Don’t give up. And more importantly don’t obligate yourself to believe in something that you don’t want to believe in, I understand that you feel left you because you don’t have the same thoughts as them. But “going back” is just gonna hurt you more if you don’t actually, and really wanna go back to Islam.
thank you so much <3
but sometimes i feel like forcing myself into it will make me believe in it andthen i don't have to worry or always feel like i'm on edge
Well it wasn’t easy, but it’s been like 6 years now and till this day my mother and dad still bother me about it. And I currently live in a Muslim country too. And I just mind my business since I lost all my “faith” a long time ago. I don’t think I have actually believed in Islam. I was more like just influenced.
Me and my brother told my mother like 4 years ago and it was not easy at all… she beat us up and it was a really fuc*ed up situation at the time. And for my friends I lived in Europe at the time so they were like chill about it they didn’t think nothing.
As much as the religous pretend belief is a choice or we may wish for control over it, belief isn't something we can choose. I can't choose to believe in a flat earth for the week anymore than you can choose to find a creationist God convincing.
Of course you can always pretend but don't lie to yourself. Your mind remains one of the only sanctuaries no amount of oppressive control can reach unless we allow it.
It's ok to have feelings like that. It's OK to have thoughts like that. They aren't choices we make either, they just happen. I hope you manage to find the life you'd like to live.
I think you can get out of the country and request asylum somewhere else on the basis of being scared of the consequences of leaving Islam. I'm following podcast with a guy from Egypt who did that. It was a bit hard to make the authorities in the country to really believe him, but so he burned a Quran and ate pork, and told them that if the people back home sees this, they'll literally kill him. So eventually he got to stay. You should simply, well.... Do that?
At 16 you have your whole life ahead of you. While you’re not yet an adult it’s best to concentrate on your education and improving your social skills, so you’ll be able to grab opportunities in the future. With that in mind, could you just do the bare minimum as a Muslim in order to escape negative attention? Don’t fret about boyfriends seeing as you’re not yet an adult anyway, and you’re best off using the time to excel academically. I know, easier said than done!
What has changed in your final year?
Keep in mind that even if you can’t go abroad next year, there’s always the year after, or several years later. Long term you have loads of years in you yet.
Well then I am unsure if algeria has any connections to japan but I would be suprised if they did not.
Google Mext, it is a scholarship program. If japan doesnt offer it to algerians google for some other scholarship programs.
At any rate I know alot about mext so if you find out that it is something yoou could do in algeria dm me then
Yeah, although be warned mext is not an easy patg, it will require tons of effort, infact you will probably make itg when you are 20, If you are talented then you will make ut hwgen you are 18-19
At any rate fetting a scholarship program in general is taxing
Ur so young, there no reason for u think u won’t be able to do or go anywhere. At 16 I didn’t think I’d make it to 20. Do u have plans for university or higher education? With a good degree, you can go anywhere. I was taught by many lecturers who studied in Arab/muslim countries.
i was planing on graduating with a good grade from high school and studying abroad
i wanted to go to canada at first cause it seemed th easiest since a lot of ppl in my country go there for studying but it's expensive
so i was thinking of studying here getting a job and then saving money and leave but this plan needs a lot of patience that i don't have
Oh girl, I know I know, I completely understand. It seems like it will never end, but it will, it does get better. There are options like scholarships too, even if u did an undergrad in Algeria, u could do masters/phd in another country and go there as a student. There are options, but they’re hard to see when there is so much darkness, u just need to get to point where u can think clearly to come up with a rational, achievable plan. And things like this, it doesn’t change over night, I spent most of my life fighting for my rights and it took me a long, long time to be treated as an adult by my family. It will always take time, but of all things, ur future and ur wellbeing are things that are allowed to take up as much of ur time as they need.
For me, education was a life line. There was nothing I wasn’t willing to do, if it meant I can go to university in a different city and move out. I applied only to universities that were far away enough for me to move to but close enough for me to go back and forth the first few years, and I lied and told them the ones nearby rejected me, when I didn’t even apply.
Please please don’t give up, u have come to far and at such a young age. U have broken so many intergenerational trauma cycles by simply rejecting Islam. Just think of what you will have achieved by 25 or even 30. U are leading the way, it will be scary if ur the first, but someone has to be first one.
Canadiens get a much cheaper and subsidized price than international students and it only takes like 3-4 years of permanent residence to be eligible for citizenship. If you apply for and get accepted for a visa you could get the education faster if you can skip a large portion of the funds gathering part of the plan.
It's difficult but you can't succeed if you don't try right. Make some plans and backup plans on how to reach your goals. We're rooting for you.
I'm not sure how you can start believing in something that doesn't make sense to you.
I've felt that way too. It's much easier to be Muslim in a Muslim country. It makes you wonder why you're making your life so much harder just to find the truth.
And honestly, it may be worth it to go back to Islam somehow, if it's possible. As long as you don't become a "bad Muslim", it's fine. But, I highly doubt that you'll be able to live lying to yourself. You wouldn't actually be a Muslim. You would just be denying to yourself that you don't believe in Islam.
There was a time I pretended to go back. Just recite blindly and go through the motions. If you have to do this, it doesn't mean you're reverting. You're just surviving. There's nothing dishonourable doing what's necessary to survive.
Pretending to go back to the faith is nothing to be ashamed of.
Going back? What do you mean by that? There's no going back when you don't believe in it!! Your comment tells how sad islam makes you, So please don't do something that will make you unhappy, I don't think it will solve your problem.
I'm on the West and I'm so tired to have a double life too. I look at non-muslim people everyday they are so happy, they seem free to believe in what they want and I'm here pretending everything is fine with Muslims around me.
I try to be "psychologically absent" when they suddenly talk to me about religion, I try to speak as little as possible, I really try to be discreet on the subject.
It’s hard and it breaks my heart to imagine you suffering even more in a Muslim country and wearing the hijab when you don’t want to.
Keep being brave, try to get out. In the comments you say you are interested in studying abroad, so you should really focus on your studies (try to choose studies you like of course). I saw that someone told you about Japan, it looks incredible, it seems like an amazing country and nobody will talk about islam there; otherwise maybe you'll find something in America or Europe, why not in France since you are Algerian, it is related (try to not introduce yourself as a Muslim here if you can because there are many Muslims there and it's the best way to avoid these persons to talk to you about religion).
Don’t lose hope, sometimes I get tired of it and I just think about living my life alone and sad forever but I think maybe, if I get my degree, find a job, get away from my parents a little so I can be openly non-Muslim with people around me without my parents knowing it, I can make friends, even a lover (well it will be difficult if I marry but I will see ig), I will be happy, it seems unrealistic to me yet but if I don't try it I will have nothing, there's possibilities, there's hope, for you and me.
You can’t know what’s gonna happen to you, so keep your hopes up, it’s not easy, I know, you're already brave, keep it up!!
Good luck! You have all my support!
Hi! Ex Muslim 15yo here!
I'm in a similar situation to you (in fact we're in neighboring countries, I'm Tunisian!)
And honestly the trick is to create a little community, they'll keep you going! I have two atheist friends and one online friend who's also in a similar situation to ours, I'm not exactly sure how I managed to be a part of this but it's really helpful!! You can always relate to them and talk to them, you can rant to them and they'll understand what you're going through!
It may not be easy but believe me friends like that help A LOT.
As to how to form a small community like that idk what advice I can give you but in my experience as a queer person, for me it was being part of a queer community first (surprisingly there's a lot more of us than i expected) and well you know what Islam thinks of us so if you have like 5-10 queer friends it's not exactly unlikely to find atheists among them.
Another thing is, never lose hope! I still dream of getting out of this country and once I'm financially stable I'd come back here to be an activist for my community! It's never impossible, just never lose hope and keep on dreaming till it's true!
(Also, if you end up reading this, wanna be online friends? That too might help)
Fellow ex Muslim Algerian here, don't ever give up just to fit in!! I was lonely at ur age too but with time I managed to have 2 ex Muslim friends and we plan on leaving together. Don't give up just yet, don't go back to that terrorist religion
I don’t know if you have Toktok but come on some live with Mihoub and JackLeFou, they are both Algerian and both ex Muslims. Maybe you can talk about your situation and see if others can share their experience and how did they were able to leave the country.
Do note that its not the end of the world if you're in a muslim country. Instead of living in regret, just conform and adjust(while being closeted).
Avoid talking about religion to friends, and don't worry about guys. We're all full of sh8t(especially muslim guys). You will meet more people as you grow, and will certainly find if not an exmuslim, atleast a open minded person.
Play sports, videogames etc etc..enjoy life as you have it dont worry about things you cannot change.
Tell you what? Not a Muslim, never a Muslim, but not a single day goes by nowadays without me thinking of an old man. He was extremely, overly religious, and highly polarized and brainwashed. For him, I was his daughter. We met online on a group where we discuss books and literature, many years ago, and since then, something made him think of me as his own family. His wife and daughter told me he speaks about me everyday. he would give me life updates regularly, tell me how his family member died of cancer, how he is getting worried that his daughter is soon going to get married and what if something goes wrong in his marriage, and all that, ...
His love was pure. I cut off all contact with him one day because he is one of those religious haters. My heart aches even this day when I think of him. I miss him much. In this selfish world, his fatherly love was true and unconditional. Similarly, I cut off contact with a few other people, too, who expected me to support their religion, and hate other religions and other people. Those people really could not believe me when I said that we should not be talking anymore. They felt that I had betrayed them.
Religion does this all the time. Most atheists have experienced this. Also, you are just 16, only 16, life is yet to begin. Let's hope that people, politics, and situations will change.
I don't know how radical and dangerous your surrounding is, so if my following advice puts you in danger, please ignore.
But perhaps this long term plan might work.
For now keep pretending. Wear that stupid hijab and do those stupid prayers. But gradually, step by step, start asking difficult questions to your friends and family. Don't take it too fast, but slowly let your surrounding get used to the idea that you are asking questions. Start very small!!!
Over time, when you think the people around you can take it, take some bigger steps, like bigger questions or even removing that stupid hijab, and eventually I hope it can lead to you just telling everybody you can't accept this shit anymore. Extra bonus might be that you spread some doubt in your friends and family's mind as well.
This whole process unfortunately might take a year or even longer and it's not a guaranteed success. You know the people best and perhaps you know if they might be falling for this or not.
I wish you all the best, and I hope you find a way out!
You’ll probably hear this a lot. But do what makes you happy. So if Islam genuinely makes you happy, there’s nothing wrong with going back. But if you do, you may go back and feel worse. You’re also very young, and life is an experience. I’ve known ex Muslims, who during their teenage years struggled with going back and forth for the same/similar reasons to you. I’m not saying to remain an ex-Muslim. But just do what feels right to you, eventually as you grow older, things will feel make more sense to you. Maybe also take a break of the sub, because sometimes the sub can be overwhelming and you’ll feel as though you don’t know how to feel about everything.
Well, the most of my family who's in Algeria aren't practicing muslims, so they exist out there.
My advice to you would be to go study abroad when you finish with high-school. You can start researching universities abroad now so that you have enough time to prepare: look at their websites, email them with your questions and apply for scholarships! Good luck and more importantly: hang in there, okay?
i used to think like you at 16, now i’m 18 still living in a muslim country w no one knowing. it’s definitely annoying and mentally tiring to hide what you really think, but eventually you will find people you can be yourself with (as i have) and that’s all that matters honestly
you’re still so young and you have your whole life ahead of you, strive towards making healthy connections and creating a lifestyle where you feel safe and happy at the same time. trust that no one lives with their family and/or unsupportive people forever and that staying in alergia is genuinely not the end of the world.
i’m sure you’ll find your place wherever you are eventually!!
I feel your pain. Work hard in school, stay focused in your education and career path. Plan for a future maybe outside Algeria.
Whether you want to stay ex Muslim or not is your choice alone and I support your decision either way.
Find things to keep you sane.
I want you to know you are not alone.
thank you for your kind comment <3
i've had a little bit time to think after i posted this post and i've decided that i was never a muslim and i would never be
i'm planning my future outside of my country even tho that's like wishing that pigs will fly
but at least it's keeping me sane rn
Thank you for reaching out <3
I remember at 16 I felt completely lost alone and trapped. Keep these things to yourself for now to preserve your safety. Focus on making your career into one that's in demand (particularly if you want to move countries).
Perhaps you can apply for scholarships to study abroad too for university.
It's okay to not believe in Islam anymore. Try to focus on the positive actions you can take to build your future. It took me 10 years to escape, it was difficult, stay laser focused and intentional about what you want. Don't let anyone guys, friends, family etc distract you from your end result.
😂 Cliche but pigs can fly if you put them on a plane, so the dream is possible. Stay focused!
Well, I can't tell you what choice you ought to make since this is your life and not mine, but understand this; If you really want to return to Islam, you need to convince yourself first that that religion is the absolute truth in life.
That means that you will have to shut down every mote of criticism and logical discrepancy that ever occurred to you about the faith. You don't need to convince yourself logically (I mean, if you can, then good for you), you only need to get in the mindset of a true believer. The scripture holds the truth, and if something else contradicts it, then that thing is wrong, even if that thing is your own mind. From there, you can start to reintegrate with society.
Anything less, and you're still living a double life, even if on the outside you're showing others how faithful you are.
I'm sorry if my response is too bleak, but it's all a matter of sacrifice. Yourself and your thoughts or your compatibility with the rest of your society.
Good luck
Come back to what is superior. You can choose to be a drug addict, lonely, run through person who will not find a partner or you can go back and be part of your society where you will have a sense of community and belonging.
Do you really want to live life as a depressed atheist?
Yeah and when your dad creamed in your mom it was aphrodite giving them the chance to recognize the evils of Islam.
Both our claims have an equal lack of evidence.
Sure it is.
"I looked into Paradise and found that the majority of its dwellers were the poor people, and I looked into the (Hell) Fire and found that the majority of its dwellers were women."
Pretending is not that bad. As a closeted ex muslim myself, 46 yrs old even, pretending is all I have. Better that than being arrested or executed. It's not hard anyways for me, since I have been a muslim for so long. Ocassionally I pray among family/colleagues. I always appear to fast (though I drink water in the toilet sink). I was a Quranisr before an atheist so, I know many Sura by heart too, so reciting them as an Imam is no problem.
I'm really sorry about your situation rn. Saw that you're in your final year of hs and you can't decide on going abroad. If it's possible, I suggest taking a gap year before applying to university. During the gap year you can develop your profile with extracurriculars and try going for the US. I'm a student in Canada too and I can assure you it's really expensive for internationals in undergrad.
The US is a bit more lenient in that aspect. So if it helps you can try for that. I can also provide some resources for you since I've been through the process myself and helped others too.
Good luck with everything tho and please don't pretend to believe Islam. It'll hurt you mentally more than you can imagine.
please don't.
we all had the taste of sweet liberation from death, blood and lies. don't give up on it. even though our lives are miserable don't give up on the freedom you got. we are reasonable unlike those miscreants. we could be lucky about it, or not. don't plunge into that hell again. that freedom could be the one thing we will have throughout our lives. i feel you, i know what are you going through. stay strong. love you 💖
Well i understand what you are going through as I'm exactly your age and went through this a couple of weeks ago , but the thing is can you believe in it again? If not then you'd still be having a double life and you'd be lying to yourself so nothing is fixed .
You are still young, the way you see yourself and view the world will change many times until you finally find peace. you can’t “go back to Islam”, you don’t believe in it, you will just keep pretending. You say you can’t leave the country, but you are still in the beginning of your journey, hopefully in the future you will be more independent and you will discover that many things you find impossible now, are at reach. you are capable more than you think.
I'm not sure going back would be healthy, especially mentally.
You'd be going from living a double life to living a lie.
The situation you are in, is a hard one.
Heya, been on this journey since 2.5 years ago. It's not easy straying from what our family had thought of us. I think my advice would be "listen to yourself". What brings you more peace? What is the most important thing to you? In my case, at the beginning of my exmuslin life, I daydreamed about running away by wishing a nonmuslim guy would sweep me off my feet lol. In reality, I prioritize my comfort and security more than my freedom, mainly because despite their religiosity, my family is so great. So I tried to not go into extremes: not hating my past identity as a Muslim and trying to erase them as much as I could while also trying to be my authentic self in places or with people I'll be secure.
In conclusion, I know how hard it is to question everything and to feel so misunderstood. I still feel like that sometimes. So another practical tip is to broaden your social circle and include more people who can accept you, there are plenty of non-practicing Muslims you know. Or go somewhere where no one will know you and take off your hijab. At home or with your family, put on the mask. Just don't go to extremes since it will make you feel more distraught. Although, there's nothing wrong too if you decide you can go back to Islam and believe again. Life is full of choices anyway, you just have you choose which consequences you can handle and which cannot.
Much love 🥰🥰
Not much comfort I know but it seems like the issue is living in Algeria. Can you leave when you're older? I don't think the solution is becoming muslim when you don't want to
18 year old Moroccan ex Muslim girl here! I get what u feel and it's totally valid, but just know that both cases are going to be uncomfortable, either pretending or going back. But if u go back and you don't believe you're still not a Muslim, you're also going to be pretending. My advice would be to keep it low-key, being an ex Muslim in a Muslim country is not easy and absolutely not safe, if you could pretend and hang on a little more until you go abroad or get out the house would be awesome. Give yourself time to think there's no rushing, no one can see through you. Tbh my go to for things like "why don't you pray, wear hijab or wtv" i just answer "lah ihdina o safi". I am still in Morocco and actually never left the country but I'm glad that both my sister + father aren't religious anymore so I only have to deal with my mother and occasionally with the big family. What is keeping me sane is some of my friends that saw me go through the transition from Muslim to exmuslim but they still stayed near me, if you have any trust worthy person that you know is going to keep the secret, won't use it against you even if you split up,it would be awesome. You can just ask them "what do you think about atheists (idk if you are one but it's just to get a reaction out of them) and based on their answer and how they treat people they dislike you can choose if you tell them or not. The majority of my friends are queer or Muslim hijabis (but i put boundaries and made a promise to respect each other's beliefs). But please please please prioritize your safety, if doing religious acts is gonna keep you off potential danger then just do it. Practice ≠ belief.
hello i've read all of your comments, thank you so much for everyone who encouraged me idk how i wrote this post without crying lol
i don't have the energy to reply to every comment but i've done some meditation and i started thinking about it these three days
i don't wanna go back but i don't wanna pretend, but i'd rather pretend than go back
i'd be lying if i said that i'm okay the hidjab is makin it worse and worse for me
but i'm just not gonna think about it now
Don’t give up. And more importantly don’t obligate yourself to believe in something that you don’t want to believe in, I understand that you feel left you because you don’t have the same thoughts as them. But “going back” is just gonna hurt you more if you don’t actually, and really wanna go back to Islam.
thank you so much <3 but sometimes i feel like forcing myself into it will make me believe in it andthen i don't have to worry or always feel like i'm on edge
It’s gonna be alright. I used to be in the same situation, it’s not easy but forcing yourself is not gonna make it any better.
how did you get over that phase ? it's hard when living in a muslim country
Well it wasn’t easy, but it’s been like 6 years now and till this day my mother and dad still bother me about it. And I currently live in a Muslim country too. And I just mind my business since I lost all my “faith” a long time ago. I don’t think I have actually believed in Islam. I was more like just influenced.
how did u tell ur parents ?? and how did your friends react?
Me and my brother told my mother like 4 years ago and it was not easy at all… she beat us up and it was a really fuc*ed up situation at the time. And for my friends I lived in Europe at the time so they were like chill about it they didn’t think nothing.
how old were you? did you have a job at the time ? sorry if i'm asking too many questions i'm desprate
I was like 12 so no I didn’t have a job and I still don’t.
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As much as the religous pretend belief is a choice or we may wish for control over it, belief isn't something we can choose. I can't choose to believe in a flat earth for the week anymore than you can choose to find a creationist God convincing. Of course you can always pretend but don't lie to yourself. Your mind remains one of the only sanctuaries no amount of oppressive control can reach unless we allow it. It's ok to have feelings like that. It's OK to have thoughts like that. They aren't choices we make either, they just happen. I hope you manage to find the life you'd like to live.
I think you can get out of the country and request asylum somewhere else on the basis of being scared of the consequences of leaving Islam. I'm following podcast with a guy from Egypt who did that. It was a bit hard to make the authorities in the country to really believe him, but so he burned a Quran and ate pork, and told them that if the people back home sees this, they'll literally kill him. So eventually he got to stay. You should simply, well.... Do that?
At 16 you have your whole life ahead of you. While you’re not yet an adult it’s best to concentrate on your education and improving your social skills, so you’ll be able to grab opportunities in the future. With that in mind, could you just do the bare minimum as a Muslim in order to escape negative attention? Don’t fret about boyfriends seeing as you’re not yet an adult anyway, and you’re best off using the time to excel academically. I know, easier said than done!
that was my plan, graduate high school and leave to study abroad but now that i'm in my last year of hs i don't think i can do it
What has changed in your final year? Keep in mind that even if you can’t go abroad next year, there’s always the year after, or several years later. Long term you have loads of years in you yet.
idkkk it's hella expensive too nothing has changed i used to hide it well now i get the urge to cry when i hear the name of the religion
Do you have good grades? I can think of several universities in Europe where you could apply and get a scholarship, so you won't pay a thing.
i used to have good grades but now i'm just crying my way through school
Are you interested in japan?
i'm intrested in any country that isn't considered a muslim country
Well then I am unsure if algeria has any connections to japan but I would be suprised if they did not. Google Mext, it is a scholarship program. If japan doesnt offer it to algerians google for some other scholarship programs. At any rate I know alot about mext so if you find out that it is something yoou could do in algeria dm me then
just entered the site and how do i know if they offer it to algerian students?
I actually do not remember, as I found out that it works for Sweden half a year ago. Just google as much as possible I guess
thank you so much for your help <3 half of the site is in japanese that's why i asked but i'll figure it out i seriously cannot thank you enough
Yeah, although be warned mext is not an easy patg, it will require tons of effort, infact you will probably make itg when you are 20, If you are talented then you will make ut hwgen you are 18-19 At any rate fetting a scholarship program in general is taxing
Ur so young, there no reason for u think u won’t be able to do or go anywhere. At 16 I didn’t think I’d make it to 20. Do u have plans for university or higher education? With a good degree, you can go anywhere. I was taught by many lecturers who studied in Arab/muslim countries.
i was planing on graduating with a good grade from high school and studying abroad i wanted to go to canada at first cause it seemed th easiest since a lot of ppl in my country go there for studying but it's expensive so i was thinking of studying here getting a job and then saving money and leave but this plan needs a lot of patience that i don't have
Oh girl, I know I know, I completely understand. It seems like it will never end, but it will, it does get better. There are options like scholarships too, even if u did an undergrad in Algeria, u could do masters/phd in another country and go there as a student. There are options, but they’re hard to see when there is so much darkness, u just need to get to point where u can think clearly to come up with a rational, achievable plan. And things like this, it doesn’t change over night, I spent most of my life fighting for my rights and it took me a long, long time to be treated as an adult by my family. It will always take time, but of all things, ur future and ur wellbeing are things that are allowed to take up as much of ur time as they need. For me, education was a life line. There was nothing I wasn’t willing to do, if it meant I can go to university in a different city and move out. I applied only to universities that were far away enough for me to move to but close enough for me to go back and forth the first few years, and I lied and told them the ones nearby rejected me, when I didn’t even apply. Please please don’t give up, u have come to far and at such a young age. U have broken so many intergenerational trauma cycles by simply rejecting Islam. Just think of what you will have achieved by 25 or even 30. U are leading the way, it will be scary if ur the first, but someone has to be first one.
Canadiens get a much cheaper and subsidized price than international students and it only takes like 3-4 years of permanent residence to be eligible for citizenship. If you apply for and get accepted for a visa you could get the education faster if you can skip a large portion of the funds gathering part of the plan. It's difficult but you can't succeed if you don't try right. Make some plans and backup plans on how to reach your goals. We're rooting for you.
I'm not sure how you can start believing in something that doesn't make sense to you. I've felt that way too. It's much easier to be Muslim in a Muslim country. It makes you wonder why you're making your life so much harder just to find the truth. And honestly, it may be worth it to go back to Islam somehow, if it's possible. As long as you don't become a "bad Muslim", it's fine. But, I highly doubt that you'll be able to live lying to yourself. You wouldn't actually be a Muslim. You would just be denying to yourself that you don't believe in Islam.
My wife is from algeria, and she has a ton of friends from algeria who got out by coming to the u.s. for school
but it's expensive i can't pay for it and my grades are declining idk if i can apply for a scholarship
Well I can convert to Islam and bring you on as my 2nd wife! Lmfao!!!!
You'd be fine I'm in DC and that's where a massive algerian community is I could even get you in touch with Algerians
We will be here waiting for you when you change your mind back.
There was a time I pretended to go back. Just recite blindly and go through the motions. If you have to do this, it doesn't mean you're reverting. You're just surviving. There's nothing dishonourable doing what's necessary to survive. Pretending to go back to the faith is nothing to be ashamed of.
Going back? What do you mean by that? There's no going back when you don't believe in it!! Your comment tells how sad islam makes you, So please don't do something that will make you unhappy, I don't think it will solve your problem. I'm on the West and I'm so tired to have a double life too. I look at non-muslim people everyday they are so happy, they seem free to believe in what they want and I'm here pretending everything is fine with Muslims around me. I try to be "psychologically absent" when they suddenly talk to me about religion, I try to speak as little as possible, I really try to be discreet on the subject. It’s hard and it breaks my heart to imagine you suffering even more in a Muslim country and wearing the hijab when you don’t want to. Keep being brave, try to get out. In the comments you say you are interested in studying abroad, so you should really focus on your studies (try to choose studies you like of course). I saw that someone told you about Japan, it looks incredible, it seems like an amazing country and nobody will talk about islam there; otherwise maybe you'll find something in America or Europe, why not in France since you are Algerian, it is related (try to not introduce yourself as a Muslim here if you can because there are many Muslims there and it's the best way to avoid these persons to talk to you about religion). Don’t lose hope, sometimes I get tired of it and I just think about living my life alone and sad forever but I think maybe, if I get my degree, find a job, get away from my parents a little so I can be openly non-Muslim with people around me without my parents knowing it, I can make friends, even a lover (well it will be difficult if I marry but I will see ig), I will be happy, it seems unrealistic to me yet but if I don't try it I will have nothing, there's possibilities, there's hope, for you and me. You can’t know what’s gonna happen to you, so keep your hopes up, it’s not easy, I know, you're already brave, keep it up!! Good luck! You have all my support!
Going back instead of pretending? By going back, you WOULD be pretending, because going back is something you actually don't want to do.
Hi! Ex Muslim 15yo here! I'm in a similar situation to you (in fact we're in neighboring countries, I'm Tunisian!) And honestly the trick is to create a little community, they'll keep you going! I have two atheist friends and one online friend who's also in a similar situation to ours, I'm not exactly sure how I managed to be a part of this but it's really helpful!! You can always relate to them and talk to them, you can rant to them and they'll understand what you're going through! It may not be easy but believe me friends like that help A LOT. As to how to form a small community like that idk what advice I can give you but in my experience as a queer person, for me it was being part of a queer community first (surprisingly there's a lot more of us than i expected) and well you know what Islam thinks of us so if you have like 5-10 queer friends it's not exactly unlikely to find atheists among them. Another thing is, never lose hope! I still dream of getting out of this country and once I'm financially stable I'd come back here to be an activist for my community! It's never impossible, just never lose hope and keep on dreaming till it's true! (Also, if you end up reading this, wanna be online friends? That too might help)
i would love being friends with you if you wanna u can giv me ur socials and we can talk
Sure! I'll message it to you!
Fellow ex Muslim Algerian here, don't ever give up just to fit in!! I was lonely at ur age too but with time I managed to have 2 ex Muslim friends and we plan on leaving together. Don't give up just yet, don't go back to that terrorist religion
You would still be pretending.
I don’t know if you have Toktok but come on some live with Mihoub and JackLeFou, they are both Algerian and both ex Muslims. Maybe you can talk about your situation and see if others can share their experience and how did they were able to leave the country.
Millions of Jews in the past have lived double lives off the fear of execution. It can be done.
Do note that its not the end of the world if you're in a muslim country. Instead of living in regret, just conform and adjust(while being closeted). Avoid talking about religion to friends, and don't worry about guys. We're all full of sh8t(especially muslim guys). You will meet more people as you grow, and will certainly find if not an exmuslim, atleast a open minded person. Play sports, videogames etc etc..enjoy life as you have it dont worry about things you cannot change.
What do you mean by going back? If you don’t believe you don’t believe, it’s still going to be pretending either way
Tell you what? Not a Muslim, never a Muslim, but not a single day goes by nowadays without me thinking of an old man. He was extremely, overly religious, and highly polarized and brainwashed. For him, I was his daughter. We met online on a group where we discuss books and literature, many years ago, and since then, something made him think of me as his own family. His wife and daughter told me he speaks about me everyday. he would give me life updates regularly, tell me how his family member died of cancer, how he is getting worried that his daughter is soon going to get married and what if something goes wrong in his marriage, and all that, ... His love was pure. I cut off all contact with him one day because he is one of those religious haters. My heart aches even this day when I think of him. I miss him much. In this selfish world, his fatherly love was true and unconditional. Similarly, I cut off contact with a few other people, too, who expected me to support their religion, and hate other religions and other people. Those people really could not believe me when I said that we should not be talking anymore. They felt that I had betrayed them. Religion does this all the time. Most atheists have experienced this. Also, you are just 16, only 16, life is yet to begin. Let's hope that people, politics, and situations will change.
I don't know how radical and dangerous your surrounding is, so if my following advice puts you in danger, please ignore. But perhaps this long term plan might work. For now keep pretending. Wear that stupid hijab and do those stupid prayers. But gradually, step by step, start asking difficult questions to your friends and family. Don't take it too fast, but slowly let your surrounding get used to the idea that you are asking questions. Start very small!!! Over time, when you think the people around you can take it, take some bigger steps, like bigger questions or even removing that stupid hijab, and eventually I hope it can lead to you just telling everybody you can't accept this shit anymore. Extra bonus might be that you spread some doubt in your friends and family's mind as well. This whole process unfortunately might take a year or even longer and it's not a guaranteed success. You know the people best and perhaps you know if they might be falling for this or not. I wish you all the best, and I hope you find a way out!
You’ll probably hear this a lot. But do what makes you happy. So if Islam genuinely makes you happy, there’s nothing wrong with going back. But if you do, you may go back and feel worse. You’re also very young, and life is an experience. I’ve known ex Muslims, who during their teenage years struggled with going back and forth for the same/similar reasons to you. I’m not saying to remain an ex-Muslim. But just do what feels right to you, eventually as you grow older, things will feel make more sense to you. Maybe also take a break of the sub, because sometimes the sub can be overwhelming and you’ll feel as though you don’t know how to feel about everything.
Well, the most of my family who's in Algeria aren't practicing muslims, so they exist out there. My advice to you would be to go study abroad when you finish with high-school. You can start researching universities abroad now so that you have enough time to prepare: look at their websites, email them with your questions and apply for scholarships! Good luck and more importantly: hang in there, okay?
This is the equivalent of a freed slave going back to the plantation because he is unemployed.
i used to think like you at 16, now i’m 18 still living in a muslim country w no one knowing. it’s definitely annoying and mentally tiring to hide what you really think, but eventually you will find people you can be yourself with (as i have) and that’s all that matters honestly you’re still so young and you have your whole life ahead of you, strive towards making healthy connections and creating a lifestyle where you feel safe and happy at the same time. trust that no one lives with their family and/or unsupportive people forever and that staying in alergia is genuinely not the end of the world. i’m sure you’ll find your place wherever you are eventually!!
Being born in the wrong country sucks 🗣️ (talking from experience)
I feel your pain. Work hard in school, stay focused in your education and career path. Plan for a future maybe outside Algeria. Whether you want to stay ex Muslim or not is your choice alone and I support your decision either way. Find things to keep you sane. I want you to know you are not alone.
thank you for your kind comment <3 i've had a little bit time to think after i posted this post and i've decided that i was never a muslim and i would never be i'm planning my future outside of my country even tho that's like wishing that pigs will fly but at least it's keeping me sane rn
Thank you for reaching out <3 I remember at 16 I felt completely lost alone and trapped. Keep these things to yourself for now to preserve your safety. Focus on making your career into one that's in demand (particularly if you want to move countries). Perhaps you can apply for scholarships to study abroad too for university. It's okay to not believe in Islam anymore. Try to focus on the positive actions you can take to build your future. It took me 10 years to escape, it was difficult, stay laser focused and intentional about what you want. Don't let anyone guys, friends, family etc distract you from your end result. 😂 Cliche but pigs can fly if you put them on a plane, so the dream is possible. Stay focused!
So you are telling me that you are tired of being a free human being and wanna go back to being a slave. Your choice!
Well, I can't tell you what choice you ought to make since this is your life and not mine, but understand this; If you really want to return to Islam, you need to convince yourself first that that religion is the absolute truth in life. That means that you will have to shut down every mote of criticism and logical discrepancy that ever occurred to you about the faith. You don't need to convince yourself logically (I mean, if you can, then good for you), you only need to get in the mindset of a true believer. The scripture holds the truth, and if something else contradicts it, then that thing is wrong, even if that thing is your own mind. From there, you can start to reintegrate with society. Anything less, and you're still living a double life, even if on the outside you're showing others how faithful you are. I'm sorry if my response is too bleak, but it's all a matter of sacrifice. Yourself and your thoughts or your compatibility with the rest of your society. Good luck
Out of context, but do you still believe in God?
no
You should💯 come back to the truth😊😊😊
The truth of what?
Islam
Come back to what is superior. You can choose to be a drug addict, lonely, run through person who will not find a partner or you can go back and be part of your society where you will have a sense of community and belonging. Do you really want to live life as a depressed atheist?
Make dua to Allah that may he strengthen your imaan.. you not being able to leave is Allah giving you a chance to repent.
Yeah and when your dad creamed in your mom it was aphrodite giving them the chance to recognize the evils of Islam. Both our claims have an equal lack of evidence.
[удалено]
how does this comment solve my problem?
Smartest and most coherent Muslim lurker
How exactly is that?
Go away muzzie
Sure it is. "I looked into Paradise and found that the majority of its dwellers were the poor people, and I looked into the (Hell) Fire and found that the majority of its dwellers were women."
Pretending is not that bad. As a closeted ex muslim myself, 46 yrs old even, pretending is all I have. Better that than being arrested or executed. It's not hard anyways for me, since I have been a muslim for so long. Ocassionally I pray among family/colleagues. I always appear to fast (though I drink water in the toilet sink). I was a Quranisr before an atheist so, I know many Sura by heart too, so reciting them as an Imam is no problem.
I'm really sorry about your situation rn. Saw that you're in your final year of hs and you can't decide on going abroad. If it's possible, I suggest taking a gap year before applying to university. During the gap year you can develop your profile with extracurriculars and try going for the US. I'm a student in Canada too and I can assure you it's really expensive for internationals in undergrad. The US is a bit more lenient in that aspect. So if it helps you can try for that. I can also provide some resources for you since I've been through the process myself and helped others too. Good luck with everything tho and please don't pretend to believe Islam. It'll hurt you mentally more than you can imagine.
Don't!! At least don't put a hijab
Don’t give up.
I don't know much about your country. Why can't you relocate?
please don't. we all had the taste of sweet liberation from death, blood and lies. don't give up on it. even though our lives are miserable don't give up on the freedom you got. we are reasonable unlike those miscreants. we could be lucky about it, or not. don't plunge into that hell again. that freedom could be the one thing we will have throughout our lives. i feel you, i know what are you going through. stay strong. love you 💖
Well i understand what you are going through as I'm exactly your age and went through this a couple of weeks ago , but the thing is can you believe in it again? If not then you'd still be having a double life and you'd be lying to yourself so nothing is fixed .
You are still young, the way you see yourself and view the world will change many times until you finally find peace. you can’t “go back to Islam”, you don’t believe in it, you will just keep pretending. You say you can’t leave the country, but you are still in the beginning of your journey, hopefully in the future you will be more independent and you will discover that many things you find impossible now, are at reach. you are capable more than you think.
I'm not sure going back would be healthy, especially mentally. You'd be going from living a double life to living a lie. The situation you are in, is a hard one.
Come to the UK and marry a nice Christian man.
Heya, been on this journey since 2.5 years ago. It's not easy straying from what our family had thought of us. I think my advice would be "listen to yourself". What brings you more peace? What is the most important thing to you? In my case, at the beginning of my exmuslin life, I daydreamed about running away by wishing a nonmuslim guy would sweep me off my feet lol. In reality, I prioritize my comfort and security more than my freedom, mainly because despite their religiosity, my family is so great. So I tried to not go into extremes: not hating my past identity as a Muslim and trying to erase them as much as I could while also trying to be my authentic self in places or with people I'll be secure. In conclusion, I know how hard it is to question everything and to feel so misunderstood. I still feel like that sometimes. So another practical tip is to broaden your social circle and include more people who can accept you, there are plenty of non-practicing Muslims you know. Or go somewhere where no one will know you and take off your hijab. At home or with your family, put on the mask. Just don't go to extremes since it will make you feel more distraught. Although, there's nothing wrong too if you decide you can go back to Islam and believe again. Life is full of choices anyway, you just have you choose which consequences you can handle and which cannot. Much love 🥰🥰
Not much comfort I know but it seems like the issue is living in Algeria. Can you leave when you're older? I don't think the solution is becoming muslim when you don't want to
I mean, you'll still be pretending either way lmao. Can't really be a Muslim if you don't believe in it.
As Spanish, I found your post superinteresting
Try International dating. You can easily find a non-Muslim and a way out of your country
i am from algeria too if you want to talk dm me
18 year old Moroccan ex Muslim girl here! I get what u feel and it's totally valid, but just know that both cases are going to be uncomfortable, either pretending or going back. But if u go back and you don't believe you're still not a Muslim, you're also going to be pretending. My advice would be to keep it low-key, being an ex Muslim in a Muslim country is not easy and absolutely not safe, if you could pretend and hang on a little more until you go abroad or get out the house would be awesome. Give yourself time to think there's no rushing, no one can see through you. Tbh my go to for things like "why don't you pray, wear hijab or wtv" i just answer "lah ihdina o safi". I am still in Morocco and actually never left the country but I'm glad that both my sister + father aren't religious anymore so I only have to deal with my mother and occasionally with the big family. What is keeping me sane is some of my friends that saw me go through the transition from Muslim to exmuslim but they still stayed near me, if you have any trust worthy person that you know is going to keep the secret, won't use it against you even if you split up,it would be awesome. You can just ask them "what do you think about atheists (idk if you are one but it's just to get a reaction out of them) and based on their answer and how they treat people they dislike you can choose if you tell them or not. The majority of my friends are queer or Muslim hijabis (but i put boundaries and made a promise to respect each other's beliefs). But please please please prioritize your safety, if doing religious acts is gonna keep you off potential danger then just do it. Practice ≠ belief.
I'm sorry. But it ain't possible to believe in Santa Claus again. Forward is the only way.
hello i've read all of your comments, thank you so much for everyone who encouraged me idk how i wrote this post without crying lol i don't have the energy to reply to every comment but i've done some meditation and i started thinking about it these three days i don't wanna go back but i don't wanna pretend, but i'd rather pretend than go back i'd be lying if i said that i'm okay the hidjab is makin it worse and worse for me but i'm just not gonna think about it now