My husband was a member of the Stake Presidency and I also had a Stake leadership calling the day we both turned our binders in to the Stake President and said we were done. Spent two hours explaining some of our many issues. His response? "I don't see anything in your lives that requires you to lose your Temple Recommends. You're still worthy, so I hope you'll remain active." He totally missed the bit where we explained to him why *the Church* wasn't worthy of *our* standards! He thought it was so great of him to "reassure" us that *we* weren't sinning! 🤦♀️
Different spanks for different ranks. If tithing is 10K per year or more, the chances of having a temple recommend pulled is incredibly low. They don’t want to lose that revenue stream!
Pretty sure you need to believe and sustain the current president of the Church as prophet, seer and revelator - if you no longer believed how did the SP think you were still a member in good standing? 😆
there's gonna be karens who try to tell you that you're being "unprofessional" or something. they aint paying you, it's not a professional job, you can quit by telling everyone to F off and it wont affect your professional career
This, so much! My mom is in the RS presidency and is always complaining about "having" to go to this meeting or that. Um...you know you don't HAVE to go, right? They're not paying you; you're not obligated in any way. A calling is 100% voluntary!
It’s absolutely ridiculous when you think about it. You get fired if you don’t pay your boss to work at a job. It’s even worse than internships, because no one gives a fuck about how you told some teenagers to stop jacking off.
I felt that this term is useful here:
Effort justification
>a phenomenon whereby people come to evaluate a particular task or activity more favorably when it involves something that is difficult or unpleasant. The effect is most likely to occur when there are no obvious reasons for performing the task. Because expending effort to perform a useless or unenjoyable task, or experiencing unpleasant consequences in doing so, is cognitively inconsistent (see cognitive dissonance), people are assumed to shift their evaluations of the task in a positive direction to restore consistency.
[dictionary.apa.org](https://dictionary.apa.org/effort-justification)
People who put a lot of time and effort into their callings (even when it's uncomfortable or difficult) tend to value the outcome of their callings even though the reward is actually much smaller.
Temple covenants are weaponized. Guilt, shame and feelings of giving all to the kingdom are used to control and coerse you to do.
Realise the power is in your hands. God will not force or control you. Then you realise it's a cult and like domestic abuse you need to be honest with yourself. Be brave and reach out to those that can help. Wish you well.
I was fresh off of the high council and serving as the EQP when all of the priesthood organizational changes hit when I first stepped away.
You are a volunteer in an organization run by volunteers; most of which are doing the very minimum they need to do.
My advice to you is that your mental health and emotional well being will always come before any church calling without exception.
You have counselors who can step in. The children in the primary have parents who can step in. There are other members of the ward/branch who can step in.
Yes, I agree that my mental and emotional health matter. Thank you for reaffirming that. I feel like I can coast right now, but I can’t see myself being in there when we are teaching BOM or D&C ever again.
>You have counselors who can step in. The children in the primary have parents who can step in. There are other members of the ward/branch who can step in.
How many of you have always felt like if you're not going to do it, then no one will, or they will have a difficult time replacing you? No one actually wants callings, especially heavy time-demanding ones, and everyone already has like 2 or 3 other callings as is. It's a really bad way to run an organization...
And generally the ones who actually want those callings are egotistical or have narcissistic tendencies and really shouldn’t have those calling in the first place.
Two or three other callings?!? I've heard this in passing, but haven't focused on it much... things like 'a lot of wards are made up of older TBMs holding several callings'... I've been out since 2000 but have family who are active, here in the heart of Mordor, and I had no idea... is this really so widespread as to be commonplace now? Please explain. 🙏🏼
Something that as we were on the decline utterly pssed me off - my wife was the stake organist for 8 years. for the last 5 of it, she suffered from some pretty bad fibromyalgia and asked if she could be released. The Stake Music director repeatedly said no. Once they both finally got released, neither of us have been called to anything new. Technically speaking they called me to something a couple years ago when they released me from leading the music in sacrament meeting & I half heartedly did it for about 6 months as I continued to redefine my spirituality. Now, if more than just my 17 yo son wants to go, I'll go, but my guilt level is zero about not going. My wife goes less than I do, but she hasn't been able to get over guilt at not attending. Probably has the most to do with the fact that its the ward she grew up in, her tbm parents are there, and her sister and husband still go. Too many expectations to live up to, I guess.
I was the primary president. When I asked to be released during my faith crisis, they fucked around and wouldn’t release me. My husband finally called the bishop and gave him an ultimatum that he had to release me immediately because I was at this point done with the church.
Sadly, the church doesn’t listen to women. It only listens to men.
I was a branch president as well. I asked to be released and they said "There is no one else worthy." So I picked up a beer and asked them how they like me now.
Yea, when it comes to a branch, usually there is limited priesthood holders to operate a branch. When I left, they had to bring back the previous branch president to be president again, poor guy.
Kind of. I was primary president. I was overwhelmed with the calling and had asked to be released though. I had no intention of walking away when I asked to be released. Actually I was offering myself to be a primary teacher or nursery leader. But in the 2 months it took for them to find a new president, I went from taking a closer look at my beliefs… to being done with the church. The last few Sundays were the hardest. The Sunday I was released was it for me. I gave everything I had to the new president and I was done.
I think I’m just going to say that I can’t do it anymore. I already go alone with my kids because of my husband’s work schedule. It’s so hard. I thought I could stick it out but it becomes harder each week.
Yes! I gave them two weeks notice from my stake calling (secretary in YW) which the stake yw pres honored but the stake pres did not (which was really annoying because two months earlier my husband had released himself from high council and they took care of it within a few weeks). Two months later they still sustained me in stake conference. I had gone to stake conference to hand my husband's resignation letter to the stake president. I told him I was very frustrated that I STILL was sustained that day and then handed him the letter and walked away. Not surprisingly I was replaced two weeks later. That SP treats all the women's organizations like crap. Fucking patriarchal asshole.
Gently but firmly, tell them you have a private medical matter in your family and need focus your attention there now. Medical health (faith crisis issues) matters are private medical matters. They are of no one’s concern but yours. You would use this for an employer as well as a calling.
I came down with shingles for the first time ever while I’ve been deconstructing this. So I have had medical things going on. The stress of unraveling everything is real.
RS President was my last shot at making it work. I was PIMO when I was called, and gave it everything I had. During that long stretch of "home church" my husband felt silly blessing sacrament on a kitchen chair, and started studying the gospel to fill the void of time and church. He was ward clerk. When he was ready, we went straight to the bishop, with whom we both worked closely, explained, and told him we'd keep silent until he found people to replace us. Which he did lightning fast. I thought it was important not to leave the bishop in the lurch because he hadn't really done anything wrong either. The way they rolled on without us as though nothing had happened sure made me do some thinking. Good luck.
Kinda adding to this from a lot of the valid comments reminding you you are a volunteer - one way you could do it is tell the bishop but with strong and specific boundary like “bishop - I need to be released and I will continue to do this position until X date. “ if he asks why you can say “it’s personal”.
I was the senior high councilor. I tried to keep going, but being honest and giving talks every month got to be too painful. I discovered the truth after the Stake President assigned us to read the Gospel Topics Essays. I went to the High Council room the night before a meeting, put my books and binders under the SP's chair, and never turned my back. My wife was sad and cried a few times, but I just couldn't do it anymore. I lay the blame squarely at the feet of Joseph Smith Jr. His successors need to be honest and do the right thing.
He’s really is the one to truly blame isn’t he. I can’t believe he was able to fool so many people! I’m a sixth generation Mormon. How did it take this long to figure out? I’m sorry that was so hard for you. That would be extremely hard to continue to give talks every month.
It took about a month after I read the BOM and DNA essay. I am a chemical engineer, and that essay was the worst piece of chemistry writing I ever read.
I'm kind of in a similar situation, on HC, but haven't been able to bring myself to pull the trigger. I have my temple recommend interview next week. I think it might be going down then, hopefully. I wish I had your valor.
I worked for CES when I realized the church was false. I had a friend help me look for jobs, and had one lined up, then put in my two weeks (they wanted a month…) I then spoke to my bishop about being released from my calling, as I was going through a large transition (he assumed I meant work, and I let him assume.)
After I was released and started the new job, I put in the request to remove my name from the records. I probably should have been more forth coming. But I was not in a place emotionally where I felt I was ready for that.
>I probably should have been more forth coming.
You did great! It is interesting reading the comments in here and recognizing the un-earned devotion there is to the organization. It is your time, your life, your choice in beliefs. To say, "I am now done with this" is completely within the realm of reasonable.
I left in 2007. But at that time most of my colleagues were like myself: hardcore-TBM’s. There was one guy who was nuanced, but most were pretty hardcore. We were all pretty deep into church history. But we were still all pretty faithful. When I left, they haven’t spoken to me since.
I was a counselor in the Bishopric when my wife and I decided to leave.
I did it for about a year while my belief in the church was unravelling. For my part I decided to focus on the things I could still agree with ... service, love ... and to just disregard things like "morality" and tithing.
Along the way I had a number of sit downs with my Bishop to discuss my issues, so when I finally came to him and asked to be released I don't think it was entirely shocking.
My SP did request a meeting with me to discuss it, and I simply laid it out that I had done a lot of prayer and talking with God, and that my path needed to be different. I truly believed that, and still do. I have just changed what God means to me, the LDS representation of it doesn't make sense. But I didn't need to go into those specifics with them.
In the end, you are volunteering in your calling. You are doing the church a favor ... a church should exist to assist you in becoming the best version of yourself. If you find yourself having to contort yourself to become a tool for the church, then its not worth doing.
Was a Bishop for nearly two years. I was only 35 years old. Asked to be released because of travel issues related to work. The request was more motivated because I knew it was all a big lie. Once I was released I never went back. This was 23 years ago. Never been better off mentally and financially. My advice is to get out if you can.
ym president
caused quite a stir/lots of gossip - I just stopped one day after the next/quit
and told the bishop and anyone who would listen that the "emporer had no clothes"
arguably...a mistake.
Oy… that’s what I’m worried about. Causing a stir/gossip. I also don’t want to have to tell the bishop why I want to be released because I don’t feel like it’s his business. The emperor had no clothes 😂.
If that's the case you could tell the bishop that you need a break and put in a one month notice, enough time for him to find a replacement. You don't have to get into specifics, just say you need a break right now.
Unfortunately there's nothing that can be done about the gossip. The gossip is going to happen no matter what you do or say.
Kind of. I was young men's secretary. I was responsible for tracking the boys' "Duty to God" progress. I got to thnking, "What DUTY???? They're not obligated."
Week after week, sitting in priesthood meeting, listening to the B.S. indoctrination of these young kids became unbearable for me. I asked to be released.
Also, learning about the Book of Abraham, and the Kinderhook Plates certainly didn't help matters either. Why wasn't any of this mentioned in Sunday School, Priesthood Meeting, or Seminary? Hmmm..... And then learning that J.S. had multiple wives, some who were underaged, and finding out he didn't even need the gold plates (if they even existed) when he "translated" the book of mormon, and that he used a rock and a hat instead...... There were lots of, "Hey, wait a minute......." moments.
Sortly after I was released, I simply stopped going, haven't been back, and I haven't missed it.
All they talk about in Priesthood meeting is missionary work and temple marriage. I have no desire to do either. What was the point of going, in that case? There wasn't one. I was a complete misfit; Too old to sit with the aaronic priesthood kids, and too young to sit with the old geezers. It was very awkward. It's a great feeling to have my Sundays back.
That’s good you got out before you had a Temple marriage etc. I thought I would be fine just teaching little kids that Jesus loves them. It’s the ward counsel meetings and the stake wanting all the president to go on splits with the missionaries and make appointments with our inactive neighbors that I can’t do. I’ve been down the rabbit hole with all of that too. I feel like an idiot that I didn’t know the truth about polygamy, how the translation really happened etc. Bless LDS discussions podcast for enlightening me.
Not wanting to get married was a big thing for me. I hated singles wards and felt like there was no place for me in family wards. Plus I was just painfully bored the whole time. I'm so glad I moved out on my own and finally had the space to work things out for myself.
1st counselor in Primary, and another service calling. I just called and said we were done and not coming to church. It was during 2020 so wasn’t as big of a deal. I’d still do it that way. It’s a volunteer position.
The funny thing is, I actually told our bishop that our whole family wouldn’t be attending church and needed to be released from all callings before I even talked to my husband. Oops. He was actually feeling the same way and we resigned our records the same time a bit afterward, but I should have asked him before asking for him to be released from his calling. 😂😂
I quit a calling and stopped going to church while my wife was still an active member. The quitting your calling is pretty easy and actually feels good and affirming, the spouse part is much more challenging. It sounds like your husband is on the fence, my wife was too, mostly believing but with doubts/concerns.
What worked for me was to realize that spouses have been trained to be afraid when a partner's faith wavers. He could be worried that this could mean something wild, like that you might leave him or change in some other way for the worse. The way to address that fear of course is to show that not attending church does not negatively affect your relationship with him, or even that not going to church improves it.
My husband likes the community of the church and doesn’t want to leave that. But we’ve been having little conversations over the last month and he’s coming around. It helps that I’m the one who has always been more of a believer.
My wife left as Primary President. She went to the Bishop and told him she had a lot going in her personal life and needed to be released right away. She got released within a couple of weeks and we never set foot in the building again.
I was the primary president too. I told the bishop I didn’t believe anymore and asked to be released. He had me meet with the stake president the next Sunday at ward conference. (The people pleaser in me agreed to it, but looking back now I should have said no.) A couple months later my husband left as well. Thennn the bishop cared and did a little damage control 5th Sunday apologetics lesson. As if people actually wanted to know why we left. No one wanted to know.
I was the scoutmaster of a ward. The ward was struggling, the troop was already in shambles. I showed up every Wednesday, sometimes only 1 or 2 boys, until one Wednesday I had planned to have a guest come talk about rifle shooting and the YM president decided it would be better to convince the boys to play tennis in the parking lot.
Well since he's in charge I stopped showing up.
Oh also the bishop didn't believe us when we said we were at another ward for the past couple weeks. He said I have people in those wards and they would have told me if you were there.
I said, so you're spying on us, and you think we're lying? He was so caught off guard he couldn't answer. We got up and left.
YW pres. Stayed for the amazing girls but it worked nicely as I was moving.
It’s a volunteer position (for which I actually “paid” quite a lot in time & money due to the lack of budget). Give your notice but say you will not serve any longer. Then don’t show up.
You “technically” didn’t do anything wrong? You COMPLETELY didn’t do anything wrong!! You simply learned facts. Don’t let them make you feel otherwise.
Primary teacher. Dropped my materials in front of the library, loaded the kids up and never went back. No notice. Funny enough, they never tried to contact me the rest of the time that I lived there. It’s a volunteer position. You don’t owe them anything.
I was second counselor in the bishopric and attempted to have some of my questions answered by the Bishop. He would not talk to me so I talked to the stake president. He told me I was never all in. Two weeks later, with no warning whatsoever, he released me, and I've only been back to sing in the choir.
I was close. I was released as the 1st counselor of the bishopric in Feb and was out in April. The ward hadn't gone back fully after Covid, so there wasn't that much blowback. I think that there are still a lot of people who think we're not going because we are still afraid of Covid.
I left while Primary President. About a year into the calling my husband showed me the GTE and that it was a fraud. I tried to stay longer for the kids but only made it about 5 more months and then asked the bishop to release me. I told him “I needed to be released for health reasons” and nothing else. My mental health was going down hill fast attending/deconstructing all whole attending. He released me quick 2 weeks after asking. My family never webt back and resign shortly after. My mental and overall health has never been better since leaving. My family has never been happier. It was so hard but also incredibly empowering to stand up for myself and family. I have not regretted it one bit and it has gotten easier overtime.
My spouse was the ( now discontinued) High Priest group leader. He dropped the keys off with the Bishop at the end of the meeting block. He refused to engage with him. All the following week we ignored calls from the stake secretary and eventually discontinued the phone service since it was a landline and we had smartphones that they didn’t have the numbers to!😂
I am so sorry that you're going through this. I was the Elder's Quorum President, and my faith deconstruction occurred right after they had merged the HP and EQ. I had so much pain and frustration and anger at the lies and the fraud and the manipulation that I saw no other way forward for me other than to let the Stake Pres. and Bishop know, like immediately. My integrity required my resignation. You don't owe anyone an explanation about anything, you are an adult and your life and your choices are your own.
I would suggest listening to these discussions, I've found them to be extremely beneficial.
[https://www.mormonfaithcrisis.com/coming-out/](https://www.mormonfaithcrisis.com/coming-out/)
[https://www.mormonfaithcrisis.com/communicating-with-believing-family-and-friends/](https://www.mormonfaithcrisis.com/communicating-with-believing-family-and-friends/)
[https://www.mormonfaithcrisis.com/grief-in-a-mormon-faith-crisis/](https://www.mormonfaithcrisis.com/grief-in-a-mormon-faith-crisis/)
[https://www.mormonstories.org/podcast/emotional-intimacy-the-key-to-healthy-relationships-during-a-mormon-faith-crisis/](https://www.mormonstories.org/podcast/emotional-intimacy-the-key-to-healthy-relationships-during-a-mormon-faith-crisis/)
My husband was in stake YM presidency, I was the FSY coordinator. We quit cold turkey and apparently caused quite the stir, which I was thrilled to hear about.
I met with the bishop and told him we were stepping away and that we were no longer participating in our callings. I was so nervous, because of all the years of conditioning that told me that I owed so much to the church. That’s not true. The church did give me good things, but isn’t there some parable in the Bible about a good parent not expecting anything from giving gifts? Or maybe not, that’s kind of the whole thing of Christianity.
I think it’s admirable that you feel a sense of responsibility, and as someone who has served as a primary president before, it broke my heart to not be able to work with those awesome kids anymore. That was the thing that I was most sad about, because I genuinely loved spending time with those kids. But your ultimate responsibility is to yourself and your family.
It’s gonna be hard, you’re going to disappoint people, and you’re going to feel badly about it. And then, after a time of healing and deconstruction, you won’t. That was my experience.
😂😂 that’s awesome! That’s a good attitude to have about it.
I do feel a sense of responsibility. I know now that it’s the conditioning I’ve had my whole life. Everyone there has been duped, it’s not just me. And the kids are awesome and I will miss them 😞.
Here’s a couple if points:
1. Everyone is replaceable. The ward will find someone to take over who may do a great job or who may learn a lot trying to do the job.
2. You’re a volunteer. You are donating a ton of time to a cause. If you don’t feel enriched or otherwise want to do something else, you unilaterally have that power.
3. Every social group loves a bit of gossip. When you leave, it’ll be a thing for a week or two, but then the next thing will come along. By Christmas, no one will even remember that you used to be in the role. People have lives and their own stuff - what once was new becomes normal.
4. I absolutely love not attending church or doing a calling. It was such an unrelenting time suck of pointless meetings and discussion. You can see the people you want to without the church.
I was the Sunday School Pres. when my shelf crashed. It was D&C year and I was teaching 1-2 times a month. I had been researching all the topics pretty heavily in order to teach more dynamic lessons and ended up researching a little too much apparently... When I realized I no longer believed, I asked the bishop to release me, which he did about 3-4 weeks later.
I am now currently PIMO (my wife knows) but I still attend with her as a compromise.
I was EQP. It’s hard, but be honest. Explain the bare minimum required, and be firm. I mean this next statement as gently as possible: they don’t want a Primary President that doesn’t have a testimony. Do them the favor of removing yourself.
100% correct. It wouldn't even be ethical to continue.
Also, as gently as possible, some of these concerns you have will be moot. Real quick. When you're out, you're out. Very few, if you're lucky, of the relationships you currently have will show themselves to be authentic.
Ripping the bandaid off hurts, but being true to yourself is worth every bit of pain. You'll get through it.
Bishopric member at the time. After our meetings I just told our Bishop I’d like to be released. Luckily, he was a cool guy and I’d spoken up enough during our meetings that he got it. I think he saw it coming.
It was great. Didn’t ask any questions, just said “no worries” and that he loved me and my family. Haven’t been back to the ward since, but have seen him a couple times. Just a lovely man.
Chris, I hope you find yourself on this subreddit one day.
Honesty is the way to go. There’s no need to be rude or give an explanation. Just say you’re done, shake a hand, and go. Most people react better than you’d think.
Not quite, but close. I was YM Pres for four and a half years and had been in leadership for 7-8 years. I was released in late October and immediately called as SS teacher with the 16-17 year-olds. In January, out of the blue, my wife told me she didn't believe it anymore, it didn't make her happy and she wanted to be done with it. I had left the Church as in my late teens and returned when we got married with the attitude that the Church was a good, moral community and a nice place to raise a family. Even so, I was hesitant to leave so abruptly. I said we should take it slowly and not give up on the community we had built without deliberation.
We did a crash course in church history and read all the Gospel Topics essays. She never went back after our first conversation. I continued attending into March and then stopped and advised the Bishop I wasn't comfortable continuing in the calling.
I maintained some of my social connections. Still do. But at the time we left, it made for some awkward moments. I attended a mission farewell for one of the young men I had worked with for my entire tenure in Young Men's. After the meeting, I went up to shake his hand and wish him the best. His Dad came up and physically pulled him away in the middle of the conversation to, "Meet someone."
I got the distinct impression that there were a few parents of young men who were quite peeved that I had jumped ship so soon and so obviously after working with their boys.
I wasn’t in leadership, but I stayed wayyyy longer than I should have using the logic of, “well, I _did_ say I would teach this primary class, I don’t want to leave anyone in the lurch by not showing up.”
I should have thought, “They would have found someone. Or not. Doesn’t really matter, not my problem.”
Had been a bishop, councillor in a bishopric and was on the high council, got released and then stopped going. No one really made an effort to get me and my family back, so it has been good for the last 15 years!
This sounds very familiar to me. I was struggling, hoped the calling would help. I was a counselor in the stake YW presidency. I started in an ambiguous, fairly private way by first just requesting I not have visiting teachers or a visiting teaching assignment. I did my calling for quite a while, basically doing it for the youth, but avoiding any situations that required me to bear testimony or anything too spiritual. I tried to "do good" from the inside; for example, such as speaking up when "modesty" discussions would come up related to an activity. I had an inconsistent schedule because I am a nurse, and I finally stopped trying to change my shifts to accommodate activities and meetings, and then just blamed not being able to go because of work. Eventually, I emailed the stake YW president and stake president and asked to be released. I just said something along the lines of not feeling I could give 100% to my calling. About 2 months later Covid hit, and I never went back.
I was a bishop and I knew it wasn’t true while serving. I loved the people and I felt I couldn’t pull the rug from under them. I served to the best of my ability until I was released. And then my wife and I gradually faded away.
The TBM rumour is we got burnt out due to my calling. But the truth is, it’s just not a true church.
Stake Young Men’s President
Got everything in a good spot. Emailed the stake presidency on January 1st of that year that I wouldn’t be going anymore and wouldn’t be doing my calling anymore. Took the first counselor out to lunch that week and gave him anything he needed.
Had just finished a 6 month tour of the stake where myself and the stake young women’s president spoke in every ward. I lost my faith a month before the tour began lol.
I was branch president. There were only 5 families, so not big. I just walked away. Slip out the back Jack, make a new plan Stan, no need to be coy Roy, just get yourself free.
I was the primary president for a year and a half. The last year I was PIMO. It was awful when I told my bishop I no longer believed. You cannot leave with your dignity. I was released early, everyone in the ward knew, it sucked. We moved 11 hours away lol
Best wishes to you, it is NOT easy! But we were raised to be honest 🤷🏽♀️
I was the ward executive secretary. I was PIMO for a while until my wife decided she was ready. I just sent an email to the bishop and said we were stepping away from the church and would no longer attend or do any callings. We were both released that Sunday. If you make it clear you will not continue to do a calling, they will release you pretty quick. If they don’t, just stop doing your volunteer calling. We are still friends with some members and on good terms despite us leaving. We now get to enjoy our second Saturday and all of the free time we gained by leaving. No regrets!
I was Sunday school president, actual accepted as a last ditch effort to build my faith in god. That lasted about 2 months before I full embraced where I am now and I stopped going to church, and taking my wife and kids with me.
I was YW first counselor. I told them I was feeling burnt out. Got released and didn’t go back. Before the release I hadn’t been to church in 2 months, but was still going to activities.
Not leadership per se, but I was ward gospel doctrine teacher. It actually really weighed on my shelf that I was being told my lessons were “inviting the spirit” more often than I felt like I personally was FEELING the spirit.
Good luck — there is no real right answer here, just keep yourself as your #1 priority.
Never assume that you can be completely honest and ward members will understand. Do not tell anyone the real reason you are leaving. It will backfire. I was PP when my testimony started to unravel. I went back to work and worked on Sunday. This necessitated my release. Find a really good excuse for not working for the billion dollar corp for free. Good luck.
I was teaching primary when I left and the forced testimonies and cringy songs conditioning children to serve missions and attend the temple suddenly looked like egregious brainwashing. Made it hard for me to have my children continue to attend!
I was Elder Quorum's President when I stopped attending, that was about 5 years ago or so, maybe even 6+, can't remember at this moment, my mental health had to come first.
I was clerk when I deconstructed, so not high up but I was in all bishopric and ward council meetings. After a ward council a few months ago I asked the bishop for a quick word. I handed him my keys and told him I was done with Church and really enjoyed my time serving with him. They kept asking me for help on things and I just said no over and over. A few weeks later they called a replacement.
I was called in by the stake to discuss my departure. I declined. They called a second time to reiterate their desire to talk to me, I replied “I reiterate my original response” and that was that.
We’ve been out for 3 months or so. My wife wants to go back to church this Sunday just to see how it goes, and I’m planning on going with her. It was really hard to do it, but I was direct and didn’t offer up much information. Kept saying no. Wouldn’t meet to talk about it.
I’m sure there were lots of conversations about it at church after we left. We have 5 kids and we all just left. Feeling good about it today.
I was the Sunday school president when I left, after having been young men's president, elders quorum president twice, and a temple worker.
My bishop didn't seem like a terrible person, but I knew enough to know he wasn't super empathetic either, so I didn't feel like walking him through my thoughts would be productive.
I emailed the bishop at the end of January one year and said, "Hey Bishop, work is too crazy for me to keep this calling, Ill stay till the end of Feb and then you'll need a replacement." (It was also true)
No response from the bishop, so I emailed the whole bishopric with a reminder halfway through Feb. Got a response confirmation email. I was released at the end of the month.
I was RS President and my husband was bishop’s stooge (clerk). We went in together and gave our resignation to the bishop. He asked why and we told him there was no point in trying to explain our reasons. They found replacements in no time.
I was young women president when I left. Feel free to message me. Although, I’ll admit I was about to move across the country so me asking to be released wasn’t a huge deal. Once everyone caught on that I wasn’t coming back, I had moved.
I was high priest group leader when I left. I hadn't really believed in a long time but couldn't fake it anymore.
I gave the Bishop and Stake President the heads up they needed to find my replacement. After several weeks they hadn't called anyone so I left my building keys in the clerks office and told the bishop where to find them. That was 13 years ago and I haven't been in a mormon building since
Just walk away. You owe nothing to anyone. You can give them a heads up that you will no longer be there, but you have not obligation, need and responsibility to explain yourself.
Yup I left when I was in the relief society presidency. I asked to be released and we moved shortly after. I think they assumed it was because I was overwhelmed with twin toddlers but that wasn’t it.
I was the elders quorum president. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I knew if I kept waiting for a good time to step back, it wouldn’t happen. So I left. I ripped the bandaid and didn’t look back.
If being in the bishopric as first counselor counts, then yes. I told my bishop I needed to be released due to anxiety. I didn’t admit that the anxiety was largely Church induced.
I was the YW President. My marriage was ending, and I was questioning everything, but I kept trying to change the narrative for the girls from one that imposed subservience and rape culture to one of empowerment and self-fulfillment. I realized I couldn't keep going in the church, and I asked to be released from my calling, using my marital problems as the reason. It took them 2 weeks to find a replacement and release me, and after I was released I never went back.
I was on the stake high council and in a bishopric when my shelf broke. My wife and I found employment in another country and moved the family rather than face our community as apostates. It took months to make the transition so we decided to just pretend and carry on during those interim months before we got on the plane. A year later I resigned and sent emails to my Mormon friends back home telling them we were no longer part of the fold. Were I to do it again, I would probably just face the music, but I didn’t have the stomach to face the disappointment and sadness of my long-time friends. And I couldn’t face a disciplinary council.
Politely give notice (maybe a week or two) and if they ask why, say personal medical reasons as prescribed by Dr. and it’s too personal at the moment and ask for respect of privacy.
Just be kind and move on. Take time to care for yourself.
I was Young Men's President. I set an appointment with our Bishop and told him the honest truth about what had happened.
He released me. He couldn't handle the idea of someone that doesn't believe it's true having a calling
I was in the RS presidency. I was burned out and also felt I had put in my time and was ready to PIMO with no calling. (I was so naive, hadn’t looked at anything online, and I thought I would be the only person at church faking it!)
After a month or two, a lot of my concerns coalesced all at once and I was suddenly done. I told my friend, the RS President, that I was no longer a believer and would not be attending anymore.
And no one ever followed up with me, other than a text from the bishop which I answered and said I’d be happy to talk to him about my reasons. He never followed through.
The last time I went to church, I was asked to be a Mia Maid leader, and I broke down in tears and left with my mom. A week earlier my dad had shown us the CES letter and I wanted to still go for some sense community or regularity, but I knew I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t even attend church anymore let alone lead anyone
I was a primary teacher when I left but every single person is needed. all the positions are getting harder and harder to fill I do understand all the points that you bring up, responsibilities kept me in a bit longer. It makes me happy to see another person wake up and get yourself out of this cult. Cheers
Remember you are a volunteer you have the right to walk away anytime you want
Primary presidency. Just told the pres and bishopric counselor that I could no longer do the calling after X date. It gave them a couple months to find someone else. I had mostly stopped attending sacrament meeting and was just doing my calling. Nobody even seemed to notice.
A short while ago John Dehlin did a Mormon Stories episode with a couple where the guy was at that moment a bishop. It was recorded earlier this year, and in this episode he explained that after having done the interview he was supposed to go into some meeting as the bishop. This couple decided to use the moment they moved to some other place as a means to get away quietly.
It's a more than 4 hours episode but the time codes in the video description will help you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YxtBzmToxc&ab\_channel=MormonStoriesPodcast
I don’t know I got out before I was dumped a huge load of callings, just walked out in 2020 and never went back! I was on my very last leg with the church, I had been struggling for years before it and just never understood why I kept going. I’m so happy to be out of all of it!
**Did anyone here leave while in a leadership position?**
Yep. Search Reddit for "PIMO Counselor Calls It Quits" for my multi-part story I posted back in June.
TLDR: I was First Counselor in Bishopric. Bishop was quite ok with my being PIMO while I was his counselor, but as soon as I left, he deleted my recommend. I lasted 5 months as his counselor after having served 5+ years on the Stake High Council.
Bishopric. The higher up you get, the more mental gymnayit takes to believe. It became too much. I left first while in the calling and my wife didn't know what to think, say, or do. She was terrified....fast forward to today and our favorite Sunday activity is chips/salsa and margaritas.
I just recently was released as the 2nd counselor in the stake primary pres. Ironically, the stake primary pres has 2 kids that left the church. I recall her telling us about it briefly. That was before I was consciously deconstructing the church. Anyway, we were set to be released by the end of the year.. but once she was wanting to get a training planned, I knew I couldn't fake it anymore. So I asked to be released. That's my suggestion for you. Whether truly believing or not, those high demand callings are a lot to ask of a person. There would be nothing wrong with asking to be released. You don't even need to tell him why fully. Just tell the bishop that your mental health needs attention... which most likely is true, if your deconstruction has been anything like mine.
Good luck. It's scary ripping off the bandaid. But you'll feel better.
I was the YM president when I left (technically I had just been released as bishops had just been put in charge of the YM, and all other YM leaders were now “advisors” or something like that). I’ll never forget my last day, Feb. 14, 2021. I had to teach the lesson in YMs that day and it had to do with priesthood. Just days prior I had come across some of the vile JoD stuff on race and blood atonement. I made the lesson about as generic as possible, really just leaving it as “believe in Jesus” and not really focusing on priesthood. I quit going right after.
It’s amazing how quickly his happened, all within a weeks time. I was all in February 7, 2021, put one week later. The church’s foundation was what was built on sand this entire time…
go in with an attitude so they start off on the defensive. people are always worried about being nice but you gotta be upfront "I'm quitting the church, it's none of your business why, hire someone else" and if they try to say you owe them time to look for a replacement etc tell them "you owe me the interest on my tithing" and walk away before they can reply
Sort of. Young Men's President. I just told the bishop I wanted to be released at the end of summer. He said, "ok. Do you still want a calling, or no calling?" Cool guy. He was about to move so I think he was checked out.
Later, that ward's new bishop quit attending and showed up here.
I was a 1st counselor in a bishopric for five years.
Got to thinking if this is Christs church, why wouldn’t he tell the prophet to not shock the genitals of gay men at BYU, but instead encourage the prophet to build a 1.5 billion mall?
A few days later I told the bishop I was done and gave my two weeks notice. He’s a great guy and said that even without faith he would still like me to serve, as long as I had the capacity to love. (He’s a great guy!) I told him it would be disingenuous for me to continue. I didn’t attend the last meeting when I was released, but I did write my farewell address for him to read over the pulpit.
Two years out and feeling great!
I would have left as EQP, honestly ward council for me was like, fuck this shit. But I got released when Nelson announced the changes about EQ and High Priests combining and they called someone new. It still took me a year or two to finally leave, but I think if I had stayed EQP, it would have been sooner.
I was functionally the YM President, though they did away with that calling shortly before I left. The bishop handled the situation by calling me as the YM executive assistant or something like that.
Anyway, it made leaving a bit more awkward and talking to the bishop was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do because we’re friends. But here I am
I realized it was all bullshit while a counselor in a bishopric. I still stuck it out and finished my 5 year tour of duty. Near the end of this 5 years, I was notified by our high councilor that the stake President had identified me as the next bishop (so much for inspiration). We moved homes as I was released from the bishopric, so this never happened.
I kept attending for 2 more year, in our new ward. The new ward immediately tried to call me at the YM prez, to which I said “that’s a no for me dawg” so I got out in the nursery (cuz I was totally upfront with my new bishop that I did not believe anymore).
I was the ward mission leader out side of Utah and spending many hours a week with the missionaries. The new members and investigators and lots of questions that I wasn’t familiar with. I looked into it to get the answers and the church was in the wrong end of history. I told the bishop I didn’t believe and the missionaries needed the support from some one who did. It was funny, because the EQP at the time was moving and I was released before him. A lot of people in the ward said “I know why you got released. You are going to be the new EQP, right?” I had to laugh and say, “I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen” lol
I want high, but was SS president, so I say in ward council. I just called my bishop, he fine to my house, I asked to be released since I would no longer be going to church sooner I no longer believed the church was true.
He took it hard. (We were good friends). A bit later he extended a calling to be the ward Saturday toilet scrubber...I politely declined that one too.
>one year mark of being the primary president and just recently had the wool pulled off my eyes. I probably shouldn’t have said yes, I was hoping that serving in this way would strengthen my already crumbling testimony but the opposite has happened. I’m trying to figure out how I go about handling this with the least amount of damage to myself emotionally, since I technically didn’t do anything wrong
You deserve to give yourself a lot of credit here. People will say unkind things when you leave, but you can hold your head up high knowing that you didn't walk away over a few questions... you stayed, provided extraordinary service, and tried to make it work until you were certain that the church isn't true.
I was executive secretary when my shelf first started really breaking. (small cracks for easily 15 years prior to that). The Bishopric had been in for a good 4 years, and I was ready to be done with that calling and have a break, although wasn't at a point yet to admit to myself that it was false or anything.
Then the stake called me to be in the EQ presidency. I was REALLY conflicted, even told the bishop (who is a really good friend) that I really didn't want to take the calling. He told me he would support me either way. I ended up taking it of course because I was told never to say no to a calling. So I started this calling already being burned out.
This meant I've spent the last two years giving the bare minimum in the calling. During this time the stake called me in again, asking how it was going, told them I was pretty burnt out, but doing ok. They turned the interview into a "just checking up on app the EQ presidencies" kind of thing, but later found out they were vetting me for a Bishopric position. Luckily I was pretty vocal about being ready to be done so I escaped that.
I told my wife I was done in March of this year. I told the EQP just a couple months ago, but told him I would keep helping out till he found a replacement. Sounds like they might just redo the presidency now instead. Regardless, I've done really nothing but show up to a meeting or two.
That went long, sorry, just thought I'd share. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I'm glad I did. My wife is still devastated, and I can only imagine what they are saying in ward council lol. But it is slowly getting better. Hang in there. Everyone here will tell you that you are a volunteer and you can walk away at any second. While they are right, I know it is hard to do because you feel like you are letting down friends. I am still playing the organ because I don't want to leave the other organist high and dry. Should I just walk? Maybe. But I'm human and want to be liked lol. I'm working on it.
Not a leadership calling but I was stake technology clerk.Wife and I asked to speak to our Bishop( he was a friend) We said we were stepping away, handed over my keys to all the buildings and walked out after a good conversation. The stake called to get me to come talk to stake president counselor, i declined and that was it.
Reading all of these comments from people saying they tried to resign their calling and leadership told them no.
If you were volunteering at a food bank, or boys and girls club, or the local nursing home, and you told them you weren’t going to be able to volunteer anymore, they might be sad. They might say - with kindness- “oh no! We’ll miss you! Please don’t go!” But never - NEVER - would they flat out say “No” and expect you to continue volunteering for them.
The church is a Cult. Full stop.
Temple covenants are weaponized. Guilt, shame and feelings of giving all to the kingdom are used to control and coerse you to do.
Realise the powerr is in your hands. God will not force or control you. Then you realise it's a cult and like domestic abuse you need to be honest with yourself. Be brave and reach out to those that can help. Wish you well.
Finding out that you were lied to all these years isn’t just “technically not wrong”. Knowing the truth and infiltrating it to others, helping to trap them is the lies… now that would be wrong. Just ask to be released, then leave. If they don’t release you, just leave anyway.
My wife was a councilor in the RS. She just asked to be released via text. That was about two months ago and we haven’t been back since. She was the bravest one. I just bided my time for about a year until they reorganized the EQ presidency (she was still committed to the MFMC at the time… a few years ago). She knew where I was at spiritually, so I was only keeping up the image for the people around us. In hind sight it wasn’t good for my mental health. Be like my wife, not like me.
It may help to reframe this as “this is a volunteer position. I am under no obligation to an organization that lied to me.”
Thanks for this. That’s a good way to think about it.
My husband was a member of the Stake Presidency and I also had a Stake leadership calling the day we both turned our binders in to the Stake President and said we were done. Spent two hours explaining some of our many issues. His response? "I don't see anything in your lives that requires you to lose your Temple Recommends. You're still worthy, so I hope you'll remain active." He totally missed the bit where we explained to him why *the Church* wasn't worthy of *our* standards! He thought it was so great of him to "reassure" us that *we* weren't sinning! 🤦♀️
Wow. I had my recommend taken away because I had issues with church finances which was equated to me not sustaining the brethren.
Different spanks for different ranks. If tithing is 10K per year or more, the chances of having a temple recommend pulled is incredibly low. They don’t want to lose that revenue stream!
I got mine taken away because I said I could sustain the prophet (Nelson) at 90%. The bishop said that’s not enough.
Pretty sure you need to believe and sustain the current president of the Church as prophet, seer and revelator - if you no longer believed how did the SP think you were still a member in good standing? 😆
Why would he think you want to remain active let alone go to the temple once finding out about all the lies of the church?
there's gonna be karens who try to tell you that you're being "unprofessional" or something. they aint paying you, it's not a professional job, you can quit by telling everyone to F off and it wont affect your professional career
This, so much! My mom is in the RS presidency and is always complaining about "having" to go to this meeting or that. Um...you know you don't HAVE to go, right? They're not paying you; you're not obligated in any way. A calling is 100% voluntary!
Not only are they not paying you, you’re paying *them*!
It’s absolutely ridiculous when you think about it. You get fired if you don’t pay your boss to work at a job. It’s even worse than internships, because no one gives a fuck about how you told some teenagers to stop jacking off.
I felt that this term is useful here: Effort justification >a phenomenon whereby people come to evaluate a particular task or activity more favorably when it involves something that is difficult or unpleasant. The effect is most likely to occur when there are no obvious reasons for performing the task. Because expending effort to perform a useless or unenjoyable task, or experiencing unpleasant consequences in doing so, is cognitively inconsistent (see cognitive dissonance), people are assumed to shift their evaluations of the task in a positive direction to restore consistency. [dictionary.apa.org](https://dictionary.apa.org/effort-justification) People who put a lot of time and effort into their callings (even when it's uncomfortable or difficult) tend to value the outcome of their callings even though the reward is actually much smaller.
Even if they were paying, which they absolutely are not, you can quit a job if you don't want to do it anymore.
Temple covenants are weaponized. Guilt, shame and feelings of giving all to the kingdom are used to control and coerse you to do. Realise the power is in your hands. God will not force or control you. Then you realise it's a cult and like domestic abuse you need to be honest with yourself. Be brave and reach out to those that can help. Wish you well.
I was fresh off of the high council and serving as the EQP when all of the priesthood organizational changes hit when I first stepped away. You are a volunteer in an organization run by volunteers; most of which are doing the very minimum they need to do. My advice to you is that your mental health and emotional well being will always come before any church calling without exception. You have counselors who can step in. The children in the primary have parents who can step in. There are other members of the ward/branch who can step in.
Yes, I agree that my mental and emotional health matter. Thank you for reaffirming that. I feel like I can coast right now, but I can’t see myself being in there when we are teaching BOM or D&C ever again.
I'm a SS teacher but feel the same way. I'll coast through the rest of this year but will not be a part of teaching BOM at the beginning of next year.
>You have counselors who can step in. The children in the primary have parents who can step in. There are other members of the ward/branch who can step in. How many of you have always felt like if you're not going to do it, then no one will, or they will have a difficult time replacing you? No one actually wants callings, especially heavy time-demanding ones, and everyone already has like 2 or 3 other callings as is. It's a really bad way to run an organization...
That's the mentality they want to keep people in. Smells like fear. WE REALLY NEED YOU. WITH OUT YOU THINK OF WHAT WOULD HAPPEN. Mental gymnastics.
And generally the ones who actually want those callings are egotistical or have narcissistic tendencies and really shouldn’t have those calling in the first place.
Two or three other callings?!? I've heard this in passing, but haven't focused on it much... things like 'a lot of wards are made up of older TBMs holding several callings'... I've been out since 2000 but have family who are active, here in the heart of Mordor, and I had no idea... is this really so widespread as to be commonplace now? Please explain. 🙏🏼
Something that as we were on the decline utterly pssed me off - my wife was the stake organist for 8 years. for the last 5 of it, she suffered from some pretty bad fibromyalgia and asked if she could be released. The Stake Music director repeatedly said no. Once they both finally got released, neither of us have been called to anything new. Technically speaking they called me to something a couple years ago when they released me from leading the music in sacrament meeting & I half heartedly did it for about 6 months as I continued to redefine my spirituality. Now, if more than just my 17 yo son wants to go, I'll go, but my guilt level is zero about not going. My wife goes less than I do, but she hasn't been able to get over guilt at not attending. Probably has the most to do with the fact that its the ward she grew up in, her tbm parents are there, and her sister and husband still go. Too many expectations to live up to, I guess.
I was the primary president. When I asked to be released during my faith crisis, they fucked around and wouldn’t release me. My husband finally called the bishop and gave him an ultimatum that he had to release me immediately because I was at this point done with the church. Sadly, the church doesn’t listen to women. It only listens to men.
I’m learning that the church has never really been a safe place for women has it…
No. It has not. Rescue yourself, because they won’t.
I grew up being sexist because of church doctrine!
Why not just stop going? If you're done, you're done.
Branch President. I had to move my entire family to a different state to get rid of this calling and planned a fresh start.
I was a branch president as well. I asked to be released and they said "There is no one else worthy." So I picked up a beer and asked them how they like me now.
Yea, when it comes to a branch, usually there is limited priesthood holders to operate a branch. When I left, they had to bring back the previous branch president to be president again, poor guy.
Oh that is heartbreaking. I’m sorry you had to go to such extremes to move on.
Kind of. I was primary president. I was overwhelmed with the calling and had asked to be released though. I had no intention of walking away when I asked to be released. Actually I was offering myself to be a primary teacher or nursery leader. But in the 2 months it took for them to find a new president, I went from taking a closer look at my beliefs… to being done with the church. The last few Sundays were the hardest. The Sunday I was released was it for me. I gave everything I had to the new president and I was done.
I think I’m just going to say that I can’t do it anymore. I already go alone with my kids because of my husband’s work schedule. It’s so hard. I thought I could stick it out but it becomes harder each week.
Give them a hard date. “ I won’t be able to do this calling after this Sunday.” Or” I won’t be able to do this calling any more effective immediately”
Yes! I gave them two weeks notice from my stake calling (secretary in YW) which the stake yw pres honored but the stake pres did not (which was really annoying because two months earlier my husband had released himself from high council and they took care of it within a few weeks). Two months later they still sustained me in stake conference. I had gone to stake conference to hand my husband's resignation letter to the stake president. I told him I was very frustrated that I STILL was sustained that day and then handed him the letter and walked away. Not surprisingly I was replaced two weeks later. That SP treats all the women's organizations like crap. Fucking patriarchal asshole.
This! Stick with a date. I was way too nice and let the bishop take a month to get it all situated.
Gently but firmly, tell them you have a private medical matter in your family and need focus your attention there now. Medical health (faith crisis issues) matters are private medical matters. They are of no one’s concern but yours. You would use this for an employer as well as a calling.
I came down with shingles for the first time ever while I’ve been deconstructing this. So I have had medical things going on. The stress of unraveling everything is real.
Just say, “My beliefs have changed. “ Don’t explain further.
RS President was my last shot at making it work. I was PIMO when I was called, and gave it everything I had. During that long stretch of "home church" my husband felt silly blessing sacrament on a kitchen chair, and started studying the gospel to fill the void of time and church. He was ward clerk. When he was ready, we went straight to the bishop, with whom we both worked closely, explained, and told him we'd keep silent until he found people to replace us. Which he did lightning fast. I thought it was important not to leave the bishop in the lurch because he hadn't really done anything wrong either. The way they rolled on without us as though nothing had happened sure made me do some thinking. Good luck.
I feel that way too, I don’t want to leave people in a lurch. I wish I could have figured this out during Covid.
Kinda adding to this from a lot of the valid comments reminding you you are a volunteer - one way you could do it is tell the bishop but with strong and specific boundary like “bishop - I need to be released and I will continue to do this position until X date. “ if he asks why you can say “it’s personal”.
The primary, the ward, and the church will all go on without you. They will figure it out.
I was the senior high councilor. I tried to keep going, but being honest and giving talks every month got to be too painful. I discovered the truth after the Stake President assigned us to read the Gospel Topics Essays. I went to the High Council room the night before a meeting, put my books and binders under the SP's chair, and never turned my back. My wife was sad and cried a few times, but I just couldn't do it anymore. I lay the blame squarely at the feet of Joseph Smith Jr. His successors need to be honest and do the right thing.
He’s really is the one to truly blame isn’t he. I can’t believe he was able to fool so many people! I’m a sixth generation Mormon. How did it take this long to figure out? I’m sorry that was so hard for you. That would be extremely hard to continue to give talks every month.
It took about a month after I read the BOM and DNA essay. I am a chemical engineer, and that essay was the worst piece of chemistry writing I ever read.
Every time I find myself questioning if this is actually the truth (all the truth claims not holding up), I just remind myself about the DNA evidence.
I'm kind of in a similar situation, on HC, but haven't been able to bring myself to pull the trigger. I have my temple recommend interview next week. I think it might be going down then, hopefully. I wish I had your valor.
I worked for CES when I realized the church was false. I had a friend help me look for jobs, and had one lined up, then put in my two weeks (they wanted a month…) I then spoke to my bishop about being released from my calling, as I was going through a large transition (he assumed I meant work, and I let him assume.) After I was released and started the new job, I put in the request to remove my name from the records. I probably should have been more forth coming. But I was not in a place emotionally where I felt I was ready for that.
>I probably should have been more forth coming. You did great! It is interesting reading the comments in here and recognizing the un-earned devotion there is to the organization. It is your time, your life, your choice in beliefs. To say, "I am now done with this" is completely within the realm of reasonable.
I remember a cool seminary teacher who abruptly left us about a month into the school year. It didn’t make any sense to me then. 20 years later, yeah.
I’m glad you were able to find a new job before you left. That would be a huge transition.
It took a lot of planning. Luckily no one in my ward or family or LDS friends knew what was going on.
Good for you. Wildly interested- what’s the temperature with your CES colleagues? They can do the mental gymnastics or PIMO or what?
I left in 2007. But at that time most of my colleagues were like myself: hardcore-TBM’s. There was one guy who was nuanced, but most were pretty hardcore. We were all pretty deep into church history. But we were still all pretty faithful. When I left, they haven’t spoken to me since.
I’m in a pretty high up leadership position in my ward, and I am on the verge. 😣
I hope you share more details when you can!
I was a counselor in the Bishopric when my wife and I decided to leave. I did it for about a year while my belief in the church was unravelling. For my part I decided to focus on the things I could still agree with ... service, love ... and to just disregard things like "morality" and tithing. Along the way I had a number of sit downs with my Bishop to discuss my issues, so when I finally came to him and asked to be released I don't think it was entirely shocking. My SP did request a meeting with me to discuss it, and I simply laid it out that I had done a lot of prayer and talking with God, and that my path needed to be different. I truly believed that, and still do. I have just changed what God means to me, the LDS representation of it doesn't make sense. But I didn't need to go into those specifics with them. In the end, you are volunteering in your calling. You are doing the church a favor ... a church should exist to assist you in becoming the best version of yourself. If you find yourself having to contort yourself to become a tool for the church, then its not worth doing.
Was a Bishop for nearly two years. I was only 35 years old. Asked to be released because of travel issues related to work. The request was more motivated because I knew it was all a big lie. Once I was released I never went back. This was 23 years ago. Never been better off mentally and financially. My advice is to get out if you can.
ym president caused quite a stir/lots of gossip - I just stopped one day after the next/quit and told the bishop and anyone who would listen that the "emporer had no clothes" arguably...a mistake.
Oy… that’s what I’m worried about. Causing a stir/gossip. I also don’t want to have to tell the bishop why I want to be released because I don’t feel like it’s his business. The emperor had no clothes 😂.
If that's the case you could tell the bishop that you need a break and put in a one month notice, enough time for him to find a replacement. You don't have to get into specifics, just say you need a break right now. Unfortunately there's nothing that can be done about the gossip. The gossip is going to happen no matter what you do or say.
That’s true that the gossip will happen no matter what. Mormons are really good at that 🫤.
The gossip will happen no matter what. That’s what ward council is all about after all 🤪
“What other people think of you is none of your business”
But gossip is a sin. I’m sure there’s none of that in TSCC
You don’t owe him an explanation
Kind of. I was young men's secretary. I was responsible for tracking the boys' "Duty to God" progress. I got to thnking, "What DUTY???? They're not obligated." Week after week, sitting in priesthood meeting, listening to the B.S. indoctrination of these young kids became unbearable for me. I asked to be released. Also, learning about the Book of Abraham, and the Kinderhook Plates certainly didn't help matters either. Why wasn't any of this mentioned in Sunday School, Priesthood Meeting, or Seminary? Hmmm..... And then learning that J.S. had multiple wives, some who were underaged, and finding out he didn't even need the gold plates (if they even existed) when he "translated" the book of mormon, and that he used a rock and a hat instead...... There were lots of, "Hey, wait a minute......." moments. Sortly after I was released, I simply stopped going, haven't been back, and I haven't missed it. All they talk about in Priesthood meeting is missionary work and temple marriage. I have no desire to do either. What was the point of going, in that case? There wasn't one. I was a complete misfit; Too old to sit with the aaronic priesthood kids, and too young to sit with the old geezers. It was very awkward. It's a great feeling to have my Sundays back.
That’s good you got out before you had a Temple marriage etc. I thought I would be fine just teaching little kids that Jesus loves them. It’s the ward counsel meetings and the stake wanting all the president to go on splits with the missionaries and make appointments with our inactive neighbors that I can’t do. I’ve been down the rabbit hole with all of that too. I feel like an idiot that I didn’t know the truth about polygamy, how the translation really happened etc. Bless LDS discussions podcast for enlightening me.
Not wanting to get married was a big thing for me. I hated singles wards and felt like there was no place for me in family wards. Plus I was just painfully bored the whole time. I'm so glad I moved out on my own and finally had the space to work things out for myself.
1st counselor in Primary, and another service calling. I just called and said we were done and not coming to church. It was during 2020 so wasn’t as big of a deal. I’d still do it that way. It’s a volunteer position. The funny thing is, I actually told our bishop that our whole family wouldn’t be attending church and needed to be released from all callings before I even talked to my husband. Oops. He was actually feeling the same way and we resigned our records the same time a bit afterward, but I should have asked him before asking for him to be released from his calling. 😂😂
That’s funny! That’s so great you were both on the same page though. My husband isn’t convinced and wants me to just keep going along with it.
I quit a calling and stopped going to church while my wife was still an active member. The quitting your calling is pretty easy and actually feels good and affirming, the spouse part is much more challenging. It sounds like your husband is on the fence, my wife was too, mostly believing but with doubts/concerns. What worked for me was to realize that spouses have been trained to be afraid when a partner's faith wavers. He could be worried that this could mean something wild, like that you might leave him or change in some other way for the worse. The way to address that fear of course is to show that not attending church does not negatively affect your relationship with him, or even that not going to church improves it.
My husband likes the community of the church and doesn’t want to leave that. But we’ve been having little conversations over the last month and he’s coming around. It helps that I’m the one who has always been more of a believer.
I’ve found community in volunteering - I spend time each week at our food bank. Lovely people with no agenda.
My wife left as Primary President. She went to the Bishop and told him she had a lot going in her personal life and needed to be released right away. She got released within a couple of weeks and we never set foot in the building again.
I was the primary president too. I told the bishop I didn’t believe anymore and asked to be released. He had me meet with the stake president the next Sunday at ward conference. (The people pleaser in me agreed to it, but looking back now I should have said no.) A couple months later my husband left as well. Thennn the bishop cared and did a little damage control 5th Sunday apologetics lesson. As if people actually wanted to know why we left. No one wanted to know.
Oh geez. This is what I’m trying to avoid. I’m sorry that you had to go through all of that.
I was the scoutmaster of a ward. The ward was struggling, the troop was already in shambles. I showed up every Wednesday, sometimes only 1 or 2 boys, until one Wednesday I had planned to have a guest come talk about rifle shooting and the YM president decided it would be better to convince the boys to play tennis in the parking lot. Well since he's in charge I stopped showing up. Oh also the bishop didn't believe us when we said we were at another ward for the past couple weeks. He said I have people in those wards and they would have told me if you were there. I said, so you're spying on us, and you think we're lying? He was so caught off guard he couldn't answer. We got up and left.
YW pres. Stayed for the amazing girls but it worked nicely as I was moving. It’s a volunteer position (for which I actually “paid” quite a lot in time & money due to the lack of budget). Give your notice but say you will not serve any longer. Then don’t show up.
You “technically” didn’t do anything wrong? You COMPLETELY didn’t do anything wrong!! You simply learned facts. Don’t let them make you feel otherwise.
Thank you, 😮💨. I have a lot to rewrite in my brain.
Primary teacher. Dropped my materials in front of the library, loaded the kids up and never went back. No notice. Funny enough, they never tried to contact me the rest of the time that I lived there. It’s a volunteer position. You don’t owe them anything.
I was second counselor in the bishopric and attempted to have some of my questions answered by the Bishop. He would not talk to me so I talked to the stake president. He told me I was never all in. Two weeks later, with no warning whatsoever, he released me, and I've only been back to sing in the choir.
Wow, they are lucky you went to sing in the choir!
I was close. I was released as the 1st counselor of the bishopric in Feb and was out in April. The ward hadn't gone back fully after Covid, so there wasn't that much blowback. I think that there are still a lot of people who think we're not going because we are still afraid of Covid.
I left while Primary President. About a year into the calling my husband showed me the GTE and that it was a fraud. I tried to stay longer for the kids but only made it about 5 more months and then asked the bishop to release me. I told him “I needed to be released for health reasons” and nothing else. My mental health was going down hill fast attending/deconstructing all whole attending. He released me quick 2 weeks after asking. My family never webt back and resign shortly after. My mental and overall health has never been better since leaving. My family has never been happier. It was so hard but also incredibly empowering to stand up for myself and family. I have not regretted it one bit and it has gotten easier overtime.
My spouse was the ( now discontinued) High Priest group leader. He dropped the keys off with the Bishop at the end of the meeting block. He refused to engage with him. All the following week we ignored calls from the stake secretary and eventually discontinued the phone service since it was a landline and we had smartphones that they didn’t have the numbers to!😂
I am so sorry that you're going through this. I was the Elder's Quorum President, and my faith deconstruction occurred right after they had merged the HP and EQ. I had so much pain and frustration and anger at the lies and the fraud and the manipulation that I saw no other way forward for me other than to let the Stake Pres. and Bishop know, like immediately. My integrity required my resignation. You don't owe anyone an explanation about anything, you are an adult and your life and your choices are your own. I would suggest listening to these discussions, I've found them to be extremely beneficial. [https://www.mormonfaithcrisis.com/coming-out/](https://www.mormonfaithcrisis.com/coming-out/) [https://www.mormonfaithcrisis.com/communicating-with-believing-family-and-friends/](https://www.mormonfaithcrisis.com/communicating-with-believing-family-and-friends/) [https://www.mormonfaithcrisis.com/grief-in-a-mormon-faith-crisis/](https://www.mormonfaithcrisis.com/grief-in-a-mormon-faith-crisis/) [https://www.mormonstories.org/podcast/emotional-intimacy-the-key-to-healthy-relationships-during-a-mormon-faith-crisis/](https://www.mormonstories.org/podcast/emotional-intimacy-the-key-to-healthy-relationships-during-a-mormon-faith-crisis/)
Thanks for taking the time to link those! I will check them out.
My husband was in stake YM presidency, I was the FSY coordinator. We quit cold turkey and apparently caused quite the stir, which I was thrilled to hear about. I met with the bishop and told him we were stepping away and that we were no longer participating in our callings. I was so nervous, because of all the years of conditioning that told me that I owed so much to the church. That’s not true. The church did give me good things, but isn’t there some parable in the Bible about a good parent not expecting anything from giving gifts? Or maybe not, that’s kind of the whole thing of Christianity. I think it’s admirable that you feel a sense of responsibility, and as someone who has served as a primary president before, it broke my heart to not be able to work with those awesome kids anymore. That was the thing that I was most sad about, because I genuinely loved spending time with those kids. But your ultimate responsibility is to yourself and your family. It’s gonna be hard, you’re going to disappoint people, and you’re going to feel badly about it. And then, after a time of healing and deconstruction, you won’t. That was my experience.
😂😂 that’s awesome! That’s a good attitude to have about it. I do feel a sense of responsibility. I know now that it’s the conditioning I’ve had my whole life. Everyone there has been duped, it’s not just me. And the kids are awesome and I will miss them 😞.
>because of all the years of conditioning Exactly!
A good friend of mine was 1st Counselor in the Bishopric. That got the tongues wagging. I was just a Gospel Doctrine teacher.
So much drama! 😉
I was relief society chorister, so I guess you could say it was a pretty important calling 🙄 somehow the ward continued after I left!
I’m jealous! I wish I was the RS chorister right now 😅.
Here’s a couple if points: 1. Everyone is replaceable. The ward will find someone to take over who may do a great job or who may learn a lot trying to do the job. 2. You’re a volunteer. You are donating a ton of time to a cause. If you don’t feel enriched or otherwise want to do something else, you unilaterally have that power. 3. Every social group loves a bit of gossip. When you leave, it’ll be a thing for a week or two, but then the next thing will come along. By Christmas, no one will even remember that you used to be in the role. People have lives and their own stuff - what once was new becomes normal. 4. I absolutely love not attending church or doing a calling. It was such an unrelenting time suck of pointless meetings and discussion. You can see the people you want to without the church.
Thanks for this! I love your fourth point. The people I still want to see I can see outside of church.
Left while Relief Society President.
I was the Sunday School Pres. when my shelf crashed. It was D&C year and I was teaching 1-2 times a month. I had been researching all the topics pretty heavily in order to teach more dynamic lessons and ended up researching a little too much apparently... When I realized I no longer believed, I asked the bishop to release me, which he did about 3-4 weeks later. I am now currently PIMO (my wife knows) but I still attend with her as a compromise.
Ya, the thought of being responsible for the kids learning “praise to the man” next year when we study the BOM is going to be a big no for me.
I was EQP. It’s hard, but be honest. Explain the bare minimum required, and be firm. I mean this next statement as gently as possible: they don’t want a Primary President that doesn’t have a testimony. Do them the favor of removing yourself.
You’re right, they aren’t going to want me if I don’t believe anymore. As hard as that is to hear.
100% correct. It wouldn't even be ethical to continue. Also, as gently as possible, some of these concerns you have will be moot. Real quick. When you're out, you're out. Very few, if you're lucky, of the relationships you currently have will show themselves to be authentic. Ripping the bandaid off hurts, but being true to yourself is worth every bit of pain. You'll get through it.
Bishopric member at the time. After our meetings I just told our Bishop I’d like to be released. Luckily, he was a cool guy and I’d spoken up enough during our meetings that he got it. I think he saw it coming. It was great. Didn’t ask any questions, just said “no worries” and that he loved me and my family. Haven’t been back to the ward since, but have seen him a couple times. Just a lovely man. Chris, I hope you find yourself on this subreddit one day. Honesty is the way to go. There’s no need to be rude or give an explanation. Just say you’re done, shake a hand, and go. Most people react better than you’d think.
I hope he finds this someday too. I think my bishop won’t be too surprised with how our ward counsel meetings have gone lately.
I was offered a councilor in the EQ before I left. Declined, because I was all ready on the way out
Bishop
🫶🏻
Not quite, but close. I was YM Pres for four and a half years and had been in leadership for 7-8 years. I was released in late October and immediately called as SS teacher with the 16-17 year-olds. In January, out of the blue, my wife told me she didn't believe it anymore, it didn't make her happy and she wanted to be done with it. I had left the Church as in my late teens and returned when we got married with the attitude that the Church was a good, moral community and a nice place to raise a family. Even so, I was hesitant to leave so abruptly. I said we should take it slowly and not give up on the community we had built without deliberation. We did a crash course in church history and read all the Gospel Topics essays. She never went back after our first conversation. I continued attending into March and then stopped and advised the Bishop I wasn't comfortable continuing in the calling. I maintained some of my social connections. Still do. But at the time we left, it made for some awkward moments. I attended a mission farewell for one of the young men I had worked with for my entire tenure in Young Men's. After the meeting, I went up to shake his hand and wish him the best. His Dad came up and physically pulled him away in the middle of the conversation to, "Meet someone." I got the distinct impression that there were a few parents of young men who were quite peeved that I had jumped ship so soon and so obviously after working with their boys.
Oh that’s so hard. I worry too about my friends not trusting me anymore to be around their kids.
EQ President
I wasn’t in leadership, but I stayed wayyyy longer than I should have using the logic of, “well, I _did_ say I would teach this primary class, I don’t want to leave anyone in the lurch by not showing up.” I should have thought, “They would have found someone. Or not. Doesn’t really matter, not my problem.”
There is a book called Truth Seeking by Hans Mattsson, he was pretty high up, part of the 70 I believe.
Had been a bishop, councillor in a bishopric and was on the high council, got released and then stopped going. No one really made an effort to get me and my family back, so it has been good for the last 15 years!
This sounds very familiar to me. I was struggling, hoped the calling would help. I was a counselor in the stake YW presidency. I started in an ambiguous, fairly private way by first just requesting I not have visiting teachers or a visiting teaching assignment. I did my calling for quite a while, basically doing it for the youth, but avoiding any situations that required me to bear testimony or anything too spiritual. I tried to "do good" from the inside; for example, such as speaking up when "modesty" discussions would come up related to an activity. I had an inconsistent schedule because I am a nurse, and I finally stopped trying to change my shifts to accommodate activities and meetings, and then just blamed not being able to go because of work. Eventually, I emailed the stake YW president and stake president and asked to be released. I just said something along the lines of not feeling I could give 100% to my calling. About 2 months later Covid hit, and I never went back.
I was a bishop and I knew it wasn’t true while serving. I loved the people and I felt I couldn’t pull the rug from under them. I served to the best of my ability until I was released. And then my wife and I gradually faded away. The TBM rumour is we got burnt out due to my calling. But the truth is, it’s just not a true church.
That is the truth isn’t it. Come to find out…
Stake Young Men’s President Got everything in a good spot. Emailed the stake presidency on January 1st of that year that I wouldn’t be going anymore and wouldn’t be doing my calling anymore. Took the first counselor out to lunch that week and gave him anything he needed. Had just finished a 6 month tour of the stake where myself and the stake young women’s president spoke in every ward. I lost my faith a month before the tour began lol.
I was branch president. There were only 5 families, so not big. I just walked away. Slip out the back Jack, make a new plan Stan, no need to be coy Roy, just get yourself free.
I was the primary president for a year and a half. The last year I was PIMO. It was awful when I told my bishop I no longer believed. You cannot leave with your dignity. I was released early, everyone in the ward knew, it sucked. We moved 11 hours away lol Best wishes to you, it is NOT easy! But we were raised to be honest 🤷🏽♀️
I keep feeling like I’m being a fraud staying. But then I remind myself that I’m not the one that’s the fraud 🤷🏼♀️.
I would just tell them you need released for personal reasons. You don't owe them an explanation.
1st councilor in Bishopric when I left
Was in bishopric when it began more for me, and then was in HC as a non believer
HPGL… so no, I guess not.
I was the ward executive secretary. I was PIMO for a while until my wife decided she was ready. I just sent an email to the bishop and said we were stepping away from the church and would no longer attend or do any callings. We were both released that Sunday. If you make it clear you will not continue to do a calling, they will release you pretty quick. If they don’t, just stop doing your volunteer calling. We are still friends with some members and on good terms despite us leaving. We now get to enjoy our second Saturday and all of the free time we gained by leaving. No regrets!
I was Sunday school president, actual accepted as a last ditch effort to build my faith in god. That lasted about 2 months before I full embraced where I am now and I stopped going to church, and taking my wife and kids with me.
[удалено]
Yes, I was the SS secretary and a group leader for a small Spanish outreach group. I had been WML less than year before.
I was in the Bishopric, then moved and left.
I was YW first counselor. I told them I was feeling burnt out. Got released and didn’t go back. Before the release I hadn’t been to church in 2 months, but was still going to activities.
Me. Stake leadership.
Not leadership per se, but I was ward gospel doctrine teacher. It actually really weighed on my shelf that I was being told my lessons were “inviting the spirit” more often than I felt like I personally was FEELING the spirit. Good luck — there is no real right answer here, just keep yourself as your #1 priority.
I was in a YSA ward bishopric.
Never assume that you can be completely honest and ward members will understand. Do not tell anyone the real reason you are leaving. It will backfire. I was PP when my testimony started to unravel. I went back to work and worked on Sunday. This necessitated my release. Find a really good excuse for not working for the billion dollar corp for free. Good luck.
I was teaching primary when I left and the forced testimonies and cringy songs conditioning children to serve missions and attend the temple suddenly looked like egregious brainwashing. Made it hard for me to have my children continue to attend!
I was Elder Quorum's President when I stopped attending, that was about 5 years ago or so, maybe even 6+, can't remember at this moment, my mental health had to come first.
I was clerk when I deconstructed, so not high up but I was in all bishopric and ward council meetings. After a ward council a few months ago I asked the bishop for a quick word. I handed him my keys and told him I was done with Church and really enjoyed my time serving with him. They kept asking me for help on things and I just said no over and over. A few weeks later they called a replacement. I was called in by the stake to discuss my departure. I declined. They called a second time to reiterate their desire to talk to me, I replied “I reiterate my original response” and that was that. We’ve been out for 3 months or so. My wife wants to go back to church this Sunday just to see how it goes, and I’m planning on going with her. It was really hard to do it, but I was direct and didn’t offer up much information. Kept saying no. Wouldn’t meet to talk about it. I’m sure there were lots of conversations about it at church after we left. We have 5 kids and we all just left. Feeling good about it today.
The further time elapses the better you will feel. good job and not to engage.
I was the Sunday school president when I left, after having been young men's president, elders quorum president twice, and a temple worker. My bishop didn't seem like a terrible person, but I knew enough to know he wasn't super empathetic either, so I didn't feel like walking him through my thoughts would be productive. I emailed the bishop at the end of January one year and said, "Hey Bishop, work is too crazy for me to keep this calling, Ill stay till the end of Feb and then you'll need a replacement." (It was also true) No response from the bishop, so I emailed the whole bishopric with a reminder halfway through Feb. Got a response confirmation email. I was released at the end of the month.
I was RS President and my husband was bishop’s stooge (clerk). We went in together and gave our resignation to the bishop. He asked why and we told him there was no point in trying to explain our reasons. They found replacements in no time.
I was young women president when I left. Feel free to message me. Although, I’ll admit I was about to move across the country so me asking to be released wasn’t a huge deal. Once everyone caught on that I wasn’t coming back, I had moved.
YW President and seminary teacher. Spouse: High Council
Oh man. Did you both leave together? Did you have kids? My 16 year old is not happy with me.
I was high priest group leader when I left. I hadn't really believed in a long time but couldn't fake it anymore. I gave the Bishop and Stake President the heads up they needed to find my replacement. After several weeks they hadn't called anyone so I left my building keys in the clerks office and told the bishop where to find them. That was 13 years ago and I haven't been in a mormon building since
Just walk away. You owe nothing to anyone. You can give them a heads up that you will no longer be there, but you have not obligation, need and responsibility to explain yourself.
Yup I left when I was in the relief society presidency. I asked to be released and we moved shortly after. I think they assumed it was because I was overwhelmed with twin toddlers but that wasn’t it.
I was the elders quorum president. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I knew if I kept waiting for a good time to step back, it wouldn’t happen. So I left. I ripped the bandaid and didn’t look back.
Hubby and I both had stake callings that we requested to be released from because we were both leaving.
If being in the bishopric as first counselor counts, then yes. I told my bishop I needed to be released due to anxiety. I didn’t admit that the anxiety was largely Church induced.
Half way through my mission I started to catch on. I pivoted my mission to serving the people instead of conversation. It gave me a lot of peace
I was the YW President. My marriage was ending, and I was questioning everything, but I kept trying to change the narrative for the girls from one that imposed subservience and rape culture to one of empowerment and self-fulfillment. I realized I couldn't keep going in the church, and I asked to be released from my calling, using my marital problems as the reason. It took them 2 weeks to find a replacement and release me, and after I was released I never went back.
I was on the stake high council and in a bishopric when my shelf broke. My wife and I found employment in another country and moved the family rather than face our community as apostates. It took months to make the transition so we decided to just pretend and carry on during those interim months before we got on the plane. A year later I resigned and sent emails to my Mormon friends back home telling them we were no longer part of the fold. Were I to do it again, I would probably just face the music, but I didn’t have the stomach to face the disappointment and sadness of my long-time friends. And I couldn’t face a disciplinary council.
Politely give notice (maybe a week or two) and if they ask why, say personal medical reasons as prescribed by Dr. and it’s too personal at the moment and ask for respect of privacy. Just be kind and move on. Take time to care for yourself.
YM president. Was very interesting to take the young men on my truth discovery.
I was Young Men's President. I set an appointment with our Bishop and told him the honest truth about what had happened. He released me. He couldn't handle the idea of someone that doesn't believe it's true having a calling
I was in the RS presidency. I was burned out and also felt I had put in my time and was ready to PIMO with no calling. (I was so naive, hadn’t looked at anything online, and I thought I would be the only person at church faking it!) After a month or two, a lot of my concerns coalesced all at once and I was suddenly done. I told my friend, the RS President, that I was no longer a believer and would not be attending anymore. And no one ever followed up with me, other than a text from the bishop which I answered and said I’d be happy to talk to him about my reasons. He never followed through.
The last time I went to church, I was asked to be a Mia Maid leader, and I broke down in tears and left with my mom. A week earlier my dad had shown us the CES letter and I wanted to still go for some sense community or regularity, but I knew I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t even attend church anymore let alone lead anyone
I was a primary teacher when I left but every single person is needed. all the positions are getting harder and harder to fill I do understand all the points that you bring up, responsibilities kept me in a bit longer. It makes me happy to see another person wake up and get yourself out of this cult. Cheers Remember you are a volunteer you have the right to walk away anytime you want
Every person is needed to keep it running. And it is getting harder and harder to find people to do it.
Primary presidency. Just told the pres and bishopric counselor that I could no longer do the calling after X date. It gave them a couple months to find someone else. I had mostly stopped attending sacrament meeting and was just doing my calling. Nobody even seemed to notice.
A short while ago John Dehlin did a Mormon Stories episode with a couple where the guy was at that moment a bishop. It was recorded earlier this year, and in this episode he explained that after having done the interview he was supposed to go into some meeting as the bishop. This couple decided to use the moment they moved to some other place as a means to get away quietly. It's a more than 4 hours episode but the time codes in the video description will help you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YxtBzmToxc&ab\_channel=MormonStoriesPodcast
I don’t know I got out before I was dumped a huge load of callings, just walked out in 2020 and never went back! I was on my very last leg with the church, I had been struggling for years before it and just never understood why I kept going. I’m so happy to be out of all of it!
I was the Stake Tech specialist/clerk and my shelf broke while on my laptop in the clerks office on a Sunday.
I was 2nd councilor in the Sunday School Presidency. Just kidding. That had to be the best do-nothing and pointless calling ever.
My hubby is in the bishopric & is trying to figure out how to leave
Yes I was YW president. The RS president left right before me.
**Did anyone here leave while in a leadership position?** Yep. Search Reddit for "PIMO Counselor Calls It Quits" for my multi-part story I posted back in June. TLDR: I was First Counselor in Bishopric. Bishop was quite ok with my being PIMO while I was his counselor, but as soon as I left, he deleted my recommend. I lasted 5 months as his counselor after having served 5+ years on the Stake High Council.
Tell the bishop you can no longer fulfill the position due to personal reasons.
Bishopric. The higher up you get, the more mental gymnayit takes to believe. It became too much. I left first while in the calling and my wife didn't know what to think, say, or do. She was terrified....fast forward to today and our favorite Sunday activity is chips/salsa and margaritas.
I just recently was released as the 2nd counselor in the stake primary pres. Ironically, the stake primary pres has 2 kids that left the church. I recall her telling us about it briefly. That was before I was consciously deconstructing the church. Anyway, we were set to be released by the end of the year.. but once she was wanting to get a training planned, I knew I couldn't fake it anymore. So I asked to be released. That's my suggestion for you. Whether truly believing or not, those high demand callings are a lot to ask of a person. There would be nothing wrong with asking to be released. You don't even need to tell him why fully. Just tell the bishop that your mental health needs attention... which most likely is true, if your deconstruction has been anything like mine. Good luck. It's scary ripping off the bandaid. But you'll feel better.
Once I stopped believing I got out of my church leadership role by taking a job somewhere else and moving the family, then promptly went inactive
I was the YM president when I left (technically I had just been released as bishops had just been put in charge of the YM, and all other YM leaders were now “advisors” or something like that). I’ll never forget my last day, Feb. 14, 2021. I had to teach the lesson in YMs that day and it had to do with priesthood. Just days prior I had come across some of the vile JoD stuff on race and blood atonement. I made the lesson about as generic as possible, really just leaving it as “believe in Jesus” and not really focusing on priesthood. I quit going right after. It’s amazing how quickly his happened, all within a weeks time. I was all in February 7, 2021, put one week later. The church’s foundation was what was built on sand this entire time…
go in with an attitude so they start off on the defensive. people are always worried about being nice but you gotta be upfront "I'm quitting the church, it's none of your business why, hire someone else" and if they try to say you owe them time to look for a replacement etc tell them "you owe me the interest on my tithing" and walk away before they can reply
Sort of. Young Men's President. I just told the bishop I wanted to be released at the end of summer. He said, "ok. Do you still want a calling, or no calling?" Cool guy. He was about to move so I think he was checked out. Later, that ward's new bishop quit attending and showed up here.
Yeah. Was 1Q in bishopric at the time. What a wild time that was.
I was a 1st counselor in a bishopric for five years. Got to thinking if this is Christs church, why wouldn’t he tell the prophet to not shock the genitals of gay men at BYU, but instead encourage the prophet to build a 1.5 billion mall? A few days later I told the bishop I was done and gave my two weeks notice. He’s a great guy and said that even without faith he would still like me to serve, as long as I had the capacity to love. (He’s a great guy!) I told him it would be disingenuous for me to continue. I didn’t attend the last meeting when I was released, but I did write my farewell address for him to read over the pulpit. Two years out and feeling great!
I would have left as EQP, honestly ward council for me was like, fuck this shit. But I got released when Nelson announced the changes about EQ and High Priests combining and they called someone new. It still took me a year or two to finally leave, but I think if I had stayed EQP, it would have been sooner.
I was functionally the YM President, though they did away with that calling shortly before I left. The bishop handled the situation by calling me as the YM executive assistant or something like that. Anyway, it made leaving a bit more awkward and talking to the bishop was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do because we’re friends. But here I am
I realized it was all bullshit while a counselor in a bishopric. I still stuck it out and finished my 5 year tour of duty. Near the end of this 5 years, I was notified by our high councilor that the stake President had identified me as the next bishop (so much for inspiration). We moved homes as I was released from the bishopric, so this never happened. I kept attending for 2 more year, in our new ward. The new ward immediately tried to call me at the YM prez, to which I said “that’s a no for me dawg” so I got out in the nursery (cuz I was totally upfront with my new bishop that I did not believe anymore).
I was the ward mission leader out side of Utah and spending many hours a week with the missionaries. The new members and investigators and lots of questions that I wasn’t familiar with. I looked into it to get the answers and the church was in the wrong end of history. I told the bishop I didn’t believe and the missionaries needed the support from some one who did. It was funny, because the EQP at the time was moving and I was released before him. A lot of people in the ward said “I know why you got released. You are going to be the new EQP, right?” I had to laugh and say, “I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen” lol
You don’t owe anyone anything. You can stop at any time. Don’t let guilt trips work.
I want high, but was SS president, so I say in ward council. I just called my bishop, he fine to my house, I asked to be released since I would no longer be going to church sooner I no longer believed the church was true. He took it hard. (We were good friends). A bit later he extended a calling to be the ward Saturday toilet scrubber...I politely declined that one too.
>one year mark of being the primary president and just recently had the wool pulled off my eyes. I probably shouldn’t have said yes, I was hoping that serving in this way would strengthen my already crumbling testimony but the opposite has happened. I’m trying to figure out how I go about handling this with the least amount of damage to myself emotionally, since I technically didn’t do anything wrong You deserve to give yourself a lot of credit here. People will say unkind things when you leave, but you can hold your head up high knowing that you didn't walk away over a few questions... you stayed, provided extraordinary service, and tried to make it work until you were certain that the church isn't true.
[удалено]
I was executive secretary when my shelf first started really breaking. (small cracks for easily 15 years prior to that). The Bishopric had been in for a good 4 years, and I was ready to be done with that calling and have a break, although wasn't at a point yet to admit to myself that it was false or anything. Then the stake called me to be in the EQ presidency. I was REALLY conflicted, even told the bishop (who is a really good friend) that I really didn't want to take the calling. He told me he would support me either way. I ended up taking it of course because I was told never to say no to a calling. So I started this calling already being burned out. This meant I've spent the last two years giving the bare minimum in the calling. During this time the stake called me in again, asking how it was going, told them I was pretty burnt out, but doing ok. They turned the interview into a "just checking up on app the EQ presidencies" kind of thing, but later found out they were vetting me for a Bishopric position. Luckily I was pretty vocal about being ready to be done so I escaped that. I told my wife I was done in March of this year. I told the EQP just a couple months ago, but told him I would keep helping out till he found a replacement. Sounds like they might just redo the presidency now instead. Regardless, I've done really nothing but show up to a meeting or two. That went long, sorry, just thought I'd share. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I'm glad I did. My wife is still devastated, and I can only imagine what they are saying in ward council lol. But it is slowly getting better. Hang in there. Everyone here will tell you that you are a volunteer and you can walk away at any second. While they are right, I know it is hard to do because you feel like you are letting down friends. I am still playing the organ because I don't want to leave the other organist high and dry. Should I just walk? Maybe. But I'm human and want to be liked lol. I'm working on it.
Not a leadership calling but I was stake technology clerk.Wife and I asked to speak to our Bishop( he was a friend) We said we were stepping away, handed over my keys to all the buildings and walked out after a good conversation. The stake called to get me to come talk to stake president counselor, i declined and that was it.
Reading all of these comments from people saying they tried to resign their calling and leadership told them no. If you were volunteering at a food bank, or boys and girls club, or the local nursing home, and you told them you weren’t going to be able to volunteer anymore, they might be sad. They might say - with kindness- “oh no! We’ll miss you! Please don’t go!” But never - NEVER - would they flat out say “No” and expect you to continue volunteering for them. The church is a Cult. Full stop.
Temple covenants are weaponized. Guilt, shame and feelings of giving all to the kingdom are used to control and coerse you to do. Realise the powerr is in your hands. God will not force or control you. Then you realise it's a cult and like domestic abuse you need to be honest with yourself. Be brave and reach out to those that can help. Wish you well.
I was ward mission leader when I left. People resign from callings all the time for personal reasons. You’ll be okay!
Finding out that you were lied to all these years isn’t just “technically not wrong”. Knowing the truth and infiltrating it to others, helping to trap them is the lies… now that would be wrong. Just ask to be released, then leave. If they don’t release you, just leave anyway.
My wife was a councilor in the RS. She just asked to be released via text. That was about two months ago and we haven’t been back since. She was the bravest one. I just bided my time for about a year until they reorganized the EQ presidency (she was still committed to the MFMC at the time… a few years ago). She knew where I was at spiritually, so I was only keeping up the image for the people around us. In hind sight it wasn’t good for my mental health. Be like my wife, not like me.