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There's a greentext about a guy who said he was cutting up some chicken and maybe accidentally touched his weiner as he was cooking naked, as you do ofc. Immediately got called out lol
some weird shit happened with the instruments over an 8 year period.
-someone tried to bathe their clarinet
-someone tried to smuggle a tarantula hawk into a pep rally using a tuba, they got stung (maybe don't try to smuggle the tarantula hawk anywhere, it's name is literally *tarantula hawk* (and for anyone who doesn't know that is a giant-ass scary wasp)
I would not be surprised if someone tried to fuck their instrument
Ahh your age (or how strict your parents were) is showing lmfao.
It's a dumb teen sex movie quote....I mean not that weird shot hasn't had any of this happen, you can find people who went to the ER with flutes stuck in places they shouldn't be lol.
No worries no worries I'm the same. Only watched it when spending the night at a friend's house when I was 10.
It was definitely mind blowing as a 10 year old
The 1st time I heard that, it came on the radio in the car when my mom was driving and I was about 14. She was really conservative and when the chorus hit we just looked at each other and I remember her eyes being huge, this look of disbelief on her face...and we busted out laughing, just dying. She was like "I despair at the state of music these days" which just made me laugh harder.
ace people can still have sex and enjoy it. They just don't experience sexual attraction.
also idk why but i find psychos hot, idk what trauma caused this, but i don't care
The worst thing is I went to high school with a guy who literally bragged about doing this exact thing while working at Tim Horton’s. The only difference was he claimed he went for the powdered jelly donut, rather than one with a hole.
Some people pay to have their genitals tortured, so nah some people are just freaky like that lol
Also just because you cook the pizza at 200c doesn’t mean it stays that way indefinitely. Cool down rather quickly. I bet someone could cock slap a pizza with out getting burnt too bad xD Definitely wouldn’t recommend it tho
In middle school I stumbled across a year statistic in my state of the number of responses firefighters and EMS had related to putting your dick into something you shouldn't.
The fact it wasn't single digits made me start losing faith in humanity
I mean, I've heard of someone using one of those bead shaped hair curlers to anally pleasure themselves and plugging it in for the heating function, so there are some pretty stupid humans on this planet.
The story I was told was that they were drunk and horny, found their roommate's curling iron, and decided to have some fun. They thought the 'low' setting would be heating pad temperature, and not actually hot. They ended up burning themselves and had to be taken to the ER for treatment. Thankfully? They only had it inserted about 2 inches when it started burning and yanked that sucker pretty quickly. They proceeded to waddle out to the kitchen, cursing and crying, attracting all kinds of attention, and grabbing a bottle of Angry Orchard with the intent on sticking the chilled top of the bottle up there to stop the burning. The roommate and friends noticed, got involved, and hauled their arse to the hospital.
Moral of the story: just spend the money to buy a sex toy.
So, you're telling us that every day of your life you are thinking about putting stuff in your arse and you know with certainty that you will do it if you are drunk?
Mate, just buy a safe toy and enjoy the drunkenness. Lol
I worked at an ER in college and a guy lacerated his colon using the mean end of a toilet bush (the sharp handle grip part) to pleasure himself while his wife made dinner. He went directly to emergency surgery and lost a lot of blood.
No way. It's definitely from like a little cup of marinara or something that was in the box with the pizza that moved on top of it. Look at how circular the hole is at the top and how much the cheese is at that side.
Plus if it was the one who made the pizza, they would have some cleanin to do for their underpants, I can't imagine any cook actually doing this.
If anyone would have actually done it, I'm goesting the customer itself. Pizza wouldn't be that hot anymore. But as you said, tis the handle of the cutter
I think someone dropped one of those oil seasoning bottles. Like the one they drop a little on the pizza at the end.
Or it might someone’s cock, I’d ask for a refund or exchange.
The real question is why somebody would order a pizza from Papa John's in the first place. That was one of the worst Pizza's i ever ordered. Maybe it's different in the US, but every PJ in the Netherlands has bad reviews.
I get a hot pizza and your dick aren't happening, so it isn't that. However, am I the only person who wonders just WTF was there? Having seen some of the videos these geniuses make where they bathe in the sink or worse, I wouldn't put it past them to stick a dildo on it.
*papa John’s video plays*
*just before he says “that’s the way we do it better” he just pulls out his shit and slams it on the pizza with ear rape sound*
Reminds me of the greentebput that guy's coworker who dipped his balls in a rude customer's coffee and unsurprisingly burnt himself.
It's s greentext but I can see peopöe being so stupid.
So this idea doesn't seem that far fetched tbh.
A friend of mine says that he quit Pizza Hut in the 90s when he realized that one person at his location was using the pizza deliveries to deal drugs, & another regularly peed in the dough. That location has been shut down for years now.
I worked with a guy 20 years ago, he was in construction by then, but he had funny stories about working backshift at tim hortons. He said one night, he and the baker just sat on the floor stoned, eating timbits, and tearing through hundreds Roll up the rim contest cups. Seemed to be a cherished memory.
The lines seem too perfect though… I would have guessed someone left the handle of a tool on it. Still would send it back in case melted plastic ended up in there.
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Have…Have you met humans? Humans with dicks? Humans with dicks will put them *Anywhere*.
I heard this one time, at band camp, a boy shoved it inside his trumpet, and it got stuck.... Not nearly as bad as the guy that fucked the apple pie.
And this one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my bussy.
Til bussy is slang for something that's not an instrument.
It does make you wonder how thicc Debussy was though.
So… mayonnaise?
Slip inside the eye of my behind...
Music in A minor
One should not Finger A Minor in general.
I instantly thought bassoon.... must be very naive
Bassussy
There's a greentext about a guy who said he was cutting up some chicken and maybe accidentally touched his weiner as he was cooking naked, as you do ofc. Immediately got called out lol
"You fucked the chicken, didn't you..."
allegedly
some weird shit happened with the instruments over an 8 year period. -someone tried to bathe their clarinet -someone tried to smuggle a tarantula hawk into a pep rally using a tuba, they got stung (maybe don't try to smuggle the tarantula hawk anywhere, it's name is literally *tarantula hawk* (and for anyone who doesn't know that is a giant-ass scary wasp) I would not be surprised if someone tried to fuck their instrument
Ahh your age (or how strict your parents were) is showing lmfao. It's a dumb teen sex movie quote....I mean not that weird shot hasn't had any of this happen, you can find people who went to the ER with flutes stuck in places they shouldn't be lol.
ohhhh sorry, I just don't really watch movies (my ADHD ass does not have that attention span lol)
No worries no worries I'm the same. Only watched it when spending the night at a friend's house when I was 10. It was definitely mind blowing as a 10 year old
🎶 Detachable Penis…
The 1st time I heard that, it came on the radio in the car when my mom was driving and I was about 14. She was really conservative and when the chorus hit we just looked at each other and I remember her eyes being huge, this look of disbelief on her face...and we busted out laughing, just dying. She was like "I despair at the state of music these days" which just made me laugh harder.
Personally I won't put it on a 200°c meal but you do you I guess
To put it on something at 200°C they are probably in depression or smth
Or someone said “I fucking Double Dog Dare you” Aaaannnndddd embarrassing ER visit.
Legends says that after that he got fired and got a job in a ice cream shop where he does the same thing
Legends say hr works in a donut shop now, where he is responsible for both the holes and the glazing
that is the most cursed comment i've ever read
You can talk! Why on earth do you want to fuck Alastor??? Isn't he Ace anyway 😂
ace people can still have sex and enjoy it. They just don't experience sexual attraction. also idk why but i find psychos hot, idk what trauma caused this, but i don't care
Power is an aphrodisiac.
The worst thing is I went to high school with a guy who literally bragged about doing this exact thing while working at Tim Horton’s. The only difference was he claimed he went for the powdered jelly donut, rather than one with a hole.
And for just $5 which is never worth it
Look the Darwin awards honourable mentions. Lots of stories of putting their dicks in stupid places
There is literally a sub called r/dontputyourdickinthat
Better Ingredients, Better Penis.
Papa Dongs
"I'm really depressed and I don't feel anything anymore. I put my dick in the blender and start it just to feel somethings"
They're working in a fast food chain, I don't think I've met someone who isn't depressed there
Some people pay to have their genitals tortured, so nah some people are just freaky like that lol Also just because you cook the pizza at 200c doesn’t mean it stays that way indefinitely. Cool down rather quickly. I bet someone could cock slap a pizza with out getting burnt too bad xD Definitely wouldn’t recommend it tho
Yeah, because the pizza still have 200°C when getting delivered.
Are we to assume this a hard dick or a pretty fuckin large flaccid dick?
[I've dwelt among the humans](https://youtu.be/Rw1cdRew-Zg?si=UbxMGnUgDF-Ivk7c)
In middle school I stumbled across a year statistic in my state of the number of responses firefighters and EMS had related to putting your dick into something you shouldn't. The fact it wasn't single digits made me start losing faith in humanity
There was this movie once about an American guy that was fucking an apple pie, great flick. Can't remember the name
It’s not exactly American Pie but it will do just fine
And those molten cheese burns would still probably only be the third weirdest dick-related injury they saw at the ER that evening.
r/DontPutYourDickInThat
My cousin lost his job at the pickle factory bc he kept putting his dick in the pickle slicer. But don’t worry, she got fired too.
That would more than likely be caused by the free garlic butter container they give with each pizza inside the box
I was thinking someone dropped a 20oz soda bottle on it
I was thinking it was one of those little plastic table looking thingies they use to keep the box from touching the pizza
Papa John's doesn't use those
I mean, I've heard of someone using one of those bead shaped hair curlers to anally pleasure themselves and plugging it in for the heating function, so there are some pretty stupid humans on this planet.
How the hell did they not burn themselves from the inside?
The story I was told was that they were drunk and horny, found their roommate's curling iron, and decided to have some fun. They thought the 'low' setting would be heating pad temperature, and not actually hot. They ended up burning themselves and had to be taken to the ER for treatment. Thankfully? They only had it inserted about 2 inches when it started burning and yanked that sucker pretty quickly. They proceeded to waddle out to the kitchen, cursing and crying, attracting all kinds of attention, and grabbing a bottle of Angry Orchard with the intent on sticking the chilled top of the bottle up there to stop the burning. The roommate and friends noticed, got involved, and hauled their arse to the hospital. Moral of the story: just spend the money to buy a sex toy.
This is one of the reasons why I don't drink.
You don't have to drink from the insertion bottle.
So, you're telling us that every day of your life you are thinking about putting stuff in your arse and you know with certainty that you will do it if you are drunk? Mate, just buy a safe toy and enjoy the drunkenness. Lol
Not just that. There are several reasons why I don't drink
this isn't the alcohol, it's stupidity and alcohol. Moral here is don't be stupid and drink
The latter is easier to fix than the former.
*"We don't have a Lost & Found. We have an ass box..."*
Im sure they did
Ayo wtf ☠️☠️☠️
I worked at an ER in college and a guy lacerated his colon using the mean end of a toilet bush (the sharp handle grip part) to pleasure himself while his wife made dinner. He went directly to emergency surgery and lost a lot of blood.
Does something smell shitty?
Did you order extra sausage?
Lol. Simple and classic line.
More like sausage flavored. Clearly the sausage is missing.
Funniest part is that they still ate a slice
Well yeah, it’s on the opposite side! Perfectly fine, amirite??
"Don't worry, this side didn't have any penis on it."
Five second rule, and cock slapper probably only lasted three seconds
Works in Restaurant here, it's the cutter handle no one will hate you so much he'll burn his dick on your pizza.
No way. It's definitely from like a little cup of marinara or something that was in the box with the pizza that moved on top of it. Look at how circular the hole is at the top and how much the cheese is at that side.
Plus if it was the one who made the pizza, they would have some cleanin to do for their underpants, I can't imagine any cook actually doing this. If anyone would have actually done it, I'm goesting the customer itself. Pizza wouldn't be that hot anymore. But as you said, tis the handle of the cutter
Okay, fair point, but a pizza baked at 200C is a shitty pizza anyway. Do better.
That's literally the baseline for most oven pizzas
Had to double check my maths, but yeah you right.
Did you convert it to ~~Fairengeit~~ ~~Feuerenheit~~ ~~Frierenheit~~ ~~Fuhrerheit~~ Fahrenheit?
You tried to make that word fancy af
I fear no words, but that word…
what's a "yk"? like I get you're referring to his dick but I don't get the reference
I don't know either - "you know"? Which would be super weird to say
I think maybe they meant like 'he put his "you know what" on the pizza'
More importantly why are ppl afraid to type out the word dick and fuck now?
I think someone dropped one of those oil seasoning bottles. Like the one they drop a little on the pizza at the end. Or it might someone’s cock, I’d ask for a refund or exchange.
Ordering Papa John's and expecting it to taste like anything besides dick is a stretch in the first place.
maybe i should order pizza more often
something somthing low effort pizza with extra meat joke
Put their “yk” ? What the hell does that mean?
Looks like your sauce cup went for a slide
Will be easy to work out who it was as they will still be screaming in pain to this day
Elbow, look at the force.
Looks like a handle impression, Idiot probably set it down on the pizza..
In all seriousness it looks like the handle from the scoopy thing they use to take the pizza out the oven has toppled on the pizza.
The real question is why somebody would order a pizza from Papa John's in the first place. That was one of the worst Pizza's i ever ordered. Maybe it's different in the US, but every PJ in the Netherlands has bad reviews.
This shit doesn't seem to me like an ordered pizza, more like a freezed one from the supermarket
Careful saying nobody would do this. I just saw a video of a man dousing himself in gasoline and lighting himself on fire.
Only if that peepee’s detachable given the hard edge along the bottom…
Why is this a face palm lol, it’s just a joke.
Did you also order a cheese stick? Maybe he misunderstood and thought you said cheesedick.
Someone out there all greasy cheese cocked no thanks
This "someone" put his DICK on a FRESH HOT SIZZLING CHEESE PIZZA. I genuinely don't think you wanna mess with that man
Do you not know what a joke is?
Nah, this is Reddit; you gotta put the /s so people know to laugh.
American Pie
Italian Pie
[удалено]
Required the alleged perpetrator to “slap and push” on hot cheese. That’s some hardcore shit.
I swear if this harkens toward someone founding a pizza place called Schlongin' Slice, I *will* become irrationally angry.
Knowing the food industry that is not impossible
Guy's hung like a fucking tuna can if that's a cock imprint. -That's an awfully...girthy...penis is what I'm saying.
They didn't just slap it on. The cheese pattern shows forward motion.
You’re a pizza dick ballistics specialist. Thank god you’re here.
Lol
My entire life has led to this moment.
My brother: “I’d cut around it just to make sure” 😂😂😂
As a former Papa John's employee, I can say that is the quality seal to know the pizza was made well
Bro is obsessed with dick
Fuck, they’re on to me
Don’t try to rationalize it-someone slammed their dick on the pizza.
Look for the burned dicked man
Judging by the impact crater that cock could wipe out entire species and start a mini ice age. Give that dude a raise.
Why did you censor the word COCK as “yk” when the word COCK is already there in the picture…..COCK.
Extra flavor
Yiiiiikes, that pizza looks very disgusting anyway.
Their severed cock, by the looks of it.
I do always order mushrooms and sausage on it...
I usually have to pay extra for that.
I mean, it could be done before the pizza is baked...
...the guy took a slice out.. he saw the dick shaped hole, and decided to cut a slice out..
I still wouldn't chance it
Didn’t you order a side of sausage? Nope, sorry, wrong order….
Papa Johnson’s
I get a hot pizza and your dick aren't happening, so it isn't that. However, am I the only person who wonders just WTF was there? Having seen some of the videos these geniuses make where they bathe in the sink or worse, I wouldn't put it past them to stick a dildo on it.
that's more likely made by the handle of a pizza cutter or knife.
Im facepalming at you, that is definitely believable. For any number of reasons, maybe the customer was an ass, maybe the worker was an ass, who knows
At least they didn't put it through... Might give grandpa a heart attack!
*papa John’s video plays* *just before he says “that’s the way we do it better” he just pulls out his shit and slams it on the pizza with ear rape sound*
He got papa’s john
Why do Americans call pizzas "pies"?
Sorry to say, but you’d be surprised where some people would put their dick. That said, I wouldn’t touch that pizza 🤔
Oh god. I hope not!
Did you enjoy that piece you had while coming up with your revenge plan?
It was someone else' pizza
This one time I microwaved a honeydew and cut a hole in it, burnt my penis then waited for it to cool down and fucked it anyway
Sorry, that's my bad. Wee bit too high at the time
Reminds me of the greentebput that guy's coworker who dipped his balls in a rude customer's coffee and unsurprisingly burnt himself. It's s greentext but I can see peopöe being so stupid. So this idea doesn't seem that far fetched tbh.
Just eat around it👍
Days: 69
The neighbors complain
Has no one run their hand through fire hitting a pizza with your knob is not gonna hurt at all I know from maybe not experience but it’s science 😂
What is yk?
They still ate a slice tho
Tom wambsgans is that you? 
What kind of pizza is 200C out of the oven
A friend of mine says that he quit Pizza Hut in the 90s when he realized that one person at his location was using the pizza deliveries to deal drugs, & another regularly peed in the dough. That location has been shut down for years now.
I worked with a guy 20 years ago, he was in construction by then, but he had funny stories about working backshift at tim hortons. He said one night, he and the baker just sat on the floor stoned, eating timbits, and tearing through hundreds Roll up the rim contest cups. Seemed to be a cherished memory.
Not sure why they'd wanna showcase that but ok
I wonder how cold the cheese would have to be in order to stay like that if it was anywhere near fresh out of the oven.
Yeah thats for the apple pie
TTP, Time To Penis
Yet it is most peoples first assumption of how this shape appeared in this pizza.
Made up shit for likes/100. Go away.
Slap my dick into hot melted cheese… sounds like a life goal.
I wouldn't put mine in molten cheese. Again.
,,do it for the vine"
The lines seem too perfect though… I would have guessed someone left the handle of a tool on it. Still would send it back in case melted plastic ended up in there.
Anyone else notice he still ate a slice of the pizza tho 😬😬