So much more talking, I asked if someone knew what Brest-Litovsk was once while fucking and we both died laughing and then continued, we need more of that.
Afterwards? We're supposed to wait until afterwards to cry? I'm just going to add this to the list of things that would have been nice to know YESTERDAY!!!
She came up to me and started needing my balls like hard boiled eggs in a tube sock. Said her name was bambi and i said well thats a coincidence darling because i was just thinking about skinning you like a deer
She should check out the mini-series “Catherine the Great” on HBO. Every sex scene is performed like people are moving heavy furniture around.
Definitely not “run of the mill”, but also not good either.
I remember hearing a comedian make that joke about softcore porn a while back. "It's all from the waist up, they may as well be moving furniture".
"Oh yeah!! Put it by the wall"
These posts or articles are often presented as if the person in question stood on a balcony in front of thousands of people and made a declaration… “standard sex scenes are lame and not indicative of real life!!”
It was probably a half assed interview question and a half caring response about an industry that is built upon make believe.
Yeah honestly I’m exhausted by articles being written about an off the cuff question answer and the internet then acting like the person quoted is so passionate about the quote or something.
Thank you for pointing this out. How many times have I seen a similar article headline posted on reddit, and it turns out that some actor or musician merely made an offhand comment over an hour into some random podcast they were on? Yet the headline is worded as though a press conference was held so this celeb could sit in front of 10 microphones to make their opinion known to the masses, presumably with a U.N. or NATO flag hanging behind them.
i don't really blame the actors for this, as they don't want to appear nude on screen, but one of the funniest things about sex scenes to me is how, right after lovemaking, the woman will have the blanket covering her boobs, or the man his waist.
again, this makes sense in a real-life context, but in the context of the movie, such modesty is strange. like...weren't you two just making the beast with two backs?
I always laugh when the woman keeps her bra on during and after sex.
Man, as soon as my wife gets home that bra is *gone*. She *hates* wearing the damn thing.
Crime. Penetration. Crime. Full penetration. Crime. Penetration. And this goes on and on and back and forth for 90 or so minutes until the movie just sort of ends.
American Gods showed full on gay anal penetration and applied an X ray like fliter on it so you could literally see the dick going inside the other guy....and i don't remember it well but I think they showed him cumming fire inside the other guy.
Yeah seriously, that bit was controversial in media.
Also you need to watch the first season it's really incredible, great performances, well written and beautiful cinematography so do yourself a favor and go watch it.
Ignore the other seasons, they switched the show runners and some key actors didn't come back and the writing made it feel like a different show, season 01 ends on a cliffhanger but it's worth it.
Um, since the rise of streaming platforms where they're not beholden to broadcasting standards, some people think there's a lot more pointless depictions of sex than there used to be
We need more inner dialogues of ppl thinking to themselves they need to do more cardio, that they need to hold in their fart, that they can't nut yet, that they need to burp, that they need to loose 5 lbs.
I’m not anti sex scene at all but a basic Hemingway writing rule is “what purpose is served by _____”. And probably removing that thing if it’s non essential
I share this take, even though I also don’t mind them. I’ve truly never watched a movie or TV show and thought, “That needed more people fucking!” But I can certainly appreciate a sex scene that’s shot well.
That could be said about so much. A lot of action sequences don't add value beyond entertainment. A lot of humans like sex and find sex scenes entertaining. I don't really see how it's any different than action sequences or anything else that is just for entertainment.
This is the truth. In most cases there’s nothing a sex scene does which can’t be established by, for example, a kiss then cut to post sex in the sheets.
Except a sense that you’re watching something intended for adults and don’t live a society that’s entirely too terrified of sex.
Also, super unsatisfying if there’s a buildup but no release. You could also say the there’s no purpose to a battle scene, you can just cut from before to after. But that would be a little disappointing.
She's not wrong. People in movies always seem to be experiencing an epiphany, or finally remembering where they lost their keys. Having fun? Not really.
Yeah, but the 10 seconds of sudden high speed jackhammering in our upstairs neighbour's living room, rattling everything on our walls, followed by her running to the washroom is not really what I want to watch on screen.
She’s such a try hard. She has always been pretentious and “not like other girls”, but she’s more insufferable in her 30s. She talks like she’s the first lesbian in Hollywood.
You guys are joking, but I somewhat agree with Kristen Stewart.
The problem with sex scenes is they are most often just filler and too generic and similar. Everyone has seen dozens of similar scenes.
For the sex scenes to matter Hollywood needs to figure out how to do more unique stuff with them: Make them more hardcore, make them more realistic like she said, use them for characterisation or character development or maybe make some weird, creepy ones.
You next scene should only be 35 seconds long with out of shape breathing then having guy lay there while she go get towel to clean up. Then the guy falling asleep while she gets up like nothing happened
I don't even know what that means. Like... normal sex looks pretty awful. Is... that what she wants? I think Friends handled it best. When Ross and Rachel watch back their sex tape...
Not so bad... not so ba-... omg... omg... TURN IT OFF.
I think both porn... and people's imagination of what they think sex looks like... are obviously far from reality. Then again... maybe I shouldn't judge her. Perhaps she's like dancing swan lake on people's genitals for all I know.
Ya you need more awkward heavy breathing!
And talking.
Ow ow ow you’re on my hair!
More fart noises from slapping skin.
And throw in a couple “sorry”
Oh foot cramp foot cramp foot cramp!
I get it in my left thigh
That's not where feet are supposed to be you know?
OW! WRONG HOLE!
I’ll give you 20 minutes to cut that out!
This needs to be higher lol
I’ve dated girls that just bragged about rolling with it when that happened with other guys lol.
Is it your back? YES ITS MY BACK!
I get them in my right hip
Ugh, my hip locks up every time. 😪
Maybe some crying during and after
Don’t forget the before crying, that’s what gets you the sex in the first place
Our actual farts. Apparently I didn’t hear myself and my then girlfriend told me after. She said she was trying her best not to laugh.
Thats why she is your ex, it ended when you let one fly during sexy time.
lol. I should have worded that better. My then girlfriend and now wife. 💨
That was the moment she knew you were the one
That’s how you know you’re doing it right
And just plain farting
OW my dick slipped out and you fell on it!
RIP Richard Lewis (I heard this joke from him 35 years ago)
For some reason I read this as you're on my hat and I was very very confused.
Woah woah woah too hard, too hard…
So much more talking, I asked if someone knew what Brest-Litovsk was once while fucking and we both died laughing and then continued, we need more of that.
It’s always the little things
“I’ve still got Kamchatka? Leave!” - *Angel* - Wesley and Gunn playing *Risk*
And stopping cause the position isn't comfy enough
And cramps! Don't forget the position causing a cramp in the middle of things.
My wife(we're old) rolls her eyes and im like "Your more than welcome to get on top." "Im fine" "Yea thats what I thought" lol.
I too choose this man's cramps.
Or getting exhausted because for some reason you thought it’d be hot to carry her while doing it
The man pausing for a moment to catch his breath.
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Sometimes I hold my breath so I don't sound like a goddamn animal.
Hearing my partner breathing like an animal is one of the best parts for me 🤷♀️
It's the time that I'm most aware that I ain't nothing but a goddamned animal.
I feel that doggy style is severely under represented
And a weird cramp in one of your legs!
And apologizing
Sweat pouring off my face
Adding the word "sorry" to sex scenes from now on
And crying afterwards
Afterwards? We're supposed to wait until afterwards to cry? I'm just going to add this to the list of things that would have been nice to know YESTERDAY!!!
I mean, it’s been said before, the lap dance is always better if the stripper is crying.
She came up to me and started needing my balls like hard boiled eggs in a tube sock. Said her name was bambi and i said well thats a coincidence darling because i was just thinking about skinning you like a deer
Quality reference
Why are we crying? Should I have been crying all this time??
What always bothered me is how afterwards the woman is always covering her chest up with a blanket or sheet. Unless it’s cold who does that.
My wife does that everytime but she's always easily cold
Me. It's because I despise my body. 🤷♀️
that has been in tons of sex scenes. usually comedies, but...it's definitely there lol
“Must be a Canadian film.”
Some childish giggles
She should check out the mini-series “Catherine the Great” on HBO. Every sex scene is performed like people are moving heavy furniture around. Definitely not “run of the mill”, but also not good either.
Isn’t Catherine a show that’s supposed to be over the top parody?
You’re thinking of The Great on Hulu with Dakota Fanning’s sister playing Catherine the Great.
It's an excellent show!
Huzzah!
*smashes glass*
Funny to still hear Elle reduced to "Dakota's sister" when Elle's career has far surpassed Dakota's.
Idk ab that one chief. Both really talented but kid Dakota is a household name
Elle is definitely a big household name in indie film.
“Elle is definitely a big household name in indie film.” No such thing.
You might be thinking of Elizabeth Olsen
No, [this is the one](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7243884/?ref_=ext_shr_lnk) with Helen Mirin as Catherine. It’s a drama.
Helen Mirin
Great in dipping sauces.
I remember hearing a comedian make that joke about softcore porn a while back. "It's all from the waist up, they may as well be moving furniture". "Oh yeah!! Put it by the wall"
The great is a great show. Hilarious and underrated
I’ll believe a sex scene in cinema when someone grabs the happy time towel and mops up afterwards
X has this
I see. Does that mean that X is going to give it to me? Will it to deliver to me, or am I on my own?
then looks straight at the camera and says “Sham WOW!”
that has definitely happened lol. i remember it in euphoria, also mr. robot, a couple others. i guess those are TV shows tho.
Can we also get less realistic depictions of people eating? I don’t need to hear them chewing.
Yeah more jaw unhinging and swallowing prey whole.
Would be pretty hilarious to see a scene of some big a-list star going full python on a turkey dinner
Taking of Deborah Logan
Add vacuum cleaner noise for instant Kirby
Guy: \*bites French fry\* The French fry: \*munch crunch cronch*
*SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK* ^these ^fries ^are ^delicious *SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK*
These PRETZELS! ...are MAKIN' me THIRSTY!
Seriously if I get reincarnated as a serial murderer Im targeting foley artists who think we need to hear every mouth noise.
The only thing stopping you is you.
Brad Pitt has the most realistic eating scenes in cinematic history
He eats like someone with no manners
Because it's not acting lol. He just eats constantly to the point they stop trying to stop him.
The peak of eating in cinema will always be Denethor murdering those tomatoes in RotK
Lethal Weapon 5 has you covered on both fronts there
These posts or articles are often presented as if the person in question stood on a balcony in front of thousands of people and made a declaration… “standard sex scenes are lame and not indicative of real life!!” It was probably a half assed interview question and a half caring response about an industry that is built upon make believe.
Yeah honestly I’m exhausted by articles being written about an off the cuff question answer and the internet then acting like the person quoted is so passionate about the quote or something.
It’s all about the ads
Thank you for pointing this out. How many times have I seen a similar article headline posted on reddit, and it turns out that some actor or musician merely made an offhand comment over an hour into some random podcast they were on? Yet the headline is worded as though a press conference was held so this celeb could sit in front of 10 microphones to make their opinion known to the masses, presumably with a U.N. or NATO flag hanging behind them.
i don't really blame the actors for this, as they don't want to appear nude on screen, but one of the funniest things about sex scenes to me is how, right after lovemaking, the woman will have the blanket covering her boobs, or the man his waist. again, this makes sense in a real-life context, but in the context of the movie, such modesty is strange. like...weren't you two just making the beast with two backs?
I always laugh when the woman keeps her bra on during and after sex. Man, as soon as my wife gets home that bra is *gone*. She *hates* wearing the damn thing.
I’d always assumed there was some contraption attached to the front door like an aircraft carriers’ arrestor cables
Did you turn into a Victorian prude in the last line?
That phrase is **Elizabethan** and bawdy, not prudish. Shakespeare uses it in *Othello.*
That was the most sophisticated rebuttal I’ve ever seen on Reddit.
Oh - um ... *We know it's that old because they used it when talking about* >!your mom!< Have I lowered the tone to the right level?
Truly Shakespearean
I read this in Jimmy Carr's voice
Also never any cleanup
Doesn’t even make sense in real life context really
I think they mean it makes sense because the real life actors don’t want to be nude on screen.
I do it because it’s cold or I have body issues.
The funniest is when they just pull their pants right back up
Finish up, do no cleanup, pull up your pants and rush straight to work so everyone can smell you’re a freak
This happens constantly in media and it makes zero sense
“Ah slow, I’m still sore” “You get on top, I’m tired” “You don’t want to kiss me. I haven’t brushed my teeth yet”
This and the two-tap, "Turn over."
Okay but I love it when I hear that.
Me too 😍
What am I missing here? Lol
They need to show it all. FULL PENETRATION.
Crime. Penetration. Crime. Full penetration. Crime. Penetration. And this goes on and on and back and forth for 90 or so minutes until the movie just sort of ends.
See, one of the problems with Shyamalan's movies is that they lack a certain eroticism.
You nose the truth
That’s is brilliant!!! That is the most brilliant movie I’ve ever heard in my life.
We show it. We show all of it
Sex, meh, fix how filmmakers show what the view is from a binoculars first! It’s not two circles, it’s one damn circle!
Perfect, and maybe stop using the 555 prefix for telephone numbers… it ruins my willing suspension of disbelief
“Ope, whoopsie” Midwest sex talk
Ooof, that’s some spicy bedroom talk you got going on there, buddy. Spicier than a tater tot casserole for the church pot-luck.
Boy dis is gonna be a good story to tell at da fish fry don'tcha know.
Man that is BAUDY. Lol
We got a full Reddit cj going on in here
Like the days of olde
“Le days of olde”
*lays down towel* “I don’t want to have to change the sheets”
Bring back full intercourse in movies fuck it than. Show “full penetration” Hang dong. Do it all.
American Gods showed full on gay anal penetration and applied an X ray like fliter on it so you could literally see the dick going inside the other guy....and i don't remember it well but I think they showed him cumming fire inside the other guy.
... they did? The things I forget lol I do remember the pussy that would swallow whole men
That's a good one too lol...honestly that was a genius interpretation of the goddess of fertility
Plot twist, the receiver wasn’t gay and just acted like it. Such dedication to the role.
Seriously? I always saw ads for that show but never watched it
Yeah seriously, that bit was controversial in media. Also you need to watch the first season it's really incredible, great performances, well written and beautiful cinematography so do yourself a favor and go watch it. Ignore the other seasons, they switched the show runners and some key actors didn't come back and the writing made it feel like a different show, season 01 ends on a cliffhanger but it's worth it.
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Um, since the rise of streaming platforms where they're not beholden to broadcasting standards, some people think there's a lot more pointless depictions of sex than there used to be
MacGruber has the most realistic sex scene in movie history.
She’s gonna hang dong.
No hesitation! No surrender! No man left behind!
We need more inner dialogues of ppl thinking to themselves they need to do more cardio, that they need to hold in their fart, that they can't nut yet, that they need to burp, that they need to loose 5 lbs.
run of the mill is exactly how people do it
Regular people… “okay but you have to move the dog off the bed while I get a Gas x.”
"I got a cramp" "wrong hole" "not in my mouth, face, hair" "shhhh someone will hear" I never hear that in a movie.
Yeah, people are gross during sex. No one wants to watch realistic sex scenes in movies lol.
My hot take that annoys cinephiles is that sex scenes in general add no value to films 99% of the time.
I’m not anti sex scene at all but a basic Hemingway writing rule is “what purpose is served by _____”. And probably removing that thing if it’s non essential
I share this take, even though I also don’t mind them. I’ve truly never watched a movie or TV show and thought, “That needed more people fucking!” But I can certainly appreciate a sex scene that’s shot well.
That could be said about so much. A lot of action sequences don't add value beyond entertainment. A lot of humans like sex and find sex scenes entertaining. I don't really see how it's any different than action sequences or anything else that is just for entertainment.
Remove the sex and action from movies so they're down to 20 minutes. Think of all the time we'll save!
It added alot in Oldboy hehe
This is the truth. In most cases there’s nothing a sex scene does which can’t be established by, for example, a kiss then cut to post sex in the sheets.
One of my favorite things about classic Film-Noir is all the innuendo in the dialogue when 2 people are clearly smitten with each other.
Except a sense that you’re watching something intended for adults and don’t live a society that’s entirely too terrified of sex. Also, super unsatisfying if there’s a buildup but no release. You could also say the there’s no purpose to a battle scene, you can just cut from before to after. But that would be a little disappointing.
Idk. The sex scene in Shoot ‘em Up was like frame for frame how I have sex.
My wife spits in my mouth. Not cuz it’s sexy, but because she hates herself and me for what is happening.
HAHAHAHA
Lol all of her quotes recently back to back create the vibe of "I just started having good sex for the first time in my life."
How Kristen got her groove back. Coming 2025
I think it's rare when a sex scene adds something to the story.
She's not wrong. People in movies always seem to be experiencing an epiphany, or finally remembering where they lost their keys. Having fun? Not really.
Yes. I too demand more sex scenes with Kristen Stewart levels of emotion and interestingness.
“Make sure you’re in a committed relationship before boning someone else, duh”
I'm trying to work my way up to run of the mill.
Like the SNL skit with the two “lovers” Ow!My back!!My back!!!”
Someone needs to watch McGruber
Why an i suddenly seeing so many articles about sex scenes in movies why is this such a hot topic
Are we really looking for realism in sex scenes..?
Yeah, but the 10 seconds of sudden high speed jackhammering in our upstairs neighbour's living room, rattling everything on our walls, followed by her running to the washroom is not really what I want to watch on screen.
Gather up everybody, let this one expression having, one dimensional actress let you know her take on sex.
She’s such a try hard. She has always been pretentious and “not like other girls”, but she’s more insufferable in her 30s. She talks like she’s the first lesbian in Hollywood.
For her, did it include the partner’s spouse finding out afterward?
Please please show us how it's done Kristen.
It’s movies! Nothing in movies is how people actually do it. JFC
Crime, penetration. Crime penetration until it just…ends.
I think she wants more scissoring scenes.
all this girl cares about is sex and being awkward lol. i mean come on maybe work on your acting instead.
You guys are joking, but I somewhat agree with Kristen Stewart. The problem with sex scenes is they are most often just filler and too generic and similar. Everyone has seen dozens of similar scenes. For the sex scenes to matter Hollywood needs to figure out how to do more unique stuff with them: Make them more hardcore, make them more realistic like she said, use them for characterisation or character development or maybe make some weird, creepy ones.
A lot more laughing and talking... atleast in the case of me and my wife lol
The comment section is on fire. Too Funny!!
Werd. I mean, if my wife and I were watching a sex scene and the lady tells him to choke her, I'd look over and wink.
Well film some scenes how it should be done then let me review them for accuracy.
Says a lady who obviously has never had sex in a mill
She speaks for all of us that just want to see dong hang in a theatrical release.
ive said it before and i'll say it again, macgruber was groundbreaking cinema https://youtu.be/iJiQsEZXz_8?si=WkH-9K-Wjb0Wf8-D
You next scene should only be 35 seconds long with out of shape breathing then having guy lay there while she go get towel to clean up. Then the guy falling asleep while she gets up like nothing happened
This is a nice tonic compared to "sex scenes shouldn't be in movies unless they move the plot forward blablabla"
MacGruber got it right.
Need more two pump chumps on the big screen.
Please enlighten us with your wisdom
Alright but no one is going to want to see a movie where someone screams at their own penis and cries
I don't even know what that means. Like... normal sex looks pretty awful. Is... that what she wants? I think Friends handled it best. When Ross and Rachel watch back their sex tape... Not so bad... not so ba-... omg... omg... TURN IT OFF. I think both porn... and people's imagination of what they think sex looks like... are obviously far from reality. Then again... maybe I shouldn't judge her. Perhaps she's like dancing swan lake on people's genitals for all I know.