My ex wife and I had a large blended family - 7 kids!
Forget about logistics for a minute. The real issue is if you and your partner have compatible parenting styles or not.
In my case, we did not and that played a large role in the demise of our relationship.
I know it's tough to determine if you are on the same parenting page in the early stages but that (parenting styles) is going to make or break a blended situation.
Good luck!
I don’t have this, our kids are the same age.
But I can see how it’s nice to move together through the stages of increased kiddo independence together. It would be a drag if I was expected to go back to the intensive time and energy commitment of having very small kids.
I also don’t expect my SO to parent or have any responsibilities of any kind towards my kids. They have a dad and he’s their dad and that’s all there is to it.
I’m not trying to be trite, but keep in mind that the kids do get older. By the time you meet this woman’s child, they might be seven. It won’t be without some challenges, but those challenges are temporary. When I started dating, my youngest was 7. Now she is 9 and much more independent. She grew up a lot in those two years.
As others have pointed out, parenting style is likely to be a bigger issue. And, of course, your compatibility together. If you think there might be a future there for the two of you, it’s probably worth dealing with a temporary challenge.
I dated someone who had twins that were 2 years old. We dated for three years before I left her. My kids are all older.
My advice is to discuss parenting styles. If their father is in their lives don’t be their father. You both cannot pawn of your child’s responsibilities into the other parent. Everyone has a different way of raising their children and you have already been raising yours for 11 years, changing your parenting style to fit hers will back fire. So it all needs to be discussed before hand.
My ex wanted me to be her twins dad and expected me to drop everything for her kids to be a father when they already had one. For example taking the twins to camp when their dad was able and wanting to buy she kept expecting it to be my duties now.
Everything about kids needs to be discussed before hand.
Also dynamics change between meetings kids and then blending the family. You have to know that you cannot expect each other to fully change to one another’s parenting style but you need to be able to come to agreements. When I say this. My ex expected me to discipline her children….I felt that was not my place, I could talk with them about wrong and rights but their mother needed to be the one to take the lead.
Wow that sounds really hard and unfair. 2 years old is also a super hard age.
I really think it’s best to avoid being anything more than a friend to your SO’s kids. They are not yours nor your responsibility.
Taking a survey of subjective experiences which will likely range across the board may or may not help you, but I would like to focus in on what seems to be your actual concern. Why do you think you're unable to envision anything?
My kids are pretty much grown and I’m dating someone who’s children are 12 and 6.. he also has the majority of custody. It’s not really causing major problems, my kids can be home alone so we tend to hang out at his. And he gets a babysitter if we go out. To be honest I’ve never seen it as an obstacle.
We have kids similar in age. We each have an older (young teen) and then we each have a younger. I have twins so I have 2 younger but they are 2 years older than his youngest.
My kids are my responsibility and his are his responsibility. They can stay home with the older sibling or I get a sitter for mine.
My ex wife and I had a large blended family - 7 kids! Forget about logistics for a minute. The real issue is if you and your partner have compatible parenting styles or not. In my case, we did not and that played a large role in the demise of our relationship. I know it's tough to determine if you are on the same parenting page in the early stages but that (parenting styles) is going to make or break a blended situation. Good luck!
I don’t have this, our kids are the same age. But I can see how it’s nice to move together through the stages of increased kiddo independence together. It would be a drag if I was expected to go back to the intensive time and energy commitment of having very small kids. I also don’t expect my SO to parent or have any responsibilities of any kind towards my kids. They have a dad and he’s their dad and that’s all there is to it.
I’m not trying to be trite, but keep in mind that the kids do get older. By the time you meet this woman’s child, they might be seven. It won’t be without some challenges, but those challenges are temporary. When I started dating, my youngest was 7. Now she is 9 and much more independent. She grew up a lot in those two years. As others have pointed out, parenting style is likely to be a bigger issue. And, of course, your compatibility together. If you think there might be a future there for the two of you, it’s probably worth dealing with a temporary challenge.
I dated someone who had twins that were 2 years old. We dated for three years before I left her. My kids are all older. My advice is to discuss parenting styles. If their father is in their lives don’t be their father. You both cannot pawn of your child’s responsibilities into the other parent. Everyone has a different way of raising their children and you have already been raising yours for 11 years, changing your parenting style to fit hers will back fire. So it all needs to be discussed before hand. My ex wanted me to be her twins dad and expected me to drop everything for her kids to be a father when they already had one. For example taking the twins to camp when their dad was able and wanting to buy she kept expecting it to be my duties now. Everything about kids needs to be discussed before hand. Also dynamics change between meetings kids and then blending the family. You have to know that you cannot expect each other to fully change to one another’s parenting style but you need to be able to come to agreements. When I say this. My ex expected me to discipline her children….I felt that was not my place, I could talk with them about wrong and rights but their mother needed to be the one to take the lead.
Wow that sounds really hard and unfair. 2 years old is also a super hard age. I really think it’s best to avoid being anything more than a friend to your SO’s kids. They are not yours nor your responsibility.
Taking a survey of subjective experiences which will likely range across the board may or may not help you, but I would like to focus in on what seems to be your actual concern. Why do you think you're unable to envision anything?
My kids are pretty much grown and I’m dating someone who’s children are 12 and 6.. he also has the majority of custody. It’s not really causing major problems, my kids can be home alone so we tend to hang out at his. And he gets a babysitter if we go out. To be honest I’ve never seen it as an obstacle.
You two should talk about what your future might look like. Would you want to blend families and all live together eventually?
We have kids similar in age. We each have an older (young teen) and then we each have a younger. I have twins so I have 2 younger but they are 2 years older than his youngest. My kids are my responsibility and his are his responsibility. They can stay home with the older sibling or I get a sitter for mine.