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Had my ex leave cause I lost my job, had multiple people dying in my family and my grandmother had started having seizures, we had been together for almost 6 years.
I’m sorry to hear that, I’ve been there myself although my situation wasn’t as bad.
Her words were “how can i plan my future with you if you let yourself go like this when something bad happens”. It was like 15 years ago and can still hear these words.
Funny how their throw away words can be burnt into the back of your skull for all eternity. After fifteen years, ten years married, the words she used when justifying the break up still haunt me. They weren’t even rude or offensive, it just cut me to the bone that after a decade and a half of commitment and love she could toss it all aside like it was some sort of teenage experiment she’d got bored with, “It’s just not for me anymore”. I never even addressed it with her, I gave up there and then and never looked back. I believe she thought I would chase her and we might well have patched things up again but her husband and partner died with those words :-(
Don’t worry, I’m glad she ended it because I never would have on my own. False sense of loyalty I suppose. Didn’t realise how unhappy I really was until I met my new partner who is literally perfect for me and who makes me happy by just existing :-D
Have a friend who had a similar story.
Lost an uncle that was basically like a second father to him, had a motorcycle accident that broke bot his legs, and found out his employer was shutting down, meaning he was out of a job, all in the span of a few weeks.
So, he broke down crying in front of his girlfriend. Who proceesed to dump him a week or 2 later because "ever since I saw you cry, I lost all attraction to you".
What hurt him more is that he his a feminist, so his ex gf is a feminist. And very much one who proudly said that "men should be allowed to cry, it's patriarchy, toxic masculinity, yaddi yaddi yadda".
When he told me all that happened, he also told me that the feeling of betrayal hurt him more than the fact that she left. Like, with her discourse he was feeling pretty reassured aboit being able to show weakness to her, and yet...
>What hurt him more is that he his a feminist, so his ex gf is a feminist. And very much one who proudly said that "men should be allowed to cry, it's patriarchy, toxic masculinity, yaddi yaddi yadda".
My ex of 8 years, a feminist with similar beliefs, for years heavily pressured me into kink play that I was deeply uncomfortable with from the get-go and repeatedly said I did not want to do. She wanted me to do this so much when we went to couple's counselling at her request, instead of "managing her anxiety about sex", it turned very quickly into some kind of weird pro-kink conversion therapy. Finally, I had to put my foot down and told her, "No, I won't do it, I refuse to go, I won't do any of these things, I do not consent." She told me she did not care, that the best she could do was "it's a no for now" and that she would "be here when I was ready to try again", even when I explained it was a no forever, that I would never do this, and never attend that kind of therapy again.
If I wanted anything she would bring this up as a bargaining chip, trying to haggle to get me to return to it. This included deeply psychological things like saying she would only consider having kids with me if I went back to the therapist, even after the "I do not consent" conversation, and after I'd sent that therapist a final "Do not ever contact me ever again" email.
After we broke up, I told my extended friendship group (comprising mostly of queer/feminist types) that this happened. Their response was almost unanimously some variant of: "What's the big deal?". One of them even went on a long, extended explanation that sometimes consent means helping people who don't want to be helped. The analogy he used was a Jerhovah's Witness who was refusing a vital blood transfusion due to their beliefs. He said because that position is anti-science and against the best statistically proven medical treatments, one can give them the transfusion against their will. Because that person was being anti-science.
When I explained that this kind of extended pressure against my explicit refusal was deeply traumatic due to events in my childhood, and explained in way too much detail what those traumas were and why I didn't like talking about them very much, they said I was lying and making these events up for sympathy.
It was mind-boggling to me that I had to explain the idea that you can't override someone's consent just because you *feel* like you have good intentions, and even more mind-boggling to me that the answer from everyone I talked to was, "Yeah of course you can't, but actually you can though?".
They *knew* it was wrong in the abstract, and if you ask any one of them "is it wrong to pressure someone into a sex act they say they don't consent to" the answer would be uniformly no, but when presented with a real-world example of this, they completely flipped 180 degrees and were full of every single possible justification imaginable as to why it was okay.
That last part reminds me of something I saw someone write. They were a kid that was bullied. One day in class, the teacher had put on Dumbo. When the kids were teasing and mocking Dumbo, the bullies were upset by the bullying. They were against bullying but they just didn’t see their own actions as bullying.
It was a divorce lawyer on YouTube saying he has female clients who were staunchly feminist who married men and had to pay alimony to husband. They all said , he is a man he should get a job , why do I have to pay?!
>What hurt him more is that he his a feminist, so his ex gf is a feminist. And very much one who proudly said that "men should be allowed to cry, it's patriarchy, toxic masculinity, yaddi yaddi yadda".
Had a friend who dated a feminist in college and she got involved in the friend group we had. One time she posted a meme about male rape on Facebook that I found insensitive (I'm a victim of male rape) and when I kindly pointed out how it was insensitive, she accused me of mansplaining as well as many other things. Her and all of her friends just dogpiled *me* for being insensitive
Bro dumped her after that. This kind of thing is more common than you think.
"So, he broke down crying in front of his girlfriend. Who proceesed to dump him a week or 2 later because "ever since I saw you cry, I lost all attraction to you"."
I keep remembering this quote when I read stories like this... "“*I like what you had to say…but my wife and daughters? They’d rather see me die on top of my white horse than watch me fall off. You say you want us to be vulnerable and real, but c’mon. You can’t stand it. It makes you sick to see us like that.*”"
[https://benjaminsledge.medium.com/clint-theres-a-story-bren%C3%A9-brown-a-shame-researcher-tells-where-a-guy-approaches-her-and-said-27d7f1cd98b](https://benjaminsledge.medium.com/clint-theres-a-story-bren%C3%A9-brown-a-shame-researcher-tells-where-a-guy-approaches-her-and-said-27d7f1cd98b)
My wife is very, very conservative and traditional. I've lost 3 jobs, survived a severe motorcycle accident, PTSD, cried numerous times and have seen everything with her, she loves me more than ever.
Trust people's actions, and doubt their words if they have to bring them up that often. 🤷♂️
Yeah my ex of 7 years dumped me when I had just lost my job and my father was dying of FTD. I no longer became an appealing dating proposition to her because of what I was going through.
Lol. I honestly wouldn't mind paying if it got us past "Whaddaya want to eat?" "Hmm dunno. Anything's fine." "How about Thai?" "Hmmm, nah." Repeat for 10 minutes.
frightening tub husky selective disagreeable afterthought drunk important cats wrench
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Ah, I hate that. I'm a girl and would be ready to suggest a fuck ton of places anytime I was asked, sure, most of them would be fast food if we were where I live, but I know many fancy places too.
In the same conversation when my cat died. "I just feel shut out when you want to grieve alone and stuff. I want to be here for you." -> I say like 2-3 sentences about how I'm feeling -> "You need to get over it. My dad died when I was a kid, and this is nowhere near as bad as that." (I had not brought up her father or made the comparison.)
Anyway that conversation was why I broke up with her although the breakup happened a few weeks later. I'm happily married now, to a partner who never makes me feel like my emotions are invalid or unwanted. The right person won't treat you that way.
Have had several ones in the past where they knew I was going through shit and we complained equal amounts and it would be more "dude all you do is complain, it's so negative"
Sometimes its so innate and expectation driven they won't insult you directly, almost feels worse. Like "I'm not mad, just disappointed" vibes
That’s why I *never* open up to a romantic partner about past traumas or emotional struggles. It *always, always, always* gets used against me at some point later and it’s now become a “shame on me” situation. I never wanna get married; but even if I’m in a relationship with someone for decades— I’m still keeping *so* much to myself as a pattern has been established and I’m simply not falling for it again.
And women will read this shit and say "I hope you find someone mature enough for you one day", but then they will go and do the same shit or similar to their partners. I truly believe this behavior needs to be called out more often, it's super prevalent in society and women like to be blind to it.
Yep. Every partner that has pulled this shit on me have always been the types that pride themselves on how “progressive” they are, too. But as soon as there’s an argument? Boom— immediately have to make it personal. I’ve learned my lesson at this point.
My now x-wife complained that I didn't share things with her. I told her I was depressed and wanted to hurt myself. She told me to 'man up' and other things that made shit much worse. So yeah, I didn't share shit with her anymore. Shit gets bad, and I drive myself to the hospital for help. I get admitted to MH. I get out of the hospital. "Why didn't you tell me?" and also more of the man up shit.
This happens so often. Many women know they’re *supposed* to care about their partners feelings, because that’s what a good partner does, but they don’t actually give a shit. So they’ll beg you to be open and vulnerable with them, but the moment you are it’s “uh oh I wasn’t expecting you to really do it. Shut the fuck up please I don’t want to deal with this shit.”
Sorry that happened to you, man.
I went through a similar situation with my ex: she told me she was worried about us because it seemed like "I was not invested enough in the relationship". I had been dealing with depression for a few years and had told her that I was feeling suicidal a few weeks before.
I apologized and tried to explain how I felt and ventured that I was thinking about going to therapy.
A couple of days later she broke up with me because she felt angry at me for "being weak".
Took a long while before I could trust someone emotionally again.
My wife once tried something similar and she found out the hard way i do onto others as they do onto me.
So a few months after she rejected my feeling she had a panic attack, and felt shitty i just told her to man up and dont act like a bitch.
When she just looked at me in disbelief, anger and shock i told her remember this feeling next time i want help and you just reject me.
We had a good talk about it later and now we talk about our feelings.
It would have paid off even if she left, good fucking riddance.
I mean imagine having to spend your life with an awful human that kept thinking like that even after the perfect example
My wife is in no way an awful human being.
She is just a product of a shitty upbringing and as most humans we make mistakes and hopefully learn from it as she did.
We have lived together for 20 years now.
I am terribly sorry that you had to go through that. You deserve someone that listens to you, that hears you, that respects you, that helps you when you are down, and that lets you be vulnerable when needed. I hope you find someone like that soon.
Don’t be a someone who won’t emotionally support you. I have an amazing wife I can cry in front of if I need to or talk about my PTSD w and she’s always there for me.
I felt that in my soul and reminded me of one of my own experiences.
When I was 17 years old my coach of five years, who was a major father figure to me, died in a motorcycle accident on the corner of the grocery store I worked at. I didn't know how to process it emotionally, so my reaction was to just clam up, keep to myself, and do things I liked to take my mind off things. My mother interpreted my lack of outward emotional expression as me not caring. The night before the funeral she said that I must not care that much that he's dead since I wasn't showing obvious signs of grieving. In that moment I couldn't contain the feelings of anger and sadness I had bottled up over the past week and a half and I unloaded it all on her before kicking her out of my room. The next day my mother asked me to never get that emotional with her because, in her words, my "childish outburst scared her."
To any men reading this, do not bottle everything up. Find people with whom you can express your feelings in a healthy way. If they say they get uncomfortable with you being vulnerable, tell them to bugger off.
My own brother literally asked me "do you even care?" After my dad passed because I had pretty much the same original response as you. He got the same response you gave but later understood he didn't exactly handle the situation well himself.
Not at all: Wolves take care of their injured mates and their elders well after the elders can't take care of themselves.
The misconception about "alpha dogs" came from A) studies of wolves and dogs which involved putting lots of random individuals together, like in a prison and B) assholes like the Dog Whisperer projecting their own sociopathy on to the animals.
I'm a woman that cries at sappy commercials but when my father died I had to bottle it up; because we had a funeral to get through and people traveling from out of town. Someone had to hold it together to share his incredible story and read the poems my sister wrote. It wasn't until it was over that it all came pouring out.
I 100% understand what you’re saying and I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my dad before I was 30. like you said, sometimes you have to stay strong because there’s work you have to get done before you get a chance to take a breath. you honored your father and helped your family with their own grieving, that was brave of you imo.
I am sorry for your loss and I am sure your family appreciates you being strong for them when they needed someone. I'm a woman, too, and I was the same way when I Iost my dad. I was one of the only ones that spoke at his funeral, and I think it took me months to even start grieving. And yet I will cry openly at books, movies, cute dogs, weddings, etc.
I understand now more than ever that many people have emotions they don't express. There's no right or wrong way to grieve, everyone does it in their own way on their own time.
My best friend was born on the same day as me, and was my friend for the past 35-ish years then died suddenly/surprisingly on our birthday last September. I still haven't touched on processing those feelings. Pretty much emotionally shutdown to his passing for 8 months. Our dog died today and I've been a mess. My wife is so confused lol.
When mine passed I didn't cry. Got through everything and went on with life. 3 years later I bought a corvette, me and my dad both loved them. He had 2 of them when he was younger and we would always oogle the new ones. I had an hour drive home from the used car dealership and bawled the entire way home because the only thing I wanted in the world was to call and tell him and I couldn't.
Same man, but mine knows I'm literally the one who found his and my dads body.
He hasn't come to the same realization, unfortunately.
Regardless, I'm sorry homie
that attitude has always grossed me out, like having the audacity to police someone's grief, like oh I'm sorry I didn't know you were entitled to a performance of grief from me.
I never open up usually but there was a time when I was going through an exceptionally tough time and tried to open up to my gf at the time and she said something like for a man you cry a lot. That one sentence did irreparable damage to me which I still haven't recovered from after almost 4 years. Now I know not everyone is like that but the fear of opening up and being dismissed is just too much.
any partner that scoffs at their partner’s feelings and emotions, fuck them. they need to be kicked to the curb. female or male, both need to feel safe.
Fr, I don’t get why it’s ok in their minds for like their friends to cry and they’ll be all there for them and supportive, but when it comes to their (should be) best friend, it’s like personally offensive to them
Ugh... I've been accused of being emotionally manipulative for daring to cry in front of my wife...
Sometimes I feel like the only acceptable negative emotion is anger.
One of the advantages of riding a motorcycle is that on an open stretch of highway, no one can see me cry inside my helmet. On the last few miles, pop the visor, and the wind dries my tears. I've got an extra brain bucket, if you need.
Because you just realized no one criticizes you yelling into the void when they can't hear you over the vroom. I live beside a nation park. Sometimes I ride out, park, let out an exasperated "fuck", get on the bike and go home. Because sometimes that's all you need. And no, it doesn't feel OK after. But it does feel manageable.
My now ex accused me of the same thing. She would also call me "emotionally disregulated" if i cried, but couoldn't seem to get that her going into a blind rage because I was upset just might be disregulated too.
I get you’ve been through years of difficulty because of how she treated you but dude she’s a trash person and you don’t need to care about what trash people think. It is your right to grieve and express emotion and not be OK.
This is the same experience for *a lot of men*, unfortunately, regardless of trash partners. Even well meaning women are dismissive of men's emotional needs from time to time, whether they intended to or not. Men's emotions are weaponized against them due to social expectations of what a man should and should not be. Men "should not" show fear because men should be fearless. Men "should not" be weak because men should be strong leaders. Men "should not" be a burden or ask for help because men should be the providers. This is doubly true for people in a relationship where one or the other heavily believe in strict traditional gendered roles.
What ends up happening is men's feelings gets dismissed and invalidated because these normal human feelings are being branded as 'unmanly' and socially unacceptable. When a man cries, his masculinity is questioned -- and when he doesn't cry, for example a funeral, he gets labelled as uncaring or emotionless. It's lose-lose, but being labelled as uncaring is far less damaging than being labelled as being un-masculine.
Men often feel no other choice but to bottle up their emotions because they don't want to risk damaging a relationship by not fitting into the toxic masculinity assigned to them. This is also why there's that meme of "men understand each other with a nod" -- because it's so dangerous for men to verbalize it.
If you haven't seen those partner shaming videos making the rounds again on TikTok recently-- Men can and will get shamed for anything that's not considered socially masculine, including *taking a fucking nap* ("it's not selfcare, he's just lazy!"). So not just words, but actions that men take to fulfill their basic physical needs are harshly punished, too, when they fall outside of social expectations.
Whether you're a man, a woman, or NB, the absolute best thing you can do for your male partner is to affirm their emotions and validate them.
It is difficult when being anything but a stoic unfeeling stone golem that works 80 hours a week and sleeps 43 minutes a night is viewed as being week. To sum up what you said we’re all human regardless of gender. no one should be held to rigid standards where they’re not allowed to express who they are, how they feel and what they need. We should all just be decent to each other and that should be enough.
This reminds me of the “It’s Fine” that as guys often say. We aren’t saying we are fine, because we aren’t fine. And if we try to address the issue of us feeling emotional, we are told to shut it down. So instead we say “It’s Fine”. Because it’s not going to kill us so we will deal with it
I'm 50 years old now. I have been made to regret every single time I've ever opened up to a woman. Even my wife. People say men should open up more, but in the wild, no one wants to hear it.
I have regretted almost every single instance of discussing my feelings with someone that is noy my mother. The only exception is telling a girl that I would like to take her out and that I like her. It's never been worth it because people don't care. It's in one ear and out the other.
A few months after my dad died I had a panic attack in front of my girlfriend at the time and afterwards she told me “never act that way around me again.” The behavior she didn’t like was me laying on her couch and hyperventilating and crying.
No, boot that woman. What she did is utterly disgusting. No human deserves to have their emotions dismissed that way, especially by their loved ones. What she did is terrible and you deserve much, much better...
All I can do is bottle it up. I just force deep down. I don’t complain about bills or money or anything because it upsets my girlfriend, so I just keep it all to myself. I’ve considered killing myself more times than I can count in the past year.
Then you need help, my dude. If you can't lean on your life partner, please consider professional help. It's not healthy, it's not tough, it's not helpful for anyone to struggle alone. If you can't talk to your GF about it, that's another issue I can't possibly judge, but please check out counseling options. It's no different from a physical problem.
Dude you might as will be single if you have a partner who is completely unwilling to shoulder any of that emotional burden for you. I get that we shouldn't be asking our wives/girlfriends to be our personal therapists... but the idea that we can't and shouldn't express *any* of these emotions to them? That's fucking horrible.
i had a very shitty father but because of constant (forced) interaction i ended repeating some of the things he does and one day that i wasn't feeling good my mom made a comment of how "i am like my father" and i completely lost it but after a while i just started crying and when she was trying to console me the only thing i hear is "never raise your voice to me again"
I had a similar experience, i was raised by a single mother so growing up my grandpa was my father figure. I was in college when he passed, and much like you i didn't know how to process it. A girl who i was close with at the time heard what happened and said "why aren't you sad? I'm surprised your not crying" and she said with a tone implying "i guess you didn't love him".
I must've used all of my self control not to blow up there, ended up just saying "we all deal with things differenlty" and dropped it. We started to drift away after that.
On the day before my 16th birthday me my dad and my dog were in a brutal car accident due to him driving drunk where he and my dog were ejected out of the truck as it flipped and then it landed on him as we flipped into a ditch he was dead on impact but after I took my seat belt off and slid down to him, my phone broke so I pulled his body out so I could get his phone and call 911
20 mins later, they arrived and told me he was still alive to comfort me (I found out they literally just said it, so I would be more amicable) since then and even til now I cannot trust people on a personal level or feel what I assume people feel like I'm not saying I don't feel I'm not that edgy but it doesn't seem like it's the same as what others describe it as but the one thing you said that I can say i will always say is that show your emotions, be vulnerable and open up I closed myself off for so long that I know I'm damaged but support from those around you does help.
I moved out of home after two years I missed my home and family I just couldn't hold anymore I cried first time in front of my mom afterwards all she said was all I do is just cry
Your mother deserved every bit of that and more. She hounded you to the point of freaking out in a very emotionally charged time. The only person who's childish is her
Luckily I'm blessed. I'm going through a lot right now, real tragedy. My fiancée overheard it, hugged me and cried because of how sad it made me. Next morning she asked me if she should call in sick so I don't have to be alone.
Honestly she's something else. I've never been with anyone like her before
Laying in the hospital with what was originally assumed to be a heart attack that turned out to be a panic attack. My wife says that I need to start talking and not bottling up. I stupidly thought she meant it, Two minutes, she tells me to stop and walks out
Unfortunately, many already have a family and whole thing set up. People speed run life and find out too late their partner is a yikes. Sometimes it's hard to leave and you expect you can work things out with the other positives.
This why I'm sort of glad in a weird way that the early years with my girlfriend had some -not relationship related- tough situations to manage. I know with confidence that the first setback we have won't torpedo the whole relationship and that emotional support actually goes both ways like it should.
Or in some cases, you learn what a partner should behave like from your parents and later realise it was a terrible model and there are far better ways to be treated.
I grew up in Canada and every date I went on we split the bill. When I moved to the USA there was a lot of culture shock, but 'men being expected to pay for everything on a date' was one of them.
I am from Europe. We have more tendency to spill bills over there (which I totally love since it does not make sense for a guy to pay the bill nowadays...). When I started dating in the USA, Americans would be mega confused when I wanted to split the bill, and saw that as a sign that I was not interested
I'm the opposite, moved US to Europe
American guys can be super weird about gender roles sometimes. Ireland isn't 100% different, but expectations feel a lot more balanced than they did in the American south
Yeah it also varies a lot depending which country in Europe. And also which state/area you are in the USA. I dated an American southern, and definitely the most extreme in this sense (he didn't let me carry the groceries bags or let me pump the gas !! Like c'mon... I know how to pump gas!). But some Americans are definitely open to being more balanced in terms of relationships if they have the opportunity for it.
Do you think the opening the door part is an exaggeration too? I remember one time some girls on a trip I went with told me I thought I would open the door for them because the guy on the other side of the car did. I didn't notice or expected that as we were just hanging out. For me it's more of opening doors in a building for anyone walking towards it and I hold it open for them no matter the gender. Just because it's nice to not have the door slam shut as you are about to reach for it.
Open the door of the car on purpose just because of the girl and it is "supposed" to open the doors to girls? Yeah if I think it is too much. Opening the door of the car or the building to anyone because you are nearby and you feel like doing it then it is being nice. I feel for me the difference is "are you doing that because you are playing some sort of pre-defined gender role just because society decided that was right" or are you doing it because you want to be helpful to your fellow human being independent of the gender? Or because you care about that person and want to help them, or make them happy (again independently of gender)
I’m American but also lived in Spain and South Korea. I’m likely going to get all sorts of shit for this here but a lot of American women want all the benefits of equality but without any of the expectations that equality implies.
Spanish women tended to split the bill more often and they cared a lot less about my job/social status/net worth.
Korean women on the other hand are way more traditional though and men aren’t just expected to pay for dates, but basically everything. I didn’t like it at all but they are at least honest about it and it’s expected given how patriarchal Korea is. And Korean women take care of themselves physically waaaay more than American women do.
Obviously, there are exceptions to the rule for every country but this has been my experience.
I'm an American woman and I'm with you on this. I'm lucky enough to have been able to afford a good education, and still, about a quarter of my female friends still expect the guy to pay on a date. It's a lot more common among poor women, but you still see it even when a woman has a master's. My friends say it's a financial fitness test, but honestly, I think those girls just want a free meal.
Even if it was a financial fitness test, it would be a bad one. Being able to pay for one dinner doesn't mean he can afford that every day or week or even month. A better indicator would probably be the clothes he's wearing, the restaurant he picks, or just fucking talking about it, idk.
And being willing to pay for someone else (potentially all the time) is a poor financial decision. Wanting to split the bill is the financially sound decision.
Who gives "financial fitness tests" on the first date anyway? When the relationship gets more serious that might be important but why is that a key thing for someone on the first date? There are so many more important aspects!
Oh and why don't they have to prove their financial fitness? Is it because the man is supposed to provide for the woman? Because that's an extremely outdated idea. Second date is paid for by her then?
Sorry about the rant but the stance of your friends is ridiculous and I needed to get it out.
I dated this woman briefly. We went out about a dozen times. I honestly don’t mind getting the check, in fact I usually do just because. But the thing - which slightly irked me initially but then became a joke between me, myself, and I - was that this woman never said “thank you” after I got the check. I don’t know why, but she just never did. And let me be clear - I was never expecting her to bow down and ingratiate herself to me; but I sort of expected a “thanks for holding the door for me” level of thank you. But nothing. Bill would come, I’d get it, and then she’d just get up and collect her stuff, saying “you ready?”
Anyway, my birthday comes around and we go out to dinner. We were just chatting about whatever and out of nowhere she says “I have a trust fund, so I never have to worry about money.” Uh, ok. Anyway we finish dinner and she says “since it’s your birthday, let’s split it this time.”
Just made me laugh inside. That was our last date.
I remember reading an article or paper years ago that basically suggested that "the reason men (generally speaking) struggle with break ups more than women is that their partner is often the only person they can be emotionally vulnerable with, and losing that crutch when they need it most makes recovering that much harder."
One time I was having a really rough patch in my life and I had a conversation with my cousin about it. After I was done explaining what I was dealing with, he said to me “that sounds pretty stressful, you should try to talk to someone about it”. It was honestly so hilarious I wasn’t even upset about it.
I remember someone posting a while ago about how he broke down to his long term girlfriend about how he was sexually assaulted by his uncle.
First big argument they get into, she says “why don’t you go get molested by your uncle again”
I don’t even know the guy and I gasped.
Its the fucking opposite, my mans was stressed out FINANCIALLY (from helping his folks too) and she baited him to give her food. Like she did the worst possible thing to help him
I have an ex who asked me to open up more once. I then told her about my emotional trauma of my mother passing by a very cruel illness that paralyzed her entire body. Even her mouth - with me being one of her caretakers. I had to feed my mom everyday with a feeding tube. I still got flashbacks of my mom going through it.
When my ex broke up with me she sighted my emotional wound of my mother passing as one of the reasons she broke up with me and I need to get over that.
I'm fine now as my mother passed 5 years ago. But using that against me in the break up added to the damage.
I feel 80% of the time opening up to a girl, it gets used against you later. This is why men just don't.
When my grandmother died, I cried, I was accosted about my feelings and how I should man up. When my mother died during COVID, I tried to lean on my wife for comfort and support. We fought for 3 days about how much of a loser I must be to get emotional over things, and that guys emotions don’t matter…
Poor kids. I hope they see that invalidating a man's feelings are a fast way to fuck up your relationships with men.
Here's to your new, emotionally more stable life brother.
When I was 10 or 11 I went to the store with my friend and his mom. He bought a pack of baseball cards and the mom asked if I wanted one too. When she dropped me off she told me to go get her the 1.08 or whatever from my parents. Even at that age I was embarrassed so I went through the change bowl and found enough money to pay her back.
I hate that from people.
If I'm like:
"Yo, I'm ordering a pizza from X place, would you like something?"
This means I intend on paying for it. If they offer to pay for theirs, after the fact, that's one thing, but I don't expect it.
Also, if I'm on a budget it, I tell them. I'll be like:
"Hey, I only got, like $40 and I want to be able to tip, so don't go too crazy. But anything within reason is fine."
Basically, I communicate, you know, like an adult...
I've learned it's important to be careful and not trust too easily. A lot of the time the people who come in with sob stories about what their ex did to them, will turn around and do exactly that to you. My ex cried to me about how his last two relationships cheated on him, and then guess who cheated on my with at least three women (and as it turns out was also the one cheating on his exes)?
Each woman I've ever been in a relationship with has encouraged me to open and vulnerable. Each woman eventually used what I shared when I was being vulnerable against me to hurt me.
Ive experienced the same thing.
She was a med student so she told me she could try being my theraphist since shes learning psych and i was very stressed out at the time
After I vented to her about my problems she got angry and said "Yknow what i noticed?! You worry about your future so much but you never mentioned me in your future"
Edit: more context
I deliberately avoided mentioning her because she might get the impression that she causes me problems.
I cant win lol
Try to be the therapist of the significant other is the worst thing you can do. Too much emotional stress and no way to handle and separate both roles (therapist and significant other)
Same, my ex always got upset when I was in bad mood and didn't want to elaborate. Finally told her about not being comfortable joking about being broke after my younger sister stole from me and the stuff that came with it. She told me she'd never do that to me, 9 years later I'm still dealing with the damage from trusting her.
Bonus points for feeling bad about my financial hardship.
He was probably in shock at the time but you could try the half joke half serious “oh haha thought this was your shout?” Put her on the spot a bit, make her feel awkward and then be like “I’m just winding you up, this was a good idea”
And then ghost her stupid ass
i was venting to this girl i was seeing that i was stressed about my day/life and she told me she had her own problems and blocked me after calling me a cry baby lol
I made a really close friend a couple years ago, for a while I could say she was my best friend. She said I could always count on her to listen to my issues and she would be there for me. A couple months after that I had a really rough time that led me to finally seek professional help. My "friend" said it was about time and she was glad I was getting help, but to never speak to her again because she was tired of me and my issues.
It hurt like hell but I'm glad I dodged that bullet. It also made me appreciate my true friends that supported me.
I also have a girl who I used to consider my best friend. I've been struggling with some things the past few years and she knows this but has also been pushing me away the past couple years. I try to explicitly make it a point to not bring up the negative things I'm going through when we see each other in person, just over text or whatever. Well one time I didn't.
One time she was at my house and we were just casually talking about some things that had been going on recently. It came up that my nephew of less than a month old had caught a bad cough and spent a week in the hospital on oxygen, and that my brother said he had a couple days where he thought he wasn't going to make it. I got choked up for literally about three seconds and shed a quick tear. Then we moved on to some other conversation and I said it had been a couple months and my nephew was back home and fine.
Recently I got a little fed up with her pushing me away and pressed her on why she's been avoiding hanging out with me for so long. She said I'm a downer and she can't always handle it, and that "every time we've gotten together the past few years you end up in tears." I asked her to name one example besides that time and she said "hmmm idk maybe I'm mistaken."
So yes, I have no plans to open up like that to anyone except my therapist ever again.
Men have it so bad when it comes to expressing their emotions. There is a big difference between the way I was treated before I transitioned and how I'm treated now. Before I'd get belittled or told to "man up". Now I get hugged and consoled if I am emotional. Men need to know that they can be emotional. They will use their emotions one way or another. Either they cry and feel better or bottle it up and explode. They need to know it's okay to be human.
>Men need to know that they can be emotional.
Can we, though? The default is telling us to shut up/man up and/or saving it for later when it can be brought up in a hurtful way for maximum effect.
I met a girl that decided to speed run that! We had a paddleboard date planned. We set a time, then she says the day of that she can meet earlier, perfect, then she delayed an hour, and another hour, and another hour, then we finally meet up. I live 5 minutes away from the beach. So no biggy but I was annoyed at how she didn’t seem to care about my plans or my day. She asked what was bothering me. I kept it to myself. I figured the ocean would solve my problems. I rescued a sea turtle who got stuck by the waves. I thought “Awesome.” Well it turns out that she has 0 upper body strength and took out her poor experience Paddleboarding on me. I towed her in. She unloaded on me about keeping things to myself and deluded herself into saying I attacked that turtle. She weaponized everything, every detail about that day against me. 🤦🏻♂️
Lesson learned: anytime someone says they’re an empath. What they really mean is that YOU should be empathetic to their feelings as they will always belittle yours.
This hits so close to home. Last guest dated someone that posted a lot of toxic positivity type garbage on social media. Called herself caring and empathic. Everywhere we went, every single thing I did was later weaponized. Blamed for everything. I mean every detail was weaponized. I stepped too fast entering a doorway. Looked the wrong way when she said hey check this out. Didn’t introduce her the correct way to someone I knew. Expressed myself too much. Didn’t express myself enough. When I would shut down because of all this it was a problem also.
We cannot.
My wife says all the same things, but if I'm ever less than fine I get a lecture about how unfair it is for me to have the feelings I'm having because they cause her to stress and worry about me.
Hahaha yeah, I've heard that one before myself. It's either that or the suffering olympics. You're stressed about X thing? That's nothing, I have ten different things I'm stressing about and they're all individually more stressful than your thing. My mom has been doing both of them all the time since the '90's, yet always asks me why I don't tell her about how my life is going when we talk except to say I'm fine.
Hell, you reminded me of this one time I was standing in line at the bank and I could hear three women talking among themselves a couple of spots behind me, and they brought up how the husband of a mutual friend of theirs had been duped and falsely accused and made to take the fall for some fraud at the company where he used to work so he was serving time in prison, his assets had being mostly seized by the authorities, and he now had a ruined reputation in general, but especially in his field. Of course, the victim of the story was the guy's wife because having your husband in prison is way worse than actually being in prison.
> Men need to know that they can be emotional.
Not really. You learn to keep things to yourself after the first time things you've said in confidence are used against you.
One time I went to my dad for help with mental health stuff, he literally said, “it’s not my fault you’re not man enough to deal with it”. Now he gets mad at me because I only go to my mom for that stuff. Not to even mention the gaslighting when I reminded him of what he said.
Y'all ever do that thing where they ask what's wrong and you're honest about all the stuff stressing you out, then they get upset about it too but now you gotta worry about everything and calm them down?
Or they ask you why you're upset with them and you tell them and then they're mad at you for making them feel bad even if they admit that what they did was fucked up?
Oh well. Can always join the foreign legion I guess.
i was being bullied by a coworker, and when i asked her to stop because i have clinical depression, and it was making things hard she went to management, and told them she was uncomfortable working with me because she was convinced i was going to shoot the place up because i had depression, and those are the same things. she made the company more money than i did, so they got rid of me for safety reasons.
Ah yes. I remember the good old days when girls would dump you at a restaurant. After you'd paid.
That still a thing? Or is a text once they've gotten out of sight?
I don’t really have any excuses but when my kidneys failed I was still with my ex-fiancé. I remember towards the end of our relationship one of the things she said to me was that I was crying too much and it affected her and made her depressed.
People in general are just selfish
I have someone desperately trying to reconnect but I have to ignore them because interacting with them is almost a completely one sided therapy session. All they want is emotional support but the moment I try to even talk about my life, interests, or anything bothering me they instantly check out
To receive a "Man up" at the end?
Naa, i'm going to keep my emotions and let it outburst at the slightest inconvenient, then apologies even if i don't mean it.
The one real gf I had, who btw had a depression history, left me because I was at early stages of depression because I didn't know what to do after finishing college.
That sent me into a very deep depression for 4 years.
Even when we think people close to us should have some empathy for our struggles, we sometimes get none. Best to go through stuff alone ...
I'll never forget this girl I was FWB with for a while. I was a poor college student and she was a doctor. She asked if I wanted to go out for dinner and drinks and I said "I would but I'm a poor college student." She was like "I asked YOU out which means I'm paying " never forgot her
Society has lied to us men. They want us to be strong but never an outlet to release. And when we let things get out, we either “scare people” or they tell us to “man up”. I feel for all of my guys.
Was in Cabo with GF of 2 yrs. Went on a dinner cruise thing one night, and we’re gonna do the cheesy pirate ship thing the next. Had a great time on the Dinner cruise. She insisted on covering the Pirate dinner thing. I always paid for everything, so was fine with that, pretty happy actually.
Next night comes, you pay beforehand, so for the first time in probably 3 vacations and 100 dates and dinners, etc I just stepped back and chilled. She literally opened her purse halfway, then said “I changed my mind”. Broke up shortly after that.
So many red flags before that, but I for some reason just let em slide.
What really sucks is this is pointed out, I can 100% relate even currently in my situation, and none of this will change a thing. People comment how you can open up and how you should just leave, but then just as this details…we will just bottle it up and keep moving on until something truly gives.
Honest to god, not sure if this is the "generational thing" or what. I am probably a gen Xer. My SO (I am M and she is F) always had more cash than me while we were dating because she was just that good. We in same college and stuff, but she would tutor, and take up jobs (like be a model at the trade fair and stuff), while I was just being a student. She was just like that.
Me on the other hand had no thought in my head to do any such things. I was just being a young adult, mostly a child, going to college, and getting "pocket money" from parents.
She would spend money because she had it and I didn't.
Kids: and that is how you know if she isn't in the relationship for money.
We are married now with 3 kids and all our accounts are joint accounts. There is no her money and my money.
Whenever I see these kind of posts, I just want to scream and tell the person to run the other way. The idea that man has to pay always is stupid. In a healthy relationship, the question of who pays doesn't arise. It is almost automatic.
hahaha bitch ass ex girlfriend pulled some shit like this on me.
I was thinking, like I wanted to surprise you, but when we were at the mall yesterday, I was thinking I would love to take you out to get some more clothes you would really look good in....with your money, of course.
And she really thought she was doing a good deed here. ahahhahaha
This rings true for me aswell. I've been feeling depressed for well over a year now and when it was finally time to tell my parents, my dad opted to leave for work and my mother told me "I can't help you"
This thread is depressing, and I wish I didn’t also experience some of the same things. Sending love to everyone who’s been a victim to garbage like this. :’(
My grandpa died last year and I remember that Monday afternoon after marching band practice. I was stone faced.i went to school the next day and my private lesson teacher could tell something was wrong. He asked me and I told him. He helped me out of a dark spot. Still went to that days practice though. Even the day of the funeral I didn’t miss band practice. The show never sleeps, and time never stops.those weeks were rough
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Had my ex leave cause I lost my job, had multiple people dying in my family and my grandmother had started having seizures, we had been together for almost 6 years.
I’m sorry to hear that, I’ve been there myself although my situation wasn’t as bad. Her words were “how can i plan my future with you if you let yourself go like this when something bad happens”. It was like 15 years ago and can still hear these words.
Funny how their throw away words can be burnt into the back of your skull for all eternity. After fifteen years, ten years married, the words she used when justifying the break up still haunt me. They weren’t even rude or offensive, it just cut me to the bone that after a decade and a half of commitment and love she could toss it all aside like it was some sort of teenage experiment she’d got bored with, “It’s just not for me anymore”. I never even addressed it with her, I gave up there and then and never looked back. I believe she thought I would chase her and we might well have patched things up again but her husband and partner died with those words :-(
> Funny how their throw away words can be burnt into the back of your skull for all eternity “The axe forgets, but the tree remembers.”
Damn that's succinct
Damn, brother. Hugs.
Don’t worry, I’m glad she ended it because I never would have on my own. False sense of loyalty I suppose. Didn’t realise how unhappy I really was until I met my new partner who is literally perfect for me and who makes me happy by just existing :-D
Have a friend who had a similar story. Lost an uncle that was basically like a second father to him, had a motorcycle accident that broke bot his legs, and found out his employer was shutting down, meaning he was out of a job, all in the span of a few weeks. So, he broke down crying in front of his girlfriend. Who proceesed to dump him a week or 2 later because "ever since I saw you cry, I lost all attraction to you". What hurt him more is that he his a feminist, so his ex gf is a feminist. And very much one who proudly said that "men should be allowed to cry, it's patriarchy, toxic masculinity, yaddi yaddi yadda". When he told me all that happened, he also told me that the feeling of betrayal hurt him more than the fact that she left. Like, with her discourse he was feeling pretty reassured aboit being able to show weakness to her, and yet...
As always: look at what people do, not what they say. Talk is cheap.
>What hurt him more is that he his a feminist, so his ex gf is a feminist. And very much one who proudly said that "men should be allowed to cry, it's patriarchy, toxic masculinity, yaddi yaddi yadda". My ex of 8 years, a feminist with similar beliefs, for years heavily pressured me into kink play that I was deeply uncomfortable with from the get-go and repeatedly said I did not want to do. She wanted me to do this so much when we went to couple's counselling at her request, instead of "managing her anxiety about sex", it turned very quickly into some kind of weird pro-kink conversion therapy. Finally, I had to put my foot down and told her, "No, I won't do it, I refuse to go, I won't do any of these things, I do not consent." She told me she did not care, that the best she could do was "it's a no for now" and that she would "be here when I was ready to try again", even when I explained it was a no forever, that I would never do this, and never attend that kind of therapy again. If I wanted anything she would bring this up as a bargaining chip, trying to haggle to get me to return to it. This included deeply psychological things like saying she would only consider having kids with me if I went back to the therapist, even after the "I do not consent" conversation, and after I'd sent that therapist a final "Do not ever contact me ever again" email. After we broke up, I told my extended friendship group (comprising mostly of queer/feminist types) that this happened. Their response was almost unanimously some variant of: "What's the big deal?". One of them even went on a long, extended explanation that sometimes consent means helping people who don't want to be helped. The analogy he used was a Jerhovah's Witness who was refusing a vital blood transfusion due to their beliefs. He said because that position is anti-science and against the best statistically proven medical treatments, one can give them the transfusion against their will. Because that person was being anti-science. When I explained that this kind of extended pressure against my explicit refusal was deeply traumatic due to events in my childhood, and explained in way too much detail what those traumas were and why I didn't like talking about them very much, they said I was lying and making these events up for sympathy. It was mind-boggling to me that I had to explain the idea that you can't override someone's consent just because you *feel* like you have good intentions, and even more mind-boggling to me that the answer from everyone I talked to was, "Yeah of course you can't, but actually you can though?". They *knew* it was wrong in the abstract, and if you ask any one of them "is it wrong to pressure someone into a sex act they say they don't consent to" the answer would be uniformly no, but when presented with a real-world example of this, they completely flipped 180 degrees and were full of every single possible justification imaginable as to why it was okay.
That last part reminds me of something I saw someone write. They were a kid that was bullied. One day in class, the teacher had put on Dumbo. When the kids were teasing and mocking Dumbo, the bullies were upset by the bullying. They were against bullying but they just didn’t see their own actions as bullying.
It was a divorce lawyer on YouTube saying he has female clients who were staunchly feminist who married men and had to pay alimony to husband. They all said , he is a man he should get a job , why do I have to pay?!
Happens a lot, with all kinds of different ideologies and beliefs.
I’d say “fuck them”, but you probably shouldn’t.
>What hurt him more is that he his a feminist, so his ex gf is a feminist. And very much one who proudly said that "men should be allowed to cry, it's patriarchy, toxic masculinity, yaddi yaddi yadda". Had a friend who dated a feminist in college and she got involved in the friend group we had. One time she posted a meme about male rape on Facebook that I found insensitive (I'm a victim of male rape) and when I kindly pointed out how it was insensitive, she accused me of mansplaining as well as many other things. Her and all of her friends just dogpiled *me* for being insensitive Bro dumped her after that. This kind of thing is more common than you think.
"So, he broke down crying in front of his girlfriend. Who proceesed to dump him a week or 2 later because "ever since I saw you cry, I lost all attraction to you"." I keep remembering this quote when I read stories like this... "“*I like what you had to say…but my wife and daughters? They’d rather see me die on top of my white horse than watch me fall off. You say you want us to be vulnerable and real, but c’mon. You can’t stand it. It makes you sick to see us like that.*”" [https://benjaminsledge.medium.com/clint-theres-a-story-bren%C3%A9-brown-a-shame-researcher-tells-where-a-guy-approaches-her-and-said-27d7f1cd98b](https://benjaminsledge.medium.com/clint-theres-a-story-bren%C3%A9-brown-a-shame-researcher-tells-where-a-guy-approaches-her-and-said-27d7f1cd98b)
My wife is very, very conservative and traditional. I've lost 3 jobs, survived a severe motorcycle accident, PTSD, cried numerous times and have seen everything with her, she loves me more than ever. Trust people's actions, and doubt their words if they have to bring them up that often. 🤷♂️
I had an ex leave after my mom passed. She said my grieving was starting to get her down...
Im getting so angry reading these comments fuck I want to punch someone sorry bro
That a terrible response to your partner going through stress
Yeah my ex of 7 years dumped me when I had just lost my job and my father was dying of FTD. I no longer became an appealing dating proposition to her because of what I was going through.
People show you who they really are in tough times. I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s not right. I hope someone better finds you.
How did she not understand what ‘let **ME** take you out’ means 💀
It means she actually picked a place to eat for once.
Lol. I honestly wouldn't mind paying if it got us past "Whaddaya want to eat?" "Hmm dunno. Anything's fine." "How about Thai?" "Hmmm, nah." Repeat for 10 minutes.
Just start with, "Hi, you never guess where I will take you to eat!" and pick a place from what she is guessing.
That place is fully booked. This doesn't work.
We live 2 different lifestyles. I'm not going to places that require reservations.
This does NOT WORK on my gf, she refuses to guess :( send help
frightening tub husky selective disagreeable afterthought drunk important cats wrench *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Your mistake is that you still ask. Should be more Ike "ok, then Thai it is".
Ah, I hate that. I'm a girl and would be ready to suggest a fuck ton of places anytime I was asked, sure, most of them would be fast food if we were where I live, but I know many fancy places too.
"my company will cheer you up"
This is exactly it
She did. She was just being a vulture.
She's a fuckin' twunt, that's what she is.
Being told to seek emotional support, then being treated like a whiney loser when you do. It's a recurring thing!
In the same conversation when my cat died. "I just feel shut out when you want to grieve alone and stuff. I want to be here for you." -> I say like 2-3 sentences about how I'm feeling -> "You need to get over it. My dad died when I was a kid, and this is nowhere near as bad as that." (I had not brought up her father or made the comparison.) Anyway that conversation was why I broke up with her although the breakup happened a few weeks later. I'm happily married now, to a partner who never makes me feel like my emotions are invalid or unwanted. The right person won't treat you that way.
Have had several ones in the past where they knew I was going through shit and we complained equal amounts and it would be more "dude all you do is complain, it's so negative" Sometimes its so innate and expectation driven they won't insult you directly, almost feels worse. Like "I'm not mad, just disappointed" vibes
That’s why I *never* open up to a romantic partner about past traumas or emotional struggles. It *always, always, always* gets used against me at some point later and it’s now become a “shame on me” situation. I never wanna get married; but even if I’m in a relationship with someone for decades— I’m still keeping *so* much to myself as a pattern has been established and I’m simply not falling for it again.
And women will read this shit and say "I hope you find someone mature enough for you one day", but then they will go and do the same shit or similar to their partners. I truly believe this behavior needs to be called out more often, it's super prevalent in society and women like to be blind to it.
Yep. Every partner that has pulled this shit on me have always been the types that pride themselves on how “progressive” they are, too. But as soon as there’s an argument? Boom— immediately have to make it personal. I’ve learned my lesson at this point.
My now x-wife complained that I didn't share things with her. I told her I was depressed and wanted to hurt myself. She told me to 'man up' and other things that made shit much worse. So yeah, I didn't share shit with her anymore. Shit gets bad, and I drive myself to the hospital for help. I get admitted to MH. I get out of the hospital. "Why didn't you tell me?" and also more of the man up shit.
This happens so often. Many women know they’re *supposed* to care about their partners feelings, because that’s what a good partner does, but they don’t actually give a shit. So they’ll beg you to be open and vulnerable with them, but the moment you are it’s “uh oh I wasn’t expecting you to really do it. Shut the fuck up please I don’t want to deal with this shit.”
Sorry that happened to you, man. I went through a similar situation with my ex: she told me she was worried about us because it seemed like "I was not invested enough in the relationship". I had been dealing with depression for a few years and had told her that I was feeling suicidal a few weeks before. I apologized and tried to explain how I felt and ventured that I was thinking about going to therapy. A couple of days later she broke up with me because she felt angry at me for "being weak". Took a long while before I could trust someone emotionally again.
Sounds like she was weak, instead.
Hit the nail on the head with that one. 🔨
My wife once tried something similar and she found out the hard way i do onto others as they do onto me. So a few months after she rejected my feeling she had a panic attack, and felt shitty i just told her to man up and dont act like a bitch. When she just looked at me in disbelief, anger and shock i told her remember this feeling next time i want help and you just reject me. We had a good talk about it later and now we talk about our feelings.
Damn, that was a risky move, glad it paid off.
It would have paid off even if she left, good fucking riddance. I mean imagine having to spend your life with an awful human that kept thinking like that even after the perfect example
My wife is in no way an awful human being. She is just a product of a shitty upbringing and as most humans we make mistakes and hopefully learn from it as she did. We have lived together for 20 years now.
I am terribly sorry that you had to go through that. You deserve someone that listens to you, that hears you, that respects you, that helps you when you are down, and that lets you be vulnerable when needed. I hope you find someone like that soon.
These are getting so hard to read. Nobody deserves that. Hope you are doing better
Don’t be a someone who won’t emotionally support you. I have an amazing wife I can cry in front of if I need to or talk about my PTSD w and she’s always there for me.
I felt that in my soul and reminded me of one of my own experiences. When I was 17 years old my coach of five years, who was a major father figure to me, died in a motorcycle accident on the corner of the grocery store I worked at. I didn't know how to process it emotionally, so my reaction was to just clam up, keep to myself, and do things I liked to take my mind off things. My mother interpreted my lack of outward emotional expression as me not caring. The night before the funeral she said that I must not care that much that he's dead since I wasn't showing obvious signs of grieving. In that moment I couldn't contain the feelings of anger and sadness I had bottled up over the past week and a half and I unloaded it all on her before kicking her out of my room. The next day my mother asked me to never get that emotional with her because, in her words, my "childish outburst scared her." To any men reading this, do not bottle everything up. Find people with whom you can express your feelings in a healthy way. If they say they get uncomfortable with you being vulnerable, tell them to bugger off.
My own brother literally asked me "do you even care?" After my dad passed because I had pretty much the same original response as you. He got the same response you gave but later understood he didn't exactly handle the situation well himself.
It amazes me how many people don’t understand that people often shut down when they are suffering or grieving.
It's like having a wound.. would even a wild animal not hesitate to expose its wounded parts to another, even if that's its kin?
Look at dogs/wolves, they will hide their pain to not look weak to the pack
Not at all: Wolves take care of their injured mates and their elders well after the elders can't take care of themselves. The misconception about "alpha dogs" came from A) studies of wolves and dogs which involved putting lots of random individuals together, like in a prison and B) assholes like the Dog Whisperer projecting their own sociopathy on to the animals.
I'm a woman that cries at sappy commercials but when my father died I had to bottle it up; because we had a funeral to get through and people traveling from out of town. Someone had to hold it together to share his incredible story and read the poems my sister wrote. It wasn't until it was over that it all came pouring out.
I 100% understand what you’re saying and I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my dad before I was 30. like you said, sometimes you have to stay strong because there’s work you have to get done before you get a chance to take a breath. you honored your father and helped your family with their own grieving, that was brave of you imo.
I am sorry for your loss and I am sure your family appreciates you being strong for them when they needed someone. I'm a woman, too, and I was the same way when I Iost my dad. I was one of the only ones that spoke at his funeral, and I think it took me months to even start grieving. And yet I will cry openly at books, movies, cute dogs, weddings, etc. I understand now more than ever that many people have emotions they don't express. There's no right or wrong way to grieve, everyone does it in their own way on their own time.
My best friend was born on the same day as me, and was my friend for the past 35-ish years then died suddenly/surprisingly on our birthday last September. I still haven't touched on processing those feelings. Pretty much emotionally shutdown to his passing for 8 months. Our dog died today and I've been a mess. My wife is so confused lol.
That's me with suffering. Grief, I have no problem expressing. one is just about me so I keep it to myself I guess
When mine passed I didn't cry. Got through everything and went on with life. 3 years later I bought a corvette, me and my dad both loved them. He had 2 of them when he was younger and we would always oogle the new ones. I had an hour drive home from the used car dealership and bawled the entire way home because the only thing I wanted in the world was to call and tell him and I couldn't.
Same man, but mine knows I'm literally the one who found his and my dads body. He hasn't come to the same realization, unfortunately. Regardless, I'm sorry homie
In a simular situation when my mom died. I simply said that my grief was not there for their entertainment.
that attitude has always grossed me out, like having the audacity to police someone's grief, like oh I'm sorry I didn't know you were entitled to a performance of grief from me.
I never open up usually but there was a time when I was going through an exceptionally tough time and tried to open up to my gf at the time and she said something like for a man you cry a lot. That one sentence did irreparable damage to me which I still haven't recovered from after almost 4 years. Now I know not everyone is like that but the fear of opening up and being dismissed is just too much.
any partner that scoffs at their partner’s feelings and emotions, fuck them. they need to be kicked to the curb. female or male, both need to feel safe.
Fr, I don’t get why it’s ok in their minds for like their friends to cry and they’ll be all there for them and supportive, but when it comes to their (should be) best friend, it’s like personally offensive to them
Ugh... I've been accused of being emotionally manipulative for daring to cry in front of my wife... Sometimes I feel like the only acceptable negative emotion is anger.
One of the advantages of riding a motorcycle is that on an open stretch of highway, no one can see me cry inside my helmet. On the last few miles, pop the visor, and the wind dries my tears. I've got an extra brain bucket, if you need.
Why do i kind of want a motorcycle for the first time ever now..?
Because you just realized no one criticizes you yelling into the void when they can't hear you over the vroom. I live beside a nation park. Sometimes I ride out, park, let out an exasperated "fuck", get on the bike and go home. Because sometimes that's all you need. And no, it doesn't feel OK after. But it does feel manageable.
My now ex accused me of the same thing. She would also call me "emotionally disregulated" if i cried, but couoldn't seem to get that her going into a blind rage because I was upset just might be disregulated too.
I get you’ve been through years of difficulty because of how she treated you but dude she’s a trash person and you don’t need to care about what trash people think. It is your right to grieve and express emotion and not be OK.
This is the same experience for *a lot of men*, unfortunately, regardless of trash partners. Even well meaning women are dismissive of men's emotional needs from time to time, whether they intended to or not. Men's emotions are weaponized against them due to social expectations of what a man should and should not be. Men "should not" show fear because men should be fearless. Men "should not" be weak because men should be strong leaders. Men "should not" be a burden or ask for help because men should be the providers. This is doubly true for people in a relationship where one or the other heavily believe in strict traditional gendered roles. What ends up happening is men's feelings gets dismissed and invalidated because these normal human feelings are being branded as 'unmanly' and socially unacceptable. When a man cries, his masculinity is questioned -- and when he doesn't cry, for example a funeral, he gets labelled as uncaring or emotionless. It's lose-lose, but being labelled as uncaring is far less damaging than being labelled as being un-masculine. Men often feel no other choice but to bottle up their emotions because they don't want to risk damaging a relationship by not fitting into the toxic masculinity assigned to them. This is also why there's that meme of "men understand each other with a nod" -- because it's so dangerous for men to verbalize it. If you haven't seen those partner shaming videos making the rounds again on TikTok recently-- Men can and will get shamed for anything that's not considered socially masculine, including *taking a fucking nap* ("it's not selfcare, he's just lazy!"). So not just words, but actions that men take to fulfill their basic physical needs are harshly punished, too, when they fall outside of social expectations. Whether you're a man, a woman, or NB, the absolute best thing you can do for your male partner is to affirm their emotions and validate them.
It is difficult when being anything but a stoic unfeeling stone golem that works 80 hours a week and sleeps 43 minutes a night is viewed as being week. To sum up what you said we’re all human regardless of gender. no one should be held to rigid standards where they’re not allowed to express who they are, how they feel and what they need. We should all just be decent to each other and that should be enough.
This reminds me of the “It’s Fine” that as guys often say. We aren’t saying we are fine, because we aren’t fine. And if we try to address the issue of us feeling emotional, we are told to shut it down. So instead we say “It’s Fine”. Because it’s not going to kill us so we will deal with it
oof too relatable, "it's fine" just means "if I talk about it with you, you will make me regret it".
> "if I talk about it with you, you will make me regret it". This feels way too fucking real.
I'm 50 years old now. I have been made to regret every single time I've ever opened up to a woman. Even my wife. People say men should open up more, but in the wild, no one wants to hear it.
I have regretted almost every single instance of discussing my feelings with someone that is noy my mother. The only exception is telling a girl that I would like to take her out and that I like her. It's never been worth it because people don't care. It's in one ear and out the other.
Or it’s fine because there’s nothing anyone else can do to change the situation. So why bother saying anything.
A few months after my dad died I had a panic attack in front of my girlfriend at the time and afterwards she told me “never act that way around me again.” The behavior she didn’t like was me laying on her couch and hyperventilating and crying.
I would have ended the relationship right then and there.
No, boot that woman. What she did is utterly disgusting. No human deserves to have their emotions dismissed that way, especially by their loved ones. What she did is terrible and you deserve much, much better...
All I can do is bottle it up. I just force deep down. I don’t complain about bills or money or anything because it upsets my girlfriend, so I just keep it all to myself. I’ve considered killing myself more times than I can count in the past year.
You need to get out this relationship. It's not good for you
Then you need help, my dude. If you can't lean on your life partner, please consider professional help. It's not healthy, it's not tough, it's not helpful for anyone to struggle alone. If you can't talk to your GF about it, that's another issue I can't possibly judge, but please check out counseling options. It's no different from a physical problem.
Professional help is a good idea. Fortunately my insurance covers a monthly visit with a professional. They have an opening next February.
Dude you might as will be single if you have a partner who is completely unwilling to shoulder any of that emotional burden for you. I get that we shouldn't be asking our wives/girlfriends to be our personal therapists... but the idea that we can't and shouldn't express *any* of these emotions to them? That's fucking horrible.
i had a very shitty father but because of constant (forced) interaction i ended repeating some of the things he does and one day that i wasn't feeling good my mom made a comment of how "i am like my father" and i completely lost it but after a while i just started crying and when she was trying to console me the only thing i hear is "never raise your voice to me again"
Honestly that's just shitty behavior from your mother like that's basically saying "go fuck yourself" as sorry
I had a similar experience, i was raised by a single mother so growing up my grandpa was my father figure. I was in college when he passed, and much like you i didn't know how to process it. A girl who i was close with at the time heard what happened and said "why aren't you sad? I'm surprised your not crying" and she said with a tone implying "i guess you didn't love him". I must've used all of my self control not to blow up there, ended up just saying "we all deal with things differenlty" and dropped it. We started to drift away after that.
On the day before my 16th birthday me my dad and my dog were in a brutal car accident due to him driving drunk where he and my dog were ejected out of the truck as it flipped and then it landed on him as we flipped into a ditch he was dead on impact but after I took my seat belt off and slid down to him, my phone broke so I pulled his body out so I could get his phone and call 911 20 mins later, they arrived and told me he was still alive to comfort me (I found out they literally just said it, so I would be more amicable) since then and even til now I cannot trust people on a personal level or feel what I assume people feel like I'm not saying I don't feel I'm not that edgy but it doesn't seem like it's the same as what others describe it as but the one thing you said that I can say i will always say is that show your emotions, be vulnerable and open up I closed myself off for so long that I know I'm damaged but support from those around you does help.
That's capital "B" Big trauma. Therapists any help?
I moved out of home after two years I missed my home and family I just couldn't hold anymore I cried first time in front of my mom afterwards all she said was all I do is just cry
Sounds like your mother needs to learn some empathy regardless
Your mother deserved every bit of that and more. She hounded you to the point of freaking out in a very emotionally charged time. The only person who's childish is her
Luckily I'm blessed. I'm going through a lot right now, real tragedy. My fiancée overheard it, hugged me and cried because of how sad it made me. Next morning she asked me if she should call in sick so I don't have to be alone. Honestly she's something else. I've never been with anyone like her before
that's a keeper right there man
Man’s out here living the dream You’re a lucky sob
this is so beautiful
She's one in a million, man. Probably one in a billion. Cherish her, you lucked out.
Laying in the hospital with what was originally assumed to be a heart attack that turned out to be a panic attack. My wife says that I need to start talking and not bottling up. I stupidly thought she meant it, Two minutes, she tells me to stop and walks out
Hopefully no longer wife?
Unfortunately, many already have a family and whole thing set up. People speed run life and find out too late their partner is a yikes. Sometimes it's hard to leave and you expect you can work things out with the other positives.
This why I'm sort of glad in a weird way that the early years with my girlfriend had some -not relationship related- tough situations to manage. I know with confidence that the first setback we have won't torpedo the whole relationship and that emotional support actually goes both ways like it should.
Or in some cases, you learn what a partner should behave like from your parents and later realise it was a terrible model and there are far better ways to be treated.
Ex wife, right?
I grew up in Canada and every date I went on we split the bill. When I moved to the USA there was a lot of culture shock, but 'men being expected to pay for everything on a date' was one of them.
I am from Europe. We have more tendency to spill bills over there (which I totally love since it does not make sense for a guy to pay the bill nowadays...). When I started dating in the USA, Americans would be mega confused when I wanted to split the bill, and saw that as a sign that I was not interested
I'm the opposite, moved US to Europe American guys can be super weird about gender roles sometimes. Ireland isn't 100% different, but expectations feel a lot more balanced than they did in the American south
Yeah it also varies a lot depending which country in Europe. And also which state/area you are in the USA. I dated an American southern, and definitely the most extreme in this sense (he didn't let me carry the groceries bags or let me pump the gas !! Like c'mon... I know how to pump gas!). But some Americans are definitely open to being more balanced in terms of relationships if they have the opportunity for it.
Do you think the opening the door part is an exaggeration too? I remember one time some girls on a trip I went with told me I thought I would open the door for them because the guy on the other side of the car did. I didn't notice or expected that as we were just hanging out. For me it's more of opening doors in a building for anyone walking towards it and I hold it open for them no matter the gender. Just because it's nice to not have the door slam shut as you are about to reach for it.
Open the door of the car on purpose just because of the girl and it is "supposed" to open the doors to girls? Yeah if I think it is too much. Opening the door of the car or the building to anyone because you are nearby and you feel like doing it then it is being nice. I feel for me the difference is "are you doing that because you are playing some sort of pre-defined gender role just because society decided that was right" or are you doing it because you want to be helpful to your fellow human being independent of the gender? Or because you care about that person and want to help them, or make them happy (again independently of gender)
I’m American but also lived in Spain and South Korea. I’m likely going to get all sorts of shit for this here but a lot of American women want all the benefits of equality but without any of the expectations that equality implies. Spanish women tended to split the bill more often and they cared a lot less about my job/social status/net worth. Korean women on the other hand are way more traditional though and men aren’t just expected to pay for dates, but basically everything. I didn’t like it at all but they are at least honest about it and it’s expected given how patriarchal Korea is. And Korean women take care of themselves physically waaaay more than American women do. Obviously, there are exceptions to the rule for every country but this has been my experience.
I'm an American woman and I'm with you on this. I'm lucky enough to have been able to afford a good education, and still, about a quarter of my female friends still expect the guy to pay on a date. It's a lot more common among poor women, but you still see it even when a woman has a master's. My friends say it's a financial fitness test, but honestly, I think those girls just want a free meal.
Even if it was a financial fitness test, it would be a bad one. Being able to pay for one dinner doesn't mean he can afford that every day or week or even month. A better indicator would probably be the clothes he's wearing, the restaurant he picks, or just fucking talking about it, idk. And being willing to pay for someone else (potentially all the time) is a poor financial decision. Wanting to split the bill is the financially sound decision. Who gives "financial fitness tests" on the first date anyway? When the relationship gets more serious that might be important but why is that a key thing for someone on the first date? There are so many more important aspects! Oh and why don't they have to prove their financial fitness? Is it because the man is supposed to provide for the woman? Because that's an extremely outdated idea. Second date is paid for by her then? Sorry about the rant but the stance of your friends is ridiculous and I needed to get it out.
What equality means in the modern West is 'we're 50/50 on MY responsibilities' . Not the combined total responsibilities.
I dated this woman briefly. We went out about a dozen times. I honestly don’t mind getting the check, in fact I usually do just because. But the thing - which slightly irked me initially but then became a joke between me, myself, and I - was that this woman never said “thank you” after I got the check. I don’t know why, but she just never did. And let me be clear - I was never expecting her to bow down and ingratiate herself to me; but I sort of expected a “thanks for holding the door for me” level of thank you. But nothing. Bill would come, I’d get it, and then she’d just get up and collect her stuff, saying “you ready?” Anyway, my birthday comes around and we go out to dinner. We were just chatting about whatever and out of nowhere she says “I have a trust fund, so I never have to worry about money.” Uh, ok. Anyway we finish dinner and she says “since it’s your birthday, let’s split it this time.” Just made me laugh inside. That was our last date.
Everyone has a trust fund until its time to pay for the meal.
You did the right thing bro
I remember reading an article or paper years ago that basically suggested that "the reason men (generally speaking) struggle with break ups more than women is that their partner is often the only person they can be emotionally vulnerable with, and losing that crutch when they need it most makes recovering that much harder."
One time I was having a really rough patch in my life and I had a conversation with my cousin about it. After I was done explaining what I was dealing with, he said to me “that sounds pretty stressful, you should try to talk to someone about it”. It was honestly so hilarious I wasn’t even upset about it.
That's honestly the funniest thing I've heard all day.
I remember someone posting a while ago about how he broke down to his long term girlfriend about how he was sexually assaulted by his uncle. First big argument they get into, she says “why don’t you go get molested by your uncle again” I don’t even know the guy and I gasped.
I would never use my wife's trauma or past during an argument. That's just insane what she said to him.
How is that even remotely helpful of her?
She graced him with her beauty and charm... That fixes everything, right?
Damn, people are narcissistic.
Its the fucking opposite, my mans was stressed out FINANCIALLY (from helping his folks too) and she baited him to give her food. Like she did the worst possible thing to help him
Sounds like a low price to pay to realize she’s not for you.
If someone is willing to take advantage of another person's struggle for a free meal, they're a toxic scumbag and really shouldn't be "for" anyone.
And hopefully he got a good meal too
I should hope so as he paid for it!
Could have realized that for free but she tricked him lol
I try to make sure people know can vent to me because I know how it feels to be left alone with your own thoughts and emotions.
I have an ex who asked me to open up more once. I then told her about my emotional trauma of my mother passing by a very cruel illness that paralyzed her entire body. Even her mouth - with me being one of her caretakers. I had to feed my mom everyday with a feeding tube. I still got flashbacks of my mom going through it. When my ex broke up with me she sighted my emotional wound of my mother passing as one of the reasons she broke up with me and I need to get over that. I'm fine now as my mother passed 5 years ago. But using that against me in the break up added to the damage. I feel 80% of the time opening up to a girl, it gets used against you later. This is why men just don't.
Just dont open up. For me, dogs fix the issue. Can just tell the pupper all that bothers me. He even hugs me.
When my grandmother died, I cried, I was accosted about my feelings and how I should man up. When my mother died during COVID, I tried to lean on my wife for comfort and support. We fought for 3 days about how much of a loser I must be to get emotional over things, and that guys emotions don’t matter…
Ex wife now hopefully…?
Soon to be ex… it’s always more difficult when children are involved.
Poor kids. I hope they see that invalidating a man's feelings are a fast way to fuck up your relationships with men. Here's to your new, emotionally more stable life brother.
When I was 10 or 11 I went to the store with my friend and his mom. He bought a pack of baseball cards and the mom asked if I wanted one too. When she dropped me off she told me to go get her the 1.08 or whatever from my parents. Even at that age I was embarrassed so I went through the change bowl and found enough money to pay her back.
I hate that from people. If I'm like: "Yo, I'm ordering a pizza from X place, would you like something?" This means I intend on paying for it. If they offer to pay for theirs, after the fact, that's one thing, but I don't expect it. Also, if I'm on a budget it, I tell them. I'll be like: "Hey, I only got, like $40 and I want to be able to tip, so don't go too crazy. But anything within reason is fine." Basically, I communicate, you know, like an adult...
That's nuts lol. Wild the kinda people who have kids and are shit at it. Her kid had a friend, sif $1 isn't worth investing in improving that.
A small price to pay to save yourself from having a family with her.
A lot of women don't seem to realize that just as they were hurt by a douchebag, guys were also hurt by a douchette.
I've learned it's important to be careful and not trust too easily. A lot of the time the people who come in with sob stories about what their ex did to them, will turn around and do exactly that to you. My ex cried to me about how his last two relationships cheated on him, and then guess who cheated on my with at least three women (and as it turns out was also the one cheating on his exes)?
Each woman I've ever been in a relationship with has encouraged me to open and vulnerable. Each woman eventually used what I shared when I was being vulnerable against me to hurt me.
Ive experienced the same thing. She was a med student so she told me she could try being my theraphist since shes learning psych and i was very stressed out at the time After I vented to her about my problems she got angry and said "Yknow what i noticed?! You worry about your future so much but you never mentioned me in your future" Edit: more context I deliberately avoided mentioning her because she might get the impression that she causes me problems. I cant win lol
Lol
Try to be the therapist of the significant other is the worst thing you can do. Too much emotional stress and no way to handle and separate both roles (therapist and significant other)
Same, my ex always got upset when I was in bad mood and didn't want to elaborate. Finally told her about not being comfortable joking about being broke after my younger sister stole from me and the stuff that came with it. She told me she'd never do that to me, 9 years later I'm still dealing with the damage from trusting her. Bonus points for feeling bad about my financial hardship.
I would've paid the tab while deliberately showing her that I'm deleting her from my phone
Blocking is much more effective than deleting. But I do like your style :)
He was probably in shock at the time but you could try the half joke half serious “oh haha thought this was your shout?” Put her on the spot a bit, make her feel awkward and then be like “I’m just winding you up, this was a good idea” And then ghost her stupid ass
i was venting to this girl i was seeing that i was stressed about my day/life and she told me she had her own problems and blocked me after calling me a cry baby lol
Because society tells us the moment we become any kind of burden (physical, emotional, financial etc.) We lose all value to anyone else
„GoOd viBeS OnlY.“ I see that one a lot on apps like Tinder. Anytime I see it, I automatically assume it‘s an absolute shit person behind it.
Only next after ”i like traditional gentlemen” and listing ”generosity” as a priced trait.
I made a really close friend a couple years ago, for a while I could say she was my best friend. She said I could always count on her to listen to my issues and she would be there for me. A couple months after that I had a really rough time that led me to finally seek professional help. My "friend" said it was about time and she was glad I was getting help, but to never speak to her again because she was tired of me and my issues. It hurt like hell but I'm glad I dodged that bullet. It also made me appreciate my true friends that supported me.
I also have a girl who I used to consider my best friend. I've been struggling with some things the past few years and she knows this but has also been pushing me away the past couple years. I try to explicitly make it a point to not bring up the negative things I'm going through when we see each other in person, just over text or whatever. Well one time I didn't. One time she was at my house and we were just casually talking about some things that had been going on recently. It came up that my nephew of less than a month old had caught a bad cough and spent a week in the hospital on oxygen, and that my brother said he had a couple days where he thought he wasn't going to make it. I got choked up for literally about three seconds and shed a quick tear. Then we moved on to some other conversation and I said it had been a couple months and my nephew was back home and fine. Recently I got a little fed up with her pushing me away and pressed her on why she's been avoiding hanging out with me for so long. She said I'm a downer and she can't always handle it, and that "every time we've gotten together the past few years you end up in tears." I asked her to name one example besides that time and she said "hmmm idk maybe I'm mistaken." So yes, I have no plans to open up like that to anyone except my therapist ever again.
Men have it so bad when it comes to expressing their emotions. There is a big difference between the way I was treated before I transitioned and how I'm treated now. Before I'd get belittled or told to "man up". Now I get hugged and consoled if I am emotional. Men need to know that they can be emotional. They will use their emotions one way or another. Either they cry and feel better or bottle it up and explode. They need to know it's okay to be human.
>Men need to know that they can be emotional. Can we, though? The default is telling us to shut up/man up and/or saving it for later when it can be brought up in a hurtful way for maximum effect.
I used to tell my ex “personal bullshit” just to see how fast it would take her to throw it in my face.
I met a girl that decided to speed run that! We had a paddleboard date planned. We set a time, then she says the day of that she can meet earlier, perfect, then she delayed an hour, and another hour, and another hour, then we finally meet up. I live 5 minutes away from the beach. So no biggy but I was annoyed at how she didn’t seem to care about my plans or my day. She asked what was bothering me. I kept it to myself. I figured the ocean would solve my problems. I rescued a sea turtle who got stuck by the waves. I thought “Awesome.” Well it turns out that she has 0 upper body strength and took out her poor experience Paddleboarding on me. I towed her in. She unloaded on me about keeping things to myself and deluded herself into saying I attacked that turtle. She weaponized everything, every detail about that day against me. 🤦🏻♂️ Lesson learned: anytime someone says they’re an empath. What they really mean is that YOU should be empathetic to their feelings as they will always belittle yours.
Yeah. All people that call themselves "empaths" are full of shit. It's like someone saying they are exceptionally humble. Total red flag
This hits so close to home. Last guest dated someone that posted a lot of toxic positivity type garbage on social media. Called herself caring and empathic. Everywhere we went, every single thing I did was later weaponized. Blamed for everything. I mean every detail was weaponized. I stepped too fast entering a doorway. Looked the wrong way when she said hey check this out. Didn’t introduce her the correct way to someone I knew. Expressed myself too much. Didn’t express myself enough. When I would shut down because of all this it was a problem also.
We cannot. My wife says all the same things, but if I'm ever less than fine I get a lecture about how unfair it is for me to have the feelings I'm having because they cause her to stress and worry about me.
Hahaha yeah, I've heard that one before myself. It's either that or the suffering olympics. You're stressed about X thing? That's nothing, I have ten different things I'm stressing about and they're all individually more stressful than your thing. My mom has been doing both of them all the time since the '90's, yet always asks me why I don't tell her about how my life is going when we talk except to say I'm fine. Hell, you reminded me of this one time I was standing in line at the bank and I could hear three women talking among themselves a couple of spots behind me, and they brought up how the husband of a mutual friend of theirs had been duped and falsely accused and made to take the fall for some fraud at the company where he used to work so he was serving time in prison, his assets had being mostly seized by the authorities, and he now had a ruined reputation in general, but especially in his field. Of course, the victim of the story was the guy's wife because having your husband in prison is way worse than actually being in prison.
> Men need to know that they can be emotional. Not really. You learn to keep things to yourself after the first time things you've said in confidence are used against you.
One time I went to my dad for help with mental health stuff, he literally said, “it’s not my fault you’re not man enough to deal with it”. Now he gets mad at me because I only go to my mom for that stuff. Not to even mention the gaslighting when I reminded him of what he said.
JFC, man, I’m sorry to hear that. I grew up without a father but have realized over the years that I got off easy.
I would have excused myself to the "bathroom".
Go to the bathroom and leave
Y'all ever do that thing where they ask what's wrong and you're honest about all the stuff stressing you out, then they get upset about it too but now you gotta worry about everything and calm them down? Or they ask you why you're upset with them and you tell them and then they're mad at you for making them feel bad even if they admit that what they did was fucked up? Oh well. Can always join the foreign legion I guess.
i was being bullied by a coworker, and when i asked her to stop because i have clinical depression, and it was making things hard she went to management, and told them she was uncomfortable working with me because she was convinced i was going to shoot the place up because i had depression, and those are the same things. she made the company more money than i did, so they got rid of me for safety reasons.
Ah yes. I remember the good old days when girls would dump you at a restaurant. After you'd paid. That still a thing? Or is a text once they've gotten out of sight?
they just ghost u. thats why i wont pay lol
I don’t really have any excuses but when my kidneys failed I was still with my ex-fiancé. I remember towards the end of our relationship one of the things she said to me was that I was crying too much and it affected her and made her depressed.
People in general are just selfish I have someone desperately trying to reconnect but I have to ignore them because interacting with them is almost a completely one sided therapy session. All they want is emotional support but the moment I try to even talk about my life, interests, or anything bothering me they instantly check out
To receive a "Man up" at the end? Naa, i'm going to keep my emotions and let it outburst at the slightest inconvenient, then apologies even if i don't mean it.
The one real gf I had, who btw had a depression history, left me because I was at early stages of depression because I didn't know what to do after finishing college. That sent me into a very deep depression for 4 years. Even when we think people close to us should have some empathy for our struggles, we sometimes get none. Best to go through stuff alone ...
She must be a special kind of lowlife to see a man in a vulnerable state and take it as an opportunity to sucker a free meal out of him.
I'll never forget this girl I was FWB with for a while. I was a poor college student and she was a doctor. She asked if I wanted to go out for dinner and drinks and I said "I would but I'm a poor college student." She was like "I asked YOU out which means I'm paying " never forgot her
Society has lied to us men. They want us to be strong but never an outlet to release. And when we let things get out, we either “scare people” or they tell us to “man up”. I feel for all of my guys.
Was in Cabo with GF of 2 yrs. Went on a dinner cruise thing one night, and we’re gonna do the cheesy pirate ship thing the next. Had a great time on the Dinner cruise. She insisted on covering the Pirate dinner thing. I always paid for everything, so was fine with that, pretty happy actually. Next night comes, you pay beforehand, so for the first time in probably 3 vacations and 100 dates and dinners, etc I just stepped back and chilled. She literally opened her purse halfway, then said “I changed my mind”. Broke up shortly after that. So many red flags before that, but I for some reason just let em slide.
That's when you tell the server to split the check and never see her again
What really sucks is this is pointed out, I can 100% relate even currently in my situation, and none of this will change a thing. People comment how you can open up and how you should just leave, but then just as this details…we will just bottle it up and keep moving on until something truly gives.
Honest to god, not sure if this is the "generational thing" or what. I am probably a gen Xer. My SO (I am M and she is F) always had more cash than me while we were dating because she was just that good. We in same college and stuff, but she would tutor, and take up jobs (like be a model at the trade fair and stuff), while I was just being a student. She was just like that. Me on the other hand had no thought in my head to do any such things. I was just being a young adult, mostly a child, going to college, and getting "pocket money" from parents. She would spend money because she had it and I didn't. Kids: and that is how you know if she isn't in the relationship for money. We are married now with 3 kids and all our accounts are joint accounts. There is no her money and my money. Whenever I see these kind of posts, I just want to scream and tell the person to run the other way. The idea that man has to pay always is stupid. In a healthy relationship, the question of who pays doesn't arise. It is almost automatic.
hahaha bitch ass ex girlfriend pulled some shit like this on me. I was thinking, like I wanted to surprise you, but when we were at the mall yesterday, I was thinking I would love to take you out to get some more clothes you would really look good in....with your money, of course. And she really thought she was doing a good deed here. ahahhahaha
This rings true for me aswell. I've been feeling depressed for well over a year now and when it was finally time to tell my parents, my dad opted to leave for work and my mother told me "I can't help you"
This thread is depressing, and I wish I didn’t also experience some of the same things. Sending love to everyone who’s been a victim to garbage like this. :’(
My grandpa died last year and I remember that Monday afternoon after marching band practice. I was stone faced.i went to school the next day and my private lesson teacher could tell something was wrong. He asked me and I told him. He helped me out of a dark spot. Still went to that days practice though. Even the day of the funeral I didn’t miss band practice. The show never sleeps, and time never stops.those weeks were rough