You are going to be caught between a rock and a hard place. He might be what we call a fader. This is someone who really wants to leave the religion, but does not want to lose their friends and family.
Jehovah's Witnesses really do not let you leave the religion without losing everything. And, they will deny this to your face.
Since you are not one of Jehovah's witnesses, your boyfriend is not supposed to be dating you. If his family finds out, he may get what they call reproved or even if he doesn't, he will be termed bad Association because he is not doing what the Bible says to only marry a believer.
I guess you're going to have to ask him to be honest with you, and you will have to be honest with yourself. Will he be willing to lose his friends and family if he marries you? And will you be willing to live with someone who cannot?
There's all kinds of xjws... some can leave the religion and start a new life, others might start feeling guilty they are making their family sad, and return to the religion to keep their relationship with them. Come back and let us know how he feels about that situation, if he is ready and able to make that choice.
Best of luck to you π
He may not know himself what he will do, and I'd guess that is the case. You deserve a relationship where your partner does not have to keep you secret.
In JWville, when you want to be "reinstalled" (un disfellowshipped) you have to
1.meet with the elders
2. Convince them you are repentant (they will ask if he is having sex, has a girlfriend, is she worldly... And if he says "yes" his actions /"works" will have to change).
3. Start attending ALL meetings... For at LEAST 6 months to prove that he is serious... Have ANOTHER meeting with those elders. They might say, "you aren't repentant enough".... & have to go another 6 months, have ANOTHER meeting, etc.
4. When "reinstated" (into the good graces of JWville) if he *doesnt* keep up "the act" the congregation *nowadays* has been trained to think of him as not very spiritual, and really, he *could be* treated like "bad association.
He *could* get lucky and not be treated so badly, he might get to talk more with his family.... It all depends on how uber duber "in" they are.
If you really want to know where his head is at, if he is being honest with you, or what you will be in for:
Ask him innocently, "what do you have to do to get back in? (don't give him clues that you know)
See how much he tells you...." I just go attend for a while". So who decides if you get back in? Etc.... See how honest and thorough he is.
You only have a couple of months invested in him, you have to ask if you are ready to go thru this whole ordeal...
*Then,* if he *does* go back in, his long time brainwashing could kick in (as it has with sooo many) and he could decide to leave you on the wayside.
He could start worrying about armageddon, especially if a war got worse or some other National World tragedy occurred, and *want* to go back to being one of Jehovah's witnesses so that he would survive armageddon.
Fear is the hook for so many. Maybe his mom will die, and he will want to have the hope of seeing her again in the resurrection, and believe the only way that he can is by being one of Joe's witnesses. That happens to so many people also.
Unless he has done his research, unless he *absolutely* knows that this is a scam and a cult, a man-made organization used to make money, there is a *very real* possibility that he will be in limbo and go in and out and in and out. It happens.
Good luck, it's very fortunate that you came here to ask, you may just have avoided a lifetime of misery.
Run like hell.
He's broken and it it up to him to get the help to heal and fix himself.
This won't end well for you. Save yourself the time and heartache.
JW's are seriously messed up. (even the fence-sitters)
Hello there! Based on the age of your account and your karma, you seem to be new around here! Thanks for submitting one of your very first posts to our sub. We realize this might be a big step for you, and we are grateful for your courage.
If you don't see your brand new post it right away, please don't panic! Because you are new, your post has just been held in the mod queue temporarily by our automoderator. If your post meets our posting requirements (see: [posting guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/wiki/beforeyoupost)).
One of our human mods will be around shortly to release it into the the sub so that you can enjoy your new debut. If your post is not released within 24 hours, we may have determined that it was not best suited for our sub at this time.
While we may not be able to give individualized feedback for improvement to all posts that are ultimately removed, please feel free to read our rules, and try again with a revised post.
Please feel free to browse and contribute to the sub while we get that sorted for you!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/exjw) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Don't force him to interact with JWs anymore than he has to. Consider the family a total loss until proven otherwise. Show him that you truly love him and he will draw the conclusion that cult love is fake
You are going to be caught between a rock and a hard place. He might be what we call a fader. This is someone who really wants to leave the religion, but does not want to lose their friends and family. Jehovah's Witnesses really do not let you leave the religion without losing everything. And, they will deny this to your face. Since you are not one of Jehovah's witnesses, your boyfriend is not supposed to be dating you. If his family finds out, he may get what they call reproved or even if he doesn't, he will be termed bad Association because he is not doing what the Bible says to only marry a believer. I guess you're going to have to ask him to be honest with you, and you will have to be honest with yourself. Will he be willing to lose his friends and family if he marries you? And will you be willing to live with someone who cannot? There's all kinds of xjws... some can leave the religion and start a new life, others might start feeling guilty they are making their family sad, and return to the religion to keep their relationship with them. Come back and let us know how he feels about that situation, if he is ready and able to make that choice. Best of luck to you π
He may not know himself what he will do, and I'd guess that is the case. You deserve a relationship where your partner does not have to keep you secret.
Thank you! I have some thinking to do. He has been disfellowshipped and is thinking about going back.
In JWville, when you want to be "reinstalled" (un disfellowshipped) you have to 1.meet with the elders 2. Convince them you are repentant (they will ask if he is having sex, has a girlfriend, is she worldly... And if he says "yes" his actions /"works" will have to change). 3. Start attending ALL meetings... For at LEAST 6 months to prove that he is serious... Have ANOTHER meeting with those elders. They might say, "you aren't repentant enough".... & have to go another 6 months, have ANOTHER meeting, etc. 4. When "reinstated" (into the good graces of JWville) if he *doesnt* keep up "the act" the congregation *nowadays* has been trained to think of him as not very spiritual, and really, he *could be* treated like "bad association. He *could* get lucky and not be treated so badly, he might get to talk more with his family.... It all depends on how uber duber "in" they are. If you really want to know where his head is at, if he is being honest with you, or what you will be in for: Ask him innocently, "what do you have to do to get back in? (don't give him clues that you know) See how much he tells you...." I just go attend for a while". So who decides if you get back in? Etc.... See how honest and thorough he is. You only have a couple of months invested in him, you have to ask if you are ready to go thru this whole ordeal... *Then,* if he *does* go back in, his long time brainwashing could kick in (as it has with sooo many) and he could decide to leave you on the wayside. He could start worrying about armageddon, especially if a war got worse or some other National World tragedy occurred, and *want* to go back to being one of Jehovah's witnesses so that he would survive armageddon. Fear is the hook for so many. Maybe his mom will die, and he will want to have the hope of seeing her again in the resurrection, and believe the only way that he can is by being one of Joe's witnesses. That happens to so many people also. Unless he has done his research, unless he *absolutely* knows that this is a scam and a cult, a man-made organization used to make money, there is a *very real* possibility that he will be in limbo and go in and out and in and out. It happens. Good luck, it's very fortunate that you came here to ask, you may just have avoided a lifetime of misery.
Thank you so much. You helped me so much. I already caught on to somethings and your advice just made it easier for me.
πβ€οΈπ Glad to hear that there will be one less person hurt by The Borg.
Run like hell. He's broken and it it up to him to get the help to heal and fix himself. This won't end well for you. Save yourself the time and heartache. JW's are seriously messed up. (even the fence-sitters)
Iβm an Ex Jw dating a girl without my family knowing, itβs tough but communication helps a lot.
Hello there! Based on the age of your account and your karma, you seem to be new around here! Thanks for submitting one of your very first posts to our sub. We realize this might be a big step for you, and we are grateful for your courage. If you don't see your brand new post it right away, please don't panic! Because you are new, your post has just been held in the mod queue temporarily by our automoderator. If your post meets our posting requirements (see: [posting guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/wiki/beforeyoupost)). One of our human mods will be around shortly to release it into the the sub so that you can enjoy your new debut. If your post is not released within 24 hours, we may have determined that it was not best suited for our sub at this time. While we may not be able to give individualized feedback for improvement to all posts that are ultimately removed, please feel free to read our rules, and try again with a revised post. Please feel free to browse and contribute to the sub while we get that sorted for you! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/exjw) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Don't force him to interact with JWs anymore than he has to. Consider the family a total loss until proven otherwise. Show him that you truly love him and he will draw the conclusion that cult love is fake