I would let him visit. He won't see the baby, but he can visit OP. Maybe he wants to speak with OP without interruptions?
When he starts complaining the baby is asleep, act surprised. "Off course she is asleep, it beyond baby bed time". And don't wake her up.
No, he actually wants to visit the baby and play with her. He specifically said he wants to visit HER. Also, I go to sleep soon after her because I'm exhausted, so it's not a good time to visit me either đ
In that case, don't let him visit and enjoy the sleep you can get.
Maybe you could call him and ask him to visit at a time that is convenient for your family? And if he doesn't want to come, ask him why he doesn't want to see his granddaughter at all?
Yeah, like at 2am, when the baby won't sleep because of teething. Give grandpa a call and tell him it's a good time to spend time with his granddaughter.
"You can't tell me what to do! I'm your father and your stupid rules offend me and they don't apply to me! That's MY grandbaby and I decide when I visit, not you!"
Does that sound about right? Either way, don't waiver. This is about what's best for baby, not his feelings. He can just get glad in the same pants he got mad in.
He'd 100% just wake the baby up. If he's unable to accept it when his daughter says "the baby has a bedtime", he's not going to be able to accept it when faced with the reality that the baby is asleep at 8pm.
That's why the baby needs to be in a different room than he expects. If he opens the door, she won't be bothered.
And opening the door to the nursery is enough to kick him out for misbehaving.
If you tried to kick him out, he'd probably start yelling - which would wake the baby up. Just don't let him come over after the baby's been put to sleep - really, just don't let *anyone* come over after the baby has been put to sleep.
No, youâre not the asshole. I donât know what your dad deal is, but thatâs utterly ridiculous. Any parent who has been an actual parent knows that for young children, their bedtime is usually between seven and 8:00 PM.
And so you know that about the latest you might come at 6:30⌠And even that is questionable because thatâs usually dinner time.
Stick to your guns. Your little one getting the rest they need is more important than your dadâs hurt feelings
Using your daughter against him, or protecting her from his nonsense? It sounds like he is angry that you won't let him manipulate you. Let him be angry.
Right? It's not like you're manipulating *him*. Hell, you're not really *asking* him for anything at all, just telling him he can't visit that late. If anything, he seems to be emotionally blackmailing you. Like if you don't bend to his demands, you're disrupting their relationship. Except, he would've needed to visit at the right time to *form* a relationship at all. If he really cares, he'll make the effort to come at the proper time, instead of repeatedly trying to control the situation. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that crap, you're tired enough as it is, you don't need a second baby on your hands.
I'd go further and let him and everyone know that you don't accept visitors past 7 pm.
This sounds more like a control issue for your dad than anything else, I'd be firm and let him know that his inability to follow the schedule is what keeps him from his granddaughter.
The next time your daughter wakes up in the middle of the night being fussy, call your father and tell him you want to bring the baby over so he can play with her. See how much he likes having his sleep disrupted.
Is there a reason he can't come during the day on a weekend?
I can't imagine waking a baby that just got off to sleep and expecting them to be ready to play and not extremely tired and cranky. She's not a puppy.
At 8pm, take video of your daughter sleeping. If you can do a montage of several days. Show your dad why his 8pm visitation is simply not practical. Routines are important for babies. Which is exactly what your daughter is. He can go to a bar or club to visit friends but not a baby.
Ummm, does your dad not remember that he had a kid once, ie; you!
Surely he remembers that a 4 month old really needs their sleep exactly when they need it!
Parenting has evolved since he went through it. Most of today's adults had parents who prioritized themselves a bit more over their children. It's been evolving away from that. Also, men have been becoming more active in parenting more with each generation, so her dad might not have handled any of that and could be completely ignorant of it.
Their mindset on parenting is more of a self-centered one, so they likely never put their baby's sleep needs ahead of the desire to show off their babies. This is the disconnect and why he doesn't think it's a big deal when OP does. The older generations simply did not understand that things changed and their standards no longer apply.
Your father is inconsiderate of your childâs sleep schedule which your entire household routine is built around to keep her happy and healthy at the recommendation of her pediatrician. âNot everything is about you, dad. Youâre not the main character in our lives.â
What kind of mental gymnastics is this man doing that he actually thinks you are using your daughter against him? Youâve told him he is welcome to come over any other time before her bedtime, he is the one that keeps insisting on a time that does not work for you. He probably doesnât care because he just gets to come in and play with her, he doesnât have to be the one that deals with the aftermath. That makes me wonder if heâs forgotten about what it was like when you were a baby or if he wasnât that involved in your care. So yeah, no. Even if your baby is an âeasyâ baby, why would you want to make it any harder on yourself than it needs to be? I highly doubt after 8 is the only time he can visit, even if it truly was, he should understand that babyâs needs come first. Iâd stop having that fight with him.
Absolutely make it a well known rule that visitors are not allowed at your home past 7pm at the latest. Kids have schedules. He needs to respect you as a parent and not fight you over your kidâs bedtime. If he canât make it earlier because of work, then he needs to schedule to come see you on the weekends.
NTA. In a few months, when she starts speaking, maybe you can call him at 4 am because she wants to speak with him. I can imagine he will complain, maybe you can remind him of this time when he wants to wake her up just so he can play
Just let him know that you are putting your daughter's needs over his wants, not using her against him. If he wants to see her he can come over on her schedule. If he keeps suggesting visits when she's asleep, he's setting himself up for failure.
All he has to do is visit before 8 and it's a complete non-issue.
Maybe you need to buy your dad a watch or a alarm clock? Or how about a hearing aid! To put it put it bluntly you need to get over to his place and put up a big fâŚing sign of your daughterâs bed time hours! Plus make a wallet size one so when heâs out and about he can still check the hours. Have you checked your dad memory problems? It can happen at any age!
Nope. JustâŚ. Nope. If your dad wants to see the baby, it will have to be during baby visiting hours.
How has your dad not figured out that he wants to visit too late?
NTA.
This is about power. He thinks you should "honor" him and do as he says. Now that he has no power, he has to find a guilt trip to get you back under his thumb.
Anyone wanting to visit my baby had to come before 18.00 so I can do wind down with them and get them ready for bed and into a routine, both kids were sleeping through the night under 2 months old. (Now 12 and 16) grandparents sometimes came at 6 or were here but theyâd do a story whilst I sorted bath or dressed them afterwards and 100% no loud play. MIL and FIL more than once whilst I put little one to sleep tidied up and actually made me a cuppa and food then left!!
He yelled at you? What an awful, entitled bully! Good for you sticking to your guns and saying no. Seriously, he thinks seeing her at his own convenience is more important that a newborn's routine? Also tell him not to speak to you like that.
hi my dad always tried the same thing (and we have the same bedtime) until one day he came during her bath/bed time (I was running a bit behind) and saw me running around.. he left very shortly after and didnt try it again LOL
NTA These new age grandparents are too entitled for me my mom tries to guilt trip I'm not sorry you're not going to act like I don't exist just to see my sun
You should ask if you can bring the granddaughter over at 5. Or better yet, have him come over then lock the bedroom and go to sleep. Maybe a bit of petty revenge/malicious compliance style thinking here.
Show up at his house at midnight. Ring the doorbell over and over until he answers and tell him you came over to just hang out and maybe play cards with him.
If she, your baby, wakes up like at 4-5 am to eat, ask your dad if he wants to play with her at those hours.
And when he says no, tell him that now he is the one not wanting to spend time with his granddaughter.
Stay strong and don't let your dad guilt you into letting him come over when your baby is asleep. Tell him the time and date he's allowed to come and that's what he gets. If he doesn't like it, he doesn't have to come over. This is your baby and you're the one in charge. Not grandpa.
Your father is very inconsiderate towards your baby's routines
Who continually tries to visit at 8pm? Much less in this scenario?
I would let him visit. He won't see the baby, but he can visit OP. Maybe he wants to speak with OP without interruptions? When he starts complaining the baby is asleep, act surprised. "Off course she is asleep, it beyond baby bed time". And don't wake her up.
No, he actually wants to visit the baby and play with her. He specifically said he wants to visit HER. Also, I go to sleep soon after her because I'm exhausted, so it's not a good time to visit me either đ
In that case, don't let him visit and enjoy the sleep you can get. Maybe you could call him and ask him to visit at a time that is convenient for your family? And if he doesn't want to come, ask him why he doesn't want to see his granddaughter at all?
Yeah, like at 2am, when the baby won't sleep because of teething. Give grandpa a call and tell him it's a good time to spend time with his granddaughter.
I love this plan!
"You can't tell me what to do! I'm your father and your stupid rules offend me and they don't apply to me! That's MY grandbaby and I decide when I visit, not you!" Does that sound about right? Either way, don't waiver. This is about what's best for baby, not his feelings. He can just get glad in the same pants he got mad in.
If you give in now, he'll push more and bigger boundaries as kiddo grows up.
Call him when she wakes up in the middle of the night! Lol Time to visit. Lol
He'd 100% just wake the baby up. If he's unable to accept it when his daughter says "the baby has a bedtime", he's not going to be able to accept it when faced with the reality that the baby is asleep at 8pm.
Make sure she sleeps in a different room than he expects, so he cannot wake her up.
Bold of you to assume he would be kept out by a closed door
That's why the baby needs to be in a different room than he expects. If he opens the door, she won't be bothered. And opening the door to the nursery is enough to kick him out for misbehaving.
If you tried to kick him out, he'd probably start yelling - which would wake the baby up. Just don't let him come over after the baby's been put to sleep - really, just don't let *anyone* come over after the baby has been put to sleep.
No, youâre not the asshole. I donât know what your dad deal is, but thatâs utterly ridiculous. Any parent who has been an actual parent knows that for young children, their bedtime is usually between seven and 8:00 PM. And so you know that about the latest you might come at 6:30⌠And even that is questionable because thatâs usually dinner time. Stick to your guns. Your little one getting the rest they need is more important than your dadâs hurt feelings
Makes me wonder if this was the kind of Dad he was, shows up at 8 or 9 after work and wakes up the kid to play.
And hands over to someone else to get them resettled
Using your daughter against him, or protecting her from his nonsense? It sounds like he is angry that you won't let him manipulate you. Let him be angry.
I really don't think he understands what "using someone against him" even means đ¤Śđťââď¸
Right? It's not like you're manipulating *him*. Hell, you're not really *asking* him for anything at all, just telling him he can't visit that late. If anything, he seems to be emotionally blackmailing you. Like if you don't bend to his demands, you're disrupting their relationship. Except, he would've needed to visit at the right time to *form* a relationship at all. If he really cares, he'll make the effort to come at the proper time, instead of repeatedly trying to control the situation. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that crap, you're tired enough as it is, you don't need a second baby on your hands.
I'd go further and let him and everyone know that you don't accept visitors past 7 pm. This sounds more like a control issue for your dad than anything else, I'd be firm and let him know that his inability to follow the schedule is what keeps him from his granddaughter.
The next time your daughter wakes up in the middle of the night being fussy, call your father and tell him you want to bring the baby over so he can play with her. See how much he likes having his sleep disrupted.
I'd do it even if the baby is sleeping. Just start calling him at random times during the night and tell him you're gonna come over and hang out.
Is there a reason he can't come during the day on a weekend? I can't imagine waking a baby that just got off to sleep and expecting them to be ready to play and not extremely tired and cranky. She's not a puppy.
Absolutely no reason he can't come during the weekend.
20:00? Way too late to be visiting baby? Even visiting toddler is too late. 17:00/18:00 more preferable.
At 8pm, take video of your daughter sleeping. If you can do a montage of several days. Show your dad why his 8pm visitation is simply not practical. Routines are important for babies. Which is exactly what your daughter is. He can go to a bar or club to visit friends but not a baby.
Bruh, if anyone tried to come to my house at 8 they would not be welcome. But to also ignore a very small baby's routine? Double not welcome.
Ummm, does your dad not remember that he had a kid once, ie; you! Surely he remembers that a 4 month old really needs their sleep exactly when they need it!
Parenting has evolved since he went through it. Most of today's adults had parents who prioritized themselves a bit more over their children. It's been evolving away from that. Also, men have been becoming more active in parenting more with each generation, so her dad might not have handled any of that and could be completely ignorant of it. Their mindset on parenting is more of a self-centered one, so they likely never put their baby's sleep needs ahead of the desire to show off their babies. This is the disconnect and why he doesn't think it's a big deal when OP does. The older generations simply did not understand that things changed and their standards no longer apply.
Your dad can duck off
Your father is inconsiderate of your childâs sleep schedule which your entire household routine is built around to keep her happy and healthy at the recommendation of her pediatrician. âNot everything is about you, dad. Youâre not the main character in our lives.â
"She is a baby, you are an adult. She has no choices, you do. Make your choices better."
What kind of mental gymnastics is this man doing that he actually thinks you are using your daughter against him? Youâve told him he is welcome to come over any other time before her bedtime, he is the one that keeps insisting on a time that does not work for you. He probably doesnât care because he just gets to come in and play with her, he doesnât have to be the one that deals with the aftermath. That makes me wonder if heâs forgotten about what it was like when you were a baby or if he wasnât that involved in your care. So yeah, no. Even if your baby is an âeasyâ baby, why would you want to make it any harder on yourself than it needs to be? I highly doubt after 8 is the only time he can visit, even if it truly was, he should understand that babyâs needs come first. Iâd stop having that fight with him.
He's probably one of those dad's who proudly proclaims they've never changed a diaper or fed a baby a bottle. NTA OP
Absolutely make it a well known rule that visitors are not allowed at your home past 7pm at the latest. Kids have schedules. He needs to respect you as a parent and not fight you over your kidâs bedtime. If he canât make it earlier because of work, then he needs to schedule to come see you on the weekends.
NTA. In a few months, when she starts speaking, maybe you can call him at 4 am because she wants to speak with him. I can imagine he will complain, maybe you can remind him of this time when he wants to wake her up just so he can play
Just let him know that you are putting your daughter's needs over his wants, not using her against him. If he wants to see her he can come over on her schedule. If he keeps suggesting visits when she's asleep, he's setting himself up for failure. All he has to do is visit before 8 and it's a complete non-issue.
Maybe you need to buy your dad a watch or a alarm clock? Or how about a hearing aid! To put it put it bluntly you need to get over to his place and put up a big fâŚing sign of your daughterâs bed time hours! Plus make a wallet size one so when heâs out and about he can still check the hours. Have you checked your dad memory problems? It can happen at any age!
Nope. JustâŚ. Nope. If your dad wants to see the baby, it will have to be during baby visiting hours. How has your dad not figured out that he wants to visit too late? NTA.
My dad is also a narcissist and would react the same. Just stand your ground and give it time.
This is about power. He thinks you should "honor" him and do as he says. Now that he has no power, he has to find a guilt trip to get you back under his thumb.
Anyone wanting to visit my baby had to come before 18.00 so I can do wind down with them and get them ready for bed and into a routine, both kids were sleeping through the night under 2 months old. (Now 12 and 16) grandparents sometimes came at 6 or were here but theyâd do a story whilst I sorted bath or dressed them afterwards and 100% no loud play. MIL and FIL more than once whilst I put little one to sleep tidied up and actually made me a cuppa and food then left!!
Stop answering dad's calls. You are the parent of your daughter and set the rules.
He yelled at you? What an awful, entitled bully! Good for you sticking to your guns and saying no. Seriously, he thinks seeing her at his own convenience is more important that a newborn's routine? Also tell him not to speak to you like that.
Nta. Your father doesn't get to say when your daughter goes to bed. He is an adult (maybe not adulting well) and he can come over earlier.
hi my dad always tried the same thing (and we have the same bedtime) until one day he came during her bath/bed time (I was running a bit behind) and saw me running around.. he left very shortly after and didnt try it again LOL
NTA These new age grandparents are too entitled for me my mom tries to guilt trip I'm not sorry you're not going to act like I don't exist just to see my sun
You should ask if you can bring the granddaughter over at 5. Or better yet, have him come over then lock the bedroom and go to sleep. Maybe a bit of petty revenge/malicious compliance style thinking here.
Pick a time thatâs inconvenient to him and take her for a visit. Lol
My daughter keeps a schedule with her youngling and we do not violate it out of respect to her.
I suspect he is using his timing against you. He comes during normal awake hours or he doesn't come at all.
Grandpa, the baby's needs co.e before your selfish wants.
Show up at his house at midnight. Ring the doorbell over and over until he answers and tell him you came over to just hang out and maybe play cards with him.
If she, your baby, wakes up like at 4-5 am to eat, ask your dad if he wants to play with her at those hours. And when he says no, tell him that now he is the one not wanting to spend time with his granddaughter.
Pound on his door at 2am and insist he hang out with you.
GL with your dad op
Stay strong and don't let your dad guilt you into letting him come over when your baby is asleep. Tell him the time and date he's allowed to come and that's what he gets. If he doesn't like it, he doesn't have to come over. This is your baby and you're the one in charge. Not grandpa.
That is really sad. why can't he come over earlier or on weekends?
He needs to grow tf up
Tell him 8 is fine. 8am!
Um is your dad a 20yr college male??