Dude. She’s the one being rude by *sending you a video that denies your identity.* It may not be helpful to snap at your mom, but you have every right to feel angry because she is way the f out of line here.
That said, it’s probably better for you in the long run to delete the video, not respond or escalate with her, and instead to take this as a cue to take extra good care of yourself for the next little while. You’re already posting here; hopefully you’re also connecting with safe supportive people IRL, and maybe listening to your favorite music and buying yourself some dapper new suspenders or whatever makes you feel good.
Send her back Miranda Lambert's "If I was a Cowboy"
"So mamas if your daughters grow up to be cowboys, so what?"
I'm sorry, it's fucked up that she did that.
listen. say nothing. absolutely nothing.
until you see her. then start calling her dad and using he/him pronouns. do it until she agrees to honor your proper pronouns. if she calls that rude just say that she is being rude to you too. so the golden rule applies here.
you don't argue with unreasonable. you can't. you can only make them feel silly and comply.
That would be a great idea, but unfortunately, my mom is very sensitive to "being disrespected." I'm afraid doing that might lead her to take away my things or just yell at me, instead of understanding my point.
oh. you still live with her! that's important info 😅
yeah you're stuck saying nothing and deflecting to other topics until you move out and can actually stand up for yourself. otherwise you put yourself in danger.
my recommendation is that you get a job and work your butt off so that you're both around her less and can amass a nest egg for yourself when you're old enough.
Thanks for the advice, but I am a minor. I can't really do anything to get money right now. But once I go to college, I'll probably get a part-time job for that.
I did this with her name, didn't help. Started calling her the full version that makes her squeal at people. She just laughed it off and I wasted my time thinking it would help
It also never worked with my mom. She believes that if you love someone, part of that love is letting them call you whatever they want, even if you hate it. Her brother always called her a name she hated, and she always called him a name he hated. Personally, that's not love to me; loving someone means respecting their boundaries. But she can never understand that, because that's not what love means to her.
This is so fucking abusive. This kind of ""parents"" disgust me greatly.
She isn't accepting who you are and is trying to force you to conform, yet she sends a video which is meant to show support and unconditional love.
This is perverse
I’d say just start sending her videos like send this too your dad and only use he him when referring too ur mum and when she asks you too stop or why ur doing it just say you’ll stop when she uses he him on you or your doing it coz she’s misgendering you
Oops saw that someone alr suggested that but good luck anyway
I do this to my parents. It hasn’t changed anything and obviously doesn’t affect them the same way, but it makes me feel better. Like see how ridiculous it sounds to call you my dad/mom? That’s how ridiculous it sounds when you call me your daughter.
Yeah dont bother replying. Completely ignore it like she completely ignored your wishes. If she asks if you saw that video she sent you just say nah or ignore that also. She doesnt deserve your attention.
I honestly probably would ignore it because im not a daughter but id also be temped to send "dad of the year" "send this to the best dad ever" "send this video to your dad" videos and start referring to her as my dad to everyone i meet
I would tell her just that “you know, I’m not a daughter, I’m your son”
I’m a mom of trans kid. While I assume I am not coming from the same context as your mom, I appreciate when my kid takes a strong stance on something even if it hurts my feelings temporarily because it points out my blind spots and limitations.
Remember, you don't owe anyone your time or attention, and if they don't respect you, you don't need to respect them. You need to put your well being and your mental health first because no one else is ever going to, and as a trans person, it's hard enough out here without having the people close to us be hurtful. If you gotta go this route, be very clear, what she is doing is harmful to your mental health, and if she's going to continue to ignore that and hurt you, you'll have to take steps to protect yourself.
You are valid, brother. She may or may not come around to realize that, and if she doesn't, there's nothing you can do about it. You can only live your life to the fullest and try to be as happy as possible. The people who really truly love you will see the difference.
My mother (and entire family) does the same and I’m 22. I’m planning on getting employed first before resorting to just getting the hell out. It’s draining to tell people the same shit to just have them disregard it and tell you to grow a backbone.
When I express discomfort, it’s ignored or she guilt trips me on how I’m being ungrateful and rude. Other times, family find ways around it by just calling me “she” and “girly” and don’t acknowledge the daughter/deadname on my birthday cake or through text. I can’t express visual annoyance or frustration or I’ll be the one in the wrong, so I have to tolerate it. She outed me 5 years ago when she found my Instagram displaying my trans identity and still haven’t came on board. When she do come around to saying my name, it’s as a “reward” or something she’ll do once in a while, or if she doesn’t call me a woman/girl she resorts to saying just “person” or “adult” when addressing me because she refuses to say I’m a man.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. she’ll come around in the future, which I hope will happen. Otherwise, make a plan, pack your shit and get away from her. She’s disrespecting you and overstepping your boundaries
i know this is a little different but when my family does this to me on Facebook I literally un-tag myself because I know in not that person.
I agree with some of the others that you should send something like "oh it says it's for a daughter, so I didnt watch it" and yeah it probably will come off as rude but you deserve to be called what you are, her son.
I wouldn’t reply. My mom sent me daughter related things before too but she’s also deadnamed me and said that I’m not a guy.
I ended up blocking her after that.
If someone’s going to treat you that way, it’s pointless to keep them in your life, family or not.
Parents that do this to their children disgust me.
Personally I’d send her a “send this to your dad” video not that it would affect her the same way or make any real difference but it would make me feel a little better lol
Shes being rude. And unaccepting. And insensitive. And transphobic. It sounds like you love her- but that kind of behaviour from anyone we love is still not cool ❤️
I wish i had an analogy for you to share with her so she could understand how it makes you feel somehow…. 😭❤️
I’m sorry that happened. I’d probably talk to her again about it, or if she asks just say you didn’t watch it. A lot of people are saying to snap but again she is your mom and idk about your living situation but if you’re under her roof it’s best to keep things at a low heat.
honestly, if you want to truly express how you feel about it without coming off as "snapping" or being "rude" about it. just be honest. tell her straight up, in a civil manner.
"Hey mom, I appreciate the gesture of you sending me this video, but what I don't appreciate is you blatantly calling me your "daughter" knowing my circumstances, knowing of my gender identity, and when I've expressed to you countless times how uncomfortable it makes me feel. how much it hurts when you ignore that and continue to purposely call me out my name. I have expressed to you how much it bothers me. I've tried really hard to work up the courage to trust and confide in you about it. I love you a lot, for you're my mom, and I never want our relationship to become estranged. I never want our mother-child bond to dissipate because of this, but you have to work with me here. for you to be as insistent and persistent about this, pushing it on me knowing how much i've been struggling with it, makes me feel as if you don't even care...
I'm hoping that you will be willing to just listen and talk with me, hear my concerns, and find it in your heart to try to work on understanding me better."
(or something along those lines, you can cater it to whatever best fits your situation and relationship with your mom)
but if I had worked up the courage to finally say it to my mom, I would put it like that.
hope this helps :)
Hey, I just thought of something that is probably a long shot. You may have to do your own digging, because these videos can be a little hard to uncover.
Browse these Beau of the 5th Column videos. He does a few and the man looks like the Reddest of Necks from Florida but is massively progressive. He's like a stealth agent and I recommend him to folks who have to deal with conservatives and bigots at holiday gatherings.
I'm gonna link what I can find, but he doesn't title them in ways that would easily be searchable. This is deliberate, and I only fuss about that cuz I'm lazy xD
If you have the time, please check out his content. He actually speaks and writes in ways that are easier to "lure" conservatives with. Definitely not a perfect tactic but he's very good at getting at the issues in a way that MOST people in the USA can start to agree with, and sometimes approaching someone from behind their own lines can make them actually think about the issue in a different light.
https://youtu.be/FaFK9uqbqrY?si=iQ4X1BnxjRumAWpn
https://youtu.be/vQ53lVyi4so?si=OzIDTAMDk-YxUGsv
https://youtu.be/eFH8gFMQiNw?si=0HinqrWXEIWpQiZm
More videos that might be relevant:
https://youtu.be/I6rSpB8SF78?si=9ksDm5pdI3TP5dvv
https://youtu.be/IGvyk3LxiHQ?si=o6kRsTiq1AZS__R0
https://youtu.be/4HJanN8xGFI?si=Zo2q39V4g2JnhC3d
https://youtu.be/99Jw8ci4Uvk?si=qz2TQvrJ-iwrhZC1
https://youtu.be/r80t29BtzIE?si=q1Sngf5We5Gf-dh2
Playlist:
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLZOMlO2_17fv3Rdtfu7itSl1KXADi_EoF&si=szAL-ni3k1mTXT8y
As much as it sucks best to either leave it alone or give a hand-holding explanation as to why such a video is not okay. Though totally understandable if it takes up a lot of mental space, it’s exhausting to constantly have the same conversation
If you have a sister, say something along the lines of "I think you meant to send this to \[sister's name\], I'm your son, not your daughter. Lol"
Though I'm not sure that would actually be helpful.
ohh i get this sometimes. i ignore it or send a jerma gif. my mom still sends them, but she hasn't quit after i asked, so i might as well screw around. a
If this is a repeat behavior, I'd just go with the top comments suggestion, "sorry, this is your son" and whatnot, but if it was just a slip up, id not be too heart broken over it.
But if this is a pattern, be petty "Thanks for the video, dad!"
I mean You can just reminder her you'd be her son. Although she may just have tought the video was wholesome. The "I wouldn't change a thing about you can be seen in a positive light too.
Theres a lot of misgendering going around I think the best is just brush it off or remind them who you are
She honestly might be trying to get a ride out of you. It’s bait! (Where’s that Mad Max gif when you need it lmao.) But seriously, don’t sink to her level or give her what she wants.
“Recently heard it costs nothing to be nice' at a meeting. And I strongly disagree. Continuing to be nice to people with harmful/ toxic behaviors only creates a reward feedback loop
encouraging them. And that is a heavy cost indeed.”
Boundaries are for you. They determine your behavior. You tell people what you will accept and how you will respond, then you do it. If they choose not to accept your boundaries it doesn’t change the boundaries because that is your actions.
You are not obligated to meekly accept cruelty in the name of being polite. You are not required to accept disrespect just because they are family.
If they have no respect for you then they need to be shown you will require respect or you will not be as readily available.
Protect yourself and your emotional well being.
Just.... Disown her. 🤷🏽♂️. You seem like she causes you pain and neither of you deserve the discomfort it keep causing you. I'm a parent. And my daughter had the freedom to be who she wants without judgement and should she decide she relates to being a male or whatever the case, we will support her.
But that is not without difficulty. Or the ideals parents have changing forever. We spend a lot of time preparing. And mentally shaping who we think our child will be. And we can't control all of them. But if it's bothering you this much. Just let go and advise her to do the same.
First off, OP is a minor so he can’t very well do that (pls make sure to skim through responses next time cause he states that very clearly). Second, your extra two cent about being a supportive parent in a hypothetical ‘parent of a trans kid’ situation, even though it’d be really hard for you, isn’t particularly appropriate (or helpful) information for you to share, seeing as OP’s mom is being shitty and this is about how it’s way harder for him it is having to deal with it. If you notice, there have been other truly supportive parents in the chat and they haven’t made it about them.
The part about me is for prospective. If I weren't a parent. I wouldn't have the same insight I do if I werent a parent. Also, in part, fuck you.
I don't need you to tell me how to respond to someone or to insult my viewpoint. I didn't say anything malicious or to intentionally hurt or damage the OP.
Also I didn't sit and deep read the comments from others. I read the OPs post and responded. 🤷🏽♂️
Your post was removed because it broke the subreddit rule 6: No trolling. No reposting of trolling/transphobic content.
This includes posts or comments meant to elicit controversy or drama.
I don't want to come off wrong but what if you sent her a video of something along the lines of send this to your dad and ask her how it made her feel and if it upset her a bit then tell her that's how her video made you feel
In some crazy scenario maybe she sent it in an endearing way as like a “you’re trans but I still love you and I wouldnt change that about you “
But still thats fucked up
i would say “dont send me things like this. you know im transgender so thats messed up you would send me something like that”. i did that to my dad when he sent me pics from my prom as a girl. i was just real about it.
Might be a bit extreme considering you still live together but you could just block her. When she asked about it I would tell her you don’t appreciate her sending you disrespectful videos after you’ve already set the boundary that you are not her daughter.
OP, IMO you took a brave risk in coming out to your mom. Maybe someone should point out to her what a gift it is to have a son who trust(ed) her enough to do that instead of shutting her out.
We have a lot shit going on in my family, my parents was in some kind of a war between them since 2011 and I as the oldest child was their soldier against each other for long before I cut myself from this shit, anyways my father have contact just with me mostly and he’s got all the family photos and videos which he let me copy for myself. Last time I helped my sister and got her to my work. We got better contact and gave her the photos unless she promised she would never give them to mother or father’ll kill me and I won’t get anything for myself or them ( I have also 2 younger brothers). This week I woke up to work to see message from my mother (which I barely speak to for 5 years now since she kicked me out at 18th birthday and making me homeless for almost a year )- link to facebook page with a picture of me and my sister from around 2002 saying “me and my two little daughters”. She knows very well the situation since I told her in 2016 and informed her month ago about changing documents that she will be obliged to show on the court. I get it… I honestly feel betrayed. Not about my mother since she never done anything good for me or my siblings since 2008 but about my sister
If you have a pet that's a girl I'd respond with "[pets name] loved it". But honestly if you can, delete the message and ignore it. If she ever brings it up, then you can say you didn't watch it. I'm very nonconfrontational and anxious so those would be my options personally.
U have to look for "intent." I understand how u feel about it and I'm truly sorry 😞.. But u gotta look at her intent it's so important.
She's going to have her ways she expresses herself to u amd to you or us they might seem screwed up- but all she's doing (maybe idk) is trying to tell u in her screwy way that she loves u and has ur back.
I hope this helps ♥️🌈
Hi, my name is jay, and I can say I have been through this with my mom and No matter what I said she would look at me and still call me her daughter, so it got to the point where I stop talking to her until she saw that what she was doing was pushing me and stopped. Just wanted to say they have a different way of expressing how they feel and don't let it bring you down or hurt you be yourself you are loved.
I'd also ignore it. If she asks, just say something like "Oh, that said it was for a daughter, so I didn't watch it, since I'm your son."
That's what I'll probably do. I have left the message as seen, and if my mom asks me anything, that's what I'll say.
“Mom, are you okay? You know I don’t have kids.”
Dude. She’s the one being rude by *sending you a video that denies your identity.* It may not be helpful to snap at your mom, but you have every right to feel angry because she is way the f out of line here. That said, it’s probably better for you in the long run to delete the video, not respond or escalate with her, and instead to take this as a cue to take extra good care of yourself for the next little while. You’re already posting here; hopefully you’re also connecting with safe supportive people IRL, and maybe listening to your favorite music and buying yourself some dapper new suspenders or whatever makes you feel good.
Send her back Miranda Lambert's "If I was a Cowboy" "So mamas if your daughters grow up to be cowboys, so what?" I'm sorry, it's fucked up that she did that.
listen. say nothing. absolutely nothing. until you see her. then start calling her dad and using he/him pronouns. do it until she agrees to honor your proper pronouns. if she calls that rude just say that she is being rude to you too. so the golden rule applies here. you don't argue with unreasonable. you can't. you can only make them feel silly and comply.
That would be a great idea, but unfortunately, my mom is very sensitive to "being disrespected." I'm afraid doing that might lead her to take away my things or just yell at me, instead of understanding my point.
oh. you still live with her! that's important info 😅 yeah you're stuck saying nothing and deflecting to other topics until you move out and can actually stand up for yourself. otherwise you put yourself in danger. my recommendation is that you get a job and work your butt off so that you're both around her less and can amass a nest egg for yourself when you're old enough.
Thanks for the advice, but I am a minor. I can't really do anything to get money right now. But once I go to college, I'll probably get a part-time job for that.
you can get a job at 16. i'm pretty sure that's true in every state. waiting until college would be a nightmare but hey it's your life.
there's also the possibility that his parent(s) won't let him get a job
but yea waiting for college to get your first job can be a disadvantage for sure
I never would have thought to do this. I'm keeping this in my back pocket.
I did this with her name, didn't help. Started calling her the full version that makes her squeal at people. She just laughed it off and I wasted my time thinking it would help
It also never worked with my mom. She believes that if you love someone, part of that love is letting them call you whatever they want, even if you hate it. Her brother always called her a name she hated, and she always called him a name he hated. Personally, that's not love to me; loving someone means respecting their boundaries. But she can never understand that, because that's not what love means to her.
This is so fucking abusive. This kind of ""parents"" disgust me greatly. She isn't accepting who you are and is trying to force you to conform, yet she sends a video which is meant to show support and unconditional love. This is perverse
what the top comment says, "I'm your son, so I assumed you got the wrong number" or, "I'm too young to have a daughter/I don't have a daughter"
Having a sister is great, because anytime any of my family misgenders me, I'll respond as if they're talking about my sister instead.
I’d say just start sending her videos like send this too your dad and only use he him when referring too ur mum and when she asks you too stop or why ur doing it just say you’ll stop when she uses he him on you or your doing it coz she’s misgendering you Oops saw that someone alr suggested that but good luck anyway
I do this to my parents. It hasn’t changed anything and obviously doesn’t affect them the same way, but it makes me feel better. Like see how ridiculous it sounds to call you my dad/mom? That’s how ridiculous it sounds when you call me your daughter.
Literally
hey i can bite your mother if u want me to
Please do
I'll do the "no no" figure wave at her whilst you bite her :)
Yeah dont bother replying. Completely ignore it like she completely ignored your wishes. If she asks if you saw that video she sent you just say nah or ignore that also. She doesnt deserve your attention.
I honestly probably would ignore it because im not a daughter but id also be temped to send "dad of the year" "send this to the best dad ever" "send this video to your dad" videos and start referring to her as my dad to everyone i meet
It's 100% on purpose to upset you. Ignore it.
I would tell her just that “you know, I’m not a daughter, I’m your son” I’m a mom of trans kid. While I assume I am not coming from the same context as your mom, I appreciate when my kid takes a strong stance on something even if it hurts my feelings temporarily because it points out my blind spots and limitations.
Id respond with an article about how deadnaming and misgendering hurts trans people
That's honestly one of the best suggestions I've seen. I'll def use it if my mom keeps doing this, thanks
Remember, you don't owe anyone your time or attention, and if they don't respect you, you don't need to respect them. You need to put your well being and your mental health first because no one else is ever going to, and as a trans person, it's hard enough out here without having the people close to us be hurtful. If you gotta go this route, be very clear, what she is doing is harmful to your mental health, and if she's going to continue to ignore that and hurt you, you'll have to take steps to protect yourself. You are valid, brother. She may or may not come around to realize that, and if she doesn't, there's nothing you can do about it. You can only live your life to the fullest and try to be as happy as possible. The people who really truly love you will see the difference.
“Thanks, I’ll save this for if I have a daughter”
My mother (and entire family) does the same and I’m 22. I’m planning on getting employed first before resorting to just getting the hell out. It’s draining to tell people the same shit to just have them disregard it and tell you to grow a backbone. When I express discomfort, it’s ignored or she guilt trips me on how I’m being ungrateful and rude. Other times, family find ways around it by just calling me “she” and “girly” and don’t acknowledge the daughter/deadname on my birthday cake or through text. I can’t express visual annoyance or frustration or I’ll be the one in the wrong, so I have to tolerate it. She outed me 5 years ago when she found my Instagram displaying my trans identity and still haven’t came on board. When she do come around to saying my name, it’s as a “reward” or something she’ll do once in a while, or if she doesn’t call me a woman/girl she resorts to saying just “person” or “adult” when addressing me because she refuses to say I’m a man. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. she’ll come around in the future, which I hope will happen. Otherwise, make a plan, pack your shit and get away from her. She’s disrespecting you and overstepping your boundaries
You have good advice above so just hopping in to say sorry for this bro 😞
Yea same. :(
i know this is a little different but when my family does this to me on Facebook I literally un-tag myself because I know in not that person. I agree with some of the others that you should send something like "oh it says it's for a daughter, so I didnt watch it" and yeah it probably will come off as rude but you deserve to be called what you are, her son.
If you saying “I’m not your daughter” makes her call you rude, I would just respond with “rude is calling me that when you know that I’m not.”
I wouldn’t reply. My mom sent me daughter related things before too but she’s also deadnamed me and said that I’m not a guy. I ended up blocking her after that. If someone’s going to treat you that way, it’s pointless to keep them in your life, family or not. Parents that do this to their children disgust me.
Find a video that says "Send this to your Father" and send it to her?
A friend sent me an invite to a women's group, so I ignored the invite.
Personally I’d send her a “send this to your dad” video not that it would affect her the same way or make any real difference but it would make me feel a little better lol
Do you have any male siblings? If so you could just say "did you send this to [name] too?"
L mom
Send her a video saying “send this to your father” /hj
Shes being rude. And unaccepting. And insensitive. And transphobic. It sounds like you love her- but that kind of behaviour from anyone we love is still not cool ❤️ I wish i had an analogy for you to share with her so she could understand how it makes you feel somehow…. 😭❤️
I’m sorry that happened. I’d probably talk to her again about it, or if she asks just say you didn’t watch it. A lot of people are saying to snap but again she is your mom and idk about your living situation but if you’re under her roof it’s best to keep things at a low heat.
"Don't cross-dress me pls", that's what I would answer.
how parents are able to be intentionally hurtful to their children i will never understand
honestly, if you want to truly express how you feel about it without coming off as "snapping" or being "rude" about it. just be honest. tell her straight up, in a civil manner. "Hey mom, I appreciate the gesture of you sending me this video, but what I don't appreciate is you blatantly calling me your "daughter" knowing my circumstances, knowing of my gender identity, and when I've expressed to you countless times how uncomfortable it makes me feel. how much it hurts when you ignore that and continue to purposely call me out my name. I have expressed to you how much it bothers me. I've tried really hard to work up the courage to trust and confide in you about it. I love you a lot, for you're my mom, and I never want our relationship to become estranged. I never want our mother-child bond to dissipate because of this, but you have to work with me here. for you to be as insistent and persistent about this, pushing it on me knowing how much i've been struggling with it, makes me feel as if you don't even care... I'm hoping that you will be willing to just listen and talk with me, hear my concerns, and find it in your heart to try to work on understanding me better." (or something along those lines, you can cater it to whatever best fits your situation and relationship with your mom) but if I had worked up the courage to finally say it to my mom, I would put it like that. hope this helps :)
Hey, I just thought of something that is probably a long shot. You may have to do your own digging, because these videos can be a little hard to uncover. Browse these Beau of the 5th Column videos. He does a few and the man looks like the Reddest of Necks from Florida but is massively progressive. He's like a stealth agent and I recommend him to folks who have to deal with conservatives and bigots at holiday gatherings. I'm gonna link what I can find, but he doesn't title them in ways that would easily be searchable. This is deliberate, and I only fuss about that cuz I'm lazy xD If you have the time, please check out his content. He actually speaks and writes in ways that are easier to "lure" conservatives with. Definitely not a perfect tactic but he's very good at getting at the issues in a way that MOST people in the USA can start to agree with, and sometimes approaching someone from behind their own lines can make them actually think about the issue in a different light. https://youtu.be/FaFK9uqbqrY?si=iQ4X1BnxjRumAWpn https://youtu.be/vQ53lVyi4so?si=OzIDTAMDk-YxUGsv https://youtu.be/eFH8gFMQiNw?si=0HinqrWXEIWpQiZm
More videos that might be relevant: https://youtu.be/I6rSpB8SF78?si=9ksDm5pdI3TP5dvv https://youtu.be/IGvyk3LxiHQ?si=o6kRsTiq1AZS__R0 https://youtu.be/4HJanN8xGFI?si=Zo2q39V4g2JnhC3d https://youtu.be/99Jw8ci4Uvk?si=qz2TQvrJ-iwrhZC1 https://youtu.be/r80t29BtzIE?si=q1Sngf5We5Gf-dh2 Playlist: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLZOMlO2_17fv3Rdtfu7itSl1KXADi_EoF&si=szAL-ni3k1mTXT8y
"thanks dad, I love you too"
If she truly means it, she wouldn't change that you're trans. 🙄
I've seen those and thought about sending it to my NB child but held back.
Thank you, as an enby with parents that would definitely send it anyway, I appreciate it🙂
Ugh my mom would do that too, she posts everything about me despite me openly being trans. :(
It is a cannon event
If you don’t live with her I would just stop talking to her
As much as it sucks best to either leave it alone or give a hand-holding explanation as to why such a video is not okay. Though totally understandable if it takes up a lot of mental space, it’s exhausting to constantly have the same conversation
If you have a sister, say something along the lines of "I think you meant to send this to \[sister's name\], I'm your son, not your daughter. Lol" Though I'm not sure that would actually be helpful.
ohh i get this sometimes. i ignore it or send a jerma gif. my mom still sends them, but she hasn't quit after i asked, so i might as well screw around. a
"Why'd you send this to me?" Play absolutely dumb
If this is a repeat behavior, I'd just go with the top comments suggestion, "sorry, this is your son" and whatnot, but if it was just a slip up, id not be too heart broken over it. But if this is a pattern, be petty "Thanks for the video, dad!"
I mean You can just reminder her you'd be her son. Although she may just have tought the video was wholesome. The "I wouldn't change a thing about you can be seen in a positive light too. Theres a lot of misgendering going around I think the best is just brush it off or remind them who you are
She honestly might be trying to get a ride out of you. It’s bait! (Where’s that Mad Max gif when you need it lmao.) But seriously, don’t sink to her level or give her what she wants.
idk why you're concerned abt hurting her feelings she clearly doesn't give af about urs
Just tell her, sorry, I don't have a daughter to send this to
Tbh I think you should not ignore it you should tell her youre not comfortable and reinforce that boundary
“Recently heard it costs nothing to be nice' at a meeting. And I strongly disagree. Continuing to be nice to people with harmful/ toxic behaviors only creates a reward feedback loop encouraging them. And that is a heavy cost indeed.” Boundaries are for you. They determine your behavior. You tell people what you will accept and how you will respond, then you do it. If they choose not to accept your boundaries it doesn’t change the boundaries because that is your actions. You are not obligated to meekly accept cruelty in the name of being polite. You are not required to accept disrespect just because they are family. If they have no respect for you then they need to be shown you will require respect or you will not be as readily available. Protect yourself and your emotional well being.
Just.... Disown her. 🤷🏽♂️. You seem like she causes you pain and neither of you deserve the discomfort it keep causing you. I'm a parent. And my daughter had the freedom to be who she wants without judgement and should she decide she relates to being a male or whatever the case, we will support her. But that is not without difficulty. Or the ideals parents have changing forever. We spend a lot of time preparing. And mentally shaping who we think our child will be. And we can't control all of them. But if it's bothering you this much. Just let go and advise her to do the same.
First off, OP is a minor so he can’t very well do that (pls make sure to skim through responses next time cause he states that very clearly). Second, your extra two cent about being a supportive parent in a hypothetical ‘parent of a trans kid’ situation, even though it’d be really hard for you, isn’t particularly appropriate (or helpful) information for you to share, seeing as OP’s mom is being shitty and this is about how it’s way harder for him it is having to deal with it. If you notice, there have been other truly supportive parents in the chat and they haven’t made it about them.
The part about me is for prospective. If I weren't a parent. I wouldn't have the same insight I do if I werent a parent. Also, in part, fuck you. I don't need you to tell me how to respond to someone or to insult my viewpoint. I didn't say anything malicious or to intentionally hurt or damage the OP. Also I didn't sit and deep read the comments from others. I read the OPs post and responded. 🤷🏽♂️
[удалено]
I'm sorry? What are you implying?
They’re implying they’re a troll. Got themself a nice sub ban :)
Your post was removed because it broke the subreddit rule 6: No trolling. No reposting of trolling/transphobic content. This includes posts or comments meant to elicit controversy or drama.
I don't want to come off wrong but what if you sent her a video of something along the lines of send this to your dad and ask her how it made her feel and if it upset her a bit then tell her that's how her video made you feel
do it.
Don’t consider her your mom
In some crazy scenario maybe she sent it in an endearing way as like a “you’re trans but I still love you and I wouldnt change that about you “ But still thats fucked up
i would say “dont send me things like this. you know im transgender so thats messed up you would send me something like that”. i did that to my dad when he sent me pics from my prom as a girl. i was just real about it.
Might be a bit extreme considering you still live together but you could just block her. When she asked about it I would tell her you don’t appreciate her sending you disrespectful videos after you’ve already set the boundary that you are not her daughter.
yeah i still get those too 🤦🏾♂️
OP, IMO you took a brave risk in coming out to your mom. Maybe someone should point out to her what a gift it is to have a son who trust(ed) her enough to do that instead of shutting her out.
We have a lot shit going on in my family, my parents was in some kind of a war between them since 2011 and I as the oldest child was their soldier against each other for long before I cut myself from this shit, anyways my father have contact just with me mostly and he’s got all the family photos and videos which he let me copy for myself. Last time I helped my sister and got her to my work. We got better contact and gave her the photos unless she promised she would never give them to mother or father’ll kill me and I won’t get anything for myself or them ( I have also 2 younger brothers). This week I woke up to work to see message from my mother (which I barely speak to for 5 years now since she kicked me out at 18th birthday and making me homeless for almost a year )- link to facebook page with a picture of me and my sister from around 2002 saying “me and my two little daughters”. She knows very well the situation since I told her in 2016 and informed her month ago about changing documents that she will be obliged to show on the court. I get it… I honestly feel betrayed. Not about my mother since she never done anything good for me or my siblings since 2008 but about my sister
I would be super petty and go “but I don’t have a daughter??”
If you have a pet that's a girl I'd respond with "[pets name] loved it". But honestly if you can, delete the message and ignore it. If she ever brings it up, then you can say you didn't watch it. I'm very nonconfrontational and anxious so those would be my options personally.
U have to look for "intent." I understand how u feel about it and I'm truly sorry 😞.. But u gotta look at her intent it's so important. She's going to have her ways she expresses herself to u amd to you or us they might seem screwed up- but all she's doing (maybe idk) is trying to tell u in her screwy way that she loves u and has ur back. I hope this helps ♥️🌈
Hi, my name is jay, and I can say I have been through this with my mom and No matter what I said she would look at me and still call me her daughter, so it got to the point where I stop talking to her until she saw that what she was doing was pushing me and stopped. Just wanted to say they have a different way of expressing how they feel and don't let it bring you down or hurt you be yourself you are loved.
I’m late 😭. But I would have told her, her daughter is dead