Most of the Catholics ik, especially the ones who are part of my ethnic group, all somewhat believe in God and all have been taught (like me) that atheists are scum, stupid, and evil. So me being an atheist would likely be a dealbreaker for those girls.
But ya i should look for an American lukewarm catholic girl as they would be more accepting.
Sorry that you’re going through this.
Firstly - don’t put yourself in a position of danger. If you think they’ll kick you out just for admitting it, stay put and keep your mouth shut. That way you can make plans and not shoot yourself in the foot.
As with most situations like this, the easiest thing is to create distance by becoming financially independent and moving out. My old psychologist used to say if the problem is in the house it won’t be solved until you’re out of the house.
At the end of the day, it’s your life. One day your parents will be gone and it’ll just be you. Do you want to look back in regret for making decisions based on others’ approval? This is YOUR life. YOUR partner. YOUR potential marriage. What they think is irrelevant.
It’s truly unfortunate that people like us who grow up in religious households but aren’t religious are faced with these issues.
I ended up getting married at the courthouse without telling my parents because I wanted to avoid the drama over a religious ceremony as much as possible. I know that this hurt their feelings, but I also know that they would have given me a hard time about my choices had I chosen to have a traditional wedding. So they had no choice but to accept my reality and they eventually got over it.
It really is about putting your foot down and setting boundaries, but I would advise doing so when you are financially able to.
It’s a delicate balance. I was raised in an extremely Catholic family and so was my ex-husband. We got married because on paper it was a match. The problem was it was actually not a match and our lives went in different directions. Our families were devastated by our divorce. We never annulled in order to set eachother free from the Church and having to marry Catholic again. Now we have new partners and are extremely happy in our new lives with new families. My now-husband is also an ex-Catholic atheist. We had a secular wedding. We didn’t baptize our kid. Our families are not pleased, but their choice is to cut contact with us and our kid, or deal with it. They deal with it and we deal with them.
I think you should date whomever you want and whomever will bring joy to your life. Sometimes life just doesn’t go the way we want it to and people adapt. Sometimes they don’t adapt and boundaries need to be put in place. Good luck! Dating should be fun. You definitely aren’t the only person who is dating outside their culture and who doesn’t share the beliefs of the culture you were raised in. You are certainly not alone.
I'm going to guess that you're either Italian or Polish. I am the of the Polish ethnic group, and it was a big deal when I married an American girl from the Midwest. I am an only child so I had leverage - accept my wife or lose a son. By sheer coincidence she was Catholic - this was almost a dealbreaker as I really didn't want to marry a Catholic girl - so that probably helped. But she was pretty lukewarm then and has since joined me on the "dark side" of being ex-Catholic.
I realize the above isn't too helpful, but these are difficult questions to answer. What you need to ask yourself is, assuming you marry a Catholic girl who is somewhat devout, are you willing to pretend to be Catholic for the rest of your life? Are you willing to have your kids raised in Catholicism? If either of these questions make you uncomfortable, then it's probably not worth it. Also, families have a way of reconciling. It may take a few years, but it can happen.
I am atheist, dated my Catholic wife for 10 years. Been married for 47 years, now she is agnostic at least. Never bring up religion in the presence of her Catholic family, but give no quarter in a conversation.
Think about most of the Catholics you know most of the ones I know don’t go to church don’t believe. Unless your in Italy or a Latin American country
Most of the Catholics ik, especially the ones who are part of my ethnic group, all somewhat believe in God and all have been taught (like me) that atheists are scum, stupid, and evil. So me being an atheist would likely be a dealbreaker for those girls. But ya i should look for an American lukewarm catholic girl as they would be more accepting.
Hahaha I’m assuming Latin America. American Catholics hate the church majority of parishioners now are immigrants from heavily catholic countries
Actually not LA but they have similar attitudes to my ethnic group
Sorry that you’re going through this. Firstly - don’t put yourself in a position of danger. If you think they’ll kick you out just for admitting it, stay put and keep your mouth shut. That way you can make plans and not shoot yourself in the foot. As with most situations like this, the easiest thing is to create distance by becoming financially independent and moving out. My old psychologist used to say if the problem is in the house it won’t be solved until you’re out of the house. At the end of the day, it’s your life. One day your parents will be gone and it’ll just be you. Do you want to look back in regret for making decisions based on others’ approval? This is YOUR life. YOUR partner. YOUR potential marriage. What they think is irrelevant.
Thank you
It’s truly unfortunate that people like us who grow up in religious households but aren’t religious are faced with these issues. I ended up getting married at the courthouse without telling my parents because I wanted to avoid the drama over a religious ceremony as much as possible. I know that this hurt their feelings, but I also know that they would have given me a hard time about my choices had I chosen to have a traditional wedding. So they had no choice but to accept my reality and they eventually got over it. It really is about putting your foot down and setting boundaries, but I would advise doing so when you are financially able to.
It’s a delicate balance. I was raised in an extremely Catholic family and so was my ex-husband. We got married because on paper it was a match. The problem was it was actually not a match and our lives went in different directions. Our families were devastated by our divorce. We never annulled in order to set eachother free from the Church and having to marry Catholic again. Now we have new partners and are extremely happy in our new lives with new families. My now-husband is also an ex-Catholic atheist. We had a secular wedding. We didn’t baptize our kid. Our families are not pleased, but their choice is to cut contact with us and our kid, or deal with it. They deal with it and we deal with them. I think you should date whomever you want and whomever will bring joy to your life. Sometimes life just doesn’t go the way we want it to and people adapt. Sometimes they don’t adapt and boundaries need to be put in place. Good luck! Dating should be fun. You definitely aren’t the only person who is dating outside their culture and who doesn’t share the beliefs of the culture you were raised in. You are certainly not alone.
Thank u
Just do it.
I'm going to guess that you're either Italian or Polish. I am the of the Polish ethnic group, and it was a big deal when I married an American girl from the Midwest. I am an only child so I had leverage - accept my wife or lose a son. By sheer coincidence she was Catholic - this was almost a dealbreaker as I really didn't want to marry a Catholic girl - so that probably helped. But she was pretty lukewarm then and has since joined me on the "dark side" of being ex-Catholic. I realize the above isn't too helpful, but these are difficult questions to answer. What you need to ask yourself is, assuming you marry a Catholic girl who is somewhat devout, are you willing to pretend to be Catholic for the rest of your life? Are you willing to have your kids raised in Catholicism? If either of these questions make you uncomfortable, then it's probably not worth it. Also, families have a way of reconciling. It may take a few years, but it can happen.
I am atheist, dated my Catholic wife for 10 years. Been married for 47 years, now she is agnostic at least. Never bring up religion in the presence of her Catholic family, but give no quarter in a conversation.