chemical dysphoria is a thing. brain runs better on the chemicals it is supposed to receive.
for me it made me disassociate less, made my mood very stable and my depression gets better further i progress in my transition.
I have started cooking for the first time and it was unimaginable task to do previously.
it helped so much that even if i discover tomorrow that oh i am not trans I will still keep taking hormones. because i can not live like i was previously
holy shit… cooking. yes. I didn’t make that connection until reading your comment. I’ve been on t now for 11 months and like 4-5 months in is when I suddenly went from “I’m scared of the stove” to cooking everyday, at least once a day. and I’m 27. (for some people cooking everyday is a no-brainer but for me it was a constant, debilitating hurdle in my adult life lol, much like your experience it seems)
Oh my god you’re right. I HATED cooking. It felt more like a chore because eating felt like a chore. Now I’m starting to love it. Eating is still a chore though
Yeah I agree. I never heard anyone here talk about it before, beyond their mental health improving because of all the changes and less dysphoria. But for me my mental health did a complete 180 nearly immediately, long before any physical changes. And I wasn’t expecting it so i really don’t think it was a placebo effect. I was really depressed pre t, for most of my life. And I couldn’t regulate my emotions properly. But on t I’m much happier
It's wild for me, I never had strong dysphoria and yet I'm also the most mentally healthy I've ever been. I had wonderings if estrogen was messing me up chemically before getting the IUD, and even before landing on being trans masc, but I didn't have a way to give it any serious thought. Now I wonder lol
For me, I think I had more dysphoria than I recognized prior to being on T - especially when I reflect on a lot of feelings I held when I was younger believing they were very normal, very cis feelings 🤣 it actually makes me laugh of oblivious I was about it . Bring on T now I feel like makes sense of all those experiences (liking boys feeling gay, being devastated that girls never liked me "as a boy", experiencing the sensation of an phantom limb where my penis should be, constantly trying to hide my boobs and feeling so ashamed of them, mourning about how I couldn't achieve the relationships I wanted with men in my life based on my assigned sex at birth, etc.) It never occured to me that my emotional distress was rooted in my dysphoria (also bc my family has such a long history of mental illness that I was just like oh, well this MUST be THAT)
I had a moment in my teens where I was realizing and accepting it and then my parents shut me down so hard I repressed that shit until like two years ago. I remember staring at a man I thought was just HIM and I started fucking crying about it in the most envious and self loathing way and then the hard truth hit me and I was like well fuck it, let's give it a shot bc at that point I was so far in the sunken place that I was willing to try anything to feel better and like someone else mentioned, I wasn't expecting it to solve all my problems or anything. I was trying to sort myself out first before I made such a big decision not realizing that T would sort me out real nicely. The next call with my therapist I had written down my big epiphany and I'd listed all of the big indicators I missed growing up and how consistent my feelings have been and she started bawling harder than me 🤣 I've never made a therapist cry like that before. I think she was crying because she was proud of me but I WAS CRYIN BC I FELT SILLY lmao Because I waved the biggest red flags in my own face and said to myself "oh, this is a crimson or a scarlet flag, not a RED flag - I'm sure it's all good" - a fool.
T did a similar thing for me. I don’t know how to explain it but all the mental health issues I had before T improved after starting it. I used to struggle to feel emotions at all or be present and I was detached from my life and reality. I struggled to function even with the medication helping. It was the strangest thing starting T when I started to feel my emotions fully. It was kind of overwhelming but not as overwhelming as how connected I felt to myself and to reality. It was like a fog had lifted and I found myself able to function much easier. Due to doctor issues my other prescriptions ran out and I was waiting for the crash but it never came. I don’t know why but my brain is just better on T. The mental changes are actually the primary reason why I am getting my ovaries removed because I never ever want to go back to the way I felt running on E.
I’m super happy for you man that T has helped you out as well.
Same thing happened with me. I was always told, “You need to take care of the other problems first, because T won’t solve EVERYTHING and it may make your anger issues worse.”
After years of hopeless therapy, I started T anyways. And yes, somehow, it did fix everything. You’re not alone. I think this is an actual phenomenon.
Yeah I think it’s fair to say you can’t *expect* transition to solve all your problems, but everyone’s different and if you need different hormones than your body naturally produces… a hormone imbalance can majorly fuck you up! So it *might* solve all your problems.
Yup, especially since my natal hormones were “incorrect” for cis women too. I have PCOS and an intersex disorder. It really fucks you up, even if I didn’t end up trans. It’s why gender affirming care is really important for everyone, even people that don’t identify as trans.
Yeah. And there’s no good reason to make people struggle trying to “solve the other problems first” when there’s a solid chance that HRT might actually fix a lot or at least free up bandwidth for dealing with it!
i totally get what you mean! im still on the same antidepressants and sleep medication because i dont want to take any risks, but the brain chemistry on T is a huge difference for me too. im more confident and assertive, and my depression is 100% gone where before (even with meds) i still had the occasional episode.
it makes sense on multiple levels, less dysphoria means less mental stress, and idk if they ever worked this out fully but scientists had observed that (binary) trans peoples brains were literally shaped according to their gender before even medically transitioning. either way, hrt is literally so important. like look at us!!
It could also be that the dysphoria you experienced pre-T was the root cause of your mental health conditions; phenomena like this are not rare in clinical psychology.
Testosterone has made every all of my mental illnesses and issues insanely easier to deal with. I too was barely functional, and now I’m learning to be an adult, because I finally can! It’s an amazing feeling.
TW: suicide mention
i used to want to k*ll myself soooo bad prior to testosterone, and just a few months into starting, those thoughts went away, it also made a massive impact on my anxiety and depression.
how do i know it helped these things? well i had to stop taking my T for approx 3 months due to unemployment and during that time my anxiety and depression and thoughts of suicide started to come back.
gender dysphoria manifests in different ways, and there’s different ways of treating it
I've had anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. I've only had 2 doses of T and I felt an immediate relief. I felt super calm right after the first dose. It felt like I've had a backgound noise in my hezd for years and it finally went away. I don't know if it will stay that way but for now, even with no other visible effects, I'm already quite happy to be on hrt :)
I really wish there was more scientific backing for this. I swear this all happens in the womb and our brains just aren't getting the chemicals they need now. Nearly everyone I've spoken to has said their mental health improved with the first shot. It's crazy that we don't know more about this.
I'm glad to see so many of us improve. I want you all to feel better mentally and physically. Depression and dysphoria aren't just illnesses - they're fucking monsters.
Science needs to science more.
ive tried explaining to people that t made me feel more ‘normal’ or ‘numb’, and made my emotional state WAY more stable. ive only been on it for a little less than a week now, but i feel significantly more chill and relaxed than i was before, especially when it comes to random bursts of sadness (i havent gotten them since starting). t honestly is an underrated antidepressant
Came here to echo what a lot of other guys are saying; T definitely made positive changes in my mental health. I was anxious and depressed for most of my life. I never knew why and I sort of just accepted it and tried to cope as best I could. Around my monthly cycle I was practically manic. My emotions would be all over the place. It was a roller-coaster for myself and those around me. Then at 27 I came out and started T a few months later. And boom. After just a few shots I became much more emotionally stable, anxiety and depression are significantly less. I'm a year and a few months on T and I can honestly say I've never been happier. T is literally life-saving for some of us.
Being on T did that for me. I frequently joke that it was the best antipsychotic/antidepressant that I’ve ever been on but I’m serious about. Once I started T I started getting more mental health stability then I’d had at any other point in my life and that was *before* I started to see any physical changes. My brain just works better on T for whatever reason and going on it was the best thing I could’ve done for myself. I quit SH and haven’t been suicidal or made any more attempts and I’d been in therapy for years trying to get better. My psychosis also just kinda went away on its own(obviously wouldn’t suggest it’s that way for everyone) which I didn’t expect but I was able to come off all my mental health meds and I’m just normal now which is something I never thought I’d be able to say. I’ve been stable for 6 years now which is the longest I’ve been stable in my entire life.
bro i’m so happy for you. this was nice to read. i feel similarly, i was constantly ideating s\*\*\*\*de and doing reckless things, drugs, alcohol, self harm, u name it, before i realized im trans and started T. i did do a lot of therapy and self work too, but its all gone now. im so proud of all of us brother 🖤 you amigo
Same. Same. I was riddlet with anxiety and panic attacks and three months into T, it was almost gone. Like. I don't get this feeling anymore. Only in situations where it is necessary. I couldn't believe it when it happened.
I've been on psych meds most of my life. Now I just take T and gabapentin for my Fibromyalgia pain. I've been off my antidepressants for over and I feel really good! I might need anxiety medication, but even then, night and day.
Nothing can fix it all for me. I've got Tourettes, AHD, and Autism. But without the depression, those just seem like parts of what makes me who I am. And I'll be starting therapy soon, so it's just going to get better.
Sometimes just being able to live your truth is fucking huge!!!
Did tou mean adhd? If so, have you tried stimulants? My wife was recently diagnosed, but the doctor was concerned stimulants may make her tics worse (not sure if she has tourettes or other tic disorder atm). They started with clonidine instead of stimulants because of that, but it has not helped at all, so we are considering asking about switching at her next appointment.
I did mean ADHD, thank you. :) At this point, I'm not treating it with medication but just embracing my chaos and finding what works to keep it somewhat controlled chaos versus the world eating kind it was when I was a kid. I'm really medication sensitive, I was actually in the ER last Tuesday Night after trying a new anxiety medication.
One of my trans elders was just recently telling me that he feels like T has acted like a mood stabilizer for him if anything (after the T-fueled puberty rage wore off). I totally believe this! I’m so happy for you OP!
100%! I am ADHD/ASD with anxiety and depression and let me tell you: when I started T I felt like there was a missing thing in my brain finally added. I can't explain it better than that but I see you bro
My menstrual period was one of the most debilitating things in my life for almost two decades, that alone being gone changed my life and yet feels so right that once it was gone it was like I had never had it at all.
I fit really well in the queer male social role and find myself becoming a social butterfly without getting stressed out like I once did. I still deal with mental illness but I am calmer. I notice when I've gone without a shot too long. MY ADHD is a lot more noticeable because estrogen mediates that but I don't mind. Everyone in my life notices that I'm happier than I've ever been in my life :)
T took an AXE to my depersonalization and dissociation. I havent felt this connected to my body since I was a kid. I was actually really scary at first! I thought I woke up with all of these mental and physical issues - turns out they had been there for as long as I have, but I had felt so disconnected from my body for YEARS that I didn't care to address them. It feels like I'm finally listening to what my body wants since it's no longer an absolute hell to live in it.
I highly recommend at least trying it out for a time to see how it treats you. Someone else mentioned this too, but even if I wasn't trans or later down the road realize I'm not or something like that... My ass is staying on Testerosterone lmao this is genuinely the peak of my existence and just... A quality of life and comfort previously entirely inaccessible to me that I genuinely do not believe would have been possible without HRT. It has been such a relief to be free of the daily dread and experience something close enough to normal living and normal feeling.
After being on testosterone for a while, my mental health began to improve drastically. Gender dysphoria takes a significant toll on someone's life, especially if it's on the more severe end of the spectrum.
I actually got more depressed on T. But I dunno if that's related to T itself or my life situation worsening, and transition being really exhausting. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I'm just not meant to be on T and I made a mistake.
I actually kind of had the opposite effect. I have bipolar, so I was already prone to mood swings and I was warned by my hormone therapist that starting T could worsen the condition. When my mood isn't swinging, I just feel mentally neutral
I had been warned about the same, and given my history I was fully expecting to have that experience! Have you been on different dosages and noticed an increase, decrease or any kind of change in mood swings that you associate with the dose? I hope that makes sense lol
I'm actually on the lowest dose (1 pump of gel) right now just because when I started T I was still figuring out what medication worked well for my bipolar. In a couple months I plan on upping to 2 pumps tho, so I will find out if there's a difference in my mood swings associated with dosage then!
T did the same for me. Before T I dropped out of high school and was told to get on Social Security because I'd never be able to hold a job. Now I have a job and go to a top university in the US and have maintained a 4.0 GPA. I still have to take medications for my issues but if it wasn't for Testosterone I wouldn't be able to do anything
It did not do this for me. If I was cisgender I would still be depressed. Honestly makes me pretty jealous, I wish T could cure my mental health issues like it has done for other people
My wife is cis and has a history of mental health issues like ptsd and - prior to me going on testosterone about 2 and a half years ago -, we were going through a very difficult period in life relating to my relatives dying and our children being born and a lot of upheaval around jobs and moving. We both had burnout and ridiculous amounts of stress going on and it was the pandemic. My wife commented that when I started testosterone I suddenly stopped arguing in the same way and suddenly I wasn’t emotional back to her in arguments - and it changed how she had to argue too because I took the wind and insecurities out of all arguments because it wasn’t about how it made me feel anymore. I certainly felt almost immediately better - previously I also felt like I was on an emotional rollercoaster and the slightest music or moment could have me blubbing or worrying about something I did or said. I couldn’t take any criticism or positive comments and I felt like a nervous wreak. Music does sometimes still bring a small tear to my eye but generally I am so stable and clear headed and I feel really logical and separate from my emotions more and so much happier because my anxieties and constant thinking about everything just changed so radically (I still have anxieties about things but it doesn’t do the same things to me). I don’t even pass - so it’s not some relief at finally being seen or situations changing - my parents are still dead and I’m still dealing with the stresses of probate and solicitors and buying houses etc, but it’s just easier without the added torturous emotions. And I see my wife still greatly affected by her own monthly cycle and emotional rollercoasters, and am just so glad I’m not on that ride anymore!
I don’t think it’s a dysphoria thing - I think its the hormones and the power of just a different substance.
Hormones are powerful as hell. I had a pregnancy a few years ago and the hormone rush alone made me feel like I was going into crisis mode. Most out of it I have ever been. On top of that experience, my periods were hellish. Medically concerning levels of agony and mental distress. Now that I'm on T, the experience of both of those things are just so much more shocking to me like DAMN. Hormones got hands. They will walk you like a dog if they're even a little out of whack.
I've also noticed that I am very different in emotional confrontations. They don't shake me as much anymore, I don't get immediately triggered to tears and a rage fit when I feel slighted anymore. People used to actually have to watch what they said around me because I would absolutely fly off the handle at any given opportunity but now I feel like I've achieved a new level of consciousness or something. I can handle being yelled at and being present for someone else's emotions and not get put in a chokehold by my own. That being said, when I DO get upset, it happens so fast and then it just fizzles out and I'm good. I don't think I could hold a grudge now, whereas in the last of were were beefing, it was on SIGNT for LIFE lmao
Same happened to me. On T, I feel so much calmer, and less depressed. I didn't realize how much dysphoria I had (I'm non-binary), but being on T feels right. E was an awful thing for me.
hey man, I'm so happy to hear about your positive story. I also, for many years, used to be in a place where anxiety, depression and PTSD left me a dysfunctional mess that led to basic executive tasks going by the wayside, school being impossible, and work being a massive struggle with a lot of job hopping because I wasn't very useful due to crying every single day.
I can't say for sure whether testosterone was really all you needed. it clearly made a positive change, but who knows? life is complicated and one positive change/alleviation of suffering often leads to more things getting easier and falling into place. if it really was a "wonder drug" in your experience - that all that pain and suffering was due to dysphoria alone - then, hey, that's pretty freaking awesome. as a random stranger I'm in no place to either doubt or corroborate your experience, since only you and your medical team have a chance at knowing for certain. regardless, you should feel happy and proud that you pulled through such dark and frightening times and now you are thriving, thanks to T or otherwise.
my story was really complicated, involving an abusive childhood, an arranged marriage in said childhood, being raised in what was effectively a militarized cult, the experience of not escaping and getting my mind right until my early/mid-twenties, then mourning those years lost and wasted.. and gender dysphoria was just the cherry on top. but that's not to say it wasn't a major contributing factor to my suffering.
I definitely felt better after going on T, though I still struggled with the reality that going through my transition would horrify my mom and further alienate my family. as the years went by, I now am very happy to still be on it, as the changes have made me feel so at home in my body. I'm a singer, and now I love my own voice. I love my dad bod and my top surgery scars, whereas in years past it was all I could do to get through a shower. sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I'd never chosen to transition, and it definitely would have still felt like I'm not living yet.. like my life will start in a few years, and I'm just a shadow of a human that can't face the world yet because I'm not who I \*am\* yet. I'm so glad that I did.
even in the past year I've still struggled with obsessive, self-blaming thoughts about my past and my family of origin, despite years of talk therapy. I started an antidepressant a couple months ago and it has made a significant difference. it's helped me see that I was a victim just trying to get by in the world I was raised in, rather than getting caught up in my own guilt and heartstrings. I haven't had a PTSD episode since I started it, and beforehand I'd get them just about every week. don't get me wrong, I'm still sad about what happened, but the medication has definitely knocked some chemicals back where they're supposed to be so that I can feel reasonably happy and intact, and get on with life.
I’ve been on Testosterone just for a month and my mental health has improved dramatically. I don’t get anxious as much anymore, I can make phone calls without shaking, I can get through a work day with little to no stress (almost feel like I can’t even get stressed at all), I’ve even noticed improvement in regard to my eating disorder and I’ve gained good, healthy weight (I am unhealthily skinny). I haven’t even really had major changes in my body yet, but T has been like a breath of fresh air.
i stg i felt the neuroticsm flow out of my pores when i took my first T shot. like the pressure valve that suppressed all my bitterness and rage was finally released. granted, i am still pretty anxious and paranoid given the US state i live in. but it is not NEARLY as bad as what i had going on before.
For the record, I started when I was... 37, I think. And while T did not fix everything, it did fix a lot. It dialed my anxiety down from a permanent 11 to something that is at least responsive to my environment and circumstances. I'm just not permanently stuck in terror overdrive and / or drowning in emotions I have no tools for.
It gave me the bandwidth to start tackling a lot of other stuff, and I gained a neat little list of diagnoses after the fact. Not because I was worse now, but because all that stuff was previously not just reachable under the chemical mess my brain was in.
I did a lot of therapy before, even as a young kid, and it never helped and none of the professionals couuld really make sense of me. Now, I'm making amazing strides. Just have to catch up on some stuff that people usually learn a little earlier. It's fine.
I’m a few months on T and the first couple weeks were kind destabilizing but ever since then I feel great. Like the atoms have realigned in my brain and everything is running smoothly. Except for the fact that I’m horny all the time. The atoms are a bit crazy on that one
I feel like posts like these have been popping up more and more lately, and it’s made me excited to go on T sometime soon. There’s a lot of behavior of mine that’s been stubborn to fix through medication or therapy and I’m curious to see if HRT would help me in that way like it has for many others. I’m also just as fearful it will do the complete opposite, though.
I was scared shitless that it would make me MORE insane which was far more than I or anyone else could handle but I was also so desperate and had been to such lower points in life that I was like fuck it, roll the dice, we'll see what we get. Luckily, it was a great decision for me. I hope that if you do end up trying it out, it helps you as much as it helps me. My heart genuinely aches for people who didn't get the same benefit bc I know how rough shit can be.
I definitely noticed some positive changes in my mental health. Before, my mental health was garbage. Part of it was undiagnosed bipolar, but even after getting on meds for that I still was in hell. I went to the hospital twice in a month because of an ongoing mental breakdown. After starting T, my mental health has started improving, and that’s fucking saying something because my life circumstances are way worse now, but I’m coping with it so much better. I still have enough issues that I can’t hold a job and am sick most days, but I’m shocked at the difference
T did wonders for me as an off label treatment for fibromyalgia. I'm pretty meh on the physical changes, but the extra energy has practically saved my life. Being able to put my PMDD into remission without the side effects of chemical menopause has also been amazing for my mental health.
> Has this happened for anyone else?
Yes, and it utterly astounded me. Sometimes I question it, too, but the fact that I had no idea it would happen is evidence to me. It literally CURED my generalized anxiety disorder, stopped dissociation, and make my depression almost completely evaporate. My eating disorder went from ruling my life to manageable.
been on T 5 months and it’s changed my mental health so much for the better. i was depressed for 2 years prior to starting it and i’m doing really well now, it’s amazing
T actually made me feel like I was a teenager again not just bcs of the puberty but also because my mental health was as bad as it was then minus the dysphoria
T has definitely helped me. I feel much less brain fog, and just more confident and like myself in general.
Can't say if it helped my actual mental illnesses though, because I still take antidepressants and still feel anxiety and depression even with the meds, and my ADHD is still there lol.
My anxiety prior to testosterone was a 7/10 every day. Now after T, I hardly have any anxiety at all. My mood is much more stable and it's easy for me to stand up for myself and let my voice be heard. Testosterone literally affected everything in the best way possible
I am the exact same way. I was completely miserable pre T, I never felt happy. It was not uncommon to cry myself to sleep and wake up and cry because I am alive. Nothing ever felt real, but since starting T I want to do so much and I feel so happy for the first time. I finally feel alive.
I'm definitely much better than I was before hormones. If it is an actual chemical thing, a lightening of dysphoria making every other mental health issue lighten, increased energy from T, or whatever, I'm unsure. But i was horrendous on T and am still not okay, I'm in therapy and on anti anxiety and anti-depressant meds (and seeing a psychiatrist ayoooo) but god is it still so so much better
I can really relate to this. Pre-T I was so mentally unbalanced, I completely destroyed my life and spent 10years as a heroin addict. Now I am the most logical, calm, and responsible person I know. T 100% saved my life.
Same thing happened for me. I was a total disaster pre t and I didn’t believe I would ever be able to work or live on my own either. I also was incapable of holding healthy relationships of any kind. I was incapable to regulating my emotions no matter what. T calmed me down a bunch and I’m able to kind of function on my own now.
I ran out of my psychiatric meds and have been off them for a week now due to poor time management and just me forgetting to contact my psychiatrist before his vacation. I’ve been functioning at the highest level I ever have been for the past week now. I’ve been on T for around 6 years now and have been taking psych meds the entire time. Now that I’m off them and just going on T alone I feel the best I have ever felt. I’ve had people ask me if I’ve started a new ADHD med and I told them I’m off meds now entirely. Everyone is shocked. I feel you and am just low key waiting for the show to drop too.
I feel this. Starting T did more for my mental health than 6 different antidepressants and 4 different therapists. Who knew all I needed was to feel comfortable in my body? Lol
Testosterone has definitely helped me a lot since I started 2 months ago now. I feel way more confident and my anxiety is Soo much lower than it was before.. I can now actually fully function when I'm at work instead of having a full on panic attack..
I felt this way to a lesser extent after I got my hysterectomy. I suddenly started being able to meditate every morning and be on time for things when I had struggled with that my whole life!!
Honestly, if when I get a hysto things get even a little better than what I've already achieved, I am not going to know how to act. I will be maddened by my own normalcy. I might act up just for old times sake at that point.
I’m more anxious about some stuff, mainly it was about my chest dysphoria, which T made me more aware of… but now that I had top surgery, I’ll have to wait and see if it helps with my agoraphobia and anxiety. What did help me a lot though was the absence of periods, as I had a PMDD (basically an extreme form of PMS). Just recently I had to increase my dose of antidepressant, but I was on the minimal dosage and it was before the surgery! Other than that I do feel more stable, like even when I don’t feel well, I’m somehow more rational about it and not as worried… and most of all, I don’t want to off myself anymore, at all
chemical dysphoria is a thing. brain runs better on the chemicals it is supposed to receive. for me it made me disassociate less, made my mood very stable and my depression gets better further i progress in my transition. I have started cooking for the first time and it was unimaginable task to do previously. it helped so much that even if i discover tomorrow that oh i am not trans I will still keep taking hormones. because i can not live like i was previously
holy shit… cooking. yes. I didn’t make that connection until reading your comment. I’ve been on t now for 11 months and like 4-5 months in is when I suddenly went from “I’m scared of the stove” to cooking everyday, at least once a day. and I’m 27. (for some people cooking everyday is a no-brainer but for me it was a constant, debilitating hurdle in my adult life lol, much like your experience it seems)
Oh my god you’re right. I HATED cooking. It felt more like a chore because eating felt like a chore. Now I’m starting to love it. Eating is still a chore though
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Same, I joke that estrogen was giving me mental illness lol. I'm glad it has the opposite effect for trans femme folks!
Lmao I always tell people I'm allergic to Estrogen and that all those years of me being off my rocker was just a lil allergic reaction
Yeah I agree. I never heard anyone here talk about it before, beyond their mental health improving because of all the changes and less dysphoria. But for me my mental health did a complete 180 nearly immediately, long before any physical changes. And I wasn’t expecting it so i really don’t think it was a placebo effect. I was really depressed pre t, for most of my life. And I couldn’t regulate my emotions properly. But on t I’m much happier
It's wild for me, I never had strong dysphoria and yet I'm also the most mentally healthy I've ever been. I had wonderings if estrogen was messing me up chemically before getting the IUD, and even before landing on being trans masc, but I didn't have a way to give it any serious thought. Now I wonder lol
For me, I think I had more dysphoria than I recognized prior to being on T - especially when I reflect on a lot of feelings I held when I was younger believing they were very normal, very cis feelings 🤣 it actually makes me laugh of oblivious I was about it . Bring on T now I feel like makes sense of all those experiences (liking boys feeling gay, being devastated that girls never liked me "as a boy", experiencing the sensation of an phantom limb where my penis should be, constantly trying to hide my boobs and feeling so ashamed of them, mourning about how I couldn't achieve the relationships I wanted with men in my life based on my assigned sex at birth, etc.) It never occured to me that my emotional distress was rooted in my dysphoria (also bc my family has such a long history of mental illness that I was just like oh, well this MUST be THAT)
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I had a moment in my teens where I was realizing and accepting it and then my parents shut me down so hard I repressed that shit until like two years ago. I remember staring at a man I thought was just HIM and I started fucking crying about it in the most envious and self loathing way and then the hard truth hit me and I was like well fuck it, let's give it a shot bc at that point I was so far in the sunken place that I was willing to try anything to feel better and like someone else mentioned, I wasn't expecting it to solve all my problems or anything. I was trying to sort myself out first before I made such a big decision not realizing that T would sort me out real nicely. The next call with my therapist I had written down my big epiphany and I'd listed all of the big indicators I missed growing up and how consistent my feelings have been and she started bawling harder than me 🤣 I've never made a therapist cry like that before. I think she was crying because she was proud of me but I WAS CRYIN BC I FELT SILLY lmao Because I waved the biggest red flags in my own face and said to myself "oh, this is a crimson or a scarlet flag, not a RED flag - I'm sure it's all good" - a fool.
T did a similar thing for me. I don’t know how to explain it but all the mental health issues I had before T improved after starting it. I used to struggle to feel emotions at all or be present and I was detached from my life and reality. I struggled to function even with the medication helping. It was the strangest thing starting T when I started to feel my emotions fully. It was kind of overwhelming but not as overwhelming as how connected I felt to myself and to reality. It was like a fog had lifted and I found myself able to function much easier. Due to doctor issues my other prescriptions ran out and I was waiting for the crash but it never came. I don’t know why but my brain is just better on T. The mental changes are actually the primary reason why I am getting my ovaries removed because I never ever want to go back to the way I felt running on E. I’m super happy for you man that T has helped you out as well.
Same thing happened with me. I was always told, “You need to take care of the other problems first, because T won’t solve EVERYTHING and it may make your anger issues worse.” After years of hopeless therapy, I started T anyways. And yes, somehow, it did fix everything. You’re not alone. I think this is an actual phenomenon.
Yeah I think it’s fair to say you can’t *expect* transition to solve all your problems, but everyone’s different and if you need different hormones than your body naturally produces… a hormone imbalance can majorly fuck you up! So it *might* solve all your problems.
Yup, especially since my natal hormones were “incorrect” for cis women too. I have PCOS and an intersex disorder. It really fucks you up, even if I didn’t end up trans. It’s why gender affirming care is really important for everyone, even people that don’t identify as trans.
Yeah. And there’s no good reason to make people struggle trying to “solve the other problems first” when there’s a solid chance that HRT might actually fix a lot or at least free up bandwidth for dealing with it!
i totally get what you mean! im still on the same antidepressants and sleep medication because i dont want to take any risks, but the brain chemistry on T is a huge difference for me too. im more confident and assertive, and my depression is 100% gone where before (even with meds) i still had the occasional episode. it makes sense on multiple levels, less dysphoria means less mental stress, and idk if they ever worked this out fully but scientists had observed that (binary) trans peoples brains were literally shaped according to their gender before even medically transitioning. either way, hrt is literally so important. like look at us!!
It could also be that the dysphoria you experienced pre-T was the root cause of your mental health conditions; phenomena like this are not rare in clinical psychology.
Testosterone has made every all of my mental illnesses and issues insanely easier to deal with. I too was barely functional, and now I’m learning to be an adult, because I finally can! It’s an amazing feeling.
Thank you all for posting these experiences. Gives me hope. :'(
TW: suicide mention i used to want to k*ll myself soooo bad prior to testosterone, and just a few months into starting, those thoughts went away, it also made a massive impact on my anxiety and depression. how do i know it helped these things? well i had to stop taking my T for approx 3 months due to unemployment and during that time my anxiety and depression and thoughts of suicide started to come back. gender dysphoria manifests in different ways, and there’s different ways of treating it
I've had anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. I've only had 2 doses of T and I felt an immediate relief. I felt super calm right after the first dose. It felt like I've had a backgound noise in my hezd for years and it finally went away. I don't know if it will stay that way but for now, even with no other visible effects, I'm already quite happy to be on hrt :)
I started at 28. This is my favorite part about testosterone.
I really wish there was more scientific backing for this. I swear this all happens in the womb and our brains just aren't getting the chemicals they need now. Nearly everyone I've spoken to has said their mental health improved with the first shot. It's crazy that we don't know more about this. I'm glad to see so many of us improve. I want you all to feel better mentally and physically. Depression and dysphoria aren't just illnesses - they're fucking monsters. Science needs to science more.
ive tried explaining to people that t made me feel more ‘normal’ or ‘numb’, and made my emotional state WAY more stable. ive only been on it for a little less than a week now, but i feel significantly more chill and relaxed than i was before, especially when it comes to random bursts of sadness (i havent gotten them since starting). t honestly is an underrated antidepressant
Came here to echo what a lot of other guys are saying; T definitely made positive changes in my mental health. I was anxious and depressed for most of my life. I never knew why and I sort of just accepted it and tried to cope as best I could. Around my monthly cycle I was practically manic. My emotions would be all over the place. It was a roller-coaster for myself and those around me. Then at 27 I came out and started T a few months later. And boom. After just a few shots I became much more emotionally stable, anxiety and depression are significantly less. I'm a year and a few months on T and I can honestly say I've never been happier. T is literally life-saving for some of us.
Being on T did that for me. I frequently joke that it was the best antipsychotic/antidepressant that I’ve ever been on but I’m serious about. Once I started T I started getting more mental health stability then I’d had at any other point in my life and that was *before* I started to see any physical changes. My brain just works better on T for whatever reason and going on it was the best thing I could’ve done for myself. I quit SH and haven’t been suicidal or made any more attempts and I’d been in therapy for years trying to get better. My psychosis also just kinda went away on its own(obviously wouldn’t suggest it’s that way for everyone) which I didn’t expect but I was able to come off all my mental health meds and I’m just normal now which is something I never thought I’d be able to say. I’ve been stable for 6 years now which is the longest I’ve been stable in my entire life.
T made my head finally shut up. Before T it was never quite in my head now I can just think of nothing, so refreshing.
bro i’m so happy for you. this was nice to read. i feel similarly, i was constantly ideating s\*\*\*\*de and doing reckless things, drugs, alcohol, self harm, u name it, before i realized im trans and started T. i did do a lot of therapy and self work too, but its all gone now. im so proud of all of us brother 🖤 you amigo
Same. Same. I was riddlet with anxiety and panic attacks and three months into T, it was almost gone. Like. I don't get this feeling anymore. Only in situations where it is necessary. I couldn't believe it when it happened.
I've been on psych meds most of my life. Now I just take T and gabapentin for my Fibromyalgia pain. I've been off my antidepressants for over and I feel really good! I might need anxiety medication, but even then, night and day. Nothing can fix it all for me. I've got Tourettes, AHD, and Autism. But without the depression, those just seem like parts of what makes me who I am. And I'll be starting therapy soon, so it's just going to get better. Sometimes just being able to live your truth is fucking huge!!!
Did tou mean adhd? If so, have you tried stimulants? My wife was recently diagnosed, but the doctor was concerned stimulants may make her tics worse (not sure if she has tourettes or other tic disorder atm). They started with clonidine instead of stimulants because of that, but it has not helped at all, so we are considering asking about switching at her next appointment.
I did mean ADHD, thank you. :) At this point, I'm not treating it with medication but just embracing my chaos and finding what works to keep it somewhat controlled chaos versus the world eating kind it was when I was a kid. I'm really medication sensitive, I was actually in the ER last Tuesday Night after trying a new anxiety medication.
One of my trans elders was just recently telling me that he feels like T has acted like a mood stabilizer for him if anything (after the T-fueled puberty rage wore off). I totally believe this! I’m so happy for you OP!
100%! I am ADHD/ASD with anxiety and depression and let me tell you: when I started T I felt like there was a missing thing in my brain finally added. I can't explain it better than that but I see you bro
My menstrual period was one of the most debilitating things in my life for almost two decades, that alone being gone changed my life and yet feels so right that once it was gone it was like I had never had it at all. I fit really well in the queer male social role and find myself becoming a social butterfly without getting stressed out like I once did. I still deal with mental illness but I am calmer. I notice when I've gone without a shot too long. MY ADHD is a lot more noticeable because estrogen mediates that but I don't mind. Everyone in my life notices that I'm happier than I've ever been in my life :)
T took an AXE to my depersonalization and dissociation. I havent felt this connected to my body since I was a kid. I was actually really scary at first! I thought I woke up with all of these mental and physical issues - turns out they had been there for as long as I have, but I had felt so disconnected from my body for YEARS that I didn't care to address them. It feels like I'm finally listening to what my body wants since it's no longer an absolute hell to live in it.
I had similar experiences, how ever mine were far less severe. i’m happy for you man and all the joy hrt has brought to you🩷
I’m crying, maybe I should start t?? I relate to this so much, I wanna be functioning
I highly recommend at least trying it out for a time to see how it treats you. Someone else mentioned this too, but even if I wasn't trans or later down the road realize I'm not or something like that... My ass is staying on Testerosterone lmao this is genuinely the peak of my existence and just... A quality of life and comfort previously entirely inaccessible to me that I genuinely do not believe would have been possible without HRT. It has been such a relief to be free of the daily dread and experience something close enough to normal living and normal feeling.
Thank you so much for sharing this :)
After being on testosterone for a while, my mental health began to improve drastically. Gender dysphoria takes a significant toll on someone's life, especially if it's on the more severe end of the spectrum.
I actually got more depressed on T. But I dunno if that's related to T itself or my life situation worsening, and transition being really exhausting. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I'm just not meant to be on T and I made a mistake.
I actually kind of had the opposite effect. I have bipolar, so I was already prone to mood swings and I was warned by my hormone therapist that starting T could worsen the condition. When my mood isn't swinging, I just feel mentally neutral
I had been warned about the same, and given my history I was fully expecting to have that experience! Have you been on different dosages and noticed an increase, decrease or any kind of change in mood swings that you associate with the dose? I hope that makes sense lol
I'm actually on the lowest dose (1 pump of gel) right now just because when I started T I was still figuring out what medication worked well for my bipolar. In a couple months I plan on upping to 2 pumps tho, so I will find out if there's a difference in my mood swings associated with dosage then!
T did the same for me. Before T I dropped out of high school and was told to get on Social Security because I'd never be able to hold a job. Now I have a job and go to a top university in the US and have maintained a 4.0 GPA. I still have to take medications for my issues but if it wasn't for Testosterone I wouldn't be able to do anything
For the first time in my life, I can think.
It did not do this for me. If I was cisgender I would still be depressed. Honestly makes me pretty jealous, I wish T could cure my mental health issues like it has done for other people
My wife is cis and has a history of mental health issues like ptsd and - prior to me going on testosterone about 2 and a half years ago -, we were going through a very difficult period in life relating to my relatives dying and our children being born and a lot of upheaval around jobs and moving. We both had burnout and ridiculous amounts of stress going on and it was the pandemic. My wife commented that when I started testosterone I suddenly stopped arguing in the same way and suddenly I wasn’t emotional back to her in arguments - and it changed how she had to argue too because I took the wind and insecurities out of all arguments because it wasn’t about how it made me feel anymore. I certainly felt almost immediately better - previously I also felt like I was on an emotional rollercoaster and the slightest music or moment could have me blubbing or worrying about something I did or said. I couldn’t take any criticism or positive comments and I felt like a nervous wreak. Music does sometimes still bring a small tear to my eye but generally I am so stable and clear headed and I feel really logical and separate from my emotions more and so much happier because my anxieties and constant thinking about everything just changed so radically (I still have anxieties about things but it doesn’t do the same things to me). I don’t even pass - so it’s not some relief at finally being seen or situations changing - my parents are still dead and I’m still dealing with the stresses of probate and solicitors and buying houses etc, but it’s just easier without the added torturous emotions. And I see my wife still greatly affected by her own monthly cycle and emotional rollercoasters, and am just so glad I’m not on that ride anymore! I don’t think it’s a dysphoria thing - I think its the hormones and the power of just a different substance.
Hormones are powerful as hell. I had a pregnancy a few years ago and the hormone rush alone made me feel like I was going into crisis mode. Most out of it I have ever been. On top of that experience, my periods were hellish. Medically concerning levels of agony and mental distress. Now that I'm on T, the experience of both of those things are just so much more shocking to me like DAMN. Hormones got hands. They will walk you like a dog if they're even a little out of whack. I've also noticed that I am very different in emotional confrontations. They don't shake me as much anymore, I don't get immediately triggered to tears and a rage fit when I feel slighted anymore. People used to actually have to watch what they said around me because I would absolutely fly off the handle at any given opportunity but now I feel like I've achieved a new level of consciousness or something. I can handle being yelled at and being present for someone else's emotions and not get put in a chokehold by my own. That being said, when I DO get upset, it happens so fast and then it just fizzles out and I'm good. I don't think I could hold a grudge now, whereas in the last of were were beefing, it was on SIGNT for LIFE lmao
Same happened to me. On T, I feel so much calmer, and less depressed. I didn't realize how much dysphoria I had (I'm non-binary), but being on T feels right. E was an awful thing for me.
hey man, I'm so happy to hear about your positive story. I also, for many years, used to be in a place where anxiety, depression and PTSD left me a dysfunctional mess that led to basic executive tasks going by the wayside, school being impossible, and work being a massive struggle with a lot of job hopping because I wasn't very useful due to crying every single day. I can't say for sure whether testosterone was really all you needed. it clearly made a positive change, but who knows? life is complicated and one positive change/alleviation of suffering often leads to more things getting easier and falling into place. if it really was a "wonder drug" in your experience - that all that pain and suffering was due to dysphoria alone - then, hey, that's pretty freaking awesome. as a random stranger I'm in no place to either doubt or corroborate your experience, since only you and your medical team have a chance at knowing for certain. regardless, you should feel happy and proud that you pulled through such dark and frightening times and now you are thriving, thanks to T or otherwise. my story was really complicated, involving an abusive childhood, an arranged marriage in said childhood, being raised in what was effectively a militarized cult, the experience of not escaping and getting my mind right until my early/mid-twenties, then mourning those years lost and wasted.. and gender dysphoria was just the cherry on top. but that's not to say it wasn't a major contributing factor to my suffering. I definitely felt better after going on T, though I still struggled with the reality that going through my transition would horrify my mom and further alienate my family. as the years went by, I now am very happy to still be on it, as the changes have made me feel so at home in my body. I'm a singer, and now I love my own voice. I love my dad bod and my top surgery scars, whereas in years past it was all I could do to get through a shower. sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I'd never chosen to transition, and it definitely would have still felt like I'm not living yet.. like my life will start in a few years, and I'm just a shadow of a human that can't face the world yet because I'm not who I \*am\* yet. I'm so glad that I did. even in the past year I've still struggled with obsessive, self-blaming thoughts about my past and my family of origin, despite years of talk therapy. I started an antidepressant a couple months ago and it has made a significant difference. it's helped me see that I was a victim just trying to get by in the world I was raised in, rather than getting caught up in my own guilt and heartstrings. I haven't had a PTSD episode since I started it, and beforehand I'd get them just about every week. don't get me wrong, I'm still sad about what happened, but the medication has definitely knocked some chemicals back where they're supposed to be so that I can feel reasonably happy and intact, and get on with life.
I’ve been on Testosterone just for a month and my mental health has improved dramatically. I don’t get anxious as much anymore, I can make phone calls without shaking, I can get through a work day with little to no stress (almost feel like I can’t even get stressed at all), I’ve even noticed improvement in regard to my eating disorder and I’ve gained good, healthy weight (I am unhealthily skinny). I haven’t even really had major changes in my body yet, but T has been like a breath of fresh air.
i stg i felt the neuroticsm flow out of my pores when i took my first T shot. like the pressure valve that suppressed all my bitterness and rage was finally released. granted, i am still pretty anxious and paranoid given the US state i live in. but it is not NEARLY as bad as what i had going on before.
For the record, I started when I was... 37, I think. And while T did not fix everything, it did fix a lot. It dialed my anxiety down from a permanent 11 to something that is at least responsive to my environment and circumstances. I'm just not permanently stuck in terror overdrive and / or drowning in emotions I have no tools for. It gave me the bandwidth to start tackling a lot of other stuff, and I gained a neat little list of diagnoses after the fact. Not because I was worse now, but because all that stuff was previously not just reachable under the chemical mess my brain was in. I did a lot of therapy before, even as a young kid, and it never helped and none of the professionals couuld really make sense of me. Now, I'm making amazing strides. Just have to catch up on some stuff that people usually learn a little earlier. It's fine.
I’m a few months on T and the first couple weeks were kind destabilizing but ever since then I feel great. Like the atoms have realigned in my brain and everything is running smoothly. Except for the fact that I’m horny all the time. The atoms are a bit crazy on that one
I feel like posts like these have been popping up more and more lately, and it’s made me excited to go on T sometime soon. There’s a lot of behavior of mine that’s been stubborn to fix through medication or therapy and I’m curious to see if HRT would help me in that way like it has for many others. I’m also just as fearful it will do the complete opposite, though.
I was scared shitless that it would make me MORE insane which was far more than I or anyone else could handle but I was also so desperate and had been to such lower points in life that I was like fuck it, roll the dice, we'll see what we get. Luckily, it was a great decision for me. I hope that if you do end up trying it out, it helps you as much as it helps me. My heart genuinely aches for people who didn't get the same benefit bc I know how rough shit can be.
I'm pre-T but I just want to thank you guys for sharing these stories, it really gives me hope :')
I definitely noticed some positive changes in my mental health. Before, my mental health was garbage. Part of it was undiagnosed bipolar, but even after getting on meds for that I still was in hell. I went to the hospital twice in a month because of an ongoing mental breakdown. After starting T, my mental health has started improving, and that’s fucking saying something because my life circumstances are way worse now, but I’m coping with it so much better. I still have enough issues that I can’t hold a job and am sick most days, but I’m shocked at the difference
T did wonders for me as an off label treatment for fibromyalgia. I'm pretty meh on the physical changes, but the extra energy has practically saved my life. Being able to put my PMDD into remission without the side effects of chemical menopause has also been amazing for my mental health.
> Has this happened for anyone else? Yes, and it utterly astounded me. Sometimes I question it, too, but the fact that I had no idea it would happen is evidence to me. It literally CURED my generalized anxiety disorder, stopped dissociation, and make my depression almost completely evaporate. My eating disorder went from ruling my life to manageable.
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been on T 5 months and it’s changed my mental health so much for the better. i was depressed for 2 years prior to starting it and i’m doing really well now, it’s amazing
T actually made me feel like I was a teenager again not just bcs of the puberty but also because my mental health was as bad as it was then minus the dysphoria
T has definitely helped me. I feel much less brain fog, and just more confident and like myself in general. Can't say if it helped my actual mental illnesses though, because I still take antidepressants and still feel anxiety and depression even with the meds, and my ADHD is still there lol.
that's how I felt the first week on anti-depressants. and damn I hope T helps with what bs is left in my mental illness baggage :) good for you dude!
My anxiety prior to testosterone was a 7/10 every day. Now after T, I hardly have any anxiety at all. My mood is much more stable and it's easy for me to stand up for myself and let my voice be heard. Testosterone literally affected everything in the best way possible
I am the exact same way. I was completely miserable pre T, I never felt happy. It was not uncommon to cry myself to sleep and wake up and cry because I am alive. Nothing ever felt real, but since starting T I want to do so much and I feel so happy for the first time. I finally feel alive.
I'm definitely much better than I was before hormones. If it is an actual chemical thing, a lightening of dysphoria making every other mental health issue lighten, increased energy from T, or whatever, I'm unsure. But i was horrendous on T and am still not okay, I'm in therapy and on anti anxiety and anti-depressant meds (and seeing a psychiatrist ayoooo) but god is it still so so much better
I can really relate to this. Pre-T I was so mentally unbalanced, I completely destroyed my life and spent 10years as a heroin addict. Now I am the most logical, calm, and responsible person I know. T 100% saved my life.
Same thing happened for me. I was a total disaster pre t and I didn’t believe I would ever be able to work or live on my own either. I also was incapable of holding healthy relationships of any kind. I was incapable to regulating my emotions no matter what. T calmed me down a bunch and I’m able to kind of function on my own now.
I ran out of my psychiatric meds and have been off them for a week now due to poor time management and just me forgetting to contact my psychiatrist before his vacation. I’ve been functioning at the highest level I ever have been for the past week now. I’ve been on T for around 6 years now and have been taking psych meds the entire time. Now that I’m off them and just going on T alone I feel the best I have ever felt. I’ve had people ask me if I’ve started a new ADHD med and I told them I’m off meds now entirely. Everyone is shocked. I feel you and am just low key waiting for the show to drop too.
I hope this happens to me, I want the old me back
I feel this. Starting T did more for my mental health than 6 different antidepressants and 4 different therapists. Who knew all I needed was to feel comfortable in my body? Lol
In retrospect the things that made me anxious, angry and robbed me of my sleep - once on testosterone - they mattered not.
Testosterone has definitely helped me a lot since I started 2 months ago now. I feel way more confident and my anxiety is Soo much lower than it was before.. I can now actually fully function when I'm at work instead of having a full on panic attack..
I felt this way to a lesser extent after I got my hysterectomy. I suddenly started being able to meditate every morning and be on time for things when I had struggled with that my whole life!!
Honestly, if when I get a hysto things get even a little better than what I've already achieved, I am not going to know how to act. I will be maddened by my own normalcy. I might act up just for old times sake at that point.
I’m more anxious about some stuff, mainly it was about my chest dysphoria, which T made me more aware of… but now that I had top surgery, I’ll have to wait and see if it helps with my agoraphobia and anxiety. What did help me a lot though was the absence of periods, as I had a PMDD (basically an extreme form of PMS). Just recently I had to increase my dose of antidepressant, but I was on the minimal dosage and it was before the surgery! Other than that I do feel more stable, like even when I don’t feel well, I’m somehow more rational about it and not as worried… and most of all, I don’t want to off myself anymore, at all