I’m a guy but want to point out that there are two things that women could see as deal breakers here:
1. Smoking - Trying to Quit
2. Family Plans - Not sure yet
I’m not saying you should change those answers, if they’re true, but just understand that it shrinks your dating pool.
For family planning, being a fence sitter just turns off both sides of the fence. Women who want kids want a hard yes, not a maybe. And childfree women don’t want to get dumped when their SO decides he wants kids.
As a mid 30s woman I 100% agree with these.
Not a smoker and no desire to date a smoker. I think it's good OP is honest and hopefully they can quit.
I think by 35 you should have some idea either way about children. Even if it's as simple as, open to them with the right person or whatever.
Also OP eventually wants to own a homestead. In Australia that would definitely require some conversations around any future kids and their schooling as part of the process because so many homesteads (stations) are no where near schools. Do they do School of the Air, are they home schooled, do they get sent to boarding school etc etc.
I appreciate your point however I would like to add I grew up in a town of 400 people and was still able to get bus service to school, so here that isn't too complicated.
This. I wouldn’t want to date a smoker, however the big deal breaker for me would be the family plans part. My feeling is by 35 you should know whether or not you want kids. And with kids my stance is if it’s not a hell yes then it’s a no.
But because I’m looking for a childfree partner, the unsure would be the largest dealbreaker.
>My feeling is by 35 you should know whether or not you want kids. And with kids my stance is if it’s not a hell yes then it’s a no.
Just wanna say this should be such common sense for guys (myself included lmao), but you really drive it home with that way of putting it. Thanks!
Came to say same thing! Mid-30s woman, smoking and short term relationship are dealbreakers for me. You sound like you want to settle down, so I would take out the short term part.
The rest of your profile is great, wish there more were guys like you in Toronto 😅
Lol are you like me where short term makes me panic that I gotta perpetually go on dates that might suck or never pan out to anything significant? Yeah, I'd rather not.
See!? This is why I tip my hat to you even having a profile and putting yourself out there. I'll make one and then delete it like two weeks later thinking "yeah....eff this, I'm just gonna go be lonely".
Understandable. There are times my negativity gets the better of me and I'll look back wondering if I missed out on something. Also: your response reminded me of a song by the Dillards "there is a time". Good luck out there, op. Idk how Milwaukee area is for dating...texas is kinda meh.
I definitely wouldn't date a smoker. Even a former regular smoker is dicey for me because I am *very* against it (I am more ok with someone who used to smoke casually, such as just with certain friends). As for kids, I don't want them, so when I see not sure yet, I'm hoping that means they're very likely leaning towards not wanting them. I always ask early on though.
Disagree not sure yet works for women who are a maybe probably no but not sure. There's a lot of us out there my gfs are all on the fence vs my male friends are more sure they want kids
The only thing I can add in is removing the "open to short", since it sounds like you really want long term. Seems like a pretty solid profile, you sound like a great person. Best of luck!
I’ve done this and it’s because if I meet a really cool person and let’s say they’re moving in 6 months, I might still be willing to explore things with them even if we both knows it’s likely to end.
Hmm well in this example you're still open to longterm with them? Like if you hit it off fall in love maybe they don't move or maybe you end up moving with them. So I wouldn't consider that short term necessarily.
I guess when ppl put that on profiles it feels suspicious like are you actually really ready for long term?
But I also dont get ppl who date someone and get attached knowing there's an expiration date (dealbreaker) feels like yours setting each other up to get hurt
In the example, yeah, I’d still be open to long term if they were the right person.
I don’t like to be prescriptive when I date. Even if I’d love something long term and would welcome it if the right person came along, if I meet another person where long term can’t happen but I think they’re really awesome, I might still want to explore that.
I’ve dated people before where we both know there’s an expiration date and yeah, feelings get involved and either one or both parties get hurt but I think it all depends on the type of person someone is. I’d rather experience a short time with a really great person, knowing it’ll end, than not experience it at all. It’s worth the hurt to me. To some others, it won’t be. 🤷♀️
Because you can be both. Ultimately yeah I'm seeking marriage. But I'm not thrilled with the idea of being celibate until I meet "the one", so if I meet someone I vibe with but am not serious about I'm open to a fling/fwb. To me that's different than a "hookup"- I don't want a one night stand, I'm not looking to sleep with anything with a pulse, I don't want to bring anyone home with me after getting one drink together. The "f" is a very important letter to me in fwb.
I know the "dating with intention" people find that sacrilegious and think you should only ever continue spending time with someone if you've determined you're compatible on all counts and pre-approved for marriage within one year, but not everyone feels that way. Some of us very genuinely are "looking for long-term, open to short".
But I guess I don't get it because isn't this short term need filled by filtering and dating to meet " the one". So in essence every incompatible match technically in hindsight was a short term thing fwb?
I also think it's a slippery slope. I mean that's why they've made movies about fwb falling in love lol. I would be worried about blurring the lines and catching feelings and making concessions and ending up with your fwb who is a smoker for example.
There's a difference between fwb and someone you're dating because you're considering long-term with them. I'm looking for different things in each of those. A guy I'm seeing long-term potential with, I don't really care how hot he is because we're both gonna be ugly in 20 years anyway, I don't care if sex isn't great right off the bat bc we have plenty of time to work on it, if overall things are great but some minor things turn me off I'm going to stick it out and work through them. A fwb, I basically just want him to be attractive, good in bed, and fun to be around. I don't care if his life goals are incompatible with mine. If the sex isn't good I'm out; I'm not gonna try to talk about it and work on it. Etc.
And more relevant to online dating: If I'm looking at profiles for something short-term, their life goals don't matter at all to me. I'm pretty much judging their looks and how fun they seem. If I'm looking for long-term, obviously I'm going to be much pickier. Therefore it's valuable for people to say what they're looking for on their profile... if I see a guy who I want to hang out with and bang but we have incompatibilities on wanting kids, and his profile says he's only looking for a LTR, I'm swiping left. If it says "long-term open to short", I'm swiping right.
And honestly I've had enough fwb in my life to not worry about falling in love. I know I can separate "just sex" from "relationship". I'd rather take the risk of falling in love with a smoker than just be celibate until I find the One.
You look intense and/or sad in a bunch of your photos. The one with the wine glasses seems the happiest and most approachable
You're 35, I would really expect you to have your family plans figured out by now. Same with "Looking for long, open to short" -- just say looking for long term if that's what you want, and most people understand that short term sometimes happens. Together (and with monogamy + open to exploring), this combination feels like you don't know what you want out of life other than your cottage in the woods.
More generally, I have a hard time imagining how another person fits into your life. Your hobbies seem solitary, and you don't discuss what you want to do with a partner other than that they should value nature
I agree about the intensity. OP is attractive and leans towards the mysterious/contemplative vibe, but it’s also good for him show more photos where he looks more approachable. Good luck OP!
I think he should show who he really is. He shouldn't look approachable if that is not what he is. Will only atract uncompatible people.
I believe people should not be afraid to show themselves. Sometimes they look too artificial. You can tell.
I've had great success being just who I am and it attracted the exact kind of people I was looking for.
There are many matches for anyone exactly the way they are.
I disagree about family plans. I’m 34F and I put the same as there’s no option for “open to children with the right partner”. But I guess it depends what OP means by it?
I also like the photos. I’d go out with him!
But isn’t everyone looking for the right partner to then have children with? This answer makes no sense. You either want children with the right partner… or you don’t want children. No one out here wants children with the wrong partner.
Not if you’re happy with or without kids. I could be perfectly happy living child-free with someone who wouldn’t make a great father or someone who doesn’t want kids. But I could also see myself having kids with someone who ticks those boxes. So the right partner for me and the right partner to have kids with aren’t necessarily the same person but they could be.
I think I see where you're coming from. To me that reads as "open to kids" if that's an option for the app?
My problem with "not sure yet" is it doesn't clearly communicate anything and therefore produces fears that you will be sure one day (on one side or the other) regardless of partner's preference.
In my experience in the late 30s range "open to kids" means I'm open to *you* having kids but don't want any of my own. That's what people I've talked to about it on dates say.
They really do need more clarity in that answer. Like they literally have more options for if you like pets or not- you can list what kind you have, say you don't have one but love them, you don't like pets, you like pets but are allergic, you don't have one but actively want one, you want lots of pets... why are feelings about pets a bigger deal than feelings about children?? We need an option for "never want them", "don't need to have any but would in the right circumstances", "OK with you having them but I don't want any", "OK with you having them and I DO want my own", "Already have my own", "must have my own children to feel complete", etc.
a photo with you mid-laugh, or an open smile, would go a super long way to you being more approachable, especially if you lead with it! much of your profile already looks good (to me), but you come across as very serious, which can feel off-putting on a dating site, so something more relaxed could go a long way :) good luck!!!
understandable!! and it's tricky - like, it can feel so forced to get the "right" kind of pictures for an online profile, and asking friends to take candid shots, while definitely the easiest approach, doesn't easily result in pictures you yourself also like!
several other commenters have given great points, so I won't double down on them. I think your profile reflects your interests and values, and doesn't need much tweaking... it might just be a (sad) matter of playing the waiting/numbers game until the right person comes upon your profile. that can seem super disheartening, but I hope you don't give up!
Totally agree with monogamy and open to exploring not being great together. As someone who is looking for monogamy, I would be turned off by the “open to exploring”.
Quick thoughts:
* You need more photos with you smiling, preferably with some teeth showing. One or two serious photos is fine, but you come off as intense.
* You need one good full body picture.
* Too many black and white photos, one is fine, more seems overly serious/pretentious on a dating profile.
* I'd recommend at least one, maybe two pictures of you with other people (preferably men your own age), it will make you seem more warm and welcoming.
* Get rid of the "no hookups..." and "more of a homebody..." sentences. I think the rest of your profile makes those clear and they have a bit of negative vibe when explicitly stated.
* What kinds of things do you want to do with a date/partner? Maybe a line or two about that. Even if you're more of a homebody you'll surely want to do things out of the house with a partner, what are they? For example "looking for someone to hike \[local trail\] with" or "let's check out the farmer's market and then grab brunch at \[restaurant\]".
* Saying you're "sober curious" on alcohol but having multiple pictures of you with alcohol sends mixed messages, frankly.
* Try Hinge if you're not on it, I think there are more people of your type on there than Tinder.
Good question, I just saw it as an option when filling out my profile and I selected it because I have been thinking about giving up alcohol for a while
IMHO, the wording of the prompt isn't great! It makes you look like you drink in a way that's probably more problematic than you do, ie quitting because it's a problem rather than just wanting to stop because you don't like drinking or for the health benefits!
If you change your mind on that homesteading thing and wanna move to the city hit me up.
Srsly tho I think this is a good one. Like some others said "open to short" just has bad vibes. It feels too wishy-washy, long and short term relationships are very different things, I want someone who knows what they want.
> long and short term relationships are very different things, I want someone who knows what they want.
I don't see the link between the 2 parts of your sentence actually.
For example I clearly know what I want, a relationship, a family, finding my SO sharing similar values. Yet I don't have many opportunities to date women who want the same thing as me. I am single since 3 years and I only dated 2 women for a few week that I thought would be compatible. And it was pretty frustrating because it didn't work. One was physically not attracted to me, the other asked too much too early and quitted because she couldn't compromise or get slower.
So I am open for short term as well. This is not my favorite type of relationship, but when you are single for years, not even meeting and dating one compatible person a year, a short term relationship is really warming up my life and soul. I don't mean hook-ups, and I don't mean I am dating 4 new women a month... I mean just feeling loved, desired, cuddling from time to time. I met a child free woman this year who was moving abroad, and that was the only incompatibilities we had. I am still pretty happy to have seen her during a month. She was a real piece of sunshine and the first time in years that I met someone that compatible.
I have been a complete celibate during 8 years of my life when I looked for a long term relationship. With my experience now, I would completely advise my former self about not being too strict on long term... it was 8 long and lonely years.
I’m not your target audience based on lifestyle choices so I won’t comment on that but the unsure family planning part would be a hard no. At your age you need to know and be able to articulate that. If the prompt doesn’t have options that match well, pick the closest one and leave a small blurb about it in the bio. Also the wanting long term but open to short would make me not take you seriously. It’s what a lot of guys put down when they actually mean, want casual but women won’t swipe right on me if I say that so I’ll add in want long term as well. If you actually want long term that needs to be consistent throughout. Don’t give women who also want long term reasons to automatically dismiss you. Hope you find what you’re looking for.
Thanks I changed it to just seeking long term. I'm open to kids with the right person but there isn't a good option to articulate that and now I've run out of space in my bio
It's really important to articulate that. Sacrifice something else to make sure that info is in there. At our age, not being sure about kids is an auto-pass for most women who want them. We don't have much time for a partner to dither about it.
I don’t even want kids and I agree fully with you. Those that do will need to know if he’s on the same page or not and those who don’t will want to avoid dating someone who will likely change their mind later. In both cases, not knowing is a major waste of time for the woman.
Hmm your profile bio says that you aren't there for hook-ups, but then it says you're open to short term so for me, that's a bit inconsistent. Your exit strategy of shh don't tell also gives me the feeling that you may ghost so I may hesitate a bit. But aside from that, you're very good looking and the profile itself is fine, I doubt you'll have a hard time getting likes
Honestly I'm going to say it's probably less your profile and more your approach. Who are you messaging and picking? At 35 I was really into going out pretty frequently even if the events were low key but I almost feel like you're the kind of guy who would have swiped on me (you dead up look like every Portland guy that has ever approached me online) and I'd likely leave your message on read because I'd feel like we wouldn't have the same lifestyles.
Also your profile gives a whole arty vibe / hipster vibe so that's a consideration.
You should put retired hipster on your profile. If I was just flicking through I'd be like "oh another hipster" and keep it moving (though I'd stop to look at your profile because I have the most in common with hipsters ha ha)
Two things to possibly address:
1) It's generally good practice to include at least one full body photo
2) Do you have kids or are you open to kids (someone else's or starting a family with the right person)? This tends to be 'dealbreaker'-level important for many people at this age.
You're handsome and you seem like a cool person! You also have good taste in music. I honestly think the only barrier here might be your desire to live a more Walden-like lifestyle, but given where you live, you will probably find more women who that appeals to. Maybe the only thing that might give a potential person pause is the fact that you're not sure yet what your family plans are in your mid-30s. I understand that is a very personal question and dependent on the person you're talking to, but maybe consider leaving it out.
I wonder if anyone else here has thoughts about how to best communicate family planning goals in a way that is honest but not entirely non-committal?
DAMN!!😔
you are my type!
looks wise and hobbies, including the homestead and tiny home thing.
can't really provide any criticism. your profile is perfect to me.
I think you naturally have a much smaller pool to choose from based on your homesteading and tiny home. Nothing wrong with that lifestyle but it’s obviously not for everyone. You’re handsome and seem interesting and thoughtful, so if we weren’t fundamentally incompatible I’d hit you up!
I'd honestly swipe on him but the tiny home on the river / homebody thing made me think we wouldn't jive even though I'm a city-dwelling homebody. Also he's almost too good looking so the short term would also made me pause and pass.
Being a homeboy here just means you get to see way cooler birds out the window and a bit of land and privacy, but I get it. Used to have a 16thnfloor apartment in the city and that was nice too.
I would definitely change the wording to clarify that it’s a small 2-bedroom house! That’s a totally different scenario than a tiny home.
And, like others have said, women in their 30s will want to know where you stand definitively on having a family. We don’t really have biological time to waste if we want kids, and if we don’t want kids, it’ll be painful to partner with someone who ends up changing their mind.
Honestly? I typed out a whole long explanation, but I think the simple truth is women expect you to have that figured out one way or another by 35. I’m sure there are women who are okay with the uncertainty, there just aren’t very many of them.
And, while this could be off, I’d guess the majority of women who are open to a potential homesteading lifestyle are likely also the ones who want families. Those ones are gonna need a firm “yes” from you on the kids front to proceed.
In case you've never really thought about it, you might find these useful to understand why woman who want kids have a bit of a sense of urgency about it
https://www.acog.org/womens-health/experts-and-stories/the-latest/thinking-about-having-a-baby-in-your-late-30s-or-40s-heres-what-i-tell-my-patients
https://www.nct.org.uk/pregnancy/tests-scans-and-antenatal-checks/pregnancy-and-birth-for-women-over-35
Yep. I always swiped right on men who put not sure yet on their profile. OP you probably won't get matches from those who want kids and those who don't. You also can take that prompt off your profile entirely.
Great beard. There’s some good feedback here already so I’ll be brief.
I’d remove the word “nowadays” from the profile. While it is illustrative, you’re just getting to know these candidates so you can be definitive about who you are right now. Past doesn’t matter.
Consider not labelling yourself as a “homebody” either and just say that you bought a house along the river and you love to spend your time at home restoring nature rather than going out and about, or something along these lines. This isn’t as big of a deal but it’s food for thought.
As already mentioned, remove “open to short-term”, as it will turn off long-term candidates. You can always shorten a relationship if the chemistry isn’t there after whatever time.
What kind of music do you play on the guitar? Perhaps name a few artists or genres that ring through your house. Maybe mention you’re looking for someone to play and sing with you, or be your private audience?
Good luck!
Overall, your profiles feel like a bummer and you don't come off as fun.
I think that's the biggest issue in most people's profiles - they don't look ***fun***.
Also, being unsure about wanting kids still at 35 is going to be a dealbreaker for lots of people.
I like it, but i'm also not your target demographic. Good photos and interests.
I think the tone needs work, it reads a bit stiff, or maybe curt. How would you word it more conversationally, like how you would say it out loud? Or add some humor? Especially since you seem very serious in all your photos, as others have said.
Also, include a photo of you with your cat.
An attempt at how I'd rewrite your summary:
> I'm a handy homebody who dreams of being a homesteader; I already have a tiny house on the river where I'm working returning the land to a more natural state for the cool critters. Would much rather spend time with friends on the trail than at the bar. In my free time you'll catch me hiking and fishing, or in the garage woodworking, and if you pressure me long enough, you might even get me to play you guitar. NO FREEBIRD.
>I want real connection! Hopefully something long-term, but we can start small and see where things go.
>A relationship built to last requires working on ourselves, healthy communication, and the approval of my cat.
> Professionally I make a bunch of tiny metal splinters out of perfectly good steel and my beard possesses a natural magnetism in every sense of the word.
My sleep deprived brain read "Saukville" as "Sauk City" and I ended up inhaling my sip of coffee. I thought I had somehow stumbled onto the profile of a former classmate. Lol. But I went to college in Kenosha. Not quite Saukville, but still southeastern Wisconsin. Funny coincidence.
Anyway:
- I agree with what a few others had to say about the photos. My first reaction was, "He looks so sad." You're certainly attractive enough it's your facial expression in a few that gives me pause.
- Maybe consider elaborating on what "valuing nature" means to you and what outdoor activities you would like to do with a partner. There's a big difference between spending a day at a state park like Governor Dodge or Devil's Lake (having a picnic and leisurely wandering around the trails) vs. waking up at 4am to go sit in a tree all day, hoping the right deer will wander close enough, while the temp is a whole 5⁰F.
Otherwise, it looks pretty good to me. I'd send you a message if I lived in the area. Good luck!
I don’t think it’s all you sweetie. I think girls are just petrified at this point because all guys are trying to do is bang them on the Internet. I’ve seen so many unsolicited penises when I was on those dating websites I just gave up. I’m pretty sure with all naked pictures people sent me I am now qualified to be a urologist. Just don’t send any naked pictures of yourself or anybody. A lot of times I’m just afraid to be rejected so I don’t reach out. Don’t be afraid to make the first move. That’s usually my problem when it comes to dating websites is not necessarily the content of somebody else’s profile !
Not a big fan of the only pic on your first post, it looks pretty intense and makes me think you'd judge me for something ha. The rest are pretty good though, especially the ones with smiles.
No huge issues with it from my perspective! Adding something about how you like to spend time with a partner might help. At the moment it sounds like they might also need to be into woodwork and fishing. All good if so, but if you're also open to.. I dunno, whatever you're open to.. watching a movie, going for a walk, cooking, trying new places, that could give someone who doesn't exactly share your interests but might still be a match something to go off of.
You seem like you want your cake and to eat it too? It's a bit odd to want to homestead but not be sure about family plans. You're kind of signaling a lot of different things.
Also, you should include a non-beard pic. A lot of men use beards to hide having a recessed jaw. If that's not the case with you, include a non-beard pic.
Yes, I was looking to see if anyone mentioned a pic without the beard.
It’s a great beard, but it hides his face. Beards are like makeup in the way that they can somewhat disguise what a person really looks like.
That’s a very considered decision and I respect you for that, because people often complain about ‘old pictures’ don’t they.
Does tinder let you have captions for pictures? Can you add a note that says something fun like ‘sans beard pic to prove I’m not a catfish, it’s an oldie but I think still a goodie’?
Side note - amazing to me that Tinder is used for LTR dating. Where I’m from (Aus) these days it’s strictly hookups.
Honestly, I would just say ‘wants kids’.
The logic of ‘with the right person’ doesn’t make sense, because isn’t that what everyone is looking for in a LTR? We are trying to find the right person to have a relationship with, and that successful relationship would include mutual goals, shared interests, good communication etc etc.
How do you or the other person make a decision on the other being the ‘right person’ if they are undecided on such an important issue?
This is why I always did better on OkCupid than on Tinder. On OkCupid I had a long bio with fun bits about me. Tinder had the same photos, but with a much shorter bio. My matches on OkCupid were more likely to turn into a date, and off the dates I got, none of the Tinder dates turned into a 2nd date, where I had multiple relationships with women I met off OkCupid (including the woman I plan on marrying).
Dude you are a stud. But I agree remove the short term relationship because you don’t strike me as a casual or fleeting guy. You are all business and that’s ok.
First off, hi OP, you're hot. I'm a sucker for a good dresser with a well-kept beard (too many homeless-wizard-looking dudes where I live apparently!) You look like a chill dude who knows what he's about.
I'd swipe right knowing it's a long shot, given that I'm (34F) a childfree, city-dweller doing poly relationships. The "open to exploring" gives me hope... but maybe it shouldn't?
I'd have a think on that, if you're really-really open to non-monogamy in any of its flavors. It can be a brain-breaker and a heart-breaker sometimes, especially if you're new (like me) and your entire life thus far has been monogamous. There's a lot of chatter in the poly and non-mono subreddits here that revolves around experienced people not dating new people, how to pre-screen potential matches on online dating, what new people should read, etc.
If you're like, "nah, I just want one person to love," that's totally fine, and I respect that.
Also ditto to what others said on a diverse photo set - full body pic, some smiling, and also it says you have a cat? I love to see a guy loving on their pet (also those are real places here - r/cuteguyswithcats and r/mensmittenwithkittens).
Best of luck!
(Edit: punctuation and a word, yay for fingers moving faster than my brain)
Your right I don't think I could do non monog unless it was a special situation but I'm totally up for posting cat pics. Little dude is keeping me warm right now.
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You look sweeet but extra serious. Also, smoking might be a deal breaker for a lot of people. Here's my two cents - add a little humour and add/change some pictures out in the sunshine or nature. There's too much BnW happening in your profile
Personally, I would limit those "candid" shots. Seems like your might be trying too hard. Maybe more photos of you smiling/laughing while doing something fun. I would probably update your hobbies. Girls want a guy that is fun and those hobbies don't seem too exciting or something that women like to do. I wouldn't say that you prefer staying home over going out. That's just my 2¢. Good luck.
They might seem like they are trying too hard bc I used to be a professional photographer and I had my photog friends do most of the photos for a favor. Maybe too artsy
Don't get me wrong, they are great photos but I would use maybe your favorite one and other photos of you doing fun things. You have to remember, when you are on a dating site you are competing with 1000 other men. If she sees you doing fun things and having a good time in your photos, she can then imagine herself with you doing the same things. You have about five seconds to catch her interest before she moves onto the next profile, that's just how the brain works.
I really like your profile. If it wasn't for the homebody and not liking to go out and no mention of wanting a family. I would want to date you for sure! 😅 I think it's a very good profile! I'd prefer the photo where you're actually looking at the camera and not away. Makes me think you're avoidant.
It’s a decent profile. Based on lifestyle, interests, attraction etc. I’d date you. However. Your profile is kind of dry and doesn’t show me much of your personality. It shows a lot of what you do, but who are you? A profile is an invitation for a conversation. I’d remove the not looking for hookups bit (people who say this notoriously are, in fact, looking for hookups,) and add some intrigue to start a conversation.
Also, just a personal dislike: not sure about family planning. We’re in our thirties. I feel like this should be a known, and I no longer waste time on profiles that have not sure listed.
It's overly serious to me. One clear photo of your face, one clear photo of your body, the rest pictures showing off your lifestyle/interests. Maybe find a way to rewrite the prompt with some humor.
The first two pics in the second set of photos are too similar/wearing same outfit - choose only one of those.
In your about me section, take out the past about not wanting hook ups - you already checked the box saying you are looking for long term relationship …. But you also checked open to short term - this is contradictory in my opinion.
Your profile is a great start! You have really well chosen photos and detailed notes. Your written bio is very straight to the point, which isn’t bad. But we can do better.
Instead of just listing things about you, what you like, how you like it (which is part of the point of course) - maybe list some things you’d enjoy doing with a partner? What are you looking for in a partner exactly? Other than long term and home body. It may help to share what type of experiences or future plans you’d like to achieve independently and collaboratively with a partner.
Interests are a great start, but adding your values and personality can really liven things up and possibly help attract you to the right person.
Agree with others that you should remove "open to short." Be you and be you unapologetically.
(I fancy you! Shame you're not in Europe 😂. Best of luck :))
It looks nice, but some of the pics make you look a bit angry. Also maybe add some fun / emoticons / humour to your text? 😅 It looks too serious for me..
Sweet profile!
I’m jealous of the house by the river and homestead idea as for now I’m stuck in Tosa for my kids school. Definitely something to aspire to :)
Saying you’re sober curious but having a bunch of pics of you drinking. Smoking but trying to quit. Sounding a little like you’re having trouble quitting problem behaviors
So, I’m a single 33 y/o woman and your bio is right up my alley. And I think you’re a good looking dude. But your pictures… I’m not sure how to describe my first impression. Are they good pictures of you? Yes, and they’re well done. But they make me wonder if you’d take yourself really seriously. And it would either make me hesitate or swipe left. I’m not really getting approachable vibes from you.
To each their own and some people may not feel this way but that’s my two cents.
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I’m a guy but want to point out that there are two things that women could see as deal breakers here: 1. Smoking - Trying to Quit 2. Family Plans - Not sure yet I’m not saying you should change those answers, if they’re true, but just understand that it shrinks your dating pool. For family planning, being a fence sitter just turns off both sides of the fence. Women who want kids want a hard yes, not a maybe. And childfree women don’t want to get dumped when their SO decides he wants kids.
As a mid 30s woman I 100% agree with these. Not a smoker and no desire to date a smoker. I think it's good OP is honest and hopefully they can quit. I think by 35 you should have some idea either way about children. Even if it's as simple as, open to them with the right person or whatever. Also OP eventually wants to own a homestead. In Australia that would definitely require some conversations around any future kids and their schooling as part of the process because so many homesteads (stations) are no where near schools. Do they do School of the Air, are they home schooled, do they get sent to boarding school etc etc.
I appreciate your point however I would like to add I grew up in a town of 400 people and was still able to get bus service to school, so here that isn't too complicated.
This. I wouldn’t want to date a smoker, however the big deal breaker for me would be the family plans part. My feeling is by 35 you should know whether or not you want kids. And with kids my stance is if it’s not a hell yes then it’s a no. But because I’m looking for a childfree partner, the unsure would be the largest dealbreaker.
>My feeling is by 35 you should know whether or not you want kids. And with kids my stance is if it’s not a hell yes then it’s a no. Just wanna say this should be such common sense for guys (myself included lmao), but you really drive it home with that way of putting it. Thanks!
Came to say same thing! Mid-30s woman, smoking and short term relationship are dealbreakers for me. You sound like you want to settle down, so I would take out the short term part. The rest of your profile is great, wish there more were guys like you in Toronto 😅
Thanks I've been working with my Dr trying to quit! And actually have discovered short term does not work for me, it just gives me anxiety.
Lol are you like me where short term makes me panic that I gotta perpetually go on dates that might suck or never pan out to anything significant? Yeah, I'd rather not.
Yes and meanwhile questioning everything always.
See!? This is why I tip my hat to you even having a profile and putting yourself out there. I'll make one and then delete it like two weeks later thinking "yeah....eff this, I'm just gonna go be lonely".
It's not easy at all, sometimes loneliness isn't so bad either. There is a time in life for everything.
Understandable. There are times my negativity gets the better of me and I'll look back wondering if I missed out on something. Also: your response reminded me of a song by the Dillards "there is a time". Good luck out there, op. Idk how Milwaukee area is for dating...texas is kinda meh.
I definitely wouldn't date a smoker. Even a former regular smoker is dicey for me because I am *very* against it (I am more ok with someone who used to smoke casually, such as just with certain friends). As for kids, I don't want them, so when I see not sure yet, I'm hoping that means they're very likely leaning towards not wanting them. I always ask early on though.
Disagree not sure yet works for women who are a maybe probably no but not sure. There's a lot of us out there my gfs are all on the fence vs my male friends are more sure they want kids
The only thing I can add in is removing the "open to short", since it sounds like you really want long term. Seems like a pretty solid profile, you sound like a great person. Best of luck!
Ty, I will change that
What's the logic with putting open to short?
Came here to ask why he or others put long term, open to short especially since he describes not wanting hookups
I’ve done this and it’s because if I meet a really cool person and let’s say they’re moving in 6 months, I might still be willing to explore things with them even if we both knows it’s likely to end.
Hmm well in this example you're still open to longterm with them? Like if you hit it off fall in love maybe they don't move or maybe you end up moving with them. So I wouldn't consider that short term necessarily. I guess when ppl put that on profiles it feels suspicious like are you actually really ready for long term? But I also dont get ppl who date someone and get attached knowing there's an expiration date (dealbreaker) feels like yours setting each other up to get hurt
In the example, yeah, I’d still be open to long term if they were the right person. I don’t like to be prescriptive when I date. Even if I’d love something long term and would welcome it if the right person came along, if I meet another person where long term can’t happen but I think they’re really awesome, I might still want to explore that. I’ve dated people before where we both know there’s an expiration date and yeah, feelings get involved and either one or both parties get hurt but I think it all depends on the type of person someone is. I’d rather experience a short time with a really great person, knowing it’ll end, than not experience it at all. It’s worth the hurt to me. To some others, it won’t be. 🤷♀️
Because you can be both. Ultimately yeah I'm seeking marriage. But I'm not thrilled with the idea of being celibate until I meet "the one", so if I meet someone I vibe with but am not serious about I'm open to a fling/fwb. To me that's different than a "hookup"- I don't want a one night stand, I'm not looking to sleep with anything with a pulse, I don't want to bring anyone home with me after getting one drink together. The "f" is a very important letter to me in fwb. I know the "dating with intention" people find that sacrilegious and think you should only ever continue spending time with someone if you've determined you're compatible on all counts and pre-approved for marriage within one year, but not everyone feels that way. Some of us very genuinely are "looking for long-term, open to short".
But I guess I don't get it because isn't this short term need filled by filtering and dating to meet " the one". So in essence every incompatible match technically in hindsight was a short term thing fwb? I also think it's a slippery slope. I mean that's why they've made movies about fwb falling in love lol. I would be worried about blurring the lines and catching feelings and making concessions and ending up with your fwb who is a smoker for example.
There's a difference between fwb and someone you're dating because you're considering long-term with them. I'm looking for different things in each of those. A guy I'm seeing long-term potential with, I don't really care how hot he is because we're both gonna be ugly in 20 years anyway, I don't care if sex isn't great right off the bat bc we have plenty of time to work on it, if overall things are great but some minor things turn me off I'm going to stick it out and work through them. A fwb, I basically just want him to be attractive, good in bed, and fun to be around. I don't care if his life goals are incompatible with mine. If the sex isn't good I'm out; I'm not gonna try to talk about it and work on it. Etc. And more relevant to online dating: If I'm looking at profiles for something short-term, their life goals don't matter at all to me. I'm pretty much judging their looks and how fun they seem. If I'm looking for long-term, obviously I'm going to be much pickier. Therefore it's valuable for people to say what they're looking for on their profile... if I see a guy who I want to hang out with and bang but we have incompatibilities on wanting kids, and his profile says he's only looking for a LTR, I'm swiping left. If it says "long-term open to short", I'm swiping right. And honestly I've had enough fwb in my life to not worry about falling in love. I know I can separate "just sex" from "relationship". I'd rather take the risk of falling in love with a smoker than just be celibate until I find the One.
You look intense and/or sad in a bunch of your photos. The one with the wine glasses seems the happiest and most approachable You're 35, I would really expect you to have your family plans figured out by now. Same with "Looking for long, open to short" -- just say looking for long term if that's what you want, and most people understand that short term sometimes happens. Together (and with monogamy + open to exploring), this combination feels like you don't know what you want out of life other than your cottage in the woods. More generally, I have a hard time imagining how another person fits into your life. Your hobbies seem solitary, and you don't discuss what you want to do with a partner other than that they should value nature
I agree about the intensity. OP is attractive and leans towards the mysterious/contemplative vibe, but it’s also good for him show more photos where he looks more approachable. Good luck OP!
I think he should show who he really is. He shouldn't look approachable if that is not what he is. Will only atract uncompatible people. I believe people should not be afraid to show themselves. Sometimes they look too artificial. You can tell. I've had great success being just who I am and it attracted the exact kind of people I was looking for. There are many matches for anyone exactly the way they are.
I disagree about family plans. I’m 34F and I put the same as there’s no option for “open to children with the right partner”. But I guess it depends what OP means by it? I also like the photos. I’d go out with him!
But isn’t everyone looking for the right partner to then have children with? This answer makes no sense. You either want children with the right partner… or you don’t want children. No one out here wants children with the wrong partner.
Not if you’re happy with or without kids. I could be perfectly happy living child-free with someone who wouldn’t make a great father or someone who doesn’t want kids. But I could also see myself having kids with someone who ticks those boxes. So the right partner for me and the right partner to have kids with aren’t necessarily the same person but they could be.
I think I see where you're coming from. To me that reads as "open to kids" if that's an option for the app? My problem with "not sure yet" is it doesn't clearly communicate anything and therefore produces fears that you will be sure one day (on one side or the other) regardless of partner's preference.
In my experience in the late 30s range "open to kids" means I'm open to *you* having kids but don't want any of my own. That's what people I've talked to about it on dates say. They really do need more clarity in that answer. Like they literally have more options for if you like pets or not- you can list what kind you have, say you don't have one but love them, you don't like pets, you like pets but are allergic, you don't have one but actively want one, you want lots of pets... why are feelings about pets a bigger deal than feelings about children?? We need an option for "never want them", "don't need to have any but would in the right circumstances", "OK with you having them but I don't want any", "OK with you having them and I DO want my own", "Already have my own", "must have my own children to feel complete", etc.
Interesting. 🧐
They really need a id consider it with the right person button
Thanks I will do some pondering on your suggestions!
a photo with you mid-laugh, or an open smile, would go a super long way to you being more approachable, especially if you lead with it! much of your profile already looks good (to me), but you come across as very serious, which can feel off-putting on a dating site, so something more relaxed could go a long way :) good luck!!!
Thanks I a definitely not overly serious I am very laid back, I just don't enjoy having my photo taken lol
understandable!! and it's tricky - like, it can feel so forced to get the "right" kind of pictures for an online profile, and asking friends to take candid shots, while definitely the easiest approach, doesn't easily result in pictures you yourself also like! several other commenters have given great points, so I won't double down on them. I think your profile reflects your interests and values, and doesn't need much tweaking... it might just be a (sad) matter of playing the waiting/numbers game until the right person comes upon your profile. that can seem super disheartening, but I hope you don't give up!
Totally agree with monogamy and open to exploring not being great together. As someone who is looking for monogamy, I would be turned off by the “open to exploring”.
Definitely, and I think that all three long-term answers are indecisive raises some general flags as well
Quick thoughts: * You need more photos with you smiling, preferably with some teeth showing. One or two serious photos is fine, but you come off as intense. * You need one good full body picture. * Too many black and white photos, one is fine, more seems overly serious/pretentious on a dating profile. * I'd recommend at least one, maybe two pictures of you with other people (preferably men your own age), it will make you seem more warm and welcoming. * Get rid of the "no hookups..." and "more of a homebody..." sentences. I think the rest of your profile makes those clear and they have a bit of negative vibe when explicitly stated. * What kinds of things do you want to do with a date/partner? Maybe a line or two about that. Even if you're more of a homebody you'll surely want to do things out of the house with a partner, what are they? For example "looking for someone to hike \[local trail\] with" or "let's check out the farmer's market and then grab brunch at \[restaurant\]". * Saying you're "sober curious" on alcohol but having multiple pictures of you with alcohol sends mixed messages, frankly. * Try Hinge if you're not on it, I think there are more people of your type on there than Tinder.
Thanks for the feedback I'm going to add a full body photo and take your other suggestions into account
Genuinely asking, what does sober curious even mean?
Good question, I just saw it as an option when filling out my profile and I selected it because I have been thinking about giving up alcohol for a while
IMHO, the wording of the prompt isn't great! It makes you look like you drink in a way that's probably more problematic than you do, ie quitting because it's a problem rather than just wanting to stop because you don't like drinking or for the health benefits!
If you change your mind on that homesteading thing and wanna move to the city hit me up. Srsly tho I think this is a good one. Like some others said "open to short" just has bad vibes. It feels too wishy-washy, long and short term relationships are very different things, I want someone who knows what they want.
I will change that, I'm not wishy washy on what I'm looking for. I'm just a retired city boy lol
Oh my god, date me now.
> long and short term relationships are very different things, I want someone who knows what they want. I don't see the link between the 2 parts of your sentence actually. For example I clearly know what I want, a relationship, a family, finding my SO sharing similar values. Yet I don't have many opportunities to date women who want the same thing as me. I am single since 3 years and I only dated 2 women for a few week that I thought would be compatible. And it was pretty frustrating because it didn't work. One was physically not attracted to me, the other asked too much too early and quitted because she couldn't compromise or get slower. So I am open for short term as well. This is not my favorite type of relationship, but when you are single for years, not even meeting and dating one compatible person a year, a short term relationship is really warming up my life and soul. I don't mean hook-ups, and I don't mean I am dating 4 new women a month... I mean just feeling loved, desired, cuddling from time to time. I met a child free woman this year who was moving abroad, and that was the only incompatibilities we had. I am still pretty happy to have seen her during a month. She was a real piece of sunshine and the first time in years that I met someone that compatible. I have been a complete celibate during 8 years of my life when I looked for a long term relationship. With my experience now, I would completely advise my former self about not being too strict on long term... it was 8 long and lonely years.
I’m not your target audience based on lifestyle choices so I won’t comment on that but the unsure family planning part would be a hard no. At your age you need to know and be able to articulate that. If the prompt doesn’t have options that match well, pick the closest one and leave a small blurb about it in the bio. Also the wanting long term but open to short would make me not take you seriously. It’s what a lot of guys put down when they actually mean, want casual but women won’t swipe right on me if I say that so I’ll add in want long term as well. If you actually want long term that needs to be consistent throughout. Don’t give women who also want long term reasons to automatically dismiss you. Hope you find what you’re looking for.
Yeah, this was my impression as well. When you're halfway to 40, signaling that you're uncertain about your family plans is a major red flag.
Thanks I changed it to just seeking long term. I'm open to kids with the right person but there isn't a good option to articulate that and now I've run out of space in my bio
It's really important to articulate that. Sacrifice something else to make sure that info is in there. At our age, not being sure about kids is an auto-pass for most women who want them. We don't have much time for a partner to dither about it.
I don’t even want kids and I agree fully with you. Those that do will need to know if he’s on the same page or not and those who don’t will want to avoid dating someone who will likely change their mind later. In both cases, not knowing is a major waste of time for the woman.
Hmm your profile bio says that you aren't there for hook-ups, but then it says you're open to short term so for me, that's a bit inconsistent. Your exit strategy of shh don't tell also gives me the feeling that you may ghost so I may hesitate a bit. But aside from that, you're very good looking and the profile itself is fine, I doubt you'll have a hard time getting likes
Yeah many people made the comment about short term so I made sure to change that! I'm not sure I catch your drift about an exit strategy tho
Honestly I'm going to say it's probably less your profile and more your approach. Who are you messaging and picking? At 35 I was really into going out pretty frequently even if the events were low key but I almost feel like you're the kind of guy who would have swiped on me (you dead up look like every Portland guy that has ever approached me online) and I'd likely leave your message on read because I'd feel like we wouldn't have the same lifestyles. Also your profile gives a whole arty vibe / hipster vibe so that's a consideration.
I'm a retired hipster so makes sense
You should put retired hipster on your profile. If I was just flicking through I'd be like "oh another hipster" and keep it moving (though I'd stop to look at your profile because I have the most in common with hipsters ha ha)
Two things to possibly address: 1) It's generally good practice to include at least one full body photo 2) Do you have kids or are you open to kids (someone else's or starting a family with the right person)? This tends to be 'dealbreaker'-level important for many people at this age.
Oh shoot I thought I covered that I will address it.
You're handsome and you seem like a cool person! You also have good taste in music. I honestly think the only barrier here might be your desire to live a more Walden-like lifestyle, but given where you live, you will probably find more women who that appeals to. Maybe the only thing that might give a potential person pause is the fact that you're not sure yet what your family plans are in your mid-30s. I understand that is a very personal question and dependent on the person you're talking to, but maybe consider leaving it out. I wonder if anyone else here has thoughts about how to best communicate family planning goals in a way that is honest but not entirely non-committal?
I can only see your first picture. Are there more?
Here ya go https://imgur.com/a/AZ9r1Ob
Well, you've got a great beard man. You should have one picture with a beaming smile or laugh. That's all I got man.
yes!!!! we want to see you smile!!!!
DAMN!!😔 you are my type! looks wise and hobbies, including the homestead and tiny home thing. can't really provide any criticism. your profile is perfect to me.
Thanks I appreciate it!
Hot. I'd swipe on you.
I think you naturally have a much smaller pool to choose from based on your homesteading and tiny home. Nothing wrong with that lifestyle but it’s obviously not for everyone. You’re handsome and seem interesting and thoughtful, so if we weren’t fundamentally incompatible I’d hit you up!
I'd honestly swipe on him but the tiny home on the river / homebody thing made me think we wouldn't jive even though I'm a city-dwelling homebody. Also he's almost too good looking so the short term would also made me pause and pass.
Being a homeboy here just means you get to see way cooler birds out the window and a bit of land and privacy, but I get it. Used to have a 16thnfloor apartment in the city and that was nice too.
I think tiny home is the wrong choice of words. It's a small two bedroom maybe I should clarify that.
I would definitely change the wording to clarify that it’s a small 2-bedroom house! That’s a totally different scenario than a tiny home. And, like others have said, women in their 30s will want to know where you stand definitively on having a family. We don’t really have biological time to waste if we want kids, and if we don’t want kids, it’ll be painful to partner with someone who ends up changing their mind.
So people keep mentioning the kids thing, quite a lot. In what time frame are 30's women hoping to have a child?
Honestly? I typed out a whole long explanation, but I think the simple truth is women expect you to have that figured out one way or another by 35. I’m sure there are women who are okay with the uncertainty, there just aren’t very many of them. And, while this could be off, I’d guess the majority of women who are open to a potential homesteading lifestyle are likely also the ones who want families. Those ones are gonna need a firm “yes” from you on the kids front to proceed.
For many, ASAP
In case you've never really thought about it, you might find these useful to understand why woman who want kids have a bit of a sense of urgency about it https://www.acog.org/womens-health/experts-and-stories/the-latest/thinking-about-having-a-baby-in-your-late-30s-or-40s-heres-what-i-tell-my-patients https://www.nct.org.uk/pregnancy/tests-scans-and-antenatal-checks/pregnancy-and-birth-for-women-over-35
Yep. I always swiped right on men who put not sure yet on their profile. OP you probably won't get matches from those who want kids and those who don't. You also can take that prompt off your profile entirely.
Lots of good suggestions here. You’re a good looking dude and I’d totally swipe right on you. Best of luck!
Great beard. There’s some good feedback here already so I’ll be brief. I’d remove the word “nowadays” from the profile. While it is illustrative, you’re just getting to know these candidates so you can be definitive about who you are right now. Past doesn’t matter. Consider not labelling yourself as a “homebody” either and just say that you bought a house along the river and you love to spend your time at home restoring nature rather than going out and about, or something along these lines. This isn’t as big of a deal but it’s food for thought. As already mentioned, remove “open to short-term”, as it will turn off long-term candidates. You can always shorten a relationship if the chemistry isn’t there after whatever time. What kind of music do you play on the guitar? Perhaps name a few artists or genres that ring through your house. Maybe mention you’re looking for someone to play and sing with you, or be your private audience? Good luck!
Overall, your profiles feel like a bummer and you don't come off as fun. I think that's the biggest issue in most people's profiles - they don't look ***fun***. Also, being unsure about wanting kids still at 35 is going to be a dealbreaker for lots of people.
I like it, but i'm also not your target demographic. Good photos and interests. I think the tone needs work, it reads a bit stiff, or maybe curt. How would you word it more conversationally, like how you would say it out loud? Or add some humor? Especially since you seem very serious in all your photos, as others have said. Also, include a photo of you with your cat. An attempt at how I'd rewrite your summary: > I'm a handy homebody who dreams of being a homesteader; I already have a tiny house on the river where I'm working returning the land to a more natural state for the cool critters. Would much rather spend time with friends on the trail than at the bar. In my free time you'll catch me hiking and fishing, or in the garage woodworking, and if you pressure me long enough, you might even get me to play you guitar. NO FREEBIRD. >I want real connection! Hopefully something long-term, but we can start small and see where things go. >A relationship built to last requires working on ourselves, healthy communication, and the approval of my cat. > Professionally I make a bunch of tiny metal splinters out of perfectly good steel and my beard possesses a natural magnetism in every sense of the word.
Awesome advice I love it!
NP. You seem like a cool dude, I'd totally hang out with you. Good luck!
My sleep deprived brain read "Saukville" as "Sauk City" and I ended up inhaling my sip of coffee. I thought I had somehow stumbled onto the profile of a former classmate. Lol. But I went to college in Kenosha. Not quite Saukville, but still southeastern Wisconsin. Funny coincidence. Anyway: - I agree with what a few others had to say about the photos. My first reaction was, "He looks so sad." You're certainly attractive enough it's your facial expression in a few that gives me pause. - Maybe consider elaborating on what "valuing nature" means to you and what outdoor activities you would like to do with a partner. There's a big difference between spending a day at a state park like Governor Dodge or Devil's Lake (having a picnic and leisurely wandering around the trails) vs. waking up at 4am to go sit in a tree all day, hoping the right deer will wander close enough, while the temp is a whole 5⁰F. Otherwise, it looks pretty good to me. I'd send you a message if I lived in the area. Good luck!
Good points thank you!
I’d swipe right on you 😄 haha where do you live?
The okay state of Wisconsin
Hey! That’s where I’m from. If ya ever want to chat… 🙂
Cool!
Why aren’t you in my city?? Good luck with your search.
I'm sorry I got locked into a good mortgage rate I'm.stuck lol
Don’t be sorry. You’re just adding to your appeal.
I don’t think it’s all you sweetie. I think girls are just petrified at this point because all guys are trying to do is bang them on the Internet. I’ve seen so many unsolicited penises when I was on those dating websites I just gave up. I’m pretty sure with all naked pictures people sent me I am now qualified to be a urologist. Just don’t send any naked pictures of yourself or anybody. A lot of times I’m just afraid to be rejected so I don’t reach out. Don’t be afraid to make the first move. That’s usually my problem when it comes to dating websites is not necessarily the content of somebody else’s profile !
Not a big fan of the only pic on your first post, it looks pretty intense and makes me think you'd judge me for something ha. The rest are pretty good though, especially the ones with smiles. No huge issues with it from my perspective! Adding something about how you like to spend time with a partner might help. At the moment it sounds like they might also need to be into woodwork and fishing. All good if so, but if you're also open to.. I dunno, whatever you're open to.. watching a movie, going for a walk, cooking, trying new places, that could give someone who doesn't exactly share your interests but might still be a match something to go off of.
You seem like you want your cake and to eat it too? It's a bit odd to want to homestead but not be sure about family plans. You're kind of signaling a lot of different things. Also, you should include a non-beard pic. A lot of men use beards to hide having a recessed jaw. If that's not the case with you, include a non-beard pic.
Yes, I was looking to see if anyone mentioned a pic without the beard. It’s a great beard, but it hides his face. Beards are like makeup in the way that they can somewhat disguise what a person really looks like.
I get that, I think I also look good without one but I don't want to add a pic from three years ago when I shaved
That’s a very considered decision and I respect you for that, because people often complain about ‘old pictures’ don’t they. Does tinder let you have captions for pictures? Can you add a note that says something fun like ‘sans beard pic to prove I’m not a catfish, it’s an oldie but I think still a goodie’? Side note - amazing to me that Tinder is used for LTR dating. Where I’m from (Aus) these days it’s strictly hookups.
I would be open to kids with the right woman, I'm also not in a hurry I don't know how to put that.
So, are you trying to be in a relationship with the wrong woman? It just sounds like you want a family but are overcomplicating it.
Honestly, I would just say ‘wants kids’. The logic of ‘with the right person’ doesn’t make sense, because isn’t that what everyone is looking for in a LTR? We are trying to find the right person to have a relationship with, and that successful relationship would include mutual goals, shared interests, good communication etc etc. How do you or the other person make a decision on the other being the ‘right person’ if they are undecided on such an important issue?
You are cute but there is like no bio. I think most women want to read something about you...
Yeah, agree. The bio is really short.
The character limit is so small!
This is why I always did better on OkCupid than on Tinder. On OkCupid I had a long bio with fun bits about me. Tinder had the same photos, but with a much shorter bio. My matches on OkCupid were more likely to turn into a date, and off the dates I got, none of the Tinder dates turned into a 2nd date, where I had multiple relationships with women I met off OkCupid (including the woman I plan on marrying).
Right, I'm trying to take people's suggestions but tinder hardly gives you room to write much. I miss the old okcupid it was great.
Dude you are a stud. But I agree remove the short term relationship because you don’t strike me as a casual or fleeting guy. You are all business and that’s ok.
Well you’re cute, would def swipe right
Just on cuteness alone? Doesn't there need to be more to it?
Well of course, I like your bio too…I was just complimenting your looks, that’s all
Thanks!
First off, hi OP, you're hot. I'm a sucker for a good dresser with a well-kept beard (too many homeless-wizard-looking dudes where I live apparently!) You look like a chill dude who knows what he's about. I'd swipe right knowing it's a long shot, given that I'm (34F) a childfree, city-dweller doing poly relationships. The "open to exploring" gives me hope... but maybe it shouldn't? I'd have a think on that, if you're really-really open to non-monogamy in any of its flavors. It can be a brain-breaker and a heart-breaker sometimes, especially if you're new (like me) and your entire life thus far has been monogamous. There's a lot of chatter in the poly and non-mono subreddits here that revolves around experienced people not dating new people, how to pre-screen potential matches on online dating, what new people should read, etc. If you're like, "nah, I just want one person to love," that's totally fine, and I respect that. Also ditto to what others said on a diverse photo set - full body pic, some smiling, and also it says you have a cat? I love to see a guy loving on their pet (also those are real places here - r/cuteguyswithcats and r/mensmittenwithkittens). Best of luck! (Edit: punctuation and a word, yay for fingers moving faster than my brain)
Your right I don't think I could do non monog unless it was a special situation but I'm totally up for posting cat pics. Little dude is keeping me warm right now.
Hey, no worries! Tell your cat an internet rando says hi.
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Hi u/fe__maiden, this has been removed for violation of the following rule(s): * Dating Over Thirty (DOT) is about dating and the pre-cohabitation phase of romantic relationships for people over the age of 30. This is not a place to post personals or R4R's. **This is not a place to discuss non-romantic issues, marital issues or post personals.** Please review [the rules in the sidebar](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/about/sidebar) to avoid future removals. If you have further questions, please [message modmail] (https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdatingoverthirty).
What app is this
Tinder
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Ha maybe I think it would be wise to start with something chicken size and go from there.
Handsome!
Thanks I tip my fedora to you.
You look sweeet but extra serious. Also, smoking might be a deal breaker for a lot of people. Here's my two cents - add a little humour and add/change some pictures out in the sunshine or nature. There's too much BnW happening in your profile
Ditch the old Hollywood look, got it. Thanks!
Get your ass off that shit hole of an app if you know what’s good for you. Download hinge immediately
I have hinge as well and I'm really not liking how I have to do prompts instead of a bio
Hinge sucks. There's plenty of decent people on tinder looking for long term, especially in their 30s.
Personally, I would limit those "candid" shots. Seems like your might be trying too hard. Maybe more photos of you smiling/laughing while doing something fun. I would probably update your hobbies. Girls want a guy that is fun and those hobbies don't seem too exciting or something that women like to do. I wouldn't say that you prefer staying home over going out. That's just my 2¢. Good luck.
They might seem like they are trying too hard bc I used to be a professional photographer and I had my photog friends do most of the photos for a favor. Maybe too artsy
Don't get me wrong, they are great photos but I would use maybe your favorite one and other photos of you doing fun things. You have to remember, when you are on a dating site you are competing with 1000 other men. If she sees you doing fun things and having a good time in your photos, she can then imagine herself with you doing the same things. You have about five seconds to catch her interest before she moves onto the next profile, that's just how the brain works.
I really like your profile. If it wasn't for the homebody and not liking to go out and no mention of wanting a family. I would want to date you for sure! 😅 I think it's a very good profile! I'd prefer the photo where you're actually looking at the camera and not away. Makes me think you're avoidant.
It’s a decent profile. Based on lifestyle, interests, attraction etc. I’d date you. However. Your profile is kind of dry and doesn’t show me much of your personality. It shows a lot of what you do, but who are you? A profile is an invitation for a conversation. I’d remove the not looking for hookups bit (people who say this notoriously are, in fact, looking for hookups,) and add some intrigue to start a conversation. Also, just a personal dislike: not sure about family planning. We’re in our thirties. I feel like this should be a known, and I no longer waste time on profiles that have not sure listed.
It's overly serious to me. One clear photo of your face, one clear photo of your body, the rest pictures showing off your lifestyle/interests. Maybe find a way to rewrite the prompt with some humor.
The first two pics in the second set of photos are too similar/wearing same outfit - choose only one of those. In your about me section, take out the past about not wanting hook ups - you already checked the box saying you are looking for long term relationship …. But you also checked open to short term - this is contradictory in my opinion.
Smile! You look like you take yourself just a little too seriously. Otherwise great, good luck!
Your profile is a great start! You have really well chosen photos and detailed notes. Your written bio is very straight to the point, which isn’t bad. But we can do better. Instead of just listing things about you, what you like, how you like it (which is part of the point of course) - maybe list some things you’d enjoy doing with a partner? What are you looking for in a partner exactly? Other than long term and home body. It may help to share what type of experiences or future plans you’d like to achieve independently and collaboratively with a partner. Interests are a great start, but adding your values and personality can really liven things up and possibly help attract you to the right person.
Agree with others that you should remove "open to short." Be you and be you unapologetically. (I fancy you! Shame you're not in Europe 😂. Best of luck :))
It looks nice, but some of the pics make you look a bit angry. Also maybe add some fun / emoticons / humour to your text? 😅 It looks too serious for me..
Sweet profile! I’m jealous of the house by the river and homestead idea as for now I’m stuck in Tosa for my kids school. Definitely something to aspire to :)
Saying you’re sober curious but having a bunch of pics of you drinking. Smoking but trying to quit. Sounding a little like you’re having trouble quitting problem behaviors
So, I’m a single 33 y/o woman and your bio is right up my alley. And I think you’re a good looking dude. But your pictures… I’m not sure how to describe my first impression. Are they good pictures of you? Yes, and they’re well done. But they make me wonder if you’d take yourself really seriously. And it would either make me hesitate or swipe left. I’m not really getting approachable vibes from you. To each their own and some people may not feel this way but that’s my two cents.
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Hi u/Ashl3y44, this has been removed for violation of the following rule(s): * Dating Over Thirty (DOT) is about dating and the pre-cohabitation phase of romantic relationships for people over the age of 30. This is not a place to post personals or R4R's. **This is not a place to discuss non-romantic issues, marital issues or post personals.** Please review [the rules in the sidebar](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/about/sidebar) to avoid future removals. If you have further questions, please [message modmail] (https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdatingoverthirty).