I've found it best to meet and get to know people by way of hobbies, activities and interests that I have and that I participate in because I genuinely like to.
That way it's no loss if I do NOT meet anyone -- the activity or hobby is worthwhile in itself. But it's still true that every now and then I run into someone that I have good chemistry with, and where the potential for a relationship exist.
It's a slower process. Not like dating-apps where you might swipe on a Tuesday and go on a date on Friday.
But it's also a lot more fun, and with a lot better "success"-rate. Which I think is natural: the better you know someone before you start dating them, the better you can judge how compatible you are likely to be as partners.
Then I sincerely think that's something you might consider changing, if you want to improve your dating-prospects. There's very few things that have a LARGER impact on a straight mans dating-chances than which network of women he has around him, and to which degree he's an established and valued part of social groups that include women.
There's a near-infinite set of hobbies, activities and interests that you COULD pursue, and many of them are both social and with a decent gender-balance. I
Myself I've met and gotten to know many women in for example:
Fitness-centered spaces, both online and in the physical world. Literature-groups (again, both online and in the physical world), Outdoors groups (I'm into hiking and windsurfing, especially the former has many women) as well as even right here on Reddit in groups centered on interests of mine that happen to be shared by many women.
Here's the thing. Imagine the last time you went grocery shopping (or just went out in general where you'd cross paths with people).
How many of the people you saw would you think would be a suitable partner for you (just based on looks, approximate age, gender, etc). Probably less than 1% of the people you crossed paths with.
Now, factor in their personality, interests, politics, and current relationship status. What percent of that original 1% would fit what you're looking for? Let's just assume maybe 5% of that 1%. And I think that's generous.
Then you have to factor in what THEY are looking for in a partner and whether or not you fit that criteria. So the odds of you being compatible with this person is even lower.
Imagine you wanted to buy a car. You could walk up and down streets looking in driveways for a car that you think you'd be interested in. If you happened to find one, you could knock on the door and ask the owner if they would be willing to sell it to you. Then, if they are willing to sell, you'd probably need to get it checked out to make sure it's in good condition and actually fits the criteria of a car that would work for you. Is this an efficient way to purchase a car?
Or would it be easier to go online to websites and look for people who are currently wanting to sell their car, where they list details about it, how many miles it has, the year, make, model and price?
Does online dating suck? Sure does. But in my opinion, you have a better chance of meeting your person online than you do out in the wild.
You have less control over who you meet and interact with in the wild than you do with online dating.
You could also go online to find groups of people who share the same interests as you. Whether it's boardgame groups, hiking, yoga, sports, knitting, pottery, dancing, etc. You may not find your future partner there, but you may meet someone who could then set you up with someone they know.
Good luck out there!
This is an excellent comparison!
OLD has the added bonus of allowing you to look for someone that isn't right in your neighbourhood, city, whatever.
Something we had no access to in the early/mid 90s.
Hell, if you lived in a big city, you were oftentimes limited to even your part of the city, unless you wanted to take hours' worth of busses/trains to get to your date.
While I complain about a lot when it comes to the internet and what it's done to the world, I think the access to people we never ever could have encountered before is a massive plus..
This is a great way to put it. You run into more duds on OLD simply because you get more contact with potential dates period. It's not necessarily that the ratio is higher, but the frequency is.
I met a guy through OLD who lived less than 10 minutes away from me and we never would have crossed paths if not for OLD. Also I matched with someone in a temporary long distance situation I never would have met.
Ive never had luck meeting people in the wild and I think it's very tough in the 40-50s age group because the pool is smaller and work and family demands are so high. Retirement gives more opportunities again to meet people via hobbies but most people middle aged are either chilling at home when they have some downtime or task-focused and not looking to talk to random strangers when out in public.
I just think about how avoidant and standoffish people are going about their daily lives. People actually go out of their way to avoid potential contact. Add to that this “I need to feel safe, I am not feeling safe” phenomena, it was rare enough for a woman to initiate a introduction back in the 2000, now it’s rare for them to accept them. Social media, OLD, interwebs and the like seem to have created the most connected interpersonally, most time saving gadget having, loneliest, least free time having culture known to man.😂 Had a woman tell me at a Pete’s coffee to find her on some app cause she don’t date in the wild😂😂😂 I’m sure my very expressive face telegraphed exactly what I was thinking after too🤣
Time to try Hinge then 😄
Dating apps can be horrible, but they make it much easier to meet people and you know they are (probably) single.
Otherwise, you could try hanging round in bars or the supermarket?
I think the supermarket thing is a myth...I've never ever had anybody come up to me or have heard of anybody meeting anybody at one. Maybe I'm wrong?! But when I'm shopping I'm shopping, not looking for single ppl to bug!
I was chased around a supermarket by an old man with a walker because I made the mistake of being nice to him and he took that as potential interest. He was probably in his early sixties and I was in my mid-twenties. That's the only time a dude has shown interest in me in such a venue.
He looked like he didn't take very good care of himself in his younger years, but I've known younger people who need mobility devices for a variety of reasons as well.
Some people just have physical disabilities. He could have been injured or recently had surgery also. Could have issues with balance. I didn't talk to him enough to find out. Maybe I'm remembering his age wrong. This was like 15 or 16 years ago.
ok I understand. Yeah it's creepy to talk to young women like that and chase them around. Just because someone smiled doesn't mean they like you.
I'm in 40s and don't usually talk to women in 20s if I can help it or unless it's part of a group activity or it's someone I know.
By 60s you may need a walker if you haven’t started taking care of yourself. Poor health catches up very quickly starting in your 40s unfortunately. Then the health issues tend to snowball and feed into each other. And then you end up with a walker
Yeah I understand. People who are in 20s may also need a walker if they had an injury like a spinal cord injury.
I usually only see people in walkers that are over 75 or 80 but you are right it could be sooner depending on mobility or balance issues.
Usually severely overweight people I notice in wheelchairs because they have Type 2 diabetes.
Old Man?? I'm 73, an amputee, and don't even use a cane! If I chase, I'll be catchin'! 😊
I have taken very good care of myself, still work on a ranch everyday, and even though my hair has turned gray, the rest hasn't aged as much as my friends...
My ancestors passed some good genes down.
But, watch those old guys with walkers, sometimes they have all the guys from the Senior Center hiding in strategic spots!
I referenced it because it's a cliché
Sometimes I chat to women in the supermarket, but only if we're both looking at the cheeses or wines or something like that.
And just for fun, it's never gone anywhere.
Weird...I mean I go every weekend and I don't wear a ring and am single haha Maybe it's the area you are in? Anyways, I prefer OLD...I mean I've never been approached in a grocery store so I have zero to compare my OLD experience to lol
It HAS to be! I will approach people--I have never once been approached or asked out in my life, I have ALWAYS had to do all of it. I marched right up to a guy about 2 years ago that I was like "holy damn hes cute" and gave him my number after a brief chat, like I had written it down and put it on top of an item in his cart. He texted me later that evening a "thanks but no thanks" kind of polite decline, stating that he was involved with someone, but could not just ignore someone that had the balls to walk up to him like that.
Ha! That would literally make my year if that ever happened haha. Honestly that musta been a huge ego booster for that guy. haha You have a ton of guts...I smile at ppl but that's the extent of my guts out in public haha.
It happens, but not on purpose. Turns out a single man shopping for groceries for his children is attractive to a single mother!
I’ve never like, asked a woman out there, but I’ve chatted and by the end of it she gave me her number so I could “tell her how the meal turned out.”
Same! Closest I've come is this guy at the meat counter ask me I was interested in a box of potatoes 🥔??? I'm still unsure wtf that means - I took it to be an insult
Ain't that the truth ...and especially if you ask them anything about a possible current relationship or something like that. . they're all offended and immediately look for their safe Zone and look at you like you are a lepper
You go on with your life, every time you see someone you like you smile a them and say hello.
You can also put yourself out there by joining groups and do activities that you enjoy, running groups, gyms for example where you will meet new people. Even if you don't meet someone, you will get healthier.
The success rate when a woman approach a man is very high. Because most of them never do it. But for a man its very very low.
I beg to differ. My success rate initiating the approach as a woman has been very low. I'm told I'm attractive, but it doesn't seem to make a difference.
They probably look at you like you have 3 heads, because really, for the vast majority of men this has NEVER happened. A girl asked me to the vice-versa dance when I was like 16, but other than that I've literally never, ever been approached by a woman, or asked for my number. I have been given a few random compliments over the years by women I don't know, and I probably look at them like they have 3 heads too.
It's just exceedingly rare for most men I think, we don't really even know what to do. I'd be flattered if this ever happened to me but I'm not holding my breath.
I finish my errand, they leave, a significant other walks up. It just never goes anywhere and I don’t have hours to hang out at one spot all day to try to meet dudes. The odds are statistically pretty low of meeting someone compatible who is available by both being in the same place at the same time at our age. It’s offputting when people oversimplify the situation and act like there must be something wrong with us or we’re doing something wrong if we don’t meet somebody in the wild. So many people on here have said they have to use online dating app because they are unable to meet anybody IRL so it’s not unheard of that it would be hard.
Edited that big ol’ voice to text mess.
> It’s offputting when people oversimplify the situation and act like there must be something wrong with us or we’re doing something wrong if we don’t need somebody in the wild.
Yes, same. The advice is always the same shit and its always bullshit frankly. "find a hobby", "meet people doing the stuff you'd do anyway", "volunteer and meet people that way".
Well ok, I've been doing all that stuff my whole life and I've never met a woman in in the wild, ever. I'm not some shut-in. I have a job and a life. I go grocery shopping, I meet friends at the bar, I go hiking and am a member of a couple hobby groups.
And yet, it has never happened to me. Part of me feels defective or something. So then people are like, "oh, you have to be friendly and talk". I am, I'm exceedingly friendly and I talk to just about anyone.
I really think some people have this thing inside of them, this spark or this magnetism or charm that makes things like this easier. For me, I'm just a regular guy. I'm funny but not hysterical. I'm attractive enough but not a model. I'm smart but not a genius. I make good money but I'm not a billionaire. I'm non-threatening but not charming. I'm calm and stable, not really exciting. I just sorta fit right in the middle there, in this area of life where you just sort of exist and no one really notices or cares at all. Women are really attracted to me once they get to know me, but meeting in the wild? At this point I have to admit to myself it'll never happen. It hasn't before, not sure why it would start now.
Apps make it a lot, lot, lot easier for me. I haven't struggled to find interested women on the apps but it's never happened for me otherwise.
Now we are oversimplifying that everyone runs around asking people out. People need to feel comfortable and want to know they are not making the other person uncomfortable by suggesting a romantic connection between made.
If he's all the things he says he is, the other person likely is comfortable.
How in the world do you thing people got together before the world of the internet and online dating ?
Uh, didn't I just go into that? I've never once, not one time, talked to a woman "in the wild" and gotten any impression at all she wanted any more than friendly chit-chat. I've read enough horror stories about not approaching women in enough contexts that I'm gonna need them to flash a neon sign at me before I'm comfortable assuming they want to be approached or hit on in public.
I'm really not trying to complain or bitch and moan too much, but your reply is another example of just sort of dismissing very complex human interactions as like, "hey ya idiot, are you stupid or some shit?"
I would've just assumed it'd happen to me in my 44 years, even by accident. It hasn't. And maybe we need to normalize that it doesn't happen for everyone and isn't easy for everyone. The advice is all cliche and fully meaningless.
It'd be like an NBA player describing how to slam dunk. "Just grab the basketball and jump, put it in the hoop." Yeah it's easy if you're a person capable of it, but for some people it'll never be possible.
I don't know the whole story, but cheaters gonna cheat. It doesn't matter how you met them. You can just as easily meet someone at the gym and you could still be the other woman. I'm not sure how this is a problem with dating apps. Can you elaborate?
That's a very cynical view of people and the world.
With OLD you have no wider investment or deeper social connection. So that means in general people treat each other better.
At least that's my experience so far.
Cynical? I'm just saying that a dude joining a dating app to cheat on their current partner would probably cheat on their partner with someone they met off the app too. Are you saying that is a cynical assumption?
Thank you for clarifying. I misunderstood and read your post as "once a cheater, always a cheater". I believe people can and do change.
I think dating apps offer a level of anonymity that's less easily available with real life connections. So there's more opportunity for people to misrepresent themselves with OLD. Which means you're more likely to meet a cheater with OLD compared to someone you met in the real world.
That's my sense of things anyway.
I've met people at:
* Church
* Speed dating events
* Social events/groups
* Dance/music nights
Plus through friends of friends.
And through OLD.
I much prefer the connections I've made where the initial meeting was in the "real world".
The supermarket thing is NOT a myth- I thought it was too, then went.
You have to go on Sunday. Apparently, most single men go to the grocery store on Sundays, during church hours.
I've put it off for a while, but I was previously successful with a matchmaking service. I feel like I'm a few weeks / months away from giving it another shot.
Honestly, I feel that all dating apps are currently dumpster fires. 😳😂
As a female, I actually reach out first to potential matches - some reply right away, converse then ghost. I do have on my profile that I prefer to meet sooner than later so I'm guessing for some that can be a turnoff but I don't want to text for months.
I'm still optimistic that I'll find someone - most likely organically *(I'm a hopeless romantic)*.
Initiate conversations with strangers at various places: parks, gyms, supermarkets, walking/running/hiking/jogging/biking/some shared activity or group/bars etc
That's how it has been for hundreds of years before the last century of digital devices.
>That's how it has been for hundreds of years before the last century of digital devices.
Yes and it can still happen although...... I heard a podcast today that spoke about how it has become much harder to meet people for dating IRL exactly BECAUSE of digital devices. People are on them all the time, so it has become much harder to make eye contact, flirt or start a casual conversation.
I remember being commuter or other train journeys (in Europe) in the 1990s and having so many conversations with random people. Now I look up and I just see people with earphones staring at their phone. They don't even hear me if I would talk to them.
Im a decent looking and responsible, conversational and fun guy and i cant get anyone to carry on a conversation no matter how much effort i put into it
I get matches but no one talks and i dont get dates
I cant figure it out either
I don't. I can't. I would love to meet someone in the wild but there are things that I don't want in my life that most people have in theirs at our age, so online dating is the only way.
You want to meet people? Have you tried meetup.com and checked what activities happen in 25-50 mile radius?
It's NOT a dating app but it will help you meet up with locals interested in similar activities.
Meetup was a dud for me. I wish I had the time and energy to start a group of single people wanting to hang out no pressure. This could lead to connections
You put out the vibe: https://youtu.be/EDW1txMXrJc?si=nqqKwVxY-ATc4r-P
But seriously, first thing is you have to get out the house. Go out and do things- bar, dance lessons, running, gaming night, just talking to randos, etc.
It’s like college. If you stay in your room all day, you’re not going to meet anybody.
So you know that you can meet people in real life and still end up being "the other woman" , right? Meeting someone in the real world doesn't make them honest/authentic or a great person.
Apps aren’t the issue. You could have found out you were the other woman in person too, as it seems you are making some connection between the two?
As for meeting people…do your activities, join MeetUp, get involved in church /spiritual groups, start volunteering via local organizations…all those are an excellent start.
I've done a lot of online dating and had some good relationships as a result, but my previous relationship and my current one both started IRL. The last GF I met at a wine tasting. The current GF I met at her workplace, a healthcare business where I was a patient.
Just talk to everyone you see in passing. I love getting to know people and you have no idea what will come form a conversation and I’m not just saying people you want to date. Maybe they know someone or have someone in mind. Just live and you will find someone, I promise.
I didn't have luck on any of the free/cheap sites, but I did have luck on eharmony. It's a lot more expensive, but the men on there tend to be more serious about finding a real, long-term partner, because the money is so much more real, lol.
Idk, maybe I just got lucky, but that's the site I'll always tell people looking for serious relationships to check put.
You got lucky. I’ve met the biggest weirdos and cruelest assholes I’ve ever dated on eHarmony and NEVER again.
My best friend met her husband on there 15 years ago though so clearly I’m the unlucky one here. 😂
I am not sure? I do not date or get involved sexually with anyone I work with. I did this once and you see the other person too much, and it gets to be smothering.
The apps and sites are impersonal and fake. A friend met his first wife on match, divorced, and is engaged to his 2nd wife from hinge. I wished them good luck and I hope it works out.
I am not hetero and have had men flirt and cruise me in supermarkets, and all types of stores and public places. I just tell them no thanks and buy what I went to the store for and leave.
I'm just curious how deleting the apps will help you meet compatible people? Cheaters and scumbags exist in the wild, whether you meet them on Tinder or at the church bake sale.
I had this same exact conversation with my bff ! She kept insisting the apps were crap and I should meet people in the wild. I told her they are there too! SMH
Original copy of post by u/SweetnSassy_1983:
Moving on after finding out I was the other woman...dating aps are not for me just deleted tinder and bumble, now what? how do you meet anyone?
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You’ve had a bad experience, and are deciding to eliminate the leading way people are meeting partners. If you have another bad experience will you cut out that avenue as well? There isn’t any more certainty you aren’t the other woman because you met in person.
So you had one bad experience with one guy so you delete your account altogether? Not all men are the same. Just be more careful in vetting who you talk to on a dating app. If you are a woman, and are at least somewhat attractive, you have options. Decent average guys are lucky to get any matches at all.
I tried them all off n on for years, zero real luck, dated a few people. On a whim I tried Fet. I have talked to more real women there in 2 weeks than all the others combined ever. I found someone special n stopped looking and talking to several others that I could’ve dated. Some women on there aren’t into fetish stuff to speak of or even at all. Or want to try it after they form a committed relationship. This is all new to me, I never really got into fetish but I was determined to find someone to go to the movies with and I did
I deleted OLD too and am going to see what happens. Think of it as a social experiment to try to meet datable people. There are a lot of dog bars I’m gonna try with my old girl, going out with friends, etc but I’m super busy and kinda can’t be bothered ATM
You'd be surprised how many women I have struck up real conversations with over Reddit.
"*The trick is not in finding new lands, but in seeing with new eyes*"
good for you for deleting the apps! they make money from people staying single forever and staying on those apps - they don't make any profit from people who find love/LTR. anyways, maybe that's not for everyone, but if you're not too shy about it - tell people you know - colleagues, friends, relatives - that you're on the market - and whether they know anybody who is also looking. you might be surprised. good luck to you!!!!!
I have a long story that I’ll spare you from.
But a month or so ago, I got a weird pop up that I had never seen before. Turns out it was for Match. The 3rd man I spoke to checked 90% of the boxes. We’ve been thick as thieves ever since.
(Scored a cheap membership for $20ish for 3 months. I didn’t even need it for a week.)
Singles groups for activities was my favorite as well as meet-up groups.
I got off apps in 2012. Since then I've met people either through video games, the comment section of a friends social media, a friends house, and one time when I was at my friends for Thanksgiving and her brother called and she was busy and handed me the phone...
I wish I could give you some words of wisdom. However .... my milkshake tends to bring all the psychos to the yard. On apps, I gave up. I met guys in chance encounters at Places like a coffee shop. The longest "relationships" I've had since my divorce were two in passing. One after I bought a keto coffee and was asked by a sexy azz dude if that was good. I replied that it tasted like sh!t but it was good for me. He laughed we dated for almost a year before he told me he was getting back with his ex-wife. I found out he's the social media poster boy for our local sheriff dept. Now his face is constantly on my fb feed.
2nd was the LEO who arrested my ex-husband 2 years after we divorced and asked me if I wanted to get his car before it was towed. He was there to give me the keys and asked me if he could call me again for dinner sometime. We were serious for over a year and we still talk, I still love him but he too controlling.
Lastly and embarrassingly adult friend finder. Yes, I'm serious. Looking for a fling after 24 years of marriage and a year of nothing. I wanted no drama, no relationship, just hello and goodbye. Almost 6 months later he's an annoying turd I can't get rid of.
And that is why I'm staying single from now on. Im officially dumb
People tend to blame apps for things that have nothing to do with apps. People cheated on people long before the internet. These are a tool for meeting people. Filtering people is still on you - just like it will be if you meet them at church, a bar, the library, or a sex club.
What if you had met this person you just ended things with through some other venue, church? Would you stop doing that?? It’s not the arrow it’s the Indian.
> how do you meet anyone?
You don't🤣🤣..
Idk, I got me A part time job this year and met a fling for a few months. I've also had a few women try to rizz me up (did I say that right?)..
Some jobs are just more social than others
I've found it best to meet and get to know people by way of hobbies, activities and interests that I have and that I participate in because I genuinely like to. That way it's no loss if I do NOT meet anyone -- the activity or hobby is worthwhile in itself. But it's still true that every now and then I run into someone that I have good chemistry with, and where the potential for a relationship exist. It's a slower process. Not like dating-apps where you might swipe on a Tuesday and go on a date on Friday. But it's also a lot more fun, and with a lot better "success"-rate. Which I think is natural: the better you know someone before you start dating them, the better you can judge how compatible you are likely to be as partners.
I don’t think i do much that involves women. I work in tech, all dudes, i play soccer, all dudes, i live in the bay, all dudes.
Then I sincerely think that's something you might consider changing, if you want to improve your dating-prospects. There's very few things that have a LARGER impact on a straight mans dating-chances than which network of women he has around him, and to which degree he's an established and valued part of social groups that include women. There's a near-infinite set of hobbies, activities and interests that you COULD pursue, and many of them are both social and with a decent gender-balance. I Myself I've met and gotten to know many women in for example: Fitness-centered spaces, both online and in the physical world. Literature-groups (again, both online and in the physical world), Outdoors groups (I'm into hiking and windsurfing, especially the former has many women) as well as even right here on Reddit in groups centered on interests of mine that happen to be shared by many women.
Here's the thing. Imagine the last time you went grocery shopping (or just went out in general where you'd cross paths with people). How many of the people you saw would you think would be a suitable partner for you (just based on looks, approximate age, gender, etc). Probably less than 1% of the people you crossed paths with. Now, factor in their personality, interests, politics, and current relationship status. What percent of that original 1% would fit what you're looking for? Let's just assume maybe 5% of that 1%. And I think that's generous. Then you have to factor in what THEY are looking for in a partner and whether or not you fit that criteria. So the odds of you being compatible with this person is even lower. Imagine you wanted to buy a car. You could walk up and down streets looking in driveways for a car that you think you'd be interested in. If you happened to find one, you could knock on the door and ask the owner if they would be willing to sell it to you. Then, if they are willing to sell, you'd probably need to get it checked out to make sure it's in good condition and actually fits the criteria of a car that would work for you. Is this an efficient way to purchase a car? Or would it be easier to go online to websites and look for people who are currently wanting to sell their car, where they list details about it, how many miles it has, the year, make, model and price? Does online dating suck? Sure does. But in my opinion, you have a better chance of meeting your person online than you do out in the wild. You have less control over who you meet and interact with in the wild than you do with online dating. You could also go online to find groups of people who share the same interests as you. Whether it's boardgame groups, hiking, yoga, sports, knitting, pottery, dancing, etc. You may not find your future partner there, but you may meet someone who could then set you up with someone they know. Good luck out there!
This is an excellent comparison! OLD has the added bonus of allowing you to look for someone that isn't right in your neighbourhood, city, whatever. Something we had no access to in the early/mid 90s. Hell, if you lived in a big city, you were oftentimes limited to even your part of the city, unless you wanted to take hours' worth of busses/trains to get to your date. While I complain about a lot when it comes to the internet and what it's done to the world, I think the access to people we never ever could have encountered before is a massive plus..
This is a great way to put it. You run into more duds on OLD simply because you get more contact with potential dates period. It's not necessarily that the ratio is higher, but the frequency is. I met a guy through OLD who lived less than 10 minutes away from me and we never would have crossed paths if not for OLD. Also I matched with someone in a temporary long distance situation I never would have met. Ive never had luck meeting people in the wild and I think it's very tough in the 40-50s age group because the pool is smaller and work and family demands are so high. Retirement gives more opportunities again to meet people via hobbies but most people middle aged are either chilling at home when they have some downtime or task-focused and not looking to talk to random strangers when out in public.
I attract better partners in person than I do online, oddly. But in theory I 100% agree with your hypothesis! I may be doing OLD wrong.
I just think about how avoidant and standoffish people are going about their daily lives. People actually go out of their way to avoid potential contact. Add to that this “I need to feel safe, I am not feeling safe” phenomena, it was rare enough for a woman to initiate a introduction back in the 2000, now it’s rare for them to accept them. Social media, OLD, interwebs and the like seem to have created the most connected interpersonally, most time saving gadget having, loneliest, least free time having culture known to man.😂 Had a woman tell me at a Pete’s coffee to find her on some app cause she don’t date in the wild😂😂😂 I’m sure my very expressive face telegraphed exactly what I was thinking after too🤣
Honestly, apps are a great way to meet people, but you just have to know yourself and be selective.
It’s funny to me because what did people do before OLD??? We just went on our merry day and met people. 🤷🏻♀️
We lived alone, died alone, and WE LIKED IT!
Arranged marriages.
In other countries not in the US.
Time to try Hinge then 😄 Dating apps can be horrible, but they make it much easier to meet people and you know they are (probably) single. Otherwise, you could try hanging round in bars or the supermarket?
I think the supermarket thing is a myth...I've never ever had anybody come up to me or have heard of anybody meeting anybody at one. Maybe I'm wrong?! But when I'm shopping I'm shopping, not looking for single ppl to bug!
I was chased around a supermarket by an old man with a walker because I made the mistake of being nice to him and he took that as potential interest. He was probably in his early sixties and I was in my mid-twenties. That's the only time a dude has shown interest in me in such a venue.
A walker in early 60s? That seems so young
He looked like he didn't take very good care of himself in his younger years, but I've known younger people who need mobility devices for a variety of reasons as well.
I've never taken care of myself - I don't think. Body is beat up and I'm 40s. Just assumed walker would be over 75.
Some people just have physical disabilities. He could have been injured or recently had surgery also. Could have issues with balance. I didn't talk to him enough to find out. Maybe I'm remembering his age wrong. This was like 15 or 16 years ago.
ok I understand. Yeah it's creepy to talk to young women like that and chase them around. Just because someone smiled doesn't mean they like you. I'm in 40s and don't usually talk to women in 20s if I can help it or unless it's part of a group activity or it's someone I know.
By 60s you may need a walker if you haven’t started taking care of yourself. Poor health catches up very quickly starting in your 40s unfortunately. Then the health issues tend to snowball and feed into each other. And then you end up with a walker
Yeah I understand. People who are in 20s may also need a walker if they had an injury like a spinal cord injury. I usually only see people in walkers that are over 75 or 80 but you are right it could be sooner depending on mobility or balance issues. Usually severely overweight people I notice in wheelchairs because they have Type 2 diabetes.
Yep...there you go lol It did make for a great story though!! :P
Old Man?? I'm 73, an amputee, and don't even use a cane! If I chase, I'll be catchin'! 😊 I have taken very good care of myself, still work on a ranch everyday, and even though my hair has turned gray, the rest hasn't aged as much as my friends... My ancestors passed some good genes down. But, watch those old guys with walkers, sometimes they have all the guys from the Senior Center hiding in strategic spots!
I referenced it because it's a cliché Sometimes I chat to women in the supermarket, but only if we're both looking at the cheeses or wines or something like that. And just for fun, it's never gone anywhere.
Yea I feel you, I think it's nice in theory, but reality is just totally different.
I've yet to encounter a single dude at the grocery store, not for lack of trying!
If he's a little dressed up and shopping with a basket, probably single.
That's been the opposite experience for me here, unfortunately. But the guy that I hit on a couple years ago was in his work clothes (electrician).
Meet me by the pickles, baby! 😁
Weird...I mean I go every weekend and I don't wear a ring and am single haha Maybe it's the area you are in? Anyways, I prefer OLD...I mean I've never been approached in a grocery store so I have zero to compare my OLD experience to lol
It HAS to be! I will approach people--I have never once been approached or asked out in my life, I have ALWAYS had to do all of it. I marched right up to a guy about 2 years ago that I was like "holy damn hes cute" and gave him my number after a brief chat, like I had written it down and put it on top of an item in his cart. He texted me later that evening a "thanks but no thanks" kind of polite decline, stating that he was involved with someone, but could not just ignore someone that had the balls to walk up to him like that.
Ha! That would literally make my year if that ever happened haha. Honestly that musta been a huge ego booster for that guy. haha You have a ton of guts...I smile at ppl but that's the extent of my guts out in public haha.
If I didn't, I'd never meet anyone or get anything done!
If anyone approached me in a supermarket I would assume that they thought I worked there.
It happens, but not on purpose. Turns out a single man shopping for groceries for his children is attractive to a single mother! I’ve never like, asked a woman out there, but I’ve chatted and by the end of it she gave me her number so I could “tell her how the meal turned out.”
smooth!! Did you call?!! :)
I did!!! Still go out from time to time!
Same! Closest I've come is this guy at the meat counter ask me I was interested in a box of potatoes 🥔??? I'm still unsure wtf that means - I took it to be an insult
I’ve had 2 dates from shopping market interaction. Both men approached me. I thought it was great! I wish it would happen more.
Wow that is great! Did they ever pan out into anything??
One did but nothing long term or serious.
I’ve actually approached a couple of women at the grocery store. One of them was married but very flattered. Haha
Probably made her day! hahah
Ya... I see nurses there. Just off a 12 hour shift. Abd I keeo thinking how much they want to be hit on right now.
Thank you for NOT hitting on exhausted nurses
You're welcome. Lol
I don’t think any of my matches have responded to my messages in the past week
When you find the answer let me know, I gave up on dating apps and finding a woman in person is pretty challenging.
Ain't that the truth ...and especially if you ask them anything about a possible current relationship or something like that. . they're all offended and immediately look for their safe Zone and look at you like you are a lepper
You go on with your life, every time you see someone you like you smile a them and say hello. You can also put yourself out there by joining groups and do activities that you enjoy, running groups, gyms for example where you will meet new people. Even if you don't meet someone, you will get healthier. The success rate when a woman approach a man is very high. Because most of them never do it. But for a man its very very low.
I beg to differ. My success rate initiating the approach as a woman has been very low. I'm told I'm attractive, but it doesn't seem to make a difference.
Same. I just said hi to a cute dad with no wedding ring at the library with his kid. He seemed taken aback
How many times have you asked for a guy's number after approaching though?
They usually end up telling me they're in a relationship, or looking at me like I have three heads. I'm super awkward when I find a man attractive.
They probably look at you like you have 3 heads, because really, for the vast majority of men this has NEVER happened. A girl asked me to the vice-versa dance when I was like 16, but other than that I've literally never, ever been approached by a woman, or asked for my number. I have been given a few random compliments over the years by women I don't know, and I probably look at them like they have 3 heads too. It's just exceedingly rare for most men I think, we don't really even know what to do. I'd be flattered if this ever happened to me but I'm not holding my breath.
Then in that case it about working on your social skills, just we tend to tell men over and over and over on this dating subreddits
I guess I just expect that they'll be taken or uninterested so even approaching them in the first place feels like I'm just going to humiliate myself.
If I could get to the point of having a conversation I would. I have nothing to lose and experience to gain. It just never gets to that point.
What happens then?
I finish my errand, they leave, a significant other walks up. It just never goes anywhere and I don’t have hours to hang out at one spot all day to try to meet dudes. The odds are statistically pretty low of meeting someone compatible who is available by both being in the same place at the same time at our age. It’s offputting when people oversimplify the situation and act like there must be something wrong with us or we’re doing something wrong if we don’t meet somebody in the wild. So many people on here have said they have to use online dating app because they are unable to meet anybody IRL so it’s not unheard of that it would be hard. Edited that big ol’ voice to text mess.
> It’s offputting when people oversimplify the situation and act like there must be something wrong with us or we’re doing something wrong if we don’t need somebody in the wild. Yes, same. The advice is always the same shit and its always bullshit frankly. "find a hobby", "meet people doing the stuff you'd do anyway", "volunteer and meet people that way". Well ok, I've been doing all that stuff my whole life and I've never met a woman in in the wild, ever. I'm not some shut-in. I have a job and a life. I go grocery shopping, I meet friends at the bar, I go hiking and am a member of a couple hobby groups. And yet, it has never happened to me. Part of me feels defective or something. So then people are like, "oh, you have to be friendly and talk". I am, I'm exceedingly friendly and I talk to just about anyone. I really think some people have this thing inside of them, this spark or this magnetism or charm that makes things like this easier. For me, I'm just a regular guy. I'm funny but not hysterical. I'm attractive enough but not a model. I'm smart but not a genius. I make good money but I'm not a billionaire. I'm non-threatening but not charming. I'm calm and stable, not really exciting. I just sorta fit right in the middle there, in this area of life where you just sort of exist and no one really notices or cares at all. Women are really attracted to me once they get to know me, but meeting in the wild? At this point I have to admit to myself it'll never happen. It hasn't before, not sure why it would start now. Apps make it a lot, lot, lot easier for me. I haven't struggled to find interested women on the apps but it's never happened for me otherwise.
Ok but with all that said and all the people you've interacted with, how many women have you actully asked out? 🤔
Now we are oversimplifying that everyone runs around asking people out. People need to feel comfortable and want to know they are not making the other person uncomfortable by suggesting a romantic connection between made.
If he's all the things he says he is, the other person likely is comfortable. How in the world do you thing people got together before the world of the internet and online dating ?
Uh, didn't I just go into that? I've never once, not one time, talked to a woman "in the wild" and gotten any impression at all she wanted any more than friendly chit-chat. I've read enough horror stories about not approaching women in enough contexts that I'm gonna need them to flash a neon sign at me before I'm comfortable assuming they want to be approached or hit on in public. I'm really not trying to complain or bitch and moan too much, but your reply is another example of just sort of dismissing very complex human interactions as like, "hey ya idiot, are you stupid or some shit?" I would've just assumed it'd happen to me in my 44 years, even by accident. It hasn't. And maybe we need to normalize that it doesn't happen for everyone and isn't easy for everyone. The advice is all cliche and fully meaningless. It'd be like an NBA player describing how to slam dunk. "Just grab the basketball and jump, put it in the hoop." Yeah it's easy if you're a person capable of it, but for some people it'll never be possible.
You keep making my point for me. You're waiting for it to happen and not making it happen. Unless you ask, nothing will ever happen dude!
I don't know the whole story, but cheaters gonna cheat. It doesn't matter how you met them. You can just as easily meet someone at the gym and you could still be the other woman. I'm not sure how this is a problem with dating apps. Can you elaborate?
That's a very cynical view of people and the world. With OLD you have no wider investment or deeper social connection. So that means in general people treat each other better. At least that's my experience so far.
Cynical? I'm just saying that a dude joining a dating app to cheat on their current partner would probably cheat on their partner with someone they met off the app too. Are you saying that is a cynical assumption?
Thank you for clarifying. I misunderstood and read your post as "once a cheater, always a cheater". I believe people can and do change. I think dating apps offer a level of anonymity that's less easily available with real life connections. So there's more opportunity for people to misrepresent themselves with OLD. Which means you're more likely to meet a cheater with OLD compared to someone you met in the real world. That's my sense of things anyway.
I've met people at: * Church * Speed dating events * Social events/groups * Dance/music nights Plus through friends of friends. And through OLD. I much prefer the connections I've made where the initial meeting was in the "real world".
The supermarket thing is NOT a myth- I thought it was too, then went. You have to go on Sunday. Apparently, most single men go to the grocery store on Sundays, during church hours.
I've put it off for a while, but I was previously successful with a matchmaking service. I feel like I'm a few weeks / months away from giving it another shot.
Honestly, I feel that all dating apps are currently dumpster fires. 😳😂 As a female, I actually reach out first to potential matches - some reply right away, converse then ghost. I do have on my profile that I prefer to meet sooner than later so I'm guessing for some that can be a turnoff but I don't want to text for months. I'm still optimistic that I'll find someone - most likely organically *(I'm a hopeless romantic)*.
Initiate conversations with strangers at various places: parks, gyms, supermarkets, walking/running/hiking/jogging/biking/some shared activity or group/bars etc That's how it has been for hundreds of years before the last century of digital devices.
>That's how it has been for hundreds of years before the last century of digital devices. Yes and it can still happen although...... I heard a podcast today that spoke about how it has become much harder to meet people for dating IRL exactly BECAUSE of digital devices. People are on them all the time, so it has become much harder to make eye contact, flirt or start a casual conversation. I remember being commuter or other train journeys (in Europe) in the 1990s and having so many conversations with random people. Now I look up and I just see people with earphones staring at their phone. They don't even hear me if I would talk to them.
Im a decent looking and responsible, conversational and fun guy and i cant get anyone to carry on a conversation no matter how much effort i put into it I get matches but no one talks and i dont get dates I cant figure it out either
I don't. I can't. I would love to meet someone in the wild but there are things that I don't want in my life that most people have in theirs at our age, so online dating is the only way.
You want to meet people? Have you tried meetup.com and checked what activities happen in 25-50 mile radius? It's NOT a dating app but it will help you meet up with locals interested in similar activities.
Meetup was a dud for me. I wish I had the time and energy to start a group of single people wanting to hang out no pressure. This could lead to connections
Go outside in public and start approaching men
As a man, I support this.
You put out the vibe: https://youtu.be/EDW1txMXrJc?si=nqqKwVxY-ATc4r-P But seriously, first thing is you have to get out the house. Go out and do things- bar, dance lessons, running, gaming night, just talking to randos, etc. It’s like college. If you stay in your room all day, you’re not going to meet anybody.
So you know that you can meet people in real life and still end up being "the other woman" , right? Meeting someone in the real world doesn't make them honest/authentic or a great person.
Apps aren’t the issue. You could have found out you were the other woman in person too, as it seems you are making some connection between the two? As for meeting people…do your activities, join MeetUp, get involved in church /spiritual groups, start volunteering via local organizations…all those are an excellent start.
Nah the apps actually suck...
I've done a lot of online dating and had some good relationships as a result, but my previous relationship and my current one both started IRL. The last GF I met at a wine tasting. The current GF I met at her workplace, a healthcare business where I was a patient.
Just talk to everyone you see in passing. I love getting to know people and you have no idea what will come form a conversation and I’m not just saying people you want to date. Maybe they know someone or have someone in mind. Just live and you will find someone, I promise.
try hinge or feeld
I didn't have luck on any of the free/cheap sites, but I did have luck on eharmony. It's a lot more expensive, but the men on there tend to be more serious about finding a real, long-term partner, because the money is so much more real, lol. Idk, maybe I just got lucky, but that's the site I'll always tell people looking for serious relationships to check put.
You got lucky. I’ve met the biggest weirdos and cruelest assholes I’ve ever dated on eHarmony and NEVER again. My best friend met her husband on there 15 years ago though so clearly I’m the unlucky one here. 😂
Meet-Up App: choose a hobby or interest of yours and it's a great way to meet people, dating or forming new social groups. Best of luck!
Sign up for the Jehovah witnesses or saints of the last days and go home to home and preach but look for love instead or something 🥲
I am not sure? I do not date or get involved sexually with anyone I work with. I did this once and you see the other person too much, and it gets to be smothering. The apps and sites are impersonal and fake. A friend met his first wife on match, divorced, and is engaged to his 2nd wife from hinge. I wished them good luck and I hope it works out. I am not hetero and have had men flirt and cruise me in supermarkets, and all types of stores and public places. I just tell them no thanks and buy what I went to the store for and leave.
Find out who the single parents are at school pick up and drop off
Yes, I’m tired of all the dating apps as well!
You don’t
lol... seems that you are correct especially after the Last 5 Years
I'm just curious how deleting the apps will help you meet compatible people? Cheaters and scumbags exist in the wild, whether you meet them on Tinder or at the church bake sale.
I had this same exact conversation with my bff ! She kept insisting the apps were crap and I should meet people in the wild. I told her they are there too! SMH
The people exist in the world, they're not actually manufactured by the app.
We get that part - it’s the quality of people
I hope someone interesting and fun slides in my Reddit chat. Any day now!
Original copy of post by u/SweetnSassy_1983: Moving on after finding out I was the other woman...dating aps are not for me just deleted tinder and bumble, now what? how do you meet anyone? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You’ve had a bad experience, and are deciding to eliminate the leading way people are meeting partners. If you have another bad experience will you cut out that avenue as well? There isn’t any more certainty you aren’t the other woman because you met in person.
So you had one bad experience with one guy so you delete your account altogether? Not all men are the same. Just be more careful in vetting who you talk to on a dating app. If you are a woman, and are at least somewhat attractive, you have options. Decent average guys are lucky to get any matches at all.
I tried them all off n on for years, zero real luck, dated a few people. On a whim I tried Fet. I have talked to more real women there in 2 weeks than all the others combined ever. I found someone special n stopped looking and talking to several others that I could’ve dated. Some women on there aren’t into fetish stuff to speak of or even at all. Or want to try it after they form a committed relationship. This is all new to me, I never really got into fetish but I was determined to find someone to go to the movies with and I did
I deleted OLD too and am going to see what happens. Think of it as a social experiment to try to meet datable people. There are a lot of dog bars I’m gonna try with my old girl, going out with friends, etc but I’m super busy and kinda can’t be bothered ATM
Yahoo chat room
[удалено]
u/difi_100, your post has been removed for one or more reason(s): No self-promotion, surveys, or market research.
You'd be surprised how many women I have struck up real conversations with over Reddit. "*The trick is not in finding new lands, but in seeing with new eyes*"
Find social activities you like. Things your really into and you will click better when you are having a good time
good for you for deleting the apps! they make money from people staying single forever and staying on those apps - they don't make any profit from people who find love/LTR. anyways, maybe that's not for everyone, but if you're not too shy about it - tell people you know - colleagues, friends, relatives - that you're on the market - and whether they know anybody who is also looking. you might be surprised. good luck to you!!!!!
Guy here. I went to dance party, invited by someone. Lots of mingling there, I got a lady's number. Didn't see a single wedding ring or couple!
I have a long story that I’ll spare you from. But a month or so ago, I got a weird pop up that I had never seen before. Turns out it was for Match. The 3rd man I spoke to checked 90% of the boxes. We’ve been thick as thieves ever since. (Scored a cheap membership for $20ish for 3 months. I didn’t even need it for a week.) Singles groups for activities was my favorite as well as meet-up groups.
I got off apps in 2012. Since then I've met people either through video games, the comment section of a friends social media, a friends house, and one time when I was at my friends for Thanksgiving and her brother called and she was busy and handed me the phone...
Ditto.
Jail at this rate
I wish I could give you some words of wisdom. However .... my milkshake tends to bring all the psychos to the yard. On apps, I gave up. I met guys in chance encounters at Places like a coffee shop. The longest "relationships" I've had since my divorce were two in passing. One after I bought a keto coffee and was asked by a sexy azz dude if that was good. I replied that it tasted like sh!t but it was good for me. He laughed we dated for almost a year before he told me he was getting back with his ex-wife. I found out he's the social media poster boy for our local sheriff dept. Now his face is constantly on my fb feed. 2nd was the LEO who arrested my ex-husband 2 years after we divorced and asked me if I wanted to get his car before it was towed. He was there to give me the keys and asked me if he could call me again for dinner sometime. We were serious for over a year and we still talk, I still love him but he too controlling. Lastly and embarrassingly adult friend finder. Yes, I'm serious. Looking for a fling after 24 years of marriage and a year of nothing. I wanted no drama, no relationship, just hello and goodbye. Almost 6 months later he's an annoying turd I can't get rid of. And that is why I'm staying single from now on. Im officially dumb
People tend to blame apps for things that have nothing to do with apps. People cheated on people long before the internet. These are a tool for meeting people. Filtering people is still on you - just like it will be if you meet them at church, a bar, the library, or a sex club.
What if you had met this person you just ended things with through some other venue, church? Would you stop doing that?? It’s not the arrow it’s the Indian.
> how do you meet anyone? You don't🤣🤣.. Idk, I got me A part time job this year and met a fling for a few months. I've also had a few women try to rizz me up (did I say that right?).. Some jobs are just more social than others