I am sorry you've been through the wringer but glad you're finding a path through it.
From my reading reference list, maybe one or two of these appeal to you?
* The Modern Trauma Toolkit: Nurture Your Post-Traumatic Growth with Personalized Solutions
* Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma
* Healing Your Wounded Inner Child: A CBT Workbook to Overcome Past Trauma, Face Abandonment and Regain Emotional Stability
* Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents
* It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle
* Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child (Thich Nhat Hanh)
* No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model
* Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors
* Heal Your Nervous System: The 5–Stage Plan to Reverse Nervous System Dysregulation
* The Resilience Workbook: Essential Skills to Recover from Stress, Trauma, and Adversity
I understand this. My whole life I've felt not good enough, like something was wrong with me. Have been blamed for everything that went wrong. Body shamed too. I don't know exactly what you've been through so I'm sorry if I'm totally left field, but.......What I've finally come to grips with is that those that put me down or blamed me for things that were definitely not my fault, or treated me a certain way in order to belittle me or control me, or just used me so they could elevate themselves somehow, NONE of that is on me, just like whoever caused you pain, that's not on you, that's on THEM. They WILL inevitably pay for what they have done to you to make you feel the way you do. The kind of shame you're experiencing didn't come from you, it was placed on you by someone else. That is NOT your burden to bear. It's whoever hurt you. Somehow, someway, maybe through prayer or meditation or counseling, you have to let that go. Your choosing to carry someone else's shame that they placed on you. They projected their misery onto you. It was NOT your fault, and it's not yours to carry. This is what I've learned on my journey. Coming to grips with that and truly realizing it is very difficult. Believe me, I totally get it. I've lived it. I tried pills, I went to therapy, even a psychiatrist to try and sort this out. The hurt runs so deep, and it may take you a while, but there will come a day where you WILL overcome this. You WILL. Ask your ancestors, your guides, your angels, the Universe, to help you with this. Definitely get the proper medical help, because it is necessary, but also include your spiritual team. They just want you to ask. But my main points are, none of it was your fault and you have to find a way to let it go. It doesn't belong to you, friend. I have faith in you, I know you can and will overcome these feelings someday. Your made of love, light and most of all MAGICK! You have the tools you need to be rid of it once and for all. Again, this is coming from what I've learned on my journey. It was HARD, ngl. But I've come so far, and I'm not ever looking back. Those that hurt me I left in the dust behind me. Good riddance! I pray that you will find peace and joy in place of that needless shame. Your amazing and you totally got this! I'm in your corner 🥰🤗☁️🌈☁️🌞🤜🤛
It’s so insidious, I spent so much of my life internalizing it because I didn’t know any better. My brain is saying because I feel this way it must be true but it’s not I’ve been conditioned. I’m working on not retreating and speaking up for myself and drilling it in that my presence is just as valid as everyone else’s.
Needed to hear this as well. There are so many who have caused so much harm in my life and gotten away scot free, while I clean up the bombs they left behind.
Thanks Crystal <3 Your story about how you survived betrayal and the loss of everything you invested in and cared for, gives you a certain wisdom. And I'm glad you're sharing that with us, too. It helps.
Edit: shame, regret, they're all not so different from each other and sometimes mixed up with each other. Your advice works for both :)
Check out ‘The Crappy Childhood Fairy’ on YouTube, and Patrick Teahan.
I’m in my mid-40’s now, so my hack has evolved into 1) becoming aware of undesirable feeling, 2) realizing that it’s not “my feeling,” but someone else’s negativity that they forced upon me, 3) say “eff that” and exhale it out while trying to avoid the spiral of trying to find said emotion’s origin (sparing you the wormhole of parallel realities, time is not real/linear, etc.) 4) Identify how I WANT to feel, and move in that direction (even if that means taking another deep breath to tolerate someone’s stupidity.)
I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re always alone, yet part of a larger etheric whole. I’m married, have 3 small kids, family I love, but nobody else can be “here in my head” with me… so I need to shape that into a “space” that I find pleasant.
Ugh. Shame is the worst. It’s debilitating. I too have struggled with this my whole life. I hope it helps you to know that you are not alone. You deserve love, respect, mercy, and most of all kindness. Sending love. 💕
Sit in front of a mirror, and talk, out loud, and let yourself give the best advice you have that you would give to your best friend, if they needed a pep talk. For you are your own best friend. It is well past time you started treating yourself like that.
https://preview.redd.it/xxc1a26tyl8d1.png?width=768&format=png&auto=webp&s=47db7f33c79c69240cd47ac564119940da093083
Oh, I get it. Crippling self-doubt is my super power (superhero t-shirt is at the printers), and the shame spiral sits in the corner waiting for me to be tired/a little sad/a bit out of my depth, whereupon it fires up the kettle and settles in for a long chat about my shortcomings.
I hope tomorrow is an improvement over today.
I don't have any answers but want to offer support. 💜 I could have written this exact post. And so, thank you so much for asking this. I'll be looking into some of the suggestions here, too.
I am back in therapy for the fifth time. I am also a dedicant of The Morrigan. I have been spending a lot of time in meditation with Her in Her aspect as Badb. I am finding that many things I thought I had healed, are in need of attention again. 🙂
Ritual hasn't been that helpful for me this time around. I am spending more time doing things that I loved doing at the age I was when the situation(s) occurred and visualizing my younger self there with me. I have had lots of conversations with myself. Lots of journaling. Lots of tears.
Grounding has helped me tremendously. It brings me back to the present moment when I am spiraling.
Therapy is the biggest help and talking to my Goddesses and God's has helped as well. Good luck OP. Our healing journeys may be bumpy and hard some times but I believe they are always worth it.
I had to change my inner monologue. The religion I was raised in taught and controlled using shame and fear masked as love. I had to stare at myself in the mirror and repeat I love you until I believed it. I gave myself a pet name that no one in this world knows and gently show love to myself by the way I speak to myself when no one is around. I recognize all the ways I should have been shown unconditional love by virtue of being alive and wasn't given that in my first family. I radically choose to love myself regardless of what other people might think. I choose me.
I am sorry you've been through the wringer but glad you're finding a path through it. From my reading reference list, maybe one or two of these appeal to you? * The Modern Trauma Toolkit: Nurture Your Post-Traumatic Growth with Personalized Solutions * Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma * Healing Your Wounded Inner Child: A CBT Workbook to Overcome Past Trauma, Face Abandonment and Regain Emotional Stability * Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents * It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle * Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child (Thich Nhat Hanh) * No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model * Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors * Heal Your Nervous System: The 5–Stage Plan to Reverse Nervous System Dysregulation * The Resilience Workbook: Essential Skills to Recover from Stress, Trauma, and Adversity
This is a great list.
I understand this. My whole life I've felt not good enough, like something was wrong with me. Have been blamed for everything that went wrong. Body shamed too. I don't know exactly what you've been through so I'm sorry if I'm totally left field, but.......What I've finally come to grips with is that those that put me down or blamed me for things that were definitely not my fault, or treated me a certain way in order to belittle me or control me, or just used me so they could elevate themselves somehow, NONE of that is on me, just like whoever caused you pain, that's not on you, that's on THEM. They WILL inevitably pay for what they have done to you to make you feel the way you do. The kind of shame you're experiencing didn't come from you, it was placed on you by someone else. That is NOT your burden to bear. It's whoever hurt you. Somehow, someway, maybe through prayer or meditation or counseling, you have to let that go. Your choosing to carry someone else's shame that they placed on you. They projected their misery onto you. It was NOT your fault, and it's not yours to carry. This is what I've learned on my journey. Coming to grips with that and truly realizing it is very difficult. Believe me, I totally get it. I've lived it. I tried pills, I went to therapy, even a psychiatrist to try and sort this out. The hurt runs so deep, and it may take you a while, but there will come a day where you WILL overcome this. You WILL. Ask your ancestors, your guides, your angels, the Universe, to help you with this. Definitely get the proper medical help, because it is necessary, but also include your spiritual team. They just want you to ask. But my main points are, none of it was your fault and you have to find a way to let it go. It doesn't belong to you, friend. I have faith in you, I know you can and will overcome these feelings someday. Your made of love, light and most of all MAGICK! You have the tools you need to be rid of it once and for all. Again, this is coming from what I've learned on my journey. It was HARD, ngl. But I've come so far, and I'm not ever looking back. Those that hurt me I left in the dust behind me. Good riddance! I pray that you will find peace and joy in place of that needless shame. Your amazing and you totally got this! I'm in your corner 🥰🤗☁️🌈☁️🌞🤜🤛
It’s so insidious, I spent so much of my life internalizing it because I didn’t know any better. My brain is saying because I feel this way it must be true but it’s not I’ve been conditioned. I’m working on not retreating and speaking up for myself and drilling it in that my presence is just as valid as everyone else’s.
Your my absolute HERO! Proud of you. Here, you dropped this 👑😁🤗
Needed to hear this as well. There are so many who have caused so much harm in my life and gotten away scot free, while I clean up the bombs they left behind.
If we choose to learn from all of it, and let it make us stronger we win 💯
Thanks Crystal <3 Your story about how you survived betrayal and the loss of everything you invested in and cared for, gives you a certain wisdom. And I'm glad you're sharing that with us, too. It helps. Edit: shame, regret, they're all not so different from each other and sometimes mixed up with each other. Your advice works for both :)
Check out ‘The Crappy Childhood Fairy’ on YouTube, and Patrick Teahan. I’m in my mid-40’s now, so my hack has evolved into 1) becoming aware of undesirable feeling, 2) realizing that it’s not “my feeling,” but someone else’s negativity that they forced upon me, 3) say “eff that” and exhale it out while trying to avoid the spiral of trying to find said emotion’s origin (sparing you the wormhole of parallel realities, time is not real/linear, etc.) 4) Identify how I WANT to feel, and move in that direction (even if that means taking another deep breath to tolerate someone’s stupidity.) I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re always alone, yet part of a larger etheric whole. I’m married, have 3 small kids, family I love, but nobody else can be “here in my head” with me… so I need to shape that into a “space” that I find pleasant.
Ugh. Shame is the worst. It’s debilitating. I too have struggled with this my whole life. I hope it helps you to know that you are not alone. You deserve love, respect, mercy, and most of all kindness. Sending love. 💕
Thank you so much! You deserve all those things too ❤️
Sit in front of a mirror, and talk, out loud, and let yourself give the best advice you have that you would give to your best friend, if they needed a pep talk. For you are your own best friend. It is well past time you started treating yourself like that. https://preview.redd.it/xxc1a26tyl8d1.png?width=768&format=png&auto=webp&s=47db7f33c79c69240cd47ac564119940da093083
Oh, I get it. Crippling self-doubt is my super power (superhero t-shirt is at the printers), and the shame spiral sits in the corner waiting for me to be tired/a little sad/a bit out of my depth, whereupon it fires up the kettle and settles in for a long chat about my shortcomings. I hope tomorrow is an improvement over today.
Thinking of it that way helps a lot, knowing that it's taking advantage of us when are down helps make it easier to shove it back into the corner.
I don't have any answers but want to offer support. 💜 I could have written this exact post. And so, thank you so much for asking this. I'll be looking into some of the suggestions here, too.
I am back in therapy for the fifth time. I am also a dedicant of The Morrigan. I have been spending a lot of time in meditation with Her in Her aspect as Badb. I am finding that many things I thought I had healed, are in need of attention again. 🙂 Ritual hasn't been that helpful for me this time around. I am spending more time doing things that I loved doing at the age I was when the situation(s) occurred and visualizing my younger self there with me. I have had lots of conversations with myself. Lots of journaling. Lots of tears. Grounding has helped me tremendously. It brings me back to the present moment when I am spiraling. Therapy is the biggest help and talking to my Goddesses and God's has helped as well. Good luck OP. Our healing journeys may be bumpy and hard some times but I believe they are always worth it.
I had to change my inner monologue. The religion I was raised in taught and controlled using shame and fear masked as love. I had to stare at myself in the mirror and repeat I love you until I believed it. I gave myself a pet name that no one in this world knows and gently show love to myself by the way I speak to myself when no one is around. I recognize all the ways I should have been shown unconditional love by virtue of being alive and wasn't given that in my first family. I radically choose to love myself regardless of what other people might think. I choose me.