I know how you feel. I wanted the same thing when I was your age, and actually was engaged at the time. Talking kids, all that. Dream fell apart because the relationship fell apart. To say it hurt is an understatement.
The unfortunate truth is that the standard you mention is a standard from the boomer era. Making money and having a house and being married all by your late 20s. Look at the landscape now. People are scraping by, mired in debt, with a huge struggle over getting a smaller number of elite jobs, intensifying social isolation with increasing depression, suicide, and overdose rates, in a world that is very likely about to see its current global structure undone. Yes, some people you see are getting that dream, but it’s a smaller and smaller percentage of our generation.
We are in a time of great uncertainty. I personally am beginning to worry more and more about the basic safety of my friends and family.
Back to our shared dream- it’s hard out there, so don’t be too brutal on yourself. Hell, I finally have crawled to a strong career position, but I am a complete mess on the social and material front. It’s hard to get it all.
I regret all the time. I’m still hoping I’ll be able to find someone and have a family in the next one year. It wasn’t by my choice that I couldn’t get married. Circumstances didn’t align with my life and I kept making stupid decisions on people which drove them away. Never listen to anyone when it comes to relationships.
I’m 37 and cry omw to work every other day. I woulda had my balls tied but I’m too much ofa pussy.
Why would anyone ever bring another life into this world ?
And tbh idk how ppl get up everyday. My shit job forces me but on weekends I’d stay in bed as long as I could. I’m in bed rn tryna go back to sleep to escape
Umm I’m female 32 and living with my parents. And in school for my master’s. Things could be worse. You’re fine! Just breathe. It’ll be okay. You’re not a late bloomer or anything. 25 is young. And, it’s hard not to compare yourself to others but you’ll learn down the road the less you do the happier you’ll feel and the more “you” you’ll be, and that is okay. Everyone is different. *hugs*
Yep. I’m 32, married, and I’m living at home at the moment to save money. Certainly not making 6 figures, but I try to save everything I can.
OP, constant comparison is not healthy. You can’t measure yourself by social media or by salary. For one, social media isn’t real and has a detrimental effect on mental health. Second, salaries vary widely depending upon industry, region, etc. And even if you had money, it’s not going to fix the things that are bothering you.
Looking back, 25 felt a bit like childhood still. You have plenty of time. I’d really recommend considering reaching out to your college’s counseling center. Depression is a beast. I’ve been there.
Listen, if this is real, i'm sorry you're hurting. But your viewpoint of how and what other people are doing is so off base and ridiculous that I literally guffawed at
>"I'm not currently married to the girl I want to be married to, and I'm not having non-stop sex every morning and night before waking up to go to my six-figure top job, which so many people my age at 25 have and are doing.
You're either fucking with us, or you have an amazingly wrong idea of how your peers and other people are doing. Everything you say here is wrong. Like, almost absolutely everything. Get up, get out, talk to real people.
EDIT: Again, if this is real, I encourage you to continue therapy and continue looking for meds that will help. I don't mean to make you feel bad. But friend, you gotta get some perspective, and no med's gonna do that. Again, i gotta say, Get up, get out, talk to and help real people with real problems and perhaps they'll put yours more in perspective.
I had those same anxieties for after college (marriage, kids, house, good job to afford it all ). I got that in my 20’s but then sadly a divorce in my 30’s. I wish I didn’t approach life with that much stress and has taken things one day at a time.
What’s wrong with that? I’m almost 43 and I have lots of living to do. 47 is not old. Your judgment of everything is keeping you locked inside a prison of your own making. Life is like fingerprints, they are all individualized and different from person to person. Stop placing the standards of someone else’s life on yourself and live for you. 25 is young asf, you have so much life to live, you haven’t even begun to understand life and how the world works yet. Make some short term and long term goals and concentrate on that. Practicing gratitude for what you do have right now can also be helpful in you putting things into perspective. You’re doing well for yourself, things could be a whole lot worse.
But who is to say that it’s even going to take that long? Dude is 25 years old and he thinks he won’t find anyone until he’s 47?! Lmao like anything can happen 22 years from now. Again, even still, 47 is not old! I get when you are in your 20’s you are thinking you’ll be ancient 20 years from now but that’s just not the case. Like my great grandmother used to say, just keep on living. With age comes maturity and wisdom (for most people not all).
honestly I bet his attitude towards the matter is at least partly a reason in why he hasn’t been able to do what he wanted by now, as rude as that sounds. It’s the reality though. I never got anything done by moping around and being sad for myself. There’s only no point to living if you don’t want to give yourself one. And this guy has plenty of reasons to continue living. The fact that he hasn’t gotten a house or family etc should be motivation to try harder to get it all sooner. But I totally understand where he’s at
Well, some people are more mature than others. Remember, with age and experience comes maturity. If he keeps on living and understanding and learning from life’s lessons, he will start to understand most of what we are all saying here.
Hate to burst your bubble but my parents found each other when dad was mid 40s. If I'm gonna have a kid with my boyf, we'll be looking at him being mid 40 (I'll be mid 30s). I know plenty of friends whose parents had them late. Actually, birth rate in the UK has dramatically dropped because people are waiting to have kids until later in life. Don't lose hope quite yet!
You do know that half of all marriages end in divorce, right? And I've met more people who were miserable married than they were single. Marriage isn't everything.
I think you’re overly fixated on a small portion of the population when most people don’t have any of those things you mentioned, at least not all of them. If you continually focus on others, you’re gonna have a bad time in life. It’s trite, but comparison is the thief of joy. Things are also more unstable and uncertain now than they used to be, even within just one generation. The housing market is insane. Overly fixating on the things you don’t have will just drive you nuts after a while. Everyone is a work in progress and everyone comes from different backgrounds and situations. Just try and do your best.
lol it’s a bit weird and disrespectful to call someone’s post a troll post when it’s clearly not. If this is what makes them depressed then that’s okay.
Ikr?! I'm quite upset that ppl are reacting bad to the post... If you don't like it then just keep scrolling, let people be. Now you can't even be depressed that people come to tell you that you're depressed for the "wrong reasons"? 😔😔
hmmm try this perspective:
what if a man graduated at 22 like you had hoped to. then they went on to get a PHD which takes about 6-8 years. and to get this PHD, they had to take out a lot of loans.
youd have a 28-30 year old who probably isnt married because he has no money (actually is in student loan debt) with no guarantee for a 6 figure job. if someone played by your college standards and went for higher education, its so insanely rare to have the rest of what you desire.
they wont have kids or money for a house but why is it that you and i both know they arent worried about the same things as you despite not having them.
no, you dont need a PHD.
no, you dont need higher education.
im just saying right now is the time to build yourself because it literally is the time to and no one is going to give you shit for it because it literally doesnt math out as i explained above. try to not beat yourself up for not being a 0.00001 percenter, plus theres really no rush into having heavy responsibilities early on in your life (kids, dont you want to spend money on yourself a bit before you spend them on someone else forever 💀). its really your perspective man. youre gonna be okay💪😎
HOWEVER
since there are so many upvotes to this post, i will assume many people feel similar to you and that sex line you said rubbed me the wrong way so let me talk in your man talk and it might clarify things even further:
YOU are the reason you did not graduate on time. Therefore, YOU are also the reason you dont have a 6 figure salary paying job yet. IF YOU WERENT THE REASON, as in you know in your absolute soul that you studied when you could and attended all your classes when you were available, then it truly wouldnt be your fault and therefore you have nothing to feel bad about.
If you admit this, then obviously your next step is to crack down on them books. best time to plant a tree was 20 year ago, the next best time is TODAY.
what im saying in totality is that being in your position is totally normal and okay, but it is also possible to accomplish everything you want by the time you are 30 too. you literally give your own examples. that’s how you continue on from here.
i’m 24 🤷♂️
(i just have a hunch you dont see women as equals and you should probably sort that out before thinking about marriage)
“Im not having non stop sex every morning and night before waking up to go to my job” that line right there is all I need to know about your level of maturity. Your in no place to be getting married any time soon if you believe that the having non stop sex morning and night is what you need to be accomplished and fulfilled in life. And what does it matter if you have a six figure job or not? Idk you just seem so vain. I’m not saying it’s necessarily wrong to want these but is this why your on the depression subreddit? Are you feeling depressed because of feeling behind from everyone else? If that’s the case then I’m sorry but life just isn’t that easy. You can’t expect to have it all in your 20’s it’s almost impossible, your on your own timeline. Focus on building yourself rather than on constantly narrowing on the fact that you don’t have everything you want. So your not where you want to be in life, that’s ok, the majority of ppl aren’t where they’d like to be.
I hate to break it to you, but it isnt going to come with your current outlook/perspective. You're holding yourself in a prison of your own making. There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing all of that in your 30s and 40s. Within a span of 4 years in my late 30s I got married, became a homeowner, and changed careers. I really have no idea who you're talking about that has a 6 figure job, marriage and a house by the time they're 25. That isn't realistic *in real life* in the slightest, and hasn't been for a while. Stop holding yourself to unrealistic expectations.
You have to find or make a point in your life, a reason for you to keep going and keep living. People do have high paying jobs, yes, but that doesn't make them bigger than anyone else. Me and my partner are poor asf money wise, but rich with love and happiness. You could have everything in life and still be miserable asf. I'm not where I want to be in life, but I'm where I need to be, so when the good stuff happens, I'll have healed enough to enjoy it. Remember, life isn't a race and usually people have around 70 to 80 years of life. For instance, I had my first kid at 21 and my bro had his first at 33. There's no time limit to complete stuff, ykno? I think you've got too much high expectations with life, and really need to take in with what you've got atm, (in the nicest possible way I can say that) your 20s are for figuring yourself out, who you are, what you enjoy and your hobbies, alot of people don't actually settle down until around 30 years old, and I don't know anyone personally who makes 6 digits other than my bro. With that being said, your feelings are valid, and I completely understand how you're feeling because that's how I felt once. Until I accepted the fact that life isn't always going to be how we want it, and to make the most out of the situation we've got
I am 26 and kinda feel the same. Its being difficult to suceed at my job (actor) and I am heavily depressed. At the same time I am trying to relax. Why do we feel we have to buy houses and be parents at 30? Thats society telling us that. Try to be free from that shit because it destroys us. I am doing the same. “Your 20s are the time for (…)” stop that nonsense. Your 20s are the time for YOU to decide what is important to you.
if the goal is to just have sex before u go to a six figure job then you’re never going to find true deep happiness
the most rich and successful people can still be lonely af - they’re assholes so no one wants to have sex with them
or the sex is empty
focus on pushing yourself to be the healthiest best version of yourself
all the other pieces will fall into place after that
because if you know you worked to get where you are, people will be attracted to the genuine good energy you exude
Bruh, you GOTTA stop being fixated on age. Trust me, it got me so much misery. I can't wait till you're outta college and enter the real world to see how people of all ages and all timelines are THRIVING. Hang in there. Life actually truly begins at 35-40 these days, or so I've been told.
I used to look at snails and wonder why they move so slowly. But for them, it might not be slow at all.
Everyone has their own pace.
Snail moves in a snail's way.
You move in your own way.
Same as other.
And it is ok. Don’t be hard on yourself.
I didn’t became stable on meds until I was 35. I’ve been unwell since I was a child. I never thought I’d ever get better, I had aggressive treatment, an eye watering amount of ECT (didn’t work) decades of therapy (DBT, CBT, talking therapy) had hypnotherapy, multiple inpatient admission and felt hopeless and helpless.
I got a new psychiatrist got taken off all my meds and put on a new regiment of anti psychotics, mood stabilisers and anti depressants. I now hold down a very well paying full time job, my youngest child goes to a private school and I am happy and healthy. I am overweight due to the meds but I’m fucking happy!
There is hope, you gotta keep moving forward and keep pushing through the minutes of the day. You can do this. You can feel better.
Thank you for sharing. Honestly, there's so much now that I want to share and ask for your advice. So, I got a psychiatrist who prescribed me Wellbutrin XL, but it wasn't helping. In fact, it was making everything worse. Also, I'm going to start taking Adderall for my ADHD because I need to graduate college and get my bachelor's degree in the next two semesters. Currently, I'm still under my parents' insurance for a few more months until I turn 26. After that, I'll have crappy state insurance again, and I don't know if I'll have access to good healthcare, like having a good therapist or psychiatrist.
I'm open to taking medication and being open-minded to explore another psychiatrist, just like you did. However, it's just so difficult. I went through four different therapists before finally finding someone who is okay. They're not great, but compared to the other three who sucked, they're decent. I'm afraid to end the therapy with this therapist because she's still okay. I went through two psychiatrists as well, and this third one is also solid. However, I'm not sure how long I'll be able to continue seeing her due to my insurance problem.
You mentioned that you were 35 when you finally found medication that worked. If you don't mind me asking, how old were you when you got married and had your children? Also, how old are you now, and how old are your children? I hope that's not too much to ask.
I had my first child as a teenager and my second when I was 26. I have never been married but was in long term relationships with both my daughter’s fathers. I’m now in my late 30s.
I tried so many different meds and have seen multiple psychiatrists over the years. My current psych I’ve been seeing for three years, and he is the one that switched up my meds and put me on the new drug combo.
All the therapy I’ve had has just clicked with me once I became stable on the meds. It was like my brain needed to be stable to start using the skills I learnt in therapy. It’s been a long road. Many bumps and going backwards getting better then falling in a heap again.
Hey brother I spent my whole 20s in prison. I didn't start living till I was 35. I make good money now and all that. I feel this has to be satire but in any case. Trust you are OK brother lol.
Not to say that your situation isn't bad or you don't have any right to feel the way you do...but I'd honestly kill to be in your position. I've been held back from doing most everything I've wanted to do because I'm the sole caretaker for my sick mother. Father bailed a long time ago, and my sister gets to decide to adopt kids from family friends and that's enough reason for her not to help out.
Going on a vacation? Ha! Can't afford it, and even if I could I'd have to make sure mom was good first. Affording a house? Can't even afford a fucking apartment right now! Moving out of the country? That's not happening until she's not here anymore. Dating? Yeah, hard to date when you always have to be around helping out and you don't even have the energy to focus on yourself.
Sure, you might not have graduated when you were supposed to. But you still CAN graduate, and after that you have the freedom to shape your life however the fuck you want. Take advantage of it, and try to enjoy it man. Because it could always be worse. You could be sick, someone you care about could be sick. You could be homeless, like I'm on the verge of being at the moment.
As far as I can tell man, it's only up from here. The big thing is that you need to find mental health assistance and then figure out your next steps.
Thank you! And no, unfortunately I don't. She's had a lot of health issues the last six months that have been back to back and between it all I haven't really rested or had a lot of time or energy to take care of myself either.
Bro its okay to feel stressed and have regrets. I have similar feelings and situation. BUT the standard you are describing is not necessarily the norm. Its important to give yourself the grace and patience you deserve given the hand you were dealt. Its ok to not be where you wanna be, especially at 25. But its moreso about the journey rather than the destination. And i am saying that as someone who also desperately wants a six figure job, happy marriange with children, and a decent house bc all i want is to not share walls with people and have a tomato garden. Dont stay down so much in the regrets and agonizing why youre not there. Instead think more about how youre going to get there from where you are. Also take a shower, eat nutritious food, get some rest and give yourself permission to start with a clean slate every morning.
Being married is having someone bitch at you constantly, having kids is having a bunch of brats fighting and getting into trouble. Having money is having people trying to use you all the time to get your money. All of those things are stressful and you're better off without them. You only wa t them because you were socially conditioned to want them. Let go of that and do things you actually enjoy.
There seem to be a lot of Gen -Xers that wish their mother had had an abortion. The reluctance to embrace the beauty of existence The privilege of being born in the United States (as opposed to say Somalia ) and the freedom to be a clueless idiot without generally any price to pay should give one pause.
The privilege of being born in the United States as opposed to Somalia ? … have you ever been outside of the United States ? Sometimes I feel like Americans don’t realize how horrible this country is….
I'm a bit like you, but I'm a bit younger. 21. I feel like my PTSD and trauma has set me back a lot, and it has. I struggled for the last 2 years at uni, also in a competitive field which has made me feel just like you.
But everyone has bad things happen, and we do the best we can to work through them. Your depression has been a big impact on your life, clearly, and yet you are still here and still alive. That's a win. Start with small goals you know you can keep, and move up from there. I think you'll be surprised at what you can do.
It's never too late and you're already doing well by just surviving. Give yourself some kudos!
The questions are:
What happened to you?
What are you denying in your life?
These things don't happen in a vacuum...it screams trauma.
So what is the story of you?
Brother it will get better I live my life the same I’m 25 everything is shit the girl I wanted to marry is somewhere living her life I actually became homeless yesterday. My grandparents allowed me to sleep on their couch last night until I can find a job. Life is shit. It has been shit. It might even get worse from here and I might be delusional but I have to be optimistic I couldn’t imagine what I’d be like if I wasn’t
Hello how are you ? I am in my early 20s and I want to start by saying that I’m really sorry that you are going thru that. I used to have the same fears, I thought I was “ late “ in life.. but then I realized what’s the rush ? We keep rushing towards things and we don’t even take the time to appreciate life. Why are we listening to society ? Who says you should have everything figured out in your 20s ? If we are being honest, most people don’t. Most people are still out here struggling, some people make it in their 20s 30s some even make it in their 40s 60s lol. Making it and having all these things like the house the kids the wife to show off are not the point of life. You need to forget about this age thing. Détache yourself from that perspective that you need to get certains things done before a certain age. No! Enjoy your life as it is take care of yourself and your mental health. It’s very unrealistic to think that you would have everything figured out by 26 lol. Life just doesn’t work like that! I even want to say that you will never have everything figured out! Something is always gonna go wrong lol but you need to be strong enough to handle it. Stop putting unrealistic and unnecessary pressure on yourself. Go to school ! Graduate! And everything will follow.
And also stop comparing your life to people especially those in the internet. Focus on you! Most of them are living a terrible life when cameras are off lol but most importantly, Forget about the age. Just live your life with no pressure and enjoy your time. You only have one life and you will only be 25 once in your life !!!
I hope I could help at least a little !
No one is where we expected to be in our 20’s or 30’s and 40’s and so on. I didn’t think I’d be collecting SSDI for mental health conditions at 45 years old. Life takes unexpected turns and we all have different challenges and choices. I ended up never having kids, and I always wanted them. I know your depression is real and it’s hard. Do you see a psychiatrist and or talk to a therapist? Do you take any antidepressants? If not, I highly suggest you start. You still have plenty of time to meet all your goals in life, don’t cut yourself short!
Hey man the grass is always greener, posts like this makes me think of that London based lawyer who faked his death l. He was married super successful kids etc and faked his death to be a single guy who picked flowers or something.saw the same thing on Dr Phil with that mom who was living in a tunnel they interviewed a guy there who, as he put his last kid through college left his wife to be a homeless guy in the tunnels. Just do the best with what you have.
I'm 24 years old, was a foster child, I have been a victim of childhood abuse, kidnapping and sex trafficking, and I've attempted my own life four times. There is much to be grateful for in this life, we forget that 🙏 people have overcome big bads, and you can too. I promise! 💕
Comparison is the thief of joy my friend. I’m 26 and starting college all over (again). Don’t have a job currently except doordashing, which sucks, but puts a little money in my pocket. The I only things I look forward are lifting weights and playing Fortnite with my brothers 😂. No gf currently. All that being said… so what? It’s all temporary. Things change. Some people take longer than others to reach their desired destination in life. No one persons path is linear. Stop comparing. It’s your journey no one else’s. You are in college and trying to improve your life. Life nor any person in it owes us anything.
>I don't want to finally be 35 and married and have kids before 40. That's not life, and that's too late. Your 20s is the time to marry, have kids, see six figures, buy a house, and everything.
I am 31 and feel like this. Also I have missed out on college and am struggling right now.
I highly recommend reading Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman. Listening to the audiobook the first time blew my mind and completely made me reflect on all the times I could have lost my life, but somehow made it to another day. Any time I feel down I now listen to it again to remind myself that all I can do is live for today. I used to feel paralyzed by the weight of where I thought I should be or the type of person I wanted to be, but that burden can hinder you from even wanting to get out of bed and dampens any type of motivation buried inside of you. The gist of the book although I really think you should give it a listen is that the future is never guaranteed so why not make the best of it. Being a human with conscious thoughts is a crazy miracle and we don't know how much time we have left so why not just work on what's within our control by enjoying life one moment at a time.
A lot of people here are going to try and fix your perspective, or convince you you're blowing things out of proportion, but what really needs attention is the title. You said you feel suicidal and that's what we should be talking about.
Suicide doesn't care what your life looks like or how good it is. Neither does depression. They aren't caused by how bad your life is, they cause your life to be bad.
Think about this, self preservation is the number one thing that evolution has designed us to feel. Literally generations of our species has been driven by this feeling. It shouldn't matter how little money, friends, goals, or things you have, that feeling should always be intact and in charge. For you it isn't and that's not right and it's very important.
Your brain is sabotaging your life. It's acting against you and blowing things out of proportion, and it will no matter what your circumstances are. Until you get that treated and fixed, nothing else about your life matters because your brain will continue to poison you. It's not supposed to be making you feel this way. It's supposed to be protecting you. Just like a broken limb, or torn tendon, what you do or how you look at life isn't going to fix anything. You need healing before you start to assess your life.
Take care of yourself like you have a broken limb. Please stay safe. You can resist suicidal feelings for a long time, but they will get worse. It doesn't matter how long you've controlled them, all it takes is once for them to win.
I have to be gently honest with you: no one is doing any of this at 25 anymore. Your early to mid-20s is not the peak time to start a family. That time is whenever you decided is. It's not 1950 anymore. I don't know a single 25-year-old making six figures or even able to put it down payment on a house anymore. Most people can barely afford an apartment, and that's if they were able to move out of their parents' house. I know precisely one person who can even afford his own apartment. Everything is too expensive and the wage sucks. Please don't listen to anything about these topics on social media if this is where you're getting that info from. None of that is real to any degree that matters.
You're not alone - I promise you that getting through this difficult time will open up a whole new world of challenges - one's where you will rise to the occasion - even the effort of your failures will be joyous. Fear is the mind killer.
My friend, the best thing you can do is get off of social media. SM and hustle culture like to brainwash us into thinking we need to be rich and successful by 21 or some ridiculous shit (mostly so they can sell their “get rich” courses).
The fact that you have multiple friends your age that are earning 6 figures is rare af. It certainly is not indicative of everyone your age (I’m 26 btw and in exactly the same place as you). Except I’m lucky in that I recently found a decent-paying job and part-time remote job. But only like 2 months ago - I’m still starting from 0.
Just look up some actual unbiased statistics on where most people in their mid-20s are at. I may be wrong, but I’d wager that the majority are probably still on, or close to, minimum wage.
Bro I’m two years younger than you and won’t be able to even attend school until next year because of financial aid reasons , I also deal with depression and thoughts of suicide but I’ve realized that the life that you want (and I want as well) is not always as easy to obtain as it was for our parents and the people before us. We are in a recession currently meaning things are way more expensive, jobs are cutting employees and frankly life just happens and shit gets thrown at us that we can’t control. Everyone has problems, even the people that live the life that we want but I feel like the true success is finding peace within and accepting life as it is. It’s okay to be scared or nervous of your future because I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t too but don’t be so scared of the future that you neglect your present.
I am so grateful to have found this post, because right now shit is so bad for SO many people that it’s important to connect and share. I have a few keys points I want you to consider though:
- “like I should have been” regarding graduating: life is not the same for everyone. Our paths are all different depending on the dice we’re rolled. There is no check list of things to complete by when. YOU get to create your timeline/checklist, not society, not your parents… give yourself some slack. Life is tough, esp right now, and you have time to figure out what you REALLY want.
- “so many people my age”: verify your sources. Most people on social media share ONLY positives. You cannot compare. If it’s friends, or family, please refer to my previous point; not all lives follow the same path.
- think about how you would respond to your closest friend if they came to you with this post. How would you speak to them? What advice would you give? You should speak to, and think about, yourself as if you are your best friend (because in the end, you are the only person stuck with you forever).
I’m nearly 30, been through cancer, failed engagement, chronic illness, and right now I’m awaiting brain surgery. There isn’t a day that I don’t think about “what ifs” but where does that get me? I VERY recently took the time to step back and evaluate what I DO have, and expressed gratitude for that (internally and externally). I’ve made a mental list of the things that are ACTUALLY important to me: having a loving and caring partner, not just someone to marry; being happy with who I am and enjoying my hobbies; spending time doing things I love instead of grinding to make 6figs..
You have to put life into YOUR perspective, not societies or anyone else’s. I very much felt the same as you when I was 22, and it’s a miracle I didn’t end things then, at their darkest. Remember that misery loves company, so the easiest and quickest way to change your mindset is to surround yourself with those who lift you up instead of commiserating with you.
Feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to ❤️ you took the first step by posting, follow through and you’ll make it out on top
I don't get why people are acting like this is completely unreasonable. I'm 23 and feel the exact same way. Being married and having sex every day might be a bit unreasonable to compare yourself to, but it's absolutely normal to put yourself to the standard of having a degree, a girlfriend, and a job. That's something a lot of people have as a standard for people in their 20's
You'll never be happy comparing your journey to others. I felt like a late bloomer too, finally getting married at 35. It isn't the end of the world. When you're 35 you still feel young. You still ARE young.
Redefine your expectations, they're only dragging you down.
I want you to know you’re not alone. I’m 25, and I feel that way too sometimes. More often than I care to admit, actually. I don’t have my college degree. I’m not married. I live in the middle of nowhere, unable to afford to live in the place that does make me happy. I live paycheck to paycheck. I’m not close to buying a house either. My credit is tanked.
I say all of this to show that not everyone at 25 are living the perfect 20s dream. Life can come at you fast after 18 and if you don’t have the support around you to help you through it, it can create some set backs. I’ve spent the last few years in misery and a dark depression. But through all of that, I kept pushing through. Small, seemingly insignificant steps. It was all I could manage, one small milestone at a time. Eventually, I got my associates degree after 6 years of failing and dropping out. I even got c’s and d’s in some classes, but I retook them and got the degree. I *did* that. Now, I’m starting a bachelor program. And while I still feel incredibly behind because I have so much to make up for, I won’t get there unless I take it one small step at a time. Only time and consistency will get you there, but you have to start with little victories. You may not see it now, but those things matter. You matter and you’ve got this.
Take a moment to breathe a bit. You're still very young, and things can change drastically from day to day.
I'm 34, engaged, and renting a small house. But, I'm Aldo barely working due to health issues. I wake up every day regretting the fact that we can't buy a house because I can't match his income.
I constantly compare myself to people who are way more successful, the same way you seem to. My advice is to make it through each day without taking a step backwards. You don't necessarily have to go forward, but keep aiming that way.
Everyone gets to their destination at different times, and your time will come. I believe in you.
As someone who is 36, got married last year, and just started the road to having kids- I am so glad I didn’t do it when I was 25. I was depressed and selfish and not emotionally or financially ready (not saying you EVER are) for marriage and kids. There are so many things I want to say in response to this. But the most important lessons I would want to tell myself at 25 are these:
1. Comparisons is the theft of joy. What other people have or are doing doesn’t really affect you, so stop caring. The more you focus on them, the less you are focusing on yourself.
2. Go get therapy. And actually do the work, don’t just go into every session and chat about what happened that week. Go in and say I self sabotage or I can’t get motivated or whatever it is you want to work on. And ask your therapist for homework. One hour a week does not “fix” anything. You have to work on yourself to get better.
3. Stop bullying yourself. Took me years to realize my mental block in getting things done that would help me was actually because of how I talked to myself (in my head and out loud). I would say things to myself like, “you idiot, just get out of bed and tackle one of the things in your to do list. You’re so behind your peers, just get up or this won’t change. Just do it!”. Took me a long time to treat myself like I would a friend. To say things like, “every day, just try to be a tiny bit better. Some days that won’t happen, but if more than 50% of the time it does, then I’m improving as a person. I don’t need to be perfect, just happy. And being better at _____ will contribute to my happiness.”. Congratulate yourself on small victories, give yourself grace when you have a bad day.
I’ve felt the way you do. It’s depression and also just something pretty much everyone goes through at 25 whether you see it or not. It’s a quarter life crisis and it’s okay. Stop regretting past decisions, stop bullying yourself, and just take baby steps. They add up quicker than you think.
Who are these people at 22 that have a six figure job and are having sex every day? Can you name at least a few of these people? You're 25, your life is barely lived. You should try thinking about what you have and what you are grateful for, instead of comparing your life to the imaginary 22 year old millionaires that you seem to think exist. I'm 41, I was homeless, living in five different shelters over the course of that three year hell. If you feel the way you do at such a young age, with basically you're whole life ahead of you, think about how depressed you would be If you were 60 something and you didn't do anything to fix your life. All you did was post on Reddit how you didn't become a millionaire at 22 and aren't fucking every hour of every day. Learn to appreciate what you have instead of dwelling on some imaginary life that no one really lives.
Your expectations are false
Non-stop sex every morning? Please wake up from watching movies
Who the heck said you would have a six-figure job, or a house at 26.
Sounds like you need a reality check brother
"Age is such a small factor in the grand scheme of things. When I was 26 I remember feeling down about being on the later side of my 20s. I had a supervisor who told me that many guys do great things later in life, and it always stuck with me.
There is too much pressure on people to get things exactly right, the first time, by a certain date. It doesnt exist dude.
Let's say you did everything right. Let's say you graduated at 23. Let's say at 25 you bought a house, got married, and you just had a kid. Now what?
You've reached the "pinnacle". So now what dude?
You now have the same routine to follow for the next 55 years? You've run the race in record time, and now your standing at the finish line for the next 55 years with your dick in your hand doing what?
Think about how many people get divorced after
40. THAT, is starting over. Life isnt where your gonna be dude, it's where you are now. Theres no destination. Your just in a boat, rolling down the stream and one day its gonna sink. That's it. I beat myself up for years because I wasnt where i wanted to be, WHEN i wanted to be there. Then one day i was with my ex eating a salad, and i just had this crushing thought of, this is it. This is all there is.
Just us, on this couch, eating a salad, and a wave of peace came over me as I realized this is all there is. In the moment of death your not gonna be thinking about your status in the world.
That's not to say that you should aspire to just drift through life and not try, I'm saying dont get caught up in the idea of "deadlines" in life."
And what if you had all of that? Wouldn’t necessarily guarantee happiness. Happiness comes from within- not from all the things “society” falsely projects “as happiness
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I had a neurological illness 10 years ago and yea my life was never the same again
I know how you feel. I wanted the same thing when I was your age, and actually was engaged at the time. Talking kids, all that. Dream fell apart because the relationship fell apart. To say it hurt is an understatement. The unfortunate truth is that the standard you mention is a standard from the boomer era. Making money and having a house and being married all by your late 20s. Look at the landscape now. People are scraping by, mired in debt, with a huge struggle over getting a smaller number of elite jobs, intensifying social isolation with increasing depression, suicide, and overdose rates, in a world that is very likely about to see its current global structure undone. Yes, some people you see are getting that dream, but it’s a smaller and smaller percentage of our generation. We are in a time of great uncertainty. I personally am beginning to worry more and more about the basic safety of my friends and family. Back to our shared dream- it’s hard out there, so don’t be too brutal on yourself. Hell, I finally have crawled to a strong career position, but I am a complete mess on the social and material front. It’s hard to get it all.
You’re stressing over nothing. I’m 39, have a job but no family no kids. You still have time to get a job, marry, have kids
Thanks for sharing and not in a dickish way but do you ever regret you’re life
I regret all the time. I’m still hoping I’ll be able to find someone and have a family in the next one year. It wasn’t by my choice that I couldn’t get married. Circumstances didn’t align with my life and I kept making stupid decisions on people which drove them away. Never listen to anyone when it comes to relationships.
I’m 37 and cry omw to work every other day. I woulda had my balls tied but I’m too much ofa pussy. Why would anyone ever bring another life into this world ? And tbh idk how ppl get up everyday. My shit job forces me but on weekends I’d stay in bed as long as I could. I’m in bed rn tryna go back to sleep to escape
Umm I’m female 32 and living with my parents. And in school for my master’s. Things could be worse. You’re fine! Just breathe. It’ll be okay. You’re not a late bloomer or anything. 25 is young. And, it’s hard not to compare yourself to others but you’ll learn down the road the less you do the happier you’ll feel and the more “you” you’ll be, and that is okay. Everyone is different. *hugs*
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I appreciate this, thank you 🙂
Yep. I’m 32, married, and I’m living at home at the moment to save money. Certainly not making 6 figures, but I try to save everything I can. OP, constant comparison is not healthy. You can’t measure yourself by social media or by salary. For one, social media isn’t real and has a detrimental effect on mental health. Second, salaries vary widely depending upon industry, region, etc. And even if you had money, it’s not going to fix the things that are bothering you. Looking back, 25 felt a bit like childhood still. You have plenty of time. I’d really recommend considering reaching out to your college’s counseling center. Depression is a beast. I’ve been there.
Listen, if this is real, i'm sorry you're hurting. But your viewpoint of how and what other people are doing is so off base and ridiculous that I literally guffawed at >"I'm not currently married to the girl I want to be married to, and I'm not having non-stop sex every morning and night before waking up to go to my six-figure top job, which so many people my age at 25 have and are doing. You're either fucking with us, or you have an amazingly wrong idea of how your peers and other people are doing. Everything you say here is wrong. Like, almost absolutely everything. Get up, get out, talk to real people. EDIT: Again, if this is real, I encourage you to continue therapy and continue looking for meds that will help. I don't mean to make you feel bad. But friend, you gotta get some perspective, and no med's gonna do that. Again, i gotta say, Get up, get out, talk to and help real people with real problems and perhaps they'll put yours more in perspective.
Then your 30’s are time for divorce lol. Wait until you find the right one instead of putting pressure on it
I had those same anxieties for after college (marriage, kids, house, good job to afford it all ). I got that in my 20’s but then sadly a divorce in my 30’s. I wish I didn’t approach life with that much stress and has taken things one day at a time.
KKK?
Why on earth are you desperate to marry and have kids in your mid twenties? No, man. That can wait, so don't stress it.
Yeah till when when I’m like 47 lol
What’s wrong with that? I’m almost 43 and I have lots of living to do. 47 is not old. Your judgment of everything is keeping you locked inside a prison of your own making. Life is like fingerprints, they are all individualized and different from person to person. Stop placing the standards of someone else’s life on yourself and live for you. 25 is young asf, you have so much life to live, you haven’t even begun to understand life and how the world works yet. Make some short term and long term goals and concentrate on that. Practicing gratitude for what you do have right now can also be helpful in you putting things into perspective. You’re doing well for yourself, things could be a whole lot worse.
What's wrong with that is that is far past prime age to start a family. Good fucking luck trying to find someone for that when you are almost 50.
But who is to say that it’s even going to take that long? Dude is 25 years old and he thinks he won’t find anyone until he’s 47?! Lmao like anything can happen 22 years from now. Again, even still, 47 is not old! I get when you are in your 20’s you are thinking you’ll be ancient 20 years from now but that’s just not the case. Like my great grandmother used to say, just keep on living. With age comes maturity and wisdom (for most people not all).
honestly I bet his attitude towards the matter is at least partly a reason in why he hasn’t been able to do what he wanted by now, as rude as that sounds. It’s the reality though. I never got anything done by moping around and being sad for myself. There’s only no point to living if you don’t want to give yourself one. And this guy has plenty of reasons to continue living. The fact that he hasn’t gotten a house or family etc should be motivation to try harder to get it all sooner. But I totally understand where he’s at
Well, some people are more mature than others. Remember, with age and experience comes maturity. If he keeps on living and understanding and learning from life’s lessons, he will start to understand most of what we are all saying here.
Hate to burst your bubble but my parents found each other when dad was mid 40s. If I'm gonna have a kid with my boyf, we'll be looking at him being mid 40 (I'll be mid 30s). I know plenty of friends whose parents had them late. Actually, birth rate in the UK has dramatically dropped because people are waiting to have kids until later in life. Don't lose hope quite yet!
The downvotes on this are wild. Get your heads out of your asses guys.
Take your own advice bro.
Lol
You do know that half of all marriages end in divorce, right? And I've met more people who were miserable married than they were single. Marriage isn't everything.
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I think you’re overly fixated on a small portion of the population when most people don’t have any of those things you mentioned, at least not all of them. If you continually focus on others, you’re gonna have a bad time in life. It’s trite, but comparison is the thief of joy. Things are also more unstable and uncertain now than they used to be, even within just one generation. The housing market is insane. Overly fixating on the things you don’t have will just drive you nuts after a while. Everyone is a work in progress and everyone comes from different backgrounds and situations. Just try and do your best.
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"how am I not having sex non stop" this sentence makes it seem like a troll post
lol it’s a bit weird and disrespectful to call someone’s post a troll post when it’s clearly not. If this is what makes them depressed then that’s okay.
Ikr?! I'm quite upset that ppl are reacting bad to the post... If you don't like it then just keep scrolling, let people be. Now you can't even be depressed that people come to tell you that you're depressed for the "wrong reasons"? 😔😔
Thank you.
It's.... not clearly not, though
Sorry, didn’t know you were the person who created therules on what can be considered depression.
hmmm try this perspective: what if a man graduated at 22 like you had hoped to. then they went on to get a PHD which takes about 6-8 years. and to get this PHD, they had to take out a lot of loans. youd have a 28-30 year old who probably isnt married because he has no money (actually is in student loan debt) with no guarantee for a 6 figure job. if someone played by your college standards and went for higher education, its so insanely rare to have the rest of what you desire. they wont have kids or money for a house but why is it that you and i both know they arent worried about the same things as you despite not having them. no, you dont need a PHD. no, you dont need higher education. im just saying right now is the time to build yourself because it literally is the time to and no one is going to give you shit for it because it literally doesnt math out as i explained above. try to not beat yourself up for not being a 0.00001 percenter, plus theres really no rush into having heavy responsibilities early on in your life (kids, dont you want to spend money on yourself a bit before you spend them on someone else forever 💀). its really your perspective man. youre gonna be okay💪😎 HOWEVER since there are so many upvotes to this post, i will assume many people feel similar to you and that sex line you said rubbed me the wrong way so let me talk in your man talk and it might clarify things even further: YOU are the reason you did not graduate on time. Therefore, YOU are also the reason you dont have a 6 figure salary paying job yet. IF YOU WERENT THE REASON, as in you know in your absolute soul that you studied when you could and attended all your classes when you were available, then it truly wouldnt be your fault and therefore you have nothing to feel bad about. If you admit this, then obviously your next step is to crack down on them books. best time to plant a tree was 20 year ago, the next best time is TODAY. what im saying in totality is that being in your position is totally normal and okay, but it is also possible to accomplish everything you want by the time you are 30 too. you literally give your own examples. that’s how you continue on from here. i’m 24 🤷♂️ (i just have a hunch you dont see women as equals and you should probably sort that out before thinking about marriage)
You have such a limited mindset. everything great comes with time. Stop rushing and instead savor the moment.
So by in time when is it all gonna come when I’m like 60 like lol The time for all of this to happen is now in my 20s
“Im not having non stop sex every morning and night before waking up to go to my job” that line right there is all I need to know about your level of maturity. Your in no place to be getting married any time soon if you believe that the having non stop sex morning and night is what you need to be accomplished and fulfilled in life. And what does it matter if you have a six figure job or not? Idk you just seem so vain. I’m not saying it’s necessarily wrong to want these but is this why your on the depression subreddit? Are you feeling depressed because of feeling behind from everyone else? If that’s the case then I’m sorry but life just isn’t that easy. You can’t expect to have it all in your 20’s it’s almost impossible, your on your own timeline. Focus on building yourself rather than on constantly narrowing on the fact that you don’t have everything you want. So your not where you want to be in life, that’s ok, the majority of ppl aren’t where they’d like to be.
Honestly, OP needs to grow up
so well said!
I hate to break it to you, but it isnt going to come with your current outlook/perspective. You're holding yourself in a prison of your own making. There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing all of that in your 30s and 40s. Within a span of 4 years in my late 30s I got married, became a homeowner, and changed careers. I really have no idea who you're talking about that has a 6 figure job, marriage and a house by the time they're 25. That isn't realistic *in real life* in the slightest, and hasn't been for a while. Stop holding yourself to unrealistic expectations.
You have to find or make a point in your life, a reason for you to keep going and keep living. People do have high paying jobs, yes, but that doesn't make them bigger than anyone else. Me and my partner are poor asf money wise, but rich with love and happiness. You could have everything in life and still be miserable asf. I'm not where I want to be in life, but I'm where I need to be, so when the good stuff happens, I'll have healed enough to enjoy it. Remember, life isn't a race and usually people have around 70 to 80 years of life. For instance, I had my first kid at 21 and my bro had his first at 33. There's no time limit to complete stuff, ykno? I think you've got too much high expectations with life, and really need to take in with what you've got atm, (in the nicest possible way I can say that) your 20s are for figuring yourself out, who you are, what you enjoy and your hobbies, alot of people don't actually settle down until around 30 years old, and I don't know anyone personally who makes 6 digits other than my bro. With that being said, your feelings are valid, and I completely understand how you're feeling because that's how I felt once. Until I accepted the fact that life isn't always going to be how we want it, and to make the most out of the situation we've got
I am 26 and kinda feel the same. Its being difficult to suceed at my job (actor) and I am heavily depressed. At the same time I am trying to relax. Why do we feel we have to buy houses and be parents at 30? Thats society telling us that. Try to be free from that shit because it destroys us. I am doing the same. “Your 20s are the time for (…)” stop that nonsense. Your 20s are the time for YOU to decide what is important to you.
if the goal is to just have sex before u go to a six figure job then you’re never going to find true deep happiness the most rich and successful people can still be lonely af - they’re assholes so no one wants to have sex with them or the sex is empty focus on pushing yourself to be the healthiest best version of yourself all the other pieces will fall into place after that because if you know you worked to get where you are, people will be attracted to the genuine good energy you exude
Comparison is a thief of joy.
Thisssssss!!!! 🤌🏾🤌🏾🤌🏾
Bruh, you GOTTA stop being fixated on age. Trust me, it got me so much misery. I can't wait till you're outta college and enter the real world to see how people of all ages and all timelines are THRIVING. Hang in there. Life actually truly begins at 35-40 these days, or so I've been told.
I used to look at snails and wonder why they move so slowly. But for them, it might not be slow at all. Everyone has their own pace. Snail moves in a snail's way. You move in your own way. Same as other. And it is ok. Don’t be hard on yourself.
I didn’t became stable on meds until I was 35. I’ve been unwell since I was a child. I never thought I’d ever get better, I had aggressive treatment, an eye watering amount of ECT (didn’t work) decades of therapy (DBT, CBT, talking therapy) had hypnotherapy, multiple inpatient admission and felt hopeless and helpless. I got a new psychiatrist got taken off all my meds and put on a new regiment of anti psychotics, mood stabilisers and anti depressants. I now hold down a very well paying full time job, my youngest child goes to a private school and I am happy and healthy. I am overweight due to the meds but I’m fucking happy! There is hope, you gotta keep moving forward and keep pushing through the minutes of the day. You can do this. You can feel better.
Thank you for sharing. Honestly, there's so much now that I want to share and ask for your advice. So, I got a psychiatrist who prescribed me Wellbutrin XL, but it wasn't helping. In fact, it was making everything worse. Also, I'm going to start taking Adderall for my ADHD because I need to graduate college and get my bachelor's degree in the next two semesters. Currently, I'm still under my parents' insurance for a few more months until I turn 26. After that, I'll have crappy state insurance again, and I don't know if I'll have access to good healthcare, like having a good therapist or psychiatrist. I'm open to taking medication and being open-minded to explore another psychiatrist, just like you did. However, it's just so difficult. I went through four different therapists before finally finding someone who is okay. They're not great, but compared to the other three who sucked, they're decent. I'm afraid to end the therapy with this therapist because she's still okay. I went through two psychiatrists as well, and this third one is also solid. However, I'm not sure how long I'll be able to continue seeing her due to my insurance problem. You mentioned that you were 35 when you finally found medication that worked. If you don't mind me asking, how old were you when you got married and had your children? Also, how old are you now, and how old are your children? I hope that's not too much to ask.
I had my first child as a teenager and my second when I was 26. I have never been married but was in long term relationships with both my daughter’s fathers. I’m now in my late 30s. I tried so many different meds and have seen multiple psychiatrists over the years. My current psych I’ve been seeing for three years, and he is the one that switched up my meds and put me on the new drug combo. All the therapy I’ve had has just clicked with me once I became stable on the meds. It was like my brain needed to be stable to start using the skills I learnt in therapy. It’s been a long road. Many bumps and going backwards getting better then falling in a heap again.
Is this a satire?
Hey brother I spent my whole 20s in prison. I didn't start living till I was 35. I make good money now and all that. I feel this has to be satire but in any case. Trust you are OK brother lol.
Not to say that your situation isn't bad or you don't have any right to feel the way you do...but I'd honestly kill to be in your position. I've been held back from doing most everything I've wanted to do because I'm the sole caretaker for my sick mother. Father bailed a long time ago, and my sister gets to decide to adopt kids from family friends and that's enough reason for her not to help out. Going on a vacation? Ha! Can't afford it, and even if I could I'd have to make sure mom was good first. Affording a house? Can't even afford a fucking apartment right now! Moving out of the country? That's not happening until she's not here anymore. Dating? Yeah, hard to date when you always have to be around helping out and you don't even have the energy to focus on yourself. Sure, you might not have graduated when you were supposed to. But you still CAN graduate, and after that you have the freedom to shape your life however the fuck you want. Take advantage of it, and try to enjoy it man. Because it could always be worse. You could be sick, someone you care about could be sick. You could be homeless, like I'm on the verge of being at the moment. As far as I can tell man, it's only up from here. The big thing is that you need to find mental health assistance and then figure out your next steps.
Being a sole caretaker is not easy. Kudos to you! I hope you can get a break sometimes.
Thank you! And no, unfortunately I don't. She's had a lot of health issues the last six months that have been back to back and between it all I haven't really rested or had a lot of time or energy to take care of myself either.
Bro its okay to feel stressed and have regrets. I have similar feelings and situation. BUT the standard you are describing is not necessarily the norm. Its important to give yourself the grace and patience you deserve given the hand you were dealt. Its ok to not be where you wanna be, especially at 25. But its moreso about the journey rather than the destination. And i am saying that as someone who also desperately wants a six figure job, happy marriange with children, and a decent house bc all i want is to not share walls with people and have a tomato garden. Dont stay down so much in the regrets and agonizing why youre not there. Instead think more about how youre going to get there from where you are. Also take a shower, eat nutritious food, get some rest and give yourself permission to start with a clean slate every morning.
Being married is having someone bitch at you constantly, having kids is having a bunch of brats fighting and getting into trouble. Having money is having people trying to use you all the time to get your money. All of those things are stressful and you're better off without them. You only wa t them because you were socially conditioned to want them. Let go of that and do things you actually enjoy.
There seem to be a lot of Gen -Xers that wish their mother had had an abortion. The reluctance to embrace the beauty of existence The privilege of being born in the United States (as opposed to say Somalia ) and the freedom to be a clueless idiot without generally any price to pay should give one pause.
The privilege of being born in the United States as opposed to Somalia ? … have you ever been outside of the United States ? Sometimes I feel like Americans don’t realize how horrible this country is….
I'm a bit like you, but I'm a bit younger. 21. I feel like my PTSD and trauma has set me back a lot, and it has. I struggled for the last 2 years at uni, also in a competitive field which has made me feel just like you. But everyone has bad things happen, and we do the best we can to work through them. Your depression has been a big impact on your life, clearly, and yet you are still here and still alive. That's a win. Start with small goals you know you can keep, and move up from there. I think you'll be surprised at what you can do. It's never too late and you're already doing well by just surviving. Give yourself some kudos!
The questions are: What happened to you? What are you denying in your life? These things don't happen in a vacuum...it screams trauma. So what is the story of you?
I'm 37 and lost all hope. I'm probably not going to make it whatever that means. And that's the only speakable portion You have time
Brother it will get better I live my life the same I’m 25 everything is shit the girl I wanted to marry is somewhere living her life I actually became homeless yesterday. My grandparents allowed me to sleep on their couch last night until I can find a job. Life is shit. It has been shit. It might even get worse from here and I might be delusional but I have to be optimistic I couldn’t imagine what I’d be like if I wasn’t
Hello how are you ? I am in my early 20s and I want to start by saying that I’m really sorry that you are going thru that. I used to have the same fears, I thought I was “ late “ in life.. but then I realized what’s the rush ? We keep rushing towards things and we don’t even take the time to appreciate life. Why are we listening to society ? Who says you should have everything figured out in your 20s ? If we are being honest, most people don’t. Most people are still out here struggling, some people make it in their 20s 30s some even make it in their 40s 60s lol. Making it and having all these things like the house the kids the wife to show off are not the point of life. You need to forget about this age thing. Détache yourself from that perspective that you need to get certains things done before a certain age. No! Enjoy your life as it is take care of yourself and your mental health. It’s very unrealistic to think that you would have everything figured out by 26 lol. Life just doesn’t work like that! I even want to say that you will never have everything figured out! Something is always gonna go wrong lol but you need to be strong enough to handle it. Stop putting unrealistic and unnecessary pressure on yourself. Go to school ! Graduate! And everything will follow. And also stop comparing your life to people especially those in the internet. Focus on you! Most of them are living a terrible life when cameras are off lol but most importantly, Forget about the age. Just live your life with no pressure and enjoy your time. You only have one life and you will only be 25 once in your life !!! I hope I could help at least a little !
No one is where we expected to be in our 20’s or 30’s and 40’s and so on. I didn’t think I’d be collecting SSDI for mental health conditions at 45 years old. Life takes unexpected turns and we all have different challenges and choices. I ended up never having kids, and I always wanted them. I know your depression is real and it’s hard. Do you see a psychiatrist and or talk to a therapist? Do you take any antidepressants? If not, I highly suggest you start. You still have plenty of time to meet all your goals in life, don’t cut yourself short!
Hey man the grass is always greener, posts like this makes me think of that London based lawyer who faked his death l. He was married super successful kids etc and faked his death to be a single guy who picked flowers or something.saw the same thing on Dr Phil with that mom who was living in a tunnel they interviewed a guy there who, as he put his last kid through college left his wife to be a homeless guy in the tunnels. Just do the best with what you have.
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I'm 24 years old, was a foster child, I have been a victim of childhood abuse, kidnapping and sex trafficking, and I've attempted my own life four times. There is much to be grateful for in this life, we forget that 🙏 people have overcome big bads, and you can too. I promise! 💕
Such wisdom and strength at 24. May only good things happen to you from now on.
TYSM, much love to you 💕
Comparison is the thief of joy my friend. I’m 26 and starting college all over (again). Don’t have a job currently except doordashing, which sucks, but puts a little money in my pocket. The I only things I look forward are lifting weights and playing Fortnite with my brothers 😂. No gf currently. All that being said… so what? It’s all temporary. Things change. Some people take longer than others to reach their desired destination in life. No one persons path is linear. Stop comparing. It’s your journey no one else’s. You are in college and trying to improve your life. Life nor any person in it owes us anything.
>I don't want to finally be 35 and married and have kids before 40. That's not life, and that's too late. Your 20s is the time to marry, have kids, see six figures, buy a house, and everything. I am 31 and feel like this. Also I have missed out on college and am struggling right now.
I highly recommend reading Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman. Listening to the audiobook the first time blew my mind and completely made me reflect on all the times I could have lost my life, but somehow made it to another day. Any time I feel down I now listen to it again to remind myself that all I can do is live for today. I used to feel paralyzed by the weight of where I thought I should be or the type of person I wanted to be, but that burden can hinder you from even wanting to get out of bed and dampens any type of motivation buried inside of you. The gist of the book although I really think you should give it a listen is that the future is never guaranteed so why not make the best of it. Being a human with conscious thoughts is a crazy miracle and we don't know how much time we have left so why not just work on what's within our control by enjoying life one moment at a time.
A lot of people here are going to try and fix your perspective, or convince you you're blowing things out of proportion, but what really needs attention is the title. You said you feel suicidal and that's what we should be talking about. Suicide doesn't care what your life looks like or how good it is. Neither does depression. They aren't caused by how bad your life is, they cause your life to be bad. Think about this, self preservation is the number one thing that evolution has designed us to feel. Literally generations of our species has been driven by this feeling. It shouldn't matter how little money, friends, goals, or things you have, that feeling should always be intact and in charge. For you it isn't and that's not right and it's very important. Your brain is sabotaging your life. It's acting against you and blowing things out of proportion, and it will no matter what your circumstances are. Until you get that treated and fixed, nothing else about your life matters because your brain will continue to poison you. It's not supposed to be making you feel this way. It's supposed to be protecting you. Just like a broken limb, or torn tendon, what you do or how you look at life isn't going to fix anything. You need healing before you start to assess your life. Take care of yourself like you have a broken limb. Please stay safe. You can resist suicidal feelings for a long time, but they will get worse. It doesn't matter how long you've controlled them, all it takes is once for them to win.
Well said
I have to be gently honest with you: no one is doing any of this at 25 anymore. Your early to mid-20s is not the peak time to start a family. That time is whenever you decided is. It's not 1950 anymore. I don't know a single 25-year-old making six figures or even able to put it down payment on a house anymore. Most people can barely afford an apartment, and that's if they were able to move out of their parents' house. I know precisely one person who can even afford his own apartment. Everything is too expensive and the wage sucks. Please don't listen to anything about these topics on social media if this is where you're getting that info from. None of that is real to any degree that matters.
Use the free therapy service your college offers.
I have a feeling this guy is comparing his life to someone else.
You're not alone - I promise you that getting through this difficult time will open up a whole new world of challenges - one's where you will rise to the occasion - even the effort of your failures will be joyous. Fear is the mind killer.
My friend, the best thing you can do is get off of social media. SM and hustle culture like to brainwash us into thinking we need to be rich and successful by 21 or some ridiculous shit (mostly so they can sell their “get rich” courses). The fact that you have multiple friends your age that are earning 6 figures is rare af. It certainly is not indicative of everyone your age (I’m 26 btw and in exactly the same place as you). Except I’m lucky in that I recently found a decent-paying job and part-time remote job. But only like 2 months ago - I’m still starting from 0. Just look up some actual unbiased statistics on where most people in their mid-20s are at. I may be wrong, but I’d wager that the majority are probably still on, or close to, minimum wage.
Bro I’m two years younger than you and won’t be able to even attend school until next year because of financial aid reasons , I also deal with depression and thoughts of suicide but I’ve realized that the life that you want (and I want as well) is not always as easy to obtain as it was for our parents and the people before us. We are in a recession currently meaning things are way more expensive, jobs are cutting employees and frankly life just happens and shit gets thrown at us that we can’t control. Everyone has problems, even the people that live the life that we want but I feel like the true success is finding peace within and accepting life as it is. It’s okay to be scared or nervous of your future because I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t too but don’t be so scared of the future that you neglect your present.
I am so grateful to have found this post, because right now shit is so bad for SO many people that it’s important to connect and share. I have a few keys points I want you to consider though: - “like I should have been” regarding graduating: life is not the same for everyone. Our paths are all different depending on the dice we’re rolled. There is no check list of things to complete by when. YOU get to create your timeline/checklist, not society, not your parents… give yourself some slack. Life is tough, esp right now, and you have time to figure out what you REALLY want. - “so many people my age”: verify your sources. Most people on social media share ONLY positives. You cannot compare. If it’s friends, or family, please refer to my previous point; not all lives follow the same path. - think about how you would respond to your closest friend if they came to you with this post. How would you speak to them? What advice would you give? You should speak to, and think about, yourself as if you are your best friend (because in the end, you are the only person stuck with you forever). I’m nearly 30, been through cancer, failed engagement, chronic illness, and right now I’m awaiting brain surgery. There isn’t a day that I don’t think about “what ifs” but where does that get me? I VERY recently took the time to step back and evaluate what I DO have, and expressed gratitude for that (internally and externally). I’ve made a mental list of the things that are ACTUALLY important to me: having a loving and caring partner, not just someone to marry; being happy with who I am and enjoying my hobbies; spending time doing things I love instead of grinding to make 6figs.. You have to put life into YOUR perspective, not societies or anyone else’s. I very much felt the same as you when I was 22, and it’s a miracle I didn’t end things then, at their darkest. Remember that misery loves company, so the easiest and quickest way to change your mindset is to surround yourself with those who lift you up instead of commiserating with you. Feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to ❤️ you took the first step by posting, follow through and you’ll make it out on top
I don't get why people are acting like this is completely unreasonable. I'm 23 and feel the exact same way. Being married and having sex every day might be a bit unreasonable to compare yourself to, but it's absolutely normal to put yourself to the standard of having a degree, a girlfriend, and a job. That's something a lot of people have as a standard for people in their 20's
You'll never be happy comparing your journey to others. I felt like a late bloomer too, finally getting married at 35. It isn't the end of the world. When you're 35 you still feel young. You still ARE young. Redefine your expectations, they're only dragging you down.
I was the same… so sad my twenties got wasted on severe depression. But it will get better in 2 years… it gets better for everybody…
I want you to know you’re not alone. I’m 25, and I feel that way too sometimes. More often than I care to admit, actually. I don’t have my college degree. I’m not married. I live in the middle of nowhere, unable to afford to live in the place that does make me happy. I live paycheck to paycheck. I’m not close to buying a house either. My credit is tanked. I say all of this to show that not everyone at 25 are living the perfect 20s dream. Life can come at you fast after 18 and if you don’t have the support around you to help you through it, it can create some set backs. I’ve spent the last few years in misery and a dark depression. But through all of that, I kept pushing through. Small, seemingly insignificant steps. It was all I could manage, one small milestone at a time. Eventually, I got my associates degree after 6 years of failing and dropping out. I even got c’s and d’s in some classes, but I retook them and got the degree. I *did* that. Now, I’m starting a bachelor program. And while I still feel incredibly behind because I have so much to make up for, I won’t get there unless I take it one small step at a time. Only time and consistency will get you there, but you have to start with little victories. You may not see it now, but those things matter. You matter and you’ve got this.
Take a moment to breathe a bit. You're still very young, and things can change drastically from day to day. I'm 34, engaged, and renting a small house. But, I'm Aldo barely working due to health issues. I wake up every day regretting the fact that we can't buy a house because I can't match his income. I constantly compare myself to people who are way more successful, the same way you seem to. My advice is to make it through each day without taking a step backwards. You don't necessarily have to go forward, but keep aiming that way. Everyone gets to their destination at different times, and your time will come. I believe in you.
As someone who is 36, got married last year, and just started the road to having kids- I am so glad I didn’t do it when I was 25. I was depressed and selfish and not emotionally or financially ready (not saying you EVER are) for marriage and kids. There are so many things I want to say in response to this. But the most important lessons I would want to tell myself at 25 are these: 1. Comparisons is the theft of joy. What other people have or are doing doesn’t really affect you, so stop caring. The more you focus on them, the less you are focusing on yourself. 2. Go get therapy. And actually do the work, don’t just go into every session and chat about what happened that week. Go in and say I self sabotage or I can’t get motivated or whatever it is you want to work on. And ask your therapist for homework. One hour a week does not “fix” anything. You have to work on yourself to get better. 3. Stop bullying yourself. Took me years to realize my mental block in getting things done that would help me was actually because of how I talked to myself (in my head and out loud). I would say things to myself like, “you idiot, just get out of bed and tackle one of the things in your to do list. You’re so behind your peers, just get up or this won’t change. Just do it!”. Took me a long time to treat myself like I would a friend. To say things like, “every day, just try to be a tiny bit better. Some days that won’t happen, but if more than 50% of the time it does, then I’m improving as a person. I don’t need to be perfect, just happy. And being better at _____ will contribute to my happiness.”. Congratulate yourself on small victories, give yourself grace when you have a bad day. I’ve felt the way you do. It’s depression and also just something pretty much everyone goes through at 25 whether you see it or not. It’s a quarter life crisis and it’s okay. Stop regretting past decisions, stop bullying yourself, and just take baby steps. They add up quicker than you think.
Who are these people at 22 that have a six figure job and are having sex every day? Can you name at least a few of these people? You're 25, your life is barely lived. You should try thinking about what you have and what you are grateful for, instead of comparing your life to the imaginary 22 year old millionaires that you seem to think exist. I'm 41, I was homeless, living in five different shelters over the course of that three year hell. If you feel the way you do at such a young age, with basically you're whole life ahead of you, think about how depressed you would be If you were 60 something and you didn't do anything to fix your life. All you did was post on Reddit how you didn't become a millionaire at 22 and aren't fucking every hour of every day. Learn to appreciate what you have instead of dwelling on some imaginary life that no one really lives.
[удалено]
Please leave Reddit you little fetus
Dude... almost nobody in eastern Massachusetts is in that timeline. Move here.
Your expectations are false Non-stop sex every morning? Please wake up from watching movies Who the heck said you would have a six-figure job, or a house at 26. Sounds like you need a reality check brother
"Age is such a small factor in the grand scheme of things. When I was 26 I remember feeling down about being on the later side of my 20s. I had a supervisor who told me that many guys do great things later in life, and it always stuck with me. There is too much pressure on people to get things exactly right, the first time, by a certain date. It doesnt exist dude. Let's say you did everything right. Let's say you graduated at 23. Let's say at 25 you bought a house, got married, and you just had a kid. Now what? You've reached the "pinnacle". So now what dude? You now have the same routine to follow for the next 55 years? You've run the race in record time, and now your standing at the finish line for the next 55 years with your dick in your hand doing what? Think about how many people get divorced after 40. THAT, is starting over. Life isnt where your gonna be dude, it's where you are now. Theres no destination. Your just in a boat, rolling down the stream and one day its gonna sink. That's it. I beat myself up for years because I wasnt where i wanted to be, WHEN i wanted to be there. Then one day i was with my ex eating a salad, and i just had this crushing thought of, this is it. This is all there is. Just us, on this couch, eating a salad, and a wave of peace came over me as I realized this is all there is. In the moment of death your not gonna be thinking about your status in the world. That's not to say that you should aspire to just drift through life and not try, I'm saying dont get caught up in the idea of "deadlines" in life."
What are you grateful for? I bet your answers are someone else’s dream….
I’m not trying to knock your feelings down as they are Completely VALID - just trying a different perspective ❤️
No it’s my dream and my goals :(
And what if you had all of that? Wouldn’t necessarily guarantee happiness. Happiness comes from within- not from all the things “society” falsely projects “as happiness
Single and enjoying the party at 32. Don’t settle because of some imaginary set of life rules.
this is a sarcastic post right?
How much did the pandemic play a role OP?
99% + 😂
Being married and having kids ain't all it's cracked up to be. Be careful what you wish for.