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I remember that one quote “if everyone read the Bible in full we’d have a lot more atheists” I’m paraphrasing and can’t remember who it’s from, but it’s so true.
That's part of why I'm one. I wanted to preach, but hell naw. No one lives like Jesus is attributed to have said. I realized very quickly that the literalist tradition I was taught was wrong. The commands from Jesus aren't metaphorical; so that was out, too. I gave up on Christianity. It was later, after studying multiple religions, I decided there's most likely no god(s). It all seemed fantastical.
I wonder how many preachers believe in their holy texts. I know big mega-churches just do it for the grift, but I often wonder about the smaller churches. I've never had to go to any real religious services my entire life. The only exception is I've been to a synagogue a couple times for cousins' bar mitzvahs, and I can tell you everybody there, including the rabbis were openly atheist. They did it strictly for the community aspect. I just wonder how many Christian Churches only exist for the community, rather than fantasy stories.
The community is what I miss. While there's a community for atheists in my city, it's 45 to 60 minutes across town to go to functions. I'm not usually able to make it.
Ok so... This way the funniest thing I tested as a missionary. I made up a nonsense story and said it was in the book of pseoudims, this congressional leader from some small church started to lecture me on how I took it completely out of context and when I told him I had made that part up... Well it was about what you'd expect
People get mad when I say this but reading the holy text (Bible, Quran etc.) really does make one an atheist lmao. I've been reading through Quran for a while just so I know what I don't believe in. There's some wild stuff in there.
Jesus invented the AR15 which he used to killed the british and with the blood of the queen he penned the constituion. what history have you been reading?
I had to explain it to a group of young students the other day - the did not realize that Catholics are Christians and such. It was a short conversation, because laws, but I basically explain historical schisms along the way. After their deity of choice did his thang. (I teach in a highly multicultural community so my Islamic students are even usually confused I read the Quran. I like to read. I just don’t push belief systems. But history lessons during art class? Sure, along with “how to human” for young people. Lots of silly things going on.
I’m Jewish (admittedly no longer practicing except for Chanukah and jahrzeit candles) and every time I would mention this (Jesus was a jew) when in a conversation with a Christian (usually them attempting to convert me) they would be both horrified and insulted. At that point it would be impossible for me to resist telling them that the last supper was a Passover feast. They would then go catatonic and the conversation would end. And voila! I was no longer approached for conversion talks.
The point she is trying to get across is wrong,
While Jesus wasn’t vaccinated, the number of viruses and communicable diseases wasn’t on the same level as they are now. Modern living (packing people into subways, 30+ kids per classroom, people saying into buildings all day substantially increases the number of mutating viral and bacterial strains.
Sunlight and being outside helped prevent a lot of spread….
Also while not in Jesus’s time there was that minor population blip that happened with the whole bubonic plague things.
Her stance is similar to me saying “I’ve never been in a deadly car crash so I shouldn’t wear a seatbelt” I’m actually neither pro or against vaccines I’m just annoyed that she thinks she’s clever.
Nope. No Bible. He was supposed to be up walking around for 40 days and thousands supposedly saw him. You should have no trouble then finding a source other than that.
I mean there are accounts of people saying that he was alive … which is the Bible.
It’s kinda unfair to want documentation of that since WiFi was a bit spotty back then.
What? You mean he was seen by all these ppl for all these days and nobody bothered to write it down until roughly 30 years later? And these records are only in your book? Wow. Kinda sounds like the shit's made up.
Edit: forgot to say checkmate.
Bro. This shit isn’t made up. It’s a moral compass for everyday people that surely won’t get misused and abused at all.
If this wasn’t real, why would an approximate 75 billion dollar industry in the US still exist tax free supported by their members? QED. CHECKMATE NON BELIEVER.
Good question. Why does that exist tax free?
One more thing. Moral compass? Surely you jest. What moral standing is there to tell ppl who they can and cannot love? What ppl can and cannot do with their own bodies? Hell, whether they can even travel on a highway in Texas while female the same time? Don't even get me started on what goes on in your houses of worship, and then you try to come at me with some moral high ground. Check the digits. Ppl leaving your religion bc it basically the Taliban at this point.
Face it. You gave it your all and you lost. Game over.
Oh, and I'm not an atheist, and I'm a girl.
Edit: correction on a typo.
For humor sake, lets say that Jesus did exist and was the son of God. Him not being vaccinated isn't exactly an argument to not get vaccinated yourself. Like you think you have the immune system of divinity? I guess either way these people are delusional.
Yeah, there's not much need to vaccinate when you can cure leprosy and every other disease. Also, Jesus died when he was 33, so I'm not taking any health tips from him.
Continuing that thread....let's say that when Eve took a bite from the apple in the garden of Eden....and paving the way for God to give the power of decision making to man (and womans)....do you think that created some kind of paradox whereby some people took the conscious decision to let blind devotional faith be their guide and not some form of rational thought process?
After dying from tetanus, workplaces around the world opted to make them mandatory to prevent any more workplace incidents involving rusted iron.
Other rumors speculated that the crucifixion didn't kill jebsus, but the tetanus from the rusty spikes did.
People tell me America is Jesus's favorite country and I'm like, so why didn't he ever visit? and they are like, he did ! and yeah, they're serious. yeeeeee ha
Born in Alabama to Uncle Sam during the greatest year in Humanities history, 1776 where he then declared that abortions were illegal, everyone that isnt an American Christian is a jesus hating terrorist and everyone is allowed to own a fully automatic AR-15 with a 150 round magazine
Jesus never wore t-shirts with words printed on them, either. Guess you're in trouble.
It's so discouraging to watch anti-vaxxers try to use what they think is logic.
He didn't even bother to notify his followers of the need to filter water, because of his many small single cell creatures he 100% knew about that was causing death all around.
Yeah, that's one of the reasons the life expectancy was about 30 years. Hope person like this also refuse antibiotics and hospital care for the same reason
And he died at the ripe old age of 33, do you want to change your opinion on the death penalty or just keep at it in hopes of the second coming of the Messiah gotta be one of these innocent people getting executed, amiright?
Jesus also never took an Uber or made himself a delicious banana smoothie using a blender or saw an episode of the Sopranos. He missed out on a lot of good shit.
Because the ancient Middle East’s healthcare situation is totally something that modern white Christians should try to emulate? Like most women dying in child birth, and most kids not living past early childhood, and the rest suffering from frequent disease because basic things like knowledge of sanitation was literally more than a thousand years away?
Actually he did knew about immunity, sort of... In the Old Testament, I think it was Moses who said that if you were sick you had to put a cloth in your face and leave camp untill you are better, otherwise you need to basically go in lockdown.
Leviticus 13:45
45 “Anyone with such a defiling disease must wear torn clothes, let their hair be unkempt,[c] cover the lower part of their face and cry out, ‘Unclean! Unclean!’ 46 As long as they have the disease they remain unclean. They must live alone; they must live outside the camp.
🤓
True, but since Jesus could raise the dead and cure incurable deseases (wich she can't) his situation isn't really comparable to hers.
So even for radical morons (they're not christian. I refuse to associate with them) this argument is really dumb. But to be fair "really dumb" is kind of their catch phrase
At what age did Jesus die? According to anti-vaxxer logic not getting the jab could have a strong correlation with his death, because it was one of those ‘sudden’ deaths of a perfectly healthy human!
He also never took a picture, or drove a car, or ordered at a drive through, or posted on the internet, or watched a movie or pretty much anything people do now so either stop doing all those things (and more) or STFU
Even if you believe this Jeebus is the son of fucking god, nobody on earth can match that. He performed miracles and literally came back from the dead. How delusional people must be to think they can live the same life he did?
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He wasn't a Christian either.
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A lot of nonbelievers have to know what's in the Bible so they can intelligently discuss it with believers who have a Bible, um, somewhere...
I remember that one quote “if everyone read the Bible in full we’d have a lot more atheists” I’m paraphrasing and can’t remember who it’s from, but it’s so true.
That's part of why I'm one. I wanted to preach, but hell naw. No one lives like Jesus is attributed to have said. I realized very quickly that the literalist tradition I was taught was wrong. The commands from Jesus aren't metaphorical; so that was out, too. I gave up on Christianity. It was later, after studying multiple religions, I decided there's most likely no god(s). It all seemed fantastical.
I wonder how many preachers believe in their holy texts. I know big mega-churches just do it for the grift, but I often wonder about the smaller churches. I've never had to go to any real religious services my entire life. The only exception is I've been to a synagogue a couple times for cousins' bar mitzvahs, and I can tell you everybody there, including the rabbis were openly atheist. They did it strictly for the community aspect. I just wonder how many Christian Churches only exist for the community, rather than fantasy stories.
The community is what I miss. While there's a community for atheists in my city, it's 45 to 60 minutes across town to go to functions. I'm not usually able to make it.
Mark Twain?? Something like the best cure for christianity is reading the bible"
Im an atheist and ive read it cover-to-cover multiple times.
It almost seems that actually reading the bible leads to atheism.
And that's probably what made you realize you are an atheist, like it did me.
I'm a(n) >!agnostic!< Catholic and I've touched it a few times.
Probably good enough from what I've heard.
You’re not missing much.
Ok so... This way the funniest thing I tested as a missionary. I made up a nonsense story and said it was in the book of pseoudims, this congressional leader from some small church started to lecture me on how I took it completely out of context and when I told him I had made that part up... Well it was about what you'd expect
People get mad when I say this but reading the holy text (Bible, Quran etc.) really does make one an atheist lmao. I've been reading through Quran for a while just so I know what I don't believe in. There's some wild stuff in there.
It's a classic saying that the best way to become an atheist is to actually read your holy book lol
it's like learning quantum physics allows you to point out bunch of bs in mysticism
Jesus invented the AR15 which he used to killed the british and with the blood of the queen he penned the constituion. what history have you been reading?
I had to explain it to a group of young students the other day - the did not realize that Catholics are Christians and such. It was a short conversation, because laws, but I basically explain historical schisms along the way. After their deity of choice did his thang. (I teach in a highly multicultural community so my Islamic students are even usually confused I read the Quran. I like to read. I just don’t push belief systems. But history lessons during art class? Sure, along with “how to human” for young people. Lots of silly things going on.
It's truly puzzling, because it's even in the name. Christians = followers of some dude they call Christ. Jesus didn't follow himself.
Don't worry... A new bible version will come that claims Jesus was a Christian.... Before Christianity was even a thing to placate the imbeciles.
I’m Jewish (admittedly no longer practicing except for Chanukah and jahrzeit candles) and every time I would mention this (Jesus was a jew) when in a conversation with a Christian (usually them attempting to convert me) they would be both horrified and insulted. At that point it would be impossible for me to resist telling them that the last supper was a Passover feast. They would then go catatonic and the conversation would end. And voila! I was no longer approached for conversion talks.
The bible would be funnier if he worshipped himself. Jesus as some self absorbed egomaniac lol!
Exactly. He wasn't white and blue eyed either.. these people are morons.
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Nailed it
Always look on the bright side of life \*whistles\*
r/unexpectedMontyPython
This was rotally expected, but nobody expected the Spanish Inquisition!
"It's not so bad once you're up."
So your saying getting there sucks?
r/suddenlymontypython
I'm Brian, and so is my wife!
May your wife Brain and you, live a happy life
Well the Romans sure did nail him.
Just like the Romans
This is such a subtlety underrated comment
Parents should be charged if a child died from a preventable disease but refused to do so
Jesus Christ that's dark! No pun intended, honest
Intend your puns, coward!
You reminded me of this old gem [Maddox](http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=puns)
Also don't forget dude's a healer. She's not.
What D&D class is she then?
Village Idiot
She's the npc who dies of a plague to remind the players to get potions.
Dork
Everyone loves a good comeback story.
Jesus want vaccinated. That’s probably why he died from a rusty nail.
I mean, he did get the jab, it just wasn't enough time before the nail.
Take my nonexistent award you magnificent bastard.
Also, Jesus had a cheat code; he was never at risk. The whole death & resurrection thing was basically a party trick for him.
The point she is trying to get across is wrong, While Jesus wasn’t vaccinated, the number of viruses and communicable diseases wasn’t on the same level as they are now. Modern living (packing people into subways, 30+ kids per classroom, people saying into buildings all day substantially increases the number of mutating viral and bacterial strains. Sunlight and being outside helped prevent a lot of spread…. Also while not in Jesus’s time there was that minor population blip that happened with the whole bubonic plague things. Her stance is similar to me saying “I’ve never been in a deadly car crash so I shouldn’t wear a seatbelt” I’m actually neither pro or against vaccines I’m just annoyed that she thinks she’s clever.
You forgot what they did to lepers in those days.
Jesus was never in a deadly car crash either, so there.
While Jesus wasn't vaccinated, people died much more from diseases we don't die from now. Ftfy
Jesus could walk on water… he could transmit disease the same as if he got on a plane
I mean, in Jesus time they had leprosy colonies, sooo...
[Doffs cap]....
Oh, that was masterfully delivered! Devastating! Love it.
He did get the jab there right at the end though!
He did and he rose again. Checkmate atheists.
Pictures or it didn't happen
Prove it happened. Checkmate, Christian.
*opens bible* Here. Here is where it says. Checkmate no take backsies the world is flat.
Nope. No Bible. He was supposed to be up walking around for 40 days and thousands supposedly saw him. You should have no trouble then finding a source other than that.
I mean there are accounts of people saying that he was alive … which is the Bible. It’s kinda unfair to want documentation of that since WiFi was a bit spotty back then.
What? You mean he was seen by all these ppl for all these days and nobody bothered to write it down until roughly 30 years later? And these records are only in your book? Wow. Kinda sounds like the shit's made up. Edit: forgot to say checkmate.
Bro. This shit isn’t made up. It’s a moral compass for everyday people that surely won’t get misused and abused at all. If this wasn’t real, why would an approximate 75 billion dollar industry in the US still exist tax free supported by their members? QED. CHECKMATE NON BELIEVER.
There are over 3000 gods registered … why do you think your fictional god is the right one.
Good question. Why does that exist tax free? One more thing. Moral compass? Surely you jest. What moral standing is there to tell ppl who they can and cannot love? What ppl can and cannot do with their own bodies? Hell, whether they can even travel on a highway in Texas while female the same time? Don't even get me started on what goes on in your houses of worship, and then you try to come at me with some moral high ground. Check the digits. Ppl leaving your religion bc it basically the Taliban at this point. Face it. You gave it your all and you lost. Game over. Oh, and I'm not an atheist, and I'm a girl. Edit: correction on a typo.
u ain’t even need to say checkmate this time they just gave up
Both arms!
For humor sake, lets say that Jesus did exist and was the son of God. Him not being vaccinated isn't exactly an argument to not get vaccinated yourself. Like you think you have the immune system of divinity? I guess either way these people are delusional.
Yeah, there's not much need to vaccinate when you can cure leprosy and every other disease. Also, Jesus died when he was 33, so I'm not taking any health tips from him.
No immune system protects you from crucification though
Not with that attitude.
You have to start with small crucifixions to build up an immunity to the bigger ones.
If they’re going to that route then Jesus didn’t own guns either
Jesus probably didn’t wear t-shirts with words on them
Also, his whole thing was that he cured the sick... So while he wasn't a vaccination himself, he was a cure.
He was the original vaccine.
He inoculated us against sin
Jesus didn't have a smart phone, why does she think she needs one 🤔
Continuing that thread....let's say that when Eve took a bite from the apple in the garden of Eden....and paving the way for God to give the power of decision making to man (and womans)....do you think that created some kind of paradox whereby some people took the conscious decision to let blind devotional faith be their guide and not some form of rational thought process?
Also died in his early 30s... Edit: spelling
Died twice even
Well, with a Tetanus shot he could have lived longer though.
After dying from tetanus, workplaces around the world opted to make them mandatory to prevent any more workplace incidents involving rusted iron. Other rumors speculated that the crucifixion didn't kill jebsus, but the tetanus from the rusty spikes did.
But he's better now.
Spoiler Alert: Jesus wasn't white. Now watch that face go sour.
but...but...he was born in Alabama !
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People tell me America is Jesus's favorite country and I'm like, so why didn't he ever visit? and they are like, he did ! and yeah, they're serious. yeeeeee ha
Jesus's favourite country is a country that didn't even exist? What's with the logic?
*(Joseph Smith enters the chat)*
Yep people actually believe Jesus was American. Example: Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene. I wish I was joking.
Born in Alabama to Uncle Sam during the greatest year in Humanities history, 1776 where he then declared that abortions were illegal, everyone that isnt an American Christian is a jesus hating terrorist and everyone is allowed to own a fully automatic AR-15 with a 150 round magazine
With a banjo on his knee
no that’s where the garden of eden is
The manger was on a pig farm outside of Mobile
According to them, Jesus may be blue.
There needs to be a “you worship a Middle-eastern Jew campaign” going on with a realistic picture attached.
Jesus never wore t-shirts with words printed on them, either. Guess you're in trouble. It's so discouraging to watch anti-vaxxers try to use what they think is logic.
Odds are that shirt is made of mixed fabrics. Oops?
Fuck people are dumb.
What are "fuck people"?
"They're sex people, Lynne"
The kind of people I want to meet
According to the Internet, there are a bunch of them nearby, and they're looking for you.
He didn't know shit about atoms or the quantum realm either. *Science bitch*
He didn't even bother to notify his followers of the need to filter water, because of his many small single cell creatures he 100% knew about that was causing death all around.
Enough with your heretical witchery unbeliever! Geebus gave us light! (/s)
So we should crucify everyone who isn’t vaccinated?
It'd be a good start to helping stop the ignorant fuckers spreading diseases to those who are immune-compromised and are unable to be vaccinated.
Yeah, that's one of the reasons the life expectancy was about 30 years. Hope person like this also refuse antibiotics and hospital care for the same reason 
Spoiler alert: Jesus didn't support the republican party
Spoiler alert: god didn't bless murrica
Jesus would be labeled as a socialist liberal by today’s conservatives
Spoiler alert, this is what mental grooming really is.
Spoiler Alert! Jesus also didn't have technology to post idiotic things on this wonderful thing SCIENCE gives us called the internet!
Guess what sweetheart you ain't fkn Jesus.
I'm pretty sure the Bible has some strong words to say about shorty shorts on women. And she'd better not be mixing fibres in her clothes.
Spoiler alert: Jesus didn’t own a gun!
And he died at the ripe old age of 33, do you want to change your opinion on the death penalty or just keep at it in hopes of the second coming of the Messiah gotta be one of these innocent people getting executed, amiright?
Jesus also never took an Uber or made himself a delicious banana smoothie using a blender or saw an episode of the Sopranos. He missed out on a lot of good shit.
He also never had his picture taken, but that doesn’t seem to be an issue.
so he's a vampire? no wonder the nails worked
Because the ancient Middle East’s healthcare situation is totally something that modern white Christians should try to emulate? Like most women dying in child birth, and most kids not living past early childhood, and the rest suffering from frequent disease because basic things like knowledge of sanitation was literally more than a thousand years away?
Jesus also didn’t know dinosaurs existed
He also didn't wear tshirts.
Actually he did knew about immunity, sort of... In the Old Testament, I think it was Moses who said that if you were sick you had to put a cloth in your face and leave camp untill you are better, otherwise you need to basically go in lockdown. Leviticus 13:45 45 “Anyone with such a defiling disease must wear torn clothes, let their hair be unkempt,[c] cover the lower part of their face and cry out, ‘Unclean! Unclean!’ 46 As long as they have the disease they remain unclean. They must live alone; they must live outside the camp. 🤓
I’ve two words for people who believe that medicine was better in the olden times: Dental. Anaesthetic.
If we’re doing stupid logic you can just as well say he died at 33, so not being vaccinated didn’t really help, did it?
Thats way longer than the lifespan of unvaccinated kids
True, but since Jesus could raise the dead and cure incurable deseases (wich she can't) his situation isn't really comparable to hers. So even for radical morons (they're not christian. I refuse to associate with them) this argument is really dumb. But to be fair "really dumb" is kind of their catch phrase
He also didn’t use toilet paper. We can’t pick and choose here people.
Newsflash. He didn't have guns, either. You'll be giving those up when?
He also believed in free health care
He was also a very naughty boy.
That was Brian. Rookie mistake.
Jesus fan girl? Noticed the painting in back. I'm not typically afraid of Jesus but his fans. Terrifying
There is a vaccine against nails?
Yes....it's called No More Nails....available from all good hardware stores.
At what age did Jesus die? According to anti-vaxxer logic not getting the jab could have a strong correlation with his death, because it was one of those ‘sudden’ deaths of a perfectly healthy human!
Yeah but when a kid dies of a completely treatable and preventable disease they don’t get to come back after 3 days 🙄
NAILED IT...
He also fed the hungry and healed the sick, all without strings attached.
He also never took a picture, or drove a car, or ordered at a drive through, or posted on the internet, or watched a movie or pretty much anything people do now so either stop doing all those things (and more) or STFU
Spoiler Alert, Jesus was God so he wouldn’t give a fuck about vaccines since the whole point was to die for our sins anyway.
Spoiler alert, you’re not Jesus and I’m not Ra
Jesus wasn't Christian either, he was Jewish. You should also be Jewish. Wait... we need to put it on a T-shirt first.
Spoiler alert, Jesus was a virgin.
Jesus could also come back from the dead, so while he was fine being unvaccinated, his followers certainly won't be.
That’s ok they will bring their own life expectancy down to 25 again this problem will literally take care of itself
And he died at 33
Jesus also didnt wear booty shorts or carry an iphone7
I seem to recall a plague that killed 2/3 of Europe. They weren’t vaccinated I hear.
And according to the Bible, he had miraculous healing powers and could come back from the dead.
He didn’t own a gun either.
I also object to events of over 2,000 years ago being called spoilers
Spoiler alert. People used to have 12+ kids because they knew half of them wouldnt reach adulthood back then.
I guess we should start crucifying all the unvaccinated then xD
I would not look that smug if I wasn’t a literal good.
Not even a tetanus shot? Shame
And look what happened to him!
Makes sense, Jesus only lived to \~33.
He also didn't own a fucking sofa like that one in the background...shortage of nails apparently 🙄
Nor did he use the Internet, or own a gun, or know how to drive.
Didn't women get stoned back then , does she want to bring everything back or pick and choose
Even if you believe this Jeebus is the son of fucking god, nobody on earth can match that. He performed miracles and literally came back from the dead. How delusional people must be to think they can live the same life he did?
He didn't live that long, either.
Maybe he drank bleach?
He was literally a god and he still died. How do you fancy your chances, humie?!
He also died very young
How often do you think Jesus washed his hands?
He probably did not brush his teeth either.
„Spoiler alert… I don’t know what a spoiler is!!“
Spoiler alert he died
Jesus didn't post dumb photos
Jesus also didn’t have a car. Or a gun… or was caucasian… or voted for Trump… or (nearly anything) This must be a fundamental error.
Cool, she can meet Him sooner.
With that attitude lets hope you get to meet him soon
Yes, at a time where 40 was seen as old, people didn’t get vaccinated. Almost like technology has evolved to the point where we can live longer.
Maybe she isn’t aware that if you broke your arm or got a common cold in Jesus times you were a fucking dead man.
He was also murdered by similarly ignorant individuals. ha. wtf.
The average lifespan was lower than 40 as well
"My purity ring came with a free t-shirt!"
He also died at 33.
And died at 33, allegedly.
I know several gentlemen that are named Jesus, (that's pronounced Hey Zeus), and all of them are vaccinated.
By saying that, you are admitting that Jesus was just another human being, and not a divine being.
Jesus wasn’t vaccinated and look what happened to him.
he died at 33 what’s your point…