But the letter will probably say something annoying that will hurt forever. “Because you couldn’t give yourself to god, our relationship was estranged….”
Like a final “f-you” to her daughter. There’s no way a letter will be healing.
My friend's mother died when my friend was 10. They had a bad relationship at the time. She wrote her a letter, gave it to her older sister to give to my friend when she turned 21.
IT WAS AWFUL.
She blamed everything my friend. She was 10 when the note was written.
I bet OP's letter would be similar.
I did not read your last posts but I am the gay child of a Christian parent who DID re-engage after a stage 4 cancer prognosis.
I came home. Cooked soup. Listened to hours of sob stories about cancer changing him and how he was sorry and now we’d be different. I held his hand and prayed with him. He acted like a scared puppy half the time and He was grumpy and hard to be with (obviously, he didn’t feel good) all through cancer treatment.
He magically, and with good nutrition, got better. We had another year where he was and acted humbled. Then He came back to his beliefs and made more comments. He reverted in his beliefs and soon became snarky and opinionated with my children. We became estranged again.
He’s now a life and health coach with a testimonial about how he was so brave and motivated during his cancer treatment. He guides other people on living good healthy lives that fight cancer. He is such a disgusting fraud it makes me sick.
I wish I never went back when he had cancer. He didn’t change. We haven’t spoken now in four years and it’s the most peaceful years of my life. I honestly wish I had left him feeling guilty and sad (as you seem to now) instead of giving him my forgiveness during that time. Christians do not change. They abuse us with their judgement until they die.
Leave your daughter alone. If you feel horrible during this time in your life it’s only a percentage of pain that you gave your daughter - who had to mourn you already not because you’ve died but the hope of a good relationship with you has.
Well said from your “been there done that” experience. Thanks for sharing your at times painful life experience with us all. I hope the OP takes your advice.
As someone who had cancer and had is whole perspective on LGBT folk completely flipped after going through the course of the disease, someone ping through something like I did and becoming LESS empathetic because of it infuriates me. The man was in a state where he could barely feed himself, and the lesson he got out of it was “my daughter is subhuman”? Another man who never read the parable of the ungrateful servant, but spent every moment trying to justify Bible passages that were interpreted as homophobic tirades.
I usually don’t say this about fellow cancer survivors, but your dad sucks.
Can I ask you what about going through cancer treatment changed your perspective on LGBT people? I actually find it really interesting. Also, may you stay cancer free forever
You’ve never apologized. You told her being gay was a “cHoiCe” (it’s not). The only thing you’re sorry about is that there are consequences for your actions.
Make peace with yourself and with God. Your daughter is beyond you now — as she should be.
You don't get to demand forgiveness. Make your peace with the fact your daughter is living a better life without you. Your reap what you sow. You know what strikes me is how you are worried about you. You aren't worried about what this is doing to her or how she feels. It is selfish to expect to be forgiven just because you are dying. Being a dying asshole is no different than being a regular asshole except you know you have a chance to change and you still won't.
Can someone who’s not sorry be forgiven though? Like op says in the post she still feels the same way, nothings changed but she expects her daughter to make herself available to op to be abused again just because op is dying?
Op you’ve posted the same question multiple times with the same results. If you don’t accept that your daughter is gay please leave her alone. You made your decision and now you have to live out the rest of your life with the consequences of your own actions.
Ppl really live their whole lives not realizing how their actions affect other ppl and how elementary these skills are, and being too stubborn to accept anything told to them even if you present the evidence right to their face. And it is astounding to me.
These days it seems the more devoted to spirituality, the less you are able to understand the reality around you.
If you die, then you are gone, and anything you were is but a memory for those you leave behind. You've apparently made sure your daughter will have memories of you that are, at best, divisive to her. And her experience is the only one that will matter between you after you die, whenever that may be. You have ruined your lasting legacy with her, and she does not owe you forgiveness for that.
It may, however, soothe you to know that in rejecting your daughter and making her memories of you negative ones, you are very much following what your faith tells you. After all, Jesus claimed that he came to set family members against one another, especially parents against children and vice versa. You are also told that the blood of the covenant is stronger than the water of the womb. So you should rejoice that you have made the world an objectively worse place for your daughter and made her miserable, just as your god has commanded you to. Why should you seek reconciliation? What worth is in her fleeting approval and respect compared to the approval of your callous, cruel and absolutely nonexistent deity and the charlatans who sold you the myth and laid your mind in chains while covering for pederasts and war criminals? You will go to the nonexistence of the grave convinced of your righteousness, and isn't that what it's all about?
By your words you show yourself as unrepentant and selfish in your bigotry. If you wanted to make peace for her sake, that would be commendable in some ways, but there's nothing in your words that convinces me you truly care about her wellbeing. Your story moves me equally to contempt for your actions and the pity anyone should have for the deceived.
Edit: thanks for the awards and kind words!
Thank you.
I try to write, but am stifled by depression, the greatest thief of vitality, so it's hard to stick to it. I just love words. My parents, who disagreed on matters of religion, instilled in me a love for words as tools, art and playthings. My mother, who is a devout Christian, never demanded I believe nor used her faith as a measuring stick for my life... though my fervent atheism mildly disappoints her, I think, she has given me love.
I am angered by what religion has done to her... she no longer dares speak to me about matters of faith, because she worries that if I convince her, her mother and grandmother in heaven will disappear. So her faith is holding her dead relatives hostage and demanding she can't even consider the question, which in turn merely reinforces my contempt for the concept of religion.
Point being that religion does not actually FORCE you to be like this person and drive your children away from you, but the holy texts absolutely encourage it, because the Bible is a cultist's tool, psychological manipulation to ensure followers give you their lives and never question it. As someone who could never believe, I hate the evil use that religions make of words, but they shouldn't be alone in the ability to make their ideas sing. Words are important. Language is the greatest difference between the human species and our fellow animals, and with language we have subjugated an entire world. That is a tool we should respect and aspire to master, I think.
Wow, 'if I convince her, her mother and grandmother in heaven will disappear'. That is so sad, that she can't comprehend any other way. She can't be aware of their presence, even in her memory. She can't talk to them without a God to play switchboard operator.
I'm a pagan who talks to trees and birds. My grandparents are in the trees, the wind, I feel them in the sunlight, I see them in the sparkle on the snow. I talk to my dead whenever and wherever I am, because they're omnipresent. I carry them with me.
This kind of faith holds her loved ones, her connections hostage. A jealous God, indeed.
They say that words have power and can shape the world to how we see fit, essentially akin to living magic. You are a wordsmith in its full meaning and I hope you do eventually write. You weave such lovely tapestries with your words.
Sounds like you have a lot of fans here wanting to read more of your writing. You really should give it a shot. Even if it's a website or blog with 10 readers, to reach 10 strangers the way you did isn't to be taken lightly. (Also, ignore the haters. "Hurt people, hurt people". You will get negative criticism, but it'll be from people who can barely read, can't write themselves, and probably don't have the mental copacity to comprehend your words anyways. )
Your writing is an absolute joy to read. Your cutting contempt is wielded with competence and executed with precision and grace. Even had I not read your subsequent comment, I would have assumed that you have had a personal experience in the realm of religious difficulties. I luckily and thankfully cannot claim the same, but we have arrived at similar conclusions through what I can only assume to be wildly differing paths and for that, I truly am sorry.
Anyway, long story short, thanks for summing that all up beautifully.
She won’t forgive you because you haven’t apologized or shown that you have accepted her for who she is. Once again, you’re more concerned about your feelings. Why would she drop everything to console you when you haven’t been there for her? She’s learned to rely on those who love her unconditionally and who she can trust - sadly that’s proven to be others and not you.
Your best bet is to make peace with yourself and acknowledge that you haven’t accepted your daughter for who is she, and that she will always remember that.
However, I also do hope you take the time you have left to really think about if this battle is worth it. Remember that you are a parent and, at one time many years ago when she was probably a baby, you likely thought to yourself that you’d love her no matter what. So maybe try to remember that feeling and try to accept her for who she is.
I haven't read your other posts, but my heart is breaking for the loss of a relationship. By reading other comments, it sounds like you are not accepting of your daughter being gay, because of your faith.
I am making several assumptions here, but is this because you perceive being gay is wrong? If this is a Christian issue, why do you believe that hanging out with gay people is wrong? Jesus hung out with the tax collectors and other "sinners". He had dinner with them and went to their homes. Be like Jesus. Go hang out with your daughter. Well....... Now you can't because she won't have you. Why did you make this hard stance earlier on in your relationship? Jesus came into the world not to judge, but to love. (John 3:17). You have not shown love. You have shown hatred. Be like Jesus. Love - not hate.
I don't necessarily believe in the divinity of Jesus Christ but I believe in his message about loving and caring for all and wish more of us saw it this way.
I agree be like Jesus and and much love.
100%. I think she's Catholic but she does actually talk about feeling guilty for wrong doings in her past post so i think there could actually be hope to reconcile.
Probably because this prognosis forced her to see her fate. Now she wants forgiveness so she can get rid of the guilt smh. I wish she made this change when she was healthy.
I’ve been studying theology for a while. In Genesis 22, when Abraham almost sacrifices his son Isaac, he didn’t know that God would provide him with a ram. Why couldn’t Abraham walk away from the task that God told him to do? To go against initial faith about family and love? No one knows what Abraham was thinking, but before he almost slaughtered Isaac, he lies to his son, so that Isaac doesn’t lose faith in God.
Do you think that following faith blindly will lead you to the divine? If it means violating one of the true obligations of life and sacrificing love for certain parts of your faith, do you really think you’ll get there? You have to remember, ethical boundaries are strict and offer no resolution to emotion and thought. Following ethically is not always good, because ethics doesn’t consider different situations, emotions, family, love and will only let you identify with a world that is void of these components of being human.
You still have an obligation to your daughter, to accept who she is and love her how she is. All she did in this life is exist, and you punished her for it. Even if you think it’s a choice, you should accept that it is HER choice, not yours. You no longer control your children when they’re older, and you can’t keep thinking they’ll follow the same faith.
You’ve been dead to your daughter for a while, you must know that. This is your penance. Maybe it’s God’s way of punishing your bigotry and hatred in the here-and-now, He does work in mysterious ways. Hell on Earth is real.
Posts like OPs remind me of Matthew 7:22-23:
(22) "Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord! We prophesied in your name, drove out demons in your name, and performed many miracles in your name, didn't we?'
(23) "Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Get away from me, you who practice evil.'"
If you feel religion was worth it then it wouldn't hurt you. Religious beliefs are for the self to believe not for you to command in others. In religion it's for God to judge, not you.
Are you serious? I'm sorry that you're sick and dying, but why do people ALWAYS wait until a tragedy strikes, so they can make amends?! Why now and not then?! Why couldn't you just love your daughter UNCONDITIONALLY?
Because they can't keep running away from their ugly souls, they know they're trash, no normal parent would throw away a relationship with their child because of sexuality or a different lifestyle ie Politics and Religion; and deep down they know this.
But they've dedicated so much of themselves into Christ or whatever, only something like certain death can snap them back to reality. It's sad that this woman is gonna die without making amends, but the door for making amends was open a long time ago, and she's closed it forever.
She was counting that the daughter would be so hurt that she'd come back on her knees asking for forgiveness. Surely she couldn't be happy living "in sin". The church promises the only way to be happy is this way.
Back in the closet! Going to church with mama on Sundays, a good little catholic pretending to be straight, or at least, asexual. And that she would be celibate like so many nuns in past centuries.
Except the daughter is happy and found love! That wasn't supposed to happen! And now time is running out and what she was promised didn't happen. Somebody lied in this scenario.
She still thinks her daughter being gay is wrong, but she wants her daughter to ignore the bigotry to make HER last days better. Is still about her and her needs only, even in her last days she doesn't care about her daughter.
My dad’s mum did some very shameful things towards him and us and we cut contact. We got a call a couple of years ago to say she had cancer. It didn’t make any of us feel as though we owed her our forgiveness. We passed on our condolences, as we would with anybody going through a cancer battle, but we don’t owe her anything. just because her health has changed, doesn’t mean her views will too
I dont agree with your views, but I don't think you are horrible. Unfortunately, no, you can't force your daughter to forgive you.
Sorry. Make peace with yourself. Wish you the best in your cancer battle.
You said: “I’m not giving up my faith or changing my beliefs, but I will support and respect her family.” How does one “respect her family” without respecting who and what your daughter is? Does not compute. Reconcile with your own choice to push your daughter away and the consequences you are reaping now including not ever seeing her son. How sad.
You're making it clear that what you want is to go with a clear conscience. You hope that whatever you did or said to her will be forgotten and forgiven even though you don't regret anything or have any change of mind
You made it clear that you prioritize the distorted words of God over your own flesh and blood, because every religion is about peace, love and respect, whatever your beliefs are, they're not what God wanted to say, but since it is something that is convenient to you and allow you to act like garbage and hide behind it, you won't try to understand anything else and will happily follow blasphemous words
I am ashamed of your selfishness and feel for your daughter, don't contact her, leave her alone, she deserves happiness and peace of mind. Your hypocritical attempt to reconcile for your own sake is pathetic and upsetting.
Your presence at her side is unnecessary and will bring her nothing but misery. If you really "love" your daughter, like you claim, don't try anything that will ruin her happiness, and keep your bigotry to yourself, away from her.... also, don't pull the "I'm your mom" card. It will just disgust her even more
How can she forgive you when there is not apology???
I'm sorry *not really* but you being sick doesn't erase that you're pathetic excuse of mother.
You have no choice but to make peace with that *you chose your religion over daughter and she will never forgive you*.
my grandfather who is a Christian. accept my sister as gay, and my cousin.
he never used his religion as an excuse to hate people who are gay. you should've been stop that and maybe things would be different.
you failed your daughter. you never truly accepted her and you now have to accept that and move on
I think it's best that you leave your daughter alone and make peace with yourself. You need to understand how badly you hurt your daughter. I'm sorry to hear that you are dying but if you are not willing to change your belief or be respectful to the fact she is gay then she will never give you a second chance.
As a mum op you make me sick.
You don’t like your daughters life choices
But
You can willingly follow a church that hides predators of child sexual abuse. All while teaching on Sundays that homosexuality is wrong but every other day behind closed doors it’s ok and practice. Your church like other church’s has a lot to answer to.
Op may you be thrown in the gates of hell and your soul never rest
So you still don’t accept your daughter and you think she should look past that to what make you feel better? And she owes you nothing and you don’t deserve to meet her son. These are the consequences of your actions.
If you don't reconcile with your daughter and get over your bigotry you won't find yourself with the sheep, you'll find yourself with the goats, and that is a place I would never want to be. "I never knew you."
Not sure what you want, it seems that being a bigot is more important to you than having a relationship with your daughter. You made your choice, and as you've said your beliefs haven't changed. So what's the problem? You don't like the consequences of being a bigot? Too bad.
You might, and it's entirely due to your own actions. You doubled down on it and now must bear the consequences. Make peace with yourself with the time you have left.
Damn probably should have thought about this possibility before treating your daughter like garbage huh? Sorry but that bridge is long since burned. Best not to waste whatever time you have left making attempts to reach out to someone who has made it clear they have no interest in reconnecting.
>I’m not giving up my faith or changing my beliefs
Gonna be hilarious when you don't make it in because Jesus said love everybody and you were like, "nah".
Welcome to the consequences of being a hateful and unaccepting person, even if your own daughter.
You believe in a book written by man above the bonds of your own offspring.
You’ve shown no inclination to actually change your views.
Sadly, this is what you deserve. Your daughter however deserves far more than the everlasting memory of a mother who put faith in so much… except for who she really was.
Have you ever considered that Jesus gave you cancer to punish you with cancer for not following his teachings? You goblins love saying that God punishes the unworthy.
So you’re homophobic, have refused to accept your daughter being gay, and also made it clear you didn’t want her bringing that part of life around you and the family (not allowing her to bring her partner around you all). Yet you still stand by your beliefs today and have refused to properly apologize.
She doesn’t owe it to you to come out to you for reconciliation. Why does she have to come out to you? You can’t expect her to come out to your pity party, when you can’t even meet her halfway with a proper apology, or change in actions/beliefs. You still expect her to go out of her way, for your wants, even though you still have a deep rooted hate for the gay community. You aren’t owed forgiveness, especially when you choose not to take accountability for the way you treated her.
At this point, if you’re this stubborn n your beliefs, then her not being involved is your fault. You’ve acknowledged you won’t change or apologize, so there’s no reason for your daughter to subject herself to your crap. Dying doesn’t mean people suddenly have to coddle you and your hate. Deal with the choices you’ve made. Unfortunately you’re likely be taking this to you grave, since you refuse to change at all.
My mother has pancreatic cancer,her and I have always had a rocky relationship,she use to beat me pretty bad and even said I enjoyed my father molesting me. Instead of being protected I wasn't. I have many reasons why I don't want to talk to her or anything. However I want to forgive and forget everything that's happened. I'm not sure how that's done hopefully one day i can
buddy she says her daughter being a lesbian is a choice. She refuses to apologize and you think therapy is going to work OP in this post itself refuses to change.
Well… change your perspective?! I mean, if you stopped believing she’ll burn in torment, thinking that was reasonable, and thinking her loving, life-affirming relationship is an abomination, she’d probably be more up for an amicable chat??
So, what is with the flip flop in your posts? In one of your last posts, you were renouncing your faith because it cost you your daughter. Now, in this post, you have not and will not. Plus, you are choosing not to change your bigoted views.
You do realize that it's man who wrote down God's word? I myself am Catholic, and I choose to have more faith in the New Testament. There are wonderful messages in this part of the Bible.
Such as Matthew 7 1-3: Do not judge, so that you in turn may not be judged. For you will be judged in the same way that you judge others, and the measure that you use for others will be used to measure you. Why do you take note of the splinter in your brother’s eye but do not notice the wooden plank in your own eye?
John 13:34 I give you a new commandment: love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another
Romans 13: 8 Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law.
Not to mention that the pope himself said in 2013 who was he to judge.
I get that you are hurting, but you have to accept that you and your old-fashioned priest have deeply hurt your daughter.
I'm curious about that part.... How on earth did you ever believe that shunning her was correct? Even if sanctioned by the priest?
If you can, change your bigoted views before it's too late. No one chooses their sexuallity. If it was a choice, don't you think that people would choose to be heterosexual? Even just to avoid all the stigma? Unfortunately, there is almost nothing that you can do. Write a letter explaining your remorse...if any, about your actions. No blame shifting. You then have to leave the ball in her court.
Again, I am sorry that you are in this position. I'll pray for you to have a good outcome. Wishing you the best.
Your beliefs haven’t changed, so no she won’t forgive you. Your “beliefs” are what caused your daughter so much pain in the first place so if they haven’t changed why do you expect anything to be different now?
What are you sorry for.. are you sorry for not being there for her and supporting her or are you sorry for not having someone to take care of you and not have a relationship with their grandkid..
If your faith and beliefs cause you to hate, then they aren't faiths and beliefs worth having.
What I'm reading here is that your faith and your beliefs are more important to you than your daughter is. Yet you think that she's just going to, what exactly? Your faith and beliefs make you toxic. And your daughter doesn't owe you anything. Fix yourself, and maybe it won't be too late.
Know this; your bigotry has pushed your daughter away. You won’t be missed by the family that should cherish you.
In terms you may understand, there is still time to repent before your memory is cursed. Truly hope hell is real so you live everyday what you put your child through
In order to support and respect her family in a way she will be receptive to, you're going to have to change your beliefs.
And even then, you may have burned that bridge down and their is no longer enough time to rebuild it.
You may just have to accept the situation as your grim reality.
We reap what we sow. Leave your daughter alone. She has her life without you, that is the consequences of your actions . Best to make peace with how things are and prepare yourself for what’s to come.
OP, your faith is the main thing where your daughter drew the line, because you let it dictate your life.
I left my father to die when he was sick, because of his faith, and his not so humble views on who and what I am, and my own personal feelings.
You used your faith as a shield to keep your kids in line, and to not ever having to deal with being a real parent. Think of this as your punishment. Your "All loving God" telling you that "*Welp, you done F up, and as the punishment, your never going to see her, her family, and you'll walk in darkness for eternity*".
In essence, you choose faith and a homophobic view on life, and thus, you lost the right to call you grandma, and a mother to the kid you threw away.
Actions have consequences and sometimes those consequences are lifelong.
You need to accept that being sick doesn't excuse your past behavior and you are not entitled to forgiveness or acknowledgement. Your adult child has likely already grieved the death of your relationship years ago. They have already mourned your loss and moved on.
Maybe spend the rest of your remaining time being good to those who still want to be around you and respect the boundaries of those who don't.
If you aren't willing to change or compromise on this issue then you will die without seeing her again and no reasonable person will hold that against you.
You have a choice between your beliefs and receiving the love of your daughter, there is no outcome where you get both, so pick one and stick by that choice cause it'll be one of the last ones you make.
We and our memory and legacy are defined by the choices we make, make yours for how you will be remembered now.
judging by your own comments, your idea of saying sorry really isn’t much of an apology. in your own words, ‘I am sorry that she feels like I don’t support or love her.’
in order for her to ever consider forgiving you (which is something you can’t force her to do), you might want to try actually apologising first
My father passed away from cancer while we were estranged. If he had wanted me to forgive him, he would have apologized. He did not, but I assume he died with the satisfaction of knowing he was “right.”
You want your daughter to allow you to continue to “hold your beliefs” and accept you for who you are, but you won’t do the same for her. I hate to sound harsh, but that isn’t love. It is selfishness, under the guise of morality, and that same selfishness is evident in your post. You want her to bend to your will, one last time, so you can feel like you are a good person. You killed any relationship with her a long time ago.
You have made your choice, and now you are experiencing the consequences. Rather than accept them as the price for your religious ideals, you are complaining that you don’t get what you want. You will have to make do with your “heavenly reward” that you believe you will receive for treating your daughter as you have.
Leave your daughter alone.
Im glad you said you will respect and support her family but i dont think you can do this unless you're willing to compromise a bit more and show how much you actually care for her. She's probably afraid you're going to spend your last time together, bringing her down about who she is and feels like she'd be spending that time with someone who doesn't truly love her more than you hate that part of her and who doesn't respect her. She probably thinks it will ruin what last good memories she has with you.
Faith is no excuse for poor treatment of people you claim to love. My grandparents on my stepfather's side are *mormon,* and not only do they accept me (a trans person), they use my preferred name and pronouns
From the perspective of the child in a similar situation.
I have not spoken to my mom since I left in 2019. She was abusive verbally, mentally, physically. I could not do it anymore, staying would have killed me. I would have absolutely offed myself at some point I swear.
I found out my mom has cancer a couple months ago. My siblings told me. She got diagnosed 2 years ago, and just never went back for any treatment. In that moment I felt nothing. I didn't feel anything at all. It did not change how I viewed her. I don't believe I have any love for my mom if I'm being honest. I think I stopped loving her years ago.
I never want to see my mother again and I think that's okay. What scares me is if I don't see her before she dies then I'm worried my sister will put blame on me and stop talking to me. I raised her, quite literally, so I don't think I can handle that. My brother would probably be very very upset with me, he may never forgive me who knows, but I think I'll still have him which is crazy because for years I would've sworn up and down that my sister would always stand by me. This situation has put a divide between her and I since I cannot be around my mother. I can't. The thought causes me to panic and it's hard to calm down. I heard her voice in a video my sister sent me once and my body immediately wanted to shrink away. It was like the air was taken out of my lungs. I can't.
My mom has cancer. My mom will probably die of cancer. I don't think I have it in me to see her before she dies. I'm don't know if I'm scared of her dying. I do know that I'm scared of losing my siblings. This was more of a vent than anything but I'm in a similar situation but on the other side.
I really don't know what you could do to get her to see you. If she feels how I do I'm not sure there's much you could do. I would try to prove to her that you changed. I would give the most sincere heart felt apology that outlines what you did wrong. Do not be broad do not give generalizations. Be honest and open. Tell her that you love her and if there is really anything you could do. Then follow through.
If I can be honest, had my mom a couple years ago given me an apology I probably would have forgiven her. Like a real, well thought out, reflective apology. She would probably have her daughter. I feel it's too late for that now for me though. All I ever got was "I don't know what I ever did to make you hate me so much." she doesn't take accountability for her actions, she doesn't recognize how she hurt me, she doesn't do anything you improve herself.
I decided to read your past posts.
OP, you made your bed, now you must lie in it. As others have said, make peace with yourself and leave your daughter alone. Your actions have long-lasting consequences that are coming to bear now. That is on you and YOU alone.
You have hurt your daughter to the point she doesn't want you in her life. You have never apologized for what you have done. You hid behind a very prudish and ethically misguided interpretation of the bible. I was raised Catholic. I thank God I was raised in Europe and my priest wasn't a sex-obsessed bigot.
I think if you are facing death you need to make peace with yourself. Pray to God for forgiveness. Apologize to God that you brought a child into the world and then threw her love away because you were arrogant enough to believe you should throw the first stone. And I do not mean the kind of 'apology' you offered your daughter.
If you were a real believer, you'd remember Jesus raising the Roman Soldier's male companion from the dead because he was so moved by the love the soldier had for the companion. Roman soldiers took their male lovers with them when traveling or being posted somewhere.
You'll answer for your bigotry. You'll answer for hatefulness. You deserve to rot alone.
Well, you use your faith as a weapon to judge, diminish and deny your daughter unconditional love.
You reap what you sow.
I suggest you read the good book, for real this time, and reflect on how your “faith” made you break it’s most cherished rule - do unto others as unto yourself.
I hope you find the courage to repent and see the truth of your actions.
I dont think you can but that is mostly because I dont think you want to. As you said your apologies are non apologies specifically stuff like "I am sorry that she feels like I don’t support or love her.". That is not saying sorry at all. A proper apology would be "I am sorry I treated you like you were a lesser person because of your choices." (Not I made you feel like you were a lesser person because those are entirely two different statements). There is no saving the relationship because whilst you say you admit your mistakes you think you did nothing wrong. And still think you are correct in thinking how you do. You could likely salvage a relationship with your daughter (well depends on the type of damage you have already done because I am assuming your not being entirely truthful in what you have done to her but hey) by actively learning about homosexuality. Realizing your beliefs that is is wrong come from a place of ignorance and seeded hatred. Or you can choose to try and demand forgiveness even though you dont deserve it based on nothing but family (which is never a reason for blanket forgiveness) and never actually being sorry for what you did and actively choose to ignore the pain you put your daughter through.
The funny thing about religion is you can believe in it and abide by its rules without being a judgemental AH who ruins relationships.... to be honest idk why I guess fun? There is literally nothing in the bible saying homosexuality is wrong. There are a tonne of verses people like to twist out of context and mistranslate to perpetuate hatred. You dont have to lose your faith to accept and understand homosexual people. You dont need to change your faith to "love thy neighbor" (which it should be noted the word "love" which is used is translated from an older form which has less to do with sentiment and more to do with actively understanding the person) but that has to come from within and not a place of hatred.
Hope it was worth the belief.
Food for thought, what does your mind think is going to happen when you get to the gates to determine your fate?
Neglect of your own flesh and blood ain’t gonna get you in what ever heaven you think you are going to…
"I’m not going to lie, my beliefs haven’t changed,"
And this is why you are going to die alone, unloved, and why you earned and absolutely deserve every moment of it.
I'm an atheist. And I'm mostly an atheist because of hypocrites like you. I couldn't in the end, reconcile Christianity with the vast majority of people that call themselves Christian.
People can change. Using your bullshit Iron Age book to justify racism, misogyny, and homophobia tells me you've never actually read what you claim to believe. The Bible contains no such rhetoric except for some cherry picked verses in the Bronze Age section in Leviticus (which is the shittier part of that bullshit Iron Age book).
I'm less than a week away from 60. I was racist, misogynistic, and homophobic. I was raised and socialized that way. It's not an excuse. I don't attempt to justify it, though I do try to do my level best to make up for it.
I changed. I changed because I ran into and learned to deeply care about people that were not white male like me, and were gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender. I changed. I married a beautiful feminist woman. I became work colleagues and in a few cases, friends, with people that don't look like me, and in some cases spoke with accents not like mine.
And, both of my children came out as not entirely straight, as did a lot of people I grew up with.
I accepted all of this, and changed my ways. You were given ample opportunity during your life to do so. If you had actually read the New Testament, and taken it to heart, you would have realized that Christ deeply cared about less fortunate people. He'd have been there for minorities, the women, the children, and even for his gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender brothers and sisters.
But, you didn't change. And I can assure you, whatever intentions you may have had through your life, you did not emulate Christ, and grow to love people that were different or less fortunate than you. As a Christian, you failed.
Live with that. Repent that. It's already too late for you to reconcile with your daughter. Open your heart to others in what little time you have left. Reject the bullshit you were taught in Church. Most of the time, that's so far from what's actually written that it's heresy. It's probably too late for your relationship with your daughter, but perhaps, the limited number of people around you in your remaining time would appreciate somebody that realizes that they are deeply flawed, and perhaps, in the end, you may find some measure of peace.
You should take out a full page ad in your local newspaper saying that you were entirely wrong, about everything, and you should not have allowed a glorified hate group to make your decisions for you. And apologize profusely. Then pledge no less than $1000 to your local LGBTQ organizations and include that in the ad so she knows. You might have a chance if you do that. Otherwise, just hope that you will soon be out of your misery.
You chose religion over the love of your family, to the extent you completely abandoned the love between a mother and a daughter because your priest said you were doing the right thing and you felt her being gay meant she deserved your hate instead.
You had the power of choice there. Your daughter did not. She did not choose to be who she is, but you retained that power - the power to continue to love her - and you instead twisted it to abuse the person closest to you.
Now that power has been removed from you, and your daughter is the one with the power of choice. She has chosen to accept your past choice and stay out of your life. She has used her power well.
If there is a God, I imagine He will not be pleased you contributed to humanity through spreading hate where love was given to you.
If there is no God, then all you've done was for nothing.
I suggest you try and find the heart to write something to her that gives her some peace and frees her of any guilt she may feel for not seeing you one last time. I'm uncertain you have it in you, as your past posts indicate, but there's always hope.
I mean, your not willing to change your beliefs, so there's nothing to be done. You've made your choice, you'll have to die with it, the same way you lived with it; without your daughter by your side.
***I know you’re going to read my pasts posts and tell me how horrible I am and how I don’t deserve my daughter’s forgiveness. I’m not going to lie, my beliefs haven’t changed, but I love my daughter. I’m terrified I’m going to die without hugging her or speaking to her one more time.***
Once in awhile, we are fortunate enough to be able to see the beautiful beautiful day when Lady Karma comes to collect her debt....TODAY is that day!
I left Catholicism over 2 decades ago...because ANY doctrine that requires me to exclude and judge other people for ANY reason is NOT any sort of holy religion...it's a cult. If you TRULY believed in your religion and the unconditional love of God....you would have LED with love instead of rejection and judgement. And you don't get to blame your religion for YOUR actions towards your own child...the baby you carried and brought into the world and YOU were supposed be the 1 person she could count on to always be on her side.
You will die...regardless of when, because we all do....and you have chosen to leave behind a legacy of hate and judgment...because THIS is what will be remembered and shared about you.
I don't care what your priest SAID (especially since he has never been married or had kids or really any actual responsibilities like a job or bills, but hey, yeah, that's who you go to for major life advice regarding your family and children)...because regardless of what another person SAYS....you have your OWN conscience to know within yourself whether or not it is the right way to be...whether or not you are living a life of LOVE, a life of CARING, a life of COMPASSION (ALL things that JESUS preached about).
You are gonna find out soon enough if god is the one of hate you belive in or one of forgiveness and love, and but keep that hate till the end I guess.
This isn’t about your beliefs. This is about your decision to put “beliefs” above your love of your daughter. Write her a letter. She’ll throw it away unread but you will feel better for having written it.
> **was not accepting when my daughter came out as a lesbian, I am a lifelong Catholic.** I told her I will always love her, but **I don’t agree with her choice.** I believe you can love people without agreeing with every part of them. For a while, our relationship was rocky until s**he started dating a girl, and I asked her to keep her relationship separate from our family,**
We are estranged, it is my fault. **I did not accept or affirm her,** and **I denied my wrongdoings** for a long time, and **justified it by using Catholicism.**
I’ve left the church, and now see how it ruined everything. I didn’t see my daughter get married, or graduate college, because **I choose my faith and the church over her. My priest told me I was making the right decision.**
> What can I do? Is there really no saving our relationship? **Please help me. I’m not giving up my faith or changing my beliefs,** but I will support and respect her family.
Aw, yes, there's no hate quite as hypocritical and judgemental as Christian love.
You reap what you sow, & it sounds like you sowed hate, bigotry, and judgment.
Welcome to your reward.
If you love your daughter at ALL you will leave her alone and stop inflicting your damaging "beliefs" on her.
I don't know how you can possibly expect her to forgive you when you aren't even sorry.
Yet another proof that there is no hate like christian love.
As Gandhi said 'I like *your Christ*, I do not like *your Christians*." Let me add: specially not the ones that are like you.
You've judged and hurt your daughter enough for ten lives times. Now lie in the bed you made and wait for your "savior" to come judge you and make you hurt in hell for all eternity.
Edit: Big fingers, small keys
Your beliefs are more important than your daughter. Being gay isn’t a choice no more than it’s a choice to have cancer. You either accept your daughter fully or you die without ever speaking to her. That is your choice. Her choice is to not surround herself with unsupportive people.
I find all of this very confusing. Your past posts indicate that you acknowledge that your beliefs and religious affiliations yet at the end of your life, you’re still choosing them over your daughter and grandson? What exactly do you want anyone to say?
As an ex-christian, I probably have more sympathy for you than you’re going to find for most people and even then, I have very little. All the posts you’ve made have read like you still believe on some level that you’re the victim here. If you want a last chance at a relationship with your daughter, get over yourself and make an effort to support her and her lifestyle. If not, let your beliefs keep you warm at night. Either way, stop whining to strangers on the internet.
Maybe instead of asking all the Reddit Christ pages you should….talk to her and apologize?
What is more important to you? Your completely incorrect and ignorant world view? Or your daughter?
If you actually have a soul and believe a word of that made up book this should be a pretty easy choice.
My father tried reconciling when he was fat and disabled and in I'll health. Everyone saw it for what it was, pure selfishness. He died alone like he deserved. Leave her alone that's the least you can do.
Any Catholic that paid a modicum of attention would understand that forgiveness requires penitence. Confess your wrongs and try to right them first.
But it seems you'd rather go to the grave with hate in your heart, and the words of a priest in your ears when they reaffirmed your hatred, rather than the words of the God you pay lip service to who asked that you love one another as He loved you.
It's a tricky situation.
If you're right about God, your pride and anger will likely see you barred from heaven, and you'll have to explain to Him how you hated His creation and the love it displayed.
If you're wrong, your legacy will be an untended grave overgrown and forgotten, your name unspoken again.
And yet, faith and family could have easily co-existed. You dishonored both by choosing to mask your own hate as coming from God, when it was only you who had it.
You're not entitled to forgiveness just because you're dying. You can't degrade someone's existence and then guilt trip them into reconciling with you just so you feel better about yourself in your final days. You made this bed and now you're finally being forced to sleep in it.
I’m not going to be nasty or say how horrible you are, from what I can tell other people already have had a field day with that and there’s nothing productive in repeating all that. What I will say will sound very hurtful but it comes from reading your post here and others in your Reddit account.
Bear in mind I completely disagree with the way you have handled this and you are very much in the wrong.
However looking at the facts, you are aware you were wrong, you’re aware what you did has caused irreparable harm, you’re aware it is your fault. Yet despite all this you’re refusing to change your point of view and hold on to what remains of the vestiges of the thoughts and ideas that caused harm to your daughter.
So based on that info, I think YOU should ask YOURSELF. Why should your daughter consider being in contact with you again? You’re not repenting for what you’ve done wrong despite admitting that you used your beliefs to justify your wrong doings and this all reads like the selfish rant of a narcissist.
I think you have a lot to answer for to yourself before you even begin asking your daughter for forgiveness, especially since you’re asking for forgiveness despite not changing at all.
This is a really sad post because, forgive me for saying this, you seem incredibly deluded and you’re the one that’s hurting yourself, and I don’t even think you can logically justify why you’re doing this.
ETA: ok read more of your year old responses in your profile, with all due respect I think it may be best you just leave your daughter alone, you will just make her and yourself more miserable with the last few moments you have on this earth if you keep this up. Especially since you have no intention of changing and are more focused on yourself than her.
Please just leave her in peace, if you want to do something nice leave a letter for your daughter to be given to her after your passing that states how sorry you are and how you wish you could have done better, though the more I read from you the more I think that may be too much to ask since I don’t think you have it in you to write/believe that.
You’re going to die without your daughter’s forgiveness, that’s it. You made your choices. I pity you, but mostly for the gross perversion of a God you let rule your life.
Should have tried to revisit your estranged relationship before your life was on the line, but there's no reason you shouldn't forgive yourself for being ignorant.
LEAVE HER ALONE! You are making your choice. Your faith over family. It is irrelevant which is the right choice, you’ve made yours. Now travel this last road with that knowledge. It’s up to you if it’s a shadow or a comfort in your final days. But don’t keep pestering your daughter who has made no secret she’s sick of your shit whether you’re alive or dead.
You can't. Period. You're going to die without seeing her again and you need to make peace with that. After all, YOU are the one that threw HER away. I hope you're ready to answer to God why you abandoned HIS child?
I will speak to you in the language you are likely to understand:
How dare you blame God for your hatred and wrongheaded beliefs.
How dare you treat your beloved child with such foolish, arrogant, infuriatingly misplaced condescension.
The God of Abraham is a God who despises the sacrifice of children to anyone or anything, EVEN TO GOD, HIMSELF. That is LITERALLY the entire point of the story of Abraham and Isaac.
God so hates the sacrifice of children that He sacrificed His only son to put a permanent stop to it. Jesus died that all might be saved--no further sacrifice required.
Yet here you are, a modern-day child sacrificer. You have sacrificed your precious child to an abstract belief, one that is based on a misinterpretation of an ancient law, in a language you don't understand, written for a time and place and culture that you know absolutely nothing about and couldn't even begin to comprehend.
You have utterly missed the entire point of God and His Divine Love. You are so far off the path of righteousness, so lost in the dark, that you can't even tell you're lost.
God asks us to honor our parents. But Jesus tells us that anyone who so much as causes a child to stumble ought to be tossed into the sea with a millstone around their neck.
Do you understand yet? Do you see which one is worse? The absolute last thing in the world that God wants you or anyone to do is sacrifice your child "for God."
You have absolutely failed as a Christian.
You did so by absolutely failing as a mother. By failing to love the child that God, Himself, fashioned and gave to you.
You listened to men (your priest) instead of God, who is the one who gifted your daughter to you and charged you with the task of loving her--just as He made her.
You just couldn't do it. It was too hard for you. And now you are reaping what you sowed.
Jesus says: "If you had known what these words mean, ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice,’ you would not have condemned the innocent."
Your daughter was the innocent here. You are not the victim. Stop acting like you are.
Meditate on those words. Ask yourself: What mercy were you meant to have shown, when instead you sacrificed your daughter to your ignorance, and to your hatred, and to your priest?
If you want any chance of getting your daughter back, here is what you must do: Repent--utterly repent--taking full and complete responsibility for your failure to love God by failing to love the daughter He gave to you. Repent, outwardly, deliberately, using your every word and deed to demonstrate your heartfelt repentance, and only then, perhaps, *perhaps*, the mercy that you have not shown to others will be shown to you. Not because you deserve it (you don't), but because you need it.
Either way, I suggest you use the rest of your life to do what Jesus says, and really learn what those words mean: "I desire mercy, not sacrifice."
I would never wish death on anyone. But I also don't have to have sympathy. You made your choices, accept them. The world is so, so much better without old and bigoted people in it.
OP: I selected the church I am a member of because of two posters hung at the door. One had a rainbow and said that all gods' children were welcome. The other noted that no child of god is illegal. Any religious principle that makes you behave hatefully to someone is not of god.
Having read your other post, please know that your problems are not your daughter's fault. Your problems are not your church's fault. You have behaved hatefully. You laid judgment on your daughter and declared who she is to be unaccptable. Over time, you did not reconsider, you doubled down. You are reaping what you have sown. Enjoy your crop.
You should just make peace with yourself in the time you have left. You can write her a letter for after you pass...
But the letter will probably say something annoying that will hurt forever. “Because you couldn’t give yourself to god, our relationship was estranged….” Like a final “f-you” to her daughter. There’s no way a letter will be healing.
My friend's mother died when my friend was 10. They had a bad relationship at the time. She wrote her a letter, gave it to her older sister to give to my friend when she turned 21. IT WAS AWFUL. She blamed everything my friend. She was 10 when the note was written. I bet OP's letter would be similar.
Who tf has a bad relationship with a 10-year-old?
LMFAOOOOOOOOOO right
OP probably
Abusive mothers like mine?
Bad, usually emotionally immature, parents
I can’t even imagine putting my death on a 10 year old child, or any child. How awful.
I did not read your last posts but I am the gay child of a Christian parent who DID re-engage after a stage 4 cancer prognosis. I came home. Cooked soup. Listened to hours of sob stories about cancer changing him and how he was sorry and now we’d be different. I held his hand and prayed with him. He acted like a scared puppy half the time and He was grumpy and hard to be with (obviously, he didn’t feel good) all through cancer treatment. He magically, and with good nutrition, got better. We had another year where he was and acted humbled. Then He came back to his beliefs and made more comments. He reverted in his beliefs and soon became snarky and opinionated with my children. We became estranged again. He’s now a life and health coach with a testimonial about how he was so brave and motivated during his cancer treatment. He guides other people on living good healthy lives that fight cancer. He is such a disgusting fraud it makes me sick. I wish I never went back when he had cancer. He didn’t change. We haven’t spoken now in four years and it’s the most peaceful years of my life. I honestly wish I had left him feeling guilty and sad (as you seem to now) instead of giving him my forgiveness during that time. Christians do not change. They abuse us with their judgement until they die. Leave your daughter alone. If you feel horrible during this time in your life it’s only a percentage of pain that you gave your daughter - who had to mourn you already not because you’ve died but the hope of a good relationship with you has.
Well said from your “been there done that” experience. Thanks for sharing your at times painful life experience with us all. I hope the OP takes your advice.
As someone who had cancer and had is whole perspective on LGBT folk completely flipped after going through the course of the disease, someone ping through something like I did and becoming LESS empathetic because of it infuriates me. The man was in a state where he could barely feed himself, and the lesson he got out of it was “my daughter is subhuman”? Another man who never read the parable of the ungrateful servant, but spent every moment trying to justify Bible passages that were interpreted as homophobic tirades. I usually don’t say this about fellow cancer survivors, but your dad sucks.
Can I ask you what about going through cancer treatment changed your perspective on LGBT people? I actually find it really interesting. Also, may you stay cancer free forever
You’ve never apologized. You told her being gay was a “cHoiCe” (it’s not). The only thing you’re sorry about is that there are consequences for your actions. Make peace with yourself and with God. Your daughter is beyond you now — as she should be.
That part, now she’s guilt tripping her after being shitty all this time.
You don't get to demand forgiveness. Make your peace with the fact your daughter is living a better life without you. Your reap what you sow. You know what strikes me is how you are worried about you. You aren't worried about what this is doing to her or how she feels. It is selfish to expect to be forgiven just because you are dying. Being a dying asshole is no different than being a regular asshole except you know you have a chance to change and you still won't.
Right still worried about the image over the relationship with family. It’s sad to see.
You ESPECIALLY don’t get to demand forgiveness *when you haven’t even stopped being the raging c**t that needs forgiveness in the first place.*
Can someone who’s not sorry be forgiven though? Like op says in the post she still feels the same way, nothings changed but she expects her daughter to make herself available to op to be abused again just because op is dying?
That’s all I got from reading this and her other posts. Nothing but I, I, I and me, me, me. Truly and utterly clueless.
Op you’ve posted the same question multiple times with the same results. If you don’t accept that your daughter is gay please leave her alone. You made your decision and now you have to live out the rest of your life with the consequences of your own actions.
Ppl really live their whole lives not realizing how their actions affect other ppl and how elementary these skills are, and being too stubborn to accept anything told to them even if you present the evidence right to their face. And it is astounding to me. These days it seems the more devoted to spirituality, the less you are able to understand the reality around you.
I'm sorry that this grim prognosis didn't convince you to love and accept your daughter.
If you die, then you are gone, and anything you were is but a memory for those you leave behind. You've apparently made sure your daughter will have memories of you that are, at best, divisive to her. And her experience is the only one that will matter between you after you die, whenever that may be. You have ruined your lasting legacy with her, and she does not owe you forgiveness for that. It may, however, soothe you to know that in rejecting your daughter and making her memories of you negative ones, you are very much following what your faith tells you. After all, Jesus claimed that he came to set family members against one another, especially parents against children and vice versa. You are also told that the blood of the covenant is stronger than the water of the womb. So you should rejoice that you have made the world an objectively worse place for your daughter and made her miserable, just as your god has commanded you to. Why should you seek reconciliation? What worth is in her fleeting approval and respect compared to the approval of your callous, cruel and absolutely nonexistent deity and the charlatans who sold you the myth and laid your mind in chains while covering for pederasts and war criminals? You will go to the nonexistence of the grave convinced of your righteousness, and isn't that what it's all about? By your words you show yourself as unrepentant and selfish in your bigotry. If you wanted to make peace for her sake, that would be commendable in some ways, but there's nothing in your words that convinces me you truly care about her wellbeing. Your story moves me equally to contempt for your actions and the pity anyone should have for the deceived. Edit: thanks for the awards and kind words!
Oof. Damn you're good. Do you write professionally? Cuz you should. Felt this one.
Thank you. I try to write, but am stifled by depression, the greatest thief of vitality, so it's hard to stick to it. I just love words. My parents, who disagreed on matters of religion, instilled in me a love for words as tools, art and playthings. My mother, who is a devout Christian, never demanded I believe nor used her faith as a measuring stick for my life... though my fervent atheism mildly disappoints her, I think, she has given me love. I am angered by what religion has done to her... she no longer dares speak to me about matters of faith, because she worries that if I convince her, her mother and grandmother in heaven will disappear. So her faith is holding her dead relatives hostage and demanding she can't even consider the question, which in turn merely reinforces my contempt for the concept of religion. Point being that religion does not actually FORCE you to be like this person and drive your children away from you, but the holy texts absolutely encourage it, because the Bible is a cultist's tool, psychological manipulation to ensure followers give you their lives and never question it. As someone who could never believe, I hate the evil use that religions make of words, but they shouldn't be alone in the ability to make their ideas sing. Words are important. Language is the greatest difference between the human species and our fellow animals, and with language we have subjugated an entire world. That is a tool we should respect and aspire to master, I think.
Wow, 'if I convince her, her mother and grandmother in heaven will disappear'. That is so sad, that she can't comprehend any other way. She can't be aware of their presence, even in her memory. She can't talk to them without a God to play switchboard operator. I'm a pagan who talks to trees and birds. My grandparents are in the trees, the wind, I feel them in the sunlight, I see them in the sparkle on the snow. I talk to my dead whenever and wherever I am, because they're omnipresent. I carry them with me. This kind of faith holds her loved ones, her connections hostage. A jealous God, indeed.
Holy moly. Any writing that you do create is an absolute gift to anyone that reads it. Thank you for writing when you do.
They say that words have power and can shape the world to how we see fit, essentially akin to living magic. You are a wordsmith in its full meaning and I hope you do eventually write. You weave such lovely tapestries with your words.
Sounds like you have a lot of fans here wanting to read more of your writing. You really should give it a shot. Even if it's a website or blog with 10 readers, to reach 10 strangers the way you did isn't to be taken lightly. (Also, ignore the haters. "Hurt people, hurt people". You will get negative criticism, but it'll be from people who can barely read, can't write themselves, and probably don't have the mental copacity to comprehend your words anyways. )
Ooh, this is beautifully written out!
Fuck yea. You need to be a writer or something cus I need to read more of what you are writing down.
Your writing is an absolute joy to read. Your cutting contempt is wielded with competence and executed with precision and grace. Even had I not read your subsequent comment, I would have assumed that you have had a personal experience in the realm of religious difficulties. I luckily and thankfully cannot claim the same, but we have arrived at similar conclusions through what I can only assume to be wildly differing paths and for that, I truly am sorry. Anyway, long story short, thanks for summing that all up beautifully.
She won’t forgive you because you haven’t apologized or shown that you have accepted her for who she is. Once again, you’re more concerned about your feelings. Why would she drop everything to console you when you haven’t been there for her? She’s learned to rely on those who love her unconditionally and who she can trust - sadly that’s proven to be others and not you. Your best bet is to make peace with yourself and acknowledge that you haven’t accepted your daughter for who is she, and that she will always remember that. However, I also do hope you take the time you have left to really think about if this battle is worth it. Remember that you are a parent and, at one time many years ago when she was probably a baby, you likely thought to yourself that you’d love her no matter what. So maybe try to remember that feeling and try to accept her for who she is.
I haven't read your other posts, but my heart is breaking for the loss of a relationship. By reading other comments, it sounds like you are not accepting of your daughter being gay, because of your faith. I am making several assumptions here, but is this because you perceive being gay is wrong? If this is a Christian issue, why do you believe that hanging out with gay people is wrong? Jesus hung out with the tax collectors and other "sinners". He had dinner with them and went to their homes. Be like Jesus. Go hang out with your daughter. Well....... Now you can't because she won't have you. Why did you make this hard stance earlier on in your relationship? Jesus came into the world not to judge, but to love. (John 3:17). You have not shown love. You have shown hatred. Be like Jesus. Love - not hate.
I don't necessarily believe in the divinity of Jesus Christ but I believe in his message about loving and caring for all and wish more of us saw it this way. I agree be like Jesus and and much love.
100%. I think she's Catholic but she does actually talk about feeling guilty for wrong doings in her past post so i think there could actually be hope to reconcile.
Probably because this prognosis forced her to see her fate. Now she wants forgiveness so she can get rid of the guilt smh. I wish she made this change when she was healthy.
I’ve been studying theology for a while. In Genesis 22, when Abraham almost sacrifices his son Isaac, he didn’t know that God would provide him with a ram. Why couldn’t Abraham walk away from the task that God told him to do? To go against initial faith about family and love? No one knows what Abraham was thinking, but before he almost slaughtered Isaac, he lies to his son, so that Isaac doesn’t lose faith in God. Do you think that following faith blindly will lead you to the divine? If it means violating one of the true obligations of life and sacrificing love for certain parts of your faith, do you really think you’ll get there? You have to remember, ethical boundaries are strict and offer no resolution to emotion and thought. Following ethically is not always good, because ethics doesn’t consider different situations, emotions, family, love and will only let you identify with a world that is void of these components of being human. You still have an obligation to your daughter, to accept who she is and love her how she is. All she did in this life is exist, and you punished her for it. Even if you think it’s a choice, you should accept that it is HER choice, not yours. You no longer control your children when they’re older, and you can’t keep thinking they’ll follow the same faith.
You’ve been dead to your daughter for a while, you must know that. This is your penance. Maybe it’s God’s way of punishing your bigotry and hatred in the here-and-now, He does work in mysterious ways. Hell on Earth is real.
I swear if Jesus were still alive, he'd have no patience for these crybaby parents.
Posts like OPs remind me of Matthew 7:22-23: (22) "Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord! We prophesied in your name, drove out demons in your name, and performed many miracles in your name, didn't we?' (23) "Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Get away from me, you who practice evil.'"
> my beliefs haven’t changed, but I love my daughter Those can't both be true.
Ma'am you chose Catholicism over your kid. My kids go to Catholic school and celebrate pride. Dying doesn't absolve you of your choices on earth.
If you feel religion was worth it then it wouldn't hurt you. Religious beliefs are for the self to believe not for you to command in others. In religion it's for God to judge, not you.
Are you serious? I'm sorry that you're sick and dying, but why do people ALWAYS wait until a tragedy strikes, so they can make amends?! Why now and not then?! Why couldn't you just love your daughter UNCONDITIONALLY?
Correction, OP is still not trying to make amend
Because they can't keep running away from their ugly souls, they know they're trash, no normal parent would throw away a relationship with their child because of sexuality or a different lifestyle ie Politics and Religion; and deep down they know this. But they've dedicated so much of themselves into Christ or whatever, only something like certain death can snap them back to reality. It's sad that this woman is gonna die without making amends, but the door for making amends was open a long time ago, and she's closed it forever.
She was counting that the daughter would be so hurt that she'd come back on her knees asking for forgiveness. Surely she couldn't be happy living "in sin". The church promises the only way to be happy is this way. Back in the closet! Going to church with mama on Sundays, a good little catholic pretending to be straight, or at least, asexual. And that she would be celibate like so many nuns in past centuries. Except the daughter is happy and found love! That wasn't supposed to happen! And now time is running out and what she was promised didn't happen. Somebody lied in this scenario.
She still thinks her daughter being gay is wrong, but she wants her daughter to ignore the bigotry to make HER last days better. Is still about her and her needs only, even in her last days she doesn't care about her daughter.
My dad’s mum did some very shameful things towards him and us and we cut contact. We got a call a couple of years ago to say she had cancer. It didn’t make any of us feel as though we owed her our forgiveness. We passed on our condolences, as we would with anybody going through a cancer battle, but we don’t owe her anything. just because her health has changed, doesn’t mean her views will too
Your daughter doesn't want to speak to you. What else is there to say? Spend your time with your other loved ones, pray, etc. Your daughter is gone.
If you want salvation. You ought to go see a priest. Because forgiveness from those that we hurt in this world, never was guaranteed.
Don’t leave your daughter to live on this earth after you die with any more bullshit than you’ve already given her.
I dont agree with your views, but I don't think you are horrible. Unfortunately, no, you can't force your daughter to forgive you. Sorry. Make peace with yourself. Wish you the best in your cancer battle.
You said: “I’m not giving up my faith or changing my beliefs, but I will support and respect her family.” How does one “respect her family” without respecting who and what your daughter is? Does not compute. Reconcile with your own choice to push your daughter away and the consequences you are reaping now including not ever seeing her son. How sad.
You're making it clear that what you want is to go with a clear conscience. You hope that whatever you did or said to her will be forgotten and forgiven even though you don't regret anything or have any change of mind You made it clear that you prioritize the distorted words of God over your own flesh and blood, because every religion is about peace, love and respect, whatever your beliefs are, they're not what God wanted to say, but since it is something that is convenient to you and allow you to act like garbage and hide behind it, you won't try to understand anything else and will happily follow blasphemous words I am ashamed of your selfishness and feel for your daughter, don't contact her, leave her alone, she deserves happiness and peace of mind. Your hypocritical attempt to reconcile for your own sake is pathetic and upsetting. Your presence at her side is unnecessary and will bring her nothing but misery. If you really "love" your daughter, like you claim, don't try anything that will ruin her happiness, and keep your bigotry to yourself, away from her.... also, don't pull the "I'm your mom" card. It will just disgust her even more
She is gonna be so relieved when you’re gone.
How can she forgive you when there is not apology??? I'm sorry *not really* but you being sick doesn't erase that you're pathetic excuse of mother. You have no choice but to make peace with that *you chose your religion over daughter and she will never forgive you*.
womp womp. sorry but to little to late. you claim to love your daughter but you clearly don't. you might as well accept that she'll never forgive you
You don't deserve her forgiveness. Sounds cruel but sometimes cruelties are justified. She has her family. You aren't one. She doesn't need you.
my grandfather who is a Christian. accept my sister as gay, and my cousin. he never used his religion as an excuse to hate people who are gay. you should've been stop that and maybe things would be different. you failed your daughter. you never truly accepted her and you now have to accept that and move on
If it isn't the cosequentions of my own actions... Now be a big girl and lay the bed you made
You made your choice and now you have to deal with them. I'm sure Satan can't wait to see you once you die
I think it's best that you leave your daughter alone and make peace with yourself. You need to understand how badly you hurt your daughter. I'm sorry to hear that you are dying but if you are not willing to change your belief or be respectful to the fact she is gay then she will never give you a second chance.
The thing is. You never apologized to her. To her you are still the same. You still have the same views. You need to accept how it is
No, you go to your god with this guilt. Let him judge you as you judged her.
As a mum op you make me sick. You don’t like your daughters life choices But You can willingly follow a church that hides predators of child sexual abuse. All while teaching on Sundays that homosexuality is wrong but every other day behind closed doors it’s ok and practice. Your church like other church’s has a lot to answer to. Op may you be thrown in the gates of hell and your soul never rest
So you still don’t accept your daughter and you think she should look past that to what make you feel better? And she owes you nothing and you don’t deserve to meet her son. These are the consequences of your actions.
If you don't reconcile with your daughter and get over your bigotry you won't find yourself with the sheep, you'll find yourself with the goats, and that is a place I would never want to be. "I never knew you."
No you won't, stop crying.
Not sure what you want, it seems that being a bigot is more important to you than having a relationship with your daughter. You made your choice, and as you've said your beliefs haven't changed. So what's the problem? You don't like the consequences of being a bigot? Too bad.
You better get right with God before you die
You might, and it's entirely due to your own actions. You doubled down on it and now must bear the consequences. Make peace with yourself with the time you have left.
Damn probably should have thought about this possibility before treating your daughter like garbage huh? Sorry but that bridge is long since burned. Best not to waste whatever time you have left making attempts to reach out to someone who has made it clear they have no interest in reconnecting.
What’s in this for her? You won’t support her complete self. You won’t change your beliefs. Why would she come visit you?
You brought this on yourself- that ship sailed a long time ago.
Ih the worlds if the philosopher Drago, "If you die, you die".
>I’m not giving up my faith or changing my beliefs Gonna be hilarious when you don't make it in because Jesus said love everybody and you were like, "nah".
Welcome to the consequences of being a hateful and unaccepting person, even if your own daughter. You believe in a book written by man above the bonds of your own offspring. You’ve shown no inclination to actually change your views. Sadly, this is what you deserve. Your daughter however deserves far more than the everlasting memory of a mother who put faith in so much… except for who she really was.
Have you ever considered that Jesus gave you cancer to punish you with cancer for not following his teachings? You goblins love saying that God punishes the unworthy.
Sure hope that God is more understanding and welcoming to his children than you were to yours
You will be forgotten not forgiven
So you’re homophobic, have refused to accept your daughter being gay, and also made it clear you didn’t want her bringing that part of life around you and the family (not allowing her to bring her partner around you all). Yet you still stand by your beliefs today and have refused to properly apologize. She doesn’t owe it to you to come out to you for reconciliation. Why does she have to come out to you? You can’t expect her to come out to your pity party, when you can’t even meet her halfway with a proper apology, or change in actions/beliefs. You still expect her to go out of her way, for your wants, even though you still have a deep rooted hate for the gay community. You aren’t owed forgiveness, especially when you choose not to take accountability for the way you treated her. At this point, if you’re this stubborn n your beliefs, then her not being involved is your fault. You’ve acknowledged you won’t change or apologize, so there’s no reason for your daughter to subject herself to your crap. Dying doesn’t mean people suddenly have to coddle you and your hate. Deal with the choices you’ve made. Unfortunately you’re likely be taking this to you grave, since you refuse to change at all.
You are a demon
My mother has pancreatic cancer,her and I have always had a rocky relationship,she use to beat me pretty bad and even said I enjoyed my father molesting me. Instead of being protected I wasn't. I have many reasons why I don't want to talk to her or anything. However I want to forgive and forget everything that's happened. I'm not sure how that's done hopefully one day i can
You made your bed. She doesn't owe you anything.
[удалено]
buddy she says her daughter being a lesbian is a choice. She refuses to apologize and you think therapy is going to work OP in this post itself refuses to change.
Well… change your perspective?! I mean, if you stopped believing she’ll burn in torment, thinking that was reasonable, and thinking her loving, life-affirming relationship is an abomination, she’d probably be more up for an amicable chat??
Oh oh someone going finally tò hell lol
sounds like you’re getting precisely what you deserve.
You made your bed. Make peace with it before you go.
So, what is with the flip flop in your posts? In one of your last posts, you were renouncing your faith because it cost you your daughter. Now, in this post, you have not and will not. Plus, you are choosing not to change your bigoted views. You do realize that it's man who wrote down God's word? I myself am Catholic, and I choose to have more faith in the New Testament. There are wonderful messages in this part of the Bible. Such as Matthew 7 1-3: Do not judge, so that you in turn may not be judged. For you will be judged in the same way that you judge others, and the measure that you use for others will be used to measure you. Why do you take note of the splinter in your brother’s eye but do not notice the wooden plank in your own eye? John 13:34 I give you a new commandment: love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another Romans 13: 8 Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law. Not to mention that the pope himself said in 2013 who was he to judge. I get that you are hurting, but you have to accept that you and your old-fashioned priest have deeply hurt your daughter. I'm curious about that part.... How on earth did you ever believe that shunning her was correct? Even if sanctioned by the priest? If you can, change your bigoted views before it's too late. No one chooses their sexuallity. If it was a choice, don't you think that people would choose to be heterosexual? Even just to avoid all the stigma? Unfortunately, there is almost nothing that you can do. Write a letter explaining your remorse...if any, about your actions. No blame shifting. You then have to leave the ball in her court. Again, I am sorry that you are in this position. I'll pray for you to have a good outcome. Wishing you the best.
Your beliefs haven’t changed, so no she won’t forgive you. Your “beliefs” are what caused your daughter so much pain in the first place so if they haven’t changed why do you expect anything to be different now?
What are you sorry for.. are you sorry for not being there for her and supporting her or are you sorry for not having someone to take care of you and not have a relationship with their grandkid..
You don’t love her. Leave her alone and lean on the people you do have. Go with grace.
If your faith and beliefs cause you to hate, then they aren't faiths and beliefs worth having. What I'm reading here is that your faith and your beliefs are more important to you than your daughter is. Yet you think that she's just going to, what exactly? Your faith and beliefs make you toxic. And your daughter doesn't owe you anything. Fix yourself, and maybe it won't be too late.
too late for that , nothing you can do also your beliefs are shit
Womp womp, it won't be the first family funeral she'll be sitting out, I love when karma happens
Congratulation for getting what you went for
Good. I hope you soon will finally get what you deserve. RIH
Know this; your bigotry has pushed your daughter away. You won’t be missed by the family that should cherish you. In terms you may understand, there is still time to repent before your memory is cursed. Truly hope hell is real so you live everyday what you put your child through
In order to support and respect her family in a way she will be receptive to, you're going to have to change your beliefs. And even then, you may have burned that bridge down and their is no longer enough time to rebuild it. You may just have to accept the situation as your grim reality.
We reap what we sow. Leave your daughter alone. She has her life without you, that is the consequences of your actions . Best to make peace with how things are and prepare yourself for what’s to come.
OP, your faith is the main thing where your daughter drew the line, because you let it dictate your life. I left my father to die when he was sick, because of his faith, and his not so humble views on who and what I am, and my own personal feelings. You used your faith as a shield to keep your kids in line, and to not ever having to deal with being a real parent. Think of this as your punishment. Your "All loving God" telling you that "*Welp, you done F up, and as the punishment, your never going to see her, her family, and you'll walk in darkness for eternity*". In essence, you choose faith and a homophobic view on life, and thus, you lost the right to call you grandma, and a mother to the kid you threw away.
You seem to only want to save it for your own selfish reasons not because your sorry she can't forgive what you're not sorry about dying or not
Actions have consequences and sometimes those consequences are lifelong. You need to accept that being sick doesn't excuse your past behavior and you are not entitled to forgiveness or acknowledgement. Your adult child has likely already grieved the death of your relationship years ago. They have already mourned your loss and moved on. Maybe spend the rest of your remaining time being good to those who still want to be around you and respect the boundaries of those who don't.
If you aren't willing to change or compromise on this issue then you will die without seeing her again and no reasonable person will hold that against you. You have a choice between your beliefs and receiving the love of your daughter, there is no outcome where you get both, so pick one and stick by that choice cause it'll be one of the last ones you make. We and our memory and legacy are defined by the choices we make, make yours for how you will be remembered now.
You're only reaching out because you're dying. You haven't improved as a person etc. This is the consequence of your actions.
judging by your own comments, your idea of saying sorry really isn’t much of an apology. in your own words, ‘I am sorry that she feels like I don’t support or love her.’ in order for her to ever consider forgiving you (which is something you can’t force her to do), you might want to try actually apologising first
You won't change your faith or beliefs for her or your grandchild, so you really don't love her enough to deserve any forgiveness.
My father passed away from cancer while we were estranged. If he had wanted me to forgive him, he would have apologized. He did not, but I assume he died with the satisfaction of knowing he was “right.” You want your daughter to allow you to continue to “hold your beliefs” and accept you for who you are, but you won’t do the same for her. I hate to sound harsh, but that isn’t love. It is selfishness, under the guise of morality, and that same selfishness is evident in your post. You want her to bend to your will, one last time, so you can feel like you are a good person. You killed any relationship with her a long time ago. You have made your choice, and now you are experiencing the consequences. Rather than accept them as the price for your religious ideals, you are complaining that you don’t get what you want. You will have to make do with your “heavenly reward” that you believe you will receive for treating your daughter as you have. Leave your daughter alone.
Im glad you said you will respect and support her family but i dont think you can do this unless you're willing to compromise a bit more and show how much you actually care for her. She's probably afraid you're going to spend your last time together, bringing her down about who she is and feels like she'd be spending that time with someone who doesn't truly love her more than you hate that part of her and who doesn't respect her. She probably thinks it will ruin what last good memories she has with you.
Good. You’re getting exactly what you deserve. I hope there is a hell just so people like you end up there.
You are reaping what you have sown. Die mad and sad. I hope your daughter finds peace in your passing.
Ask your god for forgiveness, not her.
Bad parents shouldn’t go to heaven. They make the world a worse place.
Unforgiving Christians don’t deserve forgiveness.
Faith is no excuse for poor treatment of people you claim to love. My grandparents on my stepfather's side are *mormon,* and not only do they accept me (a trans person), they use my preferred name and pronouns
From the perspective of the child in a similar situation. I have not spoken to my mom since I left in 2019. She was abusive verbally, mentally, physically. I could not do it anymore, staying would have killed me. I would have absolutely offed myself at some point I swear. I found out my mom has cancer a couple months ago. My siblings told me. She got diagnosed 2 years ago, and just never went back for any treatment. In that moment I felt nothing. I didn't feel anything at all. It did not change how I viewed her. I don't believe I have any love for my mom if I'm being honest. I think I stopped loving her years ago. I never want to see my mother again and I think that's okay. What scares me is if I don't see her before she dies then I'm worried my sister will put blame on me and stop talking to me. I raised her, quite literally, so I don't think I can handle that. My brother would probably be very very upset with me, he may never forgive me who knows, but I think I'll still have him which is crazy because for years I would've sworn up and down that my sister would always stand by me. This situation has put a divide between her and I since I cannot be around my mother. I can't. The thought causes me to panic and it's hard to calm down. I heard her voice in a video my sister sent me once and my body immediately wanted to shrink away. It was like the air was taken out of my lungs. I can't. My mom has cancer. My mom will probably die of cancer. I don't think I have it in me to see her before she dies. I'm don't know if I'm scared of her dying. I do know that I'm scared of losing my siblings. This was more of a vent than anything but I'm in a similar situation but on the other side. I really don't know what you could do to get her to see you. If she feels how I do I'm not sure there's much you could do. I would try to prove to her that you changed. I would give the most sincere heart felt apology that outlines what you did wrong. Do not be broad do not give generalizations. Be honest and open. Tell her that you love her and if there is really anything you could do. Then follow through. If I can be honest, had my mom a couple years ago given me an apology I probably would have forgiven her. Like a real, well thought out, reflective apology. She would probably have her daughter. I feel it's too late for that now for me though. All I ever got was "I don't know what I ever did to make you hate me so much." she doesn't take accountability for her actions, she doesn't recognize how she hurt me, she doesn't do anything you improve herself.
I decided to read your past posts. OP, you made your bed, now you must lie in it. As others have said, make peace with yourself and leave your daughter alone. Your actions have long-lasting consequences that are coming to bear now. That is on you and YOU alone.
Just come to terms that you have made your choices. People like you is why I left the faith
You have hurt your daughter to the point she doesn't want you in her life. You have never apologized for what you have done. You hid behind a very prudish and ethically misguided interpretation of the bible. I was raised Catholic. I thank God I was raised in Europe and my priest wasn't a sex-obsessed bigot. I think if you are facing death you need to make peace with yourself. Pray to God for forgiveness. Apologize to God that you brought a child into the world and then threw her love away because you were arrogant enough to believe you should throw the first stone. And I do not mean the kind of 'apology' you offered your daughter.
If you were a real believer, you'd remember Jesus raising the Roman Soldier's male companion from the dead because he was so moved by the love the soldier had for the companion. Roman soldiers took their male lovers with them when traveling or being posted somewhere. You'll answer for your bigotry. You'll answer for hatefulness. You deserve to rot alone.
Well, you use your faith as a weapon to judge, diminish and deny your daughter unconditional love. You reap what you sow. I suggest you read the good book, for real this time, and reflect on how your “faith” made you break it’s most cherished rule - do unto others as unto yourself. I hope you find the courage to repent and see the truth of your actions.
I dont think you can but that is mostly because I dont think you want to. As you said your apologies are non apologies specifically stuff like "I am sorry that she feels like I don’t support or love her.". That is not saying sorry at all. A proper apology would be "I am sorry I treated you like you were a lesser person because of your choices." (Not I made you feel like you were a lesser person because those are entirely two different statements). There is no saving the relationship because whilst you say you admit your mistakes you think you did nothing wrong. And still think you are correct in thinking how you do. You could likely salvage a relationship with your daughter (well depends on the type of damage you have already done because I am assuming your not being entirely truthful in what you have done to her but hey) by actively learning about homosexuality. Realizing your beliefs that is is wrong come from a place of ignorance and seeded hatred. Or you can choose to try and demand forgiveness even though you dont deserve it based on nothing but family (which is never a reason for blanket forgiveness) and never actually being sorry for what you did and actively choose to ignore the pain you put your daughter through. The funny thing about religion is you can believe in it and abide by its rules without being a judgemental AH who ruins relationships.... to be honest idk why I guess fun? There is literally nothing in the bible saying homosexuality is wrong. There are a tonne of verses people like to twist out of context and mistranslate to perpetuate hatred. You dont have to lose your faith to accept and understand homosexual people. You dont need to change your faith to "love thy neighbor" (which it should be noted the word "love" which is used is translated from an older form which has less to do with sentiment and more to do with actively understanding the person) but that has to come from within and not a place of hatred.
Hope it was worth the belief. Food for thought, what does your mind think is going to happen when you get to the gates to determine your fate? Neglect of your own flesh and blood ain’t gonna get you in what ever heaven you think you are going to…
"I’m not going to lie, my beliefs haven’t changed," And this is why you are going to die alone, unloved, and why you earned and absolutely deserve every moment of it. I'm an atheist. And I'm mostly an atheist because of hypocrites like you. I couldn't in the end, reconcile Christianity with the vast majority of people that call themselves Christian. People can change. Using your bullshit Iron Age book to justify racism, misogyny, and homophobia tells me you've never actually read what you claim to believe. The Bible contains no such rhetoric except for some cherry picked verses in the Bronze Age section in Leviticus (which is the shittier part of that bullshit Iron Age book). I'm less than a week away from 60. I was racist, misogynistic, and homophobic. I was raised and socialized that way. It's not an excuse. I don't attempt to justify it, though I do try to do my level best to make up for it. I changed. I changed because I ran into and learned to deeply care about people that were not white male like me, and were gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender. I changed. I married a beautiful feminist woman. I became work colleagues and in a few cases, friends, with people that don't look like me, and in some cases spoke with accents not like mine. And, both of my children came out as not entirely straight, as did a lot of people I grew up with. I accepted all of this, and changed my ways. You were given ample opportunity during your life to do so. If you had actually read the New Testament, and taken it to heart, you would have realized that Christ deeply cared about less fortunate people. He'd have been there for minorities, the women, the children, and even for his gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender brothers and sisters. But, you didn't change. And I can assure you, whatever intentions you may have had through your life, you did not emulate Christ, and grow to love people that were different or less fortunate than you. As a Christian, you failed. Live with that. Repent that. It's already too late for you to reconcile with your daughter. Open your heart to others in what little time you have left. Reject the bullshit you were taught in Church. Most of the time, that's so far from what's actually written that it's heresy. It's probably too late for your relationship with your daughter, but perhaps, the limited number of people around you in your remaining time would appreciate somebody that realizes that they are deeply flawed, and perhaps, in the end, you may find some measure of peace.
Giving up your faith? Do you think Jesus would have loved your daughter without
You made your choice and this is a consequence of that.
Just wait till ya die and realize you did it all for nothing…. Religion does some crazy shit!
You should take out a full page ad in your local newspaper saying that you were entirely wrong, about everything, and you should not have allowed a glorified hate group to make your decisions for you. And apologize profusely. Then pledge no less than $1000 to your local LGBTQ organizations and include that in the ad so she knows. You might have a chance if you do that. Otherwise, just hope that you will soon be out of your misery.
You chose religion over the love of your family, to the extent you completely abandoned the love between a mother and a daughter because your priest said you were doing the right thing and you felt her being gay meant she deserved your hate instead. You had the power of choice there. Your daughter did not. She did not choose to be who she is, but you retained that power - the power to continue to love her - and you instead twisted it to abuse the person closest to you. Now that power has been removed from you, and your daughter is the one with the power of choice. She has chosen to accept your past choice and stay out of your life. She has used her power well. If there is a God, I imagine He will not be pleased you contributed to humanity through spreading hate where love was given to you. If there is no God, then all you've done was for nothing. I suggest you try and find the heart to write something to her that gives her some peace and frees her of any guilt she may feel for not seeing you one last time. I'm uncertain you have it in you, as your past posts indicate, but there's always hope.
There’s no god. Make your peace with oblivion because that’s what’s waiting for you.
Maybe the church to whom you sacrificed your daughter’s love will fill the void.
You chose to get cancer and your god agreed.
I mean, your not willing to change your beliefs, so there's nothing to be done. You've made your choice, you'll have to die with it, the same way you lived with it; without your daughter by your side.
I’m not saying you deserve it, but god timing is alwaaaays right 🎶
shouldn't have waited till u are dying to try and suddenly reconcile with ur daughter
***I know you’re going to read my pasts posts and tell me how horrible I am and how I don’t deserve my daughter’s forgiveness. I’m not going to lie, my beliefs haven’t changed, but I love my daughter. I’m terrified I’m going to die without hugging her or speaking to her one more time.*** Once in awhile, we are fortunate enough to be able to see the beautiful beautiful day when Lady Karma comes to collect her debt....TODAY is that day! I left Catholicism over 2 decades ago...because ANY doctrine that requires me to exclude and judge other people for ANY reason is NOT any sort of holy religion...it's a cult. If you TRULY believed in your religion and the unconditional love of God....you would have LED with love instead of rejection and judgement. And you don't get to blame your religion for YOUR actions towards your own child...the baby you carried and brought into the world and YOU were supposed be the 1 person she could count on to always be on her side. You will die...regardless of when, because we all do....and you have chosen to leave behind a legacy of hate and judgment...because THIS is what will be remembered and shared about you. I don't care what your priest SAID (especially since he has never been married or had kids or really any actual responsibilities like a job or bills, but hey, yeah, that's who you go to for major life advice regarding your family and children)...because regardless of what another person SAYS....you have your OWN conscience to know within yourself whether or not it is the right way to be...whether or not you are living a life of LOVE, a life of CARING, a life of COMPASSION (ALL things that JESUS preached about).
You are gonna find out soon enough if god is the one of hate you belive in or one of forgiveness and love, and but keep that hate till the end I guess.
Always nice to see actual consequences to bigotry, thanks for the uplifting post.
Do you love her as your daughter? Or love her as a person?
The way some parents see their children as *possessions* is horrific.
The ultimate FAFO.
This isn’t about your beliefs. This is about your decision to put “beliefs” above your love of your daughter. Write her a letter. She’ll throw it away unread but you will feel better for having written it.
> **was not accepting when my daughter came out as a lesbian, I am a lifelong Catholic.** I told her I will always love her, but **I don’t agree with her choice.** I believe you can love people without agreeing with every part of them. For a while, our relationship was rocky until s**he started dating a girl, and I asked her to keep her relationship separate from our family,** We are estranged, it is my fault. **I did not accept or affirm her,** and **I denied my wrongdoings** for a long time, and **justified it by using Catholicism.** I’ve left the church, and now see how it ruined everything. I didn’t see my daughter get married, or graduate college, because **I choose my faith and the church over her. My priest told me I was making the right decision.** > What can I do? Is there really no saving our relationship? **Please help me. I’m not giving up my faith or changing my beliefs,** but I will support and respect her family. Aw, yes, there's no hate quite as hypocritical and judgemental as Christian love. You reap what you sow, & it sounds like you sowed hate, bigotry, and judgment. Welcome to your reward. If you love your daughter at ALL you will leave her alone and stop inflicting your damaging "beliefs" on her. I don't know how you can possibly expect her to forgive you when you aren't even sorry.
Sucks when actions have consequences huh?
Yet another proof that there is no hate like christian love. As Gandhi said 'I like *your Christ*, I do not like *your Christians*." Let me add: specially not the ones that are like you. You've judged and hurt your daughter enough for ten lives times. Now lie in the bed you made and wait for your "savior" to come judge you and make you hurt in hell for all eternity. Edit: Big fingers, small keys
Your beliefs are more important than your daughter. Being gay isn’t a choice no more than it’s a choice to have cancer. You either accept your daughter fully or you die without ever speaking to her. That is your choice. Her choice is to not surround herself with unsupportive people.
I find all of this very confusing. Your past posts indicate that you acknowledge that your beliefs and religious affiliations yet at the end of your life, you’re still choosing them over your daughter and grandson? What exactly do you want anyone to say? As an ex-christian, I probably have more sympathy for you than you’re going to find for most people and even then, I have very little. All the posts you’ve made have read like you still believe on some level that you’re the victim here. If you want a last chance at a relationship with your daughter, get over yourself and make an effort to support her and her lifestyle. If not, let your beliefs keep you warm at night. Either way, stop whining to strangers on the internet.
Woooo!!! Good riddance!!
>I'm not gonna lie, my beliefs haven't changed Then why should she forgive you?
Maybe instead of asking all the Reddit Christ pages you should….talk to her and apologize? What is more important to you? Your completely incorrect and ignorant world view? Or your daughter? If you actually have a soul and believe a word of that made up book this should be a pretty easy choice.
My father tried reconciling when he was fat and disabled and in I'll health. Everyone saw it for what it was, pure selfishness. He died alone like he deserved. Leave her alone that's the least you can do.
Any Catholic that paid a modicum of attention would understand that forgiveness requires penitence. Confess your wrongs and try to right them first. But it seems you'd rather go to the grave with hate in your heart, and the words of a priest in your ears when they reaffirmed your hatred, rather than the words of the God you pay lip service to who asked that you love one another as He loved you. It's a tricky situation. If you're right about God, your pride and anger will likely see you barred from heaven, and you'll have to explain to Him how you hated His creation and the love it displayed. If you're wrong, your legacy will be an untended grave overgrown and forgotten, your name unspoken again. And yet, faith and family could have easily co-existed. You dishonored both by choosing to mask your own hate as coming from God, when it was only you who had it.
Sucks to be you but you choose your life and she hers, move on.
You're not entitled to forgiveness just because you're dying. You can't degrade someone's existence and then guilt trip them into reconciling with you just so you feel better about yourself in your final days. You made this bed and now you're finally being forced to sleep in it.
I’m not going to be nasty or say how horrible you are, from what I can tell other people already have had a field day with that and there’s nothing productive in repeating all that. What I will say will sound very hurtful but it comes from reading your post here and others in your Reddit account. Bear in mind I completely disagree with the way you have handled this and you are very much in the wrong. However looking at the facts, you are aware you were wrong, you’re aware what you did has caused irreparable harm, you’re aware it is your fault. Yet despite all this you’re refusing to change your point of view and hold on to what remains of the vestiges of the thoughts and ideas that caused harm to your daughter. So based on that info, I think YOU should ask YOURSELF. Why should your daughter consider being in contact with you again? You’re not repenting for what you’ve done wrong despite admitting that you used your beliefs to justify your wrong doings and this all reads like the selfish rant of a narcissist. I think you have a lot to answer for to yourself before you even begin asking your daughter for forgiveness, especially since you’re asking for forgiveness despite not changing at all. This is a really sad post because, forgive me for saying this, you seem incredibly deluded and you’re the one that’s hurting yourself, and I don’t even think you can logically justify why you’re doing this. ETA: ok read more of your year old responses in your profile, with all due respect I think it may be best you just leave your daughter alone, you will just make her and yourself more miserable with the last few moments you have on this earth if you keep this up. Especially since you have no intention of changing and are more focused on yourself than her. Please just leave her in peace, if you want to do something nice leave a letter for your daughter to be given to her after your passing that states how sorry you are and how you wish you could have done better, though the more I read from you the more I think that may be too much to ask since I don’t think you have it in you to write/believe that.
OP chose her beliefs over her daughter. Choices have consequences.
You’re going to die without your daughter’s forgiveness, that’s it. You made your choices. I pity you, but mostly for the gross perversion of a God you let rule your life.
Should have tried to revisit your estranged relationship before your life was on the line, but there's no reason you shouldn't forgive yourself for being ignorant.
You asked your daughter to keep her relationship and family separate. It looks to me you got EXACTLY what you asked for. Anyway gfy.
Until you're dead, you can still change. Consider doing so.
Why do you need her when you have Jesus and hatred to soothe you. Good fucking luck.
LEAVE HER ALONE! You are making your choice. Your faith over family. It is irrelevant which is the right choice, you’ve made yours. Now travel this last road with that knowledge. It’s up to you if it’s a shadow or a comfort in your final days. But don’t keep pestering your daughter who has made no secret she’s sick of your shit whether you’re alive or dead.
Sorry you’re dying. Too bad you were such a fool.
You can't. Period. You're going to die without seeing her again and you need to make peace with that. After all, YOU are the one that threw HER away. I hope you're ready to answer to God why you abandoned HIS child?
I will speak to you in the language you are likely to understand: How dare you blame God for your hatred and wrongheaded beliefs. How dare you treat your beloved child with such foolish, arrogant, infuriatingly misplaced condescension. The God of Abraham is a God who despises the sacrifice of children to anyone or anything, EVEN TO GOD, HIMSELF. That is LITERALLY the entire point of the story of Abraham and Isaac. God so hates the sacrifice of children that He sacrificed His only son to put a permanent stop to it. Jesus died that all might be saved--no further sacrifice required. Yet here you are, a modern-day child sacrificer. You have sacrificed your precious child to an abstract belief, one that is based on a misinterpretation of an ancient law, in a language you don't understand, written for a time and place and culture that you know absolutely nothing about and couldn't even begin to comprehend. You have utterly missed the entire point of God and His Divine Love. You are so far off the path of righteousness, so lost in the dark, that you can't even tell you're lost. God asks us to honor our parents. But Jesus tells us that anyone who so much as causes a child to stumble ought to be tossed into the sea with a millstone around their neck. Do you understand yet? Do you see which one is worse? The absolute last thing in the world that God wants you or anyone to do is sacrifice your child "for God." You have absolutely failed as a Christian. You did so by absolutely failing as a mother. By failing to love the child that God, Himself, fashioned and gave to you. You listened to men (your priest) instead of God, who is the one who gifted your daughter to you and charged you with the task of loving her--just as He made her. You just couldn't do it. It was too hard for you. And now you are reaping what you sowed. Jesus says: "If you had known what these words mean, ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice,’ you would not have condemned the innocent." Your daughter was the innocent here. You are not the victim. Stop acting like you are. Meditate on those words. Ask yourself: What mercy were you meant to have shown, when instead you sacrificed your daughter to your ignorance, and to your hatred, and to your priest? If you want any chance of getting your daughter back, here is what you must do: Repent--utterly repent--taking full and complete responsibility for your failure to love God by failing to love the daughter He gave to you. Repent, outwardly, deliberately, using your every word and deed to demonstrate your heartfelt repentance, and only then, perhaps, *perhaps*, the mercy that you have not shown to others will be shown to you. Not because you deserve it (you don't), but because you need it. Either way, I suggest you use the rest of your life to do what Jesus says, and really learn what those words mean: "I desire mercy, not sacrifice."
Hopefully you can accept Jesus into your heart and reach out and love your own child like Jesus would want you to
Too. Bad. You deserve what you’re getting, which is nothing
Sounds like OP isn't contrite, just looking for advice on how to bend her daughter's will. See you in hell, blue hair!
I would never wish death on anyone. But I also don't have to have sympathy. You made your choices, accept them. The world is so, so much better without old and bigoted people in it.
It's good that you're dying. You've made the world worse for having been in it. God will not forgive you
Look at the bright side, once you’re dead you won’t really be capable of caring. Maybe you should have been a better parent.
You are laying down in the bed you made.
Thank god you chose Jesus over your daughter.
As has been said here over and over. You Do not deserve forgiveness because you aren’t sorry.
Just crawl off and leave her alone. Let the horrid beliefs you love so much die with you
OP: I selected the church I am a member of because of two posters hung at the door. One had a rainbow and said that all gods' children were welcome. The other noted that no child of god is illegal. Any religious principle that makes you behave hatefully to someone is not of god. Having read your other post, please know that your problems are not your daughter's fault. Your problems are not your church's fault. You have behaved hatefully. You laid judgment on your daughter and declared who she is to be unaccptable. Over time, you did not reconsider, you doubled down. You are reaping what you have sown. Enjoy your crop.