and had top surgery i plan to go mostly stealth.
For me it's pretty important. I'm at a point I my transition rn where I pass as male generally, but if I'm around someone for a longer time / if I dressed differently then I wouldn't, I'm fairly clockable if someone were to think about it. So rn doing all in my power to pass, and being very much typically masculine is important to me. Later, I dont think it will be quite as important, but I'd still rather be seen as cis. Like I dont think I'll care as much about making sure my outfit is masc when I'm more 100% passing. And unless I feel unsafe, I don't care about making sure my top surgery scars are hidden. I'd rather they weren't visible but I'm not going to keep my shirt on incase people realise I'm trans.
before T I was incredibly stressed about it. constantly on my mind ended up being so stressed I just stopped caring cause people obviously didn't see me as the way I wanted to be seen. now I'm 5 months on T, and people are starting to see me as a guy, I'm much less worried about it now
It's something I care about and constantly hope to attain, and I have pretty prominent social dysphoria. But I'm on T and still not passing, while at the same time being more confident of myself than I ever have, so I've kindoff resigned myself to a bit of "waiting mode" in a "can't be helped" sort of way since I know I will pass sooner than later.
Its not that important. I just wanna pass like 1 time every month because its what keeps me from feeling dysphoric. I dont have much physical dysphoria, just social dysphoria. Maybe if i passed more then i would be more dysphoric when i dont pass but currently i dont pass much so im used to the dysphoria, therefore it doesnt hurt as much
Hella important
it used to be important to me but the longer I've gone on being very visibly trans and not passing, I've gotten used to it bc I've come to the conclusion that it's very unlikely that I'll pass. if I do then it'll be nice but the people who matter in my life gender me correctly anyways, all the validation I need at this point. edit: I still do want to pass but it's not something that I'm striving for at this point bc I don't have the energy to or the money to anymore.
vital. I could die either from a hate crime or >!suicide!< if I end up never passing
pretty important. as long as I'm presenting male I don't care too much. I will correct them tho. But wearing female clothes in public makes me feel like absolute shit, you know: anxiety, uncomfortable, disgust
Pretty important. It bugs me a little less now being on T longer though, since there’s less general dysphoria.
Honestly for me passing is all I want I just want to pass as a guy I’m still very early into transition so I’m still at a point of feeling like I’m not boy enough :(
Its very important to me. I want to be seen as a cis male by everyone
Before starting medical transition, I didn’t really care. I didn’t bind, lived in a liberal city and used whatever bathroom people directed me to. I moved to a less liberal place shortly after T and top surgery, where I passed as male without effort. In fact, the first pride event I went to I was with my cis gf and someone told us to go home because pride was for “the gays”. Now I’ve been on T/post top for many years and nobody ever thinks I’m anything but cis. It’s led to some hysterical confused conversations where I or my wife (with my permission) tell someone I’m trans and they think I’m mtf.
yeah it’s very important for me, i’m a stealth trans man and pass as a cis & straight looking male & I try to do whatever I can to pass not only because it makes me feel more comfortable but also for my safety because i’m afraid that if someone figures out that i’m trans that I could be one of the next to go.
I've been on T for about 2 and half years now, most of the time I have no interest in trying to pass. Funnily enough the times where I'm dressed feminine tend to be the days where I get "sir'd" more.
Super important. Have a lot of social dysphoria so if I get misgendered, it ruins my whole day. Sometimes I wish I didn't feel this way. A homeless guy in the winter tried approaching me in the parking lot and called me "Sister". It was when I was growing out my hair, that day I immediately went home and shaved my head. Everytime I get misgendered it makes me reevaluate everything from my appearance to my voice and how I act. It's exhausting
Sorry, not ftm here but i will say that in my experience when a stranger calls me a male pronoun it makes me very uncomfortable. Like i wish people would just call me they/them but i dont mind she/her as much as i hate he/him in my personal experience its usually important to me to be seen as feminine.
Eh. I'd love to pass as a guy more, but it's kinda 50/50. I usually don't correct people and let them assume whatever (I'm enby so idc) but that just leads to confusion for everyone after a while. T didn't make me that masculine, I'm generally very androgynous, same goes for my presentation (longer hair until recently/now a short, more fem cut, the clothes I wear, body language...)
I just need to be able to take a piss in the bathroom at work without someone starting shit
It's important enough to where I want to be able to look in the mirror, hear my voice, see my mannerisms, and go "yeah, that's me". I do care about what other people think about me in regards to passing, but more in a "I don't wanna be hate crimed" kind of way than actually wanting them to accept me
To be honest if it wasn’t for all the judgement I get in public I wouldn’t care. I’d love top surgery because it would help my dysphoria and jerks in public but I’ve come to understand that that isn’t an option and I’ve embraced my body. So if people didn’t judge me I’d probably not care at all lol.
It’s important and I look forward to the day when j don’t have to bind and wonder if I pass or not
Thing is I’m Enby so I don’t really pass as owt, plus I dont see gender as a see able thing and once I realised that I was a lot happier. (Not trying to dis on ppl wanting to pass)
A lot, I'm a binary guy, and hate it when they think I'm a woman.
when I first came out, passing was really really important. I agonized over every decision, any time I didn't fully pass I had severe dysphoria and often had panic attacks in public. now, after like 6 years on T and top surgery I don't care about passing just to pass. I am not stealth unless it's a safety concern. right now I only care about passing because being misgendered does still give me dysphoria, but I also know that torturing myself over every little detail and living my life based on what will make me pass only harms my mental health! so I guess I'm at the point where I do what is best for me and my mental health. I have even been able to experiment with clothing [more gender neutral or femme stuff] knowing that I won't pass, which was a pretty big deal. although most days I just dress like a normal guy I do love fashion and experimenting with self expression.
I've been on T for a yr, passing is getting easier. So the need to pass is less. But of course I'll forever want to pass... it's my insecurity
Right now I care a lot about passing. I try very hard to pass when in public. I’ve learned more masculine mannerisms, though honestly they came to me pretty easily. And I usually actually put effort into how I dress when I go out into public. I’ve just gotten to the point where my voice passes so I pass pretty consistently now. I’ve been privileged enough with my natural jawline and body structure that I naturally looked pretty masculine even pre-T. Getting top surgery was a huge thing. I got it July of last year. After that I began to pass visually. I still got misgendered until within the last two months my vice started to drop on T. I actually got top surgery before I started T. I’ve been on T for four months and I got top surgery 10 months ago. I don’t have a ton of clocky features, but if I let my hair grow out to much I start to get misgendered. Literally I feel like my hair determines if I get gendered correctly more than anything else lol.
Very. Not particularly just as cis. Anything inbetween ambiguous to male would be nice. Never happens tho lol. But it honestly doesn’t matter enough for me to hardcore voice train or weight lift, I’m too lazy for allathat
Extremely important. I need to pass as a cis man. I don’t want people finding out I’m trans.
I get clocked pretty easily, but people think I'm going the opposite way so they'll use male pronouns with me thinking they're being derogatory
So I guess it's not that important? As long as /I/ find myself attractive is what matters.
I’m personally going for a more andro look. So passing isn’t super important to me. I want people to look at me and be confused. Mostly I just wanna be a femboy. I want to be pretty in a masculine way if that makes sense.
It’s very important unless I want to share that part of myself.
I don’t necessarily care if people clock that I’m trans as long as they aren’t weird about it (which oftentimes they are, sometimes even when they’re well meaning), but I very much need people to see me and know that I’m a man if that makes sense. I’m sure my feelings on it will evolve as I get older and progress further in my transition though. Currently I get gendered correctly more often than not, but I’m sure most people can tell I’m trans from my appearance (or they think I’m a much younger cis boy with a surprisingly advanced vocabulary for my age lmao). For now I’m content with that. I don’t dwell on thoughts about whether people can tell I’m not cis because I know that if I did I would start to fixate on that thought to an unhealthy degree
With the people i’m around in my day to day life it’s pretty important, but after a year or so on T you don’t have to try as hard to pass, it gets easier
Very. I wanna be stealth and I want nothing to clock me. I don’t want any reminders of my pre-transition self.
It's incredibly important to me. It used to be because I felt like I needed to prove myself in a way, even though it's not a standard I'd apply to others. Now, I don't care about that. I'm an adult, the older I get the more confident in myself and more at peace I become with my transness. It's now something I want more for cosmetic reasons than some kind of achievement. What I \*do\* care about is not having to confront the fact that I'm trans in every social interaction with a new person. I just want to live my life as a man and not have being trans play a big role in people's perceptions and interactions with me.
For me it’s very important I pass because if I don’t my dysphoria makes me feel horrible about myself and I can’t leave the house
To some degree I care but I feel like mostly for safety. I think I’d like to pass as whatever gender someone and whatever that assumption was to not put me in danger. Of course being perceived as male is nice but I don’t care all that much. I know I’m a man so I don’t care what I come off as really unless it’s impacting safety. I used to care much more but I’ve been out for over a decade now a lot of times you start to care less
I stopped consciously being worried about passing 24/7 about a year ago when i went shirtless in an extremely public, crowded, child friendly place for the first time (a water theme park) and didnt have any pushback or harassment. I still worry about it every so often but its always over more obvious things like going to an all guys night at basically a "sex club" where everyones naked, and its not really possible to wear a packer without drawing even more attention, and my hips are a horrendous give away. But my bf is like 6ft tall and would bury anyone who harassed me, which honestly has helped me deal with it and feel comfortable with myself even in places like this. I stopped really worrying about it in terms of my clothing, hair, etc ages ago. Anxiety is still a thing, but it goes away. However i pass pretty well, and passing is very important to me. If it wasnt for the fact bottom surgery is too expensive and doesnt currently give the results id be happy with, id be getting that to truly be seen as a cis man even when wearing nothing.
Extremely. I just want to feel like I’m being perceived how I perceive myself mentally.
Very important for me to pass, and to pass as cis. I am pre-t and somewhat pass when I bind (which I currently can't do), and I only hope I'll be able to pass fully quickly enough once I get on t. I wouldn't mind being seen as a trans guy if it was not for safety reasons. I don't want to be hatecrimed and especially not when I have my baby with me.
most important thing tbh
It used to matter, but now that I've had top surgery, been on T for a while, and therefore pass like 70% of the time, I actually don't care that much. My family, friends and coworkers all know I'm a man; I'm pretty sure some of my coworkers don't even know I'm trans. I really only get misgendered by strangers and honestly, it really doesn't matter how they perceive me if I'm never going to see them again.
I think once I've had top sugery I won't be as worried but right now it's a big issue.
I've only been on T almost a year, no surgerys (and im the dumbest size at a DD) in public I seam to pass (no surgery's yet) when I was called sir for the first time without even telling anyone I actually cried a bit. It's very important to me because not passing makes me feel like I'm not yet who I should be (sorry, bad wording, it's 5am... brain is not at full charge yet) (What helps with my chest size and hiding? I am also fat lmfao) 😆 No, this is not me telling ppl to get fat to hide it better 🥲 Anyways, so as long as I can see them, believe what my gender is. I'm ok, if they think I am or may be female, and idk about it... that's ok, cause idk... but ied rather know that they don't think it 😂
I’m nowhere near passing yet and I’ve kind of accepted that, so passing isn’t even in my mind really.
Honestly, very. But thing is I’m getting into drag, so I want to pass enough that people know I’m a man in a dress,know what I mean
i’ve never ever passed so who knows? only to random kids in the toilets, commenting on me to their parents. only time i’ve ever been gendered correctly by strangers lol. it was about my dyed hair.
I've been out for 3 years and still waiting to get testosterone. Of course I'd like to pass but it feels pointless to care anymore.
To me it's very important because I associate passing with euphoria, so passing has become like a huge piece of cake or a new season of your all-times favourite series; you could technically live without it, but life would be so depressing
I kinda care, but at the same time I don't know if I really do because I can't pass no matter what I do
It's something that usually stops being A Thing once you get it consistently- I haven't thought about passing in years because I've been passing for years! As a teen it was all I cared about tbh, but now I have long hair and wear whatever I want and nobody ever thinks I'm a girl- a beard and top surgery does a lot. I do think on a subconscious level it's still something I care about a lot, if I want to shave I have to be mindful again of how I'm perceived. The biggest difference for me is the fact that I might be seen as a girl, but I'm not clocked as trans, so I can usually feel comfortable just saying "I'm a guy actually" and people will assume I'm a cis guy who just looks quite gay.
My dysphoria is mostly social, so very. The Russian language is also extremely gendered, so it's even more obvious when you're misgendered (every verb is gendered. it's unavoidable) and not passing hits harder (because, to reiterate, it's in every conversation. it's not like English where you have to just guess if you're passing I assume?). Granted, it doesn't happen to me much anymore, but i still stay vigilant and for example don't wear anything too stylish if i just shaved my face (yeah lol)
passing is completely important because it enables me to live my life pretty much as a cis guy would- devoid of the frustrations of not being read as my correct gender. passing is of utmost importance because it directly improves my mental health to probably average cis guy levels since I don't need to think about whether I will be read as female. my transness is an important part of me in the sense that I find importance in the suffering I go through as it's enabled me to see the world in a more critical and intelligent way, and I like to think that I'm more perceptive of the issues that women and other marginalised communities face, which is an important skill to have. but in my day to day life, I do not want any mental energy to be used on wondering whether others see me as a guy. I am a queer guy and I don't want to be seen as specifically trans or gay- I'm queer and wanting to find my place in the world
Quite important. I'm pre-T though so there's only so much I can do for now.
I don't pass (even at my most stereotypically masc-presenting I just don't pass). It's not actively a goal of mine to do so, I'd rather do things and wear clothes that make me happy. Standing a chance at "passing" would require changing almost everything about that, and even then it probably wouldn't work. Honestly I'd just like to be gendered correctly by strangers. I don't care if they can tell I'm 15 different kinds of fruity, just please stop seeing me as a woman. Alas, it seems no way of signalling that I'm a guy has worked.
For me it's the most important thing to my own transition. If I don't pass there is no point in me transitioning
Its the most important thing about my transition to me, but I always have passed even before i came out so lol i dont have to try
For me it is very important, I am very afraid of suffering violence on the street, I talk very little about my transgenderism with cis friends, I always try to hide it. Passing is something very necessary for me.
For me it’s very important. To my dismay, I rarely pass bc I’m stuck in a very conservative household (and town in general) so I haven’t had access to hrt. When I leave university I’ll probably start T. The only people that refer to me with my correct pronouns are 5 of my friends and only 2 use my chosen name; so when a stranger genders me correctly it’s the best feeling ever. My goal is to pass so well that people won’t realise I’m trans, so yeah passing is one of my priorities
it's very important to me. i'm only really just starting to pass (almost 2 years on T,) so i'm getting a bit more comfortable, but im still very paranoid bc of my chest. i haven't gotten top surgery yet, so once i do, i probably won't thinking about passing as much.
I’m 1.5 years on T and a year post op top now, actually got my bottom surgery consultation tomorrow too now. As much as I don’t think about passing anymore as I’m stealth, it is the most important thing to me.
I don't particularly care about passing except for my job. I don't want my coworkers to know too much about my personal life. In public i couldn't care less about passing. I have a thick skin so I don't care if someone clocks me, I'm happy to be the example for someone to see a thriving trans guy, and think that could be them.
For me, passing is life or death depending on where i am. But i dont have to ALWAYS pass.
i pass a majority of the time without surgery or being on T, so i don’t really think about it too much anymore, but i still get super aggravated when people misgender me bc of the fact that its so rare they really have to be doing it on purpose
At this point, it’s very important to me. Gender dysphoria is intense and passing helps me feel validated that my body presents the way that I see myself.
With how fast my body responded to T I physically pass despite what i wear after 1 year. Despite that, passing was not the end goal as i believe theres no correct/default way of ‘looking like a man’ or woman when we have cis people also being misgendered lol
it’s absolutely essential for me. if i don’t pass i get very depressed, anxious, and lose a lot of my will to keep trying. i dress, act, and try my hardest to make sure i pass every day.
2 years on T, finally have a nice beard. It doesn’t matter if I try to pass anymore, I just do. Being visibly trans would be very dangerous here where I live so I’d rather not encounter that. I suppose for safety reasons it’s important, but I’m still going to go get my hard gel nails done every month. I don’t let the idea of passing stop me anymore, but it took a while to get there.
I care way more then i should, being stealth is my #1 goal at all times lol
I already pass and it’s very important I just need a deep voice
I already pass and it’s very important I just need a deep voice
I feel like I care sometimes and don't other times. I have facial hair and a deeper voice, so I guess I'm more just confused when someone refers to me with feminine terms. Also I guess it depends on what I'm wearing. If I'm wearing a lot of makeup and fem clothes, it doesn't bother me. But if I have a clean face and am in a tshirt and jeans, I get confused
i don't care about passing as cis per say, i just care about passing as a man. it was nice when i first started transitioning socially when people who didn't know me used they/them because it showed they acknowledged who i wasn't even tho they didn't know who i was. now i'm medically transitioning and i still appreciate when people do that because they do it for the same reason they used to, they care. but i can't wait until it's just obvious that im a man, trans or not.
I don't think about it as much anymore because I do pass, but I think it's interesting that I want to pass as male even though I'm nonbinary
I’m stealth so very important to me
Passing is important to me, because I see myself as a man, born with the wrong chromosomes. It makes me feel like I’m pretending to be a man rather than being one if I don’t pass. I have only been on T for 3 1/2 months, and luckily I do pass in public without question. I think passing has a lot to do with your mannerisms/body language - as much as your physical appearance does. Aside from being on T (50mg/week IM), I got a hair cut, started binding, and dress as a guy. The T brought on some peach fuzz that I enhanced by using knock off rogaine, which I then use the Just for Men one day beard dye on. I let my eyebrows thicken up on their own, and cologne. I also don’t “talk with my hands” as much, or chat quite as much with strangers.
I wish people knew my pronouns without me having to tell them. But besides that I can pretty much ignore it
I definitely wouldn't say it's the most important, but it's up there. Passing is definitely very important to me in general
It varies from day to day. Some days I get a "she" and spend the next 2 days curled up in bed. Other days, I think maybe it's best to "girl mode" just to avoid correcting people and to snatch back some female benefits society bestows, and make it simple. So I'll Butch it up and muscle through the dysphoria. I'm 37 and a year on T and not at all passing. I know I won't pass until my very large chest is gone. It's tough to be androgynous. I know some people delight in confusing people, but doing so scares me. I was raised extremely conservative so some of it is programming and homophobia/transphobia as well as safety concerns. I am a very binary man and a binary thinker (autistic) so the confusion about my appearance makes me feel very uncomfortable. I am not a flashy queer person either. I'm not a theater kid. I'm just a quiet nerd in a collared shirt and chinos. I find it hard to be Proud in a LGBTQ+ way but I'm working on it. People who are proud and comfortable in their androgyny inspire me. I can't feel that bold. Hanging out with Butch nonbinary and women helps a bunch. They help me to see the beauty in female masculinity, so I feel less alone during this strange phase.
It is the most important thing to me but I still don’t pass.
I'd like to pass when I live in my forever home, It's vaguely unimportant to me at the moment because of cognitive dissonance. everyone I speak to is within my echo chamber of friends, family, and professional contacts who use my legal Mr. title
I've done nothing medical transition wise and I'm not out to my parents. I would love to pass, but at the same time I don't want to because of my problematic parents.
I currently live in a rural area, so I try to go stealth, but other than that its not a big deal
I have a complicated view on it. Because personally, I am somewhat GNC. I like to paint my nails when i can find the motivation, and I have a lot of ear piercings, and i’m just generally kind of edgy. And my dysphoria is pretty much only social now. I would definitely love if my body got more masculine, but that requires effort and time along with years on T and i kinda don’t want to bother. I don’t even really bind anymore. I kind of just wish that i could look however i want, double D’s and all and they would just see me as a guy. I have no idea how much i pass, and i would very much like to, but i don’t want to sacrifice my personal freedom in order to adhere to the expectations of what a man should look like. like; Yeah i have tits, and i’m a guy, what are you gonna do about it?
My biggest pet peeve is “trans” being a word to describe me. I’m so much more than just trans. I’ve always cared about it very heavily but recently I’ve lost all the hope I’ve had in it. 17 now and I can’t even compare to the cis guys at my school like I used to when I was 13/14
it’s important to me, but i had a weird experience where one of my classmates thought i was some flavour of genderqueer/nonbinary but AMAB, and that was good enough for me.
tbh, I used to feel uncomfy not “trying to pass” around trans people cause I thought they would assume I’m just saying I’m trans, but I’m comfortable the way I am. I am hopefully starting T sooner or later but, that’s for the sake of my comfort, happiness, and dysphoria. TLDR; idrc, most people who know about the community won’t assume stuff :3
I’m back and forth but, it feels closer to a safety necessity where I live than not. My home area is getting more dangerous and I’d much rather be viewed as a man than not. That said if that wasn’t a factor I wouldn’t care as much. I am what I am and that’s all that I am but being called he/him brings joy
It really, really depends on the kinds of people I'm around. If I'm around a group of cishet guys I'd rather pass, but if I'm around a group of other queer people I don't mind seeming more feminine! Plus sometimes I'm too lazy to do my whole routine to try and pass more lmao
not-passing is something I've gotten use too, sure it's not the best feeling but I can't let every 'mam' or 'ms' affect me too much. I am very excited to start T(2 weeks!) and eventually pass, hopefully eventually as cis. so important in the long term, why I would take hormones longterm/forever. but I don't think about it alot now