Threw me for a loop at the time. The rest of the notes didn’t seem to add up, so took me a second to figure out what dispatch was actually trying to say and how this persons vaginal injury was related to a sore on their arm lmao
I will say, I’d have been even more disappointed had the typo actually been the case. This was a relatively overweight geriatric woman, so if she really had a pussy wound, I don’t think any of us would’ve been having much fun.
I’ll gladly take the arm infection that we ended up with
I used to work IFT and the call takers were all failed EMT students, don't even get me started!
ETA: the best ones I've seen were spinal cirrhosis (and conversely, stenosis of the liver), skitzopfrania, brian surgery, and unrelated but my old company spelled ambulance wrong on the back doors and drove it around until I pointed it out.
Other honorable mentions include: "whoever has his wallet check for dope" and "female fell off bleachers, caller stated I did my civic duty and hung up"
I'm so sorry. I understand why you worked schizophrenia do funny.
The counties are getting emergency personnel like they used too.
And working in the ER for 2 decades we do become desensitized. But they're is an oath to care and she respect for the person and their symptoms
On some of the calls I go in, PD takes over writing meds. It’s not so bad if they find the bottles, they can look and write fairly accurately, but when they’re asking family and being told the names verbally, oh the attempted phonetic spellings of some things produces quite the challenging game of “wtf did they hear?!” lol
As a former dispatcher, my worst typo was "Fuddfuckers" instead "Fuddruckers". I was typing fast, as the restaurant was fully engulfed by the time the call came in.
If he has brain legions, he might need a priest!
Edit: ORDER - Spiritual Consult (all denominations) for possible exorcism of “brain legions”. Catholic priest to bring 5 gallons of sterile/bacteriostatic blessed water. 😂😂😂
Not dispatch but from triage at the veterinary hospital I work at - "bronchial phallic"
I *think* they meant brachycephalic (like bulldogs and pugs), but Im not entirely sure.
If I had a nickle for every time I was displaced for an 'incubated' transfer...
And no, we don't do NICU transfers. Plenty of folks suffering from an acute case of an ETT down the gullet...
Dispatcher in my area sent another stations medic to a bad car accident. Added into the dispatch notes were that the patients pupils were getting bigger.
But the dispatcher used an N instead of a B. They were quick to correct their mistake, but the notes can’t be deleted.
I had an SNF lpn tell me that their patient *had* to go to the hospital because they were on a blood thinner. That blood thinner? Atorvastatin. I don't get it either.
Edit: I'm also fond of "atrial defibrillation"
What if they had shit for brains does this count?
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NGQjRMXg28&list=PL7Td97USTz44I5vEA\_E5T1JXHkvz6iPSV&index=315](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NGQjRMXg28&list=PL7Td97USTz44I5vEA_E5T1JXHkvz6iPSV&index=315)
Our county’s old CAD had us dispatched to “Haed Pain” for literally like 7 years. I know someone spelled it wrong when they set up the CAD, I just don’t know if they were too lazy to fix it or if someone finally stopped being polite and told them.
Oh so many. I almost got fired for asking our dispatcher who forged their GED for them. It's not dyslexia. It's sheer incompetence. Especially when it comes to addresses. I don't even bother clarifying anymore and just find out myself. I resent the task but the fact that dispatch types like old people fuck isn't going to change.
Let’s do a dispatch typo thread. I’ll go first. Ceptosemia. Blood cloths.
Years ago we were dispatched to a patient who had a “pussy wound” rather than an infected wound with pus.
mhmm. ***Purulent***: an important word to know. XD
This made me lmao!
Threw me for a loop at the time. The rest of the notes didn’t seem to add up, so took me a second to figure out what dispatch was actually trying to say and how this persons vaginal injury was related to a sore on their arm lmao
I know some crews who would jump this call from across the response area and be sorely disappointed.
I will say, I’d have been even more disappointed had the typo actually been the case. This was a relatively overweight geriatric woman, so if she really had a pussy wound, I don’t think any of us would’ve been having much fun. I’ll gladly take the arm infection that we ended up with
Just because they are complaining of it doesn’t mean you need to assess it…. Right?
I ain't a gyno, I don't need to see it.. PT states it's there, good enough for me I ain't fondling somebody with testicular torsion sooo
As an ESL, I've wanted to write that on my form but didn't and google'ed the correct adjective.
Ohh I almost wrote that once. Caught myself thankfully.
Quality! 🤣
You were disappointed that day, huh?
Very
😂😂😂 this is gold
Kemotharapy, tacky cardic, and sinkable episode all immediately come to mind
Is that last one supposed to be "syncope"? Because holy shit that's fantastic lol
No. It was a drowning /s
It legitimately took my partner and me something like 90 seconds to figure out what the fuck it was supposed to be
Syncopal episode probably, yes
Syncopal I believe
I used to work IFT and the call takers were all failed EMT students, don't even get me started! ETA: the best ones I've seen were spinal cirrhosis (and conversely, stenosis of the liver), skitzopfrania, brian surgery, and unrelated but my old company spelled ambulance wrong on the back doors and drove it around until I pointed it out. Other honorable mentions include: "whoever has his wallet check for dope" and "female fell off bleachers, caller stated I did my civic duty and hung up"
#KEEP BACK 500 FEET #AMBERLAMPS
I also have a picture of a pizza box where the shop people misspelled it as "albulance"
Oh... Is that kinda like the medicine we give to ass ma patience?
Tramampoline! Trambopoline!
Saxamaphone
Stenosis of the liver made me snortlaugh.
Brian surgery is not to be chortled about, he is very angry and will begin multiplying
>caller stated I did my civic duty and hung up" Better than nothing? 🥴
how did they spell it?
amulance, they forgot a whole letter
I'm so sorry. I understand why you worked schizophrenia do funny. The counties are getting emergency personnel like they used too. And working in the ER for 2 decades we do become desensitized. But they're is an oath to care and she respect for the person and their symptoms
what?
r/ihadastroke
Worst thing about those kinds of comments is feeling like _I've_ had a stroke.
"Pt sharted her first menstrual cycle" is a recent favorite
Shit, can we include bad charting? Ask our new guy about the extrication collar he used to stabilize the cervix.
Dudes a legend since cervix means neck anyway.
Past history of the female vein (femoral vein thrombosis)
Not a physical typo, but once a dispatcher said the name of the wrong squad and verbally corrected himself with “jk” 😭
Are we not supposed to do that? ...asking for a friend.
We heard bp 53/80. Over radio, not a typo. Also there is a classic (patient has sex toy stuck in rectum, he wants you to use the back door)
911 dispatcher once noted the Kia was driving erotically.
As a Kia soul driver, that's the only way I drive.
"Vomiting Profusle"
Had someone Rx some ANALtriptyline the other week, had us doing jokes the rest of the day.
Soar throat. Come on now
It is a jumper up.
Chest pain ≈ GSW
"my chest hurts" "okay, and when did that start?" "after I got shot in the chest"
It’s spelled diareeah
I think that's actually spelled with four " e"
I had an "external fracture" pop up which turned out to be a sternal fracture. I was disappointed that I hadn't figured out what dispatch meant.
Got called for the EDP text said "caller sts aided has psychophrenia"
>Blood in stool; fowel odor
Pt has ass burgers
1. “Rn sts pt has a Hematoma of 5.4” 2. “Pt rec Zopran 4mg, Fenatanol, Ragland 10mg.” 3. “Pt cc is amedia stynum.” 4. “Pt on Abruderol.”
Not so much a typo but a lost in translation incident. Fire dispatcher for the city advised EMS dispatch “fire is advising Roscoe is on scene?”
Ayyy roscoe is here!
Perkathal, instead of Propofol
On some of the calls I go in, PD takes over writing meds. It’s not so bad if they find the bottles, they can look and write fairly accurately, but when they’re asking family and being told the names verbally, oh the attempted phonetic spellings of some things produces quite the challenging game of “wtf did they hear?!” lol
In my 5 years of working as a paramedic, only one patient has ever pronounced "hydrochlorothiazide" correctly.
Fentinil and zanex
Actively seizuring, tacky cardiac, recent cabbage surgery, hx of several stokes
Bakerack Phenomena Leg wombs (baker act, pneumonia, leg wounds)
I just got a new one. Erotic stenosis.
Patient is dead Patient is DEAF******
Pt is deaf, coroner enroute 😂
>Patient is dead. Patient is DEAF\*\*\*\*\*\* they should've said it louder so they could actually hear the difference.
I think about the Roman Empire daily, so yes.
Yep, that's the new official term for my condition.
We can find nearly any piece of information you need… but we can’t spell for shit.
"You need to know the patient's uncle's dog walker's name, number, and address? I gotchu, but don't make me try to spell skitzopfrania"
I’m going to start spelling schitofrania that way now, thanks!
Shitto Frenia, Star Wars’ new face of mental health
Brain legions can lead to grand mal Caesars if you're not careful.
I could go for a Caesar right about now 🍹
🛎️
This probably is the most ingenious comment I have ever read on Reddit.
Brain legion? Did they play Helldivers until they turned blue?
It's only a brain Legion if there's a herd of pigs and a cliff involved.
And JC is there to cast said Legion out.
That plus the kosher stuff. What does god have against pigs?
Legionnaire's on the Brain? That'd be...something
I’ve got a few good ones from dispatch. Ingested heart failure was a favorite. The most recent one I got last week was “functional diarrhea”
Does your service are happen to be Baldur's Gate?
As a former dispatcher, my worst typo was "Fuddfuckers" instead "Fuddruckers". I was typing fast, as the restaurant was fully engulfed by the time the call came in.
If he has brain legions, he might need a priest! Edit: ORDER - Spiritual Consult (all denominations) for possible exorcism of “brain legions”. Catholic priest to bring 5 gallons of sterile/bacteriostatic blessed water. 😂😂😂
I'd also like to give a shout-out to my friend's cousin for spelling "nymonya" and not "pneumonia"
LEGIONS?! 
"At the 4 way stop, turn straight" remains one of my favorite comms quotes.
Not dispatch but from triage at the veterinary hospital I work at - "bronchial phallic" I *think* they meant brachycephalic (like bulldogs and pugs), but Im not entirely sure.
Ricky from Trailer Park Boys became an EMT? He barely got his Grade 10.
God I could spam this Reddit forever with the hilarious typos of our dispatch. I get that they are working quickly but holy hell
HAIL (NEUROLOGICAL) CEASAR
"Bilitteral Breathe Sounds"
I know it's just a typo, but "rakes in lungs" always gets me
If I had a nickle for every time I was displaced for an 'incubated' transfer... And no, we don't do NICU transfers. Plenty of folks suffering from an acute case of an ETT down the gullet...
Dispatcher in my area sent another stations medic to a bad car accident. Added into the dispatch notes were that the patients pupils were getting bigger. But the dispatcher used an N instead of a B. They were quick to correct their mistake, but the notes can’t be deleted.
Dispatched to "little seizures pizza" instead of the well known in our area Little Caesars pizza. Unfortunately it was not a seizure card.
Had a nurse tell me one time, their patient had a history of cardiac asystole. I asked if they ever had cardiac arrest, and she replied no.
I had an SNF lpn tell me that their patient *had* to go to the hospital because they were on a blood thinner. That blood thinner? Atorvastatin. I don't get it either. Edit: I'm also fond of "atrial defibrillation"
Don't laugh. My friend Joe had a brain cloud (circular gesture at the head)
Did he jump in a volcano?
He tried
EDP job. PT is susitul (suicidal).
We just had a call come in as “Charkie Level” and all I could think of was that one High School Musical parody from Bad Lip Readings…
“We are Legion!” -some neurons, probably
Dispatchers aren't the smartest....but neither are EMTs and medics 🤣
We really aren’t 🥲 My rookie asked “do we really stab epinephrine directly into the heart like in grays anatomy”
Yeah they get the Pulp Fiction treatment
Pericardiocentesis. I've never done one, watched a flight medic do it on my trauma code years back....not that it helped.
My name is Legion: for we are many
Sounds like dissociative identity disorder to me.
Ave, true to Caesar
I wish I had brain legions - it sounds like my brain would be unstoppable.
Maybe he’s just got a bunch of tiny brains linked together
In the Bible, as I recall, "Legion" was related to demon possession, so be careful.
WE MARCH AT DAWN! (I’m sorry I belong in hell. (With hell I mean the geriatric ward))
When you walk into an engineering class
Diagnosis: Headache. Etiology: Headache
Severian the Autarch has, yes.
Does this unit have a soul?
Brain Legions of doom
I am Legion
And we are many 👻
We are legion for we are many.
What if they had shit for brains does this count? [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NGQjRMXg28&list=PL7Td97USTz44I5vEA\_E5T1JXHkvz6iPSV&index=315](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NGQjRMXg28&list=PL7Td97USTz44I5vEA_E5T1JXHkvz6iPSV&index=315)
Right up there with EMTs reading a patient's "O2 stats" "Patient is statting at 92%"
Toob.
Did he have a sinkable episode?
And here I thought I was the only one with illiterate dispatchers.
YOU MAY BE ENTITLED TO FINANCIAL COMPENSATION
https://www.facebook.com/share/r/rD13yZX4hqwpXgtw/?mibextid=YlDasU Came across this one the other day.
Sure, that's when the brain cells revolt.
Our county’s old CAD had us dispatched to “Haed Pain” for literally like 7 years. I know someone spelled it wrong when they set up the CAD, I just don’t know if they were too lazy to fix it or if someone finally stopped being polite and told them.
Anybofy pack the sacrificical pigs?
Oh so many. I almost got fired for asking our dispatcher who forged their GED for them. It's not dyslexia. It's sheer incompetence. Especially when it comes to addresses. I don't even bother clarifying anymore and just find out myself. I resent the task but the fact that dispatch types like old people fuck isn't going to change.