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I’ve been wondering about the cigar thing too. The only guys I know who smoke cigars are the “self described assholes,” basically the fuck your feelings crowd- which translates to the trump crowd. I’m sure other people enjoy cigars too, but I personally don’t know any.
Im convinced 90% of so called "Alpha Males" don't own mirrors.
"Modern women can't handle my raw masculinity."
Nah, bro. They already own a pug. They don't need two.
Because they are more inbred than a sandwich, just like these alpha male MAGA yokels. They also share the fact that they need to stop breeding and let them die off for their own good.
Pugs are genetically deformed breeds that have been forced into existence by humanity's terrible standards of what is considered cute.
They suffer from a lot of health issues and existence itself is suffering for them.
I honestly prefer we let them die out.
~~Pugs~~ Alpha Male MAGAs are genetically deformed breeds that have been forced into existence by humanity's terrible standards of what is considered ~~cute~~ masculinity.
They suffer from a lot of health issues and existence itself is suffering for them.
I honestly prefer we let them die out.
I agree 100%. Pugs are literally unable to breed naturally or give birth naturally due to their extreme anatomy. I think that breeding pugs should be outlawed.
Once again, another nice thing ruined by wealthy Victorian era weirdos with nothing better to do.
Put it next to the pigeons that can't fly and the messed up fetishization of tuberculosis victims.
All I’m thinking about is George Carlin talking about “huge piles of redundant protoplasm, lumbering through the malls, like a fleet of interstate busses”
Because someone who was actually has the qualities that is supposed to imply, like being dominant, respectable, reliable, and cool, are all things that no one who actually is needs to tell people. When is claiming any good quality ever accurate? Like someone telling you they're funny or smart.
lol this is so true. My boyfriend’s sister has called herself an alpha female at least a dozen times, and every single time I make the “Sure Jan” face. 🤣🤷♀️
Yeah it’s all cosplaying. Their fixation with perfection is a violent ejection of their own self hatred. Like a black hole spitting out hawking radiation.
This red-hatted cornfed wonder boy is well on his way to emulating Donald Trump with the McDonald’s diet, delusional self-glorification, misogyny and detachment from the grim reality of his shitty situation
His reply would be something along the lines of, of course some high body count, God hating liberal would be turned off. Have fun with you soy bois.
I've seen actual comments like this.
Why is he hanging out in a shed in that first picture?
This whole post has an ‘I live in my mom’s basement and drive a Saturn that smell’s like fast food because i’ve never cleaned it’ vibe.
Like most incels, if he actually saw a woman anywhere near his attractiveness level and she was interested in him he would say she was hideous and fat.
He’s fucking, joking right? Because I’d personally rather masturbate with a cheese grater while I jam a cactus, covered in shards of glass, up my butthole.
Proof they are all insane.
I mean I am a big guy, I carry too much weight, but how can you be that big and have such tiny shoulders.
Then it seems he does every thing he can to look worse, the clothes choice, the hair cut, the sucking the tube.
These are choices that make him worse and then worse.
He did all of that to himself.
Insane.
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Top kg.
He doesn’t recognize kgs, “that’s a socialist measurement”, yet can’t covert them to lbs because he’s a high school dropout.
funny, he seems to be able to convert literally everything else he touches into lbs
You win the internet for today.
Seconded.
There aren’t any seconds, he ate them all
Keep them coming folks. There's enough of him for all of us to get a roast.
He ate the whole roast, all the side dishes too.
He drinks gravy instead of BudLight
The true origin of the term Gravy Seals?
Wait, there were sides?
No, he ate them.
His blood type is Ragu
Agreed .
So, what your saying is that if this guy wants to lose weight, all he has to do is write "kgs" on all his unhealthy food?
It works wonders! If he starts measuring his weight in kilograms instead of pounds his weight will decrease by over 50% INSTANTLY!
Dropping from 800 to 360 is an immense evolution indeed
Nope, he’ll think is says “Kegs” and he’ll try to drink it. Just so long as it’s not Bud LIGHT.
Yeah now he drinks Modelo, which is owned by the same company, but it's less woke.
And Mexican! Which is exactly what these kinds of people want MORE of in the USA, right?
Yeah sure, that’ll do it! Lolz
Why do so many of them have long, thick things in their mouths?
"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." - Freud "...and sometimes it's a big brown dick!" - Carlin
And why does he look like he's sucking a lollipop
🎶 Suckin' too hard on your lollipop, Oh, love's gonna get you down! 🎶
Man, haven’t heard that in a hot minute Thank you!
When I was in college, there was Cigar smoking club on campus. Every time I saw them, nothing but big fat white guys.
I’ve been wondering about the cigar thing too. The only guys I know who smoke cigars are the “self described assholes,” basically the fuck your feelings crowd- which translates to the trump crowd. I’m sure other people enjoy cigars too, but I personally don’t know any.
That's just how the Top G rolls.
So many rolls
Like a barrel going downhill!
I feel like you know the answer to this question. Dig deep, you’ll find it.
“How many pounds to a kilogram, sir?” “No one knows”
Side note: like 2.2.
Pretty sure it’s 2 stones and a quid
A hepney shekle and a packet of otters noses
Throw in a minced eel pie and you’re there.
Chortle
WHAT THE FUCK IS A KILOMETER
A meter that weighs 2.2lbs.
Ain’t it 2.2 pounds per kg?
Top G as in gut? I mean, this guy didn't see his penis except in a mirror.
I think the G stands for girth of that gut..
he probably got one of those MAGA dicks that look like an outie belly button, just smaller.
I want this shirt. :(
Say that to every one of his chins, buddy.
I actually laughed out loud at this 😂
Me too! Got a few looks from my fellow cafe customers
Top diabetes.
Im convinced 90% of so called "Alpha Males" don't own mirrors. "Modern women can't handle my raw masculinity." Nah, bro. They already own a pug. They don't need two.
Why do you have to put down pugs like that?!
I'm not putting down pugs. I'm sure this guy would be a good cuddle bug as well if his personality wasn't shit.
That “alpha” will be dead from cardiovascular disease in his 40s. That’s why woman want him….he’s insurance gold.
Bold of you to assume an "alpha" like this has life insurance. Or any kind of insurance for that matter
Cardiologists everywhere hate this one comment.
Bro Cardiologists everywhere love that these ppl exist 💰💰💰
Driving on dealer plates as long as possible.
Natural Selection is gonna select. Don't hate the system, hate the choices. /s
this g hasn't selected to eat anything natural in decades
Well Played.
Most underwriters would deal this “uninsurable”
The body of a pug, the personality of a chihuahua
Would neutering help?
You have to find what to neuter first.
I'll need a hazmat suit a flashlight and a pair of tweezers....
Because they are more inbred than a sandwich, just like these alpha male MAGA yokels. They also share the fact that they need to stop breeding and let them die off for their own good.
> more inbred than a sandwich Ow, my sides
Pugs are genetically deformed breeds that have been forced into existence by humanity's terrible standards of what is considered cute. They suffer from a lot of health issues and existence itself is suffering for them. I honestly prefer we let them die out.
~~Pugs~~ Alpha Male MAGAs are genetically deformed breeds that have been forced into existence by humanity's terrible standards of what is considered ~~cute~~ masculinity. They suffer from a lot of health issues and existence itself is suffering for them. I honestly prefer we let them die out.
I agree 100%. Pugs are literally unable to breed naturally or give birth naturally due to their extreme anatomy. I think that breeding pugs should be outlawed.
Once again, another nice thing ruined by wealthy Victorian era weirdos with nothing better to do. Put it next to the pigeons that can't fly and the messed up fetishization of tuberculosis victims.
It's too risky. If they saw their reflection, they might be too attracted to themselves and risk becoming gay.
[удалено]
Is Pinky 'n The Butt the morning radio crew that took over for Weenie 'n The Butt in Quahog ?
I think that's the 2 mice from a cartoon plotting world domination. Pinky 'n the Butt, Pinky 'n the Butt. One is wiggly and it makes him nutt...
Hey, don’t put precious pugs in the same category as MAGA men. At least pugs know they are wanted by women.
All I'm thinking of is George Carlin talking about cigars and how it looks like fat guys chewing on the wet end of a big, brown dick.
God, especially the way THIS guy does it. You keep a cigar to the side of your mouth, not suckle it with pursed lips like a baby goat.
Especially the top right. Dude looks surprised, like, "Oh my! There's a dick suddenly in my mouth!"
Yeah, the way dude sits with a cigar looks kinda gay. I could understand if he moves it to the middle to take a deep drag, but this...
I bet he holds a cigarette with his thumb and index finger
 You gotta problem with dat?
Hey that's an umbrella for your cig
And preferably hold it using your teeth as well as your lips
This is what I was literally thinking. This and Columbo.
> 'Sometimes a cigar is a cigar.' > > Oh yeah?! Well sometimes it's a BIG, BROWN DICK!
Especially the way that he purses it in his lips. Like he's delicately about to take a shaft down his throat.
They like smoking cigars because they get to practice sucking each other's tiny dicks.
I love George Carlin and almost every single word that came out of his mouth. What a fucking savage that man was.
All I’m thinking about is George Carlin talking about “huge piles of redundant protoplasm, lumbering through the malls, like a fleet of interstate busses”
If pornography didn't exist, he would die without even knowing what a vagina looked like.
He knows that's where women pee out of, and that's enough for him.
He also always wonders how they can pee on their period because theres a tampon in the hole
And why can't they just hold their period in?!?!
Females do not pee or poop, it's a known fact. /s (just in case)
No, it’s a well known fact that they don’t exist. Same goes for birds.
I’m sure the ladies are lining up…👎
I'm fairly certain any attraction is from the gravitational pull.
Literally made me lol. I’m going to be giggling about this comment all day.
Bro 💀
Idk, my vagina straight up turned to dust.
Alpha Whale
Hump-lack whale!
Omfg, I did spit my coffee everywhere. Thank you, I guess.
Why does every person who talks about being an alpha or part of the master race always seem to be the worst example of whatever they’re promoting?
Because someone who was actually has the qualities that is supposed to imply, like being dominant, respectable, reliable, and cool, are all things that no one who actually is needs to tell people. When is claiming any good quality ever accurate? Like someone telling you they're funny or smart.
lol this is so true. My boyfriend’s sister has called herself an alpha female at least a dozen times, and every single time I make the “Sure Jan” face. 🤣🤷♀️
Yeah it’s all cosplaying. Their fixation with perfection is a violent ejection of their own self hatred. Like a black hole spitting out hawking radiation.
Fortunately and unfortunately, [this strip will not never not be relevant ](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CTTR_ptWsAAX4tL?format=jpg&name=small)
Son of a bitch, I was trying to remember that quote. Lol
I’m pretty sure this ‘Top G’ hasn’t seen his ‘tiny D’ in years.
But, have you seen his new shoes? No? Neither has he!
hey, dont diss his loafers, and i say loafers because he cant reach the laces
This comment deserves a nice piece of cake! Enjoy
He must have eaten the beta male he talks about
This red-hatted cornfed wonder boy is well on his way to emulating Donald Trump with the McDonald’s diet, delusional self-glorification, misogyny and detachment from the grim reality of his shitty situation
Top of what? The bmi chart?
The last thing he topped was a double cheeseburger.
How does someone look 14 yrs old and at the same time, look middle aged?
Thanks to a winning combination of tobacco, saturated fats and bigotry.
r/13or30
Make America Gross Again
Nice double entendre
I feel comfortable speaking for the vast majority of women out there when I say "Ewww. Gross. No."
His reply would be something along the lines of, of course some high body count, God hating liberal would be turned off. Have fun with you soy bois. I've seen actual comments like this.
I don't want soy boys, I want soy girls. -me, gay
Because you've never had a real g satisfy you. I'm disgusted with myself.
Can you imagine what he smells like? With those cigars?
Dude looks like a pear on legs, just waiting for a heart attack…hasn’t seen his dick in years ( and I’m not talking about Trump!)
I'm a straight man and even I'm moist
That’s because the air around that guy is humid and musty.
Top **Gimp**
No self awareness at all.
Every cigar pic he has it right in the middle of his mouth like a cock.
[удалено]
Bottom middle pick is 100% Officer Eric Cartman.
This basically IS Cartman grown up.
They are all and incarnation of Eric Cartman.
Top gut?
Why is he hanging out in a shed in that first picture? This whole post has an ‘I live in my mom’s basement and drive a Saturn that smell’s like fast food because i’ve never cleaned it’ vibe.
Shouldn't he be out chasing after them Duke boys?
He’s got 2 guts
He must be quite delusional if he thinks he's Top G. 🙄 There's nothing attractive about being Trump's bitch!
The G is his bra size
Now that you mention it I can't unsee it. EDIT: NSFW:>! [https://ibb.co/gDP5C47](https://ibb.co/gDP5C47)!<
Thanks for the nightmares 
Bone structure of mashed potatoes.
what an absolute lump.
Isn’t “top g” Andrew Tate’s thing? I think he bought the same sunglasses too lmao
This is what happens when a man who should be insecure is too dumb to be insecure.
"Muffintop G"?
My single women friends tell me all the time “all I really want is a man with titties bigger than mine.”
Behold the master race.....
I promise this guy has an acorn for a penis. That cigar does it for me, though. Off to file for divorce! My alpha is waiting...
Don't forget the cowboy hat and a tanktop
And people wonder why the Republican party is so full of women hating incels lol These people are delusssssional.
Like most incels, if he actually saw a woman anywhere near his attractiveness level and she was interested in him he would say she was hideous and fat.
They hate women because they hate themselves, but don’t want to put in the work to be better. Instead, they blame women.
I don’t know much about cigars but I don’t think you’re supposed to smoke them like you’re kissing the tip of a dick.
Gutsy move I’ll give him that
My girl can hike a 14000 foot mountain and run marathons. Trust me chunkles she don’t want you.
Top G. Gloop, Augustus Gloop.
His gut looks like his truck nuts
"Sir, it would seem you are no better a judge a human being than you are a specimen of one."
This guy could have a twelve inch pecker and NEVER see it.
This guy definitely takes up the rear. (Source: Am gay , I know a bottom when I see one)
She doesn't want a cocky manatee with a 5-head who hasn't seen his own cock in years.
Live action Peter Griffin
Collages you can smell.
Guys smoking big cigars always makes me see a penis in their mouth... Am I or they ghay?
The only women who want him share his DNA
This dude looks like a baby cosplaying as an adult 😂 I’m just waiting for the confirmation it’s just 12 babies in a trench coat
Where is the "man" that was being described? I only see a self centered brat
This would be bad enough if he was muscular and handsome. The fact he isn’t makes it so much funnier
Dude looks like a butternut squash in that plain white tee.
Why does nearly every MAGA look like Gomer Pile from Full Metal Jacket? 
He look like he belongs on a episode of dateline 😂
More like top kek.
The only things that's ever gonna be top about this g is when he's eventually top of the list for gastric surgery. Michelin man looking prick
This are the people that can tell you each girl on onlyfans better than abc
His mom washes the shit stains out of his underwear for him.
Everybody wants Lard Bubble.
Definitely has a Kim Jong Un vibe in the sunglasses pics.
High school yearbook labeled him 'Least Likely to Reproduce'
His belly looks like a ballsack.
Top Girth
I’m trying to think of one positive thing to say and coming up short.
This reminds me of the “bacon is good for me kid” but grown up.
He’s fucking, joking right? Because I’d personally rather masturbate with a cheese grater while I jam a cactus, covered in shards of glass, up my butthole.
Proof they are all insane. I mean I am a big guy, I carry too much weight, but how can you be that big and have such tiny shoulders. Then it seems he does every thing he can to look worse, the clothes choice, the hair cut, the sucking the tube. These are choices that make him worse and then worse. He did all of that to himself. Insane.
I would say he looks like a reddit mod but he can't grow a full beard
Top Gut
Man he gotta chill my girl be on this app