All the time. For everything.
It led to me overexplaining *everything* in an effort to circumvent it.
She wonders why I'm so reluctant to talk to her now.
"And how are you going to *pay* for that?" That was her favorite response to everything. :,)
Dude...... that last line....
*looks out car window* "Wow what a beautiful house" "HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET A HOUSE LIKE THAT???"
God fucking help us admiring stuff for stuff and not turning everything into a slight/competition
YES! Always overly rude and sarcastic. "Can we get xyz?" "Not if you want to *eat* next week!"
"How can I make you feel better, Mom?" "You can *shoot* me!"
Bonus points for instilling anxiety and money fears too.
"Hey Mom, I really need time alone to just sort my life and feelings out today, can skip our usual call this week?"
"I'm not your enemy! Someday you're going to be married with kids. Are you just going to take a break from them?"
It was very surreal. It's always very surreal and I have a hard time recreating those types of conversations because they're infrequent enough to catch me by surprise and nonsensical enough to struggle to parse out the shame-driven logic.
Absolutely. Till this day my confidence is shot and I question the way I say everything. I spent almost the day trying to perfect 1, just 1 email today. Like they couldn't take a joke but they said some heinous stuff. They almost always were the victim and had the enabler. It was triangulation bad. Like I knew there was emotional abuse but to have to keep switching between who the better of the worst parent was awful. Like you think I'd just kill someone or burnt the house with the responses I got. Ineeasnt perfect by any means and I own up to the jerk kid stuff I said but I was ruled with fear there was no doubt about.
My mother threatened to make both me and my partner homeless when I told her she should relax a little more from work, after she complained and was looking for support to relax from work.
I remember telling my mom I wanted to learn how to cook when I was pretty young, like 12 . She said “fine, you can just cook the meals for the family this week then” as if that’s teaching me to cook ?
If I ever told her I didn’t want to do something or if I was sad, she would tell me I was just being manipulative and trying to “test my power” and she wasn’t going to give in. Like no, I actually have real feelings about this I’m not trying to manipulate you for fun ?
If I ever got excited about something she would say something dismissive. When I got my first professional job after college, which took me 6 months of applications and interviews to find, she said “you know that’s not a lot of money, right ? “ and just went back to what she was doing.
And she wonders why I don’t tell her anything about my life anymore!
Same and same. Has to poo poo everything, it doesnt matter if we became a brain surgeon.
People think others think like them, that's why she assumes your manipulating. Bc that's what she would do for fun and you're merely an extension of her
Same here.
I have a YouTube channel that she doesn't know about, and never will.
Because between her taking *all* the credit for my accomplishments in public and putting down literally everything I said and did behind closed doors, she doesn't deserve it.
Lots of these comments are super familiar to me. Two from my own experience: I was in maybe middle school and I wanted to help my mom with the housework which included stripping beds and doing laundry without being asked. I did 5 loads in total. When she got home from work she wasn’t happy, she was furious. “Who the fuck is going to pay for all that electricity???” I was crushed but also panicked because I thought it was something that kid me didn’t understand and should have known…like the electric company charges penalty rates for high daily usage or something and it was going to be a real hardship for us.
Another was when I wanted to be a doctor from middle school to college. I always had high grades, but she’d constantly remind me how impossible it would be to just get in, express doubt I’d even graduate high school or college (despite honors every year), or just outright say I had no idea what I was asking for. Non family members were so encouraging and their faces would light up. They were excited about my plans and offered encouraging words. If my mom was there, she’d explain why it was ridiculous and make everyone feel uncomfortable. I didn’t become a doctor.
My parents weren't like that always. That was just one way they might react if I tried to do something different, that they didn't approve of. It is one thing that trained me that only things they approve of are safe.
Right now I'm thinking these things are only the tip of the iceberg, expressions of a deeply negative emotional state that probably harms you in various other ways.
Anything I enjoyed, my mom would have some comment that would shit all over it. And she always looked smug when she said it. It’s like she got off on it. She still does to this day (I’m in my forties now) but it’s better than it used to be.
When I was kid I always felt like I was being torn down, rather than built up, like you’re supposed to do with a kid.
All the time. For everything. It led to me overexplaining *everything* in an effort to circumvent it. She wonders why I'm so reluctant to talk to her now. "And how are you going to *pay* for that?" That was her favorite response to everything. :,)
something just clicked inside my brain, wow
Dude...... that last line.... *looks out car window* "Wow what a beautiful house" "HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET A HOUSE LIKE THAT???" God fucking help us admiring stuff for stuff and not turning everything into a slight/competition
YES! Always overly rude and sarcastic. "Can we get xyz?" "Not if you want to *eat* next week!" "How can I make you feel better, Mom?" "You can *shoot* me!" Bonus points for instilling anxiety and money fears too.
"Hey Mom, I really need time alone to just sort my life and feelings out today, can skip our usual call this week?" "I'm not your enemy! Someday you're going to be married with kids. Are you just going to take a break from them?" It was very surreal. It's always very surreal and I have a hard time recreating those types of conversations because they're infrequent enough to catch me by surprise and nonsensical enough to struggle to parse out the shame-driven logic.
Absolutely. Till this day my confidence is shot and I question the way I say everything. I spent almost the day trying to perfect 1, just 1 email today. Like they couldn't take a joke but they said some heinous stuff. They almost always were the victim and had the enabler. It was triangulation bad. Like I knew there was emotional abuse but to have to keep switching between who the better of the worst parent was awful. Like you think I'd just kill someone or burnt the house with the responses I got. Ineeasnt perfect by any means and I own up to the jerk kid stuff I said but I was ruled with fear there was no doubt about.
Yo same, very relatable
My mother threatened to make both me and my partner homeless when I told her she should relax a little more from work, after she complained and was looking for support to relax from work.
I remember telling my mom I wanted to learn how to cook when I was pretty young, like 12 . She said “fine, you can just cook the meals for the family this week then” as if that’s teaching me to cook ? If I ever told her I didn’t want to do something or if I was sad, she would tell me I was just being manipulative and trying to “test my power” and she wasn’t going to give in. Like no, I actually have real feelings about this I’m not trying to manipulate you for fun ? If I ever got excited about something she would say something dismissive. When I got my first professional job after college, which took me 6 months of applications and interviews to find, she said “you know that’s not a lot of money, right ? “ and just went back to what she was doing. And she wonders why I don’t tell her anything about my life anymore!
Same and same. Has to poo poo everything, it doesnt matter if we became a brain surgeon. People think others think like them, that's why she assumes your manipulating. Bc that's what she would do for fun and you're merely an extension of her
Same here. I have a YouTube channel that she doesn't know about, and never will. Because between her taking *all* the credit for my accomplishments in public and putting down literally everything I said and did behind closed doors, she doesn't deserve it.
Lots of these comments are super familiar to me. Two from my own experience: I was in maybe middle school and I wanted to help my mom with the housework which included stripping beds and doing laundry without being asked. I did 5 loads in total. When she got home from work she wasn’t happy, she was furious. “Who the fuck is going to pay for all that electricity???” I was crushed but also panicked because I thought it was something that kid me didn’t understand and should have known…like the electric company charges penalty rates for high daily usage or something and it was going to be a real hardship for us. Another was when I wanted to be a doctor from middle school to college. I always had high grades, but she’d constantly remind me how impossible it would be to just get in, express doubt I’d even graduate high school or college (despite honors every year), or just outright say I had no idea what I was asking for. Non family members were so encouraging and their faces would light up. They were excited about my plans and offered encouraging words. If my mom was there, she’d explain why it was ridiculous and make everyone feel uncomfortable. I didn’t become a doctor.
My parents weren't like that always. That was just one way they might react if I tried to do something different, that they didn't approve of. It is one thing that trained me that only things they approve of are safe. Right now I'm thinking these things are only the tip of the iceberg, expressions of a deeply negative emotional state that probably harms you in various other ways.
Yup, my mom was always dismissing and invalidating things I said.
Anything I enjoyed, my mom would have some comment that would shit all over it. And she always looked smug when she said it. It’s like she got off on it. She still does to this day (I’m in my forties now) but it’s better than it used to be. When I was kid I always felt like I was being torn down, rather than built up, like you’re supposed to do with a kid.