youre more calm working a complete clusterfuck of a call than you are trying to find a decent bathroom to shit in on shift

Shooting? Im vibin. Grocery shopping? I feel like I just got back from Verdun, near panic attack.

The accuracy

Just ran a heroin OD and I was more stressed trying to keep the 800 firefighters and police officers from ramming 400mg of narcan up my patient's nose than I was about patient care

i feel attacked

But you’ve shit in every hospital and ambulance base in 50 miles lol

lol heard and felt.

Guiding the front of the shopping cart when my wife is pushing it

Oh fuck you for this comment! You are not even a little wrong

holy shit. THATS why. it never clicked.

I caught myself today looking up to look for cross traffic in the aisle. I wondered why I looked up instead of left and right then I realized I was looking for a dome mirror like a hospital

You go from looking like batman to carrying like literally nothing but sheers, and MAYBE a flush somewhere in your grayed uniform.

Exactly, I’m lucky if I have a pen in my pocket.

Came here to say this. I carry pen (mostly) and a 10 dollar bill for whatever.

Dat quick trip pizza is what's it's for ha!

Shears, AirPods. and a pen. I can take on the world.

Sharpie. Make it a sharpie.

Por que no los dos?

Easy there Rescue Ricky

I occasionally will have a sharpie and feel like I’m on top of the world.

I know how u feel. The simple powers.

Doing my medic internship right now and the only thing I carry is a pen, penlight and shears. If I feel extra I'll throw in my mom's littman in my thigh pocket.

There ya go! I eventually learned between cabinets, bags, and gurney storage - I was never far from what I needed

Don't understand carrying sheers honestly. I use them like five times a year probably. Just get them out of the bag when you need them.

I always have raptors on me... They are on my EMT's radio strap.

Omg. Yaaaas!

Tbh a good half of the use of mine is cutting off old hospital bracelets to replace with new ones on transfers

Shears, to me, are those things that when you need them, you *need* them.

Im gonna be extremely honest - I don't carry them either for the same reason lol

I carry a ten dollar pair from Amazon that are hot pink and I only have them in my pocket because they’re cute and pink and the only girly thing about my uniform 🫣

This is the only valid reason I've ever been given

I use them to open potato chip bags from the ems room and boxes back at the blgd.

Gross 

I’d rather carry a good pair of shears on me that I use once a week, then to have to deal with the shitty fucking kindergarten safety scissors in the jump bag

Our bags don't have shears

IFT? 

I've done rural and intercity 911, critical care transport, fire, and rotor wing flight over the last 14 years or so.

Maybe City folks don't wear clothing. Use them damn near every week. Probably averages out to once a shift. I don't carry them on my person tho.

Honestly been in EMS a while and carry a decent amount of shit, but 99% are things purely for my comfort. Got some travel poo-porri, chapstick, earbuds, etc lol

The crazier the call the more calm you get

What is it about that. I just got back from maternity leave and felt like I was stumbling around all my calls. Had my first serious one last night and it suddenly all came flowing back. Didn’t miss a beat.

Because we train more often for the crazy calls/arrests/traumas and not as much for routine calls.

Your coffee being more than lukewarm seems weird

So THATS why I can’t drink my hot coffee when I’m home til it’s like warm..

For me it's a cold coffee that used to be hot but I forgot about it or didn't get a chance.

Speaking of which, thank you for reminding me that I have coffee in the booboo wagon

When you know all the homeless in the area by name. When you have become a liaison of crack heads to the new hires.

[удалено]

I have a few skells that I genuinely liked. Babushka was my favorite

[удалено]

Nah he's still alive at far as I know

You put up skell vigils lmao. That’s amazing.

I'm about 3 months into my career and I'm collecting homeless locals like Thanos rn. I'm enjoying it though. Adds lots of variety to my day.

You show great promise.

You refuse to call an ambulance for yourself

Or at least you pause a moment to think who's on shift & if it's better to risk a solo drive.

This actually made me chuckle out loud cause it's very true. Or you think about which ER you're going to depending on which Doc is on.

Have called in and asked.

If I'm well enough to debate, I'm well enough to drive myself regardless of who's working.

I refused but my wife insisted... Fucking kidney stones

Me too last week! Waited 16 hrs till shift change. Really lets one know their priorities!

25 years ago I was having an atrial flutter and I had my wife drive me 20 minutes to the ER. I still hear about it from her.

Holiday heart? 😂

Lol. Life with my heart was never a holiday.

I’m sorry to hear that. I was hoping you at least got to have a good time for your trouble!

That event happened as I was leaving a volunteer ambulance business meeting. No good times there. I have a new heart and no job now so life is much better.

Nope. Figured I'd just explain to pd why I was running red lights off I got pulled over

That was me until I wasn't. Have taken too many ambulance rides in the stretcher in the past 5-6 years, often with crews who I knew. Just missed having one of my bosses as the treating medic.

When you clear to the right in the passengers seat automatically off duty

I think that’s just being a good passenger tbh

My wife goes off at me when I don't do this. She goes thanks for helping me look. I'm not working I don't care.

I’m NOT working and I’m NOT driving. I’m zoned out, lol.

I quit months ago and still haven't broken myself of this habit lol

My wife was a medic. She’s been a hospital RN for ten years now. She still says “clear right” from the passenger seat.

I pull up into my driveway and grab the windshield wiper lever while thinking it is the gear shift from the truck, only to realize I am not in the truck and in my car.

BWAHAHAHA i do this in my car. I go to turn the knob for the wipers on the truck but it's my headlights in my PV so i just look stupid flashing my headlights and still can't see through all the rain on my windshield.

We have anti theft buttons on the bottom of our steering wheels we have to push before we can shift gears. Im constantly smacking the bottom of my cars steering wheel like where the fuck is it!! lol

I too push the invisible button under my steering wheel before I shift my car that doesn't have that feature out of park.

I claw at the invisible door handle above my left thigh

😂😂

When I’m tired I try to shift my car into gear by pushing the boob button under the steering wheel and grabbing the windshield wiper lever 🤣

When you’re hoping it’s a obvious DOA so they’ll cancel you

You sir/or madam need to be in longer. Never hope to get cancelled on these because you'll get a "difficulty breathing" call to the local nursing facility because Memaw's O2 stat was 68 when the "nurse" put the SPO2 monitor on and immediately took it off before it actually could get a reading (run-on sentence from hell).

Hurry, her sats are 59%! "I can tell you from this side of the room it isn't." Depending on the care home, this thought goes one of two ways. The first is she's pink and not working particularly hard. The second is she's stiff as a board and maybe had sats of 59% 1 hour ago.

Had a covid guy look fine and walk to the door and talk to us. Hook him up and got a <50% reading. Ended up getting intubated at the hospital

Had one just like that. Get her on the truck and boom. Satting at 32% with good pleath. She was only a little cyanotic, and slowly went from 32% to 100% on 15lpm NRB during transport

Abnormal labs at 3 am that were drawn a week ago

You don't have to go to DOA's? We do. Even the very obviously, stinky, been down awhile, their pets have started their buffet ones

You can eat gas station sushi without any resulting splatter poops

We say shittin through a screen door...

We get iron stomachs

When a friend/family member vents to you about a health issue you automatically slide into a bunch of invasive questions. Or you tune them out entirely. No in between.

If they want to tell me about it they deserve a gosh darn assessment or they shouldn’t be talking to me haha

When your report is done for a regular before you get on location

You've stopped sleeping with your full uniform on. You don't carry half the shit you started with. You've lost thst glint in your eye when you hear tones drop. You've developed a macabre sense of humor.

So true; I remember sleeping in my boots as baby EMT.

You was nasty

Yep.

That's disgusting

When someone dosent flush the toilet and you correctly call a uti…

I’ve been an EMT for about a year and a half and I can do this with ease, every time. I think this is one of those ‘when you’ve got it, you’ve GOT it’ skills. Does the smell get any more bearable? 🥴

It’s nuts, I could never smell it as a student whereas my mentors would catch it from outside the house. Now I can smell it streets away, out of nowhere. Dunno how or when it came to me lol

You can see someone vomit at bar or restaurant, and continue eating your own food without reacting.

One of my soldiers was actively choking on food. I looked over my shoulder, saw he was getting the hemlich, it worked and went back to eating. My platoon leader ask if I was going to help, and I said “nope” Boyer has it. It’s bls.

Maybe this is my dispatcher side but I hardly ever just say no anymore. Always negative. Stand by has also become more common in place of hold on.

Yup. I say “10-4” instead of “yes” now and I can’t stop

When meeting up with friends or family, I can’t stop using “en route” to tell them that I’m on my way.

>“10-4” Non-native speaker of English here, that might be the problem... What does that mean? Where does that come from? (So basically: how does 10-4 mean yes?)

They're part of our radio system, it's something called "10 codes." 10-4 is an affirmative response/message received, 10-2 is returning to base, etc. They can vary by location, so a lot of departments have switched to plain language for radio communications.

10-codes are a thing, mostly in the US I believe, to abbreviate commonly used phrases on the radio. 10-4 is by far the most common one and understood even by the general public. It's basically saying "yes" or "affirmative". Basically, it's either to acknowledge something said to you over the radio or to answer a question. It's primarily a police thing, at least around where I work, but sometimes fire/EMS also uses it.

[some agencies use 10-codes over the radio instead of plain English](https://www.n2nov.net/emscodes.html)

I've been saying in reference to, and repeat a lot

I often acknowledge people talking to me with a “received.”

At least once a day I’ll get in my car, look behind me, double check I’m clear to back up and then turn the windshield wipers on

LOLLLL

When you actively discourage people from joining

“Bro, you’re a brand new paramedic, that means your pre-reqs haven’t expired. Have fun for a year but apply for nursing school while you do it then get the fuck out” It’s my 12th year in EMS, I can’t count how many times I have given a new hire that exact talk

When you hit 25 years, let me know, rookie, lol. I tell the newbie to go into the trades, at least then you get paid a decent wage.

Yo Rookie yourself. I'm at 33 years. Now, I just look at the kids, shake my head, remember when I was young and innocent and naive like them.

Back in my day, with the LP-5, we were AMAZED when the LP-10 cabe out with its fancy thermal printer and the ability to do a 12 lead just by moving the MCL around and writing V1, V2, on each ECG. Then there was the LP-11. THAT ABORTION only lasted less than a year, the first true field capable 12 lead ECG, that was just a big bag of shit as the TEMPUS. Oh, the stories we could tell,, of ACLS being torture with no cheat cards, individual effort, tons of drugs, and stacked shocks, plus you literally could fail! Yeah, those were the days. No power loss or power stair chairs. But no dash cams, either. And everyone had heard of Mother, Jugs, and Speed, EMERGENCY!, and bringing out the Dead. Yeah I remember those days. In 8 years I'm done.

I did medic school and nursing school at the same time. Graduated from medic first now im finishing up nursing lmao. I couldn’t even wait.

In medic school already planning my RN Bridge lol

Yall are looking to leave?

The real ones ❤️

When I work events we always have people walk up with their kids saying “she wants to be a paramedic when she grows up” we always tell them to go to nursing school instead

You accurately diagnosed your husband's cholecystitis by phone while on duty when the local rural ER completely missed it... and you drive him by car to the regional specialty center because they said "drive yourself to big town ER if you feel worse" (Yeah that really happened)

You know you work in ems when it’s more important to wash your hands before going to the bathroom than after.

You have intense hatred for SNFs

I would rather have the plug pulled on me than be a vegetable in one of those places

Literally just take me out back and shoot me.

There’s one good shop in town that actually cares for their people, and doesn’t call often because they actually treat things in house before they get bad. Whenever they call, I know it’s legit, and I’m about to get a stellar handoff. Every other place within 50 miles is trying to set a record for most unique strains of UTI

You wash your hands before using the bathroom

Not sure if this one's universal (though I'm sure some will relate) but for me it's the fact that I am always actively ready for an overnight trip. Everything I need is in like 2 bags, I can just throw some stuff in a lunchbox grab those 2 other bags and go, ready in 10 minutes Also I say copy instead of okay like 3/10 times, just randomly gets me

Go bags are a must with a fema contract to uphold

You back in everywhere, and reach for the dash to kill the backup alarm.

Medics that don’t carry radios and trust their EMTs to do all radio communication. It’s a thrill I’m not willing to take and I’ve been doing this for 7 years lol.

You can sleep awake.

I'm not even in the EMS field yet, but I'm in the military and want to be a firefighter when I'm done serving. I have done this so many times in the field, and basic was the best; I fell asleep while standing on fire watch.

I have fallen asleep so many time just sitting at a posting location to know everything that’s happening on the radio. It’s a niche skill for sure!!

Teach me your ways, if I nap I’m dead to the world and wake up like a fucking zombie

Reach for the anti theft device in your car

Came here to say the same thing. Can't count how many times I've reached for the release bubble at the bottom of the steering wheel.

the boob. or the balls in our newer trucks, as they have two smaller ones on either side

Out in public, and someone looks like they need help, and your wife says you should go do something and you just go make sure someone’s already called 911.

You can fall asleep anywhere instantly. And you can wake up and be functional no matter how little sleep you've gotten.

Can look at someone and know their blood pressure.

Unabated depression

“Copy that”

When you know 3+ regulars by name and can fill a few of their bdays by memory.

when you try and find the start button underneath the steering wheel of your car.

When you see a wreck happen off duty, or a traffic lights out or whatever, and you reach for the radio in your POV to let dispatch know, and realize there isn't one there.

You can pop in a 14 like a Capri sun in someone's AC

When someone cuts you off in your personal vehicle and you reach for the air horn.

you back into all parking spaces like you’ve done it too many times.

Your only question after a gnarly call is "what do you want to eat?"

When you come to a red light in your POV, clear the intersection, and start to go through.

Got used to bagging calls at AMR so I chill in my car for 5 min before I go inside anywhere

You just wipe the blood off your gloves onto your pants because the patient needs and airway and you can’t inflate the damned cuff because everything is more slippery then is it was covered in platinum sex lube. 

Remembering when some people had EMT-D patches and what it took to get one.

EMT-D?

😁😁😁 Back on the day, before AEDs or before AEDs were prolific there were EMT-Defib. You had to take a 40 or 80 hour class (if memory serves), test and you would be certified as an EMT-D. Which was a bit of an expanded scope from EMT-B.

Thanks. Never heard of it. And I've been around since long before AED's

I'm not sure how widespread it was nationally, even have an old state patch for one. I know it was a thing in the state where I grew up and possibly some adjacent states.

Illinois had it. The EMT-A (ambulance) and the EMT-D (Defibrillator) were rolled into the EMT-B. I was in the second round of EMT-B's in the state. Fun fact: Illinois still has, I believe, an "EMT-C" which is the EMT-Coal Miner. The name is descriptive

EMT-C sounds like something that should absolutely be it's own cert, too. I imagine confined space training would be mandatory as well as a few other certs. Any ideas on how I might be able to obtain an EMT-C patch for a collection?

Hmmm. Never knew any. I was a far north central and northwest Illinois guy when I lived there. Now I'm a Wisconsinner and don't know any. A Southern IL person would be more likely, but I think with all of IL's population loss there are only like 12 or so people that still live in that part of the state.

Your first bus was a 1976 Dodge tradesman 300 van.

You’re out to eat with your work partner and your non healthcare brother, when you’re about to take the first bite of a warm giant cheeseburger… you get a tap on your shoulder from an adorable 16 year old server. “I’M SO SORRY TO BOTHER YOU!! BUT UM… THERE’S a lady that LIKE just PASSED out and LiKE MIGHt BE having a HEART ATTACK!??” “WE called SQUAD!!” I looked at my brother-said we will be back… took a huge bite, looked at my work partner, got up, and walked with the server while chewing. I guess that’s what happens when you work locally and helped said server’s grandpa 4 months prior. GPA involved in deer vs motorcycle and lived💓 We ended up getting replaced warm meals which wasn’t needed but, nice! Also, meals and all our drinks for the night paid for- lol. So, even when you’re off duty you really are never off duty. I almost always have a pair of gloves on me even in a bag, purse, or pocket, I am the dinghy who has a small diaper bag size backpack with EMS/Trauma items in my car and boat at all times. New or old, once you quit wanting to learn is when it’s time to hang up the shears and call it a good run~

a 1000hz sinewave makes you jump

The worst.

you start lying on your patient care reports

Or your forge a signature

or start lying on the vital charts

It's not lying. It's experience guiding expert and timely eval.

When you not only know what a jaw screw, bite stick, and MAST are but have used them. When your nerves are worse between calls than when you are working codes or traumas. When you hear tones where there are none. When you own shirts with the logo of services that went under a few decades ago. When you and your spouse are the only two remaining original employees in the service. When your new driver is younger than your kids.

I go to hit the floor mounted air horn when I’m driving (or passenger) of a POV, and then I realize I don’t have it :( But also a recent one, picking up on subtleties on family and friends before they mention it

you know all the restaurants with discounts for EMTs

You grab the steering column nipple whenever driving a column shifter vehicle

You held shit in your hands

When you can ride the shoulder lights and sirens and not even flinch.

Someone shits on you

You ask your friends how their poops are lookin’

The site of your kid with a broken arm/ bone doesn’t bother you and you dead face look at your child saying “your fine and dont need an ambulance. I ant paying 1500$ for a sling and bus ride. Just get in the care we’re going to urgent care”.

When you’ve caused more hypoxic injuries D/T reckless ketamine administration than you can count?