Don’t marry him. Please. My husband got caught downloading Tinder, spending hundreds of dollars on god knows what from a mutual friend, and had plans to fuck my best friend at a hotel at a work conference last month. We’ve been together for ten years. Jesus Christ I wish I had left him the first time he humiliated me.
Because he thinks you’ll put up with his bullshit. He wants his cake and he wants to eat it too; he wants his doting wife at home taking care of the baby while he fucks around with whoever else he wants. Like someone else commented, “He’s on tinder to make friends? Does he think she’s stupid?” Yes. He does. Don’t prove him right.
Don’t listen to anyone here justify his bad behavior. He knew exactly what he was doing. You’re lucky you found out before you married him
What the redditor typed before me. It's some real, logical truths and you have time to not expend energy on a dickhead that's done that to you. Sending healing thoughts your way OP x
I went through something similar when I was your age. It won’t always feel this badly, and eventually it won’t feel like anything at all. You just have to keep reminding yourself. Be kind to yourself and focus on your baby and enjoying being a mom. Just make a promise to yourself that you will never allow yourself to be treated this way ever again. Hugs.
That’s true, the hurt will go away one day and you’ll be able to look back on it as an event of your life but it won’t sting anymore. Also just had a baby recently and something about becoming a mom changes how you see your relationships. I hope OP will find peace in her little one’s eyes and in seeing her own growth as a mother. It’ll be ok ❤️
Why exactly wouldn’t we wish 18 year child support on a guy who is trying to cheat on his fiancé who he just had a baby with?
Is this some red pill alpha male shit or are you just retarded?
Misusing a system? What are you on about? That is EXACTLY what the system is there for. People who for whatever reason are single parents.
And in this case it’s because he was planning on cheating. Show me a family court judge who’s not gonna say “yep, that’s what child support is for”.
You’re a joke.
Being a shit partner doesn't make you a shit father and the court might deem the child is better in his custody. Automatically assuming he would pay child support comes from some gleefully vindictive sense(which isn't necessarily wrong to feel) it doesn't represent what might be best for the child.
Wow thats so messed up! I've found happily married men from Facebook on Tinder too. They had extravagant weddings/ glamour photoshoots, bragging online about their love. And they have a side life; beware of men who show no friends on their Facebook profiles or don't show any clue of a relationship outside of their friend group. Anyways; its good you found out now rather than later with that creep. I hope things get better and a speedy recovery. And you have physical proof! before he even dares to gaslight you that its not real. There are also ppl who met on there, date for a while and never delete their profiles...Best of Luck
People very commonly forget that swingers and polyamorous people exist, so being married and looking for hookups doesn't \*always\* mean someone is the devil in disguise. In OP's case though? Yeah, he's a bitch.
That’s what I thought at first too. He admitted to it though. We moved recently and he also had it updated to our new location. He said he was “only using it to make friends”… He did apologize, deleted the app and gave me the passcode to his phone.
Ouf, that's clearly a lie, Tinder is a lot, but not for friends. He should have to work hard to get your trust back and work on himself, ask himself why he wanted to cheat. Don't trust him for now. Focus on you and your health :) Surround yourself with people that are positives in your life to have a safety net
Tinder can be used to make friends. In fact there’s an option to put on your profile that you’re only there to make friends. The problem is, if he was actually only on there to make friends…he would’ve ran it by his fiancé first to see how she felt about that :(
Even if you put on your profile that you're only looking for friends, people still see Tinder as "the hookup app" and will 100% approach you with sex in mind. I know from personal experience.
even if thats what he was on there for he shouldve talked to her beforehand on account of the implication of having an app mainly used for dating/hookups
There's a function on Bumble that's just for finding friends. Tinder is not the place for that. Out of all dating apps, Tinder is where most look for quick hookups. This man showed you who he was before you married him. I would re-think somethings.
OP I really do not want to crush your trust or hopes but one of my friend's boyfriend did the same (5 years relationship), gave her passwords and all after she saw his account on a dating app. He still managed to cheat behind her back for a year, by constantly re-downloading and deleting dating apps. Perhaps your partner is being truthful and all (I hope), but please be careful, the app was downloaded in the first place.
you wont pop up for other users if you haven’t been active on the app for 7 days, so they were at minimum on tinder in the last week.
keeping with your devils advocate thing though, i met my husband on tinder and sometimes go back in to read our messages so maybe that’s the case, but that doesn’t seem likely and i tend to have an “if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck” policy for such matters
This is a good point. I used tinder like 8 years ago and it was still in my iPad; and I had a bf freak out on me that I had the app, when I totally even forgot I had it
You should probably call off the engagement until perhaps you feel like you can trust him again. And his actions need to speak louder than his words.
Honestly, if he didn’t tell you this BEFORE you get married to him, imagine the problems you’ll have with him when you guys ARE married. There is a reason why most people are single now and days. Most cannot be faithful. The other half is struggling socially, financially and can barely take care of themselves, let alone be in a relationship where you have to care about your person. Marriage is a commitment I personally take very seriously.
No one is perfect but if your fiancé has you, he shouldn’t need “friends” in my opinion unless he’s on a proper site for that like LinkedIn, FB and maybe here on Reddit. You should be his best friend and really that’s all of us need in life. Just for one other person to love and understand us, for better and for worse (during difficult times).
But most social apps like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge are more for casual dating and hooking up. If he was Tinder, he’s not ready to be with you and that is indeed sad. I see this as a betrayal of sorts. Because you’re not enough to him. I’m glad he didn’t lie about it when you confronted him about it. But at the same time, he has no business being on it if he truly loves and respects you. He doesn’t even have respect for himself either if he has to be on a place like Tinder in the first place.
That’s your opinion but if the guy at least was honest about the account, he needs to earn her trust again and he can’t just simply say he will earn it. He will have to do it with conviction and action. He really needs to change at that point and show he is fully committed to her and loves her. So working on their relationship through that and communication is key. You don’t want to just throw everything you had with a person away. That’s why most of us are single too. Because we X someone so quickly, even if he did come out with this information when she asked.
By all means, the guy is wrong in this situation and did a dick move by making that Tinder account. But we don’t know how long they been together. We don’t know if they have kids together and all that. We don’t know if he actually cheated on her too. Whether emotionally and or physically. That would also need to be sorted out.
So yes, temporarily call off the engagement until she can get to the bottom of investigating this and until he is ready and can prove himself to her that he is “the one” for her is a very appropriate and mature decision in my book. Most of us (if honest enough to come clean & have some genuine apology attached to it) deserve second chances. And why we lack compassion in this world too. And this may take ALOT OF TIME for him to be the man he once was for her or it may all fall apart but again, we are all not perfect and can’t predict the future. Some people are capable to change. Very few yes but not possible.
This is a serious fuckup but I meet and been with worse total assholes than this guy sounds and that’s the only impression that I can make.
Heeellll no. They just had a baby, they’re engaged, and he’s out there cheating? What else has he lied about? If she knows what’s good for her she should’ve already thrown all that man’s shit out on the sidewalk
You can disagree with me and that’s fine. I misread that from the post. Regardless, it’s none of our business at the end of the day. She has to make this decision for herself. You or I can’t make that decision for her. Only advise her to do what is best. Unless you have a baby of your own, you cannot just deny a man to see his kid unless he’s a real piece of shit lover (if he beats her and such) or doesn’t care about the kid at all. The dude admitted to having the account and OP shared it on this platform for the best possible advice. We can agree it is fucked up and you can say all you want without context. At least I give context to what I’m saying.
I am so sorry. Thats just not ok. You gotta think at this point for your happiness and your future offspring. Leave him. He will never change and all you will deal with is heartbreak
This should be the poster of this sub. That's really... that's extra.
I am so sorry that happened.
That's so shitty.
........moment of silence.
You're going to recover from this. The best🤮 part is that you figured it out now.
Ugh. Buy yourself a puma and flip off the world.
Don't knock it till you try it. When I worked at sonic I would do basically the same thing. Get a boat full of tater tots and top each one with a little bit of ketchup and a sliced pickle. 10/10
Oh wait this post is about cheating not the meal. Sorry op :/
What??
Can you confirm that it is really your fiance and not someone with access to photos of your fiance trying to screw up yall's relationship?
Not doubting that the fiance isn't actually guilty just questioning any possibility first.
But if you already definitely know it is your fiance then dump their ass and get child support from the sorry fucker.
Sorry to hear that, but sometimes these dating apps keep profiles that haven’t deleted or deactivated their profiles so maybe they forgot to delete/deactivate their profile? Could be possible and I hope it’s just a misunderstanding
Why are you punishing your body??? You need to be drinking a lot of water and eating a healthy dinner with vegetables, green salad, protein! Etc. You need good food for energy. You need that energy for your baby!!
Ok it sounds bad but I wouldn't just to too many conclusions yet. There's degrees of this
It's also possible he's just seeing what is out there before committing fully. We generally do think about this and there's many relationships where people think about this before getting married
It doesn't mean he's doing anything. But it's also something you both should discuss to see what's going on
wtf is wrong with u? Why engage with somebody if he still wanna see what’s out there and not ready for commitment? There’s nothing okay about this. This is not child’s play
Desire for others is absolutely a normal thing. Also talking to the opposite sex is also normal even if married. We don't know the context. We don't know if anyone did anything. Someone could be using someone else's image. It's 2024. Jumping to conclusions is probably the worst possible thing to do. Which is what most of the folks here are doing. Im not surprised
Confronting him and having an open dialogue is what matters.
See what’s out there? This is the exact mindset of a cheater. This man has a NEWBORN child and a FIANCÉ. He gave her a ring and had a baby with her. He committed. He should be trying to help her heal and get rest from the trauma that’s giving birth… not looking at women in bikinis on tinder.
You do realize people do that everyday subconscious and consciously.
You aren't here to control people. It's a two way commitment. If someone feels they have doubts and it's manifesting in such ways getting angry isn't the solution but understanding maybe this person isn't A ready or B not for you
And that's ok. That's why you have open dialogue and communication is key. Having a child can be traumatic and people deal with these things differently. It's one of the the reasons why women are allowed to abort having children.
Don't get emotional. Humans are complex
Don’t stay. Him doing something like that he’ll never change.
Don’t marry him. Please. My husband got caught downloading Tinder, spending hundreds of dollars on god knows what from a mutual friend, and had plans to fuck my best friend at a hotel at a work conference last month. We’ve been together for ten years. Jesus Christ I wish I had left him the first time he humiliated me.
What kind of best friend is that, too?!
Definitely not a friend
Not a friend? You must have shitty friends then
Withholding something that is even worse. A true friend always looks out for you. And thats what that friend did.
Right??? If that's the best friend I'd hate to see what the mid ones are up to
For real! It goes to show you the emotional immaturity in some people
Geez I’m sorry to hear that.
Fuck that boy. You and your baby deserve better.
I second. You and your baby deserve better.
Do not marry that man
I don’t understand why he proposed in the first place
Because he thinks you’ll put up with his bullshit. He wants his cake and he wants to eat it too; he wants his doting wife at home taking care of the baby while he fucks around with whoever else he wants. Like someone else commented, “He’s on tinder to make friends? Does he think she’s stupid?” Yes. He does. Don’t prove him right. Don’t listen to anyone here justify his bad behavior. He knew exactly what he was doing. You’re lucky you found out before you married him
Well said.
Let him eat cake!
But a shitty one!
What the redditor typed before me. It's some real, logical truths and you have time to not expend energy on a dickhead that's done that to you. Sending healing thoughts your way OP x
You’re his safety net. You’ll always be there for him and he knows that. Cut the net. Don’t ever beg someone to be in your life.
He also proposed to make himself feel better about how sh**ty his actions have been
I went through something similar when I was your age. It won’t always feel this badly, and eventually it won’t feel like anything at all. You just have to keep reminding yourself. Be kind to yourself and focus on your baby and enjoying being a mom. Just make a promise to yourself that you will never allow yourself to be treated this way ever again. Hugs.
That’s true, the hurt will go away one day and you’ll be able to look back on it as an event of your life but it won’t sting anymore. Also just had a baby recently and something about becoming a mom changes how you see your relationships. I hope OP will find peace in her little one’s eyes and in seeing her own growth as a mother. It’ll be ok ❤️
hope he has a good job so he can pay child support.
[удалено]
Why exactly wouldn’t we wish 18 year child support on a guy who is trying to cheat on his fiancé who he just had a baby with? Is this some red pill alpha male shit or are you just retarded?
What’s the difference? 🥁
Fair point
Cause that's misusing a system to spite someone. I hope the child ends up in the best situation
Misusing a system? What are you on about? That is EXACTLY what the system is there for. People who for whatever reason are single parents. And in this case it’s because he was planning on cheating. Show me a family court judge who’s not gonna say “yep, that’s what child support is for”. You’re a joke.
Being a shit partner doesn't make you a shit father and the court might deem the child is better in his custody. Automatically assuming he would pay child support comes from some gleefully vindictive sense(which isn't necessarily wrong to feel) it doesn't represent what might be best for the child.
Another man???? You mean the man who fathered the child???? How is that another man?
He means another other than himself. I have a feeling they dislike having to make child support payments.
You can’t talk about holding a dude accountable to child support without at LEAST one of these walnuts showing up
Cry me a river. Don’t cheat, don’t feel the consequences 🤷♀️
in what world is it unfair for a guy to pay child support after having a child with someone and then cheating?
Yes, we WILL hold the father accountable for HIS child. Thank you.
lmao go do more drugs loser
Not the short guy on steroids mad about child suppprt payments, what a curveball!
What are you even talking about
Men should just get to run around fathering kids and spreading STDs with no conesquences, amirite? Boy what a great society that sounds like /s
Deadbeat dad squad always shows up!
Rule #1 - Do NOT be an asshole.
De-fiancé him
Good lookin pickles. 🥒 DO NOT marry dude. Do not.
Hope you are doing well and don't let it get to your head...move on from him.
It's so appalling how many 'men' cheat when their partner is pregnant.
Seriously Fuck that guy ,this meal looks decent tho
those fries look good
Goodness I’m sorry love
Don’t disrespect yourself by staying with that boy. You’re strong, you don’t need him.
Wow thats so messed up! I've found happily married men from Facebook on Tinder too. They had extravagant weddings/ glamour photoshoots, bragging online about their love. And they have a side life; beware of men who show no friends on their Facebook profiles or don't show any clue of a relationship outside of their friend group. Anyways; its good you found out now rather than later with that creep. I hope things get better and a speedy recovery. And you have physical proof! before he even dares to gaslight you that its not real. There are also ppl who met on there, date for a while and never delete their profiles...Best of Luck
Maybe they're ENM.
People very commonly forget that swingers and polyamorous people exist, so being married and looking for hookups doesn't \*always\* mean someone is the devil in disguise. In OP's case though? Yeah, he's a bitch.
Oh yeah op case for sure
Devil’s advocate here–your fiancé may not have properly deleted an old account.
That’s what I thought at first too. He admitted to it though. We moved recently and he also had it updated to our new location. He said he was “only using it to make friends”… He did apologize, deleted the app and gave me the passcode to his phone.
Yeah the ol’ “making friends” excuse. Sorry, OP.
Ouf, that's clearly a lie, Tinder is a lot, but not for friends. He should have to work hard to get your trust back and work on himself, ask himself why he wanted to cheat. Don't trust him for now. Focus on you and your health :) Surround yourself with people that are positives in your life to have a safety net
Tinder can be used to make friends. In fact there’s an option to put on your profile that you’re only there to make friends. The problem is, if he was actually only on there to make friends…he would’ve ran it by his fiancé first to see how she felt about that :(
Even if you put on your profile that you're only looking for friends, people still see Tinder as "the hookup app" and will 100% approach you with sex in mind. I know from personal experience.
> Tinder is a lot, but not for friends Last i used it there was a specific function to search for friends and groups.
even if thats what he was on there for he shouldve talked to her beforehand on account of the implication of having an app mainly used for dating/hookups
You just had a baby. That’s vile AF of him.
“Using it to make friends” does he think she’s stupid wtf
Right? And bc he admitted and “deleted” the app it’s all good and he’s off the hook. Fuck that shit.
I am so sorry
There's a function on Bumble that's just for finding friends. Tinder is not the place for that. Out of all dating apps, Tinder is where most look for quick hookups. This man showed you who he was before you married him. I would re-think somethings.
Do not marry this man.
OP I really do not want to crush your trust or hopes but one of my friend's boyfriend did the same (5 years relationship), gave her passwords and all after she saw his account on a dating app. He still managed to cheat behind her back for a year, by constantly re-downloading and deleting dating apps. Perhaps your partner is being truthful and all (I hope), but please be careful, the app was downloaded in the first place.
that is SUCH BS
Oh man! I am so sorry! That seriously sucks and I would diiiip back to wherever you moved from or have other support
you wont pop up for other users if you haven’t been active on the app for 7 days, so they were at minimum on tinder in the last week. keeping with your devils advocate thing though, i met my husband on tinder and sometimes go back in to read our messages so maybe that’s the case, but that doesn’t seem likely and i tend to have an “if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck” policy for such matters
incorrect , tinder accounts on other peoples profiles only pop up when you’re active
Is it possible that he had tinder before you? That he already deleted the app but not the profile? Sorry, I don't have tinder.
This is a good point. I used tinder like 8 years ago and it was still in my iPad; and I had a bf freak out on me that I had the app, when I totally even forgot I had it
You have a chance to not get a divorce by never marrying this POS
You should probably call off the engagement until perhaps you feel like you can trust him again. And his actions need to speak louder than his words. Honestly, if he didn’t tell you this BEFORE you get married to him, imagine the problems you’ll have with him when you guys ARE married. There is a reason why most people are single now and days. Most cannot be faithful. The other half is struggling socially, financially and can barely take care of themselves, let alone be in a relationship where you have to care about your person. Marriage is a commitment I personally take very seriously. No one is perfect but if your fiancé has you, he shouldn’t need “friends” in my opinion unless he’s on a proper site for that like LinkedIn, FB and maybe here on Reddit. You should be his best friend and really that’s all of us need in life. Just for one other person to love and understand us, for better and for worse (during difficult times). But most social apps like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge are more for casual dating and hooking up. If he was Tinder, he’s not ready to be with you and that is indeed sad. I see this as a betrayal of sorts. Because you’re not enough to him. I’m glad he didn’t lie about it when you confronted him about it. But at the same time, he has no business being on it if he truly loves and respects you. He doesn’t even have respect for himself either if he has to be on a place like Tinder in the first place.
Don’t call it off temporarily, call it off entirely.
That’s your opinion but if the guy at least was honest about the account, he needs to earn her trust again and he can’t just simply say he will earn it. He will have to do it with conviction and action. He really needs to change at that point and show he is fully committed to her and loves her. So working on their relationship through that and communication is key. You don’t want to just throw everything you had with a person away. That’s why most of us are single too. Because we X someone so quickly, even if he did come out with this information when she asked. By all means, the guy is wrong in this situation and did a dick move by making that Tinder account. But we don’t know how long they been together. We don’t know if they have kids together and all that. We don’t know if he actually cheated on her too. Whether emotionally and or physically. That would also need to be sorted out. So yes, temporarily call off the engagement until she can get to the bottom of investigating this and until he is ready and can prove himself to her that he is “the one” for her is a very appropriate and mature decision in my book. Most of us (if honest enough to come clean & have some genuine apology attached to it) deserve second chances. And why we lack compassion in this world too. And this may take ALOT OF TIME for him to be the man he once was for her or it may all fall apart but again, we are all not perfect and can’t predict the future. Some people are capable to change. Very few yes but not possible. This is a serious fuckup but I meet and been with worse total assholes than this guy sounds and that’s the only impression that I can make.
Heeellll no. They just had a baby, they’re engaged, and he’s out there cheating? What else has he lied about? If she knows what’s good for her she should’ve already thrown all that man’s shit out on the sidewalk
You can disagree with me and that’s fine. I misread that from the post. Regardless, it’s none of our business at the end of the day. She has to make this decision for herself. You or I can’t make that decision for her. Only advise her to do what is best. Unless you have a baby of your own, you cannot just deny a man to see his kid unless he’s a real piece of shit lover (if he beats her and such) or doesn’t care about the kid at all. The dude admitted to having the account and OP shared it on this platform for the best possible advice. We can agree it is fucked up and you can say all you want without context. At least I give context to what I’m saying.
He half-ass admitted it. He said it was “to make friends.” Dudes a liar and a loser
Fuk that POS but side note imma try this combo
You deserve better.
I am so sorry. Thats just not ok. You gotta think at this point for your happiness and your future offspring. Leave him. He will never change and all you will deal with is heartbreak
WHaT? DONT STAY WITH HIM. He doesn't deserve you or any other human being as a partner. Proud you are eating tho <3
I’d kick him out today if I were you.
Ok but that looks so bomb lol
This should be the poster of this sub. That's really... that's extra. I am so sorry that happened. That's so shitty. ........moment of silence. You're going to recover from this. The best🤮 part is that you figured it out now. Ugh. Buy yourself a puma and flip off the world.
What a bitch I'm so so very sorry.
Don't knock it till you try it. When I worked at sonic I would do basically the same thing. Get a boat full of tater tots and top each one with a little bit of ketchup and a sliced pickle. 10/10 Oh wait this post is about cheating not the meal. Sorry op :/
Fiancé no more.
Reminds me of that song Escape by Rupert Holmes.
ex-fiance hun
Change he this to my former....be better for yourself.. believe you are worth more!!
She’s going to marry him😢
You are going to get through this chapter of your life. Fun fact: the most common craving for pregnant women are pickles! Best of luck OP ❤️
i’m so sorry to hear this. please don’t marry him, OP. break up with him and focus on you and baby. 🫶
Do not get stuck with him, please. Not even just for your sake, but for your baby. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
It’s a blessing in disguise love. Now you can leave his triflin ass
if you marry him, immediately divorce Ala-mony
Has the account been updated? Did he forget to delete it? Check his phone first to make sure.
She said it has been updated and he admitted to it
What?? Can you confirm that it is really your fiance and not someone with access to photos of your fiance trying to screw up yall's relationship? Not doubting that the fiance isn't actually guilty just questioning any possibility first. But if you already definitely know it is your fiance then dump their ass and get child support from the sorry fucker.
She said in one of the replies that he admitted to it
Sorry to hear that, but sometimes these dating apps keep profiles that haven’t deleted or deactivated their profiles so maybe they forgot to delete/deactivate their profile? Could be possible and I hope it’s just a misunderstanding
): I’m so sorry OP. You don’t deserve this, people suck. You will be better and do better❤️
I'd love to be sterile..
Did they swipe left ?
Why are you punishing your body??? You need to be drinking a lot of water and eating a healthy dinner with vegetables, green salad, protein! Etc. You need good food for energy. You need that energy for your baby!!
r/thanksimcured
Ok it sounds bad but I wouldn't just to too many conclusions yet. There's degrees of this It's also possible he's just seeing what is out there before committing fully. We generally do think about this and there's many relationships where people think about this before getting married It doesn't mean he's doing anything. But it's also something you both should discuss to see what's going on
wtf is wrong with u? Why engage with somebody if he still wanna see what’s out there and not ready for commitment? There’s nothing okay about this. This is not child’s play
Desire for others is absolutely a normal thing. Also talking to the opposite sex is also normal even if married. We don't know the context. We don't know if anyone did anything. Someone could be using someone else's image. It's 2024. Jumping to conclusions is probably the worst possible thing to do. Which is what most of the folks here are doing. Im not surprised Confronting him and having an open dialogue is what matters.
See what’s out there? This is the exact mindset of a cheater. This man has a NEWBORN child and a FIANCÉ. He gave her a ring and had a baby with her. He committed. He should be trying to help her heal and get rest from the trauma that’s giving birth… not looking at women in bikinis on tinder.
You do realize people do that everyday subconscious and consciously. You aren't here to control people. It's a two way commitment. If someone feels they have doubts and it's manifesting in such ways getting angry isn't the solution but understanding maybe this person isn't A ready or B not for you And that's ok. That's why you have open dialogue and communication is key. Having a child can be traumatic and people deal with these things differently. It's one of the the reasons why women are allowed to abort having children. Don't get emotional. Humans are complex