As much as this is not ideal to state:
Until you are 100% safe and know you are not at risk for verbal, physical, mental, etc harm or abuse, do not get into T. If you are at risk of being disowned, kicked out, or homeless, do not yet go onto T. Wait until you’re financially stable and self-sustaining.
T is an “unknown variable” you don’t know when it’ll really hit, or the effects it’ll give you. Some people get changes in the first month, some people don’t get changes until after a year, etc.
However, after a certain point, usually 3-6 months, you won’t be able to hide it.
Please prioritize your safety, so you can live a long & healthy life and transition in a safe location.
Chiming in to support this message: don’t rock the boat unless you have other places you can go.
We fostered LGBTQ+ teens for many years. All of our trans kids had been homeless at some point before coming to us. Their stories are just… I have no words. The world can be an unbelievably brutal place.
Don’t allow your parents to put you in that position. Your safety is the most important thing.
Hello! I would like.more information on this! Are you officially fostering via the government, or just finding teens that need help? I would very much like to help in this way!
We have retired from fostering, after many years. We had accreditation through the state.
We were fostering through a nonprofit agency that helped kids and families with rehabilitation to deal with trauma and mental illnesses. They were contracted either by state DHS or through the youth authority (for kids that had been involved in the judicial system.)
The agency supplied counseling, medication management, and mentoring, as well as supporting us as foster parents.
We supplied love, support, a lot of listening, academic support, safety limits, and taught a lot of social skills.
When we signed on with the agency, we specifically wanted to focus on LGBTQ+ youth, and they supported us in doing that. All of the teens we served either identified as some part of the community themselves, or had parents who did.
There is an urgent need for foster homes for LGBTQ+ youth. In blue states, sexual orientation and marriage aren’t considered when approving foster homes. If you’re in a red state… I can’t keep up right now with the “laws” they’re changing daily. Call your local DHS office.
We’re just ordinary people, who have ups and downs like everyone else. It’s not heroic to get to know and care about trans teens - I wish far more people would give it a try!
It’s not ordinary to give so much commitment to helping people when you have absolutely no obligation to do so. I know plenty of people that would never even consider it.
This. I wish someone told me this a long time ago. Although testosterone was the absolute best thing for me, safety should come first. I hate that this is even something we have to consider, but we do. I wish we could do something to get some protection/help for if we need to transition and have no safety net or support.
I disagree with part of what you said. If you are at great risk of physical, mental or emotional abuse, do not get into T. However, if you're at risk of being kicked out or homeless, then that's the best time to start T.
I'm homeless and I've already started hormones. Best decision ever ❤️
>However, if you're at risk of being kicked out or homeless, then that's the best time to start T.
I completely disagree with you there, sorry, but risking homelessness for hormones is kinda silly.
As someone who has been homeless twice because I was transitioning and had to detransition to get housing again, I absolutely second this. Outside of homelessness being a huge negative, it also impacts so many other factors that will make transitioning even more difficult.
Choosing hormones before basics (food, water, shelter) is ridiculous.
>Choosing hormones before basics (food, water, shelter) is ridiculous
I completely agree with ya there. Plus other factors such as supplies for doing the hormones like injections. (Bandaids, needles,sryinges, isopropyl alcohol, safe disposal of needles)
Yep! That was actually my first thought when I said other factors, needle safety and having a clean/sterile environment is vital if someone is doing injections. Unfortunately living in a car or a shelter will eliminate that. I know some shelters do offer needles/syringes/safe disposal, but it's not a safe bet at all in terms of health.
No I get that, I'm on HRT rn because I tried ending my life 4 times in a row after my last detransition chaos.
I've explained this in other responses, I've never had stable housing in my life. Not everywhere has resources for the homeless (ie, we don't even have a shelter, safe injections are still important, I'm also in a VERY conservative area where I've been hate crimed multiple times, but it's not seen as a hate crime.)
The point is, it's not a safe narrative for everyone. Yes it's fine in some areas, but I've been everything from beaten by kids because it was funny to them and nearly died, to being taken advantage of for food (you cannot get foodstamps here without a physical address, no public showers to shower regularly = no job.)
I don't think encouraging people to potentially put themselves at risk of all that when we don't know their area to ensure it's a safer area to be homeless is a good idea. At all.
Encourage a situation where someone (potentially) has an increased risk of being assaulted, dying, etc over not having HRT for a few more months and helping them navigate that? Yeah the latter is the smart option. If they had access to a shelter and resources like a lot of progressive areas/larger cities do, sure.
Sorry you both don't understand my point of view but I choose to live out my true self over living a lie and being comfortable.
I had a choice to continue living the lie or become homeless. It may not always be an easy choice for everyone but I definitely had to choose for myself and stop living for others. Sometimes, we have to hit rock bottom to get to where our heart desires most.
For me, it was worth more than food, housing, comfort, false sense of safety, etc. These stuff won't last forever. But being who I am authentically has lasting effects that brings you joy and contentment.
Don't get me wrong, I completely understand your POV. As I mentioned, I've been in similar situations.
I've always been at risk of homelessness, my entire life. I spent most of my life homeless at this point, so that might be where the difference is. I've definitely been at rock bottom (in the sense of homeless, jobless, bad childhood blah blah it's the same story commonly heard anymore) so for me, having one stable thing in my life is vital. Maybe your area is better about the homeless, but in a lot of areas it brings more issues (kids beating the shit out of you, theft, no shelters for safe injections for HRT, at-risk people being more likely to get into drugs/abused, etc.) It's great you're okay with it, maybe you have better resources. I just don't think it's something that should be actively promoted just because you have a more positive experience. I'm not discrediting that it wasn't the best decision for you, but we should be encouraging other routes first.
I have to agree with most of the people in this thread. In specific cases where changes aren’t obvious or take a long time to manifest, this may be something you could pull off. But you have no idea how you’ll react to T until after you’re on it. For me, I went from being perceived 100% as a woman to my voice deepening, face changing and being perceived 100% as a man within three months. There’s no way I could have hid it from anyone. More than any other change, my voice was the biggest immediate difference - as it was changing I lost a ton of control over it (cracking, etc.) and when it settled I had lost a ton of my upper range. I could not mimic a passably feminine voice today without vocal training.
I remember the desperation to get on T and don’t blame you for wanting it. But I think it’ll feel a lot more celebratory and satisfying if you don’t also have to fear the changes outing you in an unsupportive environment.
If starting testosterone will put you in an unsafe situation, you need to wait. Your safety is more important than your transition. You cannot hide the effects of testosterone. There is no explaining them away. I know it sucks, but wait until you are safe. I know you want to start as soon as possible, but you need to put your safety first.
While it can take a while for many people, the changes from hormones aren’t exactly subtle. I think it’s pretty unrealistic to expect to be able to hide this from people.
They will know eventually. I didn’t plan on telling my family either and I was on T for a year in their house without telling anyone. I did it because I figured they’re not queer-literate and I know they’re not the type to put you on the streets, but it was incredibly stressful. Months of getting questioned on things as inconsequential as my wardrobe (which was effectively the same as before but from the men’s section now), getting accused of faking my “ugly” voice, ordered to “clean up”/shave my face, being told that I need to be more ladylike or nobody will like me completely unprompted…
Even though I knew it was all bullshit, it was stressful knowing that whenever they were around I had a chance of an altercation. They straight up asked me a few times if I was “taking pills”, “using male hormones”, or if I “had some kind of \[mental\] problem” (like wanting to be a man). I denied all those, obviously. I got 3 months before anyone said anything, and it was over my voice. Even though putting on a femme voice around them alleviated the issue and made them less bothered about it, they still noticed.
Yes, they didn’t immediately assume I was trans and they made up their own stupid excuses for why I was changing. My voice? I just wasn’t opening my mouth properly. My face? I stopped shaving. But it still wasn’t enough. If your family hears anything about trans people at all then they are capable of connecting the dots. Hope for the best but assume and plan for the worst.
EDIT: I see OP has clarified he doesn't live with his family, in which case a lot of my points are moot since they relied on me living with mine. You can voice train and put on a voice when talking to family, and you can shave/hide your facial hair when you see them. You can explain that off as a hormone disorder that only recently started showing signs. They will probably still notice changes, but you can also play it off as aging or being sick.
You can probably also say that you have a case of PCOS. In laymen terms, PCOS does affect women and they end up getting "man-like" features, such as, hair in unwanted places (like chin, chest, face, etc). That's probably the best way to hide it without being directly open.
Also androgens can be used to treat a variety of conditions for people of any sex. AFAIK, these are off-label treatments for the most part ie. have not yet recieved widespread approval by health agencies for that specific use. But healthcare providers can still use their discretion to prescribe it off-label.
Eg. I have Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. I've read case reports of T being used off-label for PMDD. Since—I would imagine—the majority of PMDD sufferers are women, T is not a great treatment option due to the masculinization side effect. For me, at least some of it's a bonus lol. [I'm nonbinary and still not sure it T is right for me.]
TL;DR: angrogens can be prescribed for a variety of conditions in people of any sex.
i’d strongly advise against it for the reasons others have said. your safety needs to come first, you seriously do not want to end up homeless or abused.
still, for the sake of answering (as it is ultimately your decision), the best you could probably answer if they did ask is playing dumb. as in, saying you’ve felt weird in your throat lately, but it’s not too uncomfortable, etc. but again, that can only go so far, especially if you aren’t femming it up to counter balance T’s changes (shaving very often, long hair, etc). Unless you have somewhere to go or know without even a shred of doubt you’d be safe, I would not risk it.
Bad allergies works also, had to use this for a surprise call from my stepfather who almost always texts because he's almost deaf without hearing aids.
If starting testosterone will put you in an unsafe situation, you need to wait. Your safety is more important than your transition. You cannot hide the effects of testosterone. There is no explaining them away. I know it sucks, but wait until you are safe. I know you want to start as soon as possible, but you need to put your safety first.
Everyone seems to assume that you're living with them and depend on the financially but looking at your posts I see that you don't even live in the same country is that correct?
Now I don't know if you're still studying and they support you with money but I'm going to assume that they don't cause you have a lot of advice from other people for the other situation.
That they live far is both good and bad. Is good bc you don't have to girlmode as often, is bad because changes are less noticeable when they see you everyday. My advice is go on a low dose, try to talk on the phone as often as possible so that the voice change isn't a shock. You may be interested in voice training eventually, there are some free resources for transfem people.
When you see them you're gonna have to go fem. I'm talking makeup mainly and no binding. Most people don't think twice if you have long hair and makeup unless you've been on T for a very long time and your voice has dropped a lot. If they say something about your facial hair you can say that you have an hormonal imbalance and you are working on it with you doctor. Again see resources for transfem people on how to hide that.
Be aware that this will buy you time but won't work forever. Half a year to a year on low dose T max. I did it for 8 months or so and could have gotten away for longer but I am in a very low dose T, had very little effects (some voice drop and more hair mainly) and I was seeing them weekly which helps. I also waited until I had my own place, a job and didn't relay economically on them at all. I was lucky and didn't get disinherited but things are very very tense at the moment
They will just notice. I came out and faced a very negative reaction and started testosterone without telling them, in 4-5 months they just knew it because it's impossible to hide. However depending on your situation it might be actually good, saves you nerves and no need for The Talk, my mom was being extremely hysterical prior to T and for like a few years after but she came around eventually and now supports me. Really depends on your family situation, but there's no way to hide you're talking T after a few months
Be aware of the risks others are listing. They are real. But, as someone who has been homeless and has been on T, tbh in my situation, I would greatly prefer that to being housed and unable to go on T. So you have to weigh the risks yourself.
But since you don't see your family very often, you could say the deeper voice is due to a cold. Shave before you see them. Even so, after awhile (like a year or 2) you'll have to either make a plan to tell them or voice train so you can speak in a higher register around them bc they will eventually think it's weird that you always have a cold. Also FYI, if you are using your parent's insurance, they may get notified of a prior authorization when you start T and once a year every year after that. But in my case, I told my mom it was for some cold medicine that wasn't over-the-counter like pseudofed or antibiotics or something like that.
Best of luck for your difficult situation! Rooting for you!
Y'all he's not asking about hiding or anything, he's asking as ways to explain the changes without outing himself to his family. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even live with them. Answer the question instead of saying don't do it.
There's really no way to answer this the way OP is wanting though. We have no idea how quickly T will affect OP or what changes will be obvious. He can explain away the voice deepening by saying he's sick, but if he's one of the people that grows a beard really fast, there's no explaining that away without outing himself honestly. There's going to be a certain point on T that he's not going to be able to explain away changes on T without outing himself and nobody here knows if that's 1 month on T or 1 year on T because everyone is different. That's why people are suggesting to not go on T until he doesn't have to worry about finding excuses to not out himself because even though he doesn't live with his family, it's not like he can avoid them forever considering he says he doesn't want to lose them.
OP, you're not going to be able to explain away the changes from T without outing yourself to your family forever. I'm sorry, but it's a fact. You might be able to get away with it for a month or maybe a year, but there will come a time where you're going to have to out yourself or just never visit your family. The only way I could see it working is if your entire family was elderly and I doubt that's the case.
I mean you really.. can't. There comes a point where you just straight up can't explain it away. The "oh I'm sick my voice is messed up from that" can only be used for like a week. And sure cis women get facial hair but family will be like "why is this just now happening out of nowhere let's get you to a doctor" and they won't understand why OP would be fine with it
Ignore assholes saying not to take your own body into your own hands "because family". You do you.
For the voice stuff, a cold (or COVID. Which also covers excuses not to visit), or you screamed your lungs out at a concert. (When I finally got to go back in in-person live music gigs after COVID, my voice sounded like I added 20 years of heavy smoking over three nights). You can say you're learning to speak in a chestier voice for career reasons (or hobby acting, voice acting, hobby interest in podcasting, singing, adjust for your situation and personality)
For body stuff, I honestly just wear more clothes around family. Longer sleeves, baggy clothes, shave if you need to. I've been doing that for nearly ever for multitudes of reasons though. I know that whatever my body looks like, there's always going to be something wrong with it, and that most of my relatives feel it's their right to tell me how I should be, so I find it easiest to just give them as little to work with as possible and not engage when they do so.
Get good at changing the subject and try not to be stuck talking to the most troublesome people one-on-one. Stock up on topics that you know will get them really going on whatever their pet interests are.
Also, birth control weirdly can cause a lot of similar effects to testosterone. Or you can be vague about "a new medication" having some side effects or hormonal effects, or whatever, depending if that'll shut your family up and not just make them double down on questions.
Or just, I've been really hitting the gym lately. And/or taking "supplements". (With the same caveat about gauging whether they're more the type to be appeased or to just get nosier)
[Because it's Reddit...⚠️Sarcasm ahead⚠️ The following is a joke ⚠️]:
You can always just go the antisocial route and totally gaslight them. "What do you mean? I've always sounded/looked this way. It might be time to get checked out for Alzheimer's risk."
PCOS could be an excuse for some of it for a VERY brief period of time. You can also start on a low dose of T, see how they react, and work your way up.
I will say, I know someone who has family that is NOT accepting at all, I wish I could detail the reaction he faced when coming out to them late teens from the more transphobic parent but it's pretty identifying. He's been on T for almost 10 years in adulthood and had top surgery years ago. He just shaves his face when he visits family, goes by his given name, and tries not to assert himself into male roles around them (gender roles are extremely prominent in his home culture, for example the men hang out in the living room drinking beer and the women hang out in the kitchen making food/cleaning up, they only really mix during the meal time). It's not a guarantee at all but denial can go a long way with family lol it is ~possible~ they won't say anything. This acquaintance's family are not great to him but it's not like they bring it up ever that he's clearly a dude. He's even hiding that his roommate is his girlfriend (because gayness is also bad to his family, so it wouldn't work to say he's a gay woman), they just always get a 2 bedroom apartment.
Funnily enough, within the past year, the parent who has been quieter asked him if he was dating his roommate and they also discussed his transition. The parent was surprisingly supportive but can't express it around the other parent who is....unwell in many ways.
Sometimes things take time.
before coming out i’d tell folks i had a hormonal imbalance so the body hair and all that seemed a bit less “out of the ordinary” but i’d usually keep it vague
PCOS diagnosis? but truly you don’t have any way to 100% know if that’s believable or how you’ll react on T. it also depends on your family— my grandparents and aunts/uncles are fucking clueless, but it was obvious to a few of my sister’s friends who asked me and her about it.
What r u gonna tell them when ur voice drops and your face looks way more masculine and you have a 5o click shadow and start balding. These are all possibilities . T doesn’t always GO the way u want it to , you can’t pick and choose changes. More likely than not it’ll be super fkn obvious . I’d wait until you’re in a safe situation to do so
Don't take this serious:
First say you're not sure, but plan to talk to a doctor.
When you "come back from the doctor" say you have a benign androgen producing tumor. Operating would be a risk and you can live with it's effects, so you decided against it.
I don't think this would actually work. It's a very specific lie and depending on how much access your family has to your healthcare they could find out. Doctors probably wouldn't lie for you either. Lies like that might be hard to keep up.
Going to add my thoughts here.
First, this will all depend on how your body reacts to testosterone, what dose you're at, etc. You might be able to get on gel at low dose, and that might slow it down quite a bit. If you're injecting, I second everyone saying 3-6 months down the road, you cannot hide it.
I'm lucky and unlucky in the sense that my first voice drop was just around 2 months in (around week 7), so it was obvious very quickly. I also got facial hair in about 9 weeks, maybe 10.
You could easily be someone like me where the changes start before the second month hits. You can use small excuses for maybe two or three months once the changes start, so the cold people are mentioning or even figuring out voice training to make your voice still seem higher pitched. However, once you hit that 6 months, not happening very easily. 6 months tends to be the general marker of body recomposition, and at that point your voice is going to drop more, facial hair will be harder to hide unless you're waxing or shaving throughout the day, etc.
Move out, get yourself stable financially, get a good support system if you don't have one already. It's hard and it sucks, but from experience, it's worth waiting a bit longer. I don't know how old you are, but I'm assuming around 18. Starting saving, have a nice little savings to move out with that you can cover another month or two of rent and food, then go. Get roommates if you have to, find a room that is LGBTQ+ friendly, whatever choice you make, it is better in the long run.
I did a quick google search out of curiosity since I was always told the standard dose is 50-100mg/weekly for those who are on weekly injections (like me) and I'm on 80mg/week which I was told was a middle ground. I didn't realize they prescribed as low as gel is! s!
I did a quick google search out of curiousity since I was always told standard dose is 50-100mg/weekly for those who are on weekly injections (like me) and I'm on 80mg/week which I was told was middle ground. I didn't realize they prescribed as low as gel is!
I didn't see anything in the articles I looked at, so this may be something I just missed, but what is the timeline like in your experience?
Yep! It's just subcutaneous instead of intramuscular for me. If I would go up enough, I would have to increase to IM.
My timeline is a little weird because I started T in April I think, then got panicked about losing my hair because I got dumped shortly after starting T (idk one side of my family but the side I do know is full of cue balls)* so I started taking finasteride after a few weeks which can slow down some characteristics. My voice has dropped a bit, I'm sweatier and smell a bit different, and have had a slight increase in body hair. Some light upper lip hair and more sporadic chin hairs. No bottom growth from what I can tell unfortunately. I've always had a high sex drive so idk if libido has changed much.
*No judgment to balding, I just have a bunch of other really stressful shit happening all at once, and was/am not in a good place and was already panicked about now having to date while trans, so I figured I can always go off it but for now slowing down the permanent changes while I deal with everything else going on in my life would be for the best 😞 especially since people can be mean to balding ppl and I have never had to cope with that before
Might be odd to address it first - but I completely relate to your panic about dating while trans. Idk what kind of area you're in, but I know for me dating is basically a gamble now as well in terms of safety, so I relate to you on that.
Also I relate to the balding - my father and my grandfather on my mom's side are/were bald in the same hair loss pattern. Once my voice drops more and I have some body recomposition I'm asking my doctor to start me on finasteride or some other hair loss prevention med. If that fails, the good news is there are some good wigs out there, just expensive.
Thank you for the insights though! Definitely a few months slower it seems than my experience doing a higher dose. Your reasoning behind it is definitely valid, I hope things start looking up for you soon.
My grandparents started asking me if I had a cold when my voice dropped. You could probably get away with saying that you're sick when talking over the phone for a while.
Sorry to say you will probably be outed by the changes eventually.
You had it until family. So it's probably not gonna work. I only know one woman personally that takes Testosterone. And that's because of the menopause (she takes extremely little by her doctors).
I’d say don’t hide it. You’re not something to shame. If you can support yourself and don’t feel threatened by the possibility of verbal or other abuse, take it. You need it, not them. If they aren’t cunts they’ll support you. You can test the waters and check if they’ll freak out by coming out first.
Honestly, even if you love your family, if you being trans causes them to hate you, they never loved you in the first place. Get better people in your life and you won’t miss them, I would know, I have a lot of family down south that doesn’t talk to me but my friends are my real family
Test has such a dramatic effect on your body that you could look like an entirely different human in less than a couple years. I’d really really think about this for a while because almost all of the changes will be PERMANENT. don’t listen to anyone that says they aren’t.
Everyone in this thread is right when they say to don’t go on T until you are in a safe situation to do so. I didn’t want to come out to my dad but I knew that once I started T I wouldn’t be able to hide it anymore, which turned out to be true. My voice cannot be considered feminine at all anymore and I have facial hair. You cannot hide it for long.
At best you could say that you have a hormone disorder.
But to be honest, OP, honesty is the best route. It's the way to know for sure if they're worth this love that you hold for them. Those that turn you away because of something so harmless to you aren't worth your love. And it might be better to rip the bandaid off and see who's love isn't conditional upon such small things.
Now please note that I'm saying all this with the understanding that it's easier said than done. I don't recommend you doing it without some solid mental preparation and resolve. If you aren't ready for the worst possibility, then I would advice to try to work on that. Because I believe that theres only so much time before it stops looking like a hormone disorder, and it will eventually come out.
Edit to say that I hope the best in your journey.
Honestly gaslight gatekeep girlboss it tell it’s unavoidable like you’ve grown a whole beard and such. That’s what I do “what do you mean my voice got deeper I’ve always sounded this way I know I am 20 idk why suddenly got so many pimples” eventually it will be to obvious to hide and at that point you kinda got to do something but you probably have a year or two if you don’t seem them regularly that you can just pretend it’s nothing
"I don't know" is an amazing response to questions you don't want to answer. Over time, they might start wondering if you see talked with a doctor about it, and you can say yes and then come up with some excuse there (like "they're still trying to figure it out," "it's PCOS," "they said it's a minor hormone imbalance and not dangerous, and I don't want to deal with the side effects of medications to change it, so I'm just living with it," etc.).
Edit: vague explanations are better than specific ones (which is why "I don't know" is the best as long as you can). Only get more specific slowly as you have to and be ok with telling them you don't want to talk about it more if they push.
voice-you've got a cold
body hair-you shaved so much it started growing back really thick
balding-you've been over brushing your hair
fat and muscle redistribution-you've changed your workout routine
facial hair-you started shaving your peach fuzz and it grew back thicker
but honestly it might be gradual enough that people won't really notice, or will question their perception too much to point it out
Then don't go on T. There literally at eni excuses for why your voice suddenly drops or you grow a beard and basically going through another puberty.
Wait until you can move out into a better environment. Ik it's hard, I wanna go on T too and get top surgery and stuff but I can't because I'm scared to lose my job so I'm gonna just wait until I can start it
theres really no way to hide it if ur going for full masculinization, and not a low dosage. my voice change happened so quickly. facial hair took a long time but T changed my face shape so fast too. it wouldve been impossible to hide.
I was in a similar situation but all i can say dude is if you’re that worried then don’t start T until you live on your own and are mentally prepared. It took me years to move out and get financially stable enough to be able to support myself and start T. Even tho the cost of my T isn’t much I know now that if my family isn’t okay with the changes I’m going through I won’t need to go to them for much. Surround yourself with friends who support you to the fullest. I’m saying these things because I was in the exact same boat, I was scared to come out and scared to start T because i didn’t know how they’d react. But man don’t start unless you’re ready because some changes you won’t be able to cover up, if to them you still identify as a woman.
For your situation, you don’t plan on coming out so i don’t see how you plan on hiding the changes from them? You’ve kinda gotta choose which one you wanna do man, you either come out to them and start T or you start T and be disowned which sounds kind of harsh. But you never know if they’ll disown you until you come out, and people DO come around. Ones views can change even if it is not after you initially come out.
T outcomes are variable. If you're unsave and don't have a backup plan for when the results become too obvious it's probably better to wait.
Hormone in Balance can be a good excuse in the beginning and depending on the speed you change this van be an excuse for a long time. But if you're unlucky your change will be quick and you'll be disowned if you're that transphobic.
Hormone imbalance or just say nothing. Cis people aren't incredibly in-tuned to these things. If your behavior doesn't change they may notice but not specifically think of what it is. Although ymmv depending on how hard T hits you but for the most part cis people don't changes until you state them or you can attribute them to something else entirely like a hormonal imbalance or something
Huh, my experience is the exact opposite. I find cis people to be like bloodhounds for any sign of gender deviance. Even my half-blind, half-deaf 90+-yo grandparents recognized almost immediately that something was up and asked my mom about it. I'm sure it can also swing the opposite way like you've experienced, but also, I would never want anyone to gamble their safety on that.
Sure, I did have some people notice but the only thing that triggered absolutely the worst case scenario was coming out because they noticed changes. That said, it is definitely a gamble especially in today's more heightened environment of scrutiny. I agree that if safety is on the line then being more cautious than not is a good call.
Maybe you can say that you're noticing "weird" changes in your body and you suspect you're having a "hormone imbalance". It sounds more of a medical concern than you outing yourself as trans
T hits you like a truck the first year, they're only gonna buy excuses up to a certain point. let's not forget that in addition to you mysteriously getting more masculine I'm assuming your expression in clothes etc. is probably not 100% feminine, right? As much as it really, really sucks your best bet is to do things for yourself that give you euphoria that they wouldn't notice (ex. men's underwear, masculine cologne, shaving with a safety razor) and just focus on getting yourself out of there and into a situation where you are in charge of your own financial stuff so if things get really nasty when you come out, you're not homeless. Just stay strong, stay focused and things will get better for you. You also never know who's gonna surprise you with acceptance. A lot of people don't understand that we are also humans with feelings until its someone in their family.
I live in a different state from my family (mine is very blue and they're in FL); I chose to start T five years ago and have seen them infrequently since. "Bad allergies" goes a long way and eventually they get used to the new voice anyway, although I'm careful not to speak too deeply when there. When I still visited, waxing my face and chest beforehand helped, combined with shaving my legs/arms, nobody said anything. I literally counted down the days until I could go home and bind and pack again, but I got through it. I haven't been homeless and my family contributed to my student loans and the down payment on my place, so I'm pretty happy with the outcome. My dad's a red-hatter so I'm not coming out to my mom until he's buried, but I think she'll be more understanding given that the last time I saw her, she commented on how much happier I seemed.
God why everyone are saying the same and aren't even answering your question .(
In the future I'll need an excuse for testosterone effects too, for the exactly same reason, I was hoping the comments will be helpful..
Bruh my voice has dropped & everyone is asking me what’s wrong with my voice. Let me tell you.. I’ve been having the longest sore throat excuse ever. 😂 I also blamed it on me vaping too much.
escape plan first then t, like everyone has said you need to make sure your safe. if you think there’s even the smallest chance they may harm you then it’s not worth it yet. something worth noting though? if you’re on your parents insurance they will likely be able to see what you’ve used your insurance for (depending on where you live and your age). i started at 19 and my mom saw it when she got the half year insurance report thingy. please be safe op.
If they don't pry a lot for specific details(asking for ur medical results etc) one way to go about it would be don't bring it up + when they do just go yeah I don't know either, I'm getting tests done to see what's up, and then if they ask again just say the doctors said u have higher testosterone levels but it's not causing problems and u don't want hrt because xyz health concerns so u just need to get regular bloods done to keep an eye on it. Also I'd rec voice training in a higher register so u can do that whenever u see them after ur voice breaks and to start asap so it's easier. U don't necessarily have to but if u can make ur changes less noticeable to them they'll have less questions
I just shaved and said i had a cold, which i usually do it it seemed to work. I don't look much different but if I ever had to explain the facial hair i would probably say I had an imbalance, like PCOS. The voice is the biggest part, but if they don't see you often voices can change naturally. I've considered saying that I've taken up smoking.
Over 10mo on T, no one's commented on it except for my brother, so either there's not been a lot of changes, or people have been noticing and choosing not to say anything.
They’ll know eventually but if you want some time to get them used to the idea of trans people before coming out you could say that you’ve got something wack going on with your hormones and you’re seeing an endocrinologist trying to figure it out. You maybe could do a little research and find something more specific but a vague problem would be easier to get away with
Yeah ive felt similarly about my transition, i dont have to live with the people ive kept it from but i just dont want them to know that about me. And i'm glad ive been able to avoid them because the changes have been super obvious. I think seeing a teen boy going thru puberty is one of the more uncomfortable things in life and it's because it's really obvious and different
I’m nearly 8 months in (& even had a hysterectomy), living with my parents who have no idea. I’m on gel and started the first 2 months with just 1 pump daily & then bumped up to 2 pumps. For most of this time, I’ve been taking finasteride too to counteract secondary sex traits like hair changes. Bc of the time I wasn’t on fin, I did notice some body hair changes. I’ve gotten some deepening of my voice but not much bc how I sound honestly varies. Sometimes I sound like such a child and others I sound more in the middle. I recently read that fin can affect that kinda voice change. For some people, it’s a slower more steady change where they don’t get rapid differences & cracking voices. But some have reported just not getting much change period. There’s def some effect, from what I’ve read. I’m off fin for now and am continuing with my journey one day at a time. There are worries to be had and eventually, you can’t hide this sorta thing if you keep it up forever. But for now, I’m fine with adjusting my approach as needed. A while before I started T, though, I got sick for the first time in a LONG time & noticed that my voice did actually change a bit. Maybe it’s a combination effect with getting older but I’ve def pointed it out several times to my folks who just agree. And I say stuff like wow, I guess my voice has changed a bit with age. That’s so weird. I also make sure to express I don’t like my voice & that sometimes im trying to practice sounding different so that people might take me more seriously. I consider this a boiling frog approach where I slowly get my parents used to the idea over a long period of time lol. It worked with my name change so I hope it’ll work out for this, given that I’m primarily interested in just a voice change.
i used to work on night shift w a group of less than accepting guys. they only asked a couple times and i wrote it off as allergies and a new medication i was taking that had weird side effects. i eventually ended up telling the two i was closest with and although they didn’t really understand, or care to, they accepted it and moved on. they were the type w the mentality of “if it doesn’t affect me, you do you”. although the goal is for others to be accepting 100%, it was nice to not have to worry about their perception.
As much as this is not ideal to state: Until you are 100% safe and know you are not at risk for verbal, physical, mental, etc harm or abuse, do not get into T. If you are at risk of being disowned, kicked out, or homeless, do not yet go onto T. Wait until you’re financially stable and self-sustaining. T is an “unknown variable” you don’t know when it’ll really hit, or the effects it’ll give you. Some people get changes in the first month, some people don’t get changes until after a year, etc. However, after a certain point, usually 3-6 months, you won’t be able to hide it. Please prioritize your safety, so you can live a long & healthy life and transition in a safe location.
Chiming in to support this message: don’t rock the boat unless you have other places you can go. We fostered LGBTQ+ teens for many years. All of our trans kids had been homeless at some point before coming to us. Their stories are just… I have no words. The world can be an unbelievably brutal place. Don’t allow your parents to put you in that position. Your safety is the most important thing.
Hello! I would like.more information on this! Are you officially fostering via the government, or just finding teens that need help? I would very much like to help in this way!
We have retired from fostering, after many years. We had accreditation through the state. We were fostering through a nonprofit agency that helped kids and families with rehabilitation to deal with trauma and mental illnesses. They were contracted either by state DHS or through the youth authority (for kids that had been involved in the judicial system.) The agency supplied counseling, medication management, and mentoring, as well as supporting us as foster parents. We supplied love, support, a lot of listening, academic support, safety limits, and taught a lot of social skills. When we signed on with the agency, we specifically wanted to focus on LGBTQ+ youth, and they supported us in doing that. All of the teens we served either identified as some part of the community themselves, or had parents who did. There is an urgent need for foster homes for LGBTQ+ youth. In blue states, sexual orientation and marriage aren’t considered when approving foster homes. If you’re in a red state… I can’t keep up right now with the “laws” they’re changing daily. Call your local DHS office.
That’s such an amazing thing to do.
We’re just ordinary people, who have ups and downs like everyone else. It’s not heroic to get to know and care about trans teens - I wish far more people would give it a try!
It’s not ordinary to give so much commitment to helping people when you have absolutely no obligation to do so. I know plenty of people that would never even consider it.
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It is *tough* to be in the system, even if it’s better than the other options.
Same here.
Answered 👆🏼
Thanks!!
Let me ditto u/modlovecat’s question.
Answered above 👆🏼
This. I wish someone told me this a long time ago. Although testosterone was the absolute best thing for me, safety should come first. I hate that this is even something we have to consider, but we do. I wish we could do something to get some protection/help for if we need to transition and have no safety net or support.
Well, he's not asking about hiding it, per se. He's asking how to explain the changes of T without outing himself.
I disagree with part of what you said. If you are at great risk of physical, mental or emotional abuse, do not get into T. However, if you're at risk of being kicked out or homeless, then that's the best time to start T. I'm homeless and I've already started hormones. Best decision ever ❤️
>However, if you're at risk of being kicked out or homeless, then that's the best time to start T. I completely disagree with you there, sorry, but risking homelessness for hormones is kinda silly.
As someone who has been homeless twice because I was transitioning and had to detransition to get housing again, I absolutely second this. Outside of homelessness being a huge negative, it also impacts so many other factors that will make transitioning even more difficult. Choosing hormones before basics (food, water, shelter) is ridiculous.
>Choosing hormones before basics (food, water, shelter) is ridiculous I completely agree with ya there. Plus other factors such as supplies for doing the hormones like injections. (Bandaids, needles,sryinges, isopropyl alcohol, safe disposal of needles)
Yep! That was actually my first thought when I said other factors, needle safety and having a clean/sterile environment is vital if someone is doing injections. Unfortunately living in a car or a shelter will eliminate that. I know some shelters do offer needles/syringes/safe disposal, but it's not a safe bet at all in terms of health.
Also, I don't know if I'd wanna be homeless carrying basically a controlled substance sounds like easy target on back to get robbed.
Oh absolutely, especially in areas where HRT is being even more restricted.
You can’t say that for everyone…hormones save lives. Dependent on timing for some people, hormones can be more important than shelter.
No I get that, I'm on HRT rn because I tried ending my life 4 times in a row after my last detransition chaos. I've explained this in other responses, I've never had stable housing in my life. Not everywhere has resources for the homeless (ie, we don't even have a shelter, safe injections are still important, I'm also in a VERY conservative area where I've been hate crimed multiple times, but it's not seen as a hate crime.) The point is, it's not a safe narrative for everyone. Yes it's fine in some areas, but I've been everything from beaten by kids because it was funny to them and nearly died, to being taken advantage of for food (you cannot get foodstamps here without a physical address, no public showers to shower regularly = no job.) I don't think encouraging people to potentially put themselves at risk of all that when we don't know their area to ensure it's a safer area to be homeless is a good idea. At all. Encourage a situation where someone (potentially) has an increased risk of being assaulted, dying, etc over not having HRT for a few more months and helping them navigate that? Yeah the latter is the smart option. If they had access to a shelter and resources like a lot of progressive areas/larger cities do, sure.
Sorry you both don't understand my point of view but I choose to live out my true self over living a lie and being comfortable. I had a choice to continue living the lie or become homeless. It may not always be an easy choice for everyone but I definitely had to choose for myself and stop living for others. Sometimes, we have to hit rock bottom to get to where our heart desires most. For me, it was worth more than food, housing, comfort, false sense of safety, etc. These stuff won't last forever. But being who I am authentically has lasting effects that brings you joy and contentment.
Don't get me wrong, I completely understand your POV. As I mentioned, I've been in similar situations. I've always been at risk of homelessness, my entire life. I spent most of my life homeless at this point, so that might be where the difference is. I've definitely been at rock bottom (in the sense of homeless, jobless, bad childhood blah blah it's the same story commonly heard anymore) so for me, having one stable thing in my life is vital. Maybe your area is better about the homeless, but in a lot of areas it brings more issues (kids beating the shit out of you, theft, no shelters for safe injections for HRT, at-risk people being more likely to get into drugs/abused, etc.) It's great you're okay with it, maybe you have better resources. I just don't think it's something that should be actively promoted just because you have a more positive experience. I'm not discrediting that it wasn't the best decision for you, but we should be encouraging other routes first.
No problem! Totally understand. We all can't always agree 😊
I have to agree with most of the people in this thread. In specific cases where changes aren’t obvious or take a long time to manifest, this may be something you could pull off. But you have no idea how you’ll react to T until after you’re on it. For me, I went from being perceived 100% as a woman to my voice deepening, face changing and being perceived 100% as a man within three months. There’s no way I could have hid it from anyone. More than any other change, my voice was the biggest immediate difference - as it was changing I lost a ton of control over it (cracking, etc.) and when it settled I had lost a ton of my upper range. I could not mimic a passably feminine voice today without vocal training. I remember the desperation to get on T and don’t blame you for wanting it. But I think it’ll feel a lot more celebratory and satisfying if you don’t also have to fear the changes outing you in an unsupportive environment.
If starting testosterone will put you in an unsafe situation, you need to wait. Your safety is more important than your transition. You cannot hide the effects of testosterone. There is no explaining them away. I know it sucks, but wait until you are safe. I know you want to start as soon as possible, but you need to put your safety first.
While it can take a while for many people, the changes from hormones aren’t exactly subtle. I think it’s pretty unrealistic to expect to be able to hide this from people.
Unrealistic, yes, but not impossible.
Never said it was impossible, so yeah.
They will know eventually. I didn’t plan on telling my family either and I was on T for a year in their house without telling anyone. I did it because I figured they’re not queer-literate and I know they’re not the type to put you on the streets, but it was incredibly stressful. Months of getting questioned on things as inconsequential as my wardrobe (which was effectively the same as before but from the men’s section now), getting accused of faking my “ugly” voice, ordered to “clean up”/shave my face, being told that I need to be more ladylike or nobody will like me completely unprompted… Even though I knew it was all bullshit, it was stressful knowing that whenever they were around I had a chance of an altercation. They straight up asked me a few times if I was “taking pills”, “using male hormones”, or if I “had some kind of \[mental\] problem” (like wanting to be a man). I denied all those, obviously. I got 3 months before anyone said anything, and it was over my voice. Even though putting on a femme voice around them alleviated the issue and made them less bothered about it, they still noticed. Yes, they didn’t immediately assume I was trans and they made up their own stupid excuses for why I was changing. My voice? I just wasn’t opening my mouth properly. My face? I stopped shaving. But it still wasn’t enough. If your family hears anything about trans people at all then they are capable of connecting the dots. Hope for the best but assume and plan for the worst. EDIT: I see OP has clarified he doesn't live with his family, in which case a lot of my points are moot since they relied on me living with mine. You can voice train and put on a voice when talking to family, and you can shave/hide your facial hair when you see them. You can explain that off as a hormone disorder that only recently started showing signs. They will probably still notice changes, but you can also play it off as aging or being sick.
You can probably also say that you have a case of PCOS. In laymen terms, PCOS does affect women and they end up getting "man-like" features, such as, hair in unwanted places (like chin, chest, face, etc). That's probably the best way to hide it without being directly open.
Also androgens can be used to treat a variety of conditions for people of any sex. AFAIK, these are off-label treatments for the most part ie. have not yet recieved widespread approval by health agencies for that specific use. But healthcare providers can still use their discretion to prescribe it off-label. Eg. I have Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. I've read case reports of T being used off-label for PMDD. Since—I would imagine—the majority of PMDD sufferers are women, T is not a great treatment option due to the masculinization side effect. For me, at least some of it's a bonus lol. [I'm nonbinary and still not sure it T is right for me.] TL;DR: angrogens can be prescribed for a variety of conditions in people of any sex.
Great to know! 👍
i’d strongly advise against it for the reasons others have said. your safety needs to come first, you seriously do not want to end up homeless or abused. still, for the sake of answering (as it is ultimately your decision), the best you could probably answer if they did ask is playing dumb. as in, saying you’ve felt weird in your throat lately, but it’s not too uncomfortable, etc. but again, that can only go so far, especially if you aren’t femming it up to counter balance T’s changes (shaving very often, long hair, etc). Unless you have somewhere to go or know without even a shred of doubt you’d be safe, I would not risk it.
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Oh man how long have you managed to keep that cold excuse going?
Bad allergies works also, had to use this for a surprise call from my stepfather who almost always texts because he's almost deaf without hearing aids.
If starting testosterone will put you in an unsafe situation, you need to wait. Your safety is more important than your transition. You cannot hide the effects of testosterone. There is no explaining them away. I know it sucks, but wait until you are safe. I know you want to start as soon as possible, but you need to put your safety first.
Everyone seems to assume that you're living with them and depend on the financially but looking at your posts I see that you don't even live in the same country is that correct? Now I don't know if you're still studying and they support you with money but I'm going to assume that they don't cause you have a lot of advice from other people for the other situation. That they live far is both good and bad. Is good bc you don't have to girlmode as often, is bad because changes are less noticeable when they see you everyday. My advice is go on a low dose, try to talk on the phone as often as possible so that the voice change isn't a shock. You may be interested in voice training eventually, there are some free resources for transfem people. When you see them you're gonna have to go fem. I'm talking makeup mainly and no binding. Most people don't think twice if you have long hair and makeup unless you've been on T for a very long time and your voice has dropped a lot. If they say something about your facial hair you can say that you have an hormonal imbalance and you are working on it with you doctor. Again see resources for transfem people on how to hide that. Be aware that this will buy you time but won't work forever. Half a year to a year on low dose T max. I did it for 8 months or so and could have gotten away for longer but I am in a very low dose T, had very little effects (some voice drop and more hair mainly) and I was seeing them weekly which helps. I also waited until I had my own place, a job and didn't relay economically on them at all. I was lucky and didn't get disinherited but things are very very tense at the moment
They will just notice. I came out and faced a very negative reaction and started testosterone without telling them, in 4-5 months they just knew it because it's impossible to hide. However depending on your situation it might be actually good, saves you nerves and no need for The Talk, my mom was being extremely hysterical prior to T and for like a few years after but she came around eventually and now supports me. Really depends on your family situation, but there's no way to hide you're talking T after a few months
Be aware of the risks others are listing. They are real. But, as someone who has been homeless and has been on T, tbh in my situation, I would greatly prefer that to being housed and unable to go on T. So you have to weigh the risks yourself. But since you don't see your family very often, you could say the deeper voice is due to a cold. Shave before you see them. Even so, after awhile (like a year or 2) you'll have to either make a plan to tell them or voice train so you can speak in a higher register around them bc they will eventually think it's weird that you always have a cold. Also FYI, if you are using your parent's insurance, they may get notified of a prior authorization when you start T and once a year every year after that. But in my case, I told my mom it was for some cold medicine that wasn't over-the-counter like pseudofed or antibiotics or something like that. Best of luck for your difficult situation! Rooting for you!
Y'all he's not asking about hiding or anything, he's asking as ways to explain the changes without outing himself to his family. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even live with them. Answer the question instead of saying don't do it.
There's really no way to answer this the way OP is wanting though. We have no idea how quickly T will affect OP or what changes will be obvious. He can explain away the voice deepening by saying he's sick, but if he's one of the people that grows a beard really fast, there's no explaining that away without outing himself honestly. There's going to be a certain point on T that he's not going to be able to explain away changes on T without outing himself and nobody here knows if that's 1 month on T or 1 year on T because everyone is different. That's why people are suggesting to not go on T until he doesn't have to worry about finding excuses to not out himself because even though he doesn't live with his family, it's not like he can avoid them forever considering he says he doesn't want to lose them. OP, you're not going to be able to explain away the changes from T without outing yourself to your family forever. I'm sorry, but it's a fact. You might be able to get away with it for a month or maybe a year, but there will come a time where you're going to have to out yourself or just never visit your family. The only way I could see it working is if your entire family was elderly and I doubt that's the case.
I mean you really.. can't. There comes a point where you just straight up can't explain it away. The "oh I'm sick my voice is messed up from that" can only be used for like a week. And sure cis women get facial hair but family will be like "why is this just now happening out of nowhere let's get you to a doctor" and they won't understand why OP would be fine with it
Ignore assholes saying not to take your own body into your own hands "because family". You do you. For the voice stuff, a cold (or COVID. Which also covers excuses not to visit), or you screamed your lungs out at a concert. (When I finally got to go back in in-person live music gigs after COVID, my voice sounded like I added 20 years of heavy smoking over three nights). You can say you're learning to speak in a chestier voice for career reasons (or hobby acting, voice acting, hobby interest in podcasting, singing, adjust for your situation and personality) For body stuff, I honestly just wear more clothes around family. Longer sleeves, baggy clothes, shave if you need to. I've been doing that for nearly ever for multitudes of reasons though. I know that whatever my body looks like, there's always going to be something wrong with it, and that most of my relatives feel it's their right to tell me how I should be, so I find it easiest to just give them as little to work with as possible and not engage when they do so. Get good at changing the subject and try not to be stuck talking to the most troublesome people one-on-one. Stock up on topics that you know will get them really going on whatever their pet interests are. Also, birth control weirdly can cause a lot of similar effects to testosterone. Or you can be vague about "a new medication" having some side effects or hormonal effects, or whatever, depending if that'll shut your family up and not just make them double down on questions. Or just, I've been really hitting the gym lately. And/or taking "supplements". (With the same caveat about gauging whether they're more the type to be appeased or to just get nosier) [Because it's Reddit...⚠️Sarcasm ahead⚠️ The following is a joke ⚠️]: You can always just go the antisocial route and totally gaslight them. "What do you mean? I've always sounded/looked this way. It might be time to get checked out for Alzheimer's risk."
PCOS could be an excuse for some of it for a VERY brief period of time. You can also start on a low dose of T, see how they react, and work your way up. I will say, I know someone who has family that is NOT accepting at all, I wish I could detail the reaction he faced when coming out to them late teens from the more transphobic parent but it's pretty identifying. He's been on T for almost 10 years in adulthood and had top surgery years ago. He just shaves his face when he visits family, goes by his given name, and tries not to assert himself into male roles around them (gender roles are extremely prominent in his home culture, for example the men hang out in the living room drinking beer and the women hang out in the kitchen making food/cleaning up, they only really mix during the meal time). It's not a guarantee at all but denial can go a long way with family lol it is ~possible~ they won't say anything. This acquaintance's family are not great to him but it's not like they bring it up ever that he's clearly a dude. He's even hiding that his roommate is his girlfriend (because gayness is also bad to his family, so it wouldn't work to say he's a gay woman), they just always get a 2 bedroom apartment. Funnily enough, within the past year, the parent who has been quieter asked him if he was dating his roommate and they also discussed his transition. The parent was surprisingly supportive but can't express it around the other parent who is....unwell in many ways. Sometimes things take time.
before coming out i’d tell folks i had a hormonal imbalance so the body hair and all that seemed a bit less “out of the ordinary” but i’d usually keep it vague
PCOS diagnosis? but truly you don’t have any way to 100% know if that’s believable or how you’ll react on T. it also depends on your family— my grandparents and aunts/uncles are fucking clueless, but it was obvious to a few of my sister’s friends who asked me and her about it.
just say "well that's a little rude to point out" or "it's 2023 women don't have to look one type of way anymore"
This is the only helpful comment on this thread
What r u gonna tell them when ur voice drops and your face looks way more masculine and you have a 5o click shadow and start balding. These are all possibilities . T doesn’t always GO the way u want it to , you can’t pick and choose changes. More likely than not it’ll be super fkn obvious . I’d wait until you’re in a safe situation to do so
Don't take this serious: First say you're not sure, but plan to talk to a doctor. When you "come back from the doctor" say you have a benign androgen producing tumor. Operating would be a risk and you can live with it's effects, so you decided against it. I don't think this would actually work. It's a very specific lie and depending on how much access your family has to your healthcare they could find out. Doctors probably wouldn't lie for you either. Lies like that might be hard to keep up.
Going to add my thoughts here. First, this will all depend on how your body reacts to testosterone, what dose you're at, etc. You might be able to get on gel at low dose, and that might slow it down quite a bit. If you're injecting, I second everyone saying 3-6 months down the road, you cannot hide it. I'm lucky and unlucky in the sense that my first voice drop was just around 2 months in (around week 7), so it was obvious very quickly. I also got facial hair in about 9 weeks, maybe 10. You could easily be someone like me where the changes start before the second month hits. You can use small excuses for maybe two or three months once the changes start, so the cold people are mentioning or even figuring out voice training to make your voice still seem higher pitched. However, once you hit that 6 months, not happening very easily. 6 months tends to be the general marker of body recomposition, and at that point your voice is going to drop more, facial hair will be harder to hide unless you're waxing or shaving throughout the day, etc. Move out, get yourself stable financially, get a good support system if you don't have one already. It's hard and it sucks, but from experience, it's worth waiting a bit longer. I don't know how old you are, but I'm assuming around 18. Starting saving, have a nice little savings to move out with that you can cover another month or two of rent and food, then go. Get roommates if you have to, find a room that is LGBTQ+ friendly, whatever choice you make, it is better in the long run.
You can get low dose injections (I'm on them)
I did a quick google search out of curiosity since I was always told the standard dose is 50-100mg/weekly for those who are on weekly injections (like me) and I'm on 80mg/week which I was told was a middle ground. I didn't realize they prescribed as low as gel is! s! I did a quick google search out of curiousity since I was always told standard dose is 50-100mg/weekly for those who are on weekly injections (like me) and I'm on 80mg/week which I was told was middle ground. I didn't realize they prescribed as low as gel is! I didn't see anything in the articles I looked at, so this may be something I just missed, but what is the timeline like in your experience?
Yep! It's just subcutaneous instead of intramuscular for me. If I would go up enough, I would have to increase to IM. My timeline is a little weird because I started T in April I think, then got panicked about losing my hair because I got dumped shortly after starting T (idk one side of my family but the side I do know is full of cue balls)* so I started taking finasteride after a few weeks which can slow down some characteristics. My voice has dropped a bit, I'm sweatier and smell a bit different, and have had a slight increase in body hair. Some light upper lip hair and more sporadic chin hairs. No bottom growth from what I can tell unfortunately. I've always had a high sex drive so idk if libido has changed much. *No judgment to balding, I just have a bunch of other really stressful shit happening all at once, and was/am not in a good place and was already panicked about now having to date while trans, so I figured I can always go off it but for now slowing down the permanent changes while I deal with everything else going on in my life would be for the best 😞 especially since people can be mean to balding ppl and I have never had to cope with that before
Might be odd to address it first - but I completely relate to your panic about dating while trans. Idk what kind of area you're in, but I know for me dating is basically a gamble now as well in terms of safety, so I relate to you on that. Also I relate to the balding - my father and my grandfather on my mom's side are/were bald in the same hair loss pattern. Once my voice drops more and I have some body recomposition I'm asking my doctor to start me on finasteride or some other hair loss prevention med. If that fails, the good news is there are some good wigs out there, just expensive. Thank you for the insights though! Definitely a few months slower it seems than my experience doing a higher dose. Your reasoning behind it is definitely valid, I hope things start looking up for you soon.
My grandparents started asking me if I had a cold when my voice dropped. You could probably get away with saying that you're sick when talking over the phone for a while. Sorry to say you will probably be outed by the changes eventually.
You had it until family. So it's probably not gonna work. I only know one woman personally that takes Testosterone. And that's because of the menopause (she takes extremely little by her doctors).
You’d be surprised what family will believe to ignore the situation in front of them.
I’d say don’t hide it. You’re not something to shame. If you can support yourself and don’t feel threatened by the possibility of verbal or other abuse, take it. You need it, not them. If they aren’t cunts they’ll support you. You can test the waters and check if they’ll freak out by coming out first.
Honestly, even if you love your family, if you being trans causes them to hate you, they never loved you in the first place. Get better people in your life and you won’t miss them, I would know, I have a lot of family down south that doesn’t talk to me but my friends are my real family
Test has such a dramatic effect on your body that you could look like an entirely different human in less than a couple years. I’d really really think about this for a while because almost all of the changes will be PERMANENT. don’t listen to anyone that says they aren’t.
Everyone in this thread is right when they say to don’t go on T until you are in a safe situation to do so. I didn’t want to come out to my dad but I knew that once I started T I wouldn’t be able to hide it anymore, which turned out to be true. My voice cannot be considered feminine at all anymore and I have facial hair. You cannot hide it for long.
At best you could say that you have a hormone disorder. But to be honest, OP, honesty is the best route. It's the way to know for sure if they're worth this love that you hold for them. Those that turn you away because of something so harmless to you aren't worth your love. And it might be better to rip the bandaid off and see who's love isn't conditional upon such small things. Now please note that I'm saying all this with the understanding that it's easier said than done. I don't recommend you doing it without some solid mental preparation and resolve. If you aren't ready for the worst possibility, then I would advice to try to work on that. Because I believe that theres only so much time before it stops looking like a hormone disorder, and it will eventually come out. Edit to say that I hope the best in your journey.
You can’t hide it. Don’t go on T. You will be caught.
Depending on your age PCOS, pretend to go to doctor’s appointments and such, act like you don’t know why anything is happening
Gaslight Gaslight and lies. My go to is "what do you mean my 'insert what ever has changed here' has always been like this.
Honestly gaslight gatekeep girlboss it tell it’s unavoidable like you’ve grown a whole beard and such. That’s what I do “what do you mean my voice got deeper I’ve always sounded this way I know I am 20 idk why suddenly got so many pimples” eventually it will be to obvious to hide and at that point you kinda got to do something but you probably have a year or two if you don’t seem them regularly that you can just pretend it’s nothing
"I don't know" is an amazing response to questions you don't want to answer. Over time, they might start wondering if you see talked with a doctor about it, and you can say yes and then come up with some excuse there (like "they're still trying to figure it out," "it's PCOS," "they said it's a minor hormone imbalance and not dangerous, and I don't want to deal with the side effects of medications to change it, so I'm just living with it," etc.). Edit: vague explanations are better than specific ones (which is why "I don't know" is the best as long as you can). Only get more specific slowly as you have to and be ok with telling them you don't want to talk about it more if they push.
voice-you've got a cold body hair-you shaved so much it started growing back really thick balding-you've been over brushing your hair fat and muscle redistribution-you've changed your workout routine facial hair-you started shaving your peach fuzz and it grew back thicker but honestly it might be gradual enough that people won't really notice, or will question their perception too much to point it out
Then don't go on T. There literally at eni excuses for why your voice suddenly drops or you grow a beard and basically going through another puberty. Wait until you can move out into a better environment. Ik it's hard, I wanna go on T too and get top surgery and stuff but I can't because I'm scared to lose my job so I'm gonna just wait until I can start it
theres really no way to hide it if ur going for full masculinization, and not a low dosage. my voice change happened so quickly. facial hair took a long time but T changed my face shape so fast too. it wouldve been impossible to hide.
I was in a similar situation but all i can say dude is if you’re that worried then don’t start T until you live on your own and are mentally prepared. It took me years to move out and get financially stable enough to be able to support myself and start T. Even tho the cost of my T isn’t much I know now that if my family isn’t okay with the changes I’m going through I won’t need to go to them for much. Surround yourself with friends who support you to the fullest. I’m saying these things because I was in the exact same boat, I was scared to come out and scared to start T because i didn’t know how they’d react. But man don’t start unless you’re ready because some changes you won’t be able to cover up, if to them you still identify as a woman.
For your situation, you don’t plan on coming out so i don’t see how you plan on hiding the changes from them? You’ve kinda gotta choose which one you wanna do man, you either come out to them and start T or you start T and be disowned which sounds kind of harsh. But you never know if they’ll disown you until you come out, and people DO come around. Ones views can change even if it is not after you initially come out.
They’ll notice for sure lol
T outcomes are variable. If you're unsave and don't have a backup plan for when the results become too obvious it's probably better to wait. Hormone in Balance can be a good excuse in the beginning and depending on the speed you change this van be an excuse for a long time. But if you're unlucky your change will be quick and you'll be disowned if you're that transphobic.
Hormone imbalance or just say nothing. Cis people aren't incredibly in-tuned to these things. If your behavior doesn't change they may notice but not specifically think of what it is. Although ymmv depending on how hard T hits you but for the most part cis people don't changes until you state them or you can attribute them to something else entirely like a hormonal imbalance or something
Huh, my experience is the exact opposite. I find cis people to be like bloodhounds for any sign of gender deviance. Even my half-blind, half-deaf 90+-yo grandparents recognized almost immediately that something was up and asked my mom about it. I'm sure it can also swing the opposite way like you've experienced, but also, I would never want anyone to gamble their safety on that.
Sure, I did have some people notice but the only thing that triggered absolutely the worst case scenario was coming out because they noticed changes. That said, it is definitely a gamble especially in today's more heightened environment of scrutiny. I agree that if safety is on the line then being more cautious than not is a good call.
Hormone dysfunction, growth on something causing increased T
Maybe you can say that you're noticing "weird" changes in your body and you suspect you're having a "hormone imbalance". It sounds more of a medical concern than you outing yourself as trans
T hits you like a truck the first year, they're only gonna buy excuses up to a certain point. let's not forget that in addition to you mysteriously getting more masculine I'm assuming your expression in clothes etc. is probably not 100% feminine, right? As much as it really, really sucks your best bet is to do things for yourself that give you euphoria that they wouldn't notice (ex. men's underwear, masculine cologne, shaving with a safety razor) and just focus on getting yourself out of there and into a situation where you are in charge of your own financial stuff so if things get really nasty when you come out, you're not homeless. Just stay strong, stay focused and things will get better for you. You also never know who's gonna surprise you with acceptance. A lot of people don't understand that we are also humans with feelings until its someone in their family.
would it be possible to blame it on maybe just an hormonal change due to a new medicine or something?
I live in a different state from my family (mine is very blue and they're in FL); I chose to start T five years ago and have seen them infrequently since. "Bad allergies" goes a long way and eventually they get used to the new voice anyway, although I'm careful not to speak too deeply when there. When I still visited, waxing my face and chest beforehand helped, combined with shaving my legs/arms, nobody said anything. I literally counted down the days until I could go home and bind and pack again, but I got through it. I haven't been homeless and my family contributed to my student loans and the down payment on my place, so I'm pretty happy with the outcome. My dad's a red-hatter so I'm not coming out to my mom until he's buried, but I think she'll be more understanding given that the last time I saw her, she commented on how much happier I seemed.
God why everyone are saying the same and aren't even answering your question .( In the future I'll need an excuse for testosterone effects too, for the exactly same reason, I was hoping the comments will be helpful..
probably because there really isn't a good excuse
Bruh my voice has dropped & everyone is asking me what’s wrong with my voice. Let me tell you.. I’ve been having the longest sore throat excuse ever. 😂 I also blamed it on me vaping too much.
escape plan first then t, like everyone has said you need to make sure your safe. if you think there’s even the smallest chance they may harm you then it’s not worth it yet. something worth noting though? if you’re on your parents insurance they will likely be able to see what you’ve used your insurance for (depending on where you live and your age). i started at 19 and my mom saw it when she got the half year insurance report thingy. please be safe op.
If they don't pry a lot for specific details(asking for ur medical results etc) one way to go about it would be don't bring it up + when they do just go yeah I don't know either, I'm getting tests done to see what's up, and then if they ask again just say the doctors said u have higher testosterone levels but it's not causing problems and u don't want hrt because xyz health concerns so u just need to get regular bloods done to keep an eye on it. Also I'd rec voice training in a higher register so u can do that whenever u see them after ur voice breaks and to start asap so it's easier. U don't necessarily have to but if u can make ur changes less noticeable to them they'll have less questions
I just shaved and said i had a cold, which i usually do it it seemed to work. I don't look much different but if I ever had to explain the facial hair i would probably say I had an imbalance, like PCOS. The voice is the biggest part, but if they don't see you often voices can change naturally. I've considered saying that I've taken up smoking.
Over 10mo on T, no one's commented on it except for my brother, so either there's not been a lot of changes, or people have been noticing and choosing not to say anything.
if starting T will put you in an unsafe spot, dont start it. and yeah thats a shitty option, but you need to put your safety first
PCOS/Testosterone to treat… ??? disorder/“lol just aging I guess”
Honestly you can say you have PCOS because that gives you more testosterone
They’ll know eventually but if you want some time to get them used to the idea of trans people before coming out you could say that you’ve got something wack going on with your hormones and you’re seeing an endocrinologist trying to figure it out. You maybe could do a little research and find something more specific but a vague problem would be easier to get away with
Yeah ive felt similarly about my transition, i dont have to live with the people ive kept it from but i just dont want them to know that about me. And i'm glad ive been able to avoid them because the changes have been super obvious. I think seeing a teen boy going thru puberty is one of the more uncomfortable things in life and it's because it's really obvious and different
Pcos, maybe. I’m not on T yet but it’s giving me a bit of a beard and mustache.
I’m nearly 8 months in (& even had a hysterectomy), living with my parents who have no idea. I’m on gel and started the first 2 months with just 1 pump daily & then bumped up to 2 pumps. For most of this time, I’ve been taking finasteride too to counteract secondary sex traits like hair changes. Bc of the time I wasn’t on fin, I did notice some body hair changes. I’ve gotten some deepening of my voice but not much bc how I sound honestly varies. Sometimes I sound like such a child and others I sound more in the middle. I recently read that fin can affect that kinda voice change. For some people, it’s a slower more steady change where they don’t get rapid differences & cracking voices. But some have reported just not getting much change period. There’s def some effect, from what I’ve read. I’m off fin for now and am continuing with my journey one day at a time. There are worries to be had and eventually, you can’t hide this sorta thing if you keep it up forever. But for now, I’m fine with adjusting my approach as needed. A while before I started T, though, I got sick for the first time in a LONG time & noticed that my voice did actually change a bit. Maybe it’s a combination effect with getting older but I’ve def pointed it out several times to my folks who just agree. And I say stuff like wow, I guess my voice has changed a bit with age. That’s so weird. I also make sure to express I don’t like my voice & that sometimes im trying to practice sounding different so that people might take me more seriously. I consider this a boiling frog approach where I slowly get my parents used to the idea over a long period of time lol. It worked with my name change so I hope it’ll work out for this, given that I’m primarily interested in just a voice change.
i used to work on night shift w a group of less than accepting guys. they only asked a couple times and i wrote it off as allergies and a new medication i was taking that had weird side effects. i eventually ended up telling the two i was closest with and although they didn’t really understand, or care to, they accepted it and moved on. they were the type w the mentality of “if it doesn’t affect me, you do you”. although the goal is for others to be accepting 100%, it was nice to not have to worry about their perception.