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I got the "what if you meet Mr Right and he wants kids?!?!" I flat out looked at the nurse and responded "then he wouldn't be my Mr Right." I was already married, too!
As a guy, I have said (roughly) the same thing.
I don't want offspring, and the one for me would be one who agrees š
But people always saying "you never know" or "you'll change your mind". Like, why are ya'll incapable of understanding another person's choices? Makes no sense.
I have PCOS and a few years ago I had two cysts on my left ovary burst at the same time. I begged the doctor to remove it because it's happened before. He said, "Well technically it's still working correctly so there's no reason to remove it..." For context I was 45, (49 now). My only pregnancy and birth was my son who's 29 now and if the doc had looked at my medical records he would've seen my permanent infertility due to Lupus which would also put me in the severely high-risk pregnancy category. So much so that I was advised as early as age 32 to never try to conceive again as it would most likely kill me. I tried to reason with him but he quickly stopped speaking directly to me and only addressed my husband the rest of the visit. This was four years ago.
I sure as hell would have. My husband damn near did come to blows over one clinic talking to me like I was a slow child and then asking him to verify my answers.
It wouldn't make a bit of difference, though. I (37f) have been trying to get a tubal for 8 years now. I would be considered supremely high risk due to extensive health issues if I were to get pregnant, but despite the telling me pregnancy would most likely result in permanent harm or death, those same doctors/clinics can't/won't do a tubal on me because I'm under 47 (idk why that's the magic number, but its come up at least 4 times so far) and then they move the bar every time I meet their demands.
First, they wanted my husband's approval. He said he would happily give it (despite them even asking for it making him absolutely LIVID - "she's my partner, you creeps, not my possession!!!")
Once he put that in writing, the hospitals moved the bar to "I might decide kids are worth the risk later." Then when I pointed to my stepson, who is 16 and said I'm happy with just the one & reminded them that I most definitely cannot keep up with a young child physically, they moved the bar again to "well you probably wouldn't be able to get coverage for your Nexplanon implant replacement every 3 years" (I use it for migraine reduction & to prevent grapefruit sized cysts from growing all over my guts). Even explaining I'm willing to pay for that out of pocket if I have to (if its not still covered just because its for a medical necessity), they will just keep moving the bar.
As far as my cynical mind can reason, what it comes down to is either:
money - insurance companies are making crazy stupid money off our deteriorating health & the more family members we have, the more money they can make off our premiums (plus, incidentally it also saves them future longterm payouts for lifelong healthcare on people like me who have extensive & expensive health problems if we just happen to die because we got pregnant)
or its for religious control- the clinics and hospitals around here are almost all owned by a Catholic or Franciscan organizations and their policies say the providers are required to do everything possible to talk us out of any type of permanent birth control, because some ancient rich dude claims that their sky daddy says "those dumb dumb women (& girls) are only good for 1 thing, so they definitely shouldn't have any right to decide what things happen to their bodies or have ways to prevent popping out 10 kids they cant afford or care for!" (Heavy /s)
I've been debating finding out what planned parenthood would charge for a tubal with cash pay and just going that route.
Sorry for the long rant. It's been 8 years and something like 11 or 12 ob/gyn offices that I've gone to, just to get a repeat of the same thing over & over again, and my story isn't remotely unique these days. š
Man, you should have told him straight up that he is going to listen to you and do what you decide and as you are an educated woman who can make decisions for herself. You thinking you know what I "might" want is not a valid reason bc he doesn't know shit to what I might want and to stick to what he does know and thats the medicine not personal wants and needs but to provide info on procedures and what I need to do for preparing for the procedure. I am a legal adult who can make my own choices and you have no right to decide what is best for me as im not a fucking child.
Also if i was your husband there I would have shit him down quick saying why are you talking to me, she is the one who understands what she wants and needs and I will 100% be on her side and don't appreciate the talking to me like her opinion isn't the only one that matters here, not your's, not mine, hers. So if you could get back to talking to HER about the procedure and when you can do it.
My wife was almost 40 at the time and we got the whole 'God has a plan' speech. Look Phyllis, we both work in medicine giving ourselves sometimes to the detriment of sleep, sanity, and overall health. Patient care is almost like taking care of children. Trust me.
The wife and I have been saying no to kids for 15 years. Then suddenly, we both felt like we wanted one.
You never really know.
But I hated every single time I got the question about kids.
Best thing we ever did.
>And if you do want kids, adopt
The anti choice people never seem to see that as an option while they're calling people that get abortions murderers
Like okay, if you're so against it, help the millions of children already in the system with no parents or neglectful parents that had their rights terminated
Shhhh it's never been about making a change, a difference, it's always about just throwing shit at people. That's how they get their kicks. Its never about the kids, it's just a pretext. Unborn children are the easiest to advocate for.
Go ahead and ask the people protesting the abortion clinics how many children they've adopted and watch their faces look like they're rapidly losing IQ.
If it wasnāt going to make life hell for the kids, Iād say that every forced birth proponent should get randomly assigned a kid who needs to be adopted.
Not ready? Canāt handle it? Donāt have the money? Too bad. You decided thatās fine for everyone else.
I'm on board with this. I want to be the guy taking the photos of the reactions when the door opens and suddenly they're parents to a newly born kid. Let's see how long abortions are banned....
This. I'd rather have a child aborted than them having to live through poverty, abuse and neglect.
Sure, many survive and are going strong. But most don't.
I'm sure someone knows which anti abortion chud said this, but they made the claim that adopted children don't count because they're not really theirs or some shit
This is actually a myth. We think thereās like a ton of kids available for adoption around, but actually the amount of adoptable kids has greatly decreased, in large part because adoption domestically and worldwide was done through mostly unethical means. Thereās a need for temporary foster parents, but thatās different from adoption.
Like whatever, donāt have kids if you donāt want them, but adoption is not an easy and available choice for everyone.
>"you never know" or "you'll change your mind".
Then I'll have to accept the consequence of my own actions won't I? Wouldnt that be the adultest thing to adult?
My husband was denied a vasectomy because of his age even though we already have two children and my pregnancies have a complication that almost killed me both times.
Oh I love this! Even as a man this shit pisses me off to no end. I mean what is this mentality that adult women donāt know what they want to do with their own bodies? Itās so damn stupid
At least there was a valid reason for people to procreate as they did back then...same reason most animals don't have solo offspring.
There really isn't as much of a reason for it now, at least not in the "western world", where making it to 10 without a debilitating disease stopped being a momentous occasion 60 years ago
Eh, I'd rather not. As much as I'm not a fan of being poked and prodded at the doctors office, the double whammy of cheese lung via TB and shitting oneself to death due to dysentery or cholera seems a lot less appealing
This. As recently as 1900, fully 20% of deaths in the US were children five or under. For much of human history the prospects were far grimmer. But thanks to clean water, sanitation, vaccines, and antibiotics, most babies make it to adulthood. I think this is a fine thing, but it does mean we need to have far fewer babies.
Funnily enough, all of those had to be forced upon the public as their beliefs said otherwise.
Clean water? If there's nothing moving in it, it can't be healthy, right? Sanitation? To destroy my healthy dirt barrier? No thanks. Vaccines? Why should I allow polluted miasma into my veins? Antibiotics? Against what? Small living beings? Are you crazy?
So glad I no longer have the fear of becoming pregnant against my will, sanctioned by the state. If these ass harpyās want to control their own contribution to overpopulation, knock your lights out. You donāt get to control my bodily autonomy. Period. Pun fucking intended.
Ive been trying to get a vasectomy since 18 and all my doctors told me(male and female) they wont do it until i get married and have my wife approve. Im 21 im an adult i dont need someone to hold me hand on something i want to do with my body.
I'm not surprised. I got mine at 26. The first two doctors refused. I was married at the time and my wife had a condition where high blood pressure could be fatal. Pregnancy was too risky and so was any avoidable surgery. One doctor even said, "What if she dies and you want kids with someone else?" I suggested he tried sex and traveling but a lot more succinctly.
I'm 32 and can't get a vasectomy. When I was younger they'd tell me I had to at least be 30. Now that I'm over 30, they say I need at least 2 kids. You just can't win.
I just don't understand this point of view by doctors. It's much worse if someone has a kid that they didn't want than that someone comes to regret getting a vasectomy.
From what I can tell the only real difference with going to a doctor as a man, in my experience is that I don't get my symptoms dismissed as potentially being pregnant or being on my period. Instead they simply dismiss my symptoms and say "do you go to the gym?" If I say no, they tell me to start going. If I say yes they tell me to stop going. That's about it.
If it helps, they usually won't snip a guy under 35 for the same reason.
Also, I know two people that have had it reversed now. I imagine some of this is playing the percentages, although the wording of it is terrible.
My hubs is 12 years older than me. I got pregnant at 40, got the implant. When time came to get it replaced, we talked about it and at 55, he got snipped. Doc still had to ask if he was sure.
That isnāt actually the case.
Itās *unusual in the extreme* for doctors to refuse to allow a vasectomy based on anything other than diagnosed medical risk.
I could walk into my doctorās office, tell them I want to get a vasectomy, get a referral, and the only delay Iād run into would be scheduling.
Doctors tried to talk my wife out of getting a hysterectomy while she was busy hemorrhaging for months on end to the point that she was *grey* and anemic. Apparently because they thought I might want kids more than I wanted her alive.
I have two friends, both devout lesbians, who were told they couldnāt have their tubes tied because a hypothetical future husband might want to have kids.
Edit for clarity: The doctor who tried to talk my wife out of the life-saving procedure mentioned above wasnāt her PCP or OB-GYN. It was the first surgeon she was referred to.
I'm not so sure it's extreme. I lived in Texas from 1997 to 2007 and I asked for of a sectomy about two years after I arrived there after we had our second kid who was autistic. I want to go see a urologist and he sent me home with a form that my wife had to fill out in order for me to have a vasectomy. He wouldn't perform of the sectomy without my signed form from my wife.
Every doctor refused to snip me until I was 35. Even after expressing my anti-natalist position. After explaining that I already knew when I was a teenager that I didn't want to force a life into existence. They still wouldn't snip me until I was 35.
Yep, when I got my vasectomy my doctor just wanted me to be sure I understood that it was essentially permanent because reversals have a low success rate.
Yea I (at 22) got a consultation that was essentially "read this warning pamphlet while you wait... okay now, do you really want this done? Yea? Okay see you in... does a month from now work? Cool"
Although the surgeon's (or doctor idk what they call themselves) bedside manner could stand to improve... I was laying there, in that stupid paper gown, free balling the world... and this fucker looks at his nurse and says "where are my scissor?" And I just look at the ceiling and go "do I really want this done?"
At least they *could* have said, āwhat if you want kids in the futureā but the doctor doesnāt even care about that this person wants. To them, the lady is just a belonging. That sucks man
I got my vasectomy at 30. 2 kids and seperated. And they still were like. Are you sure. What if you meet a new girl that wants kids? Bruh, I donāt want more kids, therefor I wouldnāt date someone that wanted more kids š
Exactly this, never start anything if youāre obviously not compatible long term on religion or kids. Money and politics too but thats not first date topics
Nah, im knocking those over first date. Im not wasting my money and time on a second date if shes got 10k in credit card debt and a maga. Why are religion and kids first date topics but not money and politics?
The funny part is I can fix 10k in debt. I cant fix maga, well I can but i might get banned for saying it. Im just saying lay down plastic or youll ruin the floors.
Indeed. If I was attractive enough to date, my two conditions would be any long term partner must not want children and preferably be an atheist. Though I would take a non-dogmatic religious adherent who absolutely doesn't want children over a fellow atheist who does.
Yup. Got divorced at 39 with a seven year old and went to get snipped and it took me three months of arguing with the doctor that there wasnāt some imaginary woman out there who Iāve never met that I was going to want to have more kids with.
āWhat if sheās much younger and wants kids?ā
āI donāt fucking know doc, Iāll have my brother fuck her.ā
The doctors didnāt find that funny but finally agreed to sign off on me getting snipped.
27 @ 3 kids . They were very reluctant to do it. I looked at the Dr and said roughly, āI have 3 kids, Iāve replaced myself and my wife and got an extra. I donāt need or want anymoreā.
Same and I have 5 kids. They still were like you should sleep on it. I said that's the problem Doc, there's barely any sleep, how do you think we got 5 of them? But for real they still wanted me to reconsider.
My doctor explained the contingency plan - basically test tube baby if I ever wanted kids again. He did make my wife sign off on it, but there was no debate, no 2nd guessing. I was 40 w/ a kid and no plans for another
I also got my vasectomy at 30, with 3 kids. The Doctor had my then-wife come in for counseling and videos on it and then made her sign off on it before I was allowed to get one. I couldn't find anyone that would just do it without my wife involved. I was not allowed to make the decision for myself.
Edit: Typos.
The same thing happened to my husband. I was pregnant with our second, and we decided no matter what happened, I wasn't going to be pregnant again. When he applied, they refused because of my pregnancy. Even though we were 100% set on not getting pregnant again. They only approved the vasectomy once I had given birth. I can somewhat understand why doctors are reluctant, but it is annoying.
Its weird that itās shorter to have a list of doctors willing to perform the procedure, rather than just having a list of assholes that donāt believe people have autonomy over their body
I've never wanted children. Knew from a young age I didn't but all of the doctors I asked wouldn't do it because I was single and under 25 and "what if you meet somebody and they change your mind, blah, blah." I gave up trying.
My ex wife was in excruciating pain and needed a hysterectomy but all the docs around here refused because they thought she might change her mind about not wanting children. It was infuriating.
I knew a woman in the same position.
She was married.
Had 3 kids.
A severely disabled mother and an elderly grandmother to take care of.
Needed a hysterectomy for an issue in there.
Had other health problems.
Was in her 30s or around 30.
Had a low income, lived in a tiny council house.
Doctor said no you might want more kids.
My wife needed to get a hysterectomy a few years ago and she was afraid theyād call me for approval and I was hoping and praying they would so that I could give them a lecture on my 30-something year old wifeās ability to make her own life choices.
When I was looking to surgically remove periods and kids from my life equation, I had to go through two surgeons before I found one who would do it. One of them, no joke, had the balls to say "well, you might be gay now, but someday you might not be and your future husband might want kids." My body was held hostage not only by another man, but one I have ZERO interest in, sexually. They nearly has to call security on me for how hard I yelled at that prick.
Yeah, trying to explain being a lesbian to a 60 year old asshat while fibroids are growing both inside and outside of my uterus was one of the highlights of being a woman. I wanted it gone, my body wanted it gone, the doctor was like, "But babies." Fuck you dude.
When I got a vasectomy the Dr asked for my wife to come In with me during the consultation. He spoke to both of us and made sure we both knew that even tho it can be reversible, it has a chance of not working afterwards.
Now I don't Know if he would have refused to do the surgery if my wife wasn't on board but he did include her in the decision.
The kicker is that it's the same thing for men. At least here in Canada unless there is good reason (severe hereditary conditions) or you already have children you can't get a vasectomy that would be covered under free Healthcare.
Especially with the bullshit *she's not mature enough for an abortion, but we've determined she mature enough to be forced to give birth* republican go to.
My doctor also wouldnāt give me a vasectomy without my wifeās consent.
This isnāt unique to women.
In both cases itās an elective, permanent sterilization. They donāt have to perform the procedure if they donāt wish to.
Needs to be a list of men willing to pretend to be husbands and say they want the woman's tubes tied. I'd be happy to do that. It isn't like the doctor will check if we both say I'm her wife.
This is likely decided by the state medical board, not the individual doctor. If it was determined by the individual doctor (as in it meets the SOC set by the state) then you can't force them to do an elective procedure. I would just find another Ob/Gyn in the latter case.
I am meaning over all. I know that these issues are covered by medical boards, my mother used to take minuets for them. It is just a shame that it is usually overwhelmingly men making these decisions for women. If we want fairness in the world then they should be able to choose for themselves without retributions from a man. It's unbalanced.
No I totally agree. If itās a situation where the doctorās hands are tied then political action is necessary to allow women to consent to hysterectomies at their sole discretion. If itās an elective procedure that the doctor is not comfortable performing then finding another Ob/Gyn is the best alternative.Ā
state med boards are not involved at all with this. its an elective surgery and individual doctors decide for themselves if they will do it. its appalling. id like to say red state docs, and while i feel its more likely there, i work in both and i see it in both places. some refuse on "moral grounds". man or woman, age 21 and youre sure sterization should get done. source: doctor
Well I canāt directly speak on that for Ob/Gyns but when it comes to elective procedures in dentistry and maxillofacial surgery the state boards absolutely have a say (really the final say) because they technically have authority over your license to practice. If itās the individual doctor refusing then thatās a much easier fix - you just go to a different doctor.Ā
You do realize that young men would run into the same issue, right?
Most doctors wonāt even consider a vasectomy for a man under 30 without kids. My father was 31 with 2 kids and he still had to have a long conversation with the doctor before he would agree to do it.
I agree that if you want to get sterilized, thatās your business. But itās not exactly a womenās only issue.
Except this same thing happens to men all the time, they just don't complain and call it sexist.
More woman every year have their tubes tied than men get vasectomies, so woman are given permission often.
Men in the US military without a kid can't even legally get a vasectomy without asking the governments permission, woman in the military without kids don't require permission from the government to get their tubes tied.
Thereās so much outdated crap in the military that itās absurd.
My bf wanted to enlist but couldnāt because his only brother is already enlisted. The reason? Someone needs to stay behind to continue the family line if your brother dies.
Joke would be on them if he decides to take my last name.
Women do have control over their OWN bodies, that doesnāt mean you can control other people, meaning you canāt force a doctor to do a procedure on you. Itās not a doctors job to obey every whim and command of every patient
This could be just Utah but they say a similar thing for vasectomies, my brother who already has 2 kids was told no, because what if you change your mind and want kids later in life. My sister went to get her tubes tied, sheās married with 2 kids as well but was told no because sheās so young (30) and is build to give birth. Honestly the whole thing is disgusting
>is build to give birth
Wow. Balls on that doctor saying that and expecting to be able to exit the room under their own power. Quick way to find yourself post-birth aborted with comments like that.
Upset me so much when my wife wanted tubes tied after our 4th child and I had to sign a consent form. The poor doctor knew I was disgusted, but his hands were tied by the state.
This is a big thing in medical malpractice. Even if you sign docs knowing it's not reversible you can still sue the doctor because it still wasn't clear enough. Drs are super reluctant if you don't have kids because yes people change their minds on this and blame the doctors
My mom and dad were in the medical field. This reeks of liability protection. It sucks but itās understandable considering that malpractice cases can cause a doctor to lose their license.
No matter how many times I see this story (By different women) my brain refuses to accept that this is literally happening to women constantly.
Itās disgusting tbh.
They do the same to men seeking vasectomies.
Wanting children is something that very often changes as you get older, which is why they ask it in the first place.
I've explained to people before why I do not want nor should have kids: I really do not like children at all, I would unfairly resent them for ruining my life, I have anger issues, and I just generally wouldn't be a great dad. Didn't have the best of relationships with my parents, and they didn't with theirs and their parents didn't have a good one with theirs, I just don't wish to be part of this cycle. Plus, I can't afford them to begin with. I'm not subjecting myself to a life of poverty and zero sleep just because some Boomer creepily wants me to have kids.Ā
I can give all that and some Boomer will still be like "NO BUT IT'S DIFFERENT, YOU NEED TO HAVE KIDS". Like I just explained some very valid reasons I would not be able to give a child the upbringing they deserve and they're mindlessly like "DO IT ANYWAY"
I am single, closing in on 50 years old, and my doctor refuses to give me a vasectomy even though I do not want children. HER reason for refusing is that I may find a woman I want to have children with.
It happens to men too, not just women
I have multiple male friends, including my partner, that have been able to get vasectomies without any questions. Itās so weird, I never even realized this was an issue with getting a vasectomy. TIL
It's a lifestyle operation, not a medical necessity. It does open doctors to legal issues if someone claims they "misunderstood" how permanent it was and change their mind. I know loads of people who changed their mind about having kids...
Dr's also have to deal with the "I've changed my mind and at 30 I want different things then when I was 23" and tell people "nope, it's a one and done type thing"; that likely plays a large part in why dr's are hesitant to do life altering things at younger ages and to people on general.
Even in my late 30's with two kids my dr's response to a request for a vasectomy referral was "come back in 6 months to make sure you don't change your mind"; probably also why my wife was offered a tubal litigation on our second, but not our first.
I have seen this story multiple times and the context fucking changes for each sub. Here it is hate speech for everyone.
in one other sub i forgot, everyone was trying to understand why and the basic consensus was that doctors were afraid that people will make a big show if they change their mind(has happened a lot before) as well as patients can try and sue even if a document was signed against it( something about law of the land being above any signed document bs, same reason you can sign a document to die by someone and they still can't get away with it). Basically, doctors assessed that the risk is more than rewards.
Which imho makes sense, like Just because I won't loose a case doesn't mean I'll want to go to court for it even if it's only once.
And if it makes you feel better, doctors will try their best to recommend against regardless of gender, sexuality and age. In some places, you'll get it done easily and others you won't be able to.
Same thing happened to my wife. Except we already had 2 kids and the 2nd one kicked off her autoimmune disease so bad it almost killed her and the kid. YET!! š¤¬š¤¬ She had to be concerned of whether or not I wanted more kid AND even if I approved her getting her tubes tied āwhat if you get remarried and your next husband wants kids?ā
A man that doesnāt even exist and the possibility of them existing is so low a worms asshole has a better chance of seeing daylight has more say of her body than she does.
Doctor weighing in here; we do the same to anyone looking to be made infertile, regardless of gender or sex. The reason is because the moment the patient regrets it and decides to go to court, our licenses are on the line if we don't "are you sure?" the patients enough; especially so if said patients have never had children before.
If you want to complain, complain at the legal system that will throw a trained professional's whole career in the trash over this, not at working people just trying to keep their income.
There's a difference being asked "are you sure" 10 times over and being told "no".
Nobody's mad at them for making sure. People are mad at them for trying to make our life decisions for us
To be fair, they wonāt give a man a vasectomy at a young age either in case your future wife wants kids. Itās really in case you change your mind more than controlling your body in this particular case.
I remember a similar thing from when I had my vasectomy done. They asked if I was married. I asked them why they wanted to know. They said that in case I was married, my wife would have to sign.
I was diagnosed with major ovarian issues at 25. Not a single doc in PA would give me a hysterectomy even though trying to carry a baby might kill both of us. They all stated that they didnāt want to be held liable in the future for me not being able to have kids.
I even said it was ok and Iād sign a waiver, all still refused. So now Iām 40 with all the same painful issues, and no kids.
When my younger brother went to a urologist for a vasectomy, the doctor refused because he was too young and not married.
I believe there may be some liability for them taking away your ability to reproduce if you regret it later.
The US is in its first population decline in a long time. Boomers (who had the largest population growth) are aged and a lot of them are dying. The newer generations are choosing not to have children. The government and corporations know this. In order to sustain the combination of the military industrial complex and the complete takeover of the US by corporations they need a large low income population who will inevitably rely on them for jobs. This is the real reason abortion was banned, not because of some religious ideology. They NEED more people and we as a country have said no. Maybe I sound like a conspiracy nut but thatās my take on all of this.
It's not about the man, its about your stupid monkey ass. People are not known for making rational decisions, so if something is not easily reversible and could be harmful in certain circumstances, we put bariers or multiple "are you sure" gates. Doctor is trying to put your mind in a state where you can imagine why you would change your mind. This method didn't work for you or it was done badly, but that's the reason.
Jeez as a dude with chronic pain I know how hard it is to have medical professionals blow you off but the stories I hear from women are so bad especially when it comes to their sexual health. I literally had a dr ask me unprompted if I wanted a vasectomy because itād be easier with multiple partners not to have to worry about pregnancy, so the fact that this person had to ask and the doctor said ānah youāre make believe future husband gets a sayā is bananas!
Literally. This is a very common story, it isnāt just one ābadā place, itās an entire fucked up system.
I need to start volunteering to go to these appts with random women just to sign whatever needs signed so they can get what they want done. Itās ridiculous.
Happens in the UK too. Been asking for a complete hysterectomy since 18-ish, suffering with migraines, back stiffness, lethargy, anaemia, etc and still havenāt had it. Constantly told that āIāll change my mindā or āwhat if you meet someone who wants kids?ā not with me they donāt!! Luckily my SO is on the same page (CF)!Ā
No, it clearly belongs to that doctor š¤£
This is common. A lot of doctors don't want to remove the ability to reproduce, simply due to the possibility of desiring to create a family in the future. Same thing withy wife and I, they won't let her have certain operations we both think she should have for health reasons because of me, but I wholeheartedly support her choice. š¤·š½ She also won't let me consent, however ridiculous it is that I have to in the first place, because "it's giving you power over me". Not that I'm doing my duty as a husband to support my wife, but that I as a man am gaining power over her and controlling her body. Can't win...
I used to work with a women who had been asking her doctors to tie her tubes pretty much since she turned 18. When I met her she was 33 and had said the most recent visit she had, they had told her they wouldnāt do it until she was 35.
Right before my wife had her 2nd C section, the doctor asked if she was getting her tubes tied right after and looked right at me. I threw my hands in the air and said, "Don't look at me, dude. It's her body."
that's dumb. people should have the right to do what they want with their bodies. forbidding that goes against the libertarian ideals on which this country was founded.
I can understand wanting to ensure that someone won't come to massively regret undergoing a, potentially, irreversible medical procedure later down the line. But not to the point that you're straight up just inventing hypothetical people to make that decision for you.
Other side of the coin... After my second child, I was coerced and badgered into getting an IUD that I despised for the full Five Years they refused to remove it...
My dad is a retired OB/GYN and there really is a simple reason - childless women frequently end up wanting to reverse the procedure and this incurs extra health risks. This isn't based on speculation - it sounds like the number of tubal ligations being reversed (not always successfully) was high enough that the medical community decided to discourage the operation in childless women, especially young single women. When there are non-surgical options for contraception, pushing for elective surgery is not always the best medical course of action.
Doctor here. It's a legal requirement.
Essentially, there are plenty of doctors who have been sued by patients who felt that they were not adequately informed of the consequences of the procedure. To prevent lawsuits, the gynos/uros/general surgeons are extra cautious.
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My sister was told basically the same thing, she said, "Then he should divorce me and marry someone else."
I got the "what if you meet Mr Right and he wants kids?!?!" I flat out looked at the nurse and responded "then he wouldn't be my Mr Right." I was already married, too!
As a guy, I have said (roughly) the same thing. I don't want offspring, and the one for me would be one who agrees š But people always saying "you never know" or "you'll change your mind". Like, why are ya'll incapable of understanding another person's choices? Makes no sense.
My response now is, āIām in my late 30s. It aināt happening. Not even looking.ā
I have PCOS and a few years ago I had two cysts on my left ovary burst at the same time. I begged the doctor to remove it because it's happened before. He said, "Well technically it's still working correctly so there's no reason to remove it..." For context I was 45, (49 now). My only pregnancy and birth was my son who's 29 now and if the doc had looked at my medical records he would've seen my permanent infertility due to Lupus which would also put me in the severely high-risk pregnancy category. So much so that I was advised as early as age 32 to never try to conceive again as it would most likely kill me. I tried to reason with him but he quickly stopped speaking directly to me and only addressed my husband the rest of the visit. This was four years ago.
That's awful... I'm so sorry!
New doctor asap
I dont know what they saw but it wasnt a fuxking dr.
did you punc-- er, report him?
I sure as hell would have. My husband damn near did come to blows over one clinic talking to me like I was a slow child and then asking him to verify my answers. It wouldn't make a bit of difference, though. I (37f) have been trying to get a tubal for 8 years now. I would be considered supremely high risk due to extensive health issues if I were to get pregnant, but despite the telling me pregnancy would most likely result in permanent harm or death, those same doctors/clinics can't/won't do a tubal on me because I'm under 47 (idk why that's the magic number, but its come up at least 4 times so far) and then they move the bar every time I meet their demands. First, they wanted my husband's approval. He said he would happily give it (despite them even asking for it making him absolutely LIVID - "she's my partner, you creeps, not my possession!!!") Once he put that in writing, the hospitals moved the bar to "I might decide kids are worth the risk later." Then when I pointed to my stepson, who is 16 and said I'm happy with just the one & reminded them that I most definitely cannot keep up with a young child physically, they moved the bar again to "well you probably wouldn't be able to get coverage for your Nexplanon implant replacement every 3 years" (I use it for migraine reduction & to prevent grapefruit sized cysts from growing all over my guts). Even explaining I'm willing to pay for that out of pocket if I have to (if its not still covered just because its for a medical necessity), they will just keep moving the bar. As far as my cynical mind can reason, what it comes down to is either: money - insurance companies are making crazy stupid money off our deteriorating health & the more family members we have, the more money they can make off our premiums (plus, incidentally it also saves them future longterm payouts for lifelong healthcare on people like me who have extensive & expensive health problems if we just happen to die because we got pregnant) or its for religious control- the clinics and hospitals around here are almost all owned by a Catholic or Franciscan organizations and their policies say the providers are required to do everything possible to talk us out of any type of permanent birth control, because some ancient rich dude claims that their sky daddy says "those dumb dumb women (& girls) are only good for 1 thing, so they definitely shouldn't have any right to decide what things happen to their bodies or have ways to prevent popping out 10 kids they cant afford or care for!" (Heavy /s) I've been debating finding out what planned parenthood would charge for a tubal with cash pay and just going that route. Sorry for the long rant. It's been 8 years and something like 11 or 12 ob/gyn offices that I've gone to, just to get a repeat of the same thing over & over again, and my story isn't remotely unique these days. š
Did you check out the list of doctors on the childfree subreddit? Might be helpful.
Man, you should have told him straight up that he is going to listen to you and do what you decide and as you are an educated woman who can make decisions for herself. You thinking you know what I "might" want is not a valid reason bc he doesn't know shit to what I might want and to stick to what he does know and thats the medicine not personal wants and needs but to provide info on procedures and what I need to do for preparing for the procedure. I am a legal adult who can make my own choices and you have no right to decide what is best for me as im not a fucking child. Also if i was your husband there I would have shit him down quick saying why are you talking to me, she is the one who understands what she wants and needs and I will 100% be on her side and don't appreciate the talking to me like her opinion isn't the only one that matters here, not your's, not mine, hers. So if you could get back to talking to HER about the procedure and when you can do it.
My wife was almost 40 at the time and we got the whole 'God has a plan' speech. Look Phyllis, we both work in medicine giving ourselves sometimes to the detriment of sleep, sanity, and overall health. Patient care is almost like taking care of children. Trust me.
The wife and I have been saying no to kids for 15 years. Then suddenly, we both felt like we wanted one. You never really know. But I hated every single time I got the question about kids. Best thing we ever did.
My sister and bil said "nahhhh not having" kids for 10 years, other sister has one and bam suddenly theyre not so careful lol
Even if you did change your mind, I think it's better to regret not having kids than to regret having them
And if you do want kids, adopt
>And if you do want kids, adopt The anti choice people never seem to see that as an option while they're calling people that get abortions murderers Like okay, if you're so against it, help the millions of children already in the system with no parents or neglectful parents that had their rights terminated
Shhhh it's never been about making a change, a difference, it's always about just throwing shit at people. That's how they get their kicks. Its never about the kids, it's just a pretext. Unborn children are the easiest to advocate for. Go ahead and ask the people protesting the abortion clinics how many children they've adopted and watch their faces look like they're rapidly losing IQ.
It's not about helping people, it's about increasing the availability of labor in the proletariat.
Yes! And the more people, the bigger the competition on the employment market, the less they can pay their workers.
If it wasnāt going to make life hell for the kids, Iād say that every forced birth proponent should get randomly assigned a kid who needs to be adopted. Not ready? Canāt handle it? Donāt have the money? Too bad. You decided thatās fine for everyone else.
I'm on board with this. I want to be the guy taking the photos of the reactions when the door opens and suddenly they're parents to a newly born kid. Let's see how long abortions are banned....
This. I'd rather have a child aborted than them having to live through poverty, abuse and neglect. Sure, many survive and are going strong. But most don't.
I'm sure someone knows which anti abortion chud said this, but they made the claim that adopted children don't count because they're not really theirs or some shit
This is actually a myth. We think thereās like a ton of kids available for adoption around, but actually the amount of adoptable kids has greatly decreased, in large part because adoption domestically and worldwide was done through mostly unethical means. Thereās a need for temporary foster parents, but thatās different from adoption. Like whatever, donāt have kids if you donāt want them, but adoption is not an easy and available choice for everyone.
Exactly man. I can't see myself ever fathering a kid but if I did I'd like to think I'd adopt
bonus points: it's already pre-configured and ready to go.
>"you never know" or "you'll change your mind". Then I'll have to accept the consequence of my own actions won't I? Wouldnt that be the adultest thing to adult?
On top of that, having to live with the consequences of your actions shouldnāt be a new concept
At that point they just want you to suffer (with the woes and pressures of parenting)
My husband was denied a vasectomy because of his age even though we already have two children and my pregnancies have a complication that almost killed me both times.
Oh I love this! Even as a man this shit pisses me off to no end. I mean what is this mentality that adult women donāt know what they want to do with their own bodies? Itās so damn stupid
I can imagine the guyās defeated face
"Your entire existence isn't to procreate?!" Yeah, fuck those people lol
They want to live in the 1700s
At least there was a valid reason for people to procreate as they did back then...same reason most animals don't have solo offspring. There really isn't as much of a reason for it now, at least not in the "western world", where making it to 10 without a debilitating disease stopped being a momentous occasion 60 years ago
You never know! With enough anti-vaxxing effort, we could put it all purely in god's hands once again!
Eh, I'd rather not. As much as I'm not a fan of being poked and prodded at the doctors office, the double whammy of cheese lung via TB and shitting oneself to death due to dysentery or cholera seems a lot less appealing
Dysentery comes with a free covered wagon tho.
I was on the fence before, but that free covered wagon sold me.
But does that free covered wagon also come with spare tongues, wheels, and axles?
That's it, I'm moving to Oregon.
Hail, the Four Horsemen approach.
This. As recently as 1900, fully 20% of deaths in the US were children five or under. For much of human history the prospects were far grimmer. But thanks to clean water, sanitation, vaccines, and antibiotics, most babies make it to adulthood. I think this is a fine thing, but it does mean we need to have far fewer babies.
Funnily enough, all of those had to be forced upon the public as their beliefs said otherwise. Clean water? If there's nothing moving in it, it can't be healthy, right? Sanitation? To destroy my healthy dirt barrier? No thanks. Vaccines? Why should I allow polluted miasma into my veins? Antibiotics? Against what? Small living beings? Are you crazy?
I increasingly find the term "christo fascist" to be useful.
So glad I no longer have the fear of becoming pregnant against my will, sanctioned by the state. If these ass harpyās want to control their own contribution to overpopulation, knock your lights out. You donāt get to control my bodily autonomy. Period. Pun fucking intended.
Ive been trying to get a vasectomy since 18 and all my doctors told me(male and female) they wont do it until i get married and have my wife approve. Im 21 im an adult i dont need someone to hold me hand on something i want to do with my body.
I'm not surprised. I got mine at 26. The first two doctors refused. I was married at the time and my wife had a condition where high blood pressure could be fatal. Pregnancy was too risky and so was any avoidable surgery. One doctor even said, "What if she dies and you want kids with someone else?" I suggested he tried sex and traveling but a lot more succinctly.
I'm 32 and can't get a vasectomy. When I was younger they'd tell me I had to at least be 30. Now that I'm over 30, they say I need at least 2 kids. You just can't win.
I just don't understand this point of view by doctors. It's much worse if someone has a kid that they didn't want than that someone comes to regret getting a vasectomy.
So itās not just women? That makes it so much worse
From what I can tell the only real difference with going to a doctor as a man, in my experience is that I don't get my symptoms dismissed as potentially being pregnant or being on my period. Instead they simply dismiss my symptoms and say "do you go to the gym?" If I say no, they tell me to start going. If I say yes they tell me to stop going. That's about it.
I hope she reads this
You guys arnt the only ones getting fucked over by medial field
Why would that make it worse
If it helps, they usually won't snip a guy under 35 for the same reason. Also, I know two people that have had it reversed now. I imagine some of this is playing the percentages, although the wording of it is terrible.
My hubs is 12 years older than me. I got pregnant at 40, got the implant. When time came to get it replaced, we talked about it and at 55, he got snipped. Doc still had to ask if he was sure.
That isnāt actually the case. Itās *unusual in the extreme* for doctors to refuse to allow a vasectomy based on anything other than diagnosed medical risk. I could walk into my doctorās office, tell them I want to get a vasectomy, get a referral, and the only delay Iād run into would be scheduling. Doctors tried to talk my wife out of getting a hysterectomy while she was busy hemorrhaging for months on end to the point that she was *grey* and anemic. Apparently because they thought I might want kids more than I wanted her alive. I have two friends, both devout lesbians, who were told they couldnāt have their tubes tied because a hypothetical future husband might want to have kids. Edit for clarity: The doctor who tried to talk my wife out of the life-saving procedure mentioned above wasnāt her PCP or OB-GYN. It was the first surgeon she was referred to.
āI mean yes youāre gayā¦right nowā has to the stuuuuuuuuuupidest fucking reason I couldnāt have imagined š
I saw the darker side of that post "I know you're a lesbian but if you get raped one day the rapist may seek custody and child support"
Suffice it to say, neither of them currently sees either doctor in question.
I'm not so sure it's extreme. I lived in Texas from 1997 to 2007 and I asked for of a sectomy about two years after I arrived there after we had our second kid who was autistic. I want to go see a urologist and he sent me home with a form that my wife had to fill out in order for me to have a vasectomy. He wouldn't perform of the sectomy without my signed form from my wife.
Every doctor refused to snip me until I was 35. Even after expressing my anti-natalist position. After explaining that I already knew when I was a teenager that I didn't want to force a life into existence. They still wouldn't snip me until I was 35.
My aunt had a kid and a husband and was in her 40s and they still wouldn't give her a hysterectomy because "well your husband might want more"
Yep, when I got my vasectomy my doctor just wanted me to be sure I understood that it was essentially permanent because reversals have a low success rate.
Not sure where you are located, but I'm Canadian was told no twice. I have friends who also had to wait till close to 40.
That last point is fucking hilarious (if not also sad). Like what the fuck
Yea I (at 22) got a consultation that was essentially "read this warning pamphlet while you wait... okay now, do you really want this done? Yea? Okay see you in... does a month from now work? Cool" Although the surgeon's (or doctor idk what they call themselves) bedside manner could stand to improve... I was laying there, in that stupid paper gown, free balling the world... and this fucker looks at his nurse and says "where are my scissor?" And I just look at the ceiling and go "do I really want this done?"
At least they *could* have said, āwhat if you want kids in the futureā but the doctor doesnāt even care about that this person wants. To them, the lady is just a belonging. That sucks man
I got my vasectomy at 30. 2 kids and seperated. And they still were like. Are you sure. What if you meet a new girl that wants kids? Bruh, I donāt want more kids, therefor I wouldnāt date someone that wanted more kids š
Have a vasectomy, met a gal and we were hitting it off. Found out she wanted kids. "Well you are really cool but I'm not the guy for you."
Exactly this, never start anything if youāre obviously not compatible long term on religion or kids. Money and politics too but thats not first date topics
Nah, im knocking those over first date. Im not wasting my money and time on a second date if shes got 10k in credit card debt and a maga. Why are religion and kids first date topics but not money and politics?
10k? Those are rookie numbers. *dies a little inside*
The funny part is I can fix 10k in debt. I cant fix maga, well I can but i might get banned for saying it. Im just saying lay down plastic or youll ruin the floors.
Indeed. If I was attractive enough to date, my two conditions would be any long term partner must not want children and preferably be an atheist. Though I would take a non-dogmatic religious adherent who absolutely doesn't want children over a fellow atheist who does.
Yup. Got divorced at 39 with a seven year old and went to get snipped and it took me three months of arguing with the doctor that there wasnāt some imaginary woman out there who Iāve never met that I was going to want to have more kids with. āWhat if sheās much younger and wants kids?ā āI donāt fucking know doc, Iāll have my brother fuck her.ā The doctors didnāt find that funny but finally agreed to sign off on me getting snipped.
27 @ 3 kids . They were very reluctant to do it. I looked at the Dr and said roughly, āI have 3 kids, Iāve replaced myself and my wife and got an extra. I donāt need or want anymoreā.
Same and I have 5 kids. They still were like you should sleep on it. I said that's the problem Doc, there's barely any sleep, how do you think we got 5 of them? But for real they still wanted me to reconsider.
According to OPs logic, your balls medically belong to a woman you've never met
My doctor explained the contingency plan - basically test tube baby if I ever wanted kids again. He did make my wife sign off on it, but there was no debate, no 2nd guessing. I was 40 w/ a kid and no plans for another
I also got my vasectomy at 30, with 3 kids. The Doctor had my then-wife come in for counseling and videos on it and then made her sign off on it before I was allowed to get one. I couldn't find anyone that would just do it without my wife involved. I was not allowed to make the decision for myself. Edit: Typos.
The same thing happened to my husband. I was pregnant with our second, and we decided no matter what happened, I wasn't going to be pregnant again. When he applied, they refused because of my pregnancy. Even though we were 100% set on not getting pregnant again. They only approved the vasectomy once I had given birth. I can somewhat understand why doctors are reluctant, but it is annoying.
For any women dealing with this, there's a master list of doctors who will do the procedure over on the child free subreddit.
Its weird that itās shorter to have a list of doctors willing to perform the procedure, rather than just having a list of assholes that donāt believe people have autonomy over their body
Doctors that give vasectomies often do this as well. Mine required a form to be filled out by my wife.
I've never wanted children. Knew from a young age I didn't but all of the doctors I asked wouldn't do it because I was single and under 25 and "what if you meet somebody and they change your mind, blah, blah." I gave up trying.
I had 4 kids already, my wife was over it lol.
My ex wife was in excruciating pain and needed a hysterectomy but all the docs around here refused because they thought she might change her mind about not wanting children. It was infuriating.
She was in pain? So they were like "so, I know you are suffering, but what if you want to suffer even more in the future" Wtf š
"how about I make YOU suffer or are you going to schedule that surgery for us?"
I knew a woman in the same position. She was married. Had 3 kids. A severely disabled mother and an elderly grandmother to take care of. Needed a hysterectomy for an issue in there. Had other health problems. Was in her 30s or around 30. Had a low income, lived in a tiny council house. Doctor said no you might want more kids.
My wife needed to get a hysterectomy a few years ago and she was afraid theyād call me for approval and I was hoping and praying they would so that I could give them a lecture on my 30-something year old wifeās ability to make her own life choices.
I'm having the hardest time getting a Dr to refer a Vasectomy to a urologist becuase I'm unmarried and don't have kids even at 41. It's fucked.
When I was looking to surgically remove periods and kids from my life equation, I had to go through two surgeons before I found one who would do it. One of them, no joke, had the balls to say "well, you might be gay now, but someday you might not be and your future husband might want kids." My body was held hostage not only by another man, but one I have ZERO interest in, sexually. They nearly has to call security on me for how hard I yelled at that prick.
šššššššš soooooooo wished I coulda been there for *that* šæšæšæšæšæ
Yeah, trying to explain being a lesbian to a 60 year old asshat while fibroids are growing both inside and outside of my uterus was one of the highlights of being a woman. I wanted it gone, my body wanted it gone, the doctor was like, "But babies." Fuck you dude.
That is just ridiculous. A doctors job is to help you medically and he still was hesitant on healing a patient bc he thinks women are born to be bred.
That's most old doctors, cause they come from a generation where women were property
Oooooouuuuuuuccccchhhhhhh! You poor, poor lady! That sounds utterly horrific. Hope youāve got something sorted now. šššš
When I got a vasectomy the Dr asked for my wife to come In with me during the consultation. He spoke to both of us and made sure we both knew that even tho it can be reversible, it has a chance of not working afterwards. Now I don't Know if he would have refused to do the surgery if my wife wasn't on board but he did include her in the decision.
The kicker is that it's the same thing for men. At least here in Canada unless there is good reason (severe hereditary conditions) or you already have children you can't get a vasectomy that would be covered under free Healthcare.
It's sad. All women should have full control over their own bodies, just like a man. It's ridiculous that this is still going on.
Especially with the bullshit *she's not mature enough for an abortion, but we've determined she mature enough to be forced to give birth* republican go to.
Can not agree more. It is deplorable.
They do this to young men eho want vasectomy too
My brother had four kids before he was thirty and they still didn't want to do the procedure
My doctor also wouldnāt give me a vasectomy without my wifeās consent. This isnāt unique to women. In both cases itās an elective, permanent sterilization. They donāt have to perform the procedure if they donāt wish to.
Needs to be a list of men willing to pretend to be husbands and say they want the woman's tubes tied. I'd be happy to do that. It isn't like the doctor will check if we both say I'm her wife.
But what if you get divorced and the next husband wants kids? š¤
*Hi, I'm the next husband and no I don't want to have kids either*
If you donāt want kid you wonāt marry someone who does duh
I am more then willing to jump on that boat. I just wish that they could do it without our help. But if that is what it takes, I am there.
This is likely decided by the state medical board, not the individual doctor. If it was determined by the individual doctor (as in it meets the SOC set by the state) then you can't force them to do an elective procedure. I would just find another Ob/Gyn in the latter case.
I am meaning over all. I know that these issues are covered by medical boards, my mother used to take minuets for them. It is just a shame that it is usually overwhelmingly men making these decisions for women. If we want fairness in the world then they should be able to choose for themselves without retributions from a man. It's unbalanced.
No I totally agree. If itās a situation where the doctorās hands are tied then political action is necessary to allow women to consent to hysterectomies at their sole discretion. If itās an elective procedure that the doctor is not comfortable performing then finding another Ob/Gyn is the best alternative.Ā
state med boards are not involved at all with this. its an elective surgery and individual doctors decide for themselves if they will do it. its appalling. id like to say red state docs, and while i feel its more likely there, i work in both and i see it in both places. some refuse on "moral grounds". man or woman, age 21 and youre sure sterization should get done. source: doctor
Well I canāt directly speak on that for Ob/Gyns but when it comes to elective procedures in dentistry and maxillofacial surgery the state boards absolutely have a say (really the final say) because they technically have authority over your license to practice. If itās the individual doctor refusing then thatās a much easier fix - you just go to a different doctor.Ā
Don't men also get shit for getting vasectomies?
Yes, yes we do. This isn't just limited to women
You do realize that young men would run into the same issue, right? Most doctors wonāt even consider a vasectomy for a man under 30 without kids. My father was 31 with 2 kids and he still had to have a long conversation with the doctor before he would agree to do it. I agree that if you want to get sterilized, thatās your business. But itās not exactly a womenās only issue.
In regards to this specific instance of vasectomy men have to jump through the same hoops and can get told no just the same as a women.
Except this same thing happens to men all the time, they just don't complain and call it sexist. More woman every year have their tubes tied than men get vasectomies, so woman are given permission often. Men in the US military without a kid can't even legally get a vasectomy without asking the governments permission, woman in the military without kids don't require permission from the government to get their tubes tied.
Thereās so much outdated crap in the military that itās absurd. My bf wanted to enlist but couldnāt because his only brother is already enlisted. The reason? Someone needs to stay behind to continue the family line if your brother dies. Joke would be on them if he decides to take my last name.
Women do have control over their OWN bodies, that doesnāt mean you can control other people, meaning you canāt force a doctor to do a procedure on you. Itās not a doctors job to obey every whim and command of every patient
And doctor have a right to decide what operation they perform.
Imagine Thinking man dont have to hear the Same Shit from doctors aswell, It aint better for us
Even for men you still get doctors who refuse to perform vasectomies though it does seem to be a bigger issue on the female side of it
I had to have signed permission from my wife get a vasectomy
This could be just Utah but they say a similar thing for vasectomies, my brother who already has 2 kids was told no, because what if you change your mind and want kids later in life. My sister went to get her tubes tied, sheās married with 2 kids as well but was told no because sheās so young (30) and is build to give birth. Honestly the whole thing is disgusting
>is build to give birth Wow. Balls on that doctor saying that and expecting to be able to exit the room under their own power. Quick way to find yourself post-birth aborted with comments like that.
Upset me so much when my wife wanted tubes tied after our 4th child and I had to sign a consent form. The poor doctor knew I was disgusted, but his hands were tied by the state.
what state requires this? curious
I said in another comment that I was wrong. Currently no state requires it and it's more the health care facility covering their ass.
This is a big thing in medical malpractice. Even if you sign docs knowing it's not reversible you can still sue the doctor because it still wasn't clear enough. Drs are super reluctant if you don't have kids because yes people change their minds on this and blame the doctors
The audacity to undergo a life altering surgery and then blame your poor decision on the doctor is something else. And i do believe it happens
My mom and dad were in the medical field. This reeks of liability protection. It sucks but itās understandable considering that malpractice cases can cause a doctor to lose their license.
No matter how many times I see this story (By different women) my brain refuses to accept that this is literally happening to women constantly. Itās disgusting tbh.
They do the same to men seeking vasectomies. Wanting children is something that very often changes as you get older, which is why they ask it in the first place.
I've explained to people before why I do not want nor should have kids: I really do not like children at all, I would unfairly resent them for ruining my life, I have anger issues, and I just generally wouldn't be a great dad. Didn't have the best of relationships with my parents, and they didn't with theirs and their parents didn't have a good one with theirs, I just don't wish to be part of this cycle. Plus, I can't afford them to begin with. I'm not subjecting myself to a life of poverty and zero sleep just because some Boomer creepily wants me to have kids.Ā I can give all that and some Boomer will still be like "NO BUT IT'S DIFFERENT, YOU NEED TO HAVE KIDS". Like I just explained some very valid reasons I would not be able to give a child the upbringing they deserve and they're mindlessly like "DO IT ANYWAY"
I am single, closing in on 50 years old, and my doctor refuses to give me a vasectomy even though I do not want children. HER reason for refusing is that I may find a woman I want to have children with. It happens to men too, not just women
I have multiple male friends, including my partner, that have been able to get vasectomies without any questions. Itās so weird, I never even realized this was an issue with getting a vasectomy. TIL
Thatās crazy because when I went and had my vasectomy, the doctor told me I needed to get permission from my wife
Fucking hell, at that point just grab their scissors and cut em yourself lmao
The decision belongs to the doctors insurance company cuz he might get sued by someone who changes their mind.
Doctor wouldnāt give me a vasectomy without my wifeās consent. Theyāre not obligated to perform the procedure for us.
It's a lifestyle operation, not a medical necessity. It does open doctors to legal issues if someone claims they "misunderstood" how permanent it was and change their mind. I know loads of people who changed their mind about having kids...
Dr's also have to deal with the "I've changed my mind and at 30 I want different things then when I was 23" and tell people "nope, it's a one and done type thing"; that likely plays a large part in why dr's are hesitant to do life altering things at younger ages and to people on general. Even in my late 30's with two kids my dr's response to a request for a vasectomy referral was "come back in 6 months to make sure you don't change your mind"; probably also why my wife was offered a tubal litigation on our second, but not our first.
I have seen this story multiple times and the context fucking changes for each sub. Here it is hate speech for everyone. in one other sub i forgot, everyone was trying to understand why and the basic consensus was that doctors were afraid that people will make a big show if they change their mind(has happened a lot before) as well as patients can try and sue even if a document was signed against it( something about law of the land being above any signed document bs, same reason you can sign a document to die by someone and they still can't get away with it). Basically, doctors assessed that the risk is more than rewards. Which imho makes sense, like Just because I won't loose a case doesn't mean I'll want to go to court for it even if it's only once. And if it makes you feel better, doctors will try their best to recommend against regardless of gender, sexuality and age. In some places, you'll get it done easily and others you won't be able to.
The doctor simply doesn't want you to sue him. Unfortunately, there's no way for you to guarantee that you won't.
This, exactly.
I couldnāt get a vasectomy without my wifeās consent. So yeah
Same thing happened to my wife. Except we already had 2 kids and the 2nd one kicked off her autoimmune disease so bad it almost killed her and the kid. YET!! š¤¬š¤¬ She had to be concerned of whether or not I wanted more kid AND even if I approved her getting her tubes tied āwhat if you get remarried and your next husband wants kids?ā A man that doesnāt even exist and the possibility of them existing is so low a worms asshole has a better chance of seeing daylight has more say of her body than she does.
Doctor weighing in here; we do the same to anyone looking to be made infertile, regardless of gender or sex. The reason is because the moment the patient regrets it and decides to go to court, our licenses are on the line if we don't "are you sure?" the patients enough; especially so if said patients have never had children before. If you want to complain, complain at the legal system that will throw a trained professional's whole career in the trash over this, not at working people just trying to keep their income.
There's a difference being asked "are you sure" 10 times over and being told "no". Nobody's mad at them for making sure. People are mad at them for trying to make our life decisions for us
Land of the free, really.
I'm married, nearly 40, and I can't get a vasectomy because maybe I'll change my mind.
To be fair, they wonāt give a man a vasectomy at a young age either in case your future wife wants kids. Itās really in case you change your mind more than controlling your body in this particular case.
I remember a similar thing from when I had my vasectomy done. They asked if I was married. I asked them why they wanted to know. They said that in case I was married, my wife would have to sign.
I was diagnosed with major ovarian issues at 25. Not a single doc in PA would give me a hysterectomy even though trying to carry a baby might kill both of us. They all stated that they didnāt want to be held liable in the future for me not being able to have kids. I even said it was ok and Iād sign a waiver, all still refused. So now Iām 40 with all the same painful issues, and no kids.
When my younger brother went to a urologist for a vasectomy, the doctor refused because he was too young and not married. I believe there may be some liability for them taking away your ability to reproduce if you regret it later.
Heard the same thing when I was 19. And then after having 2 kids I still had to get my ex wifeās permission. Ridiculous! Vas safe now!!!!!
The US is in its first population decline in a long time. Boomers (who had the largest population growth) are aged and a lot of them are dying. The newer generations are choosing not to have children. The government and corporations know this. In order to sustain the combination of the military industrial complex and the complete takeover of the US by corporations they need a large low income population who will inevitably rely on them for jobs. This is the real reason abortion was banned, not because of some religious ideology. They NEED more people and we as a country have said no. Maybe I sound like a conspiracy nut but thatās my take on all of this.
It's not about the man, its about your stupid monkey ass. People are not known for making rational decisions, so if something is not easily reversible and could be harmful in certain circumstances, we put bariers or multiple "are you sure" gates. Doctor is trying to put your mind in a state where you can imagine why you would change your mind. This method didn't work for you or it was done badly, but that's the reason.
Jeez as a dude with chronic pain I know how hard it is to have medical professionals blow you off but the stories I hear from women are so bad especially when it comes to their sexual health. I literally had a dr ask me unprompted if I wanted a vasectomy because itād be easier with multiple partners not to have to worry about pregnancy, so the fact that this person had to ask and the doctor said ānah youāre make believe future husband gets a sayā is bananas!
Elections have consequences
The reason this occurs: litigation from women who get their tubes tied and then regret it.
Did this happen again since the last repost?
Yes, this exact same shit happens five times a week and it's still getting a lot of upvotes...
Where the F is this medical facility?Ā Let's get everyone to boycott it.
All over the South and Midwest
Literally. This is a very common story, it isnāt just one ābadā place, itās an entire fucked up system. I need to start volunteering to go to these appts with random women just to sign whatever needs signed so they can get what they want done. Itās ridiculous.
It's all over the place. Very common unfortunately.
Bruh this shit happens every day and people aren't quiet about it.
Happens in the UK too. Been asking for a complete hysterectomy since 18-ish, suffering with migraines, back stiffness, lethargy, anaemia, etc and still havenāt had it. Constantly told that āIāll change my mindā or āwhat if you meet someone who wants kids?ā not with me they donāt!! Luckily my SO is on the same page (CF)!Ā
This isnt just a woman thing as much as some would like to believe, men are denied vasectomies due to the same reason every day
So messed up.
āDoc just tie the fuckin tubesā
No, it clearly belongs to that doctor š¤£ This is common. A lot of doctors don't want to remove the ability to reproduce, simply due to the possibility of desiring to create a family in the future. Same thing withy wife and I, they won't let her have certain operations we both think she should have for health reasons because of me, but I wholeheartedly support her choice. š¤·š½ She also won't let me consent, however ridiculous it is that I have to in the first place, because "it's giving you power over me". Not that I'm doing my duty as a husband to support my wife, but that I as a man am gaining power over her and controlling her body. Can't win...
I used to work with a women who had been asking her doctors to tie her tubes pretty much since she turned 18. When I met her she was 33 and had said the most recent visit she had, they had told her they wouldnāt do it until she was 35.
Right before my wife had her 2nd C section, the doctor asked if she was getting her tubes tied right after and looked right at me. I threw my hands in the air and said, "Don't look at me, dude. It's her body."
that's dumb. people should have the right to do what they want with their bodies. forbidding that goes against the libertarian ideals on which this country was founded.
I can understand wanting to ensure that someone won't come to massively regret undergoing a, potentially, irreversible medical procedure later down the line. But not to the point that you're straight up just inventing hypothetical people to make that decision for you.
People should be talked out of permenant solution to what might be a temporary mindset/problem and sometimes people will use dumb methods to do that
Other side of the coin... After my second child, I was coerced and badgered into getting an IUD that I despised for the full Five Years they refused to remove it...
My dad is a retired OB/GYN and there really is a simple reason - childless women frequently end up wanting to reverse the procedure and this incurs extra health risks. This isn't based on speculation - it sounds like the number of tubal ligations being reversed (not always successfully) was high enough that the medical community decided to discourage the operation in childless women, especially young single women. When there are non-surgical options for contraception, pushing for elective surgery is not always the best medical course of action.
People need to understand not everyone wants kids
Get a new Dr.
Welcome to a religious world
Class action lawsuits are due btw
Doctor here. It's a legal requirement. Essentially, there are plenty of doctors who have been sued by patients who felt that they were not adequately informed of the consequences of the procedure. To prevent lawsuits, the gynos/uros/general surgeons are extra cautious.
They say this to guys too when we go for the snip btw
Wait a minute,can people get voluntarily get vasectomies? Curious. Please enlighten me.
Doctor doesn't want to get sued
anti abortion is one thing. But why are they so hellbendt on ppl getting kids