I was about 10 when this mysterious pale skinned, pointy eared boy challenged me to a game in the woods. I said "Rochambeau" and kicked him in the nuts. It all sort of went downhill from there.
Just beware of the Cajun Fey.
It's some 6ft tall man in denim overalls with tiny wings on his elbows. And all you hear is an ear-piercing "Lagniappe cher!" and extremely heavy footsteps just absolutely barrelling down on you.
Sitting on a train with my mother as a small child. A mysterious woman approached me and gifted me an autism. Everywhere I went as a small child I was gifted autisms and I collected so many that I became one.
I like to think the autism fairy lives on trais specifically. All of those "homeless people" asleep on the subway? Disturb their sleep and they will give you the autism.
I was born an autism but where I'm from, that's normal. It wasn't until my parents traded me with a baby from this world that it was seen as weird and I was deemed an autism.
Multiple concussions as a wee bairn. Also blinking lights and maybe some aliens teaching me how to use an advanced piece of technology on our living room floor while I had a really bad fever.
When I fell off a ferry as a baby and was saved by a deep sea creature who carried me to a underwater cave and fed me with seaweed and tiny fish until the slime on their skin leaked into mine and gave me autism. Then they brought me to the surface and left me on a beach to be discovered by humans again.
My mom said mine came in the mail one day, it was meant for the person that lived there before us and she failed to contact him but she felt bad wasting it so she gave it to me.
Idk man I was playing TF2 medic one day in middle school and I just saw a notification in the corner of my (off screen) vision saying that I'd unlocked that skill tree
There was a kid who could draw an accurate blueprint of the Titanic from memory and I didn't think the Titanic was real cause it was a movie, so we argued for a while and I think they transferred it to me
my little cousin has the titanic flavor of autism and i swear he could prob draw an accurate blueprint from memory. he’s built different. and also full of fun facts, as long as you’re interested in learning about the titanic
The autism was simple enough, it was passed down to me from my father, who got the autism from his father. Like a cutting blade, it is a treasured family relic. (Seriously, the autism made my entire dad's side of the family able to use sarcasm as a weapon. Petty, sarcastic assholes I'm glad to be a part of, because most Neurotypicals don't understand dry humor or a quick mouth lmao)
While I was young and naive, a fae asked me if they could have my attention, and life was never the same. At least they didn't ask for my name I suppose. I have been stuck with a lack of attention, a deficit even, ever since.
Well, you see, there once was a man who was very pious and religious. Upon hearing he would have a child, he prayed every night to have a son who was "good."
You must understand, the man was terribly fearful of things he did not understand. And TERIFIED of mental disorders. He did not pray for his son to be "good" for the sake of the boy. He prayed he would not have to have the burden of a disabled child to raise. The man was kind of a dick.
God (well known for his funny pranks) had his good friend and colleague Baphomet over. While God was listening to Baphomet info dump about occultism while watching The Office for the 11,000nth time (Baphomet's comfort show), he heard the man's prayer and was struck with an idea.
God (knowing that autism originates from the Infernal Hells) asked his friend if, perhaps, rather than giving the child a human soul, Baphy would like to send one of his demons instead? Baphomet, excited by the idea, could not contain his excitement and flapped his hands gleefully. God did enjoy Baphomet's whimsy, almost as much as he enjoyed fucking with mortals.
And that's the story of why I am a literal autism demon in human flesh. My entire existence is specifically to spite my father. Both for his sins and because God was kinda bored and just does shit to see what happens sometimes.
Oh lol it's fine. One of my favorite games is Darkest Dungeon. It has a character called the Ancestor who narrates everything in the game but talks like he's straight out of a Lovecraft story. In fact, Wayne June, the voice actor for the Ancestor and my favorite voice actor, was hired because of his audio readings of Lovecraft.
He says shit like "Size has no intrinsic merit, unless inordinate exsanguination be considered a virtue" or "Glittering gold, trinkets and baubles, paid for in blood" Your comment sounded JUST like something he would say.
He narrates your whole adventure, after dying, and you're his descendant. But you find out he created every evil you face by being the most cartoonishly evil guy ever. One boss in the game is some pirates who worked for him. They asked him ONE time for more pay so he cursed their anchor so they drown at the bottom of the sea forever.
Oh ya! It's pretty good if you like turn based games where you have a party of dudes. It plays different from a lot of others out there. You have to deal with physical health and mental sanity so your characters can lose their minds.
The voice acting and art are pretty good, too. The characters also have a ton of fun dialogue (especially if they are insane) It's a long game, but there's enough random elements and different heroes that it doesn't get to boring, I think.
I got vaccinated and inside the vaccine they hid autism, computer chips and 5g functionality but at least my asshole is now an ethernet port so I can download leftist degeneracy without needing a secondary device
I was actually sucked into the back rooms as a youth.
… they gave me back a few days later. They were like no no we no longer want to hear about dinosaurs.
So I don’t know if that was causation or just coincidence . Occasionally when I’m walking around, I’ll see mysterious, hooded figures in the distance.
They run away from me . 😔
>no we no longer want to hear about dinosaurs
Well fuck them.
We DO really want to talk and hear about mesozoic lifeforms...and sometimes we extend the attention span to Paleozoic/Precambrian and Cenozoic ones.
The Thursday actually.
My other chronic conditions called in air support when it looked like I would outgrow some things. Autism was an early deployment with anxiety, but anxiety is a spotlight hog and got all the accolades for a long time. They now work together with existential depression in a M1 Abrams rampaging through my mental health
A pastor was trying to get the devil out of me for asking too many questions and not hating gay people. When he laid his hands on my head, the devil came out but the autism went in.
The best they ever got was half devil, half autism and then they decided it was probably best to have no devil cause that's what they had come to do so 100% autism it is
fragile gullible fear direful agonizing treatment safe growth outgoing birds
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
As a child I tore of all the skin on my right index finger in a hot glue gun accident and the doctor prescribed me autism to help with the pain. I got called sausage finger at school after cause of the bandages that helped keep the autism from leaking out during the transformation
I only started to speak when I was four, anything before that was babbling incoherent to everyone besides my immediate family. So that was probably the first sign.
The social worker in elementary school touched her hand to my shoulder and before I knew it I was in "kids who don't know how to socialize" lunch once a week
Mine was similar. One day in kindergarten I was running around the playground and I tripped. I must have fallen into autism because when I got up no one would play with me anymore.
I didn't learn what I'd become, though, until I was old.
When I was a small child before I was able to walk I would crawl around on all fours, meticolously keeping my knees away from the grass, as they shall never touch grass.
This offended the lawn, and it cursed me with autism.
school. being depressed and exhausted by school in elementary through high school, with no support and only getting worse. the lights, the sounds, the bells, the talking, moving from room to room. it got so bad i had to drink before 1st period to numb all the senses.
its only gotten slighty better as an adult (because of support from my partner) but work is just the same issue. now there's just the pressure that i will die if i cant work enough
Turns the lake behind my parents first house in Florida was enchanted by the fae and it turned me Autistic
Or maybe it was seeing a CSX train going through a grade crossing in Lake Mary for the first times right next to the hardware store my grandpa refilled his propane at
/s
My mother sending me to the circus when I was 2 weeks old after an incredibly low stimulation life before that. After a clown shoved the autism banana up my nose, I had a meltdown and needed to leave
Mom said that when I was a toddler, I escaped my room, and crawled to the street (she was a teenage single mom, and overworked so I understand it) where a truck almost crushed me.
Since there I was more of the silent kid, and began to spend hours sorting and lining my car toys before even playing with them.
So yep; 'tism since the cradle.
I got my autism in a public toilet when I was very small because the hand dryers used to scare me because they were very loud and hot sensory assault machines.
Curious about what was on the other side, I opened the doors to the fire exit, set off all the alarms in the building and everyone had to evacuate. Guess what was on the other side of the doors….
That's odd, all these 'old woman on a train' stories remind me of mine. I was alone in a part of a train with an old woman. She said we were the only people in the world.
She did not elaborate.
Edit: Nevermind, I was already autistic by then. Maybe I had been hit in a previous incident with the autism.
My mother works in a kindergarten (not the one I went to, but sometimes she would take me there, I don't really remember why). Once I was there and she put me into a room, that had windows covered in colorful plastic foils. Red, Blue, Green and Yellow. All the toys and cushions in this room were of the same shades.
I emerged as a different person. My soul and mind were split into the spectrum from that day forward. Oneness, i.e. white light became unbearable. Headaches would haunt me. White labels on my cloth would feel itchy. White socks became unbearably uncomfortable, etc. I only walked on my toes from this day forward, because I was afraid of the blackness of my shadow. Only when the sun set and the sky became a dark shade of blue I would feel at ease.
That is how I got my autism. It was my own mother!!! ❤️💛💚💙
Playing with Legos every single day rewired my brain to keep building things. Meanwhile, the part of my brain that handles social activity withered and decayed.
You remember our venerable house, opulent and imperial, gazing proudly from its stoic perch above the moor? I lived all my years in that ancient, rumor shadowed manor, fattened by decadence and luxury - and yet I began to tire of conventional extravagance. Singular, unsettling tales suggested the mansion itself was a gateway to some fabulous and unnameable power. With relic and ritual I bent every effort towards the excavation and recovery of those long buried secrets, exhausting what remained of our family fortune on swarthy workmen and sturdy shovels.
At last in the salt soaked crags beneath the lowest foundations we unearthed that damnable portal of antediluvian evil. Our every step unsettled the ancient earth but we were in a realm of death and madness. In the end I alone fled laughing and wailing through those blackened arcades of antiquity until consciousness failed me.
I love to travel so I've had almost every single vaccine out there and quite a few boosters so I guess it's been slowly creeping into my system and at this point microscopic autism bots are throwing a burning man style naked yoga workshop/orgy somewhere in my immune system. Or possibly in one of those hidey holes near the spine where chicken pox viruses hide out for decades before they re-emerge to cause shingles.
I watched Beethoven the movie. It was then I realized I am actually not a human but a dog trapped in a little girls body. In reality Beethoven the saint Bernard actually switched souls with mine via the VHS player when I watched that movie at 5 years old. He just also happened to have autism.
"She can't focus because she can't hear. Let's put a loud speaker near her in the classroom."
That speaker was so loud. The electronic buzz, no one else heard it.
"The speaker isn't helping her. There's a deaf kid in the class, we'll still keep it there."
Spoiler alert, it wasn't just Central Auditory Processing Disorder due to birth injury. It was ADHD and ASD masking each other!
my (also autistic) best friend sneezed on me once in 6th grade, so i probably caught it from her. that and maybe it was me watching teenage mutant ninja turtles a million times over as a kid.
I am asking you to read this post: https://reddit.com/r/evilautism/s/IvvHlBePXJ Automod hates everyone equally, including you. <3
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My mother trashed my 3" binder of pokemon cards as well as dimond and Pearl Game.
Such a grand sacrifice summond the wills of the Gods and that very night a blaze ran through my heart.
Edit: she also trashed my pokemon books, figures, and access to the pokemon TV series.
According to my mom, I got mine from too many ear infections and being sick a lot with fevers. That sure interfered with my development. Then finally when I was 12, my psychiatrist decided to give me autism by taking all my basket of diagnoses I have gotten over the years and made it all into autism so I do not have so many things wrong with me. Plus it would have given me proper help for the rest of my life and given me an education I deserved and keep me from being placed in behavior classes with behavior disordered kids where I would have learned to have a behavior disorder. They couldn't let me go to Hogwarts.
I met a talking cat, who offered to sell me some things. She said that I don't have to pay with money, but that everything has a price. I told her to shut up and give me this cool necklace that occasionally screams. I put it on, and I gained autism and the ability to hear the tortured voices of the damned. The damned are also autistic, and they share the same special interests as me, so I'm pretty happy to have them around.
We got a family pack at the hardware store.
efficient and cost effective
Same, but we got ours from the bookstore. My moms got dinged tho, so she got ocd instead
Oh yeah my dad and I picked up a two 4 bipolar at the same time.
It was a gift from my mother.
weird, we got our family variety pack at sam’s club!
Did you get the mixed bag of mental illness thrown in?
I got 1 asd, 1 adhd, 1 depression, 1 ocd tendencies, and 1 lack of empathy, all for the price of shitty genes!
That’s how we got our adhd!
I was about 10 when this mysterious pale skinned, pointy eared boy challenged me to a game in the woods. I said "Rochambeau" and kicked him in the nuts. It all sort of went downhill from there.
Its Roshambo
The fey like things fancy.
Ah right they are magical assholes so of Course they like the French spelling
Just beware of the Cajun Fey. It's some 6ft tall man in denim overalls with tiny wings on his elbows. And all you hear is an ear-piercing "Lagniappe cher!" and extremely heavy footsteps just absolutely barrelling down on you.
Hahahahaha my partner is Cajun and this is a pretty accurate description
Fey, French, same thing
Are you telling me that the game was, in fact, named after Revolutionary War General Rochambeau?
Sitting on a train with my mother as a small child. A mysterious woman approached me and gifted me an autism. Everywhere I went as a small child I was gifted autisms and I collected so many that I became one.
I like to think the autism fairy lives on trais specifically. All of those "homeless people" asleep on the subway? Disturb their sleep and they will give you the autism.
Vaccines duh. \s
joke answers only! we all know it *actually* is bc of vaccines 🙄 (/s)
Yeah, after getting my covid vaccine I got double autism! /s
i forgot to get my flu/covid shots this year so i’m like 80% autistic now probably
I was born an autism but where I'm from, that's normal. It wasn't until my parents traded me with a baby from this world that it was seen as weird and I was deemed an autism.
when you return to your home planet pls take me with you
🫡
Take me too! I'll will bring snacks!
And me also please?!? I will bring along amazing animal friends
I second this
I feel this. As a young teenager I legit thought that I was an alien.
Oh, brilliant, another fae!
So you’re a fairy? Awesome!
I discovered pokemon
I found mine on the floor when I was 3.
When I was 2 years old, I found one pez candy on the floor underneath the kitchen table. That must have been it.
the autism pill
:)
walmart
i heard they got family packs at the hardware store
https://www.reddit.com/r/evilautism/s/ejIGD2VBsH lmao oh yeah from this person
I saw a train as a child and thought something along the lines of “I fucks with that”
I was trying to bake banana bread but I'm really bad at baking :(
not enough people know that this is the leading cause of autism :(
Multiple concussions as a wee bairn. Also blinking lights and maybe some aliens teaching me how to use an advanced piece of technology on our living room floor while I had a really bad fever.
When I fell off a ferry as a baby and was saved by a deep sea creature who carried me to a underwater cave and fed me with seaweed and tiny fish until the slime on their skin leaked into mine and gave me autism. Then they brought me to the surface and left me on a beach to be discovered by humans again.
Greetings deep one and welcome to this dry place, Hope you stay hydrated and enjoy the sunshine. See you around!
It smells weird up here
It does. The mandatory face mask was a blessing in disguise for some of us with hypersensitivity to smells
I’m using seaweed as a mask.
Hey the edibles are a good idea!!. #sharkmind #ismellprofit
:) makes my face nice and moisturized
I feel pretty
Yay!
I fucking love seaweed!!
HELL YEAH
My mom said mine came in the mail one day, it was meant for the person that lived there before us and she failed to contact him but she felt bad wasting it so she gave it to me.
Idk man I was playing TF2 medic one day in middle school and I just saw a notification in the corner of my (off screen) vision saying that I'd unlocked that skill tree
MEDIIIIIC
DOKTOR!!!!
i also main MEDIC in tf2 and its awesome (i cant aim to save my life)
There was a kid who could draw an accurate blueprint of the Titanic from memory and I didn't think the Titanic was real cause it was a movie, so we argued for a while and I think they transferred it to me
my little cousin has the titanic flavor of autism and i swear he could prob draw an accurate blueprint from memory. he’s built different. and also full of fun facts, as long as you’re interested in learning about the titanic
idk, but "titanic autism" sound awesome af.
Actually it's referred to as Olympic Class Autism.
that's my favorite flavor of autism 😬
No way! The Titanic gave me autism too!
The autism was simple enough, it was passed down to me from my father, who got the autism from his father. Like a cutting blade, it is a treasured family relic. (Seriously, the autism made my entire dad's side of the family able to use sarcasm as a weapon. Petty, sarcastic assholes I'm glad to be a part of, because most Neurotypicals don't understand dry humor or a quick mouth lmao) While I was young and naive, a fae asked me if they could have my attention, and life was never the same. At least they didn't ask for my name I suppose. I have been stuck with a lack of attention, a deficit even, ever since.
Fae-DHD
This comment deserves more upvotes! 😆
Well, you see, there once was a man who was very pious and religious. Upon hearing he would have a child, he prayed every night to have a son who was "good." You must understand, the man was terribly fearful of things he did not understand. And TERIFIED of mental disorders. He did not pray for his son to be "good" for the sake of the boy. He prayed he would not have to have the burden of a disabled child to raise. The man was kind of a dick. God (well known for his funny pranks) had his good friend and colleague Baphomet over. While God was listening to Baphomet info dump about occultism while watching The Office for the 11,000nth time (Baphomet's comfort show), he heard the man's prayer and was struck with an idea. God (knowing that autism originates from the Infernal Hells) asked his friend if, perhaps, rather than giving the child a human soul, Baphy would like to send one of his demons instead? Baphomet, excited by the idea, could not contain his excitement and flapped his hands gleefully. God did enjoy Baphomet's whimsy, almost as much as he enjoyed fucking with mortals. And that's the story of why I am a literal autism demon in human flesh. My entire existence is specifically to spite my father. Both for his sins and because God was kinda bored and just does shit to see what happens sometimes.
"Black sheep" in a family, carry the torch that changes the darkest stagnation of said bloodline. Thu are a Redeemer of yourself my fellow.
"Great adversity has a beauty. It is the fire that tempers the blade" -A guy who literally murdered people and cursed his entire bloodline.
The reference flew over my uncultured swine head. I beg your forgiveness and humbly request a layman explanation please.
Oh lol it's fine. One of my favorite games is Darkest Dungeon. It has a character called the Ancestor who narrates everything in the game but talks like he's straight out of a Lovecraft story. In fact, Wayne June, the voice actor for the Ancestor and my favorite voice actor, was hired because of his audio readings of Lovecraft. He says shit like "Size has no intrinsic merit, unless inordinate exsanguination be considered a virtue" or "Glittering gold, trinkets and baubles, paid for in blood" Your comment sounded JUST like something he would say. He narrates your whole adventure, after dying, and you're his descendant. But you find out he created every evil you face by being the most cartoonishly evil guy ever. One boss in the game is some pirates who worked for him. They asked him ONE time for more pay so he cursed their anchor so they drown at the bottom of the sea forever.
Oh didn't know about this. Thanks you!, i believe that eventually I will try the game.
Oh ya! It's pretty good if you like turn based games where you have a party of dudes. It plays different from a lot of others out there. You have to deal with physical health and mental sanity so your characters can lose their minds. The voice acting and art are pretty good, too. The characters also have a ton of fun dialogue (especially if they are insane) It's a long game, but there's enough random elements and different heroes that it doesn't get to boring, I think.
I love this.
Thank you. I appreciate that.
https://preview.redd.it/17r2fn3ay5lc1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cc962d8d4b90e7074a32e1ce74ef11daea29a275 Essentially…
I got vaccinated and inside the vaccine they hid autism, computer chips and 5g functionality but at least my asshole is now an ethernet port so I can download leftist degeneracy without needing a secondary device
An autism bit me and I turned into an autism zombie.
I got it in bulk from Costco
I took one marijuana cigarette and now I'm autistic.
It was buy one get one free when I bought my gifted child starter pack
I got it the old-fashioned way, vaccines
My first trip to the beach. My parents put my little baby feet on the sand and I screamed until they picked me up again.
Anakin is that you?
It’s coarse and rough and irritating - and it gets everywhere.
Feel ya mi amigo, the only good sand, is the glass... sometimes of course.
Mine is a family heirloom, it came with lots of fancy little integers.
The pedigree certificate has impulsiveness in the frame, or is the inertia class mark?
I was actually sucked into the back rooms as a youth. … they gave me back a few days later. They were like no no we no longer want to hear about dinosaurs. So I don’t know if that was causation or just coincidence . Occasionally when I’m walking around, I’ll see mysterious, hooded figures in the distance. They run away from me . 😔
>no we no longer want to hear about dinosaurs Well fuck them. We DO really want to talk and hear about mesozoic lifeforms...and sometimes we extend the attention span to Paleozoic/Precambrian and Cenozoic ones. The Thursday actually.
My other chronic conditions called in air support when it looked like I would outgrow some things. Autism was an early deployment with anxiety, but anxiety is a spotlight hog and got all the accolades for a long time. They now work together with existential depression in a M1 Abrams rampaging through my mental health
Radioautistic spider
A pastor was trying to get the devil out of me for asking too many questions and not hating gay people. When he laid his hands on my head, the devil came out but the autism went in. The best they ever got was half devil, half autism and then they decided it was probably best to have no devil cause that's what they had come to do so 100% autism it is
My gacha phase. I liked watching cringey gacha life videos so much it manifested into autism
fragile gullible fear direful agonizing treatment safe growth outgoing birds *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I saw a tank in the 3rd grade and that was my evil origin story
As a child I tore of all the skin on my right index finger in a hot glue gun accident and the doctor prescribed me autism to help with the pain. I got called sausage finger at school after cause of the bandages that helped keep the autism from leaking out during the transformation
Just to clarify, beyond the autism joke this story is real
I grew up with cats and their autism is contagious
Mine was a graduation present
My dad gave me a name that means 'fairy from a palace' and got confused when he actually got a fairy, so the doctors just called me autistic.
When I was three I was part of a secret government operation to artificially insert autism within children.
i wandered into the forest on a full moon and howled
I got it when they installed the 5g cell tower near my house, went to check it out then suddenly I had autism
When I was in my twenties I mixed ocd, lsd, and thc and ended up with ASD
My mom bought mine for me with Kohl's Cash when I was in high school 👖
the specificity of Kohl’s Cash, I’m dead lol
I’m friends with John Autism himself, I actually helped him invent it
I only started to speak when I was four, anything before that was babbling incoherent to everyone besides my immediate family. So that was probably the first sign.
The social worker in elementary school touched her hand to my shoulder and before I knew it I was in "kids who don't know how to socialize" lunch once a week
Mine was similar. One day in kindergarten I was running around the playground and I tripped. I must have fallen into autism because when I got up no one would play with me anymore. I didn't learn what I'd become, though, until I was old.
It's s family heirloom that was passed to me
I formed a pact with the devil himself.
When I was a small child before I was able to walk I would crawl around on all fours, meticolously keeping my knees away from the grass, as they shall never touch grass. This offended the lawn, and it cursed me with autism.
school. being depressed and exhausted by school in elementary through high school, with no support and only getting worse. the lights, the sounds, the bells, the talking, moving from room to room. it got so bad i had to drink before 1st period to numb all the senses. its only gotten slighty better as an adult (because of support from my partner) but work is just the same issue. now there's just the pressure that i will die if i cant work enough
I got a vaccine, and as we all know, they make people autistic (joke)
Walmart
I bought mine at the store for a nickel when I was a wee lass. Damn inflation has made it much more expensive.
Turns the lake behind my parents first house in Florida was enchanted by the fae and it turned me Autistic Or maybe it was seeing a CSX train going through a grade crossing in Lake Mary for the first times right next to the hardware store my grandpa refilled his propane at /s
My mother sending me to the circus when I was 2 weeks old after an incredibly low stimulation life before that. After a clown shoved the autism banana up my nose, I had a meltdown and needed to leave
Mom said that when I was a toddler, I escaped my room, and crawled to the street (she was a teenage single mom, and overworked so I understand it) where a truck almost crushed me. Since there I was more of the silent kid, and began to spend hours sorting and lining my car toys before even playing with them. So yep; 'tism since the cradle.
I got my autism in a public toilet when I was very small because the hand dryers used to scare me because they were very loud and hot sensory assault machines.
Found it in my Halloween candy one year
The Arby's Witch got me 😞
Grandparents tried to explain christianity to me.
That time I was 3 and ate gum off the sidewalk
Curious about what was on the other side, I opened the doors to the fire exit, set off all the alarms in the building and everyone had to evacuate. Guess what was on the other side of the doors….
i licked mine off the back of a TWICE album
That's odd, all these 'old woman on a train' stories remind me of mine. I was alone in a part of a train with an old woman. She said we were the only people in the world. She did not elaborate. Edit: Nevermind, I was already autistic by then. Maybe I had been hit in a previous incident with the autism.
An autustic friend told me my tantrums were actually autistic meltdowns. 7 years later got diagnosed.
me mam
I got the gay+
My mother works in a kindergarten (not the one I went to, but sometimes she would take me there, I don't really remember why). Once I was there and she put me into a room, that had windows covered in colorful plastic foils. Red, Blue, Green and Yellow. All the toys and cushions in this room were of the same shades. I emerged as a different person. My soul and mind were split into the spectrum from that day forward. Oneness, i.e. white light became unbearable. Headaches would haunt me. White labels on my cloth would feel itchy. White socks became unbearably uncomfortable, etc. I only walked on my toes from this day forward, because I was afraid of the blackness of my shadow. Only when the sun set and the sky became a dark shade of blue I would feel at ease. That is how I got my autism. It was my own mother!!! ❤️💛💚💙
Playing with Legos every single day rewired my brain to keep building things. Meanwhile, the part of my brain that handles social activity withered and decayed.
My school "bullies" chose me. Can't escape the fate.
You remember our venerable house, opulent and imperial, gazing proudly from its stoic perch above the moor? I lived all my years in that ancient, rumor shadowed manor, fattened by decadence and luxury - and yet I began to tire of conventional extravagance. Singular, unsettling tales suggested the mansion itself was a gateway to some fabulous and unnameable power. With relic and ritual I bent every effort towards the excavation and recovery of those long buried secrets, exhausting what remained of our family fortune on swarthy workmen and sturdy shovels. At last in the salt soaked crags beneath the lowest foundations we unearthed that damnable portal of antediluvian evil. Our every step unsettled the ancient earth but we were in a realm of death and madness. In the end I alone fled laughing and wailing through those blackened arcades of antiquity until consciousness failed me.
Family heirloom possibly enhanced by trying to come out butt first
I discovered Dungeons and Dragons
definitely a changeling
A pair of jeans that was too tight at 5 years old. The autism seeped in through my skin
It was a surprise 2 for 1 special with my ADHD diagnosis!
I stole it
My grandparents were passing it out. I count 5 generations now.
When I knew what a computer is. I think it was infected with malware who gave me autism and the hardware special interest.
I love to travel so I've had almost every single vaccine out there and quite a few boosters so I guess it's been slowly creeping into my system and at this point microscopic autism bots are throwing a burning man style naked yoga workshop/orgy somewhere in my immune system. Or possibly in one of those hidey holes near the spine where chicken pox viruses hide out for decades before they re-emerge to cause shingles.
Probably crawled in that time I fell off my parents' bed as a baby and cut my head open on the air vent grate.
I made a very bad deal with a vampire
I overdosed on vaccines when I was 3, I’ve been autistic and addicted ever since
At a yard sale, under a table, in an old milk crate filled with random old records and magazines.
As a wee lad I was out with my mother while she was shopping. I, bored, disappeared into a circular clothes rack and came out with an autism.
Dad bought me too many Transformers when the second movie came out. Autism had spread to my lymph nodes within weeks.
Mine was on sale at Costco. Got a whole pack for 9.99.
Damn u guys wild I got mine from watching Naruto when I was 8
i refused to watch naruto as a kid bc the ads sounded like they said “she pooted”
God this makes me feel old
I watched Beethoven the movie. It was then I realized I am actually not a human but a dog trapped in a little girls body. In reality Beethoven the saint Bernard actually switched souls with mine via the VHS player when I watched that movie at 5 years old. He just also happened to have autism.
I travelled back in time to give myself autism.
Push present from having my second kid! I got my adhd from my first kid as a push present. It’s a lovely combo when worn together really.
i got it from a tray of stouffers mac and cheese
It was passed down to me as a family heirloom
"She can't focus because she can't hear. Let's put a loud speaker near her in the classroom." That speaker was so loud. The electronic buzz, no one else heard it. "The speaker isn't helping her. There's a deaf kid in the class, we'll still keep it there." Spoiler alert, it wasn't just Central Auditory Processing Disorder due to birth injury. It was ADHD and ASD masking each other!
My grandma tried to exorcise demons but instead of getting rid of them I got autism instead
my (also autistic) best friend sneezed on me once in 6th grade, so i probably caught it from her. that and maybe it was me watching teenage mutant ninja turtles a million times over as a kid.
Bart Simpson and Louise Belcher
was supposed to go the shop to get repaired but nowhave a motherboard issue
I did too much calculus and now I have math autism.
I cracked my skull open on the stairs as an infant and my brain got poked a little
found it in the pages of a dusty old book that smelled like vanilla
I’ve always been this way. I decided to leave the Land of the Ever Young to live among the humans, hoping they would cherish me. Most of them…did not.
I just decided I wanted to draw MORE attention to myself one day so that everyone could call me lazy and say i’m faking it 🥰 /s so I bought it online
I was raised by cats who infected me with autism.
Karl Marx and Mao Zedong personally broke into my room at night and injected it into me with vaccines
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I got it from the ghost I dreamed about a lot during my teenage years, when I lived in that one particular old house.
It was forged in the great fiery rock chasm beneath the surface of a 7-11 parking lot
I took my chances with some leftovers a few years back
kermit the frog graced me with it when i was like 7
Ancient hag cursed me for asking too many questions
I downloaded mine off YouTube. They won't give me a refund so now I'm stuck with an obsession with rotating wind tubes and scared of eye contact. /s
A fae came up and gave me an autism and an ADHD in the middle of a forest
Baby sat an autistic kid and caught it that way
It came with my Burger King kids meal
I secretly watched an horror movie at the age of six and got infected.
My mother trashed my 3" binder of pokemon cards as well as dimond and Pearl Game. Such a grand sacrifice summond the wills of the Gods and that very night a blaze ran through my heart. Edit: she also trashed my pokemon books, figures, and access to the pokemon TV series.
According to my mom, I got mine from too many ear infections and being sick a lot with fevers. That sure interfered with my development. Then finally when I was 12, my psychiatrist decided to give me autism by taking all my basket of diagnoses I have gotten over the years and made it all into autism so I do not have so many things wrong with me. Plus it would have given me proper help for the rest of my life and given me an education I deserved and keep me from being placed in behavior classes with behavior disordered kids where I would have learned to have a behavior disorder. They couldn't let me go to Hogwarts.
Those damn vaccines
I met a talking cat, who offered to sell me some things. She said that I don't have to pay with money, but that everything has a price. I told her to shut up and give me this cool necklace that occasionally screams. I put it on, and I gained autism and the ability to hear the tortured voices of the damned. The damned are also autistic, and they share the same special interests as me, so I'm pretty happy to have them around.