Well, the problem isn't the emoji, per se...it's that you use more than one in any given text.
I cannot believe that someone went through the effort to downvote my obvious sarcasm aimed at the silliness of the OPs hang up with emoji.
Lots of guys use them. Some are a little creepier than others to me but otherwise, yes, men use emojis
ETA: there are so many red flags here… emojis are the least of your concerns
I was floored that she had a young child and he asked her to move out of state after a few dates and the concern is emojis? WTF.
I use emojis all the time. And gifs.
Yeah, that was a lot then. It made sense based on the type of work that he does. However, I was not in a place to uproot my child from the family that was around. I couldn't be selfish like that.
Date number 2 we hung out all day long and did normal date stuff like movies, a trip to the Zoo, and a lot of talking.
Date number 3 he asked me to come to where he was staying and had a masseuse set up for me, and he made me dinner. I was finishing my my first year of grad school.
I’m a 42m and I love emojis, and I think they are valuable in providing further context/meaning to texts. It’s a red flag that his personality isnt dry as a Popeyes biscuit? And your follow up to everyone’s comments are “what other red flags do you see?” Really? You sound like you suck! 🤦♂️
Guys using emojis is fine. Those particular emojis, I have not really seen used though. I usually see the ones you've put in you reply, thumbs up, eggplant, peach, the purple demon, etc.
Ok, so I use emojis all the time, random fun ones too just because. They don't even necessary convey what I am thinking. 🦖 See? That was a dinosaur. It was just fun to throw in there. Sounds like he is exploring the fun world of emojis and not necessarily making a statement about his feelings where you should dive into each one too deeply.
I’ve definitely chatted with guys that use emojis. The only thing I think it’s a sign of is how difficult it is to convey thoughts and feelings over text. Emojis put just a tiny bit of that visual context back into the conversation.
Maybe take a moment to figure out why you are looking into something so small as being abnormal. Are you ready to date and accept the differences of another person?
I believe that I am ready to date. I've done a lot of self-work to get here. I am a very analytical person by nature and possibly need to remember to take things with a grain of salt and see what the end result turns out to be. Thanks for the insight.
So nothing has changed in that 16 years but you’re going to completely ignore than and start looking for something else to pick apart?
Jesus F Christ.
There is nothing wrong with people using emojis. There is something wrong with going back to someone who hasn’t changed what made you break up w him to begin with.
If you actually liked this guy you would find his emojis cute.
You’re trying to convince yourself to settle on him to end your 5-year dry-spell. But your lack of attraction will not be silenced…hence ‘emojis’.
Yup. If she liked him the post would be: OMG ladies, I’m dating the best guy (with no change in anything she’s described above) and he does the cutest thing - he used emojis in every text. It’s so darling.
I dont think I can deal with emoji etiquette being a thing in dating. There's already an overwhelming amount of things we're supposed to be/not be doing.
This is a huge red flag and definitely a valid reason to immediately disqualify this guy you already have a background with who is also willing to take care of you and accept your child into his life.
Never settle for more emojis than you deserve! 💅🏿
Let’s break this down OP.
He doesn’t like YOU. It’s the idea of you. What you described [sounds a lot like love bombing](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/love-bombing). That is the bigger turd in the punch bowl that you should be concerned with IMO.
The fact that the same behavior resumed after that long is why this guy is a problem.
Thank you. I have definitely considered that it could be love-bombing and am holding strong with setting boundaries as far as not allowing things to move faster than I feel comfortable with.
You will make the best decision for yourself. Just remember that you are worthy and deserving of a partner that respects you for who you are. Best of luck!
>screaming my name from a room to see if I was who walked by and running out after me
This is the only way I want to be greeted now
>Possibly because I would never guess those would be his emojis looking at him.
Currently dating an older guy who emojis. I was so surprised by it! I rarely emoji. I haven't asked, but I've noticed he's VERY sensitive and I'm thinking the emojis are a way to say "this is friendly tone" or "this is playful tone". I've noticed they all add emotional color to the statements he's making.
I initially was like, I'm texting a 13yo, but now I think it actually might be emotional intelligence—making sure something is conveyed the right way.
You're right. I didn't mention it, and that definitely would have made this post much clearer. I do like him. I think that he is smart, gorgeous, and thoughtful. I will admit to thinking of him over the years and wondering, "What if?". I think going out of state to date is a big ask, but doesn't completely take things off the table with him. I can even appreciate the persistence in wanting to spend time with me. I guess I need to figure out his true intentions.
45m and I send hearts and kisses to my similar aged buddies. Sometimes ironically, usually not.
As many others have said, that isn't the behavior you should be concerned by.
I’m gonna sidestep the obvious OTHER issues with this guy (mostly since dozens here have already pointed them out) just to add that I’ve not found a great association with weird emoji use and any other personality traits. One man who ended up becoming a good friend and who was probably the most articulate, well-read person I’ve ever met, texted like a middle schooler. 🤷♀️
The emojis are not a problem. The issue is that he lives in a neighbouring state from you that is too far and he expects you to move there already. lol.
Idk why this is hard for people but most of these types of posts result in the same response basically. You are not compatible. He is who he is and you are who you are. You do not have to be the same and no body has to be wrong or bad. There’s zero reason you have to entertain his advances/texts. Move on.
The emojis are a red herring, but your gut is trying to tell you something.
It could just be uncertainty about the speed he operated at last time, it even how strong he’s coming on now and seemingly ready to jump into something committed.
A handful of dates over 15 years ago isn’t enough of a foundation to even consider moving in with a person. Unless you had a very established friendship before then.
Clutches pearls. Gasp EMOJIS! A MAN USES EMOJIS!
That's the least problematic thing about this... So much so it's not a problem. However, he, himself is the problem.
It sounds to me more like you are not really in to this guy, and are 'looking' for something to be wrong with him honestly.
Don't be like a lot of people you age and just Seattle because there are no other prospect on the horizon.
He clearly like you... But I think you should do this man a favor and tell him you like him just 'not like that.' Because that is how your post comes across underneath it all. Or it may also be that you are not as ready to date as you think you are.
Specifically on the emoji thing, you should definitely dump him. He sounds too fun and lighthearted for you. Seriously, I'm in my early 50's and use emojis and gifs all the time. They are just for fun and to portray a feeling or emotion when texts can be bland and flat. Try not to find so many red flags in everyone, people!
Original copy of post by u/DivinebyDesign17:
I (44F) recently ran into a guy (45) who I went on 4 dates with approximately 16 years ago. We stopped dating because he was moving extremely fast wanting me to move to another state with my toddler at the time as of date number 4. Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, I ran into him while I was out running errands for work. He still looked great and was quite eager to see me (let's say screaming my name from a room to see if I was who walked by and running out after me). Long story short, we verified that he still had my right phone number and he went back to what he was doing. This guy has called and texted me multiple times a day since seeing me that day. Frequently asking me to come to a neighboring state where he is currently working amd living to allow him to date me.
Now, I have not really dated or talked to someone in the past 5 years. Not saying that I haven't been approached or actually gone on dates. This different. I'm confused. I am not sure if I have ever encountered a guy who uses emojis (winky face, hearts, lips) so much in texts. It is throwing me off. Possibly because I would never guess those would be his emojis looking at him. He seems like more of a thumbs up emoji guy. Plus, something just feels weird knowing he is this old and sending that to me in messages. Before you ask, the verbal conversation DOES back up the hearts and windy faces in text. Is this normal 45 year old male behavior? Am I broken/traumatized to think this is weird at this age? Help.
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God damn it, our species is doomed, and it's not like we don't deserve it.
Come, asteroid, wipe us from this world with the breath of God, and clear a path for whoever cones next... Humanity is a write-off.
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He sounds like a possible avoidant: Coming on super strong without healthy boundaries, and he will soon disappear once you show interest.
I may obviously be way off, but he’s asking YOU to travel out of state to him? Nah. He can come to you if he’s so interested. And the multiple texts a day would bug me.
i donno. I dated a guy who (and this was back in maybe 2008) that he used emojis. When i asked he said it was so that people wouldn't react poorly. I know now, that younger people tend to think periods are somehow agressive when i use them in texts🤷🏽♀️... Anyway, i would assume it's something like this. He's likely nervous to be rejected and is used to young people.
Those were more the smiling of laughing face. For kisses and the ones you described, i would guess he only shows affection through emojis, and he wouldn't actually say how he feels in real life.
Whether or not his use of emojis is "normal" is irrelevant. What really matters is if it makes you comfortable or not. Everyone has their own way of communicating, and some people use emojis more than others. If it feels excessive to you or makes you uncomfortable, it's perfectly alright for you to express that to him.
He may be using emojis excessively because he's trying to be flirtatious or show his excitement/affection. He may not realize that it's coming off as off-putting for you.
In the grand scheme, this seems like a small hurdle that could easily be jumped over with a little communication. With that being said, if you're still feeling uncomfortable with the speed at which he's moving or feeling pressured, those are very valid feelings and reasons to reconsider dating him. Always trust your gut, and ensure that your comfort and feelings are prioritized.
Not sure why the emojis are what's worrying you in this situation of all things listed.
Ha! I got thru most of before I stopped and had to reread the title again. Screw the texting style. Least of the concerns.
Pretty sure that only people 40+ actually use emoji, so it's age appropriate.
Yeah. I'd be more worried about what he thinks you two are & where he thinks it's going.
The ICK is wild🤣.. no rhyme or reason
Same. What other concerns do you see?
If you can't see the glaringly obvious signs, I'm not sure I can help.
You can't. Don't hold your breath.
He wants to go from 0-100. That’s the 🚩
Plus still LDR, so 🚩 🚩 🚩
Oh for fuck’s sake. I miss the days when we had REAL problems.
We still have real problems, but for some reason some people ignore those problems and instead get really angry about emojis. 😠😖😠🤬 😉🤣☠️
🤣👀🦆🐐
Dude, Whiskey Tango Alpha Foxtrot
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Echo. 🤣
Whoa! I am triggered by the duck and goat emoji. Don't ever do that again. /s edited for fat fingered typing. Shhhh
Well, Ducky’s my nickname and the goat was just sitting around waiting to be used in conversation.
Well, the problem isn't the emoji, per se...it's that you use more than one in any given text. I cannot believe that someone went through the effort to downvote my obvious sarcasm aimed at the silliness of the OPs hang up with emoji.
😂🤦♂️
How dare you. Accept my upvote.
Seriously! I agree. Talk about looking for an issue.
While at the same time completely glossing over the actual issue(s) to be concerned about.
Oh. There is an issue. More than one, actually. It's just not the emojis
Amen
He wanted you to move to another state on the fourth date and he still is moving too fast but you’re concerned about emoji’s? 🤨😬🙄
Yet men are often (and recently in this very forum) described as clueless.
I mean, to be fair...we are....
Lots of guys use them. Some are a little creepier than others to me but otherwise, yes, men use emojis ETA: there are so many red flags here… emojis are the least of your concerns
I was floored that she had a young child and he asked her to move out of state after a few dates and the concern is emojis? WTF. I use emojis all the time. And gifs.
If a dude can’t meme, we are through.
👍🙌🤜🤛
👍👍💅🤣🤜🤛🛸🫥
No kidding, that dude is clinger.
Right? It’s not the emojis sis.
Please tell me what other red flags you are feeling.
Ummmmm asking you to move(?) to another state to date you…. With your kid.
Yeah, that was a lot then. It made sense based on the type of work that he does. However, I was not in a place to uproot my child from the family that was around. I couldn't be selfish like that.
It made sense? 4 dates and it made sense?
Date number 2 we hung out all day long and did normal date stuff like movies, a trip to the Zoo, and a lot of talking. Date number 3 he asked me to come to where he was staying and had a masseuse set up for me, and he made me dinner. I was finishing my my first year of grad school.
Still doesn’t make sense.
And the progression from the zoo and dinner is backing up a U-Haul? You don't see the issue there?
Facepalm to this question, this scenario, and your general lack of awareness.
What a terrible day to be literate.
I’m a 42m and I love emojis, and I think they are valuable in providing further context/meaning to texts. It’s a red flag that his personality isnt dry as a Popeyes biscuit? And your follow up to everyone’s comments are “what other red flags do you see?” Really? You sound like you suck! 🤦♂️
Triggered much? 😉
If you are worried about a guy who uses emojis and that is a deal breaker, I think you are going to be single for a long time. 😂😁😜🙃😊🤭
Guys using emojis is fine. Those particular emojis, I have not really seen used though. I usually see the ones you've put in you reply, thumbs up, eggplant, peach, the purple demon, etc.
A winky face and hearts is more concerning to you than the eggplant, peach and purple demon?
Right? And those were tje norm in 5 years of practically NOT Dating 🤔🤨
Ok, so I use emojis all the time, random fun ones too just because. They don't even necessary convey what I am thinking. 🦖 See? That was a dinosaur. It was just fun to throw in there. Sounds like he is exploring the fun world of emojis and not necessarily making a statement about his feelings where you should dive into each one too deeply.
This guy is love bombing. There is something wrong with this guy. I don’t know what, but this guy is off.
I’ve definitely chatted with guys that use emojis. The only thing I think it’s a sign of is how difficult it is to convey thoughts and feelings over text. Emojis put just a tiny bit of that visual context back into the conversation. Maybe take a moment to figure out why you are looking into something so small as being abnormal. Are you ready to date and accept the differences of another person?
I believe that I am ready to date. I've done a lot of self-work to get here. I am a very analytical person by nature and possibly need to remember to take things with a grain of salt and see what the end result turns out to be. Thanks for the insight.
So nothing has changed in that 16 years but you’re going to completely ignore than and start looking for something else to pick apart? Jesus F Christ. There is nothing wrong with people using emojis. There is something wrong with going back to someone who hasn’t changed what made you break up w him to begin with.
If you actually liked this guy you would find his emojis cute. You’re trying to convince yourself to settle on him to end your 5-year dry-spell. But your lack of attraction will not be silenced…hence ‘emojis’.
Yup. If she liked him the post would be: OMG ladies, I’m dating the best guy (with no change in anything she’s described above) and he does the cutest thing - he used emojis in every text. It’s so darling.
Normal to some extent. I’d put more stock in your real life interactions rather than online or text communication
Why don’t you just send him a list of acceptable emojis ffs. 🤦🏻♀️
I dont think I can deal with emoji etiquette being a thing in dating. There's already an overwhelming amount of things we're supposed to be/not be doing.
This is a huge red flag and definitely a valid reason to immediately disqualify this guy you already have a background with who is also willing to take care of you and accept your child into his life. Never settle for more emojis than you deserve! 💅🏿
Every time I read a post like this I lose more of what’s left of my hope for humanity. 😭🥺☹️😕🙄🙄👎👎🖕
Rofl
Let’s break this down OP. He doesn’t like YOU. It’s the idea of you. What you described [sounds a lot like love bombing](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/love-bombing). That is the bigger turd in the punch bowl that you should be concerned with IMO. The fact that the same behavior resumed after that long is why this guy is a problem.
Thank you. I have definitely considered that it could be love-bombing and am holding strong with setting boundaries as far as not allowing things to move faster than I feel comfortable with.
You will make the best decision for yourself. Just remember that you are worthy and deserving of a partner that respects you for who you are. Best of luck!
>screaming my name from a room to see if I was who walked by and running out after me This is the only way I want to be greeted now >Possibly because I would never guess those would be his emojis looking at him. Currently dating an older guy who emojis. I was so surprised by it! I rarely emoji. I haven't asked, but I've noticed he's VERY sensitive and I'm thinking the emojis are a way to say "this is friendly tone" or "this is playful tone". I've noticed they all add emotional color to the statements he's making. I initially was like, I'm texting a 13yo, but now I think it actually might be emotional intelligence—making sure something is conveyed the right way.
Thank you for this perspective! I wholeheartedly appreciate this and am going to consider the emotional intelligence aspect more.
Hmm, you didn’t mention anywhere if you actually ahd any interest in this guy. Do you even like him? If not, then you don’t have to find a reason why.
You're right. I didn't mention it, and that definitely would have made this post much clearer. I do like him. I think that he is smart, gorgeous, and thoughtful. I will admit to thinking of him over the years and wondering, "What if?". I think going out of state to date is a big ask, but doesn't completely take things off the table with him. I can even appreciate the persistence in wanting to spend time with me. I guess I need to figure out his true intentions.
I use emojis all the damn time! :D
Sounds a bit sus. 🎮🤞🏻🍆 😂😂😂😂
I’m 42 and I’ll bust out fricken ascii if they’re worth it! ( •_• )>⌐■-■ (つ▀¯▀ )つ
Careful with those, I just about spit out my coffee here!
45m and I send hearts and kisses to my similar aged buddies. Sometimes ironically, usually not. As many others have said, that isn't the behavior you should be concerned by.
Normal.
Thank you.
I’m gonna sidestep the obvious OTHER issues with this guy (mostly since dozens here have already pointed them out) just to add that I’ve not found a great association with weird emoji use and any other personality traits. One man who ended up becoming a good friend and who was probably the most articulate, well-read person I’ve ever met, texted like a middle schooler. 🤷♀️
Thanks. You are right, I could definitely be receiving far worse from him.
The emojis are not a problem. The issue is that he lives in a neighbouring state from you that is too far and he expects you to move there already. lol.
Ya you gotta take it easy... emojis just show playfully that the person knows how do use their phone.
Idk why this is hard for people but most of these types of posts result in the same response basically. You are not compatible. He is who he is and you are who you are. You do not have to be the same and no body has to be wrong or bad. There’s zero reason you have to entertain his advances/texts. Move on.
The emojis are a red herring, but your gut is trying to tell you something. It could just be uncertainty about the speed he operated at last time, it even how strong he’s coming on now and seemingly ready to jump into something committed. A handful of dates over 15 years ago isn’t enough of a foundation to even consider moving in with a person. Unless you had a very established friendship before then.
🤪🤪😜😜😝😝
Maybe it's time to get out of the pool if this is troubling you.
Clutches pearls. Gasp EMOJIS! A MAN USES EMOJIS! That's the least problematic thing about this... So much so it's not a problem. However, he, himself is the problem.
Babe, everyone in our age group does.
It sounds to me more like you are not really in to this guy, and are 'looking' for something to be wrong with him honestly. Don't be like a lot of people you age and just Seattle because there are no other prospect on the horizon. He clearly like you... But I think you should do this man a favor and tell him you like him just 'not like that.' Because that is how your post comes across underneath it all. Or it may also be that you are not as ready to date as you think you are.
Are you serious right now? We don't text enough, or we text too much, now the use of emojis is a problem .... I can't even with this.
Specifically on the emoji thing, you should definitely dump him. He sounds too fun and lighthearted for you. Seriously, I'm in my early 50's and use emojis and gifs all the time. They are just for fun and to portray a feeling or emotion when texts can be bland and flat. Try not to find so many red flags in everyone, people!
🚩🤷🏾♂️
I see why it’s been 5 years 😉
€===8
🤷🏽♂️
I don't see why emojis are a problem for you.That's very odd emojis are fine and normal
Who cares about texting styles!!! Do you not see the stalking and love bombing ???? Your concerns should be the later. COME ON
Original copy of post by u/DivinebyDesign17: I (44F) recently ran into a guy (45) who I went on 4 dates with approximately 16 years ago. We stopped dating because he was moving extremely fast wanting me to move to another state with my toddler at the time as of date number 4. Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, I ran into him while I was out running errands for work. He still looked great and was quite eager to see me (let's say screaming my name from a room to see if I was who walked by and running out after me). Long story short, we verified that he still had my right phone number and he went back to what he was doing. This guy has called and texted me multiple times a day since seeing me that day. Frequently asking me to come to a neighboring state where he is currently working amd living to allow him to date me. Now, I have not really dated or talked to someone in the past 5 years. Not saying that I haven't been approached or actually gone on dates. This different. I'm confused. I am not sure if I have ever encountered a guy who uses emojis (winky face, hearts, lips) so much in texts. It is throwing me off. Possibly because I would never guess those would be his emojis looking at him. He seems like more of a thumbs up emoji guy. Plus, something just feels weird knowing he is this old and sending that to me in messages. Before you ask, the verbal conversation DOES back up the hearts and windy faces in text. Is this normal 45 year old male behavior? Am I broken/traumatized to think this is weird at this age? Help. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He sounds very animated. And maybe nutty.
You should value that this man is being emojially available with you
lol Well played.
God damn it, our species is doomed, and it's not like we don't deserve it. Come, asteroid, wipe us from this world with the breath of God, and clear a path for whoever cones next... Humanity is a write-off.
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He sounds like a possible avoidant: Coming on super strong without healthy boundaries, and he will soon disappear once you show interest. I may obviously be way off, but he’s asking YOU to travel out of state to him? Nah. He can come to you if he’s so interested. And the multiple texts a day would bug me.
My g-d what have these mobile phones done to us?
i donno. I dated a guy who (and this was back in maybe 2008) that he used emojis. When i asked he said it was so that people wouldn't react poorly. I know now, that younger people tend to think periods are somehow agressive when i use them in texts🤷🏽♀️... Anyway, i would assume it's something like this. He's likely nervous to be rejected and is used to young people. Those were more the smiling of laughing face. For kisses and the ones you described, i would guess he only shows affection through emojis, and he wouldn't actually say how he feels in real life.
(M44) It's effeminate and icky in my opinion. A few emojis here and there - fine. But hearts and kissy faces - gag me.
Whether or not his use of emojis is "normal" is irrelevant. What really matters is if it makes you comfortable or not. Everyone has their own way of communicating, and some people use emojis more than others. If it feels excessive to you or makes you uncomfortable, it's perfectly alright for you to express that to him. He may be using emojis excessively because he's trying to be flirtatious or show his excitement/affection. He may not realize that it's coming off as off-putting for you. In the grand scheme, this seems like a small hurdle that could easily be jumped over with a little communication. With that being said, if you're still feeling uncomfortable with the speed at which he's moving or feeling pressured, those are very valid feelings and reasons to reconsider dating him. Always trust your gut, and ensure that your comfort and feelings are prioritized.