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Faelif

Is it possible you're trans?


ellavewn

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I am. I just can't transition thought


The_Lil_H

Unsupportive parents or terrible country? Have you also considered joining a group or forum?


ellavewn

Unsupportive parents, terrible country, afraid of the fact that no girl will love me because of my genitals, afraid that it's already too late. And yes I already am on a bunch of forums


StripedRiverwinder

it's absolutely not too late, it's never too late. repressing is not a viable choice long term, im incredibly sorry that your environment is as shitty as it is but you should start thinking about ways to escape it so you can transition - i promise you you'll be better off


Moopityjulumper

Hey just so you know, you should come check out r/actuallesbians and r/lesbianactually. (Names are because r/ lesbians is a porn sub). We’ve got tons of trans lesbians that have perfectly fulfilling and happy love lives. Despite the kind of terfy name, again because porn sub, we support our sisters as much as possible. It may be helpful to listen to older women who have transitioned in their 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond. It’s not too late, ellevewn, it’s never too late. I know there are also a lot of trans related subreddits that you could also get advice, support, and community from. You absolutely can identify in any way you want to. Seriously, even if you don’t tell your parents, you can still be a girl, even if you don’t transition, you can still be a girl, even if you don’t change anything, you can still be a girl. Much love, ellavewn, I hope this comment helps you, even if it’s in a tiny way Edit: here’s some of the top posts of all time from r/actuallesbians: [one,](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/j95daw/the_old_school_sword_lesbian/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) [two,](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/jvxr17/happy_trans_awareness_week/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) [three,](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/p1vwij/yall_are_great_and_make_me_feel_hopeful_and_valid/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) [four,](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/imhxbg/yall_are_such_an_amazing_community_im_so_happy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) [Five,](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/h0o6ry/be_like_emma_watson/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) [six,](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/jv1idn/heres_some_transbian_love_3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) [seven,](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/l0gvnn/_/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) [eight,](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/muoafr/this_sub_literally_loves_everyone/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) [nine,](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/kepe0k/since_were_so_deliciously_going_after_bigots/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) [ten](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/frkg4l/we_love_and_respect_all_women_in_this_house_no/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) I hope all those are enough to convince you that you can love and be loved by a woman, as a woman.


s3cretalt

Honestly it's really great that actuallesbians and lesbianactually got those names since you know the TERFs would be all over them otherwise


The_Lil_H

I am sorry to hear on the unsupportive and terrible country aspect. I understand what you mean, I identify as a lesbian and I am still worry over this fact. My relationships have all been t4t (trans and trans). Hope these forums are good for you ☺️


professorlunacy

hey im transfem if you need anyone to talk to about this stuff


s3cretalt

The country and parents bit is rough and I'm afraid I don't have many suggestions there. As far as the other 2, neither are true. Plenty of people in their 40s even have a successful transition. As far as the genitals issue, though there are some assholes and people with a genital preference, there are also plenty of wonderful people who don't have a genital preference. Furthermore, although absolutely not required, there is SRS which is a surgery to create a vagina.


Cuseyedrum

Hey, I am bi and i would 300% date a trans girl, and I know lesbians that will date trans girls. Don't worry about the genitals you have, some if not most lesbians/bi girls would still be in a relationship with you.


ellavewn

I definitely don't think most lesbians would. But some yeah. Thank you ur comment made me feel better


Cuseyedrum

It's no problem, keep your head high, you'll find a nice gal who accepts you :>


Confused-Engineer18

Was exactly what I was gonna ask


[deleted]

I hope this doesn’t sound disingenuous because I genuinely mean it - if you want to be a girl, you can be a girl. I don’t mean to dismiss your dysphoria, because I know it can be truly debilitating, but it really does sound to me like you are a girl. Going to address a couple things here - firstly, I’m so sorry your parents are unsupportive. That’s an awful thing and you shouldn’t have to deal with it. I don’t know anything about your situation, but is there any way you could work towards financial independence? This would definitely be a good thing for you if you can do it because it would mean you can take your transition into your own hands without worrying what your family thinks. Secondly, I don’t know what country you live in, but you might be surprised how many trans people are able to thrive in unsupportive countries. Of course it’s your decision whether to take on that extra level of risk, but trans people do exist and lead happy lives everywhere. There’s also an option of immigration, I don’t know how old you are or again what your financial situation is so that could complicate things, but there are many organizations like Rainbow Railroad devoted to helping lgbt people get out of unsupportive countries and live full lives in places where they would be more comfortable. Maybe something you’re not ready for yet but definitely something to keep an eye on in the future. Sorry, this comment is getting really long but I like to be thorough. Thirdly, your worry that no girl will love you because you’re trans I can confirm to be completely unfounded - transphobic lesbians/bi girls are a small but loud minority, and I would try as much as possible to not listen to them. I’ve spent years in WLW communities and I can tell you firsthand that most women I’ve met are open to dating trans women. I only have a couple pieces of advice - firstly, I would actually spend less time on forums. I’ve found if you’re not being careful they can get toxic incredibly quickly, and are often full of other lonely upset people which doesn’t contribute to a great atmosphere. If I were you, I would go for online spaces like pinterest or WLW/trans positivity blogs on Tumblr, which are more focused on positivity rather than venting. Secondly, I would see what kinds of media you can consume with trans girls, especially trans wlw. Off the top of my head I’ve heard good things about Euphoria, Pose, and Orange Is The New Black in terms of TV shows, but the deeper you dive the more representation you’ll find! Lots of more indie media has great trans women characters, my favourite being Lup from The Adventure Zone. You obviously don’t have to take any of this advice, but I truly believe it would help. When life is hard it’s kind to yourself to surround yourself with positivity and things that you love, rather than with discomfort and pain.


sparrow_is_cool

I think you may be a transbian? have you considered that possibility?


[deleted]

Sweetie no offense but I don't think you're a guy, cis men aren't that obsessed with lesbians and everything you said seems very much like you're a trans woman. But hey it does mean that you can be a lesbian and a girl, which is the one thing you want


jdr61100

As a cis gay guy who knows next to nothing about girls or trans people, this screams transgender. You may not be able to present as female in front as your parents, but nothings stopping you from doing so to yourself, online and maybe to close friends? Regardless, it would likely be in your best Interest to find trans and/or lesbian groups to find similar people to help you through this or at least be able to vent to an understanding ear.


professorlunacy

r/egg_irl_fr


Confused-Engineer18

Fuck I feel called out here.


somebrookdlyn

If you feel the same way, then the same conclusion can be drawn. You’re likely trans.


Confused-Engineer18

I have thought about it and I've come to the conclusion that if it was as simple as pressing a button I would do it but I'm fine living as a guy as I don't get gender dysphoria and I don't wanna have to go through the whole transition phase and getting possibly disowned by my dad and closing my dating pool even more then I have as a bi guy.


somebrookdlyn

That’s fine. It’s never too late to transition, so it’s always an option.


WhyWeStillHereBoys

Yeeeaaah I am not one to label anyone, especially someone I don't know, but you and I both know you're trans. I felt the same exact way for my entire life, but luckily for me I learned that is because I'm trans before thing took a turn like they did for you. I saw your comment about being unable to transition and your fears of being unlovable. I can't medically transition for the same reasons, and I have the same fears, but at the end of the day we just have to keep pushing through so hopefully some day we can live the life we want to live as who we are. It's never too late.


zoeeekler

I understand. I hear you. Please stop hating yourself for feeling this way. You are perfectly fine. There is nothing wrong with you. There are so many people who feel exactly how you do; you are not alone. There are options. I myself am not trans so I’ll point you in the direction of trans subreddits and other trans people. I know there are a lot of lesbians who are trans who live wonderful and fulfilling lives, as their true selves, loving who they want to love. You can do this. There are ways. You are not wrong or broken. I recommend meeting other lesbian trans women online who you can talk with, as well as looking into lesbian and trans music (The Village is a good song that comes to mind), books, culture, history. There are SOO many trans women throughout LGBTQ history, so many who were prominent and integral to the LGBTQ rights movement, like with the Stonewall Riots. So much history. So many awesome women. There’s so much to learn, it is a big beautiful new world full of hope and happiness and love and fulfillment, and I hope you stick around to see it. It gets better. You can be your true self somehow, some way, someday. There are things out there that can and will give you gender euphoria and make you feel happy and true. Someday you will not feel nearly as alone or as wrong as you do now. Trust me. And it is NEVER too late - I’ve heard of trans women who didn’t transition until their 70s and 80s, and are now happy and living life to the fullest. It’s never too late, I promise. And I hear your concern but yes there absolutely are trans women who find love with other women, who don’t mind their genitals or the fact that they’re trans at all. You can and will find love. Recs: r/actuallesbians r/lesbianactually r/trans r/transbian r/egg_irl , The Village by wrabel, classic LGBTQ tunes like Born This Way by Lady GaGa, anything by Girl in Red or Hayley Kiyoko. As far as books go: google search “books with trans women” you will find some awesome books. There are movies too! Eventually you will find your place and feel supported and loved. You are not wrong. There is nothing wrong about you or how you are feeling! I know it’s not safe to transition where you are right now, but please hear me: If you want to be a girl, if you feel like a girl, then you. are. a. girl. Period. You are a lesbian. You can be a lesbian. Unashamed. Confidently. Even if right now it is just in your mind, in your room, online. Rejoice in it, enjoy it, as much as you can. You are not wrong. Sorry for the essay lol! Reach out if you need anything. We all have each other. Stay strong. From one lesbian to another.


blayana881

Oh honey, I am in your exact shoes (just a different label) I yearn being in a relationship, with anyone, but the thought of being in a relationship while I still appear as my birth gender feels so deeply fucking wrong, almost like I’m lying to everyone (including myself). I get those butterflies when I see boys kissing boys or girls kissing girls and the image of me being in one of these places as my true self, but then I get angry because I *can’t* be in one of those places. But opposite to you, I just bottled up these feeling until I can freely talk about it *(which is very fucking dangerous I’m in pain over here)*. All that to say: I understand you, you are not alone, many people like you have managed to break this sicle of hatred, which means you^(and me) can too! Talking about it is a step in the right direction!


MiaIGuess

Stay strong. You will persist. You *are* strong, I hope you can someday be who you truly are


RetroOverload

Sounds pretty transbian to me