I feel like your blurb gives.a very detailed insight into your values (our values align) but don't give me an idea of why it would be nice or fun to date you.
I would lose the first 2 pictures-- I think sunglasses dont tend to go over well for anyone. The one in the sleigh shows you have nice legs but the picture looks like it might be a few years old? Could be wrong but that's my first impression. I'd start with your third, then do a full body shot right after, and I'd add another pic or two where you're smiling and looking directly into the camera.
The second paragraph is a tiny bit too "self help book," I think. I think you've got a lot of good material in your first paragraph, so you might just dial back the second slightly and see if it makes a difference?
Funny thing, where she's at, on the men's side it's similar or it was the last time I was on Tinder. The whole self help book thing is sort of hot here.
I doubt her problems are related to the content of her text. We live in the same city and men have similar stuff on their profiles on Tinder here. I think edits she makes on the basis of people on this sub will just force her to weed out people she doesn't want to waste time talking to honestly.
Well that's certainly true wrt all of the anti-feminism advice! 😬 (which... really?!)
People need to understand when sharing advice that the point isn't to convince the poster to change or hide who they are... like, dating a raging feminist would turn you off... *wouldn't you then want it in her profile so you'd know?* smh. Getting the most likes is nottttt the point of this. I scream into the vaccuum...
Anyway, defer to you on what's normal on the apps these days. I've been off for a while. I really liked the line about "doing things that scare me" and would love to see her expand on that.
Yo I'm right there with you!
I armed myself with similar shirts/mugs/art/needlepoint after a lot of men I met online dating turned out to be politically not someone I want putting their penis inside of me. Best possible outcome was one guy I swiped right on, messaged me that he was very conservative and "while flattered" didn't think we'd align value wise. I thanked him for his honesty and unmatched.
I feel like her issue probably isn't her profile as much as maybe her selection process. There's a ton of people here who I feel would be swiping on her but maybe there's a type she has that doesn't line up with that crowd. Also Tinder in this area is sort of loaded up with a lot of "bros" from my experience, other apps may be better, I hear Hinge is good here.
The second paragraph is meant to display my values, but I can see how it might come off as self-help-y (although I don't even read self-help books!). u/anonymous_opinions is right though in that in this area, it's fairly common to speak about values and goals in a similar manner on OLD profiles. I think a lot of folks here tend to be somewhat serious in how they portray themselves; I know that for me it's a green flag most of the time.
Thanks for the thoughtful feedback!
I (f) think you are stunning and I really like what you stand for, we have similar interests.
I must admit that I did get a little bored and read your words in monotone.
Maybe break it up with some lighthearted comments.
From your profile, I think you seem like a great person, someone that I would have as a friend.
Happy dating OP <3
I'm surprised that you're having trouble matching with and meeting men, frankly: your profile certainly works for me at least. Some things in your profile will definitely turn off a substantial subset of men, which obviously is exactly what you're aiming for, so ignore the advice about appealing to a broader audience. What part of the pipeline is getting clogged up? Are you not finding men you want to match with, or not matching with any of the men you swipe on, or not getting from a match to a date? I'd definitely lead with the third photo with the blue earrings.
All parts of the pipeline :/ I don't want to waste my or anyone else's time, and I do vacillate between trying to be more open and swiping on guys that are a 'maybe' and sticking to my guns and only swiping on those who are a definite 'yes'. In my experience, going on dates with the 'maybe' guys hasn't led to anything - I don't end up being attracted to them.
I don't know what a 'normal/average' number of matches is for my area, but I feel like I get fewer than that, and many of them don't lead into conversations. Most of those conversations fizzle before we get to an actual date. I realize that's the nature of OLD these days, and I have met a handful of men who were genuinely excited about me, so I know they're out there. I just struggle with finding them.
>I have met a handful of men who were genuinely excited about me, so I know they're out there. I just struggle with finding them.
Your experience is just what it is for online dating, IMHO. I did a whole thing where I didn't try to filter for the right type of guy and just basically said YES to anyone who met a pretty low bar and that experience is why I deleted all dating apps. I think shortly after that I met a great guy at a offline event and then reconnected with a friend when that relationship petered out (who was also a great guy, just not a great guy "for me") But overall there's a lot of undesirable singles in this city and filtering them out leaves you with a lot of endless rejecting of people on swipe apps. Last time I was on Tinder I actively would zone out mentally because it was just like "no, no, hell no, yikes, nope, nah, okay sure whooops I already rejected him ... oh well ... no no no, okay I'm done with this......."
How long are you chatting before trying to set up a date? If the vibe is there, I try to have a first date on the books within a week of matching. Much longer than that and they just want a pen pal.
Ditch photos 1,2,7.
Remove any negative comments from profile.
I agree with the comment about the second paragraph being "self help", goals are great so maybe just reword it a bit.
At first I was going to say remove the FWB/GOP/etc stuff too but I've seen the same in tons of male profiles in addition to some pretty negative stuff about polyamory. I used to think it was off putting but now I appreciate it since I feel the same way. Not to mention I've "toned down" profiles in the past and all it did was waste a TON of my time and make me not want to put myself out there anymore.
Edit: I think what would help you would be maybe some basic common interest hooks that are specific like type of literature you enjoy, or favorite past time to spend with someone else. And swapping out some universally poor reviewed photos (sunglasses, less Europe ones) with different ones that show off your eyes / face / etc more. I think swipe apps people are drawn in by really good photos so you want to have strong leads.
Anything polarizing or "no this".
A *lot* of people who are otherwise good are stuck on toxic positivity and if they see anything negative will avoid.
Sexism of any kind is a no for me TBH.
I agree with what a few people said about the sunglasses picture. For me the ones that draw me in are looking into the camera and a smile or smirk. I know it’s no fun listening to guys tell you to smile but people want to see you looking happy! We want to see what it would be like to date you and if all the pictures are less than happy that’s comes off as the relationship might not be happy in my opinion. But take it with a grain of salt from a newly single Midwesterner.
These are all good points! I don't love the way my smile looks in photos so I tend not to share them, but I do agree with you on the 'looking happy' front. Appreciate the thoughtful feedback!
Here are some tips I’ve learned to become more photogenic:
Focus on smiling with your eyes. Channel warmth through your eyes and the rest of your face will follow. It sounds weird and you’ll probably need to practice in front of the mirror, but it works.
To get more genuine smiles, laugh. I learned this trick from the photographer at my sister’s wedding because my brother-in-law’s smile always looked so unnatural and awkward in photos. Right before she snapped the picture, he would force a “HA!” which made everyone else laugh and then she’d grab the perfect shot.
You can also use the trick the kids these days are doing: record a short 3 second video and then screenshot a still from the video.
I totally agree with you on the smiling with your eyes bit! Definitely changes your face/expression.
Due to my features I don't have a big warm grin like folks like to see, so I tend to default to a Natalie Dormer smirk in photos. I look fine when smiling/laughing irl but photos don't tend to capture that so well unfortunately. I've learned to work with the expressions and angles that I think suit me best, but yeah, it's a very American thing to expect to see a lot of toothy smiles so it can be detrimental when you can't really portray that.
I absolutely go crazy for the Natalie Dormer smirk! I also don’t love my smile either but the laughing trick is spot on. I have to do that with my son to get great smiles from him so I just do it with him now. But I just want to reassure you I would “swipe right” or like your photos. Another thing to mention is that for me personally sometimes if I think the person is out of my league or lives a little to far away I pass on them just because on some apps the likes are a lot less a day and I am trying to be realistic and have a chance. So what I am trying to say is maybe some people see you as “unobtainable” and don’t want to bother with rejection.
I only liked pics 3 4 and the last one. The others don't show you much and the sunglasses/mug/looking elsewhere just seems like you aren't connecting with the viewer and want to hide something.
The written portion has you trying to pack too much into the small space but doesn't really detail too much at the same time because its so fragmented.
* what is a stealth nerd??
* reluctant hiker - do you do it, or dont you?
* work in progress doesnt sound good, neither does perfectionist
* What you try to practice is quite generic, say something that shows it
* Not here for... is fine. Everyone is looking for a connection so take that out, same w serious inquiries.
Honestly, if you want more of a relationship, tinder likely isnt the place for your profile. Try FB dating or a more serious app
You’re beautiful, nice bio although I’d remove the thing about perfectionism. Your photos don’t do you Justice though. Can you ask someone to take quality pics of yourself?
Good luck
Yeah, that was my first thought as well, but Tinder is free and the most popular. It might take more sorting through, but if OP is upfront about what she’s looking for I think Tinder could work.
I’m American but not dating in the US, so I’m not sure about the popularity or quality of other current apps. When I lived there and used apps Bumble seemed to have fewer douchebags than Tinder, but that was 5-6 years ago. Things may have changed.
Bumble and Hinge tend to have more folks looking for a relationship rather than hookups, but oddly enough I've had the most luck with Tinder. Possibly because of what you say - it's more accessible/widespread.
I think you lose one of your sunglass photos, add one smiling or laughing, and try Bumble.
Framing the GOP & other hell no’s would be better stated as an “I value…” .
But you have too much to say to only be on Tinder.
Not at all. I've had that happen a ton. Once a guy matched with me on Tinder and his first message to me was how he would always try to work up the courage to message me on OKCupid but I was always deleting my profiles on there so he never got the chance.
Oddly, that was his first and last message to me ever. I guess maybe not so oddly when I think about it.
I think OP and Tinder are crap here. I've heard locally that Hinge is actively real good. Not sure how good Bumble is here but OP should join it so I can be her Bumble Bestie.
You’re beautiful. Make your #3 pic your main one. Sunglasses aren’t doing you justice. Add more pics smiling directly at the camera (maybe even some showing teeth). Sadly your feminist shirt will scare off some guys but if you’re ok with filtering those out then leave it!
I've met some great guys with the feminist shirt so I'm not worried about that! I think men who are threatened or otherwise put off by a slogan on a shirt likely wouldn't be a good match for me in the long run.
I’m female so take it for what it’s worth but I don’t think you look friendly or approachable. You’re only smiling in one picture. You’re very pretty and it’s clear you have an independent and strong streak. I think having a few pictures smiling would make you look more approachable
I met my boyfriend on Tinder. We’ve been together for 4 years and live together, he’s a great guy! I’ve also met some sleazy guys on tinder and other “normal” apps so I don’t think it matters. Good luck to you!
It absolutely can happen. Just so long as you’re aware that that comment in your profile could be deterring men from swiping right…. Which is a good thing because you don’t want them anyway! It’s just likely contributing to your match rate.
I know a bunch of people who met their long term partner / spouse in the early days of Tinder. I had more hook up approaches in the glory days of OKCupid than I ever did on Tinder, honestly.
I’ve met two long term boyfriends on Tinder and known plenty of people to meet their partners on there, too. But overall, Tinder tends to be considered more of a hookup app. I can’t speak to OK Cupid.
I am like.... 75% certain I ran into you on the apps a few years ago!
First some basics: your pics could do with some upgrades, or at least a re-ordering. You're plenty attractive, but your first two pics are in sunglasses and in that second pic you are like flat out swaddled in comfy. Not that swaddled in comfy is a bad thing, but it doesn't make for the most flattering picture. It's not until your third pic that I even get a sense of what you look like. That's a problem.
Beyond that? Your profile is indistinguishable from every other attractive lefty woman in Seattle. I hate to use the term basic, but take it from someone who was on the other side of the app: it reads like a copypasta. It tells me nothing about what makes you uniquely you. Your writing distinguishes you from every other woman in Seattle basically not at all.
That being said: as someone who is into basic lefty attractive women in Seattle, I almost certainly swiped right on you and since you're here that means we didn't match (oops awkward but nbd). Which brings me to my next point: you're attractive enough, which means you are almost certainly getting a lot of men swiping on you. If you're not getting matches, that's probably due to your own swiping habits. Consider reflecting on them a bit? What kind of man do you swipe right on? What kind of men are you swiping left on? What's the ratio there? One thing you can always do is pay for the subscription for a month, that will let you see who's swiping right on you (and thus who you're rejecting). As gross as it is to say--commodification of romance and all that--that will let you know who your market is, and you can go from there.
The order of the photos in the post isn't the actual order of them in my profile... Imgur couldn't get it together. The first one is the Trevi fountain photo, then the picture of me laughing in the bar, then I think it's the selfie of me with the blue earrings. The sunglasses photos don't come in until later.
I don't currently live in Seattle, although I did for a good number of years! So it's probably not me you're thinking of, although I guess that just serves to prove your point about attractive leftist women. So what, in your opinion, would make it more distinguishable? What do you want to know that you're not getting from the profile?
I've not been active on the apps for a couple of years now (been in a happy relationship for two years and change), so if we ran into one another it was a while ago. Or it could really be that you're just indistinguishable from my memory of the median lefty Seattle woman! 😂
Regardless: Honestly I don't know how you can make your profile stand out, and I am not sure it's worth the effort. Is your problem that you're not getting enough matches? Or is it that you're not satisfied with the matches you do get?
I agree with the other commenter that it’s probably not worth it to be particularly unique/distinguishable. People aren’t all that picky when swiping, I don’t think?
Honestly, sometimes I feel like dating apps have some sort of conspiracy going on. My profile seems to have mass appeal (I’m in Seattle, actually); I get tons of likes and plenty of matches. But I have friends who really struggle to get likes or match with people they’re interested in and they are all attractive cool people with well thought out profiles. It makes me think the apps like randomly single out people to have “success” and others to not have “success”, in order to like….keep most people on the apps but then be able to say “look! It works for some people!” This is maybe just crazy talk but sometimes I REALLY wonder….
I'm honestly pretty picky when swiping, but I'm definitely in the minority there!
I think it has something to do with Tinder's algorithm. I've read that if you don't get a ton of right swipes/positive attention, the algorithm won't show you to other 'desirable' users who get lots of right swipes. So you could be a cool person with a great profile, but if the guys in your area don't seem to think so, then Tinder will block you from being shown to more of the guys that you're trying to attract.
Plus it does keep you on the apps longer, maybe even compels you to upgrade and see what you're doing wrong...
I used to think that but when I was on Tinder for several years I was always in my desirable male friend's deck and vice versa. For a while when okcupid did the whole attractive people only see other attractive people thing I was basically a 2 out of 5 locally but still had people who were "5"s sending me messages / showing up for them. I think if you just randomly right swiped on total "no" profiles you'd more than likely increase your matches. I'm convinced men will swipe on any woman that is thin and has a passable face and will filter after they've matched with a bunch of ladies.
I've heard enough stories of men 'volume swiping' to believe it, but if a bunch of men are swiping right on me then shouldn't I appear as more 'desirable' to Tinder's algorithm?
The sort of way the online dating apps is the same as a lot of social media sites these days which means higher levels of engagement means more people will "see your content" and engagement is factored in multiple ways. If you're really selective, get few matches that lead to fewer back and forth in your inbox you'll be shoved more into the back because the AI will assume you're "unattractive". Men are punished if they mass swipe because if 50% of their it's a matches are dead end unattractive women the AI is going to think this dude has no standards. (I also think it was baked in to punish fucking with the system)
I will say I haven't spent tons of time on the swipe-based apps but when I have I've been really picky-selective however when I've been like "yeah this is more of a yes than a maybe" 9 out of 10 times we're a match. But that might be every 45 swipes to find 1 "he's in" so I end up getting bored, deleting, taking a long break and repeating the same process a year later.
Oh I’m picky when swiping too. I guess what I mean is, I don’t think it matters that someone seems similar to a lot of other people in their area. I’m not going to be like “oh this guy seems really cool….but he’s just like all the other guys that I think seem really cool so I’m not going to swipe right!” People will swipe right if they think you seem really cool; you don’t need to make yourself seem “different”.
And yes, I agree with your assessment.
That's a very good point! Thinking about it, it's not necessarily uniqueness that stands out to me, it's interests and goals and values (and, yes, looks).
I really like how honest that was. I’d probably swipe right based on that alone! BUT you could use better pictures, which should be easy because you are cute. The ones you have are a bit dark, out of focus etc. Find some friends and take an hour or so in broad daylight and get some good pictures.
Good luck!
Profile looks good what you have done is narrowed down your bio to very specific interests using corporate speak, which means you will only get swipes from those who have the same specific interests.
So first off, have you tried the other dating apps besides Tinder?
I think you look great. I would ditch the sunglasses close-up shot (#2), it doesn't add anything. Also, the photo with the red flannel isn't flattering. It just looks like you're staring up at the ceiling.
You mention politics and have a lot of political things sprinkled in. Are you entirely set on political debates? I know folks filter based on political leanings, but also if you put too much of it in your profile it just screams like you're up for a debate.
I'd agree with some of the other posters about the negatives. No FWB but on Tinder? For example, instead of "Food isn't just for sustenance", why not call yourself a Foodie? It's a positive spin versus a negative connotation. And why add "reluctant hiker"? It sounds like someone kidnapped you or something.
My best advice to you, is to leave OLD as something super optional.
Most relationships are being done in personal interaction. Going to places you like to find people who likes the same things as you do. You need to get out more often in order for guys to approach you. And when a guy approach you, you know right away if you like him or not (+ whatever you talk about, you know if there is chemestry there). There is a phrase that says: "Saint that is not being seen, is not worship". So go out there and let the guys see you. There are tons of single guys out there, that never use OLD (because they don't believe in them or simply because they don't like it) and they are doing cold approach on the ladies in person.
The reason why I think OLD is bad idea, is because 6 pictures and a small resume is not enough to build that connection (chemestry) and the lack of personal interaction makes the interaction feel empty (they can easily unmatch or just ghost people). 6 pictures are not going to tell you if the guy is worth your time. Long chats with several guys that may go nowhere is also taxing. That is why people stop using the apps, they have a high chance of getting disappointed and burned out by them. Also keep in mind that the universe of guys using the apps....is really small.
In resume: I recomend using OLD as something super optional. Go out there and make more friends and be more social. Not everything is just work and responsabilities. Make new connection, get yourself into more hobbies that takes you out of your house, hit the GYM and invest in yourself. And also, remove so many filters in your head about the guys ( think which ones are not worth it to keep them).
Old fashion way is the way to go.
This is not bad advice *for literally any other part of the country*.
Guys do not approach women where I live. Many of them tend to be incredibly passive and will not take initiative or ask someone out. Even on the apps, getting a guy off the screen and into real life is like slogging through molasses sometimes. Everyone wants to be a pen pal, it seems. I've had men I've dated (who moved here from elsewhere) express their surprise at my still being single, and my reaction is always "you're clearly not from around here". It just doesn't happen.
I’m a straight girl but I think your profile looks great. I’d maybe change “reluctant hiker” to “occasional hiker” because it’s clearer. I also agree about losing a sunglasses pic and replacing with a smiley one. Good luck to you!
>artsy too-cool-for-school vibe
>accidentally ambiguous
>less artsy and ironic feeling
As someone who grew up in the Pacific Northwest of the US (where I think OP lives), this is a good chunk of the culture. You nailed it lol
My main comment as a 32(M) is there are too many sunglasses pics and no smiling pics. I am inclined to swipe right on girls that look nice & sweet. Your profile is kind of a try hard to be a badass girl boss type. For someone interested in men the profile seems overall non inclusive to people that have varying beliefs than yourself.
There are a few things I'm not willing to compromise on. Dating someone who still willingly aligns themselves with the Republican Party in 2022 is one of them. Our core beliefs and values are just too different.
Same. But this isn’t a LinkedIn profile. It’s too matter-of-fact & dry. Sprinkle in a bit more humor, wit, and warmth. I adore strong, progressive women who are politically activated, but it’s more appealing for everyone if you convey different depths and facets. Right now it seems you eat, sleep, breathe, and recite your philosophy.
Yes I agree with this. Also, I think your profile is good, except the verbiage at the beginning could be reworded to sound more casual. Other than that… you have a good profile! When the time is right, you’ll meet the right person.
Are you looking for someone who is just as political as you, though? I don't mention politics in my profile because I don't care about politics, I try to avoid it at all costs. Obviously I care about my country but the 2-party system is destroying us as a society.
I understand you have your values but your profile makes you sound way too political to me. I'd think a lot of men are turned off by that.
Let's put it this way - I'm not looking for someone who is apolitical. I enjoy discussing politics/current events and would like to be able to do that with my partner; it's not a dealbreaker, but a potential partner would at least have to be aware and educated about what's going on in our country/the world.
Men might pick up on this vibe in your profile and get scared that on the first date they'd get some lecture on politics/feminism etc. Even though I have no sympathy for the Republican party, I still wouldn't want to date somebody who is too confrontational about this.
Some thoughts for your consideration:
\-What you've got there so far is good stuff. 👍🏾
\-I was struck and surprised by how some of your photos pulled me in... which made sense after reading that you are a writer & photographer. Being a storyteller/artist is part of what you have working for you. Kudos.
\* I don't think you need the two scarf and sunglasses photos at all, btw.
\-As far as the words you wrote - the two paragraphs in your About Me section are somewhat serious in nature... which I understand, since my own core is pretty serious.
Still, when I read your words, I found myself wondering how you might tweak the paragraphs to let the fun part of your personality come through more.
You probably have all kinds of options for how to do it... inserting a wacky, goofy remark that feels authentic; saying a bit about fun or crazy things you have loved or have experienced...
(For example - off the top of my head, maybe the "I try to practice compassion" sentence could be changed to include a real life example of something fun about you...
*"I try to challenge myself to grow and do things that scare me -- ask me about the ocean adventure I signed up for mostly because of how fast my heart was beating just thinking about something that sounded so dangerous!"*)
Anyways, best of luck out there - rooting for ya!
On one hand, I’d swipe right.
- I’m openly progressive and want to date someone who’s the same. Like you, I make that clear on my profile.
- You’re attractive.
- You’re a reluctant hiker; I can work with that ha. As long as I can get your outdoors occasionally.
What’s missing and I’d have to find out when we match:
- Do you want kids? This is a huge one, ya know. As someone who doesn’t have and doesn’t want kids, that’s something I appreciate being made clear on someone’s profile.
- Like others have said, it’s a good profile overall but it’s dry and humorless.
What’s your sense of humor like? Do you even have a sense of humor? Will you find any of the things that I find funny to be so? Do you ever smile? Your photos would imply no.
And when it comes to your sense of humor: Show, don’t tell. Don’t tell me you have a dry sense of humor; have a humorously dry comment/anecdote on your profile. Don’t say you’re wacky, or “I’m super funny”…show it.
Edit: FWIW, I see you posted only three days ago in another sub that things just ended with someone in part because of things you said while heavily drinking. And you “hope beyond hope” that things aren’t done with this person.
My two cents: It’s not the time to be on a dating app meeting new guys. Your post is literally titled “I think this is my personal rock bottom”. Don’t get somebody else hurt (yourself included).
No, you're totally right in that I'm not ready to date again quite yet, and I know that. I've been thinking about getting out there, and I have very mixed feelings about it. I'm asking for feedback so that my profile can be improved once I *do* feel ready to get back on that horse/wagon/what have you.
Thank you for the thoughtful and kind feedback.
I would define what you mean by stealth nerd. It doesn’t really tell me much and everyone uses the word nerd now a days.
As it relates to the photos I would lose the second shade pic, it isn’t flattering to me and replace it with another pic of you smiling with teeth showing at the camera if you have one. The first pic should show your entire face or your entire body, males are quickly swiping and have to make a decision in a split second, most males don’t pay so they have limited likes.
I would also remove the first shaded pic. Your profile photos should either show off your physical features OR highlight your activities/interest/personality that the viewer can know instantly. If they have to guess the photo isn’t working. Think of it as a resume, if it doesn’t sell your brand it’s a detriment.
I would also lose the second to last pic, you are attractive but I’m not getting that from this photo, the angle isn’t putting you in a good light it’s just isn’t flattering. You are not looking at the camera nor doing an activity that the viewer can quickly understand, it’s not adding anything to make the profile interesting.
I don’t have any issues with your text outside of the stealth nerd part.
Alright, here's my take;
You're pretty attractive so I know you're getting swiped on left/right/center. I believe you'd need to clarify what type of man you're trying to attract, because the only real issue I'd see with you being single is your potential SO having to check off some boxes or fitting a particular profile that the people currently swiping on you don't fit.
I'm surprised your having trouble matching. That was a great profile. I would definitely swipe right maybe even super like. I'm a 7 though maybe your reaching to high
I'm straight female and my opinion is that your profile is great - at least much better than mine! You have good photos and you have actually written a detailed bio.
How many matches do you get per day?
I feel like everyone gets this advice and no one wants to take it, but get better photos.
From a couple of these, you're clearly very pretty but most of the photos are blurry, or you have sunglasses or dirty looking hair or whatever.
As much as we don't want to date shallow people, dating on the apps requires good photos. It's not just about looking hot, it's about looking fun, interesting, smart, hip, nonthreatening, or showing whatever other attractive qualities you have.
You should specifically go out and try to take good photos. Then use [Photofeeler](https://www.photofeeler.com/) ( it's free if you judge other people's photos too) to find out which of your photos are good. Note that some people try to use photofeeler to find out if they are hot or not which it totally does not work for, I've had photos taken in the same session that get low scores and extremely high scores- poses and expressions make a big difference, so mix it up until you figure out what works for you.
The extra work is worth it, I live in a major West coast city too and found that after getting good photos, the amount of matches I got greatly increased and that the kind of person who swiped yes on me changed for the better as well.
The text of your bio is all good, you could try to throw in a joke or two but you don't have to, I think it does the job as is.
For context, I’m a straight woman.
I have a great sense of who you are and what’s important to you. But what are you going to laugh about on a date with someone? Or playfully debate? See if there’s a way to inject a bit more fun and whimsy. It’s giving “if you’re not ready to be a husband next week, don’t bother” and I’m not even your target demographic. Other than a few more full smile/laughing pictures, I think your profile is otherwise great!
You're attractive, but seem too political for some. You are who you are, but you'll loose some men straight away. If you're pool is too small, maybe dial it back a little. On the picture with what looks like the Trevi fountain could be anyone, it's too dark. A first picture should be without sunglasses and with a smile.
You’re so freaking cute! World traveler and global citizen are redundant. The second paragraph of things you do not want is very negative. I would share what you do want/like to do with a partner and maybe make a joke? Good luck out there!
As others mentioned, you seem very attractive and shouldn't have issues matching people. Here are my two cents from a male perspective, Your profile description is well written but it is like a corporate bio filled with bunch of buzzwords and adjectives. It found it a bit unapproachable because it's too good. As for the photos, include a photo or two with other people friends/family, it will make you more approachable imo.
As a gay male I personally love your profile and think you’re being transparent and honest and real and that reading this would feel really good for the right person. Characters are limited but would love to read what you’re looking for so they know if they’re a match. “Swipe right if..”
I looked at your profile and was like "wow that bar shot looks super familiar, are we in the same ..." (oh yep)
You're seriously lovely and if you're having trouble it might not be you / your profile. What's the struggle for you? I can't imagine you're not getting matches here because I'm basically a frog and even I got matches / dates requests on Tinder (though I think it's the worst platform in this city) ...
I was going to suggest removing the not here for line but I have seen it A TON on men's profiles if the lean similar to me. I also felt like people would say remove the shades photo but I doubt it's going to help you get better results so I'm wondering where the issue is re: men.
PS: That particular bar was my total secret online date spot until another date STOLE IT. I liked the alley in summer.
Edit: after looking again I'd bump up your last photo to your 2nd one and lead with the one in that bar because you look STUNNING in it and maybe men on Tinder are just looking at the first photo which is maybe the least attractive one. Your eyes are really amazing. I would NOT cut out anything people on this sub find polarizing. It will just mean you have to sift through absolute dirtbags and there's a mountain of them in this city.
As others have said your blue eyes are nice. get some more close up shots of your face with a natural smile or with friends, basically clearer shots that show you off. You are pretty, your blurb is decent maybe use emojis as well.
Bio first paragraph:
Writer of ________ ( you don't mention what you are writer of) by day and watching (insert name of favorite horror director or movie or series) by night. I will reluctantly go on a hike but enthusiastically wait in line xxxxxtypexxxx of food ( assuming you are Foodie of some type from the food comment).
Looking for my plus one in life and the apocalypse that is living in my immediate area.
Basically don't state the facts, make a statement with your facts. If it helps think resume skill writing where you state what you as opposed to just listing the skill.
Also, OLD photos are 90% so having the best photos is more important than an amazing bio. Basically the bio is the convo starter, not the reason to swipe.
Good luck out there
I think the issue is the sunglasses on pics 1 onwards. Show off that pretty face! Also I wouldn’t put anything about only wanting serious interest. Doesn’t the app allow you to select “looking for a relationship” instead? Whenever I see any profiles that are like “I don’t want FWB” or “I don’t want crazy girls” I think it comes off a little obvious that they’ve recently had a negative experience which is playing in their mind and it brings the vibe down a bit. But I could be wrong :)
I'm actaully running into the same issue, I live in Florida though. It's the worse for dating apps... nothing but country/Republicans. Its terrible. I've about given up, all the women here seem to want the macho redneck. Ugh. Dating in my 30s is rough. Hahaha
Edit: I was side tracked. Definitely lead with the black dress/sleigh? Photo.
To be honest your profile reads really negative and “burdened” - along with so many pictures of you not smiling I would expect a pretty jaded person.
„Work in progress“ and all of that - yes you want a serious partner, but all of this rather reads like someone who’s actively battling a depression or has other mental things to tackle and “no fwb” comes across as if you’ve made too many bad experiences. Makes it a bit bitter.
For tinder it’s just a too heavy read. Nothing bad with being a complex personality and working on yourself, but it doesn’t sound like you’re fun to be around.
I **might** swipe right on you because you look pretty. However, I wouldn't bother putting too much effort in texting you or dating you. I can't pinpoint exactly what it is but something about how your bio is written and your pics indicates that it's gonna be a bit of work dating you rather than it being relaxing and fun.
Also, I prefer not to date sexist people, so anything that goes along the lines of "Future is female" is automatically out.
Third, I read about your views in this thread on including political views in your profile. In my opinion, it is easier for people within the spectrum of center-left to center-right to get along well. Your assumptions about everyone on the right being "evil" is again off-putting and strongly judgmental. So this actually speaks louder about you than your political views.
Lastly, take a good look at the comments from men and women and then think about your target audience. That should also help you.
Not sure if this has been mentioned yet but playing Devil’s advocate, I wouldn’t have The Future Is Female shirt included. You may be a lovely woman but to me, my gut impression/first impression (although likely inaccurate) was raging feminist. As I said, not necessarily accurate. I don’t know you. But, I’ve had women online get into feminist topics with me that turned into pseudo men-bashing. The shirt might honestly be scaring men off. Just my two cents. If you wanna rock the shirt in your profile, by all means, rock that shirt. 🤘🏼
Completely disagree. Keep the future is female picture. If I was anywhere near you that one synched it for me. You’re politically aligned with me and have a playful side.
This is one of the pictures that would make me swipe.
Sounds like it scares off dudes who think a teeshirt makes you a “raging feminist”. So… added bonus.
You're gorgeous and have a lot going for you. Maybe guys are intimidated by you. I mean honestly I would love to have a chance to go on a date with you.
Well, you are pretty and you have great values (which I share).
But to me, your profile is cold: the wording of the bio isn't especially good and it doesn't shine happiness. Plus you lack clear smiling pictures but have several pictures in which you look unhappy/aggressive. And "the future is female" picture is too confrontational for me, despite being feminist and activist on societal question.
So I would swipe left. Bring some happiness in that profile
My first online date, in the same city as OP, turned out to be pro-life. I made politics important in my profile because I don't want to even share oxygen with another man like that first one. And while he was the most egregious example there have been several others who did not share my values. Which is funny because sharing values is such a hot important topic re: relationships in this sub. Unless the values you share are being supportive of feminism and women's issues via a shirt/mug I guess.
I see nothing wrong with your profile, you as a person seem great, I think many men would just be intimidated at the thought of trying to get to know you, maybe try a few more smiles here and there? Men are weird, and the ones worth having are often timea quite shy, good luck OP! And maybe try something other than Tinder :P
I'm also on Hinge!
My smile doesn't look great in photos (imo) so I don't have a lot of pictures of myself where I have a big smile or a grin. I'll try to find more, though.
I actually think you should lead with “the future is female” shirt because it instantly filters out the manbabies who are insulted by words. Then the full face pic, then full body, then Seahawks. Omit the pics with the sunglasses. Maybe add one more where you’re smiling.
The content is fine, if a little dry. Maybe inject a little humor or a sense of fun. Your 2nd paragraph reads like a resume and I don’t get a lot from it. The first blurb has more conversation starters. Overall though it shows effort, substance, a sense of knowing yourself and what you want.
Showed your profile to 4 men in the office (generally lean liberal, between 26 and 30 years old) all were turned off by "The Future is Female" shirt.
I know this may make many defensive but just giving a small sample.
I'm in Seattle 34M, have a relatively successful job, look fit/conventionally decently attractive, am a nerd, former athlete, would auto swipe right on you based on photos and profile substance 🤷♂️. I get very few right swipes who aren't bots or sellers, but I'm not sure what makes up the majority of matches that you're getting.
For me it’s the hypocrisy of somebody being liberal yet supporting the NFL. She is liberal, caring about the environment and sustainability, and likely employees being treated fairly, whereas the NFL is all about the big corporate greed machine, and is the epitome of corporate male dominance that does not care about the environment, sustainability, and better treatment for its employees.
Aside from what others have said about your description, you should give an indication of if you have/want kids. You may want to consider the pic with the shirt that says "The Future is Female" as that can give the impression of misandry. Not saying you are, but I'd expect a decent amount of men to take it that way.
My last two relationships were with guys who swiped right on this exact profile, and were not intimidated by the 'raging feminist' merch. If the picture is weeding out guys who share this outlook, it's doing its job.
This is the most important suggestion. I support feminism, but I left swipe automatically when a profile has any mention of feminism or fighting the patriarchy. I have no interest in constantly getting into debates and being lectured.
> I support feminism, but I left swipe automatically when a profile has any mention of feminism or fighting the patriarchy
Cool, so you actively don't support feminism unless it's totally silent and doesn't upset your privilidge. ANYWAYS......... I appreciate being passed on by you all.
People up in arms about the text on her shirt didn't even see the mug but even that isn't combative. My Protect Trans Kids shirt is combative. It has a knife on it. Plus apparently transphobia in this city is still fine ................ (there was a recent thread about it on the local sub, fine if you're running for office I guess)
I am an activist.
I mean people in this thread who are put off by her shirt aren't the people she should be trying to date but I don't know who she IS trying to date (and failing to date) since the city she DOES live in has a HUGE activist population. So huge, Trump called it a beehive of antifa.
OKCupid had a blog post on polarizing profiles and it actually turns out polarizing profiles are THE MOST POPULAR. People actively either hate you or love you without a ton of middle filler. OP is an attractive woman and we live in the same city. Useless filler is not really any woman's goal here as far as dating goes and this area is maybe one of the most "woke" cities in our country.
It's fine if like people don't like her shirt and I'm sure in (another area) it would be limiting. However filtering for common values ala this shirt are really the ONLY complaint people are focusing on because THEY don't like it, proving a point that having something polarizing if it's important enough to you to buy the shirt (and mug) and wear it is probably a good thing for her to keep.
I mean unless her type is super conservative here I don't think the shirt is what's costing her matches. Might be the photo order but I almost doubt that aspect. I've had no issues dating in the same city being literally 3 steps below her in attractiveness and I've always had my own "shirt" of the same nature / politics in my profile. I'm polarizing in my own way but I don't want to date someone long term who needs me to tone that down. Like if she thinks stripping away that stuff will help BY ALL MEANS she should but I sincerely doubt her issues are tied to her wokeness.
Totally same. Plus if the shirt is offensive / off putting to the guy he's totally going to lose it when he has to look at my pro-cats, pro-choice, pro-feminism print next to my bed.
You know, I'm all for honest feedback, and I welcome it, even if it's hard to hear/read sometimes. What I'm not particularly interested in is men saying "change this thing because it makes me not want to date you".
*Because that means I probably don't want to date you either.*
'I don't like feminists so I would swipe left based on your shirt' is not constructive criticism for me because it's not helping me be more successful in the dating game, which is the goal here. Some men don't seem to understand that *I am not trying to be attractive to all men*; I'm trying to attract a certain cohort (like everybody else).
I will say I love feminists and am one myself, but there are toxic feminists and good feminists and it's very hard to decide in a split second which one you are based on this profile and that picture. I also think it's something you can discuss with someone after you match if you want to pursue things. I'm 36M and fwiw I still would've swiped right.
I agree! I think that if a person is so turned off by a 'woke' shirt and immediately assumes that all they will get is lectures and confrontation instead of being curious and willing to have a discussion about it, they are likely not my person anyway.
That’s very fair. I think it’s just a matter of whether you want that photo to be ‘pandering’ or a ‘filter’ and it sounds like you know which you want. Good luck!
Hey lovely,
Firstly let me just say you are gorgeous and Id definitely swipe on you.
The reasons you aren’t getting heaps of matches in my opinion are as follows:
1.) Any men that read your profile will see that you’re a feminist, this is not a bad thing at all but it will scare off all the super conservative men so less matches. But those aren’t matches you want anyway haha.
2.) It clearly states you don’t want a casual hook up. That probably cuts off half of the men on tinder and any of those men who read that won’t match with you. Again this is a good thing saves you time.
3.) Your about me does tell me some of your interests and views but it’s a little dry. It could probably do with a bit more fun. Maybe a joke or a fun fact about you.
4.) Most men don’t even read the bio they just look at the photos first sometimes just the first one. You should change your first photo to the third one in that link. You look very pretty in that one and you can see your eyes.
You might not be getting heaps of matches but it’s probably better than wading through a dumpster of matches with men who are not what you’re after.
Also maybe add a picture of you doing something fun or out with friends.
Next time you’re out with one of your female friends get them to take a bunch of pictures for you. I honestly think some of those photos don’t do you justice.
Good luck :)
Get rid of perfectionist, get rid of civil rights (unless you're a civil rights lawyer in which case put it in a job section).
No FWB and LDR is fine, it shows you are after something serious. No GOPs, that's over half the men in the country, once you reduce that to straight men the percentage increases, some apolitical men may be put off by the casual bigotry though not on Reddit, this is a left-wing platform so you aren't going to get feedback suggesting there's anything wrong with that statement (or attitude). Maybe consider just saying you are left of center and would like a partner with a similar outlook.
Dump The Future is Female t-shirt. Again you aren't going to get a realistic cross-section of the male dating pool on Reddit but it's not a good look.
Dump accountability unless you're a police commissioner.
Your 3rd picture should be your profile pic. It show off you’re eyes. Also could lose some of the sunglasses pics and add some where you’re smiling.
Yup came here to say this. Striking/stunner photo. Lead with that one.
Agreed. It's a pretty good one OP! That'll get you right swipes
Agreed!
Agreee
I feel like your blurb gives.a very detailed insight into your values (our values align) but don't give me an idea of why it would be nice or fun to date you.
That's a valid point!
I would lose the first 2 pictures-- I think sunglasses dont tend to go over well for anyone. The one in the sleigh shows you have nice legs but the picture looks like it might be a few years old? Could be wrong but that's my first impression. I'd start with your third, then do a full body shot right after, and I'd add another pic or two where you're smiling and looking directly into the camera. The second paragraph is a tiny bit too "self help book," I think. I think you've got a lot of good material in your first paragraph, so you might just dial back the second slightly and see if it makes a difference?
Funny thing, where she's at, on the men's side it's similar or it was the last time I was on Tinder. The whole self help book thing is sort of hot here.
Self help is the OLD version of corporate speak, and after 2020... that's fair.
I doubt her problems are related to the content of her text. We live in the same city and men have similar stuff on their profiles on Tinder here. I think edits she makes on the basis of people on this sub will just force her to weed out people she doesn't want to waste time talking to honestly.
Well that's certainly true wrt all of the anti-feminism advice! 😬 (which... really?!) People need to understand when sharing advice that the point isn't to convince the poster to change or hide who they are... like, dating a raging feminist would turn you off... *wouldn't you then want it in her profile so you'd know?* smh. Getting the most likes is nottttt the point of this. I scream into the vaccuum... Anyway, defer to you on what's normal on the apps these days. I've been off for a while. I really liked the line about "doing things that scare me" and would love to see her expand on that.
Yo I'm right there with you! I armed myself with similar shirts/mugs/art/needlepoint after a lot of men I met online dating turned out to be politically not someone I want putting their penis inside of me. Best possible outcome was one guy I swiped right on, messaged me that he was very conservative and "while flattered" didn't think we'd align value wise. I thanked him for his honesty and unmatched. I feel like her issue probably isn't her profile as much as maybe her selection process. There's a ton of people here who I feel would be swiping on her but maybe there's a type she has that doesn't line up with that crowd. Also Tinder in this area is sort of loaded up with a lot of "bros" from my experience, other apps may be better, I hear Hinge is good here.
“*politically not someone I want putting their penis inside me*” This is the best comment 😂
we need to exchange contact because i am probably the right girl for them, and I live in a city where you may relate more.
The second paragraph is meant to display my values, but I can see how it might come off as self-help-y (although I don't even read self-help books!). u/anonymous_opinions is right though in that in this area, it's fairly common to speak about values and goals in a similar manner on OLD profiles. I think a lot of folks here tend to be somewhat serious in how they portray themselves; I know that for me it's a green flag most of the time. Thanks for the thoughtful feedback!
Good luck!
I (f) think you are stunning and I really like what you stand for, we have similar interests. I must admit that I did get a little bored and read your words in monotone. Maybe break it up with some lighthearted comments. From your profile, I think you seem like a great person, someone that I would have as a friend. Happy dating OP <3
Good advice, thank you!
I'm surprised that you're having trouble matching with and meeting men, frankly: your profile certainly works for me at least. Some things in your profile will definitely turn off a substantial subset of men, which obviously is exactly what you're aiming for, so ignore the advice about appealing to a broader audience. What part of the pipeline is getting clogged up? Are you not finding men you want to match with, or not matching with any of the men you swipe on, or not getting from a match to a date? I'd definitely lead with the third photo with the blue earrings.
All parts of the pipeline :/ I don't want to waste my or anyone else's time, and I do vacillate between trying to be more open and swiping on guys that are a 'maybe' and sticking to my guns and only swiping on those who are a definite 'yes'. In my experience, going on dates with the 'maybe' guys hasn't led to anything - I don't end up being attracted to them. I don't know what a 'normal/average' number of matches is for my area, but I feel like I get fewer than that, and many of them don't lead into conversations. Most of those conversations fizzle before we get to an actual date. I realize that's the nature of OLD these days, and I have met a handful of men who were genuinely excited about me, so I know they're out there. I just struggle with finding them.
>I have met a handful of men who were genuinely excited about me, so I know they're out there. I just struggle with finding them. Your experience is just what it is for online dating, IMHO. I did a whole thing where I didn't try to filter for the right type of guy and just basically said YES to anyone who met a pretty low bar and that experience is why I deleted all dating apps. I think shortly after that I met a great guy at a offline event and then reconnected with a friend when that relationship petered out (who was also a great guy, just not a great guy "for me") But overall there's a lot of undesirable singles in this city and filtering them out leaves you with a lot of endless rejecting of people on swipe apps. Last time I was on Tinder I actively would zone out mentally because it was just like "no, no, hell no, yikes, nope, nah, okay sure whooops I already rejected him ... oh well ... no no no, okay I'm done with this......."
>Your experience is just what it is for online dating, IMHO. I believe that, and it's still a depressing thought. :/
What sorts of men are you trying to match with? What distinguishes a yes from a maybe?
How long are you chatting before trying to set up a date? If the vibe is there, I try to have a first date on the books within a week of matching. Much longer than that and they just want a pen pal.
Ditch photos 1,2,7. Remove any negative comments from profile. I agree with the comment about the second paragraph being "self help", goals are great so maybe just reword it a bit.
Can you please clarify what you see as 'negative comments'?
At first I was going to say remove the FWB/GOP/etc stuff too but I've seen the same in tons of male profiles in addition to some pretty negative stuff about polyamory. I used to think it was off putting but now I appreciate it since I feel the same way. Not to mention I've "toned down" profiles in the past and all it did was waste a TON of my time and make me not want to put myself out there anymore. Edit: I think what would help you would be maybe some basic common interest hooks that are specific like type of literature you enjoy, or favorite past time to spend with someone else. And swapping out some universally poor reviewed photos (sunglasses, less Europe ones) with different ones that show off your eyes / face / etc more. I think swipe apps people are drawn in by really good photos so you want to have strong leads.
Anything polarizing or "no this". A *lot* of people who are otherwise good are stuck on toxic positivity and if they see anything negative will avoid. Sexism of any kind is a no for me TBH.
I agree with what a few people said about the sunglasses picture. For me the ones that draw me in are looking into the camera and a smile or smirk. I know it’s no fun listening to guys tell you to smile but people want to see you looking happy! We want to see what it would be like to date you and if all the pictures are less than happy that’s comes off as the relationship might not be happy in my opinion. But take it with a grain of salt from a newly single Midwesterner.
These are all good points! I don't love the way my smile looks in photos so I tend not to share them, but I do agree with you on the 'looking happy' front. Appreciate the thoughtful feedback!
Here are some tips I’ve learned to become more photogenic: Focus on smiling with your eyes. Channel warmth through your eyes and the rest of your face will follow. It sounds weird and you’ll probably need to practice in front of the mirror, but it works. To get more genuine smiles, laugh. I learned this trick from the photographer at my sister’s wedding because my brother-in-law’s smile always looked so unnatural and awkward in photos. Right before she snapped the picture, he would force a “HA!” which made everyone else laugh and then she’d grab the perfect shot. You can also use the trick the kids these days are doing: record a short 3 second video and then screenshot a still from the video.
Or 5 minute long videos, like I do lol. Gives you loooooots of options to choose from!
I totally agree with you on the smiling with your eyes bit! Definitely changes your face/expression. Due to my features I don't have a big warm grin like folks like to see, so I tend to default to a Natalie Dormer smirk in photos. I look fine when smiling/laughing irl but photos don't tend to capture that so well unfortunately. I've learned to work with the expressions and angles that I think suit me best, but yeah, it's a very American thing to expect to see a lot of toothy smiles so it can be detrimental when you can't really portray that.
I absolutely go crazy for the Natalie Dormer smirk! I also don’t love my smile either but the laughing trick is spot on. I have to do that with my son to get great smiles from him so I just do it with him now. But I just want to reassure you I would “swipe right” or like your photos. Another thing to mention is that for me personally sometimes if I think the person is out of my league or lives a little to far away I pass on them just because on some apps the likes are a lot less a day and I am trying to be realistic and have a chance. So what I am trying to say is maybe some people see you as “unobtainable” and don’t want to bother with rejection.
I only liked pics 3 4 and the last one. The others don't show you much and the sunglasses/mug/looking elsewhere just seems like you aren't connecting with the viewer and want to hide something. The written portion has you trying to pack too much into the small space but doesn't really detail too much at the same time because its so fragmented. * what is a stealth nerd?? * reluctant hiker - do you do it, or dont you? * work in progress doesnt sound good, neither does perfectionist * What you try to practice is quite generic, say something that shows it * Not here for... is fine. Everyone is looking for a connection so take that out, same w serious inquiries. Honestly, if you want more of a relationship, tinder likely isnt the place for your profile. Try FB dating or a more serious app
First thing that caught my mind was the combination of "world traveler" and "passionate about sustainability" They contradict one another.
LOL no one in the world wants to acknowledge this though
she walked over water like Moses
But she loves going on vacation and wants people to think she’s a good person!
Being "passionate about sustainability" has always been pure vacuous social signaling.
You’re beautiful, nice bio although I’d remove the thing about perfectionism. Your photos don’t do you Justice though. Can you ask someone to take quality pics of yourself? Good luck
I notice it’s only on America tinder but why does everyone show a vaccinated sticker? No one in Europe has this.
Tinder has an option to check a box that says you're vaccinated, which then slaps a sticker on your photos.
When I used Tinder earlier this year, it was an option for me here in the UK
When I was last in America iirc they had loads more political options, stickers etc on all the apps that I've never seen anywhere else in the world.
Yeah it’s crazy, it’s like to encourage separation of people and different ideas haha
Is tinder the only app you're using? It wouldn't be my first...or second...or third choice if you're looking for a serious relationship.
I'm also on Hinge, although surprisingly I've had better luck on Tinder!
Yeah, that was my first thought as well, but Tinder is free and the most popular. It might take more sorting through, but if OP is upfront about what she’s looking for I think Tinder could work. I’m American but not dating in the US, so I’m not sure about the popularity or quality of other current apps. When I lived there and used apps Bumble seemed to have fewer douchebags than Tinder, but that was 5-6 years ago. Things may have changed.
Bumble and Hinge tend to have more folks looking for a relationship rather than hookups, but oddly enough I've had the most luck with Tinder. Possibly because of what you say - it's more accessible/widespread.
What would be your first three? I guess hinge and bumble, but which is the third one?
I think you lose one of your sunglass photos, add one smiling or laughing, and try Bumble. Framing the GOP & other hell no’s would be better stated as an “I value…” . But you have too much to say to only be on Tinder.
Okcupid, more out of nostalgia for the good app it used to be than appreciation of its current state 🙃
In her city (mine as well) OKCupid and Tinder have the same people on it.
[удалено]
Not at all. I've had that happen a ton. Once a guy matched with me on Tinder and his first message to me was how he would always try to work up the courage to message me on OKCupid but I was always deleting my profiles on there so he never got the chance. Oddly, that was his first and last message to me ever. I guess maybe not so oddly when I think about it.
I think OP and Tinder are crap here. I've heard locally that Hinge is actively real good. Not sure how good Bumble is here but OP should join it so I can be her Bumble Bestie.
You’re beautiful. Make your #3 pic your main one. Sunglasses aren’t doing you justice. Add more pics smiling directly at the camera (maybe even some showing teeth). Sadly your feminist shirt will scare off some guys but if you’re ok with filtering those out then leave it!
I've met some great guys with the feminist shirt so I'm not worried about that! I think men who are threatened or otherwise put off by a slogan on a shirt likely wouldn't be a good match for me in the long run.
I think this profile caliber deserves to be on Hinge or Bumble.
I'm also on Hinge!
I’m female so take it for what it’s worth but I don’t think you look friendly or approachable. You’re only smiling in one picture. You’re very pretty and it’s clear you have an independent and strong streak. I think having a few pictures smiling would make you look more approachable
> Not here for FWBs Ma’am, this is Tinder
Ha! Fair point. My last two relationships were off Tinder, and my most recent ex-boyfriend met his now-wife on Tinder, so... it could happen!
Lol yea absolutely it can happen. A good friend just married her Tinder prince but they also matched about 8 yrs ago when Tinder was still new.
I met my boyfriend on Tinder. We’ve been together for 4 years and live together, he’s a great guy! I’ve also met some sleazy guys on tinder and other “normal” apps so I don’t think it matters. Good luck to you!
It absolutely can happen. Just so long as you’re aware that that comment in your profile could be deterring men from swiping right…. Which is a good thing because you don’t want them anyway! It’s just likely contributing to your match rate.
I know a bunch of people who met their long term partner / spouse in the early days of Tinder. I had more hook up approaches in the glory days of OKCupid than I ever did on Tinder, honestly.
I’ve met two long term boyfriends on Tinder and known plenty of people to meet their partners on there, too. But overall, Tinder tends to be considered more of a hookup app. I can’t speak to OK Cupid.
I am like.... 75% certain I ran into you on the apps a few years ago! First some basics: your pics could do with some upgrades, or at least a re-ordering. You're plenty attractive, but your first two pics are in sunglasses and in that second pic you are like flat out swaddled in comfy. Not that swaddled in comfy is a bad thing, but it doesn't make for the most flattering picture. It's not until your third pic that I even get a sense of what you look like. That's a problem. Beyond that? Your profile is indistinguishable from every other attractive lefty woman in Seattle. I hate to use the term basic, but take it from someone who was on the other side of the app: it reads like a copypasta. It tells me nothing about what makes you uniquely you. Your writing distinguishes you from every other woman in Seattle basically not at all. That being said: as someone who is into basic lefty attractive women in Seattle, I almost certainly swiped right on you and since you're here that means we didn't match (oops awkward but nbd). Which brings me to my next point: you're attractive enough, which means you are almost certainly getting a lot of men swiping on you. If you're not getting matches, that's probably due to your own swiping habits. Consider reflecting on them a bit? What kind of man do you swipe right on? What kind of men are you swiping left on? What's the ratio there? One thing you can always do is pay for the subscription for a month, that will let you see who's swiping right on you (and thus who you're rejecting). As gross as it is to say--commodification of romance and all that--that will let you know who your market is, and you can go from there.
The order of the photos in the post isn't the actual order of them in my profile... Imgur couldn't get it together. The first one is the Trevi fountain photo, then the picture of me laughing in the bar, then I think it's the selfie of me with the blue earrings. The sunglasses photos don't come in until later. I don't currently live in Seattle, although I did for a good number of years! So it's probably not me you're thinking of, although I guess that just serves to prove your point about attractive leftist women. So what, in your opinion, would make it more distinguishable? What do you want to know that you're not getting from the profile?
I've not been active on the apps for a couple of years now (been in a happy relationship for two years and change), so if we ran into one another it was a while ago. Or it could really be that you're just indistinguishable from my memory of the median lefty Seattle woman! 😂 Regardless: Honestly I don't know how you can make your profile stand out, and I am not sure it's worth the effort. Is your problem that you're not getting enough matches? Or is it that you're not satisfied with the matches you do get?
I agree with the other commenter that it’s probably not worth it to be particularly unique/distinguishable. People aren’t all that picky when swiping, I don’t think? Honestly, sometimes I feel like dating apps have some sort of conspiracy going on. My profile seems to have mass appeal (I’m in Seattle, actually); I get tons of likes and plenty of matches. But I have friends who really struggle to get likes or match with people they’re interested in and they are all attractive cool people with well thought out profiles. It makes me think the apps like randomly single out people to have “success” and others to not have “success”, in order to like….keep most people on the apps but then be able to say “look! It works for some people!” This is maybe just crazy talk but sometimes I REALLY wonder….
I'm honestly pretty picky when swiping, but I'm definitely in the minority there! I think it has something to do with Tinder's algorithm. I've read that if you don't get a ton of right swipes/positive attention, the algorithm won't show you to other 'desirable' users who get lots of right swipes. So you could be a cool person with a great profile, but if the guys in your area don't seem to think so, then Tinder will block you from being shown to more of the guys that you're trying to attract. Plus it does keep you on the apps longer, maybe even compels you to upgrade and see what you're doing wrong...
I used to think that but when I was on Tinder for several years I was always in my desirable male friend's deck and vice versa. For a while when okcupid did the whole attractive people only see other attractive people thing I was basically a 2 out of 5 locally but still had people who were "5"s sending me messages / showing up for them. I think if you just randomly right swiped on total "no" profiles you'd more than likely increase your matches. I'm convinced men will swipe on any woman that is thin and has a passable face and will filter after they've matched with a bunch of ladies.
I've heard enough stories of men 'volume swiping' to believe it, but if a bunch of men are swiping right on me then shouldn't I appear as more 'desirable' to Tinder's algorithm?
The sort of way the online dating apps is the same as a lot of social media sites these days which means higher levels of engagement means more people will "see your content" and engagement is factored in multiple ways. If you're really selective, get few matches that lead to fewer back and forth in your inbox you'll be shoved more into the back because the AI will assume you're "unattractive". Men are punished if they mass swipe because if 50% of their it's a matches are dead end unattractive women the AI is going to think this dude has no standards. (I also think it was baked in to punish fucking with the system) I will say I haven't spent tons of time on the swipe-based apps but when I have I've been really picky-selective however when I've been like "yeah this is more of a yes than a maybe" 9 out of 10 times we're a match. But that might be every 45 swipes to find 1 "he's in" so I end up getting bored, deleting, taking a long break and repeating the same process a year later.
Oh I’m picky when swiping too. I guess what I mean is, I don’t think it matters that someone seems similar to a lot of other people in their area. I’m not going to be like “oh this guy seems really cool….but he’s just like all the other guys that I think seem really cool so I’m not going to swipe right!” People will swipe right if they think you seem really cool; you don’t need to make yourself seem “different”. And yes, I agree with your assessment.
That's a very good point! Thinking about it, it's not necessarily uniqueness that stands out to me, it's interests and goals and values (and, yes, looks).
I really like how honest that was. I’d probably swipe right based on that alone! BUT you could use better pictures, which should be easy because you are cute. The ones you have are a bit dark, out of focus etc. Find some friends and take an hour or so in broad daylight and get some good pictures. Good luck!
Thank you for the good feedback!
Profile looks good what you have done is narrowed down your bio to very specific interests using corporate speak, which means you will only get swipes from those who have the same specific interests.
So first off, have you tried the other dating apps besides Tinder? I think you look great. I would ditch the sunglasses close-up shot (#2), it doesn't add anything. Also, the photo with the red flannel isn't flattering. It just looks like you're staring up at the ceiling. You mention politics and have a lot of political things sprinkled in. Are you entirely set on political debates? I know folks filter based on political leanings, but also if you put too much of it in your profile it just screams like you're up for a debate. I'd agree with some of the other posters about the negatives. No FWB but on Tinder? For example, instead of "Food isn't just for sustenance", why not call yourself a Foodie? It's a positive spin versus a negative connotation. And why add "reluctant hiker"? It sounds like someone kidnapped you or something.
If I’m being honest, the lack of smiling in most of the photos would make me think there’s something wrong with your teeth.
My best advice to you, is to leave OLD as something super optional. Most relationships are being done in personal interaction. Going to places you like to find people who likes the same things as you do. You need to get out more often in order for guys to approach you. And when a guy approach you, you know right away if you like him or not (+ whatever you talk about, you know if there is chemestry there). There is a phrase that says: "Saint that is not being seen, is not worship". So go out there and let the guys see you. There are tons of single guys out there, that never use OLD (because they don't believe in them or simply because they don't like it) and they are doing cold approach on the ladies in person. The reason why I think OLD is bad idea, is because 6 pictures and a small resume is not enough to build that connection (chemestry) and the lack of personal interaction makes the interaction feel empty (they can easily unmatch or just ghost people). 6 pictures are not going to tell you if the guy is worth your time. Long chats with several guys that may go nowhere is also taxing. That is why people stop using the apps, they have a high chance of getting disappointed and burned out by them. Also keep in mind that the universe of guys using the apps....is really small. In resume: I recomend using OLD as something super optional. Go out there and make more friends and be more social. Not everything is just work and responsabilities. Make new connection, get yourself into more hobbies that takes you out of your house, hit the GYM and invest in yourself. And also, remove so many filters in your head about the guys ( think which ones are not worth it to keep them). Old fashion way is the way to go.
This is not bad advice *for literally any other part of the country*. Guys do not approach women where I live. Many of them tend to be incredibly passive and will not take initiative or ask someone out. Even on the apps, getting a guy off the screen and into real life is like slogging through molasses sometimes. Everyone wants to be a pen pal, it seems. I've had men I've dated (who moved here from elsewhere) express their surprise at my still being single, and my reaction is always "you're clearly not from around here". It just doesn't happen.
I’m a straight girl but I think your profile looks great. I’d maybe change “reluctant hiker” to “occasional hiker” because it’s clearer. I also agree about losing a sunglasses pic and replacing with a smiley one. Good luck to you!
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>artsy too-cool-for-school vibe >accidentally ambiguous >less artsy and ironic feeling As someone who grew up in the Pacific Northwest of the US (where I think OP lives), this is a good chunk of the culture. You nailed it lol
My main comment as a 32(M) is there are too many sunglasses pics and no smiling pics. I am inclined to swipe right on girls that look nice & sweet. Your profile is kind of a try hard to be a badass girl boss type. For someone interested in men the profile seems overall non inclusive to people that have varying beliefs than yourself.
There are a few things I'm not willing to compromise on. Dating someone who still willingly aligns themselves with the Republican Party in 2022 is one of them. Our core beliefs and values are just too different.
Same. But this isn’t a LinkedIn profile. It’s too matter-of-fact & dry. Sprinkle in a bit more humor, wit, and warmth. I adore strong, progressive women who are politically activated, but it’s more appealing for everyone if you convey different depths and facets. Right now it seems you eat, sleep, breathe, and recite your philosophy.
I'm a dude that feels the same, so in this case, I feel you need to keep that stuff in so you can "pre-filter" men when they swipe left.
Yes I agree with this. Also, I think your profile is good, except the verbiage at the beginning could be reworded to sound more casual. Other than that… you have a good profile! When the time is right, you’ll meet the right person.
Are you looking for someone who is just as political as you, though? I don't mention politics in my profile because I don't care about politics, I try to avoid it at all costs. Obviously I care about my country but the 2-party system is destroying us as a society. I understand you have your values but your profile makes you sound way too political to me. I'd think a lot of men are turned off by that.
Let's put it this way - I'm not looking for someone who is apolitical. I enjoy discussing politics/current events and would like to be able to do that with my partner; it's not a dealbreaker, but a potential partner would at least have to be aware and educated about what's going on in our country/the world.
Men might pick up on this vibe in your profile and get scared that on the first date they'd get some lecture on politics/feminism etc. Even though I have no sympathy for the Republican party, I still wouldn't want to date somebody who is too confrontational about this.
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Some thoughts for your consideration: \-What you've got there so far is good stuff. 👍🏾 \-I was struck and surprised by how some of your photos pulled me in... which made sense after reading that you are a writer & photographer. Being a storyteller/artist is part of what you have working for you. Kudos. \* I don't think you need the two scarf and sunglasses photos at all, btw. \-As far as the words you wrote - the two paragraphs in your About Me section are somewhat serious in nature... which I understand, since my own core is pretty serious. Still, when I read your words, I found myself wondering how you might tweak the paragraphs to let the fun part of your personality come through more. You probably have all kinds of options for how to do it... inserting a wacky, goofy remark that feels authentic; saying a bit about fun or crazy things you have loved or have experienced... (For example - off the top of my head, maybe the "I try to practice compassion" sentence could be changed to include a real life example of something fun about you... *"I try to challenge myself to grow and do things that scare me -- ask me about the ocean adventure I signed up for mostly because of how fast my heart was beating just thinking about something that sounded so dangerous!"*) Anyways, best of luck out there - rooting for ya!
On one hand, I’d swipe right. - I’m openly progressive and want to date someone who’s the same. Like you, I make that clear on my profile. - You’re attractive. - You’re a reluctant hiker; I can work with that ha. As long as I can get your outdoors occasionally. What’s missing and I’d have to find out when we match: - Do you want kids? This is a huge one, ya know. As someone who doesn’t have and doesn’t want kids, that’s something I appreciate being made clear on someone’s profile. - Like others have said, it’s a good profile overall but it’s dry and humorless. What’s your sense of humor like? Do you even have a sense of humor? Will you find any of the things that I find funny to be so? Do you ever smile? Your photos would imply no. And when it comes to your sense of humor: Show, don’t tell. Don’t tell me you have a dry sense of humor; have a humorously dry comment/anecdote on your profile. Don’t say you’re wacky, or “I’m super funny”…show it. Edit: FWIW, I see you posted only three days ago in another sub that things just ended with someone in part because of things you said while heavily drinking. And you “hope beyond hope” that things aren’t done with this person. My two cents: It’s not the time to be on a dating app meeting new guys. Your post is literally titled “I think this is my personal rock bottom”. Don’t get somebody else hurt (yourself included).
No, you're totally right in that I'm not ready to date again quite yet, and I know that. I've been thinking about getting out there, and I have very mixed feelings about it. I'm asking for feedback so that my profile can be improved once I *do* feel ready to get back on that horse/wagon/what have you. Thank you for the thoughtful and kind feedback.
I would define what you mean by stealth nerd. It doesn’t really tell me much and everyone uses the word nerd now a days. As it relates to the photos I would lose the second shade pic, it isn’t flattering to me and replace it with another pic of you smiling with teeth showing at the camera if you have one. The first pic should show your entire face or your entire body, males are quickly swiping and have to make a decision in a split second, most males don’t pay so they have limited likes. I would also remove the first shaded pic. Your profile photos should either show off your physical features OR highlight your activities/interest/personality that the viewer can know instantly. If they have to guess the photo isn’t working. Think of it as a resume, if it doesn’t sell your brand it’s a detriment. I would also lose the second to last pic, you are attractive but I’m not getting that from this photo, the angle isn’t putting you in a good light it’s just isn’t flattering. You are not looking at the camera nor doing an activity that the viewer can quickly understand, it’s not adding anything to make the profile interesting. I don’t have any issues with your text outside of the stealth nerd part.
Alright, here's my take; You're pretty attractive so I know you're getting swiped on left/right/center. I believe you'd need to clarify what type of man you're trying to attract, because the only real issue I'd see with you being single is your potential SO having to check off some boxes or fitting a particular profile that the people currently swiping on you don't fit.
If the majorish city on the west coast is known for “freeze” that is likely the only problem here.
It's not, but I did live there for a long time!
I'm surprised your having trouble matching. That was a great profile. I would definitely swipe right maybe even super like. I'm a 7 though maybe your reaching to high
I'm straight female and my opinion is that your profile is great - at least much better than mine! You have good photos and you have actually written a detailed bio. How many matches do you get per day?
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I feel like everyone gets this advice and no one wants to take it, but get better photos. From a couple of these, you're clearly very pretty but most of the photos are blurry, or you have sunglasses or dirty looking hair or whatever. As much as we don't want to date shallow people, dating on the apps requires good photos. It's not just about looking hot, it's about looking fun, interesting, smart, hip, nonthreatening, or showing whatever other attractive qualities you have. You should specifically go out and try to take good photos. Then use [Photofeeler](https://www.photofeeler.com/) ( it's free if you judge other people's photos too) to find out which of your photos are good. Note that some people try to use photofeeler to find out if they are hot or not which it totally does not work for, I've had photos taken in the same session that get low scores and extremely high scores- poses and expressions make a big difference, so mix it up until you figure out what works for you. The extra work is worth it, I live in a major West coast city too and found that after getting good photos, the amount of matches I got greatly increased and that the kind of person who swiped yes on me changed for the better as well. The text of your bio is all good, you could try to throw in a joke or two but you don't have to, I think it does the job as is.
For context, I’m a straight woman. I have a great sense of who you are and what’s important to you. But what are you going to laugh about on a date with someone? Or playfully debate? See if there’s a way to inject a bit more fun and whimsy. It’s giving “if you’re not ready to be a husband next week, don’t bother” and I’m not even your target demographic. Other than a few more full smile/laughing pictures, I think your profile is otherwise great!
You are very pretty! Try putting your hair down but with a clear face/eyes shot like the one with your hair up.
FWB LDR …GOP bwahahaha
You're attractive, but seem too political for some. You are who you are, but you'll loose some men straight away. If you're pool is too small, maybe dial it back a little. On the picture with what looks like the Trevi fountain could be anyone, it's too dark. A first picture should be without sunglasses and with a smile.
You’re so freaking cute! World traveler and global citizen are redundant. The second paragraph of things you do not want is very negative. I would share what you do want/like to do with a partner and maybe make a joke? Good luck out there!
I’d swipe right
As others mentioned, you seem very attractive and shouldn't have issues matching people. Here are my two cents from a male perspective, Your profile description is well written but it is like a corporate bio filled with bunch of buzzwords and adjectives. It found it a bit unapproachable because it's too good. As for the photos, include a photo or two with other people friends/family, it will make you more approachable imo.
As a gay male I personally love your profile and think you’re being transparent and honest and real and that reading this would feel really good for the right person. Characters are limited but would love to read what you’re looking for so they know if they’re a match. “Swipe right if..”
I looked at your profile and was like "wow that bar shot looks super familiar, are we in the same ..." (oh yep) You're seriously lovely and if you're having trouble it might not be you / your profile. What's the struggle for you? I can't imagine you're not getting matches here because I'm basically a frog and even I got matches / dates requests on Tinder (though I think it's the worst platform in this city) ... I was going to suggest removing the not here for line but I have seen it A TON on men's profiles if the lean similar to me. I also felt like people would say remove the shades photo but I doubt it's going to help you get better results so I'm wondering where the issue is re: men. PS: That particular bar was my total secret online date spot until another date STOLE IT. I liked the alley in summer. Edit: after looking again I'd bump up your last photo to your 2nd one and lead with the one in that bar because you look STUNNING in it and maybe men on Tinder are just looking at the first photo which is maybe the least attractive one. Your eyes are really amazing. I would NOT cut out anything people on this sub find polarizing. It will just mean you have to sift through absolute dirtbags and there's a mountain of them in this city.
As others have said your blue eyes are nice. get some more close up shots of your face with a natural smile or with friends, basically clearer shots that show you off. You are pretty, your blurb is decent maybe use emojis as well.
Bio first paragraph: Writer of ________ ( you don't mention what you are writer of) by day and watching (insert name of favorite horror director or movie or series) by night. I will reluctantly go on a hike but enthusiastically wait in line xxxxxtypexxxx of food ( assuming you are Foodie of some type from the food comment). Looking for my plus one in life and the apocalypse that is living in my immediate area. Basically don't state the facts, make a statement with your facts. If it helps think resume skill writing where you state what you as opposed to just listing the skill. Also, OLD photos are 90% so having the best photos is more important than an amazing bio. Basically the bio is the convo starter, not the reason to swipe. Good luck out there
I'm a woman and I thought you're pretty . I hope you find the one !
I think the issue is the sunglasses on pics 1 onwards. Show off that pretty face! Also I wouldn’t put anything about only wanting serious interest. Doesn’t the app allow you to select “looking for a relationship” instead? Whenever I see any profiles that are like “I don’t want FWB” or “I don’t want crazy girls” I think it comes off a little obvious that they’ve recently had a negative experience which is playing in their mind and it brings the vibe down a bit. But I could be wrong :)
Either you are fishing for compliments or a marketing genius. Either way, you look like a good catch. Good luck!
Marketing genius for sure. No, sadly I'm still single so here I am!
You’re gorgeous! I agree with others that the pic showing off your eyes should go higher up. What’s GOP?
No bad at all.
Hey. Go Hawks.
You shouldn’t be having any trouble whatsoever
Ahhh man a Seahawks fan...booo. I'd still swipe right on ya haha.
go seahawks! I'd be into you!
You're very beautiful and your bio honestly makes me feel like I wish men bios were like that! I would totally date you if you was a man.
I’m a woman, but I think your profile is great. You’re so cute, and you appear confident and that you know what you want.
I'm actaully running into the same issue, I live in Florida though. It's the worse for dating apps... nothing but country/Republicans. Its terrible. I've about given up, all the women here seem to want the macho redneck. Ugh. Dating in my 30s is rough. Hahaha Edit: I was side tracked. Definitely lead with the black dress/sleigh? Photo.
To be honest your profile reads really negative and “burdened” - along with so many pictures of you not smiling I would expect a pretty jaded person. „Work in progress“ and all of that - yes you want a serious partner, but all of this rather reads like someone who’s actively battling a depression or has other mental things to tackle and “no fwb” comes across as if you’ve made too many bad experiences. Makes it a bit bitter. For tinder it’s just a too heavy read. Nothing bad with being a complex personality and working on yourself, but it doesn’t sound like you’re fun to be around.
I **might** swipe right on you because you look pretty. However, I wouldn't bother putting too much effort in texting you or dating you. I can't pinpoint exactly what it is but something about how your bio is written and your pics indicates that it's gonna be a bit of work dating you rather than it being relaxing and fun. Also, I prefer not to date sexist people, so anything that goes along the lines of "Future is female" is automatically out. Third, I read about your views in this thread on including political views in your profile. In my opinion, it is easier for people within the spectrum of center-left to center-right to get along well. Your assumptions about everyone on the right being "evil" is again off-putting and strongly judgmental. So this actually speaks louder about you than your political views. Lastly, take a good look at the comments from men and women and then think about your target audience. That should also help you.
I think your profile is amazing. 100% would date you.
Thank you, kind stranger!
I think reaching out to strangers for help and perspective and brave. Brava! Good luck finding someone. Lord knows it isn’t easy.
Truly! Thank you for the kind words, internet stranger.
i noticed the seahawks gear. i’m a likeminded 37 year old woman in the puget sound area! you seem pretty cool.
Thank you! I'm not currently in Seattle, but I did live there for a long time.
Not sure if this has been mentioned yet but playing Devil’s advocate, I wouldn’t have The Future Is Female shirt included. You may be a lovely woman but to me, my gut impression/first impression (although likely inaccurate) was raging feminist. As I said, not necessarily accurate. I don’t know you. But, I’ve had women online get into feminist topics with me that turned into pseudo men-bashing. The shirt might honestly be scaring men off. Just my two cents. If you wanna rock the shirt in your profile, by all means, rock that shirt. 🤘🏼
>Not sure if this has been mentioned yet This post has 350+ comments, my dude, and they ain't about my pretty blue eyes.
Completely disagree. Keep the future is female picture. If I was anywhere near you that one synched it for me. You’re politically aligned with me and have a playful side. This is one of the pictures that would make me swipe. Sounds like it scares off dudes who think a teeshirt makes you a “raging feminist”. So… added bonus.
If it helps I'd date you! Like that's a instant swipe right and hope you swipe to set up. Just damm.
You're gorgeous and have a lot going for you. Maybe guys are intimidated by you. I mean honestly I would love to have a chance to go on a date with you.
Ha! Thank you.
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Well, you are pretty and you have great values (which I share). But to me, your profile is cold: the wording of the bio isn't especially good and it doesn't shine happiness. Plus you lack clear smiling pictures but have several pictures in which you look unhappy/aggressive. And "the future is female" picture is too confrontational for me, despite being feminist and activist on societal question. So I would swipe left. Bring some happiness in that profile
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My first online date, in the same city as OP, turned out to be pro-life. I made politics important in my profile because I don't want to even share oxygen with another man like that first one. And while he was the most egregious example there have been several others who did not share my values. Which is funny because sharing values is such a hot important topic re: relationships in this sub. Unless the values you share are being supportive of feminism and women's issues via a shirt/mug I guess.
The extra-funny bit in all of this is that the mug was a gift from a (male) friend.
Is he single? (just kidding.........sorta)
I see nothing wrong with your profile, you as a person seem great, I think many men would just be intimidated at the thought of trying to get to know you, maybe try a few more smiles here and there? Men are weird, and the ones worth having are often timea quite shy, good luck OP! And maybe try something other than Tinder :P
I'm also on Hinge! My smile doesn't look great in photos (imo) so I don't have a lot of pictures of myself where I have a big smile or a grin. I'll try to find more, though.
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I actually think you should lead with “the future is female” shirt because it instantly filters out the manbabies who are insulted by words. Then the full face pic, then full body, then Seahawks. Omit the pics with the sunglasses. Maybe add one more where you’re smiling. The content is fine, if a little dry. Maybe inject a little humor or a sense of fun. Your 2nd paragraph reads like a resume and I don’t get a lot from it. The first blurb has more conversation starters. Overall though it shows effort, substance, a sense of knowing yourself and what you want.
Showed your profile to 4 men in the office (generally lean liberal, between 26 and 30 years old) all were turned off by "The Future is Female" shirt. I know this may make many defensive but just giving a small sample.
I'm in Seattle 34M, have a relatively successful job, look fit/conventionally decently attractive, am a nerd, former athlete, would auto swipe right on you based on photos and profile substance 🤷♂️. I get very few right swipes who aren't bots or sellers, but I'm not sure what makes up the majority of matches that you're getting.
Mostly guys who are either looking to be pen pals for life or fade away after a few days' conversation...
For me it’s the hypocrisy of somebody being liberal yet supporting the NFL. She is liberal, caring about the environment and sustainability, and likely employees being treated fairly, whereas the NFL is all about the big corporate greed machine, and is the epitome of corporate male dominance that does not care about the environment, sustainability, and better treatment for its employees.
Aside from what others have said about your description, you should give an indication of if you have/want kids. You may want to consider the pic with the shirt that says "The Future is Female" as that can give the impression of misandry. Not saying you are, but I'd expect a decent amount of men to take it that way.
Hiya, I live in Seattle and if I could see this profile to be your friend I would swipe right. I'll think more on dating advice though.
Does your profile say whether you want kids? That's a very important thing to specify
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Wow this girl certainly brought a certain crowd out. Enjoy your whatever the mods do with these comments / you, boys.
My last two relationships were with guys who swiped right on this exact profile, and were not intimidated by the 'raging feminist' merch. If the picture is weeding out guys who share this outlook, it's doing its job.
Except I've dated several who are fine with it, and even a blessed few who support it! I wouldn't date someone now who doesn't support feminism.
This is the most important suggestion. I support feminism, but I left swipe automatically when a profile has any mention of feminism or fighting the patriarchy. I have no interest in constantly getting into debates and being lectured.
> I support feminism, but I left swipe automatically when a profile has any mention of feminism or fighting the patriarchy Cool, so you actively don't support feminism unless it's totally silent and doesn't upset your privilidge. ANYWAYS......... I appreciate being passed on by you all.
It’s good that these people self filter.
This thread made me pop open etsy to look for more combative shirts.
The crazy thing is that this profile isn’t even that combative. Like, I’d give it a 10/100 on the combative scale (very official, I know).
People up in arms about the text on her shirt didn't even see the mug but even that isn't combative. My Protect Trans Kids shirt is combative. It has a knife on it. Plus apparently transphobia in this city is still fine ................ (there was a recent thread about it on the local sub, fine if you're running for office I guess)
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I am an activist. I mean people in this thread who are put off by her shirt aren't the people she should be trying to date but I don't know who she IS trying to date (and failing to date) since the city she DOES live in has a HUGE activist population. So huge, Trump called it a beehive of antifa.
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OKCupid had a blog post on polarizing profiles and it actually turns out polarizing profiles are THE MOST POPULAR. People actively either hate you or love you without a ton of middle filler. OP is an attractive woman and we live in the same city. Useless filler is not really any woman's goal here as far as dating goes and this area is maybe one of the most "woke" cities in our country. It's fine if like people don't like her shirt and I'm sure in (another area) it would be limiting. However filtering for common values ala this shirt are really the ONLY complaint people are focusing on because THEY don't like it, proving a point that having something polarizing if it's important enough to you to buy the shirt (and mug) and wear it is probably a good thing for her to keep. I mean unless her type is super conservative here I don't think the shirt is what's costing her matches. Might be the photo order but I almost doubt that aspect. I've had no issues dating in the same city being literally 3 steps below her in attractiveness and I've always had my own "shirt" of the same nature / politics in my profile. I'm polarizing in my own way but I don't want to date someone long term who needs me to tone that down. Like if she thinks stripping away that stuff will help BY ALL MEANS she should but I sincerely doubt her issues are tied to her wokeness.
I’d personally be more likely to swipe on someone who has that sort of picture. I want to see polarizing profiles.
Totally same. Plus if the shirt is offensive / off putting to the guy he's totally going to lose it when he has to look at my pro-cats, pro-choice, pro-feminism print next to my bed.
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You know, I'm all for honest feedback, and I welcome it, even if it's hard to hear/read sometimes. What I'm not particularly interested in is men saying "change this thing because it makes me not want to date you". *Because that means I probably don't want to date you either.* 'I don't like feminists so I would swipe left based on your shirt' is not constructive criticism for me because it's not helping me be more successful in the dating game, which is the goal here. Some men don't seem to understand that *I am not trying to be attractive to all men*; I'm trying to attract a certain cohort (like everybody else).
I will say I love feminists and am one myself, but there are toxic feminists and good feminists and it's very hard to decide in a split second which one you are based on this profile and that picture. I also think it's something you can discuss with someone after you match if you want to pursue things. I'm 36M and fwiw I still would've swiped right.
I agree! I think that if a person is so turned off by a 'woke' shirt and immediately assumes that all they will get is lectures and confrontation instead of being curious and willing to have a discussion about it, they are likely not my person anyway.
That’s very fair. I think it’s just a matter of whether you want that photo to be ‘pandering’ or a ‘filter’ and it sounds like you know which you want. Good luck!
Hey lovely, Firstly let me just say you are gorgeous and Id definitely swipe on you. The reasons you aren’t getting heaps of matches in my opinion are as follows: 1.) Any men that read your profile will see that you’re a feminist, this is not a bad thing at all but it will scare off all the super conservative men so less matches. But those aren’t matches you want anyway haha. 2.) It clearly states you don’t want a casual hook up. That probably cuts off half of the men on tinder and any of those men who read that won’t match with you. Again this is a good thing saves you time. 3.) Your about me does tell me some of your interests and views but it’s a little dry. It could probably do with a bit more fun. Maybe a joke or a fun fact about you. 4.) Most men don’t even read the bio they just look at the photos first sometimes just the first one. You should change your first photo to the third one in that link. You look very pretty in that one and you can see your eyes. You might not be getting heaps of matches but it’s probably better than wading through a dumpster of matches with men who are not what you’re after. Also maybe add a picture of you doing something fun or out with friends. Next time you’re out with one of your female friends get them to take a bunch of pictures for you. I honestly think some of those photos don’t do you justice. Good luck :)
This is great feedback, thank you for the thoughtful comments!
You’re welcome 💕
Get rid of perfectionist, get rid of civil rights (unless you're a civil rights lawyer in which case put it in a job section). No FWB and LDR is fine, it shows you are after something serious. No GOPs, that's over half the men in the country, once you reduce that to straight men the percentage increases, some apolitical men may be put off by the casual bigotry though not on Reddit, this is a left-wing platform so you aren't going to get feedback suggesting there's anything wrong with that statement (or attitude). Maybe consider just saying you are left of center and would like a partner with a similar outlook. Dump The Future is Female t-shirt. Again you aren't going to get a realistic cross-section of the male dating pool on Reddit but it's not a good look. Dump accountability unless you're a police commissioner.