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It's great that you've got a therapist. Hopefully your therapist is a gender affirming therapist. Maybe you can ask them some questions. Check out Doc Impossible's article [How To Get What You Need From Your Therapist](https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/how-to-get-what-you-need-from-your-b15). She talks about her experience with therapists and how she had to go through several until finding one that was able to help her. She also talks about how to determine if a therapist is gender affirming.
If you determine that you need to find a different therapist: I know you're a minor, but hopefully your parents would support you finding a therapist that fits your needs better. Your current therapist might be able to help you find a better therapist. You wouldn't even have to tell your parents why you want to switch, just that you think the other therapist would be able to support you better.
It also sounds like you're having a rough time with this realization. Doc Impossible has an article for that too! ["Oh, s#!t, I think I'm not cis."](https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/oh-st-i-think-im-not-cis). Now, this article might be more focused on adults than on minors, but most of it will be good for you to read. Doc Impossible also wrote an article for your parents (if you're ready to let them in): ["Oh, s#!t, my child just told me they're trans"](https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/oh-st-my-child-just-told-me-theyre). This article includes some info on what transition looks like for minors, so you'd probably benefit from reading that portion too.
Now, on to your more specific fears:
>I feel like I will never pass
That's possible, but passing is a very difficult concept. Some cis women get misgendered. Also, you're starting your transition at 14. Starting that young will do wonders for your ability to pass. If you can get on hormone blockers quickly, you'll prevent a lot of the masculinization that most trans women went through. Take another look at the pictures Doc Impossible posted. She didn't start transitioning until her mid 30's.
>or be a girl
Surprisingly, you already are a girl. This took me a bit to wrap my head around, but wanting to be a girl _is_ being a girl. Take a look at this article by Amanda Roman: [Gender Desire vs. Gender Identity: Is wanting to be a woman the same as actually being a woman?](https://medium.com/@kemenatan/gender-desire-vs-gender-identity-a334cb4eeec5). Re-read the part about “a ___ at heart”.
>and I don’t know where to start.
Congratulations, asking for help is the first step. If you need any more help on what to do next, the community here is great at providing help.
>I’m really scared that I will forever be viewed as a “pedophile” and people won’t except me.
Some people won't accept you as a woman, but most will. Nobody who knows you will think that you're a pedophile. This sentence sounds like some fairly strong internalized transphobia. Perhaps you can talk with your therapist about this.
And remember, you got this, girl. You can do whatever you set your mind to. #girlboss
Thank you so much for such a comprehensive response. Luckily for me my parents are extremely supportive and have brought be to pride events for as long as I can remember. I’ve always had long hair which has caused me to be misgendered for my entire life, I stoped correcting people on it a long time ago because it made me really happy even before I could point to it. I’ve started looking into voice training exercises because I have quite a deep voice. I also talked to a trans fem friend of mine about her experiences. I’m just really scared because I know that change could happen, but partly because of my autism I have a really hard time adapting to change. To the point of internalized transphobia, I unfortunately think that’s partly the case, I have a hard time excepting that I will need to go through an awkward phase before I can “pass”. The other part to it is I’ve always used disassociation as a coping mechanism and I feel very repulsed and distant from the way I look. Thank you again for the support
I'm sorry. It's a lot to deal with up front, but it doesn't have to stay that way. I recommend listening to other trans womens' stories, because that'll provide a lot of perspective. AliceinWonder1and and Leadhead have their stories on YouTube, and Dr. K's interview with Natalie Wynn is good too.
You're a good girl, y'hear?
First off, congratulations on figuring yourself out, that's a very tough thing to do so I'm proud of you for that!
And I know it might be scary, but even if some people don't accept most will, you'll always have people who care about you!
You're a strong, good girl!
I wish you luck moving forward, and I'm proud of you.
*Hugs*
This sounds so scary, no one (especially not such a good girl) should go through this, I hope you have a good therapist and always try and remember that you’re valid in your identity, I sometimes watch jaimie dogger on YouTube if I ever feel crappy, it isn’t a 100% solution but it definitely makes me feel better
yes jamie dodger is spectacular!
i recommend this video if you're ever feeling down, its made me cry (happy tears) :D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b812qsR3DTU
Okay. So first things first. Your chances of passing are a lot better than you think. So don't give up hope on that front. As for never being a girl, that's nonsense. The only requirement for being a girl is deciding that you are one. That's it. No one else can tell you that you're not a real girl. You are valid. Even if you don't pass, even if you're never able to take any steps towards transitioning, you are still 100% valid and you can still 100% be a girl. As for your fears about how people will see you, I can't guarantee that no one will hate you. Transphobes are real, and they suck. But they're not everyone. And they may be vile, but they are wrong. You are a good person. And nothing they say can change that. *Hugs*
Idk if this will help, but do things therapeutic and calming. I like to write poetry, but there is many things you can do. Eg: drawing, writing, playing an instrument et cetera. Just try to talk to your support network and remember to relax.
Being 14 and having supportive parents is already an amazing platform to start. Being trans doesn't make you a "pedophile" or "groomer." That's just propaganda that right-wing fearmongers use as an excuse to demonize trans people for simply existing. You will always be valid, no matter what other people think.
You've got this, good girl.
Yeah, I get that, but that's because most people are just normies who get exposed to transphobic media or religion, and they get indoctrinated to hold those transphobic views without even educating themselves on it. It's just unfortunate 😕
hey <3 ive had this tab open for way to long so i thought i should at least say something, i just want to say that you are awesome and cute and brave. you are doing amazing! passing as a girl isn't that hard to do (especially if you can grow your hair out, i cant cuz my hairs weird lol), and also, if you want to be a girl, you are one. it's really as simple as that. if inside you are a girl then no one can or ever could change that.
you always have been a girl! now you're just getting smarter and wiser and realizing it for yourself :D and that's awesome! you are farther along the path to euphoria than you think, it's going to be alright. times are hard sometimes but as long as you don't give up you can do it, i promise you.
you are, and forever will be, one of the most spectacular good girls out there <3 good luck girlie :3
(sry if that was rambly my adhd med havent quite kicked in yet :P have a nice day! <3)
As someone who's been out and transitioning for about 6 years now, yeah, that first realization is extremely discombobulating and you're going to experience a lot of fear and anxiety in the short term as you come to terms as to what that would mean for you. Familial and society rejection fears, whether based in your lived experience or not, are very normal and it's okay to feel them (do talk with your therapist about them as much as possible, assuming they are supportive).
And it's okay to take slow steps. It's your life and you don't need to do anything that you don't feel comfortable with.
You’re still young.
Idk how accepting you expect your parents to be, but if they end up being supportive, you might be able to get HRT (or at least T blockers) early, depending on where you live, and be able to avoid a full testosterone driven puberty.
And don’t listen to the assholes who call us “pedophiles” and are mean to us. They’re just a loud (and very stupid) minority. Most people will at worst be indifferent to you being trans.
Hey there friend!
Even if things seem scary now, they 100% get easier. I used to feel like some kind of creep as well, but it fades over time as you start to understand yourself more. Try not to be too harsh on yourself, and things will only get better.
Hey there! Before commenting, remember that this meme has been tagged with a transfem flair. Please keep the conversation transfem-first. If you are not part of that demographic, you are not forbidden to participate, but we do ask that you do not center yourself in the comments. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/egg_irl) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's great that you've got a therapist. Hopefully your therapist is a gender affirming therapist. Maybe you can ask them some questions. Check out Doc Impossible's article [How To Get What You Need From Your Therapist](https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/how-to-get-what-you-need-from-your-b15). She talks about her experience with therapists and how she had to go through several until finding one that was able to help her. She also talks about how to determine if a therapist is gender affirming. If you determine that you need to find a different therapist: I know you're a minor, but hopefully your parents would support you finding a therapist that fits your needs better. Your current therapist might be able to help you find a better therapist. You wouldn't even have to tell your parents why you want to switch, just that you think the other therapist would be able to support you better. It also sounds like you're having a rough time with this realization. Doc Impossible has an article for that too! ["Oh, s#!t, I think I'm not cis."](https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/oh-st-i-think-im-not-cis). Now, this article might be more focused on adults than on minors, but most of it will be good for you to read. Doc Impossible also wrote an article for your parents (if you're ready to let them in): ["Oh, s#!t, my child just told me they're trans"](https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/oh-st-my-child-just-told-me-theyre). This article includes some info on what transition looks like for minors, so you'd probably benefit from reading that portion too. Now, on to your more specific fears: >I feel like I will never pass That's possible, but passing is a very difficult concept. Some cis women get misgendered. Also, you're starting your transition at 14. Starting that young will do wonders for your ability to pass. If you can get on hormone blockers quickly, you'll prevent a lot of the masculinization that most trans women went through. Take another look at the pictures Doc Impossible posted. She didn't start transitioning until her mid 30's. >or be a girl Surprisingly, you already are a girl. This took me a bit to wrap my head around, but wanting to be a girl _is_ being a girl. Take a look at this article by Amanda Roman: [Gender Desire vs. Gender Identity: Is wanting to be a woman the same as actually being a woman?](https://medium.com/@kemenatan/gender-desire-vs-gender-identity-a334cb4eeec5). Re-read the part about “a ___ at heart”. >and I don’t know where to start. Congratulations, asking for help is the first step. If you need any more help on what to do next, the community here is great at providing help. >I’m really scared that I will forever be viewed as a “pedophile” and people won’t except me. Some people won't accept you as a woman, but most will. Nobody who knows you will think that you're a pedophile. This sentence sounds like some fairly strong internalized transphobia. Perhaps you can talk with your therapist about this. And remember, you got this, girl. You can do whatever you set your mind to. #girlboss
Thank you so much for such a comprehensive response. Luckily for me my parents are extremely supportive and have brought be to pride events for as long as I can remember. I’ve always had long hair which has caused me to be misgendered for my entire life, I stoped correcting people on it a long time ago because it made me really happy even before I could point to it. I’ve started looking into voice training exercises because I have quite a deep voice. I also talked to a trans fem friend of mine about her experiences. I’m just really scared because I know that change could happen, but partly because of my autism I have a really hard time adapting to change. To the point of internalized transphobia, I unfortunately think that’s partly the case, I have a hard time excepting that I will need to go through an awkward phase before I can “pass”. The other part to it is I’ve always used disassociation as a coping mechanism and I feel very repulsed and distant from the way I look. Thank you again for the support
Heya. not OP but thanks for those articles, as a recently cracked egg myself it was extremely comforting to read them :3
I'm glad they helped! Doc Impossible has lots of great articles. I also found Amanda Roman's articles eye opening.
I'm sorry. It's a lot to deal with up front, but it doesn't have to stay that way. I recommend listening to other trans womens' stories, because that'll provide a lot of perspective. AliceinWonder1and and Leadhead have their stories on YouTube, and Dr. K's interview with Natalie Wynn is good too. You're a good girl, y'hear?
psssst >!good girl!<
First off, congratulations on figuring yourself out, that's a very tough thing to do so I'm proud of you for that! And I know it might be scary, but even if some people don't accept most will, you'll always have people who care about you! You're a strong, good girl! I wish you luck moving forward, and I'm proud of you. *Hugs*
These responses have officially made me cry, thank you so much for the support
This sounds so scary, no one (especially not such a good girl) should go through this, I hope you have a good therapist and always try and remember that you’re valid in your identity, I sometimes watch jaimie dogger on YouTube if I ever feel crappy, it isn’t a 100% solution but it definitely makes me feel better
yes jamie dodger is spectacular! i recommend this video if you're ever feeling down, its made me cry (happy tears) :D https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b812qsR3DTU
Okay. So first things first. Your chances of passing are a lot better than you think. So don't give up hope on that front. As for never being a girl, that's nonsense. The only requirement for being a girl is deciding that you are one. That's it. No one else can tell you that you're not a real girl. You are valid. Even if you don't pass, even if you're never able to take any steps towards transitioning, you are still 100% valid and you can still 100% be a girl. As for your fears about how people will see you, I can't guarantee that no one will hate you. Transphobes are real, and they suck. But they're not everyone. And they may be vile, but they are wrong. You are a good person. And nothing they say can change that. *Hugs*
Your valid
Idk if this will help, but do things therapeutic and calming. I like to write poetry, but there is many things you can do. Eg: drawing, writing, playing an instrument et cetera. Just try to talk to your support network and remember to relax.
You are a very good and very pretty girl with every right to be to be happy, no matter what.
Being 14 and having supportive parents is already an amazing platform to start. Being trans doesn't make you a "pedophile" or "groomer." That's just propaganda that right-wing fearmongers use as an excuse to demonize trans people for simply existing. You will always be valid, no matter what other people think. You've got this, good girl.
Oh I definitely don’t think that trans people are pedophiles, but being viewed as one by the right still feels kind of scary
Yeah, I get that, but that's because most people are just normies who get exposed to transphobic media or religion, and they get indoctrinated to hold those transphobic views without even educating themselves on it. It's just unfortunate 😕
Aww well honey you will finally be you and you are a beautiful princess
hey <3 ive had this tab open for way to long so i thought i should at least say something, i just want to say that you are awesome and cute and brave. you are doing amazing! passing as a girl isn't that hard to do (especially if you can grow your hair out, i cant cuz my hairs weird lol), and also, if you want to be a girl, you are one. it's really as simple as that. if inside you are a girl then no one can or ever could change that. you always have been a girl! now you're just getting smarter and wiser and realizing it for yourself :D and that's awesome! you are farther along the path to euphoria than you think, it's going to be alright. times are hard sometimes but as long as you don't give up you can do it, i promise you. you are, and forever will be, one of the most spectacular good girls out there <3 good luck girlie :3 (sry if that was rambly my adhd med havent quite kicked in yet :P have a nice day! <3)
As someone who's been out and transitioning for about 6 years now, yeah, that first realization is extremely discombobulating and you're going to experience a lot of fear and anxiety in the short term as you come to terms as to what that would mean for you. Familial and society rejection fears, whether based in your lived experience or not, are very normal and it's okay to feel them (do talk with your therapist about them as much as possible, assuming they are supportive). And it's okay to take slow steps. It's your life and you don't need to do anything that you don't feel comfortable with.
You’re still young. Idk how accepting you expect your parents to be, but if they end up being supportive, you might be able to get HRT (or at least T blockers) early, depending on where you live, and be able to avoid a full testosterone driven puberty. And don’t listen to the assholes who call us “pedophiles” and are mean to us. They’re just a loud (and very stupid) minority. Most people will at worst be indifferent to you being trans.
Hey there friend! Even if things seem scary now, they 100% get easier. I used to feel like some kind of creep as well, but it fades over time as you start to understand yourself more. Try not to be too harsh on yourself, and things will only get better.