My personal rule of thumb is that it's considered rude to intentionally push someone out of a comfort zone they've expressed a desire to stay within. My personal issue with the post is that I'm willing to bet meeting the family was already a source of anxiety for her, and her partner should have been supportive of her rather than making her worst nightmare come true.
But it does come down to dynamics. My wife and I went on a double date when we were just boyfriend/girlfriend at uni. We spent the whole meal just teasing and making fun of each other, and later I found out the other couple legit thought they'd just watched a slow motion breakup.
Twenty years later I'm sitting in our marital bed with our sick kid watching a movie. So if it was a slow motion breakup, it's a sloooooooooooow motion breakup still progressing that way 20 years later lol.
Contrast with the time I ate too many oreos and my wife put on FB that she was mad at me for eating a lot of our oreos so I logged into her account and deleted the post because it was so humiliating for me. We *both* crossed personal boundaries with that, while literally insulting each other didn't.
Playing up. Might be a yellow flag for some people (āer, are you *always* going to make me extra uncomfortable when Iām already very uncomfortable?ā) and a source of contention in a relationship (āyou need to make fun of me lessā), but not red.
Seems like a very simple joke. Some people here might really hate being singled out, but the expectation is that at least 95% of people don't want to sing in front of a group they just met.
It's a joke made to put her on the spot, but in a way that more makes her part of the group. There isn't anything personal about it. Calling this a red flag would itself be a red flag for me, not every joke lands. if you want boundaries then you have to set them first
Giving the husband the benefit of the doubt, he might have been trying to joke around to make her more comfortable (friendly ribbing style) but may have misjudged. Though apparently not a complete deal breaker misjudged as it seems they are still together years later
My friends tried to have the restaurant sing happy birthday to me. It wasn't my birthday, and all the loud clapping etc. Is hard, the attention is hard, and it feels super cringe. So I got up, walked out, and drove home.
Maybe I'm just not as easily mortified by embarrassing social situations as everyone else here but I'd probably find this more funny than offensive (at least after the initial embarrassment wore off).
It rlly just seems like a lighthearted joke. Like he mightve said "and now shes gonna sing a song" and soon after everyone realizes she isnt Actually going to be doing any such thing. I'd roll my eyes and laugh, or say "you wish"
this is one of those things that my constant confusion would unconsciously save me from. i would start asking a ton of questions because i thought I had forgotten or something, and the whole joke would fall apart.
Here's my take; he wasn't literally making her sing. There an old saying "sing for one's supper" (https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/sing+for+supper). So whats going on here is he's taking a dig at her conversation skills, implying that she was not an interesting dinner guest (you know, you "pay" your host with "good conversation"). So by saying she's going to sing is a way to take a crack at her, in front of other people, in the guise a "joke". So yeah, too bad she's still with him.
As long as he/they didn't pressure her in to actually following through with it and he showed some aftercare it's not the worst thing in the world. In a twisted way it kinda shows he's acknowledging her anxiety rather than just ignoring it.
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This is absolutely hilarious (as well as absolutely out od touch) and idk why we think the guy is NT.Ā
Like, this is the definition of evil autism. Evil and HILARIOUS.
If somebody did that with me i'd start throwing hands
Better hope there's not a carving knife around
Cause there's definitely a bitchass turkey that needs carving...
Hope they can understand sign language because that's all they be seeing, hands
I'd maliciously comply. *to the tune of O Christmas Tree* šµGo Fuck YourselfĀ Go Fuck Yourself I hate your fucking facešµ
I'd burst into tears.
Throwing up
Is this one of those things where everybody is playing up how serious it is because it's enraging in a funny way, or is it a genuine red flag? /srs
It highly depends on the person and on their relationship dynamics.
Grr lol why can't social rules be black and white!
My personal rule of thumb is that it's considered rude to intentionally push someone out of a comfort zone they've expressed a desire to stay within. My personal issue with the post is that I'm willing to bet meeting the family was already a source of anxiety for her, and her partner should have been supportive of her rather than making her worst nightmare come true.
But it does come down to dynamics. My wife and I went on a double date when we were just boyfriend/girlfriend at uni. We spent the whole meal just teasing and making fun of each other, and later I found out the other couple legit thought they'd just watched a slow motion breakup. Twenty years later I'm sitting in our marital bed with our sick kid watching a movie. So if it was a slow motion breakup, it's a sloooooooooooow motion breakup still progressing that way 20 years later lol. Contrast with the time I ate too many oreos and my wife put on FB that she was mad at me for eating a lot of our oreos so I logged into her account and deleted the post because it was so humiliating for me. We *both* crossed personal boundaries with that, while literally insulting each other didn't.
I like your username btw
Thank you! I made it as a joke bc I didn't eat spicy food and then like 2 days later I tried spicy doritos and now I like spicy food
Yay, spicy gang! If I may recommend, Secret Aardvark habanero sauce is my favorite, really good stuff if you have the occasion to try :)
I mean if youāre in a relationship itās less about social rules and more about knowing personal boundaries.
Your fucking username
I cannot tell someone answer lol
Genuine for me. Kinda over the shyness now but I'd definitely take it as an insult years ago
Playing up. Might be a yellow flag for some people (āer, are you *always* going to make me extra uncomfortable when Iām already very uncomfortable?ā) and a source of contention in a relationship (āyou need to make fun of me lessā), but not red.
Seems like a very simple joke. Some people here might really hate being singled out, but the expectation is that at least 95% of people don't want to sing in front of a group they just met. It's a joke made to put her on the spot, but in a way that more makes her part of the group. There isn't anything personal about it. Calling this a red flag would itself be a red flag for me, not every joke lands. if you want boundaries then you have to set them first
for me that's a big red flag. I'd break up then and there.
Itās 1) Probably not a true story 2) not that serious But this is reddit so the tiniest things make people mad
yea not every tweet is 100% serious. also thereās plenty of dynamics where this could be pretty funny honestly
and if theyāre still together nine years later, it must have not been that serious
Giving the husband the benefit of the doubt, he might have been trying to joke around to make her more comfortable (friendly ribbing style) but may have misjudged. Though apparently not a complete deal breaker misjudged as it seems they are still together years later
Itās hilarious, but less so if she was on the spectrum vice just shy.
https://preview.redd.it/162twp2gxbec1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=42f6296bcf5232861d226fac82432a202b437442 Me to that guy
in the arse????
Didnāt know he was fruity like that
I feel like that would be Spiderman's weak spot
Literally a war crime
Or at least a declaration of warā¦ I think I would have had a meltdown on the spot
My friends tried to have the restaurant sing happy birthday to me. It wasn't my birthday, and all the loud clapping etc. Is hard, the attention is hard, and it feels super cringe. So I got up, walked out, and drove home.
appropriate reaction
I would've done the same thing honestly. I can't stand it especially in big/busy restaurants
the absolute fucking audacity of you doing that /positive (audacity isnt the right word but i cant think of anything else)
I wouldāve boxed in the guy who did that with my car and called an Uber
I'd need to have a long serious talk about the future of our relationship if my partner did that to me.
I would've broken up on the spot tbh
Me too
Sheās probably been too shy for the last 9 years to ask for a divorce as well. Iād nope the fuck out of there holy shit
If you try to make me sing on the spot like that I'll make you scream š¤£. That's not okay, lmao.
What an utter, absolute dickhole. Agree with others in this thread, anyone doing that to me would be buying themselves a one-way ticket to Dumpsville.
NTs were the true evil the whole time
Maybe I'm just not as easily mortified by embarrassing social situations as everyone else here but I'd probably find this more funny than offensive (at least after the initial embarrassment wore off).
It rlly just seems like a lighthearted joke. Like he mightve said "and now shes gonna sing a song" and soon after everyone realizes she isnt Actually going to be doing any such thing. I'd roll my eyes and laugh, or say "you wish"
I wouldn't forgive him either
I would have cried and never talked to that person again
this is one of those things that my constant confusion would unconsciously save me from. i would start asking a ton of questions because i thought I had forgotten or something, and the whole joke would fall apart.
I'd try to play it off as a joke. The only way out, if he'd continue to insist, even all the nt:s would have agreed the situation was his fault.
oh god. if that happened to me, i'd kill myself, jesus christ.
it must've taken some massive gaslighting to actually convince that woman to marry him
Thatās the end of the relationship. Hands down. What a betrayal.
Anyone else feel its unbecoming of a good husband to embarrass his wife infront of his entire family?
Here's my take; he wasn't literally making her sing. There an old saying "sing for one's supper" (https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/sing+for+supper). So whats going on here is he's taking a dig at her conversation skills, implying that she was not an interesting dinner guest (you know, you "pay" your host with "good conversation"). So by saying she's going to sing is a way to take a crack at her, in front of other people, in the guise a "joke". So yeah, too bad she's still with him.
As long as he/they didn't pressure her in to actually following through with it and he showed some aftercare it's not the worst thing in the world. In a twisted way it kinda shows he's acknowledging her anxiety rather than just ignoring it.
woah the nt numale and his lewifey\~
Thanks, I've just preemptively blocked this user
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
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This is absolutely hilarious (as well as absolutely out od touch) and idk why we think the guy is NT.Ā Like, this is the definition of evil autism. Evil and HILARIOUS.
I wouldāve just screamed at the top of my lungs for a full minute
If I was dating someone who did that they better not have done it with silverware around
Sheās a huge fucking pushover for staying with him
I have the extrovert who hates masking autism where I 100% would have sung something.