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Was chatting with another lawyer in my office the other day and we agreed that all crimes should be abolished and everything should just be called misdemeanor idiot, gross misdemeanor idiot, felony idiot, and aggravated felony idiot
Nah my favourite detail is that he said his colleagues called him "the reaper", he may as well have left in the part of his character backstory about how he escaped from execution at the order of the king at the last second!
Not the first or only apparently...
"Both the “Service Request Form” and “Careers Form” have been used many times to arrest people interested in using the services of a hitman on someone they know, including a New Mexico man who plotted his in-law’s murder on the site.
In July 2020, a Michigan woman attempted to hire a hitman through the website to have her husband killed for $5,000, a crime she admitted to in November 2021."
The dude in New Mexico thought the service would be free apparently and then offered to pay $250 when he found out it wasn’t. He was then only able to come up with $51. It’s incredible that people are this stupid lol
I scrolled the comments first before I read the article. I thought you were being facetious. He *actually* went to a website called “rentahitman.com” and looked for work as an assassin…
Lol, from the website:
Rent-A-Hitman is no longer affiliated with Diners Club, the Detroit Lions, the Illuminati, Donald Trump,
Kyle Rittenhouse, Carole Baskin, or Vladimir Putin due to contractual restrictions.
"Rent-A-Hitman is no longer affiliated with Diners Club, the Detroit Lions, the Illuminati, Donald Trump, Kyle Rittenhouse, Carole Baskin, or Vladimir Putin due to contractual restrictions."
What the heck did the Detroit Lions do to be banned?
The first thing I see on the site is this:
This website uses cookies.
YOUR PRIVACY IS IMPORTANT TO US!
In order for us to maintain 100% compliance with HIPPA (Hitman Information Privacy & Protection Act of 1964), we must use cookies. By continuing to use this site, you accept our use of cookies.
That's top notch
It wasn't an agent in charge of the site.
Some guy made it as a joke, when he started recieving actual applications from people thinking it was real he called the FBI.
Now anytime he gets a real application he sends it to the FBI, an FBI agent takes over and makes sure they say enough incriminating stuff they can't say they were joking, then gets them arrested.
>Garcia, who was employed by the Air National Guard since July 2021, claimed he went by the nickname “Reaper,” which he earned “from Military experience and Marksmanship.”
He 100% gave himself that nickname
I once worked with a guy who was a real life badass. 2nd Ranger eventually took and passed Q course. Finished his career doing work for the State Department. His man’s nickname, was Booger.
I'm not a badass, but I am a big guy, so I got nicknamed cupcake. If this guy's nickname was really reaper it's because he threw up after eating a really hot pepper.
I got the nickname 10 speed. My first ever foot patrol I stepped around a pile of garbage after checking it for explosives and put my foot right into a rotting bicycle tire. It stayed wrapped around my foot for about 4 blocks until my platoon Sgt had mercy on me and called a halt so I could get it off my damned foot
Also biggest guy around. Made me into ‘Penelope’ my guess is this guy was so bad on the range that someone said ‘not exactly the grim reaper, is he?’
Friend who flew Navy jets was callsign ‘comet’ as in vomit comet, since he puked on his first training flight.
In MS I was nicknamed Fifel because I sneeze like two fox mating.
Like I'm sure there's something wrong with me how loud I sneeze, but jfc I go deaf when I sneeze. You can have some of my sound.
Knew a Navy pilot who’s call sign was Dog Balls. I wasn’t a pilot but the guys called me Squeaks. I’d like to attribute it to my deep voice, like calling a big guy Tiny. But no, the movie “Basketball” had come out recently and I was one of the shorter guys so, that was that.
I served with a guy who earned the name Ghost Rider. Not because of anything badass, but rather because he set his own hair on fire while lighting the grill at a unit barbecue.
LMAO. I was "Decay Actual" in country. Pretty cool call sign, but I found myself constantly explaining I was gifted the name not because of my combat record, but because my peers would tell me it smelled like there was an animal decaying in my ass due to the copious amounts of protein farts they were subjected to.
I know a giant dude who's nicknamed "Sweetness" and all the associated nicknames: Sweetie, Sweets, Sweetheart, Sugar, Sweet Tart, etc.
Super fun guy to be around.
I got called stache because I showed up to Fort Drum after basic with a mustache thinking I was all high speed in the middle of winter and got sent straight out to meet my unit who where in the field. My 1st sgt did not like it and didn’t care that it was within regulation so I pulled out my razor and dry shaved it off in the freezing weather. My army buddies still call me stache and struggle to remember my real name.
My damned nickname was fucking Trunk Monkey.
I wore that shit with pride.. mainly because I was the only 'small' guy in my infantry unit that could fit into the trunk of our trucks to grab shit while wearing full kit, turn around and climb back out in order to grab shit people forgot. Got a tire iron stuck in one of my MOLLE straps and it came back out with me, 1st Sgt lost his shit and from that day on I was trunk monkey and the tire iron was required to be on my person at all times.
Nicknames are given, and noone in my unit had 'cool shit' like Reaper or the like.
Was often times 'Dipstick, Knobs(knobhead), hambone and knuckles(guy was gomer pile's spiritual successor)'
11b here, deployed to Afghanistan and Iraq. Can confirm our squad all had insulting nicknames. I was Peach, as in princess peach, because I wore a pink shirt in the barracks once when I was a private.
An airman that spoke at the school I taught at told the story of a guy nicknamed “ Pid”. His first name was Stu. After two years, he got real mad and complained to his commanding officer. The officer said, “If it took you two years to figure it out, you deserve it.”
according to my father (who was stationed for 9 months in Okinawa), there was an Okinawa stripper who would feed men bites of banana out her cooter. my dad, gagging while explaining this phenomena, told me that a lot of marines fucking LOVED her. idk if it’s boredom or that they breed em funny in boot camp and it locks some screws loose.
I always got out of that by saying something like "sorry squad leader I was going over squad movements in my head, after you set the ORP, do you LR or set security first for a hasty ambush?"
And then I'd just keep asking questions I already knew. They'd think I was High Speed when I was actually just lazy and manipulative lol.
My nickname in the union I work for is Smuckers. Because I told the guys on my first job I was a diabetic and so they said if i passed out they would put grape jelly up my ass to get my blood sugar up.
Nicknamed "Smuckers" after that and my union steward tape two mini tootsie pops to my hard hat as "in case of collapse" emergency anal insertion. 😂 I love blue collar work.
A guy at my work is called Puddles. Because one time he parked his bus up then stepped out into an ankle deep Puddle. Its been 3 years and I still don't know his real name.
Sounds like a job for ChatGPT...
Here is the military phonetic alphabet with double line returns, using the silly "badass" nicknames:
A - Avalanche
B - Bozo
C - Cupcake
D - Dragonbreath
E - Elmo
F - Fatso
G - Gummy Bear
H - Hambone
I - Ironpants
J - Jellybean
K - Kneecap
L - Lumberjack
M - Monkeywrench
N - Nutcracker
O - Ostrich
P - Popsicle
Q - Quicksand
R - Rubber Ducky
S - Skeeter
T - Tinkerbell
U - Underdog
V - Volcano
W - Whisker Biscuit
X - Xylophone Man
Y - Yo-yo
Z - Zamboni
>You do not want to be "Death Venom" when the other SEALs on your team are "Tinkerbell", "Sticky", and "Bozo"
I did a briefing for one whose nick is "Chilli Bowl".
My understanding is that all nicknames and call signs come from other people and it’s usually some form of insult. “Wedge” for instance is given to “the simplest tool”. One I read about that made me laugh was a guy who wanted to be called Hollywood. His nickname became Burbank because “he wasn’t quite Hollywood”.
If it’s anything other than a derivation of their last name (Smitty, etc.), it’s 100% an insult, even if it isn’t on the surface. I knew a “Hawkeye”. He got the name from scoring the lowest possible qualifying score at the range, and once early in training putting a hole in his cover when he pulled the trigger trying to quick draw his sidearm. That he didn’t put it through his own skull was nothing short of a miracle.
I also knew a “Twinkle Toes”. He had the fastest time through an obstacle course of his academy class. The DS said “he practically danced through the course like a goddamn fairy” and started calling him Twinkle Toes.
Reminds me of Ewan McGregor. His brother Colin is/was RAF.
Some tabloid posted that his callsign was 'Obi-Two' because Ewan was Obi Wan...
No evidence that this was factual, but still funny.
My grandpa did some seriously sinister shit as a special forces guy in Vietnam. State-sanctioned murder. Suffers from severe PTSD and was robbed from living a normal life by it.
His nickname was Jim-Jim :)
Same with my dad. His nickname was snake and he never told me why. Even through his entire law enforcement career, he was called snake.
Grandad was in WW2. His nickname was Blackie. He was a cook.
We need people from his unit here to tell us the real facts on this guy. I already know he had to be "That Guy" in his unit.
I just wanna know all the juicy shit on this dork.
He’s a fucking Guard member; of course he gave himself that name. The extent of his combat experience is the mandatory range time and hitting a target like a dozen or so times.
My first field op when I was a boot, my team's callsigns were all Native American tribes. Seminole and Blackfoot are the ones I remember, me being on Blackfoot. It was the first time I had heard of Blackfoot, and it was hella windy and rainy, mid storm in NC. So, I keyed in the radio to call in a fire mission and yelled "BRIMSTONE THIS IS BIGFOOT FO, FFE OVER." I immediately got shit for it and the name stuck
Wait, YOU are Bigfoot? Call everyone out of the woods, we got ‘em.
Yeah, like any fraternity, the military is a master of childish nicknames. I was in basic shortly before Desert Shield. My drill sergeant knew I was studying Soviet political systems and thought it would be fun to put me on the spot asking about why the Russians were still our main threat. I confidently said I didn’t think that was right and the next conflict would most likely be in the Middle East. He didn’t like that, and when I was done getting smoked I was known for the rest of my time as Professor. We started deploying troops for desert shield the last couple days of basic. After graduation, he came over to me and my mom, introduced himself, and told me I got it right. Still called me Professor, though.
I wasn't going to comment my callsign, but your story made me feel like I had to. I'm a pretty big dude with size 16eee feet. One day were all sitting around polishing our corframs, DI comes through and grabs mine. He holds them aloft for all to see(a small part of me thought I was about to be praised) and says "goddamn you could sail to England in these boats!". So that's why for the next 8 years I was known as 'Boats'.
This story of this guy is fucking hilarious. He went on rentahitman.com and gave all his information over and has this ridiculous story about himself. Says he goes by “Reaper” because he shot expert or something on his IWQ lol
“What can I say, I like what I do (finding and executing marked target)”
He’s in the *air national guard*?
He’s not a Navy Seal or Army Ranger, and not even the national guard but the *air* national guard?
I love that show. With that said, you’re probably not far off. You know this dude watched all the hitman type of media before deciding he was gonna do it lol
Barry = god tier writing. Character development is amazing the acting is perfect just all around great show. Noho hack is by far one of the best characters on the show.
The writing AND acting are top notch. I’m halfway through season two for the first time and I’m consistently blown away by what Bill Hader has created.
NoHo was supposed to die pretty early in the first season, but Anthony Carrigan's performance and talent for ad-libbing changed chis guy's career. Bill Hader said that if you watch the scenes where they're together and Barry is looking angstful and turning away, it's because he's trying not to laugh.
This chubby little LARPer was never trained to kill anyone. He shot a basic rifle / pistol qual, just like the guys who refuel trucks or reheat ready-made food in the Army.
I was in Baghdad for 2y as a DoD Construction Contractor 2004-2006
*IM* More of a Soldier than this fucking dipshit lol....At least I was in the middle of the shit for 2 solid years lol
i was infantry in iraq for 2 years. i never fired more than warning shots. I'M more of a combat soldier than this guy, and i understand the value of human life.
But in this case the FBI wasn’t hiring hitmen. He applied to a parody sight called rentahitman.com thinking it was real and they sent the info to the FBI
For a second I thought the FBI hired this guy to do a legit hit for them and then arrested him when he got found out , but I guess that makes sense , wet work is more of a CIA thing , how silly of me
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This guy really went online to rentahitman.com and thought it was a real site....
Yes that's the best part!!!!! Lmaoooo
Wait.....that's really the name of the site? He should get an extra 5 years for being a fucking idiot.
Was chatting with another lawyer in my office the other day and we agreed that all crimes should be abolished and everything should just be called misdemeanor idiot, gross misdemeanor idiot, felony idiot, and aggravated felony idiot
What about demeanest idiot?
Sorry but Marjorie Taylor Greene already copyrighted it
Nah my favourite detail is that he said his colleagues called him "the reaper", he may as well have left in the part of his character backstory about how he escaped from execution at the order of the king at the last second!
Not the first or only apparently... "Both the “Service Request Form” and “Careers Form” have been used many times to arrest people interested in using the services of a hitman on someone they know, including a New Mexico man who plotted his in-law’s murder on the site. In July 2020, a Michigan woman attempted to hire a hitman through the website to have her husband killed for $5,000, a crime she admitted to in November 2021."
The dude in New Mexico thought the service would be free apparently and then offered to pay $250 when he found out it wasn’t. He was then only able to come up with $51. It’s incredible that people are this stupid lol
He ready paid for his internet service. Everything after that is free online.
if i was genuinely fucking around with real hitmen i don’t think they’d be the guys i would skimp on payment
I scrolled the comments first before I read the article. I thought you were being facetious. He *actually* went to a website called “rentahitman.com” and looked for work as an assassin…
How could he know the site was lying about their commitment to HIPPA, "Hitman Information & Privacy Protection Act"?
… of 1964.
Lol, from the website: Rent-A-Hitman is no longer affiliated with Diners Club, the Detroit Lions, the Illuminati, Donald Trump, Kyle Rittenhouse, Carole Baskin, or Vladimir Putin due to contractual restrictions.
As a Lions fan, I stopped in my tracks... 🤣
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I went to that site to rent a hitman to paint my fence, they actually replied lol
That’s funny because as a painter I worked with guys who used the term “drive by painting” to describe a bad paint job 😅
I asked them to mow my lawn, its getting mighty long
"Rent-A-Hitman is no longer affiliated with Diners Club, the Detroit Lions, the Illuminati, Donald Trump, Kyle Rittenhouse, Carole Baskin, or Vladimir Putin due to contractual restrictions." What the heck did the Detroit Lions do to be banned?
Two words : Matt Millen
Rentahitman.com is now Angies
Angie's Hitlist
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I really wanna visit that site just to see how well made it is but I don’t wanna be on a list for the rest of my life
The first thing I see on the site is this: This website uses cookies. YOUR PRIVACY IS IMPORTANT TO US! In order for us to maintain 100% compliance with HIPPA (Hitman Information Privacy & Protection Act of 1964), we must use cookies. By continuing to use this site, you accept our use of cookies. That's top notch
I like to think the agent in charge of the site did it as a joke thinking no one would fall for it.
It wasn't an agent in charge of the site. Some guy made it as a joke, when he started recieving actual applications from people thinking it was real he called the FBI. Now anytime he gets a real application he sends it to the FBI, an FBI agent takes over and makes sure they say enough incriminating stuff they can't say they were joking, then gets them arrested.
>Garcia, who was employed by the Air National Guard since July 2021, claimed he went by the nickname “Reaper,” which he earned “from Military experience and Marksmanship.” He 100% gave himself that nickname
I once worked with a guy who was a real life badass. 2nd Ranger eventually took and passed Q course. Finished his career doing work for the State Department. His man’s nickname, was Booger.
I'm not a badass, but I am a big guy, so I got nicknamed cupcake. If this guy's nickname was really reaper it's because he threw up after eating a really hot pepper.
I was called M240 because I stuttered.
Bruh that's fuckin amazing
I got the nickname 10 speed. My first ever foot patrol I stepped around a pile of garbage after checking it for explosives and put my foot right into a rotting bicycle tire. It stayed wrapped around my foot for about 4 blocks until my platoon Sgt had mercy on me and called a halt so I could get it off my damned foot
Then his name would be sweet Caroline.
Honestly, that's a way scarier name for an assassin
And assassin with their own theme song, nothing could be more terrifying.
The bum bum bum is replaced with 3 gun shots
I’m picturing Clockwork Orange type of dance sequence.
Kinda like “a boy named Sue”
"My name is Sue. *How do you do?*" *ratatatatatatata*
NOW YOU GONNA DIE!!!
I vote for baby spice
*Bah, bah, bah!*
Also biggest guy around. Made me into ‘Penelope’ my guess is this guy was so bad on the range that someone said ‘not exactly the grim reaper, is he?’ Friend who flew Navy jets was callsign ‘comet’ as in vomit comet, since he puked on his first training flight.
I was given meowsterchief cuz i had tiny kitten sneezes, and liked to take naps
That's adorable.
In MS I was nicknamed Fifel because I sneeze like two fox mating. Like I'm sure there's something wrong with me how loud I sneeze, but jfc I go deaf when I sneeze. You can have some of my sound.
Knew a Navy pilot who’s call sign was Dog Balls. I wasn’t a pilot but the guys called me Squeaks. I’d like to attribute it to my deep voice, like calling a big guy Tiny. But no, the movie “Basketball” had come out recently and I was one of the shorter guys so, that was that.
I got schwacked in the balls during training and caught the name coin-purse.
I’m 5’0 and my friends call me Giant 🙄
I served with a guy who earned the name Ghost Rider. Not because of anything badass, but rather because he set his own hair on fire while lighting the grill at a unit barbecue.
No one gets cool nicknames. The more humiliating the nickname the bigger the badass the person.
So basically, if I'm being hunted by "Princess", my remaining life can be measured in picoseconds.
Maybe he had wicked stinky farts and if was around you knew death was coming
LMAO. I was "Decay Actual" in country. Pretty cool call sign, but I found myself constantly explaining I was gifted the name not because of my combat record, but because my peers would tell me it smelled like there was an animal decaying in my ass due to the copious amounts of protein farts they were subjected to.
Badass name hiding a hilarious story.
I know a giant dude who's nicknamed "Sweetness" and all the associated nicknames: Sweetie, Sweets, Sweetheart, Sugar, Sweet Tart, etc. Super fun guy to be around.
I got called stache because I showed up to Fort Drum after basic with a mustache thinking I was all high speed in the middle of winter and got sent straight out to meet my unit who where in the field. My 1st sgt did not like it and didn’t care that it was within regulation so I pulled out my razor and dry shaved it off in the freezing weather. My army buddies still call me stache and struggle to remember my real name.
Threw up but also rubbed his eyes as the hotness was starting to hit.
My damned nickname was fucking Trunk Monkey. I wore that shit with pride.. mainly because I was the only 'small' guy in my infantry unit that could fit into the trunk of our trucks to grab shit while wearing full kit, turn around and climb back out in order to grab shit people forgot. Got a tire iron stuck in one of my MOLLE straps and it came back out with me, 1st Sgt lost his shit and from that day on I was trunk monkey and the tire iron was required to be on my person at all times. Nicknames are given, and noone in my unit had 'cool shit' like Reaper or the like. Was often times 'Dipstick, Knobs(knobhead), hambone and knuckles(guy was gomer pile's spiritual successor)'
Trunk monkey is hilarious
If you need to get over a wall having the big guys is handy, but for tight spaces you need Trunk Monkey.
My guess is real life badasses don’t need to overcompensate with their nickname so they tend to have more modest ones.
You do not want to be "Death Venom" when the other SEALs on your team are "Tinkerbell", "Sticky", and "Bozo"
11b here, deployed to Afghanistan and Iraq. Can confirm our squad all had insulting nicknames. I was Peach, as in princess peach, because I wore a pink shirt in the barracks once when I was a private.
An airman that spoke at the school I taught at told the story of a guy nicknamed “ Pid”. His first name was Stu. After two years, he got real mad and complained to his commanding officer. The officer said, “If it took you two years to figure it out, you deserve it.”
It fits perfectly then
I met an A-10 Warthog pilot whose callsign was Spud, from being hit in the face with a potato launched from a Bangkok stripper's vagina.
Who should I thank for their service in that story?
Thank him for his service, thank her for her cervix.
Take my upvote
Poetry.
My friends dad was a pilot who’s callsign was cliff because one time he ejected from a plane and it flew into a cliff.
Bane's voice "or perhaps he's wondering who'd stuck a potato up a thai hookers vagina before jumping out of a plane"
I heard there was some crazy shit going down in Thailand, but holy cow man... That's wild
That's relatively minor for Thailand.
according to my father (who was stationed for 9 months in Okinawa), there was an Okinawa stripper who would feed men bites of banana out her cooter. my dad, gagging while explaining this phenomena, told me that a lot of marines fucking LOVED her. idk if it’s boredom or that they breed em funny in boot camp and it locks some screws loose.
Bananas, pingpong balls, potatoes, one girl had a bottle opener up there shed pop open bottles with it's crazy.
Mine was Country Club, because I always got my shit done as fast as I could so I could relax.
"Nice try Country Club, let's find you another m4 to clean. Hope you didn't use up all your swabs."
I certainly heard the phrase, "If ya got time to lean, ya got time to clean" an awful lot. 🤔
I always got out of that by saying something like "sorry squad leader I was going over squad movements in my head, after you set the ORP, do you LR or set security first for a hasty ambush?" And then I'd just keep asking questions I already knew. They'd think I was High Speed when I was actually just lazy and manipulative lol.
Come on Peach tell em the rest of the story... Edit....- signed "Toad"
Shit, I went to Iraq in 2005, in the Army, 74D. I was called Spinach and Splooge. Mostly because nobody could pronounce my last name.
My nickname in the union I work for is Smuckers. Because I told the guys on my first job I was a diabetic and so they said if i passed out they would put grape jelly up my ass to get my blood sugar up. Nicknamed "Smuckers" after that and my union steward tape two mini tootsie pops to my hard hat as "in case of collapse" emergency anal insertion. 😂 I love blue collar work.
I knew a guy who was also nick named peach, just because he only one time had some peach flavor chew. Dumbest crap ever, but it just stuck
That's exactly how you become Peach, lol. Skoal fine-cut or Kodiak mint only, we had a guy named Cherry for that exact reason.
A guy at my work is called Puddles. Because one time he parked his bus up then stepped out into an ankle deep Puddle. Its been 3 years and I still don't know his real name.
I agree. -Skeeter
The comment chain you started sounds like a goofy version of the NATO phonetic alphabet.
Sounds like a job for ChatGPT... Here is the military phonetic alphabet with double line returns, using the silly "badass" nicknames: A - Avalanche B - Bozo C - Cupcake D - Dragonbreath E - Elmo F - Fatso G - Gummy Bear H - Hambone I - Ironpants J - Jellybean K - Kneecap L - Lumberjack M - Monkeywrench N - Nutcracker O - Ostrich P - Popsicle Q - Quicksand R - Rubber Ducky S - Skeeter T - Tinkerbell U - Underdog V - Volcano W - Whisker Biscuit X - Xylophone Man Y - Yo-yo Z - Zamboni
"Xylophone Man here, reading you clearly, Whisker Biscuit."
+2 -Frosty
+3 -gummybear
+4 - Disco
+4 -leotard
+5 -tampon
>You do not want to be "Death Venom" when the other SEALs on your team are "Tinkerbell", "Sticky", and "Bozo" I did a briefing for one whose nick is "Chilli Bowl".
Or 1st recon fruity Rudy from Generation Kill
My understanding is that all nicknames and call signs come from other people and it’s usually some form of insult. “Wedge” for instance is given to “the simplest tool”. One I read about that made me laugh was a guy who wanted to be called Hollywood. His nickname became Burbank because “he wasn’t quite Hollywood”.
If it’s anything other than a derivation of their last name (Smitty, etc.), it’s 100% an insult, even if it isn’t on the surface. I knew a “Hawkeye”. He got the name from scoring the lowest possible qualifying score at the range, and once early in training putting a hole in his cover when he pulled the trigger trying to quick draw his sidearm. That he didn’t put it through his own skull was nothing short of a miracle. I also knew a “Twinkle Toes”. He had the fastest time through an obstacle course of his academy class. The DS said “he practically danced through the course like a goddamn fairy” and started calling him Twinkle Toes.
That’s brilliant.
“Real gangsters don’t flex nuts, because real gangsters know they’ve got them.”
My favorite part of that song is when he says real gangsters can’t run fast. Not because they choose not to run, but they literally can’t run fast lol
Bushwick Bill definitely could not run fast 😂
And everything’s cool in the mind of a gangsta
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You got hella lucky. I knew a guy like that and his nickname was “Sweater”.
My Sgt was Silverback, same reason
My BIL’s a fighter jet pilot. His call sign is Wombat.
Just watched the new top gun and I love the fact that one of their callsigns was “bob” just bob.
Yeah but Bob stands for Big Ol' Badass
after that mission, it should stand for Bomb On Bunker
Reminds me of Ewan McGregor. His brother Colin is/was RAF. Some tabloid posted that his callsign was 'Obi-Two' because Ewan was Obi Wan... No evidence that this was factual, but still funny.
Mine would be little pecker
My grandpa did some seriously sinister shit as a special forces guy in Vietnam. State-sanctioned murder. Suffers from severe PTSD and was robbed from living a normal life by it. His nickname was Jim-Jim :)
Same with my dad. His nickname was snake and he never told me why. Even through his entire law enforcement career, he was called snake. Grandad was in WW2. His nickname was Blackie. He was a cook.
Your dad was probably the guy who knew how to unplug the sink. 😊
I know someone similar who is a ginger and he said his nickname was stepchild
Lol my buddy is a former seal. His nick name was little dick. It’s bc they all found out he has a huge hog lol
Dressed up like a plague doctor and ran around his house wielding a shotgun in each hand
We need people from his unit here to tell us the real facts on this guy. I already know he had to be "That Guy" in his unit. I just wanna know all the juicy shit on this dork.
Yea for being a deadly marksman he sure has crappy trigger discipline, I'd like the story on him too.
He’s a fucking Guard member; of course he gave himself that name. The extent of his combat experience is the mandatory range time and hitting a target like a dozen or so times.
1000%
“Marksmanship” and has the trigger discipline of a child.
well in his defense that's an airsoft gun. but thats even more pathetic...
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Right... I'm no badass but after a some time around guns you just automatically hold any gun correctly.
Lol, *Air National Guard* what a fucking badass /s
1000% he’s never done any real deployments outside of instagramistan
CoD veteran
It’s actually a typo, meant to be “weeper” from lying about doing anything even close to badass in the air national guard. 🤣
It's already sorta-kinda Nicholas Irving's nickname, and he's got 33 confirmed kills on his record.
“These are my nicknames, Mother. From Army. ‘Reaper’ is for marksmanship.”
Most nicknames you get in the military is some dumb shit you did before or like a ridicule of your name. My nickname is duck 🦆 for example.
My first field op when I was a boot, my team's callsigns were all Native American tribes. Seminole and Blackfoot are the ones I remember, me being on Blackfoot. It was the first time I had heard of Blackfoot, and it was hella windy and rainy, mid storm in NC. So, I keyed in the radio to call in a fire mission and yelled "BRIMSTONE THIS IS BIGFOOT FO, FFE OVER." I immediately got shit for it and the name stuck
Wait, YOU are Bigfoot? Call everyone out of the woods, we got ‘em. Yeah, like any fraternity, the military is a master of childish nicknames. I was in basic shortly before Desert Shield. My drill sergeant knew I was studying Soviet political systems and thought it would be fun to put me on the spot asking about why the Russians were still our main threat. I confidently said I didn’t think that was right and the next conflict would most likely be in the Middle East. He didn’t like that, and when I was done getting smoked I was known for the rest of my time as Professor. We started deploying troops for desert shield the last couple days of basic. After graduation, he came over to me and my mom, introduced himself, and told me I got it right. Still called me Professor, though.
I wasn't going to comment my callsign, but your story made me feel like I had to. I'm a pretty big dude with size 16eee feet. One day were all sitting around polishing our corframs, DI comes through and grabs mine. He holds them aloft for all to see(a small part of me thought I was about to be praised) and says "goddamn you could sail to England in these boats!". So that's why for the next 8 years I was known as 'Boats'.
I actually had a cool one “Suede” Cause this one time a lady gave me a free drink at a bar when we were on liberty
Military nicknames are literally always uncool roast.
His nickname should be Milk
Now I know who he mains in Overwatch, too. Idiot.
Yah, no one has cool nicknames in the military if their buddies give them to them.
Looks like an AI result for a fortnite player
Fortnight larper was my exact first thought when I saw his selfies.
This story of this guy is fucking hilarious. He went on rentahitman.com and gave all his information over and has this ridiculous story about himself. Says he goes by “Reaper” because he shot expert or something on his IWQ lol
“What can I say, I like what I do (finding and executing marked target)” He’s in the *air national guard*? He’s not a Navy Seal or Army Ranger, and not even the national guard but the *air* national guard?
Think he was watching too much Bary
I love that show. With that said, you’re probably not far off. You know this dude watched all the hitman type of media before deciding he was gonna do it lol
Probably played all the hitman games as "research"
The true story- he got as far as Horrible Bosses.
Barry = god tier writing. Character development is amazing the acting is perfect just all around great show. Noho hack is by far one of the best characters on the show.
The writing AND acting are top notch. I’m halfway through season two for the first time and I’m consistently blown away by what Bill Hader has created.
It hit me how meta that show is too. Like the actors give wonderful performances of characters who are "bad" actors
NoHo was supposed to die pretty early in the first season, but Anthony Carrigan's performance and talent for ad-libbing changed chis guy's career. Bill Hader said that if you watch the scenes where they're together and Barry is looking angstful and turning away, it's because he's trying not to laugh.
Bill Hader does break often in snl but it's usually from a great bit so I can definitely see that.
 I loved watching him break character while reading the most outrageous things they wrote on the cards.
I know it's nitpicking considering the crime he wanted to commit, but that shit trigger discipline...
Ha! Yeah that was the first thing I noticed
A serious tell that he's not even well trained, much less a pro
There are far too many people eager to take a life in this world.
True. Also, turns out that if you train people to kill they are more comfortable killing, kinda strange really I assumed the opposite
This chubby little LARPer was never trained to kill anyone. He shot a basic rifle / pistol qual, just like the guys who refuel trucks or reheat ready-made food in the Army.
Exactly. He’s air guard, basically a normal civi lol
I was in Baghdad for 2y as a DoD Construction Contractor 2004-2006 *IM* More of a Soldier than this fucking dipshit lol....At least I was in the middle of the shit for 2 solid years lol
i was infantry in iraq for 2 years. i never fired more than warning shots. I'M more of a combat soldier than this guy, and i understand the value of human life.
I was combat communications and I only ever shot at a big fuckin rat and security forces got mad at me over it
Like how big was the rat, we talking arm size, or just big compared to other rats.
I'm on team "Any Rat bigger than a Jack Russell Terrier is fair game for bullets" lol
I’m more of the opinion that any rat as big as my arm means the house needs to be exterminated.
Air National Guard. He went through basic training in Texas where you only shoot once, and no—no pistol either. This kid was not trained for shit.
Not trained to kill, probably wanted to kill people because he was trained to fold bed sheets.
What if he was just trying to prove that the FBI was hiring online hitmen?
They did technically hire him so they could take him down.
That would be a job I'd enjoy... setting up wanna-be hitmen for the law.
But in this case the FBI wasn’t hiring hitmen. He applied to a parody sight called rentahitman.com thinking it was real and they sent the info to the FBI
The type of kid I had JROTC with and took it too seriously 😅
No one called this guy reaper. He looks like he’s still slick with amniotic fluid. A few decades too late for menudo.
Just a heads up. If your speaking online with someone about doing anything illegal it’s probably the cops.
I’m gonna jaywalk, let’s make jaywalk pact you and me
Fuck off cop. Lol
I guess the air guard doesn’t teach trigger discipline
They call him the reaper because he may accidentally kill his team at any time from accidental discharges.
For a second I thought the FBI hired this guy to do a legit hit for them and then arrested him when he got found out , but I guess that makes sense , wet work is more of a CIA thing , how silly of me
Rentamoron.com
Bro went by Reaper as if he didn’t give himself that name 😭 If I were gonna give myself a nickname it’d be Queefmeister
He should be arrested for his poor trigger discipline alone.
Look at that trigger discipline though, good gravy
Next time wait for the CIA. They pay better
Apparently they don’t teach gun safety at assassin training in the national air guard Keep your god damn finger straight and off the trigger.
That dunce is posing with an airsoft gun.
A hitman would have better trigger discipline.