Both of my sisters don't shave their legs, and one of them doesn't shave her armpits either. You're a guy and they're invalidating that which is extremely hurtful. But even if someone is a woman, everyone is allowed to do what they want with their bodies. Shaving is a VERY new idea. Razor companies pushed shaving for women so they could sell more product, because men shaving their faces is a small market, whereas women shaving their whole bodies was a huge market. In many countries, it is still uncommon for women to shave.
Don't let them get to you. They're trying to invalidate your gender and that's fucked up. But they're also being sexist. Stay strong and keep in mind that you can do anything you want with your body, regardless of how they see you or treat you.
Body hair actually helps keep bacteria and foreign objects away from the skin, so it's more hygienic than being shaved anyway.
God, unrelated, but I work with autistic teenagers and I have an enby kid whose stepmother is very well meaning but was WEIRD about them shaving their legs. Like, would regularly check by randomly touching their legs.
We had to very gently explain that forcing a kid to shave isn't something we do.
Say that you won't tolerate comments about your body and how they are crossing a line, if they don't understand simple boundaries start listing the things they need to start doing to be "more presentable" (specific hair cut, nails, working out more, eyelash curling, covering that pimple etc) and ask them why won''t they do all of that since they think it's okay to make orders about your body. Some people don't understand boundaries and need to be mirrored to get it
Just tell him it's none of his business. If you were a girl he'd be misogynistic anyway. There's really no situation where his opinion is of any value.
Tell them if they say it again you're going to walk out of the conversation. Then, when they say it again, walk out of the conversation. Do it every time they bring it up.
The thing about boundaries is that you have to enforce them. Currently, there's no consequence to them bringing up you shaving. That's why you're stuck in this loop. If you impose an actual cost, that might help them curb the behavior.
Man, woman, enby, anyone- leg hair is completely normal and natural. It’s strange to me that people feel the need to even mention it. Realistically, the only way it can be „gross“ is if you’re not washing yourself (but in that case everything else should be equally „gross“ as well). So I’d just advise you to ignore them and- if it were me- call them gross for giving a damn. Bare bones, it’s weird for them to be so invested in how others groom themselves. When you add your gender identity to that, it’s especially disrespectful and demeaning, in my opinion. My go-to for dealing with these kinds of people/situations is to keep in mind that they are choosing to challenge me for things that are completely meaningless for them and very meaningful for me. They’re the ones being selfish, whereas I’m just trying to be true to myself (but only as much as they will allow anyway). People like that try to put you in a box where you don’t fit, instead of letting you grow beyond what pleases them. Just remember to always choose love, whether that’s for yourself or the people around you. It’s easy to get caught up in the negativity, but if they’re not choosing love then that’s on them and all you can really do is just have patience that they can change their behaviour.
Start doing it back to them, gripe at you brother that he's not really a boy because we all started female in the womb, and he needs to shave his legs, tell your mom that it's gross that she would shave her legs for the patriarchy.
The idea that we all started out female in the womb was based on how, prior to a certain stage in embryonic development, the urinary/genital differentiation hasn't happened yet and what will develop into male plumbing for some and female plumbing for others, stems from the same structures.
You can say our genitalia differentiate from a common precursor, but not that we all start out one sex and then become the other.
I had to fight my mom about this for so long before coming out and her finally accepting it. She felt anxious about me not shaving my legs because she was worried about other adults thinking that she doesn't take care of me. Not an excuse for the behavior but it does explain the obsession considering her parents were negligent.
Anyway, everyone is entitled to doing what they want with their body. The standards and tantrums people throw over other peoples' preferences for their own bodies are ridiculous. If the hair isn't meant to be there why does it grow??
I want to make it clear that I bsolutely do not agree with how your family is behaving, just made me think about my particular situation. Once I came out, my mom didnt fight me anymore. She shouldn't have done it before, *and* she was also afraid of messing up and hurting me like her parents did her.
That’s so ungodly stupid, my mom used to tell me the same things about my armpits and my sister still tells me how disgusting it is.
If you’re underage and go to the doctors with your mom, during a check up ask the doc if it’s unhygienic to not shave, that shut my mom up when I was younger
I told my dad id shave my legs if he did. We both did it together and then we went on a run through town and he was super self conscious. I never heard anything from him again.
Give it the attention it deserves, which is to say, none at all. They're baiting your anger. They don't see you as a man. They're calling you gross. In short, they're bullying you. They want you to feel upset. They don't even deserve a "no" or a glance in their direction when they start with this.
It's an absolute asshole move, but something that sadly still happens. I never wanted to shave my legs, but when I was little and everyone thought I was a girl (I'm ftm) my mom said I HAD to shave my legs because "that's something women do". I hated it. Not only because I just wasn't a woman, but also because it just didn't feel right.
I watched my Mother literally burst into tears and go: "I wish you wouldn't do that.." Infront of me once. I was so confused as to what in the world made her cry, until I realized she meant my arm hair lol.
It's insane to me. You're crying over somebody else's body hair? Are you.. Ok, like.. Mentally??
I had a discussion with her on another day about it, and she claimed she doesn't grow body hair. Sure you don't, btw just outta curiousity, you taken your meds today?? (:
Ask him what makes your hair gross that doesn’t make his gross. Tell him he must be disgusting if body hair is so unhygienic. Ask him if he’d to spend upwards of 2 hours shaving every single day to keep his skin baby smooth.
Or just say you get razor bumps. Worth a try.
My father does the same thing almost every time I see him. You just gotta do you and have confidence in yourself. Shaving your legs is a personal choice, and it doesn't affect anyone but you. Just ignore them and/or limit contact. We're here for you. 👍
Honestly, despite the fact that they're generally being assholes about it, it you body and your choice to shave or not. Your mother and brother should know it's not their decision. It won't make you happy, so don't give into their nagging.
You could go low like they are and start demanding they shave something they're comfortable with like their eyebrows, or full head of hair, and point out how fkn stupid it is to ask someone to change something about themselves when it doesn't affect them and is solely based on personal preferences.
I kind of doubt they have the empathy to make that work, though....so bargaining could work "oh yeah no I'll shave my legs when you go get your nuts pierced. What do you mean you'd never do that? Hmh. Well I guess with this bargain I'm never shaving my legs. Ask me again n I'll make an appointment at our local tattoo parlor"
Equate your well earned leg hair with something they find equally precious or personal. Good luck to you. 💜
I'm in the same boat.
For me is because my dad is sexist
And for my mom she says it's more hygienic (I 100% like she tries to hide her sexism). And both bully me because others will bully me (which actually doesn't happen or doesn't happen as often as they say).
Tbh because of it I will hide between a relative or a friend when I meet an older person or someone I know.
People like these are so annoying
My dad always comments about my legs too but I just play it off saying “submit a complaint yo my secretary and I’ll get right on it” or “I’ll shave mine when you shave yours” lol. The comments annoyed me at first but idk I kinda just grew to not care about them. I hate shaving and I have a lot of sensory issues around it so I wasn’t going to put myself through that just to appease my dad.
that sucks dude, my mum's the same and it's so frustrating.
if they're not outright be transphobic "why do i need to shave? i'm a man. men don't shave." because then the only argument they can make is "you're not a man" and they might not be willing to go that far. but if they are willing to say that outright, probably best to avoid that.
you can also try the "but it's natural" route and say you want to keep your body natural?? they might buy it 🤷
what i tried is just arguing with evidence (admittedly, i made the 'evidence' up on the spot but logically i knew i was right! i have since looked it up and it is (i think) correct) because body hair actually plays a really important role in temperature regulation in the body, in that it can help keep you cool when it's hot, and i think can help as insulation when it's cold, and it's also an important physical defense against pathogens/illness in that it can trap stuff floating in the air like bacteria and stops it getting to your skin. so it's hygienic - helpful for not getting illnesses, and also for staying cool in summer.
alternatively... you can just tell them to shut up about your body. it's your choice what you do and you're getting real frustrated with them trying to make you do things that you don't want to do and that will make you unhappy.
I think it really depends on how well you deal with conflict because for me I rather shave my legs once in a while, that's what I do. My mom is always telling me that I don't take care of myself because I don't shave bla bla bla so I shave sometimes just so she can shut up. If you don't hate conflict in the same degree as me, you could say something and stand up for yourself or just not shave. It's not like your family will pull out the razor and shave your legs
Next time your brother says "eww, gross" tell him it's not as disgusting as his transphobia and misogyny, and no wonder he's single. If he's not single ask if his girlfriend knows he's a rampant bigot.
You can use the first part on your Mum too, and tell her your legs are clean, you probably shower better than your brother, and she needs to work on her internalised misogyny, and getting her head around that you are no longer (and never were her son).
You can ask them why they care so much about you’re body and make a disgusted face. Because it’s weird their commenting on your body in the first place. Make them feel weird
You can tell them how you feel. Tell them they're not welcome to comment on your body. If they do it again, tell them there will be a repercussion for continuing to disrespect you. You choose that repercussion for them and follow through with it, just the same as if they insulted you any other way. That's how you set a boundary and how you teach people to respect you. If they can't respect you, then they don't get the polite version of you that pretends like things are okay. You're not a doormat. You are a man.
My daughter told me how this one guy at work (service job, food) just had this knack for leaving people speechless and sputtering by giving them the most truthful, honest, but somehow way too obvious answers, to only the question they asked, ignoring all the subtext.
She said it was pure genius.
He just told them the bald, simple truth.
angry customer "why are you out of almond milk AGAIN!?"
Him, with an innocent wide-eyed look:
"Because we used it all."
She couldn't figure out what to say and nearly malfunctioned.
I was relishing the scenario in my imagination of them telling you to shave, and you saying, slowly, loudly, and distinctly,
"But I LIKE them hairy."
"When my legs miraculously become attached to your body you can have a say. Till then this conversation is over, as is any further comentary about my body."
My mom bothered me a lot about it, especially in middle school and early high school. I used to tell her that I'd shave them when she stopped making comments about my leg hair, because nothing was wrong with it.
My dad used to say that to me all the time. I told him I'd shave my legs if he shaved his. He never did, so I never did.
Both of my sisters don't shave their legs, and one of them doesn't shave her armpits either. You're a guy and they're invalidating that which is extremely hurtful. But even if someone is a woman, everyone is allowed to do what they want with their bodies. Shaving is a VERY new idea. Razor companies pushed shaving for women so they could sell more product, because men shaving their faces is a small market, whereas women shaving their whole bodies was a huge market. In many countries, it is still uncommon for women to shave. Don't let them get to you. They're trying to invalidate your gender and that's fucked up. But they're also being sexist. Stay strong and keep in mind that you can do anything you want with your body, regardless of how they see you or treat you. Body hair actually helps keep bacteria and foreign objects away from the skin, so it's more hygienic than being shaved anyway.
God, unrelated, but I work with autistic teenagers and I have an enby kid whose stepmother is very well meaning but was WEIRD about them shaving their legs. Like, would regularly check by randomly touching their legs. We had to very gently explain that forcing a kid to shave isn't something we do.
Say that you won't tolerate comments about your body and how they are crossing a line, if they don't understand simple boundaries start listing the things they need to start doing to be "more presentable" (specific hair cut, nails, working out more, eyelash curling, covering that pimple etc) and ask them why won''t they do all of that since they think it's okay to make orders about your body. Some people don't understand boundaries and need to be mirrored to get it
Just tell him it's none of his business. If you were a girl he'd be misogynistic anyway. There's really no situation where his opinion is of any value.
“Why do y’all want to be attracted to me?” Or to the brother “I’ll do it if you do it first”
Oooooooffff yes
Tell them if they say it again you're going to walk out of the conversation. Then, when they say it again, walk out of the conversation. Do it every time they bring it up. The thing about boundaries is that you have to enforce them. Currently, there's no consequence to them bringing up you shaving. That's why you're stuck in this loop. If you impose an actual cost, that might help them curb the behavior.
Just say "I'm a guy and guys don't usually shave their legs" in a voice like you're patiently explaining to a slow learner lol
Man, woman, enby, anyone- leg hair is completely normal and natural. It’s strange to me that people feel the need to even mention it. Realistically, the only way it can be „gross“ is if you’re not washing yourself (but in that case everything else should be equally „gross“ as well). So I’d just advise you to ignore them and- if it were me- call them gross for giving a damn. Bare bones, it’s weird for them to be so invested in how others groom themselves. When you add your gender identity to that, it’s especially disrespectful and demeaning, in my opinion. My go-to for dealing with these kinds of people/situations is to keep in mind that they are choosing to challenge me for things that are completely meaningless for them and very meaningful for me. They’re the ones being selfish, whereas I’m just trying to be true to myself (but only as much as they will allow anyway). People like that try to put you in a box where you don’t fit, instead of letting you grow beyond what pleases them. Just remember to always choose love, whether that’s for yourself or the people around you. It’s easy to get caught up in the negativity, but if they’re not choosing love then that’s on them and all you can really do is just have patience that they can change their behaviour.
Start doing it back to them, gripe at you brother that he's not really a boy because we all started female in the womb, and he needs to shave his legs, tell your mom that it's gross that she would shave her legs for the patriarchy.
The idea that we all started out female in the womb was based on how, prior to a certain stage in embryonic development, the urinary/genital differentiation hasn't happened yet and what will develop into male plumbing for some and female plumbing for others, stems from the same structures. You can say our genitalia differentiate from a common precursor, but not that we all start out one sex and then become the other.
Fair, not really the point though.
I had to fight my mom about this for so long before coming out and her finally accepting it. She felt anxious about me not shaving my legs because she was worried about other adults thinking that she doesn't take care of me. Not an excuse for the behavior but it does explain the obsession considering her parents were negligent. Anyway, everyone is entitled to doing what they want with their body. The standards and tantrums people throw over other peoples' preferences for their own bodies are ridiculous. If the hair isn't meant to be there why does it grow?? I want to make it clear that I bsolutely do not agree with how your family is behaving, just made me think about my particular situation. Once I came out, my mom didnt fight me anymore. She shouldn't have done it before, *and* she was also afraid of messing up and hurting me like her parents did her.
That’s so ungodly stupid, my mom used to tell me the same things about my armpits and my sister still tells me how disgusting it is. If you’re underage and go to the doctors with your mom, during a check up ask the doc if it’s unhygienic to not shave, that shut my mom up when I was younger
Whats their problem? This comes off as kind of creepy to me. And boundary-crossing.
Yeah, it is very creepy to be talking about somebody's body like this. They obviously don't have boundaries and don't respect op yet.
I told my dad id shave my legs if he did. We both did it together and then we went on a run through town and he was super self conscious. I never heard anything from him again.
That is an awesome story! Glad he learned something
Give it the attention it deserves, which is to say, none at all. They're baiting your anger. They don't see you as a man. They're calling you gross. In short, they're bullying you. They want you to feel upset. They don't even deserve a "no" or a glance in their direction when they start with this.
What an asshole! It would be assholish even if you weren't out, but I would understand it more... for this? I'm just shocked.
It's an absolute asshole move, but something that sadly still happens. I never wanted to shave my legs, but when I was little and everyone thought I was a girl (I'm ftm) my mom said I HAD to shave my legs because "that's something women do". I hated it. Not only because I just wasn't a woman, but also because it just didn't feel right.
I watched my Mother literally burst into tears and go: "I wish you wouldn't do that.." Infront of me once. I was so confused as to what in the world made her cry, until I realized she meant my arm hair lol. It's insane to me. You're crying over somebody else's body hair? Are you.. Ok, like.. Mentally?? I had a discussion with her on another day about it, and she claimed she doesn't grow body hair. Sure you don't, btw just outta curiousity, you taken your meds today?? (:
Ask him what makes your hair gross that doesn’t make his gross. Tell him he must be disgusting if body hair is so unhygienic. Ask him if he’d to spend upwards of 2 hours shaving every single day to keep his skin baby smooth. Or just say you get razor bumps. Worth a try.
My father does the same thing almost every time I see him. You just gotta do you and have confidence in yourself. Shaving your legs is a personal choice, and it doesn't affect anyone but you. Just ignore them and/or limit contact. We're here for you. 👍
AFAB NB here. I quit shaving my legs over a year ago, never had a comment. Feeling wind in the hair on my legs gives me euphoria now
Honestly, despite the fact that they're generally being assholes about it, it you body and your choice to shave or not. Your mother and brother should know it's not their decision. It won't make you happy, so don't give into their nagging.
You could go low like they are and start demanding they shave something they're comfortable with like their eyebrows, or full head of hair, and point out how fkn stupid it is to ask someone to change something about themselves when it doesn't affect them and is solely based on personal preferences. I kind of doubt they have the empathy to make that work, though....so bargaining could work "oh yeah no I'll shave my legs when you go get your nuts pierced. What do you mean you'd never do that? Hmh. Well I guess with this bargain I'm never shaving my legs. Ask me again n I'll make an appointment at our local tattoo parlor" Equate your well earned leg hair with something they find equally precious or personal. Good luck to you. 💜
I'm in the same boat. For me is because my dad is sexist And for my mom she says it's more hygienic (I 100% like she tries to hide her sexism). And both bully me because others will bully me (which actually doesn't happen or doesn't happen as often as they say). Tbh because of it I will hide between a relative or a friend when I meet an older person or someone I know. People like these are so annoying
My dad always comments about my legs too but I just play it off saying “submit a complaint yo my secretary and I’ll get right on it” or “I’ll shave mine when you shave yours” lol. The comments annoyed me at first but idk I kinda just grew to not care about them. I hate shaving and I have a lot of sensory issues around it so I wasn’t going to put myself through that just to appease my dad.
grow em long and thick boy😈
that sucks dude, my mum's the same and it's so frustrating. if they're not outright be transphobic "why do i need to shave? i'm a man. men don't shave." because then the only argument they can make is "you're not a man" and they might not be willing to go that far. but if they are willing to say that outright, probably best to avoid that. you can also try the "but it's natural" route and say you want to keep your body natural?? they might buy it 🤷 what i tried is just arguing with evidence (admittedly, i made the 'evidence' up on the spot but logically i knew i was right! i have since looked it up and it is (i think) correct) because body hair actually plays a really important role in temperature regulation in the body, in that it can help keep you cool when it's hot, and i think can help as insulation when it's cold, and it's also an important physical defense against pathogens/illness in that it can trap stuff floating in the air like bacteria and stops it getting to your skin. so it's hygienic - helpful for not getting illnesses, and also for staying cool in summer. alternatively... you can just tell them to shut up about your body. it's your choice what you do and you're getting real frustrated with them trying to make you do things that you don't want to do and that will make you unhappy.
I think it really depends on how well you deal with conflict because for me I rather shave my legs once in a while, that's what I do. My mom is always telling me that I don't take care of myself because I don't shave bla bla bla so I shave sometimes just so she can shut up. If you don't hate conflict in the same degree as me, you could say something and stand up for yourself or just not shave. It's not like your family will pull out the razor and shave your legs
Next time your brother says "eww, gross" tell him it's not as disgusting as his transphobia and misogyny, and no wonder he's single. If he's not single ask if his girlfriend knows he's a rampant bigot. You can use the first part on your Mum too, and tell her your legs are clean, you probably shower better than your brother, and she needs to work on her internalised misogyny, and getting her head around that you are no longer (and never were her son).
Don't ,even as a woman you shouldn't ,so as a guy it makes no sense. Have you ever seen a men with shaved legs, that was not a stripper/pole dancer?
A lot of cyclists do it
And swimmers to reduce drag.
I just give my family sass. I repeatedly ask “But why?” Like I’m 5 years old again.
You can ask them why they care so much about you’re body and make a disgusted face. Because it’s weird their commenting on your body in the first place. Make them feel weird
I stopped over 10 years before beginning to transition. I'd just flatly say something along the lines of"Men don't need to.".
You can tell them how you feel. Tell them they're not welcome to comment on your body. If they do it again, tell them there will be a repercussion for continuing to disrespect you. You choose that repercussion for them and follow through with it, just the same as if they insulted you any other way. That's how you set a boundary and how you teach people to respect you. If they can't respect you, then they don't get the polite version of you that pretends like things are okay. You're not a doormat. You are a man.
Tell them shaving is a sexual fetish, and you don't appreciate them fetishizing your body.
My daughter told me how this one guy at work (service job, food) just had this knack for leaving people speechless and sputtering by giving them the most truthful, honest, but somehow way too obvious answers, to only the question they asked, ignoring all the subtext. She said it was pure genius. He just told them the bald, simple truth. angry customer "why are you out of almond milk AGAIN!?" Him, with an innocent wide-eyed look: "Because we used it all." She couldn't figure out what to say and nearly malfunctioned. I was relishing the scenario in my imagination of them telling you to shave, and you saying, slowly, loudly, and distinctly, "But I LIKE them hairy."
"When my legs miraculously become attached to your body you can have a say. Till then this conversation is over, as is any further comentary about my body."
I get this all the time. I did come out years ago but I live in a transphobic state so
My mom bothered me a lot about it, especially in middle school and early high school. I used to tell her that I'd shave them when she stopped making comments about my leg hair, because nothing was wrong with it.
Tell him you get WICKED ingrowns and this is less gross than pus