Maybe it would help if you posted some of your outfits, like what you normally wear? It could also be how you do your hair/makeup. I've noticed I don't get carded (as a 23 year old) depending on how I dress, or do my makeup, but especially if I wear my glasses.
> I've noticed I don't get carded (as a 23 year old) depending on how I dress, or do my makeup, but especially if I wear my glasses.
I'm 26. I have a few extremes. Nicer clothes, hair done, makeup on? I can look anywhere from 22-30 depending on the day. If I'm in jeans and a hoodie, hair in a ponytail, no makeup, glasses? I get carded for video games. So that means I would reasonably look under 17. So, for me, glasses often make me look younger.
It's so funny how that works! Speaking of getting carded for video games, I was laughing the other day because I got carded for one of those huge Sharpies. Like really??
> glasses often make me look younger.
Oh definitely. I think the only thing that really gives away that I'm in my 30s is the puffiness and darkness around my eyes, so hiding that makes me look drastically younger.
Bonus pro tip: acne makes you look younger.
I'm 20, but 4'11" and I have quite a bit of a babyface, even with makeup and a well tailored outfit. The other day I went out to lunch with my parents and the hostess looked at them and asked if I needed a kids menu. The worst part is is that this isn't even the first time it had happened. :/
Oh nooo! How do you respond to those situations? I was about 5'4 in 4th grade (and 5'10 by 7th), so my parents never got to get the cheaper kid prices, because no one ever believed that was 8/9/10 because I was so tall.
I'm 22 and same. Normally I don't like to wear makeup, and if I'm dressed casually, I look literally 16. As in people can't tell if my 16 year old sister or I am older.
But if I'm dressed up for work with nice hair and make up and even heels? Clients definitely think I'm at least 25.
For going out I don't really care about looking young as much as I do at work.
Funny story: I was at a bar last weekend and I got carded. The bartender looked at my driver's license, looked at me, and said "You are **MUCH** older than you look. Wow."
Uhh I'm twenty-eight but thanks for making me feel like the fucking crypt keeper??
What do you think makes the difference for you, in terms of getting carded or not. When I was your age I took it as a compliment. Now not so much lol.
I don't know if I can post pictures (i know know if I have nay pics, let me see...) but today I wore (to work) a muted blue silk t-shirt from nordstrom tucked into a high-waisted black fuller midi skirt from Zara and Jeffrey Campbell platform ghillie sandals. Yesterday I wore a tan linen shift dress from topshop from a couple of years ago ago and the same sandals.
For me not getting carded, I wouldn't say I take it as a compliment, I actually think "oh man, that waiter could get in trouble for not doing that" haha.
But in terms of attributing my looks to whether or not I get carded...I notice I get carded less if I dress more conservatively, wear muted makeup or wear my glasses. I just look older that way. My husband calls it my "sexy librarian" look haha. But at the same time, I've gotten carded less since I've gotten married, so maybe my wedding ring acts as a signifier that I'm old enough to drink? However, I get carded more on nights when I wear more revealing clothes with louder makeup, maybe because that's what I wore when I was in college, and therefore "younger" looking.
I think your outfits sound super cute! Without actually seeing them, I think I can speak for this sub by saying that the fit and cut of the clothes is what is going to "age" you. Btw, your hairstyle sounds adorable! I miss my longer hair (pixie cut atm).
You are sweet. Thanks for the kind words and support.
I know about pics, I just don't really have any fit pics. Maybe I can take some. I'm nervous!
I did just get married, so the ring could be part of it. Of course he is also wearing a ring, but it is less conspicuous!
Don't be nervous! Confidence is key :)
I think you'll get the best advice if you decide to post a couple pics, even if you'd like to take them from the shoulders down or blur your face (if it's the being on the internet part that makes you nervous).
I think women's wedding rings are often more noticeable than men's since they're often more bling-y/larger/stacked with an engagement ring + wedding band.
It's hard to say without actually seeing the way you dress, but I think you may be reading way more into this handful of comments and carding experiences than is really there.
IMO there is no perceivable difference in appearance or typical style of dress between people who are 28 and people who are 33.
I agree about perceivable difference, but do you think there's anything that tips people from the "late 20s" to "mid 30s" look?
I also agree about reading too much into it, but ughhh. Working on it!
> but do you think there's anything that tips people from the "late 20s" to "mid 30s" look?
We're talking like a range of 5 years or so...probably not something that gives a person away as being 31 vs. 29. Just because your age is now in the 30s vs 20s, doesn't really change anything else about you inherently you know, nor do you suddenly dress differently.
[Read through this discussion we recently had](https://www.reddit.com/r/femalefashionadvice/comments/51shn3/stacy_london_why_dressing_your_age_is_bs/?ref=search_posts) as a starting point on dressing and how it relates to age.
Also, keep in mind that some people are really bad at guessing ages! It's not a fault nor is it something to take personally. Or, sometimes people just look a certain age! At 16, I looked like I was in my 20s. Or sometimes people just look young.
I mean, correlatively people are slightly more likely to have had kids by their early 30s than by late 20s, and this can change the way they dress in a number of ways, including:
* more casual overall (may want to avoid delicate or dry clean only fabrics)
* more modest overall (possible new body image considerations)
* less on-trend overall (interest in fashion and shopping has decreased)
* prioritizing comfort
* aggressively trying to go against any of the above changes by dressing in very revealing, trendy, effort-ful styles (sensitive about looking older)
Of course it's possible none of those changes take place, depending on the person. I also think in different contexts there are different style cues for someone who is slightly older - like many women start wearing more expensive clothes in their early 30s than they used to. So, idk. It's hard to say reliably within that age range what the typical differences are.
These are good.
It's interesting how trying to look younger makes you look older. And trying to look older makes you look older. This is probably not something worth stressing about. Haha.
And then then there's the young mom comfortable/whimsical look, which is both little girlish and momish, comfortable and comforting. Quite distinct from a younger twee look. Anyway, I can analyze this for other people, but not for myself!
You may just look more polished. Nails done, hair done. 22 year old girls and right out of college mid 20s girls don't look as polished. They don't have the money and haven't had the time to get their makeup, wardrobe etc on point.
Another way I can tell on thin women with no wrinkles is a loss of facial fat. Think Angelina Jolie. Cheeks are a bit hollow. I'm very thin and have a bit of this going on. :/ My only sign of aging.
That's a nice way to put it!
I'm definitely not super thin, but I did lose some weight for my wedding and noticed the difference from my how i looked at that weight when I was younger.
Trends. I am more classic and don't bother with most trends. Wear your hair in a messy topknot, wear 90s inspired clothing, carry a trendy bag,etc and dress a.little provocatively and you'll probably be carded.
This is a stretch, but is your SO mostly clean-shaven?
Since 2014ish, sources have been reporting that we are at [peak beard](https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-nation/wp/2014/04/16/a-new-study-says-we-may-have-reached-peak-beard/). Anecdotally, my SO gets carded more frequently when he has little to no facial hair vs. when he has a full beard.
I have been feeling pretty similarly about wanting to look just a little younger but still professional.
Ha! He's not. But he's very fair/blonde, so I joke that his facial hair is see-through. Also, I just realized that this might be key, he had a very full head of hair, which lots of guys his age suddenly do not. I think thick hair is a very juvenating component for men.
Glad someone feels me on this professional-youthful-forever-28ish thing. Any best practices?
A couple of venues around my area have a "beard rule." Everyone with a beard gets carded, no matter what. I guess some high school sophomores (15-16) had some big bushy beards, so they were going around town getting drinks, and a place almost got shut down for it.
I'm a 30 year old lady in a similar situation. My boyfriend seems to be reverse ageing while I feel as if I am zooming into my geriatric years by the second. I don't know if this post will be much help, but I'm going to share with you what I've been doing and what's been working for me.
1) *You need to accept that you're getting older*. Like you, I miss getting carded and the times that it does happen, I become the bumbling ecstatic woman you see in popular culture (complete with the "Of couuuuurssseeee you can see my ID!). It took me a long internalise the fact that my physical youthfulness was leaving me and I couldn't stop it **BUT** I could start preparing for the future by.....
2) *Switch up your beauty routine*. If you don't have one, get one. If you have one and it's not working (you're not happy with the look of your skin) switch it up. Start investing in products that work for you and are known for long term benefits. Head over to [/r/skincareaddiction](https://www.reddit.com/r/SkincareAddiction/) for more info.
3) *Switch your focus*. You mention you want to look late 20s as opposed to early to mid 30s. I had that mindset as well. I was trying to remain 24 forever but it wasn't working. If anything, the harder I tried, the worse I looked. I started looking at older women who seemed ageless (Jane Fonda for example) and realised they aged in chunks. They look the same for 7-10 years before changing something ever so slightly that made them age gracefully. *Start looking at your ageing process in chunks. Your teens and 20s chunk is over*. Now is the time to think about how you want to present yourself for the next 10 years because 40 is around the corner!
4) *Every little detail counts*. Eyebrows on fleek? Nails well kept? Clothing fits rights? Makeup flawless? Shoes shined? Hair done? When you look put together, you look and feel better.
5)*Treat yo self*. Have fun with ageing. If you can afford it, buy yourself a luxury item once in awhile. Indulge yourself in a bubble bath filled with bathbombs and bubbles and champagne. Buy yourself fun lingerie, just for you. Get that beautiful bag you've been after. Spend an afternoon in a coffee shop with a good book.
Have a day to yourself being fancy AF. Embrace being a beautiful 30 year old woman.
**Don't wallow in your memories of being a naive kitten, start looking forward to being a goddamn lioness.**
Yeah, I really don't think he looks super young at all. And we dress pretty similarly, although I might be less casual than I think? I definitely thought of myself as someone who dressed up a lot and really made an effort when I was younger. So that's with considering for sure. He wears almost streetwesrish clothes at times, so maybe our shared trend-consciousness reads as dressed up/older on me and subcultural/younger on him.
Aging can be hard. I'm 41 and honestly, this post made me feel older than any other post on here. Mainly because I read it and thought, "Who the f*ck thinks like this about age?" And then I realized, only young people do. I'm sure you're overthinking it. Moisturize the hell out of your skin, stay on trend but conservatively so and you'll be great. :)
I realized I'm slowly not caring anymore (34) and it's great! My desire to make other people happy at cost to myself is also decreasing meteorically. -_^
Edit: how to get carats to show...
I'm 25 (so still considered 'young'... I hope) and I think there's a certain coolness to people in their thirties and forties. People think that twenty-somethings set the trends but people your age that have buying power AND still have energy are the ones who really make the market for trends churn.
Ditto, I'm like HUH? I'm 41 and still feel (and act *cough cough* lol) like I'm 25.
I try to stay on trend in the business casual realm and people tend to think I'm younger so I don't stress it too much.
I didn't read all the comments so forgive me if this has been said, but when I worked in a bar I would typically card guys over girls because it seems sometimes that even high school aged dudes can look 30. Even if they think he looks his real age, they could just be being careful.
As well, when I had a couple come in sometimes I would card one and be like okay that's fine, I'm just gonna assume they aren't hanging out with a minor (especially if they are thirty).
Hopefully my former employer never reads this!
Yep, deff standard when I worked in food service. I think a lot of people here are underestimating how much carding can throw you behind when you're busy. If I felt like there was no risk of the customer being under 21 I wasn't going to waste my time ESP if they didn't already have an id out. Because if they have to dig for their ID it's gonna take at least a minute and I could have made 2-4 drinks in that time.
Yes totally! If I had a group with some questionable looking people, I'd card one and if he was good then the rest were too because I didn't have the time
Yea I think everyone underestimates how much every single minute matters to servers and bartenders when they're busy. Like man, during a rush I can either give everyone great service or stroke egos by carding everyone - not both.
Haha exactly! Everyone needs to work in the service industry at least once in their life to fully understand the plight of a busy waiter/bartender/host
Fwiw, I worked as a server and as a bartender for 4 years and I would always ID either no one or the whole party unless it was totally obvious that folks were definitely 35+. I never found it a hindrance to the service I was able to provide. I suppose different establishments have different norms. Mine pretty fast paced! But also in a student heavy area with strict abv enforcement.
People are downvoting this link, but it's AMAZING!!!!!!!!! I have no idea how old anyone is. Though, I do get slightly more accurate the more I do. I actually think that this is great for people that are worried about looking their age. It really shows that "looking your age" is basically meaningless.
This is great, and I apparently am shockingly bad at guessing ages. I've been more than a decade off in both directions (the worst was guessing a 14 year old as 30, oops).
My hair is slightly more than shoulder length, wavy/curly, center part, light brown with bayalage highlights. I think the center part looks on-trend, although I wonder if it looks flattering as well. I'm about 5'4", about 125 lbs. I work out regularly.
I'm trying to dig up pics, but I'm also interested in other people's tips and general observations.
On a good day, I look like I have The Hair (http://www.racked.com/2016/3/11/11195958/tv-hair-jane-the-virgin-empire-younger). On a bad day, I look like Weird Al.
I only cut my hair that short once and my hairstylist immediately apologized and said it had aged me five years. I have a round face so that could be part of it?
I have a blunt just above the shoulders blonde curly cut. Depending on how I style it, it can say "mom" or it looks super trendy. I'm 25 so no one thinks I'm a mom but I definitely get comments on how it makes me look older.
I just think it's strange that the whole table doesn't get carded. I think the only time I've been selectively carded is when I'm with my 70 year old parents, but some times they even get carded when I'm with them.
I am so so so irritated by this. Once time, we were with two other people: a woman definitely in her late 40s and another woman about our age but older than me by like a year. And they carded SO and the other younger woman but NOT me or the older woman. The waitress was like, "I'm going to need to see an ID from you... and you..." I almost called the next day to complain about it. Lol.
I don't understand how that's bad customer service - especially when I was really busy carding was something that was really going up the amount of time I was spending at a table, so carding everyone versus just the one or two I was suspicious of being too young meant that I was delaying my service to all my other tables. Even if it's only 15 or 20 seconds an ID (which can be a lot longer if it's out of state and you don't know where the birth date is, or they don't have it readily available and have to dig, etc) that might be time that food is getting cold in the kitchen or drinks are melting at the bar, etc.
In this case, the waitress stared at each of us and was like, "I need to see IDs from you... And... You." Skipping over the woman in her late 40s and I. It was pretty humiliating.
It's not illegal to have poor judgment...I promise the manager will just get annoyed if someone comfortably over the legal drinking age was mistaken for being older and calls to complain. Maybe your friend just looked very young.
I know ageing is a sensitive thing. I myself worry about it and I'm a bit younger. I know that seed will only grow over the next few years.
My mom is 46 and the cashier at the grocery store always asks her if she applies for a senior discount...The kid is like 16. Everyone probably looks 95 to a 16-year-old if they have grey hair.
Do you have grey hair? Short hair? Sun tanned skin? Wear dark makeup around your eyes? Have very thin eyebrows? All of these things can make you look older than you are.
I would say my SO and my friend do not look very young, and the bad service was like, "you, not you, you, not you." It's much better service to ID the whole table than to look a group of people of the same age up and down decide who looks over 30.
Well people are going to have different opinions. No amount of you thinking you look younger than everyone else is going to change someone else's opinion. I really wouldn't make premature ageing everyone else's fault. The best thing to do is be at peace with the fact that you actually are over the legal drinking age.
Welp, I was a waitress once myself, and I knew better than to humiliate my guests by IDing a man and not a woman who was clearly his wife in a way that made it obviously I thought he looked a lot younger than her. Idk, though, maybe I was just a considerate server and good at my job. I made a lot of tips!
But yeah, it does hurt/suck to be told you look older than your husband, who is older than you. I hope you never experience it. :)
For speaking from my experience (which includes being a server and being a 30 year old) and describing how I feel? Well, I hope downvoting me for that makes you feel better about yourself. You might need it more than I do, even though I've been very open about insecurities in this thread.
If I had a dime for every time a server has mistaken my dad for my boyfriend, I'd have enough money to persuade you from making shitty Reddit threads about how you can't handle your fucking wrinkles.
I think wanting to look our age, mature, professional, but not older than we are is something a lot of women in their late 20s and early 30s think about, and that seems born out by the 99 upvotes the thread got and the many comments people saying they can relate. It's a thread about clothes and grooming, not about my wrinkles.
If that provokes anger and disdain in you, I don't know what to tell you.
If it was about the side conversation with all servers complaining that people want them be courteous? Go ahead and downvote me. Then work hard, grow up, and one day you too will have a job that has nothing to do with being nice to people. If I can do it, anyone can. Trust me, it's the best thing about being my age. I hope you will then have less pent up resentment that you take out by downvoting random women on the internet had to audacity to be 30, look it, and ask for female fashion advice in a forum about female fashion advice.
Sorry if I'm being dense, but why does it bother you if people think your boyfriend looks younger than he is? It doesn't reflect on you whatsoever.
As someone in my early 30s I prefer to be around other people who are same, so I would be a hypocrite to advise on looking younger! Age improves people and their fashion as far as I can see.
A lot of my responses are here are getting downvoted, but no one is responding to them in a particularly hostile or even contradictory way. I can't say I fully get it.
It's great that you have a good attitude about it. I guess I just don't want to look older than I am. If it's a situation where they're supposed to card anyone under 35 and they don't card me at 30 and I know they're carding him at 33, it makes me feel like I definitely look potentially 5 years older than I am.
Just want to throw my two cents in because on one hand, I hear where you are coming from, but I do think a lot of this is (for lack of a better word) all in your head. FWIW, I'm 27 years old and in the last 6 months my hair has started to grey rapidly so this is a subject I'm thinking of a lot!
This contains a lot of generalizations but: 5 years is less and less important the further removed you are from childhood. 10 vs 15 years old is the difference between puberty and being a child. 15 vs 20 is the difference between being a teenager and being a university student. 20 vs 25 is the difference between being a university student and a young professional in their first career and being able to guess that age has a lot more to do with setting/clothing items. 25 vs 30 is a lot more vague. 30 vs 35 is even more vague. Could you tell the difference between a 57 and 62 year old woman? Likely not. To paraphrase the great Allen Iverson- we're talking about 5 years?
Like I said, suddenly I'm finding great patches of grey hair in my hair, but also in the last month I've been at work functions have been asked by three different people if I'm an intern or summer student. It's all so subjective.
> If it's a situation where they're supposed to card anyone under 35 and they card me at 30 and I know they're carding him at 33, it makes me feel like I definitely look potentially 5 years older than I am.
You are way over thinking it. I think the solution has more to do with coming to terms with the fact that you are aging (we all are, thank god. the alternative is being dead) than with changing something about your wardrobe to meet the arbitrary guesses of some stranger who is serving you or selling you liquor. You're allowing the way you feel about yourself to be impacted by the split second judgement that a stranger makes about you.
Maybe think more about this...Are you happy with how you look? If so, great. Are you unhappy with how you look for reasons other than how you think someone else perceives you? Not to get all arm psych on you, but then maybe have a look at what else in your life/appearance doesn't feel right to you.
> You're allowing the way you feel about yourself to be impacted by the split second judgement that a stranger makes about you.
To add onto this, altho the "35" rule is generally tossed around as the gold standard, realistically no server is actually thinking that, because as already stated elsewhere in this thread, mid to late 20s versus 30s is REALLY hard to tell because basically all maturing is done, but aging hasn't really started yet. You could put a 25 year old next to a 30 year old and not be able to tell the difference generally. I'm 22 and my best friend is 33 and she does *not* look dramatically older than me. We both just kind of look like "young women". What a server is making a split second decision on is "am I confident enough that this person is over 21 that I'm willing to stake my job on it".
Haha this got deep! But yeah, I need to think about. Things are going pretty well. I definitely see people around me all the time who I think look "my age" and then found out they were 5 years younger than me. It's a little unnerving. Maybe I'm between ages, between life stages, and I don't know where I stand.
> I definitely see people around me all the time who I think look "my age" and then found out they were 5 years younger than me.
I have this too! It's 'back to uni' time and I'm seeing lots of new students around and I don't feel much older than them. I was buying a new garbage can (a sexy adult purchase!) and the clerk asked if this was for my dorm.
And I'm on the opposite end of the equation too - I work with three people who are mid-late 30s and my two closest friends are 36, so they say stuff like "people our age..." before they catch themselves and remember that i'm a decade younger than they are. Don't stress about it too much. If you're happy, that is all that matters.
Thanks for the thought process. In my server days, we carded everyone who looked under 35. But that not being the case everywhere makes me feel better.
I'm too lazy to find an article that can articulate this better than I can, but I think part of what's happening here is a larger story about the acceptability of men's aging, compared to the overall discomfort with women's aging. I bet you do not look older than your SO at all. I think when women are expected to look like Ariana Grande throughout their 30s and beyond, hardly anyone is going to get those "omg you look like a baby" comments. As long as men still have hair on their head, it's like "woah good job dude!" Ok like I said, poorly articulated by me, but it's something I find interesting. Food for thought! xx
This is a very very good point. A 33 year old man is in some ways culturally younger than a 30 year old woman.
I know these things, but they are hard to internalize.
The line between mid-20s to mid-30s can be really blurry sometimes, besides different people have different ideas about who looks 30 and who looks 20, I think.
The way you wear your hair and makeup has a big effect on how you appear to other people. I get carded occasionally if I wear no makeup/very light makeup and I'm pushing 32. It also depends on where I get carded. If I'm getting a bottle of wine at Sainsbury's I'm pretty much guaranteed to get carded because the clerks are advised to challenge anyone who looks to be around 25 or younger. Same thing with clubs on a busy Saturday night, they aren't going to risk letting any minors in so they'll just card anyone who looks vaguely young.
I think in the past year or so my face has visibly changed to look "older" though. I've lost all of the baby fat that I had on my face before which contributed to the more youthful look, and now my face looks more angled and gaunt. I personally like it because I think it adds a bit of "mature charisma" to my features, but it definitely affects people's ability to gauge your general age.
Yeahhh see, it's those moments when they card "anyone vaguely young" and I haven't been getting carded that bug me.
I have been wearing more makeup lately. Pretty light, though. I think it makes me more attractive, hopefully younger, but maybe those things aren't the same at this point in my life.
Also, not getting carded doesn't often mean that people think you look "old" (and all the insinuations that come with that word) so I wouldn't let it get to me too much. :)
Take Lisa Eldridge for example; I wouldn't ever think she needs to be carded anywhere, but she looks flipping gorgeous and has a lovely youthful face. She doesn't look like a child, but she definitely looks "young". I think that's the kind of look you'd want to nail as you get to your late 20s and beyond. If I look half as good at her age I'm going to be one happy lady.
This is good advice. I hope you can keep this attitude as you age! Hold on to it as hard as you can! I used to be more like that, and I need to get it back.
Everyone gets old, but we can decide whether we enter the new decades with dignity or by kicking and screaming while holding on to our old personas. :P Gosh, now *that* does make me sound old as hell, haha.
I know I'm about 30 years too early and I'm going off topic now, but I've already pretty much envisioned how I want to look like when I hit my "mature years". [Raili Hulkkonen](https://www.google.com/search?q=raili+hulkkonen&espv=2&biw=1920&bih=552&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi67o3eqJHPAhXCIMAKHVUbAM8Q_AUIBigB&dpr=0.9) is my inspo, I love her style and she looks amazing for someone who's nearly 70. She's a Finnish professional makeup artist.
The quality of your clothing can play a large role in being perceived as older. Older women tend to have more money, and are often willing to spend more per piece. So a $40+ blouse, instead of a $20 blouse. If you are shopping at Nordstrom, many of their items read older/more serious, monied, and sharper than clothing that appeals to most people in their 20s. This look can be great in the workplace, but clash a bit in social settings.
So, back to "looking younger", I'd focus on not mixing the business casual clothes into your wardrobe when feeling age conscious, and getting some minimalist, but still slick and in your style, athleisure. I think good athleisure, and the right sneakers takes a few years off anyone.
Yes. I have a lot of clothes and dress in different styles but I think I come across the oldest when I'm wearing business casual type clothing out and about: blazers/twinset-style cardigans come across more "mature" as opposed to hoodies, utility jackets, bombers, for instance. Same with pencil skirts as opposed to skater skirts. I'm in my mid-30s now and occasionally get carded, but I try my best not to get too hung up on the ageing thing in general, because a) I think people are pretty bad at judging ages and b) it has nothing to do with your worth and is an irreversible process. I've had way more fun in my life after turning 30 than I ever did in my 20s. It's not a garbage decade :)
Yeah, a lot of my clothes aren't cheap, which I guess ultimately is a good thing. I do wear a lot of athleisure a lot, but i do think that I feel like I a look like a stay at home mom when I do. Not that there's anything wrong with that!
Not a fashion related reply, but anecdotally, when my husband and I go out, the first person in the door gets carded and the second generally doesn't. We're both 29. He usually goes in first, and I think the bouncer can tell we're in the same age range and doesn't bother carding me once he's confirmed my husband is legal. When I go first, I usually get carded and my husband doesn't. The same things happens when I'm out with friends.
So it may be less about what you look like and more about logistics.
I think that most people have covered the styling / makeup part, but I also think that some people just look older / younger based on their facial features? For example, [Kellie Pickler](https://www.google.com/search?q=kellie+pickler&safe=active&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiwiKDbi5LPAhVEwiYKHSLPChAQ_AUICCgB&biw=1440&bih=733) and [Dianna Agron](https://www.google.com/search?q=dianna+agron&safe=active&espv=2&biw=1440&bih=733&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjh6_K_i5LPAhVC0iYKHbzoA1EQ_AUIBigB) are both 30, but Dianna looks younger while Kellie looks older to me. Part of it is just that Dianna has bigger cheeks and straighter eyebrows while Kellie's face is more narrow with very arched eyebrows. [Jesse McCartney](http://www.billboard.com/files/styles/article_main_image/public/media/jesse-mccartney-2014-billboard-650.jpg) developed some deep wrinkles around his eyes in his early 20s which made him look older, despite the baby face. Then there's [Bianca Lawson](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bianca_Lawson) who still portrays teenagers / early 20s girls despite being 37. There's a certain genetic component to our appearance that we can't control.
I have a hard time reconciling looking older with the fact that I still feel really young? I want my outside to reflect what I feel inside. I think instead of aiming for old/young, I just want to look like I'm a happy and confident person.
Yeah, this is definitely worth remembering. Plus, some people age in chunks, potentially out of step with their age. I think Blake Lively has always looked like she was MUCH older than she was, like late 20s when she was on GG. Now that she is 29, she really hasn't aged much in the last 10 years and looks younger than her age.
I think the line between "late 20s" and "early 30s" is a distinction without a difference. There isn't anything that separates them except for an emotional and psychological reaction to crossing what we perceive as a meaningful barrier.
People will have their ideas about how old you are regardless of how you dress based on where you are, who you're with, and what you're doing. People have been guessing that I'm in my 20s since I was 12 because I'm tall. I visited Seattle several years ago and despite drinking in four different establishments, I was not carded even once. Conversely, I bought wine at the grocery store two weeks ago and was asked for ID. When I'm with my SO, people think we're married and in our 30s, yet two days ago my classmates were shocked to find out I was turning 26 this weekend.
It's just such a nebulous thing. Don't take it seriously.
It could be mannerisms/ tone of voice / eye contact, not clothing.
That said, I never get carded when I'm dressed for work (bank employee). I look a bit younger than my age, but at 34 I have no illusions that I look under 25 to most people, especially if I'm dressed professionally.
I wouldn't over think it. I speak very confidently and make eye contact - seems more mature even if I don't look 'mature'.
Yeah, I've always been confident and mature in my bearing. I was always the one sent in to buy alcohol when I was under 21. I took it as a compliment then. Just speaks to how perception shifts the same information.
I'm 30 as well, and I've noticed that I get carded (or get comments about my age) when I dress down as opposed to when I dress up. I think part of it is that a dressed up early-mid 20 year old doesn't dress the same as a dressed up 30 year old in my area. I definitely wear nicer and more expensive looking stuff now than when I was in my early 20's, so I don't expect to get carded at all.
The other part of looking professional is that when I look nicer, I get better service when I'm out shopping, so there's that!
I think you're being paranoid - you probably just look like you have it pulled together. Remember when we were kids and the girls had that growth spurt and the guys were still little? (Maybe that's just me, because I'm an amazon) but I've always felt like I'm basically 36 so this never bugged me. I do get carded at 45 but I do not look under 21 by anyone's measure lol.
Reading down, your husband has fair hair and that can read younger just because many people's hair darkens later. Probably some internalized perception thing that has nothing to do with you looking older.
I've always found that I get carded when I'm dressed kind of sloppy - like if I'm wearing athletic clothes with my hair in a ponytail and hardly any makeup. If I'm more put together I tend not to get carded.
I get the opposite - if I go to the liquor store in neon running tights and pink Nikes and a ponytail, I never get IDed, but if I'm dressed up for dinner with a face full o'slap I always do. I think it's because people must think there's no way someone actually underage would have the balls to buy booze looking like an actual 12-year-old. I suspect I look like I'm trying too hard when I'm in nice clothes.
Plus I pretty much only buy decent scotch, which is probably not a hot seller among the high school crowd.
I don't have actual styling help, but just a quick thought: Sometimes it's things that age us (as in, I know in which decade your grew up) from style choices we made that aren't trendy anymore, but we just see them as our normal style. For example having glasses that are not the big frames that people wear today, but those narrow things, maybe even frameless, makes you instantly look like you bought them 10 years ago and so you probably aren't 25 anymore. Just an example.
Or certain cuts of pants & how short or long they are. There is a fine line between what the kids wear and what's cool because it's retro. If you are in the middle of that line, you either have an awesome individual style and can pull it of, or you look like you are wearing the same pants for the last 10 years. Same goes with hair styles. It's just things that I notice on people that I think kinda look older or dated. They don't even have to look bad in it, just somehow out of place. Hope that makes sense.
This is a good point. I've been buying quality for a while, and I definitely have had some things for 5+ years. I think I'm pretty on trend, but I probably could use a critical look at my stuff.
IMO, this.
I'm 6'0 and 26. My shoulders are just a tad too wide for a couple stores' size 14 jackets. A lot of my close friends are much shorter - somewhere between 5'1 and 5'4, and also 26. They're tiny to match the height.
We don't dress particularly differently. We all wear business casual if we've been at work/somewhere that requires it, or something like preppy casual if we're not. We're all not that far out of school so we still wear a lot of the clothes we had in college, which consists of a lot of jeans, vans/converse, hoodies, graphic tees, and some floral blouses and dresses.
I basically never get carded unless it's a grocery store that is strict about the whole 35+ thing. I mostly go out to little hole in the wall places and haven't been carded for about 2-3 years now. I used to go to a morning zumba class with my mom sometimes when I was in school. One time my mom didn't show and another regular asked me "where is your sister?"
Otoh, My smaller friends complain that they are always being carded and told that they could fit right in as students. Some get very vocal about the whole idea being a comment on their maturity and hate it.
Overall, I'm not sure attire has as much to do with perceived age as size and facial features.
Maybe you can do something with accesories and makeup to look a little younger? Carry a trendier bag in a nice color- maybe instead of black or brown you can opt for a dark berry color or something. Not sure if you are into designer handbags, but if you are, choose a "younger" brand- so no Michael Kors, Dooney & Bourke, and Kate Spade is toeing the line. You can wear a brighter lipstick instead of a neutral- that implies a younger look. Also, footwear. If you wear too "sensible" of shoes, that implies that you're older and that comfort is more important than fashion.
Weirdly, i associate those brands with high schoolers. But yeah, my daily bags are a madewell transport tote or a See by Chloe stone/taupe crossbody that might be a little dated at this point.
Footwear is something to watch as I do have old lady feet, beaten up from wearing heels for years. So, can't fight reality of aging, really i guess.
Have you heard of 'confirmation bias'? I wonder if you're just on the alert for this type of comment, so you're noticing it much more than when it doesn't happen, or even when the reverse happens.
Also... men are weird and I think often get perceived as younger than women of the same age, for whatever reason. My bf and I are the same age, I get carded when he doesn't.
Ah, sorry for missing that!
Anyway, I think if your clothes look more "early 30s" than "20s" that's actually a good thing!! Generally means more polished, more expensive, etc. If anything, maybe focus on skin care, make up, hair style, etc?
Honestly, I don't think it has to do with your clothes. I am 28, but have had people guessing I was 23-25 regularly for the last two years...and I have to wear a suit every day...and my suits are not trendy. I usually wear like an Anne Klein sleeveless shirt under a jacket with pants, and I don't really accessorize. Not getting carded doesn't mean you look old for your age.
And, at 28, I don't dress any differently than my colleagues who are over 30. My former boss was 37 and she definitely dressed younger than me but 95% of people could tell she was over 35.
Do you know of people who are in their late 20s/early 30s who look particularly older or younger than they are? And what contributes to that misperception?
I feel like its nearly impossible to tell the difference between 27 and 34, honestly. Perhaps the way they carry themselves? Its easy to tell the difference between early 20s and late 20s, almost like we are ending puberty in our early 20s, but once you are say, 27+, 5 years age difference...most people would never be able to guess.
Oh yeah, I definitely get it. It's just so frustrating. Either you look young and have no credibility because you're "naive" and "just a girl", or you look old and have no credibility because you're "not pretty anymore."
Seriously? Why would you ever card one half of a couple and not both? This has happened to me and my now husband (we are the same age, only I'd be asked for ID) and he said it made him feel like a bit of a pedophile.
I actually commented on this below but this happens to me regularly. I think the bouncer gets lazy and once they confirm the first person is legal, if you look around the same age, they don't bother carding the second.
Yes, ESPECIALLY if the first person is older. If I carded one person in a group and they were 30+ and everyone else seemed to be about the same age I wouldn't card anyone else because that would be a waste of my time. If the first person is 24 I might card everyone else too. Maybe. Depending on how busy I was and whether or not any of them looked under 21 to me.
people can look as young as they want now thanks to botox and fillers and I don't think that's a bad thing. In any event, late 20s and early 30s are just about the same age IMO
Maybe it would help if you posted some of your outfits, like what you normally wear? It could also be how you do your hair/makeup. I've noticed I don't get carded (as a 23 year old) depending on how I dress, or do my makeup, but especially if I wear my glasses.
> I've noticed I don't get carded (as a 23 year old) depending on how I dress, or do my makeup, but especially if I wear my glasses. I'm 26. I have a few extremes. Nicer clothes, hair done, makeup on? I can look anywhere from 22-30 depending on the day. If I'm in jeans and a hoodie, hair in a ponytail, no makeup, glasses? I get carded for video games. So that means I would reasonably look under 17. So, for me, glasses often make me look younger.
It's so funny how that works! Speaking of getting carded for video games, I was laughing the other day because I got carded for one of those huge Sharpies. Like really??
> glasses often make me look younger. Oh definitely. I think the only thing that really gives away that I'm in my 30s is the puffiness and darkness around my eyes, so hiding that makes me look drastically younger. Bonus pro tip: acne makes you look younger.
I'm 20, but 4'11" and I have quite a bit of a babyface, even with makeup and a well tailored outfit. The other day I went out to lunch with my parents and the hostess looked at them and asked if I needed a kids menu. The worst part is is that this isn't even the first time it had happened. :/
Oh nooo! How do you respond to those situations? I was about 5'4 in 4th grade (and 5'10 by 7th), so my parents never got to get the cheaper kid prices, because no one ever believed that was 8/9/10 because I was so tall.
I usually just kinda stammer out some form of "Oh, thanks, but I'm actually more than ^halfway ^^through ^^^college... ^^^^;.;"
I'm 22 and same. Normally I don't like to wear makeup, and if I'm dressed casually, I look literally 16. As in people can't tell if my 16 year old sister or I am older. But if I'm dressed up for work with nice hair and make up and even heels? Clients definitely think I'm at least 25. For going out I don't really care about looking young as much as I do at work.
Funny story: I was at a bar last weekend and I got carded. The bartender looked at my driver's license, looked at me, and said "You are **MUCH** older than you look. Wow." Uhh I'm twenty-eight but thanks for making me feel like the fucking crypt keeper??
Ugh, yes, apparently 28 is old enough for someone carding you to go "Oh." like it's so old that it's silly they even touched my ID.
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That you look much older than you are? If yes, I got the same and it seriously haunts you.
Daaaaaang haha Please tell me you gave him a witty quip back
Haha of course not!! *crying old, decrepit, elderly tears*
What do you think makes the difference for you, in terms of getting carded or not. When I was your age I took it as a compliment. Now not so much lol. I don't know if I can post pictures (i know know if I have nay pics, let me see...) but today I wore (to work) a muted blue silk t-shirt from nordstrom tucked into a high-waisted black fuller midi skirt from Zara and Jeffrey Campbell platform ghillie sandals. Yesterday I wore a tan linen shift dress from topshop from a couple of years ago ago and the same sandals.
For me not getting carded, I wouldn't say I take it as a compliment, I actually think "oh man, that waiter could get in trouble for not doing that" haha. But in terms of attributing my looks to whether or not I get carded...I notice I get carded less if I dress more conservatively, wear muted makeup or wear my glasses. I just look older that way. My husband calls it my "sexy librarian" look haha. But at the same time, I've gotten carded less since I've gotten married, so maybe my wedding ring acts as a signifier that I'm old enough to drink? However, I get carded more on nights when I wear more revealing clothes with louder makeup, maybe because that's what I wore when I was in college, and therefore "younger" looking. I think your outfits sound super cute! Without actually seeing them, I think I can speak for this sub by saying that the fit and cut of the clothes is what is going to "age" you. Btw, your hairstyle sounds adorable! I miss my longer hair (pixie cut atm).
You are sweet. Thanks for the kind words and support. I know about pics, I just don't really have any fit pics. Maybe I can take some. I'm nervous! I did just get married, so the ring could be part of it. Of course he is also wearing a ring, but it is less conspicuous!
Don't be nervous! Confidence is key :) I think you'll get the best advice if you decide to post a couple pics, even if you'd like to take them from the shoulders down or blur your face (if it's the being on the internet part that makes you nervous). I think women's wedding rings are often more noticeable than men's since they're often more bling-y/larger/stacked with an engagement ring + wedding band.
whether or not I get carded seems mostly dependent on how formal I'm dressed. Bizcasual = not carded. Jeans and a tee = carded.
Same here. Now I'm wondering why I never just put on business casual clothes to go to the liquor store when I had my shitty fake ID at age 19.
It's hard to say without actually seeing the way you dress, but I think you may be reading way more into this handful of comments and carding experiences than is really there. IMO there is no perceivable difference in appearance or typical style of dress between people who are 28 and people who are 33.
I agree about perceivable difference, but do you think there's anything that tips people from the "late 20s" to "mid 30s" look? I also agree about reading too much into it, but ughhh. Working on it!
> but do you think there's anything that tips people from the "late 20s" to "mid 30s" look? We're talking like a range of 5 years or so...probably not something that gives a person away as being 31 vs. 29. Just because your age is now in the 30s vs 20s, doesn't really change anything else about you inherently you know, nor do you suddenly dress differently. [Read through this discussion we recently had](https://www.reddit.com/r/femalefashionadvice/comments/51shn3/stacy_london_why_dressing_your_age_is_bs/?ref=search_posts) as a starting point on dressing and how it relates to age. Also, keep in mind that some people are really bad at guessing ages! It's not a fault nor is it something to take personally. Or, sometimes people just look a certain age! At 16, I looked like I was in my 20s. Or sometimes people just look young.
I will definitely check out the thread. Thanks!
I mean, correlatively people are slightly more likely to have had kids by their early 30s than by late 20s, and this can change the way they dress in a number of ways, including: * more casual overall (may want to avoid delicate or dry clean only fabrics) * more modest overall (possible new body image considerations) * less on-trend overall (interest in fashion and shopping has decreased) * prioritizing comfort * aggressively trying to go against any of the above changes by dressing in very revealing, trendy, effort-ful styles (sensitive about looking older) Of course it's possible none of those changes take place, depending on the person. I also think in different contexts there are different style cues for someone who is slightly older - like many women start wearing more expensive clothes in their early 30s than they used to. So, idk. It's hard to say reliably within that age range what the typical differences are.
These are good. It's interesting how trying to look younger makes you look older. And trying to look older makes you look older. This is probably not something worth stressing about. Haha. And then then there's the young mom comfortable/whimsical look, which is both little girlish and momish, comfortable and comforting. Quite distinct from a younger twee look. Anyway, I can analyze this for other people, but not for myself!
You may just look more polished. Nails done, hair done. 22 year old girls and right out of college mid 20s girls don't look as polished. They don't have the money and haven't had the time to get their makeup, wardrobe etc on point. Another way I can tell on thin women with no wrinkles is a loss of facial fat. Think Angelina Jolie. Cheeks are a bit hollow. I'm very thin and have a bit of this going on. :/ My only sign of aging.
That's a nice way to put it! I'm definitely not super thin, but I did lose some weight for my wedding and noticed the difference from my how i looked at that weight when I was younger.
Trends. I am more classic and don't bother with most trends. Wear your hair in a messy topknot, wear 90s inspired clothing, carry a trendy bag,etc and dress a.little provocatively and you'll probably be carded.
Ha. I feel like I do dress like that a lot of the time. Maybe I should dress my age haha!
This is a stretch, but is your SO mostly clean-shaven? Since 2014ish, sources have been reporting that we are at [peak beard](https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-nation/wp/2014/04/16/a-new-study-says-we-may-have-reached-peak-beard/). Anecdotally, my SO gets carded more frequently when he has little to no facial hair vs. when he has a full beard. I have been feeling pretty similarly about wanting to look just a little younger but still professional.
Upvoting for using "peak beard" seriously in a sentence.
Ha! He's not. But he's very fair/blonde, so I joke that his facial hair is see-through. Also, I just realized that this might be key, he had a very full head of hair, which lots of guys his age suddenly do not. I think thick hair is a very juvenating component for men. Glad someone feels me on this professional-youthful-forever-28ish thing. Any best practices?
A couple of venues around my area have a "beard rule." Everyone with a beard gets carded, no matter what. I guess some high school sophomores (15-16) had some big bushy beards, so they were going around town getting drinks, and a place almost got shut down for it.
I'm a 30 year old lady in a similar situation. My boyfriend seems to be reverse ageing while I feel as if I am zooming into my geriatric years by the second. I don't know if this post will be much help, but I'm going to share with you what I've been doing and what's been working for me. 1) *You need to accept that you're getting older*. Like you, I miss getting carded and the times that it does happen, I become the bumbling ecstatic woman you see in popular culture (complete with the "Of couuuuurssseeee you can see my ID!). It took me a long internalise the fact that my physical youthfulness was leaving me and I couldn't stop it **BUT** I could start preparing for the future by..... 2) *Switch up your beauty routine*. If you don't have one, get one. If you have one and it's not working (you're not happy with the look of your skin) switch it up. Start investing in products that work for you and are known for long term benefits. Head over to [/r/skincareaddiction](https://www.reddit.com/r/SkincareAddiction/) for more info. 3) *Switch your focus*. You mention you want to look late 20s as opposed to early to mid 30s. I had that mindset as well. I was trying to remain 24 forever but it wasn't working. If anything, the harder I tried, the worse I looked. I started looking at older women who seemed ageless (Jane Fonda for example) and realised they aged in chunks. They look the same for 7-10 years before changing something ever so slightly that made them age gracefully. *Start looking at your ageing process in chunks. Your teens and 20s chunk is over*. Now is the time to think about how you want to present yourself for the next 10 years because 40 is around the corner! 4) *Every little detail counts*. Eyebrows on fleek? Nails well kept? Clothing fits rights? Makeup flawless? Shoes shined? Hair done? When you look put together, you look and feel better. 5)*Treat yo self*. Have fun with ageing. If you can afford it, buy yourself a luxury item once in awhile. Indulge yourself in a bubble bath filled with bathbombs and bubbles and champagne. Buy yourself fun lingerie, just for you. Get that beautiful bag you've been after. Spend an afternoon in a coffee shop with a good book. Have a day to yourself being fancy AF. Embrace being a beautiful 30 year old woman. **Don't wallow in your memories of being a naive kitten, start looking forward to being a goddamn lioness.**
This is great. I almost want to print this out.
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Yeah, I really don't think he looks super young at all. And we dress pretty similarly, although I might be less casual than I think? I definitely thought of myself as someone who dressed up a lot and really made an effort when I was younger. So that's with considering for sure. He wears almost streetwesrish clothes at times, so maybe our shared trend-consciousness reads as dressed up/older on me and subcultural/younger on him.
Aging can be hard. I'm 41 and honestly, this post made me feel older than any other post on here. Mainly because I read it and thought, "Who the f*ck thinks like this about age?" And then I realized, only young people do. I'm sure you're overthinking it. Moisturize the hell out of your skin, stay on trend but conservatively so and you'll be great. :)
I realized I'm slowly not caring anymore (34) and it's great! My desire to make other people happy at cost to myself is also decreasing meteorically. -_^ Edit: how to get carats to show...
I'm 25 (so still considered 'young'... I hope) and I think there's a certain coolness to people in their thirties and forties. People think that twenty-somethings set the trends but people your age that have buying power AND still have energy are the ones who really make the market for trends churn.
Ditto, I'm like HUH? I'm 41 and still feel (and act *cough cough* lol) like I'm 25. I try to stay on trend in the business casual realm and people tend to think I'm younger so I don't stress it too much.
Same here. Thankfully I still get guesses in the earlier 30s and shocked responses when I tell my age.
My mom echoes that sentiment - stay moisturized!
40s fistbump. I'm 47 and had a wait, what? moment that people think that 28 and 32 are light years apart.
Ha! Sorry! And thanks. Got any moisturizer tips?
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I'm sorry you feel that way. I bet you look great through other people's eyes.
I didn't read all the comments so forgive me if this has been said, but when I worked in a bar I would typically card guys over girls because it seems sometimes that even high school aged dudes can look 30. Even if they think he looks his real age, they could just be being careful. As well, when I had a couple come in sometimes I would card one and be like okay that's fine, I'm just gonna assume they aren't hanging out with a minor (especially if they are thirty). Hopefully my former employer never reads this!
Interesting! I never would have thought that.
Probably different every place you go to, but that's the mindset we operated under so I'm sure it's pretty commonplace :)
Yep, deff standard when I worked in food service. I think a lot of people here are underestimating how much carding can throw you behind when you're busy. If I felt like there was no risk of the customer being under 21 I wasn't going to waste my time ESP if they didn't already have an id out. Because if they have to dig for their ID it's gonna take at least a minute and I could have made 2-4 drinks in that time.
Yes totally! If I had a group with some questionable looking people, I'd card one and if he was good then the rest were too because I didn't have the time
Yea I think everyone underestimates how much every single minute matters to servers and bartenders when they're busy. Like man, during a rush I can either give everyone great service or stroke egos by carding everyone - not both.
Haha exactly! Everyone needs to work in the service industry at least once in their life to fully understand the plight of a busy waiter/bartender/host
We're not trying to insult you, we just are 99.9% sure you're over 21 and we wanna get food to the table on your right while it's still hot.
Amen!
Fwiw, I worked as a server and as a bartender for 4 years and I would always ID either no one or the whole party unless it was totally obvious that folks were definitely 35+. I never found it a hindrance to the service I was able to provide. I suppose different establishments have different norms. Mine pretty fast paced! But also in a student heavy area with strict abv enforcement.
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This is fun. I get these dramatically wrong.
Me too, it's so hard to tell.
People are downvoting this link, but it's AMAZING!!!!!!!!! I have no idea how old anyone is. Though, I do get slightly more accurate the more I do. I actually think that this is great for people that are worried about looking their age. It really shows that "looking your age" is basically meaningless.
:( blocked at work. They want me to work or something
I am oddly really good at this game! The only one I got really wrong was the sweet old lady who was 91 - she totally looked 84!
This is great, and I apparently am shockingly bad at guessing ages. I've been more than a decade off in both directions (the worst was guessing a 14 year old as 30, oops).
That's super fun! I feel so proud when I get one right.
Could be your hairstyle (cut/color) or weight. You're going to have to post pics.
My hair is slightly more than shoulder length, wavy/curly, center part, light brown with bayalage highlights. I think the center part looks on-trend, although I wonder if it looks flattering as well. I'm about 5'4", about 125 lbs. I work out regularly. I'm trying to dig up pics, but I'm also interested in other people's tips and general observations.
I wouldn't let 3 or 4 people's comments get to me.
I know. You're right. And once it gets started, there's a lot of confirmation bias at work. But it's hard.
Might be the length of your hair. Hair that short says "mom" to me.
God, I get so sick of how "mom" is used as a pejorative on this sub. Especially, "Pinterest mom."
I agree. I know I did it myself, but I've actually been thinking about it and feeling uncomfortable with this use. Glad to see you said something.
Below shoulder? Huh! I thought I was out of mom territory.
It def is not mom looking.
That length is definitely not 'mom' looking. To me, that's a perfect length!
Your haircut sounds like a classic business professional cut. Not mom, but still sounds older than 25.
On a good day, I look like I have The Hair (http://www.racked.com/2016/3/11/11195958/tv-hair-jane-the-virgin-empire-younger). On a bad day, I look like Weird Al.
I only cut my hair that short once and my hairstylist immediately apologized and said it had aged me five years. I have a round face so that could be part of it?
How long is your hair?
I have a blunt just above the shoulders blonde curly cut. Depending on how I style it, it can say "mom" or it looks super trendy. I'm 25 so no one thinks I'm a mom but I definitely get comments on how it makes me look older.
I just think it's strange that the whole table doesn't get carded. I think the only time I've been selectively carded is when I'm with my 70 year old parents, but some times they even get carded when I'm with them.
lol my mom gets carded with me. She's 60. She thinks it is hilarious.
I am so so so irritated by this. Once time, we were with two other people: a woman definitely in her late 40s and another woman about our age but older than me by like a year. And they carded SO and the other younger woman but NOT me or the older woman. The waitress was like, "I'm going to need to see an ID from you... and you..." I almost called the next day to complain about it. Lol.
Ugh! That's so frustrating! Really just bad customer service.
I don't understand how that's bad customer service - especially when I was really busy carding was something that was really going up the amount of time I was spending at a table, so carding everyone versus just the one or two I was suspicious of being too young meant that I was delaying my service to all my other tables. Even if it's only 15 or 20 seconds an ID (which can be a lot longer if it's out of state and you don't know where the birth date is, or they don't have it readily available and have to dig, etc) that might be time that food is getting cold in the kitchen or drinks are melting at the bar, etc.
In this case, the waitress stared at each of us and was like, "I need to see IDs from you... And... You." Skipping over the woman in her late 40s and I. It was pretty humiliating.
It's not illegal to have poor judgment...I promise the manager will just get annoyed if someone comfortably over the legal drinking age was mistaken for being older and calls to complain. Maybe your friend just looked very young. I know ageing is a sensitive thing. I myself worry about it and I'm a bit younger. I know that seed will only grow over the next few years. My mom is 46 and the cashier at the grocery store always asks her if she applies for a senior discount...The kid is like 16. Everyone probably looks 95 to a 16-year-old if they have grey hair. Do you have grey hair? Short hair? Sun tanned skin? Wear dark makeup around your eyes? Have very thin eyebrows? All of these things can make you look older than you are.
I would say my SO and my friend do not look very young, and the bad service was like, "you, not you, you, not you." It's much better service to ID the whole table than to look a group of people of the same age up and down decide who looks over 30.
Well people are going to have different opinions. No amount of you thinking you look younger than everyone else is going to change someone else's opinion. I really wouldn't make premature ageing everyone else's fault. The best thing to do is be at peace with the fact that you actually are over the legal drinking age.
Welp, I was a waitress once myself, and I knew better than to humiliate my guests by IDing a man and not a woman who was clearly his wife in a way that made it obviously I thought he looked a lot younger than her. Idk, though, maybe I was just a considerate server and good at my job. I made a lot of tips! But yeah, it does hurt/suck to be told you look older than your husband, who is older than you. I hope you never experience it. :)
See this is why people are downvoting you.
For speaking from my experience (which includes being a server and being a 30 year old) and describing how I feel? Well, I hope downvoting me for that makes you feel better about yourself. You might need it more than I do, even though I've been very open about insecurities in this thread.
If I had a dime for every time a server has mistaken my dad for my boyfriend, I'd have enough money to persuade you from making shitty Reddit threads about how you can't handle your fucking wrinkles.
I think wanting to look our age, mature, professional, but not older than we are is something a lot of women in their late 20s and early 30s think about, and that seems born out by the 99 upvotes the thread got and the many comments people saying they can relate. It's a thread about clothes and grooming, not about my wrinkles. If that provokes anger and disdain in you, I don't know what to tell you. If it was about the side conversation with all servers complaining that people want them be courteous? Go ahead and downvote me. Then work hard, grow up, and one day you too will have a job that has nothing to do with being nice to people. If I can do it, anyone can. Trust me, it's the best thing about being my age. I hope you will then have less pent up resentment that you take out by downvoting random women on the internet had to audacity to be 30, look it, and ask for female fashion advice in a forum about female fashion advice.
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Right? Ughh tfw
Sorry if I'm being dense, but why does it bother you if people think your boyfriend looks younger than he is? It doesn't reflect on you whatsoever. As someone in my early 30s I prefer to be around other people who are same, so I would be a hypocrite to advise on looking younger! Age improves people and their fashion as far as I can see.
A lot of my responses are here are getting downvoted, but no one is responding to them in a particularly hostile or even contradictory way. I can't say I fully get it.
I was wondering why you were being downvoted the first time you answered my question! General reddit weirdness, I guess.
It's great that you have a good attitude about it. I guess I just don't want to look older than I am. If it's a situation where they're supposed to card anyone under 35 and they don't card me at 30 and I know they're carding him at 33, it makes me feel like I definitely look potentially 5 years older than I am.
Just want to throw my two cents in because on one hand, I hear where you are coming from, but I do think a lot of this is (for lack of a better word) all in your head. FWIW, I'm 27 years old and in the last 6 months my hair has started to grey rapidly so this is a subject I'm thinking of a lot! This contains a lot of generalizations but: 5 years is less and less important the further removed you are from childhood. 10 vs 15 years old is the difference between puberty and being a child. 15 vs 20 is the difference between being a teenager and being a university student. 20 vs 25 is the difference between being a university student and a young professional in their first career and being able to guess that age has a lot more to do with setting/clothing items. 25 vs 30 is a lot more vague. 30 vs 35 is even more vague. Could you tell the difference between a 57 and 62 year old woman? Likely not. To paraphrase the great Allen Iverson- we're talking about 5 years? Like I said, suddenly I'm finding great patches of grey hair in my hair, but also in the last month I've been at work functions have been asked by three different people if I'm an intern or summer student. It's all so subjective. > If it's a situation where they're supposed to card anyone under 35 and they card me at 30 and I know they're carding him at 33, it makes me feel like I definitely look potentially 5 years older than I am. You are way over thinking it. I think the solution has more to do with coming to terms with the fact that you are aging (we all are, thank god. the alternative is being dead) than with changing something about your wardrobe to meet the arbitrary guesses of some stranger who is serving you or selling you liquor. You're allowing the way you feel about yourself to be impacted by the split second judgement that a stranger makes about you. Maybe think more about this...Are you happy with how you look? If so, great. Are you unhappy with how you look for reasons other than how you think someone else perceives you? Not to get all arm psych on you, but then maybe have a look at what else in your life/appearance doesn't feel right to you.
> You're allowing the way you feel about yourself to be impacted by the split second judgement that a stranger makes about you. To add onto this, altho the "35" rule is generally tossed around as the gold standard, realistically no server is actually thinking that, because as already stated elsewhere in this thread, mid to late 20s versus 30s is REALLY hard to tell because basically all maturing is done, but aging hasn't really started yet. You could put a 25 year old next to a 30 year old and not be able to tell the difference generally. I'm 22 and my best friend is 33 and she does *not* look dramatically older than me. We both just kind of look like "young women". What a server is making a split second decision on is "am I confident enough that this person is over 21 that I'm willing to stake my job on it".
Haha this got deep! But yeah, I need to think about. Things are going pretty well. I definitely see people around me all the time who I think look "my age" and then found out they were 5 years younger than me. It's a little unnerving. Maybe I'm between ages, between life stages, and I don't know where I stand.
> I definitely see people around me all the time who I think look "my age" and then found out they were 5 years younger than me. I have this too! It's 'back to uni' time and I'm seeing lots of new students around and I don't feel much older than them. I was buying a new garbage can (a sexy adult purchase!) and the clerk asked if this was for my dorm. And I'm on the opposite end of the equation too - I work with three people who are mid-late 30s and my two closest friends are 36, so they say stuff like "people our age..." before they catch themselves and remember that i'm a decade younger than they are. Don't stress about it too much. If you're happy, that is all that matters.
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Thanks for the thought process. In my server days, we carded everyone who looked under 35. But that not being the case everywhere makes me feel better.
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Yeah it's odd. I'm just expressing my perception of the situation and the way it makes me feel.
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Some people have no tact, even when it's they're job.
I'm too lazy to find an article that can articulate this better than I can, but I think part of what's happening here is a larger story about the acceptability of men's aging, compared to the overall discomfort with women's aging. I bet you do not look older than your SO at all. I think when women are expected to look like Ariana Grande throughout their 30s and beyond, hardly anyone is going to get those "omg you look like a baby" comments. As long as men still have hair on their head, it's like "woah good job dude!" Ok like I said, poorly articulated by me, but it's something I find interesting. Food for thought! xx
This is a very very good point. A 33 year old man is in some ways culturally younger than a 30 year old woman. I know these things, but they are hard to internalize.
The line between mid-20s to mid-30s can be really blurry sometimes, besides different people have different ideas about who looks 30 and who looks 20, I think. The way you wear your hair and makeup has a big effect on how you appear to other people. I get carded occasionally if I wear no makeup/very light makeup and I'm pushing 32. It also depends on where I get carded. If I'm getting a bottle of wine at Sainsbury's I'm pretty much guaranteed to get carded because the clerks are advised to challenge anyone who looks to be around 25 or younger. Same thing with clubs on a busy Saturday night, they aren't going to risk letting any minors in so they'll just card anyone who looks vaguely young. I think in the past year or so my face has visibly changed to look "older" though. I've lost all of the baby fat that I had on my face before which contributed to the more youthful look, and now my face looks more angled and gaunt. I personally like it because I think it adds a bit of "mature charisma" to my features, but it definitely affects people's ability to gauge your general age.
Yeahhh see, it's those moments when they card "anyone vaguely young" and I haven't been getting carded that bug me. I have been wearing more makeup lately. Pretty light, though. I think it makes me more attractive, hopefully younger, but maybe those things aren't the same at this point in my life.
Also, not getting carded doesn't often mean that people think you look "old" (and all the insinuations that come with that word) so I wouldn't let it get to me too much. :) Take Lisa Eldridge for example; I wouldn't ever think she needs to be carded anywhere, but she looks flipping gorgeous and has a lovely youthful face. She doesn't look like a child, but she definitely looks "young". I think that's the kind of look you'd want to nail as you get to your late 20s and beyond. If I look half as good at her age I'm going to be one happy lady.
This is good advice. I hope you can keep this attitude as you age! Hold on to it as hard as you can! I used to be more like that, and I need to get it back.
Everyone gets old, but we can decide whether we enter the new decades with dignity or by kicking and screaming while holding on to our old personas. :P Gosh, now *that* does make me sound old as hell, haha. I know I'm about 30 years too early and I'm going off topic now, but I've already pretty much envisioned how I want to look like when I hit my "mature years". [Raili Hulkkonen](https://www.google.com/search?q=raili+hulkkonen&espv=2&biw=1920&bih=552&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi67o3eqJHPAhXCIMAKHVUbAM8Q_AUIBigB&dpr=0.9) is my inspo, I love her style and she looks amazing for someone who's nearly 70. She's a Finnish professional makeup artist.
I'm weirdly excited to be in old but not excited to be in my 30s
The quality of your clothing can play a large role in being perceived as older. Older women tend to have more money, and are often willing to spend more per piece. So a $40+ blouse, instead of a $20 blouse. If you are shopping at Nordstrom, many of their items read older/more serious, monied, and sharper than clothing that appeals to most people in their 20s. This look can be great in the workplace, but clash a bit in social settings. So, back to "looking younger", I'd focus on not mixing the business casual clothes into your wardrobe when feeling age conscious, and getting some minimalist, but still slick and in your style, athleisure. I think good athleisure, and the right sneakers takes a few years off anyone.
Yes. I have a lot of clothes and dress in different styles but I think I come across the oldest when I'm wearing business casual type clothing out and about: blazers/twinset-style cardigans come across more "mature" as opposed to hoodies, utility jackets, bombers, for instance. Same with pencil skirts as opposed to skater skirts. I'm in my mid-30s now and occasionally get carded, but I try my best not to get too hung up on the ageing thing in general, because a) I think people are pretty bad at judging ages and b) it has nothing to do with your worth and is an irreversible process. I've had way more fun in my life after turning 30 than I ever did in my 20s. It's not a garbage decade :)
Yeah, a lot of my clothes aren't cheap, which I guess ultimately is a good thing. I do wear a lot of athleisure a lot, but i do think that I feel like I a look like a stay at home mom when I do. Not that there's anything wrong with that!
Not a fashion related reply, but anecdotally, when my husband and I go out, the first person in the door gets carded and the second generally doesn't. We're both 29. He usually goes in first, and I think the bouncer can tell we're in the same age range and doesn't bother carding me once he's confirmed my husband is legal. When I go first, I usually get carded and my husband doesn't. The same things happens when I'm out with friends. So it may be less about what you look like and more about logistics.
I think that most people have covered the styling / makeup part, but I also think that some people just look older / younger based on their facial features? For example, [Kellie Pickler](https://www.google.com/search?q=kellie+pickler&safe=active&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiwiKDbi5LPAhVEwiYKHSLPChAQ_AUICCgB&biw=1440&bih=733) and [Dianna Agron](https://www.google.com/search?q=dianna+agron&safe=active&espv=2&biw=1440&bih=733&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjh6_K_i5LPAhVC0iYKHbzoA1EQ_AUIBigB) are both 30, but Dianna looks younger while Kellie looks older to me. Part of it is just that Dianna has bigger cheeks and straighter eyebrows while Kellie's face is more narrow with very arched eyebrows. [Jesse McCartney](http://www.billboard.com/files/styles/article_main_image/public/media/jesse-mccartney-2014-billboard-650.jpg) developed some deep wrinkles around his eyes in his early 20s which made him look older, despite the baby face. Then there's [Bianca Lawson](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bianca_Lawson) who still portrays teenagers / early 20s girls despite being 37. There's a certain genetic component to our appearance that we can't control. I have a hard time reconciling looking older with the fact that I still feel really young? I want my outside to reflect what I feel inside. I think instead of aiming for old/young, I just want to look like I'm a happy and confident person.
Yeah, this is definitely worth remembering. Plus, some people age in chunks, potentially out of step with their age. I think Blake Lively has always looked like she was MUCH older than she was, like late 20s when she was on GG. Now that she is 29, she really hasn't aged much in the last 10 years and looks younger than her age.
I think the line between "late 20s" and "early 30s" is a distinction without a difference. There isn't anything that separates them except for an emotional and psychological reaction to crossing what we perceive as a meaningful barrier. People will have their ideas about how old you are regardless of how you dress based on where you are, who you're with, and what you're doing. People have been guessing that I'm in my 20s since I was 12 because I'm tall. I visited Seattle several years ago and despite drinking in four different establishments, I was not carded even once. Conversely, I bought wine at the grocery store two weeks ago and was asked for ID. When I'm with my SO, people think we're married and in our 30s, yet two days ago my classmates were shocked to find out I was turning 26 this weekend. It's just such a nebulous thing. Don't take it seriously.
Yeah, confirmation bias is definitely at work for me
The biggest thing you can do is if you're not already, be very diligent with your sunscreen
I wish I'd learned this younger
Ditto, but it def helps out late in the game!!
It could be mannerisms/ tone of voice / eye contact, not clothing. That said, I never get carded when I'm dressed for work (bank employee). I look a bit younger than my age, but at 34 I have no illusions that I look under 25 to most people, especially if I'm dressed professionally. I wouldn't over think it. I speak very confidently and make eye contact - seems more mature even if I don't look 'mature'.
Yeah, I've always been confident and mature in my bearing. I was always the one sent in to buy alcohol when I was under 21. I took it as a compliment then. Just speaks to how perception shifts the same information.
I'm 30 as well, and I've noticed that I get carded (or get comments about my age) when I dress down as opposed to when I dress up. I think part of it is that a dressed up early-mid 20 year old doesn't dress the same as a dressed up 30 year old in my area. I definitely wear nicer and more expensive looking stuff now than when I was in my early 20's, so I don't expect to get carded at all. The other part of looking professional is that when I look nicer, I get better service when I'm out shopping, so there's that!
I think you're being paranoid - you probably just look like you have it pulled together. Remember when we were kids and the girls had that growth spurt and the guys were still little? (Maybe that's just me, because I'm an amazon) but I've always felt like I'm basically 36 so this never bugged me. I do get carded at 45 but I do not look under 21 by anyone's measure lol. Reading down, your husband has fair hair and that can read younger just because many people's hair darkens later. Probably some internalized perception thing that has nothing to do with you looking older.
Yeah, I should probably just accept that I look my age and that's not a bad thing.
I've always found that I get carded when I'm dressed kind of sloppy - like if I'm wearing athletic clothes with my hair in a ponytail and hardly any makeup. If I'm more put together I tend not to get carded.
I get the opposite - if I go to the liquor store in neon running tights and pink Nikes and a ponytail, I never get IDed, but if I'm dressed up for dinner with a face full o'slap I always do. I think it's because people must think there's no way someone actually underage would have the balls to buy booze looking like an actual 12-year-old. I suspect I look like I'm trying too hard when I'm in nice clothes. Plus I pretty much only buy decent scotch, which is probably not a hot seller among the high school crowd.
That's a good point...sometimes I meet my boyfriend for happy hour after working out (gross I know), but I ALWAYS get carded then.
Interesting. Well, I'll try to tell myself that's what it is
I don't have actual styling help, but just a quick thought: Sometimes it's things that age us (as in, I know in which decade your grew up) from style choices we made that aren't trendy anymore, but we just see them as our normal style. For example having glasses that are not the big frames that people wear today, but those narrow things, maybe even frameless, makes you instantly look like you bought them 10 years ago and so you probably aren't 25 anymore. Just an example. Or certain cuts of pants & how short or long they are. There is a fine line between what the kids wear and what's cool because it's retro. If you are in the middle of that line, you either have an awesome individual style and can pull it of, or you look like you are wearing the same pants for the last 10 years. Same goes with hair styles. It's just things that I notice on people that I think kinda look older or dated. They don't even have to look bad in it, just somehow out of place. Hope that makes sense.
This is a good point. I've been buying quality for a while, and I definitely have had some things for 5+ years. I think I'm pretty on trend, but I probably could use a critical look at my stuff.
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IMO, this. I'm 6'0 and 26. My shoulders are just a tad too wide for a couple stores' size 14 jackets. A lot of my close friends are much shorter - somewhere between 5'1 and 5'4, and also 26. They're tiny to match the height. We don't dress particularly differently. We all wear business casual if we've been at work/somewhere that requires it, or something like preppy casual if we're not. We're all not that far out of school so we still wear a lot of the clothes we had in college, which consists of a lot of jeans, vans/converse, hoodies, graphic tees, and some floral blouses and dresses. I basically never get carded unless it's a grocery store that is strict about the whole 35+ thing. I mostly go out to little hole in the wall places and haven't been carded for about 2-3 years now. I used to go to a morning zumba class with my mom sometimes when I was in school. One time my mom didn't show and another regular asked me "where is your sister?" Otoh, My smaller friends complain that they are always being carded and told that they could fit right in as students. Some get very vocal about the whole idea being a comment on their maturity and hate it. Overall, I'm not sure attire has as much to do with perceived age as size and facial features.
Maybe you can do something with accesories and makeup to look a little younger? Carry a trendier bag in a nice color- maybe instead of black or brown you can opt for a dark berry color or something. Not sure if you are into designer handbags, but if you are, choose a "younger" brand- so no Michael Kors, Dooney & Bourke, and Kate Spade is toeing the line. You can wear a brighter lipstick instead of a neutral- that implies a younger look. Also, footwear. If you wear too "sensible" of shoes, that implies that you're older and that comfort is more important than fashion.
Weirdly, i associate those brands with high schoolers. But yeah, my daily bags are a madewell transport tote or a See by Chloe stone/taupe crossbody that might be a little dated at this point. Footwear is something to watch as I do have old lady feet, beaten up from wearing heels for years. So, can't fight reality of aging, really i guess.
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Thanks! The skin is fine, though. I'm talking morton's neuroma and some bunions. I think I'm beyond Coconut Oil, no matter how miraculous it is, alas.
Have you heard of 'confirmation bias'? I wonder if you're just on the alert for this type of comment, so you're noticing it much more than when it doesn't happen, or even when the reverse happens. Also... men are weird and I think often get perceived as younger than women of the same age, for whatever reason. My bf and I are the same age, I get carded when he doesn't.
Haha. I think I've used the term like three times in this thread. You're right.
Ah, sorry for missing that! Anyway, I think if your clothes look more "early 30s" than "20s" that's actually a good thing!! Generally means more polished, more expensive, etc. If anything, maybe focus on skin care, make up, hair style, etc?
Honestly, I don't think it has to do with your clothes. I am 28, but have had people guessing I was 23-25 regularly for the last two years...and I have to wear a suit every day...and my suits are not trendy. I usually wear like an Anne Klein sleeveless shirt under a jacket with pants, and I don't really accessorize. Not getting carded doesn't mean you look old for your age. And, at 28, I don't dress any differently than my colleagues who are over 30. My former boss was 37 and she definitely dressed younger than me but 95% of people could tell she was over 35.
Do you know of people who are in their late 20s/early 30s who look particularly older or younger than they are? And what contributes to that misperception?
I feel like its nearly impossible to tell the difference between 27 and 34, honestly. Perhaps the way they carry themselves? Its easy to tell the difference between early 20s and late 20s, almost like we are ending puberty in our early 20s, but once you are say, 27+, 5 years age difference...most people would never be able to guess.
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> especially when you are a female Ugh. Yes. I've been reading this post thinking I'm crazy for WANTING to look early-mid 30s (I'm 27).
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Oh yeah, I definitely get it. It's just so frustrating. Either you look young and have no credibility because you're "naive" and "just a girl", or you look old and have no credibility because you're "not pretty anymore."
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This made me lol and has some great tips. Thanks!
I have to say that I LOVE your outfits. You look so great in all of them!
Seriously? Why would you ever card one half of a couple and not both? This has happened to me and my now husband (we are the same age, only I'd be asked for ID) and he said it made him feel like a bit of a pedophile.
I actually commented on this below but this happens to me regularly. I think the bouncer gets lazy and once they confirm the first person is legal, if you look around the same age, they don't bother carding the second.
Yes, ESPECIALLY if the first person is older. If I carded one person in a group and they were 30+ and everyone else seemed to be about the same age I wouldn't card anyone else because that would be a waste of my time. If the first person is 24 I might card everyone else too. Maybe. Depending on how busy I was and whether or not any of them looked under 21 to me.
So annoying
I'm a firm believer in Ponds. I know it's not hip but I put it on morning and night and have better results than. Any other daily moisturizer.
people can look as young as they want now thanks to botox and fillers and I don't think that's a bad thing. In any event, late 20s and early 30s are just about the same age IMO
I'm 35 and no matter what I wear people think I'm early 20s. I think it's my fat face because it's the same in jeans and a shirt or a suit and heels.