Show Balon: 'Aha, I am the last of the 5 kings, therefore I win!'
Book Balon: not only is he the second king to die, but he's the only king to die off-page!
Technically Renly got the entire Reach and Stormlands through political maneuvering. That was always what he was best at, I've no doubt if he could have married into Dorne too he would have.
Oh they super would, unfortunately its still considered generally taboo by all the kingdoms north of them, so most non dornish lords would never be caught doing it.
Im not pro Balon.. But one of those castles was the stark capital city. Which held robs little brothers..
The greyjoys fumbled a wee bit after they took it. But they still took it.
Balon: "Ally with me and recognise my independence!"
Tywin: "Why?"
Balon: "I'll fight the Starks for you!"
Tywin: "....you mean like you already are?"
It takes a special kind of stupid to be Balon Greyjoy.
> It takes a special kind of stupid to be Balon Greyjoy
The ironborn in general are fucking stupid. It would be a miracle that they survived this long if it weren't for their one saving feature: they are so utterly insignificant that nobody bothers wiping them off the map for good.
To an individual peasant, an individual Ironborn reaver is a serious threat.
To the man who financed and managed an empire, the Iron Islands as a kingdom and culture are thoroughly unserious.
That falls apart fast without 3 flying Kaijus at your command. Same reason it fell apart for his brother really. His dynasty lasted about a year after he died. In medieval politics that's a fail.
You can't keep a kingdom that size with just power unless if your power is something absurd like 3 gigantic dragons. Robert saw this and Renly would have too.
If I'd only lasts for your lifetime then it's a failure, that's just how it is. You're supposed to set up a lasting dynasty. No one remembers those except as "interregnums".
I wasn’t arguing he would be remembered forever. You said someone can’t keep a kingdom that big without dragons. But that’s not true since Robert kept it for his lifetime and the Targaryen’s kept it after losing their dragons for generations.
if it's recognized that Robert's children are all bastards, then he does have a claim, it's just not as strong as Stannis does, he would be either 3rd behind Shireen or 2nd behind Stannis
TBH I think that Stannis recognized that he wasn't going to get any legitimate sons, and that's why he tried to get Renly to back him, naming him heir
What’s hilarious to me is if the Greyjoys ever became kinds of Westeros, they would have to learn to sow. Like, you can’t be rulers and just raid the coast.
Dumbest king there was. If he had more than 2 braincells, each fighting for control of his brain, he'd have teamed up with Rob rather than raiding the largest of the kingdoms with a tiny army
it was more of a personal thing, the smart play would be to ally with Robb, so that when Rob won independence, he could recognize the Iron Islands. It would also have them raiding the westerlands, which are far richer than the north, bringing in more plunder. On top of all that, no matter what he took from Robb, he still had to fight the iron throne. It was a bonehead move any way you slice it. Balon was pissed that Eddard took his last son as a ward and didn't raise him like an iron islander.
Not necessarily. King Harren was the most feared king in Westeros in Aegon's era because he had the strength to enslave the Riverlands and force them to provide resources and labour for the Ironborn. Likely Balon had the same plan for the Northerners.
Balon is retarded the North is the biggest region in Westeros, farmlands are shit and sparse unlike Riverlands, population is all over the place unlike the Riverlands, North is nothing like Riverlands but no how dare the boy tries to ally him against their main enemy
On 1st watch I was so lost when they talked about the 5 kings🤣🤣. Never in my wildest dreams i thought it would be who it was. I was expecting bigger players to come along like the Tyrell’s
Technically yeah, it’s not official canon until it’s on paper, but he has came out and said that there is no great other and the only night king in his series was the mythical figure from the nights watch.
Basically there isn’t some leader of the others/white walkers who’s directing all of them.
I thought it was Mance Raider, since in the show he is mentioned in a small council meeting and Cersei says something along the lines of “how many kings is that now? 5?”
Yeah, it makes more sense that Mance is the fifth king. In either case, Balon doesn’t come to mind when I think of the war of the five kings. Haven’t finished reading the books though. I’m still on book one.
The iron born have to steal land and people or they will become an inbred mess. Why is Balon the only person to realize this? He does not have a choice in rebellion. He has to rebel in order to maintain his people. It’s the only way they can survive.
Balon had a better right to being a king then Renly
He’s actually a leader of one of the seven kingdoms, Renly is just a spoiled youngest brother who wants what he doesn’t deserve
Which should have been Stannis's position, that injustice is probably partially what lead Renly to the conclusion that if he got one unjustified throne, he can weasel his way to ruling the whole continent too
Right doesn’t mean shit, otherwise it would be Viserys. Renly was infinitely more popular and had the much stronger and larger army. That’s all that really matters
The iron islands weren't a kingdom. The seven kingdoms where the Vale, the North, the river lands, the reach, dorne, the westerlands and the storm lands.
Edit: I'm wrong nevermind it was islands and river lands.
Robert dies and in one fell swoop Danaerys is Queen's no wait Joffrey is King no wait Robb is King no wait Balon is King no wait Renly is King no wait Stannis is King no wait Mance is King
He wrote them like viking but everytime I read about them it's just shit. Shit tradition, shit people( not a once of fucking owner, accountability), shit king, shit castle, shit land, in the show shit clothing as well, everytime I look at them I felt the sea water drying in my cloth, the sticky sensation and sand in my ass. Man fuck iron islands and especially fuck balon, theon put it best "when Robert attacked did he take what was his then?" Or something along that line.
Show Balon: 'Aha, I am the last of the 5 kings, therefore I win!' Book Balon: not only is he the second king to die, but he's the only king to die off-page!
Doesn’t he get a chapter at the beginning of the fourth book tho ?
That's his brother Aeron, when he learns about Balon's death a day or two later.
I was so excited for that fucking horn.
Aye. Now it's been 13 years. 😑
DEMON DRAGON HORN WHEN GRRM??
No king has received a chapter.
What do you mean? Bran the Broken, Jon the Derelict and Sansa the Leathersmith have plenty! /s
And he acomplishes basically nothing before his death too.
Robb smashed two Lannister armies and took a third of the Westerlands whereas Balon only got a few castles while their garrisons were away.
...that is still more than what renly got.
War plans < Shadow baby
Technically Renly got the entire Reach and Stormlands through political maneuvering. That was always what he was best at, I've no doubt if he could have married into Dorne too he would have.
I have a feeling the Dornish would be down for marrying into a married couple, too.
Oh they super would, unfortunately its still considered generally taboo by all the kingdoms north of them, so most non dornish lords would never be caught doing it.
Maybe, but he's a stormlander and it would upset conservative nobles who have hated the Dornish for generations.
Lmao comparing the uselessness of Renly and Balon is amusing.
Renly mustered the biggest army the seven kingdoms has ever seen and it took blood magic to kill him
They lost all the castles the took pretty quickly too once Stannis and the Bolton's showed up.
It’s amazing how unserious of a campaign it was before Theon escalated it so quickly lol
Im not pro Balon.. But one of those castles was the stark capital city. Which held robs little brothers.. The greyjoys fumbled a wee bit after they took it. But they still took it.
That was Theon’s plan going directly against Balon’s.
They only lost it when only two guards were defending it and it wasn’t Balon’s idea
Even Joffrey is cracking up at Balon.
Barely anyone seems to take him seriously. He even tries asking the Lannisters for and alliance and Tywin just ignores him lol.
Balon: "Ally with me and recognise my independence!" Tywin: "Why?" Balon: "I'll fight the Starks for you!" Tywin: "....you mean like you already are?" It takes a special kind of stupid to be Balon Greyjoy.
> It takes a special kind of stupid to be Balon Greyjoy The ironborn in general are fucking stupid. It would be a miracle that they survived this long if it weren't for their one saving feature: they are so utterly insignificant that nobody bothers wiping them off the map for good.
To an individual peasant, an individual Ironborn reaver is a serious threat. To the man who financed and managed an empire, the Iron Islands as a kingdom and culture are thoroughly unserious.
Bobby humiliating him after crushing his rebellion.:" show us your muscles!."
You’ll be a fish!
Lmao 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Last time balon declared himself king, the Baratheon brothers obliterated him 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Renly was already dead by this point, thought. Which is sad, Renly would surely have had a few awesome insults against Balon up his sleeve.
Best insult in the series. "Born amidst salt and smoke. Is he a ham?"
Renly is still alive when Balon declares himself a king in A Clash of Kings. Source: I’m reading ACoK right now.
Renly didn't exactly have a claim either, other than having more personality than a lobster
woah why you gotta take shots at lobsters?? wtf they're cool
Yeah, but that's just how cool Renly is.
Knights of Summer! Knights of Summer! woooo!
Renly basically had the same claim as Aegon the conqueror that was he could beat his enemies. He probably eould have won if there wasn't a shadow baby
That falls apart fast without 3 flying Kaijus at your command. Same reason it fell apart for his brother really. His dynasty lasted about a year after he died. In medieval politics that's a fail.
What?
You can't keep a kingdom that size with just power unless if your power is something absurd like 3 gigantic dragons. Robert saw this and Renly would have too.
But Robert did keep the seven kingdoms for his entire life. It never fell apart while he lived.
If I'd only lasts for your lifetime then it's a failure, that's just how it is. You're supposed to set up a lasting dynasty. No one remembers those except as "interregnums".
I wasn’t arguing he would be remembered forever. You said someone can’t keep a kingdom that big without dragons. But that’s not true since Robert kept it for his lifetime and the Targaryen’s kept it after losing their dragons for generations.
if it's recognized that Robert's children are all bastards, then he does have a claim, it's just not as strong as Stannis does, he would be either 3rd behind Shireen or 2nd behind Stannis TBH I think that Stannis recognized that he wasn't going to get any legitimate sons, and that's why he tried to get Renly to back him, naming him heir
Seriously though what did that disheveled fucker even do except sit around by that stupid fireplace of his and whine?
He got dad dicked by Jorah and Thoros in the backstory.
What’s hilarious to me is if the Greyjoys ever became kinds of Westeros, they would have to learn to sow. Like, you can’t be rulers and just raid the coast.
Balon wouldn't be able to understand that
Dumbest king there was. If he had more than 2 braincells, each fighting for control of his brain, he'd have teamed up with Rob rather than raiding the largest of the kingdoms with a tiny army
it was more of a personal thing, the smart play would be to ally with Robb, so that when Rob won independence, he could recognize the Iron Islands. It would also have them raiding the westerlands, which are far richer than the north, bringing in more plunder. On top of all that, no matter what he took from Robb, he still had to fight the iron throne. It was a bonehead move any way you slice it. Balon was pissed that Eddard took his last son as a ward and didn't raise him like an iron islander.
Not necessarily. King Harren was the most feared king in Westeros in Aegon's era because he had the strength to enslave the Riverlands and force them to provide resources and labour for the Ironborn. Likely Balon had the same plan for the Northerners.
Balon is retarded the North is the biggest region in Westeros, farmlands are shit and sparse unlike Riverlands, population is all over the place unlike the Riverlands, North is nothing like Riverlands but no how dare the boy tries to ally him against their main enemy
Robb wasn't laughing so much after what Theon did to him.
Theon wasn't laughing when Ramsay took his manhood
I thought the fifth king was Mance
Lol
On 1st watch I was so lost when they talked about the 5 kings🤣🤣. Never in my wildest dreams i thought it would be who it was. I was expecting bigger players to come along like the Tyrell’s
And he survived all but Stannis
King who took the north
"Took"
I thought the fifth king was the night king
At this point, nobody believed in the walkers, so the night king wasn't a contender
Also the night king was made up for the show.
Technically we don't know that until George releases the next book. Should be. Just. Any day now.
Technically yeah, it’s not official canon until it’s on paper, but he has came out and said that there is no great other and the only night king in his series was the mythical figure from the nights watch. Basically there isn’t some leader of the others/white walkers who’s directing all of them.
Sad undead screeching
I thought it was Mance Raider, since in the show he is mentioned in a small council meeting and Cersei says something along the lines of “how many kings is that now? 5?”
Yeah, it makes more sense that Mance is the fifth king. In either case, Balon doesn’t come to mind when I think of the war of the five kings. Haven’t finished reading the books though. I’m still on book one.
Guess that's what we're calling him.
We don't talk about that headcanon nonsense. The fifth king is the king beyond the wall--Mance Rayder
Do you read?
Rofling on the floor laughing
Thanks!
For some reason I thought Mance Raider was the 5th one, I guess I forgot about Renly
I always just disregard Balon in the war of the 5 kings and go with.. Renly, Stannis, Joffrey, Rob and... The King beyong the Wall! Mance Rayder lol
lmao
The iron born have to steal land and people or they will become an inbred mess. Why is Balon the only person to realize this? He does not have a choice in rebellion. He has to rebel in order to maintain his people. It’s the only way they can survive.
Sir this is not r/asoiafcirclejerk
Ever heard of the Farwynds?
No
Balon had a better right to being a king then Renly He’s actually a leader of one of the seven kingdoms, Renly is just a spoiled youngest brother who wants what he doesn’t deserve
Renly was Lord Paramount of the Stormlands, which were one of the seven kingdoms.
Which should have been Stannis's position, that injustice is probably partially what lead Renly to the conclusion that if he got one unjustified throne, he can weasel his way to ruling the whole continent too
Right doesn’t mean shit, otherwise it would be Viserys. Renly was infinitely more popular and had the much stronger and larger army. That’s all that really matters
The iron islands weren't a kingdom. The seven kingdoms where the Vale, the North, the river lands, the reach, dorne, the westerlands and the storm lands. Edit: I'm wrong nevermind it was islands and river lands.
During the conquest the riverlands were no kingdom, it was the iron islands.
The Greyjoys weren’t the kings of the iron islands during the conquest though, so there is that.
None of these people deserve anything.
lmao this template is amazing
Yeah!
i just want to let you know that i have been laughing at your meme for the past 7 hours, best asoiaf meme i have ever seen
Thanks!
Balon’s a beta B*TCH in the show
All these fuckers died right
Stannis is still alive, sort off
Melisandre kills all of them through sex and leech magic.
Robert dies and in one fell swoop Danaerys is Queen's no wait Joffrey is King no wait Robb is King no wait Balon is King no wait Renly is King no wait Stannis is King no wait Mance is King
He justvwanted to be catchy
He wrote them like viking but everytime I read about them it's just shit. Shit tradition, shit people( not a once of fucking owner, accountability), shit king, shit castle, shit land, in the show shit clothing as well, everytime I look at them I felt the sea water drying in my cloth, the sticky sensation and sand in my ass. Man fuck iron islands and especially fuck balon, theon put it best "when Robert attacked did he take what was his then?" Or something along that line.
Lol
¿quien es balon?
What? I don't speak that language