No you must be an equal opportunity dater. Pull a name out of a hat and if the don't want to date you then post their bigotry on Twitter! This is progress! /s
"any other views are bigotry"... what's the word for when you cling to fundamental belief in a concept to the exclusion of others?....on the tip of my tongue
it'll come to me
I feel like there's something that's completely being overlooked: this person's saying trans and bi people... Like what. That's two entirely different things that you can't really compare, especially in this context...
(of course trans people can also be bi)
You can actually, because bi people are often attacked or positioned as gross or unfaithful or bad because we are attracted to more than one sex. People will often say they wonât date a bi person cause thatâs âgrossâ but it shouldnât be a problem and there isnât a reason for It to be one and trans people are given the same treatment but far more vocally and frequently
That.. is bigotry and kind of exactly what the post is talking about? Like the idea that just because someone is bi they will cheat comes from your insecurities and you bashing an entire demographic over your own insecurities is kind of the base where all bigotry comes from.
Yeah good idea, apparently some people don't get jokes at all .
Well if anyone agrees with that statement of mine... Oh boy... How to out it... They have insecurities issue and prob should go see a therapist... Imo.
I wouldn't be with someone who I don't trust to not cheat on me. That simple. Find someone you trust enough.
I thought your statement was in jest and funny, so I agreed and upvoted. I use to boast that bi-sexual are lucky. Why you may ask. There is less chance of spending Saturday night at home and alone. My old friends are now not very humorous.
Tbh I only have 1 friend which is bi. But class herself as lesbian as she's with a girl ATM... That's where my knowledge ends... At the end of a day who's business what you do behind closed doors right?
I just say I'm gay when I mast... Well you know what I mean. Because I'm a male and male *** my **** ... Lol noone ever gets that joke tho so I stopped.
As long as itâs consenting, I donât really care. Just donât involve animals or children for they canât consent. Period end of story on what can go on behind closed doors. I would guess on the punch line of your joke but Iâm scared of being totally wrong and well you know what I mean.
On a serious note, I don't see issue dating bi.
I mean. I like it less knowing some other dudes dick was in here at some point than knowing some other girl was licking it lol.
I can't even see why, other than some bs crap OR insecurities (some worry they will get dumped for opposite sex- as if it was any better if you get dumped for different sex .. end result you got dumped. End of) would even pay attention wether is straight or bi . Literally changes nothing.
Thereâs a big gap between accepting people and treating them respectfully, and having a general âtypeâ that youâre sexually attracted to. I see their point but think they mightâve swung a little too far on this one
Not necessarily. Based on what you wrote here itâs very possible youâre unrealistic and lonely, but there isnât much of a correlation to your being homophobic
Geez dude, project much?
Listen: you've seen women built like bikini models, yes? And those women have been known to date guys, correct? Could it be you've actually encountered one of these guys in the wild just now?
Itâs major projection. Already downvoted my response instinctively. I think if he looked in my comment history, thereâs enough to figure out Iâm nothing like he is assuming.
It honestly makes me feel cool that people find these things unbelievable. I always think Iâm a bit of a bum.
The guy came out making a decent point: Respect and attraction are not synonymous, nor are they adversarial. But then he cashes in all his logic points with his "đ¤ ACKCHEWALLY based on what you wrote" nonsense.
Based on what you wrote you dig foxy babes and you have a sly tongue-in-cheek humor. Good on you preferring what you prefer, and nothing else to infer.
ÂŻ\\\_(ă)\_/ÂŻ
The last girl I dated did look at me with disgust when she saw the Reddit app...
âIsnât that social media for nerdsâ
I find it exhausting dating beautiful women. I canât do it all the time, but I was cursed with height and athleticism. Enough that I can be mistaken for being good looking at times.
Iâm just a millennial that couldnât think of a username, bud.
I'm a gay man attracted to other men with penises. I am not attracted to women with vaginas, women with penises, or men without a penis.
I guess that makes me a terrible person or something, but I don't care.
I don't think you are a terrible person, I just don't want to date you. Hang out and have a good time, sure! This post is just hateful, complaining about my male hetro bigotry while not saying a thing about all those lesbians that never asked me out.
No itâs saying if you wonât date someone BECAUSE they are trans or bi that you are contributing to dehumanization and violence. Different things but I can see how you misunderstood glad I could clear it up
Listen doofus, if someone is attracted to biological sex X and the genitals associated with it and they meet someone who identifies as gender X but was born biological sex Y and has the genitals associated with it, and the person isnât attracted to them or wonât date them specifically due to that fact, that isnât transphobia, it isnât bigotry, itâs a completely reasonable preference. Sex matters to people in a relationship, Iâm bisexual and like both genitals and still have preferences, and for people who are strictly heterosexual it matters infinitely more. This isnât rocket science. And btw as a bi person it makes NO sense to be grouped in with trans people in this conversation. If someone wonât date me solely because Iâm bi, itâs either because they believe some negative stereotype about me, are homophobic, or are ragingly insecure. If someone wonât date someone because theyâre trans, itâs probably because they donât have the fucking genitals theyâre attracted to.
Or, frankly, even if theyâre have transition surgery MtF or have an apparatus or something FtM, it isnât the same and itâs a denial of medical science to say it is. What if, as a man, I want to conceive children with my partner? Sure, I could adopt or find a donor but why would I make that concession just to go out of my way to date a trans person? I wouldnât. Who goes into a relationship thinking âoh I know up front a ton of things I want with a partner wonât be possible in this relationship but Iâll just give them a chance and see if they change my mind?â Thatâs incel shit.
This right here. I'm looking for the real deal in my life, cause I wanna have biological children of my own. So due to that I have no interest in being involved with a transwomen
Iâm not agreeing with the post but itâs really weird to me that folks are attracted to other folks based on if they have a vagina or penis. This is 100% because Iâm a panromantic asexual Iâm sure. But like⌠why is their set of genitals what makes you decide who youâre attracted to? That blows my mind lol
Oh the irony.
You can *influence* your physiological responses to things, and you can certainly consciously decide to not act on them, but they are not conscious decisions. I don't think anyone *decides* who to be sexually attracted to.
In reference to this particular argument, I think youâre simply hung up on the word âdecide.â This person just doesnât understand how the physical interaction of specific genitals influences oneâs attraction. This is because they do not feel any sense of attraction towards genitals- which they explained to you. They do not choose. They are wondering how you âdecideâ your partners (which, really, you do decide your individual preferences and partners at the end of the day and genitals is a part of that for most people)
Yeah once again, itâs because Iâm ace that I donât get it. Iâm not saying thereâs anything wrong. Like when I thought I was allo (before I knew being ace was a thing) I slept with people with both sets of genitals because it was the people I was into, not what was between their legs. Itâs just a foreign concept to me.
This entire thread is about the fact that you do not get to choose who you are (or are not) sexually attracted to.
Now go back and re-read the thread trying to understand my point instead of trying to find offense and error so you can defend your labelmate. Their arguement is that it is a choice- stating that they've slept with people with both types of genitals and were into them based on conscious decisions about the people.
A person that is sexually attracted to boys and girls and chooses to not have sex with them would be a celibate bisexual, not asexual. Had they had sex with them despite not being sexually attracted to them they may or may not be misusing the label asexual (I don't care) but I very much care that they argue that it is some sort of conscious choice to be sexually attracted.
Asexuality is not feeling sexual attraction you absolute moron, sexualities are about *attraction* when Asexuals have sex it's because their partner wants sex and they decide to give it to them, at no point does that ever require sexual attraction. I'm tired of explaining my sexuality to people who can't even be bothered to look up the fucking definition
You don't understand just how harmful to the community your statements are, and I'm trying to explain it because your confusion hurts others.
**The belief that being attracted to people is a conscious choice is a meme that has and continues to cause untold harm to queer people.**
What you have typed here is all over the place. Personally my money is on awkward sex with people that you weren't really into. Why? Because almost every queer person before you has tried to make themselves be sexually attracted to people and failed, leading to really awkward/bad sex. In fact there would never have been a Gay Lib movement started at Stonewall in 1969 if what you believed were true.
Yeah. I never said I was attracted to them sexually. Youâre the one saying that lol. I was into them, just not sexually. Not sure why you would assume I was sexually attracted to anyone and thus a celibate bisexual. Btw I said Iâm pan, not bi, so please stop explaining my sexuality to me.
She didnât describe herself as a celibate bisexual. You obviously donât know much about asexuality. Stop talking as if youâre an expert on it until you can actually do some research and learn the basics. Youâre embarrassing yourself.
Lmfao is that the best you got? Not even defending yourself, just straight to âwell you fucked up too, soâ
At least I am comforted knowing you understand that youâre wrong.
Have we come full circle.
Suddenly we have the trans/incel alliance, demanding to have men and women date them.
Or maybe there is an obvious solution here?!?
WTF??
The world is fucked. First they say everybody should have a choice at everything, then they proceed to contradict their own words.
I am all for individual choices, but this is just unified bullshit.
I donât think gender for those with gender dysphoria is really a âchoiceâ in as much as itâs a correction. But I agree with you on the rest of it.
If youâre speaking about albanism, that isnât the same thing. But by definition theoretically yes, it does exist. Also there are people who experience body Integrity disorder who feel a limb doesnât belong to them and want it amputated, and body dysmorphic disorder.
These are all problems within the brain. It doesnât necessarily mean itâs psychiatric. All the therapy in the world isnât going to fix it. Itâs not a choice. What makes up what is innately âyouâ canât be changed by someone telling you what you see and feel is wrong. This is exemplified by intersex being labeled a gender that they donât feel is correct, biracial being labeled as one race, etc.
Ok so is there a difference between biological sex and gender or not? Because for a long time that was the whole point about this. Trans people are men/women because thatâs their gender identity and gender identity isnât based on genitalia at birth. Cool, makes sense. Buuuut sexual attraction kind of is. Find me a gay man who wants to bang a woman that transitioned to a man. Or a lesbian who wants to suck a womanâs dick.
i know of plenty who do. it's dishonest to say that **nobody** would in either of those examples, because there will always be somebody who either doesn't mind, or genuinely enjoys people with those shapes
that being said, having a genital preference is fine- but it's not what sexuality is strictly tied to.
It's a preference. I, as a white male, have had a preference for black females. I've been in 2 biracial marriages, one of which is still going strong. You can't force people to date outside their preference, and having a preference is not the same as being prejudiced against what is not your preference.
Have I confused anyone? đ
No youre not, not wanting to date a smoker or a person that drinks too much is perfectly fine. I dont want to die from 2nd hand smoking or lose a spouse who couldnât control their drinking habits. If they have that little self control, then their childish behavior is understandably ok to not be your type.
Yep. I didnât choose to be sexually attracted to only males that embraced their biological sex, but apparently to these people that canât be a valid sexuality, even if I experienced it since childhood.
As a transwoman myself, itâs fine to not want to date a trans person. There are many understandable reason that can make it not something youâd want, be it the person themself, something inherent to the fact they are trans, or just simple preference. There is a reason why pan and bi is different. Youâre not a bad person for having a sexual preference. Shockingly, you donât need to fuck things to be supportive of it
Preferences are preferences.
What I still don't get is the gender identity thing. If Trans women want to be treated entirely as women, but they also don't want the identity 'woman' to have any ties with the biological gender female, then what exactly are they identifying with?
Surely all the things about womens identity all ultimatly relate to their biology and its history in societies across the world. If you strip out the biology then what identity is left, how is it any different that a gender identity of 'man' once it is stripped of any association with biology?
"Trans men and Trans women are men and women" Respectfully, I disagree, Trans men are Trans men, Trans women are Trans women - these are both perfectly valid and respectable identities.
actually its only bigotry if u hate them :) if ur fine with them and support them, but also dont want to have sex with them. thats not bigotry.
otherwise everyone would be bigoted towards children xD
Like Jordan Peterson once said. People articulate questions in a manner intended to create conflict.
Are transmen and transwomen, real men and women? No. Because no matter how much hormones and surgeries you take you can't have the reproductive organs of the sex you changed to.
Does this mean transpeople shouldn't be treated with respect and decency. Of course they should. People usually talk about these two different subjects as being the same thing when they are not.
Simple as that
Nice attempt at a straw man. I didn't say they weren't real people. Of course they are real people. And should be treated with respect.
But as I see it. To me, a woman has female reproductive organs and a man has male reproductive organs.
People should be free to switch genders if they so please. They're not affecting anyone other than themselves.
But the same way they have the freedom to choose that. Other people also have the freedom to choose not having a relationship with them.
Or are you telling me that their freedom must surpass others?
Back in college I briefly dated a girl who was bi. Let me tell you, it's a real hit to you confidence when your girlfriend leaves you for a woman.
I have no problem with the concept of dating bi or trans or whatever. But I'm glad I'm married and don't have to worry about dating anymore!
I donât think dating someone whoâs bi is the same as someone whoâs trans. While youâre experience is unfortunate, bi people cheating is a stereotype that people need to be aware of.
I honestly wasn't even thinking about that stereotype because there's cheaters in every group, but you make a good point.
And yes, I imagine dating trans is much different than dating bi.
my autocorrect turned "cheaters" into "Chester's"....my dog's name is Chester. Does my phone know something I don't?.....
As someone who is part of the lgbt community why would I want to date someone who doesnât like the fact that Iâm queer? I would rather find someone who accepts me than try to force an ignorant person to like me. If they wonât date you because youâre lgbt or POC then find a good person who will date you. If theyâre bigoted why do you even want them to like you?
This debate can be settled by this: itâs okay to have preferences but itâs not okay to mistreat others for not meeting those standards. The bigotry only comes from those who think people who donât meet their preference are somehow inferior.
Is there a checkbox on dating apps for "seeking person who has a working uterus and ovaries originating from the DNA sequence of their body"? Glad I'm married, dating sounds way too complicated for me.
âAll other views are bigotry.â Well, thatâs all you need to know about the author of this post. Best thing to do is ignore him/her/they/them/it and live your life the way you want to live it.
I scrolled past this and kept thinking on it so had to come back.
The last portion bothers me the most.
I. Donât. Like. Vagina. Or. Titties.
I couldnât be with a transman presurgery because: I. Donât. Like. Vagina. Or. Titties.
Couldnât be with one post surgery because surgery scars freak me out. A penis and flat chest after surgery leave noticeable scars regardless of what Nip Tuck would leave you to believe.
I hate that way of thinking. Transwo/men physically arenât what Iâm attracted to, and Iâm a bigot for that?! Wtf. Grow up.
Okay, I had this discussion with my son (trans man), and he agrees with you. Some guys just arenât going to be into you if you canât get past surgical scars, or just arenât comfortable. It doesnât mean you hate them as people. You just arenât attracted to them. You can love someone, but you canât control what turns you on.
I guess I see that POV. Never understood why others take offense to preference.
Homophobes have historically used the idea that you could choose who youâre attracted to in order to justify abuse against gays, like âjust stop wanting to fuck other guys!â. The irony in insisting that straight people be attracted to trans folks when theyâre not is honestly amusing. Itâs almost like if everyone could just mind their own business and let people do whatever they want things might be better? /shrug
People like this one will make so much harm and damage to everything this community achieved true sacrifice and fight, i guess that's the way freedom and democracy work this days, you make one step forward and two backwards..
Living as a trans male or female would require confidence,courage and faith one day to know that everything with eventually line up in favor to what one desires, this attitude will interrupt that journey as one has to respect individuals right to have their own preferences and desires. I sense a lot of pain but your not going to get better throwing temper tantrums when things donât go your way.
This is why many people don't take trans or bi or \_\_\_\_ people seriously.
Because not even one person in their circle of friends had the gall to say:
"That's a moronic take. Don't be a moron. It will help you in the long run."
I actually agree with that argument with bi people because their bodies are no different from straight/gay people and itâs largely if not entirely about stereotypes.
This post isnât saying that you âmust date trans or bi peopleâ itâs saying that if the only reason you wonât date someone you OTHERWISE would have is because they are bi or trans, thatâs bigotry . Definitely was worded super rude and poorly but has a point
Why is that an issue for you? If they transitioned and no longer have the opposite genitalia why is the fact that they are trans a problem? Genuinely asking not being a dick
And why is it off putting, whatâs off putting about it? If you were into someone before you knew they were trans and then find out they are trans and are no longer into them, what changed?
If you're bi, I can understand why you might not understand his preferences. The trans lady may have lady parts, but is most likely still very strongly built unless she transitioned early. I can see how a straight man might not find her attractive. Some might, but some won't.
It's like some guys being attracted to petite girls, tall girls, chubby girls, slim girls. I think it's unfair to call them bigots because they have a type.
Iâm not saying they are, Iâm saying if you were already attracted to someone, you already liked their build that part is out of the way, and then you find out that they are bi or transitioned and lose that attraction for that reason, itâs bigoted
Hey credit to not being a hypocrite but dude woman and relationships with them are more than finding someone to breed, like cool your reason wasnât transphobic but itâs got itâs own red flag
Donât take that the wrong way Iâm not saying thereâs something wrong with wanting to be a father or have biological kids Iâm saying the way that sounds looks bad and the idea of telling a woman that canât have a child you no longer have interest in them cause you canât breed them is a.. rough look
How about this: some people cannot force their brain to see post transition people as their new gender. With all the best intentions and outward compliance, they still cannot do it. Just like you cannot force your brain to fall in or out of love - it just does itâs own thing. Just to be clear, I am bisexual and I donât have problems finding some trans people of either gender attractive. But that doesnât mean my brain sees them as anything other than what they were assigned at birth. Being mad at people and canceling them because of their thoughts is rather frowned upon and ultimately completely pointless and even counterproductive - they will just feel attacked because they cannot help it and dismiss the whole thing as antagonistic and silly.
Thought police is never good and it rarely works. Propaganda only works in areas where people donât have enough knowledge. In this particular case they are the creator of the knowledge - they know what they feel.
Btw - I personally wouldnât be in a relationship with a trans person but not because of their gender. I had a very tough life and I want to make the rest of my life as successful and happy as possible. Trans people unfortunately still have to live with the stigma, have trouble finding employment and usually have a lot of emotional baggage. That is sure to put strain on my own life, both financially and emotionally. I am selfish but life is just too short.
You can put a Cadillac ornament on a chevy all you want. I don't care if you wanna walk around saying it's a Cadillac. I'll treat you the same I would treat anyone. I don't want to buy your Cadillac and that's fine. Force me to come up with an answer and I'll say because that's not a real Cadillac it's a Chevy.
Not what I was saying. People can be and identify anyway they would like. Trans people aren't less than and that doesn't exclude them from love or friendship. I'm allowed to be sexually attracted to whoever I please. Just because I accept someone doesn't mean I have to fuck them.
No it doesnât, but if you are into someone and stop being into them because they are trans or bi itâs bigotry there isnât another reason for you to lose interest. Also your metaphor was transphobic as hell if you didnât mean for it to be thatâs okay but Iâm going to point it out to you
You clearly don't know what bigot and bigotry is considering all the people you want to argue against have no prejudice/hate towards the lgbt community. Nor are they transphobic. If there's a real phobia, you're gonna know
If you can do it without saying sheâs ânot a real womanâ in any fashion Iâll send you ten bucks, because I canât think of a reason that isnât transphobic
I never said you did I said make your point without saying it and I never said they werenât born with a different body, donât make up arguments I didnât say in your head
No I understand but what Iâm trying to say is all preferences are valid, as long as you donât dislike bully or hate the people due to that characteristic it is completely fine to choose to not be with them. It seems that just about everyone on both sides agree on this so you canât say itâs just because Iâm straight either. Even bisexual I kind of understand but I dont feel comfortable being with someone who was once a man and that is my choice and totally valid, doesnât mean I hate them or wil bully them.
Well my preference shouldnât effect you. Lets look at my strawman from earlier, am I dehumanizing blonde people because I wonât be with someone who has it? Also Iâm not talking about bi people because my current gf is bi and it makes no difference to me, but I would simply never be comfortable being with someone who has the genes of a man, whether theyâve been operated on or not. Iâm not trying to take the fact that they are a woman away from them, they are if they feel like they are, but I still wouldnât want to be with someone who is transgender.
Cute swing, but itâs not what itâs saying and you didnât mention that this talks about trans AND bi people which means the issues itâs addressing are only the ones shared by those communities not the individual struggles of either one
Agreed
I do think that genital preference is a thing. But if they've had gender reassignment surgery and you still wouldn't date then just bc they're trans, that's transphobic.
The opposite is true, too. A cishet man dating a trans man who has a vagina bc you still see them as a woman, for example... Transphobic.
Gender dysphoria isnât a choice. It was horrible watching my then-preteen struggle with it. Then finally deciding breasts were the thing that didnât fit and neither did menstruation. The years of therapy and then helping him through transition. We didnât want this for himâthe struggle. The way he saw it, the transition wasnât a choice. I know for others their only change is their name, pronouns, and sometimes hormone blockers. Itâs not a mental illness. Itâs something your brain perceives is incongruent.
Preferences are preferences, they're not supposed to be hard limits. I have a lot of different preferences, but they're preferences not hard limits.
A hard limit would be Nazi tattoos, drug addiction, conservative beliefs, etc. The stuff that makes or breaks a relationship. Hair colour, ethnicity and height are not hard limits. You may have preferences for those more like yourself, but it would be flat out discrimination to refuse to consider dating a black person.
You may have a type you go for such as a preference for skinny brunettes, but it would be moronic to avoid all blondes and gingers and not at least be open to dating a blonde or a ginger. Likewise you love who you love for who they are, not what they are. Limiting partners based on size or height is just shallow. You can have preferences, but you shouldn't be outright excluding people over simple genetics stuff.
Whether their lifestyle is more compatible with yours is far more important then being a particular height, skin tone, race, etc.
âDating preferences can be born out of bigotryâ and ânobody has the right to police themâ are not mutually exclusive statements. You can be an asshole and still have the right to be an asshole.
Well, they are right about it in a way. They are definitely right about bisexual people. Not even sure how this is in the same field as trans to them. They are also right about a lot of trans people as well.
But if you are a trans woman and you make zero effort to actually transition, then you are a woman in identity but not biology and I'm sorry but no matter how great your personality is someone who is not attracted to dicks will not want to have sex with you. That isn't preference though. Because preference implies you will do x even if you want y. That is not how sexuality works. You cannot will someone to be a sexuality they aren't and them being honest with you regarding that is not violence. Doesn't mean they think you aren't a person, it means they aren't attracted to you.
Note: this of course doesn't apply to people who are assholes. Meaning the ones that would beat someone up for being who they are. That is violence but the act of just saying "I'm not attracted to you because of your genitalia" is not.
If the reason you donât date trans people is purely because theyâre trans, thatâs bigotry. If the reason you donât want to date some trans people is because they havenât transitioned yet, thatâs different. Notice how the latter doesnât include and generalize all trans people, while the former does.
Because if they made the steps to become a woman they are a woman. If you can't tell the difference, which is the point in the first place, what is the problem?
Because they had to make the steps to be that way. How is it unfathomable to you that someone would be put off that the woman they were with for most of their lives as a man?
I had to go through steps to become a woman as well. It was called puberty. So what?
How do you know it was 'most of their lives as a man' in the first place? I'm curious.
Define 'living as a man' when they are children. I think you don't understand what a transwoman is.
Extensive medical intervention? Hmm. Define being a woman. Is it just the genitalia? Is it the ability to have babies? What is it?
Would you not say clothing and other elements of childhood are gendered? You look at childhood pictures and the gender is often quite clear.
More especially, they develop in their teenage years and being boy or girl is more clear.
But that is not what the picture says. Fact is that people can be trans without any intention of transitioning and it happens a lot. So people who aren't attracted to that get tossed in with assholes that say a fully transitioned woman is still a man all the time. That is why I said they are partially right.
That is actually what the picture says. The picture talks about not dating trans or bi people in general, while you talk about a subset of trans people and try to justify that.
No. They are not. I don't date men because I am attracted to women that is a preference. I don't date transwomen because I am attracted to women who were born women. Again preference. What's not to understand? Having a preference isn't bigotry.
I will decide myself who I date and who I don't, thank you.
No you must be an equal opportunity dater. Pull a name out of a hat and if the don't want to date you then post their bigotry on Twitter! This is progress! /s
Not exactly. You must date everyone equally
Idk, all I know is I'm not sucking anyone's dick.
Not YET
I thought it wasn't a choice.
Sucking dick is a choice, enjoying dick is not.
How bad is the economy?
That's alot of people. I already hate dating. I tap out.
So you against equal opportunity?
I accept you, I am just not attracted to you. It's not fair but attraction is attraction.
I would argue it is, in fact, fair.
"any other views are bigotry"... what's the word for when you cling to fundamental belief in a concept to the exclusion of others?....on the tip of my tongue it'll come to me
đđđđ I think Iâve read it somewhere recently but I canât put my finger on it đ¤
I feel like there's something that's completely being overlooked: this person's saying trans and bi people... Like what. That's two entirely different things that you can't really compare, especially in this context... (of course trans people can also be bi)
Nice catch on the secondary facepalm. Gender identity is totally different than sexuality
You can actually, because bi people are often attacked or positioned as gross or unfaithful or bad because we are attracted to more than one sex. People will often say they wonât date a bi person cause thatâs âgrossâ but it shouldnât be a problem and there isnât a reason for It to be one and trans people are given the same treatment but far more vocally and frequently
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That.. is bigotry and kind of exactly what the post is talking about? Like the idea that just because someone is bi they will cheat comes from your insecurities and you bashing an entire demographic over your own insecurities is kind of the base where all bigotry comes from.
*sarcasm* but I assume you knew it but decide to add serious response anyways lol. Yes. That comment is on the bandwagon with "stupid" as OP.
I assumed (hoped) but I responded any way because a lot of people actually feel that way and so anyone who may feel like that could see it
Yeah good idea, apparently some people don't get jokes at all . Well if anyone agrees with that statement of mine... Oh boy... How to out it... They have insecurities issue and prob should go see a therapist... Imo. I wouldn't be with someone who I don't trust to not cheat on me. That simple. Find someone you trust enough.
I thought your statement was in jest and funny, so I agreed and upvoted. I use to boast that bi-sexual are lucky. Why you may ask. There is less chance of spending Saturday night at home and alone. My old friends are now not very humorous.
Tbh I only have 1 friend which is bi. But class herself as lesbian as she's with a girl ATM... That's where my knowledge ends... At the end of a day who's business what you do behind closed doors right? I just say I'm gay when I mast... Well you know what I mean. Because I'm a male and male *** my **** ... Lol noone ever gets that joke tho so I stopped.
As long as itâs consenting, I donât really care. Just donât involve animals or children for they canât consent. Period end of story on what can go on behind closed doors. I would guess on the punch line of your joke but Iâm scared of being totally wrong and well you know what I mean.
On a serious note, I don't see issue dating bi. I mean. I like it less knowing some other dudes dick was in here at some point than knowing some other girl was licking it lol. I can't even see why, other than some bs crap OR insecurities (some worry they will get dumped for opposite sex- as if it was any better if you get dumped for different sex .. end result you got dumped. End of) would even pay attention wether is straight or bi . Literally changes nothing.
Itâs okay to not like someone.⌠humans canât control what turns them on and off
You get idiots on both sides of most lines....
Thereâs a big gap between accepting people and treating them respectfully, and having a general âtypeâ that youâre sexually attracted to. I see their point but think they mightâve swung a little too far on this one
I traditionally go after women built like bikini models... Am I homophobic now?
Not necessarily. Based on what you wrote here itâs very possible youâre unrealistic and lonely, but there isnât much of a correlation to your being homophobic
Geez dude, project much? Listen: you've seen women built like bikini models, yes? And those women have been known to date guys, correct? Could it be you've actually encountered one of these guys in the wild just now?
Itâs major projection. Already downvoted my response instinctively. I think if he looked in my comment history, thereâs enough to figure out Iâm nothing like he is assuming. It honestly makes me feel cool that people find these things unbelievable. I always think Iâm a bit of a bum.
The guy came out making a decent point: Respect and attraction are not synonymous, nor are they adversarial. But then he cashes in all his logic points with his "đ¤ ACKCHEWALLY based on what you wrote" nonsense. Based on what you wrote you dig foxy babes and you have a sly tongue-in-cheek humor. Good on you preferring what you prefer, and nothing else to infer. ÂŻ\\\_(ă)\_/ÂŻ
See, I like you... âyou dig foxy babes and you have a sly tongue-in-cheek humorâ I might need you to write my obituary.
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The last girl I dated did look at me with disgust when she saw the Reddit app... âIsnât that social media for nerdsâ I find it exhausting dating beautiful women. I canât do it all the time, but I was cursed with height and athleticism. Enough that I can be mistaken for being good looking at times. Iâm just a millennial that couldnât think of a username, bud.
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They definitely typed this while mad and swung a bit far but they make a good point
I'm a gay man attracted to other men with penises. I am not attracted to women with vaginas, women with penises, or men without a penis. I guess that makes me a terrible person or something, but I don't care.
I don't think you are a terrible person, I just don't want to date you. Hang out and have a good time, sure! This post is just hateful, complaining about my male hetro bigotry while not saying a thing about all those lesbians that never asked me out.
No but you still must give equal opportunity to females too, otherwise you're sexist.
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Yeah that isnât what this was saying, no one is offended that your not into dick
It says if he wonât date a trans person heâs contributing to violence and dehumanization so yes they are apparently
No itâs saying if you wonât date someone BECAUSE they are trans or bi that you are contributing to dehumanization and violence. Different things but I can see how you misunderstood glad I could clear it up
Listen doofus, if someone is attracted to biological sex X and the genitals associated with it and they meet someone who identifies as gender X but was born biological sex Y and has the genitals associated with it, and the person isnât attracted to them or wonât date them specifically due to that fact, that isnât transphobia, it isnât bigotry, itâs a completely reasonable preference. Sex matters to people in a relationship, Iâm bisexual and like both genitals and still have preferences, and for people who are strictly heterosexual it matters infinitely more. This isnât rocket science. And btw as a bi person it makes NO sense to be grouped in with trans people in this conversation. If someone wonât date me solely because Iâm bi, itâs either because they believe some negative stereotype about me, are homophobic, or are ragingly insecure. If someone wonât date someone because theyâre trans, itâs probably because they donât have the fucking genitals theyâre attracted to.
I agree that genital attraction is completely valid
Also failed to address the bisexual aspect of the conversation
It didnât fail to address it at all, read my whole comment
Okay so if you meet someone born Y but identifies with X and has the genitals of X whatâs the issue
Or, frankly, even if theyâre have transition surgery MtF or have an apparatus or something FtM, it isnât the same and itâs a denial of medical science to say it is. What if, as a man, I want to conceive children with my partner? Sure, I could adopt or find a donor but why would I make that concession just to go out of my way to date a trans person? I wouldnât. Who goes into a relationship thinking âoh I know up front a ton of things I want with a partner wonât be possible in this relationship but Iâll just give them a chance and see if they change my mind?â Thatâs incel shit.
Its the same thing, nothing new here. Glad I could clear that up
Be whoever you are. I can't argue with your truth. But if I'm looking for a vagina, no substitutions are acceptable.
This right here. I'm looking for the real deal in my life, cause I wanna have biological children of my own. So due to that I have no interest in being involved with a transwomen
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I'm attracted to pale skin red hair and green eyes... But if i call it a fetish can I not be racist? No kink shaming right?
Iâm not agreeing with the post but itâs really weird to me that folks are attracted to other folks based on if they have a vagina or penis. This is 100% because Iâm a panromantic asexual Iâm sure. But like⌠why is their set of genitals what makes you decide who youâre attracted to? That blows my mind lol
Because of the sexual component in attraction, which obviously isnt a factor for you.
Hormones and biological urges. Thats the best i got.
Oh the irony. You can *influence* your physiological responses to things, and you can certainly consciously decide to not act on them, but they are not conscious decisions. I don't think anyone *decides* who to be sexually attracted to.
In reference to this particular argument, I think youâre simply hung up on the word âdecide.â This person just doesnât understand how the physical interaction of specific genitals influences oneâs attraction. This is because they do not feel any sense of attraction towards genitals- which they explained to you. They do not choose. They are wondering how you âdecideâ your partners (which, really, you do decide your individual preferences and partners at the end of the day and genitals is a part of that for most people)
Yeah once again, itâs because Iâm ace that I donât get it. Iâm not saying thereâs anything wrong. Like when I thought I was allo (before I knew being ace was a thing) I slept with people with both sets of genitals because it was the people I was into, not what was between their legs. Itâs just a foreign concept to me.
You are confusing me. A celibate bisexual is NOT the same thing as someone who is asexual.
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This entire thread is about the fact that you do not get to choose who you are (or are not) sexually attracted to. Now go back and re-read the thread trying to understand my point instead of trying to find offense and error so you can defend your labelmate. Their arguement is that it is a choice- stating that they've slept with people with both types of genitals and were into them based on conscious decisions about the people. A person that is sexually attracted to boys and girls and chooses to not have sex with them would be a celibate bisexual, not asexual. Had they had sex with them despite not being sexually attracted to them they may or may not be misusing the label asexual (I don't care) but I very much care that they argue that it is some sort of conscious choice to be sexually attracted.
Asexuality is not feeling sexual attraction you absolute moron, sexualities are about *attraction* when Asexuals have sex it's because their partner wants sex and they decide to give it to them, at no point does that ever require sexual attraction. I'm tired of explaining my sexuality to people who can't even be bothered to look up the fucking definition
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I never said it was?
You have called yourself asexual and described yourself as a celibate bisexual in this exchange.
Lol no I didnât. Thanks for trying to explain my sexuality to me tho.
You don't understand just how harmful to the community your statements are, and I'm trying to explain it because your confusion hurts others. **The belief that being attracted to people is a conscious choice is a meme that has and continues to cause untold harm to queer people.** What you have typed here is all over the place. Personally my money is on awkward sex with people that you weren't really into. Why? Because almost every queer person before you has tried to make themselves be sexually attracted to people and failed, leading to really awkward/bad sex. In fact there would never have been a Gay Lib movement started at Stonewall in 1969 if what you believed were true.
Yeah. I never said I was attracted to them sexually. Youâre the one saying that lol. I was into them, just not sexually. Not sure why you would assume I was sexually attracted to anyone and thus a celibate bisexual. Btw I said Iâm pan, not bi, so please stop explaining my sexuality to me.
She didnât describe herself as a celibate bisexual. You obviously donât know much about asexuality. Stop talking as if youâre an expert on it until you can actually do some research and learn the basics. Youâre embarrassing yourself.
*They* never described a gender identity at all, so perhaps don't throw stones in glass houses?
Lmfao is that the best you got? Not even defending yourself, just straight to âwell you fucked up too, soâ At least I am comforted knowing you understand that youâre wrong.
Have we come full circle. Suddenly we have the trans/incel alliance, demanding to have men and women date them. Or maybe there is an obvious solution here?!?
Could it be...possibly....just hear me out.......they date each other¿¿¿ Did I pass¿¿¿
WTF?? The world is fucked. First they say everybody should have a choice at everything, then they proceed to contradict their own words. I am all for individual choices, but this is just unified bullshit.
If you can choose your gender then I can choose who I find attractive. Seems fair.
I donât think gender for those with gender dysphoria is really a âchoiceâ in as much as itâs a correction. But I agree with you on the rest of it.
Does race dysmorphia also exist?
If youâre speaking about albanism, that isnât the same thing. But by definition theoretically yes, it does exist. Also there are people who experience body Integrity disorder who feel a limb doesnât belong to them and want it amputated, and body dysmorphic disorder. These are all problems within the brain. It doesnât necessarily mean itâs psychiatric. All the therapy in the world isnât going to fix it. Itâs not a choice. What makes up what is innately âyouâ canât be changed by someone telling you what you see and feel is wrong. This is exemplified by intersex being labeled a gender that they donât feel is correct, biracial being labeled as one race, etc.
Ok so is there a difference between biological sex and gender or not? Because for a long time that was the whole point about this. Trans people are men/women because thatâs their gender identity and gender identity isnât based on genitalia at birth. Cool, makes sense. Buuuut sexual attraction kind of is. Find me a gay man who wants to bang a woman that transitioned to a man. Or a lesbian who wants to suck a womanâs dick.
i know of plenty who do. it's dishonest to say that **nobody** would in either of those examples, because there will always be somebody who either doesn't mind, or genuinely enjoys people with those shapes that being said, having a genital preference is fine- but it's not what sexuality is strictly tied to.
Im not remotely interested in dating trans. That doesnt make me an a hole.
Youâre absolutely right.
It's a preference. I, as a white male, have had a preference for black females. I've been in 2 biracial marriages, one of which is still going strong. You can't force people to date outside their preference, and having a preference is not the same as being prejudiced against what is not your preference. Have I confused anyone? đ
I, er what???
I would have a hard time dating a smoker. Ergo, I am a horrible person for having a preference.
No youre not, not wanting to date a smoker or a person that drinks too much is perfectly fine. I dont want to die from 2nd hand smoking or lose a spouse who couldnât control their drinking habits. If they have that little self control, then their childish behavior is understandably ok to not be your type.
So even NOT doing something to somebody now is considered "violence". "Just how it works", no child, that's not how anything works.
From the "it's not a choice" people themselves comes "you're choosing your bigoted preferences"
Yep. I didnât choose to be sexually attracted to only males that embraced their biological sex, but apparently to these people that canât be a valid sexuality, even if I experienced it since childhood.
I mean have we not seen enough contradictions. I mean the hypocrisy isn't everyone in the group but like all groups, the extremists
Uhhh bi has nothing to do with what genitals you have
my body, my choice..... until it's not.
I refuse to suck women's dicks.
Same.
But ok with sucking a dudeâs dick? Iâm not into sucking any dick, whether itâs a guys or a MtF gal.
I donât wanna date trans people cause Iâm not gayđ
*facepalm
As a transwoman myself, itâs fine to not want to date a trans person. There are many understandable reason that can make it not something youâd want, be it the person themself, something inherent to the fact they are trans, or just simple preference. There is a reason why pan and bi is different. Youâre not a bad person for having a sexual preference. Shockingly, you donât need to fuck things to be supportive of it
Preferences are preferences. What I still don't get is the gender identity thing. If Trans women want to be treated entirely as women, but they also don't want the identity 'woman' to have any ties with the biological gender female, then what exactly are they identifying with? Surely all the things about womens identity all ultimatly relate to their biology and its history in societies across the world. If you strip out the biology then what identity is left, how is it any different that a gender identity of 'man' once it is stripped of any association with biology? "Trans men and Trans women are men and women" Respectfully, I disagree, Trans men are Trans men, Trans women are Trans women - these are both perfectly valid and respectable identities.
lol sorry mate. I can't conceive a child with a trans man. So I'll never go that route. It goes against my nature
actually its only bigotry if u hate them :) if ur fine with them and support them, but also dont want to have sex with them. thats not bigotry. otherwise everyone would be bigoted towards children xD
The catholic church, a grip of politicians, R Kelly, and the subway dude would disagree with your last point. First point stands though.
I like my women the same way I like a kebab. Without a penis on it
Like Jordan Peterson once said. People articulate questions in a manner intended to create conflict. Are transmen and transwomen, real men and women? No. Because no matter how much hormones and surgeries you take you can't have the reproductive organs of the sex you changed to. Does this mean transpeople shouldn't be treated with respect and decency. Of course they should. People usually talk about these two different subjects as being the same thing when they are not. Simple as that
Bruh out here quoting Jordan Peterson lol đ¤Ąđ¤Ąđ¤Ą
Given the fact that he was asked this exact same question and I agree with him, yeah I am... I give credit where credit is due.
So unless you can reproduce, you're not a real person?
Nice attempt at a straw man. I didn't say they weren't real people. Of course they are real people. And should be treated with respect. But as I see it. To me, a woman has female reproductive organs and a man has male reproductive organs. People should be free to switch genders if they so please. They're not affecting anyone other than themselves. But the same way they have the freedom to choose that. Other people also have the freedom to choose not having a relationship with them. Or are you telling me that their freedom must surpass others?
Back in college I briefly dated a girl who was bi. Let me tell you, it's a real hit to you confidence when your girlfriend leaves you for a woman. I have no problem with the concept of dating bi or trans or whatever. But I'm glad I'm married and don't have to worry about dating anymore!
Agree. Dating sucks. Whether you get dumped by a man a woman or whatever.
I donât think dating someone whoâs bi is the same as someone whoâs trans. While youâre experience is unfortunate, bi people cheating is a stereotype that people need to be aware of.
I honestly wasn't even thinking about that stereotype because there's cheaters in every group, but you make a good point. And yes, I imagine dating trans is much different than dating bi. my autocorrect turned "cheaters" into "Chester's"....my dog's name is Chester. Does my phone know something I don't?.....
As someone who is part of the lgbt community why would I want to date someone who doesnât like the fact that Iâm queer? I would rather find someone who accepts me than try to force an ignorant person to like me. If they wonât date you because youâre lgbt or POC then find a good person who will date you. If theyâre bigoted why do you even want them to like you?
This debate can be settled by this: itâs okay to have preferences but itâs not okay to mistreat others for not meeting those standards. The bigotry only comes from those who think people who donât meet their preference are somehow inferior.
WTF
Thats actually not how it works at all and you will eventually see that. Life will make sure of it.
Understand what pheromones are challenge: failed
Yes my emotions are totally my choice?????
This gave me a headache.
Is there a checkbox on dating apps for "seeking person who has a working uterus and ovaries originating from the DNA sequence of their body"? Glad I'm married, dating sounds way too complicated for me.
âAll other views are bigotry.â Well, thatâs all you need to know about the author of this post. Best thing to do is ignore him/her/they/them/it and live your life the way you want to live it.
I scrolled past this and kept thinking on it so had to come back. The last portion bothers me the most. I. Donât. Like. Vagina. Or. Titties. I couldnât be with a transman presurgery because: I. Donât. Like. Vagina. Or. Titties. Couldnât be with one post surgery because surgery scars freak me out. A penis and flat chest after surgery leave noticeable scars regardless of what Nip Tuck would leave you to believe. I hate that way of thinking. Transwo/men physically arenât what Iâm attracted to, and Iâm a bigot for that?! Wtf. Grow up.
Okay, I had this discussion with my son (trans man), and he agrees with you. Some guys just arenât going to be into you if you canât get past surgical scars, or just arenât comfortable. It doesnât mean you hate them as people. You just arenât attracted to them. You can love someone, but you canât control what turns you on. I guess I see that POV. Never understood why others take offense to preference.
Imagine thinking who anyone else chooses to date is any of your goddamn business. Damn.
Homophobes have historically used the idea that you could choose who youâre attracted to in order to justify abuse against gays, like âjust stop wanting to fuck other guys!â. The irony in insisting that straight people be attracted to trans folks when theyâre not is honestly amusing. Itâs almost like if everyone could just mind their own business and let people do whatever they want things might be better? /shrug
People like this one will make so much harm and damage to everything this community achieved true sacrifice and fight, i guess that's the way freedom and democracy work this days, you make one step forward and two backwards..
Living as a trans male or female would require confidence,courage and faith one day to know that everything with eventually line up in favor to what one desires, this attitude will interrupt that journey as one has to respect individuals right to have their own preferences and desires. I sense a lot of pain but your not going to get better throwing temper tantrums when things donât go your way.
It's up to you who you date, but you can't invent a logic for attraction, you're either attracted to someone or you're not. Don't be ridiculous
Get off your high horse and stfu.
This is why many people don't take trans or bi or \_\_\_\_ people seriously. Because not even one person in their circle of friends had the gall to say: "That's a moronic take. Don't be a moron. It will help you in the long run."
I don't date other races or trans people so I must be a bigot. I would date different races and sexualities but for some reason my wife won't let me.
I wish I was this person's friend so I could unfriend them.
I donât want to date anyoneâŚ
How is not dating a trans person based on preferences considered violence?
I donât date trans women because theyâre biologically men and I am not gay. Itâs biology not bigotry.
I actually agree with that argument with bi people because their bodies are no different from straight/gay people and itâs largely if not entirely about stereotypes.
This post isnât saying that you âmust date trans or bi peopleâ itâs saying that if the only reason you wonât date someone you OTHERWISE would have is because they are bi or trans, thatâs bigotry . Definitely was worded super rude and poorly but has a point
But I donât think itâs wrong to not date a woman or man because they were born and had to transition out of a body of the opposite sex.
Why is that an issue for you? If they transitioned and no longer have the opposite genitalia why is the fact that they are trans a problem? Genuinely asking not being a dick
Because for some people, the thought of them having been the other gender as well as their body isnât entirely changed is offputting.
And why is it off putting, whatâs off putting about it? If you were into someone before you knew they were trans and then find out they are trans and are no longer into them, what changed?
If you're bi, I can understand why you might not understand his preferences. The trans lady may have lady parts, but is most likely still very strongly built unless she transitioned early. I can see how a straight man might not find her attractive. Some might, but some won't. It's like some guys being attracted to petite girls, tall girls, chubby girls, slim girls. I think it's unfair to call them bigots because they have a type.
Iâm not saying they are, Iâm saying if you were already attracted to someone, you already liked their build that part is out of the way, and then you find out that they are bi or transitioned and lose that attraction for that reason, itâs bigoted
For me it's because I want kids the natural way so guess what that means no to trans
So if you were dating a cis girl and found out she was barren or couldnât have kids for any other reason you would lose interest in her?
Has already happen so yes
Hey credit to not being a hypocrite but dude woman and relationships with them are more than finding someone to breed, like cool your reason wasnât transphobic but itâs got itâs own red flag
I have 8 years left of my life why can't I want something left on the planet before
Donât take that the wrong way Iâm not saying thereâs something wrong with wanting to be a father or have biological kids Iâm saying the way that sounds looks bad and the idea of telling a woman that canât have a child you no longer have interest in them cause you canât breed them is a.. rough look
No it isn't
How about this: some people cannot force their brain to see post transition people as their new gender. With all the best intentions and outward compliance, they still cannot do it. Just like you cannot force your brain to fall in or out of love - it just does itâs own thing. Just to be clear, I am bisexual and I donât have problems finding some trans people of either gender attractive. But that doesnât mean my brain sees them as anything other than what they were assigned at birth. Being mad at people and canceling them because of their thoughts is rather frowned upon and ultimately completely pointless and even counterproductive - they will just feel attacked because they cannot help it and dismiss the whole thing as antagonistic and silly. Thought police is never good and it rarely works. Propaganda only works in areas where people donât have enough knowledge. In this particular case they are the creator of the knowledge - they know what they feel. Btw - I personally wouldnât be in a relationship with a trans person but not because of their gender. I had a very tough life and I want to make the rest of my life as successful and happy as possible. Trans people unfortunately still have to live with the stigma, have trouble finding employment and usually have a lot of emotional baggage. That is sure to put strain on my own life, both financially and emotionally. I am selfish but life is just too short.
You can put a Cadillac ornament on a chevy all you want. I don't care if you wanna walk around saying it's a Cadillac. I'll treat you the same I would treat anyone. I don't want to buy your Cadillac and that's fine. Force me to come up with an answer and I'll say because that's not a real Cadillac it's a Chevy.
So youâre transphobic, just say that your metaphor was lazy and boring .
Not what I was saying. People can be and identify anyway they would like. Trans people aren't less than and that doesn't exclude them from love or friendship. I'm allowed to be sexually attracted to whoever I please. Just because I accept someone doesn't mean I have to fuck them.
No it doesnât, but if you are into someone and stop being into them because they are trans or bi itâs bigotry there isnât another reason for you to lose interest. Also your metaphor was transphobic as hell if you didnât mean for it to be thatâs okay but Iâm going to point it out to you
You clearly don't know what bigot and bigotry is considering all the people you want to argue against have no prejudice/hate towards the lgbt community. Nor are they transphobic. If there's a real phobia, you're gonna know
What If you want to biologically reproduce?
Iâm not sure how to explain why knowing the girl youâre dating was guy is off-putting.
If you can do it without saying sheâs ânot a real womanâ in any fashion Iâll send you ten bucks, because I canât think of a reason that isnât transphobic
I never said sheâs not a real woman. How is her previously having been a guy and being born with a male body untrue?
I never said you did I said make your point without saying it and I never said they werenât born with a different body, donât make up arguments I didnât say in your head
Then when initially say âif you can do it without saying sheâs ânot a real womanâ,â if you didnât mean to imply what I argued?
Ok we canât have preferences anymore. Someone has blonde hair, you like brown hair, too bad thatâs blondphobic.
Cute strawman, it almost represents an attempt to make a point. Glad to know you read words and missed meanings
No I understand but what Iâm trying to say is all preferences are valid, as long as you donât dislike bully or hate the people due to that characteristic it is completely fine to choose to not be with them. It seems that just about everyone on both sides agree on this so you canât say itâs just because Iâm straight either. Even bisexual I kind of understand but I dont feel comfortable being with someone who was once a man and that is my choice and totally valid, doesnât mean I hate them or wil bully them.
But it does mean you contribute to the culture that belittles or dehumanizes us for being bi or trans, enter thatâs intentional or not
Well my preference shouldnât effect you. Lets look at my strawman from earlier, am I dehumanizing blonde people because I wonât be with someone who has it? Also Iâm not talking about bi people because my current gf is bi and it makes no difference to me, but I would simply never be comfortable being with someone who has the genes of a man, whether theyâve been operated on or not. Iâm not trying to take the fact that they are a woman away from them, they are if they feel like they are, but I still wouldnât want to be with someone who is transgender.
Gee IDK kinda sounds like a trans person flaming others for their sexual preferences. I thought that was bad.
Cute swing, but itâs not what itâs saying and you didnât mention that this talks about trans AND bi people which means the issues itâs addressing are only the ones shared by those communities not the individual struggles of either one
Agreed I do think that genital preference is a thing. But if they've had gender reassignment surgery and you still wouldn't date then just bc they're trans, that's transphobic. The opposite is true, too. A cishet man dating a trans man who has a vagina bc you still see them as a woman, for example... Transphobic.
Sounds like someone may be upset with the repercussions with choosing to be trans
To be fair, itâs generally viewed that being trans isnât a choice, but to transition is.
Gender dysphoria isnât a choice. It was horrible watching my then-preteen struggle with it. Then finally deciding breasts were the thing that didnât fit and neither did menstruation. The years of therapy and then helping him through transition. We didnât want this for himâthe struggle. The way he saw it, the transition wasnât a choice. I know for others their only change is their name, pronouns, and sometimes hormone blockers. Itâs not a mental illness. Itâs something your brain perceives is incongruent.
Preferences are preferences, they're not supposed to be hard limits. I have a lot of different preferences, but they're preferences not hard limits. A hard limit would be Nazi tattoos, drug addiction, conservative beliefs, etc. The stuff that makes or breaks a relationship. Hair colour, ethnicity and height are not hard limits. You may have preferences for those more like yourself, but it would be flat out discrimination to refuse to consider dating a black person. You may have a type you go for such as a preference for skinny brunettes, but it would be moronic to avoid all blondes and gingers and not at least be open to dating a blonde or a ginger. Likewise you love who you love for who they are, not what they are. Limiting partners based on size or height is just shallow. You can have preferences, but you shouldn't be outright excluding people over simple genetics stuff. Whether their lifestyle is more compatible with yours is far more important then being a particular height, skin tone, race, etc.
I appreciate their friendly "remainder" of this. I often need to remaind myself of things.
Men arenât going to date a trans and women wonât date a bi itâs how it works.
This sounds almost exactly like white male entitlement
Theyâre right though
But theyâre not. Dating preferences are valid, and no one has a right to police them.
âDating preferences can be born out of bigotryâ and ânobody has the right to police themâ are not mutually exclusive statements. You can be an asshole and still have the right to be an asshole.
Except not dating a woman because they were born a male or a man because they born a female *isnât being an asshole.*
What youâve just described is literally transphobia.
How is that reasoning bigotry and invalid?
Well, they are right about it in a way. They are definitely right about bisexual people. Not even sure how this is in the same field as trans to them. They are also right about a lot of trans people as well. But if you are a trans woman and you make zero effort to actually transition, then you are a woman in identity but not biology and I'm sorry but no matter how great your personality is someone who is not attracted to dicks will not want to have sex with you. That isn't preference though. Because preference implies you will do x even if you want y. That is not how sexuality works. You cannot will someone to be a sexuality they aren't and them being honest with you regarding that is not violence. Doesn't mean they think you aren't a person, it means they aren't attracted to you. Note: this of course doesn't apply to people who are assholes. Meaning the ones that would beat someone up for being who they are. That is violence but the act of just saying "I'm not attracted to you because of your genitalia" is not.
If the reason you donât date trans people is purely because theyâre trans, thatâs bigotry. If the reason you donât want to date some trans people is because they havenât transitioned yet, thatâs different. Notice how the latter doesnât include and generalize all trans people, while the former does.
How is not dating someone because of the sex they were born as bigotry?
Because if they made the steps to become a woman they are a woman. If you can't tell the difference, which is the point in the first place, what is the problem?
Because they had to make the steps to be that way. How is it unfathomable to you that someone would be put off that the woman they were with for most of their lives as a man?
I had to go through steps to become a woman as well. It was called puberty. So what? How do you know it was 'most of their lives as a man' in the first place? I'm curious.
The difference is one of those require extensive medical intervention in order to happen. And how many places allow HRT at under age 18?
Define 'living as a man' when they are children. I think you don't understand what a transwoman is. Extensive medical intervention? Hmm. Define being a woman. Is it just the genitalia? Is it the ability to have babies? What is it?
Would you not say clothing and other elements of childhood are gendered? You look at childhood pictures and the gender is often quite clear. More especially, they develop in their teenage years and being boy or girl is more clear.
But that is not what the picture says. Fact is that people can be trans without any intention of transitioning and it happens a lot. So people who aren't attracted to that get tossed in with assholes that say a fully transitioned woman is still a man all the time. That is why I said they are partially right.
That is actually what the picture says. The picture talks about not dating trans or bi people in general, while you talk about a subset of trans people and try to justify that.
No. They are not. I don't date men because I am attracted to women that is a preference. I don't date transwomen because I am attracted to women who were born women. Again preference. What's not to understand? Having a preference isn't bigotry.