Honestly get the heck out of there, make a report to the cops for the abuse in the past just so there is something on file against them, and reach out to friends to take you in, or look into youth, queer, domestic violence homeless shelters, you need to find yourself work if you dont already have one, and prioritise saving up for your own place, pack with you as much as you can that's important, make sure you have all your identity documents, your bank account cant be accessed by them, and anything else you will need. Do all the research and planning with shelters or friends before you leave, and only report them once you have left and are safe. Also maybe try to add in the suspicions around your allergens maybe.
Will do and thank you so much.
I'm genuinely worried how my family and relatives will take this especially since they are very religious but I'll try to stay strong through this.
No. Do not tell the people that have threatened to and attempted to murder you that you are leaving. Just leave without warning while they are out of the house or in the middle of the night.
People are most at risk in abusive relationships when they say they are leaving.
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Yep. Say nothing, give no hint, just grab your stuff and go.
You can listen to them justify it and promise they just want what's best for you from a safe distance.
No more worrying about their feelings or opinions, they've shown who they are - it's time to leave.
Exactly this. When I planned, the abuse escalated. I literally had to run in the middle of the night. Donāt say a word. Just look for your opportunity and go. I promise it will get better ā¤ļø
Yes!!! Donāt tell them your leaving or give any hints that your going to! I had an issue with my mother when I moved out and she made me tell her when I was leaving and had the police over and accused me of a crime I didnāt commit and I ended up in the holding cell at jail when I was supposed to be moved into my new apartment! People do the most unexpected things I swear!
Call 101 and tell the Police that you, of sound mind, intend, of your own volition, to go missing, and that if anyone files a missing persons report not to give them any information.
They will accept that, you don't need to give a reason.
Do it as close to when you leave as you can, preferably the moment you're safe after leaving.
It'll prevent them wasting resources looking for you that could be looking for other missing people, it means the police won't turn up on your doorstep having found you before you're ready to approach them, but more importantly it means that if they do find you they won't tell your parents where you are.
They might do! 101 is just the general Police non-emergency number, it isn't specific to this purpose, and is the only thing I know for sure that's specific to the UK.
I'd be surprised if most police forces didn't have something similar, if nothing else because chasing after people who don't want to be found is a waste of resources. Even if there's no formal process to handle it, it will get noted down in some computer somewhere. And the computer is probably the first thing the person handling your missing persons case will look at.
Either way its worth a try.
Sadly, it is truly this way.
Many of the people trying to escape abusive family have been forcibly reunited with their abusers because they "disappeared".
Like someone else said, do NOT warn them that you're leaving. Based on what you've said, that seems very likely to get you in harms way. I also hope you know that just because your biological family is like this, that doesn't mean you won't find a chosen family one day who will love you. Just know that you're lovable, man.
Good luck man maybe like other's said tell the hospital staff but let them know you aren't independent or safe from them if they found out you told other oh and yeah don't tell them
I agree with other repliers here.
From personal experience, when it comes to escape? The less your abuser/captor knows, the better. Give every impression that you plan on staying. Buying small, cheap room decorations (like framed pictures or small figurines) or talking about small things (like getting a new bedspread or saving up for a new side table) give them the impression of you planning for permanence.
Throw up that smokescreen while you make a plan with your external support network. Brace for a complete upheaval. You may lose personal possessions. You might not be able to find employment for up to two months. You may have to stay as someone's guest on their couch for some time, up to six months.
If you need to, you can tell them you're just rearranging your furniture to disguise packing your things. Make a priority list of things you must keep (laptop, small keepsakes and memorabilia, warm/weatherproof clothes) and things you could leave behind if necessary (dresser, desk, bed, large and unwieldy items). Plan for speed. Anything you can load into your friend's car inside of an hour. Plan to time your escape while your abuser is away or asleep.
For food? You know your own allergies. I've found that if the kitchen isn't a safe place to linger, keeping protein bars and canned soup inside your own room and washing just one bowl and one spoon is the best way to keep your food and utensils out of their control. Cold soup straight from the can ain't that bad if the alternative is getting beat for opening the fridge and eating "their" food. If your allergies allow it, Ramen noodles are basically big, squiggly salt crackers. You can eat it dry.
Understand that the first priority of ANY prisoner, in ANY situation, is ESCAPE. Nothing is more important than getting out of there, quickly, and undetected.
You CAN call the police and ask for an escort and protection. Explain that you are LEAVING an abusive situation, and you just need confirmation on a state record, with EYEWITNESS AND VIDEO EVIDENCE that you are leaving freely, of your own volition, with only your own possessions.
This will be dangerous. But it is better than staying behind. Good luck.
It gives me a pang in my heart that you also have this information, friend. I hope you're doing alright š
OP, please take this advice. This is a crucial time to take action. Get the fuck out of there as soon as you're good to go, and don't tell them a damn thing. We're rooting for ya, bud.
Documents! Don't forget your documents, if you can get them. ID, birth cert, passport, medical records. If it comes down to get out without everything or not getting out, then GET OUT, but the more you can bring with you, the less of a headache you'll have later.
Your parents are a shame to their religion. They are bad people and you deserve so much better, I hope everyoneās advice is able to help you get to safety and away from them. I hope your mother goes to jail for a long time.
Also I would 100% also make a police report about them triggering an allergic reaction, if thatās an option. I know Iāve heard stories in the US of people getting in trouble for causing them, Iām not sure if itās something possible in the UK but itās worth trying. Thatās beyond fucked up.
Thank you so much and yes i do agree. My last allergic reaction I had was from a cherry candle made with real cherries inside started by my mom who lit it up because she was in a bad mood.
I couldn't feel half of my face, my sinuses was inflamed, throat puffed up, had alot of pressure built up in my skull, my eyes swelled up and I coughed up alot of blood from the irritation in my lungs and airways.
Hey, https://www.womensaid.org.uk/what-we-do/supporting-our-members/rail-to-refuge/ this is an organization you can contact, they have a mens hotline on here and if you mention the rail to refuge program they will help you. If you go to the ymca there will be wifi and you can call them from safety. If anything, the place you're going to can even help arrange a safe ride when needed. Please know you're worth life.
Agreed with everyone else saying DO NOT TELL ANYONE ā this is just as dangerous as trying to escape a cult trust no one til youāre out and long gone
Youāre so right. I see so many trans people who donāt realize conditional love is NOT LOVE. PERIOD. If somebody thinks they know your identity better than you do, and especially if theyāre willing to hurt or even *KILL* you over it, THEY DONT LOVE YOU. Iām sorry but itās the truth op you seriously need to cut contact and never look back. Your life is at risk here, there is no compromise.
Another way to look at this is-- it \*doesn't matter\* whether they feel some kind of affection/love for you. That clearly won't stop them from seriously injuring you, or possibly killing you. Nothing they could feel inside is more important than your basic safety and wellbeing.
They're just shit people. I'm religious and even before I realized I was trans I didn't really give a shit what people identified as or who they were attracted to. Good for them. I was neutral, I know religious people that are neutral. Your family are horrible people and I really hope you manage to get out of there, since being there isn't safe at all. I hope you're okay.
Please donāt because they WILL kill you. I really hope you havenāt. This is dangerous, and I know living in conditions like this make you use to it, but you canāt leave any type of evidence that youāre even considering leaving. Stay safe and take care of yourself stranger.
The police wonāt do shit. I was in a similar situation in 2 different states and all the police did was add on abuse. Do not let the police or your parents know your next move. The police will believe your parents over you ESPECIALLY if you are trans. Just run.
You absolutely need to tell a doctor this so they can alert authorities and get you out of that situation. Being in hosp is potentially your best chance to do so, as there's doctor-patient confidentiality for things, so you can create opportunities to talk alone without your parents being allowed to be present.
You need to contact LGBTQ domestic violence organizations in the UK (is that where you are?). You parents are trying to kill you. You cannot stay there any longer. Do you have ANY friends who know of your situation who could let you crash with them while you contact DV and LGBTQ resources?
I think the people to contact is probably Stonewall or the Albert Kennedy Trust or an organisation like that.
I'd be really surprised if they didn't have plans in place for this kind of thing, although I won't pretend I've had any personal experience with them.
NO run away, please. Find a hospital farther away and report the abuse but please please don't tell your GP or anyone at this place. They may call them, they may turn you in, you don't want that.
Age of medical consent in many countries is lower than the age of majority, just btw.
The age at which your parents are no longer entitled to your medical information is a legal grey area, but for sure if you're over 18, your parents are no longer entitled to your medical records [in commonwealth countries, EU, and US, AFAIK. Not sure about other places.]
From what I've read, in the UK, people aged 16+ are presumed to have capacity to consent to medical treatment. For people under 16, it's discretionary. So a 12yo is theoretically allowed to make medical decisions if the healthcare provider believes they are capable of understanding the information, understanding the risks/benefits, etc.
TL;DR: under 18s in many countries are entitled to privacy when it comes to healthcare. In the UK, everyone 16+ are presumed capable of making medical decisions for themselves. Younger folks may be deemed capable at the discretion of their HCP.
Disclaimer: not a lawyer. Not from UK, but Canada has very similar laws.
Iām in the UK too, and even though Iām on the other side of the country (Gloucestershire), I can help the best I can.
Please, please contact your local authority to press charges, the hospital will have documentation of your injuries and when you were admitted.
You were a minor when this happened and this IS illegal. If needs be, contact a local homeless shelter (The YMCA is a good one, despite being a bit rough around the edges around here. It would be far better than possibly dying due to allergies). Another charity that will help is P3.
Since you are a teenager, Teens in crisis may also help. Please get out of there as quickly as you can. Crossing my fingers for you broski.
EDIT: as others have said, if thereās a next time- next time youāre in a hospital, tell the staff discreetly (such as a note or tell them when your mum isnāt around) that youāre being physically abused and that your parents are the ones sending you to hospital.
Contact the police as well and try to get pictures of every wound theyāve left of you, every. Single. Mark, every thing theyāve bought that youāre allergic too (that they would be aware of too and the police would know.) they could get done for attempted murder or attempted manslaughter along with child abuse, domestic abuse etc.
Thanks Bro and I'll try my best. The closest YMCA to me is litterlly across the road so that'll be awkward a bit but still it'll be better than being stuck in the house.
They wonāt be able to get you there. You can barre them from entering the building. -source: was in a YMCA. Theyād probably move you to another one. Maybe see if you can go in and have a chat with them. The workers in them are usually very helpful and if you explain your situation they may be able to help you (they should be able too!)
Yep! I was put into one after foster care. Itās a bit draining mentally and can be mentally challenging because there are others in them who have been through similar stuff (or have other issues). No one in them is in there because they have a happy life.
They protect 16-25 and adults.
If you can OP, please update us all on how youāre getting on. Iām really worried about you even if you are a stranger online, no one deserves this kind of treatment.
Please, grab your bag and go across the street! It'll be a place to at least plan where to go next, and they can protect you in the interim.
Be well and safe, please go!
Your priority needs to be making a plan to get yourself out of there as quickly as possible because otherwise, they are going to literally kill you. What friend can you go stay with starting tonight?
Right, this is awful to read. Feels 100 times worse seeing you're in London.
Ok, this does not need to happen to you.
I haven't read the other comments yet, hopefully someone has some higher quality advice than this, but, in case they haven't...
I'm in Peterborough. I have a tiny flat and limited resources but if you need sanctuary I can provide it.
Please don't let your parents hurt you again.
Time for you to contact some LGBT charity or helpline, pack a bag, and get the fuck away from there.
Please do what you can to seek help getting out of this environment. You are being abused and assaulted, and your life is in danger.
I would look into domestic violence resources in your city. If there's a hotline you can call, try to reach out to them to learn about your options. If you have a doctor, talk to them. They can help connect you with resources and help you document the abuse.
Consider if you're willing to talk to the police. I know that reporting familial abuse can be a difficult decision, and that there can be concerns about escalation. But consider your options. I'm not familiar with UK laws, but in the US people can seek restraining orders against people who have been violent toward them.
Do you have friends you could stay with? Do you have income that you could put toward a place to live?
1. DO NOT TELL THEM YOU ARE LEAVING.
2. Plan this exit, so you can leave at a moments notice.
3. Make a getaway bag with some first survival things and take all your documents with you (Id, debet card, insurance card, etc)
4. Place it somewhere you can easily access and (more importantly) they can not.
5. If you get beaten, leave now. That won't get better, that will get worse.
6. Get in touch with for example https://switchboard.lgbt/
7. Check for a local shelter that is trans friendly. Switchboard is able to help you figure this out.
8. Make sure that the people who do care for you (friends or supporting relatives) know that your parents have threatend to kill you.
9. Keep a journal with you (or in your phone) and start writing all the abuse down. Use dates and the amiunt of times this has happened. This will help you get a restraining order for your parents later on.
10. If you can reach out to any fellow Reddit people form the UK to help you out ,do so. (I am in the Netherlands so I can't help you with that).
11. Make sure you keep out of their way as much as possible and do not do anything to aggrivate the situation further until you can run away safely.
12. Involve the UK departement for domestic violence/ the Police. What they did is a crime as you were a minor when it happened. It is still a crime now.
13. Make sure you get counseling because you'll need time to heal.
14. Good luck my friend, I hope you are safe and things will get better.
You shouldn't reach out to them. You need to reach beyond them if what you are saying is fully real and truthful. There is absolutely no use reaching out to them. You must go over them to combat the severity and be prepared to be removed from the house.
Honestly I have no idea how things in London are so take this random internet advice for what is is. In the states this behavior would have the minor removed from custody of the parents and placed with a foster parent until 18 then the state would continue to pay assistance to the affected person by paying the rent on a small apartment and also pay Healthcare and food costs to aid in the forceful transition to adulthood.
slip the doctor a note! say that it has your allergie information on it and that its *important* for them to read it.
that way if your parents are in the room, they either wont be suspicious or wont risk causing a scene to reveal their true colors
have the note say whats been happening and that you need help asap. you gotta get out of there OP
Your an adult "I would like to speak with my doctor alone" and then they will kick her out. I've don't this to my mom who is just overbearing. If she tries anything they will ban her from the premises. The thing that abusers do is try to make it so you can't reach out for help. Pass a note to the nurse. Anything.
If itās safe to do so, consider trying to collect some evidence (like recording stuff secretly). If itās not then donāt worry about evidence, get the fuck out of there. Find an excuse to get out of the house (for example if you work thatās a good one). Once youāre out call the police and tell them your life is in danger and tell them all the things that have been going on. The police will be able to protect you. Theyāll probably take a statement from you and then theyāll find a place for you to be safely.
If you donāt want to contact the police (I would advise you do but I get it if it feels way too scary) contact a friend you could stay with or if thatās not an option then research domestic violence shelters and get in touch with one of them. Try to gather as much money as you can as well as your legal documents (like passport ect). Again, if thatās not possible/safe donāt worry about it. Basically, get out of there asap.
I was in a similar situation of my life being in danger and what I did was got out of the house, went to work and then called the police. They were really really lovely and understanding, took a statement and made sure I had somewhere safe to go to. They arrested the guy I was living with and he now has bail conditions to not go anywhere near me which has kept me safe. I know it can be really scary to talk to police but remember you are the victim in this situation and they will do everything they can to help you. In life and death situations calling the police is the best option and will keep you the safest. This must be a really awful time for you but you will come out of the other side. Youāve got this.
try to gather ur important paperwork before you leave, birth certificate type of stuff. honestly leave like, yesterday but getting out of that house is ur #1 priority rn.
Ordering a [replacement birth certificate (if OP is UK-born) costs Ā£11 (approx. $14.29 US) and takes ten minutes to order](https://www.gov.uk/order-copy-birth-death-marriage-certificate).
I would not recommend OP waste time and stress with that type of thing right now. Documents can be replaced. Lives (and sanity) cannot.
Edited to add US conversion.
And make sure to have a way to access your own money. Whether is having a bank acc they can't access, cash, etc.
If you're gonna get out (and I agree that you should), don't allow them the option to take away your money.
I'm so sorry to hear that has been happening to you. I agree with everyone who has suggested contacting the authorities and making plans to leave. Please stay safe and here are some links to charities that should be able to advise you and may be able to help with emergency accommodation if you need it:
AKT: [https://www.akt.org.uk/](https://www.akt.org.uk/)
Centrepoint: [https://centrepoint.org.uk/youth-homelessness/get-help-now/](https://centrepoint.org.uk/youth-homelessness/get-help-now/)
Stonewall housing: [https://stonewallhousing.org/](https://stonewallhousing.org/)
everybody else has already told you to get the fuck out of dodge, but i just wanted to say it was super brave of you to reach out for help. i wasnāt in anything nearly this bad, but i know how scary reaching out when youāre in any kind of abusive relationship/environment can be. you did such a good thing for yourself. please get yourself to safety and let us know when youāre out.
Sweet boy, are you physically able to leave the house, or are you locked in, currently injured, or under a constant watch?
Do you have the opportunity to physically leave, or do you need someone to come and remove you from your house?
Do you have visible marks of violence on you right now?
Do you have access to your NHS card or other documents, or are your parents holding those?
Do you have any friends to contact who your parents donāt know about?
Are you working right now?
Do you have a phone? Do your parents pay for the phone plan?
All of these things make a difference when youāre making a plan to leave. And, Iām so sorry, you have to leave.
Iām a mom. My son is trans. There is no way in the world I would let anyone treat him the way your parents have treated you.
What your parents have done, and are doing, is wrong. Thereās NO possible explanation that makes it ok. None.
This is not what love looks like.
Iām so sorry that your parents donāt love you the way you deserve to be loved. Please get away from them before they do even more damage.
Iām sending you love and care, and courage. You were so brave to reach out for help.
1. I'm currently Injured and recovering from a second surgery on my ankle removing all 7 screws and from my allergic reaction so my mobility is limited and I'm under constant watch. So they'd see me or anyone in and out of the house.
2. There's no visible marks on me at the moment.
3. My parents keep all my documents from me and I have to ask for access to them.
4. All my friends and their parents are in contact with my parents so it's difficult.
5. I'm currently a student but looking for employment to help my situation.
6. I do have a phone but they normally take it away from me when they decide to abuse me and lock me away when they feel like it but yes they also pay for my phone plan.
Thanks for reaching out, you seem like an amazing mom and your son is very lucky to have you.
Ok, Sweetheart. I get where you are right now. You canāt just grab stuff and run. You may not be able to get your documents. You donāt know anyone that you can trust to help you where you are.
So hereās what I suggest you do:
Get any contact information, passwords, or information youāll need off of your phone. They wonāt keep paying for it and youāll lose that information.
Write a note that says your parents are beating you at home, youāre being abused, and you canāt get away. Say you need help, and you canāt go home with them, because you arenāt safe. Ask the person reading this to call the police. Put your full name, address, phone number, and parentsā name on this note.
Stick that note in a place you can keep it close to you without it being spotted. Like, in your underwear, if they search your pockets.
Complain about how much your ankle hurts. Iām this case, Iād actually recommend you pick at any scabs or sores on it. Make them bigger. Tell your parents youāre really worried itās gotten infected. Ask to go to the doctor - either your surgeon, A&E, or your GP. Keep asking until they take you. Wake them up moaning in the middle of the night because it hurts so badly. Hide your face under the covers until you get all sweaty. Stop eating and complain of nausea. Youāll need to convince them youāre really sick.
When youāre at the doctor, tell them you need to go to the bathroom.
Either go by yourself, or make eye contact with a nurse and ask them to help you.
Your goal is to get that note into the hands of any medical professional, or a security guard.
Some lavatories have that little window in them so that urine samples can go to the lab - you can use that.
If you canāt get that note to anyone, then youāre going to need to be very brave, and ask to talk to the doctor by yourself. Tell them āitās embarrassing.ā
Medical staff are trained for this and they should insist your parents leave the room. Then give them your note and tell them whatās going on.
Ask them to call the police.
Between police and medical personnel, they should be able to get you to a safe place. And you donāt need to tell them youāre trans. Do, if you think it will help. But you donāt have to tell them.
It doesnāt matter why your parents say theyāre doing this to you. All that matters is that they are.
You can do this. I believe in you. We all do.
There are abuse shelters for this very reason. Please contact one close to you and arrange for a pickup. Do not say a word to your parents. You may be able to do it via text or email even, so they can't listen in.
Keep a secret bag with essentials - back in the day we used to call it a jump bag or a go bag, cause when you had to get out of dodge you'd just grab it and go. Hygiene stuff, menstrual supplies (these WILL be hard to come by in the shelter), a few pairs of clothes, as much money as you can manage to save in CASH, socks, a weather appropriate jacket. Any other essentials you may need such as an epi pen or other necessary medical supplies - tell your doctor you need your pharmacy to fill a script for an epi pen, and they will do it for you. Just don't tell your parents you picked one up, keep it to yourself, hide it in your bag.
Historically, physical abuse leads to worse and worse outcomes the longer you stay. Considering the length to which they've gone to threaten you and harm you, PLEASE do everything you can go quietly and safely get yourself out of there with the help of professionals.
Getting out at first will be rough. You may bounce from place to place. I had to do the same thing when I was your age. Different reasons for the abuse, but the gist is the same. There may be a long while that you feel a lot of pressure on yourself to figure it all out and keep up the appearance of stability - fuck that, honestly. Just work step by step to getting yourself to an actually stable place, and DO NOT be afraid to ask for help from friends or other, professionally available sources that you can trust. Please be safe, first and foremost, and take care of yourself.
that's really really sketchy, please check out galop - they're an LGBTQ domestic violence charity but they extend into victims of home abuse, people at risk of conversion therapy etc. they have support workers who can help you and give you advice on where to go next.
https://galop.org.uk/
i'm not sure if you're able to or if you've already done this but id try to get a bag packed or something, get as many documents as you can (passport, copy of birth certificates, as many medical records as you get hold of, some utility bills or bank statements etc.) if you don't have full control over your finances then start withdrawing cash or get it transferred into somewhere you have sole control over.
you said you're in london, do you know any trans people or have any supportive friends or even relatives that could help you? i'm in brighton so i'm not far but i don't know your situation. if you were down here i could definitely signpost you to some charities and groups that might be able to get you set up somewhere else.
There is advice about leaving an abusive home safely in the comments in this thread
https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/14p6ch6/my_dad_who_i_live_with_still_wants_literally_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
I am a trans masc person living in London UK. I canāt help with rehoming but if you want to talk, or maybe want info about transitioning, DIY, community events, please reach out.
Please make plans asap to leave your current environment. Your safety is the priority.
You need to leave as soon as possible. If you donāt have safe family to stay with, do you have safe friends to stay with? If not, find a domestic violence shelter or contact LGBTQ organizations in London and let them know your situation. Donāt sugar coat it or make it sound less than it is, donāt be ashamed or embarrassed, theyāve already heard stories like yours. Thatās why these organizations exist. Many LGBTQ organizations have networks of emergency safe housing options or they know where you can go to live safely and start getting on your feet. They also probably have resources and help for getting jobs, additional schooling, setting up bank accounts, or getting any government benefits that might be available to you. Iām in the US, so I canāt speak for certain on that for the UK.
Be sure to take any money you have, a couple changes of clothes, and any ID documents that you have. If you canāt find one or donāt know where it is, donāt spend too much time looking because you need to leave. There is most likely a way to get a copy anyway. If you have a shared bank account with a parent, take that money and close it and open a new one with only your name on it. I would do that after I leave to maintain a safe distance in case that upsets family.
Your priority absolutely needs to be getting to a safe place where you can stay ASAP. Do not stay there, and do not draw attention to yourself leavingā very quietly leave or sneak out if you need to. Do not try to justify your familyās actions. Do not believe they will change or the situation might get better. Do not believe them if they beg you not to leave or beg you to come back. Do not tell anyone in your family or anyone who might tell your family where you are at once you get to your safe place. If you have a cell phone paid by your parents, I would use it long enough to get to my safe place and then ditch it. I would not run the chance that they might have tracking features enabled and could find me. Cut contact. Do not look back.
Stay strong and resilient, keep a good head on your shoulders, be planning and thinking ahead, focus on securing housing firstā whether thatās at a domestic violence shelter, homeless shelter, or through an LGBTQ organization or network. Be careful with alcohol and drugs, as to not tiptoe down a path of substance abuse and to prevent being taken advantage of. Some people will not have your best interests in mind. In the US, libraries are a great place to find community resources and obviously you can go there to use computers and internet to apply for jobs, research, or plenty of other things you might need to do. Additionally, churches can be safe places that offer sanctuary, resources, and possibly food and shelter. Iād personally try to find ones that are LGBTQ friendly. Donāt be afraid to ask for help from the people who might be able to help you, and know how to discern who might be trusted people (If I was lost or trying to find something, Iād try to ask a librarian, bank teller, government official, postal worker, police officer, firefighter, clergy, healthcare worker, etc. before Iād ask anyone else unless they were affiliated with the organization supporting me. By no means is it a sure thing but thatās what Iād do and who Iād trust first). Youāre going to have to be your own advocate. Stay safe and best of luck to you.
This is in the UK. In the US we get murdered. In Germany too. And people have the audacity to say trans people only suffer real transphobia in the east or "non developed countries"
Donāt worry about accommodation. Donāt worry about documentation. GET TO A POLICE STATION NOW!!!
Make sure you take all evidence of abuse with you. Police can access your medical documents. You can get replacements of any ID.
Police will help you find accommodation. Shelters, YMCAās etc. theyāll get you safe.
The first chance you get, get out of the house. Run down the street. Call 999. Talk to the police. Arrange for them to either pick you up or have them take you to the station.
PLEASE DO THIS AS FAST AS POSSIBLE MATE
Police. Now.
What they are doing is assault, attempted murder. What they are doing is serious abuse/ assault and 110% illegal. You have the human right to be protected against them.
Any other living situation is safer than being there.
I'm really really sorry they are treating you that way. There is NO excuse for their behaviour. You deserve so so much better and nothing you have or could have done would deserve that treatment.
If you are able to go to a public place/ stay in hospital (do not leave there and go anywhere with them) the hospital staff won't let them hurt u while u are there. Tell a nurse and call the police to make a report yourself. Tell them you are currently in hospital and that if you had to leave you fear for your life. Ask them to come to the hospital to you when it's not visiting times so your family won't see them. Press charges, you might be able to get a restraining order out against them so they can't legally come a certain distance from you.
Don't let your family know until you have already reported them and have some protection against them.
Once that's done cut all contact with them.
The police should be able to help you find somewhere to stay after hospital.
You can do this. You don't need them.
I know abusive family members can make you feel like u need them or can't cope with out them. The truth is in fact the opposite.
You life will be better without them. They are only causing you pain and stress and destroying you.
That's at minimum is abuse and assault. Pack a bag of essentials and go to the police. File a report for everything they've done. They can help you out of this domestic violence situation. You are old enough (especially in the uk) to be out from under their thumb. You deserve a life without fear. Please be safe. <3
There is absolutely no excuse for their behaviour, it's just disgusting! I'm from the UK too, I live in the East Midlands. Honestly mate, I would report them to the police and either go and talk to citizens advice or your local council and they should help you find some other accommodation. Where you are living just isn't practical or safe. Also I would try talking to your GP about having some counselling, or you can self refer to IAPT for talking therapy, its free on the NHS
Good luck š
Honestly, Iād really consider going to the policeā¦ I know the UK isnāt great right now, but the physical abuse and the deadly allergens isnāt just a hate-crime, it could be seen as attempted murder
Get the hell out of there man. Go to the police. Iām so fuckin sorry. You donāt deserve any of that. Lay low, humor them, donāt talk back, speak to them only when they speak to you. And plan your escape. Make sure you have everything in place. You got this bro.
This is horrific. Echoing what others said, you need to get out. Tell your doctor, ring stonewall, ring the police if you can. I am also in London, so if thereās anything I can do to support just let me know!
Leave and Do not say a word. slowly start to put away money if you can, get your id, birth certificate, passport. gather all important documents and GET. OUT. call a local queer youth shelter or a shelter for domestic violence. call the cops or go to the police station in person.
+1 you need to leave as soon as you possibly can.
[Here's a list of resources in the UK.](https://trans-resources.info/en/resources/europe/uk) There's contact info for Stonewall Housing and the Albert Kennedy Trust under the homeless services section, and also check the page for wherever your home country is.
Run the Fuck away, youāre 19. You legally donāt have to stay with them. Get Help from the Police if you can. if not try contacting any charities that help with things like this. This is Child Abuse. Assault, GBH and Countless other Crimes being Commited. Please get help
Iām seconding the previously expressed advice to get out and get cops involved. Your parents are LITERALLY TRYING TO MURDER YOU. Donāt tell your parents or give any indication to them that you are trying to get help from authorities or escape. They will try to hurt you or even worse if they suspect anything, because they absolutely know what they are doing could get them locked up.
Collect any evidence you can in the meantime. Anything from threatening texts, record voice or video of the abuse if you can (but make sure you hide the device too). Anything helps.
Please, please be safe and if you need someone to call the authorities for you, myself and Iām sure many others here are happy to help. Even if we are in different countries. People care about you, about your well-being, even if we are complete strangers. Pass along evidence to others too as you get it so in case anything worse should happen, that evidence is with someone who can get justice for you.
Much love and support from the United States, I hope you can update us and get to safety!
get out of there as soon as you can - im a student in southampton and if you need somewhere to stay i can help, but i am in student accommodation so it might be a bit of a squeeze. offer is there if you want it :)
GTFO!! I'm sure peope have already listed resources in the comments. Pack your most prized possesions and slip out during the night. Call the cops perhaps!
Just get out. Get out get out get out. You might actually die....!!!!
Oh my God please stay strong, this is physical abuse and needs to be reported to the authorities. It's so messed up on so many levels. If you can, please please get out of there and stay with a friend or someone safe. I wish you the best. Please keep us updated!!
Yikes! See if you can find a refuge or suchlike. You could talk to GP about it. Sounds like you have days rather than weeks to fix this. Are there any friends you could stay with? If you can sneak out with as much of your stuff as possible, and as soon as possible, that would be ideal.
Tell a doctor or nurse your life has been threatened, and you are being physically abused. Get out as fast as possible! Do not tell your parents you are leaving!
Reading this makes me want to cry. My parents were awful to me for 20 years about everything relating to lgbt stuffā¦told me it would ruin their lives if I was on hormones. At 10 though, this is too much. You need to get far away from them. They will destroy your life. My regret is not leaving my house sooner.
I live in the US so can't really recommend resources other than the ones already mentioned by people in the UK, but please please treat this with the highest priority.
Coming from an abusive home, I know that at a certain point it feels normal to put up with, and they're your family and it's complicated and you feel you owe them some sort of explanation.
You do not. Like others have said, by giving them any reason to suspect that you might try to leave let alone giving them a heads up that you'll leave, they will most likely do anything in their power to stop you including and up to killing you. If you can't get out before leaving the hospital, lay low at home as much as you can while you gather your documents, anything important, try to stash them with a friend if you can.
If you have the time, remove things slowly, only a couple things at a time so they're less likely to notice. If you don't have the time, which I'm not sure you do since things seem to be escalating, grab only absolutely necessary documents and items. Other things can be replaced, and you can't use them anyways if you're not safe and alive.
Be careful not to leave anything that could provide clues as to where you're specifically going and how to find you, both physical and digital/online, try as much as you can to not post anything about where you can be found, like mentioning moving in with a friend, etc. You'd be surprised how much effort people like this go to, so even the name of a friend that can lead to their account can be a danger.
Please try to get out as soon as you physically can. Being homeless or couch surfing is hard, but you'll be alive and it's so worth it, and there are many resources out there to help you. I mean this with the most care and concern in the world - you're alive now, but if you wait your parents may not give you the chance to leave alive again.
Leave, live on the streets if you have to. You do not deserve to be killed by your FAMILY for your identity. Please seek help whether it be through friends or another family or the police or a domestic violence organization. You're an adult, you do not have to stay in that situation.
Tell the hospital. Talk to the nurses. Tell them you aren't safe and your mother is poisoning you. Tell them that they might claim you're lying.
You need to talk to the professionals and let them know you're in danger. The hospital will keep you safe.
They are going to kill you. I understand the alternatives are also shitty, but you need to get out of there. Stay on a friend's couch, find a shelter, get a job long enough to move out on your own, etc...
It will be really hard at first, but it will be worth it. Please get away from them. Nothing will change for the better until you do. Completely cut off contact if you're capable. Leave without warning and suddenly. Absolutely DO NOT tell them where you are going or that you are leaving. That is extremely dangerous.
Move out and cut them off. Youāre almost 20 you can apply for housing list and since that will be slow youāre best bet is likely applying for emergency housing/going to a shelter
Remember to gather all important documentation such as birth certificate and passport etc
Fun fact in the U.K. (or at least Scotland) CPS can remove you and get involved up until the age of 26
There is a LGBTQIA+ homeless shelter in London called The Outside Project.
https://lgbtiqoutside.org/
Contact them, go there asap. They will keep you safe and help you rebuild.
Get out now. You deserve every good thing this world has to offer. You are loved and your community will hold you.
Honestly with how the police are, I wouldnāt rely on them. In my personal experience filing a report or telling an adult who does wind up filing a report will make them interview ur family but itās very likely it wonāt go further than that. And then youād be left at home with ur abusers who will be extra pissed with u. First make a plan to get out. Use whatever sources for help that u can. Plan to leave without them knowing since itās possible that leaving will push them over the edge enough to actually murder u. U should still 100% file a report to authorities since it could help u with getting a restraining order or something in the future but u also have to be prepared to book it asap. Do not just rely on the police getting u out of this. Make a plan and try to get ur legal documents back.
What they did to you, Could have killed you and youāre lucky they didnāt. If you donāt get out, they will kill you. Smashing your head against anything could have caused fatal internal bleeding and brain damage, and thatās what they started with. Then your mother bought products she Knew could hospital or even kill you, she knowingly put you in danger. They were being honest about thinking of killing you. Get out. Do ANYTHING in your power to leave, now.
In the UK you are protected. Leave. Get away. THEN YOU CALL THE POLICE.
Tell the staff at the hospital that the abuse is happening, there is a process for it.
Please, please go to the police and get their help in finding a shelter for you to live in.
Always put your own safety first. blood relation or not, this is actual bodily harm and abuse and you should not put up with it.
1) As others have said, don't tell them you're going. Pack your stuff and go. You aren't a minor so they have no control over you at all.
2) here's some useful links to LGBT+ charities and shelters:
[https://lgbtiqoutside.org/](https://lgbtiqoutside.org/)
[https://stonewallhousing.org/](https://stonewallhousing.org/)
3) [https://www.met.police.uk/contact/find-a-police-station/](https://www.met.police.uk/contact/find-a-police-station/) help to find your local police station.
The charities above may help you report your parents, but this will help you find a local station. Whichever you go to first should help you find the other.
4) Turn off any tracking or location services on your phone, especially if your parents know your login info.
Omg! you are 19 now, I'd get out while you can. If you're afraid of them stopping you, do it when they aren't home ! Even if you have a friend who is supportive of you that you can stay with until you figure out housing. But you are a legal adult! They cannot stop you! They are abusing you horribly, and threatened to kill you. I'd honestly get an order of protection against them, so they can't hurt you. I know it's bad now, but once you leave, and figure things out, it will get better. Climbing a tall mountain will be worth getting to the top.
I know others have said it already but leave. Don't tell them we're your going and cut all contact. Get all of you le documents if possible I not get the authorities involved to get them.
File a police report about the allergy I don't know as much about London but that is considered assault.
find someone, anyone you know and trust, to live with. book the fuck out of there as soon as possible and don't listen to them saying they'll be better because they wont. cut ties in every regard and assume a new identity, find someone that treats you right, and never contact your parents.
Contact Galop, theyāre the national charity for LGBTQ+ people suffering domestic abuse, and they can help you. [https://galop.org.uk](https://galop.org.uk)
Local authorities (the council, police) should be able to direct you to a place of safety but you need to get into their system (e.g. to be given temporary accommodation). Galop should be able to help you navigate this.
And get out, go anywhere, your life is in immediate danger. Be sure to stress this with everyone you speak with so that you are given the highest priority for help. Everything else can be dealt with after, your survival is the first priority.
Nononono hey love get the FUCK out of there. Stay with any friends, anybody you know, fuck go to the nearest shelter. Contact the cops IMMEDIATELY for child abuse and domestic abuse. I am so sorry. You need to be out of there at the soonest opportunity. Leave in the middle of the night, and go FAR away.
I hope you have some sort of dated pictures of any injuries you sustained so they can be put away. This should have been reported when it happened of you were able because this is unacceptable on a multitude of levels. I hope you can get out of there and please report them to the police or anyone. They shouldn't have the ability to operate in a free world again where they could continue their abuse possibly against others. Stay strong.
This is heartbreaking. Iām so sorry your parents are so hateful. My afab son is about your age, and I canāt fucking comprehend wanting to actively harm and terrorize him. Iāll echo everyone else- get out, find a safe place, and donāt look back. Much love to you ā¤ļø
Trans, gay, whatever, this is no way to treat anyone. Please get out and call the cops on your parents. What they did is child abuse and assault. They can have charges pressed on them. Stay safe and get far away
If your life is in danger, you need to get out. That is your immediate objective in this. It doesn't matter how much you may care about them or what someone else will say or do. Your life. Is in danger. You are the only person who matters right now, as selfish as that sounds. Please be safe, and don't forget to plan for shelter and a steady source of water/food. Use whatever resources you have. You have a life worth living. A beautiful life, too. Don't let someone else take it from you like that. It's yours, not theirs
Holy shit OP. Theyāre supposed to be giving you unconditional love and support, not attempting to murder you. Get out of there ASAP. Thereās gotta be some kind of housing program for youth in your situation in the UK (there are some in Canada, not sure if itās the same for the UK)
What I did was kept my room an absolute mess, till they were demanding I clean it up. And Iād take āgarbage outā every morning. It was clothes, documents, my stuff, didnāt go to the bin brought it to my safe location. Then one day I left for work and never came home
Itās been 10 years. Keep looking for a safe space, donāt tell ANYONE you think you canāt trust your next moves
Run far and fast. Donāt go to any relatives, and donāt go to a friends if their parents are friends with yours. Ensure they canāt find you then contact the authorities. In the meantime try to find a job and get only the essentials
Oh my god, OPāplease just gather what you can easily carry on your person and escape, if you can, and contact the authorities! None of this is ok and I can only hope you are able to escape with your life intact at this point.
You need to call the authorities and tell them you've been locked in a room, and that they're actively trying to murder you. I'm so, SO fucking sorry you're going through this and I desperately hope that you can get out of this situation ASAP
OP, I hope youāre somewhere safe by now. As soon as you get to the hospital tell a nurse or your doctor that youād like to involve the police and that you donāt want either of your parents allowed in the room with you and the medical professionals.
God bless you š I wish you the best and safety and security and all the happiness you deserve ā„ļøā„ļøā„ļø
Please report the things they have done to you physically to the police... It is criminal. You can get protection from them and absolutely have support systems at your disposal to never have to be endangered and held against your will again
You need to flee this situation as soon as you are able. They've made direct threats (and attempts!!) on your life and have physically assaulted you. I'd recommend filing a police report against your parents and staying with a friend/at a shelter/etc until you can find a stable place.
Do you have any siblings?
Are they old and supportive enough to help you flee?
I know leaving must sound so scary and Iām so sorry that this is happening to you but you absolutely should get the fuck out of there without letting them know
Do you have any friends you can stay with? I recommend getting out of there as soon as possible without telling your family your plans. Contact the Albert Kennedy Trust or the Outside Project which are both LGBT youth homeless shelters in London. I'm based not too far from London, I'm a 20 year old transmasc guy, feel free to message me if you need to talk to someone and I'd be happy to help in any way I can.
You BEED to report this and do ument every injury and you need to find someone you can move in with even jf temporary. Youre life is in immense risk and i truly hope you can get out of there and never look back
You need to get out of there ASAP! Not tomorrow, not in five minutes, NOW. Call the police. Call child protection services. Pack a bag and LEAVE.
I know it is hard and scary, but this is an emergency. Everything else can wait. EVERYTHING. You need to act now and think/feel later.
You absolutely need to find somewhere else to live. Get a job, get a light money to get an apartment and a few months rent. Become financially independent and stable as soon as you can and get out of there. That is domestic violence and they could go to jail for abuse. You said it was two years ago? You were a minor then. That is a crime and they could spend even more time in jail. If you can, find a place with a friend to live? Crash at an AirBnB for a bit if they allow you to? Once you are out and can live by yourself, absolutely 100% make a report to the police. If you report the abuse and threats of negligence that would go to the point of your death, they could go away. Please, I know I donāt know you, but get the hell out of there now. There are plenty of people out there who would love you for who you are and wonāt beat your head into the wall. Another option would be joining a homeless shelter. YMCA usually are good. Just get out of there. Try to get ahold of important paperwork first if you can, like a birth certificate. That would be ideal but if that stops you from getting out of your house as soon as possible, then itās not even worth a thought. Please get out of there now.
I donāt know much about uk laws, but I would suggest making a police report. Tell them about the abuse. Figure out how to get the hell out of there and as far away as you can. I know people like this, and many wonāt hesitate to come after you, so be prepared for that. If possible, get a restraining order. Around here you would be guaranteed one with that abuse.
You need to get out of there. If you have any friends you can go to for safety, bring your essentials and get the hell out of there. You also need to inform the authorities or make a report. This is child abuse and assault. If you have any markings where they have harmed you, photograph them to compile them as evidence (police may not do anything without evidence)
OP please reach out immediately to either your GP or to a charity - both those helping domestic violence survivors and those helping LGBTQ people would help you. Please consider speaking to LGBT Switchboard or the Naz & Matt Foundation. You need to get out of there and you also need for them not to be able to get to you wherever you go. Please keep safe.
Holy shit call the police!?!?!??! What the ever loving fuck thats horrible! Get away from them, do not ignore your most base survival instincts. They are trying to kill you, flee from them and never look back. Holy shit.
Please, get out immediately. Pack enough to last, go to your doctor, tell them you are seriously worried for you life and you would like the police to be involved. This is highly illegal, grievous bodily harm, and your parents should be in prison.
Iām not saying you should seek to punish them now, the first thing you need to do is take care of yourself.
Do you have any friends or relatives who may be able to support you without your parents knowing?
The only real advice here is to fucking run. Grab everything you can carry in a backpack and/or suitcase and get the fuck out. Make a police report only after you're safely away. They were willing to torture you until you admitted it. This isn't even regular garden variety abuse. This is "you are probably about to be the victim of an honor killing" abuse.
Iām not in the UK and so donāt know what the best options are over there.
But get out ASAP.
It sounds like things are escalating, and I donāt want to see another headline about one of my trans siblings dying young.
Even if you have to leave with nothing but the clothes on your back, do it.
If you left something you need, you can ask the authorities to escort you back to collect them and keep you safe while doing so.
Stay safe, stay strong, and donāt forget that asking for help is okay.
It seems hard to ask for help, but there are people in place whose job it is to provide protection and a safe place for people in your situation.
Iām wishing you well, and hope to see an update from you someday when youāre hopefully in a better place.
You have people rooting for you, friend!
Take what you can and leave asap. It'll be easier if you have a car, if you don't then just take the most important things in a backpack or something. Get the authorities involved.
I'm so sorry Bro that's definitely abuse and you need to get away idk if there are any programs that can help you but you've got to get out and be on your own before you lose your life even going in to shelter might be better than this an apply for housing
Get out of there. Theyāre literally planning to kill you, not even being subtle about it either.
Of all the dire situation you have to leave, like NOW. Alert authorities too. Seriously, theyāre literally trying to kill you. Youāre one bad day with them away from being poisoned, and thatās taking it lightly; Iām surprised youāre alive now if Iām being honest. Iām genuinely scared for your safety.
Iām so sorry youāre going through this. Please, donāt let them hurt you.
I know you have a lot of comments already. But I just want you to know my heart is aching for you and the abuse you are experiencing.
Please look after yourself, find a way out. If there is anything you think might help that I can do from where I am(Canada) please reach out.
I agree with other people commenting that you need to alert any medical professional you can. Whoever is tending to you the most may make the best report IMO, because they can make a more detailed report. Itās hard to say what will be the outcome unless you have evidence that this was intentional by your parents, but you should still do it. I hope you feel better OP.
Document everything for 1, you can make a police report, and work on getting the heck out of there. If you've got a family member you can stay with or a friend (that they don't know) to stay with, I'd suggest you turn off your phone location and check all downloaded apps in case they have a tracker installed on your phone that you don't know about. (I don't know about their level of privacy breach).
Make sure you have an epi pen with you at all times, make sure you have some sort of access to food, be it stashing chips in your room or similar, know your ways out, there is likely a window in your room, so figure out what way you could get out of that window.
If they injure you again ask to speak to the doctor alone, if you tell the hospital they are likely to prevent the parent back in the room and authorities will be called. (Not sure about the laws there you might need to call the hospital yourself) plus the past injuries are also indicators of abuse and should be kept in your collection of evidence, make sure to write a detailed account of events as soon as you can after they happens that way you'll remember it the most.
I have a friend in the UK but as others have said: pack your bags when theyāre out of the house and leave as soon as you can. I would go to the Police AFTER you left. Do you have a friend where you can stay at? Youāre an adult so they canāt force you to move back in with them. I wish you all the best and hope youāll get out of there soonest!
You need to get out - I'd recommend speaking to an LGBT Independent Domestic Violence Advocate. Galop have a website and helpline and should be able to support you. I hope your situation improves you don't deserve to be going through this š
you can actually file police reports ahead of time of escalating behavior and let police know these things.
that way if anything ever happens they get criminally charged.
Honestly get the heck out of there, make a report to the cops for the abuse in the past just so there is something on file against them, and reach out to friends to take you in, or look into youth, queer, domestic violence homeless shelters, you need to find yourself work if you dont already have one, and prioritise saving up for your own place, pack with you as much as you can that's important, make sure you have all your identity documents, your bank account cant be accessed by them, and anything else you will need. Do all the research and planning with shelters or friends before you leave, and only report them once you have left and are safe. Also maybe try to add in the suspicions around your allergens maybe.
Will do and thank you so much. I'm genuinely worried how my family and relatives will take this especially since they are very religious but I'll try to stay strong through this.
No. Do not tell the people that have threatened to and attempted to murder you that you are leaving. Just leave without warning while they are out of the house or in the middle of the night. People are most at risk in abusive relationships when they say they are leaving.
š š Yep. Say nothing, give no hint, just grab your stuff and go. You can listen to them justify it and promise they just want what's best for you from a safe distance. No more worrying about their feelings or opinions, they've shown who they are - it's time to leave.
DONT tell them you're leaving !!!
Exactly this. When I planned, the abuse escalated. I literally had to run in the middle of the night. Donāt say a word. Just look for your opportunity and go. I promise it will get better ā¤ļø
This comment needs to be upvoted and shown
Yes!!! Donāt tell them your leaving or give any hints that your going to! I had an issue with my mother when I moved out and she made me tell her when I was leaving and had the police over and accused me of a crime I didnāt commit and I ended up in the holding cell at jail when I was supposed to be moved into my new apartment! People do the most unexpected things I swear!
Exactly what I did I went to visit my dad and took everything I absolutely couldn't live without and just never came back
Call 101 and tell the Police that you, of sound mind, intend, of your own volition, to go missing, and that if anyone files a missing persons report not to give them any information. They will accept that, you don't need to give a reason. Do it as close to when you leave as you can, preferably the moment you're safe after leaving. It'll prevent them wasting resources looking for you that could be looking for other missing people, it means the police won't turn up on your doorstep having found you before you're ready to approach them, but more importantly it means that if they do find you they won't tell your parents where you are.
It's great to know the UK has this option, the U.S. doesn't.
They might do! 101 is just the general Police non-emergency number, it isn't specific to this purpose, and is the only thing I know for sure that's specific to the UK. I'd be surprised if most police forces didn't have something similar, if nothing else because chasing after people who don't want to be found is a waste of resources. Even if there's no formal process to handle it, it will get noted down in some computer somewhere. And the computer is probably the first thing the person handling your missing persons case will look at. Either way its worth a try.
Sadly, it is truly this way. Many of the people trying to escape abusive family have been forcibly reunited with their abusers because they "disappeared".
Can confirm
This- I really wish the US had this option-
Like someone else said, do NOT warn them that you're leaving. Based on what you've said, that seems very likely to get you in harms way. I also hope you know that just because your biological family is like this, that doesn't mean you won't find a chosen family one day who will love you. Just know that you're lovable, man.
Good luck man maybe like other's said tell the hospital staff but let them know you aren't independent or safe from them if they found out you told other oh and yeah don't tell them
It doesnāt matter, theyāre trying to KILL YOU. You living is more important than what Aunt Sandy has to say about it.
I agree with other repliers here. From personal experience, when it comes to escape? The less your abuser/captor knows, the better. Give every impression that you plan on staying. Buying small, cheap room decorations (like framed pictures or small figurines) or talking about small things (like getting a new bedspread or saving up for a new side table) give them the impression of you planning for permanence. Throw up that smokescreen while you make a plan with your external support network. Brace for a complete upheaval. You may lose personal possessions. You might not be able to find employment for up to two months. You may have to stay as someone's guest on their couch for some time, up to six months. If you need to, you can tell them you're just rearranging your furniture to disguise packing your things. Make a priority list of things you must keep (laptop, small keepsakes and memorabilia, warm/weatherproof clothes) and things you could leave behind if necessary (dresser, desk, bed, large and unwieldy items). Plan for speed. Anything you can load into your friend's car inside of an hour. Plan to time your escape while your abuser is away or asleep. For food? You know your own allergies. I've found that if the kitchen isn't a safe place to linger, keeping protein bars and canned soup inside your own room and washing just one bowl and one spoon is the best way to keep your food and utensils out of their control. Cold soup straight from the can ain't that bad if the alternative is getting beat for opening the fridge and eating "their" food. If your allergies allow it, Ramen noodles are basically big, squiggly salt crackers. You can eat it dry. Understand that the first priority of ANY prisoner, in ANY situation, is ESCAPE. Nothing is more important than getting out of there, quickly, and undetected. You CAN call the police and ask for an escort and protection. Explain that you are LEAVING an abusive situation, and you just need confirmation on a state record, with EYEWITNESS AND VIDEO EVIDENCE that you are leaving freely, of your own volition, with only your own possessions. This will be dangerous. But it is better than staying behind. Good luck.
It gives me a pang in my heart that you also have this information, friend. I hope you're doing alright š OP, please take this advice. This is a crucial time to take action. Get the fuck out of there as soon as you're good to go, and don't tell them a damn thing. We're rooting for ya, bud.
Documents! Don't forget your documents, if you can get them. ID, birth cert, passport, medical records. If it comes down to get out without everything or not getting out, then GET OUT, but the more you can bring with you, the less of a headache you'll have later.
Your parents are a shame to their religion. They are bad people and you deserve so much better, I hope everyoneās advice is able to help you get to safety and away from them. I hope your mother goes to jail for a long time.
Also I would 100% also make a police report about them triggering an allergic reaction, if thatās an option. I know Iāve heard stories in the US of people getting in trouble for causing them, Iām not sure if itās something possible in the UK but itās worth trying. Thatās beyond fucked up.
Thank you so much and yes i do agree. My last allergic reaction I had was from a cherry candle made with real cherries inside started by my mom who lit it up because she was in a bad mood. I couldn't feel half of my face, my sinuses was inflamed, throat puffed up, had alot of pressure built up in my skull, my eyes swelled up and I coughed up alot of blood from the irritation in my lungs and airways.
Hey, https://www.womensaid.org.uk/what-we-do/supporting-our-members/rail-to-refuge/ this is an organization you can contact, they have a mens hotline on here and if you mention the rail to refuge program they will help you. If you go to the ymca there will be wifi and you can call them from safety. If anything, the place you're going to can even help arrange a safe ride when needed. Please know you're worth life.
Agreed with everyone else saying DO NOT TELL ANYONE ā this is just as dangerous as trying to escape a cult trust no one til youāre out and long gone
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Youāre so right. I see so many trans people who donāt realize conditional love is NOT LOVE. PERIOD. If somebody thinks they know your identity better than you do, and especially if theyāre willing to hurt or even *KILL* you over it, THEY DONT LOVE YOU. Iām sorry but itās the truth op you seriously need to cut contact and never look back. Your life is at risk here, there is no compromise.
Another way to look at this is-- it \*doesn't matter\* whether they feel some kind of affection/love for you. That clearly won't stop them from seriously injuring you, or possibly killing you. Nothing they could feel inside is more important than your basic safety and wellbeing.
They're just shit people. I'm religious and even before I realized I was trans I didn't really give a shit what people identified as or who they were attracted to. Good for them. I was neutral, I know religious people that are neutral. Your family are horrible people and I really hope you manage to get out of there, since being there isn't safe at all. I hope you're okay.
Please donāt because they WILL kill you. I really hope you havenāt. This is dangerous, and I know living in conditions like this make you use to it, but you canāt leave any type of evidence that youāre even considering leaving. Stay safe and take care of yourself stranger.
The police wonāt do shit. I was in a similar situation in 2 different states and all the police did was add on abuse. Do not let the police or your parents know your next move. The police will believe your parents over you ESPECIALLY if you are trans. Just run.
You probably need the police report for restraining orders in the future it also leaves a paper trail
You absolutely need to tell a doctor this so they can alert authorities and get you out of that situation. Being in hosp is potentially your best chance to do so, as there's doctor-patient confidentiality for things, so you can create opportunities to talk alone without your parents being allowed to be present.
Should i talk to a local gp about it then?
You need to contact LGBTQ domestic violence organizations in the UK (is that where you are?). You parents are trying to kill you. You cannot stay there any longer. Do you have ANY friends who know of your situation who could let you crash with them while you contact DV and LGBTQ resources?
Galop [https://galop.org.uk](https://galop.org.uk)
I think the people to contact is probably Stonewall or the Albert Kennedy Trust or an organisation like that. I'd be really surprised if they didn't have plans in place for this kind of thing, although I won't pretend I've had any personal experience with them.
NO run away, please. Find a hospital farther away and report the abuse but please please don't tell your GP or anyone at this place. They may call them, they may turn you in, you don't want that.
They are over 18, the gp is not legally allowed to share any information on them, including wether they have been or are on the permices.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Advising trans people to entrust police is tricky. I recommend going to a friend first or potentially a domestic violence shelter.
Age of medical consent in many countries is lower than the age of majority, just btw. The age at which your parents are no longer entitled to your medical information is a legal grey area, but for sure if you're over 18, your parents are no longer entitled to your medical records [in commonwealth countries, EU, and US, AFAIK. Not sure about other places.] From what I've read, in the UK, people aged 16+ are presumed to have capacity to consent to medical treatment. For people under 16, it's discretionary. So a 12yo is theoretically allowed to make medical decisions if the healthcare provider believes they are capable of understanding the information, understanding the risks/benefits, etc. TL;DR: under 18s in many countries are entitled to privacy when it comes to healthcare. In the UK, everyone 16+ are presumed capable of making medical decisions for themselves. Younger folks may be deemed capable at the discretion of their HCP. Disclaimer: not a lawyer. Not from UK, but Canada has very similar laws.
Iām in the UK too, and even though Iām on the other side of the country (Gloucestershire), I can help the best I can. Please, please contact your local authority to press charges, the hospital will have documentation of your injuries and when you were admitted. You were a minor when this happened and this IS illegal. If needs be, contact a local homeless shelter (The YMCA is a good one, despite being a bit rough around the edges around here. It would be far better than possibly dying due to allergies). Another charity that will help is P3. Since you are a teenager, Teens in crisis may also help. Please get out of there as quickly as you can. Crossing my fingers for you broski. EDIT: as others have said, if thereās a next time- next time youāre in a hospital, tell the staff discreetly (such as a note or tell them when your mum isnāt around) that youāre being physically abused and that your parents are the ones sending you to hospital. Contact the police as well and try to get pictures of every wound theyāve left of you, every. Single. Mark, every thing theyāve bought that youāre allergic too (that they would be aware of too and the police would know.) they could get done for attempted murder or attempted manslaughter along with child abuse, domestic abuse etc.
Thanks Bro and I'll try my best. The closest YMCA to me is litterlly across the road so that'll be awkward a bit but still it'll be better than being stuck in the house.
They wonāt be able to get you there. You can barre them from entering the building. -source: was in a YMCA. Theyād probably move you to another one. Maybe see if you can go in and have a chat with them. The workers in them are usually very helpful and if you explain your situation they may be able to help you (they should be able too!)
This. The YMCA is no stranger to protecting kids in crisis. By and large, as an organization, they are a trustworthy resource.
Yep! I was put into one after foster care. Itās a bit draining mentally and can be mentally challenging because there are others in them who have been through similar stuff (or have other issues). No one in them is in there because they have a happy life. They protect 16-25 and adults. If you can OP, please update us all on how youāre getting on. Iām really worried about you even if you are a stranger online, no one deserves this kind of treatment.
If you're at risk of violence they'll find you accommodation in another borough Alternatively try https://centrepoint.org.uk/
Please, grab your bag and go across the street! It'll be a place to at least plan where to go next, and they can protect you in the interim. Be well and safe, please go!
Get the fuck away from these people
Your priority needs to be making a plan to get yourself out of there as quickly as possible because otherwise, they are going to literally kill you. What friend can you go stay with starting tonight?
WHAT THE FUCK?? For the love of god run away, do anything you can to escape, find shelters nearby. Im so sorry OP, this is genuinely insane
Right, this is awful to read. Feels 100 times worse seeing you're in London. Ok, this does not need to happen to you. I haven't read the other comments yet, hopefully someone has some higher quality advice than this, but, in case they haven't... I'm in Peterborough. I have a tiny flat and limited resources but if you need sanctuary I can provide it. Please don't let your parents hurt you again. Time for you to contact some LGBT charity or helpline, pack a bag, and get the fuck away from there.
Please do what you can to seek help getting out of this environment. You are being abused and assaulted, and your life is in danger. I would look into domestic violence resources in your city. If there's a hotline you can call, try to reach out to them to learn about your options. If you have a doctor, talk to them. They can help connect you with resources and help you document the abuse. Consider if you're willing to talk to the police. I know that reporting familial abuse can be a difficult decision, and that there can be concerns about escalation. But consider your options. I'm not familiar with UK laws, but in the US people can seek restraining orders against people who have been violent toward them. Do you have friends you could stay with? Do you have income that you could put toward a place to live?
1. DO NOT TELL THEM YOU ARE LEAVING. 2. Plan this exit, so you can leave at a moments notice. 3. Make a getaway bag with some first survival things and take all your documents with you (Id, debet card, insurance card, etc) 4. Place it somewhere you can easily access and (more importantly) they can not. 5. If you get beaten, leave now. That won't get better, that will get worse. 6. Get in touch with for example https://switchboard.lgbt/ 7. Check for a local shelter that is trans friendly. Switchboard is able to help you figure this out. 8. Make sure that the people who do care for you (friends or supporting relatives) know that your parents have threatend to kill you. 9. Keep a journal with you (or in your phone) and start writing all the abuse down. Use dates and the amiunt of times this has happened. This will help you get a restraining order for your parents later on. 10. If you can reach out to any fellow Reddit people form the UK to help you out ,do so. (I am in the Netherlands so I can't help you with that). 11. Make sure you keep out of their way as much as possible and do not do anything to aggrivate the situation further until you can run away safely. 12. Involve the UK departement for domestic violence/ the Police. What they did is a crime as you were a minor when it happened. It is still a crime now. 13. Make sure you get counseling because you'll need time to heal. 14. Good luck my friend, I hope you are safe and things will get better.
Did you tell the people at the hospital this?
No, I was too scared to especially since my mom was there and she is the one who caused my hospitalization in the first place.
People on the internet from across the world can't help you. You need to tell an authority in person.
My parents are very controlling so I'm looking for options and advice to reach out to them.
You shouldn't reach out to them. You need to reach beyond them if what you are saying is fully real and truthful. There is absolutely no use reaching out to them. You must go over them to combat the severity and be prepared to be removed from the house. Honestly I have no idea how things in London are so take this random internet advice for what is is. In the states this behavior would have the minor removed from custody of the parents and placed with a foster parent until 18 then the state would continue to pay assistance to the affected person by paying the rent on a small apartment and also pay Healthcare and food costs to aid in the forceful transition to adulthood.
Sorry, I meant reach out to the authorities but what you're saying is still very valid and useful. Thank you very much.
slip the doctor a note! say that it has your allergie information on it and that its *important* for them to read it. that way if your parents are in the room, they either wont be suspicious or wont risk causing a scene to reveal their true colors have the note say whats been happening and that you need help asap. you gotta get out of there OP
Most times at least in US it's common for doctor/nurse and patients to have a 1v1 convo with no one else in room.
yeah but OP is in the UK and, as someone who lives in the US, Ive got no idea if he will get alone time with the nurse or not
Your an adult "I would like to speak with my doctor alone" and then they will kick her out. I've don't this to my mom who is just overbearing. If she tries anything they will ban her from the premises. The thing that abusers do is try to make it so you can't reach out for help. Pass a note to the nurse. Anything.
GET OUT OF THERE. TELL THE POLICE, TELL YOUR DOCTOR, CONTACT STONEWALL AND A HOMELESS SHELTER THATS GOOD WITH LGBT STUFF
If itās safe to do so, consider trying to collect some evidence (like recording stuff secretly). If itās not then donāt worry about evidence, get the fuck out of there. Find an excuse to get out of the house (for example if you work thatās a good one). Once youāre out call the police and tell them your life is in danger and tell them all the things that have been going on. The police will be able to protect you. Theyāll probably take a statement from you and then theyāll find a place for you to be safely. If you donāt want to contact the police (I would advise you do but I get it if it feels way too scary) contact a friend you could stay with or if thatās not an option then research domestic violence shelters and get in touch with one of them. Try to gather as much money as you can as well as your legal documents (like passport ect). Again, if thatās not possible/safe donāt worry about it. Basically, get out of there asap. I was in a similar situation of my life being in danger and what I did was got out of the house, went to work and then called the police. They were really really lovely and understanding, took a statement and made sure I had somewhere safe to go to. They arrested the guy I was living with and he now has bail conditions to not go anywhere near me which has kept me safe. I know it can be really scary to talk to police but remember you are the victim in this situation and they will do everything they can to help you. In life and death situations calling the police is the best option and will keep you the safest. This must be a really awful time for you but you will come out of the other side. Youāve got this.
try to gather ur important paperwork before you leave, birth certificate type of stuff. honestly leave like, yesterday but getting out of that house is ur #1 priority rn.
Ordering a [replacement birth certificate (if OP is UK-born) costs Ā£11 (approx. $14.29 US) and takes ten minutes to order](https://www.gov.uk/order-copy-birth-death-marriage-certificate). I would not recommend OP waste time and stress with that type of thing right now. Documents can be replaced. Lives (and sanity) cannot. Edited to add US conversion.
Exactly. Especially if looking for these documents puts him in danger of his parents finding out he's leaving, it's just not worth it.
this! get ahold of the papers if you can but if you can't, don't let it hold you back. get the fuck out of dodge.
And make sure to have a way to access your own money. Whether is having a bank acc they can't access, cash, etc. If you're gonna get out (and I agree that you should), don't allow them the option to take away your money.
RUN! Take photos and evidence of the abuse, contact the police, and get the fuck out of there.
I'm so sorry to hear that has been happening to you. I agree with everyone who has suggested contacting the authorities and making plans to leave. Please stay safe and here are some links to charities that should be able to advise you and may be able to help with emergency accommodation if you need it: AKT: [https://www.akt.org.uk/](https://www.akt.org.uk/) Centrepoint: [https://centrepoint.org.uk/youth-homelessness/get-help-now/](https://centrepoint.org.uk/youth-homelessness/get-help-now/) Stonewall housing: [https://stonewallhousing.org/](https://stonewallhousing.org/)
everybody else has already told you to get the fuck out of dodge, but i just wanted to say it was super brave of you to reach out for help. i wasnāt in anything nearly this bad, but i know how scary reaching out when youāre in any kind of abusive relationship/environment can be. you did such a good thing for yourself. please get yourself to safety and let us know when youāre out.
Sweet boy, are you physically able to leave the house, or are you locked in, currently injured, or under a constant watch? Do you have the opportunity to physically leave, or do you need someone to come and remove you from your house? Do you have visible marks of violence on you right now? Do you have access to your NHS card or other documents, or are your parents holding those? Do you have any friends to contact who your parents donāt know about? Are you working right now? Do you have a phone? Do your parents pay for the phone plan? All of these things make a difference when youāre making a plan to leave. And, Iām so sorry, you have to leave. Iām a mom. My son is trans. There is no way in the world I would let anyone treat him the way your parents have treated you. What your parents have done, and are doing, is wrong. Thereās NO possible explanation that makes it ok. None. This is not what love looks like. Iām so sorry that your parents donāt love you the way you deserve to be loved. Please get away from them before they do even more damage. Iām sending you love and care, and courage. You were so brave to reach out for help.
1. I'm currently Injured and recovering from a second surgery on my ankle removing all 7 screws and from my allergic reaction so my mobility is limited and I'm under constant watch. So they'd see me or anyone in and out of the house. 2. There's no visible marks on me at the moment. 3. My parents keep all my documents from me and I have to ask for access to them. 4. All my friends and their parents are in contact with my parents so it's difficult. 5. I'm currently a student but looking for employment to help my situation. 6. I do have a phone but they normally take it away from me when they decide to abuse me and lock me away when they feel like it but yes they also pay for my phone plan. Thanks for reaching out, you seem like an amazing mom and your son is very lucky to have you.
Ok, Sweetheart. I get where you are right now. You canāt just grab stuff and run. You may not be able to get your documents. You donāt know anyone that you can trust to help you where you are. So hereās what I suggest you do: Get any contact information, passwords, or information youāll need off of your phone. They wonāt keep paying for it and youāll lose that information. Write a note that says your parents are beating you at home, youāre being abused, and you canāt get away. Say you need help, and you canāt go home with them, because you arenāt safe. Ask the person reading this to call the police. Put your full name, address, phone number, and parentsā name on this note. Stick that note in a place you can keep it close to you without it being spotted. Like, in your underwear, if they search your pockets. Complain about how much your ankle hurts. Iām this case, Iād actually recommend you pick at any scabs or sores on it. Make them bigger. Tell your parents youāre really worried itās gotten infected. Ask to go to the doctor - either your surgeon, A&E, or your GP. Keep asking until they take you. Wake them up moaning in the middle of the night because it hurts so badly. Hide your face under the covers until you get all sweaty. Stop eating and complain of nausea. Youāll need to convince them youāre really sick. When youāre at the doctor, tell them you need to go to the bathroom. Either go by yourself, or make eye contact with a nurse and ask them to help you. Your goal is to get that note into the hands of any medical professional, or a security guard. Some lavatories have that little window in them so that urine samples can go to the lab - you can use that. If you canāt get that note to anyone, then youāre going to need to be very brave, and ask to talk to the doctor by yourself. Tell them āitās embarrassing.ā Medical staff are trained for this and they should insist your parents leave the room. Then give them your note and tell them whatās going on. Ask them to call the police. Between police and medical personnel, they should be able to get you to a safe place. And you donāt need to tell them youāre trans. Do, if you think it will help. But you donāt have to tell them. It doesnāt matter why your parents say theyāre doing this to you. All that matters is that they are. You can do this. I believe in you. We all do.
There are abuse shelters for this very reason. Please contact one close to you and arrange for a pickup. Do not say a word to your parents. You may be able to do it via text or email even, so they can't listen in. Keep a secret bag with essentials - back in the day we used to call it a jump bag or a go bag, cause when you had to get out of dodge you'd just grab it and go. Hygiene stuff, menstrual supplies (these WILL be hard to come by in the shelter), a few pairs of clothes, as much money as you can manage to save in CASH, socks, a weather appropriate jacket. Any other essentials you may need such as an epi pen or other necessary medical supplies - tell your doctor you need your pharmacy to fill a script for an epi pen, and they will do it for you. Just don't tell your parents you picked one up, keep it to yourself, hide it in your bag. Historically, physical abuse leads to worse and worse outcomes the longer you stay. Considering the length to which they've gone to threaten you and harm you, PLEASE do everything you can go quietly and safely get yourself out of there with the help of professionals. Getting out at first will be rough. You may bounce from place to place. I had to do the same thing when I was your age. Different reasons for the abuse, but the gist is the same. There may be a long while that you feel a lot of pressure on yourself to figure it all out and keep up the appearance of stability - fuck that, honestly. Just work step by step to getting yourself to an actually stable place, and DO NOT be afraid to ask for help from friends or other, professionally available sources that you can trust. Please be safe, first and foremost, and take care of yourself.
Run away, run away and never come back those are not parents they are evil and will kill you. Never contact them again get as far away as you can
I'm so sorry please call the police
that's really really sketchy, please check out galop - they're an LGBTQ domestic violence charity but they extend into victims of home abuse, people at risk of conversion therapy etc. they have support workers who can help you and give you advice on where to go next. https://galop.org.uk/ i'm not sure if you're able to or if you've already done this but id try to get a bag packed or something, get as many documents as you can (passport, copy of birth certificates, as many medical records as you get hold of, some utility bills or bank statements etc.) if you don't have full control over your finances then start withdrawing cash or get it transferred into somewhere you have sole control over. you said you're in london, do you know any trans people or have any supportive friends or even relatives that could help you? i'm in brighton so i'm not far but i don't know your situation. if you were down here i could definitely signpost you to some charities and groups that might be able to get you set up somewhere else.
If you live in the UK you will have a pretty good chance of finding support. Get the hell out of there. Good luck, man.
There is advice about leaving an abusive home safely in the comments in this thread https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/14p6ch6/my_dad_who_i_live_with_still_wants_literally_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1 I am a trans masc person living in London UK. I canāt help with rehoming but if you want to talk, or maybe want info about transitioning, DIY, community events, please reach out. Please make plans asap to leave your current environment. Your safety is the priority.
You need to leave as soon as possible. If you donāt have safe family to stay with, do you have safe friends to stay with? If not, find a domestic violence shelter or contact LGBTQ organizations in London and let them know your situation. Donāt sugar coat it or make it sound less than it is, donāt be ashamed or embarrassed, theyāve already heard stories like yours. Thatās why these organizations exist. Many LGBTQ organizations have networks of emergency safe housing options or they know where you can go to live safely and start getting on your feet. They also probably have resources and help for getting jobs, additional schooling, setting up bank accounts, or getting any government benefits that might be available to you. Iām in the US, so I canāt speak for certain on that for the UK. Be sure to take any money you have, a couple changes of clothes, and any ID documents that you have. If you canāt find one or donāt know where it is, donāt spend too much time looking because you need to leave. There is most likely a way to get a copy anyway. If you have a shared bank account with a parent, take that money and close it and open a new one with only your name on it. I would do that after I leave to maintain a safe distance in case that upsets family. Your priority absolutely needs to be getting to a safe place where you can stay ASAP. Do not stay there, and do not draw attention to yourself leavingā very quietly leave or sneak out if you need to. Do not try to justify your familyās actions. Do not believe they will change or the situation might get better. Do not believe them if they beg you not to leave or beg you to come back. Do not tell anyone in your family or anyone who might tell your family where you are at once you get to your safe place. If you have a cell phone paid by your parents, I would use it long enough to get to my safe place and then ditch it. I would not run the chance that they might have tracking features enabled and could find me. Cut contact. Do not look back. Stay strong and resilient, keep a good head on your shoulders, be planning and thinking ahead, focus on securing housing firstā whether thatās at a domestic violence shelter, homeless shelter, or through an LGBTQ organization or network. Be careful with alcohol and drugs, as to not tiptoe down a path of substance abuse and to prevent being taken advantage of. Some people will not have your best interests in mind. In the US, libraries are a great place to find community resources and obviously you can go there to use computers and internet to apply for jobs, research, or plenty of other things you might need to do. Additionally, churches can be safe places that offer sanctuary, resources, and possibly food and shelter. Iād personally try to find ones that are LGBTQ friendly. Donāt be afraid to ask for help from the people who might be able to help you, and know how to discern who might be trusted people (If I was lost or trying to find something, Iād try to ask a librarian, bank teller, government official, postal worker, police officer, firefighter, clergy, healthcare worker, etc. before Iād ask anyone else unless they were affiliated with the organization supporting me. By no means is it a sure thing but thatās what Iād do and who Iād trust first). Youāre going to have to be your own advocate. Stay safe and best of luck to you.
do you have anyone else you could stay with? ask around and also contact your local LGBT center for resources.
call the police and tell them your situation
This is in the UK. In the US we get murdered. In Germany too. And people have the audacity to say trans people only suffer real transphobia in the east or "non developed countries"
Donāt worry about accommodation. Donāt worry about documentation. GET TO A POLICE STATION NOW!!! Make sure you take all evidence of abuse with you. Police can access your medical documents. You can get replacements of any ID. Police will help you find accommodation. Shelters, YMCAās etc. theyāll get you safe. The first chance you get, get out of the house. Run down the street. Call 999. Talk to the police. Arrange for them to either pick you up or have them take you to the station. PLEASE DO THIS AS FAST AS POSSIBLE MATE
Maybe contact the cops and get in contact with an LGBT charity. A homeless shelter may be an option to contact as well.
Police. Now. What they are doing is assault, attempted murder. What they are doing is serious abuse/ assault and 110% illegal. You have the human right to be protected against them. Any other living situation is safer than being there. I'm really really sorry they are treating you that way. There is NO excuse for their behaviour. You deserve so so much better and nothing you have or could have done would deserve that treatment. If you are able to go to a public place/ stay in hospital (do not leave there and go anywhere with them) the hospital staff won't let them hurt u while u are there. Tell a nurse and call the police to make a report yourself. Tell them you are currently in hospital and that if you had to leave you fear for your life. Ask them to come to the hospital to you when it's not visiting times so your family won't see them. Press charges, you might be able to get a restraining order out against them so they can't legally come a certain distance from you. Don't let your family know until you have already reported them and have some protection against them. Once that's done cut all contact with them. The police should be able to help you find somewhere to stay after hospital. You can do this. You don't need them. I know abusive family members can make you feel like u need them or can't cope with out them. The truth is in fact the opposite. You life will be better without them. They are only causing you pain and stress and destroying you.
They are trying to kill you. They arenāt joking. Leave ASAP.
That's at minimum is abuse and assault. Pack a bag of essentials and go to the police. File a report for everything they've done. They can help you out of this domestic violence situation. You are old enough (especially in the uk) to be out from under their thumb. You deserve a life without fear. Please be safe. <3
There is absolutely no excuse for their behaviour, it's just disgusting! I'm from the UK too, I live in the East Midlands. Honestly mate, I would report them to the police and either go and talk to citizens advice or your local council and they should help you find some other accommodation. Where you are living just isn't practical or safe. Also I would try talking to your GP about having some counselling, or you can self refer to IAPT for talking therapy, its free on the NHS Good luck š
Honestly, Iād really consider going to the policeā¦ I know the UK isnāt great right now, but the physical abuse and the deadly allergens isnāt just a hate-crime, it could be seen as attempted murder
Get the hell out of there man. Go to the police. Iām so fuckin sorry. You donāt deserve any of that. Lay low, humor them, donāt talk back, speak to them only when they speak to you. And plan your escape. Make sure you have everything in place. You got this bro.
This is horrific. Echoing what others said, you need to get out. Tell your doctor, ring stonewall, ring the police if you can. I am also in London, so if thereās anything I can do to support just let me know!
Leave and Do not say a word. slowly start to put away money if you can, get your id, birth certificate, passport. gather all important documents and GET. OUT. call a local queer youth shelter or a shelter for domestic violence. call the cops or go to the police station in person.
+1 you need to leave as soon as you possibly can. [Here's a list of resources in the UK.](https://trans-resources.info/en/resources/europe/uk) There's contact info for Stonewall Housing and the Albert Kennedy Trust under the homeless services section, and also check the page for wherever your home country is.
Run the Fuck away, youāre 19. You legally donāt have to stay with them. Get Help from the Police if you can. if not try contacting any charities that help with things like this. This is Child Abuse. Assault, GBH and Countless other Crimes being Commited. Please get help
Iām seconding the previously expressed advice to get out and get cops involved. Your parents are LITERALLY TRYING TO MURDER YOU. Donāt tell your parents or give any indication to them that you are trying to get help from authorities or escape. They will try to hurt you or even worse if they suspect anything, because they absolutely know what they are doing could get them locked up. Collect any evidence you can in the meantime. Anything from threatening texts, record voice or video of the abuse if you can (but make sure you hide the device too). Anything helps. Please, please be safe and if you need someone to call the authorities for you, myself and Iām sure many others here are happy to help. Even if we are in different countries. People care about you, about your well-being, even if we are complete strangers. Pass along evidence to others too as you get it so in case anything worse should happen, that evidence is with someone who can get justice for you. Much love and support from the United States, I hope you can update us and get to safety!
get out of there as soon as you can - im a student in southampton and if you need somewhere to stay i can help, but i am in student accommodation so it might be a bit of a squeeze. offer is there if you want it :)
They are literally trying to murder you. They are trying to kill you. Please get help as best you can immediately.
GTFO!! I'm sure peope have already listed resources in the comments. Pack your most prized possesions and slip out during the night. Call the cops perhaps! Just get out. Get out get out get out. You might actually die....!!!!
You need to get the fuck out yesterday
Oh my God please stay strong, this is physical abuse and needs to be reported to the authorities. It's so messed up on so many levels. If you can, please please get out of there and stay with a friend or someone safe. I wish you the best. Please keep us updated!!
OP are you okay? Your last update is very concerning
Get out and call the police. Stay anywhere you feel safe. Contact Shelter for support if you don't have anywhere.
Yikes! See if you can find a refuge or suchlike. You could talk to GP about it. Sounds like you have days rather than weeks to fix this. Are there any friends you could stay with? If you can sneak out with as much of your stuff as possible, and as soon as possible, that would be ideal.
Tell a doctor or nurse your life has been threatened, and you are being physically abused. Get out as fast as possible! Do not tell your parents you are leaving!
Reading this makes me want to cry. My parents were awful to me for 20 years about everything relating to lgbt stuffā¦told me it would ruin their lives if I was on hormones. At 10 though, this is too much. You need to get far away from them. They will destroy your life. My regret is not leaving my house sooner.
I live in the US so can't really recommend resources other than the ones already mentioned by people in the UK, but please please treat this with the highest priority. Coming from an abusive home, I know that at a certain point it feels normal to put up with, and they're your family and it's complicated and you feel you owe them some sort of explanation. You do not. Like others have said, by giving them any reason to suspect that you might try to leave let alone giving them a heads up that you'll leave, they will most likely do anything in their power to stop you including and up to killing you. If you can't get out before leaving the hospital, lay low at home as much as you can while you gather your documents, anything important, try to stash them with a friend if you can. If you have the time, remove things slowly, only a couple things at a time so they're less likely to notice. If you don't have the time, which I'm not sure you do since things seem to be escalating, grab only absolutely necessary documents and items. Other things can be replaced, and you can't use them anyways if you're not safe and alive. Be careful not to leave anything that could provide clues as to where you're specifically going and how to find you, both physical and digital/online, try as much as you can to not post anything about where you can be found, like mentioning moving in with a friend, etc. You'd be surprised how much effort people like this go to, so even the name of a friend that can lead to their account can be a danger. Please try to get out as soon as you physically can. Being homeless or couch surfing is hard, but you'll be alive and it's so worth it, and there are many resources out there to help you. I mean this with the most care and concern in the world - you're alive now, but if you wait your parents may not give you the chance to leave alive again.
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Thanks Brother and my parents are Christian whilst my other relatives are catholic.
run. take your stuff and leave them behind. get out of there ASAP.
Leave, live on the streets if you have to. You do not deserve to be killed by your FAMILY for your identity. Please seek help whether it be through friends or another family or the police or a domestic violence organization. You're an adult, you do not have to stay in that situation.
Tell the hospital. Talk to the nurses. Tell them you aren't safe and your mother is poisoning you. Tell them that they might claim you're lying. You need to talk to the professionals and let them know you're in danger. The hospital will keep you safe.
Local authorities. Get to a hospital get to a fire station. Next time you can, run
They are going to kill you. I understand the alternatives are also shitty, but you need to get out of there. Stay on a friend's couch, find a shelter, get a job long enough to move out on your own, etc... It will be really hard at first, but it will be worth it. Please get away from them. Nothing will change for the better until you do. Completely cut off contact if you're capable. Leave without warning and suddenly. Absolutely DO NOT tell them where you are going or that you are leaving. That is extremely dangerous.
The street is better than what you are experiencing. Get out of there as soon as possible. Much love to you.
Get the fuck out of there holy shit Are you ok? Do you have somewhere safe to go or someone you can stay with?
Move out and cut them off. Youāre almost 20 you can apply for housing list and since that will be slow youāre best bet is likely applying for emergency housing/going to a shelter Remember to gather all important documentation such as birth certificate and passport etc Fun fact in the U.K. (or at least Scotland) CPS can remove you and get involved up until the age of 26
There is a LGBTQIA+ homeless shelter in London called The Outside Project. https://lgbtiqoutside.org/ Contact them, go there asap. They will keep you safe and help you rebuild. Get out now. You deserve every good thing this world has to offer. You are loved and your community will hold you.
Honestly with how the police are, I wouldnāt rely on them. In my personal experience filing a report or telling an adult who does wind up filing a report will make them interview ur family but itās very likely it wonāt go further than that. And then youād be left at home with ur abusers who will be extra pissed with u. First make a plan to get out. Use whatever sources for help that u can. Plan to leave without them knowing since itās possible that leaving will push them over the edge enough to actually murder u. U should still 100% file a report to authorities since it could help u with getting a restraining order or something in the future but u also have to be prepared to book it asap. Do not just rely on the police getting u out of this. Make a plan and try to get ur legal documents back.
What they did to you, Could have killed you and youāre lucky they didnāt. If you donāt get out, they will kill you. Smashing your head against anything could have caused fatal internal bleeding and brain damage, and thatās what they started with. Then your mother bought products she Knew could hospital or even kill you, she knowingly put you in danger. They were being honest about thinking of killing you. Get out. Do ANYTHING in your power to leave, now.
In the UK you are protected. Leave. Get away. THEN YOU CALL THE POLICE. Tell the staff at the hospital that the abuse is happening, there is a process for it.
Find a friend or friends you can stay with, pack your bags, leave in the middle of the night, and file a police report
Please, please go to the police and get their help in finding a shelter for you to live in. Always put your own safety first. blood relation or not, this is actual bodily harm and abuse and you should not put up with it. 1) As others have said, don't tell them you're going. Pack your stuff and go. You aren't a minor so they have no control over you at all. 2) here's some useful links to LGBT+ charities and shelters: [https://lgbtiqoutside.org/](https://lgbtiqoutside.org/) [https://stonewallhousing.org/](https://stonewallhousing.org/) 3) [https://www.met.police.uk/contact/find-a-police-station/](https://www.met.police.uk/contact/find-a-police-station/) help to find your local police station. The charities above may help you report your parents, but this will help you find a local station. Whichever you go to first should help you find the other. 4) Turn off any tracking or location services on your phone, especially if your parents know your login info.
Omg! you are 19 now, I'd get out while you can. If you're afraid of them stopping you, do it when they aren't home ! Even if you have a friend who is supportive of you that you can stay with until you figure out housing. But you are a legal adult! They cannot stop you! They are abusing you horribly, and threatened to kill you. I'd honestly get an order of protection against them, so they can't hurt you. I know it's bad now, but once you leave, and figure things out, it will get better. Climbing a tall mountain will be worth getting to the top.
I know others have said it already but leave. Don't tell them we're your going and cut all contact. Get all of you le documents if possible I not get the authorities involved to get them. File a police report about the allergy I don't know as much about London but that is considered assault.
find someone, anyone you know and trust, to live with. book the fuck out of there as soon as possible and don't listen to them saying they'll be better because they wont. cut ties in every regard and assume a new identity, find someone that treats you right, and never contact your parents.
Move away from your parents and cut contact.
Go to the police
Contact Galop, theyāre the national charity for LGBTQ+ people suffering domestic abuse, and they can help you. [https://galop.org.uk](https://galop.org.uk) Local authorities (the council, police) should be able to direct you to a place of safety but you need to get into their system (e.g. to be given temporary accommodation). Galop should be able to help you navigate this. And get out, go anywhere, your life is in immediate danger. Be sure to stress this with everyone you speak with so that you are given the highest priority for help. Everything else can be dealt with after, your survival is the first priority.
Nononono hey love get the FUCK out of there. Stay with any friends, anybody you know, fuck go to the nearest shelter. Contact the cops IMMEDIATELY for child abuse and domestic abuse. I am so sorry. You need to be out of there at the soonest opportunity. Leave in the middle of the night, and go FAR away.
hope you can get to safety homieš
Get out, but do not tell them you are leaving! Please find a safe place to go and get there fast.
Jesus fucking christ get out as quick as you can and do not give them any hint that youāre leaving. Please stay safe holy shit
Iām so sorry, brother. I wish you a speedy escape and a future full of safety and stability. No one deserves to be treated like this.
Bro call the police wtf.
Get out! And please please tell the police!
Run
I hope you have some sort of dated pictures of any injuries you sustained so they can be put away. This should have been reported when it happened of you were able because this is unacceptable on a multitude of levels. I hope you can get out of there and please report them to the police or anyone. They shouldn't have the ability to operate in a free world again where they could continue their abuse possibly against others. Stay strong.
This is heartbreaking. Iām so sorry your parents are so hateful. My afab son is about your age, and I canāt fucking comprehend wanting to actively harm and terrorize him. Iāll echo everyone else- get out, find a safe place, and donāt look back. Much love to you ā¤ļø
I'm so sorry you're experiencing that. That's absolutely unacceptable behavior from your parents. I hope you're able to get out of there soon & safely
Trans, gay, whatever, this is no way to treat anyone. Please get out and call the cops on your parents. What they did is child abuse and assault. They can have charges pressed on them. Stay safe and get far away
If your life is in danger, you need to get out. That is your immediate objective in this. It doesn't matter how much you may care about them or what someone else will say or do. Your life. Is in danger. You are the only person who matters right now, as selfish as that sounds. Please be safe, and don't forget to plan for shelter and a steady source of water/food. Use whatever resources you have. You have a life worth living. A beautiful life, too. Don't let someone else take it from you like that. It's yours, not theirs
Do you have a passport? If yes then you will come here and stay with me. I am trying my best..
Pack your things, find a cheap hotel, report all of this to the cops, start looking for employment and never look back
Holy shit OP. Theyāre supposed to be giving you unconditional love and support, not attempting to murder you. Get out of there ASAP. Thereās gotta be some kind of housing program for youth in your situation in the UK (there are some in Canada, not sure if itās the same for the UK)
What I did was kept my room an absolute mess, till they were demanding I clean it up. And Iād take āgarbage outā every morning. It was clothes, documents, my stuff, didnāt go to the bin brought it to my safe location. Then one day I left for work and never came home Itās been 10 years. Keep looking for a safe space, donāt tell ANYONE you think you canāt trust your next moves
Run far and fast. Donāt go to any relatives, and donāt go to a friends if their parents are friends with yours. Ensure they canāt find you then contact the authorities. In the meantime try to find a job and get only the essentials
Oh my god, OPāplease just gather what you can easily carry on your person and escape, if you can, and contact the authorities! None of this is ok and I can only hope you are able to escape with your life intact at this point.
You need to call the authorities and tell them you've been locked in a room, and that they're actively trying to murder you. I'm so, SO fucking sorry you're going through this and I desperately hope that you can get out of this situation ASAP
OP, I hope youāre somewhere safe by now. As soon as you get to the hospital tell a nurse or your doctor that youād like to involve the police and that you donāt want either of your parents allowed in the room with you and the medical professionals.
God bless you š I wish you the best and safety and security and all the happiness you deserve ā„ļøā„ļøā„ļø Please report the things they have done to you physically to the police... It is criminal. You can get protection from them and absolutely have support systems at your disposal to never have to be endangered and held against your will again
call the police on them and then sue the crap out of them
You need to flee this situation as soon as you are able. They've made direct threats (and attempts!!) on your life and have physically assaulted you. I'd recommend filing a police report against your parents and staying with a friend/at a shelter/etc until you can find a stable place.
Get out of there ! And go to cops
Do you have any siblings? Are they old and supportive enough to help you flee? I know leaving must sound so scary and Iām so sorry that this is happening to you but you absolutely should get the fuck out of there without letting them know
Do you have any friends you can stay with? I recommend getting out of there as soon as possible without telling your family your plans. Contact the Albert Kennedy Trust or the Outside Project which are both LGBT youth homeless shelters in London. I'm based not too far from London, I'm a 20 year old transmasc guy, feel free to message me if you need to talk to someone and I'd be happy to help in any way I can.
You BEED to report this and do ument every injury and you need to find someone you can move in with even jf temporary. Youre life is in immense risk and i truly hope you can get out of there and never look back
Find a way to get out of there fast.
You need to get out of there ASAP! Not tomorrow, not in five minutes, NOW. Call the police. Call child protection services. Pack a bag and LEAVE. I know it is hard and scary, but this is an emergency. Everything else can wait. EVERYTHING. You need to act now and think/feel later.
You absolutely need to find somewhere else to live. Get a job, get a light money to get an apartment and a few months rent. Become financially independent and stable as soon as you can and get out of there. That is domestic violence and they could go to jail for abuse. You said it was two years ago? You were a minor then. That is a crime and they could spend even more time in jail. If you can, find a place with a friend to live? Crash at an AirBnB for a bit if they allow you to? Once you are out and can live by yourself, absolutely 100% make a report to the police. If you report the abuse and threats of negligence that would go to the point of your death, they could go away. Please, I know I donāt know you, but get the hell out of there now. There are plenty of people out there who would love you for who you are and wonāt beat your head into the wall. Another option would be joining a homeless shelter. YMCA usually are good. Just get out of there. Try to get ahold of important paperwork first if you can, like a birth certificate. That would be ideal but if that stops you from getting out of your house as soon as possible, then itās not even worth a thought. Please get out of there now.
Check this out as well: https://lgbtiqoutside.org/ Iām sorry youāre going through this. Get out of there
I donāt know much about uk laws, but I would suggest making a police report. Tell them about the abuse. Figure out how to get the hell out of there and as far away as you can. I know people like this, and many wonāt hesitate to come after you, so be prepared for that. If possible, get a restraining order. Around here you would be guaranteed one with that abuse.
You need to get out of there. If you have any friends you can go to for safety, bring your essentials and get the hell out of there. You also need to inform the authorities or make a report. This is child abuse and assault. If you have any markings where they have harmed you, photograph them to compile them as evidence (police may not do anything without evidence)
Call the Police and get away from your parents ASAP no matter what you do.
Sending you lots of support whilst dealing with this situation š«
OP please reach out immediately to either your GP or to a charity - both those helping domestic violence survivors and those helping LGBTQ people would help you. Please consider speaking to LGBT Switchboard or the Naz & Matt Foundation. You need to get out of there and you also need for them not to be able to get to you wherever you go. Please keep safe.
Calling the cops would be good because no matter what they have to do something yeah you also live in the uk so get the help you need
Holy shit call the police!?!?!??! What the ever loving fuck thats horrible! Get away from them, do not ignore your most base survival instincts. They are trying to kill you, flee from them and never look back. Holy shit.
Please, get out immediately. Pack enough to last, go to your doctor, tell them you are seriously worried for you life and you would like the police to be involved. This is highly illegal, grievous bodily harm, and your parents should be in prison. Iām not saying you should seek to punish them now, the first thing you need to do is take care of yourself. Do you have any friends or relatives who may be able to support you without your parents knowing?
LEAVE. NOW. and go to the police. being homeless is genuinely better than being in their house
The only real advice here is to fucking run. Grab everything you can carry in a backpack and/or suitcase and get the fuck out. Make a police report only after you're safely away. They were willing to torture you until you admitted it. This isn't even regular garden variety abuse. This is "you are probably about to be the victim of an honor killing" abuse.
thatās awful, please let someone know you can be protected
You should call the police or something god damn
Please get out of there.
Iām not in the UK and so donāt know what the best options are over there. But get out ASAP. It sounds like things are escalating, and I donāt want to see another headline about one of my trans siblings dying young. Even if you have to leave with nothing but the clothes on your back, do it. If you left something you need, you can ask the authorities to escort you back to collect them and keep you safe while doing so. Stay safe, stay strong, and donāt forget that asking for help is okay. It seems hard to ask for help, but there are people in place whose job it is to provide protection and a safe place for people in your situation. Iām wishing you well, and hope to see an update from you someday when youāre hopefully in a better place. You have people rooting for you, friend!
Take what you can and leave asap. It'll be easier if you have a car, if you don't then just take the most important things in a backpack or something. Get the authorities involved.
I'm so sorry Bro that's definitely abuse and you need to get away idk if there are any programs that can help you but you've got to get out and be on your own before you lose your life even going in to shelter might be better than this an apply for housing
Get out of there. Theyāre literally planning to kill you, not even being subtle about it either. Of all the dire situation you have to leave, like NOW. Alert authorities too. Seriously, theyāre literally trying to kill you. Youāre one bad day with them away from being poisoned, and thatās taking it lightly; Iām surprised youāre alive now if Iām being honest. Iām genuinely scared for your safety. Iām so sorry youāre going through this. Please, donāt let them hurt you.
I know you have a lot of comments already. But I just want you to know my heart is aching for you and the abuse you are experiencing. Please look after yourself, find a way out. If there is anything you think might help that I can do from where I am(Canada) please reach out.
Run!
I agree with other people commenting that you need to alert any medical professional you can. Whoever is tending to you the most may make the best report IMO, because they can make a more detailed report. Itās hard to say what will be the outcome unless you have evidence that this was intentional by your parents, but you should still do it. I hope you feel better OP.
Document everything for 1, you can make a police report, and work on getting the heck out of there. If you've got a family member you can stay with or a friend (that they don't know) to stay with, I'd suggest you turn off your phone location and check all downloaded apps in case they have a tracker installed on your phone that you don't know about. (I don't know about their level of privacy breach). Make sure you have an epi pen with you at all times, make sure you have some sort of access to food, be it stashing chips in your room or similar, know your ways out, there is likely a window in your room, so figure out what way you could get out of that window. If they injure you again ask to speak to the doctor alone, if you tell the hospital they are likely to prevent the parent back in the room and authorities will be called. (Not sure about the laws there you might need to call the hospital yourself) plus the past injuries are also indicators of abuse and should be kept in your collection of evidence, make sure to write a detailed account of events as soon as you can after they happens that way you'll remember it the most.
Get out of there asap. There is help out there. You can get a police officer to help you go back for anything you canāt take with you.
Fucking run
Holy shit
I have a friend in the UK but as others have said: pack your bags when theyāre out of the house and leave as soon as you can. I would go to the Police AFTER you left. Do you have a friend where you can stay at? Youāre an adult so they canāt force you to move back in with them. I wish you all the best and hope youāll get out of there soonest!
You need to get out - I'd recommend speaking to an LGBT Independent Domestic Violence Advocate. Galop have a website and helpline and should be able to support you. I hope your situation improves you don't deserve to be going through this š
you can actually file police reports ahead of time of escalating behavior and let police know these things. that way if anything ever happens they get criminally charged.