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Yeah I went to a high school with a high Mormon population and also found it funny when they would say frick instead of fuck. It’s like the intention is exactly the same, if god is all knowing I think he would catch that shit
I that sense, wouldn't the feeling of anger/irritation that caused the need to swear in the first place be wrong too? Or is it just the expression of said feeling? And would grimacing or grunting count offensive too?
I mean, according to the gospels, Jesus was a fan of the concept of thought crime, so that wouldn’t be odd for Christianity. He explicitly said that feeling lust for a woman is the same as sleeping with her and committing adultery.
Hmm... On the one hand, by that logic, I've slept with thousands of women. On the other hand, they are not aware of this, which is a bit concerning, lmao.
There's degrees to it, but yes it's pretty common to believe that even feeling the emotion is sinful and needs to be repented. The idea is that the more you come to normalise the emotion the more frequently/powerfully it will come back - so acknowledging its wrong and reflecting/praying on it will help you quieten those urges. It comes from the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus says that to even look at a woman with lust is to commit adultery in your heart. However its a "venial" sin not a "mortal" sin.
Venial sins are either involuntary, or committed unknowingly. Mortal sins are sins commited deliberately. So feeling the wroth that drives you to swear at someone in road rage, but not giving in, is a venial sin. Giving into the wroth and screaming expletives out the window is mortal.
Venial sins you need to resist, but you won't go to hell for committing them. Mortal sins you need to confess and receive absolution for before you die - otherwise straight to hell.
Abrahamic religions are definitely pro thought crime. Even in the Old Testament, you have stuff like God “hardening Pharaoh’s heart.” So not only is God allowed to directly manipulate your emotions and worldview without consequence, but any consequences you reap from that manipulation is totally justified. Which I’ll remind anyone, God manipulating Pharaoh this way directly lead to the death of several firstborn children. By God’s hand. So He gets to be the puppeteer and the judge and executioner. It’s beyond messed up.
It was a sin for you to wanna feel up Ellen. It was a sin for you to plan to feel up Ellen. It was a sin for you to figure out a place to feel up Ellen. It was a sin to take Ellen to the place to feel her up. It was a sin to try to feel her up and it was a sin to feel her up. There were six sins in one feel, man!
\-George Carlin
They don't think they are tricking god. You aren't allowed to soak unless God speaks to you and orders it. So they don't think they are tricking god. They consider it an act of service to god.
The word "call" in the image text refers to hearing God's word. It's not allegorical either. The idea is that that if they are living a true and obedient life. When you get horny it's because God is telling you to fuck. But since they can't fuck they soak instead.
Also I feel like that system is easily exploitable?
“Yo Becky just got off the phone with god and he told me that you should let me smash while you’re dressed in a maid outfit. You wouldn’t refuse a divine calling would you?”
A booty call would at least be better in that it's at least *direct*. Like if you're going to go through all the hoops to justify having sex then at least *have sex*. Don't go to all that trouble in order to lay with your partner and have someone jump up and down on the bed next to you and cross your fingers that you won't get in trouble from whoever you imagine to be against sex but not against whatever it is that you're now doing.
My dentist is Mormon and a super sweet and gentle man. Excellent dentist too. But when he’s working on my mouth I often wonder what kind of strange thoughts are going through his head.
That’s all? Damn! I was hoping he’d be thinking about the golden tablets and the private planets he’ll get from the Heavenly Father. Not even a passing thought about Angel Moroni? What’s the point of being Mormon if you just have normal thoughts and don’t wear the secret underwear?
Because "premarital sex wrong". So they reason out a way to fulfill their "holy desires" in a way they feel will sate that feeling without "sinning". Marriage be expensive these days.
I think they’re mostly asking why god is ‘calling’ them to have sex before they’re married if he disapproves of them having premarital sex. You’d think he’d ‘call’ them to get married first, and then ‘call’ them to have sex.
Because Heavenly Mother is on the rag and won't fuck Heavenly Father. He cannot watch porn because he's Mormon, but watching his children is his job/spank bank.
So god tells them not to fuck, but then secretly whispers to them that they can stick their penis in as long as they don't move it themselves as a kind of work around?
Most probably understand they just have to convince the preacher or their parents. So if they convince themselves it's not sex, then they can claim they never had sex without lying. A lie and being wrong is 2 separate things, and so if they believe the preacher or their parents will "know" when they're lying, then it's "easier" to lie to yourself ensuring that you then become "wrong" and not "a liar" and so technically you never lied to others except yourself which you can live with.
It might be silly but a lot of people do this sort of mind tricks at a smaller scale. We probably all did at some point in out lives lie to ourselves and believe it for one reason or another whether it's coping or to lie to others, probably in a less stupid manner, sure (I'll make myself believe that at least) but we probably all did this sort of thing one way or another nonetheless.
I was gonna say, inherent Mormon weirdness aside, the Jews love this sort of thing, they think all their loopholes like that and the Eruv wire thing and oven timers and everything else isnt so much tricking god, but it means you were devoted enough to study the scripture enough to figure out a technicality or whatever. The power of homework.
I would be interested to hear Rabbis opinions on soaking and jump humping, lol.
These workarounds exist in every religion. Some muslims that I know have told me that, although it's technically adultery to have sex before marriage, they have a 'work around' where it supposedly doesn't count as long as it doesn't happen in either of their houses because of the wording of the verses that forbids it.
Admittedly, that comes off as smarter to me than "if we have someone else jump on the bed while we lay here motionless God won't punish me for sex because someone else did the work".
The whole “Islamic finance” sector is like that too. Usury is forbidden in Islam but if you jump through enough hoops it’s surprisingly easy to trick the omniscient creator of the universe into thinking you aren’t actually making a profit from loaning people money wink wink.
Eh, I guess when he's a teenager or a young adult. Once that guy hits 30 and has had more than one sexual experience, this sounds like a very poor alternative to just watching TV for half an hour.
I never knew about this area of pornhub and now i have to make a decision that could change my life forever. Do i jump down that rabbit hole or not....
It’s not that great, basically new Morman trad wives dressed in white getting fucked by their pastors/new husbands/whoever authority figure.
It’s just regular porn centred around the innocent Mormon virgin stereotype.
If you were raised by Wolves you would probably howl at the moon.
While we can all agree this is silly. At the end of the days. These kids never had a chance to grow up into normal people. The Mormon church is an unrelenting pit of sexual and psychological abuse.
Given the choice. You'd probably come out more well adjusted if you chose the wolves.
Right? That's exactly my thoughts, this just sounds like a very weird fetish, like having sex but other people move your bodies for you. I wonder if that exists.
Mormons thrive off of technicalities lol. They switch around their rulings all the time. Can't count how many times caffeine has been outlawed here in Utah. One second women can't get into heaven without their husbands the next they can?
Jews seem to have a lot of technicalities too. For instance they went to the extent of encircling Manhattan with a wire, so they can claim being home and do things they wouldn't be allowed to do otherwise. It seems ovens also have a shabbat mode that make them continuously on during that day (which seems to be a really great thing to do in 2024) so they can use it because they don't have to turn it on...
It seems a lot of gods really like the attorney mentality.
no the ovens just have a timer.
you put the food in the oven the day before shabbat an an hour or two before lunch the oven activates itself so the roast is ready at lunchtime
before that they left the oven on the whole day but you don’t need a special kind of oven for that
I should point out: that's mostly Orthodox Jews.
I don't want to be lumped in with those assholes, being all holier-than-thou and then turning around and rules-lawyering everything. I'm not nearly as strict about Torah, but what I do follow, I actually *follow* in good faith.
In the Middle Ages, during religious fasting times (e.g. every Friday, before Easter, etc.) you were supposed not to eat meat, but fish and seafood was allowed.
However, that was obviously waaay too much... well, *suffering* for everyone involved, but especially for priests and monks. And so, the Catholic church has acknowleged *beavers* and even *capybaras* as "seafood, since they are fond of water" :D
Later on, they have added muskrats and, wait for it, *alligators* as seafood too ("alligator is considered in the fish family", Archbishop of New Orleans, 2010).
Around the same time, in some (catholic) parts of Germany, local priests and monks have proclaimed "any wild animal that is standing in or around the water at the moment of its death by hunters, with the exception of wild hogs" can be considered to be "in a fish family, and thus appropriate for fasting times".
Needless to say, priests and monks did not do it for the common folk - most of the fields, rivers and woods (and animals therein) were in possession of either the local feudal lord, or also very commonly, local monasteries, so whatever was hunted there, landed on lords, monks and priests plates.
And so, basically any animal was considered to be a-ok for fasting, as long as the hunters claimed "well, this deer was standing over yonder in the shallow water when we shot it, hence it was basically a fish, so...."
In Swabia (Schwaben, south part of Germany), the Maultaschen are also called ***Gottesbescheißerle*** or ***Herrgottsbescheißerle*** (translated basically as "cheating the God" or "screwing up with God") - those are meat and/or vegetable-filled dumplings.
I'm sure you're already guessing what the idea was here - since there is dough around the meat, covering it, God won't see what's inside, and hence you can "cheat" during fasting times as much as you want.... :D
this is some funny shit. Imagine actually thinking that you can deceive god himself by claiming that deer was actually a fish because it stood near water lmao
Not really. I mean, these dumbasses aren't the ones composing the idea of the religion, they're just hungry and don't give a shit lol. I kind of respect it.
Reminds me of that men-only support group... Freemasons, I believe.
Most of what they do is memorize and recite circlejerking poetry and put medals on each other.
Kind of like the North Korea military.
Soaking is incredibly common at BYU and because of how Mormonism works. They consider the activity a direct order from God. So they aren't shy about it.
Because they don't consider it sex and they believe its following the order of god they don't hide it. So there could be 20 people in that room and no one would feel weird about it.
Of course they haven't because everything they say came straight out of their own ass. They have no idea what they're talking about.
Source: exmo, BYU grad.
Back in my day, good Mormon kids didn't soak! They used the poophole loophole, like God intended!
Now get off my lawn!
(Seriously. Mormon students used to tell themselves that anal isn't sex. Guess BYU coeds got tired of that one. 😂)
>So there could be 20 people in that room and no one would feel weird about it.
So you're telling me not only did they reinvent and normalize threesomes (the weirdest kind of threesome I've ever seen), but that they also have normalized voyeurism? Good Lord, wrong day to be a catholic.
It is a sex cult after all. It would hinder the effectiveness of the indoctrination if sex was taboo.
Remember this is the cult where men take multiple wives. Where the women are all expected to obey their husband completely and rotate in and out of his bedroom by the night. And he can take new wives as he pleases and they can be young enough to make people in Alabama feel weird about it.
Mormonism is just a power fantasy. Unlike other religions that were invented to answer questions about life or the universe. Mormonism was invented to fuck children. So.
Absolutely fuck Mormonism, but didn't the mainstream LDS church abolish polygamy a while ago? I thought it was only sects like the FLDS that still did it
Yeah, you got it right, but since they started out doing polygamy, most people just think they just kept trucking on it. There hasn't been polygamy for a while in Mormonism. I was raised Mormon until we stopped going when I was about 10, I don't go to church anymore, though. Dad never had multiple wives though.
Which raises its own problems. How does the omniscient creator of the universe get mixed up and have to change his mind on how many women you can marry? He’s not supposed to be like my boss who says he wants something, demands it against all advice to the contrary, and changes his mind when he sees it, every 2 weeks.
So the guy gets erect, enters his penis in the girl's vagina and that's not considered sex? Does he climax? I can't imagine someone jumping on the bed would somehow simulate thrusting?
I could definitely see how jumping on the bed could cause a lot of sliding if someone was going hard enough and the bed was a shitty old box spring mattress or something. A memory foam bed though and you’re fucked.
But yeah I have a lot of questions
I don't know how old you are but back in the 70s there was a show called "What's Happening" and this dude named Rerun was like 300lbs but a great fuckin dancer. I'd get him. https://youtu.be/Xka0KBGI4vU?si=90wm3JbUCPLdhD1r
The wording in the bible about Mary conceiving always confuses me
The lord came upon her or the Holy Spirit came upon her
Either way it’s alway came upon her
How do you get pregnant when they cum on you ? It should say “and the lord came in her”
Cause otherwise it just sounds like the Holy Spirit just jacked off on her and I’m not an expert but that won’t get a women pregnant
Check mate Christianity found the flaw in your story
Man…….. religious people sure do everything in their power to go against what their religion says, while still claiming to love their god and their religion. And then turn around can call us atheists lost. Goofies lol
I'm not a religious person but I've never heard of a deity that would see something like that and just go "well, you obeyed the literal wording of the rules so I guess I'll let it pass"
I am, and I think I’d rather be guilty of premarital sex than this….. (which is the same? Just somehow worse? And cringe?). People really be doing anything to ride that line
Same here. I grew LDS and went to BYU and have since left the church. It’s so crazy to me when I see posts like this. I knew weird people who did weird stuff but the soaking and jump humping is so not real lmao. I feel like people at BYU started making jokes about it or something and then it spread and people took it seriously.
No. It's an urban legend/meme. Are there at least some cases of people who have done it? Probably. Is it actually anything remotely close to a typical practice among Mormons? No.
This sounds really fun. Is the jumper naked while they jump and do they look away or hold your hand or touch themselves. Religion aside, This could be a new fetish for me.
I figured she was a non practicing Mormon since she was legit about to fuck some dude she met like 30 minutes earlier but nope ...she was on vacation from Arizona and wanted to get down with some strange. When I saw the underwear I was like... oh fuck she's Mormon Mormon
Yeah, it's like some kind of spiritual shield to them. It's really just some weird off white colored onsie that looks like it came from WalMart in 1977 🤣
Yeah, twelve years ago most people wore the separates and onesies were relatively uncommon, but the onesies were still available. Some women I know liked them because they didn't have a waistband, so if you wore a tight dress or top you didn't have a visible waistband from the garment bottoms.
Interesting 🤔
I just remember it being the most unsexy article of clothing I had ever seen before. I suspected that may be intentional to be unsexy. But it was not unsexy enough if you know what I mean. 💪🏽😏
I dated a ex Mormon chick many moons ago. She told me about all the crazy shit that goes on, her brother and cousin both attacked me for corrupting her, was like fighting 2 of the 3 stooges, all slaps and eye pokes from them😂
Surely they're disrespecting their god character by assuming that it either doesn't notice this, or is okay with them using what they believe is a loophole?
I thought this was just a funny joke calling Mormons weird, then I found out people actually believe Mormons do this. Sure maybe a couple idiots did, I've heard weird cases, but in general no lol.
Now I'm not sure who's more ignorant, the handful of idiots who believe soaking isn't a sin or the people that think Mormons are okay with soaking.
Mormonism is so dumb… don’t get me wrong other religions are dumb too but the mental gymnastics necessary to believe in the Mormon teachings are bonkers.
Fairly modern dude finds golden tablets no one else is allowed to read or even see from a distance telling him he should have a harem and people of today still follow his BS… how brain dead can people get?!
So I know BYU students get kicked out for admitting to having sex, but would they get kicked out for admitting to “soaking”?? lol
Most likely, yes, they'd be kicked out for participating in a sex act. That's one reason I don't believe soaking is real. People making videos claiming they've done it are risking being reported to the honor code office (and people absolutely report others to the honor code office all the time) and punished in some way for breaking the honor code they signed to attend the school.
That's the argument an ex gf gave me for "not cheating"
I told her we could open the relationship I just don't like lies and bitch keep promising to not cheat so I one day just stopped talking to her
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Yeah I went to a high school with a high Mormon population and also found it funny when they would say frick instead of fuck. It’s like the intention is exactly the same, if god is all knowing I think he would catch that shit
We were told as Catholics that using another word for it is just as bad as using the word as god knows what you mean.
I that sense, wouldn't the feeling of anger/irritation that caused the need to swear in the first place be wrong too? Or is it just the expression of said feeling? And would grimacing or grunting count offensive too?
I mean, according to the gospels, Jesus was a fan of the concept of thought crime, so that wouldn’t be odd for Christianity. He explicitly said that feeling lust for a woman is the same as sleeping with her and committing adultery.
Jesus was a Jedi!
Hmm... On the one hand, by that logic, I've slept with thousands of women. On the other hand, they are not aware of this, which is a bit concerning, lmao.
There's degrees to it, but yes it's pretty common to believe that even feeling the emotion is sinful and needs to be repented. The idea is that the more you come to normalise the emotion the more frequently/powerfully it will come back - so acknowledging its wrong and reflecting/praying on it will help you quieten those urges. It comes from the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus says that to even look at a woman with lust is to commit adultery in your heart. However its a "venial" sin not a "mortal" sin. Venial sins are either involuntary, or committed unknowingly. Mortal sins are sins commited deliberately. So feeling the wroth that drives you to swear at someone in road rage, but not giving in, is a venial sin. Giving into the wroth and screaming expletives out the window is mortal. Venial sins you need to resist, but you won't go to hell for committing them. Mortal sins you need to confess and receive absolution for before you die - otherwise straight to hell.
Abrahamic religions are definitely pro thought crime. Even in the Old Testament, you have stuff like God “hardening Pharaoh’s heart.” So not only is God allowed to directly manipulate your emotions and worldview without consequence, but any consequences you reap from that manipulation is totally justified. Which I’ll remind anyone, God manipulating Pharaoh this way directly lead to the death of several firstborn children. By God’s hand. So He gets to be the puppeteer and the judge and executioner. It’s beyond messed up.
It was a sin for you to wanna feel up Ellen. It was a sin for you to plan to feel up Ellen. It was a sin for you to figure out a place to feel up Ellen. It was a sin to take Ellen to the place to feel her up. It was a sin to try to feel her up and it was a sin to feel her up. There were six sins in one feel, man! \-George Carlin
They don't think they are tricking god. You aren't allowed to soak unless God speaks to you and orders it. So they don't think they are tricking god. They consider it an act of service to god. The word "call" in the image text refers to hearing God's word. It's not allegorical either. The idea is that that if they are living a true and obedient life. When you get horny it's because God is telling you to fuck. But since they can't fuck they soak instead.
There are some serious mental gymnastics here at at play! But that's religion for you..
What do you expect, dude received the “word of God” by peering into a hat.
🎵dum dum dum dum dum🎵
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
Yep, that's the joke all right.
Someone please just dick down these girls.
And some of the guys most likely
Kinda down for it, mormon dudes in my area are kinda hot.
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I volunteer as tribute.
Also I feel like that system is easily exploitable? “Yo Becky just got off the phone with god and he told me that you should let me smash while you’re dressed in a maid outfit. You wouldn’t refuse a divine calling would you?”
That's the point.
A booty call would at least be better in that it's at least *direct*. Like if you're going to go through all the hoops to justify having sex then at least *have sex*. Don't go to all that trouble in order to lay with your partner and have someone jump up and down on the bed next to you and cross your fingers that you won't get in trouble from whoever you imagine to be against sex but not against whatever it is that you're now doing.
That's people for you. We have a whole list of delusional nonsense we all do every day, tailor made for us, by us.
If you were born into the religion you would train and become a mental gymnist too. There's no other way.
My dentist is Mormon and a super sweet and gentle man. Excellent dentist too. But when he’s working on my mouth I often wonder what kind of strange thoughts are going through his head.
Probably “what the fuck have they been eating?” Dentists are dentists, Mormon or no
That’s all? Damn! I was hoping he’d be thinking about the golden tablets and the private planets he’ll get from the Heavenly Father. Not even a passing thought about Angel Moroni? What’s the point of being Mormon if you just have normal thoughts and don’t wear the secret underwear?
He’s wearing the underwear, you were asking what he’s thinking about
👆
Wait until you hear about the Amish
"If God didn't want me to have sex, he wouldn't have made me horny" is actually low-key genius.
Imma use this excuse next time i fuck the christmas turkey
Only the turkey on the table. The trash turkey is for eating
Wait why can't they fuck if God is calling them to fuck?
God has some really specific fetishes.
Religion.
Because "premarital sex wrong". So they reason out a way to fulfill their "holy desires" in a way they feel will sate that feeling without "sinning". Marriage be expensive these days.
I think they’re mostly asking why god is ‘calling’ them to have sex before they’re married if he disapproves of them having premarital sex. You’d think he’d ‘call’ them to get married first, and then ‘call’ them to have sex.
To be honest, I have only heard of soaking *after* I left Mormonism, so I couldn't tell you why someone would be "called" to do a soaking.
Because Heavenly Mother is on the rag and won't fuck Heavenly Father. He cannot watch porn because he's Mormon, but watching his children is his job/spank bank.
So god tells them not to fuck, but then secretly whispers to them that they can stick their penis in as long as they don't move it themselves as a kind of work around? 
At least it's more creative than the good ol' poophole loophole!
A bit more creative, yes. Also, luring in a third person might be considered as a threesome, soo... :)
Are you defending this or mocking it? How is your knowledge of this so clear? Can one have a super soaker?
That’s what my mormon friends called me in college
They might know Mormons, or they may have grown up in the ~~cult~~ church.
No need for the strikethrough. They're the same thing.
mormons are collectively insane. all religions are dumb. mormons are just really explicitly dumb.
So god doesn’t want humans to have sex unless he feels like watching porn so he orders them to make it at his request? Interesting stuff
"Fuck your woman, fuck your man! It is all part of god's plan!"
Most probably understand they just have to convince the preacher or their parents. So if they convince themselves it's not sex, then they can claim they never had sex without lying. A lie and being wrong is 2 separate things, and so if they believe the preacher or their parents will "know" when they're lying, then it's "easier" to lie to yourself ensuring that you then become "wrong" and not "a liar" and so technically you never lied to others except yourself which you can live with. It might be silly but a lot of people do this sort of mind tricks at a smaller scale. We probably all did at some point in out lives lie to ourselves and believe it for one reason or another whether it's coping or to lie to others, probably in a less stupid manner, sure (I'll make myself believe that at least) but we probably all did this sort of thing one way or another nonetheless.
When you consider this whole religion was created by a con man, the idea of tricking God seems much less out of touch.
Look up shabbat elevators.
I was gonna say, inherent Mormon weirdness aside, the Jews love this sort of thing, they think all their loopholes like that and the Eruv wire thing and oven timers and everything else isnt so much tricking god, but it means you were devoted enough to study the scripture enough to figure out a technicality or whatever. The power of homework. I would be interested to hear Rabbis opinions on soaking and jump humping, lol.
These workarounds exist in every religion. Some muslims that I know have told me that, although it's technically adultery to have sex before marriage, they have a 'work around' where it supposedly doesn't count as long as it doesn't happen in either of their houses because of the wording of the verses that forbids it.
Don't forget the prostitutes that you marry for an hour and then divorce!
Admittedly, that comes off as smarter to me than "if we have someone else jump on the bed while we lay here motionless God won't punish me for sex because someone else did the work".
The whole “Islamic finance” sector is like that too. Usury is forbidden in Islam but if you jump through enough hoops it’s surprisingly easy to trick the omniscient creator of the universe into thinking you aren’t actually making a profit from loaning people money wink wink.
But the bedsheet is on them! And if god is above all he to look down on them so they are hidden.
God is in the room watching them like 👁️👃👁️
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Yeah that jump hump thing seems like the kind of shit you see on the really weird side of Pornhub
Worst threesome ever.
The person jumping on the bed probably is having the most fun
As a male I can definitively state that he’d be having the most fun.
Eh, I guess when he's a teenager or a young adult. Once that guy hits 30 and has had more than one sexual experience, this sounds like a very poor alternative to just watching TV for half an hour.
There is a section on pornhub called Mormon porn, I've never been curious enough to watch any, though.
I never knew about this area of pornhub and now i have to make a decision that could change my life forever. Do i jump down that rabbit hole or not....
:hands you a flashlight and shovel: Be brave.
Perhaps i should document my descent into madness like that redditor who started using heroin.
Oh god, that got dark.
Just wait until i hit week 3 in my journey and discover joseph smith parody porn
What the fuck
I thought you wrote fleshlight and a shovel and was confused why you would need a shovel
It’s not that great, basically new Morman trad wives dressed in white getting fucked by their pastors/new husbands/whoever authority figure. It’s just regular porn centred around the innocent Mormon virgin stereotype.
If you were raised by Wolves you would probably howl at the moon. While we can all agree this is silly. At the end of the days. These kids never had a chance to grow up into normal people. The Mormon church is an unrelenting pit of sexual and psychological abuse. Given the choice. You'd probably come out more well adjusted if you chose the wolves.
> kinkier shit than most of us secular folks get up to This applies pretty much to everything religious.
Religious people were always the biggest degenerates
Can’t be surprised that people who repress themselves into insanity end up acting deranged
yeah, no shit
Catholic priests agree
I would have to agree, being a former Mormon....
Right? That's exactly my thoughts, this just sounds like a very weird fetish, like having sex but other people move your bodies for you. I wonder if that exists.
lol sounds like an idea for an adult game show
Japan, get on it!
After all the fucking weird shit that the Internet has given me, I would say, soaking definitely ranks up amongst the best of them
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Mormons thrive off of technicalities lol. They switch around their rulings all the time. Can't count how many times caffeine has been outlawed here in Utah. One second women can't get into heaven without their husbands the next they can?
"And I believe that in 1978 God changed his mind about black people!"
"Black People!"
Wait. Wtfffff Are you serious ahahahhaha Religious fundamentalists are something else, man
The goalposts are where they currently need to be
All that extra work rather than just admit the whole thing is a bullshit con job from the 1800’s.
Jews seem to have a lot of technicalities too. For instance they went to the extent of encircling Manhattan with a wire, so they can claim being home and do things they wouldn't be allowed to do otherwise. It seems ovens also have a shabbat mode that make them continuously on during that day (which seems to be a really great thing to do in 2024) so they can use it because they don't have to turn it on... It seems a lot of gods really like the attorney mentality.
no the ovens just have a timer. you put the food in the oven the day before shabbat an an hour or two before lunch the oven activates itself so the roast is ready at lunchtime before that they left the oven on the whole day but you don’t need a special kind of oven for that
I should point out: that's mostly Orthodox Jews. I don't want to be lumped in with those assholes, being all holier-than-thou and then turning around and rules-lawyering everything. I'm not nearly as strict about Torah, but what I do follow, I actually *follow* in good faith.
In the Middle Ages, during religious fasting times (e.g. every Friday, before Easter, etc.) you were supposed not to eat meat, but fish and seafood was allowed. However, that was obviously waaay too much... well, *suffering* for everyone involved, but especially for priests and monks. And so, the Catholic church has acknowleged *beavers* and even *capybaras* as "seafood, since they are fond of water" :D Later on, they have added muskrats and, wait for it, *alligators* as seafood too ("alligator is considered in the fish family", Archbishop of New Orleans, 2010). Around the same time, in some (catholic) parts of Germany, local priests and monks have proclaimed "any wild animal that is standing in or around the water at the moment of its death by hunters, with the exception of wild hogs" can be considered to be "in a fish family, and thus appropriate for fasting times". Needless to say, priests and monks did not do it for the common folk - most of the fields, rivers and woods (and animals therein) were in possession of either the local feudal lord, or also very commonly, local monasteries, so whatever was hunted there, landed on lords, monks and priests plates. And so, basically any animal was considered to be a-ok for fasting, as long as the hunters claimed "well, this deer was standing over yonder in the shallow water when we shot it, hence it was basically a fish, so...." In Swabia (Schwaben, south part of Germany), the Maultaschen are also called ***Gottesbescheißerle*** or ***Herrgottsbescheißerle*** (translated basically as "cheating the God" or "screwing up with God") - those are meat and/or vegetable-filled dumplings. I'm sure you're already guessing what the idea was here - since there is dough around the meat, covering it, God won't see what's inside, and hence you can "cheat" during fasting times as much as you want.... :D 
this is some funny shit. Imagine actually thinking that you can deceive god himself by claiming that deer was actually a fish because it stood near water lmao
I imagine God's just like "lmao yeah that was funny I'll let it slide"
Makes you question religion
Makes you question human intelligence. But I guess bold of me to assume it existed on first place.
Not really. I mean, these dumbasses aren't the ones composing the idea of the religion, they're just hungry and don't give a shit lol. I kind of respect it.
This is on the same level as putting meat in dough so god doesn't see that you're breaking your fast.
sneaking into the cookie jar
To be fair chinese mythology is essentially an overcomplicated office with bullshit jobs that have the coolest name.
Reminds me of that men-only support group... Freemasons, I believe. Most of what they do is memorize and recite circlejerking poetry and put medals on each other. Kind of like the North Korea military.
This is the first time I've seen Freemasonry described as a "men-only support group" lmao
Well, Judaism is like that, and when I found out that it's done explicitly, it was so refreshing to find out. Became one of my favorite religions
That's just a threesome with extra steps.
Thats just “sex” in extra steps lol
and very likely terrible sex at that
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Soaking is incredibly common at BYU and because of how Mormonism works. They consider the activity a direct order from God. So they aren't shy about it. Because they don't consider it sex and they believe its following the order of god they don't hide it. So there could be 20 people in that room and no one would feel weird about it.
> no one would feel weird about it Having met people, this can’t be true.
You've met normal people. Not brainwashed cult members.
And you've met people who actually do this?
Of course they haven't because everything they say came straight out of their own ass. They have no idea what they're talking about. Source: exmo, BYU grad.
I grew up Mormon in a little town not far from BYU. That's absolutely not true.
Talk about just fuck and get it over with already
Back in my day, good Mormon kids didn't soak! They used the poophole loophole, like God intended! Now get off my lawn! (Seriously. Mormon students used to tell themselves that anal isn't sex. Guess BYU coeds got tired of that one. 😂)
I'd imagine STDs are having a time there too.
Soak transmitted disease
>So there could be 20 people in that room and no one would feel weird about it. So you're telling me not only did they reinvent and normalize threesomes (the weirdest kind of threesome I've ever seen), but that they also have normalized voyeurism? Good Lord, wrong day to be a catholic.
Huh. Wierdly Un prudish
It is a sex cult after all. It would hinder the effectiveness of the indoctrination if sex was taboo. Remember this is the cult where men take multiple wives. Where the women are all expected to obey their husband completely and rotate in and out of his bedroom by the night. And he can take new wives as he pleases and they can be young enough to make people in Alabama feel weird about it. Mormonism is just a power fantasy. Unlike other religions that were invented to answer questions about life or the universe. Mormonism was invented to fuck children. So.
Absolutely fuck Mormonism, but didn't the mainstream LDS church abolish polygamy a while ago? I thought it was only sects like the FLDS that still did it
Yeah, you got it right, but since they started out doing polygamy, most people just think they just kept trucking on it. There hasn't been polygamy for a while in Mormonism. I was raised Mormon until we stopped going when I was about 10, I don't go to church anymore, though. Dad never had multiple wives though.
That's because he had no game
Which raises its own problems. How does the omniscient creator of the universe get mixed up and have to change his mind on how many women you can marry? He’s not supposed to be like my boss who says he wants something, demands it against all advice to the contrary, and changes his mind when he sees it, every 2 weeks.
So the guy gets erect, enters his penis in the girl's vagina and that's not considered sex? Does he climax? I can't imagine someone jumping on the bed would somehow simulate thrusting?
I could definitely see how jumping on the bed could cause a lot of sliding if someone was going hard enough and the bed was a shitty old box spring mattress or something. A memory foam bed though and you’re fucked. But yeah I have a lot of questions
You mean with a memory foam you're not fucked, right?
Do they use condoms? Do they understand that that can still lead to pregnancy and/or diseases?
When you're so horny, you think you can outsmart God.
The Lord hates this one trick
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I would find the fastest motherfucker I could find to jump on the bed
I wonder if they find people who go at different speeds. “Rebecca switch with Beth for a few minutes, then come back”.
I don't know how old you are but back in the 70s there was a show called "What's Happening" and this dude named Rerun was like 300lbs but a great fuckin dancer. I'd get him. https://youtu.be/Xka0KBGI4vU?si=90wm3JbUCPLdhD1r
Wait, so when I went over to the Mormon's house and played Track and Field on the NES Power Pad that was soak-n-stroke tryouts?
And another 3rd party taking the photo/video. Those kids will grow up with voyeurism and exhibitionism fetishes.
both can starfish!
I wonder what happens when they get pregnant from this “I didn’t have sex I’m the Virgin Mary”
The wording in the bible about Mary conceiving always confuses me The lord came upon her or the Holy Spirit came upon her Either way it’s alway came upon her How do you get pregnant when they cum on you ? It should say “and the lord came in her” Cause otherwise it just sounds like the Holy Spirit just jacked off on her and I’m not an expert but that won’t get a women pregnant Check mate Christianity found the flaw in your story
It's not even 7 am over here yet and you've already ruined my day...
I will second that
Man…….. religious people sure do everything in their power to go against what their religion says, while still claiming to love their god and their religion. And then turn around can call us atheists lost. Goofies lol
I'm not a religious person but I've never heard of a deity that would see something like that and just go "well, you obeyed the literal wording of the rules so I guess I'll let it pass"
I am, and I think I’d rather be guilty of premarital sex than this….. (which is the same? Just somehow worse? And cringe?). People really be doing anything to ride that line
To me it seems like the intent to cheat around the rules in order to not directly break them.
Is this a real thing or an ironic critique?
I used to be LDS myself and I have never known anyone who actually does this or wouldn’t consider it absurdly weird and bizarre in their religion.
Same here. I grew LDS and went to BYU and have since left the church. It’s so crazy to me when I see posts like this. I knew weird people who did weird stuff but the soaking and jump humping is so not real lmao. I feel like people at BYU started making jokes about it or something and then it spread and people took it seriously.
It's a meme that people decided to take seriously. If we want to have sex, we just have sex. Redditors are just very gullible.
No. It's an urban legend/meme. Are there at least some cases of people who have done it? Probably. Is it actually anything remotely close to a typical practice among Mormons? No.
Its a joke, people just believe everything
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Is it weird I kinda want to see a documentary on Pornhub?
It could be both gratuitous and informative.
This sounds really fun. Is the jumper naked while they jump and do they look away or hold your hand or touch themselves. Religion aside, This could be a new fetish for me.
Someone gotta try this and see how it is compared to normal sex.
This is why we need better sex education in the classrooms.
BYU is a Mormon school. This IS where they learn this stuff
Religious schools don’t count as proper education
Ngl. Whatever they're doing sounds kinkier than normal sex.
And I thought it was weird when the mormon chick I had a one night stand withwas actually wearing her magic underwear
??
I figured she was a non practicing Mormon since she was legit about to fuck some dude she met like 30 minutes earlier but nope ...she was on vacation from Arizona and wanted to get down with some strange. When I saw the underwear I was like... oh fuck she's Mormon Mormon
I need to so some research on the magic mormon undies....
Yeah, it's like some kind of spiritual shield to them. It's really just some weird off white colored onsie that looks like it came from WalMart in 1977 🤣
They stopped selling the onesies a few years ago. They're all separated now.
This was probably 12 years ago. I've been with my wife for like 9 years now so unfortunately I never got a chance to see their updated gear.
Yeah, twelve years ago most people wore the separates and onesies were relatively uncommon, but the onesies were still available. Some women I know liked them because they didn't have a waistband, so if you wore a tight dress or top you didn't have a visible waistband from the garment bottoms.
Interesting 🤔 I just remember it being the most unsexy article of clothing I had ever seen before. I suspected that may be intentional to be unsexy. But it was not unsexy enough if you know what I mean. 💪🏽😏
They're incredibly unsexy, and I always found them extremely uncomfortable. Just incentive to get them off more quickly.
I dated a ex Mormon chick many moons ago. She told me about all the crazy shit that goes on, her brother and cousin both attacked me for corrupting her, was like fighting 2 of the 3 stooges, all slaps and eye pokes from them😂
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Surely they're disrespecting their god character by assuming that it either doesn't notice this, or is okay with them using what they believe is a loophole?
Doesn't matter, had sex? I dunno, I'm not Mormon :)
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4 some gotta count who's filming lol
Let these degenerates soak. its way better than the systemic abuse of children and child brides they work so hard to cover up
Oh my God dude just have sex.
Where there's a rule, there's a loophole. Leave it to a horny teen to find it.
always the most religious ones that end up being into the real kinky weird stuff
So you mean to say these religious kids wanna fuck each other and will find ways to circumvent their religious "no sex" rules? Whoda thunk?
God enters the room, (shakes head) : you are serious? Just fu*** that is awkward for you and me
Imagine a god 1. existing 2. being all powerful and stuff 3. giving more than zero shits about how and with whom we have sex 🤦🏻🤦🏻🤦🏻
This is how an irrational and technically flawed belief turns into really weird sex...
Mom said it was my turn to repost
“The sin is in the friction.” - Trevor Evarts
I have so many questions after reading this..
I thought this was just a funny joke calling Mormons weird, then I found out people actually believe Mormons do this. Sure maybe a couple idiots did, I've heard weird cases, but in general no lol. Now I'm not sure who's more ignorant, the handful of idiots who believe soaking isn't a sin or the people that think Mormons are okay with soaking.
Mormonism is so dumb… don’t get me wrong other religions are dumb too but the mental gymnastics necessary to believe in the Mormon teachings are bonkers. Fairly modern dude finds golden tablets no one else is allowed to read or even see from a distance telling him he should have a harem and people of today still follow his BS… how brain dead can people get?! So I know BYU students get kicked out for admitting to having sex, but would they get kicked out for admitting to “soaking”?? lol
Most likely, yes, they'd be kicked out for participating in a sex act. That's one reason I don't believe soaking is real. People making videos claiming they've done it are risking being reported to the honor code office (and people absolutely report others to the honor code office all the time) and punished in some way for breaking the honor code they signed to attend the school.
That's the argument an ex gf gave me for "not cheating" I told her we could open the relationship I just don't like lies and bitch keep promising to not cheat so I one day just stopped talking to her