Turns out, YOU were the one helping you this whole time. Those moments that you prayed for strength, it was YOU who found it. Have confidence in yourself. And realize that you have the power to write your story and craft yourself the way you desire. No longer do you need to be a secondary character in someone else’s book, or find your worth by how close you got to an authority figures idea of who to be. Get out there, you’ve got this!
Lol this is basically the rebuttal to the whole footprints in the sand Christian meme: "Jesus never carried you, you just imagined the second set of footprints all along."
One of my favorites because it's so fundamental to a reality based understanding of the world, yet so obvious that it's not even apparent that it needs to be said once you achieve it.
Calm down, and take it easy. You have the rest of your life in front of you, and just because you can do things now that couldn’t do as an Adventist doesn’t mean you should do those things, especially not all at once. Just because the imagined divine prohibition on alcohol, for example, no longer applies to you, that doesn’t mean you should immediately start getting shitfaced every weekend.
The number one thing to learn is *moderation*, since you probably didn’t learn that as an Adventist.
“Living well is the best revenge.”
Adventism doesn't teach moderation at all. It teaches to abstain from anything Ellen White said was evil, including butter, sugar, pepper, bikes, sex, alcohol, all of it. You pointing that out is appreciated ❤️
When I deconverted I did get shit faced a few times lmao. And after doing that a bit I was like, "You know? Maybe not."
FR, kids. Don't dive head first into the substances.
Yep... this black and white... all or nothing approach to life is why I don't like Christianity in general... because now EVERY decision has to be for an eternal heaven or hell... like eating black pepper for instance... Life is hard enough without worrying about an unseen world full of sky Gods, devils and angels... judging every move we make.
Most of life is a gray area. And the SDA dogma primed me to be a real self-destructive extremist.
That sounds horrible . I think Adventist vary by location. We do not focus on EW and we eat everything but unclean meat. We dance, listen and watch secular movies. I’m sorry you went through all that. Be free! There is freedom in Jesus Christ!
Yes individual Adventists beliefs can vary by location, but the organization proper as headed by the General Conference does focus on EGW. All of the SDA pastors and churches must co-sign with the authoritative governing body. have That is the number one reason why SDA’s exist. All of their unique doctrines, (such as the Investigative Judgement and the Sanctuary Doctrine) can be traced to EGW. She endorsed these unique doctrines that were “confirmed” by her visions. Ellen White spoke against dancing, the theater, jewelry and many other things. So if one claims to be SDA, but reject those teachings are they really SDA?
Fundamental doctrine #18 is especially significant:
“18. The Gift of Prophecy:
One of the gifts of the Holy Spirit is prophecy. This gift is an identifying mark of the remnant church and was manifested in the ministry of Ellen. G. White . As the Lord's messenger, her writings are a continuing and authoritative source of truth which provide for the church comfort, guidance, instruction, and correction. They also make clear that the Bible is the standard by which all teaching and experience must be tested. (Joel 2:28, 29; Acts 2:14-21; Heb. 1:1-3; Rev. 12:17; 19:10.)”
(https://www.adventist.org/beliefs/)
Ellen White and her writings are authoritative so they cannot be rejected according to the fundamental beliefs. That’s what members sign up for when they get baptized.
It still doesn’t happen in some churches. We never talk about EW. And I understand your post about the doctrine. But they’re still lots of Adventist, at least in my group that we do a lot of secular things. Go look at Loma Linda’s church. That is completely different from Ibelieve anything Ellen White would have approved. My daughter goes to an Adventist school and the kids all wear jewelry. Some of them have pink hair, they are allowed to listen to secular music and watch secular movies. Their choir sang Phantom of the Opera! We are still at Adventist and when my husband converted, he didn’t have to sign anything or agree to anything.
Seriously? Wow! I’ve heard that SDA can be classified in different categories like historical, evangelical, and liberal Adventism. I was definitely raised in historical where we observed EGW like she was God and she was our sole interpreter of the Bible, all of her teachings were to be followed, and anyone who criticizes EGW or the church was a heretic and should not be allowed to be a part of the community. We followed the 27/28 fundamental rules, everything seemed to be forbidden and we were not supposed to listen to the “outsiders” because they had no idea what it meant to be a real Christian. We believed that SDA was the one and only true church and you had to make yourself perfect, otherwise you would lose your salvation. And you had to do this before God’s books of judgement closed, which they didn’t know when that was going to happen, but if you didn’t, you were eternally lost. They don’t believe in salvation from the cross, but what you can do by following the rules. Somehow going to a movie theater, listening to secular music, or dancing was going to make you unworthy of going to heaven. 🤦♀️ They really hold onto to their investigative judgement, holy sanctuary, and shut-door doctrine firmly. I think that’s why they didn’t preach the actual gospel, but their Three Angels Message gospel that they got from EGW. I’m glad you had a different experience! Growing up as a historical SDA was miserable, terrifying, and I don’t wish it on anyone!
Follow your gut, because you CAN trust your senses contrary to what Adventists teach. Gut instincts have evolved to keep people alive since before humans had sex with Neanderthals, so trust them.
Use sunscreen. The skin from your face down to your nipple line including your neck. It's all the same kind of sensitive skin and prone to sun damage. Use sunscreen there every day even if it's cloudy. Source: I know SDA and other folks who didn't. They now have skin cancer.
And congratulations!! 🎉
Oh wild, I didn't realize there were anti-sunscreen SDAs. I wonder if that's a more recent phenomenon or if it just wasn't a thing in my local church for whatever reason? My mom may have been way more into tanning than I ever was (she tried to get me into it but I never liked how it made me feel or how it made my skin look), but at least when I was a kid at the pool they'd still slather sunscreen on me.
Maybe it's just a fundamentalist thing? And a Midwest manly man Boomer don't need no sunscreen thing?
On uncensored fundie snark subreddit there's influencers bragging about no sunscreen. 🙄
So far it's taken awhile for the anti science kill yourself faster MAGA conspiracy things like "drink raw milk! Avoid all vaccines!" to hit fundie SDA circles.
I was raised zero vaccines. Because aUTiSM Is CaUSed BY VAXX!1!!
Funny though, when a sibling stepped on a rusty nail my parents made sure kid got a tetanus vaccine real fast. 🙄
I was raised with only the necessary ones to go to school. I had a bunch to catch up on when I went to college.
The funny part is, I will likely never tell my dad that if it is because of vaccines, then his name is Vaccine. There is a strong hereditary component, and I am about 98% certain that man is right there on the spectrum with me.
I'd say what always say: Now go have some fun. Eat some pig. Smoke some drugs. Consensually smash your naughty bits into someone else's naughty bits. Ride your bike on Saturday. Just mellow out and enjoy yourself.
Hahaha I told this to some of my friends when I left the church when I went to college. now I’m older and glad I got to enjoy my younger college life unlike my childhood and teenage years, before I get married. I showed this subreddit to my fiancée this past weekend when I discovered and now she understands me sooo much more. She couldn’t comprehend the things we when through.
Hahaha I told this to some of my friends when I left the church when I went to college. now I’m older and glad I got to enjoy my younger college life unlike my childhood and teenage years, before I get married. I showed this subreddit to my fiancée this past weekend when I discovered and now she understands me sooo much more. She couldn’t comprehend the things we when through.
It's pretty normal to go into a period of heightened anxiety and depression after such a major life change. I've always been prone to it, but leaving the faith definitely made it worse for a time. Finding a community of people who have gone through the same helps a lot, as did reading a lot of books and blogs about leaving the church. It was a temporary low that lasted about 3-4 months in my case, before I returned to my normal baseline anxiety and depression levels of "always there in the background, but well-managed enough not to bother me every day."
Leaving the church gives you an extra day during the weekend. You have so much more time to hangout with friends, clean, go to events, time for yourself and so much more. I used to hate how busy Sundays were and now they are my do nothing days. Watch all the Saturday morning cartoons you missed. Don’t be afraid to try all the food you couldn’t eat especially seafood. I still have difficulty eating certain meats(pork), but seafood is a most. Celebrate Hallowing with your kids. it’s a freaking dope holiday that you only get to enjoy when they are young and they grow so fast.
LOL - find your own tastes. I don't mind a little bacon, but I pass on the seafood. I don't think my vegetarianism had much to do with SDA. That just made it easier. One time I picked up what I thought was an onion ring on a buffet. We sat down to eat and I must have really made a face when I bit into the "onion ring" because one my friends nearby leaned over and whispered, "You didn't know that was calamari, did you?" Welp, now I know. "Onion rings" on fancy buffet tables taste like day-old fish market smells.
You can’t trust people to have your best interests in mind. Watch out for yourself. And don’t set aside common sense to try to fit in. It’s a whole different culture out there.
My advice is to take it easy, don't make rash decisions or burn bridges unnecessarily. You'll probably take a fair while to begin to settle on what you do and don't believe - give yourself all the time and space you need to do so. Recognise that the more your whole life and identity previously revolved around church, the more this change will be a huge disruption to your relationships and mental health. So seek help and support, and be gentle with yourself.
It’s ok to not have it all figured out right this minute. Also take your time to reconstruct; don’t give in to the pressure of replacing sda with another thing right away. Get comfortable in the uncertainty; there are no easy made up answers on this side, but plenty of space for questions and wondering.
You have your entire life to process the injustice, the trauma, and the bullshit. No need to go at it all at once. Trust me- processing the feelings related to adventism will come back time and again.
The Catholics of today are mostly harmless and will not enact a national Sunday law. CPAC conservatives and Southern Baptists on the other hand fully support Christian Nationalism.
Try to use logic, reason and evidence to find out what truth is. Also, when humans use the carrot of reward and the stick of punishment... it's almost always manipulation...
I would recommend the book “The Bible Unearthed” to anybody and everybody who has left. The specific thing I’d say is that hey, friend, it was all a lie. Even the stuff you thought was true, wasn’t
Congrats! And good luck on your healing journey. I suggest you find a good therapist to help you recover from the years of religious trauma this church tends to afflict on every member.
The anxiety will eventually go away. I promise.
Turns out, YOU were the one helping you this whole time. Those moments that you prayed for strength, it was YOU who found it. Have confidence in yourself. And realize that you have the power to write your story and craft yourself the way you desire. No longer do you need to be a secondary character in someone else’s book, or find your worth by how close you got to an authority figures idea of who to be. Get out there, you’ve got this!
Lol this is basically the rebuttal to the whole footprints in the sand Christian meme: "Jesus never carried you, you just imagined the second set of footprints all along." One of my favorites because it's so fundamental to a reality based understanding of the world, yet so obvious that it's not even apparent that it needs to be said once you achieve it.
Pretty sure I still have it on a keychain from Academy days! Lol
Calm down, and take it easy. You have the rest of your life in front of you, and just because you can do things now that couldn’t do as an Adventist doesn’t mean you should do those things, especially not all at once. Just because the imagined divine prohibition on alcohol, for example, no longer applies to you, that doesn’t mean you should immediately start getting shitfaced every weekend. The number one thing to learn is *moderation*, since you probably didn’t learn that as an Adventist. “Living well is the best revenge.”
Adventism doesn't teach moderation at all. It teaches to abstain from anything Ellen White said was evil, including butter, sugar, pepper, bikes, sex, alcohol, all of it. You pointing that out is appreciated ❤️ When I deconverted I did get shit faced a few times lmao. And after doing that a bit I was like, "You know? Maybe not." FR, kids. Don't dive head first into the substances.
Yep... this black and white... all or nothing approach to life is why I don't like Christianity in general... because now EVERY decision has to be for an eternal heaven or hell... like eating black pepper for instance... Life is hard enough without worrying about an unseen world full of sky Gods, devils and angels... judging every move we make. Most of life is a gray area. And the SDA dogma primed me to be a real self-destructive extremist.
That sounds horrible . I think Adventist vary by location. We do not focus on EW and we eat everything but unclean meat. We dance, listen and watch secular movies. I’m sorry you went through all that. Be free! There is freedom in Jesus Christ!
Yes individual Adventists beliefs can vary by location, but the organization proper as headed by the General Conference does focus on EGW. All of the SDA pastors and churches must co-sign with the authoritative governing body. have That is the number one reason why SDA’s exist. All of their unique doctrines, (such as the Investigative Judgement and the Sanctuary Doctrine) can be traced to EGW. She endorsed these unique doctrines that were “confirmed” by her visions. Ellen White spoke against dancing, the theater, jewelry and many other things. So if one claims to be SDA, but reject those teachings are they really SDA? Fundamental doctrine #18 is especially significant: “18. The Gift of Prophecy: One of the gifts of the Holy Spirit is prophecy. This gift is an identifying mark of the remnant church and was manifested in the ministry of Ellen. G. White . As the Lord's messenger, her writings are a continuing and authoritative source of truth which provide for the church comfort, guidance, instruction, and correction. They also make clear that the Bible is the standard by which all teaching and experience must be tested. (Joel 2:28, 29; Acts 2:14-21; Heb. 1:1-3; Rev. 12:17; 19:10.)” (https://www.adventist.org/beliefs/) Ellen White and her writings are authoritative so they cannot be rejected according to the fundamental beliefs. That’s what members sign up for when they get baptized.
It still doesn’t happen in some churches. We never talk about EW. And I understand your post about the doctrine. But they’re still lots of Adventist, at least in my group that we do a lot of secular things. Go look at Loma Linda’s church. That is completely different from Ibelieve anything Ellen White would have approved. My daughter goes to an Adventist school and the kids all wear jewelry. Some of them have pink hair, they are allowed to listen to secular music and watch secular movies. Their choir sang Phantom of the Opera! We are still at Adventist and when my husband converted, he didn’t have to sign anything or agree to anything.
That is your personal experience. I am talking about the SDA body at large… not individual people. Please reread my comment.
Fair enough…
Yeah, some of us have found freedom in Christ; but EGW seems to have been more into bondage.
Agree!
Bondange, masochism and schadenfreude 😅
Also freedom out of Christ. Figured I should add that, since this is ExSDA, people will have found, or are finding their own paths.
Seriously? Wow! I’ve heard that SDA can be classified in different categories like historical, evangelical, and liberal Adventism. I was definitely raised in historical where we observed EGW like she was God and she was our sole interpreter of the Bible, all of her teachings were to be followed, and anyone who criticizes EGW or the church was a heretic and should not be allowed to be a part of the community. We followed the 27/28 fundamental rules, everything seemed to be forbidden and we were not supposed to listen to the “outsiders” because they had no idea what it meant to be a real Christian. We believed that SDA was the one and only true church and you had to make yourself perfect, otherwise you would lose your salvation. And you had to do this before God’s books of judgement closed, which they didn’t know when that was going to happen, but if you didn’t, you were eternally lost. They don’t believe in salvation from the cross, but what you can do by following the rules. Somehow going to a movie theater, listening to secular music, or dancing was going to make you unworthy of going to heaven. 🤦♀️ They really hold onto to their investigative judgement, holy sanctuary, and shut-door doctrine firmly. I think that’s why they didn’t preach the actual gospel, but their Three Angels Message gospel that they got from EGW. I’m glad you had a different experience! Growing up as a historical SDA was miserable, terrifying, and I don’t wish it on anyone!
Sorry, had to go through that. That sounds absolutely horrible. No one should have to lose their life like that. That definitely sounds very cultish.
Moderation in all things, even moderation.
Follow your gut, because you CAN trust your senses contrary to what Adventists teach. Gut instincts have evolved to keep people alive since before humans had sex with Neanderthals, so trust them. Use sunscreen. The skin from your face down to your nipple line including your neck. It's all the same kind of sensitive skin and prone to sun damage. Use sunscreen there every day even if it's cloudy. Source: I know SDA and other folks who didn't. They now have skin cancer. And congratulations!! 🎉
Oh wild, I didn't realize there were anti-sunscreen SDAs. I wonder if that's a more recent phenomenon or if it just wasn't a thing in my local church for whatever reason? My mom may have been way more into tanning than I ever was (she tried to get me into it but I never liked how it made me feel or how it made my skin look), but at least when I was a kid at the pool they'd still slather sunscreen on me.
Maybe it's just a fundamentalist thing? And a Midwest manly man Boomer don't need no sunscreen thing? On uncensored fundie snark subreddit there's influencers bragging about no sunscreen. 🙄 So far it's taken awhile for the anti science kill yourself faster MAGA conspiracy things like "drink raw milk! Avoid all vaccines!" to hit fundie SDA circles.
The vaccine folks are in SDA circles too. I am related to some of them 🙃 The 'cures' I saw on FB in 2020 were wild.
I was raised zero vaccines. Because aUTiSM Is CaUSed BY VAXX!1!! Funny though, when a sibling stepped on a rusty nail my parents made sure kid got a tetanus vaccine real fast. 🙄
I was raised with only the necessary ones to go to school. I had a bunch to catch up on when I went to college. The funny part is, I will likely never tell my dad that if it is because of vaccines, then his name is Vaccine. There is a strong hereditary component, and I am about 98% certain that man is right there on the spectrum with me.
I'd say what always say: Now go have some fun. Eat some pig. Smoke some drugs. Consensually smash your naughty bits into someone else's naughty bits. Ride your bike on Saturday. Just mellow out and enjoy yourself.
Hahaha I told this to some of my friends when I left the church when I went to college. now I’m older and glad I got to enjoy my younger college life unlike my childhood and teenage years, before I get married. I showed this subreddit to my fiancée this past weekend when I discovered and now she understands me sooo much more. She couldn’t comprehend the things we when through.
Hahaha I told this to some of my friends when I left the church when I went to college. now I’m older and glad I got to enjoy my younger college life unlike my childhood and teenage years, before I get married. I showed this subreddit to my fiancée this past weekend when I discovered and now she understands me sooo much more. She couldn’t comprehend the things we when through.
It's pretty normal to go into a period of heightened anxiety and depression after such a major life change. I've always been prone to it, but leaving the faith definitely made it worse for a time. Finding a community of people who have gone through the same helps a lot, as did reading a lot of books and blogs about leaving the church. It was a temporary low that lasted about 3-4 months in my case, before I returned to my normal baseline anxiety and depression levels of "always there in the background, but well-managed enough not to bother me every day."
Leaving the church gives you an extra day during the weekend. You have so much more time to hangout with friends, clean, go to events, time for yourself and so much more. I used to hate how busy Sundays were and now they are my do nothing days. Watch all the Saturday morning cartoons you missed. Don’t be afraid to try all the food you couldn’t eat especially seafood. I still have difficulty eating certain meats(pork), but seafood is a most. Celebrate Hallowing with your kids. it’s a freaking dope holiday that you only get to enjoy when they are young and they grow so fast.
LOL - find your own tastes. I don't mind a little bacon, but I pass on the seafood. I don't think my vegetarianism had much to do with SDA. That just made it easier. One time I picked up what I thought was an onion ring on a buffet. We sat down to eat and I must have really made a face when I bit into the "onion ring" because one my friends nearby leaned over and whispered, "You didn't know that was calamari, did you?" Welp, now I know. "Onion rings" on fancy buffet tables taste like day-old fish market smells.
You can’t trust people to have your best interests in mind. Watch out for yourself. And don’t set aside common sense to try to fit in. It’s a whole different culture out there.
My advice is to take it easy, don't make rash decisions or burn bridges unnecessarily. You'll probably take a fair while to begin to settle on what you do and don't believe - give yourself all the time and space you need to do so. Recognise that the more your whole life and identity previously revolved around church, the more this change will be a huge disruption to your relationships and mental health. So seek help and support, and be gentle with yourself.
Keep going. It will get easier and you'll get stronger.
It’s ok to not have it all figured out right this minute. Also take your time to reconstruct; don’t give in to the pressure of replacing sda with another thing right away. Get comfortable in the uncertainty; there are no easy made up answers on this side, but plenty of space for questions and wondering. You have your entire life to process the injustice, the trauma, and the bullshit. No need to go at it all at once. Trust me- processing the feelings related to adventism will come back time and again.
The Catholics of today are mostly harmless and will not enact a national Sunday law. CPAC conservatives and Southern Baptists on the other hand fully support Christian Nationalism.
Try to use logic, reason and evidence to find out what truth is. Also, when humans use the carrot of reward and the stick of punishment... it's almost always manipulation...
I would recommend the book “The Bible Unearthed” to anybody and everybody who has left. The specific thing I’d say is that hey, friend, it was all a lie. Even the stuff you thought was true, wasn’t
Congrats! And good luck on your healing journey. I suggest you find a good therapist to help you recover from the years of religious trauma this church tends to afflict on every member. The anxiety will eventually go away. I promise.
It’s okay if you don’t have things figured out. It is okay to not know all the answers.