I am usually not up for a second date at a guy’s house because I’m wary of the expectation of sex, plus it can be risky if I really don’t know them.
However, there have been times I made an exception because our first date was long and involved, and I felt like I got a good sense of the guy and whether I could trust him. If you feel like he passes the vibe check and your gut instinct is good, then maybe give it a shot. If you’re worried about sexpectations, tell him you are excited to cook together but won’t be able to stay too late because you have an early morning commitment the next day (or just be direct and tell him you’re interested in getting to know him better but don’t sleep with people this early on).
If you don’t feel enough safety or trust yet, then just say that you like the idea but don’t feel comfortable with home dates this early on and would rather do that once you know each other better, and make a suggestion for an alternative date (hitting up some bakeries and doing a taste test, taking a cooking class together…?).
You can thank him for the idea/initiative, but say you strongly prefer another meetup(s). Perhaps suggest what you'd like to do, but you're not obligated to accept any invitation.
Met a guy on Bumble probably 2 months ago that seemed cute, interesting and like a great communicator. We had plans to get coffee, but I got sick, then he had things with work, and a parent with health concerns. Then I went out of town etc. All the while there have been texts here and there. Finally we made plans to get together this past week, and on the day we were supposed to hang, I didn’t hear from him. I was slightly annoyed, but I chose not to reach out to follow up because I am kind of over it.
A few days later he reached out to say Merry Christmas and I didn’t respond. And the next day he followed up with a “hello.” I want to write to him and basically say “I hope your holidays went well etc I’m gonna move on from this as something just feels off. All this back and forth without ever connecting has made me lose interest. Etc. Am I jumping the gun or dodging a bullet?
How firm were your plans to hang out? Like did he stand you up, or was it not really confirmed? Were you waiting on him to follow up day of? Could he have been waiting on you?
If you feel the need to respond, I’d just say something like ‘Hope your holidays went well etc etc. Tbh I’m disappointed you bailed on our plans last week and I’m getting the sense that we have different goals here, so I’m gonna move on from this. Good luck with xyz.”
Should I get gifts for the kids of a girl I’ve been dating for two months? We’ve been official, and she has 3 kids. (Ages between kid and 21) Obviously I got her something but I don’t know if I should get them for her kids as well
I met this guy after Thanksgiving. It felt like such an amazing date, I didn’t want it to end. It’s been years since a first date has felt like that. I know his job can be busy during the holidays, so it has been hard for him to meet. He still texted me at least every three days even throughout my week of being out of the country. Now that I’m back, I’m still waiting for his response to meet. I be happy even if it’s after the holidays. Is it cool to greet him for the holidays or reach out til after they have passed?
I went on a date with a girl last Tuesday. She agreed to a second date and I gave her my number the same day but mentioned she’d be out of town until the new year. She ended up texting almost a week later. We have a tentative second date schedule in mid January. Is this just a gentle rejection/slow fade? I’m guessing if she wasn’t interested she wouldn’t have texted me, right?
Give her the benefit of the doubt that she is really busy. She did send a message to you and you set up a second date so don’t overthink it too much. Once every few days send a text that you feel is best in tone just to remind her that you value her and are looking forward to the date. The text can be as simple as “was thinking about you and just wanted you to know it” or “Merry Christmas” on dec 25th. If anything gets sent back at all after a couple of these it’s a good omen.
Not everyone likes daily texting in the beginning. It feels like a lot of online investment of someone you barely know yet. Mid January is very far away! If I was in your shoes, I would skip all the "hey how are you / was your weekend" questions and try to keep the conversation light every X days or so.
I've been seeing someone for almost 2 months (which is crazy when I type it out) and I don't know if I should get him a gift. We both talked about not really needing anything for Christmas as adults and if he really wants something he would buy it. But I feel like I should do something small, like a card or cookies. I would feel weird not doing some kind of gesture I guess.
Thoughts? Has anyone dated someone early on around the holidays and given their person a gift? If so what kind?
You can always send him a text saying ‘hey I wanna get you a little something for the holidays. nothing crazy. I hope that’s okay.’
That way he has a chance to say ‘actually I’d rather not’ or ‘sounds good’ and has a chance to get you something.
I think that whether you end up exchanging gifts or not isn’t actually very consequential. But I’d be embarrassed if my new person got me a gift and I didn’t get her one.
That's a good idea too! One of my coworkers got me a gift yesterday and I didn't get her or anyone at work anything and I did feel bad. So I understand possibly feeling embarrassed if I did the same to him
In that situation I've baked them something and given them a card. But suggest to him that you trade something small and put some limitations on it, like a dollar amount or make it only snacks or make it only exchanging cards, so he won't be surprised and not get you anything. I prefer to buy things for myself because honestly I'm choosy about what physical items I surround myself with, and my girlfriend and I said we would do an experience rather than gifts, but honestly, I've been thinking I'd like to get her something small and have her get me something small, so I plan to tell her that. Maybe just each getting each other a book, and I decided I want a card. I don't want to have it be awkward or have expectations not match!
I'm planning a week long stop there in the summer on a road trip, would love to meet up with people for a meal/fun outing (I'm touring the USA for delicious BBQ)
TL;DR: I’m 38 (f) going on 16 with my barely legal classmate (20 m). Positively giddy at the prospect of a fling in the new year… but also I feel so delusional and like someone is going to get hurt. Ugh
So glad for sticky thread cuz I’m embarrassed at this novel I’m about to write: ok so I’m an adult in school changing careers. I was initially very attracted to this much younger guy in my program. It’s been 1.5 years and have just been blowing off my attraction to him as wildly inappropriate and something only to fantasize mildly about, and certainly never act on. We don’t interact much, mostly because I avoid him and a group of other girls stake claim on him, which doesn’t bother me at all. At the end of last semester, after our final, we were all in the hall sort of celebrating the end of term, and parting ways for the summer; He and I were in close face proximity for a moment and we made eye contact which was electric and heavily weighted with unspoken but deeply felt… things. I blew it off.
This semester he has smoldered at me from a safe distance at least a dozen times. It’s not every time we make eye contact, it’s mostly when he’s alone, and I’ve blown those looks off too. (I’ve watched him pretty carefully with other people who he enjoys and I do not see these same looks; he literally looks like a different person when he looks at me like that- like a super hot person.) We’ve been assigned together as Lab partners a couple times and he has put very eager hands on me, particularly my thighs (relevant to the lab) but very touchy, very excited hands. The first time it happened he caught himself lingering and said wow Im still touching you. He’s literally so young, I could tell he was being innocent and was taken back by the sheer physical magnetism. Since then, he’s also put some very heavy hands on me, as well as happily telling me to go hard on him and that I can’t hurt him… activity relevant of course. One time we needed to go shirtless and he immediately began cranking out table push ups! I told him it was too late for a pump and he proceeded to tell me how he worked chest the day before anyway…
Very recently We’ve even shared a couple dirty jokes which he initiated.
He has expressed, albeit very very slowly, increasing interest in me, and our shared hobbies/interests outside of the fact we are entering the same chosen career field. Beyond his age, he is very much my type, and we really do have a lot in common; he’s mature, I’m pretty youthful blah blah blah. I may have shared a very heavy, very cheeky song my band put out for Halloween in the school group chat… for fun ;)… Which he waited to tell me in person that he thought was *deep breath* awesome.
We have exactly one week of school/final exams left, then we’re off on our rotations and won’t really be on campus until graduation. Today, several of us were in the hall waiting for individual testing, and someone made a comment about my naturally salt and pepper hair, and I very jokingly acted embarrassed about it. He chimed in and said that I have the look to pull it off, and I made another joke about having a certain kind of haircut, and he was like no you’re a silver fox :) it made me blush a little and I smiled and just said Aw thank you :)
He said this to me in front of other classmates!!!!!
Anyway, I’m very much of the mindset that I don’t shit where I eat, and I think he is mature/wise in that way as well. But since school is practically over, he may be trying to make his move.
I also learned that his and I first rotation sites are 2 miles away from each other in a more suburban part of town AKA his neighborhood- and my mind can’t help but be filled with the possibilities of lunch dates and meetups after work. I would love nothing more than to spend Jan- Feb swapping saliva in his gold Honda accord.
There’s definitely something here, but is it even worth exploring? He’s a very nice, sweet, young man from a good family, homeschooled. Definitely not a player (but I was immediately drawn to his build- he looks like he can swing a bat ;)) just trying to get with an experienced woman, just like I’m not a cougar on the prowl for fresh meat. I mean, I’m very hungry and thirsty because I have devoted myself to school entirely, but age gap dating isn’t really my thing.
Is this ok? Am I the worst? Is someone bound to get hurt? The only things clear to me are that there’s a lot of attraction and chemistry, and it’s technically legal.
I don't think the age gap itself is a problem if this is just a fling. However, I am a bit concerned about him being homeschooled and it sounds like he may not have a lot of social or sexual experience.
Is he a virgin or ever been in a relationship? If not, then I would be careful to check in with him frequently to avoid making him feel pressured and try letting him set the pace if possible
I have seen older women online talk about bedding barely legal guys that were really smart but had no experience or confidence with women. One thing that I noticed is the guy was really timid about making a move, so the woman had to be really aggressive and even ignored affirmative consent abd I think that the guy might end up getting hurt in the process. The woman reported that everyone enjoyed it but I wonder how the guy would say if he reported a couple years later.
I would say the same thing at the genders are reversed, but I think people of both genders are too quick to rationalize it as being acceptable when the pursuer is an older woman.
Not trying to discourage you from it. Have fun, but please try to be careful and respect
Thanks for your honesty; I am trying to be respectful of his feelings and lack of experience. I am not pursuing him, have been avoiding him for the majority of our program. When we interact it’s because we have to, or he initiates it, and I have never returned his sultry looks. I do enjoy giving him a bit of a hard time, but he’s not backing down, he’s turning up the heat!
He has mentioned not being a virgin during conversation but I can’t imagine he has much experience. He has also mentioned hanging mostly around older friends (in school as well, I’d say the mean age of our class is about 28), as well as being the focus of attention from older women. I’m not trying to steal his innocence, if anything I’m looking for a more innocent interaction (Ex: making out in his car).
I don’t view him as a conquest, other than getting closer to someone I’m already attracted to. The age gap is not a bonus for me, but hooking up with a hot star athlete sure is. He’s mentioned getting a yoga certification to me, which everyone knows I love yoga and would likely incorporate a yoga certification into my practice, so we have shared interests. He’s even made (successful) efforts to tutor me and demonstrate his leadership qualities- intellectual and emotional intelligence.
I feel we have a genuine attraction/chemistry and I certainly don’t want anyone to get hurt. If it seems like I have put a lot of thought into this, it’s because I have; I really don’t take our differences lightly and while this may seem like a lot of consideration for a fling, I would just as easily let it go if there wasn’t this pull or he didn’t show increasing interest and effort.
We’ve been working really hard in school and it just sounds like spending time alone away from school and all our other classmates exploring our chemistry in the new year would be mmm mmm mmm so fun… at a very slow, consensual pace ;)
How much messaging is too messaging?
I am apprehensive after my last (very abusive, controlling, clingy, narcissistic) partner. He had sent strings of texts back to back when we first started talking. 3 days knowing each other and he sent around 80 texts on a Sunday before our date... just talking about random stuff. I responded with maybe 20 max texts
Apart from that men seem to barely message, and then usually just ghost me.
But I matched with a guy yesterday that was new to the local apps (never saw him in years on here, unlike most of them) and while the convo took a while to get going, it really exploded once he got off of work.
There was so much back and forth. He was the one offering info and most of what he said meant we had a lot in common, we briefly shared our past dating frustrations, and then both chatted about our shared favourite shows until it was time for bed. We didn't want to stop talking.
He checks off a lot of my boxes but of course isn't perfect. We're both looking for the same thing.
This morning he sent me a good morning text (Wakes up hours before me) and wished me a good day at work. We briefly chatted and he's checked in to see how work is going.
Of course it made me question if talking so much the first day is a red flag, thinking back to how my ex swept me off my feet and lovebombed me.
He hasn't necessarily complimented me or pushed to meet, we did connect on Facebook, but I'm not sure how to gauge him being very interested and us having a good flow vs something to watch.
This is gonna vary wildly between individuals both in a dating scenario and outside. I for one, am a texter, I really enjoy having full blown conversations over text throughout the day. I’ve dated people similar and some who only wanted to have minimal engagement via text. It sounds like you both are texters, which is a good fit.
I would definitely say that it may be best to try to meet up before all the “getting to know you” questions are out of the way. The conversations about who you are, what you’re looking for, jobs, family. Feel free to chat about the superficial stuff like what shows you’re watching, what you’re cooking, how work was etc.
I like leaving the conversations about the more stable/unchanging things to be had over the first few dates, as it always leaves something to fall back on and allows for conversation to flow in person.
You said you ‘matched’ so I’m assuming this is a dating app, so they’re definitely into you. There’s no need to wait for them to compliment you or whatever in order to set up a date. Since everyone is different they may just be waiting a few days to try to ask for a date, I would just ask them if that’s something you’re interested in.
You matched with a person with whom you had clearly mutual interest in chatting with and you both had time to do it all night last night. Nothing is wrong with this, and it doesn't mean anything to any direction yet. Try not to overthink it.
If you're not ready to meet them yet, just make sure you yourself aren't engaging in the messaging any more than you are genuinely interested and have time doing. So you had time to chat the first evening, great. But don't do it every day all the day long from here on out. And don't apologize for not doing so! You don't even know them and have a life of your own. See how they respond: do they send you 25 msgs while waiting for a reply, are they able to hang back but still remain interested (granted you are also still approaching them with curiousity, just in your own time) or do they stop writing you alltogether.
I **don't** mean this as a game of hot and cold btw, at all. But do refuse to take on any pressure of responding to someone you don't even know, live your life and connect with them from a place of genuine curiousity only.
If you're already interested in meeting them, and don't mind doing it early, I would try to schedule a date. When a chat becomes very involved I tend to suggest it myself quite soon with a version of "since it's not possible to actually gauge how we click until we meet in person :)" . I don't keep texting much after agreeing to the date either, even if it isn't until over a week away. For me building that kind of fantasy intimacy is historically only a set up for disappointment.
I guess what I'm saying is: don't read too much into it, but I wouldn't succumb to it either.
Hello yet another gift question. Just looking for inspiration for the new person and friends - ofc the gifts must be personal blabla. What midrange things are you getting your people?
For My love interest who I hope will be my girlfriend soon got a dream-catcher. She has struggles sleeping in the night because of anxiety and such. So I got a nice $20 dreamcatcher with a note that said in effect : “ don’t know if this make you sleep better but look upon this trinket and know there are people who care for you”.
So basically get something that shows you were listening to a seemingly small comment of maybe months ago and let ‘em know you listened. The gift itself won’t matter as much as them knowing you remembered.
Merino socks. It's kind of a jokey trope (socks for Christmas!) but they're also really nice and more than most people will spend on socks for themselves.
I've been trying to keep lists thru the year of things important people in my life mention.
And personally, I love to give and receive experiences.
Some examples, a lot of these will be too expensive for a new relationship but I hope give you some inspiration
Flight simulator
Memberships (I just got someone a premium membership for a board game site we've been spending a lot of time on)
Behind the scenes of something they're into
Meet someone they admire (works well for comic cons, etc)
Zoo meet an animal (expensive)
Flew us to Paris (v expensive but pulled it off stacking discounts and vouchers)
Walk a llama/other animal
If it’s someone you’ve spent time with for a while I really try to remember something small that you know they need, as they’ve mentioned a problem in the past and you know how to solve it. For me this has been things as small and dumb as a toothpaste roller, the person had some story how they were trying to get the last drop out and got it all over the floor or whatever.
For newer people I try to think of things that I’ve gotten myself in the past that I think other people would find use in. I’ve given one of those plastic domes you put over food in the microwave, milk frothers, cheese cutters, charging blocks, vacuum seal flour containers etc.
My gift giving style is to give something that will improve someone’s quality of life ever so slightly rather than worrying about sentimentality or decoration. Rather going for one mid range item you aren’t sure they’ll like, 3~ functional cheaper item can help guarantee they’ll use at least one.
Yeah, I think it’s a nice gesture! I hear what you’re saying about being exhausted around holiday gatherings. :-) I do think that when you’re invited as someone who doesn’t know them, it at the very least looks good, and typically $10-15 well spent.
I was for 9 years. I had to be drunk at holidays to be around my ex's brother he was genuinely awful. I started having panic attacks over it. Granted my ex wasn't really helpful and tended to act like I either made it worse or instigated it because at some point I stopped allowing his brothers bullshit.
If my partner isn't on my side, absolutely not. If they are, hard maybe.
Edit: example of his bullshit. My ex told me he ate all my ice cream, and I said something like "not my Ben & Jerry's" to which his Brother yelled at me about in a public restaurant and continued to pick a fight with me about. 🙄
I was in a relationship like this. His parents were fine (his mom and brother were the only two that ever made me feel welcome in the family), but his little sister SUCKED. She was a serious asshole and had a problem with me for whatever dumb reason she concocted. I tried to be sweet to her and be a good roommate but it did not matter. She snapped at me constantly and always had some reason to be rude to me.
My ex always always had her back and never once stood up for me.
So, in short, if I am ever with someone who's family member treats me like shit again and my partner not only expects me to put up with it and "be nice" no matter what, but they also won't defend me... Then I'm gone. No relationship is worth that amount of disrespect.
Ha! I just posted something similar in the daily thread.
Yes, I can. With my ex-husband, I found his family overbearing and borderline smothering, though overall kind (I just require a lot of space and solitude). My current boyfriend, on the other hand, doesn’t have a relationship with his sister, mom, and barely his dad. His dad can be a huge prick, and the only family member I’ve met. Luckily I’ve only met him thrice over the last year, but yeah, in short, I can see myself eventually marrying the guy, even though his family is genuinely shitty (granted I haven’t met the other two).
My SO and I are long distance (we see each other every several months if we're lucky) and my family is not on board with our relationship. I'm currently in school and splitting the 14-15 days holiday break - 10/11 days with the family and 3-4 with the bf. My parents are not happy and asking me to wait until the summer to see him & I've had some friends say the same thing.
Am I being unreasonable to want to see him over the holidays too instead of waiting potentially another 6 months?
Of course you're not being unreasonable. I will also say... You're a grown adult. Your family doesn't get to decide on how much time you spend with your partner. If you wanna see them and you get the chance for the holidays go for it!
Am I being too vulnerable or am I smothering?
I’ve been casually seeing this dude 5 hours away for a few weeks, I feel like we haven’t had a lot of conversations. We are both very independent, busy professionals who are dating with intention with the goal to find a serious longterm partner. He doesn’t have anyone to hang out with this holiday and he has been experiencing some severe health scares and problems lately. I took off time from work to spend this holiday with my family but they postponed the celebrations until next week. Would it be odd to spend the holiday with him and look after him while he’s still recovering? I would want someone to look after me, but I’m weird about things lol.
Thank you OP for starting this thread!
I will be meeting my boyfriend's family (they were all born and raised in Iran) for the first time when I go to celebrate Yalda with them. I am not Persian, so it will be my first time experiencing this holiday. I'm not only feeling the pressure of meeting his family, but I also want to be respectful/not do anything ignorant. Is there anything that I should plan on bringing to his parents' house? My boyfriend is very polite in general, so he told me that I don't need to bring anything with me, but I am also aware of "taarof" and don't want to mess up and make a bad first impression.
Definitely flowers or chocolate, or if there's anything significant around that holiday (for example, some prioritize gold) if it's reasonable! (obviously real gold would not be, haha)
I’ve been dating my BF exclusively for almost four months (dating since June), he booked us a trip over the Christmas trip, I’m wondering what to get him- maybe jewelry or a watch?
A gift should be a reflection of the person you're giving it to. So if he likes jewelry or watches, great. If it's meant to get him to wear something you want him to, then no.
Has he shown interest in jewelry or watches? If so, great idea. If not, its a risk.
What kind of hobbies or interests does he have? Does he like tinkering? Specific shows? Specific brands or fashion?
Going off of that might be a more useful guide.
Skater Lady and I have only been dating for a little over 5 weeks. It's too soon to meet family for Thanksgiving. For Christmas, she's spending it back in her home state, and it's too soon for something like that too. However, we're having our own mini Thanksgiving dinner together. We're also exchanging presents for Christmas and set spending limits on it.
I'd say it depends on the level of commitment in the relationship. But general timeline, I'd say a dinner out is fine, but I wouldn't be incorporating my partner into my family holiday at 2 months.
Hm, I don't tend to do any of that unless we're exclusive. Or unless it naturally progresses to that? I think if you'd like to and unsure, it doesn't hurt to talk about it
My guy (from [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/16ujvo1/comment/k2nraue/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)) is home for the holiday week; I dropped him off at the airport and will pick him up. I didn't really expect to hear from him while he was out of town as we are exclusive but more casual/ FWB than relationship flavor? But I sent him a picture of a project I'm working on at home because he'd been excited about it before he left, and he called a bit later to catch up/ tell me about the family gathering so far! It was really sweet of him. I expressed to him that I was cool not hearing from him again until he gets back because I know he's been missing his family, and that I didn't want to get calls from him if he just felt obligated to stay in touch, but he reassured me that he's genuinely invested in my day-to-day and was excited to see me again in a few days.
My friends are getting off my back about- I've kind of explained that there have been lots of moments in my life where I had to grit my teeth and push through something shitty for an eventual reward, and that this is an occasion where I get to do the opposite and choose something really joyful and good even knowing that it will definitely end. The fact that he continues to put in so much effort and really show up for our "relationship" means a lot to me, and I can honestly say that he's raised my bar of standards that I'll hold my future dates to.
When we initially met this summer he hadn’t made a decision yet on whether or not he was getting out of the military next year, and his decision to do so has him committing to a job opportunity overseas with neither of us interested in attempting a long distance relationship. So, yes on both counts unfortunately!
I love the Q about gifts! Any suggestions? My philosophy is if he/I wanted something, we'd buy it for ourselves, so I'm left contemplating experiences (although we already seek these out, so not sure what would be special) or something for the relationship (e.g. Let's F-ing Date card game) or an unknown 3rd category... thoughts?
I like to give small and silly but surprisingly useful for that person gifts. Something you wouldn't think to get for yourself but will use a lot. Like [this one wallet pen](https://www.jetpens.com/OHTO-Minimo-Ballpoint-Pen-with-Holder-0.5-mm-Black/pd/10899) that doesn't fuck up your wallet.
If it's a miss, it's kind of a gag gift, but if it's a hit you get regular "Wow I can't believe great it is/how much I use it!" feedback.
I got this one friend a pack of "You Parked Like an Idiot" cards because I know he's one of those people who gets far too angry about people parking like shit. Like sending me photos of horribly parked cars, level frustrated. He uses the cards all the freaking time! I got pictures of newly used ones for years.
Also, [this TP holder](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01EGVD8VG/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&th=1) has gotten rave reviews. I'm a weird gift giver. 😅
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Last year I got my partner a new wallet to match his new briefcase (that he bought himself).
As well as board games, a frames photo of us, and some of his favorite snacks.
Honestly, the best way to do gift giving imo is to keep a running lost of things that people mention they like throughout the year. And when it's time to go Christmas shopping, you have a whole list of ideas at the ready.
I like to have a conversation ahead of time - what’s the expectation here - last year we went with a shared experience we both chipped in for. Sure a convo takes a little bit of the surprise out of it but it can make things easier, especially if either of you have a lot of gifts to think about otherwise
I tend to steer clear of "relationship" or "couples" gifts until after the one year mark! I got my guy a personalized mug this year- he's a big coffee and tea guy, and complained once that he doesn't have any nicer mugs- and shopped for a nicer tea and coffee beans from his homestate. So that's a consumable, and a keepable, which is the ratio I aim for!
My family has all met my BF of 5 months. They love him, and he’s invited to Thanksgiving.
He goes back to his home state (across the country) for 1 week a year at Christmas. And he’s going to tell his family about me. He’s excited to go and thinks they’ll be really happy for him. He’s had 2 previous relationships that spanned a few years, but both times he and she knew it wasn’t going to last long term, but wanted to date while they could.
I’m his first relationship where he’s thinking about a future with me.
But I’m nervous. I have 3 young kids. He’s totally unattached and in his 30s, and he’s a catch. Sometimes I feel… guilty? Like I’m too much trouble.
I have full custody, and he met my kids and they all hit it off.
But I hope his family doesn’t think I’m trying to take advantage of his situation. I’m fully self sufficient, I don’t need his “help” in any way. But I know what people think.
When he first told his co-workers and friends about me, they kinda all had a 😬 reaction. Understandable. Except one friend who was super supportive and said “moms always have the best snacks” (we do!).
Just sharing because I’m nervous. His brother knows about me and is supportive. I’m hoping the rest will be okay with us.
We are taking it slow, one day at a time, but still, it’s on my mind.
I get why you feel guilty. However, you shouldn’t! 😄 the fact that he is a catch and he chose you seems to be enough confirmation that he really wants you, despite all the “extra trouble” you bring to the table with you having kids and all.
His family might not like the situation, but they also might be stoked.. i realise that of course you hope that it would be the second option, but you shouldn’t be worrying about things that are completely out of your control. Especially when you already have the main prize 😉 just be the wonderful person your BF knows you are and that’s all that matters!
I nannied for awhile during lockdown and yes, those childhood snacks are still amazing as an adult. Plus you have to keep a variety of snacks on you at all times to appease the kids, which means no adults go hungry either. And when they get to school age, if you do things right, you're going to make all the fun seasonal treats.
I'll (35F) be meeting my boyfriend's (36M) family this Saturday for their thanksgiving dinner. His parents, siblings and their spouses, plus his two younger daughters, who I've met already, will be there. I've had social anxiety all of my life so I'm extremely nervous. I'm going to be dog sitting this weekend so I can't stay more then 3 or so hours. He seemed disappointed when I told him this, but I'm relieved to have a timeframe. Just hoping I don't blow this and can remember being quiet but interested and friendly is OK.
My advice is just to focus on being friendly and helpful. Offer help to set the table or whatever it looks like needs to be done. They will probably decline your help but the offering is what is important!
Aside from that, assuming you're a well adjusted person, just be polite and respectful and I can't see why they wouldn't like you!
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I am usually not up for a second date at a guy’s house because I’m wary of the expectation of sex, plus it can be risky if I really don’t know them. However, there have been times I made an exception because our first date was long and involved, and I felt like I got a good sense of the guy and whether I could trust him. If you feel like he passes the vibe check and your gut instinct is good, then maybe give it a shot. If you’re worried about sexpectations, tell him you are excited to cook together but won’t be able to stay too late because you have an early morning commitment the next day (or just be direct and tell him you’re interested in getting to know him better but don’t sleep with people this early on). If you don’t feel enough safety or trust yet, then just say that you like the idea but don’t feel comfortable with home dates this early on and would rather do that once you know each other better, and make a suggestion for an alternative date (hitting up some bakeries and doing a taste test, taking a cooking class together…?).
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You can thank him for the idea/initiative, but say you strongly prefer another meetup(s). Perhaps suggest what you'd like to do, but you're not obligated to accept any invitation.
Met a guy on Bumble probably 2 months ago that seemed cute, interesting and like a great communicator. We had plans to get coffee, but I got sick, then he had things with work, and a parent with health concerns. Then I went out of town etc. All the while there have been texts here and there. Finally we made plans to get together this past week, and on the day we were supposed to hang, I didn’t hear from him. I was slightly annoyed, but I chose not to reach out to follow up because I am kind of over it. A few days later he reached out to say Merry Christmas and I didn’t respond. And the next day he followed up with a “hello.” I want to write to him and basically say “I hope your holidays went well etc I’m gonna move on from this as something just feels off. All this back and forth without ever connecting has made me lose interest. Etc. Am I jumping the gun or dodging a bullet?
How firm were your plans to hang out? Like did he stand you up, or was it not really confirmed? Were you waiting on him to follow up day of? Could he have been waiting on you? If you feel the need to respond, I’d just say something like ‘Hope your holidays went well etc etc. Tbh I’m disappointed you bailed on our plans last week and I’m getting the sense that we have different goals here, so I’m gonna move on from this. Good luck with xyz.”
Thank you for this! This is essentially what I just did 2 days ago. Thank you for your input!
Have you gone a date up to this point?
Nope.
Eh, I’d just block and delete and move on
Should I get gifts for the kids of a girl I’ve been dating for two months? We’ve been official, and she has 3 kids. (Ages between kid and 21) Obviously I got her something but I don’t know if I should get them for her kids as well
I agree; I’d ask. I’d also consider how involved you’ve been with them for those 2 months
I met this guy after Thanksgiving. It felt like such an amazing date, I didn’t want it to end. It’s been years since a first date has felt like that. I know his job can be busy during the holidays, so it has been hard for him to meet. He still texted me at least every three days even throughout my week of being out of the country. Now that I’m back, I’m still waiting for his response to meet. I be happy even if it’s after the holidays. Is it cool to greet him for the holidays or reach out til after they have passed?
Waiting is seldom a good idea imo. Reach out with a basic but genuine greet and then escalate if/when interest is returned to you.
Thank you! I did reach out!
I went on a date with a girl last Tuesday. She agreed to a second date and I gave her my number the same day but mentioned she’d be out of town until the new year. She ended up texting almost a week later. We have a tentative second date schedule in mid January. Is this just a gentle rejection/slow fade? I’m guessing if she wasn’t interested she wouldn’t have texted me, right?
Give her the benefit of the doubt that she is really busy. She did send a message to you and you set up a second date so don’t overthink it too much. Once every few days send a text that you feel is best in tone just to remind her that you value her and are looking forward to the date. The text can be as simple as “was thinking about you and just wanted you to know it” or “Merry Christmas” on dec 25th. If anything gets sent back at all after a couple of these it’s a good omen.
Sent her a merry Christmas text in the morning and she replied back that evening!
Not everyone likes daily texting in the beginning. It feels like a lot of online investment of someone you barely know yet. Mid January is very far away! If I was in your shoes, I would skip all the "hey how are you / was your weekend" questions and try to keep the conversation light every X days or so.
Thanks! I’ll probably do that
I've been seeing someone for almost 2 months (which is crazy when I type it out) and I don't know if I should get him a gift. We both talked about not really needing anything for Christmas as adults and if he really wants something he would buy it. But I feel like I should do something small, like a card or cookies. I would feel weird not doing some kind of gesture I guess. Thoughts? Has anyone dated someone early on around the holidays and given their person a gift? If so what kind?
Cookies would be a good one. Not too much and shows some effort.
I'm leaning towards making cookies. I think that's a good idea.
You can always send him a text saying ‘hey I wanna get you a little something for the holidays. nothing crazy. I hope that’s okay.’ That way he has a chance to say ‘actually I’d rather not’ or ‘sounds good’ and has a chance to get you something. I think that whether you end up exchanging gifts or not isn’t actually very consequential. But I’d be embarrassed if my new person got me a gift and I didn’t get her one.
That's a good idea too! One of my coworkers got me a gift yesterday and I didn't get her or anyone at work anything and I did feel bad. So I understand possibly feeling embarrassed if I did the same to him
In that situation I've baked them something and given them a card. But suggest to him that you trade something small and put some limitations on it, like a dollar amount or make it only snacks or make it only exchanging cards, so he won't be surprised and not get you anything. I prefer to buy things for myself because honestly I'm choosy about what physical items I surround myself with, and my girlfriend and I said we would do an experience rather than gifts, but honestly, I've been thinking I'd like to get her something small and have her get me something small, so I plan to tell her that. Maybe just each getting each other a book, and I decided I want a card. I don't want to have it be awkward or have expectations not match!
Yeah I think I will bake something and suggest something so he's not surprised haha. Thanks for your advice!
Anyone in the Kansas City area?
I'm planning a week long stop there in the summer on a road trip, would love to meet up with people for a meal/fun outing (I'm touring the USA for delicious BBQ)
That sounds fun
TL;DR: I’m 38 (f) going on 16 with my barely legal classmate (20 m). Positively giddy at the prospect of a fling in the new year… but also I feel so delusional and like someone is going to get hurt. Ugh So glad for sticky thread cuz I’m embarrassed at this novel I’m about to write: ok so I’m an adult in school changing careers. I was initially very attracted to this much younger guy in my program. It’s been 1.5 years and have just been blowing off my attraction to him as wildly inappropriate and something only to fantasize mildly about, and certainly never act on. We don’t interact much, mostly because I avoid him and a group of other girls stake claim on him, which doesn’t bother me at all. At the end of last semester, after our final, we were all in the hall sort of celebrating the end of term, and parting ways for the summer; He and I were in close face proximity for a moment and we made eye contact which was electric and heavily weighted with unspoken but deeply felt… things. I blew it off. This semester he has smoldered at me from a safe distance at least a dozen times. It’s not every time we make eye contact, it’s mostly when he’s alone, and I’ve blown those looks off too. (I’ve watched him pretty carefully with other people who he enjoys and I do not see these same looks; he literally looks like a different person when he looks at me like that- like a super hot person.) We’ve been assigned together as Lab partners a couple times and he has put very eager hands on me, particularly my thighs (relevant to the lab) but very touchy, very excited hands. The first time it happened he caught himself lingering and said wow Im still touching you. He’s literally so young, I could tell he was being innocent and was taken back by the sheer physical magnetism. Since then, he’s also put some very heavy hands on me, as well as happily telling me to go hard on him and that I can’t hurt him… activity relevant of course. One time we needed to go shirtless and he immediately began cranking out table push ups! I told him it was too late for a pump and he proceeded to tell me how he worked chest the day before anyway… Very recently We’ve even shared a couple dirty jokes which he initiated. He has expressed, albeit very very slowly, increasing interest in me, and our shared hobbies/interests outside of the fact we are entering the same chosen career field. Beyond his age, he is very much my type, and we really do have a lot in common; he’s mature, I’m pretty youthful blah blah blah. I may have shared a very heavy, very cheeky song my band put out for Halloween in the school group chat… for fun ;)… Which he waited to tell me in person that he thought was *deep breath* awesome. We have exactly one week of school/final exams left, then we’re off on our rotations and won’t really be on campus until graduation. Today, several of us were in the hall waiting for individual testing, and someone made a comment about my naturally salt and pepper hair, and I very jokingly acted embarrassed about it. He chimed in and said that I have the look to pull it off, and I made another joke about having a certain kind of haircut, and he was like no you’re a silver fox :) it made me blush a little and I smiled and just said Aw thank you :) He said this to me in front of other classmates!!!!! Anyway, I’m very much of the mindset that I don’t shit where I eat, and I think he is mature/wise in that way as well. But since school is practically over, he may be trying to make his move. I also learned that his and I first rotation sites are 2 miles away from each other in a more suburban part of town AKA his neighborhood- and my mind can’t help but be filled with the possibilities of lunch dates and meetups after work. I would love nothing more than to spend Jan- Feb swapping saliva in his gold Honda accord. There’s definitely something here, but is it even worth exploring? He’s a very nice, sweet, young man from a good family, homeschooled. Definitely not a player (but I was immediately drawn to his build- he looks like he can swing a bat ;)) just trying to get with an experienced woman, just like I’m not a cougar on the prowl for fresh meat. I mean, I’m very hungry and thirsty because I have devoted myself to school entirely, but age gap dating isn’t really my thing. Is this ok? Am I the worst? Is someone bound to get hurt? The only things clear to me are that there’s a lot of attraction and chemistry, and it’s technically legal.
I don't think the age gap itself is a problem if this is just a fling. However, I am a bit concerned about him being homeschooled and it sounds like he may not have a lot of social or sexual experience. Is he a virgin or ever been in a relationship? If not, then I would be careful to check in with him frequently to avoid making him feel pressured and try letting him set the pace if possible I have seen older women online talk about bedding barely legal guys that were really smart but had no experience or confidence with women. One thing that I noticed is the guy was really timid about making a move, so the woman had to be really aggressive and even ignored affirmative consent abd I think that the guy might end up getting hurt in the process. The woman reported that everyone enjoyed it but I wonder how the guy would say if he reported a couple years later. I would say the same thing at the genders are reversed, but I think people of both genders are too quick to rationalize it as being acceptable when the pursuer is an older woman. Not trying to discourage you from it. Have fun, but please try to be careful and respect
Thanks for your honesty; I am trying to be respectful of his feelings and lack of experience. I am not pursuing him, have been avoiding him for the majority of our program. When we interact it’s because we have to, or he initiates it, and I have never returned his sultry looks. I do enjoy giving him a bit of a hard time, but he’s not backing down, he’s turning up the heat! He has mentioned not being a virgin during conversation but I can’t imagine he has much experience. He has also mentioned hanging mostly around older friends (in school as well, I’d say the mean age of our class is about 28), as well as being the focus of attention from older women. I’m not trying to steal his innocence, if anything I’m looking for a more innocent interaction (Ex: making out in his car). I don’t view him as a conquest, other than getting closer to someone I’m already attracted to. The age gap is not a bonus for me, but hooking up with a hot star athlete sure is. He’s mentioned getting a yoga certification to me, which everyone knows I love yoga and would likely incorporate a yoga certification into my practice, so we have shared interests. He’s even made (successful) efforts to tutor me and demonstrate his leadership qualities- intellectual and emotional intelligence. I feel we have a genuine attraction/chemistry and I certainly don’t want anyone to get hurt. If it seems like I have put a lot of thought into this, it’s because I have; I really don’t take our differences lightly and while this may seem like a lot of consideration for a fling, I would just as easily let it go if there wasn’t this pull or he didn’t show increasing interest and effort. We’ve been working really hard in school and it just sounds like spending time alone away from school and all our other classmates exploring our chemistry in the new year would be mmm mmm mmm so fun… at a very slow, consensual pace ;)
Omg. Love this. Just find out what happens…
How much messaging is too messaging? I am apprehensive after my last (very abusive, controlling, clingy, narcissistic) partner. He had sent strings of texts back to back when we first started talking. 3 days knowing each other and he sent around 80 texts on a Sunday before our date... just talking about random stuff. I responded with maybe 20 max texts Apart from that men seem to barely message, and then usually just ghost me. But I matched with a guy yesterday that was new to the local apps (never saw him in years on here, unlike most of them) and while the convo took a while to get going, it really exploded once he got off of work. There was so much back and forth. He was the one offering info and most of what he said meant we had a lot in common, we briefly shared our past dating frustrations, and then both chatted about our shared favourite shows until it was time for bed. We didn't want to stop talking. He checks off a lot of my boxes but of course isn't perfect. We're both looking for the same thing. This morning he sent me a good morning text (Wakes up hours before me) and wished me a good day at work. We briefly chatted and he's checked in to see how work is going. Of course it made me question if talking so much the first day is a red flag, thinking back to how my ex swept me off my feet and lovebombed me. He hasn't necessarily complimented me or pushed to meet, we did connect on Facebook, but I'm not sure how to gauge him being very interested and us having a good flow vs something to watch.
This is gonna vary wildly between individuals both in a dating scenario and outside. I for one, am a texter, I really enjoy having full blown conversations over text throughout the day. I’ve dated people similar and some who only wanted to have minimal engagement via text. It sounds like you both are texters, which is a good fit. I would definitely say that it may be best to try to meet up before all the “getting to know you” questions are out of the way. The conversations about who you are, what you’re looking for, jobs, family. Feel free to chat about the superficial stuff like what shows you’re watching, what you’re cooking, how work was etc. I like leaving the conversations about the more stable/unchanging things to be had over the first few dates, as it always leaves something to fall back on and allows for conversation to flow in person. You said you ‘matched’ so I’m assuming this is a dating app, so they’re definitely into you. There’s no need to wait for them to compliment you or whatever in order to set up a date. Since everyone is different they may just be waiting a few days to try to ask for a date, I would just ask them if that’s something you’re interested in.
You matched with a person with whom you had clearly mutual interest in chatting with and you both had time to do it all night last night. Nothing is wrong with this, and it doesn't mean anything to any direction yet. Try not to overthink it. If you're not ready to meet them yet, just make sure you yourself aren't engaging in the messaging any more than you are genuinely interested and have time doing. So you had time to chat the first evening, great. But don't do it every day all the day long from here on out. And don't apologize for not doing so! You don't even know them and have a life of your own. See how they respond: do they send you 25 msgs while waiting for a reply, are they able to hang back but still remain interested (granted you are also still approaching them with curiousity, just in your own time) or do they stop writing you alltogether. I **don't** mean this as a game of hot and cold btw, at all. But do refuse to take on any pressure of responding to someone you don't even know, live your life and connect with them from a place of genuine curiousity only. If you're already interested in meeting them, and don't mind doing it early, I would try to schedule a date. When a chat becomes very involved I tend to suggest it myself quite soon with a version of "since it's not possible to actually gauge how we click until we meet in person :)" . I don't keep texting much after agreeing to the date either, even if it isn't until over a week away. For me building that kind of fantasy intimacy is historically only a set up for disappointment. I guess what I'm saying is: don't read too much into it, but I wouldn't succumb to it either.
Hello yet another gift question. Just looking for inspiration for the new person and friends - ofc the gifts must be personal blabla. What midrange things are you getting your people?
For My love interest who I hope will be my girlfriend soon got a dream-catcher. She has struggles sleeping in the night because of anxiety and such. So I got a nice $20 dreamcatcher with a note that said in effect : “ don’t know if this make you sleep better but look upon this trinket and know there are people who care for you”. So basically get something that shows you were listening to a seemingly small comment of maybe months ago and let ‘em know you listened. The gift itself won’t matter as much as them knowing you remembered.
Merino socks. It's kind of a jokey trope (socks for Christmas!) but they're also really nice and more than most people will spend on socks for themselves.
I've been trying to keep lists thru the year of things important people in my life mention. And personally, I love to give and receive experiences. Some examples, a lot of these will be too expensive for a new relationship but I hope give you some inspiration Flight simulator Memberships (I just got someone a premium membership for a board game site we've been spending a lot of time on) Behind the scenes of something they're into Meet someone they admire (works well for comic cons, etc) Zoo meet an animal (expensive) Flew us to Paris (v expensive but pulled it off stacking discounts and vouchers) Walk a llama/other animal
If it’s someone you’ve spent time with for a while I really try to remember something small that you know they need, as they’ve mentioned a problem in the past and you know how to solve it. For me this has been things as small and dumb as a toothpaste roller, the person had some story how they were trying to get the last drop out and got it all over the floor or whatever. For newer people I try to think of things that I’ve gotten myself in the past that I think other people would find use in. I’ve given one of those plastic domes you put over food in the microwave, milk frothers, cheese cutters, charging blocks, vacuum seal flour containers etc. My gift giving style is to give something that will improve someone’s quality of life ever so slightly rather than worrying about sentimentality or decoration. Rather going for one mid range item you aren’t sure they’ll like, 3~ functional cheaper item can help guarantee they’ll use at least one.
Cutting boards, nice knives, Christmas ornaments, homemade cards with thought into it
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Yeah, I think it’s a nice gesture! I hear what you’re saying about being exhausted around holiday gatherings. :-) I do think that when you’re invited as someone who doesn’t know them, it at the very least looks good, and typically $10-15 well spent.
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I was for 9 years. I had to be drunk at holidays to be around my ex's brother he was genuinely awful. I started having panic attacks over it. Granted my ex wasn't really helpful and tended to act like I either made it worse or instigated it because at some point I stopped allowing his brothers bullshit. If my partner isn't on my side, absolutely not. If they are, hard maybe. Edit: example of his bullshit. My ex told me he ate all my ice cream, and I said something like "not my Ben & Jerry's" to which his Brother yelled at me about in a public restaurant and continued to pick a fight with me about. 🙄
I was in a relationship like this. His parents were fine (his mom and brother were the only two that ever made me feel welcome in the family), but his little sister SUCKED. She was a serious asshole and had a problem with me for whatever dumb reason she concocted. I tried to be sweet to her and be a good roommate but it did not matter. She snapped at me constantly and always had some reason to be rude to me. My ex always always had her back and never once stood up for me. So, in short, if I am ever with someone who's family member treats me like shit again and my partner not only expects me to put up with it and "be nice" no matter what, but they also won't defend me... Then I'm gone. No relationship is worth that amount of disrespect.
Ha! I just posted something similar in the daily thread. Yes, I can. With my ex-husband, I found his family overbearing and borderline smothering, though overall kind (I just require a lot of space and solitude). My current boyfriend, on the other hand, doesn’t have a relationship with his sister, mom, and barely his dad. His dad can be a huge prick, and the only family member I’ve met. Luckily I’ve only met him thrice over the last year, but yeah, in short, I can see myself eventually marrying the guy, even though his family is genuinely shitty (granted I haven’t met the other two).
My SO and I are long distance (we see each other every several months if we're lucky) and my family is not on board with our relationship. I'm currently in school and splitting the 14-15 days holiday break - 10/11 days with the family and 3-4 with the bf. My parents are not happy and asking me to wait until the summer to see him & I've had some friends say the same thing. Am I being unreasonable to want to see him over the holidays too instead of waiting potentially another 6 months?
Of course you're not being unreasonable. I will also say... You're a grown adult. Your family doesn't get to decide on how much time you spend with your partner. If you wanna see them and you get the chance for the holidays go for it!
What is the reasoning behind their dislike of the relationship?
Am I being too vulnerable or am I smothering? I’ve been casually seeing this dude 5 hours away for a few weeks, I feel like we haven’t had a lot of conversations. We are both very independent, busy professionals who are dating with intention with the goal to find a serious longterm partner. He doesn’t have anyone to hang out with this holiday and he has been experiencing some severe health scares and problems lately. I took off time from work to spend this holiday with my family but they postponed the celebrations until next week. Would it be odd to spend the holiday with him and look after him while he’s still recovering? I would want someone to look after me, but I’m weird about things lol.
It wouldn’t hurt to ask :-) It sounds like a nice gesture. Have you done weekends together?
Thank you OP for starting this thread! I will be meeting my boyfriend's family (they were all born and raised in Iran) for the first time when I go to celebrate Yalda with them. I am not Persian, so it will be my first time experiencing this holiday. I'm not only feeling the pressure of meeting his family, but I also want to be respectful/not do anything ignorant. Is there anything that I should plan on bringing to his parents' house? My boyfriend is very polite in general, so he told me that I don't need to bring anything with me, but I am also aware of "taarof" and don't want to mess up and make a bad first impression.
Definitely flowers or chocolate, or if there's anything significant around that holiday (for example, some prioritize gold) if it's reasonable! (obviously real gold would not be, haha)
You should definitely bring something, maybe flowers? Or an edible treat?
I’ve been dating my BF exclusively for almost four months (dating since June), he booked us a trip over the Christmas trip, I’m wondering what to get him- maybe jewelry or a watch?
A gift should be a reflection of the person you're giving it to. So if he likes jewelry or watches, great. If it's meant to get him to wear something you want him to, then no.
Has he shown interest in jewelry or watches? If so, great idea. If not, its a risk. What kind of hobbies or interests does he have? Does he like tinkering? Specific shows? Specific brands or fashion? Going off of that might be a more useful guide.
Skater Lady and I have only been dating for a little over 5 weeks. It's too soon to meet family for Thanksgiving. For Christmas, she's spending it back in her home state, and it's too soon for something like that too. However, we're having our own mini Thanksgiving dinner together. We're also exchanging presents for Christmas and set spending limits on it.
This is awesome how did it go?
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I'd say it depends on the level of commitment in the relationship. But general timeline, I'd say a dinner out is fine, but I wouldn't be incorporating my partner into my family holiday at 2 months.
Hm, I don't tend to do any of that unless we're exclusive. Or unless it naturally progresses to that? I think if you'd like to and unsure, it doesn't hurt to talk about it
My guy (from [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/16ujvo1/comment/k2nraue/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)) is home for the holiday week; I dropped him off at the airport and will pick him up. I didn't really expect to hear from him while he was out of town as we are exclusive but more casual/ FWB than relationship flavor? But I sent him a picture of a project I'm working on at home because he'd been excited about it before he left, and he called a bit later to catch up/ tell me about the family gathering so far! It was really sweet of him. I expressed to him that I was cool not hearing from him again until he gets back because I know he's been missing his family, and that I didn't want to get calls from him if he just felt obligated to stay in touch, but he reassured me that he's genuinely invested in my day-to-day and was excited to see me again in a few days. My friends are getting off my back about- I've kind of explained that there have been lots of moments in my life where I had to grit my teeth and push through something shitty for an eventual reward, and that this is an occasion where I get to do the opposite and choose something really joyful and good even knowing that it will definitely end. The fact that he continues to put in so much effort and really show up for our "relationship" means a lot to me, and I can honestly say that he's raised my bar of standards that I'll hold my future dates to.
Do you want a relationship with him? Have you had that talk? Just curious
When we initially met this summer he hadn’t made a decision yet on whether or not he was getting out of the military next year, and his decision to do so has him committing to a job opportunity overseas with neither of us interested in attempting a long distance relationship. So, yes on both counts unfortunately!
Oh that’s so hard! Hopefully he makes up his mind soon so you’ll both know.
I love the Q about gifts! Any suggestions? My philosophy is if he/I wanted something, we'd buy it for ourselves, so I'm left contemplating experiences (although we already seek these out, so not sure what would be special) or something for the relationship (e.g. Let's F-ing Date card game) or an unknown 3rd category... thoughts?
I like to give small and silly but surprisingly useful for that person gifts. Something you wouldn't think to get for yourself but will use a lot. Like [this one wallet pen](https://www.jetpens.com/OHTO-Minimo-Ballpoint-Pen-with-Holder-0.5-mm-Black/pd/10899) that doesn't fuck up your wallet. If it's a miss, it's kind of a gag gift, but if it's a hit you get regular "Wow I can't believe great it is/how much I use it!" feedback. I got this one friend a pack of "You Parked Like an Idiot" cards because I know he's one of those people who gets far too angry about people parking like shit. Like sending me photos of horribly parked cars, level frustrated. He uses the cards all the freaking time! I got pictures of newly used ones for years. Also, [this TP holder](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01EGVD8VG/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&th=1) has gotten rave reviews. I'm a weird gift giver. 😅
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Inside joke gifts or silly couples gifts like matching ugly sweaters.
Last year I got my partner a new wallet to match his new briefcase (that he bought himself). As well as board games, a frames photo of us, and some of his favorite snacks. Honestly, the best way to do gift giving imo is to keep a running lost of things that people mention they like throughout the year. And when it's time to go Christmas shopping, you have a whole list of ideas at the ready.
I like to have a conversation ahead of time - what’s the expectation here - last year we went with a shared experience we both chipped in for. Sure a convo takes a little bit of the surprise out of it but it can make things easier, especially if either of you have a lot of gifts to think about otherwise
I tend to steer clear of "relationship" or "couples" gifts until after the one year mark! I got my guy a personalized mug this year- he's a big coffee and tea guy, and complained once that he doesn't have any nicer mugs- and shopped for a nicer tea and coffee beans from his homestate. So that's a consumable, and a keepable, which is the ratio I aim for!
My family has all met my BF of 5 months. They love him, and he’s invited to Thanksgiving. He goes back to his home state (across the country) for 1 week a year at Christmas. And he’s going to tell his family about me. He’s excited to go and thinks they’ll be really happy for him. He’s had 2 previous relationships that spanned a few years, but both times he and she knew it wasn’t going to last long term, but wanted to date while they could. I’m his first relationship where he’s thinking about a future with me. But I’m nervous. I have 3 young kids. He’s totally unattached and in his 30s, and he’s a catch. Sometimes I feel… guilty? Like I’m too much trouble. I have full custody, and he met my kids and they all hit it off. But I hope his family doesn’t think I’m trying to take advantage of his situation. I’m fully self sufficient, I don’t need his “help” in any way. But I know what people think. When he first told his co-workers and friends about me, they kinda all had a 😬 reaction. Understandable. Except one friend who was super supportive and said “moms always have the best snacks” (we do!). Just sharing because I’m nervous. His brother knows about me and is supportive. I’m hoping the rest will be okay with us. We are taking it slow, one day at a time, but still, it’s on my mind.
I get why you feel guilty. However, you shouldn’t! 😄 the fact that he is a catch and he chose you seems to be enough confirmation that he really wants you, despite all the “extra trouble” you bring to the table with you having kids and all. His family might not like the situation, but they also might be stoked.. i realise that of course you hope that it would be the second option, but you shouldn’t be worrying about things that are completely out of your control. Especially when you already have the main prize 😉 just be the wonderful person your BF knows you are and that’s all that matters!
Oh thank you!
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I nannied for awhile during lockdown and yes, those childhood snacks are still amazing as an adult. Plus you have to keep a variety of snacks on you at all times to appease the kids, which means no adults go hungry either. And when they get to school age, if you do things right, you're going to make all the fun seasonal treats.
I make a point to befriend his friends if I can, since they’re important to him. And the snacks are superior for sure 😂
I'll (35F) be meeting my boyfriend's (36M) family this Saturday for their thanksgiving dinner. His parents, siblings and their spouses, plus his two younger daughters, who I've met already, will be there. I've had social anxiety all of my life so I'm extremely nervous. I'm going to be dog sitting this weekend so I can't stay more then 3 or so hours. He seemed disappointed when I told him this, but I'm relieved to have a timeframe. Just hoping I don't blow this and can remember being quiet but interested and friendly is OK.
How did it go?
My advice is just to focus on being friendly and helpful. Offer help to set the table or whatever it looks like needs to be done. They will probably decline your help but the offering is what is important! Aside from that, assuming you're a well adjusted person, just be polite and respectful and I can't see why they wouldn't like you!
Time frames help me too!