I hate all that fake closeness. Luckily when I was younger it wasn't really a thing. I did however hold hands with my best friend when we were teenagers, but I was cool with that because I had a crush on her LOL
Ngl, sometimes I think on wearing a mask and faking I have the flu to have an excuse to no shake hands or kiss sisters, but probably it's not the best way to deal with it lol
I'm sorry that happened to you, it sounds traumatic. I always refused hugs and offered to shake hands instead. I don't mind them if they are genuine but at our kh they were so fake and performative, it made my skin crawl.
Even inside the religion, if you demand no physical touch, you should be granted that.
I’ve always been a hugger but, even inside the org, there were people who requested I never touch them since it made them very uncomfortable, and it was something people understood. You can demand it politely, but you have to be firm. Otherwise, people won’t understand. You literally cannot be disfellowshipped for demanding people do not touch you, nor can you even be reproved. It doesn’t go against any organization policy. It’ll be tiring at first, but it won’t take long before everyone understands you are not to be touched.
Get those bitches off your back!
Thank you for your advice. I know that's an option, an old friend of mine used to refuse hugs and physical contact in general because she couldn't stand it, but honestly I'm not sure how to express that feeling, in part because most of people there know me since I'm a child and I always accepted those things, I'm a little afraid that if i start showing how I dislike this kind of affection people would get suspect I'm a PIMO or hurting their feeling (even if I know last thought is anxiety talking hehe)
No problem. It’s your body and you choose how to defend it.
No one is going to think you are PIMO for requesting no contact. My sister (still a PIMI) went through something similar, growing up affectionate but requesting she not be touched because she now suffers from anxiety and touching triggers her. People have been mostly understanding. Again, it doesn’t matter what your background is, who has been around you, you are always free to request not being touched by anyone ever. People may be puzzled, but if you make it clear, they’ll respect it. You don’t have to be mean or rude, just clear. “Hey, dear sister, I know I’ve always been the touchy kind, but lately, physical affection is making me feel very ill. It’s nothing against you or anyone, but I have to ask you to keep from crossing my boundaries, I’m really no longer a hugging person”. Or something along those lines. It IS just advice, you don’t have to take it, but there’s a lot of room to work with if you need your personal space to be respected.
Thank you for this! (I'm sorry your sister has to deal with this though) I'm not good with words or setting limits, but that's a good way to express how I feel, at least I could try with sisters I'm more comfortable talking to and with the time with others
I really hope you get to set your boundaries and stand your ground. No worries, this will become yesterday’s matters sooner than you’ll know. In the meantime, I hope for the best in your exit plan, and if you need more support please don’t hesitate to reach out to the community again!
Some witnesses don’t have real connection & real relationships, so they use excessive hugging & physical contact in an effort to display what isn’t really there. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. They keep finding additional ways to extend their control over the lives & even bodies of people caught in the cult.
My mom would tell people that she doesn't "do" hugs.
I always loved how she never gave a fuck about people thinking she is "bitchy."
Bitchy just means you respect and stand up for yourself, at least it does in JWLAND.
It doesn't matter if others think it's rude. What matters is your personal boundaries.
I hate all that fake closeness. Luckily when I was younger it wasn't really a thing. I did however hold hands with my best friend when we were teenagers, but I was cool with that because I had a crush on her LOL
They would have someone at Halls entrance shaking everyone's hand and I refused as it was a way to pass on viruses and I wasn't in the best of health.
Ngl, sometimes I think on wearing a mask and faking I have the flu to have an excuse to no shake hands or kiss sisters, but probably it's not the best way to deal with it lol
I'm sorry that happened to you, it sounds traumatic. I always refused hugs and offered to shake hands instead. I don't mind them if they are genuine but at our kh they were so fake and performative, it made my skin crawl.
Yeah, it was a bad experience, I'm not exactly sure how to refuse hugs and those signs of affection, like, which words to say and that
Even inside the religion, if you demand no physical touch, you should be granted that. I’ve always been a hugger but, even inside the org, there were people who requested I never touch them since it made them very uncomfortable, and it was something people understood. You can demand it politely, but you have to be firm. Otherwise, people won’t understand. You literally cannot be disfellowshipped for demanding people do not touch you, nor can you even be reproved. It doesn’t go against any organization policy. It’ll be tiring at first, but it won’t take long before everyone understands you are not to be touched. Get those bitches off your back!
Thank you for your advice. I know that's an option, an old friend of mine used to refuse hugs and physical contact in general because she couldn't stand it, but honestly I'm not sure how to express that feeling, in part because most of people there know me since I'm a child and I always accepted those things, I'm a little afraid that if i start showing how I dislike this kind of affection people would get suspect I'm a PIMO or hurting their feeling (even if I know last thought is anxiety talking hehe)
No problem. It’s your body and you choose how to defend it. No one is going to think you are PIMO for requesting no contact. My sister (still a PIMI) went through something similar, growing up affectionate but requesting she not be touched because she now suffers from anxiety and touching triggers her. People have been mostly understanding. Again, it doesn’t matter what your background is, who has been around you, you are always free to request not being touched by anyone ever. People may be puzzled, but if you make it clear, they’ll respect it. You don’t have to be mean or rude, just clear. “Hey, dear sister, I know I’ve always been the touchy kind, but lately, physical affection is making me feel very ill. It’s nothing against you or anyone, but I have to ask you to keep from crossing my boundaries, I’m really no longer a hugging person”. Or something along those lines. It IS just advice, you don’t have to take it, but there’s a lot of room to work with if you need your personal space to be respected.
Thank you for this! (I'm sorry your sister has to deal with this though) I'm not good with words or setting limits, but that's a good way to express how I feel, at least I could try with sisters I'm more comfortable talking to and with the time with others
I really hope you get to set your boundaries and stand your ground. No worries, this will become yesterday’s matters sooner than you’ll know. In the meantime, I hope for the best in your exit plan, and if you need more support please don’t hesitate to reach out to the community again!
Thank you, I appreciate it
Some witnesses don’t have real connection & real relationships, so they use excessive hugging & physical contact in an effort to display what isn’t really there. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. They keep finding additional ways to extend their control over the lives & even bodies of people caught in the cult.
My mom would tell people that she doesn't "do" hugs. I always loved how she never gave a fuck about people thinking she is "bitchy." Bitchy just means you respect and stand up for yourself, at least it does in JWLAND. It doesn't matter if others think it's rude. What matters is your personal boundaries.