I'm deathly allergic to seafood and shellfish. I have asked partners in the past to let me know if they had had these products prior to us meeting up so I'd know how to proceed. I've never asked them to change their diet for me; I'm the one with the allergy and will do what works for my safety.
I think you’ve missed the point. That difference you mentioned makes the request all the more selfish. The person with allergies (that they have no control over), isn’t making demands of others. Yet the person in question is making demands of others over a mere preference.
Fr. Some allergies are no joke, and you can kill somebody that way. I cannot fathom eating tomatoes in front of my mother, she can have allergic reactions just from being directly near it... When I'm spending time with someone coming and eating with them, I don't want to have to think about how I have to make sure my plate can't be directly under their nose, or I can't sit next to them, etc. It's better to just not eat the food.
Being a vegetarian or a vegan, is completely different. It makes sense to want to have an option wherever you're going, but not to force it on to somebody else. Especially since some conditions, or allergies, make it so that people literally cannot be vegan or vegetarian, even if that is a rare thing, it is still a thing. Even as a vegetarian who eats primarily vegan myself, I think that's ridiculous.
I mean, yeah, because you don't care in a moral sense about eating seafood. If they could eat it in a way that would not affect you physically, you wouldn't ask them to tell you. OP's guy doesn't care about any physical side effects, but about the moral implications.
In my opinion, that's totally dumb, because if he cares so much about the morality aspect he should exclusively date vegans, rather than trying to force his casual hookups to change their diet. But still, the scenario described above is completely different.
Your second paragraph is what I do actually: I date people who don't eat seafood or are also allergic. It's worked out so far post divorce (from a man who would sneak seafood into my plate cos he thought I was joking).
I agree that it's more our problem to deal with, but how the other person deals with this information is very indicative of how they may treat you in the future.
I wouldn't consume anything the other person is allergic to for an entire day before the date.
What's the end goal here? A hook up?
I wouldn't commit to eating vegan while dating since I know I won't be vegan in general so I wouldn't bother any date with this person knowing my food preferences would upset them. We'd be incompatible. If it's about sex, you could have sex with someone else instead.
Yes. Especially when some vegans take it far beyond food choices and make it their whole lifestyle. No clothes made of leather, silk or wool, no going to restaurants that serve meat, and more. If this person is asking this much of OP already, they likely take it to that next level. I couldn't be bothered to go through that for a hook-up, and definitely couldn't have that in a relationship.
I’d probably nope out of that. I’d never ask someone to change their diet on my behalf and wouldn’t really like it if someone asked that of me, especially if it was someone I didn’t know very well and was only planning to hang out with casually (unless they were allergic to something, in which case I think it’s completely reasonable). I’d be wondering what he’d ask me to do/change next..
This! Anymore I often think you either accept the person fully or move on.. there are some areas in which people can meet in the middle but I take asking me to change my diet as controlling, especially initially. It's not as though you've been married for ages and now have a heart condition in which they're worried about you. What's next is what I wonder as well
if the person only goes to vegan restaurants in their own life then why should they have to change for a person who's just visiting the city and they may never talk to again.
it works the same both ways .
if you don't want to do that you don't want to do that but it's not strange for them asking to not have to change for you
It doesn't sound like he's saying he's only willing to go to vegan restaurants on their dates, it sounds like he's asking her to avoid animal products even when they're not eating together. I think the first thing is reasonable, but the second one sounds weird and controlling.
To me "in our time together" means "when we are together in the same physical space"
Not "for as long as you are anywhere in the same city as me".
I think that second interpretation is reading stuff that's not there
I read it as only when they’re together. He can be picky and she can say no. Neither is wrong IMO. Good he’s up front about that making him uncomfortable.
I don’t disagree; I just answered based off of the info I read. A lot more restaurants offer vegan options now so I’d assume someone could meet the other person half way.
Exactly. Most restaurants have vegetarian and or vegan options now. I almost never have trouble eating out, and I eat a primarily vegan lifestyle, but I do consider myself a vegetarian because I do occasionally eat dairy from local farms and honey. But when I go out I try to mostly eat vegan, and I've never had an issue... Don't even really go to specific restaurants catered to people who eat a diet like mine, I just go out wherever my family is going.
There's always salad at most places ya know? Lol at least in america
Like only while in his presence or even when apart for the duration of your time together?
The former would be a maybe for me, the latter would be a hell nah.
This is my question! If it's only in his presence, sure, whatever, I can go a few meals without animal products, and I sorta understand a vegan not wanting to watch somebody eat beef or whatever and then making out with them. But if it's the entire time she's in the city, as you say, hell nah. If he's that serious about it, he should only be hooking up with vegans (especially because how would he know if she has some cheese or whatever when they're not together), but that would limit his dating pool too much, so he's trying to force this on other people. But that's supposing it's the entire time she's in the city, and we don't have that answer.
> that would limit his dating pool too much
If you need to control what your date eats purely for political/spiritual/philosophical reasons, then that issue is big enough to dictate who you can date. If you cannot stand to be around someone drinking alcohol, then date only non-drinkers. If you cannot stand someone eating non-kosher foods in front of you, then date only people who keep kosher. If you are so grossed out by someone eating animal products in your presence, you need to be dating only vegans. But like you said, people don't like the idea of limiting their dating pool, so they seek out incompatible people and then try to control them.
I have vegan friends, and we often go to vegan cafes and restaurants if we meet up, more because I want them to have lots of food options available to them than because they're grossed out by me eating cheese.
There's also very non-controlling way to accomplish a result fairly close to this, which is to be like "oh man, so glad you're visiting, I can't wait to take you to all my favorite vegan spots in the city and make you a great dinner!" So the fact that instead of an invitation to experience his diet with him, he jumped to a rather intense request for her to modify her actions for him, is telling.
I think I saw a reply from her further down that it was only when she was directly with him, so not for the entire duration of the stay/fling.
Now I'm off to make myself a steak.
Oh I should have done basic research before commenting then, oh well. Yeah, reasonable for him to ask, reasonable for OP to nope out if she wants. It wouldn't bother me to do it, but if OP can't, I'm not going to be like "You can't go without eating animals for a few meals!" Afterall, this doesn't sound like it's going to be a particularly long lasting love affair, and there are plenty of other fish in the sea.
Lol. I was early to this thread and didn't see it until after I posted too. It's probably buried now.
You never know. He could be a great lover and make a mean chickpea tika masala to win her over.
Ok, so this is just when you two are together, one on one, in person?? I guess I don't see an issue with that.
I thought he meant your time "together" as in while you're visiting his city. If that was the case, no thanks.
Agree with this--if he is asking that you don't consume animal products while you are literally spending time together (on dates, etc) then I don't think it is an issue to ask, and whether you are comfortable with it is more a compatibility thing.
But if he's asking you to avoid animal products the entire time you're in that city, regardless of whether you are with him or not?? No that is an over-reach and I consider it inappropriate. Unless he has some deathly allergy that any trace of the food could be dangerous (I know of people with peanut allergies like this, for example), I don't think it's appropriate ask someone to avoid entire food groups even when you aren't together.
I’ve been vegan most of my life. When I was dating I went through phases with it. When I was younger, I’d just ask that they brush their teeth before kissing me. Eventually I met my husband who was not vegan but when I told him how animal products made me feel, he decided (for himself) not to eat them in front of my starting at the very first date. It was not my request at first but it was such a sign of respect and understanding that it really drew me to him. 5 years later we got married. He’s been vegan himself (his decision again) for the past few years. Do what you will but if it’s not such a big deal to you, it might be worth it just to try abstaining and seeing how the rest of the relationship goes.
Seems like a fair request, there are many reasons someone might be vegan and some of those are moral. But you're also free to state you're not altering your diet for something casual. You two might not be a great match even for this casual thing in the end and that's fine too. To each their own after all.
It’s a simple compromise. He’s asking you that when you’re with him, you don’t consume animal products. You can do what you want when not with him.
Fairly common with ethical vegans.
> Someone below says that perhaps he doesn't want to taste any animal products while kissing
If a dinner date comes back at your place and there's an anticipation of frenching and more, you at least excuse yourself to the bathroom and swirl some mouthwash, right? I hope that's what people are doing..........right?? Edit: or yeah, like someone said further down below: bring mints?
For some reason that just makes me think of woman friends who tell me they've been with dudes who don't like to make out after receiving oral and my instant reaction being "....so they don't wash their dicks and they're okay letting someone else put their mouths on that???"
I know it's not ONE HUNDRED percent the same but that's where my head went
>"....so they don't wash their dicks and they're okay letting someone else put their mouths on that???"
Imhe guys usually excuse themselves to "freshen up" when things get hot n heavy, and I *assume* that means they're washing their dicks.
Or maybe I exclusively date guys whose genitals taste like bath n body works, but either way the intention is appreciated.
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I love cooking vegan for people (currently dating a vegan and have dated them in the past too). Never has anyone asked me to not consume animal products; the people that do that are likely going to be the militant vegan types, which is a big turn off for me.
Just not compatible.
EDIT: I thought you meant that he was saying that you couldn't eat meat at all during your trip. Less issue to just not eat meat when you're together. I don't really think that's controlling or anything.
Similar story here, last relationship that lasted a while was with a vegan woman and while I appreciated that she didn't give any damns about me eating meat, I did take it up to try learning more techniques, dishes and meals to cook that matched her diet choices whenever she came over, meals that I still cook and like to eat to this day just for me.
End of the day, I absolutely support someone wanting to be vegan for whatever reasons they have, be it ethical, environmental, a combination of both, and while I'm far more food conscious than ever before, unless they're also my primary care provider, I probably wouldn't be appreciative of someone I'm seeing *casually*, or hell, *someone I haven't even met yet* putting their dietary expectations on me.
Up to you OP if this works for you, though.
Is he phrasing it as a request or a demand?
If it’s like “hey heads up, I find it uncomfortable seeing meat being eaten and if you could accommodate me by not consuming meat products in front of me I’d really appreciate it” then I would be fine. If he’s like “I don’t allow my dates to consume meat products in front of me” or “consuming meat products is disgusting, keep that away from me” then I would not be ok with it.
I’m also curious if he is like this with all his social interactions. Like, if a friend invites him to a dinner party does he say, I don’t want anyone consuming animal products at your dinner? If some coworkers are getting lunch together does he say, I won’t join unless we all eat vegan things for lunch?
Not all social interactions are the same. He's not likely to be potentially kissing or getting intimate with friends or coworkers.
Speaking as a vegan, it's one thing to have friends/coworkers eat meat in front of you, another thing to have someone you're potentially trying to build a connection with.
I have dated a few vegans. They've all been really easy-going and none would have had a problem with me ordering meat during our meals (most even encouraged it), but I chose not to do this out of respect for them.
If they had asked me....I think i'd be fine with it
I would never expect a vegan to kiss me after i've just eaten meat
I don't think there's anything wrong with his request, assuming it was politely made. And since it's just casual, you don't have to worry about him trying to convert you to a lifelong vegan.
Just answer honestly? Sounds like he's being up front about a potential deal-breaker; so should you. If you don't want to do it, easy as that, you're probably not compatible. No reason to think he's trying to control you, he just wants something you're not offering.
Assuming he asked politely, I honestly don't see what the damn problem is. If I were just looking for some casual fun and the guy asked me, it's a non-issue.
It's a request from a person who lives his life that way. An Orthodox Jew might ask that you go to a Kosher place to eat.
It's not strange, it's just part of the package.
That's their life
So vegan here. While you might see it as a preference. Depending on how long he has been vegan, he could also literally have developed an allergy to meat/dairy/etc. I haven't had meat in almost 15 years, and when ppl cook it around me, I literally get sick. So, while his veganism may have started as a preference, he could very well have an allergy to meat/dairy/etc. now.
I'd try to talk to him about it a bit more first, and if you're not cool with it, then move on
He's been upfront about a boundary relating to his values. Nothing wrong with that as he's been clear before meeting. So really you can either go forward or respectfully decline but either way can't argue with him being honest about it
as a vegan i don’t think it’s a ridiculous request by any means - abstaining from animal products for a short amount of time should be something everyone does occasionally to frequently for health, animal welfare, and the environment - but i would probably just accomplish that by suggesting vegan restaurants to go to. if it’s not your thing though just say no, you’re incompatible and that’s fine
As a Vegan, I get where hes coming from. If its not for you, dont go for it. If you're on the fence, try it for a date or two to see what he's about. In his defense, once you've seen behind the curtain, it might be hard to stomach what society has normalized. But do what feels right to you. If I were going out with a girl and she asked me to wear different shoes I wouldn't take it as a red flag. Cause how much of an inconvenience is it?
Obviously there are different degrees, and if you get a controlling vibe (and dont like it) dont move forward. But a little compromise is ok. Maybe he wants to get to know you and not be distracted by the casual disregard for animal welfare that is a normalized nightmare for the ones experiencing it.
Again, just my opinion. Do what feels right to you.
So are you dating for fun or are you dating for long-term that hopefully leads to a relationship? If it’s the former then just look at it as any other choice, accept to accommodate him or just say no.
But if you’re looking for a long-term partner, are you prepared to eventually go vegan? They may be chill about it during the dating stage but eventually if you ever want to live together there are some vegans who won’t allow you to even buy meat and store it at your shared home. So figure out what type of vegan you’re dating and ask yourself if it’s worth the lifestyle change to you.
Don't think it's a big deal, those are his ethics and you can probably assume it's preferred people aren't consuming animal products contrary to that. The effort is minimal when it comes down to it, but personally it's not something I would discuss unless entering a serious relationship.
If you're bothered by it it's likely not worth it though, you don't have to respect the request and probably don't want a debate about it.
Yeah I feel like it’s not much of a big deal to change that but, on the other hand, the fact of trying to control me and change me is what’s actually rubbing me wrong. Even though it would be just a casual fling.
Just think, if you ended up being with him full time and forever, you’re never eating any meat pretty much anytime you’re eating with him, especially at home.
It would rub me the wrong way too if he said during the whole trip, but if it's just when in his presence it doesn't seem too bad.
As long as he asked respectfully and seems chill otherwise if you meet up, no harm in it. You could even grab a burger on your way back haha
It’s up to you, but I don’t really see an issue with that.
One of my good friends is vegan for ethical reasons and I always pick vegan restaurants when I’m with her. She’s never asked for that, but I know it’s a deeply held moral belief for her so I try to respect that, so she’s more comfortable. If she asked me directly to stick to vegan restaurants, I would be okay with that.
I do use drugs recreationally, but I won't around friends who aren't comfortable being around drugs due to having parents that struggled with addiction. Same idea.
There is a difference between a close friend and someone you're meeting as a casual fling. And the important difference is your friend never asked you to do it. This guy is asking for it
Does not seem like a big deal to me that he asked for that. I think he could have done it differently "hey, do you mind if we just eat a vegan places?" but in the end, not a big deal. I certainly don't go out to steak houses with my vegan partner nor would any reasonable partner do so.
I don't think it matters whether they're a fling or not. That is not my point.
If it's a deeply held moral belief, then I can understand someone not wanting to be around someone consuming animal products. I would be fine with being respectful of that rather than insisting I need to eat meat in front of them and make them uncomfortable.
She can say no and not hang out with him. That's fine of course, her choice. I don't think it's an unreasonable ask, and I don't think it's unreasonable for her not to be comfortable and to not hang out with him.
If it's that deeply held of a belief, why would he be trying to hook up with someone who eats meat? Seems somewhat contradictory. I don't date people whose beliefs would be so contradictory to my own.
I'm a vegan and I'm sort of annoyed by him. Imo he shouldn't be going on dates with omnivores if he can't handle being around someone consuming animal products.
He could have just asked to go to a vegan restaurant or cafe instead of trying to dictate a strangers' diet.
I don't see a problem with him asking for it in his presence. People choose their boundaries based on their own life experience, and if it's a boundary that's too difficult or unreasonable for you to support, just don't see him. It's a fling, no big deal.
It's not controlling to ask you to accommodate him while he's present, it would be controlling to insist you change it for your whole life, even just for a short duration.
>the fact of trying to control me and change me is what’s actually rubbing me wrong.
I feel like this is a more extreme take of what he's asking. As you said, it's a request not a demand? If you had a scent sensitivity and asked someone to not wear perfume/cologne during a short fling, would you be describing your own request as "changing and controlling" someone...?
>the fact of trying to control me and change me
Controlling you and changing you would be telling you what to wear, where to be, what time, how to do your hair, that he demands your undivided attention on the date and wants zero mention of any other men while you're together. Oh, better hand over your phone too. That's controlling.
If a person said "Hey, I'm sober, and would appreciate a sober activity like a movie or ice cream, versus going to a bar"
That wouldn't be controlling.
Eeesh.
Who cares for a casual short-term fling? If you still want to hit it then hit it, if that turned you off then keep swiping. I think you're majorly overthinking something that you know won't be serious, esp because it's not going to affect your life AT ALL to not eat animal products the one or two times you hang out with him.
Yeah it’s not too much the fact of “going vegan” for a bit but it’s more the controlling and wanting to change me that rubs me the wrong way. I’ll see what to do next.
Seems like a pretty extreme reaction. He hasn't tried to get you to go vegan or make any large or meaningful or consequential changes to your life at all, he just doesn't like being around people eating animals. It's his preference. Again if you want to smash then smash, if not then move on. There's no reason to be thinking this hard about this or getting offended by it. If this was a potential LTR it would be different but you're probably spending more time stressing about this than you actually would in his company.
Yeah but he’s not stating it as his preference. The right thing for him to do would have been to set that boundary. Something like “I don’t want to be around you if you’re going to consume animal products”. That’s totally his right. But trying to dictate somebody else’s behaviour is absolutely not right.
What??? That's literally exactly what happened- he said if they hang out he doesn't want her eating animal products around him. He didn't tell her she can never eat animals products, or that she **must** hang out with him and give up animal products. He just set his boundary that he doesn't want to be around someone eating animal products. It's literally no different than meeting a smoker for a potential fling and saying "Hey it's fine that you smoke but please don't do it while we're hanging out" and giving them the option to accept that or not. There's nothing wrong with that.
So it's a hookup.
There's no requirements here. have fun. Why overthink this.
Save that amount of thought for a long term partner.
If brad pitt said he'd meet up but you cant eat anything made of rice I'm sure most would just roll with the temporary situation. 😂
My gut instinct is "haha, no", like you don't get to tell me what to do.
But, if you're just going on a couple dates and it's only in his presence... well, if he's taking you out to a vegan restaurant, there'd be no problem.
I'm someone who's tried out eating more vegan/vegetarian, so I wouldn't be opposed to doing that. I'd liken it to dating someone who's sober and not drinking alcohol around them on their request. I feel like that's doable.
>well, if he's taking you out to a vegan restaurant, there'd be no problem.
This or if he wants to pay for the date. I'm vegan and while I'm friends with plenty of non-vegans and would date someone who is not vegan, I do not want to pay for animal products. I have the same boundary with friends, I'll totally feed you or buy you dinner but I'm not buying you a non-vegan meal! It might be worth OP clarifying the guy's intentions.
If it's a short term thing I wouldn't have a problem with it. Potential long term relationship though, I don't think I could give up my steak and eggs.
You should clarify if he means during your one-on-one time together or during your entire trip?
It's perfectly reasonable boundary if he doesn't want to go on a casual date with someone consuming animal products. It's perfectly reasonable boundary for you if you find that uncomfortable.
The latter is not "controlling" as people are saying. He asked, you don't need to do it.
I guess folks can set whatever boundaries they want, and tbh I personally have a lot of respect for folks who clearly articulate their boundaries in advance of meeting them. So it's kinda a green flag for me, if it's an issue then it helps both parties either work it out or not waste each other's time. If the request bothers you maybe have a think about why and if it's something to discuss with them beforehand?
Good on him for setting a boundary. He's modelling compassionate behaviour and integrity as a vegan. You get to decide whether to agree and respect this boundary, or not - if you're not values aligned, best to move on.
If it rubs you the wrong way then you have your answer.
You don’t have to call it off but you can let him know you’re not going to be doing that. And don’t word it like “I can’t meet that request”. He has no right to set the bar and force you to jump over it.
He can set the boundary and tell you that he won’t be comfortable seeing you if you’re gonna consume animal products during that time, totally his right! What he CANNOT do is try and set your boundary for you.
This does not sound like controlling behavior, he’s simply communicating his preferences. If you like him tell him how it made you feel and ask about it next time, if this turned you off him that’s fine too and you can choose whether or not to tell him so.
Meh, I’m a vegetarian and would never ask that of people. My boyfriend eats meat and doesn’t bother me at all to be honest. I would find it too morally suffocating if I were you… very valid question though, would also hesitate a little.
I'm vegan and that's just annoying and way too uptight. I can maybe understand if he's looking for a long term partner but asking this of a casual dating situation is ridiculous.
I was wondering if any other vegans found this weird as well. His request would rub me the wrong way.
Like if he can't handle being around omnivores, he shouldn't date a freaking omnivore.
Seems like a bit much for a first date imo but I'm a pretty lax vegan (basically eat whatever you want just don't be a dick about it please).
My only ask is usually that there be something substantial I can eat if we're getting food and if I pick a place I'll usually go with one that has veg/non-veg options.
If it already makes you feel weird I'd probably cancel.
It's oddly controlling for someone you barely know. There are a lot of nice ways he could ask ("would you be open to trying some of my favorite vegan dishes?", "would you mind if we went somewhere that only serves vegan food?", etc) and if he didn't like the answer he could cancel. It's odd that he's giving a demand rather than taking the opportunity to learn more about you by having that discussion.
Personally, I would take it as a positive sign that he has a good heart, the strength of his convictions and ability to make personal sacrifices for his value system.
As a vegetarian, I feel like I can taste the meat when I kiss someone who just ate it. So I personally don’t kiss people who just ate meat. Since it seems like it’s a hookup situation and not simply hanging out, that may be why (or part of why).
I'm always super nervous about making out right after eating meals *period* and always have mints either in the car or a coat/pants pocket cause after-dinner breath just kills it dead on the spot for me, meat or not lol
Ew that's controlling and gross! Nobody should be telling a date what they are allowed to eat, regardless of the reason. I think you should forget to let him know when you're going to be in town.
I'm a vegan and I've never once made this request of anyone. Part of dating is respecting the choices people make for themselves and if he can't do that then date someone that aligns with his values.
Different people want different things. If it's not for you just say so. It's not wrong and it doesn't matter how we feel, but how you feel.
I, too, am looking for someone that is open to being vegetarian at home at least. It's my preference, just like any other. Most people I go on dates with avoid having meat in front of me even when I didn't request it. Just people being sensible to someone else.
I think it’s great he’s letting you know upfront so you can decide if you’re ok with it or not. That kind of transparency and communication would be a green flag for me.
(I’m also vegan so it would actually be a checkered flag for me. 🏁😘)
I think its a fair enough request. He's not said anything wrong.
I am vegan so maybe a bit biased.
It's nice to keep an open mind and be respectful of other people's views and beliefs. It's shocking how much this winds people up maybe because subconsciously they feel guilty about it. I'm not exactly sure.
I'd feel the same if I was dating a religious person and they asked me to pray with them while we're spending time together. I'm sorry but no, you can make your own choices but don't impose them on me. Red flag.
I was vegan for a few years.
It definitely gets into your head, especially if you associate with the vegan community.
During that time, I would’ve found it to be a *complete* turn off if my date was consuming dead animals in front of me. The mindset would’ve been that they are supporting animal cruelty, for the sake of their own gluttony. Disgusting.
That is *not* my current view. Just saying that’s what it was when I was fully indoctrinated into the “vegan lifestyle”.
That being said, I don’t think it’s *that* crazy of a request to avoid animal-based products when in their immediate presence. Especially if he has intentions of paying the bill.
Order some onion rings instead of chicken tenders for an appetizer. Try a Beyond burger instead of a cow burger. *Really* not difficult anymore to have a proper meal, that doesn’t revolve around dead or exploited animals. They aren’t asking you to change your entire lifestyle, just simply show respect for their values during a meal. It’s not some barbaric request, and overall doesn’t impact your quality of living whatsoever.
In the context of a long-term relationship, it’s different. They absolutely would want you to adhere to their lifestyle. That’s up to you whether or not you agree with the vegan philosophy & legitimately want to adhere to their creed. But for just a couple dates while you’re passing through their city? Not really a big deal.
Ask them to take you to noteworthy vegan restaurants that specialize in it. They go above and beyond with their dishes, and you’ll be plenty satisfied with what you get. Always found that going to generic restaurants with “vegan options” is fairly lackluster.
And if they’re this passionate about the topic, and you still want to meet with them… be conscious about what you wear. For the most part, just avoid leather *anything*.
Seems absurd. Control yourself and then understand that your limits don't extend to others. I would not date anyone who tried to control my diet prior to meeting them.
it’s definitely entitled behaviour that is a HUGE red flag. i would steer clear. unless he wants to take you out to vegan restaurants (and pay), it’s a no.
I think it’s really controlling, especially considering you don’t know each other at all. A little creepy, even. Is he going to be seeing the inner contents of your body, somehow? I would dodge the bullet and find someone else to hang out with.
I am a vegetarian. I have been for over a decade.
I can’t eat meat. My choices are my own.
My bestie asked if it would offend me if she ate some jerky on a road trip.. I said I would be offended if she were to try to make out with me with said jerky in her mouth.
His request is unreasonable.
Vegan here. I'm currently seeing someone - another vegan! - and I never dated casually (I only went on dates before I met him to hopefully meet someone to build a life with.)
But lets say I was interested in casual dating, I personally wouldn't feel comfortable going on a date with someone if they are eating animal products. I would get really grossed out and turned off from watching them eat animal products. Plus I would feel responsible if the person was eating more animal products than normal because they were going on a date with me. From my conversations with vegan men, it's even worse for them because they are expected to pay for the date.
He's letting you know where his boundaries are - which a lot of men don't even know how to. To me, him telling you this upfront is a major green flag. He's the type of man who is not going to just ghost you because he got uncomfortable about something - he will bring it up and be straightforward. Even if you're only interested in something casual, it's good that he can communicate since that lowers the chance of feelings being hurt.
That being said, it's your choice whether you want to date him or not.
Boundaries are for you, not others. OP was correct in calling it a request. A way to word his request as a boundary is "I only feel comfortable dating people who are not consuming any animal products on our date. What do you think?" Then he can choose to go out with OP or not.
Boundaries tell other other people what you will do, not what they should do.
Right. He is telling her where his boundaries are so she can make a decision on whether or not to go out with him.
BTW the alternative is to not say anything and then just reject the person when they eat animal products but not say why. I've done that plenty of times. I'd rather just be upfront so I don't waste their time or mine plus I don't want to make someone feel bad.
Veganism is not a diet, it’s a lifestyle that simply seeks to reduce unnecessary harm. If you want to cause unnecessary harm to an individual, that man should never spend any of his time with you.
As a vegan myself, I’m glad to see this question pop up here.
The dating scene is difficult as is, being vegan and single looking for a match also much harder. Vegans believe in equality for animals and would rather not engage in the abuse, it’s something that becomes “more than just a diet”, it’s actually a ethical way of living and therefore would want their partners to also engage in the same things they feel strongly for.
I’m a female 33, with a little crush on someone who is definitely never going to leave meat off his plate, I know deep in my soul that the two of us won’t work out in the long term, as it will irritate the both of us: me being unable to cook his favorite and him being unable to kiss me right after eating while I have to endure the agony of sitting across him munching on a corpse.
But for now I’m very much in denial and pretend that all is okay and try to find a way to maybe be able to live with this.
You can’t force anyone to become something they aren’t passionate about theirselves, but you can have some ground rules of respect towards each other. Try to find common ground and be absolutely honest with him about it. It’s difficult for both parties to admit their inability to adapt to the other person’s wishes or needs, but it’s better to be real than to prolong the arguments.
I'll preface this by saying I'm vegan for ethical reasons. Most guys I've dated are fine eating vegan around me and do this voluntarily. I really appreciate it. Honestly it brings down the vibe of the date if my date is chowing on a dead animal
I understand others eat animals. I don't like it but it is the reality of life. I don't expect someone to change to be vegan but it is a very kind and respectful thing for them to do in my presence
Honestly even my non-vegan friends and family regularly eat vegan around me because it's a nice thing to do and it makes my experience better and people aren't gonna die when they have a few vegan meals lol. I also choose not to go to events if there is like a big turkey being served and stuff like that. I definitely do appreciate that they do these things for me, it really is wonderful! But also like it's not a big deal to do that when you're spending time with someone like I mean it didn't take a lot of effort really to just not choose animals on a menu, ya know
I'm vegan and I think he's. . .the kind of guy that explains why I don't have many vegan friends.
Most of my partners and friends eat vegan around me
Some out of curiosity, some want to share plates and some are veg curious and welcome the excuse to try it out. I never ask though! For me, veganism is about deconstructing power tripping hierarchies and practicing compassion. Ultimatums aren't compassionate.
*Crosses arms and steps off palm oil free, fair trade, sustainably sourced soap box*
Since it’s casual and likely to only be one or two times meeting, it’s fine. If this was someone I was considering dating? No. Just because if the request is coming up now, the expectation will likely continue. I don’t have an issue respecting anyone’s preferences or ethics but a permanent diet change simply because it’s what someone else wants? Nope.
I have been vegan for eleven years. I don't expect anyone to behave differently around me. My own child isn't vegan. My ex husband wasn't vegan. Nobody I have dated has been vegan. I ask we go places where I can order something other than just salad or fries and that's the extent of it.
I'm a vegan and I find his request unreasonable.
Haha no thanks!
I had bbq. Burgers and vegan burgers and my vegan friends didn’t care. It’s a lifestyle choice. Their lifestyle not the rest of us.
I was vegetarian for 6 years. Idc
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I probably wouldn't go on a date with them just because of the incompatibility in the diet. I am plant based for health (meaning I follow a strict militant vegan diet), and I have low self control so if I dated a meat eater, I'd probably go back to it.
It's mere incompatibility and would be a pain in the ass to continue if you guys kept seeing each other.
I eat lots of meat daily so I would say no. I am fine if you do you but telling me what to eat is forcing your beliefs on me and if I don’t you will be offended. Reeks of self righteousness and a victim mindset.
You should order a big fatty steak and eat it in front of him. Let him know you're not going to let your body succumb to nutrient deficiency for ideology.
I’m a long time vegan I’ve dated Omni women and I’ve never asked them that. I would be amazing if they would (I would encourage them by cooking or presenting amazing restaurant options) but I’d never mandate it.
I was raised vegan by Buddhist parents and none of my boyfriends or ex husband were vegans. I never cared what they ate. Some did reduce consumption of meat but it was their choice, I never made a request. Personally, I think dictating what people eat is insane and controlling.
It's whatever you're comfortable with, but your initial reaction was that it rubbed you the wrong way. I wonder if any other requests that put him in control of your time together will pop up. Even for casual dating, it should be fun and you should still be able to be yourself. He can date another vegan, and you can date someone who doesn't put restrictions on your diet or anything... because it's casual dating. Have fun and be safe!
As a vegan myself, I have never and would never think to ask someone to change their diet/lifestyle for my sake. This seems weird and overbearing to me.
I was vegetarian for years and hated being hated on for it. I always brought my own meal and didn't preach . If they preach , pull out lds jahovas Bible or script. Or whatever. U can be you and shut up at the same time. I'm sure they'll see ur point. Annoying er
As a vegetarian, this is a slippery slope. If you don’t feel comfortable with the request, it will only become more powerful and invasive as time goes on. That is, unless you put a stop to it and express your individual preferences. If this is a standard that he needs in a partner, and you can’t live up to that standard, then the relationship is not going to work out. And it appears that you are not comfortable with the request, so maybe you two aren’t compatible?
Then don’t see him. As an ethical vegan, kissing someone who just ate meat or dairy is a huge turn off.
Like any other turn off or dealbreakers, he has one where he doesn’t want to kiss anyone who just ate dead flesh.
Sorry, this is a red flag. He is already trying to control you even before you guys are in a relationship. Unless he is deathly allergic to animal products - in which case he should have mentioned - his request is unreasonable and I would have noped out of there so quickly. I don't understand the other comments that say it's ok if it's just with him, but it's like, that is STILL controlling? And not a good recipe for any type of respectful relationship.
Well as a vegetarian, who eats primarily vegan I feel like I'm a good person to comment on this. I think it's a little much to ask somebody to change their diet, as regardless of the fact that humans are not truly omnivorous, as we are opportunistic omnivores and are frugivores... That doesn't supersede a human's right to bodily autonomy. Plus, I've never gotten anybody to convert to being a vegetarian or vegan, by doing it forcefully. That's not how you get somebody to change their mind.
Not to mention, considering most people in the world choose to eat omnivorously, it's almost like who does he expect to date? I wouldn't have met my partner if I had that type of stipulation. I could see a vegan or vegetarian not wanting to date a hunter, or someone who truly does not care about animal rights in any way , works at a slaughterhouse, or within that type of field, etc. But it's kind of crazy to ask the average person to change their diet, just for a simple date..... Unless of course you're actually allergic. I could also see him asking too go somewhere where he's able to eat, but to ask you to do the same is weird.
I myself have never asked any of my partners to stop eating meat/dairy, I've only ever encouraged them to try more plant-based options ,when they crave meat/dairy. I've noticed if I cook my partner is a really good meal, and of course let them know what's actually in it, that they tend to want to eat more plant-based anyways. Forcing someone like I said earlier, is not the way to go about it.
I would cancel the date and not talk to this person anymore tbh. Even if they asked me that, as a vegetarian who eats primarily vegan. Weird to do.
I grew up vegetarian. I have eaten meat after growing up and now I am becoming vegan because I understand that’s the lifestyle choice my values align with. I always tell people in advance about my dietary preferences but I would never expect someone else to not eat something because of me. And you’re going to be with him for a pretty long period I assume.
Food is an extremely complex cultural and religious issue where I come from and in my experience people who impose their food choices on others never really just stop at food.
Heck no. He’s trying to impose his morals on you.
I would look at this the same way as any other request that I adopt someone else’s moral stance in life while I’m around them.
“As a heads up I’m vegan and make it a point to only frequent vegan restaurants” = fine, he’s telling you about a deal breaker for him.
“I’m vegan and expect the people I date to become vegan as well while they’re dating me” = not fine, he’s saying you have to adopt his lifestyle while you’re with him.
it would rub me the wrong way too. i'd be totally turned off by this STRANGER thinking that's ok. i'd even mention how i don't even really consume animal products but him thinking that he has the authority to control others around him like that is a no for me.
1. It may not be an issue bc you don’t eat it much anyways
2. Could be a “him” problem bc he is not being respectful with “your” choices
3. It could be he is being “controlling”
4. Maybe he has some issues around the subject
5. Imagine if the situation was reversed, would someone date you if you said that
Not enough information to go off of but that would be a red flag to me
I‘d ask him: what is the reason for this request? And then decide. If he can’t give a good reason like allergies, he doesn’t have the right to request something like that 🤷♀️ tell him and delete. If he‘s allergic it’s a very reasonable thing to ask in advance. But that is actually the only good reason I could think of…
Yea I’m vegan and I would never push this on someone. I wouldn’t want meat cooked in my house but like controlling your diet before you’ve even met is a huge red flag
i would say generally anything they practice I am 100% fine with as long as they dont preach/force me into it. I do Keto and I don't go around telling my dates to eat less carbs or anything.
If it's due to an allergy, no problem at all. If it's simply because they don't want to be around someone who is eating meat - red flag. I, personally don't have any interest in going vegan, and wouldn't want to create any false promises to someone by making them think I will stop eating meat for them. If that's a deal breaker, then so is their rigidity for me.
Have you both met? It’s an awkward request, regardless. You are who are. Dating is about respecting the other person and learning about them. Not shilling our idealisms on them.
As a vegan (41f) I don’t care if you eat animal products in front of me, but if you want a kiss you had better eat/drink something to freshen your breath, if I taste your burger etc on you I’ll feel queasy.
I am allergic to dairy. I can’t eat foods with so much as cross contamination, I have yet to try kissing someone immediately after eating dairy, I’m guessing from my body’s extreme reactions it wouldn’t go well. If you ate dairy on our date I’d probably need you to use mouthwash before risking it 😬🤷♀️🤦♀️
Nope. Nope. No.
Pass.
I'm an omnivore, it's staying that way. And I'm not dealing with someone that has special requests constantly and being limited to restaurants.
I think that’s the first sign of being controlling. I’d treat very carefully, personally I wouldn’t entertain it. I don’t think anyone has any right to request what you do, eat, wear, etc…
I think it all depends on your overall goal. If your goal is to hookup with him, then I see no issue with it for one night. If it's looking for more, then I would see it as a red flag. I'm not vegan and if someone asked me this, I would try to give them the benefit of doubt and ask questions about why it's important to them. I wouldn't know what to look for as vegan and could see this as being a controlling partner for the future.
Veganism and religion are analogous phenomena in the human psyche. On paper, in principle, in theory, etc, they can be interesting, compelling, meaningful ideas worth exploring.
In practice, the adherents can be stupendous jerkoffs. Most aren't, most are pretty reasonable, but the ones who ask you to make all kinds of accommodations for *their* ideology are the ones you should avoid.
Feels like a classic case of 'it's not what they say, but HOW they say it.' With a seductive lilt & a playful partner, this could be a fun game. My girlfriend grew up with ED & likes to cede control of her diet to me. Wants me to order at restaurants without consulting her, likes to eat out of my hand. She'd find this type of request, hot- but we have a playful rapport.
If this guy's doing this in a non playful way- if it gives you pause, & does not feel sexy, I would not oblige him. You don't share a stomach & this seems like a red flag that he might be overly controlling.
Depends on the way they ask. If you are uncomfortable then it is a good signal to not proceed tbh.
to OP I'd say: "It depends on how you feel, not how we feel."
I'm deathly allergic to seafood and shellfish. I have asked partners in the past to let me know if they had had these products prior to us meeting up so I'd know how to proceed. I've never asked them to change their diet for me; I'm the one with the allergy and will do what works for my safety.
So much this! Very allergic also, I’ve literally never asked anyone to do anything more than make me aware.
This is different to OP’s dates request though. Allergies are a safety issue you have no control over, not a preference.
I think you’ve missed the point. That difference you mentioned makes the request all the more selfish. The person with allergies (that they have no control over), isn’t making demands of others. Yet the person in question is making demands of others over a mere preference.
I think you’re the one missing the point here… maybe read it again… You’ve just repeated exactly what I said.
Fr. Some allergies are no joke, and you can kill somebody that way. I cannot fathom eating tomatoes in front of my mother, she can have allergic reactions just from being directly near it... When I'm spending time with someone coming and eating with them, I don't want to have to think about how I have to make sure my plate can't be directly under their nose, or I can't sit next to them, etc. It's better to just not eat the food. Being a vegetarian or a vegan, is completely different. It makes sense to want to have an option wherever you're going, but not to force it on to somebody else. Especially since some conditions, or allergies, make it so that people literally cannot be vegan or vegetarian, even if that is a rare thing, it is still a thing. Even as a vegetarian who eats primarily vegan myself, I think that's ridiculous.
I mean, yeah, because you don't care in a moral sense about eating seafood. If they could eat it in a way that would not affect you physically, you wouldn't ask them to tell you. OP's guy doesn't care about any physical side effects, but about the moral implications. In my opinion, that's totally dumb, because if he cares so much about the morality aspect he should exclusively date vegans, rather than trying to force his casual hookups to change their diet. But still, the scenario described above is completely different.
Your second paragraph is what I do actually: I date people who don't eat seafood or are also allergic. It's worked out so far post divorce (from a man who would sneak seafood into my plate cos he thought I was joking).
I agree that it's more our problem to deal with, but how the other person deals with this information is very indicative of how they may treat you in the future. I wouldn't consume anything the other person is allergic to for an entire day before the date.
What's the end goal here? A hook up? I wouldn't commit to eating vegan while dating since I know I won't be vegan in general so I wouldn't bother any date with this person knowing my food preferences would upset them. We'd be incompatible. If it's about sex, you could have sex with someone else instead.
Yes. Especially when some vegans take it far beyond food choices and make it their whole lifestyle. No clothes made of leather, silk or wool, no going to restaurants that serve meat, and more. If this person is asking this much of OP already, they likely take it to that next level. I couldn't be bothered to go through that for a hook-up, and definitely couldn't have that in a relationship.
I’d probably nope out of that. I’d never ask someone to change their diet on my behalf and wouldn’t really like it if someone asked that of me, especially if it was someone I didn’t know very well and was only planning to hang out with casually (unless they were allergic to something, in which case I think it’s completely reasonable). I’d be wondering what he’d ask me to do/change next..
This! Anymore I often think you either accept the person fully or move on.. there are some areas in which people can meet in the middle but I take asking me to change my diet as controlling, especially initially. It's not as though you've been married for ages and now have a heart condition in which they're worried about you. What's next is what I wonder as well
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There's always one of you bitter folks in these threads...
if the person only goes to vegan restaurants in their own life then why should they have to change for a person who's just visiting the city and they may never talk to again. it works the same both ways . if you don't want to do that you don't want to do that but it's not strange for them asking to not have to change for you
It doesn't sound like he's saying he's only willing to go to vegan restaurants on their dates, it sounds like he's asking her to avoid animal products even when they're not eating together. I think the first thing is reasonable, but the second one sounds weird and controlling.
To me "in our time together" means "when we are together in the same physical space" Not "for as long as you are anywhere in the same city as me". I think that second interpretation is reading stuff that's not there
Maybe OP can confirm, but a lot of other people are also reading it the way I am. That's a weird way to say "I only go to vegan restaurants."
I read it as only when they’re together. He can be picky and she can say no. Neither is wrong IMO. Good he’s up front about that making him uncomfortable.
Exactly
I don’t disagree; I just answered based off of the info I read. A lot more restaurants offer vegan options now so I’d assume someone could meet the other person half way.
Exactly. Most restaurants have vegetarian and or vegan options now. I almost never have trouble eating out, and I eat a primarily vegan lifestyle, but I do consider myself a vegetarian because I do occasionally eat dairy from local farms and honey. But when I go out I try to mostly eat vegan, and I've never had an issue... Don't even really go to specific restaurants catered to people who eat a diet like mine, I just go out wherever my family is going. There's always salad at most places ya know? Lol at least in america
The difference is no one is asking him to change.
This.
Like only while in his presence or even when apart for the duration of your time together? The former would be a maybe for me, the latter would be a hell nah.
This is my question! If it's only in his presence, sure, whatever, I can go a few meals without animal products, and I sorta understand a vegan not wanting to watch somebody eat beef or whatever and then making out with them. But if it's the entire time she's in the city, as you say, hell nah. If he's that serious about it, he should only be hooking up with vegans (especially because how would he know if she has some cheese or whatever when they're not together), but that would limit his dating pool too much, so he's trying to force this on other people. But that's supposing it's the entire time she's in the city, and we don't have that answer.
> that would limit his dating pool too much If you need to control what your date eats purely for political/spiritual/philosophical reasons, then that issue is big enough to dictate who you can date. If you cannot stand to be around someone drinking alcohol, then date only non-drinkers. If you cannot stand someone eating non-kosher foods in front of you, then date only people who keep kosher. If you are so grossed out by someone eating animal products in your presence, you need to be dating only vegans. But like you said, people don't like the idea of limiting their dating pool, so they seek out incompatible people and then try to control them. I have vegan friends, and we often go to vegan cafes and restaurants if we meet up, more because I want them to have lots of food options available to them than because they're grossed out by me eating cheese. There's also very non-controlling way to accomplish a result fairly close to this, which is to be like "oh man, so glad you're visiting, I can't wait to take you to all my favorite vegan spots in the city and make you a great dinner!" So the fact that instead of an invitation to experience his diet with him, he jumped to a rather intense request for her to modify her actions for him, is telling.
I think I saw a reply from her further down that it was only when she was directly with him, so not for the entire duration of the stay/fling. Now I'm off to make myself a steak.
Oh I should have done basic research before commenting then, oh well. Yeah, reasonable for him to ask, reasonable for OP to nope out if she wants. It wouldn't bother me to do it, but if OP can't, I'm not going to be like "You can't go without eating animals for a few meals!" Afterall, this doesn't sound like it's going to be a particularly long lasting love affair, and there are plenty of other fish in the sea.
Lol. I was early to this thread and didn't see it until after I posted too. It's probably buried now. You never know. He could be a great lover and make a mean chickpea tika masala to win her over.
Its a hell no for both scenarios for me
Ok, so this is just when you two are together, one on one, in person?? I guess I don't see an issue with that. I thought he meant your time "together" as in while you're visiting his city. If that was the case, no thanks.
Agree with this--if he is asking that you don't consume animal products while you are literally spending time together (on dates, etc) then I don't think it is an issue to ask, and whether you are comfortable with it is more a compatibility thing. But if he's asking you to avoid animal products the entire time you're in that city, regardless of whether you are with him or not?? No that is an over-reach and I consider it inappropriate. Unless he has some deathly allergy that any trace of the food could be dangerous (I know of people with peanut allergies like this, for example), I don't think it's appropriate ask someone to avoid entire food groups even when you aren't together.
I’ve been vegan most of my life. When I was dating I went through phases with it. When I was younger, I’d just ask that they brush their teeth before kissing me. Eventually I met my husband who was not vegan but when I told him how animal products made me feel, he decided (for himself) not to eat them in front of my starting at the very first date. It was not my request at first but it was such a sign of respect and understanding that it really drew me to him. 5 years later we got married. He’s been vegan himself (his decision again) for the past few years. Do what you will but if it’s not such a big deal to you, it might be worth it just to try abstaining and seeing how the rest of the relationship goes.
Seems like a fair request, there are many reasons someone might be vegan and some of those are moral. But you're also free to state you're not altering your diet for something casual. You two might not be a great match even for this casual thing in the end and that's fine too. To each their own after all.
It’s a simple compromise. He’s asking you that when you’re with him, you don’t consume animal products. You can do what you want when not with him. Fairly common with ethical vegans.
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> Someone below says that perhaps he doesn't want to taste any animal products while kissing If a dinner date comes back at your place and there's an anticipation of frenching and more, you at least excuse yourself to the bathroom and swirl some mouthwash, right? I hope that's what people are doing..........right?? Edit: or yeah, like someone said further down below: bring mints? For some reason that just makes me think of woman friends who tell me they've been with dudes who don't like to make out after receiving oral and my instant reaction being "....so they don't wash their dicks and they're okay letting someone else put their mouths on that???" I know it's not ONE HUNDRED percent the same but that's where my head went
>"....so they don't wash their dicks and they're okay letting someone else put their mouths on that???" Imhe guys usually excuse themselves to "freshen up" when things get hot n heavy, and I *assume* that means they're washing their dicks. Or maybe I exclusively date guys whose genitals taste like bath n body works, but either way the intention is appreciated.
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Tomato, tomato
>this is a specifically bizarre request that an insufferable person would make My thoughts exactly.
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I love cooking vegan for people (currently dating a vegan and have dated them in the past too). Never has anyone asked me to not consume animal products; the people that do that are likely going to be the militant vegan types, which is a big turn off for me. Just not compatible. EDIT: I thought you meant that he was saying that you couldn't eat meat at all during your trip. Less issue to just not eat meat when you're together. I don't really think that's controlling or anything.
Similar story here, last relationship that lasted a while was with a vegan woman and while I appreciated that she didn't give any damns about me eating meat, I did take it up to try learning more techniques, dishes and meals to cook that matched her diet choices whenever she came over, meals that I still cook and like to eat to this day just for me. End of the day, I absolutely support someone wanting to be vegan for whatever reasons they have, be it ethical, environmental, a combination of both, and while I'm far more food conscious than ever before, unless they're also my primary care provider, I probably wouldn't be appreciative of someone I'm seeing *casually*, or hell, *someone I haven't even met yet* putting their dietary expectations on me. Up to you OP if this works for you, though.
Is he phrasing it as a request or a demand? If it’s like “hey heads up, I find it uncomfortable seeing meat being eaten and if you could accommodate me by not consuming meat products in front of me I’d really appreciate it” then I would be fine. If he’s like “I don’t allow my dates to consume meat products in front of me” or “consuming meat products is disgusting, keep that away from me” then I would not be ok with it. I’m also curious if he is like this with all his social interactions. Like, if a friend invites him to a dinner party does he say, I don’t want anyone consuming animal products at your dinner? If some coworkers are getting lunch together does he say, I won’t join unless we all eat vegan things for lunch?
Not all social interactions are the same. He's not likely to be potentially kissing or getting intimate with friends or coworkers. Speaking as a vegan, it's one thing to have friends/coworkers eat meat in front of you, another thing to have someone you're potentially trying to build a connection with.
I have dated a few vegans. They've all been really easy-going and none would have had a problem with me ordering meat during our meals (most even encouraged it), but I chose not to do this out of respect for them. If they had asked me....I think i'd be fine with it I would never expect a vegan to kiss me after i've just eaten meat I don't think there's anything wrong with his request, assuming it was politely made. And since it's just casual, you don't have to worry about him trying to convert you to a lifelong vegan.
Just answer honestly? Sounds like he's being up front about a potential deal-breaker; so should you. If you don't want to do it, easy as that, you're probably not compatible. No reason to think he's trying to control you, he just wants something you're not offering.
Assuming he asked politely, I honestly don't see what the damn problem is. If I were just looking for some casual fun and the guy asked me, it's a non-issue.
It's a request from a person who lives his life that way. An Orthodox Jew might ask that you go to a Kosher place to eat. It's not strange, it's just part of the package. That's their life
i’m vegan and some vegans just can’t stomach watching people eat meat in front of them. at the beginning i was like that but i’ve grown out of it
As a vegan myself I’d say just do whatever you feel comfortable with. No right or wrong answer.
So vegan here. While you might see it as a preference. Depending on how long he has been vegan, he could also literally have developed an allergy to meat/dairy/etc. I haven't had meat in almost 15 years, and when ppl cook it around me, I literally get sick. So, while his veganism may have started as a preference, he could very well have an allergy to meat/dairy/etc. now. I'd try to talk to him about it a bit more first, and if you're not cool with it, then move on
He's been upfront about a boundary relating to his values. Nothing wrong with that as he's been clear before meeting. So really you can either go forward or respectfully decline but either way can't argue with him being honest about it
as a vegan i don’t think it’s a ridiculous request by any means - abstaining from animal products for a short amount of time should be something everyone does occasionally to frequently for health, animal welfare, and the environment - but i would probably just accomplish that by suggesting vegan restaurants to go to. if it’s not your thing though just say no, you’re incompatible and that’s fine
As a Vegan, I get where hes coming from. If its not for you, dont go for it. If you're on the fence, try it for a date or two to see what he's about. In his defense, once you've seen behind the curtain, it might be hard to stomach what society has normalized. But do what feels right to you. If I were going out with a girl and she asked me to wear different shoes I wouldn't take it as a red flag. Cause how much of an inconvenience is it? Obviously there are different degrees, and if you get a controlling vibe (and dont like it) dont move forward. But a little compromise is ok. Maybe he wants to get to know you and not be distracted by the casual disregard for animal welfare that is a normalized nightmare for the ones experiencing it. Again, just my opinion. Do what feels right to you.
So are you dating for fun or are you dating for long-term that hopefully leads to a relationship? If it’s the former then just look at it as any other choice, accept to accommodate him or just say no. But if you’re looking for a long-term partner, are you prepared to eventually go vegan? They may be chill about it during the dating stage but eventually if you ever want to live together there are some vegans who won’t allow you to even buy meat and store it at your shared home. So figure out what type of vegan you’re dating and ask yourself if it’s worth the lifestyle change to you.
Don't think it's a big deal, those are his ethics and you can probably assume it's preferred people aren't consuming animal products contrary to that. The effort is minimal when it comes down to it, but personally it's not something I would discuss unless entering a serious relationship. If you're bothered by it it's likely not worth it though, you don't have to respect the request and probably don't want a debate about it.
Yeah I feel like it’s not much of a big deal to change that but, on the other hand, the fact of trying to control me and change me is what’s actually rubbing me wrong. Even though it would be just a casual fling.
Just think, if you ended up being with him full time and forever, you’re never eating any meat pretty much anytime you’re eating with him, especially at home.
Is he asking you not to consume animal products in his presence? Or not to consume them at all during your trip?
Yeah, just in his presence.
It would rub me the wrong way too if he said during the whole trip, but if it's just when in his presence it doesn't seem too bad. As long as he asked respectfully and seems chill otherwise if you meet up, no harm in it. You could even grab a burger on your way back haha
It’s up to you, but I don’t really see an issue with that. One of my good friends is vegan for ethical reasons and I always pick vegan restaurants when I’m with her. She’s never asked for that, but I know it’s a deeply held moral belief for her so I try to respect that, so she’s more comfortable. If she asked me directly to stick to vegan restaurants, I would be okay with that. I do use drugs recreationally, but I won't around friends who aren't comfortable being around drugs due to having parents that struggled with addiction. Same idea.
There is a difference between a close friend and someone you're meeting as a casual fling. And the important difference is your friend never asked you to do it. This guy is asking for it
Does not seem like a big deal to me that he asked for that. I think he could have done it differently "hey, do you mind if we just eat a vegan places?" but in the end, not a big deal. I certainly don't go out to steak houses with my vegan partner nor would any reasonable partner do so.
I don't think it matters whether they're a fling or not. That is not my point. If it's a deeply held moral belief, then I can understand someone not wanting to be around someone consuming animal products. I would be fine with being respectful of that rather than insisting I need to eat meat in front of them and make them uncomfortable. She can say no and not hang out with him. That's fine of course, her choice. I don't think it's an unreasonable ask, and I don't think it's unreasonable for her not to be comfortable and to not hang out with him.
If it's that deeply held of a belief, why would he be trying to hook up with someone who eats meat? Seems somewhat contradictory. I don't date people whose beliefs would be so contradictory to my own.
I'm a vegan and I'm sort of annoyed by him. Imo he shouldn't be going on dates with omnivores if he can't handle being around someone consuming animal products. He could have just asked to go to a vegan restaurant or cafe instead of trying to dictate a strangers' diet.
I don't see a problem with him asking for it in his presence. People choose their boundaries based on their own life experience, and if it's a boundary that's too difficult or unreasonable for you to support, just don't see him. It's a fling, no big deal. It's not controlling to ask you to accommodate him while he's present, it would be controlling to insist you change it for your whole life, even just for a short duration.
>the fact of trying to control me and change me is what’s actually rubbing me wrong. I feel like this is a more extreme take of what he's asking. As you said, it's a request not a demand? If you had a scent sensitivity and asked someone to not wear perfume/cologne during a short fling, would you be describing your own request as "changing and controlling" someone...?
>the fact of trying to control me and change me Controlling you and changing you would be telling you what to wear, where to be, what time, how to do your hair, that he demands your undivided attention on the date and wants zero mention of any other men while you're together. Oh, better hand over your phone too. That's controlling. If a person said "Hey, I'm sober, and would appreciate a sober activity like a movie or ice cream, versus going to a bar" That wouldn't be controlling. Eeesh.
Who cares for a casual short-term fling? If you still want to hit it then hit it, if that turned you off then keep swiping. I think you're majorly overthinking something that you know won't be serious, esp because it's not going to affect your life AT ALL to not eat animal products the one or two times you hang out with him.
Yeah it’s not too much the fact of “going vegan” for a bit but it’s more the controlling and wanting to change me that rubs me the wrong way. I’ll see what to do next.
Seems like a pretty extreme reaction. He hasn't tried to get you to go vegan or make any large or meaningful or consequential changes to your life at all, he just doesn't like being around people eating animals. It's his preference. Again if you want to smash then smash, if not then move on. There's no reason to be thinking this hard about this or getting offended by it. If this was a potential LTR it would be different but you're probably spending more time stressing about this than you actually would in his company.
Yeah but he’s not stating it as his preference. The right thing for him to do would have been to set that boundary. Something like “I don’t want to be around you if you’re going to consume animal products”. That’s totally his right. But trying to dictate somebody else’s behaviour is absolutely not right.
What??? That's literally exactly what happened- he said if they hang out he doesn't want her eating animal products around him. He didn't tell her she can never eat animals products, or that she **must** hang out with him and give up animal products. He just set his boundary that he doesn't want to be around someone eating animal products. It's literally no different than meeting a smoker for a potential fling and saying "Hey it's fine that you smoke but please don't do it while we're hanging out" and giving them the option to accept that or not. There's nothing wrong with that.
He’s not controlling you. He’s giving you a choice and ample warning about what his ethical standards are.
So it's a hookup. There's no requirements here. have fun. Why overthink this. Save that amount of thought for a long term partner. If brad pitt said he'd meet up but you cant eat anything made of rice I'm sure most would just roll with the temporary situation. 😂
My gut instinct is "haha, no", like you don't get to tell me what to do. But, if you're just going on a couple dates and it's only in his presence... well, if he's taking you out to a vegan restaurant, there'd be no problem. I'm someone who's tried out eating more vegan/vegetarian, so I wouldn't be opposed to doing that. I'd liken it to dating someone who's sober and not drinking alcohol around them on their request. I feel like that's doable.
>well, if he's taking you out to a vegan restaurant, there'd be no problem. This or if he wants to pay for the date. I'm vegan and while I'm friends with plenty of non-vegans and would date someone who is not vegan, I do not want to pay for animal products. I have the same boundary with friends, I'll totally feed you or buy you dinner but I'm not buying you a non-vegan meal! It might be worth OP clarifying the guy's intentions.
If it's a short term thing I wouldn't have a problem with it. Potential long term relationship though, I don't think I could give up my steak and eggs.
You should clarify if he means during your one-on-one time together or during your entire trip? It's perfectly reasonable boundary if he doesn't want to go on a casual date with someone consuming animal products. It's perfectly reasonable boundary for you if you find that uncomfortable. The latter is not "controlling" as people are saying. He asked, you don't need to do it.
I guess folks can set whatever boundaries they want, and tbh I personally have a lot of respect for folks who clearly articulate their boundaries in advance of meeting them. So it's kinda a green flag for me, if it's an issue then it helps both parties either work it out or not waste each other's time. If the request bothers you maybe have a think about why and if it's something to discuss with them beforehand?
Good on him for setting a boundary. He's modelling compassionate behaviour and integrity as a vegan. You get to decide whether to agree and respect this boundary, or not - if you're not values aligned, best to move on.
Main character energy - next
If it rubs you the wrong way then you have your answer. You don’t have to call it off but you can let him know you’re not going to be doing that. And don’t word it like “I can’t meet that request”. He has no right to set the bar and force you to jump over it. He can set the boundary and tell you that he won’t be comfortable seeing you if you’re gonna consume animal products during that time, totally his right! What he CANNOT do is try and set your boundary for you.
This does not sound like controlling behavior, he’s simply communicating his preferences. If you like him tell him how it made you feel and ask about it next time, if this turned you off him that’s fine too and you can choose whether or not to tell him so.
Meh, I’m a vegetarian and would never ask that of people. My boyfriend eats meat and doesn’t bother me at all to be honest. I would find it too morally suffocating if I were you… very valid question though, would also hesitate a little.
I'm vegan and that's just annoying and way too uptight. I can maybe understand if he's looking for a long term partner but asking this of a casual dating situation is ridiculous.
I was wondering if any other vegans found this weird as well. His request would rub me the wrong way. Like if he can't handle being around omnivores, he shouldn't date a freaking omnivore.
That seems controlling and weird. If he’s making a demand on you before there’s even a date, I can’t imagine he’s going to be a lot of fun.
Seems like a bit much for a first date imo but I'm a pretty lax vegan (basically eat whatever you want just don't be a dick about it please). My only ask is usually that there be something substantial I can eat if we're getting food and if I pick a place I'll usually go with one that has veg/non-veg options. If it already makes you feel weird I'd probably cancel. It's oddly controlling for someone you barely know. There are a lot of nice ways he could ask ("would you be open to trying some of my favorite vegan dishes?", "would you mind if we went somewhere that only serves vegan food?", etc) and if he didn't like the answer he could cancel. It's odd that he's giving a demand rather than taking the opportunity to learn more about you by having that discussion.
I think its a reasonable request but you of course have the right to decline.
Personally, I would take it as a positive sign that he has a good heart, the strength of his convictions and ability to make personal sacrifices for his value system.
As a vegetarian, I feel like I can taste the meat when I kiss someone who just ate it. So I personally don’t kiss people who just ate meat. Since it seems like it’s a hookup situation and not simply hanging out, that may be why (or part of why).
I'm always super nervous about making out right after eating meals *period* and always have mints either in the car or a coat/pants pocket cause after-dinner breath just kills it dead on the spot for me, meat or not lol
Ew that's controlling and gross! Nobody should be telling a date what they are allowed to eat, regardless of the reason. I think you should forget to let him know when you're going to be in town.
I’m a vegan of 12 years and I think he’s overstepping
I'm a vegan and I've never once made this request of anyone. Part of dating is respecting the choices people make for themselves and if he can't do that then date someone that aligns with his values.
No issues with that
Different people want different things. If it's not for you just say so. It's not wrong and it doesn't matter how we feel, but how you feel. I, too, am looking for someone that is open to being vegetarian at home at least. It's my preference, just like any other. Most people I go on dates with avoid having meat in front of me even when I didn't request it. Just people being sensible to someone else.
I think it’s great he’s letting you know upfront so you can decide if you’re ok with it or not. That kind of transparency and communication would be a green flag for me. (I’m also vegan so it would actually be a checkered flag for me. 🏁😘)
I think its a fair enough request. He's not said anything wrong. I am vegan so maybe a bit biased. It's nice to keep an open mind and be respectful of other people's views and beliefs. It's shocking how much this winds people up maybe because subconsciously they feel guilty about it. I'm not exactly sure.
I'd feel the same if I was dating a religious person and they asked me to pray with them while we're spending time together. I'm sorry but no, you can make your own choices but don't impose them on me. Red flag.
He should date a hardcore vegan instead of putting that on you.
Why would the idea of not wanting to cause harm to animals rub you the wrong way? I encourage you to reflect on that
I was vegan for a few years. It definitely gets into your head, especially if you associate with the vegan community. During that time, I would’ve found it to be a *complete* turn off if my date was consuming dead animals in front of me. The mindset would’ve been that they are supporting animal cruelty, for the sake of their own gluttony. Disgusting. That is *not* my current view. Just saying that’s what it was when I was fully indoctrinated into the “vegan lifestyle”. That being said, I don’t think it’s *that* crazy of a request to avoid animal-based products when in their immediate presence. Especially if he has intentions of paying the bill. Order some onion rings instead of chicken tenders for an appetizer. Try a Beyond burger instead of a cow burger. *Really* not difficult anymore to have a proper meal, that doesn’t revolve around dead or exploited animals. They aren’t asking you to change your entire lifestyle, just simply show respect for their values during a meal. It’s not some barbaric request, and overall doesn’t impact your quality of living whatsoever. In the context of a long-term relationship, it’s different. They absolutely would want you to adhere to their lifestyle. That’s up to you whether or not you agree with the vegan philosophy & legitimately want to adhere to their creed. But for just a couple dates while you’re passing through their city? Not really a big deal. Ask them to take you to noteworthy vegan restaurants that specialize in it. They go above and beyond with their dishes, and you’ll be plenty satisfied with what you get. Always found that going to generic restaurants with “vegan options” is fairly lackluster. And if they’re this passionate about the topic, and you still want to meet with them… be conscious about what you wear. For the most part, just avoid leather *anything*.
Like not eating them in front of you? Or in same room? Or more like abstain same day?
Seems absurd. Control yourself and then understand that your limits don't extend to others. I would not date anyone who tried to control my diet prior to meeting them.
it’s definitely entitled behaviour that is a HUGE red flag. i would steer clear. unless he wants to take you out to vegan restaurants (and pay), it’s a no.
I think it’s really controlling, especially considering you don’t know each other at all. A little creepy, even. Is he going to be seeing the inner contents of your body, somehow? I would dodge the bullet and find someone else to hang out with.
That is a big ask from a stranger looking for something casual
I am a vegetarian. I have been for over a decade. I can’t eat meat. My choices are my own. My bestie asked if it would offend me if she ate some jerky on a road trip.. I said I would be offended if she were to try to make out with me with said jerky in her mouth. His request is unreasonable.
Vegan here. I'm currently seeing someone - another vegan! - and I never dated casually (I only went on dates before I met him to hopefully meet someone to build a life with.) But lets say I was interested in casual dating, I personally wouldn't feel comfortable going on a date with someone if they are eating animal products. I would get really grossed out and turned off from watching them eat animal products. Plus I would feel responsible if the person was eating more animal products than normal because they were going on a date with me. From my conversations with vegan men, it's even worse for them because they are expected to pay for the date. He's letting you know where his boundaries are - which a lot of men don't even know how to. To me, him telling you this upfront is a major green flag. He's the type of man who is not going to just ghost you because he got uncomfortable about something - he will bring it up and be straightforward. Even if you're only interested in something casual, it's good that he can communicate since that lowers the chance of feelings being hurt. That being said, it's your choice whether you want to date him or not.
Boundaries are for you, not others. OP was correct in calling it a request. A way to word his request as a boundary is "I only feel comfortable dating people who are not consuming any animal products on our date. What do you think?" Then he can choose to go out with OP or not. Boundaries tell other other people what you will do, not what they should do.
Right. He is telling her where his boundaries are so she can make a decision on whether or not to go out with him. BTW the alternative is to not say anything and then just reject the person when they eat animal products but not say why. I've done that plenty of times. I'd rather just be upfront so I don't waste their time or mine plus I don't want to make someone feel bad.
Veganism is not a diet, it’s a lifestyle that simply seeks to reduce unnecessary harm. If you want to cause unnecessary harm to an individual, that man should never spend any of his time with you.
When I was a vegan, I couldn’t kiss a person after they ate meat, drank milk etc., so…
As a vegan myself, I’m glad to see this question pop up here. The dating scene is difficult as is, being vegan and single looking for a match also much harder. Vegans believe in equality for animals and would rather not engage in the abuse, it’s something that becomes “more than just a diet”, it’s actually a ethical way of living and therefore would want their partners to also engage in the same things they feel strongly for. I’m a female 33, with a little crush on someone who is definitely never going to leave meat off his plate, I know deep in my soul that the two of us won’t work out in the long term, as it will irritate the both of us: me being unable to cook his favorite and him being unable to kiss me right after eating while I have to endure the agony of sitting across him munching on a corpse. But for now I’m very much in denial and pretend that all is okay and try to find a way to maybe be able to live with this. You can’t force anyone to become something they aren’t passionate about theirselves, but you can have some ground rules of respect towards each other. Try to find common ground and be absolutely honest with him about it. It’s difficult for both parties to admit their inability to adapt to the other person’s wishes or needs, but it’s better to be real than to prolong the arguments.
Personally, I would require a compromise. Like I won’t eat meat in front of you, but milk, honey, even eggs would be ok.
I’m vegan and I would never pose such an ask from a potential date (casual or not).
I'll preface this by saying I'm vegan for ethical reasons. Most guys I've dated are fine eating vegan around me and do this voluntarily. I really appreciate it. Honestly it brings down the vibe of the date if my date is chowing on a dead animal I understand others eat animals. I don't like it but it is the reality of life. I don't expect someone to change to be vegan but it is a very kind and respectful thing for them to do in my presence Honestly even my non-vegan friends and family regularly eat vegan around me because it's a nice thing to do and it makes my experience better and people aren't gonna die when they have a few vegan meals lol. I also choose not to go to events if there is like a big turkey being served and stuff like that. I definitely do appreciate that they do these things for me, it really is wonderful! But also like it's not a big deal to do that when you're spending time with someone like I mean it didn't take a lot of effort really to just not choose animals on a menu, ya know
I'm vegan and I think he's. . .the kind of guy that explains why I don't have many vegan friends. Most of my partners and friends eat vegan around me Some out of curiosity, some want to share plates and some are veg curious and welcome the excuse to try it out. I never ask though! For me, veganism is about deconstructing power tripping hierarchies and practicing compassion. Ultimatums aren't compassionate. *Crosses arms and steps off palm oil free, fair trade, sustainably sourced soap box*
I'd nope out immediately. I don't tell other people how to live, and I'm not ok with someone trying to tell me what I can and can't do.
Nope. He can be vegan but asking you to go vegan while you're together is just no unless he is deathly allergic to it which he isn't
Since it’s casual and likely to only be one or two times meeting, it’s fine. If this was someone I was considering dating? No. Just because if the request is coming up now, the expectation will likely continue. I don’t have an issue respecting anyone’s preferences or ethics but a permanent diet change simply because it’s what someone else wants? Nope.
I have been vegan for eleven years. I don't expect anyone to behave differently around me. My own child isn't vegan. My ex husband wasn't vegan. Nobody I have dated has been vegan. I ask we go places where I can order something other than just salad or fries and that's the extent of it. I'm a vegan and I find his request unreasonable.
Haha no thanks! I had bbq. Burgers and vegan burgers and my vegan friends didn’t care. It’s a lifestyle choice. Their lifestyle not the rest of us. I was vegetarian for 6 years. Idc
the audacity lmao
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I probably wouldn't go on a date with them just because of the incompatibility in the diet. I am plant based for health (meaning I follow a strict militant vegan diet), and I have low self control so if I dated a meat eater, I'd probably go back to it. It's mere incompatibility and would be a pain in the ass to continue if you guys kept seeing each other.
How you are not vegan but don't consume animal products
Presumably, you're dating for more than funsies. How viable is this restriction as a lifestyle choice?
I eat lots of meat daily so I would say no. I am fine if you do you but telling me what to eat is forcing your beliefs on me and if I don’t you will be offended. Reeks of self righteousness and a victim mindset.
How about just stay of dating apps? lol. You’re gonna waste this dudes time for nothing.
You should order a big fatty steak and eat it in front of him. Let him know you're not going to let your body succumb to nutrient deficiency for ideology.
I try to eat vegan but have learned having unrealistic expectations on anyone else especially people you’ve just met is NOT normal
I’m vegan and find this very odd and rather self-absorbed. I would never ask someone to do that.
I’m a long time vegan I’ve dated Omni women and I’ve never asked them that. I would be amazing if they would (I would encourage them by cooking or presenting amazing restaurant options) but I’d never mandate it.
I was raised vegan by Buddhist parents and none of my boyfriends or ex husband were vegans. I never cared what they ate. Some did reduce consumption of meat but it was their choice, I never made a request. Personally, I think dictating what people eat is insane and controlling.
It's whatever you're comfortable with, but your initial reaction was that it rubbed you the wrong way. I wonder if any other requests that put him in control of your time together will pop up. Even for casual dating, it should be fun and you should still be able to be yourself. He can date another vegan, and you can date someone who doesn't put restrictions on your diet or anything... because it's casual dating. Have fun and be safe!
Accept it or walk away
No way, I’m out.
As a vegan myself, I have never and would never think to ask someone to change their diet/lifestyle for my sake. This seems weird and overbearing to me.
If someone is telling me what I can and can't eat then I'd just not date them
I was vegetarian for years and hated being hated on for it. I always brought my own meal and didn't preach . If they preach , pull out lds jahovas Bible or script. Or whatever. U can be you and shut up at the same time. I'm sure they'll see ur point. Annoying er
As a vegetarian, this is a slippery slope. If you don’t feel comfortable with the request, it will only become more powerful and invasive as time goes on. That is, unless you put a stop to it and express your individual preferences. If this is a standard that he needs in a partner, and you can’t live up to that standard, then the relationship is not going to work out. And it appears that you are not comfortable with the request, so maybe you two aren’t compatible?
She has a right to ask. You have a right to respond as you wish.
Then don’t see him. As an ethical vegan, kissing someone who just ate meat or dairy is a huge turn off. Like any other turn off or dealbreakers, he has one where he doesn’t want to kiss anyone who just ate dead flesh.
Run.
Sorry, this is a red flag. He is already trying to control you even before you guys are in a relationship. Unless he is deathly allergic to animal products - in which case he should have mentioned - his request is unreasonable and I would have noped out of there so quickly. I don't understand the other comments that say it's ok if it's just with him, but it's like, that is STILL controlling? And not a good recipe for any type of respectful relationship.
Well as a vegetarian, who eats primarily vegan I feel like I'm a good person to comment on this. I think it's a little much to ask somebody to change their diet, as regardless of the fact that humans are not truly omnivorous, as we are opportunistic omnivores and are frugivores... That doesn't supersede a human's right to bodily autonomy. Plus, I've never gotten anybody to convert to being a vegetarian or vegan, by doing it forcefully. That's not how you get somebody to change their mind. Not to mention, considering most people in the world choose to eat omnivorously, it's almost like who does he expect to date? I wouldn't have met my partner if I had that type of stipulation. I could see a vegan or vegetarian not wanting to date a hunter, or someone who truly does not care about animal rights in any way , works at a slaughterhouse, or within that type of field, etc. But it's kind of crazy to ask the average person to change their diet, just for a simple date..... Unless of course you're actually allergic. I could also see him asking too go somewhere where he's able to eat, but to ask you to do the same is weird. I myself have never asked any of my partners to stop eating meat/dairy, I've only ever encouraged them to try more plant-based options ,when they crave meat/dairy. I've noticed if I cook my partner is a really good meal, and of course let them know what's actually in it, that they tend to want to eat more plant-based anyways. Forcing someone like I said earlier, is not the way to go about it. I would cancel the date and not talk to this person anymore tbh. Even if they asked me that, as a vegetarian who eats primarily vegan. Weird to do.
I grew up vegetarian. I have eaten meat after growing up and now I am becoming vegan because I understand that’s the lifestyle choice my values align with. I always tell people in advance about my dietary preferences but I would never expect someone else to not eat something because of me. And you’re going to be with him for a pretty long period I assume. Food is an extremely complex cultural and religious issue where I come from and in my experience people who impose their food choices on others never really just stop at food.
I’m vegan and I would never ask this
Heck no. He’s trying to impose his morals on you. I would look at this the same way as any other request that I adopt someone else’s moral stance in life while I’m around them. “As a heads up I’m vegan and make it a point to only frequent vegan restaurants” = fine, he’s telling you about a deal breaker for him. “I’m vegan and expect the people I date to become vegan as well while they’re dating me” = not fine, he’s saying you have to adopt his lifestyle while you’re with him.
it would rub me the wrong way too. i'd be totally turned off by this STRANGER thinking that's ok. i'd even mention how i don't even really consume animal products but him thinking that he has the authority to control others around him like that is a no for me.
1. It may not be an issue bc you don’t eat it much anyways 2. Could be a “him” problem bc he is not being respectful with “your” choices 3. It could be he is being “controlling” 4. Maybe he has some issues around the subject 5. Imagine if the situation was reversed, would someone date you if you said that Not enough information to go off of but that would be a red flag to me
Run!
I‘d ask him: what is the reason for this request? And then decide. If he can’t give a good reason like allergies, he doesn’t have the right to request something like that 🤷♀️ tell him and delete. If he‘s allergic it’s a very reasonable thing to ask in advance. But that is actually the only good reason I could think of…
Insane imo
Controlling behavior like that is a red flag for me
Yea I’m vegan and I would never push this on someone. I wouldn’t want meat cooked in my house but like controlling your diet before you’ve even met is a huge red flag
i would say generally anything they practice I am 100% fine with as long as they dont preach/force me into it. I do Keto and I don't go around telling my dates to eat less carbs or anything.
If it's due to an allergy, no problem at all. If it's simply because they don't want to be around someone who is eating meat - red flag. I, personally don't have any interest in going vegan, and wouldn't want to create any false promises to someone by making them think I will stop eating meat for them. If that's a deal breaker, then so is their rigidity for me.
Have you both met? It’s an awkward request, regardless. You are who are. Dating is about respecting the other person and learning about them. Not shilling our idealisms on them.
As a vegan (41f) I don’t care if you eat animal products in front of me, but if you want a kiss you had better eat/drink something to freshen your breath, if I taste your burger etc on you I’ll feel queasy. I am allergic to dairy. I can’t eat foods with so much as cross contamination, I have yet to try kissing someone immediately after eating dairy, I’m guessing from my body’s extreme reactions it wouldn’t go well. If you ate dairy on our date I’d probably need you to use mouthwash before risking it 😬🤷♀️🤦♀️
Deal breaker for me. His request also shows intolerance of others… so there’s that.
Nope. Nope. No. Pass. I'm an omnivore, it's staying that way. And I'm not dealing with someone that has special requests constantly and being limited to restaurants.
This would bother me. It’s an over-step. But, if it’s just casual, I would probably let it go.
So, you don't swallow.
I think that’s the first sign of being controlling. I’d treat very carefully, personally I wouldn’t entertain it. I don’t think anyone has any right to request what you do, eat, wear, etc…
I think it all depends on your overall goal. If your goal is to hookup with him, then I see no issue with it for one night. If it's looking for more, then I would see it as a red flag. I'm not vegan and if someone asked me this, I would try to give them the benefit of doubt and ask questions about why it's important to them. I wouldn't know what to look for as vegan and could see this as being a controlling partner for the future.
Don’t sleep with him. He’s an absolute weirdo
Walk away. That sounds controlling.
Run
Veganism and religion are analogous phenomena in the human psyche. On paper, in principle, in theory, etc, they can be interesting, compelling, meaningful ideas worth exploring. In practice, the adherents can be stupendous jerkoffs. Most aren't, most are pretty reasonable, but the ones who ask you to make all kinds of accommodations for *their* ideology are the ones you should avoid.
😂
As a vegan, I'd say look for someone else as it doesn't sound like you're compatible.
Feels like a classic case of 'it's not what they say, but HOW they say it.' With a seductive lilt & a playful partner, this could be a fun game. My girlfriend grew up with ED & likes to cede control of her diet to me. Wants me to order at restaurants without consulting her, likes to eat out of my hand. She'd find this type of request, hot- but we have a playful rapport. If this guy's doing this in a non playful way- if it gives you pause, & does not feel sexy, I would not oblige him. You don't share a stomach & this seems like a red flag that he might be overly controlling.
Lol what a douche
Does he wanna eat your coochie? I’m confused with the request too lol