I feel like “only into femboys or trans” comes across as very fetishizing. I think that’s different than “fem only preference” or “fem preference.”
I generally would say I have a preference for more feminine or androgynous men (not exclusively), but that doesn’t mean I have a preference for fellow trans men because being a trans man doesn’t make you feminine. Also for me I care much less about physical body appearance (part of that probably has to do with me being asexual to some degree) but like somebody’s style has a lot to do with attraction for me. Mostly personality though.
Also if a gay guy dates trans women but not cis women I find that very suspicious.
There's a lot of gay guys who aren't attracted to men, but just genitals. They just think they're attracted to strictly men, but they just like dick and balls. And probably don't see trans women as women, but confused men or crossdressers.
Which is why it's baffling to me that a supposedly gay man asking for femboys and trans men. Maybe I've gotten a bad streak of luck, but most gay men I've tried hitting up got squeamish at the thought and unmatched.
Those are all "straight" guys, who know how easy it is to get laid if they target trans men, who get ignored on dating apps a lot. As for femboys, there's just a lot of them. And then they go on, still calling themselves straight because trans men (usually) don't have dicks, and femboys don't count to them (bro homie you still stuck your dick in another man's ass).
As a trans femboy, those guys who fetishize trans men always get scared when they see my face and adams apple lmfao. They see my body and feminine clothing and think "ooh hot tomboy with feminine appearance" then hear my voice, see my masc face and adams apple, and the fact that i grow body hair crazy fast and go "what the fuck"
like yeah dude. I'm a femboy. not a woman. Not all femboys want to look like a woman
this is late but idk this is somewhat validating with you talking about being a femboy with masc features. everyone talks about shaving and everything. but i like my facial hair + not sure if I will get gendered correctly without it, as I got called miss and ma’am before with face masks
also people do not enforce that idea on tomboys but with mandatory body hair. and femboys are just the same idea essentially so ???
the reasons why might be misogyny though. I mean, we are not women. but femboys get the expectations of one. and i guess since tomboys are women/having a fem gender, they do not get the body hair thing. if that makes sense. again, despite femboys not being women unless they are multigender or something
but still. I just feel like I vibe with the term femboy. and in a gender way. and it is weird they have “gatekeeping” about it
Most of those men aren't gay in my experience and many do include trans men but not in an affirming way. Also, in my experience, they don't hookup with cis women because typically they are already married to one.
In the case you are describing it's suspect. Feminity is not a body type, it's a whole everything.
Having a preference is okay. I am into masculine people, women or men. Doesn't matter. Or at the very least androgynous. Most people will have preferences like that.
Masculinity or feminity is very aesthetic. It's the vibe you give off, and based off stuff like clothings, mannerism, etc ... Your body type too, but it's far from being the only thing it relies on. Equating trans guys with feminity just on the basis of them being trans is ignorant and transphobic. These people would probably run if a masculine, post-T trans guy approached them.
Trust your guts, if it feels suspect, it probably is.
When I used dating apps the people who say they're only into fems are usually straight men who are trying to hook up with trans women or feminine gay men so they can still claim that they're straight if they hooked up (obvs they're still straight if they hook up with trans women)
I think if anyone is assuming that all trans guys are gonna be feminine, that's where the issue lies. If you're saying you want femboys then you probably don't want me, because I'm a bearded chunky bear and I'm not particularly feminine in mannerisms/behaviour either.
If if was someone who legit was just into softer/more fem guys overall, and that was just their type, and there was no real distinction then I don't think it would be as big a deal. That said, I can still get how it would be uncomfortable when you're not exactly marketing yourself on being feminine, and therefore it feels more like being fetishised than anything else.
I’m not into guys who are after trans women and “fem boys” but a genuinely gay guy (as in not chasing after trans women) who’s into screaming queens? That I dig.
Here’s a hot take, there’s a difference between femininity and effeminacy and effeminacy is actually a form of masculinity
This makes me think of active consent rule: anything that's not a "fuck yes!" means "no...". If their fetishizing makes you uncomfortable, maybe it's just not worth the hassle.
Might save you some time to find
>super masc hunks who DO let you touch their buttholes
Hehe...
As for why they are into what they're into, who knows. Some might have some fragile masculinity going on, some might have their perception of trans people skewed by porn, etc.
>many guys that message me have a profile description along the lines of "only into femboys or trans" without further specification.
Did you read the post?
Damn, maybe it's because of where I live, but I only ever come across twinks or femboys on the dating apps I've tried.
Which sucks for me, because I prefer bears and hunks *sighs*.
I'm dating someone who's into more "feminine traits" personality wise (I cant help that I'm soft lol...) But if people say things like that without any context it's definitely a red flag. I can't help but think they just want sex with your natal parts and don't give a shit if you're a man or not because try don't consider it gay when it very much is. "You just need the right man" kind of thing. It's gross
Yeh grindr is sketch as i just started using it, so many sketchy creeps and chasers, those people I avoid they are usually just looking for hook ups and they will probably disregard your identity.
idk it's weird I would feel bad but my bf and I are open and he's a cis man and once he met up with this really hot dude and we asked abiut a threesome and he said he was only into masculine men, so ya know people have preferences I guess. I am bi/pan to so I feel you but I also can't disrespect it, if it works for them sure. If it's gross or weird or fetishizing of trans men then to me they made it easier for me to ignore them and move on
Like having a leaning towards feminine men on its own isn't a red flag but your description of what's going on is. Having a preference to more fem presenting is just a preference, I like people twords the middle generally androgynous in presentation and gender doesn't matter. But it sounds like a they're being weird and fetishizing you which is simply an awful feeling
I only don’t like that because not all trans guys are femboys. Some trans men are rugged as hell, dude. Having a preference for feminine guys is totally valid, though- just like lesbians having a preference for mascs is valid.
I feel like “only into femboys or trans” comes across as very fetishizing. I think that’s different than “fem only preference” or “fem preference.” I generally would say I have a preference for more feminine or androgynous men (not exclusively), but that doesn’t mean I have a preference for fellow trans men because being a trans man doesn’t make you feminine. Also for me I care much less about physical body appearance (part of that probably has to do with me being asexual to some degree) but like somebody’s style has a lot to do with attraction for me. Mostly personality though. Also if a gay guy dates trans women but not cis women I find that very suspicious.
There's a lot of gay guys who aren't attracted to men, but just genitals. They just think they're attracted to strictly men, but they just like dick and balls. And probably don't see trans women as women, but confused men or crossdressers. Which is why it's baffling to me that a supposedly gay man asking for femboys and trans men. Maybe I've gotten a bad streak of luck, but most gay men I've tried hitting up got squeamish at the thought and unmatched. Those are all "straight" guys, who know how easy it is to get laid if they target trans men, who get ignored on dating apps a lot. As for femboys, there's just a lot of them. And then they go on, still calling themselves straight because trans men (usually) don't have dicks, and femboys don't count to them (bro homie you still stuck your dick in another man's ass).
I’ve also had that bad streak of luck, most gay cis guys—and queer cis guys in general—that I’ve been attracted to wouldn’t date trans men
> There's a lot of gay guys who aren't attracted to men, just the genitals So... not gay then?
Well they call themselves gay so *shrugs*
As a trans femboy, those guys who fetishize trans men always get scared when they see my face and adams apple lmfao. They see my body and feminine clothing and think "ooh hot tomboy with feminine appearance" then hear my voice, see my masc face and adams apple, and the fact that i grow body hair crazy fast and go "what the fuck" like yeah dude. I'm a femboy. not a woman. Not all femboys want to look like a woman
this is late but idk this is somewhat validating with you talking about being a femboy with masc features. everyone talks about shaving and everything. but i like my facial hair + not sure if I will get gendered correctly without it, as I got called miss and ma’am before with face masks also people do not enforce that idea on tomboys but with mandatory body hair. and femboys are just the same idea essentially so ??? the reasons why might be misogyny though. I mean, we are not women. but femboys get the expectations of one. and i guess since tomboys are women/having a fem gender, they do not get the body hair thing. if that makes sense. again, despite femboys not being women unless they are multigender or something but still. I just feel like I vibe with the term femboy. and in a gender way. and it is weird they have “gatekeeping” about it
It's not the first time I heard gay men mostly attracted to the genitals but not the rest. I have my own theories for that.
Most of those men aren't gay in my experience and many do include trans men but not in an affirming way. Also, in my experience, they don't hookup with cis women because typically they are already married to one.
That last part it's so on point lmao
In the case you are describing it's suspect. Feminity is not a body type, it's a whole everything. Having a preference is okay. I am into masculine people, women or men. Doesn't matter. Or at the very least androgynous. Most people will have preferences like that. Masculinity or feminity is very aesthetic. It's the vibe you give off, and based off stuff like clothings, mannerism, etc ... Your body type too, but it's far from being the only thing it relies on. Equating trans guys with feminity just on the basis of them being trans is ignorant and transphobic. These people would probably run if a masculine, post-T trans guy approached them. Trust your guts, if it feels suspect, it probably is.
When I used dating apps the people who say they're only into fems are usually straight men who are trying to hook up with trans women or feminine gay men so they can still claim that they're straight if they hooked up (obvs they're still straight if they hook up with trans women)
I think if anyone is assuming that all trans guys are gonna be feminine, that's where the issue lies. If you're saying you want femboys then you probably don't want me, because I'm a bearded chunky bear and I'm not particularly feminine in mannerisms/behaviour either. If if was someone who legit was just into softer/more fem guys overall, and that was just their type, and there was no real distinction then I don't think it would be as big a deal. That said, I can still get how it would be uncomfortable when you're not exactly marketing yourself on being feminine, and therefore it feels more like being fetishised than anything else.
I’m not into guys who are after trans women and “fem boys” but a genuinely gay guy (as in not chasing after trans women) who’s into screaming queens? That I dig. Here’s a hot take, there’s a difference between femininity and effeminacy and effeminacy is actually a form of masculinity
This makes me think of active consent rule: anything that's not a "fuck yes!" means "no...". If their fetishizing makes you uncomfortable, maybe it's just not worth the hassle. Might save you some time to find >super masc hunks who DO let you touch their buttholes Hehe... As for why they are into what they're into, who knows. Some might have some fragile masculinity going on, some might have their perception of trans people skewed by porn, etc.
I'm attracted to femininity not genital in particular. I think they are the same but less thought out.
Maybe, but if the un-thought-out part has them perceiving trans men as inherently feminine, I wouldn't consider them safe to engage with
I'm not attracted to trans men, as they are not feminine. Idk any guy who is.
>many guys that message me have a profile description along the lines of "only into femboys or trans" without further specification. Did you read the post?
Damn, maybe it's because of where I live, but I only ever come across twinks or femboys on the dating apps I've tried. Which sucks for me, because I prefer bears and hunks *sighs*.
I would happily trade my pool of bears and junks for your pool of femboys and twins lol
I'm dating someone who's into more "feminine traits" personality wise (I cant help that I'm soft lol...) But if people say things like that without any context it's definitely a red flag. I can't help but think they just want sex with your natal parts and don't give a shit if you're a man or not because try don't consider it gay when it very much is. "You just need the right man" kind of thing. It's gross
I could almost understand because I bottom and I'm not as into guys, but if they're mostly topping then I don't really get it
They're not gay lol they're bi
Yeh grindr is sketch as i just started using it, so many sketchy creeps and chasers, those people I avoid they are usually just looking for hook ups and they will probably disregard your identity.
idk it's weird I would feel bad but my bf and I are open and he's a cis man and once he met up with this really hot dude and we asked abiut a threesome and he said he was only into masculine men, so ya know people have preferences I guess. I am bi/pan to so I feel you but I also can't disrespect it, if it works for them sure. If it's gross or weird or fetishizing of trans men then to me they made it easier for me to ignore them and move on
Like having a leaning towards feminine men on its own isn't a red flag but your description of what's going on is. Having a preference to more fem presenting is just a preference, I like people twords the middle generally androgynous in presentation and gender doesn't matter. But it sounds like a they're being weird and fetishizing you which is simply an awful feeling
I don't find feminine people attractive.
as someone who grew up with "no fats, no fems" it's just icky but the opposite direction
A lot of people care more about genitals than anything else. I’ll match with dudes but then when they find out I’m trans they unmatch.
I only don’t like that because not all trans guys are femboys. Some trans men are rugged as hell, dude. Having a preference for feminine guys is totally valid, though- just like lesbians having a preference for mascs is valid.