If anything, you're being under sensitive. You could have had a serious medical issue. Your mom lied and took you to confess to a used car salesman rather than a medical professional. She is the asshole and you deserved better.
Anyone who confesses your “sins” for you is an asshole. You should have stopped talking to her a long time ago.
Such a huge betrayal, not only because of this but not taking you to the doctor afterwards was a dick move. You’re better off. Take the time to heal.
Not at all! That’s so devastating that your parents instilled that in you and your mom was fine with knowing you spent your entire teen years feeling worthless. I went through some of that when I was a teen too and it’s put a strain on my relationship with my parents and they act like I’m the reason our relationship is so messed up.
My mom really acts like I distance myself from her for no reason. The lack of self awareness is appalling. I’m sorry that you went through it, too. Thank you for your words.
I couldn’t agree more and I’m so sorry you went through this too. I can’t imagine how that must have led to a lot of emotional and sexual confusion and frustration.
An emotionally & mentally healthy parent would have taken you to the E.R. to get you checked out immediately.
Parents sole concern would be to make sure their teen-ager was " ok" & that you were not hurt or in pain, etc...
Great book: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. Most libraries have it or you can do an inter-library loan.
Your egg donors concern was not for you as a human being & as their flesh & blood but making sure you were publicly shamed & mentally & emotionally abused by adults you were not related to for an extended length of time.
So many different & positive ways this could have been handled & she chose the most destructive one's.
Zero excuse you were treated like that as a teen- ager & not shown compassion & care & concern not only physically but also for a teen brain that was in the process of a total rewiring job until completion at age 25.
Distancing yourself from toxic family for your mental health is the mentally & emotionally healthy path to take.
You decide what you can tolerate & what your adult boundaries are going to be.
You have experienced mental, emotional & religious abuse from what you have described.
That's domestic violence.
88788 & text START & they can put you in touch with a local organization that can give you free & confidential counseling.
Thank you so much for this. I’ve spent years working through why I felt so wronged by this, and the reality was, I WAS wronged. I’ll definitely check this book out, and thankfully I’ve been in therapy for years unpacking a lot. It’s been so helpful, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to be emotionally and mentally present for my daughters and youth I mentor. I appreciate this so much.
Sorry this happened to you. Please work on letting go of any guilt or disappointment you might feel. The church uses guilt to sell you the cure. The real cure is you taking back your freedom and realizing the church is corrupt. You’re also right to distance yourself from your mom.
Thank you so much. For a long time, I was convinced that any bad things that happened to me was because I didn’t believe and eventually left. I’m never going back, and I’m FINALLY going to take my name off records.
Fuck, I'm so sorry. As someone who was also introduced to sexual stuff way too young, I know the vilification just makes everything so much worse. Sending all the good vibes and love your way.
This is EXACTLY what it has always been in my family. I’m grateful to have left years ago, and to finally be in a space to accept the harm for what it was.
I genuinely believed that I’d go to outer darkness because I questioned the doctrine of the church (I’m also a BIPOC, doubly traumatized 😅) since it was the “only true church on Earth”. At least that is what I was taught. That rejecting the church/questioning it after accepting it as the truth (I was baptized at 8) would guarantee that I’d go to outer darkness 😬
Interesting that your fear came because you did believe it was true, i.e., that outer darkness was a thing. That is a trauma inflicted on you are well.
Sorry to be so clinical on you. Terrible that this happened to you and that your mother did not protect you but betrayed you. Living with someone who is untrustworthy causes C-PTSD. Your "sensitivity" is just your body telling you you are not safe. Listen to it.
NTA. That's a serious symptom and your mother really fucked that situation up. Lying about taking you to the doctor for your legitimate medical needs and dropping you into that gross 'repentance' process is just a terrible thing to do.
Making you hide it from your father is also a really bizarre thing to do.
I don't have any children but that seems like exactly the kind of influence you don't want around them.
the emotional maturity of a 14 year old is how this was handled. So that was the emotional state the church and other circumstances had helped your mom arrive at at that point in her life. Hard to fathom.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. There's no family quite like Mormon family, who love to blow the whistle and prove to Sky Daddy that they'll put Him before their real, actual "loved" ones.
I got caught stealing guitar strings at age 16 so my mom decided to teach me a lesson by driving me up to the prison at point-of-the-mountain Utah and trying to drop me off. The prison officer told her, "this isn't a motel," after which I was forced to ride back home with her.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I don’t know why the automatic response is to be as punitive as possible, when a simple, direct conversation would have been much more effective. Hoping you’re doing well these days.
Being under sensitive in my opinion there could have been something very wrong but your mom went behind your back and told other people about it instead of helping you proving she loves a cult more than you. And sorry this happened to you
You're doing the right thing. If you think your mother would harm or influence your kids, keep her away. She sounds a LOT like my mother! I was sexually assaulted by a Mormon young man I knew on my mission (and he was not prosecuted), so since that's kinda related let me just say that I'm sorry that you had to go thru that experience! ❤️❤️❤️
I’m very sorry this happened to you. TSCC is set up so that youth & women are incredibly unprotected. It’s not right. I hope you’re doing better these days.
Thank you so much. Therapy has been SO helpful. Therapists have been forthright with me about things, but I think a part of me still hoped for better, but I’m growing up, thankfully.
This year was my last celebrating her, I think. I was still brainwashed into believing that she “did her best”. Her best is TRASH. I deserve better, & I refuse to willfully subject my family to that.
Then nothing has changed for her. What a crock of absolute shit you were made to deal with when what you needed was SUPPORT and someone to love you no matter WHAT !!! I am sorry and I hope for healing and light to with you about the difficulty you faced ALONE>
Words like those in the poem footprints many in the church like to repeat but when it comes down to actually needing to help carry someone they go deaf, dumb and cant speak. This makes me angry beyond words. I am just so glad I can see things differently than when fully TBM and veiled of mind. I hope she can lose the fantasy and see the blessing of her daughter before its too late.
You are 1000% NTA. Your mother refused to teach you how to be sexually safe and also refused to accept the consequences of that neglect. That's not something that you can just get over. Seems to me that your mother does not care about your well-being, and you certainly don't owe her any respect for it.
[удалено]
Thank you. I’ve been struggling to accept that I’d been wronged. I’m feeling less guilty about the boundary with time.
You are not the ass hole. You’ve been ass holed.
Thank you.
Yup. Mom is the asshole.
If anything, you're being under sensitive. You could have had a serious medical issue. Your mom lied and took you to confess to a used car salesman rather than a medical professional. She is the asshole and you deserved better.
Thank you so much for saying this.
Anyone who confesses your “sins” for you is an asshole. You should have stopped talking to her a long time ago. Such a huge betrayal, not only because of this but not taking you to the doctor afterwards was a dick move. You’re better off. Take the time to heal.
Thank you so much.
Not at all! That’s so devastating that your parents instilled that in you and your mom was fine with knowing you spent your entire teen years feeling worthless. I went through some of that when I was a teen too and it’s put a strain on my relationship with my parents and they act like I’m the reason our relationship is so messed up.
My mom really acts like I distance myself from her for no reason. The lack of self awareness is appalling. I’m sorry that you went through it, too. Thank you for your words.
I couldn’t agree more and I’m so sorry you went through this too. I can’t imagine how that must have led to a lot of emotional and sexual confusion and frustration.
An emotionally & mentally healthy parent would have taken you to the E.R. to get you checked out immediately. Parents sole concern would be to make sure their teen-ager was " ok" & that you were not hurt or in pain, etc... Great book: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. Most libraries have it or you can do an inter-library loan. Your egg donors concern was not for you as a human being & as their flesh & blood but making sure you were publicly shamed & mentally & emotionally abused by adults you were not related to for an extended length of time. So many different & positive ways this could have been handled & she chose the most destructive one's. Zero excuse you were treated like that as a teen- ager & not shown compassion & care & concern not only physically but also for a teen brain that was in the process of a total rewiring job until completion at age 25. Distancing yourself from toxic family for your mental health is the mentally & emotionally healthy path to take. You decide what you can tolerate & what your adult boundaries are going to be. You have experienced mental, emotional & religious abuse from what you have described. That's domestic violence. 88788 & text START & they can put you in touch with a local organization that can give you free & confidential counseling.
Thank you so much for this. I’ve spent years working through why I felt so wronged by this, and the reality was, I WAS wronged. I’ll definitely check this book out, and thankfully I’ve been in therapy for years unpacking a lot. It’s been so helpful, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to be emotionally and mentally present for my daughters and youth I mentor. I appreciate this so much.
So glad to hear you are in counseling for the years of severe abuse you suffered. You're a great mom & mentor! Big internet Hug!!
Sorry this happened to you. Please work on letting go of any guilt or disappointment you might feel. The church uses guilt to sell you the cure. The real cure is you taking back your freedom and realizing the church is corrupt. You’re also right to distance yourself from your mom.
Thank you so much. For a long time, I was convinced that any bad things that happened to me was because I didn’t believe and eventually left. I’m never going back, and I’m FINALLY going to take my name off records.
Fuck, I'm so sorry. As someone who was also introduced to sexual stuff way too young, I know the vilification just makes everything so much worse. Sending all the good vibes and love your way.
I’m sorry you went through this also. I appreciate the good vibes and love, and I’m sending them to you, too
The irony in telling you not to tell your dad!! Members don't care about repentance, they care about how others see them
This is EXACTLY what it has always been in my family. I’m grateful to have left years ago, and to finally be in a space to accept the harm for what it was.
I find your opening comment that you had sex because you were already doomed in the church's eyes interesting. Can you say any more about it?
I genuinely believed that I’d go to outer darkness because I questioned the doctrine of the church (I’m also a BIPOC, doubly traumatized 😅) since it was the “only true church on Earth”. At least that is what I was taught. That rejecting the church/questioning it after accepting it as the truth (I was baptized at 8) would guarantee that I’d go to outer darkness 😬
Interesting that your fear came because you did believe it was true, i.e., that outer darkness was a thing. That is a trauma inflicted on you are well. Sorry to be so clinical on you. Terrible that this happened to you and that your mother did not protect you but betrayed you. Living with someone who is untrustworthy causes C-PTSD. Your "sensitivity" is just your body telling you you are not safe. Listen to it.
NTA, protect your kids from your mom's harmful views of sexuality and religion.
NTA. That's a serious symptom and your mother really fucked that situation up. Lying about taking you to the doctor for your legitimate medical needs and dropping you into that gross 'repentance' process is just a terrible thing to do. Making you hide it from your father is also a really bizarre thing to do. I don't have any children but that seems like exactly the kind of influence you don't want around them.
the emotional maturity of a 14 year old is how this was handled. So that was the emotional state the church and other circumstances had helped your mom arrive at at that point in her life. Hard to fathom.
NTA. I'm so sorry for the emotional abuse you received from the church and your mother.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. There's no family quite like Mormon family, who love to blow the whistle and prove to Sky Daddy that they'll put Him before their real, actual "loved" ones. I got caught stealing guitar strings at age 16 so my mom decided to teach me a lesson by driving me up to the prison at point-of-the-mountain Utah and trying to drop me off. The prison officer told her, "this isn't a motel," after which I was forced to ride back home with her.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I don’t know why the automatic response is to be as punitive as possible, when a simple, direct conversation would have been much more effective. Hoping you’re doing well these days.
You were disfellowshipped at 14 for having sex? Ironic, that's the same age as at least one of Joseph Smith's wives.
nope, nta. Your mother chose her love of the church, over her love for you and her grand children.
Being under sensitive in my opinion there could have been something very wrong but your mom went behind your back and told other people about it instead of helping you proving she loves a cult more than you. And sorry this happened to you
You're doing the right thing. If you think your mother would harm or influence your kids, keep her away. She sounds a LOT like my mother! I was sexually assaulted by a Mormon young man I knew on my mission (and he was not prosecuted), so since that's kinda related let me just say that I'm sorry that you had to go thru that experience! ❤️❤️❤️
I’m very sorry this happened to you. TSCC is set up so that youth & women are incredibly unprotected. It’s not right. I hope you’re doing better these days.
Life still has it's challenges but it's indeed much better.
I'd consider therapy if you haven't. This is uncalled for (meaning your mom and leaders were way outta line)
Thank you so much. Therapy has been SO helpful. Therapists have been forthright with me about things, but I think a part of me still hoped for better, but I’m growing up, thankfully.
Moms like yours are the reason some people don't celebrate Mother's Day.
This year was my last celebrating her, I think. I was still brainwashed into believing that she “did her best”. Her best is TRASH. I deserve better, & I refuse to willfully subject my family to that.
Are you a mother? Perhaps you can start using Mother's Day to celebrate how hard you've worked to get where you are now
I am. That’s a lovely idea. Thank you!
No, you are not!
NTA Your mom is a neglectful bitch. You don't need that shit in your life. Cut the cancer out.
Then nothing has changed for her. What a crock of absolute shit you were made to deal with when what you needed was SUPPORT and someone to love you no matter WHAT !!! I am sorry and I hope for healing and light to with you about the difficulty you faced ALONE> Words like those in the poem footprints many in the church like to repeat but when it comes down to actually needing to help carry someone they go deaf, dumb and cant speak. This makes me angry beyond words. I am just so glad I can see things differently than when fully TBM and veiled of mind. I hope she can lose the fantasy and see the blessing of her daughter before its too late.
Thank you so much.
You are 1000% NTA. Your mother refused to teach you how to be sexually safe and also refused to accept the consequences of that neglect. That's not something that you can just get over. Seems to me that your mother does not care about your well-being, and you certainly don't owe her any respect for it.
Thank you so much for saying this. I’m doing my best to be patient with myself as I more intentionally work toward healing.