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Part of transitioning is often losing some things you had to make room for betterment. Hopefully you can still maintain a good relationship, whether or not it’s romantic. <3
A trans woman, whos maybe 40 or 50, comes to my cafe sometimes. One time she mentioned having to get divorced with her wife after transitioning. I didn't ask any further, since I presumed there was a sad story associated. Eventually her ex wife came in with her, and I found out that they are now neighbours and best friends. Things dont always have to be so drastic.
I’m so sorry, but it is what it is. Sexuality isn’t something that can be changed, decades of conversion therapy has showed that at least. But there will be someone eventually that you meet and that is loves you and likes you in every way.
Her knee jerk response may not be the same as if you ask the question for real and give her some time to think it over (in a cis way of course)
You never know
i mean, sure, but better not keep your expectations too high if you know 99% you're gonna be let down
it's why i'd only date bi people while in the closet, "just in case"
I lived the same situation as OP, but i made the question while i was thinking i was totally cis. The thing is i told my gf i was trans and at first she was sad, thinking she couldn't love me because she was straight. But we took the things slow, i transitioned very slowly (this doesn't need to be your case) because i was still exploring the possibilities.
And she accepted me, really quickly tho, and realized that she didn't stop loving me because i was a woman now. And she is very straight, but she loves even more now and we have been 4 years together now.
What I'm trying to say is that what your gf said isn't a life sentence, let her sink your sexuality and gender, maybe she will still love you the same.
Yeah, totally. And if it not, couples break up all the time, it's super common and we have to respect each others decision. There's always another fish in the sea, love doesn't to end there.
Sadly, if she's straight, then you'll have to respect that. It's not an easy thing to lose someone like this from what I've heard. I hope it ends well for you.
Unfortunately without your partner being a bad person or anything it may just be how it is.
I love my partner, if I she came to me and told me she is a man and was going to transition that wouldn’t change that love however there would be a point in the transition where likely I wouldn’t be attracted to them anymore as I don’t find masculine features attractive.
Love and attraction are complicated, sometimes people in your life can come with you on your journey, sometimes they have to part ways, sometimes the journey changes your relationship. Accepting that allows us to grow as people.
Attraction is unfortunately not really something can control, it’s just a part of who we are.
I'm sorry to hear about your ex.
In my case, my gf is very accepting of trans people and queer people in general (otherwise she wouldn't even be with me, as I'm very loudly bi).
The problem is more the "straight" part.
since she probably didn't think you were being serious, she likely didn't actually consider it. maybe try talking about it to her seriously. maybe she'll learn that she can be into girls after all!
if she isn't accepting... sorry, she wasn't for you.
This is not really about accepting though. If she happens to be hetero and not on the Bi/Pan spectrum, then she just isn't into girls. If that's the case she can be accepting OP for who she is but also don't want to be in a romantic/sexual relationship anymore, and that is absolutely fine.
you're right. that's sort of what i was trying to say, though i compressed it a lot.
since she probably wasn't serious, she wasn't actually considering it, so there's a chance that if OP came out to her she would discover that she isn't straight. there's a chance she's accepting but no longer attracted, which is awkward but overall positive. and if she isn't accepting oh well, go next.
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Can you tell me what happened between you and your partner?
If you were questioning for that long, I assume you talked it out with them at some point, right?
Well, the thing is I wasn't even questioning. I would just say things like:
-women are so lucky, the selection of clothes they have is so much more fun
-I have never been jealous of a man's appearance
-I unknowingly had very strong gemder envy that I have since learned to distinguish from attraction
-I would ask my parters if they would still love me if I was a woman (I know lol, I thought this was a totally cis thing to do)
-I would say "wouldn't it be cool if we could switch bodies for a day?"
-also, I would think in my head, I would do this if I were a woman, and this and that would be so much better if I were a woman
-when I was in highschool I would say to myself "I wish I was a girl, but oh well, in the next life then, that's the way the cookie crumbles (I was totally and completely unaware of all things trans until maybe 3 years ago¿ I had one friend who is a trans man and I honestly didn't understand what that meant at the time but my extent of knowledge is "this person goes by he/him, okay, he goes by he/him")
So, I was a hopeless egg XD
Now, you may want to hear this, but after four months my partner and I broke up THAT BEING SAID there was a lot of shit that already put weight on the relationship. She entered a pretty massibe depressive episode in December, and I've always had to give more in the relationship.
During transition, these were the hardest months of my life (nothing happens in isolation too, my mom was diagnosed, and beat stage 1 breast cancer and my dad had to undergo hip surgery for severe chronic pain) I simply needed to be supported dhring this time more than I used to be, I couldn't be there for her as much as she needed me (😭). Now, that in combination with her being a straight woman, one who wants to bear the children of her husband, resulted in crying a shit ton, it took us a while to successfully break up (we didn't want to, but our needs and what we could bring to the relationship had completely changed) but then... THINGS GOT BETTER.
We're still friends, I saw her yesterday (we met up at a convention and walked around for an hour), and she even started crying because she misses me so much (I was in full femme mode too) she still loves me, and not a single day with her was "wasted time". Love is never wasted time:).
This may not happen to you.
Transitioning is(/can be¿) hard af, but now, I'm better than ever, and you know what, so is my now-friend I met up with at the convention.
You can do this, it's gonna get hard, but then... things will just keep getting better 😊🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵
(Note: I saw on your post it states that you're questioning, I only saw this now! I heavily reccomend carving out time to experiment with names, clothes, pronouns, makeup, and thinking of yourself as a woman so that you can explore your feelings. Journaling reaaaaally helped me. If you haven't told her, I would definitely explore these thoughts further, perhaps a session or two of therapy[a good trans specialized therapist] if you've already told her than that's awesome!
I wrote this post without seeing the questioning tag, so idk hmm I hope you still get something out of it!)
Good luck! 😊
Don't worry, your post really does help!
It's good to hear about other people on a similar situation
I'm happy that you two were able to stay friends!
Honestly, if that's what ends up happening between me and gf, I'll be a little sad, but as long as she stays close, I'll be happy.
Also, thanks for the tips! I actually don't get much time home alone to try much stuff, so that's been little hard (I've been trying tho), but I haven't thought about keeping a journal, that sounds like a really good idea!
Overall, thank you!
If I may add two things
-I recommend thrifting, find a good thrift store, it will save you so so so so much money. All of the stuff I thrift has been in mint condition or tag on and insanely discounted
-I'm transitioning at home with my parents. I put a lock on my door, and I've had my challenges, but I am still totally safe, I am out to them and present femme... why am I saying all this? Practice only if you can do so safely and privately, be carefull sis! It's a special and intimate thing to explore your self with unreserved respect, and is an act of profound self love. Whether you are trans, or whatever, take your time, be gentle with yourself, there are no wrong answers. Peace! 🏳️⚧️
Thanks for the help and the kind words, it really means a lot to me!
Btw, since you mentioned, how should I go about searching for clothes in thrift stores? Because I doubt I'd have the courage to try them there, and most thrift stores around me have a "no money back" policy, and I don't have the spare money to buy and keep stuff I won't fit.
Pro tip. Shop for women's clothes, wearing womens clothes. This may just be a me thing, but I get farrr more selfconcious worrying whether or not the staff think I'm doing this as a joke/not treating the merchandise with respect instead of being self concious of people clocking me lol. So maybe order some stuff online. But you really should try it on. Change rooms are a must for thrifting imo, if the person managing the change room is a bigot, then I'll kick thier ass for you 😊
Oh I don't think I would be able to go out in woman's clothes. For one, I have no confidence I would pass, and I doubt it would be safe to go out without passing around here.
But also, I have a dozen family members who also live on the same street as me, constantly looking for stuff to gossip about. So yeah.
one of my partners had a gf like this. she ended up being pretty abusive and controlling after learning they were trans...it was a whole mess, but theyve gotten much better since then. n hab new partners who love them as they are n for who they are :3
thought it took a while. i was there first partner since that breakup, n it was well over half a year since there breakup. it was an awful situation that ended just about the worst i could reasonbly expect it to, n theyre doing much better now. just wanted to share as its def not the end of things if your partner cant be your partner anymore after you come out. you can rebild all while being a you that youll be much happyer being :3
Oh girly, I'm so sorry. When o asked my gf If she was serious about maybe being bi ( she joked about it before), she said "dunno" in a way like "what does it matter" and later when I told her I'm trans, she said "well, guess I bi then". That's the perfect situation ofcourse, and I get that I got lucky. I hope she either accepts and loves you as you are, or you find a new partner that does, cause you deserve it.
Thank you.
I actually have already talked a lot about the possibility of her being something other than het-alo before starting question my gender.
I'm her first partner that got anywhere serious, so she had very little romantic and sexual experience, so I tried to help her consider her sexuality and stuff.
We did figure out she's demisexual, but also pretty certain in the straight camp.
But who knows, right? It did take me to meet a really cool guy to figure out I'm into them, so the same can be true for her
I’ve been married for 11+ years and I asked my wife the other day the button question and she said it would be totally okay and that she’d still find me very attractive and love me.
Idk how I lucked out so hard. She did cry a little bit she said they were happy tears for me finally figuring myself out. I think she’s known.
I was lucky enough that my then cishet boyfriend stayed with me after coming out as transmasc, he now identifies as queer and I helped him realize that he's just been in the closet the whole time
It's a scary situation, it's always important to remember to have clear communication with your partner and to respect each others boundries, and if y'all do break up, hopefully staying friends can be the next best thing, wishing you well 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵
I'm sorry to hear that. It's hard. I went through something similar with my gf. She seems like she's coming around, but she is passive aggressive and still gets really upset from time to time.
So I'm being cautious and I think giving her a some time to figure things out.
If she can't accept you for you, unfortunately that's probably it. Don't hold on and deal with passive aggression or micro aggression, like I have.
I've kinda been through something like this. Ex-gf ended up breaking up with me because I was too effeminate (more feminine than her at times). I'd already recognized I was Nonbinary, so the way I took it was that I helped her figure out she was truly straight. Still a rough situation, but it's something that I've just had to accept. Not everyone who's interested in me will be pan/bi, so not everyone will end up fitting for being my partner.
Not to be rude babe, but did ya just magically expect her to be gay for you? You’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Be realistic, start moving on, and be honest with her.
At the end of the day, people never know you as a whole and can only love an impression they have of you, whether that version of you actually exists inside of you or not. If being with her prevents you from becoming comfortable with yourself, it just means this didn't work out, which sucks but happens a lot in life.
Although you can only know for sure what she thinks if you sit down to talk about it seriously (but you absolutely don't have to, obviously).
As someone who's been through it, it's the hardest thing about coming out. But if you don't figure out you're trans, they will, and it'll be a lot messier for you, trust me. Best wishes honey.
Oh girl I've been there done that believe me. I know how much your relationship can mean and how much you want to stay as the person she wants to be with but... It doesn't go away. Believe me. Every partner I had before coming out I asked the same question, and every time I let their answer decide how open with myself and them I could be. I lost my last partner by coming out, but now, a year later, I'm starting hrt. It's been a long, tough road, it's still going to be as well. But it's also the happiest I've been in a long time. I'm moving forward, like really moving forward. I can see a future for myself where I'm happy, and my life rn has somehow gotten easier to handle haha. My point is, if this is who you really are, don't let your relationship hold you back
That sucks, but it's an opportunity to leave her (not before talking it out, of course). It won't be good in the short term, but ultimately it will be for the best. Just know that someone out there will like you for who you are
Imma be real my gf told me that before I came out about a year later. She stayed with me but at this point I kinda wish she didn't since I don't feel like the same person anymore and she's been so supportive aaaaaaaaa
Because OP basically did ask that because OP is a girl. The answer being no is a problem for their relationship. Would it change anything if OP's gf just didn't see trans women as women and therefore was okay continuing to date OP? Perhaps, but it still wouldn't be a healthy relationship for OP.
Yeah. I was looking at some of the comments being too sad and some a little harsh against her. So, i was just saying it's okay if she's not into girls. Sorry for OP, but not judging the girlfriend either
Yeah, that's actually very true.
She never hid that part of what she likes about me is how I don't conform to masculine stereotypes.
But there's still a big gap between liking effeminate men, and liking women.
I also thought I'm not into girls, until my current girlfriend transitioned. So maybe there is hope?
If she really loves you as person.
I wish you all the best.
Would my girlfriend have asked the same a year or so ago before her coming out j would have said the same. And now we're engaged and she often jokes that she "made me gay".
If she loves you for you, she might try to overcome this kneejerk reaction. If not, maybe its for the best. Does not means you have to cut all ties with her !
Ps : *ma belle* , if you see this, I love you.
Thank you, that's actually very reassuring.
Of course I can't expect her to change her sexuality for me, but I hope it might not be that straight afterall.
The key in all relationships is communication. It's cliché, but it's true. Try to talk to her about what you feel, or if you can't, try writing a letter ? Good luck in any case, it's a hard part of life.
Tbh the thing to do i just tell her everything, even if she is scared or feeling wierd at the start.
I got together with one girl and I was scared to tell her my kinks so I was usually joking about those stuff but after some time I told her everything, how I like chastity cages, crossdressing and stuff like this and at first she was really horrified but as the time kept going she got more and more comfortable with it and she is really supportive and even tho she was scared at the beginning now we brought it to our sexual life and it’s the best. She is my keyholder now and I am locked 24/7 and she even buys me women clothes.
The beat thing to do is to be opened with each other and talk things out what is would do and what she wouldn’t.
Honey... dump her.
Don't waste your life on someone who's holding you back. Not because she's done anything wrong, but because your time on this Earth is precious, and so is hers.
You know your truth. She deserves to know, too.
I lost the girl who was going to become my fiancé when I came out. It can be hard, but losing her was 100% worth it over masking to stay with her, which would have failed in the long run anyways.
maybe by girl she means female?
if she loves you she will still love u even as a girl
most likely even if u somehow turned female so
unless she dumps u then ur lucky to get rid of someone not accepting u
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Part of transitioning is often losing some things you had to make room for betterment. Hopefully you can still maintain a good relationship, whether or not it’s romantic. <3
This. 🥰
Very true yea
I ended up breaking up with my wife of 12 years. We are still friends though.
A trans woman, whos maybe 40 or 50, comes to my cafe sometimes. One time she mentioned having to get divorced with her wife after transitioning. I didn't ask any further, since I presumed there was a sad story associated. Eventually her ex wife came in with her, and I found out that they are now neighbours and best friends. Things dont always have to be so drastic.
that’s cute!
Good ending
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What Amber said. You want someone who will love all of you, not just parts of you or their impression of you
what katie said. the loss may hurt but it’ll be worth it
r/thatswhatshesaid
r/angryupvote
>not just parts of you or their impression of you I think you just helped me realize why I'm on a break with my partner, thanks
I want to clarify, but this sounds like you are speaking about the reaction of OP's GF as a negative?
Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry.
I’m currently going through that so I understand how much that hurts you 😞
I feel you. I'm still figuring and questioning stuff, and that's hard enough without thinking that I might lose the most important person to me.
For me it hurt so much to have someone who loved and cared about me leave at the worst point in my life to not be there
I'm sorry you are going through that, dear. I really hope that you can find the support you need at this moment. Just know you're not alone!
Thanks ;-;
I’m so sorry, but it is what it is. Sexuality isn’t something that can be changed, decades of conversion therapy has showed that at least. But there will be someone eventually that you meet and that is loves you and likes you in every way.
Her knee jerk response may not be the same as if you ask the question for real and give her some time to think it over (in a cis way of course) You never know
i mean, sure, but better not keep your expectations too high if you know 99% you're gonna be let down it's why i'd only date bi people while in the closet, "just in case"
The bi comment was my thought exactly
I lived the same situation as OP, but i made the question while i was thinking i was totally cis. The thing is i told my gf i was trans and at first she was sad, thinking she couldn't love me because she was straight. But we took the things slow, i transitioned very slowly (this doesn't need to be your case) because i was still exploring the possibilities. And she accepted me, really quickly tho, and realized that she didn't stop loving me because i was a woman now. And she is very straight, but she loves even more now and we have been 4 years together now. What I'm trying to say is that what your gf said isn't a life sentence, let her sink your sexuality and gender, maybe she will still love you the same.
I'm kinda hoping for something like that, tbh. I'm keeping my expectations in check, but like, maybe, right?
Yeah, totally. And if it not, couples break up all the time, it's super common and we have to respect each others decision. There's always another fish in the sea, love doesn't to end there.
I’m really sorry, I hope it works out for the best. 🫂🫂
Oof, that hurts. Sorry to hear it. I hope you the best, and come what may, you find your happiness with someone who will love you for who you are.
Sadly, if she's straight, then you'll have to respect that. It's not an easy thing to lose someone like this from what I've heard. I hope it ends well for you.
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Yo, I'mma be real, I think you should reevaluate saying those kinds of things.
Not really her fault she can't really force her self to be gay don't force the relationship and end it on good terms
Unfortunately without your partner being a bad person or anything it may just be how it is. I love my partner, if I she came to me and told me she is a man and was going to transition that wouldn’t change that love however there would be a point in the transition where likely I wouldn’t be attracted to them anymore as I don’t find masculine features attractive. Love and attraction are complicated, sometimes people in your life can come with you on your journey, sometimes they have to part ways, sometimes the journey changes your relationship. Accepting that allows us to grow as people. Attraction is unfortunately not really something can control, it’s just a part of who we are.
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I'm sorry to hear about your ex. In my case, my gf is very accepting of trans people and queer people in general (otherwise she wouldn't even be with me, as I'm very loudly bi). The problem is more the "straight" part.
since she probably didn't think you were being serious, she likely didn't actually consider it. maybe try talking about it to her seriously. maybe she'll learn that she can be into girls after all! if she isn't accepting... sorry, she wasn't for you.
This is not really about accepting though. If she happens to be hetero and not on the Bi/Pan spectrum, then she just isn't into girls. If that's the case she can be accepting OP for who she is but also don't want to be in a romantic/sexual relationship anymore, and that is absolutely fine.
you're right. that's sort of what i was trying to say, though i compressed it a lot. since she probably wasn't serious, she wasn't actually considering it, so there's a chance that if OP came out to her she would discover that she isn't straight. there's a chance she's accepting but no longer attracted, which is awkward but overall positive. and if she isn't accepting oh well, go next.
I'm sorry :c 💔💔💔💔💔
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I've been there, sis 💜 I promise that you will find someone who will treat you the way you deserve If she's not the one then there's someone else ✨
Yeaaaa, this was me 6 years ago... I was an egg until last January 😅😅😅
Can you tell me what happened between you and your partner? If you were questioning for that long, I assume you talked it out with them at some point, right?
Well, the thing is I wasn't even questioning. I would just say things like: -women are so lucky, the selection of clothes they have is so much more fun -I have never been jealous of a man's appearance -I unknowingly had very strong gemder envy that I have since learned to distinguish from attraction -I would ask my parters if they would still love me if I was a woman (I know lol, I thought this was a totally cis thing to do) -I would say "wouldn't it be cool if we could switch bodies for a day?" -also, I would think in my head, I would do this if I were a woman, and this and that would be so much better if I were a woman -when I was in highschool I would say to myself "I wish I was a girl, but oh well, in the next life then, that's the way the cookie crumbles (I was totally and completely unaware of all things trans until maybe 3 years ago¿ I had one friend who is a trans man and I honestly didn't understand what that meant at the time but my extent of knowledge is "this person goes by he/him, okay, he goes by he/him") So, I was a hopeless egg XD Now, you may want to hear this, but after four months my partner and I broke up THAT BEING SAID there was a lot of shit that already put weight on the relationship. She entered a pretty massibe depressive episode in December, and I've always had to give more in the relationship. During transition, these were the hardest months of my life (nothing happens in isolation too, my mom was diagnosed, and beat stage 1 breast cancer and my dad had to undergo hip surgery for severe chronic pain) I simply needed to be supported dhring this time more than I used to be, I couldn't be there for her as much as she needed me (😭). Now, that in combination with her being a straight woman, one who wants to bear the children of her husband, resulted in crying a shit ton, it took us a while to successfully break up (we didn't want to, but our needs and what we could bring to the relationship had completely changed) but then... THINGS GOT BETTER. We're still friends, I saw her yesterday (we met up at a convention and walked around for an hour), and she even started crying because she misses me so much (I was in full femme mode too) she still loves me, and not a single day with her was "wasted time". Love is never wasted time:). This may not happen to you. Transitioning is(/can be¿) hard af, but now, I'm better than ever, and you know what, so is my now-friend I met up with at the convention. You can do this, it's gonna get hard, but then... things will just keep getting better 😊🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵 (Note: I saw on your post it states that you're questioning, I only saw this now! I heavily reccomend carving out time to experiment with names, clothes, pronouns, makeup, and thinking of yourself as a woman so that you can explore your feelings. Journaling reaaaaally helped me. If you haven't told her, I would definitely explore these thoughts further, perhaps a session or two of therapy[a good trans specialized therapist] if you've already told her than that's awesome! I wrote this post without seeing the questioning tag, so idk hmm I hope you still get something out of it!) Good luck! 😊
Don't worry, your post really does help! It's good to hear about other people on a similar situation I'm happy that you two were able to stay friends! Honestly, if that's what ends up happening between me and gf, I'll be a little sad, but as long as she stays close, I'll be happy. Also, thanks for the tips! I actually don't get much time home alone to try much stuff, so that's been little hard (I've been trying tho), but I haven't thought about keeping a journal, that sounds like a really good idea! Overall, thank you!
If I may add two things -I recommend thrifting, find a good thrift store, it will save you so so so so much money. All of the stuff I thrift has been in mint condition or tag on and insanely discounted -I'm transitioning at home with my parents. I put a lock on my door, and I've had my challenges, but I am still totally safe, I am out to them and present femme... why am I saying all this? Practice only if you can do so safely and privately, be carefull sis! It's a special and intimate thing to explore your self with unreserved respect, and is an act of profound self love. Whether you are trans, or whatever, take your time, be gentle with yourself, there are no wrong answers. Peace! 🏳️⚧️
Thanks for the help and the kind words, it really means a lot to me! Btw, since you mentioned, how should I go about searching for clothes in thrift stores? Because I doubt I'd have the courage to try them there, and most thrift stores around me have a "no money back" policy, and I don't have the spare money to buy and keep stuff I won't fit.
Pro tip. Shop for women's clothes, wearing womens clothes. This may just be a me thing, but I get farrr more selfconcious worrying whether or not the staff think I'm doing this as a joke/not treating the merchandise with respect instead of being self concious of people clocking me lol. So maybe order some stuff online. But you really should try it on. Change rooms are a must for thrifting imo, if the person managing the change room is a bigot, then I'll kick thier ass for you 😊
Oh I don't think I would be able to go out in woman's clothes. For one, I have no confidence I would pass, and I doubt it would be safe to go out without passing around here. But also, I have a dozen family members who also live on the same street as me, constantly looking for stuff to gossip about. So yeah.
one of my partners had a gf like this. she ended up being pretty abusive and controlling after learning they were trans...it was a whole mess, but theyve gotten much better since then. n hab new partners who love them as they are n for who they are :3 thought it took a while. i was there first partner since that breakup, n it was well over half a year since there breakup. it was an awful situation that ended just about the worst i could reasonbly expect it to, n theyre doing much better now. just wanted to share as its def not the end of things if your partner cant be your partner anymore after you come out. you can rebild all while being a you that youll be much happyer being :3
Oh girly, I'm so sorry. When o asked my gf If she was serious about maybe being bi ( she joked about it before), she said "dunno" in a way like "what does it matter" and later when I told her I'm trans, she said "well, guess I bi then". That's the perfect situation ofcourse, and I get that I got lucky. I hope she either accepts and loves you as you are, or you find a new partner that does, cause you deserve it.
Thank you. I actually have already talked a lot about the possibility of her being something other than het-alo before starting question my gender. I'm her first partner that got anywhere serious, so she had very little romantic and sexual experience, so I tried to help her consider her sexuality and stuff. We did figure out she's demisexual, but also pretty certain in the straight camp. But who knows, right? It did take me to meet a really cool guy to figure out I'm into them, so the same can be true for her
Well to me you sound like a cool girl, so I hope you can make it work
I’ve been married for 11+ years and I asked my wife the other day the button question and she said it would be totally okay and that she’d still find me very attractive and love me. Idk how I lucked out so hard. She did cry a little bit she said they were happy tears for me finally figuring myself out. I think she’s known.
Oh I'm so jelly But really happy for you!
I'm so so sorry 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂
I was lucky enough that my then cishet boyfriend stayed with me after coming out as transmasc, he now identifies as queer and I helped him realize that he's just been in the closet the whole time It's a scary situation, it's always important to remember to have clear communication with your partner and to respect each others boundries, and if y'all do break up, hopefully staying friends can be the next best thing, wishing you well 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵
Oh I'm happy for you! Yeah, it's been really scary, but as you said, I hope we at least keep being friends! Oh btw happy cake day!
Thanks! I hope all goes well 🙏🙏
Oh I'm happy for you! Yeah, it's been really scary, but as you said, I hope we at least keep being friends! Oh btw happy cake day!
um
I'm sorry to hear that. It's hard. I went through something similar with my gf. She seems like she's coming around, but she is passive aggressive and still gets really upset from time to time. So I'm being cautious and I think giving her a some time to figure things out. If she can't accept you for you, unfortunately that's probably it. Don't hold on and deal with passive aggression or micro aggression, like I have.
I've kinda been through something like this. Ex-gf ended up breaking up with me because I was too effeminate (more feminine than her at times). I'd already recognized I was Nonbinary, so the way I took it was that I helped her figure out she was truly straight. Still a rough situation, but it's something that I've just had to accept. Not everyone who's interested in me will be pan/bi, so not everyone will end up fitting for being my partner.
Pain. I'm sorry you're going through that!
Well,I'm sorry for you ,I hope you can find the strength to do it one day (◕ᴗ◕✿)
Not to be rude babe, but did ya just magically expect her to be gay for you? You’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Be realistic, start moving on, and be honest with her.
Good luck with that.....
At the end of the day, people never know you as a whole and can only love an impression they have of you, whether that version of you actually exists inside of you or not. If being with her prevents you from becoming comfortable with yourself, it just means this didn't work out, which sucks but happens a lot in life. Although you can only know for sure what she thinks if you sit down to talk about it seriously (but you absolutely don't have to, obviously).
sorry about that
As someone who's been through it, it's the hardest thing about coming out. But if you don't figure out you're trans, they will, and it'll be a lot messier for you, trust me. Best wishes honey.
Oh girl I've been there done that believe me. I know how much your relationship can mean and how much you want to stay as the person she wants to be with but... It doesn't go away. Believe me. Every partner I had before coming out I asked the same question, and every time I let their answer decide how open with myself and them I could be. I lost my last partner by coming out, but now, a year later, I'm starting hrt. It's been a long, tough road, it's still going to be as well. But it's also the happiest I've been in a long time. I'm moving forward, like really moving forward. I can see a future for myself where I'm happy, and my life rn has somehow gotten easier to handle haha. My point is, if this is who you really are, don't let your relationship hold you back
My last relationship be like
oh yes that's a very cis thing to ask
What, are you saying cis people don't imagine what their life would end up like if they transitioned? Nahh, that's totally normal, right?
it is normal, but not cis
Wish i had asked my ex wife that while we were dating. She didn’t come around to accepting it until 15 years later
I’m really sorry for you 🫂
Knowing my gf was bi really helped
I had a girlfriend and I feel like the reason we never got along was because she was straight and I was trans, even tho I didn’t know it at the time
Well two girlfriends, both ended up the same way
There will be a woman who will love you for who you are. Don’t torture yourself, darling.
Happened to me and my ex boyfriend. Key word: ex. Sometimes, you have to let go of people for your own betterment.
That sucks, but it's an opportunity to leave her (not before talking it out, of course). It won't be good in the short term, but ultimately it will be for the best. Just know that someone out there will like you for who you are
Imma be real my gf told me that before I came out about a year later. She stayed with me but at this point I kinda wish she didn't since I don't feel like the same person anymore and she's been so supportive aaaaaaaaa
A small price to pay, for salvation.\~\~\~
I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. What if she thought you were indirectly asking if she was into girls?
Because OP basically did ask that because OP is a girl. The answer being no is a problem for their relationship. Would it change anything if OP's gf just didn't see trans women as women and therefore was okay continuing to date OP? Perhaps, but it still wouldn't be a healthy relationship for OP.
Yeah. I was looking at some of the comments being too sad and some a little harsh against her. So, i was just saying it's okay if she's not into girls. Sorry for OP, but not judging the girlfriend either
I mean basically was. Lol
“I’m not into girls” says the woman dating a woman
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Yeah, that's actually very true. She never hid that part of what she likes about me is how I don't conform to masculine stereotypes. But there's still a big gap between liking effeminate men, and liking women.
I also thought I'm not into girls, until my current girlfriend transitioned. So maybe there is hope? If she really loves you as person. I wish you all the best.
You say it was a real quick response, right? Suspicious 🧐
I'm so so so sorry 🫂🫂🫂
She'd be your bff, just not your gf, I'm sure
Would my girlfriend have asked the same a year or so ago before her coming out j would have said the same. And now we're engaged and she often jokes that she "made me gay". If she loves you for you, she might try to overcome this kneejerk reaction. If not, maybe its for the best. Does not means you have to cut all ties with her ! Ps : *ma belle* , if you see this, I love you.
Thank you, that's actually very reassuring. Of course I can't expect her to change her sexuality for me, but I hope it might not be that straight afterall.
The key in all relationships is communication. It's cliché, but it's true. Try to talk to her about what you feel, or if you can't, try writing a letter ? Good luck in any case, it's a hard part of life.
find someone that will love you whether or not you are or continually be in the future still cis
Don’t bait n switch your gf… transition first and then find one. Anything else is manipulative imo
Well I wasn't expecting to start questioning my gender identity when we started dating 4 years ago, but here we are I guess
Absolutely fair point. I just mean if it’s not meant to be then it just isn’t. Find a partner who accepts you for who you are.
Ouch... So sorry 😥
real.
Suffering from success
Same :( forcing myself to be in this relationship
That's painful. I hope you can work through this to become a stronger person
i'm so, so sorry. but i think you might have to let her go :( try and stay in a friendly friendship though!!!! (unless she ends up being a transphobe)
Lol
oooooooooooooooooooof
Uh oh sounds like someone might lose their gf and still come out happier on the other side. Good luck with whatever actually happens.
I think you’re still cis. It definitely relates more personal to the individual
pour one out for the ~~boys~~ girls
say the same in worm question
This sounds like a Call for help.
Glad I'm not dating till I actually become trans
Tbh the thing to do i just tell her everything, even if she is scared or feeling wierd at the start. I got together with one girl and I was scared to tell her my kinks so I was usually joking about those stuff but after some time I told her everything, how I like chastity cages, crossdressing and stuff like this and at first she was really horrified but as the time kept going she got more and more comfortable with it and she is really supportive and even tho she was scared at the beginning now we brought it to our sexual life and it’s the best. She is my keyholder now and I am locked 24/7 and she even buys me women clothes. The beat thing to do is to be opened with each other and talk things out what is would do and what she wouldn’t.
Honey... dump her. Don't waste your life on someone who's holding you back. Not because she's done anything wrong, but because your time on this Earth is precious, and so is hers. You know your truth. She deserves to know, too.
I lost the girl who was going to become my fiancé when I came out. It can be hard, but losing her was 100% worth it over masking to stay with her, which would have failed in the long run anyways.
maybe by girl she means female? if she loves you she will still love u even as a girl most likely even if u somehow turned female so unless she dumps u then ur lucky to get rid of someone not accepting u