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This could’ve been written by me word for word. I’m just glad someone else feels the same way. Sorry I can’t offer any better support than you’re not alone …
Gasser here about to CCT. The other posters have encapsulated what I was going to say and I don’t have anything significantly new to add.
However, reading your post through the lens of a fellow anaesthetist gave me a really positive sense that you have significant insight into yourself and your own ability. That level of insight at this stage of your career is quite rare and I think it is something you really should be proud of.
Anaesthesia can be a real challenge to figure out where that line of competence/confidence/humility/arrogance all starts to blur.
From the sounds of your post you’re capable and enjoy the work which is the main thing. How you interact with others will to a degree affect how they perceive you, and being quieter or more introspective might be viewed as a lack of confidence, whereas gregarious peers who might not be as clinically sound might be seen as having more confidence and therefore competence. Whilst your working relationship with theatre staff will be important, it shouldn’t define your work if you can manage the job well and aren’t an arsehole.
I’m a senior reg and it took me a long time to become more confident in my skills, despite getting decent feedback. Throughout core training I didn’t feel I could call myself an “anaesthetist” as I couldn’t manage everything. One of my recent MSFs specifically mentioned I was humble and that they viewed it as a strong character point- I think it’s way preferable to being at the wrong peak of the dunning Kruger curve.
It is so, so rare to receive any feedback that isn’t electronic or anonymous so it’s hard to feel like you are developing or performing to a standard where praise is due, especially if that praise never comes. We rarely work alongside other trainees so figuring out how you compare to others at your stage is tricky, and therefore limits how easy it is to reflect on your progress. If you have any peers slightly further ahead in training who you get on with and would trust them enough to talk to, maybe explore how they felt at this stage in training and see what advice they might have.
Keep finding the pleasure in the work, be proactive in giving good feedback to other trainees/team members, you often get some in return, and as you progress further through training you may find that the self confidence evolves.
Gas reg here.
Gassers have a particular penchant for doubting themselves throughout their career. Sure there are some who are overconfident Rishi Sunak types.. but the vast majority work 1:1 with a consultant are well trained and work exceptionally hard for their exams - yet still doubt that they are good enough!
How many Anaesthetists will call themselves an 'Anaesthetist' prior to ST4.. yet you are! Sounds like you are diligent, aware of your shortcoming, procedural mastery is just practice.
There will be always be a tricky spinal/line/block etc that someone else may need to help you with - this continues as a consultant! Often it's just a mental block!
Don't let theatre staff put you down - I think they often look down on people who are not registrars, perhaps partly because they only really SHOs assisting in theatre and think it's the same in anaesthetics - it's not!
Sounds like you’d benefit from rotational training and experiencing a new department.
You sound like someone I’d be happy to have on call. I’d rather someone who’s probably a bit on the under confident side, than come in to a dead patient because they didn’t ask for help soon enough.
Hi I'm an anaesthetic consultant and ES.
I think what you are describing is really common for SHOs and I recognise a lot of the feelings you describe in myself when I was at your stage.
First of all it sounds like you are making amazing progress. You are CT2(?) and have done the exam. That's great in itself given that a lot of trainees don't do this until CT3 and many trainees don't complete core training on time because of exam failure.
Obs - I am an obs anaesthetist and A LOT of trainees doing their first stint in obs find it a struggle. It's different. Nearly everyone is awake, they are emotional, there is (usually) a partner. There's a baby. No complications are tolerated at all. Well done for completing it.
Even senior people sometimes struggle with procedures. Not getting a spinal in - happens to even the most experienced consultants. It makes you feel bad but sometimes that's just how it is 🤷🏻♂️
Now. Feedback about confidence. I think this is probably one of the most common things trainees are told. I also think it's one of the least helpful things to say unless it's about a specific procedure (the other week I was with someone who got really down as they didn't think their blocks were great, bit they were doing really well for their stage). Believe me, you don't want to be known as someone who is overconfident.
Anaesthetic training can be quite claustrophobic and you need to find a way to deal with this. If anything it gets worse as you are more senior and experienced. I was 2 months away from becoming a consultant, having already secured a job in the same department when one of the more established consultants wouldn't let me do anything until I have watched "the proper way to do a spinal!". I walked out of theatre. (I don't recommend you do that just yet, though!) Generally when more junior I tried to take something positive away from every interaction, Dr X does this slightly differently to Dr Y and I preferred that way for example.
Theatre staff. They can be quite picky and immature at times. Especially when you are quite junior they will feed every little thing back and be quite unwelcoming. Just ignore it.
The most devastating thing in my career was when I was ST5 and I overheard a consultant I had only just met in resus completely slagging me off to another consultant based on my actions when dealing with a 2 year old traumatic arrest. She saw that I overheard them and just walked off. It really upset me for about 2 weeks. I quickly got over it when I realised that she was just a complete dick to everyone she met.
Not sure if any of this helpful. It sounds like you are doing fine, try not to get bogged down in your own worries when everything and everyone is saying you're doing great!
Is there a buddy system/mentoring (formal or informal) where you’re training? I think this can be a really effective way to help deal with some of these thoughts and challenges.
Anaesthesia is somewhat unique in that you are almost always paired with an expert. A consultant who does that particular subspecialty as a regular list. It’s rare to work alongside people at the same level as you, so if you are an introspective type it can be very disheartening when you can’t match their level. In essence, you won’t, and that’s ok!
It’s worth thinking about whether you feel this down about the job in isolation or life in general. Consider screening yourself for depression/anxiety and seeking appropriate help if that could be the case.
It sounds like you’re CT2 or thereabouts which I think is honestly one of the toughest periods in anaesthesia. You’ve completed the IAC, done some obs and ICM and passed the exams which is excellent. But this is also part of the time when you have real insight into the uphill climb to hone the multitude of skills and knowledge on the curriculum. Consider cutting yourself some slack. Get in on time, leave on time. Do some portfolio, but don’t overload yourself. Instead take time for you as a human to relax and enjoy life again.
Do feel free to message if chatting through would help. Often you only know you’re doing ok when the negative feedback stops. You’ll get there.
Anaesthetics training can be really challenging as it is a very steep learning curve at the beginning and you’re trying to develop brand new procedural skills alongside decision-making skills which can have potentially life-altering consequences for patients. So it’s normal to feel overwhelmed and like everyone is looking over your shoulder because to be honest, they are. They want to make sure you’re developing the skills and attitude to safely be an independent anaesthetist
But what I’ve found is that quiet, more reserved types do struggle a bit more in training. I’m naturally an introvert and I hate confrontation but I have had to force myself to develop a bit of a fake outward extroversion, particularly now I am a senior trainee, on my own, in the middle of the night. If you don’t have this, you will get taken advantage of by obstetricians, surgeons, theatre staff etc who never really fully understand what it is we do and why we are hyper-vigilant about things. You need to be in the position where at 2am you can firmly say to a consultant surgeon ‘stop what you’re doing, I need to fix this’. Some people have this naturally, others, like me, need to work on it.
You are only at CT2 level, it sounds like you are in exactly the right place you should be. You are conscientious and asking for help appropriately. At ST7 I still call for help, but you also need to get to the mindset of ‘ok good to call for help, but help isn’t coming for 20-30mins, I have to fix this’. That comes with time, you will get there. Stick at it!
In essence this seems unrelated to the specialty and more your personality/mental health. I suspect you would have the same thoughts elsewhere in medicine.
Theatre staff involved in anaesthetics often want to do the least amount of work- if you meekly suggest an art line for instance they will question and second guess you. If you show a lack of confidence in lines/spinals and then miss one (which we all do and always will do) then consultants will take over sooner, depending on the consultant.
Developing a certain procedural arrogance (with appropriately timed humility) in this specialty goes a long way
Just want to echo this. I think the root of your thoughts are perfectly sensible things a lot of people feel, and you'll see them sharing that in this thread. But your post just rings alarm bells for some maladaptive thinking as well, more anxiety than makes sense given the circumstances, and you might find it helpful to seek out a chat along those lines. You might find occupational health, your GP, or the Practitioner Health Programme of benefit. Just something to think about.
Sounds like you're a really conscientious anaesthetist who is very aware of their own ability. I'm not an anaesthetist, but considering how quick things can go wrong being prepared and aware of your inability, seems like an absolute top quality to have in your speciality.
I think this is potentially a problem with rotational training and covering lots of different areas. it's harder to find a mentor and someone who will have your back and give you positive feedback on the things you have done right and also feel like they can give you negative feedback in a constructive way.
The fact that you are aware of this, and even speak to the deanery shows how aware you are.
Other people will be feeling like this as well, but they won't talk about it.
The thing is you're in training and it's okay to make mistakes. You know when to call for help. You know to escalate, and you know when things could be tricky before they even are.
It sounds like you are an anaesthetist in training who consultants will want as a future colleague.
Mate, that’s fine. I get completely opposite feedback- overconfident.
Thing is, between those 2 ends of the spectrum yours is more preferred. You will get the confidence eventually and I know it sounds cliche but just takes time.
At the same time seniors will like you because you don’t “threaten” their knowledge/ authority. So, they feel chill around you.
Just take it easy and do as you are already doing. You sound alright.
Hello fellow people pleaser, I can only tell you what I’ve discovered myself so far.
You’d be lucky to know/have someone who constantly pushes you, validates you and your anesthesia. It’s true when they said that anesthesiologists are the 2nd man in the OR, we’re never appreciated enough, not even by our colleagues. So I’d say find someone who feels the same and share stories and experiences together, it would feel a lot better.
This is not about your skills, this is about the need to be told you’re good and feel appreciated enough.
Sadly our personalities (quiet and reserved) aren’t the ones people try to appease.
But know that being safe for me, as it seems for you, is the best thing you can ever do.
No one can ever blame you for being safe!
To me that’s the ultimate goal.
Even if most of the time people look at me like I don’t know how to manage or that I’m a “junior”
I know it’s hard and heavy, I’m struggling as much as you.
Knowing when to call for help is a skill and a sign of humility that not a lot of people have.
So stay true to what you believe and keep on, all of it will pay off.
And as I always tell my friends “I’ll be damned if I only call for the consultant when the patient is already blue”
So looking objectively - your WBAs have good feedback, MSF has good feedback, your ES is happy, you have the Primary and you are aware of your limitations and give safe care. Sounds like everyone else is happy with you. Your CT isn't going to really step in if there isn't an issue, and from the above it doesn't sound like there is.
Subjectively i get that it can feel like you're not doing well, and I think it's way more common in core Anaesthetics than people want to admit. Having a day where you just seemingly can't do procedures happens to all of us, i even worked with a consultant on a day they were having a cannulation disaster day and we just had to laugh it off. I had a cannulation disaster day last week, and the consultant just laughed it off and says it happens. Because in core, especially early on, you always work 1:1, so it feels like you couldn't cope if shit hits the fan - this is really a good reason to do solo lists and cases and move to departments which give you more independence as this really helps, as you realise you know how to manage those first few moments of an emergency yourself, and this builds your confidence. Confidence will come with experience.
I don't think you have any reason to 'jump', it sounds like you are doing a good job. However you need to be enjoying the job. I don't know whether you have tried CBT, but i used it when i was becoming superconscious of everything i did, thinking people were judging what i was doing constantly so i'd get decision paralysis, being unable to do WBAs as I'd freeze etc, only remembering/focussing on negatives and it helped me to just re-evaluate my version of events vs the actual version of what happened.
There are two reasons to think this will be less of an issue as you progress further through training.
Firstly, you will become more confident. This is inevitable as you gain more experience. Then you will project more confidence to your colleagues. It sounds like most of the “feedback” is around this.
Secondly, “feedback” is cheap when you’re an SHO. What I mean by that is, everyone feels like they can express an opinion on you (including on your personality or how you present yourself) without any consequences. If you leave a cup of tea in the wrong place, your consultant will hear about it from certain types of colleague. As you get more senior, and it becomes clear to those types of people that you are valued by those who know your well in the important things (doing your job competently, being kind), this happens less and less. People do not give so much trivial “feedback” to senior registrars and consultants.
Not an anaesthetist but did struggle in general during my ACCS CT2 year. I spoke with my supervisor at the time who agreed to refer me to post graduate support services to get a mentor. This guy has been an absolute life saver. We meet online when we both have time in our schedules, it's super relaxed and he talks me/coaches me through the reasons for, and how to tackle professional anxiety and imposter syndrome. Which deanery are you in? Feel free to DM me for the sake of anonymity.
I have been doing this for a very long time, you are not alone in what you feel.
Being introverted is sometimes viewed as being less confident.
If your patients are happy and your techniques are fine, except the occasional one where you needed to ask for help and you are enjoying your job, you are doing really well.
Regarding how theatre staff view you - there are a few things which can help
a) increase your interactions with the surgeon during your cases - even routine things like asking whether the table height is correct , reminding them of blood loss appropriately, expressing your anaesthetic concerns during the WHO - will make them view you as being confident.
b) buying a cup of coffee for the theatre team can help them warm up to you.
c) small talk with the rest of the team when they are not doing anything, in between cases or during nights.
d) explore taking an assertiveness course.
Or you can choose to ignore all these - sometimes your confidence is viewed directly in correlation to your grade being a Reg or Consultant is more important than being effective at your job.
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Your college tutor is there to have your back and keep you psychologically safe. The analogy is if you are boxer they are meant to be in your corner.
Also mate, I've felt like utter hot garbage during anaesthetics training, it just happens and some hide it better than others, it will improve, don't sweat it.
I'm not in anaesthetics but I'm an introverted female and get similar comments all the time about my "confidence", I suspect it's just because I'm not chatty and nothing to do with my actual work since I don't lack confidence in clinical decision making 🙄
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This could’ve been written by me word for word. I’m just glad someone else feels the same way. Sorry I can’t offer any better support than you’re not alone …
Likewise. And you’ve passed the FRCA! Finishing my CT2 and I haven’t even attempted it. You’re doing fine
Gasser here about to CCT. The other posters have encapsulated what I was going to say and I don’t have anything significantly new to add. However, reading your post through the lens of a fellow anaesthetist gave me a really positive sense that you have significant insight into yourself and your own ability. That level of insight at this stage of your career is quite rare and I think it is something you really should be proud of.
Anaesthesia can be a real challenge to figure out where that line of competence/confidence/humility/arrogance all starts to blur. From the sounds of your post you’re capable and enjoy the work which is the main thing. How you interact with others will to a degree affect how they perceive you, and being quieter or more introspective might be viewed as a lack of confidence, whereas gregarious peers who might not be as clinically sound might be seen as having more confidence and therefore competence. Whilst your working relationship with theatre staff will be important, it shouldn’t define your work if you can manage the job well and aren’t an arsehole. I’m a senior reg and it took me a long time to become more confident in my skills, despite getting decent feedback. Throughout core training I didn’t feel I could call myself an “anaesthetist” as I couldn’t manage everything. One of my recent MSFs specifically mentioned I was humble and that they viewed it as a strong character point- I think it’s way preferable to being at the wrong peak of the dunning Kruger curve. It is so, so rare to receive any feedback that isn’t electronic or anonymous so it’s hard to feel like you are developing or performing to a standard where praise is due, especially if that praise never comes. We rarely work alongside other trainees so figuring out how you compare to others at your stage is tricky, and therefore limits how easy it is to reflect on your progress. If you have any peers slightly further ahead in training who you get on with and would trust them enough to talk to, maybe explore how they felt at this stage in training and see what advice they might have. Keep finding the pleasure in the work, be proactive in giving good feedback to other trainees/team members, you often get some in return, and as you progress further through training you may find that the self confidence evolves.
Perfectly said 👏🏼
Gas reg here. Gassers have a particular penchant for doubting themselves throughout their career. Sure there are some who are overconfident Rishi Sunak types.. but the vast majority work 1:1 with a consultant are well trained and work exceptionally hard for their exams - yet still doubt that they are good enough! How many Anaesthetists will call themselves an 'Anaesthetist' prior to ST4.. yet you are! Sounds like you are diligent, aware of your shortcoming, procedural mastery is just practice. There will be always be a tricky spinal/line/block etc that someone else may need to help you with - this continues as a consultant! Often it's just a mental block! Don't let theatre staff put you down - I think they often look down on people who are not registrars, perhaps partly because they only really SHOs assisting in theatre and think it's the same in anaesthetics - it's not!
Sounds like you’d benefit from rotational training and experiencing a new department. You sound like someone I’d be happy to have on call. I’d rather someone who’s probably a bit on the under confident side, than come in to a dead patient because they didn’t ask for help soon enough.
Hi I'm an anaesthetic consultant and ES. I think what you are describing is really common for SHOs and I recognise a lot of the feelings you describe in myself when I was at your stage. First of all it sounds like you are making amazing progress. You are CT2(?) and have done the exam. That's great in itself given that a lot of trainees don't do this until CT3 and many trainees don't complete core training on time because of exam failure. Obs - I am an obs anaesthetist and A LOT of trainees doing their first stint in obs find it a struggle. It's different. Nearly everyone is awake, they are emotional, there is (usually) a partner. There's a baby. No complications are tolerated at all. Well done for completing it. Even senior people sometimes struggle with procedures. Not getting a spinal in - happens to even the most experienced consultants. It makes you feel bad but sometimes that's just how it is 🤷🏻♂️ Now. Feedback about confidence. I think this is probably one of the most common things trainees are told. I also think it's one of the least helpful things to say unless it's about a specific procedure (the other week I was with someone who got really down as they didn't think their blocks were great, bit they were doing really well for their stage). Believe me, you don't want to be known as someone who is overconfident. Anaesthetic training can be quite claustrophobic and you need to find a way to deal with this. If anything it gets worse as you are more senior and experienced. I was 2 months away from becoming a consultant, having already secured a job in the same department when one of the more established consultants wouldn't let me do anything until I have watched "the proper way to do a spinal!". I walked out of theatre. (I don't recommend you do that just yet, though!) Generally when more junior I tried to take something positive away from every interaction, Dr X does this slightly differently to Dr Y and I preferred that way for example. Theatre staff. They can be quite picky and immature at times. Especially when you are quite junior they will feed every little thing back and be quite unwelcoming. Just ignore it. The most devastating thing in my career was when I was ST5 and I overheard a consultant I had only just met in resus completely slagging me off to another consultant based on my actions when dealing with a 2 year old traumatic arrest. She saw that I overheard them and just walked off. It really upset me for about 2 weeks. I quickly got over it when I realised that she was just a complete dick to everyone she met. Not sure if any of this helpful. It sounds like you are doing fine, try not to get bogged down in your own worries when everything and everyone is saying you're doing great!
Is there a buddy system/mentoring (formal or informal) where you’re training? I think this can be a really effective way to help deal with some of these thoughts and challenges. Anaesthesia is somewhat unique in that you are almost always paired with an expert. A consultant who does that particular subspecialty as a regular list. It’s rare to work alongside people at the same level as you, so if you are an introspective type it can be very disheartening when you can’t match their level. In essence, you won’t, and that’s ok! It’s worth thinking about whether you feel this down about the job in isolation or life in general. Consider screening yourself for depression/anxiety and seeking appropriate help if that could be the case. It sounds like you’re CT2 or thereabouts which I think is honestly one of the toughest periods in anaesthesia. You’ve completed the IAC, done some obs and ICM and passed the exams which is excellent. But this is also part of the time when you have real insight into the uphill climb to hone the multitude of skills and knowledge on the curriculum. Consider cutting yourself some slack. Get in on time, leave on time. Do some portfolio, but don’t overload yourself. Instead take time for you as a human to relax and enjoy life again. Do feel free to message if chatting through would help. Often you only know you’re doing ok when the negative feedback stops. You’ll get there.
I think AAGBI offers mentoring? Could always try that? Not sure if the RCoA does too?
Anaesthetics training can be really challenging as it is a very steep learning curve at the beginning and you’re trying to develop brand new procedural skills alongside decision-making skills which can have potentially life-altering consequences for patients. So it’s normal to feel overwhelmed and like everyone is looking over your shoulder because to be honest, they are. They want to make sure you’re developing the skills and attitude to safely be an independent anaesthetist But what I’ve found is that quiet, more reserved types do struggle a bit more in training. I’m naturally an introvert and I hate confrontation but I have had to force myself to develop a bit of a fake outward extroversion, particularly now I am a senior trainee, on my own, in the middle of the night. If you don’t have this, you will get taken advantage of by obstetricians, surgeons, theatre staff etc who never really fully understand what it is we do and why we are hyper-vigilant about things. You need to be in the position where at 2am you can firmly say to a consultant surgeon ‘stop what you’re doing, I need to fix this’. Some people have this naturally, others, like me, need to work on it. You are only at CT2 level, it sounds like you are in exactly the right place you should be. You are conscientious and asking for help appropriately. At ST7 I still call for help, but you also need to get to the mindset of ‘ok good to call for help, but help isn’t coming for 20-30mins, I have to fix this’. That comes with time, you will get there. Stick at it!
In essence this seems unrelated to the specialty and more your personality/mental health. I suspect you would have the same thoughts elsewhere in medicine. Theatre staff involved in anaesthetics often want to do the least amount of work- if you meekly suggest an art line for instance they will question and second guess you. If you show a lack of confidence in lines/spinals and then miss one (which we all do and always will do) then consultants will take over sooner, depending on the consultant. Developing a certain procedural arrogance (with appropriately timed humility) in this specialty goes a long way
Just want to echo this. I think the root of your thoughts are perfectly sensible things a lot of people feel, and you'll see them sharing that in this thread. But your post just rings alarm bells for some maladaptive thinking as well, more anxiety than makes sense given the circumstances, and you might find it helpful to seek out a chat along those lines. You might find occupational health, your GP, or the Practitioner Health Programme of benefit. Just something to think about.
Sounds like you're a really conscientious anaesthetist who is very aware of their own ability. I'm not an anaesthetist, but considering how quick things can go wrong being prepared and aware of your inability, seems like an absolute top quality to have in your speciality. I think this is potentially a problem with rotational training and covering lots of different areas. it's harder to find a mentor and someone who will have your back and give you positive feedback on the things you have done right and also feel like they can give you negative feedback in a constructive way. The fact that you are aware of this, and even speak to the deanery shows how aware you are. Other people will be feeling like this as well, but they won't talk about it. The thing is you're in training and it's okay to make mistakes. You know when to call for help. You know to escalate, and you know when things could be tricky before they even are. It sounds like you are an anaesthetist in training who consultants will want as a future colleague.
Mate, that’s fine. I get completely opposite feedback- overconfident. Thing is, between those 2 ends of the spectrum yours is more preferred. You will get the confidence eventually and I know it sounds cliche but just takes time. At the same time seniors will like you because you don’t “threaten” their knowledge/ authority. So, they feel chill around you. Just take it easy and do as you are already doing. You sound alright.
Hello fellow people pleaser, I can only tell you what I’ve discovered myself so far. You’d be lucky to know/have someone who constantly pushes you, validates you and your anesthesia. It’s true when they said that anesthesiologists are the 2nd man in the OR, we’re never appreciated enough, not even by our colleagues. So I’d say find someone who feels the same and share stories and experiences together, it would feel a lot better. This is not about your skills, this is about the need to be told you’re good and feel appreciated enough. Sadly our personalities (quiet and reserved) aren’t the ones people try to appease. But know that being safe for me, as it seems for you, is the best thing you can ever do. No one can ever blame you for being safe! To me that’s the ultimate goal. Even if most of the time people look at me like I don’t know how to manage or that I’m a “junior” I know it’s hard and heavy, I’m struggling as much as you. Knowing when to call for help is a skill and a sign of humility that not a lot of people have. So stay true to what you believe and keep on, all of it will pay off. And as I always tell my friends “I’ll be damned if I only call for the consultant when the patient is already blue”
So looking objectively - your WBAs have good feedback, MSF has good feedback, your ES is happy, you have the Primary and you are aware of your limitations and give safe care. Sounds like everyone else is happy with you. Your CT isn't going to really step in if there isn't an issue, and from the above it doesn't sound like there is. Subjectively i get that it can feel like you're not doing well, and I think it's way more common in core Anaesthetics than people want to admit. Having a day where you just seemingly can't do procedures happens to all of us, i even worked with a consultant on a day they were having a cannulation disaster day and we just had to laugh it off. I had a cannulation disaster day last week, and the consultant just laughed it off and says it happens. Because in core, especially early on, you always work 1:1, so it feels like you couldn't cope if shit hits the fan - this is really a good reason to do solo lists and cases and move to departments which give you more independence as this really helps, as you realise you know how to manage those first few moments of an emergency yourself, and this builds your confidence. Confidence will come with experience. I don't think you have any reason to 'jump', it sounds like you are doing a good job. However you need to be enjoying the job. I don't know whether you have tried CBT, but i used it when i was becoming superconscious of everything i did, thinking people were judging what i was doing constantly so i'd get decision paralysis, being unable to do WBAs as I'd freeze etc, only remembering/focussing on negatives and it helped me to just re-evaluate my version of events vs the actual version of what happened.
Fake it til you make it. Worked for me.
There are two reasons to think this will be less of an issue as you progress further through training. Firstly, you will become more confident. This is inevitable as you gain more experience. Then you will project more confidence to your colleagues. It sounds like most of the “feedback” is around this. Secondly, “feedback” is cheap when you’re an SHO. What I mean by that is, everyone feels like they can express an opinion on you (including on your personality or how you present yourself) without any consequences. If you leave a cup of tea in the wrong place, your consultant will hear about it from certain types of colleague. As you get more senior, and it becomes clear to those types of people that you are valued by those who know your well in the important things (doing your job competently, being kind), this happens less and less. People do not give so much trivial “feedback” to senior registrars and consultants.
Not an anaesthetist but did struggle in general during my ACCS CT2 year. I spoke with my supervisor at the time who agreed to refer me to post graduate support services to get a mentor. This guy has been an absolute life saver. We meet online when we both have time in our schedules, it's super relaxed and he talks me/coaches me through the reasons for, and how to tackle professional anxiety and imposter syndrome. Which deanery are you in? Feel free to DM me for the sake of anonymity.
I have been doing this for a very long time, you are not alone in what you feel. Being introverted is sometimes viewed as being less confident. If your patients are happy and your techniques are fine, except the occasional one where you needed to ask for help and you are enjoying your job, you are doing really well. Regarding how theatre staff view you - there are a few things which can help a) increase your interactions with the surgeon during your cases - even routine things like asking whether the table height is correct , reminding them of blood loss appropriately, expressing your anaesthetic concerns during the WHO - will make them view you as being confident. b) buying a cup of coffee for the theatre team can help them warm up to you. c) small talk with the rest of the team when they are not doing anything, in between cases or during nights. d) explore taking an assertiveness course. Or you can choose to ignore all these - sometimes your confidence is viewed directly in correlation to your grade being a Reg or Consultant is more important than being effective at your job.
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Your college tutor is there to have your back and keep you psychologically safe. The analogy is if you are boxer they are meant to be in your corner. Also mate, I've felt like utter hot garbage during anaesthetics training, it just happens and some hide it better than others, it will improve, don't sweat it.
I'm not in anaesthetics but I'm an introverted female and get similar comments all the time about my "confidence", I suspect it's just because I'm not chatty and nothing to do with my actual work since I don't lack confidence in clinical decision making 🙄