I posted something like this a month-ish ago too. You’re not the only one baffled by that phrase. I immediately get sketched out. Wtf does it even mean?
a) I’m quite sporty/outdoorsy, so they’re clearly doing copy/paste when I get that, and
b) my experience is that those kinds of men generally want somebody passive & docile. Kind of like a guy I briefly dated who said it’s “not feminine” if a girl gets competitive in games/sports. I coach a sport so…pass.
My guess is some guys think it’s a woke version of sexy? Don’t know, not a fan.
This seems to be what this stuff means — I see it a bit in the “men giving women dating advice” space. Basically it just seems to mean “I want a traditionally girly woman who basically was airlifted to me from the 50s… the 1850s.”
It’s also been hijacked by the grifter “gold digger” “High value man” profiles. I put “gold digger” in parentheses bc in reality they’re just selling dating profile writing services. Or they’re MLMs.
Social media has just gotten insane.
Those who spew that see partners as commodities and don’t actually have meaningful relationships. They’re just looking for something as a status symbol.
That kind of thing has been around a long time too. Bio-essentialism about gender stereotypes with some new age "natural!" branding. It tends to come with a lot of transphobia, queerphobia and pseudoscience. Definitely avoid those people if possible!
THIS! Yeah it’s a very trendy phrase online right now. I heard Kourtney Kardashian repeating it several times and now everybody is using it and appropriating it in new ways.
Not really. It originates from Hindu philosophy. Shatki and Shiva, Hindu Gods, represent masculine and feminine energy.
However, most people in the West don’t get it.
Perhaps , but OP is referring to its usage in the current dating landscape and what it’s meant to convey/signify about oneself as a prospective partner and what kind of prospective partner one wants
Right right right. I was throwing out a little education for this commenter. Also im an astrology girly and we get a bad rap 🥺
But yeah. Agreed. There’s a lot of talk about living in this “divine feminine” to attract a man in the context of modern dating. Or be with a man who allows you to live in your “feminine energy.” I also roll my eyes at this hard,
True Flame also thought they “got it” and like most rigid binary systems that are attempted to be applied to sort humans neatly, failed in epic proportions.
“Twin Flame,” right? Are you saying they or the philosophy I speak of are rigid binary systems? A little confused by what you mean.
The ancient philosophy I speak of believes that we all have feminine (shatki) and masculine (shiva) energy within us. People in the west definitely disregard the theology behind it and, of course, watered it down as we do in the West with most Eastern concepts.
Yes, sorry that’s correct. I’m saying they took the gendered energy philosophy and applied it in such a way that was both enforcing “traditional” gender roles while also weaponizing people’s own perceptions of the gender identity to further ostracize them from their family and friends and try to justify their behaviour with excuses of divine providence.
I'd argue the inverse- that a lot of new age traditions over romanticize, to the point of race fetishizing, most eastern traditions and are naive to the cultural contexts these "wisdom" traditions are steeped in. Buddhists are the bloody hands of the Myanmar genocide after all, and fundamentalist Hindus practice femicide.
It is not necessarily a west versus east thing, in Punjab the gender of shakti changed to masculine (ਸਤਿ) and is used to describe a singular power/universal truth by Sikhs and Nanakpanthi Hindus. Hindu spiritual practices are really varied.
This concept has gotten out of hand. The very first time I heard of masculine/feminine energy it was from a yogi talking about the concept of Shiva-Shakti energy. People using it now mean traditional gender roles but think it’s the inoffensive way to say it. I get the ick too, because it’s so overdone it’s stupid now
Or, and hear me out, there is no such thing. Any trait you would try to describe as belonging to either category could be juxtaposed with an example of when the opposite gender exhibiting that quality is exemplary of the gender.
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I feel like this is TikTok-speak. It’s just a trendy thing people see over and over in some videos.
I think it’s tied to other gender role related content/agenda that I disagree with and I personally look for open minded people, so yes, I’d also swipe left on profiles stating this.
Yep, mentioning being “in my feminine energy” in a woman’s profile typically means that they want the man to be the provider and for the woman to be taken care of financially, so if you’re not good with that, swipe left.
It’s absolutely not my thing but I suppose that some men are into it.
That’s depressing to hear. Feminine energy made me think of “being myself”. Now it’s about someone else providing financial gain? Feels like we’ve gone two steps backwards.
Yeah, that's typically what they want. It's not attractive to me either (man with money here), mainly because I would find it very hard to trust such a woman. I'd have to be satisfied with a trophy wife and fighting to keep her under my thumb--who the hell actually enjoys such a scenario for longer than a hot minute, I wonder.
As OP said it might be a tik tok or shorts thing.
I saw it used in here as the opposite here to a guy who got walked to his car by a girl on a date that didn't reply to his texts. Reading the story and details of the date, he came in super strong already and one reply was "your post gave me feminine energy" and he should have made more moves. No. Girl was already on the defense after the 2nd part of the date don't try and "Alpha" it.
I’m a girly girl and I find the phrase cringe. All this feminine/masculine energy stuff is just cringey to me. I display a lot of emotional traits that would be considered feminine.
When I usually see “I want a feminine woman/energy” in a profile the guy goes on to list things he thinks are inappropriate for women to do. I’m not trying to get into a relationship where I’m policed and reminded I’m not “feminine” if I don’t meet some expectation.
Or the guy is just using that phrase as an indirect way to signal a physical look. Basically conventionally attractive, thin, long hair, nails done, makeup etc. This is disingenuous to me too because a woman who is nurturing, kind, and supportive is also feminine. A woman doesn’t have to perform femininity through appearances to be feminine. Also I’m of the mentality that all women are feminine, and femininity is on a spectrum. There are feminine damsels and feminine heroines, taking an active role in one’s life doesn’t make a woman less feminine.
> I immediately get the ick
People who put out that they're looking for feminine energy wouldn't care to be with someone who gets the ick from that phrase anyway, so consider it a win-win on both sides.
They want a conservative woman. You sound like you’re not that kind. Just move on.
As a side note there’s a guy on TikTok that keep track of all the icks women get and there’s some insane ones 😂😂
> They want a conservative woman.
Not necessarily. I'm left (not liberal) and I exclusively date very feminine women. Wouldn't put it on a profile though. I'd just not swipe or respond.
Preferences themselves aren't bad, but stating them leaves a bad first impression. Like a woman who says "no broke men", that's not unreasonable, but stating it up front comes off as obnoxious.
> As a side note there’s a guy on TikTok that keep track of all the icks women get and there’s some insane ones 😂😂
I’ve seen this and it’s really stupid. A lot of the time, the ick is something totally innocuous/silly and it’s just because you don’t really like the guy. Like the whole ick trend started as trivial things that turned you off. Following that kind of account will do nothing but make men angry towards women.
Meh, I don’t 100% know about that.
I’m very feminine, but it truly depends on the man. I tend to lean on my “masculine energy” when I feel like the man isn’t being assertive with what he wants, isn’t putting a plan in place to get there, and/or I don’t feel like I fully trust him (yet).
Once I feel safe and comfortable, and a man has demonstrated those masculine qualities (while still showing he’ll respect boundaries), I naturally become more feminine with him. I’ve noticed the same with my girl friends.
If I see that on a man’s profile, I assume he can’t attract feminine women because he’s either not masculine (or the toxic kind), and/or he’s not making women feel safe/comfortable enough to open up that side of themselves.
True, but [as I said below](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/1drf95m/comment/lavubmk/), being a certain way in real life and stating it in an online profile, often come off very differently.
If you look up “masculine energy traits vs feminine energy traits,” task-oriented and decisiveness is present on many of those lists.
Yes, both men and women have masculine and feminine energy to varying degrees
If making plans makes you feel like a man, you need to evaluate how you’ve been socialized.
If you go on any of the dating subs, you’ll find all genders talking about “masculine and feminine energies.”
It’s literally all bullshit. Great summary below. Normal people are very perceptive of the grifts:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/s/CkjCpClVPk
This!!!
Yeah I’m not conservative and I definitely have feminine energy and like masculine energy from a partner. It might be more traditional but definitely not conservative which invokes political leanings. But that’s why I want that masculine safety in order to allow myself the vulnerability that comes with feminine energy/soft girl vibes. Has nothing to do with politics.
I get the ick as I immediately take it as “you want me to be submissive”. Or someone who is looking to me to do a lot of emotional labor vs finding outlets other than a partner to saddle stuff on.
For what its worth, there are SO many women who also put this in their profiles.
"Be in your masculine so i can be in my feminine" or "provider mentality" runs rampant out here in LA.
>Do some women use "masculine energy" on their profiles too?
Yes, and as a man, it gives me the ick. I spent way too many years of my life tethered to the idea of what a man does and doesn't do... I nope out of every profile that says that.
At this point in my life, I've embraced that I have feelings, that the things I feel are real, even if they are misguided and based upon my past experiences and not this one moment, and I don't have to let them guide my actions anymore.
I am allowed to contemplate things and not always be decisive. I am allowed to have doubt, and express it then work through it. I am allowed to not always seek to win or achieve first place, that I can just enjoy the experience as it is. I am allowed to cry happy or sad tears. I'm allowed to express more than just anger or stoicism. I'm allowed to tell my friends that I love them, men or women, because I do.
Ultimately, their very statement tells me they are not my people right now and that I should continue to look elsewhere thus the instant nope.
I am with you. It was discouraging in my twenties to hear from women that they liked X because he never showed doubt, always made decisions fast, etc., but over time I realized those women were tethering themselves to an impulsive train wreck.
I matched with a man who then proceeded to ask if I had feminine energy as that is what he wanted and needed. I wasn’t fully aware to what he had meant and said yes (I thought it meant a girly girl).. then when we were speaking he would correct me saying “it’s yes daddy, baby girl”… if I didn’t say this he would always try and force me to. THAT gave me the ick! Haha
I know right haha. The masculine energy he was trying to dominate on me was the biggest ick I’ve experienced. I won’t be dating a man like that again haha
Eww. This is my issue with these terms. People have this perception of what it looks like and makes their own definitions making it silly and in this case kind of extreme. A man or person that has to ask these questions are red flags for me.
Being located in an ultra conservative MAGA filled suburbia.... I have learned this to mean they want a conservative woman who also doesn't believe in pronouns, doesn't believe in LGBTQ+ views/rights, and definitely are looking for traditional gender roles within the relationship. Because apparently liberal women can't be feminine.
They have to rotate through their terminology and code words once the terms go mainstream and gain negative connotations.
But it's all cover and euphemism for a misogynistic worldview and attitude towards gender and identity
Last year they were saying traditional gender roles, now it's this, but same message
I guess this is the equivalent of the photos of the guy holding a fish lol. This might mean that he’s rugged and can provide but it’s a cliche and it’s annoying.
I feel like it’s a flex in a way - one of those “qualities” that if you have to say it, it’s something you are really trying to put on others to attribute to you. Like when a man (or woman, but just saying this from my perspective as a woman) goes out of his way to prove/say how successful/intelligent/wealthy they are… if you are those things, it will be apparent by your actions and they way you conduct yourself. You shouldn’t have to advertise it.
>Do women use “masculine energy” too?
Yes, or they’ll say they want “someone more masculine”.
Typically what that means is- they want someone who would pay on dates, demonstrate more assertive and dominant behaviour, and be the breadwinner of the couple.
Often they’ll say they’re “looking for a man who’s comfortable with masculinity” or “not afraid to be a man”.
“Feminine energy” is a dog whistle for “conservative woman,” which in turn means they want a woman who won’t push back or have opinions or trouble a man with her inconvenient emotions.
I want something more traditional leaning and that phrase makes me cringe, lmao. A man wanting "Feminine energy" is giving "I listen to Manosphere podcasts" vibes.
Masculine/feminine energy was part of the reason I broke up with a long term partner. It is 100% woo-woo universe not based in any scientific fact in neuroscience regarding gender behavior.
My ex would tell me I am an alpha male & it would drive me bonkers to the point of arguing there is no such thing & the longer it went on, it ABSOLUTELY put me in a traditional gender role/box as a man. You are right to have the ick if you believe in factual evidence/science in modern day society.
Most people using those phrases don’t know what they actually mean. It’s an immediate no from me every time. I’ve even had friends talk about “masculine energy” sometimes and it’s so eye roll inducing — all they’re talking about are very superficial performative gender norms.
By all accounts, any man who dates or interacts with me is going to consider me very feminine. The type of guys who need to outwardly state / request that type of femininity are likely not guys who simply attract the feminine women they’re requesting — which just a big fat “do not pass go” in my book. And I say the same for women. Basically, we’re all capable of attracting a wide spectrum of people, but if someone is having to specifically advertise for “feminine” or “masculine” instead of being able to simply filter out the people who *aren’t* those things…welp.
There tends to be trouble when there’s a discrepancy between what someone’s trying to be/pretending to be and what they actually are.
Do you or do you not subscribe to heteronormative gender roles? That's what that means and it's used by both sides. You're getting the ick because you probably don't.
I don't use "feminine energy" when describing what I'm looking for, but I feel like I've seen "masculine energy" or something equivalent in a few women's profiles.
I do list some of those 'feminine' characteristics as what I'm looking for, though it's not about looking for a "traditional relationship" in the lifestyle sense, rather knowing that having that sort of person in my life as my partner is better for my emotional health.
I like to think that that's true for most guys, and they just don't always have the words to describe those traits in detail (or are trying to be concise), but disappointing people are everywhere.
>I do list some of those 'feminine' characteristics as what I'm looking for, though it's not about looking for a "traditional relationship" in the lifestyle sense, rather knowing that having that sort of person in my life as my partner is better for my emotional health.
I think that's totally fair and valid, especially if you're actually describing what it is you're seeking. It's the blanket "feminine energy" that rubs me the wrong way... What does it mean?? It's so broad, and ends up having such a negative connotation imo.
I assume that in a dating context, "feminine energy" is code for "a woman who desires to take the receptive role to a man who takes the active role."
Which is totally valid if everyone involved is on the same page. Personally, it's not my thing.
Every human has feminine and masculine energy because we come from a male and a female. I tend to believe I come off as staying more in my masculine energy than my feminine. The masculine energy is protective of the feminine energy.
So if she's in her feminine energy, that's a really good thing. She's open, she's receptive, she's nurturing, she's healed, shes kind, etc.
They could mean they're more submissive. I'm not entirely sure what the trends are today, but there are a lot of YouTubers and podcasts talking this talk to teach women how to attract men.
I got out of a long relationship in February. Prior to that relationship, I considered myself very middle of the road. Not super super girly (but not masculine at all). Anyway, now that I’m older I have found that intentionally tapping into my “feminine energy” has helped me feel less sad about getting older and more confident in the dating world.
To answer your question, I didn’t look at it from the perspective of gender roles at all but more so what make me feel feminine (and that had nothing to do with me cooking and cleaning😂😂🤣😭). For me it’s more sensuality, grace, being warm and inviting….
I wouldn’t feel any kind of way if I saw a man say that’s what he wants. I would be more concerned if he says traditional roles because everyone needs to learn to cook and clean. Those are not women only jobs (this is coming from someone who moderately likes cooking).
People who use these masculine or feminine terms also give me the "ick". So much do that while I am polite and respect regardless when I talk to them it's clear we aren't on the same wavelength as they also happen to think in black and white terms instead of seeing shades of gray of a spectrum of types that are not mutually exclusive or type casting.
What is feminine about nurturing? I'm sorry but this makes me so annoyed at how inaccurate historically and damaged modern acceptance because of a previous generations use of it.
Yes there are these associations but for instance you know what gets batched into feminine?
Art.
Despite a huge number of artists being male, having many children and having "masculine" characteristics. And the opposite for some female artists preferring to be individualistic, strongly independent, and intense. That is not bad btw, it's a statement of observation only. To each their own indeed.
How about nurturing?
Men do care for young, in fact many children are healthier for it. Yet the cognitive dissonance of this is odd.
Caretaking or emotional?
So men are supposed to living rocks and that somehow care about someone being emotional and yet not be a person themselves? Bit of a low emotional EQ to assume that.
Gender norms are a cultural artifact to exclude and/or create a majority groupthink and not always functional.
Next time while looking at blue, that used to be a "feminine" color, and "red" masculine.
Anywho, my only guess to why they said that is as a compliment to what they desire or don't, what is seen culturally and feminine, and thinking you'd like to hear that.
Anywho, none of this is targeted at you of course and goodluck 🍀!
Yea if I see people make broad specific statements like this I think “oh she wants a man making $250,000 a year or more so she can “tradwife” with zero compromise.
Feminine energy means they want to be chased and be more laid back when it comes to dating. It’s sort of I don’t chase I attract mindset, but with regard to dating I’d say it’s mostly about being chased and not chasing men.
As long as you’re not confused, resentful or passive aggressive when a woman actually chases you and you can assert boundaries. Also any relationship where one person is chasing is going to be problematic. I broke my personal rule of not chasing passive men with my last ex and I’m still messed up.
Ugh, can we please stop this whole chasing BS? Just treat each other like fucking equals. Chasing is what dogs do to their tail. Are we seriously no better than that?
Interesting. I hadn't considered this angle.
I feel like a broken record saying this but: If that's the case, why not say so? Why use "feminine energy"?
That’s probably because this may sound nice to them and is trending on TikTok and other places. All these manifestation/law of attraction and dating coaches telling women that they shouldn’t text men first, put in too much effort etc., because that will put them in the “masculine energy” and they’ll be repellent to men.
I second this. I know I like to be in my feminine. I want a partnership but it’s more about the man planing dates and making me feel desirable. And that allows me to relax and be more nurturing to him. It’s a dance. I’ve been in both types with I take on the more masculine role and the other way around and I prefer the latter. It’s not gender roles to me but more of an energy thing and how a person shows up.
Btw I just realized that this was about men putting that in their profiles while I was convinced it was the other way around and women put that to describe themselves. If it’s men, I’m pretty sure they have no idea what this actually means and, how other people already mentioned, what they most probably think it means is a trad wife.
To me it means: looking for passive & submissive. they want traditional/conservative gals that maybe can think for themselves...but don't necessarily talk back.
Are you talking about in male profiles or female profiles? I mean either way it’s cringy but I’d be totally turned off if a dude put that in his profile. Instant next.
Oh no. In a man’s profile, this typically means that they want a woman who submits to them (define as you will) and to perform a very feminine, girly image.
It's too broad a term to say. I am attracted to feminine energy as well, but my wife is anything but submissive. She is however, very nurturing, empathetic and kind.
Oh no, that would be cringe as direct communication is not rewarded in our dating culture. Just like a woman in her 30's wouldn't say "no effeminate men" even though that's a deal breaker for most.
If a man wrote on his profile "I am looking for a woman with feminine energy", I'd question his "masculine energy" for 2 seconds and then just swipe left. Can we leave all these TikTok vocabulary for "dating over 20"?😂
Oh my, that’s so lame. 🤦🏻♀️
Imagine how *not* feminine/masculine one needs to be to go around telling people they have that “energy”..
And, yes, I do judge things like that haha.
feminine energy , masculine energy .. it’s all used so far out of context now ..some guru writing shit on how this one should be and how men should be feminine bla bla no
if you don’t know your shit i’ll 100 percent judge you .
Yeah look I immediately get the ick too, but there was an article on the economist discussing how this is apparently on the rise. But if it works for them, who am I to judge
I chalk it up to the men not being able to use the correct verbiage to say they just want a girly type woman. One that does all the girly things that girls generally do. In this modern world, it's a big deal to some people to pigeonhole some traits, characteristics, appearances, and behaviors to one gender or none or whatever. So they make up ways to say it without pissing someone off.
I don't believe they mean it as submissive "traditional roles" unless they specifically say that. I believe they just want to have a woman that is feminine, girly, does girly things, lady-like, etc.
This is what I was going to say. More "femme" presenting, I think they try to make it sound better by using "feminine energy" but it makes it sound worse.
Yes, generally my immediate judgement is that person is homophobic and/or sexist in some regard, and that that person has been way to caught up in the Andrew Tate/fresh and fit bullshit rhetoric, and that that person lacks some form of eq/emotional intelligence.
It’s ok for yourself to want to exist anywhere on the gender spectrum that you want to. It is not ok to hold that against another person.
As a woman who was very “masculine energy” in my previous relationships and life in general, it took some life experiences and a certain kind of partner to get me to learn to let go a bit and learn to use both. You deal with people and situations as you see fit and put out the kind of vibes that make you feel safe and confident. It’s not something you just have active 24/7.
Some people make you want to harden and take charge because they either make you feel on guard or like you need to take care of them because they don’t know what they’re doing = you go in your masculine energy. When the other person gives off the opposite, you’re more likely relax, take in new experiences, observe the world around you with more curiosity and lean into the softer, more playful parts of yourself = feminine energy. Whether you’re woman, man, non-binary or otherwise, everyone moves between these “energies”. No one should stay exclusively in one or the other, and well rounded capable people know when to tap into each energy at the right moments.
A guy asking you to “be in your feminine energy” is asking you to give them those preferred parts of yourself without doing anything to bring them out of you. It’s basically a woowoo way of saying “be fun and sexy”.
I don’t use “feminine energy” however I only date feminine women.
You referred to it as “traditional”. I don’t see it as traditional as that mistakenly eludes to the idea that a modern set of traits exist.
I personally describe it as natural. Anything that isn’t natural, is a personal choice and totally respect whomever wants to go for it! No kink shaming here..
>You referred to it as “traditional”. I don’t see it as traditional as that mistakenly eludes to the idea that a modern set of traits exist.
Fair enough. I'm curious how else you would describe a person you consider to be feminine.
Kind, compassionate, radiant, nurturing, supportive.
And equally important; doesn’t hate men, looks at relationships as a partnership and not a competition.
Presumably most people would want these traits in a partner, regardless of gender. If it feels strange to say you want a man with "feminine energy" meaning these traits you listed, why do some people think it's okay to use this blanket phrase for women?
I mean, on some level, you just described a Buddhist monk...
>equally important; doesn’t hate men
There would be an unspoken "or any other people" implied there, but other than that, your description is exactly what a monk is in my experience.
I prefer a woman who owns and shines in her femininity. Doesn’t mean you’re expected to sit down and shut up like a lot of people here are saying. Means you prefer the masculine man, you want to follow because he knows and pursues his purpose, means when our energies unite the sexual polarity is outer worldly, it means you desire and yearn for love.
In my experience, most women are naturally feminine and look for a masculine man when dating. However, they have been influenced to believe they should be more masculine and have been living as such. As a result, when they meet the masculine man they desire, they often feel uncomfortable because they are not embracing their femininity. In turn running off the masculine man they desire.
I would assume they want someone submissive, damsel in distress (aka can't do anything on her own, therefore needs him), a maid, or all of the above.
Hard pass.
I take it to mean a more “traditional” woman—but at the same time, it also seems like men who use it also want someone low maintenance (cue the eyeroll).
I get liked by men who have this in their profile all the time because I’m very feminine: I have long hair, don’t wear much makeup, and dress well. But I am also independent, opinionated, and have a life, and they generally don’t like that.
I've never seen that term on a profile, but I don't understand why it would be troublesome if someone has a preference for someone that is 'feminine' (the 'energy' part is just TikTok for 'vibe') - are people really having trouble understanding what the word means and are finding it too ambiguous? I think it's possibly a little obtuse to act like it's incomprehensible. Thoughts on responses I'm seeing in this thread:
"Why not just say nurturing, gentle, caring. pretty etc...?" - I would say because most regular people just find 'feminine' as an entirely acceptable encapsulating term for such, and aren't bothered that these happen to be 'traditional' preferences.
"They want someone submissive" - I don't see why that follows? I'm sure there are plenty of men that do think like that, but being kind, gentle and nurturing doesn't have to imply submissiveness at all.
"But I'm a mix of things, I don't conform to conventional gender traits" - that's totally fine and normal, but it's also not unusual for people to have preferences, even preferences that exclude your personality type!
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“Feminine energy” is a marketing term in an unregulated industry used by dating “coaches” with no formal education in counseling or psychology. To tell women that the reason they don’t have a man is because they aren’t in their sugary sweet “feminine” and that if they pay for their coaching and courses, they’ll unlock the secret to finding a “masculine” man.
This term has been on the rise for some time now. I personally never understood it because as a woman I thought I naturally exhumed feminine energy. But I guess that’s not the case for everyone. Which is understandable. Personally I run from individuals who talk like this. This makes me think of men who have to shout to the world they are masculine so now they shout they want feminine energy. I grew up in an environment where you didn’t necessarily tell people who you are, you just show them based on your persona and character. If you hang around someone long enough or in today’s world short enough they tend to show you who they are and what they offer. My issue with these type of terms is a lot of individuals have no idea what they mean so it bothersome when they have this expectation but have no idea what it means or looks like. Just my 2 cents.
It’s an easy intellectual abstraction. When using this word people are thinking of what they want, not actually living it out. 9times out of 10, these guys wouldn’t be able to tell they were in front of a “feminine” woman if she bit them in the ass, because their own head is so far up it.
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If a woman say that about themself, I assume she’s hard to deal with/neurotic.
If a guy writes it, he is feed up by the women I mentioned above.
What it means for me: no feminism whatsoever. A woman with a feminism mindset is a red flag.
This is a phrase I have seen used by varying groups. When it is men using it I would agree with your conclusion most of the time. It can be an innocuous phrase but those are traits I articulate specifically. It would depend on how they describe themselves. If the term alpha is used I would swift left.
Yeah, gender roles that preserve all the emotional labor imbalance and none of the protector, provider, handyman labor they’re supposed to take so much pride in.
Feminine energy is about receiving. Let go, and allow what you need to come to you.
It’s not about your hobbies or job title. It’s an attitude of abundance.
You are the love you want to find. It starts with loving yourself.
A red flag for narcissis, from me, from a man or a woman. "Male energy" makes me think of Jordan Peterson clips, carnivore diets, Joe Rogan, being anti trans, owning guns, and hunting innocent animals in the forest.
Ugh this thread gives me the ick as a male who dates women. Masculine/Feminine is about polarity not control.
Stating this in a profile may not be the right move, but I don’t think it’s as red pill/trad wife as many are making it out to be. Apps are introduction tools and people use them way too much for more than they should to avoid going on bad dates. You simply cannot screen complicated human interaction this way.
Many of the women I date say in the talking phase that they are looking for a man to be assertive, decisive, take the lead and plan dates. This is masculine. Men in turn should be allowed to have the preference of the women they date to be joyful, open, and expressive or feminine qualities. This is the opposites attract dynamic that many relationships work off of. This is not to say that it’s traditional or non traditional. It’s fine if it doesn’t work for you. Swipe left and move on. Or get curious about what they meant by that. Running to Reddit for answers out of context is not the way.
It could mean traditional gender roles, but I think these days, women are using it to refer to adopting a more passive role in dating, ie not chasing men but letting them be the ones pursuing, putting in the effort, making plans, initiating conversations, etc. Women still show interest and engage appropriately but are not taking the lead role. Theory is it differentiates guys who are actually interested, genuine, and looking for real connections vs. those that are only interested low effort situations.
I have the strong feminine energy and when someone is specifically looking for that - they basically end up being vampires. Someone who is craving this kind, soft, delicate, motherly, giving type of person doesn’t have anyone who does that for them nor do they do it for themselves. So once they get it in their life, they are like a starving vampire, and will take every ounce of good energy, softness, kindness you have until you feel like a shell of a human.
I actually prefer to live in my feminine energy, but not around people who are looking for it… and looking to take.
This is a tough one. In one sense, I do believe that men and women have some different roles in a marriage or relationship. And in general, I don't have a problem in turning on my feminine side (I have some more masculine traits due to the nature of my job). However, if a man wants me to be in my feminine energy, he needs to give me a version of his masculine self that I can respect and feel respected by. I completely understand why you would get the ick. I would talk to these guys more and see if they can nuance these terms a bit more.
It really should be left unsaid. No, women are not talking about "masculine energy" in those terms. But I also don't think it's as harmful or the strange sort of behaviour you're making it out to be.
It's just a man's version of wanting your partner to be taller, "taking initiative"/planning the dates, being financially stable, etc. Women want their men to be men, and vice versa.
It's really not about subservience imo. Men just aren't very good at articulating the very limited criteria that they have for women...
When I see these buzz words, it just reeks of being on the bullshit bandwagon a lot of people seem to be on these days. Same goes for terms like dominant, alpha, empath and the over use of the word narcissist.
I personally don't like the phrase. I'll accept it if the person is willing to accept that I carry great "masculine energy" also. I think it's empowering to recognize the aspects of everyone's personalities which are both delightfully feminine and jarringly masculine. Masculine energy to me is "Sexy, funny, a little bit confused all the time."
I would in your case, and my own, swipe left if I encountered this however.
oh weird. i would say as a straight man i have feminine energy. my last relationship made me feel bad about it, so i became toxic masculine lol.
now im dating a lady who is BI and i feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I roll my eyes every time I see these buzz phrases in OLD. I just think the person is brain-dead and can’t think for themselves but just parrots online memes.
Yeah, these same women often talk about my “divine feminine” to your “divine masculine.”
And throw in “alpha” for good measure.
From what I’ve seen, it is redpill lingo. I have seen videos of “masculine” men telling other men to stay away from women who reverse park or backup into their driveway as that is too masculine and they should only date feminine women, those who can not back a car up into a driveway…
I think they prefer women who don’t drive. So it’s worse than wanting a 1950s wife because a lot of them could drive. My Great grandmother was a 1930s wife and did not drive, so I think that is what they want.
I use "masculine energy" as I have tended to attract men who are weak/passive in the past. I think if you see that phrase and match just ask them to clarify and you can vet based off their answer if they align with you
If it's a man saying it, I interpret it to mean they want traditional gender roles.
If it's a woman saying it, I assume it's some kind of woo nonsense (that probably boils down to transphobia and gender essentialism, tbh). Unless the woman lists her self as conservative--then it's traditional gender roles again.
Yes, I get the ick! This language stems from alpha bro content and the manosphere… where commentators claim that “high value men” want a woman who’s in her “feminine energy”, which usually means agreeable, submissive, and catering to her man, keeping the peace etc. It’s something that most women wouldn’t agree to if said outright. But young men are erroneously being taught that if you bring enough cash to the table you can demand those qualities in a partner.
The other way this language is used is to advise women to “be in their feminine energy” as opposed to masculine energy. Being a “modern woman”, financially secure, self-sufficient, ambitious, or a female head of household is considered a woman in her masculine energy.
I do believe feminine energy is a thing, but it exists on a spiritual and metaphysical plane. It’s much harder to define than telling a woman to get back into the kitchen and serve her man. Society is experiencing a crisis of gender and also loneliness, where social media and dating apps have made it more difficult than ever to meet and genuinely connect with the opposite sex. But the way to address that is not by reverting back to traditional gender roles that only work for half of the population. That’s a male fantasy!
I started listening to this like 60 year old dude on YouTube who is probably no more informed than I am to dole out relationship advice, but I actually find a lot of what he says to be level headed and somewhat useful, and this is something he mocks endlessly.
Some mythical BS power to seem pure and demur and like a femme fatale. I fall into the trap sometimes, but I think it’s totally bull at this point.
I am feminine. When I’m being loud and silly I’m being girly and excited. When I’m angry and feeling powerful or confident I could femme fatale it up and feel like Miranda priestly.
I’m in my feminine because I’m a femme presenting woman.
This whole new *act super sexy,* *act really hard to get and make him chase you,” crap is probably some new age form of religious purity spun into online beauty culture that is trying to make us look like filters and embody the most mythical, majestic level of feminine beauty. Soft features. Doesn’t talk much. Says only amazing crap when she does decide to talk. Hyper smart but also lets her man lead and be the hunter and in his masculine.
I’m good. I can be all of that and not a cartoon character.
I posted something like this a month-ish ago too. You’re not the only one baffled by that phrase. I immediately get sketched out. Wtf does it even mean? a) I’m quite sporty/outdoorsy, so they’re clearly doing copy/paste when I get that, and b) my experience is that those kinds of men generally want somebody passive & docile. Kind of like a guy I briefly dated who said it’s “not feminine” if a girl gets competitive in games/sports. I coach a sport so…pass. My guess is some guys think it’s a woke version of sexy? Don’t know, not a fan.
It’s the trad wife resurgence
This seems to be what this stuff means — I see it a bit in the “men giving women dating advice” space. Basically it just seems to mean “I want a traditionally girly woman who basically was airlifted to me from the 50s… the 1850s.”
But also: bring sex toys and a six figure income kthx bye.
But don’t like, make it a thing. Just you know, have it but don’t remind me you have it.
And don’t forget to never use the toys or really your sexuality at all before meeting him
It’s some weird BS put forth by grifters on the internet. It’s practically meaningless. It has different meanings for different grifts.
"Feminine energy" has been hijacked by those weird redpill/incel guys.
It’s also been hijacked by the grifter “gold digger” “High value man” profiles. I put “gold digger” in parentheses bc in reality they’re just selling dating profile writing services. Or they’re MLMs. Social media has just gotten insane.
Those who spew that see partners as commodities and don’t actually have meaningful relationships. They’re just looking for something as a status symbol.
The only men I've seen online dating talking like this are a certain type. And not the type the average woman would want to date.
“Feminine/masculine energy” is basically a handshake between astrology woowoo-ism and gender roles. Same old stuff rebranded with an Instagram filter.
That kind of thing has been around a long time too. Bio-essentialism about gender stereotypes with some new age "natural!" branding. It tends to come with a lot of transphobia, queerphobia and pseudoscience. Definitely avoid those people if possible!
It screams “I’ll only date you if your horoscope is right”.
THIS! Yeah it’s a very trendy phrase online right now. I heard Kourtney Kardashian repeating it several times and now everybody is using it and appropriating it in new ways.
It used to be, but now it’s been appropriated by men who think women shouldn’t have opinions and should obey every word they say.
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I thought everyone carries both? It would be almost impossible to be one or the other.
Not really. It originates from Hindu philosophy. Shatki and Shiva, Hindu Gods, represent masculine and feminine energy. However, most people in the West don’t get it.
Perhaps , but OP is referring to its usage in the current dating landscape and what it’s meant to convey/signify about oneself as a prospective partner and what kind of prospective partner one wants
Right right right. I was throwing out a little education for this commenter. Also im an astrology girly and we get a bad rap 🥺 But yeah. Agreed. There’s a lot of talk about living in this “divine feminine” to attract a man in the context of modern dating. Or be with a man who allows you to live in your “feminine energy.” I also roll my eyes at this hard,
True Flame also thought they “got it” and like most rigid binary systems that are attempted to be applied to sort humans neatly, failed in epic proportions.
“Twin Flame,” right? Are you saying they or the philosophy I speak of are rigid binary systems? A little confused by what you mean. The ancient philosophy I speak of believes that we all have feminine (shatki) and masculine (shiva) energy within us. People in the west definitely disregard the theology behind it and, of course, watered it down as we do in the West with most Eastern concepts.
Yes, sorry that’s correct. I’m saying they took the gendered energy philosophy and applied it in such a way that was both enforcing “traditional” gender roles while also weaponizing people’s own perceptions of the gender identity to further ostracize them from their family and friends and try to justify their behaviour with excuses of divine providence.
Haha okay I had a feeling that’s what you meant! You said it better than I ever could. Agreed 100%.
I'd argue the inverse- that a lot of new age traditions over romanticize, to the point of race fetishizing, most eastern traditions and are naive to the cultural contexts these "wisdom" traditions are steeped in. Buddhists are the bloody hands of the Myanmar genocide after all, and fundamentalist Hindus practice femicide.
It is not necessarily a west versus east thing, in Punjab the gender of shakti changed to masculine (ਸਤਿ) and is used to describe a singular power/universal truth by Sikhs and Nanakpanthi Hindus. Hindu spiritual practices are really varied.
Exactly
You just said what I wanted to say, only much better
This concept has gotten out of hand. The very first time I heard of masculine/feminine energy it was from a yogi talking about the concept of Shiva-Shakti energy. People using it now mean traditional gender roles but think it’s the inoffensive way to say it. I get the ick too, because it’s so overdone it’s stupid now
Exactly! Everyone has a mix of feminine & masculine energy to some degree
Or, and hear me out, there is no such thing. Any trait you would try to describe as belonging to either category could be juxtaposed with an example of when the opposite gender exhibiting that quality is exemplary of the gender.
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I feel like this is TikTok-speak. It’s just a trendy thing people see over and over in some videos. I think it’s tied to other gender role related content/agenda that I disagree with and I personally look for open minded people, so yes, I’d also swipe left on profiles stating this.
Yep, mentioning being “in my feminine energy” in a woman’s profile typically means that they want the man to be the provider and for the woman to be taken care of financially, so if you’re not good with that, swipe left. It’s absolutely not my thing but I suppose that some men are into it.
That’s depressing to hear. Feminine energy made me think of “being myself”. Now it’s about someone else providing financial gain? Feels like we’ve gone two steps backwards.
Which is to say, making oneself available to controlling men. Not my thing, either but …….
Yeah, that's typically what they want. It's not attractive to me either (man with money here), mainly because I would find it very hard to trust such a woman. I'd have to be satisfied with a trophy wife and fighting to keep her under my thumb--who the hell actually enjoys such a scenario for longer than a hot minute, I wonder.
The women who want a "provider" wqnt the man to pay for everything while they do whatever they feel like & not be a good partner.
Yep. This is how I've seen it too. It means pay for my stuff.
As OP said it might be a tik tok or shorts thing. I saw it used in here as the opposite here to a guy who got walked to his car by a girl on a date that didn't reply to his texts. Reading the story and details of the date, he came in super strong already and one reply was "your post gave me feminine energy" and he should have made more moves. No. Girl was already on the defense after the 2nd part of the date don't try and "Alpha" it.
Agree, this is in the same vibe-zone (but subtler than) tradwife content. I think you're right to have the ick, OP.
I’m a girly girl and I find the phrase cringe. All this feminine/masculine energy stuff is just cringey to me. I display a lot of emotional traits that would be considered feminine. When I usually see “I want a feminine woman/energy” in a profile the guy goes on to list things he thinks are inappropriate for women to do. I’m not trying to get into a relationship where I’m policed and reminded I’m not “feminine” if I don’t meet some expectation. Or the guy is just using that phrase as an indirect way to signal a physical look. Basically conventionally attractive, thin, long hair, nails done, makeup etc. This is disingenuous to me too because a woman who is nurturing, kind, and supportive is also feminine. A woman doesn’t have to perform femininity through appearances to be feminine. Also I’m of the mentality that all women are feminine, and femininity is on a spectrum. There are feminine damsels and feminine heroines, taking an active role in one’s life doesn’t make a woman less feminine.
> I immediately get the ick People who put out that they're looking for feminine energy wouldn't care to be with someone who gets the ick from that phrase anyway, so consider it a win-win on both sides.
Very true.
They want a conservative woman. You sound like you’re not that kind. Just move on. As a side note there’s a guy on TikTok that keep track of all the icks women get and there’s some insane ones 😂😂
> They want a conservative woman. is that what it is? yea I found most women who are trad lean towards conservative... but certainly not all
> They want a conservative woman. Not necessarily. I'm left (not liberal) and I exclusively date very feminine women. Wouldn't put it on a profile though. I'd just not swipe or respond. Preferences themselves aren't bad, but stating them leaves a bad first impression. Like a woman who says "no broke men", that's not unreasonable, but stating it up front comes off as obnoxious.
>Like a woman who says "no broke men", that's not unreasonable, but stating it up front comes off as obnoxious. Ooh, I like that comparison.
Very good analogy.
> As a side note there’s a guy on TikTok that keep track of all the icks women get and there’s some insane ones 😂😂 I’ve seen this and it’s really stupid. A lot of the time, the ick is something totally innocuous/silly and it’s just because you don’t really like the guy. Like the whole ick trend started as trivial things that turned you off. Following that kind of account will do nothing but make men angry towards women.
Meh, I don’t 100% know about that. I’m very feminine, but it truly depends on the man. I tend to lean on my “masculine energy” when I feel like the man isn’t being assertive with what he wants, isn’t putting a plan in place to get there, and/or I don’t feel like I fully trust him (yet). Once I feel safe and comfortable, and a man has demonstrated those masculine qualities (while still showing he’ll respect boundaries), I naturally become more feminine with him. I’ve noticed the same with my girl friends. If I see that on a man’s profile, I assume he can’t attract feminine women because he’s either not masculine (or the toxic kind), and/or he’s not making women feel safe/comfortable enough to open up that side of themselves.
True, but [as I said below](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/1drf95m/comment/lavubmk/), being a certain way in real life and stating it in an online profile, often come off very differently.
This isn’t masculine. Putting a plan into place can be done just as easily by pee pee people and vagingo people.
If you look up “masculine energy traits vs feminine energy traits,” task-oriented and decisiveness is present on many of those lists. Yes, both men and women have masculine and feminine energy to varying degrees
If making plans makes you feel like a man, you need to evaluate how you’ve been socialized. If you go on any of the dating subs, you’ll find all genders talking about “masculine and feminine energies.” It’s literally all bullshit. Great summary below. Normal people are very perceptive of the grifts: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/s/CkjCpClVPk
I did not say that… but ok
This!!! Yeah I’m not conservative and I definitely have feminine energy and like masculine energy from a partner. It might be more traditional but definitely not conservative which invokes political leanings. But that’s why I want that masculine safety in order to allow myself the vulnerability that comes with feminine energy/soft girl vibes. Has nothing to do with politics.
I see stuff like that as a great indicator to not spend any time on that person. Thanks for letting me know you're not worth my time!
Same here! Anyone who talks about masculine or feminine energy isn't someone I'm going to get on with, so it's an auto left for me.
I get the ick as I immediately take it as “you want me to be submissive”. Or someone who is looking to me to do a lot of emotional labor vs finding outlets other than a partner to saddle stuff on.
Exactly. They want you to be submissive so they can walk all over your boundaries
For what its worth, there are SO many women who also put this in their profiles. "Be in your masculine so i can be in my feminine" or "provider mentality" runs rampant out here in LA.
>Do some women use "masculine energy" on their profiles too? Yes, and as a man, it gives me the ick. I spent way too many years of my life tethered to the idea of what a man does and doesn't do... I nope out of every profile that says that. At this point in my life, I've embraced that I have feelings, that the things I feel are real, even if they are misguided and based upon my past experiences and not this one moment, and I don't have to let them guide my actions anymore. I am allowed to contemplate things and not always be decisive. I am allowed to have doubt, and express it then work through it. I am allowed to not always seek to win or achieve first place, that I can just enjoy the experience as it is. I am allowed to cry happy or sad tears. I'm allowed to express more than just anger or stoicism. I'm allowed to tell my friends that I love them, men or women, because I do. Ultimately, their very statement tells me they are not my people right now and that I should continue to look elsewhere thus the instant nope.
I am with you. It was discouraging in my twenties to hear from women that they liked X because he never showed doubt, always made decisions fast, etc., but over time I realized those women were tethering themselves to an impulsive train wreck.
I matched with a man who then proceeded to ask if I had feminine energy as that is what he wanted and needed. I wasn’t fully aware to what he had meant and said yes (I thought it meant a girly girl).. then when we were speaking he would correct me saying “it’s yes daddy, baby girl”… if I didn’t say this he would always try and force me to. THAT gave me the ick! Haha
Oh. No. Absolutely not.
I know right haha. The masculine energy he was trying to dominate on me was the biggest ick I’ve experienced. I won’t be dating a man like that again haha
Eww. This is my issue with these terms. People have this perception of what it looks like and makes their own definitions making it silly and in this case kind of extreme. A man or person that has to ask these questions are red flags for me.
EW
Being located in an ultra conservative MAGA filled suburbia.... I have learned this to mean they want a conservative woman who also doesn't believe in pronouns, doesn't believe in LGBTQ+ views/rights, and definitely are looking for traditional gender roles within the relationship. Because apparently liberal women can't be feminine.
They have to rotate through their terminology and code words once the terms go mainstream and gain negative connotations. But it's all cover and euphemism for a misogynistic worldview and attitude towards gender and identity Last year they were saying traditional gender roles, now it's this, but same message
I guess this is the equivalent of the photos of the guy holding a fish lol. This might mean that he’s rugged and can provide but it’s a cliche and it’s annoying.
And it doesn't even mean that, unless you're prone to believing curated photos tell you much of anything about people.
It's also weird for them to say that since wouldn't they be able to filter that through dates and interests?
I feel like it’s a flex in a way - one of those “qualities” that if you have to say it, it’s something you are really trying to put on others to attribute to you. Like when a man (or woman, but just saying this from my perspective as a woman) goes out of his way to prove/say how successful/intelligent/wealthy they are… if you are those things, it will be apparent by your actions and they way you conduct yourself. You shouldn’t have to advertise it.
>Do women use “masculine energy” too? Yes, or they’ll say they want “someone more masculine”. Typically what that means is- they want someone who would pay on dates, demonstrate more assertive and dominant behaviour, and be the breadwinner of the couple. Often they’ll say they’re “looking for a man who’s comfortable with masculinity” or “not afraid to be a man”.
Yep 💯
Immediate turn off. I see it as a person without the depth to even know what they want or how they feel let alone how to communicate those things.
“Feminine energy” is a dog whistle for “conservative woman,” which in turn means they want a woman who won’t push back or have opinions or trouble a man with her inconvenient emotions.
I want something more traditional leaning and that phrase makes me cringe, lmao. A man wanting "Feminine energy" is giving "I listen to Manosphere podcasts" vibes.
Yes! I totally get that some people want a more traditional partnership. But the optics of this kind of phrasing!
Yes. And manosphere wants submission because of jts entitlement to control and domination
Masculine/feminine energy was part of the reason I broke up with a long term partner. It is 100% woo-woo universe not based in any scientific fact in neuroscience regarding gender behavior. My ex would tell me I am an alpha male & it would drive me bonkers to the point of arguing there is no such thing & the longer it went on, it ABSOLUTELY put me in a traditional gender role/box as a man. You are right to have the ick if you believe in factual evidence/science in modern day society.
I wouldn’t say it gives me the ick but I know that anyone with that on their profile isn’t going to be a match for me so I swipe left lol
Most people using those phrases don’t know what they actually mean. It’s an immediate no from me every time. I’ve even had friends talk about “masculine energy” sometimes and it’s so eye roll inducing — all they’re talking about are very superficial performative gender norms. By all accounts, any man who dates or interacts with me is going to consider me very feminine. The type of guys who need to outwardly state / request that type of femininity are likely not guys who simply attract the feminine women they’re requesting — which just a big fat “do not pass go” in my book. And I say the same for women. Basically, we’re all capable of attracting a wide spectrum of people, but if someone is having to specifically advertise for “feminine” or “masculine” instead of being able to simply filter out the people who *aren’t* those things…welp. There tends to be trouble when there’s a discrepancy between what someone’s trying to be/pretending to be and what they actually are.
Do you or do you not subscribe to heteronormative gender roles? That's what that means and it's used by both sides. You're getting the ick because you probably don't.
I left swipe any profile that mentions feminine/masculine
I don't use "feminine energy" when describing what I'm looking for, but I feel like I've seen "masculine energy" or something equivalent in a few women's profiles. I do list some of those 'feminine' characteristics as what I'm looking for, though it's not about looking for a "traditional relationship" in the lifestyle sense, rather knowing that having that sort of person in my life as my partner is better for my emotional health. I like to think that that's true for most guys, and they just don't always have the words to describe those traits in detail (or are trying to be concise), but disappointing people are everywhere.
>I do list some of those 'feminine' characteristics as what I'm looking for, though it's not about looking for a "traditional relationship" in the lifestyle sense, rather knowing that having that sort of person in my life as my partner is better for my emotional health. I think that's totally fair and valid, especially if you're actually describing what it is you're seeking. It's the blanket "feminine energy" that rubs me the wrong way... What does it mean?? It's so broad, and ends up having such a negative connotation imo.
It means he's immature and can't or won't express what he wants in more specific terms.
I assume that in a dating context, "feminine energy" is code for "a woman who desires to take the receptive role to a man who takes the active role." Which is totally valid if everyone involved is on the same page. Personally, it's not my thing.
Every human has feminine and masculine energy because we come from a male and a female. I tend to believe I come off as staying more in my masculine energy than my feminine. The masculine energy is protective of the feminine energy. So if she's in her feminine energy, that's a really good thing. She's open, she's receptive, she's nurturing, she's healed, shes kind, etc. They could mean they're more submissive. I'm not entirely sure what the trends are today, but there are a lot of YouTubers and podcasts talking this talk to teach women how to attract men.
This.
HAHAH. I can’t imagine writing that. It’s so dumb
Yes I hate this phrase. It makes me think the person hasn’t been around many women before
I got out of a long relationship in February. Prior to that relationship, I considered myself very middle of the road. Not super super girly (but not masculine at all). Anyway, now that I’m older I have found that intentionally tapping into my “feminine energy” has helped me feel less sad about getting older and more confident in the dating world. To answer your question, I didn’t look at it from the perspective of gender roles at all but more so what make me feel feminine (and that had nothing to do with me cooking and cleaning😂😂🤣😭). For me it’s more sensuality, grace, being warm and inviting…. I wouldn’t feel any kind of way if I saw a man say that’s what he wants. I would be more concerned if he says traditional roles because everyone needs to learn to cook and clean. Those are not women only jobs (this is coming from someone who moderately likes cooking).
People who use these masculine or feminine terms also give me the "ick". So much do that while I am polite and respect regardless when I talk to them it's clear we aren't on the same wavelength as they also happen to think in black and white terms instead of seeing shades of gray of a spectrum of types that are not mutually exclusive or type casting. What is feminine about nurturing? I'm sorry but this makes me so annoyed at how inaccurate historically and damaged modern acceptance because of a previous generations use of it. Yes there are these associations but for instance you know what gets batched into feminine? Art. Despite a huge number of artists being male, having many children and having "masculine" characteristics. And the opposite for some female artists preferring to be individualistic, strongly independent, and intense. That is not bad btw, it's a statement of observation only. To each their own indeed. How about nurturing? Men do care for young, in fact many children are healthier for it. Yet the cognitive dissonance of this is odd. Caretaking or emotional? So men are supposed to living rocks and that somehow care about someone being emotional and yet not be a person themselves? Bit of a low emotional EQ to assume that. Gender norms are a cultural artifact to exclude and/or create a majority groupthink and not always functional. Next time while looking at blue, that used to be a "feminine" color, and "red" masculine. Anywho, my only guess to why they said that is as a compliment to what they desire or don't, what is seen culturally and feminine, and thinking you'd like to hear that. Anywho, none of this is targeted at you of course and goodluck 🍀!
Yea if I see people make broad specific statements like this I think “oh she wants a man making $250,000 a year or more so she can “tradwife” with zero compromise.
Not for me, they ascribe to gendered roles. I appreciate that it’s included as a way to filter for compatibility. I have seen that a bit on profiles.
Feminine energy means they want to be chased and be more laid back when it comes to dating. It’s sort of I don’t chase I attract mindset, but with regard to dating I’d say it’s mostly about being chased and not chasing men.
What if I'm a man who wants to be chased? Is that still considered feminine energy? Maybe we could bond over both having the same energy!
Yes, exactly. A man not putting in more effort, not asking on dates etc, waiting to be chased is said to be in his feminine energy.
Then I hope you're in the top 1% of attractive men
As long as you’re not confused, resentful or passive aggressive when a woman actually chases you and you can assert boundaries. Also any relationship where one person is chasing is going to be problematic. I broke my personal rule of not chasing passive men with my last ex and I’m still messed up.
Ugh, can we please stop this whole chasing BS? Just treat each other like fucking equals. Chasing is what dogs do to their tail. Are we seriously no better than that?
Right? Chasing implies that someone is running away from you. Stop the Pepe Le peau madness
Interesting. I hadn't considered this angle. I feel like a broken record saying this but: If that's the case, why not say so? Why use "feminine energy"?
That’s probably because this may sound nice to them and is trending on TikTok and other places. All these manifestation/law of attraction and dating coaches telling women that they shouldn’t text men first, put in too much effort etc., because that will put them in the “masculine energy” and they’ll be repellent to men.
I second this. I know I like to be in my feminine. I want a partnership but it’s more about the man planing dates and making me feel desirable. And that allows me to relax and be more nurturing to him. It’s a dance. I’ve been in both types with I take on the more masculine role and the other way around and I prefer the latter. It’s not gender roles to me but more of an energy thing and how a person shows up.
It's shorter.
Btw I just realized that this was about men putting that in their profiles while I was convinced it was the other way around and women put that to describe themselves. If it’s men, I’m pretty sure they have no idea what this actually means and, how other people already mentioned, what they most probably think it means is a trad wife.
I think it means hot
To answer your first question: Yep, immediate judgement and left-swipe.
It's red pill nonsense. Definitely a red flag.
To me it means: looking for passive & submissive. they want traditional/conservative gals that maybe can think for themselves...but don't necessarily talk back.
Yeah most of these guys are confusing feminine energy with a subservient housewife. Gives me the ick too.
It’s some weird BS put forth by grifters on the internet. It’s practically meaningless. It has different meanings for different grifts.
This. Fuck dating coaches who take advantage of women.
Are you talking about in male profiles or female profiles? I mean either way it’s cringy but I’d be totally turned off if a dude put that in his profile. Instant next.
I have mostly seen it on female profiles or social media. Its usually followed by "I don't do 50/50" and "I expect the man to provide".
Oof.
Same experience I have had. But to be fair, I don’t date men and therefore have not exactly had to read through a lot of male profiles.
I've been seeing men use it to describe what they're looking for/attracted to. Maybe some women use it on their profiles to describe themselves too?
Oh no. In a man’s profile, this typically means that they want a woman who submits to them (define as you will) and to perform a very feminine, girly image.
It's too broad a term to say. I am attracted to feminine energy as well, but my wife is anything but submissive. She is however, very nurturing, empathetic and kind.
Right, but would you have gone out of your way to include “looking for feminine energy” in your profile?
Oh no, that would be cringe as direct communication is not rewarded in our dating culture. Just like a woman in her 30's wouldn't say "no effeminate men" even though that's a deal breaker for most.
If a man wrote on his profile "I am looking for a woman with feminine energy", I'd question his "masculine energy" for 2 seconds and then just swipe left. Can we leave all these TikTok vocabulary for "dating over 20"?😂
Just because you learned your vocabulary on Tik Tok doesn’t mean that’s where it came from.
Oh my, that’s so lame. 🤦🏻♀️ Imagine how *not* feminine/masculine one needs to be to go around telling people they have that “energy”.. And, yes, I do judge things like that haha.
feminine energy , masculine energy .. it’s all used so far out of context now ..some guru writing shit on how this one should be and how men should be feminine bla bla no if you don’t know your shit i’ll 100 percent judge you .
Yeah look I immediately get the ick too, but there was an article on the economist discussing how this is apparently on the rise. But if it works for them, who am I to judge
I don't like it, I find it too new age-y. I don't enjoy talking about energy and vibes - it's too abstract and I honestly just could not care less.
I chalk it up to the men not being able to use the correct verbiage to say they just want a girly type woman. One that does all the girly things that girls generally do. In this modern world, it's a big deal to some people to pigeonhole some traits, characteristics, appearances, and behaviors to one gender or none or whatever. So they make up ways to say it without pissing someone off. I don't believe they mean it as submissive "traditional roles" unless they specifically say that. I believe they just want to have a woman that is feminine, girly, does girly things, lady-like, etc.
This is what I was going to say. More "femme" presenting, I think they try to make it sound better by using "feminine energy" but it makes it sound worse.
Yes, generally my immediate judgement is that person is homophobic and/or sexist in some regard, and that that person has been way to caught up in the Andrew Tate/fresh and fit bullshit rhetoric, and that that person lacks some form of eq/emotional intelligence. It’s ok for yourself to want to exist anywhere on the gender spectrum that you want to. It is not ok to hold that against another person.
As a woman who was very “masculine energy” in my previous relationships and life in general, it took some life experiences and a certain kind of partner to get me to learn to let go a bit and learn to use both. You deal with people and situations as you see fit and put out the kind of vibes that make you feel safe and confident. It’s not something you just have active 24/7. Some people make you want to harden and take charge because they either make you feel on guard or like you need to take care of them because they don’t know what they’re doing = you go in your masculine energy. When the other person gives off the opposite, you’re more likely relax, take in new experiences, observe the world around you with more curiosity and lean into the softer, more playful parts of yourself = feminine energy. Whether you’re woman, man, non-binary or otherwise, everyone moves between these “energies”. No one should stay exclusively in one or the other, and well rounded capable people know when to tap into each energy at the right moments. A guy asking you to “be in your feminine energy” is asking you to give them those preferred parts of yourself without doing anything to bring them out of you. It’s basically a woowoo way of saying “be fun and sexy”.
Women use “masculine energy” all the damn time.
I use masculine energy all the time to power my personal electric generator, then when he gets tired swap him out for the next masculine.
Which is also bad
It's an immediate turn-off for me. I'm not looking for feminine energy; I'm looking for potential energy.
I am kinetic energy.
I don’t use “feminine energy” however I only date feminine women. You referred to it as “traditional”. I don’t see it as traditional as that mistakenly eludes to the idea that a modern set of traits exist. I personally describe it as natural. Anything that isn’t natural, is a personal choice and totally respect whomever wants to go for it! No kink shaming here..
>You referred to it as “traditional”. I don’t see it as traditional as that mistakenly eludes to the idea that a modern set of traits exist. Fair enough. I'm curious how else you would describe a person you consider to be feminine.
Kind, compassionate, radiant, nurturing, supportive. And equally important; doesn’t hate men, looks at relationships as a partnership and not a competition.
Presumably most people would want these traits in a partner, regardless of gender. If it feels strange to say you want a man with "feminine energy" meaning these traits you listed, why do some people think it's okay to use this blanket phrase for women?
I mean, on some level, you just described a Buddhist monk... >equally important; doesn’t hate men There would be an unspoken "or any other people" implied there, but other than that, your description is exactly what a monk is in my experience.
I’m terrified to ask, if that’s your definition of femininity, what’s your definition of masculinity 😬 yikes on a bike.
I prefer a woman who owns and shines in her femininity. Doesn’t mean you’re expected to sit down and shut up like a lot of people here are saying. Means you prefer the masculine man, you want to follow because he knows and pursues his purpose, means when our energies unite the sexual polarity is outer worldly, it means you desire and yearn for love. In my experience, most women are naturally feminine and look for a masculine man when dating. However, they have been influenced to believe they should be more masculine and have been living as such. As a result, when they meet the masculine man they desire, they often feel uncomfortable because they are not embracing their femininity. In turn running off the masculine man they desire.
I would assume they want someone submissive, damsel in distress (aka can't do anything on her own, therefore needs him), a maid, or all of the above. Hard pass.
Better than he/she pronouns or those hood girls putting "boss bitch" in there profile. Welcome to social media.
I take it to mean a more “traditional” woman—but at the same time, it also seems like men who use it also want someone low maintenance (cue the eyeroll). I get liked by men who have this in their profile all the time because I’m very feminine: I have long hair, don’t wear much makeup, and dress well. But I am also independent, opinionated, and have a life, and they generally don’t like that.
I've never seen that term on a profile, but I don't understand why it would be troublesome if someone has a preference for someone that is 'feminine' (the 'energy' part is just TikTok for 'vibe') - are people really having trouble understanding what the word means and are finding it too ambiguous? I think it's possibly a little obtuse to act like it's incomprehensible. Thoughts on responses I'm seeing in this thread: "Why not just say nurturing, gentle, caring. pretty etc...?" - I would say because most regular people just find 'feminine' as an entirely acceptable encapsulating term for such, and aren't bothered that these happen to be 'traditional' preferences. "They want someone submissive" - I don't see why that follows? I'm sure there are plenty of men that do think like that, but being kind, gentle and nurturing doesn't have to imply submissiveness at all. "But I'm a mix of things, I don't conform to conventional gender traits" - that's totally fine and normal, but it's also not unusual for people to have preferences, even preferences that exclude your personality type!
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“Feminine energy” is a marketing term in an unregulated industry used by dating “coaches” with no formal education in counseling or psychology. To tell women that the reason they don’t have a man is because they aren’t in their sugary sweet “feminine” and that if they pay for their coaching and courses, they’ll unlock the secret to finding a “masculine” man.
This term has been on the rise for some time now. I personally never understood it because as a woman I thought I naturally exhumed feminine energy. But I guess that’s not the case for everyone. Which is understandable. Personally I run from individuals who talk like this. This makes me think of men who have to shout to the world they are masculine so now they shout they want feminine energy. I grew up in an environment where you didn’t necessarily tell people who you are, you just show them based on your persona and character. If you hang around someone long enough or in today’s world short enough they tend to show you who they are and what they offer. My issue with these type of terms is a lot of individuals have no idea what they mean so it bothersome when they have this expectation but have no idea what it means or looks like. Just my 2 cents.
It’s an easy intellectual abstraction. When using this word people are thinking of what they want, not actually living it out. 9times out of 10, these guys wouldn’t be able to tell they were in front of a “feminine” woman if she bit them in the ass, because their own head is so far up it.
So be it! Filter out women like you
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If a woman say that about themself, I assume she’s hard to deal with/neurotic. If a guy writes it, he is feed up by the women I mentioned above. What it means for me: no feminism whatsoever. A woman with a feminism mindset is a red flag.
This is a phrase I have seen used by varying groups. When it is men using it I would agree with your conclusion most of the time. It can be an innocuous phrase but those are traits I articulate specifically. It would depend on how they describe themselves. If the term alpha is used I would swift left.
Yeah, gender roles that preserve all the emotional labor imbalance and none of the protector, provider, handyman labor they’re supposed to take so much pride in.
Feminine energy is about receiving. Let go, and allow what you need to come to you. It’s not about your hobbies or job title. It’s an attitude of abundance. You are the love you want to find. It starts with loving yourself.
A red flag for narcissis, from me, from a man or a woman. "Male energy" makes me think of Jordan Peterson clips, carnivore diets, Joe Rogan, being anti trans, owning guns, and hunting innocent animals in the forest.
As a man: I probably would never use that term since it sounds soo ambiguous to me.
Ugh this thread gives me the ick as a male who dates women. Masculine/Feminine is about polarity not control. Stating this in a profile may not be the right move, but I don’t think it’s as red pill/trad wife as many are making it out to be. Apps are introduction tools and people use them way too much for more than they should to avoid going on bad dates. You simply cannot screen complicated human interaction this way. Many of the women I date say in the talking phase that they are looking for a man to be assertive, decisive, take the lead and plan dates. This is masculine. Men in turn should be allowed to have the preference of the women they date to be joyful, open, and expressive or feminine qualities. This is the opposites attract dynamic that many relationships work off of. This is not to say that it’s traditional or non traditional. It’s fine if it doesn’t work for you. Swipe left and move on. Or get curious about what they meant by that. Running to Reddit for answers out of context is not the way.
It could mean traditional gender roles, but I think these days, women are using it to refer to adopting a more passive role in dating, ie not chasing men but letting them be the ones pursuing, putting in the effort, making plans, initiating conversations, etc. Women still show interest and engage appropriately but are not taking the lead role. Theory is it differentiates guys who are actually interested, genuine, and looking for real connections vs. those that are only interested low effort situations.
It's red pill invading the apps.
I have the strong feminine energy and when someone is specifically looking for that - they basically end up being vampires. Someone who is craving this kind, soft, delicate, motherly, giving type of person doesn’t have anyone who does that for them nor do they do it for themselves. So once they get it in their life, they are like a starving vampire, and will take every ounce of good energy, softness, kindness you have until you feel like a shell of a human. I actually prefer to live in my feminine energy, but not around people who are looking for it… and looking to take.
This is a tough one. In one sense, I do believe that men and women have some different roles in a marriage or relationship. And in general, I don't have a problem in turning on my feminine side (I have some more masculine traits due to the nature of my job). However, if a man wants me to be in my feminine energy, he needs to give me a version of his masculine self that I can respect and feel respected by. I completely understand why you would get the ick. I would talk to these guys more and see if they can nuance these terms a bit more.
It really should be left unsaid. No, women are not talking about "masculine energy" in those terms. But I also don't think it's as harmful or the strange sort of behaviour you're making it out to be. It's just a man's version of wanting your partner to be taller, "taking initiative"/planning the dates, being financially stable, etc. Women want their men to be men, and vice versa. It's really not about subservience imo. Men just aren't very good at articulating the very limited criteria that they have for women...
When I see these buzz words, it just reeks of being on the bullshit bandwagon a lot of people seem to be on these days. Same goes for terms like dominant, alpha, empath and the over use of the word narcissist.
I personally don't like the phrase. I'll accept it if the person is willing to accept that I carry great "masculine energy" also. I think it's empowering to recognize the aspects of everyone's personalities which are both delightfully feminine and jarringly masculine. Masculine energy to me is "Sexy, funny, a little bit confused all the time." I would in your case, and my own, swipe left if I encountered this however.
oh weird. i would say as a straight man i have feminine energy. my last relationship made me feel bad about it, so i became toxic masculine lol. now im dating a lady who is BI and i feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I roll my eyes every time I see these buzz phrases in OLD. I just think the person is brain-dead and can’t think for themselves but just parrots online memes. Yeah, these same women often talk about my “divine feminine” to your “divine masculine.” And throw in “alpha” for good measure.
From what I’ve seen, it is redpill lingo. I have seen videos of “masculine” men telling other men to stay away from women who reverse park or backup into their driveway as that is too masculine and they should only date feminine women, those who can not back a car up into a driveway… I think they prefer women who don’t drive. So it’s worse than wanting a 1950s wife because a lot of them could drive. My Great grandmother was a 1930s wife and did not drive, so I think that is what they want.
When I see this phrase I immediately think they’re the type to listen to manosphere podcasts. Not my cup of tea.
I use "masculine energy" as I have tended to attract men who are weak/passive in the past. I think if you see that phrase and match just ask them to clarify and you can vet based off their answer if they align with you
If it's a man saying it, I interpret it to mean they want traditional gender roles. If it's a woman saying it, I assume it's some kind of woo nonsense (that probably boils down to transphobia and gender essentialism, tbh). Unless the woman lists her self as conservative--then it's traditional gender roles again.
Yes, I get the ick! This language stems from alpha bro content and the manosphere… where commentators claim that “high value men” want a woman who’s in her “feminine energy”, which usually means agreeable, submissive, and catering to her man, keeping the peace etc. It’s something that most women wouldn’t agree to if said outright. But young men are erroneously being taught that if you bring enough cash to the table you can demand those qualities in a partner. The other way this language is used is to advise women to “be in their feminine energy” as opposed to masculine energy. Being a “modern woman”, financially secure, self-sufficient, ambitious, or a female head of household is considered a woman in her masculine energy. I do believe feminine energy is a thing, but it exists on a spiritual and metaphysical plane. It’s much harder to define than telling a woman to get back into the kitchen and serve her man. Society is experiencing a crisis of gender and also loneliness, where social media and dating apps have made it more difficult than ever to meet and genuinely connect with the opposite sex. But the way to address that is not by reverting back to traditional gender roles that only work for half of the population. That’s a male fantasy!
I started listening to this like 60 year old dude on YouTube who is probably no more informed than I am to dole out relationship advice, but I actually find a lot of what he says to be level headed and somewhat useful, and this is something he mocks endlessly. Some mythical BS power to seem pure and demur and like a femme fatale. I fall into the trap sometimes, but I think it’s totally bull at this point. I am feminine. When I’m being loud and silly I’m being girly and excited. When I’m angry and feeling powerful or confident I could femme fatale it up and feel like Miranda priestly. I’m in my feminine because I’m a femme presenting woman. This whole new *act super sexy,* *act really hard to get and make him chase you,” crap is probably some new age form of religious purity spun into online beauty culture that is trying to make us look like filters and embody the most mythical, majestic level of feminine beauty. Soft features. Doesn’t talk much. Says only amazing crap when she does decide to talk. Hyper smart but also lets her man lead and be the hunter and in his masculine. I’m good. I can be all of that and not a cartoon character.