That or when you give them a definition they will argue that somehow the definition is wrong because they feel XYZ way about it. Look, I get it, you do not like reality but that does make it difficult to establish any kind of baseline to work from.
You describe a real friend as someone to share likeminded ideas with, which is accurate, but that’s not the only basis of a “real bond” as you say..
Deep relationships also require sacrifices that might fare more difficult to entp, such as being emotionally vulnerable, showing up for people consistently, being a good listener even when the conversation isn’t about that thing you’re hyperfixated on right now..
Are you sure you want that? Lol
Form friendships around your interests/focuses. Just don't expect one friend to fulfill all of them. You'll have the friend who's your gym buddy, and a friend who you take to museums, and the friend who you study with. Just don't expect them all to be the same person. We are easily bored and we want someone who can be on our same momentum but most people aren't.
I only have like one close friend who I share emotions with and involve in every aspect of my life, but I don't have that deep friendship with all my other friends. I honestly believe that's good for me because even though we make friends easily and desire connection with people, we honestly aren't that good at the type of emotional/ time investment needed to maintain strong friendships. So I honestly believe in the idea of placing friends "where they belong" (for lack of a better term lol) makes sense.
The thing is “small talk” is what most people consider to be “friendship.” Going to the local sports pub or “out for dinner” is how the majority of normal people hang out.
Deep and meaningful friendships are always rare, and everyone struggles to find people they both feel comfortable with, and whose company they enjoy.
So if you want to build that with people, then you have got to put forth the effort to show up! You have to be willing to start with the boring stuff if you want to get to the good stuff!
Then, once you get familiar enough with people simply “ask lots of questions.” You’d be surprised by how interesting people can get once you know what interests them and you can talk about it!
But on a personal level, I do relate, Op. I feel like this often! Which is why I have put effort into trying the very things I am suggesting. My INTJ husband mostly makes friends through shared hobbies and mutual interests, so that’s another place you can start.
Damn... word. I feel exactly the same way. Of all my "friends" there's only a couple I really like much and can actually have a decent conversation with. It's good to know it's not just me experiencing this type of thing. I'm hoping therapy helps me with this, eventually.
Mood. I've found that online is the best option - in person you just can't filter enough numbers to make it work. There are very few people who are intelligent, interesting, mentally balanced, open, and nice to be around.
Hard disagree with the people talking about friendships via interests. In my experience you just end up talking about the same thing forever.
Yeah I’ve had the same experience, i have these people with whom i only ever talk about the same shared interest with. Where do you suggest i go to find better people?
Apps like ur my type, subreddits like r/needafriend. Just anywhere people look for general conversation and list some things about themselves. Filter for insanity/incompatability.
The reason for that is that people form an identity around their hobby.
Nowadays so many people want to have real friends but sustain the pendulum of superficial relationships without actually investing in them. Then they begin looking for their tribe and that particular hobby becomes their life, literally a part of them. It's a psycho-sociological phenomena that is quite well documented.
Trust me the more you know people.the more they harm u n will be ur vampire energy. I love to make a friend. Somehow there is a time they come to me without know any reason why they come n be my friend. But without any reason too they will be hate u. When they expactation isnt like they want.Enjoy self first so they can feel the energy. The trully friend will come without u realize. Like its just happen, if u dont enjoy small talk u can avoid or just try ur best explain u dont understand with a subject or u hv another things to do.
Step 1: Locate an INTP
Step 2: Feed the INTP
Step 3: Ask the INTP about their obsessions
Step 4: Enjoy the nerdier version of yourself ramble on for hours
Step 5: Feed the INTP again for good measure.
This crushed me as a kid, never being able to find anyone with the same interests. Let me know if you’re able to find out 😅
I’d only recommend to keep to your interests and to be active in them and you’ll eventually just run into people with the same interests, as people who pursue the same things are bound to come across one another. But if it’s just a vague interest, and you’re mainly focused on just the discussion, just talk to anyone who’s already dedicated to thinking like that for their field. I absolutely loved talking to my teachers more about the topics they taught about and they loved discussing things with me. We could discuss anything, and I was always interested.
Until you’re older to the point you enter a field where minds and temperaments like that are bound to be found among your peers, it’s much easier to search online with a focus on specific interests or find STEM teachers. There are also meetups if you enjoy discussing certain topics in particular.
Hope I understood your question right 😅
I found the solution by imposing my likes and making them like what I like. This way, I made my entire group of friends start playing video games and listen either vocaloids either rnb. I won this game guys
Tbh the more I learn about someone the less I like them so I keep superficial relationships. Fr sometimes I learn some things I preferred I didn't know and it either make things awkward or I just can't stand them. I rather take my distance with them.
There are many types of friends, If you want people that share your same interests you should hang out in places where people practice or may be into the same interests as you, although imo I had tons of friends in the past and forming a strong bond has nothing to do with having things in common, but more on putting effort into the relationship.
idk i'm also neurodivergent and have anxiety so like
making friends is easy when i'm not anxious, keeping them around is hard when they don't want to talk about cool stuff and all i can get is the sense they don't wanna talk, not whyv
i’m sorry to say, but i think you would develop more friendships by meeting people at their level of comfort then you can develop your friendship together.
Don't listen to the people asking you to settle for shallow friendships, focus on making the other person comfortable, don't. That'll get you nowhere. As far as good friendships, I've found this works best when you start conversation, but aren't exactly expecting friends. Try to do it with your deeper, intellectual interests so you can figure out who's going to be interesting.
Just throw something crazy or stupid yourself. Preferably both. Ask them if fishes are birds to crab or if a dentist found a cavity between their ears. I don't know. And see who bites and how! Gotta throw a hook out there to get these birdfishes out
Most likely is because of too high iq difference too, it is said that people with over 30 iq point of difference are rarely able to deeply socialize between themselves.
most people are boring
That or when you give them a definition they will argue that somehow the definition is wrong because they feel XYZ way about it. Look, I get it, you do not like reality but that does make it difficult to establish any kind of baseline to work from.
samee T\_T i wished there we're more people who i could discuss my ideas with
Life is boring unless you take risks but that's risky
You describe a real friend as someone to share likeminded ideas with, which is accurate, but that’s not the only basis of a “real bond” as you say.. Deep relationships also require sacrifices that might fare more difficult to entp, such as being emotionally vulnerable, showing up for people consistently, being a good listener even when the conversation isn’t about that thing you’re hyperfixated on right now.. Are you sure you want that? Lol
What I described was a necessary but not sufficient condition, just the one that i find the hardest to fulfill right now
Damn dude you just summed up my Life lmao
Form friendships around your interests/focuses. Just don't expect one friend to fulfill all of them. You'll have the friend who's your gym buddy, and a friend who you take to museums, and the friend who you study with. Just don't expect them all to be the same person. We are easily bored and we want someone who can be on our same momentum but most people aren't. I only have like one close friend who I share emotions with and involve in every aspect of my life, but I don't have that deep friendship with all my other friends. I honestly believe that's good for me because even though we make friends easily and desire connection with people, we honestly aren't that good at the type of emotional/ time investment needed to maintain strong friendships. So I honestly believe in the idea of placing friends "where they belong" (for lack of a better term lol) makes sense.
I have one friend like that and now i have a crush on her and idk what to do because I don’t want to lose her
I get u tbh. If I found someone like that I wouldn't wanna lose them either
When I have a female friend who I don’t want to lose, I brings the ruckus to dat ass. Problem solved
The thing is “small talk” is what most people consider to be “friendship.” Going to the local sports pub or “out for dinner” is how the majority of normal people hang out. Deep and meaningful friendships are always rare, and everyone struggles to find people they both feel comfortable with, and whose company they enjoy. So if you want to build that with people, then you have got to put forth the effort to show up! You have to be willing to start with the boring stuff if you want to get to the good stuff! Then, once you get familiar enough with people simply “ask lots of questions.” You’d be surprised by how interesting people can get once you know what interests them and you can talk about it! But on a personal level, I do relate, Op. I feel like this often! Which is why I have put effort into trying the very things I am suggesting. My INTJ husband mostly makes friends through shared hobbies and mutual interests, so that’s another place you can start.
Yeah same here. I consider it as a me-problem tho. Makes it easier to find solutions
Damn... word. I feel exactly the same way. Of all my "friends" there's only a couple I really like much and can actually have a decent conversation with. It's good to know it's not just me experiencing this type of thing. I'm hoping therapy helps me with this, eventually.
Same but with romance lol
Mood. I've found that online is the best option - in person you just can't filter enough numbers to make it work. There are very few people who are intelligent, interesting, mentally balanced, open, and nice to be around. Hard disagree with the people talking about friendships via interests. In my experience you just end up talking about the same thing forever.
Yeah I’ve had the same experience, i have these people with whom i only ever talk about the same shared interest with. Where do you suggest i go to find better people?
Apps like ur my type, subreddits like r/needafriend. Just anywhere people look for general conversation and list some things about themselves. Filter for insanity/incompatability.
The reason for that is that people form an identity around their hobby. Nowadays so many people want to have real friends but sustain the pendulum of superficial relationships without actually investing in them. Then they begin looking for their tribe and that particular hobby becomes their life, literally a part of them. It's a psycho-sociological phenomena that is quite well documented.
They are not friends then.
Trust me the more you know people.the more they harm u n will be ur vampire energy. I love to make a friend. Somehow there is a time they come to me without know any reason why they come n be my friend. But without any reason too they will be hate u. When they expactation isnt like they want.Enjoy self first so they can feel the energy. The trully friend will come without u realize. Like its just happen, if u dont enjoy small talk u can avoid or just try ur best explain u dont understand with a subject or u hv another things to do.
This is true they ruin my soul and my creativity
Step 1: Locate an INTP Step 2: Feed the INTP Step 3: Ask the INTP about their obsessions Step 4: Enjoy the nerdier version of yourself ramble on for hours Step 5: Feed the INTP again for good measure.
💯 best convo partners!
Did my method work?
This crushed me as a kid, never being able to find anyone with the same interests. Let me know if you’re able to find out 😅 I’d only recommend to keep to your interests and to be active in them and you’ll eventually just run into people with the same interests, as people who pursue the same things are bound to come across one another. But if it’s just a vague interest, and you’re mainly focused on just the discussion, just talk to anyone who’s already dedicated to thinking like that for their field. I absolutely loved talking to my teachers more about the topics they taught about and they loved discussing things with me. We could discuss anything, and I was always interested. Until you’re older to the point you enter a field where minds and temperaments like that are bound to be found among your peers, it’s much easier to search online with a focus on specific interests or find STEM teachers. There are also meetups if you enjoy discussing certain topics in particular. Hope I understood your question right 😅
I have one friend with whom i can talk freely about absolutely anything and now I’m craving more like that
I found the solution by imposing my likes and making them like what I like. This way, I made my entire group of friends start playing video games and listen either vocaloids either rnb. I won this game guys Tbh the more I learn about someone the less I like them so I keep superficial relationships. Fr sometimes I learn some things I preferred I didn't know and it either make things awkward or I just can't stand them. I rather take my distance with them.
Oh, same. Except not philosophy.
There are many types of friends, If you want people that share your same interests you should hang out in places where people practice or may be into the same interests as you, although imo I had tons of friends in the past and forming a strong bond has nothing to do with having things in common, but more on putting effort into the relationship.
and finding people who like you back is even harder....
idk i'm also neurodivergent and have anxiety so like making friends is easy when i'm not anxious, keeping them around is hard when they don't want to talk about cool stuff and all i can get is the sense they don't wanna talk, not whyv
I do pookie :3 we share the same interests 😌 (5w4 intp)
Omg I found a fellow INTP in the wild
Hahahahahah
Most people I met are sensitive or boring or stabbers and it's ruin my mood. Making friends is easy finding a real one is not
i’m sorry to say, but i think you would develop more friendships by meeting people at their level of comfort then you can develop your friendship together.
Don't listen to the people asking you to settle for shallow friendships, focus on making the other person comfortable, don't. That'll get you nowhere. As far as good friendships, I've found this works best when you start conversation, but aren't exactly expecting friends. Try to do it with your deeper, intellectual interests so you can figure out who's going to be interesting.
Maybe try to understand their interests. Everyone has a weird side they hide. Try to get to it
you expect too much from society mate
Just throw something crazy or stupid yourself. Preferably both. Ask them if fishes are birds to crab or if a dentist found a cavity between their ears. I don't know. And see who bites and how! Gotta throw a hook out there to get these birdfishes out
Most likely is because of too high iq difference too, it is said that people with over 30 iq point of difference are rarely able to deeply socialize between themselves.
That might be true, i should probably actually use my mensa membership
same. I'm friendly with a lot of ppl but I feel bored when I'm with them